It took me so long to realize too that people surprisingly also know me for my Rimlaine art.. esp on insta... so you guys can have it too...

i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty

ASS, TITS OR THIGHS?

— featuring ┊satoru gojo, toji fushiguro, suguru geto, kento nanami, choso kamo x fem!reader (all separate)

— warnings / content warnings ┊suggestive obvi, not proofread oops, cunnilingus, uhm uhm use of nicknames, riding, mentions of titfucking, overall suggestive content | 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

— a/n ┊jujutsu kaisen hyperfixation got the best of me guys i betrayed u all and accidentally became a gojo + sukuna liker i’m sorry. apology coming soon /j 😔

𖦹 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎

let’s be real here.. i know damn well this guy is definitely a tit man. cmon it’s just this feeling in me that can sense this guy’s love for titties, he’s the number one tit lover guys im telling you! i bet gojo is def the type to stand behind you and tower over you) at random times and slowly slip his large hands into your shirt, squeezing your tits like it’s the most casual thing for him! of course you wouldn’t mind.. so you would just carry on with whatever you were doing. up until he nuzzles against your nape, inhaling your scent as his fingers tug and pinch at your sensitive nipples, smirking against your skin when he hears you whimper at his touch. this guy makes your head spin sometimes it’s actually insane. “ooh. they’re soft.” “that’s how they’re supposed to be, dumbass” ngl i feel like gojo would love your tits for the dumbest reason ever, like since he’s rlly rlly tall i feel like he would like your tits all because “they’re easier to reach” LMFAO he’s so silly! this guy probably love’s embarrassing you sometimes cuz he would grab your tits literally ANYWHERE (if ur fine w it ofc) in conclusion.. he loves seeing you all embarrassed whenever he brings a hand to cup your tits in his hand!

gojo here loves stuffing his face in your tits, he doesn’t care.. it’s the ocean he wants to dive into 2nite lol! anyways sometimes during sweet little cuddle sessions he would straight up pull you up by your hips and press himself closer against your body before leaning down to drown his face in the softness your tits, cmon.. can you blame him? but anyways! gojo loves your titties regardless.. big or small, small or big, he’ll still be willing to shove his face in ‘em! he definitely has a thing for titfucking, you just.. look so hot laying there all sweet for him, squeezing your tits against his hard cock while he thrusts in between them, trying his best not to overdo it. “f—fuck.. they’re so soft.. so perfect. no one has ever fucked your tits like this like i have right, angel? mhm? look at them.. s’pretty and all mine.” he pinched your nipples rather harshly, forcing a whine to leave your pretty lips. “all mine, yeah?”

𖦹 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

look me in the eyes and tell me toji fushiguro doesn’t look like the ultimate ass man ever, cmon tell me! are we really surprised tho? are we REALLY surprised? he looks like the biggest ass man known to mankind it’s not even funny at this point he loves ass he mfing does i tell you. this old hag probably steals a few glances at your ass from time to time whenever you wear a skirt.. or a dress for special occasions, toji cant control himself bro it’s not his fault you had allat back there.. it’s not his fault for looking it was an accident! (no it was not and you knew it) ngl the first time he caught a glimpse of your ass he probably said “damn.” so loudly, loud and clear for you to hear. “damn.” you heard a familiar voice behind you, glancing over your shoulder to see your boyfriend’s intense gaze at your bottom. “i knew your ass was nice but i didn’t know it was this nice.. damnn.” “oh shut up, will you?” idk abt u guys but toji is probably the type to slap it while you walk past him sometimes.. like it’s so unexpected you just straight up flinch and glare up at him, rubbing it to try and ease the pain bc i bet his slaps HURT sometimes

toji 100% a fan of you taking it from the back.. he loves it! i mean do i need to explain further? though he loves seeing your facial expressions to see just how well he fucks you but i feel like he prefers to see your ass and well-defined back. you have this man in a TRANCE. no matter how hard he tries to focus on you, his eyes always manage to wander down to your rear. he loves pounding into you mercilessly like there’s no tomorrow just to see the jiggle physics of yo ass because gahhh dayummmm he loves the way it moves, my guy probably spanks too i’m telling u this dude loves ass, especially yours.. it’s an unhealthy obsession at this point idk what to tell u 🤷‍♀️

𖦹 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎

suguru def a thigh man, i don’t even know my reasoning but he just screams thigh man.. like he seems like the type to love them ykwim? like he just loves diving into them any time he gets, holding your thighs against his hands while he pushes them to your chest. he def loves eating you out just so he can feel your thighs caging around his head, he loves how soft they are, how warm they feel whenever he gives them a little squeeze. personally i bet this fucker is probably a lil crazy about your thighs, just a little bit! whenever you sit on his face, he pushes you even more against his mouth. his tongue is talented that’s all i have to say, suguru doesn’t give two fucks if he can’t breath against your overstimulated pussy, he wants you to crush him with your pretty thighs thighs.. he wants your thighs to be the last thing he feels + sees before he suffocates and dies a happy man! suguru would keep you spread on his face, not caring about anything else in the world but you and your plushy thighs around his head. buddy probably eats you out like it’s his last, squeezing and helping your thighs trap his face in between them. god, he loves your thighs

suguru wrapped his lips around your pussy again, forcefully pulling you even closer until his nose was bumping against your clit, was that even possible? “s—su.. suguru!” one orgasm, then the next.. and the next after that, he hasn’t even came up for air.. you were worried at how much your thighs caged around his head, worrying about suffocating further. you tried pulling yourself up, looking down at him as your lips quivered. “suguru you okay?—“ no. he was most definitely not! he was struggling 2 breath but he didn’t give TWO FUCKS!! “your thighs.. feel so warm around me. sit back down, princess. i’m not done.. ‘wanna feel your pretty thighs against me again.” “.. but are you sure? you were struggling to breathe i could feel it—“ “sit, princess. i said sit. do i need to repeat myself?” no siiiirrr 🙅‍♀️

𖦹 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈

ngl out of everyone here nanami is the most “normal” and tamed if this question ever comes along, my guy would probably answer with something like “they’re just body parts. is there even a reason to pay attention to female assets?” uhm. no obviously not but they’re hot ++ the question is important smartass. tbh i feel like nanami wouldn’t really care, he just.. appreciates you for being there by his side, he wouldn’t really care much about your body and what he likes about it, cuz babe he loves everything about you! such a sweetheart! but in all seriousness, i feel like he’d really be into your tits for some reason.. i mean come on! sometimes if he’s feeling a lil extra EXTRA bold be would sneak a few glances towards your cleavage, swallowing the lump in his throat as he notices you didn’t have a bra on that day. nanami would literally fight for his life and try his best to restrain himself n his desires every single time he would see you in any outfit that shows your cleavage.

i bet there was this one time you guys were about to cook together n you needed help with the apron so he helped you tie it, but then his hand accidentally brushed against your breast LMFAO. poor guy would realize slowly after and start contemplating his whole life and life decisions, apologizing to you sincerely and that he didn’t mean to do that! “kento seriously it’s fine, i don’t mind! if you wanted to touch them, you could’ve said so.” “i told you it was an accident, love. it’s not like that at all.” you chuckled at him before grabbing his hand and slowly bringing it close to your tits, making him touch em as the soft skin of your tits melt into his palm. “soft right?” you cooed, wincing a little when you felt his thumb brushing against your hardened nipple. “..mm.” cmon kento ⁉️ don’t be in denial! accept yourself as a certified tittie liker!

𖦹 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎

tbh this guy could love all three of these, like there is not a single part of you he loves more than the other but if he really had to choose.. he would probably be fond of your ass, making him a semi ass man despite him.. probably liking all three! but then again.. lemme just say.. i know an ass/tit man when i see one (n he looks like one but my pick for today is ass) poor choso probably caught himself looking at your ass for a whole minute and he had to slap himself for a second to get himself back to reality, he can’t help it! your body is so hypnotic to him. i bet he’s also the type to give your bottom little taps and pokes whenever he needs something from you (damn) ++ my guy is probably a fan of you taking it from the back also, just like toji! listen listen okay. listen. reverse cowgirl position. lemme tell u he gets SOOO flustered whenever you ride him with your back turned against him, bouncing yourself on his cock while he can’t help but look down at your ass and how much it moved (lolz!) and how well your cunt was sucking him in! choso probably the type to bring a hand up to pull your hair, running his fingers through your hair as he tugs your back to him with your back arched, planting soft chaste kisses on your neck

choso doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable in anyway so he absolutely refuses to even plant a lil smack to your ass, even just a soft one! he would hold himself back n wouldn’t do it unless you wanted him too! if you do.. expect a lot of them coming your way because i bet he loves seeing your ass jiggle LIKEEE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY NO MORE i bet his cock would twitch inside you every single fucking time he would see the jiggle physics of your ass! like i said.. he’s a fan of you taking it from the back! jiggle physics go absolutely craaaaazy 😝🙏

Seeing that you've been here since 2012 is INSANE like you've witnessed it all huh. You've seen probably SO many weird and crazy things in this fandom like man that's so cool for you I feel...

ive def seen and participated in a lot of dumbass bullshit over the years LMAO. although notsomuch during the skybound-to-seabound era cuz i'd lost interest for a bit

Random shit I remember off the top of my head (plz feel free to fact-check):

deviantart era: (2012-2013)

that bright green ninjago ask meme

like, literally everybody making self-insert purple ninjas (sometimes orange, teal, or rainbow) and shipping them with their fav ninja

everyone making their own genderbends of the ninja. cole was almost always called nicole or colette lmao

people also naming their accounts (name)-the-ninja (or "teh-ninja", since this was 2012)

there's a non-zero probability that if you were in the fandom during the season 1 era, you're a furry now

naruto crossovers

half-snake ninja aus.........wonder who uh......who could've done that.....heheh (me) (that was my whole deal pre-nindroid!jay lmfao)

everyone posting like, doll-maker things they made of ninjago? especially dragon ones

(me) posting leaked screenshots of season 2 eps that i found on the lego wiki or smth lmao. this is also how i found out zane was a robot. i think i kept posting leaks when i moved to tumblr

legends of chima releasing and i thiiink it was supposed to be a ninjago replacement? like, legitimately? though a lot of people weren't happy about it. "furry gang drug wars" was a phrase used a lot lmfao.

tumblr era (2013-2016 for me) (may overlap with dA era)

everyone losing their minds over the shirtless ninja in ns2 lmfao

that one video of kirby marrow (rest in peace) saying cole was 14

that other vid of like, behind the scenes and it was the ninja's actors but like in-universe? it's where "cole bucket" comes from

also some behind the scenes vid with the actual voice actors lol

thinking back on this, im like 100% sure it was bullshit but when the end of rebooted aired, there was a rumor going around about fans being so upset over zane's death that they carved a snowflake on their stomachs. lots of people were freaking out lmfao

the rise and fall of "fucknoshittyninjagoOCs" (ashamed to say i heavily participated in harassing this blog even if i rlly didnt like the premise.........)

maypong

lots of tension with instagram cuz of all the art reposts. like. tons of reposts. i remember someone blocked me when i said to take something down but then unblocked me the same evening and apologized LOL so

roleplay twitter accounts (twitter was kinda not-as-a lot at the time)

nindroid!jay of course. its so old there was an update that was made in flash lmfao...

absolute fucking shitloads of AUs and headcanons. i dont think this has changed much but like. there were so many lmfao. entire threads

actually there's too many fucking AUs. im scrolling through my main blog and i cant fuckin find anything cuz ITS ALL THESE STUPID AU THREADS THEY AREN'T EVEN LIKE DEEP LMAO

ask-all-the-ninjagians

the absurd screenshot redraws i did. like they were super stupid lmfao. icr which blog they're on but they're on my comp still at least

ninjagians just. being a term used at all lmao

the ninjago fan-tournament during ns4. people would draw/write about their ocs doing whatever prompt was posted and then everyone came together to defeat a big bad snake man

tbh i started naturally losing interest during ns5, and then VERY QUICKLY dropped the show (and therefore fandom) when skybound came out lmao............... so i dont really remember a lot from this era and everything after

and now im back :D

i hope this is insightful! xD

ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

OH MY GAH HIIII !! I SAW THAT YOU DO MATCHUPS SO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD A REQ FOR THAT BUT W TOKREV CHARACTERS ??? :DDDD i dont mind anyone tbh so dw abt choosing :33

ok i'll just drop some background info abt myself here :33

i'm aromantic + nonbinary, i am an entp 7w6 and i'm a pisces !! i like to draw, listen to music (either metal or just mainstream music i listen to whatever atp) and dance in my freetime !! :3

based on my personality ::

my friends tend to tell me that i'm the embodiment of the quote "dont judge a book by its' cover" cuz on the outside i act like a full on metalhead and really passive aggressive but at home i sleep next to a whole tower of plushies 💀🙏 and i collect stickers of silly little cats and otters (not my fault that they're so cute oml) i'm usually the clown of the group !! i tend to be hyperactive but my emotions change a lot- one second talking to me is like trying to get a toddler to pay attention to your teacher and the other is like trying not to get bitten by a rabid dog (my friend's words not mine). i tend to be a loud mouth srry . . . i do try to be quiet if necessary but if i get excited when talking i am a walking speaker . . . i get rlly excited if my favorite things are mentioned ?! like i would get rlly happy, smiley and would talk about it until i forget to breathe !! i like to consume horror media ?? idk if i can say that without sounding like an edgelord sobsob im sorry . . . i just love consuming those types of media (as a former kid w unsupervised access to the internet-) and i tend to ramble abt them along w other philosophical topics !! i like to discuss abt meaning of life, whether there are other universes, abt the capabilities of the human mind, etc. they're just so interesting!!! :] i guess im proud to say that my best trait is my humor 😋 maybe im overconfident abt this one cuz i just have pretty dumb sense of humor if im being honest frfr i tend to say things out of context . . . i like terrorizing my friends by saying the most outrageous things and overexaggerating them for the fun of it :333 though sometimes i kinda mean what i say

for my ideal partner ::

i'd say i would like someone who's fun to be around but at the same time they gotta be interesting for me to find them fun . . . like they gonna have smth to them that makes me wanna observe them like they're a lab rat being experimented on and being put under observation :33 ppl like that make me wanna see whats inside them and how they see the world around them !! i just love those kinds of ppl aaaaa ik im overdramatic for this one but like . . . i need someone who can handle me- as in my emotions and sometimes my way of loving . . . cuz if i did love someone, i would obsess over them and would dream of dying w them out of euphoria cuz being w my partner is the only thing that keeps me alive and human 😞 i wanna feel genuine happiness and pure bliss w my partner so thats why after that i think we should die together, that way we both know that finally we lived our life to the fullest (in my pov, 'the fullest' means you finally reach the climax of ur happiness/u live to the moment where you're the happiest you've ever been) (idk if that makes sense but that has always been my fantasy LAWD IM RAMBLING) need someone whos as crazy as i am :333 if he aint insane i dont want him fr i need to make him worse /j

i think thats all abt me :333 pls take ur time and make sure to put urself first btw !! aside from that, its ok if you ignore this one cuz at the end of the day its up to u <333 have a wonderful day/night mwah you're super cool

Hello! Of course you can have a matchup. Thank you for the kindness. I would like to warn you that I picked a somewhat controversial character. I hope you like it!

You Got...

Tetta Kisaki!!!

If boy can handle the chaos the is Shuji Hanma, he can handle you!

You wanted crazy...

Would love to see you smile when you get super excited about something! His favorite thing is to see the person he loves happy.

He is really really smart. So you would have very intellectual and philosophical discussions.

Would love that you aren't all you seem. Because he is the same way. You two can be badasses when out, but totally different when it is just the two of you (and Hanma sometimes when he is being Hanma and not leaving you all alone.)

Movie date nights. He'd let you pick it. If you're happy, he's happy.

HI ELLIE OKAY I JUST FINISHED TTPD AND I AHVE OPINIONS 😭 first half of the album was ehh idk how to feel abt fortnight considering it’s the single for this album I think it was good not that good though it wasn’t amazing like lavender haze I really loved ttpd (the song) I think my boy only breaks his favorite toys were good but so long London was a HUGE disappointed I think we all hyped it up so much and we all ended up getting disappointed because it wasn’t what we wanted or expected but daddy I love him WAS SO GOOD especially the lyric Where it goes “I’m having his baby no I’m not,but you should see your faces” GAGEDDD I WAS GAGED I also really liked fresh out of the slammer especially the kind banging sounds ik it wasn’t banging but bear w me 😭😭 guys English isn’t my language you can’t blame me fr 😂😂 who’s afraid of little old me WAS SO GOOOD and I can do it with a broken heart especially when she goes “I’m so depressed I act like it’s my birthday everyday Im so obsessed with him but he avoids me like plague” and the upbeat music makes it so much better the anothology was so much better then the normal version definitely really loved the black dog that song really stood out to me imgonnagetyouback WAS SO GOOD I saved that one I hate it here was also really good 😭 thanK you aIMee THE SHADE THROWN AT KIM ?? Taylor mother fucking swift did it AGAINNN 😭😭🤞🏻 she ate her up so bad if I was Kim I would be so embarrassed rn 😭☠️ Cassandra also stood out to me I think this was abt the kimye situation Robin was ehh I think it’s a grower for me honestly but the Bolter and the manuscript were pretty good as if noe I think I’ll probably enjoy the album way more if I just listen to it more a little disappointing but that’s fine cuz there were amazing tracks on here and tbh I am not mad at it now I just need to watch the fortnight music video but I’m too overwhelmed rn so I need a break a little 🥲 now I’m just probably gonna wait for Somone to break down the tracks and point out the hidden clues in the mv 😭😭☠️

hiii bb omg your opinions are pretty much exactly mine LOL <333

yeahh i agree w you, w midnights lavendar haze was likee....it set the TONE for the album yknow hahaha. i remember first listen for it n i was like aight im locking in after hearing that. but i heard fortnight n was like...ehhh i hope it gets better. i liked ttpd too i thought it was lyrically p good song plus the line ab the ring omg i was gagged. yea SLL was disappointtinggg i was rlly looking forward to that one ripping my heart out LOL but it...didn't

"but daddy I love him WAS SO GOOD especially the lyric Where it goes “I’m having his baby no I’m not,but you should see your faces” GAGEDDD I WAS GAGED"

HELP SAME HAHAHA I WAS WATCHING A BUNCH OF TIKTOKS YESTERYDAY OF PPL REACTING TO THAT LYRIC AND IT'S SO FUNNY xD tbh when i first heard it it didn't really sink in for me so i was just vibin w it but then i was like damn. imagine if she announced to the world she was pregnant through a song like that ahhah i was shocked when i heard it again in second chorus. she was so insane for that

agghh idk 'who's afraid of little old me' and 'i can do it w a broken heart' were big time misses for me lol i haven't listened to them again since first listen but it's just cuz i don't really like those kinds of songs from her (specifically referring to the lyricism on these ones) but idkkk i could just be a hater LOL cuz my friends rly liked icdiwabh but it might grow on me, we'll see,, it's def catchy!! kinda silly but she kept it so real

YESSS i think the black dog is in my top three from album :'') i had it on repeat driving to work yesterday and i cried ??? w every listen ??? idk something ab the end of the bridge where she holds the note on "old habits die screaming" omg i sob. and i'mgonnagetyouback was also SO GOOD i think that song is the type of edgy ts lyricism i enjoy (as opposed to icdiwabh & who's afraid of lil old me)

THENK YOU AIMEE WAS WILDDD i think that's the song that had me the MOST GAGGED BC GAT DAYUM. the part where she alludes that kim's kids will be coming home from school singing songs that SHE WROTE that only the two of them know are throwing shade at kim plsss. that's wild n i'm so glad she had the balls to release that song hahah good for her

i also really liked clara bow, the part where she said "you look like taylor swift" alluding to how someday she too will be gone n only remembered for her legacy was wilddd n made me emotional ngl. also i lovedd peter too def in my top three too. also loml is probs my fave

sameee i haven't watched the new mv yet haha i think i might stream it on tv later tonight. sorryyy bb that' you're overwhelemd hope you're taking care of yurself n that your exams szn is going okay!! <33 ty for sharing your thoughts w me

as someone who is into enhypen and shifting can u share more about your enha dr 😭😭😭 i’m super curious and thinking about having one of my own too and could use some ideas :3 only if ur ok with it tho!!!

OFCCCCC I LOVE TALKIN ABT MY DRS

so i only shifted to my enha dr once, it was a while back but it was super short cuz i didnt rlly intend to shift there at the time so i shifted back within minutes (i shifted to i-land's finale so i was so confused and overwhelmed 😭) but in terms of what's different than enha in this reality :

- I-LAND is a co-ed survival show, its also less traumatic - less...weird. i specifically made sure that even though ground & i-land still exist theyre not that different like theres still nice stuff on the ground and stuff. since i scripted out covid entirely, i also scripted in that in the finale there will be a live audience (the setup is similar to boysplanet's finale) just to make it feel less dystopian i guess — none of the weird hidden camera stuff too (still cant believe belift allowed that like wtf)

- the rooming is a lil different , our dorm isnt ghetto IM NOT HAVIN US SLEEP IN ONE ROOM LIKE THEY DID IN EN&HI , so me and heeseung have seperate rooms and then jake&ni-ki share a room and the other four all share one room (we did rock paper scissors)

- i also cut down a lot of the tours just cuz its insane how much they toured, so inbetween manifesto & darkblood - theres a digital single release rather than that long ass tour (the tour will still be there but will be cut a bit shorter)

but other than that tbh its the same, i did script out a lot of issues like the overworking and the company being ass and weird sasaengs and stuff so its very fun ! idrk what else to tell u 😭

also, for planning and just to mentally figure out where u want things (if u want it to follow the same flow as here) i use this calendar to plan things ! it has all of their schedules since debut :

sigh

imma say smth whiny again so plz ignore, im emo lately

my biggest pet peeve in any fandom is hypocrisy but my second biggest one is extremism

idk, ive been reading a lot of "deruth isnt as bad as other dads so he did NOTHING wrong" type defenses lately and... no?

i freely admit that deruth isnt the worst father in existence but he's not perfect either?? he has messed up, he has (accidentally) caused serious harm to his child through poor parenting skills and tbh he's just a bit dumb and shortsighted

ofc i dont care for the reverse either, "deruth is not the perfect dad therefore he's the worst most evil scum imaginable" but i tend to prefer this version even though its more ooc and i deeply dislike ooc content

theres just smth abt saying “he’s not actively trying to kill his child like other fathers so he’s the perfect dad” that srsly skeeves me out. I think its bc its the excuse thats made for a lot of real life abusers (i wouldnt say that deruth is necessarily an abusive person but he has done things that are irresponsibly harmful towards his children) and seeing that excuse just makes my skin crawl

“You shouldnt be upset, your dad didnt beat you unconscious so he’s not abusive” or “he doesnt hit you so everything else he does is justified” and so on and so forth. Its just a personal preference of mine, but despite my dislike for ooc content, if im forced to choose between ooc and abuse apologetics, im going to choose ooc

But thats the main problem. I dont see why there needs to be any extremism in any direction. Deruth doesnt need to be written as an irredeemable monster for him to be a deeply flawed parent but he also isnt a fucking saint who needs to be protected at all cost. Idk, when i see these conversations it just feels like it murders nuance

I mostly lurk cuz i dont have a lot of confidence in socializing with ppl but sometimes i’ll just be lurking and i’ll see smth like “i HATE how ppl bash deruth, he’s an AMAZING father” and then a bunch of ppl replying to that with agreement that lacks any nuance. Again, to be fair, there are plenty of ppl who make the opposite argument to an uncomfortable extreme, but at least there arent any abuse apologetics in deruth bashing

All of that said, i am not saying that i think that ppl who engage in those extreme debates abt deruth are bad people or they support child abuse or anything else insanely over the top like that. Frankly, ppl can enjoy fandom however it makes them happy. If it makes them happy to defend deruth to their dying breath, you do you dude, have fun. Im just stating that i am personally a person who is deeply uncomfortable with reading abuse apologetics

But moreso than opinions like “deruth did nothing wrong! He’s the perfect dad! He never did any irresponsible parenting cuz there weren’t any bruises!” i am even more deeply uncomfortable with blaming og cale for deruth’s poor parenting. Now if you’ve read any of my fics, you might notice that while i rlly like og cale, i think that his behavior is shitty. He had noble goals but much like his father, he was too short-sighted and stupid to actually help his family properly and the things he did would have made being his parent an absolute nightmare

One of my favorite fics that i wrote has an entire plot centered around cale needing to realize how harmful and toxic his behavior was and start himself on the long and painful path towards growth and improvement. I think that cale has potential to be a better person than he is but no matter what, even if he was faking every second of it, the shit he did was fucked up and he hurt a lot of people through his thoughtless foolishness

So if i think that cale is such a flaw character, why would i dislike it when people blame deruth’s poor parenting skills on the difficulty of raising a child as explosive and irrational as cale?

Very simple reason. Cale isn’t the parent. And the majority of cale’s misbehavior happened before the age of 18. The concept that a literal child with clear trauma is supposed to be the one who’s mature enough to make things better and shouldnt have been a difficult teenager just makes me feel gross

This is when the abuse apologetics start dipping the toes into victim blaming. If my understanding of the canon lcf timeline is correct (it might not be, lcf timeline is a bit hard to understand sometimes), cale lost his mother at 8 and started acting like trash to protect his step brother around the age of 10. A child. He was a child. Not even a teenager. A very small and stubborn child.

Ron stated in the sidestory that cale was quite similar to ohn when he was a child. Specifically while referencing how ohn will try hard to seem mature even when she’s scared or worried about the people she loves. The sort of child that tries to hide their pain so that other ppl can be taken care of instead. Ron is an unreliable narrator so its dubious how accurate this is but for me, it makes sense with cale’s character

I feel like people see 18 year old cale acting like trash and they think he was 18 yrs old for the last ten years. Nah dude, he was 8. Hell even at 15 when he started drinking, 15 is a really young age. Instead of blindly endorsing cale’s misbehavior by giving him money and supporting him irresponsibly, deruth needed to be a real parent to the boy. but instead he chose to do what he always does (even in lcf) throw money at the problem in hopes of making it go away

I have a lot more thoughts on deruth and cale and criticisms of both their personalities (and just how much cale really does take after his father) but that would derail further from my point. My point is that blaming a traumatized child for being a difficult child to parent is just… not it. Ive helped raise enough problem children to know EXACTLY how hard it is to raise a child like cale but just bc he’s hard to raise, it doesnt mean you just throw money at him and ignore the real problems

(also never get me started on how much it upsets me that no one, not a single person in cale’s life, realized that he had been possessed. It’s not like roksu did a flawless job impersonating cale. He didnt. His attempts to act like trash were cute in comparison to cale’s quite convincing act, but no one noticed and im the most upset at deruth abt this bc out of *everyone* i feel very strongly that his father should have noticed)

Anyway, this is a lengthy and foolishly thought out way of saying it makes me deeply uncomfortable to read blind defense of deruth’s character. Im not saying he’s an abuser, he isn’t in my opinion, but he is a *deeply* flawed parent who has done abusive things to his child, even if those things were unintentional. That said, if deruth apologetics are what make you happy, enjoy yourself. Im just not personally comfortable with the way those defenses often mirror abuse apologetics and victim blaming in real life situations.

(again, to be clear, i do NOT think that ppl who defend deruth are victim blaming abuse sympathizers. I think that they have an opinion of a fictional character that i disagree with and my reasons for disagreeing make it uncomfortable for me to read their opinions. That said, im also not saying that there isnt something morally wrong abt making deruth the most abusive scumbag on the planet bc i think that also tears away the nuance of how subtle and insidious abusive neglect can truly be. BUT ultimately i would prefer to read a removal of subtlety rather than arguments that appear uncomfortably similar to abuse apologetics)

okay I need to know more leafpool coded songs because she is the most character ever 🫶

what songs/artists would you associate with her and also why (PLEASE analyze the shit out of my girl I love it) (unless your opinions are just. wrong! @ leafpool haters) (I don't think that applies to you most of your takes are so true) (apologizes if this has been done before)

oh i absolutely have more leafpool songs. some of these i have listed before but i’ve never said why i think they fit her so i will do that. this is gonna be long

k so thirty one today by aimee mann is so leafpool.

literally her. aimee man songs in general r often good for leafpool she’s definitely an artists i associate w leaf. she’s got another song called choice in the matter that i think works well for leaf as well :)

galileo by the indigo girls is a song i associate specifically with the relationship between leafpool and moth flight bc it is so interesting to me. the way moth flight’s rule ended up ruining leafpool’s life even though they never knew each other but then at leafpool’s death she gets to come face to face with this cat that hates her and wants to send her to hell for making mistakes that are only mistakes BC MOTH FLIGHT DECIDED THEY WERE…… god. the line in this song “now im serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime” rlly gets me. like yeah

i have said it before i’ll say it until i die but the chaconne by dessa is such a leafpool song, specifically a crowleaf song. looking back on a fucked up romance that was never going to work because neither of you really loved each other but at the same time wasn’t it kind of fun? i don’t know if i regret it. but also i kind of hate you. it’s weird to see you living your life so differently now with somebody else. somebody else that you also don’t love. the line “you’re at your best when you’re alone” is something i think leafpool should’ve gotten to say to him cuz lol it’s true. dessa is another artist that i associate w leafpool in general she’s got some other songs that also work well. mineshaft 2 comes to mind

how it ends by devotchka is an insane song that makes me explode + it fits leafpool so u know. u know how i feel when i listen to it and think abt her.

u gotta listen to this song bro it will change ur life im so serious

OH AND DES MOINES BY HALLOWEEN ALASKA….. COME ON

plus this is another song that makes me lose my mind

i also associate A LOT of songs by daughter for leafpool. run for sure. and mothers

tell me that’s not about leafpool watching her kids grow up from a distance and loving them and doing all she can to protect them but losing them anyway

i also think sunbleached flies by ethel cain is very much a leafpool song if u remove it from the context of the album’s story a lil bit. these lines specifically are so leafpool

i pulled these from my leafpool playlist these r just the ones that make me the most emotional and crazy. THANK U FOR THE ASK I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL!!!!

Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

. . . 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 ??

hi lovely people !! I just came back to blr today after finishing my exam (didn't do as well as I expected even though I literally went insane studying for it for months (yes that long) but hey, life happens and things happen for a reason so if you're reading this and you're feeling disappointed in yourself or just life in general, just hang in there ok? there are nicer things waiting for you <3). anyway, I hope my moots are doing okay and sorry for not checking in with everyone, I'm just rlly bad at keeping up with everything, including socialising but that doesn't mean I don't love you 🩷

im trying to keep up with writing but idk if what I write is floppy then im in this stage of my life that I just can't handle floppy works yk so ill most likely delete them 🥲

writing is super therapeutic for me and my blog is my shelter from reality even if im just here for like a minute or so and I think that's why im going to commit to writing and posting from this point onwards cuz tbh the hardest part of my life is over and the next steps are pretty chill 🤸🏻‍♀️

if anyone has any tips for balancing writing and school work, please let me know, I'd love to learn from you 💕

anyway that's all for now, please feel free to talk to me or not yk whatever 🤩

hiii taku i come with bonten takeomi & natsu brainrot. also it’s a lot bc i can’t shut up abt them help. this is just copy paste of me being insane abt them to my qpp bc i’m too lazy to type it all again but yeah

basically their vibe is when takeomi is too tired of bonten's shit he visits natsu's tiny flat and she cooks spaghetti or smth that they have with wine before they slow dance to music playing on the old record player she stole from her parents when moving out and when they're sleepy enough they put on a shitty old movie and fall asleep cuddling trying to watch it. also they go to clubs together, they are friends though often get mistaken for a couple, and they have kissed quite a bunch of times. not sure if this part is canon but they might've fucked a bunch of times too and i can assure you if they did they both stood on a balcony to smoke together afterwards they 100% smoke and drink together (maybe a little too often) and their whole thing is pretty ride or die oriented,, they're together to have fun and forget the shitty parts of their lives. to be themselves for once. to have someone who understands and relates

i am a little insane about them sorry

also natsu is the oldest of five siblings and she fucked up all of her sibling relationships bc she used to be in a gang and her siblings are still all in a gang, all the same one, but a different one from hers. and yeah shit went down when their gangs fought and natsu's won. she'd now like to fix her relationship with her siblings but they don't even accept her calls most of the time and it's even more one-sided than takeomi & sanzu :(( but it's also one of the biggest things that make them relate to each other ajdkfkhsj i think they start venting to each other too bc they understand v much how the other feels yk

also more natsu sibling drama but even tho she left her gang her siblings are still in a gang as i've mentioned before n it's a LOT smaller than bonten more just beating up people for fun and some minor drug smuggling but natsu gets jumped by some gang members every other week/month n she's pretty good at defending herself but she still calls takeomi to pick & patch her up sometimes bc yk she just wants some comfort in her situation...

okay maybe i am more than just a little insane about them but like. they <33 also me on my 'wtf is defining a relationship' agenda again but i think they're mostly friends but also like. they fuck labeling their relationship they just know it's very much not romantic. but could be fuck all apart from that tbh. friends? fwbs? smth between? god knows but they're close and not romantic that's all that matters

so those were the paragraphs. sadly in my fic they just met for the 1st n 2nd time so there’s none of that at all but i’m def considering writing abt them bc goddamn i love them 😭 and i think takeomi deserves a friend. he’s just a lonely dripping wet pathetic little cat of a man and that’s a little mean yk? anyways i also have a picrew image of natsu hehe. bg lore for it is that the jacket she’s wearing is the one takeomi gives her in my fic when they first meet bc she’s cold n he wants to repay her for making sure sanzu is okay <3 it’s one of her fav pieces of clothing after that i think just because yk

phew i think that was all the insanity i have abt her atm hope you enjoy fr

YES FINALLY HERE WE GOOOO

literally the first sentence abt them and im already in love. SLOW DANCING 😭😭‼️‼️🔥🔥💔💔 damn boy i want what they have frfr. NAH CUZ I RLLY WANT WHAT THEY HAVE. to finally be able to act like ur true self without judgement and be able to be affectionate without the binds of an actual romantic relationship RAHHHHHHHH I WANT THAT. also dont apologise man i can see why u are lolllll

oh man dont hurt me like that w the sibling issues nooooo :( at least they both have each other to vent abt this stuff. but yea go off natsu beat their asses fr ‼️

NO BCUZ THAT AGENDA IS SO REAL. i love love love them tho they seem so :)))) with one another so they get an easy thumbs up of approval from me ^ ^.

YES PLS CONTINUE WRITING MORE ON THEM IM OBSESSEDDDDDDD. ur description on omi is so fucking on point what the hell T T. YESSSSS MAKING PICREWS OF OCS IS THE BEST I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. thatz so sweet of them tho wtf.

all in all im a bit invested in them now thanks elys 🙄🙄 /j

its 5-star day!!!! which means i get to do my fave thing and rank the album based exclusively on my first listen. ive only heard all of these once with the exception of the title so these are just first thoughts. my rankings always change insanely after like a week (looking at my maxident rankings im always like …weird!!)

rankings of the album below the cut!

1. fnf - oh my god i cant believe theyre singing abt five nights at freddys… this song is genuinely so good though; it makes me feel the same joy as i cant stop or the view does upon first listen. its emotional but its danceable, its got everything.

2. collision - THIS SONG WASNT EVEN RLLY ON MY RADAR AS A POTENTIAL FAVORITE?? (talk abt a collision haha!!) but dare i say it is actually my favorite?? (edit: its actually my second favorite) its a really fun track; this is one i would hope would get a dance tbh bcuz i think itd look really cool

3. topline - this song is such an ear worm its been stuck in my head before it even came out; it simultaneously serves cunt and bad ass at the same time; tiger jks verse eats. love the vocals in it too, and the BOM DIGGY DIGGY BOM BOM BOM BOM. its a rlly fun enjoyable song def gonna be on my list of faves

3. youtiful - i thought it was gonna be cringe which it kinda is but its also heartwarming and a bit sad. it would probably rank a bit higher if it didnt have some tough competition but ‘the universe in ur eyes’??? UGH IM BASHING MY HEAD INTO A WALL SCREAMING OK ITS CHEESY BUT ITS ALSO GREAT. our first tie because in making this these two kept switching ranks over and over

4. DLC - ok dlc standing for dance like crazy is so cute. this song makes me wanna just vibe and have a great time; just dont listen to the lyrics they make me a bit sad just a little bit. also the pre chorus whisper with a harmony right underneath? YES PLZ. eating this for breakfast this is so good

5. hall of fame - WOAH! early on i was like oh its nice but maybe not my fave until the kinda tron-ish break down before the chorus its kinda hypnotic—ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND made me giggle lol—the instrumental of this song is v interesting i like it a lot (this was actually below #6 for a hot second before i made a last minute call)

6. superbowl - you whisper in a song and thats it for me it kills me sorry!! someone said this is god menu pt 2 and it is its so good (i dont care that the lyrics are goofy i love it) this ones rank was shakey until the end that rlly sold it for me. noticing a trend of rlly strong outros on this album

6. get lit - i rlly struggled with this and superbowls ranks so theyre getting the same rank. skz knows how to make an amazing party song fr. i love a lil edm moment i wish they would do even more like side effects level breakdown

7. s-class - okay this song is a bit all over the place but kind of in a way that fucks; like its a mess in a way that if would blow my mind to play a shooter too! i do love IN’s breakdown he gets i LOOOOVE his voice. also the last bit before the end starting at like 2:35 to the end kinda reminds me of og skz in a way i rlly enjoy

8. item - really like the instrumentals they r playing w this album. im kinda predicting that this will be the song on the album that grows on me a lot; i really enjoy the breakdown towards the end and the videogame core of it all

honorable mentions (i dont rank previously released songs!!):

the sound - i didnt like this song like at all when it came out but it IS better in korean.

time out - we know her, we love her, she cant be in the rankings because she would top them and im biased cuz i listen to it all the time!

never thought I'd see the day Id do a wowyn analysis... Keep in mind its been a second since I reread all the wowyn works😭

Id like to preface this by saying I do not have a very good grasp on wowyn as a character- I am not entirely sure how you guys view her but I've said this before.. I think wowyn is truly a very sad person. maybe she's not sad emotionally but the way she views things and acts at certain points makes me... I don't know. she does some shit that annoys me 😭I don't view her as a baby or something like that.. she's clearly the "cool" one in the group lmao😭

I'll be focusing on wonyn, and chaeyn for this..

wowyn clearly is uncomfortable with being "known" per se. When she starts to really like someone, she immediately distances herself. I can't tell if it's because she's afraid of getting hurt, or just because her issues with her dad gave her an avoidant attachment style..

I'm not completely sure what happened with her father, and why she's like this now..

wowyn is nonchalant with chaewon. From what we've read, chaewon has started to like(?) wowyn, and finds her cool. I don't think wowyn has started to like chaewon yet, and if she has.. damn😭

I can't tell if wowyn Is avoidant of vulnerability at all, because it seems she keeps up this cool and unaffected front so she doesn't show emotions she doesnt want other people seeing. Shes clearly scared/uncomfortable to love someone(?) because, as you said, she realized she liked minjeong so she broke up with her.

wonyn.. It brings me a sort of satisfaction to know that wowyn will end up with chaewon and not wonyoung. the idea that someone will always come back to you, and that they'll always want you, so you just expect them to ?? chase after you?? rubs me the wrong way. I hope that wowyn will at one point get over wonyoung and actually like chaewon more (even though it seems impossible) cause its CRAZY wonyoung thinks chaewon is delusional (it's not crazy she lowk is)

If she DOESNT get over wonyoung... I feel bad for chaewon. knowing that you'll always be second place SUCKS.

I don't know what made wowyn so attached to wonyoung in the first place, but I'll guess they met when they were a bit younger because the wowyn now seems like she doesn't let people in like that anymore..

In conclusion I do not understand wowyn at all. I know she has an avoidant attachment style and clear vulnerability issues from something with her dad... but fundamentally I find her sad. I can't tell if she wants to be understood and wants people to know her, but she's scared, or she doesn't at all because she's scared, or she doesn't care and I'm reading it wrong?? wowyn seems like the person that never lets people too close, always with a suitcase in hand (metaphorically) ready to leave when she realizes "this person knows me". I mean in that one ask "aeri knows too much about wowyn to date her" or something along those lines.. does she not want to be known, or does she secretly want it?? I don't know.

I'm glad she'll be with chaewon in the end, but I hope she gets a therapist because if I was chaewon's friend I'd be like.. don't go for someone so painfully emotionally unavailable 😭

(this might be all wrong, I literally don't understand wowyn she has such an insane mindset to me. im ace so ig I've just never had a crush that has me always coming back to them like this?? I don't know man wowyn is confusing to me. the way people act like her stans here scares me cuz what if I get jumped but... wowyn isn't a monolith.. she's cool on stage but her mental state is definitely... a whole trip.. pathetic isn't the right word but I've said sad so many times.. like her mindset and actions just make me frown I kind of pity her???)

-🎏

it kinda makes me smile when you say that she don’t understand wow!yn cause that means that I did what I wanted to do with her she’s rlly complex like I want people to have a hard time understanding her, like every time ppl try to analyze her they’re completely wrong and it makes me giggle LMAOOOO

you always seem to go back to wow!yn chasing and always going back to wonyoung 😭 and I feel like I’ve said this before but wow!yn doesn’t have some crazy crush on wonyoung she USED to but she doesn’t it’s just wony is that person always in the back of her mind who she find comfort in because she’s someone who yn is so close with it’s not a situation where it’s like omg I love you so much I can’t get over yo, it was never that yn knows her and wony aren’t going to work out I’ve said that before like that’s something that’s something that yn isn’t even waiting for. Honestly I want to know what actions of hers annoy you because from what I’ve written wow!yn is just so chill and nonchalant like you guys she haven’t seen her make any decisions yet besides breaking up with winter.

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.