#notes app compilation i guess
speedkickingin · a year ago
the realization that i have an impact on other people’s lives is hitting me like a freight train and i’m tearing up in this fucking jeep wrangler i don’t know how to not be sad and it’s going to kill me there is so much more to life than wanting it to end i crave dysfunction to an almost unhealthy degree the feeling of being fucked up is almost comforting because i can label it as being human my mother looks at me and sees a dead girl i’m too pale and too tired and i’ve grown too much i’m tracing the orange cracks in my bathtub and wishing for something more what i would give to hear your labored breaths in the night i don’t want to be here i want to eat and listen to music and love and be loved i don’t want to speak i just want to feel it’s picturesque in my mind red tattoos on the backs of my ankles please don’t leave me struggling to open my front door when the streetlights are off i’m comfortable in the wasteland of my head and i don’t want to drag you down with me i don’t want to get better
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bmpmp3 · a year ago
i really liked that ship dynamics trend that was going on a few months or years ago (because im a sap and i like romance) but im especially happy it seems to have slowly morphed into a general appreciation for hyper-specific archetypes and tropes and character dynamics because there’s nothing i love more than talking about trends and patterns in narrative fiction
#my hobbies: pattern recognition#for real i literally want to talk about tropes all day and forever until the end of time#you probably noticed in the past couple years ive been letting myself slowly talk more about this stuff. im a trojan horse#you thought i was a normal blog. but im actually. really annoying about hyper specific archetypes i noticed in shoujo manga#one of the things i like to do is write out different kinds of trends ive noticed in certain genres or other stuff#like common scenarios i see in stories that i like or overly specific subgenres i think are neat#all in lists on my phone's notes app sjdnkmfssfsdf#maybe i should sort them out and compile them somewhere some day (my notes app is the wild west jkdfjsfds)#i will say i dont really know much about fanfic tropes sorry. i dont read much fanfic orz#nothing wrong with fanfiction its just not something i really seek out usually#ive read the occasional ikesen fic because of recommendations and i spent an entire semester in highschool#reading a comically large amount of warriors fics (but only about OCs and fanclans lol)#i also read a lot of el tigre stuff as a kid#actually ive noticed i really only read fanfic if im dissatisfied with a piece of media that i got really invested it#and i guess thats why i dont read that much lol its not often im unsatisfied with something that i really like#like el tigre was cut off so short. and warriors. you know what warriors is like#but most of the time with most properties like even something i really like or wont stop talking about#i dont really have much of a desire to see a continuation of the story or more of the charcaters in different scenarios#hell even with sequels i tend to not really seek em out for sometimes years jskefasfkd#or ever....................#i think it might be something to do with how i think about fiction in general. things tend to stay very contained for me#plus as ive mentioned before im obsessed with analyzing media patterns and because of that characters are like. weirdly contextual? for me?#so when im done with something im like fully done and i tend to want to look at something with new characters and universes?#i dunno if that makes any sense fdksfdjgrfkds#but i will say. this is fucked up and evil but i read wattpad as a kid. for the original stories#i didnt even know it was used for like 1d fanfiction until i was like 16!!!! i used it to read peoples original paranormal ya romances#maybe a contemporary romcom. plenty of high fantasy romances also#anyway. fanfic writers. the stuff you do is very good and cool and i love you. im sorry i dont know how to read
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haddonfled · 11 months ago
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𝙾𝙱𝚂𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽.      to   sate   an   obsession   or   to   stoke   it   /   to   feel   it   as   the   bar   of   a   cage   /   to   trace   its   edges   like   teeth.      an   obsession   that   whets   itself   on   what   he   feeds   it,   sharpened   so   keen   that   it   might   split   him   open,   break   a   new   thing   out.      (   from   michael   myers,   the   shape.      what   it   means   for   two   beings   to   inhabit   one   body,   each   with   its   bloody   fingers   grasping   at   the   same   wound.   )
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𝙷𝚄𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙸𝚃𝚈.      the   point   is   not   to   carve   out   that   which   is   human.      the   point   is   to   carve   despite   the   humanity   ––   to   locate   it   and   sink   the   blade   in   anyway.
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𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁.      insatiable   palate   pressed   against   the   tongue,   festering   in   the   deepest   crevice   of   himself.      michael   can   tolerate   the   sensation   of   starving   /   has   never   known   what   it   means   to   be   satisfied.      he   can   endure   this   nothingness   of   existence   ––   has   made   it   his   own   and   become   one   with   it.
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luvelylili · a month ago
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so it’s that time of the year again - back to school. same old classes, teachers, friends, grades, routines, assignments… the same old story. except, not this year!!! this year you have the law, and (even if you already knew about the law last year) this year you’re going to apply it and have the best year of your life, at school and in every other aspect of your life! read that again, the time is now and you’re going to make the best of it! this post is a long one, but i hope you’ll stay until the end <3
so, where do i start?
step 1 - take a moment to step back and reflect on the last year. how did you feel? how far did you get? what did you achieve? what would change? grab a pen and paper or just the notes app on your phone and write everything down. consider your life as a whole, apart from academic aspects and address anything that is important to you. here are some topics to prompt your journaling:
- friends, family, other relationships
- hobbies
- aspirations, your future
- your manifestations, relationship with the law and the beliefs you have (positive or limiting)
you’ll feel better laying all your thoughts and ideas out in front of you. doing this feels like sorting out all the messy pieces in your mind and watching them fall into place in front of you like a perfect puzzle! now you know exactly what you’ve been through and how you felt, and are ready to move on to the next step!
step 2 - now that we’ve dealt with the past, it’s time to focus on the exciting part - the future!! your future is a blank slate, everything that you’ve endured in the past no longer applies and you are now free to do whatever you want and become whoever you want! ask yourself what are your goals? what do you want to bring into your life this year? once again, don’t just focus on school, apply this to every aspect of your life and compile a list with all your desires. don’t hold back - your list can be as long or as short as you want, as detailed or vague as you want, it’s all up to you so just do whatever feels right.
step 3 - now, i want you to take your desires and make a subheading for each. here you’re going to create a list of affirmations specific to each desire. once again it can be as long and detailed, or short and vague as you want - you make the rules. however, i’d recommend for your affirmations to be something short and to the point, phrased in a way that feels natural for you since they will become a part of your everyday life and, generally, the more comfortable they feel for you, the better!
step 4 - apply the law! now that you’ve acknowledged your past and let go of the old story by deciding on your desires, it’s time to put in the work. and guess what? you don’t have to lift a finger! the law works for you. once you decide what you want and are affirming for it, all that’s left for you to do is persist no matter what. that’s it. go straight to the end and dwell in your 4d, regardless of what you see in front of you. flip negative thoughts, be stubborn and don’t let anything get in between you and your desires. that’s how you get what you want.
fun things to manifest - inspo!
- good grades
- new friends/revise friendships
- your crush/sp
- winning a competition
- features/your appearance
- a new device (phone, laptop, airpods…)
- class getting cancelled
- entering the void
- compliments
- a pet!!
- clothes
- going to a concert, party, event
daily routine - loa ver.
، ♡ ⠇start affirming first thing in the morning! right when you wake up and before going to bed are the times during which your subconscious mind is the most active, and, therefore, the most receptive to what you feed it. so feed it your desires. get into the habit of making your first and last thoughts of each day ones which align with you having your desires.
، ♡ ⠇start your normal routine. make your bed, do your skin care, have breakfast, get dressed but with a twist! instead of just mindlessly going through the motions and letting your mind wander, loop your affirmations either out loud or in your head. don’t be too strict, rampage and remind yourself of already having your desires - do whatever feels right! you can also use a vaunt if you find it helpful!
، ♡ ⠇during the day, whenever you think of your desires, simply affirm as if you already have them. it’s that simple. when you’re bored in class counting down the minutes for the end of the day, or sitting on train on your way to school use this time to affirm to yourself. the simple act of becoming aware of your thoughts, affirming and redirecting your mind towards getting your desires is a great way to pass the time and will only do you good!!
، ♡ ⠇then at night, as mentioned above, simply incorporate a night version of the morning routine into your nightly habits. affirm in the shower, as you’re getting ready to sleep, while you brush your teeth - whenever feels right! you can also affirm as you fall asleep (much like SATS and the lullaby method) for the same reason as in the morning, your subconscious mind will be more active and receptive to your affirmations.
additional things to add to your daily routine
this is completely optional. this is simply for people who feel like they aren’t doing enough when applying the law. i know telling you to stop stressing when you have that unrelenting anxious feeling that you need to be doing something more in order to manifest won’t do you any good so here are some things you can do instead of letting yourself spiral:
- meditate! guided or just with frequencies, either in the morning, night or during the day - it’s up to you!!
- journal
- go on a hot girl walk! clear your mind, affirm, listen to some nice music - you’ll feel much better!!
- listen to your favourite songs and have a dance party
- read a book
- listen to a podcast
- get off tumblr
lili’s advice
you have to understand that this isn’t just a back to school guide, a challenge in which you follow these steps for the first few days and then revert back to your old ways. no. this is a life guide, these are steps that you have to embody, this needs to become your regular routine. you need to be disciplined, consistent and persist. you must stick to the new assumptions you create, as this is the only way you’ll flip the script and finally get the life you want. i’m saying this like it’s easy (and it will be if you assume it to be) but i know damn well what it is like to struggle with the law. this guide is for me too! everything i wrote here applies to me too, and i need to take my own damn advice. but that’s exactly what i plan to do. i’m determined to follow these steps, apply the law and make this year my bitch and get the things i want, and i hope you are too!
also, be kind to yourselves. you’re allowed to have off days, you’re allowed to be demotivated and you’re allowed to feel negative emotions. you’re human after all and it would be unhealthy if you didn’t have your down moments. however, you’re not allowed to give up on yourself. you’re not allowed to quit and throw away your power. none of that. you’re getting your shit. that’s a given. if you affirm, persist and don’t take no for an answer, you will get what you want. you already have it all in the 4d, and it’s all on its way to you in the 3d right now. that’s the law. you don’t have to affirm 24/7, you can if you want to but don’t stress yourself out. you make your own rules! if you decide that all it takes is you affirming once for your desires and that’s enough, then that will be the case! don’t overcomplicate the law - as long as you don’t go against your affirmations by doubting yourself and entertaining intrusive thoughts, you’re doing everything right! trust yourself, and do it for you!! that’s the most important part - you’re the operant power, this is your reality and you will get what you want. all it takes is some discipline and persistence! i believe in you, and i’m so proud of you for being here reading this right now, you’re already taking the first step, now go manifest your dream life and then make sure to come back to tell me all about it!! <3
this post was inspired by the blogs and posts of @theandreiaeffect , @multiversebaddie and @itsravenbitch !! thank you for being so wonderful and helping everyone in the loa community - love you lots! <3
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5ummit · 9 months ago
Banned Tags
When I made my original Tumblr Purge 2: Electric Boogaloo PSA, I knew the situation was bad, but I still had no idea how bad. It was only after I started noticing how many posts were missing on iOS, investigating exactly which tags caused them to be blocked, and making my own list that it really sunk in. Y’all it’s bad. It’s real bad.
While most of the banned tags are at least somewhat logical (nsfw, porn, kink, etc) there are also a significant number that have no relation to “sensitive content” whatsoever. In fact, these tags are so ubiquitous you would be hard pressed to find a single tumblr user that doesn’t regularly use at least some of them, especially content creators. I don’t know how these tags could’ve possibly ended up on the banned list, but my guess based on my findings and tumblr’s general level of competence: a bunch of blogs flagged as explicit were scraped and all of the tags that were used x amount of times were dumped into a “banned tag” database and never checked by a real human. I can only assume that some of these will be walked back eventually once the backlash becomes great enough (as they did in the Original Purge), but until that happens we’re left managing this mess as best we can.
And in case you’re thinking to yourself “surely it can’t be that bad,” here are all of the general/fandom tags I’ve found so far that are now hidden, from both searches and dashboards, on the iOS app (more under the cut):
[Updated Jan 12, 2022]
my stuff/mystuff
my gif(s)/mygifs
my photo(s)/myphotos
my face/myface
my thing
my life
my post
my video
my words
made by me
about/about me
long post
ask to tag
don’t reblog
self reblog
trigger warning
the winter soldier
alec lightwood
Obviously these are not the only tags that have been banned but they’re the most commonly used for content creators and the least obvious so I wanted to put them right up front to spread awareness.
I’ve been compiling my own comprehensive list of banned tags for the past couple days and was planning to post them, but it looks like someone beat me to the punch and there’s now a whole blog dedicated to collecting them and multiple posts with fairly extensive lists so far! With that in mind, I’m going to continue adding to my list of banned general/fandom tags above, since I feel those are the most important to single out and be aware of, but I’ve decided to forgo posting my own complete list and let @bannedtags​ take over as the primary resource. This is honestly for the best, since with the extreme number of banned tags that currently exist (and still growing!), I’ve come to realize I just do not have the time, energy, or mental health capacity to continue this project right now.
What I would like to offer instead is a bit more information on how these banned tags seem to work and what you can do to mitigate the damage from this disaster of an update.
There are two main types of banned tags:
Softblocked on all platforms – Posts tagged with these words are unsearchable on all browsers and apps but will still appear on your dashboard (as long as you’re not using the iOS app). These seem to be the same tags that have been softblocked since the Original Purge. On the iOS app, these tags are now hardblocked (type #2).
Hardblocked on the iOS app (as of version 22.5.1) – Posts tagged with these words are unsearchable + hidden on iOS dashboards. This applies to both tags on reblogs and original posts. Also, if the OP uses a banned tag, any reblogs will be hidden on all iOS dashboards regardless of the reblogger’s tags.
IMPORTANT NOTE: The new hardblock system ONLY applies to the iOS app. If you’re accessing tumblr via any other browser or app, even Chrome or Safari on iOS, the only ban that directly affects you is the first one.
How do you identify a banned tag and how do you know which type it is? 
The only way to determine if a tag has been banned is to search it. If it’s banned you will generally get one of two results depending on the type. Softblocked tags will appear to be searchable but have no search results (with some sort of cheeky message about not finding anything). Hardblocked tags will display a pop-up saying “This content has been hidden.” There is no way to know if a tag has been hardblocked on iOS without searching for it on the iOS app.
Softblocked on all platforms (+ hardblocked on the iOS app):
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Hardblocked only on the iOS app:
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This message system is a good rule of thumb but it’s not a 100% foolproof way to know which type is which. The only way to know for sure is to search on both iOS and another browser/app. If the tag displays search results in a browser but not the iOS app then it’s only blocked on iOS.
In addition to the two types, here are the basic “rules” for how all banned tags seem work as of right now, at least that I’ve been able to discern through trial and error since there’s no explanation provided anywhere:
Only tags are searched for banned content. This means you can still write whatever you want in the body of the post without fear of it being blocked.
Sometimes banned words embedded in a longer tag will result in the post being blocked, but not always. This especially seems to be true if the banned word is the first word in the tag. For example, the tag for the movie “single all the way” appears to be banned because it includes the banned word “single”. For this reason, it’s safest to just assume you can’t use a banned word or phrase anywhere in a tag unless you’ve checked it and know for sure it’s safe.
Banned words merged with no spaces are not recognized as banned content unless that specific combination has also been banned. For example, “sugar daddy” is banned but “sugardaddy” is still searchable.
So what can you do if you find out one of the tags you’ve been using regularly is now banned and your old posts are hidden to a large percentage of the userbase?
Luckily there’s an extremely handy website called Mass Tag Replacer that allows you to find and replace any given tag on hundreds of posts in seconds! You do have to give it read/write access to your blog, but you can revoke the access at any time. I’ve used this website for many years and never had any issues with it.
As for how to search a banned tag? The @bannedtags​ blog actually discovered some semi-workarounds: adding apostrophes around the tag (ex: ‘nsft’) or adding a period after the tag (ex: nsft.). I’ve tested this and can confirm that it generally works (at least at the moment), but the results can be spotty. Still, it’s better than nothing!
This whole situation is very new and in a state of flux so I’m going to continue my research and keep this post updated as we learn more.
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cinnamonest · a year ago
Albedo idol girl darling thoughts M A N I F E S T E D
Well, to be entirely honest, he thinks the whole idol thing is a little dumb.
For someone like him, at least. He's a PhD student in his final semester, lots of work to be done and all that. So, you know, he's a responsible, accomplished adult. Not the kind of person who gets into "that stuff," as he calls it in his head.
Nor does he even know how he encountered it... He just takes the occasional break from work to mindlessly open whatever app first pops into his vision and scroll through the feed. He's never watched anything like it in his life, so he's not exactly sure why he gets recommended some idol girl thing, and even less sure why he taps it without really thinking. Probably one of those videos that gets recommended to everyone. Well, can't be that, it doesn't have that many views... Probably loosely connected to some video game he's searched before or something. He's familiar with idols and what they are, and the subculture surrounding them, but he's never really cared about it.
Honestly, it's kinda pathetic that a bunch of grown adult men get so obsessed over these girls, he thinks as he watches. He's seen the type. Lonely, asocial dudes, most definitely virgins whose only female attention in their entire life is their mother, well into adulthood with no real social group to speak of.
...Not that he's much better off, but he hasn't quite sunk down to their level. The only reason he doesn't talk to people much is because they're busy, and he's even busier. He managed to make a few friends in undergrad years. Well, study partners who mooched off his notes since he was one of the top students, but same idea. They were people he spoke to more than once, which is what constitutes a friend, right? And for the record, one time in high school a girl in his class said she liked his hair. He hasn't changed the way he wears it since. Whenever he's sad, he thinks about that compliment from 10+ years ago, and it makes him feel a little better. But now, he's constantly slammed with work and research.
And his acquaintances are also all busy. He sees notifications every now and then from social media he never checks. Everyone is getting married at this stage in life, both friends and even other PhD students in his department. Not that he's ever been invited to a wedding, he just overhears a lot of conversations, sees notifications of posts. And he will too, eventually. He just has to finish up his degree, and then... Meet a girl. Well, that's actually the second step, step one would be finding out how to go about meeting a girl. He's... Never done it before. Probably does not happen sitting in the research lab at 11:30 pm on YouTube. He's talked to one of the other PhD students who's a girl before. And only stutters sometimes. He was even able to look her in the face while he talked to her once. That's a good start.
Ok, so maybe he is a little bit pathetic, but not as bad as... These guys. Reading the comments of the video actually make him feel a little better about himself, because frankly, they're kinda wild. The worship and fawning over girls is one thing, but they even have timestamps referring to various members like "she's super cute here!" Or "you can kinda see her thigh at 3:12!" Etc etc. Yeesh, creepy. And they get into comment fights over who is the best member, as if it even matters. It's fascinating in a human-social-experiment sort of way, the manifestation of a subculture and how humans interact with each other. On and on it goes, hundreds of commenters. He pays more attention to the comments than the actual video, but the song is kinda catchy in that annoying sort of way, and the girls are cute, just kinda... The typical thing he'd expect from idol groups. But the building will close soon, so he taps back to home screen and swipes the app closed.
Unfortunately, the algorithm remembers.
And he's not certain why he clicks the next one either, the following day. The lunch breaks he takes are usually pretty rushed. Not that he has specific class times at his level of academia, but he likes to get his work done. He intentionally eats either a bit later or earlier than the lunch crowd to avoid crowds and interactions. Finds a nice secluded little table tucked away. So when he opens it back up, what do you know, several more videos get recommended. It's absent minded when he taps on one, the kind of numb-brained entertainment every modern person indulges in, videos you wouldn't really be interested in but just watch because they're there.
Ok, this is really creepy. These dudes have made compilation videos of close ups of each specific girl. It's the same group as the video he saw before, same little lewd costumes. Admittedly the girls are kinda cute. He can kinda understand the appeal. But he's not like those guys, he would never become like, obsessed with them.
The song is actually really catchy. The kind of mindlessly addictive, repetitive pop music that's the same four chords over and over, each song is so similar you can't really tell them apart, but it gets stuck in your head anyway. This group has... nine members. Who needs that many singers in one group? It's not like a band or anything, they all just sing and do their little choreography. Guess that's a form of talent, even though he doesn't really get it.
Some of the groups he sees in recommended videos are cute and wholesome, and while this group is cute too, there's a very... Blatantly intentional lewdness to their poses and costumes. A hypersexualized sort of cuteness. Clearly marketed at lonely losers who have nothing better to do with their time than obsess over a girl who will never even know they exist.
He taps another video.
So many compilations, yikes. He has to give the guys credit, they're insanely loyal to the individual member that they decide to fixate on. Oh, and they even make official figurines and posters for these girls, that's... Something.
And a few days later he can kinda recognize the girls. They have color themes, you know, identical costumes except each girl's is a different color. This lead one is red, this main backup is blue, etc etc. Lots of bright colors. Kinda hurts his eyes to be honest.
And he's seen compilations of every girl except... The pink one. The pink one is always kinda off to the side. Well, these groups do have their favoritism, there's apparently one or two lead singers in all of the major idol groups, and the rest are basically backups and dancers. Still, a lot of dudes get super devoted to the non-main girls. So yeah, he's never seen a compilation for the pink one... He can't always exactly remember which one is which but now he's seen enough to know the other girls' names. He's not sure what hers is though. So he googles it and gets the name.
Wonder why she doesn't have as many videos...? Oh, it's because she's the newest member. Only been around a few months. There's... A whole board dedicated to the group, which he's getting this information from. Wow, pathetic. What kind of person spends their free time browsing a forum for an idol group? Well, he's just doing it to find information, not for fun or anything. He was just curious. Now he knows and he can forget about it and never look at anything related to them again... after he types her name and group name into the YouTube search bar and checks the results out, that is.
Oh, so they do have some compilations for her, just not many. "(Name) thigh compilation." Fuck, these people have no limits to how creepy and pathetic they can get, he thinks... as he watches the video. Ok, admittedly there are some good thigh shots there. There's a comment. "At 4:26 you can see her panties." Pathetic. They're not wrong though. Just to be sure, you see, he tapped the timestamp, and you can, in fact, see them. Stripes. Cute.
But he still has to do his work. Can't get too invested in watching mindless videos all day. He's got a thesis to work on.
That makes him curious, though, he thinks as he goes about his research. Do these girls go to school? Do they like, skip college, or do they join some kind of performing arts school or...? So he googles it. He can remember the pink one's name now, so he just finds her Wikipedia page. Oh, so she joined right out of high school and has been in various groups ever since.
Wait, various groups? So she has more groups she's been in? What are those? Before he typed her name into the search along with the group name, but if he just searches her name he gets... A lot more content from earlier years. Huh. Didn't know some of them did group-hopping like that.
Still, no education. Must be all smiles and body and no brains. Guess that's all you really need. Yeah, looking at that whole act they do... All giggly and childish and lewd... She's probably not too bright. At least she's pretty and sings nice. And the thighs are rather good. Smooth looking. They have a sort of jiggle when she jumps up and down on stage. The thigh highs they make those girls wear have that nice little dip where the skin is compressed by the fabric. Like... right there at that closeup. He takes a screenshot.
It's readily available, he's already seen the video and knows the best parts, whereas searching for porn would take time. The sooner he can get the daily stress relief out of the way the sooner he can work on his thesis. So this way is faster. That's why he's jerking off to the thigh video and not taking the time to look for porn. Plus, it makes him cum faster. Which it probably shouldn't since it's just thighs, but... Probably has something to do with the tease of it all maybe. That makes sense.
Or maybe it's that cute little giggle he can hear at some parts. She smiles and jumps and spins and laughs.
...It makes him wonder what she'd look like crying. Scared. Whimpering. Covered in bruises and bite marks. The contrast between that state and the one on the screen. The process and the things he could do to get her from one to the other. Yeah, he realizes, it's that thought, rather than the happy giggling on video or tease aspect, that makes him cum.
He's aware that his... tastes... are a little on the fucked up side, but hey, there's plenty of bastards out there far worse than him.
One day he discovers she has social media platforms. He... Doesn't really have any. He doesn't have Twitter or Instagram or any of that but... He downloads the app and makes an account for each. Just to follow her. Ooh, they even have the option to get a notification every time she posts... That's good. Otherwise he might check too frequently. He sets a special sound effect for notifications for her socials. The first few times, you see, he would get super excited when his phone went off, only to be disappointed when it was just a work email. Thus, he made the separate sounds.
He wouldn't say he has a favorite, that sounds really cringey you know? He just... Likes her more than the others. ...Dammit, that's what a favorite is. Ok, maybe he has a favorite, that's not that bad. He's not obsessed. He hasn't bought any merchandise at all or anything, especially not member-specific merchandise. Which they do have, because he visited the store page for a while and spent all his willpower physically restraining himself from buying something. It's not that he's biased, he just thinks she's objectively better than the rest of the group. Which can be backed up with evidence, anyone with eyes could tell by watching the performances.
As to what specifically draws him to her... he's not certain, to be honest. Maybe it's because she's the least appreciated out of the group, new and all. The less popular one. Or maybe her personality... She seems so sweet, even though he knows it's probably just an act for the fans. Or maybe just those thighs. That's also a valid possibility.
He cracks and buys some of the merchandise. Only about $300 worth. But honestly, he gets more invested into just printing out pictures of you. Pasting them onto the wall above his desktop. It keeps him going when the nights are hard.
But he refrains from ever commenting on anything. Some of these losers are just... so embarrassing, he can't stomach the thought of being associated, even if it's just an anonymous comment online. It's still pretty... Distasteful. He still browses the boards every day. You're his lock screen now. And home screen. And also your solo is his ringtone. He only sets his phone on sound when he's alone at home, though, when he's at work he puts it on vibrate. He... doesn't want anyone hearing that. No offense. He has some appropriate amount of shame, unlike the other bastards.
And the girls probably know that most of their fans are these kind of loser men, right? She'd probably be surprised someone nearly graduating with a chemistry doctorate is sitting around watching these dumb videos. Is that more or less pathetic? He thinks less, hopefully.
In fact, the other fans kind of irritate him. They're really cringy and annoying and it gives him secondhand embarrassment. And something... Deeper. Something about seeing the comments upsets him on a visceral level. It's gross. Sure, he's grateful for the dudes who sit around and make a list of timestamps for upskirt shots and the like, but... It kinda bothers him, feeling like there's some other dude out there sitting around, watching these long videos with his gross eyes and recording the times of shots that get him off. It feels gross. But more like... A violation against you. Sure, your group is very blatantly sexualized and intentionally risque in clothing but... Still, it feels wrong for someone to go through and get to see all of that.
Well, someone else. It's ok for him, since he's not a gross degenerate like the rest of them. He does genuinely see himself as... Above them. You know how like, back in the day, how the nobles used to sit around and watch plays from the far back while the peasants gathered around the stage? It's like that. He's not a gross loser or a NEET or anything like that. He's got a life. Well... Not a social life, but he's doing better than them, at least he has a degree, and soon a higher degree, and a job. He has a lot of things they don't. Basic hygiene. Student loan debt. And uh... Well, he's probably more pleasant to interact with, at least he's not gonna be frothing at the mouth like an animal if he saw you in real life. He would certainly freeze up, but that's preferable, isn't it?
And one day there's a video circulating in the idol community - not that he's a part of it or anything, he just keeps getting the dumb videos and watching them for mindless entertainment - where some girl group had an attempted kidnapping. Not her group, but some other group. The video has gone viral. Some dude tried to rush the stage and pull one of the girls away. Apparently the cops found he had an obsession with her.
What an idiot. If you're gonna kidnap someone, put some effort in, jeez. It's not hard to figure out how to do it right.
If that were him, he wouldn't be that stupid, he'd just look for an interval where she's alone. They have those solo or breakout group songs where some of the girls are backstage, just get her then. Memorize the concert schedule, wear something over your face, chloroform her, and stuff her into something and walk right out. Easy.
He catches himself in the thought and realizes that might have been a bit creepy, but he was just thinking in terms of hypotheticals. If he was the kind of crazy to do that, that's what he'd do, that's all.
He's always enjoyed entertaining strategic thoughts, really. He's had a couple fantasies about how he would commit murders of this or that person before, and he's never murdered anyone, so thoughts don't lead to actions. He just... Really doesn't like those people, and the fantasies help him... Deal with it. He just likes to strategize about methods, and how he'd get away with it... Stuff like that. Actually, he's convinced it's a very normal thing, but no one wants to admit it. Everyone has detailed murder fantasies every now and then.
Which is why this is no different. He's just strategizing because it's fun. He has no intentions of doing anything for real. He just plans out the details like a game. And tells himself to just never think about it again.
Until one specific night that he's staring down at his screen. Lying in bed. He should be asleep, he needs to be up early tomorrow but... He's just checking to be sure he's reading this correctly. You're coming to his town? He wouldn't think so, since it's not too big, just your average college town. But still, you'll be right here, right in his general vicinity, not far away at all.
Not that he'd ever actually go to such an event. No way. He hates crowds with a passion. He hates loud environments even more. A concert is like his worst nightmare. Besides, knowing the general audience of your group, it'll be a bunch of sweaty NEET dudes who haven't showered in a month and haven't crawled out of their house in even longer. No thank you.
That's when the thought pops back up. It's been a few months since that night he had that strategizing fantasy, and, well, he tried to forget it but... It kinda lingered in the back of his mind. And now it's back in full force.
He shrugs the idea off. It's crazy. He'd never actually do something like that. It was just a fantasy.
...But he could get away with it if he wanted to.
He's not scared or anything, no, he's confident in his strategizing. He knows he could. Totally. It's foolproof. There's no need to carry it out to know that, besides, what would he even do with you?
Well, he's pretty certain he does know what he would do with you. He's watched that thigh video maybe a hundred times now. And even if he won't admit it, he's jerked off to the exact same fantasy for like, several months.
He doesn't really... Think about it. Just kind of slips into subconscious actions. Autopilot. One click and well, there goes $400 on an amp case. His eyes gaze over the dimensions... And then there's your height on the Wikipedia page... Yeah... That should work. He gets it sent to the address a few doors down just in case, and snatches it from in front of their door, but he finds himself backpedaling. What the hell is he doing? He would never actually go through with this, what a waste of money... But he still opens it. Sets it beside his front door. Tests the wheels to make sure they work.
He knows how to make chloroform. He doesn't need YouTube tutorials (unlike a certain someone else), he knows exactly how to do it, even alternate methods besides the usual acetone and bleach combination - so long as you end up with the same chemical makeup, it's all the same. He just goes with the traditional way though... Doesn't really know why he does it. Just mutters as he stares down at the concoction wondering why he wasted his time... But he pauses before pouring it down the sink, and instead puts it in a container and keeps it on the counter. Your weight is on Wikipedia too. Taking into account your height and weight you would need about... Yeah, a very specific amount to knock you out for about three hours.
The concert day draws closer and closer and he can't sleep very well. His mind keeps running what-ifs. Just, hypothetically, what if he did go through with it? What then? What would he do long term? How would that all work out?
Well, you'd probably hate him for a while, right? But that changes. Stockholm syndrome sets in. He would know, he had to take Psych 101 back in undergrad, and the professor talked about it for a full 10 minutes, so he's basically an expert. It's been like, 7 years since then, but he still kinda remembers it. He remembers that it's supposed to set in at about 2 weeks, and solidify with time. If the captor is nice, that is, which he totally would be. ...Maybe not in bed, but most of the time. He would be nice to you, and you would start to like him. Besides, they said Stockholm syndrome set in faster if the abductor has good qualities, so, he could also reason with you, remind you that you're lucky you got abducted by someone with money - or, well, he will have money once he graduates! - and isn't some ugly gross slob. He's clean and neat. Sorta... He'll clean up all those dishes that have been sitting there a few days now, pick up all those clothes off the floor... Ok, now he's clean and neat. And, uh, what else would girls care about... He's smart. He's pretty sure he can say that with confidence, if nothing else.
Ok, so, it would work. He could... Keep you kinda... Tied up here... If you started complying within that two week period, he could get you up and walking before atrophy set in. You'd probably have to get used to the lifestyle... Right now he's kinda on a budget, but, he can get you things to keep you occupied... And so, yeah, it could work. It's simple, just keep you with him and isolated for a few weeks and uh, you'll transform into some kind of hypersexual obedient cumslut and never want to leave. That's... How Stockholm syndrome works right? Maybe he should have paid more attention in that class... Oh well. He never liked psychology.
So the day draws nearer and nearer and he starts really getting into the right... Headspace. It's a sort of manic state that he's in. Operating without really thinking, all inhibitions removed by simply refusing to think about it. He lets the subconscious take over and do all these little things to prepare, until finally that day is tomorrow. And then he kinda snaps back to full awareness and questions, again, what the hell is he doing? He can't just... Kidnap a person! Normal people don't do that... It's illegal, he'll get caught, it'll ruin his life and....
What life does he really have to ruin?
That's the thought that sort of solidifies the decision. He realizes why he's even on this path in the first place. Sure he's got a lot of academic accomplishments, but his life is... Rather empty. He doesn't really have anyone. Maybe that's why he's slowly become... Consumed by this obsession that yes, he's now willing to admit to himself is indeed an obsession. It's kinda slowly taken over his everyday life without him even noticing it was happening. He's... Kinda miserable. And very lonely. And... If nothing else... This one girl makes him feel kinda happy.
... Which is why he's going to go through with it.
And he slips back into autopilot, ends up standing outside the building. It's every bit as loud and headache-inducing as he knew it would be. Ugh. He can't wait to get out of here. If this doesn't work, well, he'll be forced to turn around. The plan is a very simple one, actually... Act like he's supposed to be there. And he does. Dresses in all black like stage technicians do, dragging his big amp case behind him, holding a bunch of cords from random things he grabbed in his house, and tries not to look nervous, keeps a neutral face and walks straight forward and... He slides right in. The security guards off to the side don't even bat an eye.
And then he has a moment of "well, I didn't expect to get this far." Pauses. So uh... what now? Well, probably should find you first. He memorized the setlist, so he knows when you'll be off... And alone. Right now there should be three of the girls backstage. It's pretty easy to find where you are, but he's paranoid that the amp case is too loud as he's dragging it around. It's necessary, though. And then, finally, he stumbles upon the room... Opens the door, half expecting to be immediately stopped, but... He can just kinda waltz right in here, some open backroom, a person here or there coming through, a lady that looks like a makeup artist doing something over there, and an actual, real tech guy over there... And over to the far back corner... Oh. That's you. He takes a moment to revel in the sight, unable to move or even breathe, and has to mentally prepare himself before moving forward. He's... Not sure exactly what to do at this point... It's kind of perfect, to be honest, there's no one around you, and you're right out of sight, where he could turn the corner and not be seen. But he's not sure how to... Approach? He thinks about it as he walks, but again, autopilot is on in his brain and he's just numbly walking forward. Does he just... Keep walking until he's right at you and just... Or...?
And a miracle happens. You hear someone coming and you turn and smile and ask are you the tech guy here to fix my mic? You point to the little microphone attached to your face. They told you someone would be coming to fix it before your next song. You presume that's him, since he's dressed in all black like all the other stage techs. He hesitates a moment, wide eyed, but then nods. Yeah, that's him, he says. His voice cracks when he says it. It's kinda cute.
You smile at him. It's wide and sweet and genuine and it almost makes him pass out on the spot. He has to swallow for a second before continuing.
But, uh, he can't do it right here he says, because fiddling with it could disrupt the uh, frequencies, cause that really shrill sound you hear sometimes. So, um, come over this way a sec, over in this dark corner of the studio conveniently out of the view of all people and security cameras. You don't know how any of that stuff works, so you trust him, it's his job after all. So you get up and straighten your little skirt out - wow those are even more revealing in person - and walk over it the dark corner where he's waiting and... it's the last thing you remember.
He does a quick look left and right to ensure no one saw you collapse in his arms, but sure enough, this area is empty. You fit into the amp case with ease. Just curl your body up and pop the lid on. Wait, can you... breathe in there? Well, it won't take long to get outside. He just rolls the case right out the door, right past the guards again, and no one stops him, no one suspects a thing. Puts the case in the backseat, opens the lid, does a quick check go make sure you're breathing alright. So he props it open by keeping a book in between the case and lid as he drives home.
Once he does get home, he just does the same thing he did before - close the lid, roll you into the elevator and up the stairs and into his place, looking back over his shoulder over and over. And once he gets you inside he just kinda... falls to his knees. Shivering. Disbelief. Because holy shit he actually did it. He actually went through with it and it worked. He sits there and stares at the case and - oh, fuck, gotta open it again for you to breathe. Actually, he might as well... take you out... when he first shoved you in, he was so high on adrenaline he didn't really process any of it, but now... he almost can't bring himself to take you out. That means he has to, like, touch you. He's gotta take a moment to mentally prepare for that. So he does. Deep breaths. And finally, with trembling hands, pulls you out, carries you on shakey legs over to the bed and sets you down.
You know, you're a lot... Smaller... Than you looked on screen. Sure, he knew your height and weight but... somehow you still seem so much smaller than he expected. That's good. Will make everything a lot easier, since you're easier to restrain. And your thighs. They're... so soft. This is so much better than the video. They're so... fleshy and warm in person. Perfect. And wow, that skirt thing is... scratchy. Actually, up close, that whole outfit thing you wear looks super uncomfortable. It probably is. ...Well, guess he now has a reason to take it off.
The rest of your skin is... also fleshy and soft. Warm. Your face... chest... stomach... everything. Your tits are really cute, too. It occurs to him that all those rabid commenters on all those boards and videos would probably kill to be him right now, pinching and squeezing at your nipples. He's seeing something they will never see. It gives him an ego boost, to be honest, makes him feel proud to get a sort of one-up on them. He gets you naked, but refrains from pulling your legs apart. He probably... wouldn't be able to control himself, and he's aiming for some self-control right now.
So he waits. Breathes deep. Restrains himself with every ounce of willpower he has. It occurs to him he has no fucking clue what he's gonna say to you. Unfortunately, that thought occurs to him as you're starting to twitch and mumble, so, he doesn't have too much time to think. Oh, fuck, you're not restrained... well, he bought some duct tape and handcuffs and blindfolds off of amazon too, so he quickly puts those in place as you're starting to wake up, and then finally, you come to full consciousness -- that telltale jerking at the restraints, the muffled little cry of confusion and fear. It's kinda hot to be honest. Well, fuck, very hot actually. You're so scared. It gives him a rush of power. Said rush goes straight to his dick.
He's got a mixed twist of guilt and arousal at the whole thing, but... he's still trying to have some self control... and if you start begging and pleading and crying, it would be too much. Oh, no, not that it would be too much in terms of guilt, no no, just that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from fucking you if he sees you cry. So he leaves the restraints on for now, so he can't see your face emote.
Then, he does something really, really mean. He knows it's cruel, honestly, it's just... so cute. What that is, is that he does nothing. Says nothing. He goes about his work, typing away, knowing you can hear, but doesn't say a word. He knows you're awake, he just wants to see how long you can sit there scared out of your mind before you finally make another noise to draw his attention. Right now, he thinks, you're probably debating, you're probably questioning whether you should keep quiet and make him think you're still out or make a noise... but eventually you will. He can see you trembling. You're probably thinking so many horrible things right now, wondering what will happen, what he'll do to you... it fills him with a sort of sadistic glee that overrides the guilt it comes along with. Sure, the guilt is there, but fuck, he could almost cum just watching you shiver, and that's more important.
And you finally make a noise. A little whimper. He stops typing, and swears he sees you tense when he does. And when he stands up, walks over to you (making sure to stomp hard and walk slow for extra effect, watching the way you curl in on yourself with each step he takes), and stops right in front of you. Finally, tells you not to scream. He's gonna give you water, ok? You nod. And, surprisingly, you don't make any move to scream or anything, you let him give it to you. You don't move a muscle besides your shaking and sucking the straw and swallowing the water. You must be really scared of him. He knows that's technically not what he should want, but... it feels nice.
He spent that time of silence coming up with what to say to you. He says that for now, you're going to stay right here. Don't ask questions. Don't make any attempt to escape. If you really need something, tap the headboard until he hears. Understand?
You're... Surprisingly receptive. You give a twitchy smile and stammer out an o-okay. He's almost pleased, but quickly realizes what you're doing.
You've been trained for this, you see. This kind of thing is attempted rather frequently in the industry. You received training for this situation - comply, don't fight, prioritize your safety, because in 99% of these cases, the missing idol is found and recovered within 48 hours. So you do what you were told to do -- smile, pretend you're ok with it, don't do anything to anger your captor.
He knows that too. He doesn't do much in that 48 hours, in fact, he even tells you he's waiting to "see what happens." He knows he can't control himself very well, so he stays in his living room for the most part and works on research, it might be pointless if he's in jail a few hours from now, but oh well. Sleeps on his couch. He offers to feed you, but you say you don't feel good. He understands.
See, in his mind, if he gets to fuck you once or twice and then be hauled off to prison and never touch you again, well, that would be actual, literal torture, so much so that never fucking you at all would be more bearable. So that's why he forces himself to wait now. He feels like he can't breathe, he's so nervous, like any moment police are going to come knocking on his door. Every little sound makes him jump. He can't sleep.
But 48 hours pass and... nothing happens.
He breathes a bit easier. Finally dares to go online, which he's been avoiding, and check on your situation... Oh, wow, social media has exploded over your disappearance. But... They have no leads. Nothing. Says she basically vanished out of thin air. Situation is, quote, "looking hopeless." Huh. He did an even better job than he thought he did. There's videos from loved ones begging the captor to let the girl go, offering to give him money even. A lot of money. But, you're more valuable than any monetary measurements could ever conceive. And he's happy. It really worked out. Everything went right, and for once, he has something that really, really makes him happy.
Likewise, the 48 hours are even more torturous for you. You start out telling yourself it'll be fine. Hopeful. But that hope in your chest slowly, gradually dies out as you realize you've hit the 48-hour mark. Even for a normal missing person, you've always heard that if they don't find them within 48 hours... the chances of ever finding them goes down significantly. But, that's because they're usually dead, right? And this guy won't kill you, so, your chances are better, right...?
He comes back after that 48 hours and finally, for the first time since you woke up, crawls onto the bed, touches you, grabs your hips with his hands. Tells you that, well, they haven't found anything yet and it looks like they aren't going to, so you're officially his now, and he's no longer worried. You should accept it. It'll make things easier for both of you if you do. You'll get adjusted in no time, you'll see.
Unsurprisingly, you're a bit less compliant than you were when you had hope. You whimper and and struggle, but it's really weak. So much so it's cute. You ask who he is. No one important, he says. Just... A fan of yours. You can hear clothes shuffling. He doesn't waste time, he's already waited two whole days suffering, so he gets his dick in you pretty quickly. Manages to make you cum. It horrifies you and kinda surprises him too to be honest. You must kinda like pain, huh. Well, that works out well.
As time goes on, what hope you had left dies completely. Weeks pass. You realize they're not coming for you. In an attempt to get you to accept it, he even shows you that you've been replaced. They're rather quick to fix the absence. They have a new girl in your spot by the end of the month. He quickly realizes maybe he shouldn't have told you, from the way your face falls and you get all hysterical. Sorry. It's the way the industry is. Don't worry. She's not even half as cute as you.
He shows you the announcement when they close the investigation, too. This also earns a rather hysterical response, but he thinks it's important you see it, so you can finally come to terms with your fate, the way things were always meant to turn out. He gets a bit frustrated. Just accept it. It's not that hard. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be. It's for your own good that you accept it.
And you do. Try as you might. You begin to make conversation. He's the only source of interaction you have. You learn about him and his life. You become invested in it. You start to cum more easily. When he's sitting on the opposite side of the bed typing away, you find yourself slowly wiggling your way over and pressing yourself against the warmth, and he certainly doesn't mind. You ask him about his research just to hear a voice talk.
And sometimes you sing. It's absent minded, soft and quiet, when you have nothing else to do. He likes that a lot. You get sweeter. Nicer. Fight less. It does take a bit longer than two weeks to set in fully. But it does in the end.
He can't be with you 24/7, as much as he would like to be, so sometimes he has to tell you to just hang on a little while. Be good and sit still for just a bit. He'll be back soon. Just give him an hour. You're just really distracting and, well, his progress report is due tomorrow morning.
And you keep getting upset over the new member, bring it up a lot... It must have really bothered you, huh. Well, don't feel bad about being replaced. To him, nothing could ever replace you... you're still his favorite.
576 notes · View notes
wonwoosh · a year ago
hello! i saw ur requests were open so,, n e ways can i pls request a 'best of' compilation of hueningkai and reader?? like those vids from agronsky LMAO make it like kai and the reader (y/n of course) r inlove (they're actually secretly dating but we're not gonna talk ab that) but no one says anything ??? like the title is 'huening kai and y/n l/n being inlove w each other/being cute for 10 mins straight' like that LMAO yea sorry i suck at explaining but thank u in advance if u do this !!! <333
ofc thank u for requesting !! i totally get what you mean hehe ;) but imma change it up a bit to make it easier for me. and im guessing it’s idol reader? i made the reader female if that’s fine w you, lmk if you want me to change it <3
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pairing: idol!hueningkai x idol!reader (female)
warnings: sugar sweet fluff that makes you have a toothache
a/n: currently in class as I’m writing this LMAO but my requests are open so make sure to read rules n request like this anon did :)
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Hueningkai’s eyebrows furrowed as he scanned through the comments on the vlive.
They kept saying, “Hey, did you watch the video where MOAs shipped you and Y/n??”
“What videos?” He asks laughing awkwardly.
The fans started shipping Y/n and him when they both became MCs. And it wasn’t just the fans, it was his members too! Taehyun was always talking about how whipped Hueningkai was.
Only Y/n’s and Hueningkai’s members knew they were dating. The company didn’t know yet and the two weren’t planning on telling them any time soon.
“Ah okay, okay. Since you guys want me to watch it so bad.” Hueningkai rolls his eyes jokingly, “So...what’s the title name?”
The chat was filled with Watch Hueningkai and Y/n being in love for 10 minutes!!
“Okay fine, but if any of my members tease me for this, you MOAs owe me.”
He types it on his phone, eyes widening when he sees how many views the videos have.
“Yah! Why does this have 200k views?” He laughs loudly, “Okay, let me watch it.”
He shows the camera which video he was watching and begins to watch it.
The first clip was of him and Y/n interviewing ITZY, and there was a moment where Hueningkai just stops and stares at Y/n lovingly. The caption on that clip was, “Get you a man that looks at you the way Hueningkai looks at Y/n.”
“....” Hueningkai stares blankly at the screen, trying his best to hide his smile. That day, Y/n had on the most beautiful outfit, so he couldn’t help himself if he stared at her so lovingly.
The next clips were during one of the award shows where Y/n’s group was performing. When Y/n’s lines came on, Hueningkai silently sang them. Taehyun was near him as well, waving his hands around to the beat. Near towards the end of the show, Y/n had confetti stuck to her hair. He, being the gentleman he was, helped take some out of her hair.
What he didn’t expect was all the fans screaming after he did that. The video zooms in into his startled face after MOAs screamed SHIP!!
The last and final clip was during one of TXT’s recent vlive with Soobin and Beomgyu. Soobin reads off one of the comments that said, “Hey Soobin, spill us the tea on the maknae and Y/n.”
Soobin only softly giggles at this and says, “I dunno, why don’t you guys ask our maknae?”
The caption on this clip was, Soobin definitely know something, he just doesn’t want to tell us!
The YouTube video ends with a little note saying how this was just for fun and they didn’t intend to make Y/n or Hueningkai uncomfortable.
“Ah its alright,” Hueningkai says smiling reassuringly, “You guys don’t make me uncomfortable, these are pretty funny to watch, MOAs are very . . .” He pauses for a moment, “Creative.”
With that, he waves to the camera, signaling that he was going to end the live.
“Bye guys!” He says.
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Right after the live, he hears his phone ring, and the number is no other than Y/n herself.
“So, why did Taehyun just call me to scream about how whipped you are? He called you a lovesick puppy, by the way. Then he started singing Lovesick Girls by Blackpink. It was a weird experience.”
“Ugh,” Hueningkai facepalms himself mentally, “These damn YouTube videos.”
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©️ 2021 wonwoosh
☕️ do not repost my writings on other apps such as wattpad or translate them. thank you!!
441 notes · View notes
lyssys · a year ago
Broken People. 2
----- [ chapter ii ] -----
<- previous chapter ✿ next chapter ->
— PAIRING: corpse husband / original character
— SUMMARY: after their first introduction, both Callie and her new friend are surprised by how easy it is to talk to one another, and are interested in becoming even closer. [masterlist ]
— WARNINGS / TRIGGERS: anxiety, negative thoughts, mentions of chronic and mental illnesses, insomnia
— AUTHOR’S NOTE: ok so i decided to add some more social media elements into this fic so that its not just all words! please go back and reread the first chapter cause i've edited it since it was first published (just added screenshots and messages to make it more visual rather than written). I'm still new to adding screenshots of fake tweets and such so i apologize if they're not great!
— WORD COUNT: 2.7k
— TAG LIST: @butterfly-skinnylegend,@softlip-s,@cherry-piee, @plumybcky
* ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ :
When Callie woke up the next morning to the sound of her phone’s alarms blaring with the obnoxious tone she’d set, her first thought was of her classes. Even after two years in college before this with near perfect attendance, she still expected to wake up one day
Fuck, what time is it? What if I slept through all my earlier alarms and I’m late?
Still, when she finally reached over to grab her phone, she found it was exactly seven in the morning and she still had an hour and a half before she’d have to head out on her commute to class. She rolled over in bed with her phone, doing a quick morning scroll through Instagram and Twitter to catch up on what she may have missed overnight. As she scrolled, she suddenly remembered last night’s occurrence and the conversation that ensued afterward- that brought a smile to her face, even in her groggy, early-morning feelings. She opened up twitter to shoot a quick tweet about it. She didn’t have a big following online, only some friends from school and a few she made through a small blog she used to ramble on, and she usually just interacted with her friend’s tweets and rambled her own thoughts into the abyss of the internet.
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Callie didn’t really post regularly, but when she did, it made her feel strangely composed. Just putting a little update online that her friends could respond to always made her feel a little better on her bad days, the way she could ramble about her day and someone would reply and then she wouldn’t feel quite as alone. Or whenever she posted on Instagram, whether it was an outfit of the day or just about how her day went, looking at all the pictures of the happy moments of her life compiled together made her feel like her life was a little more put together than it really was.
After her little tweet, she rolled out of bed with newfound energy. Something about the way she had made new friends last night was suddenly making her feel like getting her life together. Wow, I hung out with so many new people and didn’t cry from the nerves! I handled that like such a put-together person! And of course, she was still thinking about Corpse.
She opened up their late-night Twitter DMs chat as she headed into the kitchen to feed Boba and grab a glass of water to start her day. As soon as she opened it, though, she noticed the green dot next to his name. He was still active.
Doing the math in her head, California- she remembered he mentioned being from there last night- was three hours behind the east coast, which meant it was around four in the morning for him. The only question was- has he not fallen asleep yet, or is he awake already? On her way back to her bedroom to get ready, she shot a message.
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She saw the message that he was typing pop up and disappear a few times and set her phone down to do her morning routine. Alright, she thought, I’ll give him some time to gather his thoughts. She washed her face and patted it dry, moisturized and concealed any little blemishes, and applied a subtle, everyday look. It was the same thing she did every day, but for some reason, she still didn’t feel confident in it. She’d gone pretty much all her college life so far with this same look, but now it felt wrong. As if maybe, since she had played with big-name streamers, she should look like she belongs among them.
She looked away from the mirror and picked her phone back up.
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After their conversation ended, Corpse sat there, rereading all their messages until Callie’s activity button showed she’d closed the app twenty minutes ago. He was a little taken aback at first, and his pessimistic side- which unfortunately happened to be the biggest side of him- wondered why the fuck this girl would care about a guy like him. But after a deep breath and pushing those thoughts aside, he came to his senses. She said it herself- she was a mom friend, it was just her nature to be like this, "even to someone as fucked as me, I guess". In the hours he knew her so far, he already felt like she was a genuine, kind person, and the thought scared him because he wasn’t one to trust people that easily. He felt a strange pulling in his heart, an ache that he couldn’t explain at the thought of her worrying about him. He didn’t know why talking to her felt so easy, but it was great. He made a reminder to himself to eventually thank Rae for inviting her friend, for giving him the opportunity to meet her. Ugh, that’s cheesy as fuck.
Curiosity overtook him and he clicked on her picture- a mirror selfie, with the flash erasing the girl’s face- opened to her Twitter account, and was immediately greeted with a tweet about last night. He smiled at the way her happiness always seemed to radiate off of her, even through a tweet, through his phone screen, and typed out a reply to her.
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Callie was already crying when she got home that day. She wasn’t even sure what it was, but everyone- the whole world- just seemed out to get her. It was raining so, of course, water got all over her clothes, she got assigned an ungodly amount of projects for her classes that she couldn’t even work on because the professor needed to continue the explanation on Monday, her friend blew off their plans and left her all alone when they promised to spend lunch together, and her head was pounding from a combination of the stress, the amount of crying she’d done already today, and even how tight her ponytail was. Luckily, she didn’t have classes or work the next two days, so she could spend the whole weekend wallowing in her sadness in the comfort of her room.
Piled on top of all the shit bothering her in her personal life, when Callie opened up Twitter to see Corpse’s reply to her tweet, the happiness she should have felt was overtaken by self-doubt. She wasn’t as cool or popular as the streamers and YouTubers he was probably used to hanging out with, and as much as she wanted to be part of their group, she couldn’t help but think she didn’t belong
She was laying in bed with tears rolling down her face, Boba curled up on her and pawing at her flesh, when her phone lit up beside her.
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Callie smiled and went over to her computer to get ready for whatever game they were going to play together. As soon as she was there, her screen lit up with a discord call from him, and she answered immediately, a smile on her face.
“Hey, Corpse.”
“Whaddup, baby?”
She smiled at the sound of his voice, a shiver crawling up her spine at the word “baby”. Just from their interactions yesterday, Callie could tell that Corpse was flirty with his friends, and she was honored to be on the receiving end of that. She still wasn’t used to it, and after the rough day she had, some time with a friend was just what she needed. “I’m so glad you're free right now. So, what are we playing?”
“Hmm… We could do… golf? That’s a pretty simple game to chill with.”
“Sure! Lemme just download it real quick.”
Both ends of the call were silent for a few minutes as Callie quickly installed the game to her computer and opened it up. “Ok, I’m ready. Show me how to play, Mr. Husband.”
“You’ve really never played this before?” Before she could answer, Corpse saw her shoot her golf ball far away, in the exact opposite direction she was supposed to. “Oh,” He laughed. “You really haven’t.”
“Stopppp,” She couldn’t help but smile at the teasing tone in his voice. “I was crying literally, like, five minutes ago. Go easy on me.” He hummed in response, and for a second, Callie worried she had made it awkward by bringing up her bad day again. She sniffed and pushed past her emotions. “Anyway, Corpse, did you get to sleep at all today? You said you’d try.”
“Yeah I- I tried. I didn’t actually get any sleep though.”
“Oh, no! Now I feel bad that you’re playing this with me when you could be resting.”
“No, I offered to play. I’ll be fine. I needed a distraction, anyway. Chronic insomnia is pretty shitty when paired with fucking dark thoughts that keep me up at night.” Callie didn’t react to that, verbally, at least, and Corpse worried that maybe he’d gone too far, so he forced a chuckle to try and lighten the mood.
“Try taking some melatonin, maybe? That usually helps me when I can’t sleep. After we’re done tonight, promise to try, please.”
Callie went quiet again and focused back on the game, where she was finally close to the hole and Corpse was nowhere to be found. “Corpse, did you get a hole-in-one?”
“This is just the first hole, it should be easy!” He laughed, and Callie immediately smiled at the sound. His laugh is so nice. So infectious.
The game dragged on until it was dark out, the two of them chatting casually about their days, doing a little bit more of an in-depth introduction than they were able to the night before. Callie realized after a bit how she was talking much more about who she was than he was about himself. Whenever she asked him a question about his life, he answered simply and threw a question back to her, and she rambled on about each answer for probably ten minutes. It didn’t bother her, she was alright with sharing about her life, but she couldn’t help but wonder if Corpse wanted to share more and she was just rambling on and on and on. Ugh, you’re probably annoying him. Shut up sometimes, won’t you?
“Am I rambling? I don’t mean to talk over you if there’s anything you wanna say.”
“No,” He responded quickly. “I don’t mind just listening.”
“But I’ve been talking for so long and I barely let you get a word in. Tell me about yourself. Introduce yourself to the class, Corpse.”
“I just-” He grumbled a little bit under his breath. “There’s not much to know about me, to be honest. I’m sure you already know pretty much everything there is.”
“What do you mean? I don’t know anything. We only met last night.”
“I mean, nothing beyond what your Twitter bio says, and that you have a lot of followers.” Her voice trailed off, remembering the number listed on his account and suddenly getting that strange, sinking feeling that she wasn’t popular enough to be talking with him. On the other end of the call, Corpse was panicking a little too. He didn’t want Callie to think any differently of him just because of the amount of followers or clout he has. He didn’t want to open up about himself, about all the ways he was fucked up, and end up scaring her away. She was so put-together, so normal, and he was afraid of ruining the potential of their friendship by exposing how fucked up he was. “This might be a dumb question, but in your bio, what does faceless mean?”
“It means I don’t have a face.”
He laughed a little at her confusion. “I’ve never shown my face online. Ever.”
“Oh, wow. That’s cool! So you have all this fame but you can still go outside and no one will recognize you?”
“I mean…” He hesitated for a moment, pretending to focus on the game in front of him. He hit his golf ball into the hole and spectated Callie to see that she was waiting for him to speak. Somehow, she managed to make him feel unbelievably comfortable, so he couldn’t help but continue. “I can’t really talk in public or someone will recognize my voice.”
“Yeah, true. But it would be cool to be recognized sometimes, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely fucking not. I’d rather fucking die.”
There was no laughter in his voice anymore. The teasing, joking tone that was in all his words tonight was suddenly gone, and this sentence was dripping with pure venom. With that, Callie finally shot her golf ball into the hole and finished the round. Both of them could feel the newfound tension between them, and Callie couldn’t help but wonder what nerve she had struck. She knew he wasn’t mad at her, but he was obviously upset about something, something she didn’t want to press more about.
“Sorry, Corpse. I guess I don’t really understand it like you would.”
“It’s fine.”
“Can I ask why though? Just to understand you better?”
“I-” Because I fucking hate my face and wish people wouldn’t put this pressure on me to be attractive as fuck when I look like this and I’m riddled with anxiety and can’t even leave my fucking house cause I don’t want people to see me. He wanted to ramble to her, to open up completely and tell her everything on his mind, but he knew that if she knew what kind of self-deprecating shit was on his mind almost twenty four fucking seven, she wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. So he swallowed his words. “How about we just try to talk about happy things tonight?”
“Yeah, of course. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Callie.” For a second, he just sat at his computer and played the game, quickly finding his thoughts drifting to her. How sweet she was, how kind she was, how he wanted to protect her and how the thought of her crying made him sad too, even though he didn't even know what she looked like and she knew just as little about him. “Did tonight help you feel bit better? Us chilling?”
“Yeah, it did, actually. You have no idea how happy I am that we met, you know?” Callie smiled to herself as she thought back to the past 24 hours. She may have only met him last night, but it had been so long since she made new friends like that, and they just… clicked, so well. “I actually… I wasn't going to join last night. I almost said no when Rae offered it.”
“Oh my God, imagine if you didn’t join…”
“I know… We would’ve not met.”
“I’m glad we did.” His voice vibrated down her spine, his smile evident. He’s smiling. He’s smiling just because we met. “What time is it where you are?”
Callie looked up at the clock and glanced out the window. It was still pouring, and she could hear the rain pounding against her window. It was dark, but the lights of the city still glittered through the raindrops. “It’s nine.”
“Are you getting tired yet?”
“Not really. Are you?”
“Definitely not.” Corpse sighed deeply. “I think I’m gonna be up all night again.”
“Do you want to take some pills and turn off the screens to try and rest?”
“I don’t really want to, to be honest. I’d rather talk with someone right now…” The girl’s heart ached for him. She had trouble sleeping sometimes, and while she didn’t know what it was like to have chronic insomnia like him, she knew what it was like to be kept up at night with memories and thoughts, and just wished she knew how to help him.
“Well, then I’ll be here to chill with you as long as you need.”
“Thank you.” Corpse felt a tug in his heart at the way the night turned around from him helping Callie to her helping him, and the way she was so willing and ready to spend the night with him. He tried to ignore the feeling and instead cleared his throat to make a joke instead. “You know, we’ve been playing golf for hours now and you’re still really not any better at it-”
He laughed loudly at that, and Callie laughed right back, unable to stay upset.
I could really get used to that sound.
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* ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ : * ✧ ・゚ :
thank you for reading this part!! I wanted to do more screenshot parts and less actual words but i couldn't find a way to do that so hopefully this is good! again, i'm new at making screenshots so they might look a little messy! hopefully they get better :) let me know if you have any suggestions for later parts! 🥰
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brlankinney · a year ago
✨a long awaited michael hate list✨
last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 
s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 
s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do
s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 
s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 
s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 
s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 
s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 
s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 
s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 
s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 
s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!
bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 
s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 
THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you
both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 
i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 
“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 
s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices
e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 
when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 
going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????
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lvoekook · 2 months ago
you have lots of fic rec lists but barely comments and reblogs fics. dunno where you pull this all from and it's mighty sus
I'm guessing you're new here! Let me explain what happened. I switched blogs, and this is a new one that I literally started 2 days ago??? It's not going to blow up in one night, is it? It requires reblogs from others in order to circulate through Tumblr, but no!! People like you leave shitty asks for the person who worked so hard to compile them. Instead of leaving hate asks in my askbox, you can reblog it so that it reaches more people and it can get ""comments and reblogs""
These fic recs lists were originally posted on my previous blog @toobsiereads, and it clearly states that "moved to @/lvoekook)," implying that I am now exist on this blog. There were literally thousands and thousands of notes on that blog on every rec list. I'm sorry that this blog isn't making much progress and isn't showing those BIG NUMBERS to shut you up. 
And what do you mean by "where you pull this all from?" It's from the same app where you're typing this disappointing ask on. You have a keyboard, right? Then please make an effort to put it to good use.
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hindisoup · 11 months ago
Out of curiosity: why are you learning Hindi? How long have you been learning? It's a language that interests me, so I was also wondering if you had any advise for how to get started. Is there any good book for a beginner you would recommend?
Thanks for the ask!
I wasn't meant to start learning Hindi in the first place. Over the years I have dabbled in several languages, Russian being the previous true interest on which I focused seriously for about 4-5 years more or less sporadically as a hobby.
Five years ago I was doing my masters (on a totally unrelated subject to languages) and at that time I felt I needed:
something completely out of my everyday life to occupy my mind with while I wasn't focusing on writing my dissertation 8-10 hours a day,
background music lyrics of which I couldn't understand so I wouldn't be distracted while writing the said dissertation.
Completely by chance, I guess, I found Hindi films (colours! clothes! songs! dance! drama!) as an answer to the first need, and Hindi film songs to the second one. However, having a bit of an "all-or-nothing" type of personality, very soon I noticed I had watched more than 150 films and I couldn't help but start learning the language because of the sheer amount of exposure and my natural interest in all languages in general.
I actually made a conscious decision at some point that I will NOT LEARN DEVANAGARI. I promised that to my partner when I noticed he had that "here we go again" look on this face and he obviously had vivid flashbacks of my Russian study phase. "It's just a pastime. I'm not going to LEARN the language or anything. Don't worry and let me see where this masala movie plot turns to next".
But then I was invited to a two weeks study trip abroad with my university group and being unsupervised, I spent all the free evenings drawing Devanagari letters from a model (it couldn't be called writing at that point, just drawing). After that, I couldn't stop myself. I was able to finish my master's without fully diving into studying Hindi in the actual sense, but very soon after I bought my first grammar books and started compiling notes and vocabulary.
Ever since - it's been 4 years now - I've been studying it in my spare time more or less daily. I'm in no hurry. I actually enjoy the journey and the sense of awareness of all the things I don't know yet. In other aspects of my life, I'm very goal-oriented, almost a perfectionist, want quick results, yada yada. But Hindi is something I learn solely just for the pleasure of it, and I don't care if it takes me 60 years to reach fluency.
And that's my goal, actually. To understand spoken Hindi well enough to grasp a majority of a film or a song, without subtitles. And to be able to read a novel and not having to check too many words from a dictionary. To be able to have an understandable conversation with my Hindi speaking friend about everyday topics or even emotions and abstract matters. So I'm not looking for perfection, I'm aiming to understand and to be understood.
But on your second question on how to get started in Hindi, in case you don't have a year to watch 150 films, you can try:
Duolingo Hindi course is a good place to start and get a general feel of the language and the alphabet.
Another iOS / Android app Language Curry, where you don't even need to know Devanagari at all. I especially like the small cultural information tidbits here and there over the course. BTW on this app, you can also learn Gujarati, Sanskrit, Punjabi, Kannada, Tamil and Marathi!
hindilanguage.info explains various grammar points in a very detailed and understandable manner.
If you prefer physical or ebooks, you can check my post on the ones I've tried.
English Wiktionary is one of my most used sites since in there you can check most Hindi words' gender and conjugation tables of both nouns and verbs.
Hope you get started on your Hindi journey!
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iressails · 9 months ago
Content creator 2021 wrapped tag game
Cut this into what works for you. Want to do only one instead of five? Do it. Tag 2 people? Do it. This game is not your mum or the Apple App store to tell you what to do. But there are a couple of rules:
RULE 1: Review your creations over 2021. Tag some gifmakers/creators, friends and strangers to get them to do the same.
RULE 2: Link to the content, commentary optional.
5 (or more!) creations from others that made you smash the reblog button hard, closely followed by your ‘insp’ tag or 'fave tag'. Link to sets that started conversations, outstanding composition, colouring, etc.
4 creations of which you’re proud. These are goals you scored. Nothing to do with notes.
3 creations others loved. Include the one that one that got most notes, great comments, or the classic ‘how dare you!’
2 creations that stretched you as a creator: style, colouring, blending, text, etc. include the one that should have got more notes.
1 creation of yours that you find most aesthetically pleasing to the eye and self AND 1 creation that broke and (maybe remade you) as a creator – we all have that one.
0 the creation that never was because nothing was working that day.
Overall comment on your creativity year 2021 ->
5 (or more!) creations from others that made you smash the reblog button hard, closely followed by your ‘insp’ tag or 'fave tag'.
In no particular order I tag:
@olincino's Middle Aged Husbands AU I love this one because it's so soft, and also really really clever.
@lmillers Ruth Wilson on talk show being ... Ruth, I guess! This set is so thirsty lol. The colouring and sharpness too.
@lordbelacqua I'm the best weapon you'll ever have I love this style. The last compilation one in black though, no words. (I love the ccss one, but this set wins by a hair!).
@robinsonjudy Isaac McAdoo. Content, style everything. He is a great character and this set highlights it so well.
@significanceofmoths with elf!Yibo. I love how nice it is the sparkle, and he is so cute. You get across so much with his personality with the last one.
@liquidsnvke with Finley and Sophie Dying gasp of s2 and fingers crossed. I love how clear and luminous this set is considering it is in the dark.
@roifernandez with El desorden que dejas kids. I love the first gif the b&w and the color with the portraits.
@elenas with that ghost one that everyone knows, so cool.
@lady-eleanor-vane with the Eleanor one so sharp and dark and textured you only get on a video editor!
@femadols Itzy Yeji the smooth movement in this one.
These really aren't in order just me fishing though my mass post editor on a laggy laptop.
4 creations of which you’re proud. These are goals you scored. It has nothing to do with notes.
Tess from The L Word in b&w. It really pays to fiddle with the colours on this adjustment to make it pop. It looked so much better in b&w compared to the original coloured one.
Brian Molko from Placebo. This was from a grainy youtube of a 90s music video. I changed colours, removed grain, and pushed it to the limit. I like it even if he looks a bit smooth and alien.
Tess in a shimmery silver top. I don't know if it's because of her or because of the colouring but I liked how I cropped this, except for one iffy one I didn't notice, haha. Will I change it? No. Flaws are okay.
Deran Cody being sad. I am not a text person so this one was a challenge, but the words are mine, and I think apt.
3 creations others loved. Include the one that one that got most notes, great comments, or the classic ‘how dare you!’
This one everyone loved of Tess pulling faces. I don't know why they liked it. I can see the colouring is off in some.
Patrick Kitten Braden on Breakfast on Pluto. These were nice gifs and I spent ages choosing the scenes. Movies do my head in seems more high stakes compared to TV.
The in-the-rain Tess/Shane kissing one. Lighting and the angles were terrible (thanks tlwgq) but I did my best with so many levels layers. Even a year ago I couldn't get it to look so nice and light.
2 creations that stretched you as a creator: style, colouring, blending, text, etc. maybe include the one that should have got more notes
Dexter New Blood where I tried doing monochrome with red, harder than I thought it would be. Results mixed but I wouldn't mind trying it again.
Hello cutie Tess again it was dire and yellow a good scene so I added a gradient map of blush pink. Based on one that an old fandom friend had gifted me. I felt like an embalmer here. Take colour out, put colour in. Probably one of my favourite sets ever.
1 creation that you find most aesthetically pleasing to the eye and self
Jules from Euphoria The cropping and colouring was nice warm and cool
1 creation that broke and (maybe remade you) as a person – we all have that one
The Haunting of Hill House. Twas an attempt to write an eng. lit essay via gif. Should have got more notes lol. But can see why it didn't, it's a lot happening. I did get a lot of comments 'this is insane' though, so yay.
0 the creation that never was because nothing was working that day. -> No link, but it was an Outlander Jamie with Black Jack Randall. Eff the red coat, and prison gloom lit with bilious dungeon yellow.
Overall comment for creativity year 2021 -> Didn't have time except for Tess from The L Word: Generation Q.
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johnnys-green-pen · a year ago
Do you have any writing advice for people who want to write Emergency fanfiction?
Oh boy! Probably? Okay, let's see. First off: Obviously, I am not exactly the ultimate authority on E! fic, neither as a writer nor as a reader. All of these are really just casual observations. Not all of these are going to apply to your own writing, probably - as per usual with writing advice, take whatever seems useful, leave the rest. And if there’s something you want me to go into in more detail about, feel free to send in another ask. 
Also, as per usual, feel free to add on to this, folks!
Respect and appreciate the characters you’re writing about, even the ones who’re maybe annoying you in the actual show. It’s impossible to make a character as infinitely complex as they’d be as real-life humans, but if you just keep in mind that everybody’s the hero of their own story, it’ll help with avoiding stereotypes.
In my personal experience, people will forgive a lot of nonsense as long as the characterization's fun. Everybody loves a good plot and good writing, but a mediocrely-written fic with a bland plot can still be fun as long as the character interactions are entertaining enough (and as someone who’s written several fics that are really just about two people standing or sitting in one place and talking if you stop to think about it, I am exceedingly grateful for that), so my first priority when writing fic is to do a lot of thinking about the characters and their relationships and thinking them over until I find a lesser-explored angle maybe, or some detail that just amuses me. 
This is still a massive work in progress in my own fics, but I always keep an eye (ear?) open for fun canon dialogue and character mannerisms. Some of that stuff is pretty obvious (”ya twit”, “pally” and “junior”), some of it less so (like Johnny’s habit of going “yeah?” at victims or generally just echoing them, Cap’s amazing “I don’t believe a word you’re saying”-look - y’know, the one with the eyebrows - or Chet calling everyone “babe”. Or Johnny’s all-purpose hand motion, though I don’t think I’ve included that in a fic yet). Point is, mannerisms like that are super useful to add a touch of canon, and they make it easier to string readers along for the stuff that’s a bit more “out there”. Take notes, re-purpose and remix, basically. 
Another characterization note: Agency. Kinda an issue that shows up in hurt/comfort fic sometimes (especially when Johnny’s the one getting whumped), where a character just kind of gets tossed about by the plot without ever actively doing something. Basically, the “sexy lamp test” may have been aimed at female characters originally, but it applies here just the same: If you can replace Johnny with some pretty, fragile object and the story still mostly works, chances are you fucked up the characterization somehow (unless this was specifically what you were going for and you know exactly what you’re doing, I guess). 
Fun address fact: the way the writers usually did addresses on E! was by picking real roads and then bullshitting the house number by putting them within a range that doesn’t exist. Alternatively, I’m currently putting together a fic writer’s resource (because of course I am) featuring addresses plus the stations and/or vehicles responding there. It’ll take a good long while until that one starts being truly useful, but you can still use it to nab some addresses and stations in the meantime. 
If you need some of E!’s trademark “this is too fucking weird to be fictional”-rescues, I’m sure there’s a compilation of Florida Man headlines somewhere out there. 
Also, I figured out a way to use a tarot deck to randomly generate rescues and fire responses; if anybody’s interested in a post about that, just say the word. 
Need some nice fic hooks? Pause an episode pretty much wherever and consider the implications of whatever happened so far. How would they feel? What might be going on off-camera? What’s maybe bothering them right now? A distinct lack of lunch or coffee? Bruised ribs? Cactus needles where there shouldn’t be any? Still frazzled from nearly burning to death in a garage? Or from being dumped, again? Tired as hell? You get the idea. 
A lot of fic writers are extremely optimistic about recovery times. Humans are pretty fucking sturdy, but there’s a difference between “yeah, they’re going to be alright (with a few months of physical therapy and probably really only mostly alright)” and “up and about in two weeks”. You don’t really need much to make somebody very uncomfortable for a very long time. 
Honestly, doing research for E! fics fucking sucks (it’s a show about a kind of insular subculture of emergency responders from fifty years ago, featuring a need for outdated medical knowledge that professionals generally do their best to remove from circulation and update; good luck with THAT) and I sincerely hope nobody looks at them too closely because I bullshit a lot, too, but a google search here or there sure doesn’t hurt. 
I’ve had Carson added to my weather app for the past couple of months to get a better feel for the climate and stuff. Also, fun fact, the ocean in California is largely much colder than you’d think, thanks to some funky ocean current action. ALSO, remember that we have stuff like Google Maps these days if you need any environmental inspiration. Sure, it’s not 1970′s LA County, but the geography won’t have changed that much - and maybe there’s pictures of the old stuff out there as well.
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jimlingss · a year ago
I have quite a few goodbye messages in my inbox so instead of answering them one by one and flooding people’s dashes, I’ll just compile them here! Hope you guys don’t mind!!
Anonymous asked: AHHHHHHHHHHH........
Then welcome to Jimlingss!! :D even if I’m leaving, my stories will be up here so hopefully you can still enjoy them! It’ll be as if I’ve never left!!
Anonymous asked: Hiii <333
So I haven't been following you for very long but after going through your masterlist I really enjoy your writing!
Seeing as it seems nearing your end on Tumblr I just quickly wanted to say I'm really happy you're moving forward in your life. (I hope I worded that right and it doesn't sound rude.) I'm super excited for you!!!! It's a sad end but a happy new chapter!!! And even if your not on Tumblr anymore we'll be together with the bond ARMYS have or once had!!!!!
Thank you!! A few years ago, I don’t think I would’ve ever ended my time writing on tumblr. Not to say I still don’t cherish all of this but I think I’m ready to step forward and perhaps broaden my horizon now that something that has taken such a huge part of my life is ending. so while it’s bittersweet, I’m excited for what the next chapter of my life will entail! Also, that’s right!! We’ll always have that bond hahaha
Anonymous asked: Hi, I haven't been here from the start and I started following you very late lol sorry but I've read a lot of your stories not being a follower. Thought better leave you a message before you leave and tell you how much I love your writing. The first story I read and my personal fave is Sugar and Coffee following The Truth Between Us (turns out I have a soft spot for Yoongi somehow) I wish you the best in life, you deserve it! thank you for making me laugh when I was sad, thank you for all 💜
No worries!! You don’t have to be here from the start or for a long time, for that matter, to read my stories and to support me :> and eyyyyy nice to get love for S&C and TTBU!!! Thank you for the well wishes too!! I hope for the same for you.
Anonymous asked: I know that 23rd is gonna be your last day here, but I already miss you queen...
Take care of yourself bub, I wuv you!
hahaha don’t miss me before I’m gone!! don’t miss me at all for that matter - I’ll always be lurking on tumblr :> whether that’s still reading messages in my inbox or reading other people’s works!!
Anonymous asked: honestly I definitely think you're the best BTS fic writer and I'm going to miss you!! No one else ever came close in terms of writing, themes, tone, emotional value, and even grammar and stuff like that. You are truly one of a kind :D
asdfghjkl that’s really high praise, anon!!! honestly there are a tooon of great writers out there - check out my fic rec page for some of them ;) ;) but thank you nonetheless. ((Although not sure on the grammar and spelling part cause those kinds of mistakes still fall through to this day lololol))
Anonymous asked: I know everyone’s giving you long messages and maybe you appreciate those more idk chjxxj , but I just want to say that I found you last year, I think you may have been the first or second account I found, so I just want to thank you for making me stay on tumblr and explore other fics, I truly appreciate you and won’t forget you ❤️❤️ stay safe, happy, and healthy as you move forward to the next chapter in your life ✨
:> you’re very welcome, anon. thanks for letting me be a part of your tumblr + fic journey!! hopefully even after I’m gone you’ll still be able to enjoy my stories on here!
Stay happy and healthy as well!!
btshogwartsfics asked: hi!! i’ll keep this short and simple but you’re blog has meant so much to me and it’s one of the first blogs i followed when i came into the fandom! i hope you get to move into bigger and better things but i’ll miss you, your writing, and this blog so much!! ily and have a nice life! i’ll never forget coming to read these fics all the time and i’ll reread them whenever i feel nostalgic. lmao I guess that wasn’t short and simple huh? goodbye!! I won’t forget the amazing things you have given and shared with us!! i purple you! 💜
Thank you :’) I’ll definitely miss being on here, writing, receiving so much feedback but for the rest of my life, I’ll look back on this time with fond memories and that gift is already more meaningful in itself than anything else. I hope you do come back and re-read!! Cause I sure will!!
parkjiminisme asked: hi! you’re wonderful! you probably have a bunch of people come out of the woodworks to bid their farewells (read: me) but i wish you all the best all the same. i like to consider tumblr my place away from everything else. it’s the perfect app to tap when i’m tired of twitter etc, and your fics have been really really lovely to read and immerse myself in. your writing is exquisite, stories and characters i find myself reminiscing often. alas, all things come to an end. i hope everything is okay. i hope you still continue writing if you can (you definitely have a gift for it). thank you for being here and take care.
hope you’ve recovered well too (iirc)
Thank you for your wishes!! I’m not sure I’ll have many opportunities to write - I’m looking to take a creative writing course next year and I’ll be writing creatively in classes occasionally hahahaha but regardless writing will always be the hobby I hold most dearest to me. I’d like to write a book someday but I’m not sure when that’ll happen. I’m going on a tangent, thank you! If you’re referring to LASIK then yes I’ve recovered perfectly :]
Anonymous asked: i just finished the end 😞 my god i cried like a baby and it's almost 2am here rn and oh my god i don't think i'll ever move on. had to take a moment after i finished it to let out the rest of the tears 😭 it's beautiful. so so beautiful. deserves to be made into a movie. seriously, what a masterpiece.
you know me crying over the end reminded me of another fic of yours i sobbed over. a piece of the moonlight. goddd that one wrecked me so hard. couldn't get it out of my mind for weeks. you have a talent at writing angst they're all so top-tier. the emotions you evoked out of me, i think you're the only writer to have ever done that. so thank you so much for your never ending efforts at delivering us such beautiful piece(s) of writing. i love you 🤍🤍🤍 have a nice weekend kina.
eyyyy thanks for the feedback for the end.!! sometimes I think all these goodbye messages drown out the feedback for that dear fic of mine but I don’t mind too too much hahaha I’m glad it was powerful enough to evoke such emotion in you! It definitely did for me!!
And LOOOOOL A Piece of the Moonlight will always be one of a kind for me. I wrote it pretty early on but it’s a piece I’m still proud of so I think that speaks for itself :’) as much as angst hurts me to read, I sure love writing it and I appreciate those who are willing to open themselves up to be hurt as well. Anyway, thank you so much!
Anonymous asked: Kinaaa when you leave I'm going to actually cry 😭 I love your writing so so much and it'll just be so... unreal? when you finally stop reblogging gifs, replying to asks, posting work, etc. This is kind of random but I actually started using this face :> after seeing you use it LOL. As a final note, my favorite fics of yours are S&C, Jungle Park, Chess of Ice, WotSea, A Promise of Freedom, A Piece of the Moonlight (hHh pls ignore the fact that is is pretty much all your JK fics), (1)
(2) Kitchen Romance, A Wish Out of Water, aNd Ghost Messenger. FHDJSHDHS I DIDNT REALIZE I HAVE SO MANY FAVORITES YOUR WRITING IS TOO GOOD. 😭😔 Anyways... goodbyes are so awkward :( but I hope you are successful in your other future ~endeavors~! Thank you so much for giving us so many amazing fics the past few years, and stay healthy :3 I'll be waiting for any life updates in the far future hehe <33
hahahah don’t cry! don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened.
honestly I started using :> and :] because :) was once used passive aggressively to me and I could never see it in the same light LOL for some reason :) looks so threatening sometimes and so I abandoned it lol the other two ways look more genuine and funny anyway. 
I digress, eyyy seems you indeed like my JK fics hahaha and quite a few fluff pieces. You got good tastes! hahaha I digress, thank you for the love!!! I think the next time I’ll give any life updates and pop back in for a quick moment might be a little after the Christmas season. ((fun fact to reward those who have actually read this far into this post lol)).
thepurpleveil asked: I saw a lot of people sending you goodbye messages and soon I realized what was happening.
I just want you to know I loved your writing so sooo much!! The very first oneshot I read on your blog was Russian Roulette as far as I remember. Then I opened your masterlist and I was like whoaaa!
I loved the Service Series, For Love and Money, Student Council Prez and You've got Dog in Me. I still remember sharing The Truth Between Us and Jungle Park with a close friend of mine and we would fangirl together over the updates and plot twists hehe <3
Take care of yourself, stay hydrated and thank you for the amazing work you put up on your blog.
Best wishes to you and sending virtual hugs!
yes, I’m getting quitttte a few goodbye messages. I began thinking if anyone else has ever experienced this but I realized that people who usually leave don’t answer all these kinds of messages or go out of their way to announce their leave months/weeks in advance. Part of me thinks I should’ve just yeeted instead of teasing my farewell but it is what it is hahaha it doesn’t sit right for me not to answer each message individually too. that’s just a personal thing.
Anyway, oooh interesting first oneshot read! I usually don’t hear much about Russian Roulette. after all, it’s more of an experimental fun piece for me than an actual narrative but I’m glad you liked it enough to check out the rest of my masterlist!! which is quite extensive lol. sometimes I worry readers get intimidated and lose their way since that certainly happens to me when I see other writers’ long masterlists. fingers crossed it doesn’t deter people that badly.
Anyway, seems like you like my slice of life series and the fluffy fics haha good choices!! I’m honoured you were also able to bond with your friend over my stories :’) 
Thank you for the kind words as well!!
tthyun asked: Ahhh I’m so sad to see you go!! I’ve only very recently started reading your stuff, but you have such a beautiful way with words. Although I am yet to fully binge through your masterlist, you have brought me so much comfort in the way you structure your sentences, choose your phrases, and pick your vocabulary. your fics always made me feel so loved and appreciated, most especially your 2 part Jimin fairy story ♡
it's sad to see you go, but i wish you nothing but the best in the future! Your works have comforted (and will continue to comfort) hundreds of other readers. i truly wish you all the best, angel!! Wish you nothing but the best! (づ ̄ ³ ̄) づ
Welcome to Jimlingss!!! even if you joined me recently, hopefully you still enjoy my work after I’m gone :> and thank you for the kind praise. and hahaha I’m happy to hear you enjoyed Lilac Hues - it’s an oldie but still a good one imo. 
Thank you for the kind words!! I wish nothing but the best for you as well!!
Anonymous asked: i honestly can't remember how i came across your blog, but i gotta say you're one of my favorite writers on tumblr. i haven't been following you for very long, and i haven't even read through your entire masterlist, but i stand by what i said.
my absolute most favorite fic of yours has gotta be "head over heels to hell" and it gets me every damn time. i can't tell you how much i re-read it every time i'm feeling down. it's just so incredible. the pacing and flow of the plot, the emotions portrayed in them, the fucking conclusion! everything hits me like a truck and hurts me everytime. but in a good way!
and "the end." is such a masterpiece! a very fitting conclusion. i tried to guess which letter belonged to which member, but i didn't get a single one right 😭 but that's okay! and i didn't fully expect the reveal, even though i had a feeling it was something similar. and the ending !!! hello ??? my heart felt full and my crops have been watered !!! i felt so warm and fuzzy, and i'm so happy it ended the way it did. they both deserved it tbh
thank you so much for this wonderful parting gift! couldn't have asked for a better one. and thank you for all the works you've shared with us! and for all the amazing AUs i never would've thought of that you turned into amazing fics! you're such a great writer, and i hope you never stop creating, even if it's just for you. i wish you all the best!
you don’t need to remember how you got here, just that you are here, anon :’) you’re too sweet, thank you! I hope you get to the rest of my stories and enjoy them someday even if I’m gone!!! In a sort of way, I like to separate myself from my work. so even if I’ve yeeted, I still want my tales to live on and transcend above me as a person. If that makes any sense.
Very happy to hear your favourite is Head Over Heels in Hell!! hahaha that’s a good choice! It’s a rollercoaster and I personally enjoy that one as well. and I’m very ecstatic to know that you consider the end. a masterpiece. After 5 years of posting, I realized a long time ago that most often than not, the stories I like the most don’t tend to hit it as well with the audience. While the stories I don’t expect to do that well, do greatly. so a part of me was worried the end. wouldn’t be as well received as much as I loved how it turned out. So it’s very nice to hear you’re glad that it was the conclusion and you liked the way it ended :>
Thank you for the feedback and kind farewell. Creating has been a part of me since I was born and in this chapter of my life, it happened to take the shape of writing, but I definitely won’t stop :’) can’t after all. It’s who I am :D
I wish you the best!! 
bangtanhome asked: hi kina! it's nice to meet you, I'm moon! I seem to have discovered your blog a wee bit too late since you're leaving in a few days. I can't wait to binge all 96 of your fics over the next couple of months (year probably).
this might be a weirder ask than you normally get, but I was scrolling through your Tumblr and I am so happy to see all the love that you've received over the years. thank you for writing; thank you for being brave and putting your work out there, I can tell you've made so many armys so incredibly happy with every update and every word choice. I'm sure we'll cherish all the words you've written in the past for a long time. it warms my heart to see when an author is loved so dearly by the community and I hope that love stays with you in whatever adventures you come across ♡
happy 5 years anniversary ♡ were all wishing you luck on your next endeavour
Nice to meet you and welcome to Jimlingss!! I hope you enjoy my stories even if I’m gone!! hahaha and I hope those binging sessions go well.
Thank you for reading and sending in such a nice message! Happy 5 years :D
Anonymous asked: Hii Kina! This is actually the first ask I am writing, I just wanted to say something before you'd go... My sister got me into your fics (she really loves your writing and your account), I'm not actually the type to read fanfiction/books in general, but I appreciated a lot the creativity, the ideas, the humour, the emotions, the eloquence (and much more) that I found here. My sister is a bookworm lol and whenever she finds something good she's like "hey I've read an awesome story by jiminlings, it's so beautiful so READ it"lol😂 and your fics always put us through beautiful conversations sharing priceless moments. That's something I definitely am going to miss when there won't be more of your stories to discuss about😅 forgive my blubbering, I just wanted to share that this bonding time I had with her is going to leave me with a sweet and a unique memory of your blog
Two things that I wanted to add are that I really love the titles and the descriptions you write for your fics like they're the best!
And the second is that I really enjoyed reading "his name", this fic is something completely different as an idea and it really amazes me how you approached it. It was obvious that you put a lot effort in researching and that's really impressive! Also "between heaven and hell" even though as a story at first didn't seem something new to me, it made me wanna cry while sympathizing with the characters. It was really tragic the way things turned... 🥺
Anyways, your stories accompanied me and still give me precious moments with my sister discussing about them! Thank you! Wish you the best and goodbye!
Ps: this came out really big im so sorry 😳
oh my goodness. I am absolutely honoured that I was able to be a platform and space for you and your sister to bond. and also thank you for giving my writing a chance even if this is not your usual kind of thing :’) it means a lot. after all, all I really want at the end of the day is for my writing to be given a chance and to prove itself. 
funny that you mention titles and descriptions though because I think I’m absolutely HORRIBLE at them hahahahahhaa for titles, sometimes I sit there stumped and end up pulling something out of my ass cheeks. they all grow on me but compared to my plots, my titles are very last minute and unplanned. as for my descriptions, they’re even worse than my titles LOL I still don’t feel like I’m that good at them. How can you tease a fic and get people interested without giving too much away - it’s a question that will forever stump me.
Anyway, thank you for the love for His Name! I still remember the amazing reception I received for that series at the time it was posted :’) and HELL YES, what I deem as my personal masterpiece Between Heaven and Hell. It might not be my most popular work but to my heart, it’s some of the best shit that has come out of my heart and soul.
Thank you for such an extensive and insightful message :> Wish you and your sister the best too!!
lolawlolawlol asked: Hi Kina, i dunno if you remember me, but i used to message you a lot 3-4 years ago. You’re one of the few writers that i actually look forward to whenever i come up to Tumblr. Your style of writing is really pleasant to read mainly cause most of the stories has a substantial plot and i really like that. It’s like i’m reading a book rather than reading a fanfic. The first fanfic i read is Love So Shallow, and i cried like a lot mainly bcos it deals with insecurity that i can relate to and i come back to that fic all the time. Same goes with Jin’s arranged marriage, For Love and Money. You fanfics helped me get through college during my stressful times and i cant thank you enough for putting all these wonderful, creative ideas of yours into words.
One thing i like about you is that i never really have to wait and ponder when is the next chapter, or have uncertainties on whether this fanfic has an ending or not. I really like that you have a schedule on when you want to post, and you pre-write your stories before posting it. It really is the little things that makes you so special. Not to mention the way you respond to the feedbacks that you get with your readers. You really do make talking to you feels more like talking to a friend rather than a stranger on an app. Before this, i really don’t like reading incomplete fanfics, but you opened my eyes to a new perspective, a writer’s perspective that having feedbacks actually motivates the writers to do more and do better. Thats when i start to see how things were on your side and it really changed the way i see things. I started leaving comments and i feel super good too when they reply back. I guess its a 2-way street, hahah. An interaction.
My few favourite fanfics has got to be the slice of life series and the service series that you made for all the members. I love Jungle Park the most, i remember waiting for it every single week for updates, it was honestly the highlight of my week in between classes, tests and quizzes. Amongst others would probably be For Love and Money, Student Council Prez and also Sugar and Coffee. From the service series, 24/7 Marriage Counselor was bomb, Heartbreak Insurance, Rent-A-Boyfriend man, those were really good fanfics. Same goes to Fall in Hatred. I weeped like a baby. Seriously. You’ve Got a Dog in Me is also very very fluffy. Excuse my limited adjectives, you can definitely see why i’m a mere reader and not a writer, 🤣
When i heard that you were leaving, i was really worried that i couldnt reread all of my favourite fanfics anymore, i even thought of saving all of your fanfics in microsoft word or something, so i’m really glad that you decided to keep the blog up. I cant believe i spent my entire college life getting comforted by reading fanfics, and i’m about to graduate this year. It would be a pity if i had to say goodbye to this too. 😞
I just want to say thank you Kina, for all the good that you have given me on this platform. I hope you know that you are truly a wonderful person and an extraordinary gifted writer. I wish you well in your future endeavours and if life is kind, who knows we’ll probably meet at a BTS concert or something. Take good care of yourself, and thank you again. I’m really grateful that we crossed paths, even if its just virtually. ♥️♥️♥️ You’re the best Kina!
Of course I remember you!! hahaha a lot of people come and go on my blog but the people who stay a while, I always remember them fondly :’) so you’re included. which I have to thank you for btw. Thanks for sticking around :>
Having substantial plot is a funny thing to discuss in fanfiction, I must say. Common sense, it seems like substantial plot would be necessary for popular works. But I’ve come to realize for a long time now that a lot of the time, lots of people find fanfics for something easy to read. or a fantasy to fulfill. something simple compared to perhaps a chaotic life. which is not a bad thing at all. In the past I’ve certainly looked for stories where a member is just bending over and ramming the reader 7 ways to Sunday over an office desk. lol. I’ve also searched for 2k drabbles which would take me 10 mins to read. 
A lot of my fics aren’t like this - it can be emotionally taxing, investing, time-consuming.....so it makes me thankful for the audience I’ve drawn. For the people willing to sit down, read my work, trust me enough to put their emotions in my hands and allow me to take them on a ride. ((I think I’ve always advocated for writing whatever you want and then the appropriate audience will come....))
I’m totally rambling, my apologies haha what I’m trying to say is what I offer isn’t always common for fanfics (and for good reasons) but I’m thankful for the people who enjoy what I do offer. I’m thankful that I was able to draw in people who have the same tastes as I do. I’m thankful for you and all my readers.
Writing has definitely helped me during tough times as well and motivated me to wake up, so I’m happy to hear that it’s also helped others in the same fashion! My pre-writing shenanigans is just because of my uptight personality hahahaha so I’m happy you can appreciate it! When I started writing, one thing I knew for sure was that I did not want to have a single unfinished story and I’m happy to declare that I indeed don’t :> and eyyyy nice to see someone pay attention!!! I’ve definitely talked about how readers and writers have a two way street hahahahhahaha I’ve actually forgotten about that so thanks for reminding me of that analogy :’) 
Jungle Park is the fic that never dies and I live for that!! Hopefully that series will still thrive in my absence. and I can see you like my fluffy fics :> good choices there in your list. 
Anyway, congratulations on your graduation!!!! Super exciting!! Thanks for sharing with me as well :’) thank you for being a part of my journey :>
ddaeng64 asked: Heyy so I finally will say my goodbye for good lol. Thank you Kina so much for this last year, I found you on July 2020 while looking for some Hobi fics and someone recommended BHAH and ever since I got so hooked up with your fics, your masterlist and your blog in general were exactly what I was looking for, ot7 with both fluff and angst and in general it was really diverse, since then I had your fics for company this hard year, I really wish I found you earlier but I wasn't an army, also I wanted to say how much of an unforgettable and incredible writer you are, you have given so many creative and beautiful things for free and I really thank you for that, you always surprised me in the best way and I'm proud to say you're my favorite writer :') Please allow me to share my fave fics from each member as well:
Seokjin: I'm in love with Foreverland that fic really is a masterpiece and while I was reading I felt like I was in a fairytale but just to be fair all your Jin fics are bangers, honorable mention to Newscasters
Yoongi: Currently I'm reading the truth between us I haven't finished it yet bc of exams but I think it'll be my fave yoongi fic, if I had to choose one that I finished though that would be She's Testosterone I love crack fics, I feel embarrassed but I just love how funny the fic was, my fave moment is when 
Taehyung is ready to realise that Yoonji isn't a she and instead of that he's like: OMG SHES LOSING HAIR OMG IM A GENIUS everytime I remember this I just can't help but crack, honorable mention to boo-lieve in me
Hoseok: Head over heels to hell, I so much love this fic I think it's one of my faves of all the time I just love everything about it, I love Hobi in there even though he's kinda different in each universe, I just love the whole enemies and star crossed lovers thing, honorable mention to Jungle Park that made me interested in HR :)
Namjoon: Brass and strings I just love this fic we don't get this kind of Joon often and it's a pleasure to read about him, honorable mention to Ghost Messenger
Jimin: A kiss of poison, it's been a while since I read it but I remember vividly how much immersed I was, such a beautiful dark fairytale, honorable mention to magic and mysteries and devil's own luck I CAN'T CHOOSE
Taehyng: worshippers of the sky, so so so amazing I just frickin love Tae and Y/n here and the plot, it's a 10/10 for me, honorable mention to moirai bc I love some good villain story and y/n x jk being friends was also a 10/10
Jungkook: his name is just amazing I just love this fic, honorable mention to worshippers of the sea
I'm really gonna miss your presence here and how you interact with us it just feels like your blog is a very safe place (also it's so aesthetic and organized and eye pleasing) I really do believe that you're one of the few writers on tumblr that they're actually worth of checking them and so much more actually and I really mean that, I'm going to remember you and your blog with fondness, I hope you'll be happy and healthy and whatever dreams you have will come true. Thankfully I haven't finished reading your masterlist so there are still some fics to read this summer and I'm actually pretty sure I'll reread some of them too :) Take care Kina💖 (sorry this is long 😩)
hahahaha eyyy happy to hear BHAH was your welcome to this blog cause that fic is my soul encapsulated lol I’m glad my writing was what you were looking for too! It doesn’t matter if you were late or early to my blog, it matters that you’re here :> and I hope you continue to enjoy my writing even in my absence. 
Very nice choice with Foreverland - that’s one of my fav fics. even if it didn’t do as well as I wished for. TTBU is definitely a classic. She’s Testosterone is the funniest fic I have, arguably lol HOHTH is an S-tier one :’) hahahah nice to hear there’s love for Brass & Strings even if I don’t love that one. A Kiss of Poison is an angsty one that took me sooo long to write but you’re a brave soul for having it as your fav :’) WotSky is a good choice too!! It definitely started the Worshiper series and topping it off with His Name makes for a fine selection!! Good choices all around!!
Even if my presence is no longer here, my blog will be so feel free to come back and relax any time :> ((at least until the day tumblr shuts down lol)). Anyway, thank you so much!! I hope your dreams come true too!! and hopefully you enjoy the rest of my fics that you haven’t had the chance to check out yet :D it’ll be as if I��ve never left!!!
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smeraldos · a year ago
Love by Daylight (2/2)
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➸ characters: (sassy) Seokjin x Reader ➸ genres/tags: Sailor Moon!AU, fluff, humor ➸ tags: running away from the mortifying ordeal of being known, petty enemies/secret crushes to something more, (1) nod to seokjin's love of fishing ➸ words: 1.1K+ ➸ summary: Tuxedo Mask is none other than your p(r)etty (boy) rival, Kim Seokjin. << READ PART 1 HERE >>
"I guess I don't get why my Discord avatar doesn't do me justice?" You almost laugh when he blanches. "Oh, that. We don't talk about that." "Why not?" You lean in to give him your most innocent (read: cutest) look. He huffs. "You're prettier in person. Saying that out loud forces me to realize it even more."
Eating with someone has never been so awkward.
You don't bite into your burger so much as you stare at it, willing it to disappear while Seokjin munches away.
He swallows. "Aren’t you going to eat that?"
"You can have it. I’m not hungry."
Seokjin eyes you suspiciously. You play dumb, pulling out your phone to switch the settings on your alarm. It rings a minute later.
"Shoot!" You jump up from your seat. "Forgot I had class. Gotta—"
In your hurry, you don’t catch Seokjin's sneaker sticking out and step on it. Hard.
"Ow!" Seokjin yelps as you make a beeline for the door. Before you can open it, a bunch of elementary schoolers enter in single file, all wearing yellow caps.
When the last one comes in, you breathe a sigh of relief...only to notice an orange capped kid and a new line of students behind her. You glance over your shoulder. Seokjin is approaching fast. For a second, you’re tempted to push your way out, but you don't. They're kids. No matter how stupidly prim and proper they're being.
Have they never tried ice cream and shakes?
"You think they'd be more excited," Seokjin comments, standing next to you now.
"Right?" You sigh, watching them order and count out their coins up front. "Seeing them act so grown-up is creepy."
He shudders. "I can't imagine living like that again. 10 out of 10 would not recommend."
"Glad you agree," you say, spotting a space between the kids and the door. Abruptly, you drop down and squeeze yourself through to a chorus of hey's and crazy lady's, all of which you've heard before. They should really come up with better insults.
"Psst, Thumper, what are we doing down here?"
You thought too soon.
In theory, Thumper sounds like a cute nickname, but you’ve only ever been called that when someone wanted to point out your overbite. It was either that or Jaws. You whirl around to see Seokjin right behind you, holding onto your hoodie. You yank it back.
"Sorry," he says, and you're so shocked you stare at him for a few seconds. "I know that's long overdue. I'd give you a laundry list of apologies, but my foot is kind of getting cramped."
"Oh. Yeah, um." You quickly scan the area, finding an empty bench underneath a well-trimmed tree. "Let's talk there."
Seokjin wasn't kidding when he said he’d had a lot of apologizing to do. He'd pulled up a list on his Notes app, apologizing for the time he'd tripped you to the time he'd told you to give up on Jimin because he’d never like you back.
"I was jealous," he admits. "Jimin already gets the most chocolates on Valentine's, but instead of keeping them, he gives them away to kids at the orphanage. And what's more, you're like that, too."
"Me?" You have no idea what this has to do with you. Besides, you would have eaten all the chocolates. You wish you would have thought of sharing them.
"Don't look at me like you're innocent. You're the worst. You're nice and you actually mean it."
"Is that supposed to be an insult?"
"No," he backtracks, cheeks flushed. "Sorry. I'm bad at giving compliments. I just mean you're…"
"Perfect?" You guess, a little cheeky.
"Now you're just fishing," he says.
"Then what were you going to say?"
"I"—he takes a breath—"don't think it's a good idea. It's really sappy. I'm dying inside just thinking about it."
Honestly, it's a little endearing. You smile. "I promise I won't laugh."
"Don't bet on it," he says, but the way he’s looking at you is so tender you almost melt on the spot. "You weren't wrong when you said perfect. You're funny and kind in a way I can't explain, and you have a lot of heart to share, even with people who don't deserve it. Even with me. I guess I wanted to say it makes sense you’re meant to save the day, and your Discord avatar doesn't do you justice."
"Oh," you breathe, speechless. Seokjin said he was bad at delivering compliments? Well, you aren't good at receiving them.
Seokjin coughs. Then coughs some more. Gingerly, you reach out to pat his back. "Are you okay?"
"'Course not," he manages. "Is that all you have to say"—he pulls away to cough—"after I waxed poetic about you?"
"Thank you?"
"That's better," he says, straightening a bit. "Go on." So that's why he was coughing: he wanted words of affirmation. You can't believe he accused you of fishing for compliments.
"I guess I don't get why my Discord avatar doesn't do me justice?"
You almost laugh when he blanches. "Oh, that. We don't talk about that."
"Why not?" You lean in to give him your most innocent (read: cutest) look.
He huffs. "You're prettier in person. Saying that out loud forces me to realize it even more."
"I don't see how that's a bad thing."
"I like you, Thumper," he says, "but I'd be stupid to think you'd like me, too."
A rush of warmth courses through you, and you have to bite your tongue to keep from smiling. "Maybe you should be a little stupid, then."
Now it’s his turn to look speechless. "But—" His voice cracks, and he clears his throat before starting again. "But I'm a jerk."
"You apologized."
"I'm not cut out to be my avatar, not like you are."
"That's why you’re the sidekick."
He pouts. It's probably the most adorable thing you've seen, right up there with the compilation of kitten videos Mina sent you last week. "You didn’t have to go that far."
"I'm kidding," you say, laughing. "I'm not cut out to be my avatar, either. I'm a huge crybaby. Remember when you found me hiding behind the jewelry counter because I was scared of the you-know-what?"
He nods.
"You said I didn't need to steal anything because—"
Groaning, Seokjin swipes a hand down his face. "There's a reason I said it behind a m—I mean, my screen."
"But it worked. You made me laugh, and you were the one who always picked me up when I was feeling down or insecure or frustrated. You were the brave one, the guy with the plan, and…" You pick at your skirt, suddenly shy. This is all so new. "You meant it that day, didn't you?"
Gently, he takes your hands in his. It's comforting to know they're a little clammy. "You have my heart, ______. Hook, line, and sinker. Don't ever make me say that again."
note: the line he said as Tuxedo Mask was "I can't believe you're thinking of stealing when you already have my heart," which is 100% too sweet for 11pm on a friday saving the city. good thing you've always had a sweet tooth.
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j-pping · a year ago
check in tag!
thank you @yeoldontknow and @sooibian for this tag <3 i miss you and hope you are well.
as per usual i rambled and got off-topic towards my personal philosophy of ficdom so feel free to ignore this if you’re not interested in that!
1. Why did you choose this url?
my name is jae, so i figured to squish the letter j with jopping due to my superm inspiration at the time. i was chogiwae prior to that, which i needed to change for a variety of reasons, but that was a pun on chogiwa + jongdae’s awaeee
2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them
i had spicy-hun, which will be deleted soon. it was a test run during ficmageddon2k20 when the whole ficdom was on fire, and the trend was to write popular things. i dont usually write certain genres and i wanted to run an experiment if those fics ‘performed’ the way i hypothesized (more notes if writing baekhyun spice, which i didnt want to keep on main) and my hypothesis was proven, though i really didnt like the two fics i posted there because i had no heart in writing them. it’s not my style and it was discouraging to see that the ‘silent readers’ were more interested in dropping likes as bookmarks for horny content than anything else. i much prefer engaging with readers here on j-pping about my AUs and fluff, and im happy trading that in for notes.
i also have jobless-and-shopping, my fic recs and to-read blog, though i don’t maintain it as much as i should
3. How long have you been on Tumblr?
on tumblr period, i’ve been on here since around 2009 or so. this blog specifically, since 2019. i stopped using microblogging for a few years in the middle of that decade bc i wasnt as invested in fandom generally.
4. Do you have a queue tag?
nope! i dont queue, i just spam-reblog whenever i remember to pop on and otherwise don’t really try to have ‘regular’ content coming from my blog. im not here to gain a following, im just here to write stuff that interests me and hopefully interests some of you, too.
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
i’ve been a kpop fan for over a decade but only got ‘back into fandom’ after mr.jae made me watch knowing bros in 2019 (i was mainly a casual fan of exo until then; i liked their music and i liked maknae line and dancing but i wasn’t culturally invested). i started consuming a ton of exo content that summer, basically catching up on all the variety shows i missed and all the video compilations on youtube (really i only used to care about looks, music, and dance, and not much else. kind of how i feel towards idk ariana grande or smth -- certainly casual). while consuming so much exo content, i started turning to fanwork as i had been reading fanfic for TV shows at the time and really enjoyed reading well-written, passionate work. since i had a backlog of amazing content to read from exo ficdom giants @soobadnoonecanstopher, @yeoldontknow, @yehet-me-up, and @ninibears-erigom, i got to read a TON and was on a huge inspiration uptick, so i finally moved off of sending excited anon asks to these authors and took the leap with writing my own content, starting with soofluff. bear in mind that i didnt have a bias when i started; jongin was my casual bias due to his handsomeness and dance talent since the first exo teaser in ‘11 or so with dancer!hun a close second, but i wasn’t invested in their public personalities and team dynamic yet. so i thought soo was the closest thing to a bias, then chanyeol, then i realized they’re all my muses UNTIL sehun slapped me across the face before my bday last year. guess sehun was fed up with being patient or second place lol
6. Why did you choose your icon?
it’s cute! im not that deep.
7. Why did you choose your header
my mobile header was made by @mayrubyy for my birthday last year and i love it so intensely. its sehun, ofc!
8. What’s your post with the most notes?
pretty sure its a chanyeol oneshot? “just give in”. this is a small blog with small amounts of notes and tbh i don’t mind that.
9. How many mutuals do you have?
i stopped thinking in terms of moots and started thinking of friends. i routinely unfollow people, even my closest friends, if im in a mood downturn because i very tightly restrict the content i ingest on tumblr so it’s only positive stuff, only relevant stuff like exo or seventeen. my line of work requires me to stay up-to-date with a lot of annoying, depressing, and infuriating news and i get easily affected by seeing others’ personal posts and rants, though i always welcome that kind of talk from friends as i want to support them, i tend not to like to see those in my feeds (no hard feelings, i like supporting friends via chat, rather than reading public online diaries) because it will sway my mood. i typically re-follow when i’m in a better place, though, and anyway tldr ive lost count.
suffice it to say if im not following you it’s not personal, it’s really about feed-pruning, and it has no bearing on my friendship with you.
10. How many followers do you have?
most of my writer friends here are modest and don’t say what this number is, or play coy with it perhaps out of a desire to not appear prideful. in the past ive done this too because personally i dont know if this metric is a good milestone of success, or even whether ‘success’ should be measured on tumblr anyway, but for the sake of transparency and my current mood i don’t really care about listing my number anymore.
be forewarned a lot of these are likely dead blogs or fic bookmark blogs -- i don’t actively block empty blogs like i know other authors do because i don’t monitor notes/likes that closely. additionally, for other writers who may have less followers than i do (there are many authors who likely have double or triple my count), don’t take this number as a competition. in fact, don’t take my number as any sort of measure for or against you -- it’s just a number on the internet, and numbers on the internet shouldn’t mean much.
that said, i am grateful for those of you who somehow decided to follow and be part of my internet lawn. not sure why you have stuck around, but whether you decide to stay or go, im grateful for our time together anyway.
at present i have around 1600, and my understanding is that this is ‘pretty good’ but certainly not as high as older, more established blogs who have been around for more years or put out more popular content. i have never had a desired number of followers in mind, nor have i had a moving goalpost for follower count whenever a ‘milestone’-type number was reached. im mystified you have come to my blog and forever thankful. <3
11. How many people do you follow?
52, including dead blogs that probably need to be purged again, and including blogs of people i dont personally know who have a lot of rants im not interested in. time for another pruning. for the record, im like this with any and all social media. (in other social media i periodically delete my own posts, too, though i dont do that here except for personal posts for obvious reasons)
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?
i dont really know what a shitpost is; are those like, mean meme posts? or angst posts?? that being said i do troll sometimes but ???
13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?
i have it on my phone and scroll thru the app a few times a day out of boredom. i prefer this over other social media, because its about one of my interests that isnt work, but i wouldn’t turn to amino because that app is infested with pop-ups and horrible design l o l. im here to look at pretty pictures every few hours and engage with fellow exo-l/carat
14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?
i haven’t really had tumblr drama if that’s what this question is about, but i also prefer to avoid conflict and confrontation. if there’s something i see that i don’t like or doesn’t improve my life, i unfollow, not out of hatred or antagonism but just to preserve my friendships and reduce exposure to things that i personally find triggering. disagreements and fights between even the best of friends are inevitable, especially the more exposure you have to the people around you. hell, i have small arguments with mr.jae semifrequently, just by virtue of close contact. friction is normal and healthy; full-blown drama and egoism is not. i’m very lucky not to be directly involved in any of these situations and i’ve seen how ugly they can get.
that said if someone decided to illogically pick a fight with me because of something i said out of context and didnt just come directly to me about it, i don’t know what i’d do. i wouldn’t want to start a fuss or war over it, but it would certainly color the way i saw that person from that point on. the tumblr drama of the past year or so has also changed how i saw other individuals, and that’s just my personal opinion that remains private or among friends. you don’t have to like EVERYTHING about everyone you meet, and you shouldn’t. you also don’t have to condone the behavior of your own friends, and you shouldn’t accept everything about a person. it’s not healthy to idolize writers or big blogs, or to fail to see friends and mutuals as humans (imperfect).
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
i pretty much dislike all of them. re: social justice stuff, i read them and if i personally think they’re rational and well-researched, i’ll reblog if im in the mood. i do have a pessimistic view of slacktivism and social media justice, but not because i don’t agree with the views, but rather i think such reblogs are largely unfruitful and are tempting to reblog for feel-good vibes for the reblogger. such posts should be accompanied by meaningful help and work outside of the platform, so if i’m not also donating or helping in the communities in question (in such reblog posts), i tend not to boost those posts as well. 
i have posted this stuff before on this blog, but i never rb them because of the “you need to rb this or you’re a shitty human” vibe, but rather because i think the content itself has value in the way its presented by OP or people in the thread. there’s no rhyme or reason for when I rb PSAs, its truly whether i think circulating it will be useful or not. if it’s something you can read in the news, i typically dont rb it unless i find it personally interesting.
tldr i just dont enjoy hive mindsets to begin with and because there are a lot of young impressionable people trying to fit in on tumblr, im very cautious about posts that don’t encourage critical thinking or active facilitation of certain social objectives. that, and this blog isn’t my digital political soapbox. it’s my kpop blog so i keep my content to that as much as i can help it. not reblogging political stuff is okay, in case anyone needed to hear that. heck, even not talking abt politics on insta/twitter/snap/tiktok is OKAY. your social media is yours to use as you see fit. keep yourself educated, that’s all i ask.
16. Do you like tag games?
i do! i like reading them and doing them because they let me learn about myself and others.
17. do you like ask games?
i absolutely love ask games. i wish more interactions were the norm.
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?
like @yeoldontknow said, i wish we could abandon this concept of tumblr fame. that being said, the reality is quite different. what’s important is separating the fact of the matter (some blogs are, certainly, “famous” within the ficdom or fandom; eg every exo-l knows yep4andy on youtube, and every carat knows emmalilyn on youtube, etc) from a comparison game or from putting too much stake in this ‘trait.’
i think hurt egos are often hidden behind false modesty, this blog included. i call myself a small blog but that’s only because i know the reality is that other blogs are much ‘larger’ than mine -- but that said im not so blind that i’m not aware that some people think my blog is a big exo-l fic blog. realistically i think im a midsized blog, and i’d consider tumblr famous people to be soobad, ninibears, yeoldontknow, yehet-me-up, whimsical-ness, wandering7paws, vampwrrr, kyungseokie, etc (i’ve missed a few certainly).
because this is my digital ficdom soapbox i want to be clear that i’m sharing my thoughts on where i think i ‘stand’ in a ‘fic writer power ranking of fame’ because it’s data that can be useful if it’s not fixated upon or idolized. im fully aware that ‘smaller’ authors look up to the note counts or rbs or asks of blogs like mine. when my blog was smaller in 2019, i saw a lot of new content posts and it’s very clear that if you already have a following, your fics will be more easily discovered. it’s also a fact that certain types of content ‘perform’ better generally -- usually baekhyun smut, mafia content, and dom daddy exo pwp. as a community of writers both new and old, fresh and established, it’s important for us to recognize that there is a difference between a big blog and a small one, but not to fixate on these truths, and not to stray from our own objectives and goals.
please please please if you are a writer, i encourage you to stick to your own truth and interests and not feel pressured to write (or be scared of writing) because you are worried about performance or fame. write what makes you happy and try not to associate your worth or happiness of the opinions of others. (these are lessons i am working on myself -- it’s true that it can be disheartening to publish something and hear silence. what is important is to keep going and ground yourself in your creativity for yourself, though remembering this is so so difficult). we all start writing because we love exo and want to share our imaginations with each other, so if ever you feel scared or disheartened or disappointed, try to remember your original cause.
tldr i think it’s important to acknowledge trends that are backed up by data and evidence. but these numbers and trends shouldn’t dictate how we operate on social media. we should control our social media experiences, not the other way around.
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
this sounds like a teenage tag game question and it probably is (not shaking that, im just old and married so this is just a cute joke question to me). i love all my moots <3 regardless of how much we talk.
as far as tagging goes, everyone i want to tag has already been tagged so ... do this if you want!
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hoodedwing · a year ago
Scarred Hands
Summary: Jason helps everyone through bad days.
Characters: Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Bruce, Alfred
Warnings : Major Character Death mentions, breakdowns, mourning over a character, i think there’s swearing too (but all my fics would have some swear in it though)
Additional Notes: Just wanted Dick to lose his shit with Bruce I guess and Jason just tags a long and becomes good ole’ big bro
Word Count: 1,294 words
He can't press the button.
It sits nicely in his hand, fitted perfectly. The number pad worn with age and most likely, had seen better days. The screen cover or what was left of it was peeling at the edges.
Damian had a better phone, way better.
Why did he still hold on to this phone then? What was the attraction, the strange magic that pulled him to this  point where he his finger is still hovered over the button?
Press # for emergencies
The automated voice message said it again, familiarity burned at the edges. Obviously because Jason was the one who gave him the damn phone.
He gave it to his three other brothers too, not exactly give but rather sneak it into their pockets.
How he'd sneaked it, Damian had no clue.
He had a mission tomorrow which needed his full attention and he had spent the whole week staying up by doing research, compiling evidence and constant patrols.
He was tired, his brain felt heavy, darkness sweetly lingering at the edges. The ceiling light suddenly became brighter and he covered his eyes, with his free arm and hissed.
His hand accidentally presses the button and suddenly he hears a gruff voice, gentle in its own
"Demon spawn?"
Damian whimpers and turns on his side, taking the phone under his head and mumbles.
"Stop it."
"Well you called, what's up?"
He hears Damian sighing and trying to sleep so Jason listens silently. He didn't have to say anything. At one point, Damian really thought Jason had declined the call but his name was still on the caller ID.
Jason listened carefully on the phone, Damian's finally even breathing and soft, imperceptible snores. He almost smiles down at the phone.
He whispered softly down the phone and cut it.
Tim is at Wayne Enterprises (WE)
He absolutely fucking hates it right now because a co-worker has picked out some mysterious 'flaws' and explaining to him why she thought the proposal was questionable.
He is this close to losing it while trying to tune out the woman's voice.
"This time frame is too small, I'm afraid they won't have enough time. Considering that there is a gala this evening-"
Oh fuck, there's a gala to go to tonight?
Tim almost jolts. Just to make sure he isn't hallucinating, he sneakily looks at his phone and sees a message reminding him about tonight’s Gala from Alfred.
Right on time, Alfred. Tim thought.
Tim sighs, places a hand on his head as the woman continues with her mock speech. Luckily for him, her phone rang and she left the room.
Tim slid a deadbolt into the damn door after that.
He blinks and sees the world in double and rubs his eyes again. He lies quietly on the table for awhile.
His hand was in his coast's pocket, he tried to find his phone but accidentally found the other one.
Tim quizzically stares at it, trying to make sense of this mess. The phone was old, he knew. Less advanced equalled to less apps to contact from. These kind are favoured by mercenaries or assassins, it was easier to remove your trail, fast.
That meant only one possibility.
Tim allows a moment to appreciate Jason's skill. How he had slid it into his pocket, he didn't know and he's impressed.
He picks around the phone, trying to figure out whether it was bugged (because Jason is creative, he managed to get Tim to sleep once just by a lethal and calculated mark by a transquilizer.)
His finger accidentally presses #
Oh shit, where's the end call button?
The gruff voice was coloured with a tinge of audible concern, distant sounds of grappling hooks and gunfire was heard.
Tim has no idea what to say to him, that he accidentally pressed a button because he was too damn curious and could get Jason killed again because his attention is also diverted to him?
"I..I'm so sorry-"
"Bad day, Timmy?"
Okay, now he's also a mind reader. Lazarus does strange things to you.
He's a polygraph now? I can't believe this
"Timmy, if it's stress at work or there's dead ends, you better drag your ass to the alleyway outside. I'm there."
Tim decides that it wasn't a bad idea, what's the harm in meeting him?
Probably being stabbed by a batarang and becoming a headline Wayne Enterprises CEO found murdered by a child's toy or Timothy Jackson Drake found impaled by a strange contraption, are there aliens coming? Is this a sign?
Tim politely excuses himself and leaves the office, he exits and turns left to walk another ten minutes. People walking by gave him small smiles obviously because he's a business figure.
He walks another ten minutes and reaches the alleyway, he kicks off his pointed dress shoes and sits, resting his feet at one side.
"Those shoes sure hurt, you better buy new ones soon Timbers."
Tim stood up surprised and almost stumbled back, a pair of firm hands grasp around his waist, too tight for his good.
It leaves Tim breathless and he kneels over slightly from the sudden. Jason lifts him slowly and places him on his lap. Tim fumbles and leans his head against Jason's figure and slowly sinks in.
Into the comfort.
He doesn't know he's fallen asleep until he wakes up in his own bed with warm food beside him.
Dick cannot dare.
Dick is supposed to be the glue of the family, he's supposed to be the one that's keeping his shit together.
But he can't.
Bruce is fucking dead, his (adoptive) dad is dead. Gone.
And he can't even get up, he's lying on his bed, absolutely miserable, not even taking calls from Barbara.
In short, he's cut out his entire connection with the world. He's skipped patrol with Tim and Damian for a whole week, he's stopped watching his shows and eating his food.
He's tired.
He doesn't know why, all the energy is sucked out of him. He cannot seem to push himself up.
Not yet.
Until this big lump of human is outside his room and watches him lie in his thoughts. The man seemed familiar.
And he enters.
"Dickie, what the hell?"
Jason puts his hand on Dick, who's eyes are red from a recent bout of crying. He gives Dick a glass of cold water.
"Look at me."
His firm hands grip Dick's leaner muscled shoulders and he reluctantly looks. Jason could see he looks worse up close.
Breakdowns suck, a lot.
"Dick, you gotta move on. I know-"
"You don't know Bruce."
He simply states, eyes staring ahead.  He's telling the truth, or maybe not.
Jason had seen the various shades of Bruce. Caring and the next second, colder than ever. So Dick was so, so wrong about his answer.
"Hating someone doesn't mean I don't know him Dick. He meant a lot to you, I'm not invalidating your grief, I need you to grieve properly. You gotta get back someday, Blüdhaven needs some ass kicking."
Dick smiles with tear-stained cheeks and Jason hugs him suddenly, because he's been in the same position before. He's caught himself in a breakdown before but no one ever held the broken pieces while he cried himself to sleep.
He knew how Dick felt.
"Take your time Dickie, I'll take over for you for now till you're okay."
Dick smiles thinly and sits, watching Jason wear back his boots to leave through the window but not without wiping away his fingerprints.
Jason leaves quietly, hoping Dick wouldn't mind his sudden disappearance. He couldn't afford to stay for long.
There's no rest for the weary.
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