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Henny ranks Eurovision 2021: 1st edition, March 21st

aaaaadn we’re BACK! all songs have been out for about a week (well, still waiting for the set me free revamp so it’s the previous version i’ve ranked here) and i’ve had some time to think so let’s gooooo! also, i gotta say, with so many returning artists this year you can’t help but comparing last years to this. so... that’ll happen a lot.

category: hits the right spot

1 Malta - all of my love wasn’t really my thing last year but this? this is SO my jam! maybe not so much the attitude in the prechorus (the hell no i don’t want your money part), and the brass drop, but the beat in the verses? and the chorus melody (the baby it’s not a maybe part)? boy!!! i love it!!!! and this was a song i just yelled out YESSS to when i heard it the first time so i feel that means something 2 Sweden - a very worthy winner of melfest, he’s a great vocalist, he’s cute, and the song is one i’m yet to grow tired of despite it being on the radio 24/7. it happens so rarely that my personal winner actually wins melfest, and i really want us to get that silver medal... please 3 Switzerland - the only reason i don’t want this to win is because it has too much of a similar vibe as arcade and i don’t want that vibe to win twice in a row. otherwise it’s perfect 4 San Marino - finally san marino does somehting right!! i love it. plain and simple.  5 Norway - it’s looking like andreas haukeland is becoming my crush of the season because BOY i am WEAK for this guy. can’t resist him. nor the song 6 Russia - manizha has got the be the coolest woman this year. i’m in awe. i’m playing this on repeat 7 Iceland - i wasn’t super into this at a first listen but i’ve totally warmed up to this and along with russia it’s one of the songs i’ve streamed the most the last couple of days. daði really knows how to make a beat!

category: enjoying it for sure

8 Bulgaria - victoria was my winner last year but this song doesn’t hit just as right. i still like it, feels like a closing kind of song. like the last dance of the night 9 Lithuania - again, a downgrade from last year, but still really good 10 Moldova - i love the studio of this so much (i mean hello it sounds like something maruv would do how can i not like it) but the video makes me worried, can natalia dance? how about dance and sing at the same time? i really feel like she will be the weakest link in this package... and she really does feel like kirkorov’s puppet. which leaves a sour aftertaste 11 Italy - something different for italy!! love that. and i love them, måneskin. the song though... i’m eating it but it’s not my favourite meal you know? 12 Latvia - samanta does more or less the same song as last year but in her case it definitely works. it feels like her brand you know? she owns this  13 Netherlands - jeangu on the other hand is switching it up and i am HERE for it! lovely vibe. lovely aesthetic in the video 14 Germany - this is fun! i know it’s a water devider, you either love it or hate it, and i loved it initially but have cooled down a bit now. but it’s uplifting for me. i love what he’s got going on

category: it’s nice but something’s off

15 France - see this is beautiful, but it’s the ending that throws me off. it gets so... ridiculously french, in a way? do you get what i mean then 16 United Kingdom - fun! i’ll bop to it. but it’s like a chewing gum that loses flavour too quickly. i love that he’s doing something differently but honestly, i preferred his 2020 entry 17 Czech Republic - has a nice groove! i like this better than kemama but it actually feels kinda same as with the uk. 18 Ukraine - i preferred the pre-revamp but hey, it’s still miles better than last year for me personally so that’s a win 19 Slovenia - the way i felt at a first listen is what i imagine the jury felt for tamara todevska in 2019. it’s impactful for sure. but the lyrics!! not that i have a problem with the church but this is... idk a bit much. i like it as a whole but i’ll have no problem letting it go if it fails to qualify  20 Ireland - idk if it’s the production but whyyyy do lesley’s vocals sound so weird!! i definitely liked story of my life way more 21 Croatia - actually nothing’s really “off” about this it’s just a bit uninteresting 22 Azerbaijan - efendi is doing the same song again basically but this year it doesn’t hit right at all. to me it feels like it lacks personality. like, is this the only thing she can do? who is she actually? this just feels like a typical azeri approach to esc; ordering a song from swedish songwriters (which idek if they’ve done this year but it feels like it) and given it to some singer with no regard of if this is their usual style. idkkkk like i bop to it but it feels wrong at the same time 23 Belgium - it’s the chorus. i don’t like it. i like the rest. that’s all 24 Georgia - it’s cozy but too slowwwww. takes too long to get somewhere. perfect for a lazy summer day in a hammock but on the eurovision stage? oh i’m just not too sure

category: *shrug* it’s nice i guess?

25 Finland - i love that finland loves it but this just isn’t really for me 26 Romania - nahhh idk 27 Spain - cute i guess? i don’t have much to say 28 Cyprus - idk but this provokes me. it’s good but it’s bad. you know? the random spanish lyrics... or let’s be real the lyrics in general... and the melody sounding like walmart bad romance.. nope 29 Australia - i think montaigne’s style just isn’t for me 30 Austria - it’s alright! but not as powerful as i think he wants it to be 31 Albania - this is just very cookie-cutter albanian ballad with a screaming woman and it’s getting old

category: it’s a no from me

32 Greece - i’m so sorry but this is so forgettable i’ve heard this multiple times and i could only sing back like one or two lines to you 33 Denmark - the europals in the servers are eating this for some reason and i am just not seeing the appeal. props for sending something in danish though. sweden could learn a thing or two 34 Israel - hmm no this is just. boring 35 Serbia - i just can’t get around to this. i can enjoy slutpop but it’s gotta be good slutpop then 36 North Macedonia - the fact that i felt “ohh no no noooo” when i first heard it... yikes. i WILL applaud that vasil does something that feels more right for HIM though. it’s just not for me 37 Portugal - i don’t care that portugal doesn’t sing in portuguese but myyy this is boring 38 Estonia - /: 39 Poland - tvp’s poster boy... i read in the comments of his song that “this is not poland’s representative, this is tvp’s” or something like that and honestly. i felt that 

Taurus - Earth paperback books going off the grid the “change my mind” meme introduced friends to natural wine dab pens chunky knits collecting hopscotches vibe check using hands as utensils trail mix wary of new people refined taste in art thanklessly supportive can’t take your own great advice comfortable footwear splurging on candles bear hugs *sort by price: highest -> lowest * cleaning as you go lazy Sundays annoyed by people who lack follow through rainy day blanket forts probiotics motivated by spite 6/24

Gemini - Air chewing gum free trials answering a question with a new question editorializing diabolical laughter spilling other people’s gossip think pieces knowing what makes anyone tick messy car bar hopping schemes embodiment of the ‘tongue sticking out’ emoji stirring the pot vocal in ever group chat used to be famous on Wattpad “hey Siri” actually loving small talk would fight or fuck a stranger computer desktop full of unorganized files rooting for villains reading tabloids in the grocery line pretending to look busy can list 10 famous Geminis swiping Tinder without looking 3/24

Cancer - Water baking from scratch dreaming of an RV trip craving codependency scent-based memories Sunday morning open houses keeping a list of baby names holding hands cozy nights in same best friends since 1st grade serial monogamy needing a foundation of trust texts < phone calls longing stares mood playlists vanilla-scented everything saying “please” and “thank you” feeling misunderstood taking great pics of your friends favorite season is autumn black and white filters vintage tea sets silent treatment home resemble a dollhouse nostalgic for a historical period you never experienced 7/24

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I can’t wait to not live with my parents I check facebook everyday I have no idea what to do with my life after I graduate Malibu is my choice of rum I strongly dislike the taste of beer I remember lyrics easily My room is an absolute mess at the moment I don’t have a twitter account I love Jake and Amir ^Their older stuff was better though I enjoy playing video games I’ve driven drunk I’m trying not to smoke weed anymore I lovelovelove finding new music I wish I could wear shorts all year People seem to think I have a “bad reputation” I am not a slut ^But I admit, I am a tease at times Apparently I lead guys on without even knowing it I want to travel I suck hardcore at pool I shop at TNA I watch Jersey Shore ^Sammi is a dumb bitch I am super excited for Halloween this year ^I’m gonna look cute I still listen to Christina Aguilera ^I like her older stuff waaay better than any recent shit I have a bad habit of not texting people back I want a new phone oh so badly I was 16 the first time I ever smoked weed I haven’t saved any money in months I don’t wish I was taller, I like my height I love spending the entire day at the beach I hope it doesn’t snow this winter I have friends I don’t trust I’m uncomfortable hanging out with people younger than me I have never liked a guy younger than me I like playing solitaire on my iPod I hate Usher’s song “OMG” I can’t see myself ever being addicted to cigarettes I want a new job Someone misses me a lot more than I miss them I wish my boobs were a bit bigger I enjoy bitching people out when they deserve it I hate days where nothing goes right I really don’t care for Christmas ^I look forward to New Years more I wish I had a good book to read I love when I make the right choice Sometimes I’m a sore loser I chew gum every day I usually shampoo and condition my hair every day I hate hairspray I would never get eyelash extensions People always think I wear hair extensions, but I don’t I think I look fine without makeup ^But I still wear it practically every day I haven’t gone out to see a movie in awhile I’ve wasted months and months on a guy who wasn’t even worth it My mom constantly judges me Ke$ha’s music is catchy I was never really a fan of Britney Spears The only sport I’m really interested in is soccer The only “fast food” place I eat at is Subway I never have whip cream on anything I order at Starbucks I love just chilling in Starbucks with a drink and something to eat I like to party I kind of want to start watching Glee French fries are delicious I hate crying in front of other people I always plug my iPod in when I drive There’s someone I’m looking forward to seeing next summer I like the size of my computer screen I love when my legs are hairless and smooth My nails are always short I can’t remember the last time I bought a CD I only wear tampons ^Pads just gross me out and are uncomfortable I hate when something I want to wear is dirty or in the wash Half the clothes I own, I don’t wear Smirnoff Ices > Palm Bays I’ve never been in love ^But I’ve been in lust I’m not a very cautious driver

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1. I’ve only had two boyfriends. And I’ve only kissed two people. 2. I’m really picky about everything. 3. There isn’t a single thing that I wouldn’t over-analyze. 4. Every time I’m on the computer, I’m on Tumblr. 5. My biggest fear is that I’ll look back on my life and feel like it wasn’t even worth it. 6. I don’t know how to change that. But I’m trying anyway. 7. I still don’t drive but I hope I’ll have a car by the beginning of 2021. 8, is my favorite number. 9. Jersey Shore has to be one of the best reality shows ever. 10. If I had to marry a girl it would be Rihanna or Lady Gaga. 11. I have spider bites on the left side of my lip. 12. My hair is dyed red. 13. I can’t wait until I have enough money to go shopping. 14. Winter is my favorite season. But I quite like fall. 15. I would love to travel to different countries. 16. I’ve never even left the east coast. 17. I’m not extremely religious but I love my church. 18. I’m very sentimental. 19. It doesn’t take much for something to remind me of someone. 20. My dreams are always really crazy. I like to analyze them sometimes. 21. I’m so glad the new season of House has started. 22. I should really exercise but I seriously lack motivation. 23. I’m constantly using adverbs. 24. When I’m feeling emotional, I like to write about it. 25. I kind of feel lost. Like I’m floating with no direction. 26. I probably worry entirely too much about my future. 27. This winter, I’m going to work on totally changing my wardrobe. 28. I love it when I can really get into a song or a book. 29. The amount of Facebook creeping I do is probably not healthy. 30. My nails are always painted black and white. 31. It really bothers me when I make a list and it begins with the same thing so this survey is annoying to make. 32. Purple is my favorite color. 33. There’s a career that I would love but I don’t really know how I’d even get involved in it. 34. I want to be fucking rich. 35. I’d rather live in the city. 36. My parents have been divorced for a long time. 37. I’m a big daydreamer. It affects my life a lot because I wish that I could actually live in the imaginary world I create for myself. 38. I hope that one day, I’ll feel like I’m good enough for someone. 39. Cherry Coke is the best soda. 40. It honestly blows me when people say they can’t tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi. But it’s even more appalling when they think Pepsi is better. 41. I’m pretty liberal. 42. I’m really easily annoyed and I can’t even stand people for the most part. 43. I try to find out why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel about everything. 44. I hope one day, I’ll find someone who’s worth knowing everything about me. 45. Honestly, I think I’m an interesting person. 46. But I really don’t like for people to find out that much about me. 47. Lately, I’ve sort of been into making lists. 48. I’ve changed a lot over the years. 49. I don’t regret anything.

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Gemini Ohh..those mood swings Constantly second guessing themselves Expert procrastinator Hate taking responsibility for any mess up Laugh at their own jokes They always light up your mood They will always tell you the truth even if it’s harsh They can’t stay at one place for too long Avoid conflicts at any cost Still flirts with you like you’re their crush 6/10

Libra They’re very indecisive They have a child like energy They hate when things don’t happen the way they wanted They love exploring new places with you They’re so charming that you’re sometimes scared of their loyalty They get very sarcastic after a fight They always have time to listen to your problems They can be very stubborn sometimes They have a really good taste in movies and music They like writing for you 7/10

Aquarius They’re very romantic They don’t give up easily They’re good listeners They hate being controlled Kind of impatient Most empathetic person you know They love to live happily and freely They’re good at remembering dates They act stronger than they’re actually They’re always down to try new things 5/10