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kimpossibly · 1 year

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DON'T LOOK DOWN -> the last of us

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi...so I'm absolutely losing my mind over this show. I have some friends who have played the game that are head over heels for it as well, but as someone who's never played, I'm SOLD. I'm in love with the world, with the characters, with the set design, EVERYTHING. Ever since I saw episode one I've had an idea rattling around in my head for an OC, so I did what I always do — come to Tumblr to flesh them out! I hope you enjoy this and please let me know if you do through comments or reblogs!! Remember that if you like a fic or any post for that matter, you should like and REBLOG it, because likes mean next to nothing. Support your fellow artists and spread the love!! Enjoy, my lovely readers <3

PAIRING: PLATONIC joel miller x fem!reader (I'm talking some SERIOUS found family stuff here) WARNINGS: Heavy use of guns and weapons, mentions of the apocalypse, DETAILED descriptions of violence, trauma, and death. Family member death. I definitely sobbed while writing this SUMMARY: After losing her family and getting found by the Fireflies, Y/n goes with Ellie and Joel on a treacherous journey to Salt Lake City.

"I spy with my little eye...something blue."

"Is it the sky?"

"No, dipshit, that's too obvious." Ellie said with an eye roll.

Y/n just scoffed, shaking her head. "Joel, you got any ideas?"

"How 'bout we start with making this the last round of this game?" he said gruffly. Ellie just gave him a glare and muttered something about him being a killjoy underneath her breath. Joel cleared his throat, looking around them — the open field to the left, the forest to the right. "You got me."

Ellie groaned, her head dropping. "It was Y/n's backpack, duh." she said. "Which, I'd like to add, has two guns in it. Not one. Two."

"Cause I actually know how to use them, genius." Y/n replied. "I'm kind of shit at aiming, but I can't point and shoot until the cows come home. If there's one good thing about the apocalypse, it's that it taught me some basic life skills really damn fast.

"Aren't you from Arizona? Hunting season's pretty much year-round down there. Didn't your dad take you out hunting or something?" Joel asked.

At those words, something in Y/n's eyes glazed over. "No. No he didn't." she said, her voice flat. After a moment, she sniffed and rubbed at her nose, turning her head away so as not to let them notice. But Joel saw. She coughed. "Come on, we should pick up the pace if we want to make it to Bill's by sundown."

With that, she sped up until she was walking a good ten feet in front of them. Joel watched her with confusion, which Ellie noted.

"She does that when she doesn't want anyone to see her cry," she explained quietly. "She's got some rough family stories."

"We all do." Joel replied.

But Ellie just shook her head, glancing back at Y/n. "Not like hers."

Ellie and Y/n huddled behind the hole in the wall, listening to the sounds of gunfire come and go. Pop, pop. Silence. Pop. Y/n could barely stand it. She flinched at the familiar sound of gunfire now.

Y/n popped out above from hers and Ellie's hideout and fired a few times into the open, not sticking around to see if she'd actually hit one of their attackers. She always figured it was better if she didn't know. Based on the number of shots coming from their end, she could tell that Joel was wildly outnumbered. They weren't FEDRA or Fireflies, but they had a big enough group to overwhelm one man. Glass shattered as a bullet from the other side shattered through the truck's windshield. Y/n peeked out as glass rained down on Joel. He was alone as the enemy approached. And Y/n couldn't let that happen.

Joel carefully made his way to the other side of the truck as someone stepped in through the obliterated doorway of the laundromat. Glass crunched under his feet. Every step he took brought him closer and closer to discovering Joel. They were running out of time.

Y/n turned to Ellie suddenly, startling her. She put her hands on either sides of Ellie's face, looking at her with an expression so serious that she knew it was in her own best interest to shut the hell up. "Listen to me, you need to stay here. Don't get up. Don't move. Don't even think about it. Don't get a bright idea and try to play hero, alright?"

Ellie gave a quick nod and Y/n stooped down, unzipping her backpack as quietly as she could and pulling out one of her pistols. She began to creep to the hole in the wall, but Ellie grabbed her sleeve before she could come into view. "What are you doing?"

Y/n turned back, trying not to let the fear coursing through her show to the younger girl. "I got a bright idea."

Y/n crept carefully through the hole in the wall as the man stepped closer towards Joel's hiding place. She held her breath, both hands wrapped around the pistol, her pointer finger on the trigger.

Crunch.

The man wheeled around, and Y/n, caught off-guard, abandoned the gun, placing a strong kick to the man's stomach. He stumbled back and the gunfire resumed, stronger now than ever. Joel used this moment to leap out of his hiding spot, jamming the butt of his rifle into the back of the man's head. He crumpled on the spot, blood pouring from the point of impact.

"I told you to stay there." Joel said angrily.

"I don't listen." Y/n said. A single gunshot whizzed past them and they crouched down to avoid it.

"If you go leaping into open fire, what's to stop Ellie from doing the same, huh?"

"She wouldn't follow me out here."

"How do you know?"

"Because I told her not to."

"I told you not to. And you didn't listen." Joel said, reaching up to fire. There was a yell as his bullet met its target, and the gunfire ceased instantly. He went to reload, but found the barrel had jammed.

Y/n stood up, glaring at Joel. "She listens to me. She trusts me." she said. "You're just the guy in charge of taking us from Point A to Point B."

"Trust isn't the point here, okay?" Joel replied, standing. "You're not setting a good example for her."

"You're not my dad, Joel!" Y/n replied, her tone low and harsh. "Ellie is the closest thing I've got to family. Once we reach Salt Lake City, I'm going to be the only one she has, and I'll be damned if I take that away from her. I can protect myself. So worry about yourself."

Joel had no answer for that. Suddenly the silence they were surrounded by seemed impossibly loud. Either they had killed their attackers or frightened them enough to make them turn around and run. Y/n wasn't sure which she'd prefer.

"Are you guys done arguing so I can come out now?" Ellie's voice came out muffled.

Y/n gave Joel one last pissed off look and turned around. "Hang on, I'm coming to get ya!" she said, heading back to the hole in the wall. "Here, hand me your stuff and I'll—"

The sudden sound of the back door to the laundromat bursting open silenced her. There was a gunshot and a yell — whether it was from Joel or his attacker, she couldn't tell. Y/n didn't wait to see what was happening before she practically shoved Ellie back into the hiding spot to keep her out of harm's way.

Y/n turned as someone in dark clothing knocked Joel to the ground, scrambling on top of him pressing his rifle to his neck to choke him. "Now you're gonna fucking pay! What you fucking did, you fucking killed yourself, motherfucker!" the guy shouted, his voice filled with rage. Joel struggled against him, but his grip stayed firm, pressing harder and harder down on his throat. His shoes squeaked against the floor as he tried desperately to move away, but it was useless.

The gun weighed heavy as Y/n lifted it. Arms straight out, finger over the trigger. Joel's struggling was becoming weaker and weaker with every passing second. Beads of sweat collected on Y/n brow. This was no time for indecision. No time for fear. She grit her teeth and gripped the gun even tighter.

Bang.

The man let out a yell as he fell to the side, slumped against the wall. Joel immediately began to gasp and wheeze, taking in heaving breaths of air. Y/n stepped closer, the gun still held out, and she saw that she hadn't killed the man.

He was leaning against the wall, his chest heaving violently. When he removed his hands from under him, they were slick, coated with blood. He struggled to get himself up, grimacing at the pain, and Y/n realized with horror that he couldn't have been much older than she was.

He was just a kid.

"No, no, no, no, no! It's okay! It's okay. It's over. We're not fighting anymore." he shouted frantically, holding a bloodstained hand out to stop her. His voice had completely changed from before. What had been violent rage was now desperate pleading. "I'm gonna go home. I'll tell everyone you're good." he said, his voice choked with tears.

Y/n swallowed, refusing to lower her weapon as a lump in her throat began to form.

Suddenly he sobbed, his voice becoming high-pitched in distraught terror. "I don't know what to do. My legs don't work."

She had shot him in the spine. She must've paralyzed him.

"My mom isn't far, if you could get me to her." he cried.

Joel slowly began to get up, but Y/n was frozen in fear. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All she could do was watch this terrified kid beg for his life.

"We could trade with you guys. We could be friends. I didn't know!" he said, panting through tears. "I'm Bryan! I'm Bryan. What's your name?"

Y/n's throat constricted. Tears rushed to her eyes and she didn't stop them, but her body knew better. Tears were weakness. She pushed them away almost as an instinct, but something was still weighing heavy in her chest. Bryan.

Joel's hand suddenly reached out, grabbing the pistol from the top. Y/n suddenly became aware, her eyes darting to Joel's. He said nothing, but the look on his face said all she needed to know: You know what I have to do.

Slowly, she let go of the pistol and found that her hands were shaking violently. He turned back around, causing Bryan to panic. "Wait, wait, wait!" he shouted, doing his best to drag himself further away. all he was doing was backing himself further into a corner. Suddenly he reached into a holster and pulled out a large hunting knife, dropping it to the ground. "You can have it...It's a good knife." he said, his voice becoming even more ragged.

Joel bent down and took the knife from him. Y/n was feeling something she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since the time she watched her mother's eyes close for the last time.

Joel turned to her. "Get back behind the wall." he said.

"No, no, no, no! I'm sorry! Please, please. We could just talk! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Bryan shouted, holding his hand out as if to shield himself from them.

Y/n tried to speak, but choked on her words. She paused, not sure what to say. "Joel," she said finally, her voice coming out as nothing more than a rough whisper.

Joel's expression hardened. "Y/n. Get back."

But she couldn't leave. Bryan was crying out to her, apologizing to her, begging for help. There was nothing they could do to help him, and there was nothing he could do to hurt them. But he had seen their faces, and now he knew their names. And that kind of information was deadly.

Y/n just shook her head, her eyes glazing over just as they had earlier. Joel realized then that there was no convincing her. The damage had already been done. So he turned away from her and cocked the pistol.

"No, please! Please! I'm sorry!" Bryan's cries became even more frantic. "Please! You don't have to! No, no, no! We can just talk!"

He was babbling now. Y/n couldn't move. She looked at Bryan, and for and for one fleeting instant, she saw herself that one December night seven years ago. The night she lost everything but her life.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Bang.

Two days. It had been two days since Y/n had said a word to Joel or Ellie. It had also been two days since Joel had put a bullet in Bryan's head.

She walked like someone possessed, eyes staring blankly ahead, face frozen with no expression.

Ellie did her best to goad her into conversation, but she may as well have been talking to a brick wall. Y/n never replied to her questions or laughed at her jokes. Ellie didn't scare easily, but now she was terrified. Nothing quite like this had ever happened.

The only time they ever heard a sound from her was late into the night, when she thought they were both asleep. That was when she allowed herself to cry.

Joel awoke on the third night to complete silence. As the forest floor came into focus around him, he saw Y/n sleeping bag laying flat on the ground, empty.

He sat up, images of the worst immediately coming to mind. He looked to his other side and saw Ellie, fast asleep in her bedroll. `That calmed some of his nerves, but left a lot of his questions unanswered.

The sun was just barely beginning to rise in the east when he got up, looking around himself for any sign of Y/n. There were none. So, after glancing back one more time to make sure Ellie was safe, he picked a direction and began to walk, hoping to find the elder Pain in His Ass.

He wasn't sure how long he had walked before he found her. She was sitting on the forest floor with her back against the thick trunk of a tree, her knees tucked up to her chest with Joel's jacket draped over them. She looked up when he came around, her eyes red-rimmed and swollen.

For a moment, neither of them said anything, merely accepting the others' presence.

"I'm sorry I took your jacket." Y/n said. Her voice was rough and gravelly, and Joel discovered with surprise that he had almost forgotten what it sounded like.

"Don't worry about it." he replied. "Mind if I sit?"

She said nothing, giving a small nod and turning back to stare off into the distance. Joel moved to sit down next to her, grimacing at the pain in his joints as he did so. Y/n continued to sit like there was no one else there, her blank gaze focused on the horizon.

Joel had a pretty good idea what was bothering her. She had shot someone. And what was worse, she'd left them in pain. He almost thought it would've been better if she'd have killed him with the first bullet.

"Y/n—"

"He was crying for his mom." she said suddenly, cutting him off. "He was crying for his mom and you shot him."

Joel went silent for a moment. He'd had to do things he never imagined himself doing — that had been one of them. "I couldn't take the risk."

She knew what he meant, of course. She understood why he'd done it. And, most of all, she was almost sure that if she'd been in his position, she'd have done the same thing. But seeing firsthand what it looked like to beg for your life reminded her of things she'd rather leave in the past.

"My father was a smuggler." Y/n said, her voice hollow. "We never asked what he did; we just knew that, because of what he did, we lived a lot better than a lot of other people. I'm not really sure what he did — if he had made a bad deal, or double crossed someone that shouldn't be crossed, but I woke up on Christmas morning to gunshots coming from my living room. I should've stayed in my room, I know. But I couldn't just sit there and wait. My whole family was down there. So, I went to see if my dad was okay. He was dead before I got down the stairs. My mom grabbed me and my sister as these three guys pointed guns at our faces. She was screaming at them, begging them not to take her children, begging them to take mercy on us. All three of them shot at once."

Her voice stayed firm and toneless as she spoke. "By the time the bullet hit, I had accepted that I was going to die. My eyes shut and I never once thought they'd open again. But..." Y/n pulled down the hemline of her shirt an inch to reveal a thick white scar just below her collarbone, "fate took pity on me that day. Marlene found me just before I bled out. She kept me alive. And when I woke up, I was in the worst pain I'd ever experienced. All I could do was scream for my mom, ask if she was okay. I never got a straight answer, but I already knew what had happened. I just didn't want to believe it."

Joel listened carefully, his and Ellie's conversation echoing in his mind:

"She's got some rough family stories."

"We all do."

"Not like hers."

She was only seventeen years old — he knew that from the beginning. But now that truly seemed to sink in as he looked at her, sitting with her knees tucked to her chest, huddled under his blanket like it was a coat of armor.

"You shouldn't have had to see that," he said. "No one should."

Y/n nodded in agreement. She knew that it wasn't fair. That none of this was fair. But that didn't change that it had happened, or that she'd have to carry it with her wherever she went. It never really got lighter — that was the thing. All the memories did was get harder and harder to hold.

Her glass expression shattered then as she turned to him, tears falling out of her eyes before she could stop them. "I'm trying so hard to hang on, Joel, I really am," she said, her voice finally breaking. She all but collapsed, leaning her head on his shoulder as hers began to shake with sobs.

It had taken Joel years not to see Sarah in every kid he met — but things always fell through the cracks. When he'd least expect it, a sudden laugh or sarcastic comment would take him back to Austin, back to his daughter, and for a moment he'd almost forget that she was gone.

This was one of those times.

"Oh, Y/n," Joel said quietly, wrapping an arm around her. This girl was not Sarah. No one would ever be Sarah. But right then, Joel was almost sure that she was the closest he was ever going to get at a second chance.

"I'm sorry I don't listen," Y/n said through tears. "I know I need to set a good example for Ellie, but if we lose you...I can't be sure I can get her to the Fireflies by myself. We need you. I..."

She stopped herself just short of saying I need you.

"Hey, it's alright. It's okay. You're not gonna lose me." Joel said. "And sometimes...sometimes you just can't listen. You can't take unnecessary risks, but sometimes the situation demands them. You have the sense to know when that is. The world needs more people like that. Like you.

"Don't even think about losing anyone, okay? You just can't. This whole thing, it's like walking on a tight rope. You look down, that's where you're going. So don't look down."

Y/n was coming back to her senses by now, her shoulders stilling and her tears coming to a steady stop. She nodded, wiping away at the last few stray tears and sitting up. "Don't look down," she repeated. "Is that why you're so grumpy all the time? Because you're always looking down?"

She sort of half-smiled in a way that reminded him so starkly of Sarah that he almost forgot to breathe. But he recovered, giving her a wry grin in return. "It's questions like that that make me want to throw you in a lake."

"Please, with your balance, you'd throw yourself in before anyone else."

#the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou #tlou show #tlou hbo #the last of us fanfiction

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