#not me changing her uniform designs like a week after already posting them
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twst has me in a chokehold, so take a fake manga cover featuring my main yuusona Micah
the context is that everyone assumed micah was a guy since it’s an all boy’s school and she had no idea how to explain to everyone that she is not, in fact, a guy, and also she thinks it would be v funny to haruhi fujioka her way through this mess. shenanigans ensue.
#twisted wonderland#yuusona#twst yuu#twst mc#twst oc#twst#twisted wonderland oc#twst prefect#twisted wonderland mc#fanart#ascian sketches#micaiah yukimura#micah#micah yukimura#original character#not me changing her uniform designs like a week after already posting them#anyways. get ready for a revamped dorm uniform design#micah to a reluctant adeuce: 'look. if i have to get roped into your messes ur gonna get roped into mine. ur helping me sell this.'#ace is reasonably good at pretending she's a he. deuce is not.#will there come a day when i write her story? perhaps. but that requires me to write.
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Due to popular demand of one whole person (@land-of-diesel-10), the first of many OCs, Ella! My beloved axe-wielding shortstack, her In The Sky!design specifically :D
Since she's an OC, and I haven't talked much about her, here's a little rant about my girl:
Her backstory, summed up as best to my ability (that is to say, ya'll are in for one hell of an angsty ride):
Ella, with her fleet of siblings (364 of them to be exact, reference to the MÁV 424 class of steam engines she's based on) worked for the AU's equivalent of MÁV, high up in the sky. Nothing special there. Well, working for this shitshow of a company is a nightmare, so Ella, along with her siblings, tended to try and fly as far away as they could. Unfortunately, they aren't able to get very far.
After literal decades of the roster's shenanigans (one of which resulted in Ella getting the axe she's holding in the drawings), staff decide they have enough of their antics and chain and lock them all up in an old, abandoned station with limited supplies.
They planned to come back for them, planned being the operative words here, but times change, as do people in charge and eventually, they're all forgotten.
Days turned into weeks, months, years, the weakest of the bunch dying in what ended up being a decade-long "adventure". Out of the 365 siblings, 19 remain, Ella being one of them.
As the last 19 tried passing the time, hoping for someone to find them, or death at that point, Sir Topham Hatt, with Edward came to Hungary for some sort of meeting I haven't completely fleshed out yet. The latter ended up hearing the remaining few trying to get themselves noticed by singing songs as loud as they could manage.
Since this post is already very long, let me summarize: Edward checked the old station, just to make sure he hadn't gone completely nuts, while STH did his own thing. Finding the sight of his chained up bretheren, he stood still for a second, then ran for STH, who, along with whichever executive he was talking to, was shocked, to say the least, to find 19 workers chained up and locked away from the outside world.
One thing lead to the next, and now those 19 live their happiest lives on the Island of Sodor, free from the figurative and literal chains of their home country.
Personality:
Ella is a sassy goofball, always down to pull a prank. She's actually not very social, tending to spend time by herself if given the option, but she gladly chit-chats with her coworkers-turned-friends during the day. She's also very observant, reading anyone like an open book. This caused her to not be approached often by many, mostly those who tried to fake something about themselves to her.
She loves to read and draw, and she's not a stranger to writing either, stories in general being something that she's living for. Gardening is another hobby of hers.
As for things she dislikes, there aren't many actually. One of said few though, is tight spaces. If you read her backstory, which I hope you did if you're this deep into the post, you know why (-> why she has cieling-to-floor windows in her room).
What does she think of her new coworkers?
Thomas: He's a tiny gremlin child and she loves him like a son.
Edward: She and her siblings literally owe him their lives, so immediate respect. Ella in particular sees him as a father figure.
Henry: They're both introverts and have many things in common. From their dislike of tight spaces, to their interest in gardening. She looks up to him like that one cousin who always seems to have an answer.
Gordon: She sees him as a brother, something she'd never admit to his face. That in all senses of the word: she'd try to beat him up in a heartbeat, but will also do anything in her power to make him as happy as she can. They're both fucked up and vibe in peace.
James: She thinks he's annoying as fuck, yet also very fun to be around. His apparent obsession with his clean, pristine uniform never fooled her, thanks to her ability to read anyone like a book. Overall fine, can be a bit much at times.
Percy: "My caterpillar son :)" that's literally it. She loves him like a mother loves her son.
Toby and Henrietta: they're like grandparents to her, they're normally the ones she'll go to rant about her day, or James.
#ella's rambles#Ella's aus#ella's drawings#ttte humanized#drawing#art#ttte#ttte au#ttte Ella (OC)#ttte oc
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Marinette Changes Schools: A funny little Lila salt prompt
So, there are a lot of ‘Marinette changes schools’ au’s and I love a whole bunch of them don't get me wrong. BUT the one thing I haven’t seen yet is Marinette changing schools not because of Lila or salt but simply because her parents are moving and they want her to attend a school close to home. So without further ado let me sell you on my little idea:
Lila has been plotting weeks worth of plans and lies, she’s thought up some sob stories about being stalked, about near death experiences, about celebrities that are like her family. She has plans for Marinette all the ways she could make the girl look bad and all the ways she could force Adrien to see her. That all goes out the window one day when she gets to school and it's a sob fest. There is a clear air of dread and dismay, the blue skies she saw on the way to school replaced with heavy storm clouds. And when she gets to class it's worse. Marinette and Alya are hugging and crying, Adrien looks like he's been shot, Nino and Kim are demanding to know ‘why’ even Chloe looks upset, her blue eyes a little glassy. Lila quickly learns why, Marinette’s parents' business is doing GREAT so great in fact that they have decided to open a second location! The twist? They also decided to move INTO the new location and with it being on the other side of Paris and her parents fears for their daughters safety that means Marinette is moving to a new school!
Now Lila doesn’t even have to school her face into a practiced expression of shock. She genuinely is shocked here she’d been planning months in advance picturing the ways she would destroy her rivals life and steal her friends! And now just like that Marinette is MOVING? Of course Lila quickly decides this is a good thing! After all if Marinette is out of the picture ruling the school will be that much easier. Sure Chloe might be queen bee but with Marinette gone people will be looking to replace her! In walks Lila Rossi, a gorgeous upstart model with a heart of gold and connections coming out of her bangs! She’d rule the school and Adrien would fall for her, then Marinette would probably come crawling back desperate for her old friends only to learn she’d snatched them all up! It was brilliant! And with Marinette gone she could probably do it in record time! So Lila covers up her smirk and says she’s devastated to hear that the twin tailed girl would be leaving and begins plotting.
In the month that follows Lila leaves Marinette alone letting her have her friends for what would be for the last time. After all if everyone still loved the designer when she left they’d be all the more eager to replace her with a new and better version. Of course just because Lila is playing nice doesn’t mean she enjoys it. Alya is practically glued to the girl and ignores Lila even when she’s not trying to sabotage Marinette. Adrien is acting like his life is ending and all anyone will talk about is Marinette. When she checks social media it's all just pictures of ‘old-great times with Marinette’ or new photos and videos of helping the girl pack up and move into her new room, which Lila seethes about for a week when she sees the photos of the spacious luxurious room with a private bath. Apparently the Dupain-Cheng’s new bakery was in a pretty ritzy rich neighborhood. During school Marinette is mobbed by a constant stream of people begging her to stay and when they accept that not happening they all at least beg her to ‘come back and visit’ Marinette promises and Lila has to hide her snort. Fat chance of that actually happening.
Finally the last day arrives and Lila has to hold back the urge to gag as everyone fills the nearby park giving Marinette gifts and heartfelt goodbyes. Adrien is the last one to offer his gift and Lila seethes as Marinette gingerly opens the box with a gasp and pulls out two brand new pink hair ribbons, and Adrien goes on to say that they’re made of imported silk! SILK, as if the little baker brat deserved silk! The whole exchange is cliche and romantic as Marinette removes her current hair ribbons to tie in the new ones and Adrien ties the old ones around his wrist like some idiot who doesn’t realize what a love struck longing look he's giving his ‘good friend’. But Lila just keeps reminding herself its just a bit longer and sure enough not long after the hideously gooey exchange between Adrien and Marinette is over the designer is leaving with more tears and farewells. FINALLY Lila thinks she can get back to what matters! Ruling her empire.
As it turns out ruling her empire is not what she thinks. For the first month after Marinette leaves all anyone will talk about is the photos she’s posted online. The first week its ALL about HER new school is a private well known academy with uniforms, and isn't Marinette cute in it? And look at her in her custom black kitty thigh highs? Lila wants to scream, but not as much as when she catches Adrien drooling over the photo of said thigh highs and twirling the old nasty hair ribbons around his wrist. The second week its all about the video tour of her new home and school that Marinette sent Alya. Lila glares the whole time as Alya puts the video on the projector at lunch so everyone can see the big new gorgeous bakery and the beautiful house on the second floor and her stupid big bedroom that should belong to someone like herself and not some bratty bakers daughter! By the third week Lila has had enough and fakes some nasty texts from Marinette hoping to speed up the process of helping her classmates move on to HERSELF. It backfires spectacularly with Alya going on the warpath to learn who would dare frame Marinette now that she’s gone. Lila is starting to realize that somehow Marinette has reached a higher level of popularity now that she’s gone. But she reminds herself it won't last forever that in ‘just a little bit longer’ everyone will forget the baker. Right?
A little bit longer. Never happens. Lila asks the girls to hang out that weekend with plans of winning them over with some juicy celeb story? Alya says they all already made plans to hope aboard the train to spend the whole weekend at Marinette’s new place! Lila tries to corner Adrien into a date after a photo shoot. He disappears and all she hears from the workers on set is that he's been looking up some new bakery on the other side of town. [Marinette is suddenly being visited by Chat Noir every other night but she figures she must have moved closer to where his civilian self lives if hes dropping by so much.] She tries to throw a party for the class? They can't. Marinette will be coming out to the park today! With her new school friends!
AH HA! Lila see’s opportunity and decides to tag along. After all if Marinette has new friends Lila can twist it! She’ll whisper about her replacing them all! Make them hate Marinette’s new friends! Fill them with jealousy till they hate Marinette! It's BRILLIANT! And, it fails in less than two minutes, with Alya learning about Aurore being a ballet dancer and the two girls bonding over their mutual love of DANCE?? How the heck was Lila supposed to know Alya had been a champion ballet dancer in her younger years! Then Nino is bonding with some kid named Allen or whatever about classical vs modern music and how to blend the two! And some kid named Claude is joking with Kim, Max, and Alix! And this is definitely not how things were supposed to go!
The worst part is Adrien, who is passive aggressively fighting for Marinette against Kagami AND Felix who are both all too eager to show how ‘close’ they’ve gotten to the baker's daughter while Adrien’s been across the city. Kagami is all to happy to show off that she ALSO bought Marinette some new silk hair ribbons [in a red shade that happens to match her fencing uniform] while Felix eagerly wisks Marinette away the moment Kagami and Adrien are distracted the two fencers find him openly flirting with an oblivious Marinette her hair down because ‘oh felix was nice enough to help me get some leaves out of my hair and said i should leave it like this!’ [while both Kagami and Adrien agree she looks beyond cute they know this means war.] Needless to say Lila didn’t realize that Marinette was that damn popular with men and woman.
The week after the meet up Lila is worn so thin she’s ready to snap. Not only did the class not get jealous but they actually became FRIENDS with all of Marinette’s new buddies and were planning many more meet ups including a paintball war over the baker girl that saturday. Adrien had taken to openly mumbling to himself about changing schools and how he ‘cant believe’ his own flesh and blood would so openly flirt with HIS very good friend! And what was with Kagami showing off how easily she can pick up and carry Marinette? And why did she invite Marinette to watch their next tournament! He needed to train, what if he lost?? In front of Marinette?! And then she thought he was too weak to keep her safe like all good friends are supposed to do! Clearly Kagami was trying to replace him as Marinette’s very good friend! Poor Nino who was sitting next to the boy had actually volunteered to switch with Lila but she came up with a lie to avoid it, she’d had enough of hearing about Marinette from Alya and Juleka and the rest of the girls, she didn’t also need to hear it from Adrien!
It all comes to a head that Saturday during the paintball tournament when Lila now at her wits end her plans out the window her schemes barely thought out hopes to find something ANYTHING to ruin Marinette’s day and reputation and everything. But Lila just so happens to get completely pelted with paintballs everytime she so much as moves and then later gets ignored when trying to wow Marinette’s new friends, and then gets called out by Felix and Kagami snaps and finally she snaps and SCREAMS and runs off and not even a dark little butterfly comes to help her ruin the perfect day. As it turns out Hawkmoth was a little preoccupied with trying to save his business after all the computers and data involved in his precise scheduling were mysteriously corrupted suddenly freeing up his son's time and schedule so he could spend more with HIS very good friend and no one else's. Kagami and Felix apparently had the same idea as when he gets to her new house their already their doing their best to get on her parents good side.
Basically just give me some comedic, fluffy, Lila salty, Marinette changes school fics. Because I love them ok.
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#lila salt#ml salt prompt#lila salt prompt#adrinette#alya sugar#marichat#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fanfic#miraculous salt#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#protective Adrien#my fic#kagaminette#felinette
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I decided to separate these girls into their own posts. That way I don't take up the feeds with giant walls of text. Even if it is under a read more. First I wanted to talk about Kokona.
I know Kokona isn't really a main or even important character but I had to include her in this. The fandom wanted to keep her around for a reason. It seems a shame to just throw her into the background with not even a semi important role.
I already love her design so I didn't feel any need to change anything besides giving her the uniform I've drawn on everyone else. I've decided to repurpose her compensated dating storyline (is that even still cannon now that she's no longer a test rival?) I didn't want to do away with it completely.
I thought it would be more veasable for the daughter of a bank ceo to attend Akademi than someone who's family is struggling with crippling debt and harassment from a loan shark. Kokona is 17 years old, a 2nd year student and one of Ayano Aishi's only two friends. They met in middle school, and you wouldn't really consider them close. They do occasionally hang out together and Kokona does feel at least comfortable enough with Ayano to ask for the occasional favor.
In the beginning of the game after the opening cut scene and maybe a fun anime theme song opening you start the first week in Ayano's room as usual. While exploring everything, as most gamers do, you will come across a message on Ayano's computer. From Kokona. The message is just a simple reminder "hey, don't forget you promised to help me with my drama club audition today."
This is a prompt for the game tutorial. If you already know how to play Yandere simulator you can send a message back saying something came up and you can't make it. There will not be any consequences for skipping out. If you do need the tutorial you will find Kokona standing nervously in front of the drama club. You should have plenty of time to investigate Osana's opening interaction with Taro before you need to find her.
A semi-cutscene will play. Just a little exposition for what's going on. mainly Kokona being extremely nervous and terrified she won't pass the audition. Kizana Sunobu is notoriously difficult to impress. The drama club will rope off the hallway the clubroom is located in so you can use everything in the immediate area as part of the tutorial. While players a learning the ins and outs of yandere simulator gameplay Kokona will give her audition. The made up sob story of a man in crippling debt to a horrible loan shark and how his poor unfortunate daughter begins to offer compensated dates to older men to help her depressed father. Ayano's role in the audition is to play a hit man hired by the loan shark to "kidnap" her and prevent her from reaching her goal.
The tutorial ends, Kizana's voice is heard praising the performance. Kokona is now officially a member of the drama club. She's so happy, she now runs off to visit her best friend in the cooking club to tell her the good news. Ayano is free to approach Kizana who will praise her role in the performance as well. Thoroughly impressed, Kizana says Ayano can join drama club whenever she likes. No audition required.
#Animevampsart#Yandere simulator#yandere simulator 1980s mode#kokona haruka#yandere simulator redesign
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Downtown
Author: bvidzsoo
Warnings: sexual situations, swearing and angst
Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x female reader x Hong Joshua
Word count: 29, 624
Summary: You never thought you’d fall for the person you’ve known for almost ten years, but you did know he wasn’t the right person either for you. It was hard getting over him, especially when you were friends with benefits. But then, a mysterious gentleman came along, and changed your world. Suddenly, you knew what you deserved.
A/N: Holy shit, this feels like it took a year to write, when it was a week and a half? It���s very long, the longest oneshot I’ve written in my whole life so far and I’m proud of it. It’s past 3 am here when I’m posting this, so good night everyone. Don’t forget to leave your feedback, to feed my curious heart. Enjoy now!
Things weren’t always so complicated. As a child, you only have to worry about your grades and to not disappoint your parents. You go out with your friends, have fun, let loose and have no worries about the cruel world surrounding you. But then you grow up and all sorts of responsibilities are dumped on you; you suddenly don’t know this foreign world. It all feels scary and malicious, ready to take you out, but then you learn. You learn how to be an adult and things aren’t that hard anymore. Except if it comes to your feelings. People always say, ‘we are adults, we have to approach the issue straight on and address it; you have to talk about your feelings without holding anything back’. But that’s always easier said than done. Because I am an adult and yet I still don’t know how to tell the man lying down next to me that I’m in love with him. The room feels hot, skins glistening in the moonlight that comes in through the open window, both of our chests rise quickly, neither one of us having completely come down from our highs. I love it while it’s happening but hate it after it’s over. The sex is amazing with Soonyoung, he knows every inch of my body, he knows what turns me on and what I hate. He never chases his own release; he works for both of us. He’s rough but never to the extent to hurt me or make me uncomfortable. But then it’s over and there come the feelings I try repressing during the day. The want to turn into him and snuggle into his side, legs intertwined, eyes closed as we fall asleep is hard to ignore. Sometimes it happens, but then one of us leaves before the other could wake up. The bed feels empty without him and some mornings it makes me crazy. My sheets carry his scent, the scent I feel around me everywhere; it’s so deeply etched into my own being that it’s simply everywhere. Actions can be scary, but feelings are scarier. I closed my eyes to take another breath before turning my head. Soonyoung’s tongue poked out to lick his dry lips before he turned his head to face me, our dark brown eyes locking onto each other. My heart speed up, could he see it in my eyes? The desperate love I wanted him to see and feel? Or was he the oblivious boy he used to be back in high school? He changed in many aspects, but one thing remained the same: he was the same funny guy I used to hang out with, the same guy who always carried a smile on his lips and hid his real feelings.
Being on time was an issue I tried to fix my whole life. At first, it wasn’t my fault, my dad would never be on time, therefore, I was always late thanks to him. But slowly, after I was independent enough to be on my own, I started noticing that I took on his habit, being late almost everywhere. I overslept my first class today, which would be an issue later on as I have another class with the same teacher, and now I was hurrying down the hallway to try and not be late to my second class as well. And it was going well, until it wasn’t. A hard show sent my arms out and my notebook, book, and pencil case flying to the ground. It took me by surprise as there were few people in the hallway that someone would run into me, there was plenty of space. My eyes fell on the culprit as he carried on his way as if nothing had happened.
My morning grumpiness got the best of me and I opened my mouth to call out before he could round the corner, “Next time apologize, asshole!”
I bent down to pick up my three things laying on the ground, groaning when the bell rang, now I have to make it inside class before the teacher does. As I stood up once again, a black curly-haired boy stood in front of me. His cheeks were puffy and his eyes sharp and small. He resembled a hamster; it was the boy who ran into me. His uniform wasn’t neat and his left shoe tie was unmade. I glanced over his figure again before making eye contact. His dark eyes had a certain allure to them and I definitely didn’t expect the sudden wide smile he offered me.
“Sorry! I’m kind of in a rush,” He spoke hurriedly, his voice a bit raspy.
“Well, me too, but do you see me running into others when there’s enough space for the both of us in a, now, empty hallway?” I raised my eyebrows expectantly, eyes falling on his name tag. Kwon Soonyoung. I haven’t heard of him before, however, his face is one I would have remembered for sure if I saw it around. Is he new? Or just invisible like me?
“Uh, sorry…” The boy scratched his neck embarrassed as he looked around us, “I overslept, so I’m in a hurry to get to my second class in time--”
“We are already late, so don’t bother” I sighed as I walked around the boy to start my walk, now casual, towards my class. I was for sure late now, the teacher probably inside, there was no need for me to rush anymore.
“You overslept too?” The boy was by my side and I nodded my head wordlessly.
“I’m Kwon Soonyoung!” He extended his hand while we were walking and I looked at him before shaking his hand firmly. He was smiling widely and I offered him a close-lipped smile.
“I’m Lim Y/N” I introduced myself and Soonyoung nodded his head violently.
“I know!” He was excited as he kept grinning, his eyes disappearing completely, cheeks even puffier. I could pinch those cheeks right now.
“Yeah, we have name tags…” I muttered with a chuckle as we rounded the corner.
“No, I know who you are!” My eyes fell on the overly excited boy walking next to me and my eyebrows furrowed. How did he know who I am but I didn’t know who he was?
“Did we meet before?” I asked confused as Soonyoung stopped walking.
“No” He chuckled and looked at a closed-door he was standing in front of, “But we always arrive at the same time to school...well, besides today…”
“Oh” I muttered as I tried to remember his face but couldn’t connect it to his words, “If you say so”
“I’m not well known, but that’s fine” He chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders. I glanced at my wristwatch and figured I should really get to class now.
“I’ll see you around then, I guess,” I said as Soonyoung nodded before knocking on the door he was standing in front of.
“See you” He winked before sliding the door open and stepping inside while bowing. What a weird boy, I thought to myself as I walked down the hallway, finally arriving to my class. I did the same thing Soonyoung did and thanked the heavens the teacher asked no questions.
Our eyes stayed locked as I wondered what Soonyoung was thinking. He looked troubled; eyebrows furrowed as his eyes fell to my lips. My heart rate picked up again and I was ready to refuse a second round, tonight I wasn’t feeling it anymore. But Soonyoung said nothing as he scooted closer and draped an arm around my naked torso, his naked body coming in contact with mine. His skin brushing against mine made me feel like I was on fire, as if a few minutes ago he wasn’t inside me making me feel things only he could. The way our bodies molded together made me almost forget the things I wanted to tell him. I could never truly muster up the courage to tell him that I love him more than a friend, after all, we are just friends. Friends who help each other out in desperate times. I’ve known Soonyoung for almost ten years.
We met in high school for the first time and quickly became friends, connecting over our similar interests and the fact that we were pretty much invisible to the others, friendless. Soonyoung was always happy and smiling, he quickly became someone I relied on upon and confided in. When he needed someone serious to talk to or just listen to his rants, he knew he had me and that I wouldn’t judge him, as many others did. But then high school was over and we made empty promises to keep in touch throughout college, but I wasn’t too wealthy so I couldn’t attend the same college he chose. And in our second year, Soonyoung transferred to a bigger city to have part of better education, leaving me behind. And slowly like that, our friendship faded into distant happy memories. We both went on with our lives, sending each other birthday wishes when those days came around the year, but never truly did anything to reach out for a real conversation. I figured he was busy and if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d know where to find me. College came to an end after a few years and soon I found myself working in an office where my boss was loathsome, I didn’t last for long there, only a year. And that’s when I found my dream job presented to me. A wedding planner agency, they had a free spot for the interior designing of the places the soon-to-be-wed couple chose. So, I applied and I got the job. Everything went well there, the colleagues were nice and soon I found myself in a friendly relationship with everyone from the office. Our boss was a very nice older lady, hair always in a bun and lips always painted a nice shade of pink. She was always smiling and she always knew how to create a welcoming and pleasant environment for her working place. Maybe that’s what attracted her to Soonyoung so much. He emitted a certain warmness that drew people in, a small always on his face. He was rarely angry, he stayed calm in stressful situations, and he always had a joke for when times became unbearable. So, he got employed. To the same company I have been working for, for five years. And he changed, a lot. His innocent smiles from high school turned into flirty ones. His somewhat raspy voice turned into a full rasp and sultry comments. He got taller too, his body lean and worked. His dark hair didn’t grow much, but the curliness was gone and nowadays a few strands were always falling in his eyes. The puffiness from his cheeks subsided and he became manly looking, his sharp eyes keeping you fixated on a spot if he wanted to. His behavior didn’t change much, except he became more confident and less invisible. Unlike me, throughout the years I turned more into myself and realized I didn’t need people to be close to me, I felt more comfortable being on my own. Maybe it was the fear of getting to know someone more only to be left behind, like it happened with Soonyoung, but I was content. It’s not like I was actively looking for a friendship, even though sometimes I would complain about it to my sister, emphasis on sometimes. But of course, when Soonyoung and I reconciled, things were bound to happen. We weren’t oblivious teenagers anymore, we were adults with certain needs. And somewhere along those lines, we found ourselves in a friend with benefits kind of relationship. I didn’t even know I found Soonyoung attractive until he kissed me behind the club while we went out so that he could take a cigarette break, he’s an amazing dancer, by the way. But now I wish he didn’t kiss me that night, a year ago, because maybe then I wouldn’t feel so choked up by the feelings he makes me feel now.
“Did you look for decoration for the reception?” Soonyoung’s sleepy voice broke me out of my thoughts. By how slowly he was breathing, I assumed he already fell asleep.
“Sort of,” I mumbled quietly, not fighting the urge to play with his hair anymore, “I can’t decide on the colors”
“What does the bride want?” Soonyoung’s question got muffled when he pressed a kiss between my breasts.
I sighed and gulped as my heart continued beating violently, “She didn’t specify, but I’m leaning more towards beige”
“Beige is always a good color choice” Soonyoung muttered as his long fingers ran down the side of my body.
“Yeah” I muttered as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm my erratic heart beating. I knew he could hear it, or feel it, and it made me anxious. Would he think it was from the sex or did he know how much these little interactions, touches, actually made me feel? But tonight, I didn’t want to find out, tonight I just wanted to take a hot shower, drown a whole bottle of wine and go to bed, in my own bed.
“I have to head home” I spoke up as I cleared my throat, glancing down at Soonyoung. He groaned as he muzzled his face more into my chest, his hair tickling my breast.
“Did your mom give you a new curfew?” He joked as he lifted his head and gazed at me. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, trying to hide the blush that came onto my cheeks at the view in front of me. I could never get used to the image of Soonyoung after sex. He looked so hot while disheveled.
“No, but my boss won’t be impressed if I’m late to work--”
“Again” We chorused at the same time, both of us giggling, Soonyoung’s eyes disappearing as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. I quieted down and licked my lips, awaiting his next move. He really didn’t seem like he was about to move, so I nudged him with my leg.
“Get off, leech, I can’t get up” Soonyoung’s laughter echoed in the quiet room and I shook my head at him, “I’m serious”
“Can’t you just sleep over?” He whined like a little kid and I shook my head, raising to my elbows, closing the distance between our faces. Soonyoung’s breath mixed with mine and I really wanted to lean in and capture his lips with mine, so when he did it first, I hummed contently. I let my eyes fall closed as our lips moved lazily against each other, knowing this was Soonyoung’s way of trying to trick me into staying with him, I didn’t let myself get lost in the feeling of him, even if I wanted to.
“I’m going” I muttered as I tilted my head back, away from Soonyoung’s lips. He just groaned and started kissing my neck instead.
“Stay” He muttered, lazily landing a wet kiss on my jaw, “Please?”
“No.” I said firmly as I lowered my head to look into his eyes. I leaned forwards and pecked his lips quickly before gently pushing him over, letting him fall on his back on the bed.
“Let me drive you home?” He asked as I quickly rose from the bed and found my underwear, putting it on.
“I’ll call for a cab” I answered him as I bent down to pick up my black jeans, feeling his eyes on me.
“With me, you are safer” He argued and I sighed as I threw on my grey sweater, zipping my jeans up.
“I’ll text you when I get home” I found my socks and smiled in victory as one was thrown underneath the bed.
“You better not forget it this time” Soonyoung’s glare was playful as he sat up on his bed, still fully naked. I gave him a pointed look before seeing his briefs at the foot of the bed and throwing it at him.
“You know I probably will and get dressed, you’ll get sick” I scolded him as I went around his bed to close the window and pull the curtains closed.
“You know the old ladies love a good show” He wiggled his ass as he pulled his briefs on and I giggled as I opened the locked door of his bedroom. I was surprised to find the lights on in the kitchen, a very sleepy Jihoon rubbing his eyes as he eyed a carton of milk in the fridge.
“You’re leaving?” He asked surprised, jumping when I accidentally bumped my bag into the table by the bathroom door.
“Yeah, I still have some work to do for tomorrow” I found my boots quickly and pulled them on, shooting Jihoon an apologetic smile, “I hope we didn’t wake you up…”
“Thank God you didn’t, Soonyoung is so loud” He grumbled with a glare and I heard a scoff coming from the living room.
“I know” I whispered with a chuckle and Jihoon shook his head before finally drinking out of the carton of milk.
“Hey! We share that together, can you stop leaving your saliva over everything?!” Soonyoung’s shriek made both Jihoon and I groan as the culprit came marching into the kitchen.
“I bought this with my own money!” Jihoon turned his back to Soonyoung when he tried taking the carton of milk from him.
“It’s late, can’t you two be less noisy? I’m sure the family living underneath doesn’t appreciate you screaming at night…” I threw them a glance as I unlocked my phone and ordered a cab through the app, pulling my leather jacket on.
“If you want to scold us, just leave already, mother” I flicked Soonyoung off as I unlocked the front door and opened it, poking my head back in.
“By the way, I love the new color, Jihoon” I whispered with a smile, the newly dyed blonde giving me an appreciative thumbs up. Soonyoung’s amused smile slowly slipped from his lips before he marched over, I didn’t miss the subtle glare thrown Jihoon’s way, and he went to playfully show the door in my face.
“Good night” He mumbled quietly, a softness rarely heard enveloping his voice.
“Night, Soo” I winked before turning around and heading for the stairs, ignoring the longing to turn around and crawl back into bed with him.
Soonyoung was right, the color beige is always a good choice. I stared at the reception in front of me decorated in beige colors, a proud smile slipping on my lips. The fairy lights around the tables gave the room a dreamy feel and the flowers on each table brought a touch of freshness. The bride and groom were yet to arrive so my nerves were still over the roof. It was always hard and nerve-wracking when it came to decorating a place to other’s likes, even if all were discussed in detail.
“Breathtaking, as always” The male voice whispered in my ear and I cringed away from Soonyoung. He was wearing his usual dark blue suit, rings decorating his fingers, and loose strands of black hair falling in his eyes.
“I told you to don’t do that here” I threw a glare at him as I took off between the aisles of tables and chairs. I heard Soonyoung chuckle behind me and I tried to ignore the sudden jump of my heart. I missed him even though I just saw him yesterday.
“It’s just us here, Y/N, relax” Soonyoung took a different route as he bent down and started examining the silverware.
“Half of the decoration team is here, Soonyoung, please” I rolled my eyes as I found a stray napkin on one table and picked it up.
“That’s Hana’s fault” Soonyoung’s voice turned stern as he came up beside me.
“Go easy on her, she’s been here for a month only” I pressed the napkin into his chest as clapping came from behind us. I turned around with a smile and headed towards our boss, her lips in a wide smile.
“This is spectacular, Y/N, you’ve been working for me for so long yet you surprise me each time!” She exclaimed as she looked around the room, patting Soonyoung’s arm when he came up beside me, napkin stuffed in his pocket now.
“Thank you, Mrs. Choi” I bowed my head and she walked past us, stopping by a table.
“Did you bring the cameras, Soonyoung?” She asked as she leaned down a bit to arrange the flowers in the vase.
“Everything is set, Mrs. Choi, we are waiting for the bride and groom” He answered her back smoothly, sending me a wink. I rolled my eyes as the clicking of heels caught my attention. Kim Yerim, dressed in all pink, came waltzing inside with her blonde hair in two pigtails. My eyes widened before I sighed, looking back at Mrs. Choi and Soonyoung.
“Morning!” She greeted in the loudest voice ever and came to a stop next to me, “Damn! This place is fucking awesome!”
I threw Yerim a look before I sighed again, pointing at her outfit, “Are you headed to Disneyland or something?”
“I look like a princess, don’t I?” She giggled excited, twirling around in a slow pirouette. I pushed her shoulder playfully.
“More like a Barbie doll” Soonyoung walked up to us with a smirk on his lips, eyes traveling over Yerim’s body. I gulped as I looked at the wall ahead, trying to ignore the sudden fire that was ignited inside my body. Of course, Soonyoung flirts with every female from work, even Mrs. Choi sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by it every time he does it. In fact, I hate it. How he just so casually compliments other women with his flirty tone, looking them up and down; and I know they feel weak in the knees; how he just so casually winks at everyone or the playful touches, especially with Yerim. I like Yerim, a lot, she’s eccentric, much like Soonyoung, and she’s fun to hang out with. She swears a lot, but that’s something everyone already got used to, yet I can never brush aside the want to grab her by her silky blonde hair and smash her head against a wall. Sometimes she wears something overly sexy just because she likes the attention from Soonyoung, and I know because she confessed to it some time ago while we were on a coffee break in the recreation room. I wanted to throw my coffee at her when I heard her words. Very mature, I know.
“Guess you could be my Ken for tonight?” Yerim raised her eyebrows, a smirk crossing her lips and my jaw clenched when Soonyoung chuckled airily, leaning a bit closer to her.
“Just for tonight?” I wanted to kick him, drag him away by his hair, gag his mouth with toilet paper, and scream at him that I love him, that I want him, that he’s mine. But instead, I took a deep breath and exhaled quietly, trying to put on an amused smile and smooth out the venomous tone wanting to come through.
“You can sort out your business after we are done here,” I gripped Yerim’s arm a bit too harshly and turned her around, “Because the bride just arrived and you need to dress her up for the photoshoot”
“Fuck, she’s here?” Yerim exclaimed, “I gotta run to the car to bring in the clothes, catch you later!”
I shook my head as Soonyoung giggled while we watched Yerim run away in her pink stiletto heels. Mrs. Choi was still at the front, sorting out the name tags for the tables.
“Go do your job, Mr. Kwon” I turned to Soonyoung with raised eyebrows and he did a mocking salute before glancing back to see what Mrs. Choi was doing.
“Yes, ma’am, yes” Then he took a step closer and my eyes widened when he squeezed my ass, “I want to bend you over and fuck you against one of those tables, this dress fits your body in all the right places”
I bit my lower lip, staring into Soonyoung’s hooded eyes as his gaze dropped to my lips. Yes, I think I would like that proposition a lot, but then the words he said to Yerim rang through my head and the heat I felt was suddenly gone. Right, we are at work.
“Just...do your job, Soonyoung” I muttered breathless, pushing him away gently. He groaned as he took a glance at my lips again then walked out, leaving me with Mrs. Choi. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my foggy mind, organize my messy thoughts. Sometimes I wish I never agreed to this whole madness with Soonyoung.
“Dear, I think you messed up a few names, come check it out!” Mrs. Choi called from the front of the room and I started walking towards her with a sigh.
“Coming now!”
Pictures and pictures lay endlessly on my big counter in the kitchen, laptop pushed to the side and wine glass in my hands. Yesterday’s reception went amazingly, the bride and groom were in love with how I decorated the place and earlier today I was assigned another couple. They’ve been together for half a year only and they were pretentious. They had a sophisticated taste and every little detail mattered. They even instructed me to place five white pearls on each table, not more not less. It was challenging and my headache was turning stronger as I kept staring at various pictures of what I could do for the reception. I’ve been working in this field for a long time now, but some clients were indeed special. Special enough to give me a headache, that is. I groaned as I pushed the picture of the reception, that I did last year, beach themed, and placed my wine glass down, far away from my laptop and pictures. It wasn’t even that tiring, yet I felt like I haven’t slept in days. My brain was restless. It wanted me to tell Soonyoung everything, to confess finally. My chest felt heavy every time I had to look at him flirting with other women, draining a great deal of my energy. I want to confess, badly, but I’m scared. He’s so good at concealing his feelings, that I genuinely can’t even predict his reaction. Would he be surprised? Would he be angry? Would he laugh at me? Would he tell me he already knew? Would he tell me…he feels the same? Countless and countless scenarios ran through my mind as I quickly slapped my cheeks and looked back down at the pictures. Focus, Y/N, your job is more important than your feelings right now. The bride wanted purple colored decoration but the groom something orange. Now, these two colors would look hideous together but somehow, we have to make them work. How? That’s what I’m currently trying to work out. Maybe use purple decoration and put orange flowers here and there? Maybe use orange pearls? No, she pointed out she wanted white ones. What if I use white and orange ones? That wouldn’t look too bad. What if I decorate the bride and groom’s table orange and the rest purple? That shouldn’t look so bad. I should talk to Soonyoung first, see what his ideas are. After all, we are partners when it comes to our work, we do it together. We were supposed to be doing this together right now, actually, but something urgent came up and Soonyoung had to cancel. Something so urgent that he couldn’t even tell me about it, that hasn’t happened before. We are friends, first of all, we tell each other most things. As I reached for my glass of wine, my phone pinged, alerting me that I had a message. From Soonyoung, I knew because he has a different ringtone. I reached for my phone and opened it up as I took a small sip of my wine. I almost finished what I had poured out in my glass.
From Soonyoung: Be there in ten!
My eye widened as I nearly dropped my glass. Be here in ten? What does he mean? He can’t just come over like that! I’m not in the mood to get laid tonight, I actually have a lot of work to do! And he has too, what is he thinking?!
To Soonyoung: No, you can’t come over!
The response was almost immediate.
From Soonyoung: Too late, I’m two blocks away.
To Soonyoung: Don’t drive and text you idiot!
My heart started beating erratically as my eyes scanned my apartment. Shit! It’s a mess! I quickly hopped of from the stool and ran into my bedroom to put on a lacey bra. Maybe I can convince him to leave me alone tonight and actually get some work done together. I quickly pulled my hair in a low messy bun and ran back out to my living room. I quickly arranged the pillows on my sofa and turned off the TV, which was on for some background noise. I groaned as my eyes fell on the leftover pizza, that I left on the coffee table, the box too big for me to quickly throw away so I took it in my hands and walked to my counter and dropped it off behind it. No, you shouldn’t put food on the floor, am I desperate enough to do it? Yes. My kitchen was open so there was no wall separating my living room from it, just the counter. Before I could do anything else, I heard the turn of a key and the lock unlocking as Soonyoung came into view. I quickly put on a small smile, trying not to fidget much as my heart continued to beat quickly. I could never get enough of seeing him. It’s always as if it’s the first time. He takes my breath away. I gulped as I watched him take his shoes off at the entrance and he closed the front door, not locking it. Is this a quick visit then? Does he have an idea and he just quickly wants to give me the sketch? He wouldn’t have taken off his shoes then, or come over, he would have just done it tomorrow at work.
“So, what are you doing here?” I cleared my throat before speaking and Soonyoung looked at me with a wide grin. He looked so happy and enthusiastic that I couldn’t help it and returned the smile, with less energy though.
“Let’s sit down first!” He giggled as he skipped towards my grey sofa from the living room and I raised my eyebrows as I followed him, tugging on the sleeves of my oversized sweater. Soonyoung’s hands were crossed as he leaned his elbows forward on his knees and I sat next to him, a bit rigidly, as I waited for him to speak. I wanted to scoot a tiny little bit closer, to feel his body heat. He was like a magnet, always pulling me closer and closer until there was no space left between us. It was always so hard to not touch him when we were together. I always found somehow an excuse to lay my hands on him. Even if it was just the small action of smoothing down his shirt or collar of his coat.
“So…” He trailed off as he turned serious and I gulped. Did he figure it out? Does he know I love him? What’s with the sudden seriousness? He definitely isn’t here for sex. He would be undressing me by now if that was the case.
“So…” I trailed off, trying to get him to talk but patience laced my voice, to let him know it was okay if he needed time to word his thoughts.
“I’m going to be just plain forward, simple and honest.” He turned his head so that our brown eyes could look into each other’s, and I gulped loudly. Tonight, I fall, tonight he tells me he knew all along and that he can’t return the feelings. And that’s heart wrenching but perhaps even alright. I understand.
“I have a girlfriend” Silence, that’s what followed his words. Deafening silence. The sentence, ‘I have a girlfriend’, echoed through my mind as if he said it again. I gulped and smoothed out my face, no reaction.
“You have a girlfriend?” My voice was composed, sincere and curious. I even smiled, giggling inside. Soonyoung has a girlfriend? I silenced my thoughts, almost screaming at them to shut up, as Soonyoung opened his mouth to speak again.
“Yes” His voice was so quiet, he looked shocked. I was the one feeling shocked actually. My smile widened and for some reason, the way Soonyoung was watching me, made me feel like I was crazy.
“That’s amazing! I never thought I’d hear you saying those words!” I chuckled as I went to reach out and squeeze his hand, but stopped myself and instead scratched my thigh as if it started itching. He has a girlfriend, I can’t touch him, not anymore.
“Yeah-yeah…” Soonyoung breathed, gulping almost speechless as he continued watching me like a hawk, “It finally happened, I guess. It’s out of the blue, I know, but…yeah.”
“Damn, it is out of the blue!” I exclaimed and crossed one leg over the other, trying to hide my trembling hands as I slid them between my thighs, “But…you know, we are back to being friends. Just friends, Soonyoung”
Soonyoung’s jaw clenched at my words and I almost frowned as I bit my lower lip nervously, scared it would start trembling as well. My whole body was on the verge of trembling, my heart was thumping so loudly I was afraid I wouldn’t hear Soonyoung’s response.
“Just friends?” He whispered but then caught himself and cleared his throat, “Yeah! We are great friends, aren’t we?”
“Bestest friends, Soonyoung” I laughed, tears almost pooling up in my eyes, almost, “Since high school, eh?”
“Yeah, who would’ve thought…” Soonyoung shrugged his shoulders before abruptly standing up, “I have to work on the interior design, I didn’t get to do any work yet”
My eyes fell on my packed counter and my eyes remained glued to it. I didn’t want to look at Soonyoung anymore, I felt sick. Nauseous. I wanted to grab my glass of wine and throw it at him, but I forced myself to turn my head back and stare him in the eyes.
“You better, I’m almost finished with my ideas. Just drop off your sketches in my office tomorrow morning” Soonyoung nodded as he sniffed and glanced around my apartment before his eyes fell on my body, running all over it. I hated it; I hate him. Because I knew what he was thinking by the way his eyes darkened.
“You’re wearing my favorite hoodie” His voice was quiet and lower as he licked his lips and I walked up to him and quickly hugged him, but there was no force in my arms, no passion whatsoever.
“It’s late, I’m tired since I worked all day. See you tomorrow, Soonyoung” I didn’t give him time to reciprocate the hug and pulled away as I walked to the front door and grabbed the handle. Soonyoung smiled, but it didn’t look genuine at all, as he walked next to me and took on his shoes. His body was so close to mine that I could feel his warmness, his intoxicating scent. His eyes narrowed when he rose back up, scrutinizing me as my smile widened.
“Good night, then” He stepped out as I opened the door for him.
“Good night!” I watched him walk towards the elevator and push the button to order it up. He turned his head a little and I waved cutely at him, watching him as he boarded the elevator once it arrived. The doors closed and Soonyoung was gone from my vision. Disgust flooded my body as I closed my door slowly, the clicking of one lock feeling like a scream in my quiet apartment. The second lock, however, set everything off. The second turn of the lock, made my heart explode into a million pieces. My heart was glass and that glass just exploded into so many tiny pieces, that it would never be mended back together. It needs to be thrown away and replaced. But you can’t throw away a heart just like that. My hands startled trembling violently as I finally let my body do whatever it wanted. I was alone, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. My thoughts, the ones I screamed at to stay silent, suddenly came back screaming at me. ‘I have a girlfriend’, it made me chuckle. Because, really, it’s very hilarious! How did I never notice?! Then it turned into a giggle, because, honestly, we are best friends! How did it slip through my fingers? How did I not see it sooner? Wait, why did he never tell me? And suddenly, I was sobbing. Tears were flowing down my cheeks so quickly that there was no reason for me to wipe them away, new ones would replace them. I leaned against the wall as my body curled into a ball as much as it could while standing. My thoughts screamed continuously: ‘This is your fault! Why did you not tell him earlier? Why are you sobbing right now? It’s disgusting what you are doing, please stop! You are such a fucking idiot, Y/N! He has a girlfriend.’
My head started throbbing worse and I straightened up and glanced around, eyes falling on the bottle of wine. My throat felt dry, my eyes were burning and there was definitely snot coming out of my nose, a bit salty, as I wiped it away with the sleeve of my sweater. Disgusting, I’ll have to wash it tomorrow. I grinned as I walked up to the counter and took the bottle in my hands, examining it. Rosé, my favorite. What a perfect timing to get fucking wasted. I sat on the stool and raised the bottle, pouring as much of the alcohol that I could in my mouth without choking myself. Suddenly then I realized that the throbbing of my head wasn’t the worst feeling I was feeling right now. Oh no. It was the hollowness in my chest that made me choke up and start another downpour of tears. It was so foreign yet so familiar. Turns out, I’ve always felt like this when it came to Soonyoung, just not this intensely. I wanted to rip my hair out, to kick someone, to scream at Soonyoung. How could he play with my heart so much without knowing what he was doing? Why did I allow him to do that? Why did I go so deep that I allowed him to make me feel like this? Like what? Like utter garbage, like the leftover you get disgusted by when you look at it, like that present you get from your aunt and you hate but you have to pretend you like? And disgust. It was so powerful, I wanted to scrub it all away. I glared at the last place where Soonyoung stood not so long ago and took off towards the window, forcefully opening it to get rid of his scent. I have to wash myself and every single clothing and bed sheet he’s ever touched. I have to clean everything. I have to clean myself.
The next morning, I looked worse than what I felt like. My eyes were burning, still, puffy and even red. My nose was red and my upper lip swollen. I looked horrible and I panicked more and more the longer I looked in the mirror. Not even makeup can salvage the way I look, at least not the kind of makeup that I know how to apply. I groaned as I grabbed my phone and dialed the person I wanted to talk to least as first thing in the morning.
“It’s so fucking early! You are lucky I was already awake or else—”
“Good morning” I cut Yerim off with a grunt and the girl just sighed.
“Are you okay?” She asked calmly, realizing how weird this was. I rarely called the girl for anything other than work and I didn’t even tell her yet what I needed.
“Somewhat” I muttered as I tried to tame my wild hair, “Question.”
“Shoot, damn, you’re making me anxious, Y/N!” I rolled my eyes as Yerim shuffled on the other end of the phone.
“Can you do my makeup today?” I asked while chewing on my lower lip, afraid of her reaction.
“Fuck yes! Finally!” Yerim exclaimed and I scrunched my nose up at her loudness, “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life!”
“Okay, cool, I’ll see you in an hour at work!” Before she could say anything else, I quickly hung up and groaned. God damn it, I look horrible! I quickly pulled my wild hair in a high ponytail and got to washing my face, trying to get the swell to go away with cold water. After drinking all the wine, I had in that bottle, I went and took a hot shower, burning my skin because I was drunk and stupid, and then proceeded to cry myself to sleep. I don’t think I have ever before cried so much. My chest felt empty and hollow still, my eyes filled with tears still when I thought of Soonyoung, but I felt lighter. The break down last night wasn’t something pretty but it was better than bottling it up for longer. I already bottled up too many things.
When Yerim saw me, she gasped and probably swore for at least ten minutes, I didn’t check the time. She didn’t ask questions so at least I didn’t have to come up with a stupid excuse, but she scolded me every five minutes and kept saying she’d have to come over to give my skin a treatment after I dared to destroy it last night. I was itching to ask her if she had a treatment for my broken heart as well, but I didn’t. I would sound bitter and I didn’t want to explain myself. Today, I wanted to be left alone. By everyone. I wanted to close my eyes every time Soonyoung passed by, I wanted to block out his voice, his flirty and annoying remarks. I just wanted to work on the design for the upcoming reception, but for that I needed to see Soonyoung. And I didn’t want to do that, so I postponed our meeting. We have a whole month until the reception, I don’t have to rush myself so much right now. I need at least a week to recover.
But that was a lie. A week turned into a week and five days. It was finally Friday and I’d be free for the next two days. I could do some touch up on the sketches Soonyoung left in my office last week and finally organize a meeting where we can talk about all the little important details. I still wasn’t ready to just face him, but I had to suck it up. We are adults, aren’t we? I might as well start acting like it, but only starting from next Monday. Today, I shall still wallow in my pain and ignore Soonyoung as best as I can. Which is starting to become harder and harder as his text are becoming more and more overwhelming. I could brush him off for one week, making it seem like I was actually busy with work and not dying a little bit more every night while I watched my favorite movie, ate mint chocolate ice cream and drank wine to wash away the hollowness in my chest. It didn’t even work, it just made it worse for the next day when I looked in the mirror and saw how messy and unkept I looked. I didn’t exactly care but I knew I had to stop being a baby when even Mrs. Choi voiced her concerns about my well-being. I didn’t even know others could see my suffering. Everyone but Soonyoung, who would happily waltz into my office from time to time and tell me random things, which used to entertain me before, but now they were just pissing me off. I wanted to smash his face in, but I couldn’t.
I was quietly enjoying my coffee in the recreation room when another person entered, making me sigh to myself quietly. I’d have to make conversation again, lovely. But as I turned to face the incomer, my breath caught in my throat and my heart thudded in a dull way. Soonyoung was standing close to me, staring me in the eyes intently, with his eyes narrowed. I gulped and quickly raised the mug to my lips to take a big sip of my coffee, finding it as an excuse to break eye contact.
“Okay, what’s happening with you?” Soonyoung asked when I loudly slurped the coffee, voice angry. My eyes widened as I looked at him, taken aback by his sudden anger. He was rarely angry; it took a lot to piss of Kwon Soonyoung.
I gulped and shrugged as I side stepped him, putting distance between our bodies, “I don’t know. Nothing?”
He was only standing so close to me to intimidate me, to make me tell him what he wanted to know. But I wouldn’t do what he wanted anymore, we were over that. I wasn’t going to bend to his wishes so easily anymore.
“How’s your girlfriend doing?” I asked with a smile, trying not to cringe at the word ‘girlfriend’ and to keep an even tone.
“Pretty well, don’t change the subject” Soonyoung snapped and I dropped my fake happy smile.
“I didn’t” I muttered and continued to slurp my coffee loudly, realizing it was pissing Soonyoung off more. It was actually quite entertaining to watch him clench and unclench his jaw while he glared at my mug, who knew such little action could tick him off!
“Yes, you did and stop slurping that God damn coffee like a five-year-old!”
“Woah, woah, there, horsy! What’s got your knickers in a twist?” I asked with a snicker and Soonyoung opened his mouth lightning fast but he closed it a second later. He took a deep breath and his eyes softened. My heart skipped a beat, the broken pieces becoming a bit more broken if that’s possible, and I tried to look away from his face but our eyes were glued together.
“I don’t know what’s happening with you, but you barely speak to me nowadays” Soonyoung spoke quietly, leaning against the counter defeated. Shit, guilt enveloped me as I watched his tired face, “Your responses to my text messages are dry, you don’t hang out with me anymore and you always throw me out of your office when I have something to rant about! Why are you ignoring me?!”
I lowered my mug on the table that was between us and tried to push down the sudden urge to walk up to him and hug him tightly and apologize, “I know, I just…I’m so busy. These clients are really making me work hard. I mean, their color combination is horrible and we have to make it work somehow. I’m also trying to match the decoration to your sketches, while trying to find a fitting set for the photoshoot. I guess I just got really busy suddenly. But when we are done with these clients we can—uh, hang out…”
“Hang out, yeah” Soonyoung whispered as he looked down at the ground and I bit my lip nervously. It’s not like what I said was a total lie, “Jihoon misses you, you should come hang out with us sometime when you decide to rest even for a second”
Jihoon misses me. Only Jihoon? Jihoon and I aren’t even friends, we just know each other because he’s Soonyoung’s flat mate and because I would go over to have sex with Soonyoung almost daily. I wanted to hear Soonyoung saying he misses me, I wanted him to tell me he can’t live without me, that his heart breaks every day more as we spend less and less time together. This is just like the first time we grew apart, but a lot more painful. Back then I thought I only lost a friend, now I feel like I lost a piece of myself as well.
“I’ll see when I finally get to rest” I smiled at Soonyoung again before quickly leaving the room, leaving a solemn Soonyoung behind. Unlike me, he radiated more and more as days went by. His smile was wider than ever, his laughter louder than before. He even stopped flirting so obviously with the other women, especially Yerim, and it made me think how serious his relationship must be. He never spoke about it, but the little changes said enough. Or at least the little changes he wanted us to see, his real feelings buried deep inside away from everyone’s eyes.
The day was finally over and I dragged myself home. My apartment quickly became my sanctuary over the past week. Here nobody could bother me if I didn’t let them in and most importantly! I didn’t have to see Soonyoung! If before I couldn’t wait to see Soonyoung, now I can’t wait to get away and ignore him. It’s not the best way to deal with things, I’m further ruining our friendship, but it’s the only way I can cope. For now, I’ll just ignore him for as long as I can, and once I get over him, I can tell him why I did what I did. He would understand me, for sure, and hopefully even forgive me. If I thought before, that I think too much about Soonyoung, ever since he told me he has a girlfriend I feel like I’m obsessed with him. I’m constantly thinking of him and all the if’s that could have been. It’s not healthy and I keep telling myself to stop, but it’s really hard. I want to be the one he hugs and whispers his lame jokes to when cuddling in bed. I want to be the one who gets to wake up to him next to me every morning and cook together breakfast that will be burnt in the end. I want to be the one who’d argue with him for having a messy room, and I want to be with him and plan a future, our future. But I’m not and that thought drives me into craziness and I just want to run into a wall and let my body fall crushed to the ground. But I can’t do all those, I have to live my life. This is just another cruel joke that life has to offer me and so far, I’m not taking it well at all. Jokes are supposed to be funny.
Surprisingly enough, ever since I became pretty much depressive, I found the little motivation hidden deep inside to clean up my apartment and cook daily! My apartment hasn’t been this clean ever since I stopped living with my parents, I made great effort to keep it crystal clear. I even started calling Yerim almost daily to ask her for new recipes, apparently, she’s an amazing cook! I never knew all the cookies she brough to work were cooked by her! It’s as if the suffering Soonyoung caused me has opened my eyes to a new world, in which he didn’t play that much part, and that world, as painful as it was, was actually much better and liberating. But my high spirits were crushed when I opened one cupboard and saw I had no pasta…or sauce for the pasta. I then thought of ditching home cooked dinner but then I opened my fridge and realized I drank all the wine last night. Damn it! I groaned loudly as I turned around and quickly hopped into my white sneakers and pulled on my brown coat. I must look horrible wearing sweatpants, and a turtle neck with a coat. But the little market is just five minutes away, it’s already 8pm, there’s not many people outside since it’s cold. I locked the front door and instead of taking the elevator and wasting my time by waiting for it, I quickly raced down the seven flight of stairs and left the building, shivering at the cold. I underestimated the weather tonight, I should have worn my thick jacket instead of this coat! But that only urged me to walk faster in order to reach the market and the lovely warmness. The bell chimed loudly, the sound drowned out by the music coming from the stereos, as I pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was no one behind the counter and I looked around, trying to remember where the pasta was last time. The boss of the market has a weird habit of reorganizing the aisles every few weeks, confusing, but I won’t question it. As I passed by the freezers my eyes fell on the wines and I hurried towards them, quickly zeroing out my favorite brand. I took a bottle off the shelf and looked around to find the pasta. It was at the second aisle to my left and I strutted towards it with a victorious smile. However, once I got there, I stopped with furrowed eyebrows. What kind of pasta should I buy? There are so many types, I never understood the logic behind it. Isn’t pasta, pasta? Why do you need so many types? Just make spaghetti and everyone will buy it! Why have penne, tagliatelle, tortilla and all the other types that I don’t even know the names of. I rubbed my chin as my eyes juggled between the tagliatelle and the penne. I want to eat Carbonara tonight, but won’t it be too greasy if I use tagliatelle? Maybe I should just go for penne. But penne are so small! I sighed as I took a step back and continued to think of which one to choose, playing with the bottle of wine in my hands. I was so lost in thought that I almost didn’t notice the guy slowly inching closer and closer, eyes focused on the products that were displayed on the shelf. If I wouldn’t have stepped back when I did, he definitely would’ve crushed my toes.
“Oh” He whispered at my sudden movement, eyes widening. My lips formed a thin line as I looked at him wordlessly, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there”
“Yeah, I figured” I mumbled as I watched from the corner of my eye as he bowed his head a little bit. He had light brown hair and it was falling all over his forehead in little waves. I ignored the stranger as I looked back at the different types of pasta and just sighed. But my sigh was louder than I expected, in fact, I realized, the stranger looked just as defeated as I felt. Hearing my sigh caught his attention as I saw him glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.
“You have trouble choosing one?” I found myself asking as I glanced at the stranger again from the corner of my eye. He was quick to look away, but his slightly pink cheeks indicated the fact that he knew I caught him staring.
“Yeah!” The guy chuckled, his voice light and melodic. It carried a warmness that unwillingly brought a smile to my lips.
“You’ve been standing here for longer than me, though” He spoke up again, an amused smile crossing his lips as he looked at me, “You must be more troubled”
“Yeah!” I nodded, finally facing him fully. His eyes were big and I felt like he was smiling at me just with his eyes, as his lips now were in a pout. He was dressed casually and I couldn’t help but laugh when his outfit registered in my mind. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at me and I quickly shook my head.
“Nothing’s funny—I mean, I’m not laughing at you!” I quickly said before he could misunderstand furthermore, “Your outfit, it’s just—before I left my apartment, I thought how hideous I look wearing sweatpants with a coat.”
The handsome stranger looked down at his outfit and then back at me, his eyes wide again, “I know, right?! My friend would be horrified if he saw me dressed like this!”
I giggled and nodded my head quickly, realizing Yerim would’ve skinned me alive, “Mine wouldn’t have appreciated it either”
“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow and I almost choked when I realized the sudden warmness on my cheeks was me blushing. Since when do I speak to strangers? Wait, no, since when does a stranger make me blush by such little action? Well, I can’t blame myself too much, this stranger is really eye catching. He’s handsome, I mean, really, handsome.
“So…did you decide yet on what pasta you want?” He cleared his throat as he looked away sheepishly, and I wanted to think it was because he saw my blush and became shy. This stranger wasn’t just handsome, he was actually really cute. And it’s weird how his voice solely made me feel safe, I don’t even know him. But something about his whole demeanor screams safety and lots of warmness. I can imagine what a day would feel like with him. Lots of giggles and laughter, and good time spent well together.
“I don’t understand why there’s so many types. Wasn’t one enough? Why do I have to choose one? What’s their purpose?” The stranger started laughing as I sulkily stared at the shelf, glaring at the pasta. Suddenly something warm spread through my chest hearing his laughter again, and I blushed, again.
“Well, if it helps, I don’t know either, but I choose penne” He stepped forward and grabbed a pack of penne before turning around to face me.
“I think I’m going with the same choice…” I muttered as I followed his previous actions and turned to face him once I had the pack in my right hand, left holding the wine. I made sure to leave a respectable amount of space between us, even though I wouldn’t have minded being a bit closer to him. He had an innocent sort of lure that was getting harder to ignore.
“I’m Joshua.” After a few seconds of silence, the stranger, Joshua, spoke up. His name rolled down effortlessly his tongue, articulating the name with a perfect American accent. I blushed and I almost slapped my own cheek in front of this handsome man—Joshua.
“I’m Y/N,” I squeaked out once I realized I stayed quiet for too long, “Uhm—your name it’s—uh…you’re a foreigner?”
I wanted to dig my own grave as I stuttered over my own words, my cheeks becoming warmer as a sweet smile appeared on Joshua’s lips. Many would have been amused by my reaction, but he looked understanding, like he wasn’t bothered by me asking.
“Sort of,” He started explaining and I raised my eyebrows at his answer, “I grew up in LA, but I moved back when I was around ten years old”
“Oh,” I nodded in understanding and Joshua scratched the back of his neck, “Explains the subtle accent”
He chuckled and now it was his turn to blush and I had to bite my lip to not smile so widely, “Yeah, well—you could call me Jisoo too. But I might not react to that name…”
“I think Joshua fits you, it’s a pretty name” A pretty name for a pretty boy, I almost continued aloud, feeling just as flustered as Joshua looked.
“Thank you” He mumbled quietly and I cleared my throat and motioned for us to start walking.
“You live in the neighborhood?” I asked as we walked towards the cashier.
“No, but my friend does” Joshua answered with a shake of his head and I hummed, glancing at him again. He was attention capturing, my thoughts were suddenly silenced. I was only focused on him, a sudden calmness overtaking me, calmness I haven’t felt in long. Even the hollowness in my chest felt subsided. And he’s just a stranger, he made me feel like that in the ten minutes we interacted. Could he make me feel more if we were to spend more time together? With the sudden surge of confidence and curiosity, I opened my mouth to speak up again.
“Do you want to exchange phone numbers?” Joshua stopped walking and he turned to look at me shocked. I examined his face to see if I made him uncomfortable, but he only looked surprised, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, Joshua”
“No! I actually want to!” He quickly spoke up and fished his phone out of his pocket at lightning speed. I smiled and took it in my hands, his phone unlocked already, as I went to his contacts to type in my number.
“I left my phone at home so you’ll have to text me first” I said with a wink as I handed his phone back after I saved my number, “I really hope you’ll text me…”
Joshua giggled as he quickly worked something on his phone, his fingers working fast before he was showing the phone’s screen to me.
To Y/N: Hi, this is Joshua. I promise I’m not a creep, can you promise me the same thing?
I laughed quietly as I nodded my head when Joshua put his phone away, “I can promise you that I’m not a creep.”
“Good.” He grinned and placed his items on the counter, “As much as I’d like to spend some more time with you right now, Minghao isn’t a very patient person, and we are hungry too”
“Oh, yes, sure! Wouldn’t want to hold you back from having dinner” I placed my own items on the counter as Joshua paid for his purchase. The cashier scanned my wine and penne before she placed the items in a bag.
“I hope you’ll answer my text, I’m not very patient when it comes to texting…” Joshua said in a teasing manner as he held the door open for me, we walked out together after I paid.
“Give me five minutes” I chuckled as we stopped in front of the shop, shivering as the cold breeze passed underneath our coats.
“I’ll give you ten” Joshua smiled a bit and I chuckled before biding him goodbye and quickly hurrying home. I wasn’t even that hungry anymore, I just wanted to talk to Joshua. I was giddy and breathless by the time I made it up to my apartment, having ran up seven flight of stairs. It felt like all my worries were gone as I looked forward to texting Joshua, a good feeling spreading through my body.
It only took us two days to agree on going on a date. It was the fastest someone has taken me out on a date after getting to know me. But during those two days, Saturday and Sunday, I felt like I’ve known Joshua for my whole life. He was really funny, in a very innocent way meanwhile Soonyoung’s energy always drained me. However, Joshua, he knew how to balance out being serious but funny at the same time. Sometimes he would make snarky comments and I didn’t fail to notice his mischievous nature. He liked to play pranks on his friends, I found out after he told me a story of him pranking his two friends at work. His boss wasn’t very impressed with Joshua but he likes him too much to fire him for such petty thing, and it was April 1st. Joshua worked as a banker in the city center, half an hour away from my own office. He likes to take long walks in his free time, he likes going on little trips in the country, rides his bicycle every Saturday in the forest on the outskirts of the city, he likes playing the guitar and watching movies when he’s feeling stressed. We agreed on doing a movie night the next time he gets stressed. I felt like a high school girl when talking to Joshua. My heart would start beating faster every time my phone alerted me that I had a new message and I would be really disappointed when it was just a simple notification and not Joshua texting me. However, he did keep his word about being an impatient texter. He really didn’t make me wait with his replies and if he was busy, he’d tell me, so that I knew why he wasn’t able to answer me right away. On Friday, the day we met in the shop, we stayed up until 3 am texting. I would burst out laughing every five minutes, maybe it was from the wine in my system, but everything Joshua said that night seemed to be overly funny. He told me he’s never seen someone looking so serious while shopping for pasta, neither did he think someone would get frustrated over such topic: ‘why are there so many types’. My cheeks flared up when he confessed telling his friend, Minghao, that he took so long to arrive back to his apartment because he was talking to a chick who was angry at pasta. He also said, Minghao’s words, “that he can’t believe Joshua was able to pick up a girl looking dressed like that”. I had to agree with Minghao and Joshua feigned hurt for a good ten minutes, ten minutes that I wouldn’t stop laughing because wasn’t Minghao right? Even I thought we looked ridiculous dressed like that. It was hard to put my phone aside and focus on my work, work that I tried pushing to the back of my mind, because it reminded me of Soonyoung. And Joshua made me feel so good and happy, that even the thought of thinking of Soonyoung infuriated me. I didn’t want to see him or think of him, I didn’t want the hollowness in my chest to return, the frustrating thoughts and wondering of what could have been, I wanted peace and happiness. Joshua offered me those and I tried to focus on them while working, even if it was hard. Soonyoung hasn’t texted me for three days now, and I would lie if I said I didn’t hope he’d do it. I missed him, again, and I missed him badly. I wanted to cuddle up next to him in bed and whine about the horrible color choices the bride and groom made. That I couldn’t handle this task without him, that I could barely handle myself without him. But I refused to do that, I realized it was unhealthy and I realized Soonyoung truly does see me as his best friend and I’m ruining the friendship we tried so badly to restore once we met again at work. I was selfish for ignoring him, but I couldn’t think of any other coping way. His words still hurt me, his words like poison to my heart. But Joshua…he made it all go away. He pulled me in and made me think of the present only and the feelings he was giving me. No Soonyoung, no pain. That’s why I decided Joshua deserved a chance, I deserved a chance. Soonyoung was happy, then why wouldn’t I be too? Why limit myself to a man who didn’t see me the way I see him? It was time to mature and move on.
My smile spread from ear to ear as I read the text from Joshua, ‘Good morning, cutie ^^’, while I brushed my teeth. I slept well last night but now my stomach wouldn’t stop grumbling. And it wasn’t because I didn’t have breakfast yet, it was because in an hour I’d be on a date with Joshua. Our very first date, and hopefully there is many more to come. I quickly sent back a good morning text and did my morning routine. Once I was dressed in a nice dark green, form fitting, dress that reached my ankles, I grabbed my purse and folder that I needed for later for the meeting. My red high heels clicked loudly as I descended the stairs, I might hate elevators because they kind of make me feel claustrophobic. I quickly got into my car once I got outside, shivering at the cold morning breeze. Joshua had a tight schedule this week and so did I, it was my own fault really for postponing the meeting with Soonyoung for so long, so we agreed on having a breakfast date at the coffee shop that’s closest to both of our workplaces. The car ride to the coffee shop didn’t take as long as I expected, today’s traffic wasn’t so bad, that was a first. So, I got there earlier and decided to wait in front of the coffee shop, but to my surprise, Joshua was already waiting at the front entrance. I quickly hurried up and hearing my high heels, Joshua turned towards me and smiled. A wide smile appeared on my own lips as I stopped in front of him, cheeks warming up when he pulled me in a short but warm hug. We greeted each other shyly and Joshua opened the door for me, both of us shivering once we were inside and enveloped in warmness.
“What would you like?” Joshua’s eyebrows rose as he turned towards me.
“One tall Caramel Macchiato and a croissant sandwich.” I answered and Joshua nodded before walking to the front counter. I looked around and chose a seat that was next to the wall, a pretty painting of flowers hung above the table. There weren’t many people in the shop right now as it was early and most people were already at work, thankfully, our schedules started later on the day. We had two hours before we had to head to work.
“Here” Joshua whispered more to himself as he placed down a tray in front of me, my order on it. I thanked him and helped him with his own tray, taking it from him and placing it on the table as he took his coat off and hung it on the hanger behind our table. I quickly followed his actions and took off my own coat, hanging it next to his.
“Do you plan on telling me how much my order was?” I asked with a smile as Joshua chuckled and shook his head, “Okay, I’ll just look at the menu on our way out and pay you back before we part ways”
“Oh, come on, Y/N!” Joshua giggled as he leaned back in his chair, his warm brown eyes connecting with mine, “It’s our first date. Next time I’ll let you pay for both of us”
“Only if on the third date we get to split evenly” I pointed a playful finger at him and a big smile spread on his lips, which he tried to hide by drinking from his drink. It was Caramel Macchiato, good choice.
“I really like the idea of a third date…” He trailed off and I bit my lower lip, looking down at my food.
“To be honest, I haven’t been on a date in ages, so I might be a bit rusty at it” I admitted and giggled a bit, feeling embarrassed. I was too wrapped up in Soonyoung to go on dates, or to even think about someone else. Apparently, he wasn’t.
“Don’t worry, so far so good” I gave Joshua a pointed look and he shrugged his shoulders, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“We’ve been together for like…fifteen minutes?” I glanced down at my wrist watch, “I don’t think I had the time to fuck up yet”
“Yeah, about that…” Joshua’s lips pulled up in a thin line and I raised my eyebrows.
“Now you made me curious, tell me all about it”
“Uh, maybe it’s not a first date kind of subject to talk about—”
“No, no, you really have to tell me Joshua, or I’ll nag you forever about it” I smacked my lips in a tight line and Joshua sighed before clearing his throat. He sat up tighter and his sudden serious demeanor took me by surprise, but when his lips quivered, I realized he was joking around and I gave him a small glare.
“Right, so…I went on a date with a girl, like…two years ago?” His eyes narrowed as he thought for a second, but then continued on with his story, “And like…I offered to pick her up and drive her to the cinema, we were having a movie date, and then while we are in the car, she turns pale and stops talking to me”
“Oh, your breath must have smelled really bad, dude…” I muttered, interrupting Joshua, and he threw me a warning glare. I started giggling and quickly bit into my croissant to muffle the sound as Joshua just shook his head.
“That really wasn’t the case, Y/N, I was literally chewing on the strongest gum out there—”
“If it’s Orbit, it really isn’t the strongest one, Shua” I interrupted once again and he wanted to glare at me, but his lips turned into a smile. My cheeks warmed up realizing that I just gave him a nickname, but he seemed to really enjoy it.
“It was Airwaves Extreme, hon, that thing throws your throat on fire” Just like my cheeks are on fire right now? I gulped down the rest of the croissant that was in my mouth carefully, trying to ignore the fact that he called me ‘hon’, shit, this is the first date only and I’m already dying? Was I out of the dating life for too long or does Joshua really have this effect on me?
“Anyways, back to the important things—the girl had food poisoning, so I had to drive her to the hospital. She felt bad for our ruined date, and so did I, until I found out she was set up by her younger sister and wasn’t really looking for a new relationship because she was pinning on a different guy already” I gulped a bit harder, eyes locking with Joshua’s. His lips were in a grimace and I hummed quietly, telling myself that I’m not pinning on Soonyoung. I’m getting over him, whatever I felt for him will soon be gone. Gone, because I have Joshua, because I want to try this out with him.
“What about the tickets…” I mumbled and Joshua nodded with a solemn look on his face.
“Didn’t go to waste, I went to the movie with Jeonghan, the co-worker I pranked” I giggled remembering the story he told me on Friday and wiped my mouth with a tissue before speaking.
“I still can’t believe you poured glitter all over his desk and his suit!” Joshua started laughing, his chest moving up and down by the force of it and I grinned, once again, from ear to ear.
“He looked good with the pink glitter though” He said with a grin once his laughter died down and I hummed, biting into my sandwich again.
“Are you not going to eat your breakfast?” I asked as I glanced down at his plate, two toasts sitting untouched.
“We’ve still got time, right?” He raised an eyebrow and I nodded as I glanced at my watch. Half an hour has already passed, but we still had time, indeed.
“I feel like I did all the talking…” He trailed off, playing with his tissue, “Like, I told you a lot about myself. Not that you didn’t tell me about your hobbies or something, but, you didn’t really talk about your childhood or friends…”
I hummed and took a sip of my drink, clearing my throat before speaking up, “Well, because I consider myself a boring person? I mean, compared to your filled childhood, mine sounds so boring. So, I didn’t want to like…bore you with mine, you know…”
“If I found you boring, Y/N, I wouldn’t have stayed up until 3 am or texted you daily or asked you on this date or would’ve thought about the other many dates that I’d like to go on with you” Joshua spoke with passion and a serious voice, making my heart beat quicken. He really wanted to hear my story, to get to know me. He was curious of who I used to be before I blossomed into the person I am today. I forgot, how it works when you meet someone new. When Soonyoung and I reconciled, I didn’t have to tell him everything about my life, I just had to fill in the gaps of the time he wasn’t part of my life, he already knew the rest about me. But Joshua is someone new, someone who doesn’t know, someone who doesn’t know my past self. He wants to know me more, to discover me and create a future with me.
“Where do I start…” I sighed as I glanced at the beautiful painting before looking back at Joshua, “I’m an only child, I was well off while growing up but we did struggle from time to time. My mother owns a restaurant and my father is a taxi driver. I’m usually late to everything, it’s a bad habit my father passed down on me. I went to college in my hometown because we couldn’t afford me going to a prestigious one, but that’s okay. I’m doing my dream job now, it all turned out well in the end. I don’t really have friends, if I’m being honest, I already told you I was never bothered being on my own. Being alone isn’t something that scares me, it gives me comfort rather.”
Joshua listened to me closely and nodded his head every once and then, a warm and understanding smile on his lips, “Come on, you must have had at least one friend…”
“Well,” I chuckled and tried to keep a neutral expression while thinking about Soonyoung, “I guess I accidentally did end up making a friend. We met back in high school, but during college we drifted apart because he transferred to a better college. And because the world is so small…we met at work again, became co-workers, so we reconciled. He’s known me for the longest. I guess I could call Yerim a friend too but…you know, I don’t feel her close to me like I do with…Soonyoung”
Joshua studied my expression and he nodded while blinking, lips jutted out a bit, “So…it’s a he, huh?”
I shrugged and took a sip of my Caramel Macchiato, “He ran into me in the hallway when we were both late to class…that definitely wasn’t the last time we were late to somewhere”
Joshua chuckled and nodded his head, a charming smile directed at me. I bit my lower lip, suddenly feeling shy under his intense gaze. It felt like he was looking straight into my soul and I took my time to shamelessly check him out. He was wearing a dark brown suit, a white shirt underneath and no tie on. He looked very official, all buttons done, unlike Soonyoung. He was always showing his collarbones off, a necklace on from time to time and, of course, his rings. Soonyoung never left the house without his rings. Joshua was his opposite. He wore no jewelry, and as attractive as I found men wearing rings and necklaces, I found Joshua even more attractive with his put together and elegant look. His hair was still messy, however, falling in his eyes in waves and I thought it looked even more attractive now with his current outfit.
“I think I could get used to mornings like this one…” Joshua spoke quietly, smile now turned fond and I let out a small sigh of air, “You look really beautiful”
“Thank you,” His words were so innocent and genuine, unlike the filthy words Soonyoung would whisper in my ear while we were at work, “I knew men in suits were attractive, but you took it to a whole another level”
Joshua burst out laughing and I followed him, feeling light and warm. My cheeks would hurt by the end of this date, that’s how much I smile because of Joshua. My skin tingled and my heart quickened every time I took a sneaky glance at him and I realized, it took him two days to make me like him. And I didn’t just like him, oh no, I liked him very much. But maybe it was attraction at first sight, something that I haven’t felt before. Not even with Soonyoung. This feeling was brand new and reserved for Joshua only. Finally, something that Soonyoung couldn’t rob me off.
“You should eat your toast, Shua, because I know if you won’t, I sure will” I said with a shrug and Joshua shook his head before finally taking one toast and biting into it. I smiled at him contently and sipped my drink, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in two weeks.
Our date came to an end sadly and we left the coffee shop half an hour before we’d have to start working. Joshua didn’t have a ride because Minghao offered him one, apparently, he slept over at his apartment, so I offered to drive Joshua to his workplace and save him from freezing to death. We walked to the parking lot and I unlocked my car when we were a few feet away and my eyes widened when Joshua sat in the driver’s seat. I stopped walking and gazed curiously at the passenger door as it was opened from the inside.
“Get in, hon, I’m driving today” I couldn’t help but laugh as I finally sat inside, turning towards Joshua amused.
“What are you doing, Shua?” I asked airily, unable to stop laughing.
“I would’ve opened the door for you before getting inside, but I have a feeling you would have refused, so…I took matters in my hands and I’ll be driving you to work!” He clapped his hands together once, excitedly, before he reached for his seatbelt. I was still laughing as I buckled in my own and opened my palm so that he could take the car keys. When his long fingers brushed against the skin of my palm, something that felt like slight electricity traveled up my arm all the way to my chest. This was new, I’ve never experienced this before. Not even the first time Soonyoung touched me in a sensual way. Joshua must have felt it too when his eyes lingered on my palm, and I bit my lip and turned away to look out the window as he started my car, engine roaring to life.
“You’ll be cold by the time you arrive to the Bank” I tried to convince Joshua while we were still in the parking lot, “It’s a twenty-minute-long walk. What if you get a flu? We’ll have to postpone our second date and maybe I’ll have to come over and nurse you—”
“If I get you to come over by getting sick, I will catch a flu on purpose” I tsked and lightly punched his thigh as we were in traffic and not in the parking lot anymore, aiming for his arm would be dangerous.
“I will come over some time, idiot, don’t catch a flu—”
“Oh, good.” He grinned as we stopped at a red light, turning his head towards me, “Calling me an idiot on the first date?”
I instantly blushed, my whole face going red probably, “Sorry, that was inappropriate”
Joshua just chuckled, driving past the traffic light as it turned green, a smirk on his handsome face, “I see you’re getting comfortable around me, we love to see it”
“Joshua…” I muttered quietly, throwing him a glare that I knew he could see from the corner of his eyes. His smirk turned into a wide smile and I sighed as I looked out the window, fighting my own smile to act like I was sulking.
“Don’t worry, I called Jeonghan to pick me up while you were in the restroom” Joshua spoke in a reassuring, warm, voice and I turned towards him again, gaping a bit.
“You, Hong Joshua Jisoo, are something” I huffed out, “First, your friend drives you to your date, then you steal your date’s car and drive her to work, but then your co-worker picks you up!”
“What can I say,” Joshua turned his head just a bit, enough for me to see the sneaky smirk, to glance at me, “I have good connections and I can be very persuasive”
“Mhm” I hummed with a grimace and he just laughed, slowing the car as he turned on the street that led behind the building I worked in. He turned into the parking lot and parked my car nicely, turning the engine off. We undid our seatbelts and Joshua gave me the keys. I was reaching for the door handle but Joshua’s hand on my left hand stopped me from doing so.
“Not to sound cocky, but I think you had a great time with me and I felt amazing for the past two hours, so…that second date is set then?” I grinned at Joshua and nodded my head.
“We go cycling on Wednesday, yes?” Joshua nodded his head, his hand still on mine. My heart started beating quickly again and I glanced down at our hands before squeezing his fingers lightly. When I looked back up at him, his smile was replaced with a contemplating look and I gulped, hoping he’d lean in and kiss me. Peck me on the cheek or give me an actual kiss, I didn’t care as long as his lips touched my face.
“Cycling on Wednesday because you are busy on Saturday, that’s right.” Joshua spoke quietly, eyes on my lips and I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, but decided to ground myself, “See? I’m even changing my habits for you”
“Which is good in case a serial killer was following you and figured out your habit, Joshua” Maybe that sentence was a mood killer, because Joshua laughed and stopped looking at my lips. I really shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew he wouldn’t judge me, so everything that ran through my mind had to be voiced. With Soonyoung, that simple sentence definitely would’ve been a mood killer. He would’ve whined about me being weird and ruining the mood with stupid remarks, but Joshua didn’t do that. No, he actually leaned in and pressed his red lips against mine. His were soft and a bit cold as I pressed my lips back, closing my eyes and enjoying the way my heart was about to explode, the blush on my cheeks and the tingling of my skin. The kiss only lasted for a minute but it was enough, I didn’t want it to last longer. It felt loving and reassuring. It wasn’t desperate and demanding, like the kisses I was used to receiving from Soonyoung. This kiss felt like it said ‘we’ve got all the time in the world, let’s take it slow’, and I liked slow. I liked the process and the freedom I felt still.
“Go inside before you are late, again, Y/N” Joshua spoke sweetly, patting my hand before opening his door. I nodded to myself, he’s not wrong, and opened my door, getting out. Once the car was locked Joshua walked me to the front of the building and looked up at it, squinting.
“Have a good day, don’t forget to text me when you have time.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m afraid I was too lazy and I really won’t have time to text you that much, maybe in the evening. You can still leave me messages, I’ll look at them when I have time!” Joshua hummed and nodded before patting down my hair.
“It was a bit ruffled…” He muttered and I smiled knowingly at him. Sure, it was, Joshua.
“Hey, yo!” Suddenly a shrill voice caught our attention and Joshua groaned, “Bro, you have exactly ten seconds to get in the car before I leave you here!”
Joshua closed his eyes in exasperation and I laughed as I pushed him forward, “Go, talk to you later!”
Joshua waved and winked as he jogged towards his friend’s parked car, Jeonghan I assume, his car was blocking the traffic and cars were already honking behind him.
“I’m going, I’m going!” Jeonghan shouted, his window still down, as he looked back at me, “Nice to meet you, pretty lady! Next time Joshua can introduce us formally, but we’ve got to go before these monsters cuss me out!”
“Bye!” I laughed and waved as Joshua rolled the window up, cheeks flushed as he shook his head at me, and Jeonghan took off, lips moving quickly as he spoke to Joshua. With a smile on my face, and carefree, I walked inside the building feeling proud that I wasn’t late today.
My happiness didn’t last for long, as I was expecting it already. Everything went well until Soonyoung and I finally met up for the meeting in my office. I had all plans and sketches laid out on my table, all ready before Soonyoung came, so that we wouldn’t waste time on that as well. We were on a tight schedule and two weeks went by without us doing much, which was really my fault. But that meant that right now we had to move fast and decide what we wanted so that we could order everything for the reception and be ready on time. My stomach was making sounds the closer the time of the meeting came and I blamed it on the little breakfast I had, but I knew it was because of Soonyoung. I wasn’t ready to face him, not after the amazing morning I had with Joshua. I wanted to stay relaxed and cheerful, but I knew upon seeing Soonyoung I would turn moody and irritated. Seeing him would only make me miss him more, something I didn’t need right now. A knock on my door made me jump and I straightened up in my seat before calling out for the person that it was okay to enter. The door opened and in walked Soonyoung, looking just as flawless as always. He was still wearing his black suit, upper buttons of his white shirt undone and rings on his fingers. My eyes focused on the pendant hanging around his neck, realizing it was the one I bought him two years ago when we went on a vacation in Jeju. I gulped and focused my eyes on his face, trying to give him a genuine smile.
“Good morning,” He greeted quietly as he shuffled around, frowning down at the papers in his hands. I bit my lip and stopped myself before I could sigh, I really missed hearing his voice. I’ve been doing my best to ignore him and I was succeeding at it way too well.
“Good morning,” I greeted back once I found my voice, Soonyoung now was seated across from me, all papers placed down on the table.
“Fancy seeing you finally decided to meet up.” His voice was bitter and I rolled my eyes as I looked down at his sketches, refusing to make eye contact with him even though he was searching for my gaze intently.
“Yeah, I was really undecided about this project…” I muttered, reaching across my table and taking Soonyoung’s sketches into my hands. He mimicked my actions and did the same thing, my sketches in his hands. I hummed quietly as my eyes ran over the drawings Soonyoung made, reading the descriptions on the backs of them. He had good ideas and I liked them more than the ones I chose. However, his location choices didn’t fit well with the theme the bride and groom wanted. I was so lost in thought that I almost missed Soonyoung gazing intently at me, almost.
“What?” I snapped before I could control myself, eyes falling on him. He was chewing the inside of his mouth and just shrugged before he looked back down at the sketches.
“Nothing…” He muttered but looked back at me, sending the butterflies in a frenzy in my stomach, “Just missed you, I guess. And you look amazing today”
I gulped and ignored the way my body reacted to his words, the want to walk up to him and embrace him powerful, “Thanks. You look the same as always”
Soonyoung chuckled and sent me a smirk, one I decided to ignore, before he placed one sketch back on the table.
“I like this design, it looks good” He said, pointing at the paper and I nodded as I placed all of his sketches on the table.
“The locations you chose aren’t very fitting, Soonyoung, it doesn’t go well with the theme” I decided to be direct with him, the faster we get over this the better. I really want to text Joshua right now. And as if he’s a mind reader, my phone pinged, signaling I just got a message from him. Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me confused.
“Why are they not good? They want something water themed so I looked over all the locations they could afford and those are the only decent ones” He said, voice a bit aggressive, as he looked at me. It wasn’t like this was the first time we disagreed on something for work, but he never got hot headed about it.
“I get it, but they are either too small for all the people they invited to fit inside or not next to an actual water” I explained as my phone pinged again, and I bit my lip to hide my smile. Joshua must be having his lunch break right now. Which just reminds me of how hungry I am right now.
“You can’t have everything” Soonyoung shrugged nonchalantly, eyes falling on my phone when it made another sound, “They either give up on a few people or raise their budget where I can find them an actual place that has it all”
I threw him a glare before looking back down at the sketches, choosing one that could work out, “Yeah, well, it’s a bit too late to tell them we can’t find a suitable place. We have to make it work”
“Well, who’s fault is it, huh?” My eyes snapped back up, focusing on Soonyoung, who was glaring at me. I scoffed and shook my head before pushing the sketches towards him.
“I’m sorry I have a life that doesn’t revolve around you and work only! I had other things to take care of, besides, it’s not like you can’t do this without me!” My voice raised a few octaves and Soonyoung’s eyes narrowed at me as he leaned forward, challenging me with his gaze.
“We are partners for a reason, Y/N, I can’t choose a place without you matching the décor to it” He snapped back, voice leveled, but the way he was clenching his jaw gave away his anger.
“Stop making excuses and find a place! Or do I have to do that as well?!” I stood up from my chair, realizing this meeting really wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. Now I was just screaming at him and letting my frustrations out because he has a girlfriend and I’m in love with him. It’s not really his fault he couldn’t find a bigger and better place, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to scream at him, to make him feel like I felt the day he told me he was seeing someone. I knew it wasn’t a reasonable reason nor a nice thing to do, but I had to let it out.
“What the fuck!” Soonyoung was on his feet in an instant, eyes glaring at me as he slammed one hand down, “Don’t make this sound like I always fuck up or something! If you didn’t ignore me for two fucking weeks this wouldn’t be an issue right now—”
“I wasn’t ignoring you—”
“Oh, fuck off!” Soonyoung rolled his eyes as silence enveloped us. I fisted my palms and willed myself to take deep breaths and think logically before I said something that could ruin the last thin thread our friendship was hanging on. But then my phone pinged again, twice this time, and Soonyoung’s eyes snapped towards it.
“Can’t you turn the fucking phone off?” I glared at him and took the phone off the table and threw it in my purse, which was by the foot of my table.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I argued and Soonyoung rolled his eyes before crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Why are you ignoring me?” The way he was looking at me left no room for denial. I knew he knew what I was doing, and he also knew he was right. He caught me red handed and I didn’t have a good enough excuse this time. So, I didn’t think much before I answered him.
“Because I can.” Soonyoung laughed humorlessly before he stalked towards me, making me glare at him.
“You can’t just ignore me. We are friends. You stopped talking to me ever since I told you I have a girlfriend as if it’s the end of the fucking world—” He stopped talking abruptly, standing just a foot away from me. We looked into each other’s eyes and Soonyoung gulped. It was clear that he finally realized what was the reason and I didn’t care anymore. If this was the way he found out I had feelings for him, so be it. Now, I’m working on getting over him so I don’t care anymore. I have Joshua, someone who makes me feel like no one has done it before. And I want to make it work.
“Yeah, well, it was the end of the fucking world for me, Soonyoung. But don’t worry, it’s not like you should have at least warned the person you were fucking regularly that you might be seeing someone” I huffed and smiled at him bitterly, watching as his face became expressionless. Of course, classic Soonyoung, act like nothing is happening in the middle of something serious.
“I didn’t have time to—”
“I don’t give a fuck about your excuses!” I snapped and pointed a finger at him, “Get out of my office and find a fucking place by tonight for the reception. If you don’t, I’ll work with Chan on this reception and cut you from it. It’s not like we are actual partners, I can work with whomever I want.”
Soonyoung’s jaw clenched more and he raised a hand, about to grab me, but quickly put it down by his side and went to gather his sketches.
“Two weeks of no dick turned you into a real fucking bitch” His sneer was malicious, he wanted to hurt me, to remind me I could no longer have him. And I was surprised when I started laughing, finding his words amusing. He was wrong, not getting dicked down for two weeks felt like a fresh breath of air. I didn’t realize how stressed it made me feel when he’d come over daily. Most of the time I wasn’t even in the mood but decided to go along with him because I knew afterward, I could be close to him, at least until one of us left.
“What makes you think you are the only one who could give me dick, Soonyoung?” I laughed and watched as his expression morphed into furry, his eyes traveling to my bag. Oh, this is amazing. He might think that’s my booty call and that just makes this situation even more hilarious.
“Yeah, so…maybe you should start working, unless you want Chan to be the one getting paid” I smiled sweetly at my friend and he threw me a glare that could kill before turning around and storming out of my office, slamming the door after him. But I wasn’t feeling better than he was looking, so I fished out my phone and distracted myself by answering Joshua.
The chill music played lowly in the background as my finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. Soonyoung never contacted me with the new sketch, so I assumed he wouldn’t do it. I mean, it’s almost 12:00 pm, if he didn’t do it by now, he won’t do it. Chan is someone who I know I can trust, we’ve worked together before when Soonyoung was away, and he works fast and neat. But I didn’t know what to do, Joshua said I should wait until tomorrow and work it out at the office. I didn’t tell him the co-worker I fought with is my friend, Soonyoung, because I’m not ready to tell Joshua yet about the relationship I had with him and how I feel about Soonyoung. We haven’t even gone on our second date, which is in two days, I don’t want to ruin it. But even with Joshua’s reassuring words that I’ll work things out tomorrow, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. I have never neglected my work before and Mrs. Choi relied on me a lot, I was nervous I’d fail for the first time and I wasn’t ready to face the consequences for my childish acts. If the jiggling of keys wouldn’t have distracted me, I would have sent the message to Chan. But my eyebrows furrowed when a key was pushed into the lock of my door from the outside, after the person missed for the fourth time, and I stood up alerted from the counter. What is he doing here at this hour? I rushed to my front door, ready to lock it again before the person could enter, but I was a few seconds late because by the time I got there, it was already being pushed open.
“Y/N!” A raspy voice slurred and my eyebrows furrowed when my eyes fell on Soonyoung and saw the state he was in. His jacket was barely on him, white shirt even more undone than the last time I saw him today, his whole chest on display.
“What the hell are you doing!” I exclaimed when Soonyoung literally fell through my door, I quickly caught him before he could hit the floor.
“Y/N!” He slurred again and I was being pulled into Soonyoung, his face buried in my neck, arms sneaking around my waist. The air left my lungs at the sudden contact, heart beating at a mile. I was frozen as I gulped down the sudden feelings ignited inside my body and pushed closed the front door, locking it.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered, more to myself, as I bit my lips and gave in. My arms went around Soonyoung’s torso and I sighed as I closed my eyes. I missed him so much, his warmth and his scent. His body felt like heaven right now, to be hugging him, it was like something broke inside my stomach as I allowed myself to melt into Soonyoung for a few seconds longer. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. I missed him so much.
“Y/N…” Soonyoung sighed into my neck, the hairs rising on arms, as he tried to stand up straight by me supporting his weight.
“You’re so drunk, Soonyoung…” I sighed as I ran a hand through his black hair, pushing it out of his eyes. The alcohol was so strong that it almost filled my nose as I put a little distance between our bodies, “Take your shoes off”
Soonyoung nodded wordlessly and while holding onto me, he pushed his shoes off clumsily, giggling when he lost his balance for a second, making me gasp as I had to catch him once again.
“Stop being silly, Soonyoung.” I scolded him as I rested one of his arms around my shoulders and walked him further inside my apartment, towards the sofa in the living room.
“I’m so shitfaced, Y/N!” He giggled again as he spoke, his words slurring even more and I shook my head with a sigh.
“You don’t say…” I helped him sit on the sofa, and he just fell on it, giggling again when he bounced a bit on the mattress.
“Stay here, I’ll bring you water” I pointed a finger at him, his small eyes narrowed as he looked up at me through hooded eyes, a lazy grin on his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and Soonyoung shrugged before nodding once, signaling he understood. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to fill it with water. What am I doing? Should I even nurse him? Why did he even come over? He should have gone home or to his girlfriend, why is he here, with me? I wanted to send him home after making him drink water, but I just couldn’t. He’s so drunk he can barely stand; I’m amazed he even got here.
After he drank his water, we stayed quiet. I placed the glass in the sink and went back to the living room, sitting on the little coffee table, to face him. Soonyoung’s lips were jutted out as he continued looking at his fingers, playing with them. Suddenly, a buzzing sound caught our attention and Soonyoung lazily reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone. His eyebrows furrowed as he brought the phone closer to his face, mouthing the name of the caller. He looked more and more confused as seconds went by so I took the phone out of his hands. It said ‘babe’. My eyes went back to him as I held the ringing phone in my hands, not bothering to pick up.
“I should answer that…” Soonyoung trailed off, eyebrows furrowed as he reached forward, totally missing the direction I was sat in, “She’ll kill me tomorrow if I don’t…”
“I’ll let her know, okay? You don’t have to answer the phone right now.” I pushed him by his exposed chest to sit him down, he rose to take the phone from me, but his hand gripped mine against his chest, “I’ll—I’ll tell her, don’t worry.”
I gulped as Soonyoung ignored everything I was saying, his half-opened eyes focused on my hand against his exposed chest. His warm hand was pressing it against his heart and I didn’t have the power in me to pull away, not yet. So, I just gulped and unlocked Soonyoung’s phone before dialing a number. It rung five times before it was answered.
“You have three seconds before I hang up on you—”
“Jihoon!”
“Oh—oh, Y/N—” The man on the other end sounded surprised, “Hi!”
“Hey!” I greeted back, my fingers twitching as Soonyoung started playing with them.
“Is everything okay?” I could hear worry seep into Jihoon’s voice, “Why are you calling form Soonyoung’s phone?”
“He’s—very drunk…” I cleared my throat when Soonyoung intertwined his fingers with mine, “I would send him home but he can barely stand on his feet. And I know I just woke you up, which I’m sorry for by the way, so I’m not going to ask you to come and get him. I, however, want to ask you to do me a favor…”
“I mean, if I’m already awake…” Jihoon sighed and I smiled, eye connecting with Soonyoung’s as he looked up from our hands.
“Call his girlfriend and tell her he’s really drunk and had a blackout, please? She keeps calling him” There was silence on the other end before Jihoon groaned, I knew he just rolled his eyes.
“The fucking things I do for that idiot, I swear, and even you!” Jihoon was starting to get angry, and he had a good reason for it, “I get your situation, I really do! But if he’s going to act like that, I won’t cover for him every time—”
“Hey! It’s not like that!” I quickly cut Jihoon off, knowing where his thoughts were taking him, “He’s very drunk, I’m not lying!”
“Jihoon, I love you!” Soonyoung exclaimed loudly, as if to confirm my words, and I squeezed his hand, sending him a glare. My neighbors have kids who are sleeping at this hour!
“Fine, whatever, make sure he doesn’t drown or something—actually, no, let him die.” I chuckled as Jihoon grumbled a goodbye before hanging up on me.
“He loves me, deep down, I know it” Soonyoung sing-singed and gave a harsh tug to my arm, surprising me, as I fell over him. I went rigid as Soonyoung’s hands started roaming my back, tugging me closer into him, until I was straddling his hips, no space between our bodies. I clutched Soonyoung’s phone in my hand tightly, afraid to even breathe.
“I missed you,” He sighed into my neck, head falling on my shoulder, “So, so, so much, Y/N”
I gulped and bit my lip, unable to move yet as I tried to fight my own thoughts. I wanted to melt into him and just cradle him until the sun comes up and he sobers up, but the rational me, the logical me was screaming at me that this is very wrong, we both have someone we care about, Soonyoung more than I. And I won’t start contradicting myself, I refuse to sabotage myself, not this time. So, I gulped down the burning want to just stay like this with Soonyoung, and went to push myself off him. But even when he’s drunk, he has an impeccable force, especially when he’s clinging onto someone.
“You have to let go, Soo.” I spoke softly, knowing he doesn’t react well when he’s drunk and someone is demanding of him. He groaned and gripped onto me even tighter, making me gasp when he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my neck.
“Soonyoung, please.” I whispered, heart aching. I missed this so much, to be close to him. My time with Joshua was always amazing, he makes me forget about all the suffering I have to go through when I’m alone, and it’s amazing. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, not even with Soonyoung, and I think my feelings for Joshua are slowly becoming more and more powerful. I don’t want to lose what I have with him, not when I know Soonyoung will never appreciate me or give me what I need. I braced myself this time and wiggled out of his grasp enough so that I could push his chest back against the sofa. His eyebrows furrowed and he gripped onto my waist as he tried to glare at me.
“You are not going away again.” He muttered, an angry expression crossing his face, and I shook my head. I tried to pry his hands off my waist but he suddenly sat up, our faces very close. So close, his lips were brushing against mine.
“Soonyoung, I can’t—”
“I love you.” The breath was knocked out of my lungs and I paused, eyes wide and heart racing. I searched Soonyoung’s gaze, one he returned feverishly, and I was taken aback by the passion he was showing. He never really shows his genuine feelings, it takes him long time and a lot of coercing for him to open up, even to me. He usually would do it after sex when we’d be laying in bed.
“I—”
“I love you, I really do, Y/N!” His lips started quivering and my own eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. I couldn’t believe he was saying those words to me. Not now, not when I already decided I was over him. Not when I realized I deserved better than him. He can’t offer me what I need, he never would, we just don’t match well. I don’t want to suffer while I’m with him, I’d rather do it alone, I’m already used to that. But I couldn’t help it, he finally said the thing I’ve been wishing to hear for the past year, he loves me.
“I love you too, Soonyoung.” I found myself whispering back and a tear escaped my eye without me realizing. Soonyoung wiped it away, eyes still hazy and mind intoxicated as he leaned his forehead against mine, exhaling deeply. His breath reeked of alcohol but I didn’t care as I closed my eyes and wallowed in the moment. A weight was lifted off my chest, I felt lighter. I wanted to laugh at the feeling, but the dull pain was still there, it didn’t let me actually do it. It was there because it didn’t matter if we loved each other. It was over for us, and Soonyoung won’t even remember this in the morning. He’s too intoxicated.
After confessing to our feelings, I convinced Soonyoung to go to bed. I lay next to him and traced his face with my fingers delicately, knowing he liked to be caressed, especially when drunk, and that put him to sleep faster. Once I was sure he was asleep, I pulled the covers over him, he changed into a t-shirt he left over a while ago, and left my bedroom. I slept on the couch in the living room, TV on and some horror movie playing, to which I finally fell asleep to. The sun was up high by the time I was up and my heart picked up when I thought I was late to work, but realized I still had two hours. Mrs. Choi had to take care of something so we got to go in later today. As I stretched my hands over my head, back popping, a familiar scent entered my nostrils. I sat up quickly, head spinning a bit as I looked towards the kitchen, a sight I wasn’t expecting greeting me.
“Good morning!” Soonyoung called out cheerily when he saw that I was up, a content smile on his lips. My eyebrows furrowed as I threw the cover off my body and stood up, pulling a bit on my shorts, hoping it would cover up more of my thighs.
“What are you doing?” I asked confused, walking over and sitting at the counter. Soonyoung wore clean clothes, he didn’t reek of alcohol anymore, his hair was still wet from the shower he took. The ends of his black hair were already curling up and I smiled a little as I looked at them for longer, I really like his curly hair. He stopped styling it like this a long time ago, always straightening it, it reminded me of our high school days. He looked softer and warmer back then and even now.
“And good morning.” I added as Soonyoung turned around with a grin and glass in his hand, “What’s that?”
“A little morning treat.” He answered casually as he placed the glass in front of me, the scent of cocoa filling my nose. I laughed as I leaned down and inhaled the scent of the hot cocoa.
“Seriously?” Soonyoung nodded grinning and placed the breakfast in front of me, toast with butter and strawberry jam and omelet. I took the fork he handed me and dug into the food, groaning at the taste, “At least you didn’t burn it this time.”
“I’ve become a good cook over the past two weeks…while you were busy ignoring me…” I threw him a glare and he just shrugged as he picked up a toast with butter and strawberry jam and took a bite. I took a longer glance at him, admiring his beauty. Something in his demeanor changed. He looked relaxed and content, happier than usual.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I mumbled as I finished my breakfast and took a sip of my hot cocoa.
“Slept well on the couch?” A teasing grin was on his lips as he raised one eyebrow, knowing damn well how small the couch is and how one person can barely sleep on it.
“No, asshole.” I threw him a glare as I sipped on the hot cocoa.
“You could’ve just slept with me, there’s plenty of space in your bed…” I paused drinking and glanced at him; his eyes curious as he looked at me.
“Yeah, no, thanks,” I rolled my eyes and finished the hot cocoa, “You burp a lot in your sleep when you’re drunk, it’s disgusting.”
Soonyoung started laughing loudly and he gathered my glass and the plate and fork I used and placed it into my sink, putting away the food that we didn’t eat. I placed an arm on the counter and placed my chin in my palm as I watched him move around my kitchen while humming something to himself.
“Was sleeping on my bed so therapeutic or you’re just really that happy because I’m talking to you again?” I raised my eyebrows as Soonyoung shrugged teasingly, walking up to me but keeping a respectable distance. It made me happy to see him so content and happy, but I couldn’t fully brush away the lingering feelings he caused. The want and ache, they were still there. But I felt better about them, like telling him how I felt, lifted a curse. I was finally free, at least it felt like it. A new room was created for Joshua only in my heart and that made me happy.
“I just really missed you.” Soonyoung said seriously, placing an arm on the counter.
“I missed you too.” I confessed with a smile, which quickly fell when Soonyoung leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. My body instantly reacted to the familiar feeling, tilting my head up for him to have more access, but I caught myself just in time. I quickly pulled away and glared at him, eyebrows furrowed.
“What are you doing!” I demanded angrily, placing a hand on his chest to push him back.
“What do you mean?” His happy demeanor quickly changed; his eyebrows were furrowed too now.
���You have a girlfriend, Soonyoung, if you want to cheat on her go find someone else to do it with!” I snapped and rose from the chair, pointing a finger at him angrily.
“But you love me.” I paused, finger hanging in the air as I bit my lower lip. So, what if he knows? I thought he really wouldn’t remember it, but I don’t care, he knows now and that’s it.
“So, what if I love you?” I scoffed and pushed the finger pointed at him against his chest, “You still have a girlfriend. If you would’ve told me earlier that you loved me, things could’ve turned out differently.”
“What do you mean?” He asked confused as I lowered my finger and ran a hand through my hair.
“I’m over you, or at least trying to be. It doesn’t matter if I love you or not, you are still just my best friend.” Soonyoung’s expression changed in an instant and I didn’t give him time to speak, “I like someone else, a lot. And I want things to work out between him and I, Soonyoung. He treats me right and he likes me as I am. I’m not going to throw away this new chance, like I did a few times before for you. For something you can’t offer me.”
“I can’t offer you what, Y/N?!” He snapped angrily, taking a hold of my jaw, “I know you better than anyone else. I know everything about you, Y/N! What else do you need? I always gave you what you wanted and I was always there for you. You meet this new guy and you’re head over heels for him after a day—”
“Shut up, okay!” I snapped and gripped his wrist, “You don’t know Joshua and you wouldn’t understand! Ever since we reconciled everything has been about you, God damn it! It’s always you, you and you, never me! I’m done feeling like shit because of you! I deserve more and not just someone who uses me for my body!”
“I don’t use you for your body!” Soonyoung screamed back, letting go of my jaw to clench his palm into a tight fist, “I fucking love you! What more do you need?!”
“I never felt loved by you, Soonyoung. Saying it to me isn’t enough, you need to make me feel it!”
“All the times I fucked you gentle, cuddled with you and stayed up to talk about bullshit wasn’t good enough?” I huffed and rolled my eyes as I walked away from him.
“Yeah, it wasn’t enough. If that’s your definition of love, please, go do that with your girlfriend.” I shrugged and Soonyoung’s jaw clenched.
“I don’t—” The doorbell rang and we both turned towards it. I gulped and my eyebrows furrowed. I wasn’t expecting anyone, is it Jihoon? He wouldn’t come by, he’s at work at this hour. Maybe Yerim? She comes over sometimes, but never unannounced. Maybe—Joshua? No…it can’t be…I did give him my address because he’s picking me up tomorrow for our date but he wouldn’t come today as a surprise, right?
“Go get your things,” I snapped at Soonyoung quietly as I walked towards the front door, “I don’t care who it is, you’re leaving!”
“I’m not fucking going anywhere!” He snapped back and I turned around abruptly, face turning red from the anger.
“Don’t try me, Soonyoung.” I hissed and he rolled his eyes, my palm itched to slap him across the face, but I took a deep breath instead and unlocked the front door. I swung it open and my jaw fell. A huge bucket of red roses covered the face and mostly the upper body of the person standing behind it, but I knew who it was.
“Surprise!” His melodic voice echoed a bit in the hallway and my heart started beating fast. Oh no, what will he think when he sees Soonyoung over? He probably won’t know he slept over, right? What if he gets the wrong idea? I can’t lose Joshua right now.
“Jo—Joshua!” I gasped and took the bucket of roses from him, beaconing him inside, “These are—gorgeous!”
Joshua was grinning, his cheeks a light red, as he leaned down at pecked my lips. My heart started beating faster, knowing well he still hasn’t noticed Soonyoung standing behind me.
“I’m glad you like it, I didn’t want to come over unannounced but—” He scratched the back of his neck as he looked down shyly, “I couldn’t help it.”
“What if I wasn’t home?” I chuckled and hugged the roses to my chest.
“I would’ve delivered the roses to your office!” He grinned and I chuckled, cheeks flushing, “But your car was in the driveway, so—”
A throat was cleared behind me and my happy demeanor quickly faded. Shit. Soonyoung will ruin everything.
“Hello there,” Joshua greeted politely once Soonyoung walked up beside me, “You must be…Soonyoung, was it?”
I gulped when Soonyoung slug an arm around my shoulders, a stoic expression on his face as he looked down at the roses. Then suddenly, as if having such a quick change of demeanor was a normal thing, he smiled from ear to ear.
“You are Joshua!” He exclaimed and extended a hand to shake, “I’ve heard a lot about you!”
“Y/N told me a little bit about you too!” Joshua returned the smile and shook Soonyoung’s hand firmly, turning to smile at me. I returned a fake smile and went to the kitchen to get a vase.
“Y/N!” Soonyoung called out, making the hairs stand on my arms. I knew that tone, the teasing tone, when he was about to fuck up something, “I left the final sketch in your bedroom, you should make the order if we want the reception to happen.”
I turned around and gulped, waiting for Joshua to react badly, but he was just glancing around my apartment solemnly, “Yeah, uh—I’ll do that.”
I watched as a smirk crossed his lips and he turned his head and took in Joshua’s body before looking back at me, Joshua oblivious to us as he walked over to a photo frame placed on my bookshelf.
“So classy.” Soonyoung mouthed as I filled the vase with water, working quickly to make Soonyoung go away before he fucks up.
“Soonyoung, you told me your girlfriend asked you to do some grocery shopping on the way home,” I said with a smile as I placed the vase with the roses on the center of the counter and walked towards my friend, “You should go now or else you’ll be late to work, again.”
Soonyoung laughed and grabbed a small bag from the floor, his clothes from the other night inside, “Jihoon is cooking dinner tomorrow, we’ll be waiting for you to join us.”
Liar, Jihoon is working the night shift tomorrow. I sent him a glare but Joshua started walking towards up so I evened out my expression, Joshua coming to a stop next to me.
“Actually,” He spoke up, surprising me, as he placed an arm around my waist, “If you don’t mind, I’ll be stealing your bestie tomorrow night…”
The way Soonyoung’s jaw clenched left a weird satisfaction in me, knowing well ‘bestie’ ticked him off, especially after what went down yesterday and today. Joshua was smiling politely at Soonyoung, but there was a glint in his eyes I didn’t quite understand yet.
“We have a date.” Joshua finally finished his sentence and Soonyoung nodded aggressively.
“Yeah, sure, dude! No problem!” He shrugged and offered me a fake smile, “Have fun tomorrow, but not too much!”
And with a wink he was out of my door, leaving me with Joshua alone. I sighed quietly and leaned into his side, forgetting for a second he didn’t know about anything that went down.
“You good?” He whispered and I turned my head to look up at him with a tired smile.
“I just didn’t get much sleep.” I said with a shrug and he smiled, ruffling my hair a bit.
“I’ll drive you to work today, get ready.” He pulled away from the little embrace and stepped back, “Had breakfast already?”
“Yeah…Soonyoung brought some food…” I lied and Joshua nodded before pointing towards my bathroom.
“You smell like alcohol.” He said with an apologetic smile and I blushed, pulling my hair in a ponytail.
“Sorry, I had too much wine last night…” I lied, again, feeling guiltier and guiltier.
“Don’t worry,” Joshua smiled, winking at me, “We are taking your car to work.”
“Again?” I laughed and Joshua nodded with a sneaky smirk, “I’m starting to think you don’t have a car, Joshua…”
“Uh, about that…” His lips formed a thin line, making me laugh, “It’s in the car service, but it’ll be ready by tomorrow!”
“You’re serious?” I walked towards my bathroom.
“Dead serious!” Joshua called out, making me laugh again as I closed the door. At least he knows how to go around getting free rides.
Before Joshua dropped me off at work, we went to the coffee shop we had our date at and I bought a cup of coffee for everyone from work, even for Soonyoung. I do this from time to time, I haven’t done it in two weeks so I considered the timing was good. And everyone came in late today, a little coffee wouldn’t hurt anyone right now. Joshua helped me carry up the trays of cups of coffee and with a kiss he was gone, leaving me smiling and blushing in front of the entrance. Taking a deep breath to gather myself a bit, I pushed the door open and greeted everyone with a wide smile.
“I bought coffee for everyone!” I called out loudly and my colleagues called out in appreciation, forming a line to get their coffee.
“Thank you!” Yerim exclaimed loudly as she helped me hold the two trays, “I really fucking needed it.”
“As if we didn’t come to work later than usual.” I threw her an amused smile as Wendy, another co-worker, took her coffee with a wide smile and a ‘thank you’.
“Exactly!” Yerim’s eye widened, a very ‘duh’ expression covering her face, “You think I went to bed early? No, fucking, way! I was out partying last night!”
“Explains why you look like a zombie…” I muttered quietly, thinking Yerim wouldn’t hear me as Baekhyun’s, a very annoying but sweet co-worker, laughter flooded our ears. But Yerim heard me and she threw me a glare.
“I’m always fabulous, even when I look like a zombie.”
“True.” Baekhyun said with a shrug before strolling back to his desk, making Yerim throw her long blonde hair back. I chuckled and shook my head, grabbing the next cup and handing it to Chan before he could reach for it.
“Thank you!” He beamed at me, eyes lighting up, “I didn’t get my doze of caffeine yet today.”
“Slept in?” I asked with a smile and Chan nodded his head with a chuckle.
“Cute.” Yerim muttered while biting her lip, making Chan and I look at her, “What?”
“Uh—nothing!” Chan exclaimed embarrassed, about to walk away, but I held onto his arm.
“Hey, uhm…can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, smiling apologetically at Chan as he nodded, “You know about the reception happening in two weeks…if I send you the details, can you find me a place?”
“Aren’t you working with Soonyoung though?” Chan’s eyebrows furrowed as Yerim gave me a look, handing Hana a cup of coffee.
“I mean…something came up and he’s busy with other things…uh—so, can you help me out?” I offered him a small smile, in hopes he would say yes, and Chan seemed to be thinking for a moment.
“I mean, I can help you, of course! But I have a lot of work to do and I might be able to do by the end of the week only…and I know you need it, like, today…” I sighed as Chan grimaced, avoiding my eyes. It’s not his fault though, I understand him.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I should have asked you sooner!” I tried to cheer him up and reassure him, and he nodded with his lips in a tight line.
“So…can you wait until the end of the week—”
“Last time I checked; I was the one working with you.” Soonyoung’s raspy voice interrupted Chan, coming from behind me. I tensed up as Yerim and Chan were now looking at us questioningly. I took mentally a deep breath and then turned around, three more cups of coffee remaining on my tray.
“Maybe your girlfriend forgot to brew you some coffee this morning, Soonyoung.” I joked with a sarcastic tone and Soonyoung just chuckled, eyes narrowing as he grabbed a cup of coffee from the tray.
“Yeah, she was busy doing other things.” He smirked before taking a large gulp of the coffee, keeping eye contact with me. In my peripheral vision, I saw Yerim’s eyebrows raising as she looked between us. Chan cleared his throat and I glanced back at him.
“So, then…I guess you’ll be working with Soonyoung again…”
“Actually, no—”
“Yes, Chan.” Soonyoung cut me off, a charming smile on his lips, “I got a tight schedule and I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but it’s all solved now.”
“Oh, great!” Chan exclaimed with a big smile, “I’m really busy this week…”
“Sorry for the confusion, Chan.” I apologized, throwing Soonyoung a subtle glare, knowing well Yerim was watching us like hawks.
“Don’t worry,” He offered us one more smile, “I’ll be off to work then.”
Yerim smiled flirty at Chan before he could walk away, flustering the younger boy once again. She turned to look at me with an amused giggle and I shook my head, ignoring Soonyoung’s eyes boring into the side of my head.
“He’s so cute,” Yerim mused quietly, eyebrows raising, “Who was that handsome guy you came with today, Y/N?”
I looked at Yerim with a warning look, not wanting to discuss anything about Joshua with Soonyoung there, today’s morning being enough for me. But Yerim ignored my warning and silent plea, like she usually does, and raised her eyebrows even higher.
“Oh, Joshua drove you here?!” Soonyoung exclaimed next to me, face lighting up suddenly. I turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, but he ignored me as he looked at Yerim, “He’s a real gentleman, so classy…”
“Yeah, exactly.” I snapped, glaring at him again, “He’s kind and gentle, unlike you—someone.”
Yerim’s eyes narrowed at us as she took a sip of her coffee, looking at us with suspicion, “Okay, besties, I’ve got some work to do as well…”
“We are not besties—” Soonyoung growled as Yerim walked away, not caring to listen if we had anything else to say. I scoffed and chuckled quietly, enjoying how triggered Soonyoung looked. He always hated us being called besties, but ever since the whole friends with benefits thing happened, he really detested it. He even threatened Jihoon once when he dared to call us that.
“Why did you ask Chan to do my work, Y/N?” Soonyoung’s glare was directed at me, voice low as we were still in the front lobby, everyone could hear and see us.
“Because if I remember correctly, I gave you a deadline that you didn’t respect!” I snapped back, stepping closer to make sure the others couldn’t see our faces that well. We didn’t need them to know about how much our friendship was going to shit. I think it became obvious that there was something wrong the second I stopped interacting with Soonyoung so much, or when he slammed the door to my office so hard, I thought he’d break the whole wall.
“You are not the boss here, and I told you that wasn’t enough time for me to find something!” Soonyoung spoke quickly, nostrils flaring as his jaw clenched. His grip on the cup of coffee was tightening and he was probably close to snapping it in half, so I gripped his wrist, hating the butterflies that erupted in my stomach and how the back of my neck felt hot.
“Maybe if last night you didn’t get shitfaced and actually did some work, I wouldn’t have asked for Chan’s help.” I snapped, but my eyes softened, trying to calm him down. He was a calm man, but when you ticked him off, he left only destruction in his wake. And we didn’t need that happening at the office, especially in the front lobby.
“I will do it by tonight.” Soonyoung’s voice softened and suddenly the wrist I was holding twisted, gripping my palm into his. I gulped and looked down at our hands, shaking my head.
“Please, do it.” I muttered, hating the way my eyes fell on his lips when he licked them. Soonyoung saw it too and a grunt left his lips before he was stepping back, running a hand through his, now straight, black hair.
“You always make such a scene out of everything.” He said with a shake of his head, taking another sip of his coffee.
“I do not!” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, placing down the tray on the little table by the entrance, “And you are a dickhead, Soonyoung.”
“I know…” His voice was small and I looked back at him, a dark look crossing over his features. I sighed and turned around, mouth open to tell him to get to work, when a lady spoke up.
“You two should be working.” Mrs. Choi’s eyebrows were raised, lips in a playful pout, and Soonyoung smiled.
“Mrs. Choi! Fancy seeing you this beautiful morning, not more beautiful than you, of course.” Soonyoung made a spectacle as he took Mrs. Choi’s hand and placed a soft kiss on it, waltzing away with a wink directed at me. I sighed and handed Mrs. Choi the last cup of coffee.
“Good morning, I bought some coffee for everyone today.” I said quietly, avoiding eye contact with the older lady.
“Thank you, my dear,” She smiled as she took the cup, gripping it with both hands, “Is everything alright? I haven’t seen your plans about the upcoming reception and Soonyoung said you kept postponing the meeting for the past two weeks.”
I gulped and bit my lower lip, feeling embarrassed and guilty, “I did, yes, and I apologize for stalling. It’s just…I went through something and…I will solve this issue, I promise! I trust that Soonyoung will find the right location by tonight and then I can put everything into action.”
“I’m not worried about you making this work, you’ve worked in worse conditions before, my dear. I just don’t like seeing you sad and always grumpy, especially if it’s caused by a man.” I looked up at Mrs. Choi surprised, finding her smiling at me gently.
“Uh, right—I, uh, have a question!” I tried to divert the subject, knowing well the old lady had eyes and ears everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew about everyone’s private life from the office, “This Saturday…can I bring a plus one? To the barbeque?”
“Of course!” Mrs. Choi exclaimed with a laugh, “The more, the merrier! We can split the bill even better!”
“I thought you were paying…” I muttered with a cheeky smile and Mrs. Choi laughed, shaking her head.
“Don’t disappoint me this time with your choice in men,” She said with a wink, sipping from her coffee, “Soonyoung wasn’t made for you, my dear.”
My jaw fell open as I gaped at Mrs. Choi, trying to come up quickly with something to deny her affirmation but by the time I thought of something, she walked away, leaving me alone and gaping. I cleared my throat and closed my mouth when Baekhyun looked up from his desk, eyebrows raised and mouth in an amused grin, looking at me questioningly. I shooed him off with a flick of my wrist and quickly fished my phone out of my purse as I took of towards my office. I dialed Joshua’s number and prayed he was available, on the fifth rang he picked up.
“Missed me already?” Came his teasing through the phone. I scoffed as I took a sip of my coffee quickly.
“You wish, do you have time to talk?” I asked, opening the door of my office.
“If you make it quick, yes.”
“You know, how I’m busy this Saturday…” Joshua hummed and I continued talking with a smile on my face, “Are you busy this Saturday?”
“Uhm…not really, no.” Came his confused answer, no doubt he was frowning now.
“Well, then I just made you busy!” I exclaimed, laughing alone as Joshua remained silent and even more confused on the other end.
“Uhm, care to explain, hon?” My cheeks became hot at the use of his nickname for me and I giggled quietly.
“I’m going to a barbeque with my colleagues, and you are invited too now!”
“Really?!” Joshua asked excitedly and I laughed.
“Really!”
“Okay, cool! We’ll talk later then, but if you need confirmation, I am coming!”
“Of course, you are! But it doesn’t count as our third date!” I spoke quickly, knowing he had to hang up.
“Of course not, hon, talk to you later!”
“See you, Shua!” I hang up with a big smile, taking a seat in my chair, melting away into it. Ah, the things Joshua makes me feel!
Saturday rolled around quickly, our little cycling date on Wednesday went even better than we were expecting it. This time it was Joshua who drove us around, his car finally out of the service, and I even attempted to pull the same joke he usually did, and drive him home in his own car but, of course, he didn’t let me. He wanted to make sure I got home safely as night has fallen by the time, we finished eating at a local noodle restaurant. On Saturday, we agreed that I would come by his place first and then we’d drive together to the barbeque restaurant, as he lived closer to the place and we wanted to save some fuel. I chose to wear a black turtleneck and a denim dress over it, with black tights and knee-high boots, a thick denim jacket shielding me from the evening breeze. My black purse matched my turtleneck and I painted my lips red, applied some mascara and a little bit of blush to my cheeks. I brushed my hair and let the waves fall freely over my shoulders, clipping the front strands behind my ears. It was the first time Joshua would see me truly dressed up, not that I put much effort into my looks. Last date we went cycling, so I couldn’t wear anything fancy, and on our first date we both wore working attire. And well…the night we met, I was almost wearing my pajamas, so it doesn’t count. I was curious of Joshua’s everyday style, wondering if he dressed as fancy as he acted. He was a gentleman after all. I gave him a text when I reached his apartment complex and he was downstairs in three minutes. A big smile on his lips, eyes running over my body, as he jogged up to me. I giggled when he reached me and I threw my arms around, snuggling my chin into his shoulder, making sure I didn’t smudge my lipstick nor dirty his cream-colored coat. He wore dark grey dress pants that reached his ankles and I could make out a soft green turtleneck peeking out from underneath his coat. His light brown hair wasn’t as messy as usual and it had a nice middle part.
“Wow, Joshua!” I mused as I made him twirl around, “You look so fancy!”
“And you look breathtaking.” He said, his voice a bit deeper than usual, taking me by surprise. My cheeks heated up and I pouted as he leaned in.
“My lipstick—!” But Joshua didn’t care as he pressed his lips against mine softly, barely even touching them together.
“You can redo it later, let me give you a kiss!” He murmured against my lips and I grinned, pulling back.
“Maybe when we come back from the barbeque.” Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed and I giggled as I took the car key from his hand.
“Maybe?” He asked wondering, shaking his head a bit, “I don’t think that will work.”
“No?” I raised my eyebrows as I took off towards the parking lot.
“No,” He shook his head firmly, walking after me, “I will need my kiss, right now, and later too.”
I laughed and got into the driver’s seat before he could, claiming it as Joshua shook his head outside the car.
“I was supposed to drive tonight.”
“On the way back!” I grinned and he sighed before getting in, putting on his seatbelt.
“So…where is my kiss?” He asked, lips jutted out, as he turned towards me. I scoffed and leaned over the middle to give him a firm peck. He hummed contently, closing his eyes as I turned back around, turning the engine on.
The ride to the barbeque place was quick and filled with Joshua telling one of his stories about pranking Jeonghan, once again. These two were little devils and wrecked-havoc everywhere they went. On our cycling date Jeonghan actually turned up and tagged along for half an hour, even though Joshua made it clear that he should just leave us alone, but with a sneaky wink towards me, Jeonghan rode his bike along with ours. The man was nice and pleasant to hang out with, so I didn’t mind him tagging along. At least I got insight on Joshua through one of his friends. And I was pleased with the person he seemed to be. Truly, Joshua was a fresh breath of air to me. I don’t know what I did to find him, but I was sure that I’m not letting go of him.
“Are you sure about this?” Joshua spoke up as I parked the car, struggling a bit, his car being bigger than mine.
“Sure, about what?” I asked absentmindedly as I focused on not hitting the two cars I was parking in between.
“Me coming with you, I mean…we only went on two dates. You’ve known me for a week only, don’t you think…we are taking it too fast?” I paused, hitting the brake a bit harsher, sending us forward.
“Do you think we are taking it too fast?” I asked quietly, a bit afraid of his answer. Because I don’t think we are, the most we did was little pecks here and there. I felt alright presenting him to my co-workers and few friends, even if it’s been a week. I’ve never been so certain about someone before.
“I, personally, don’t think so. I just—want to make sure you don’t feel pressured or—”
“Joshua!” I turned toward him wide eyed, “If I didn’t want you to be here with me right now, you wouldn’t be, trust me. Two dates and a week of knowing each other, I—I don’t actually know, this feeling is really new to me. But I want it, I’m certain about it…about us?”
A smile spread on Joshua’s lips slowly and he placed a hand on mine, giving it a squeeze, “Okay, because I really fucking like you a lot.”
I started laughing, being the first time Joshua has sworn in front of me, and squeezed his hand back, “You should park the car now, I think we are making a line behind us…”
“Shit…” I muttered, quickly parking the car, making sure I didn’t hit the others, as Joshua just chuckled. Once we got out Joshua intertwined his fingers with mine and my cheeks turned a little red as I giggled, like a crazy girl, squeezing his hand playfully. He chuckled and glanced at me while leading the way inside. My heart was thumping in my chest as we neared the long table full of my co-workers, and few friends, unsure of their reactions. Only Mrs. Choi knew of my arrival with Joshua, and I truly feared how Soonyoung would react. For sure he would find some way to ruin it, I know him too well.
The chatter from their table was loud but when we arrived next to Mrs. Choi, everyone fell silent. I cleared my throat as Joshua gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
“Hi, everyone!” I greeted, voice a bit higher than usual, “Uh, this is—my boyfriend, Joshua.”
Cheers and greetings broke out from the table, Baekhyun already tipsy as he rose from his seat with a shot in his hand and cheered the loudest, meanwhile I felt two eyes boring into my face. One was coming from the man holding my hand and the other one from the man sitting at the head of the table, across from Mrs. Choi. I turned towards Joshua, a nervous smile on my lips, knowing well calling him my boyfriend took him off guard. I hope I didn’t screw up things, but as Joshua continued to remain silent my heart started hammering in fear. Did I say the wrong thing? But how was I supposed to introduce him? Especially when we arrived together and even holding hands. Before I could think about it even more, a huge grin appeared on Joshua’s face and he started quietly cooing as he pulled my head into his chest. I quickly sucked my lips in, making sure I didn’t dirty his cream-colored coat with my red lipstick, feeling embarrassed as Baekhyun whistled loudly.
“Come sit, love birds!” Yerim’s loud, shrill, voice called out for us. She was sitting close to Soonyoung, two seats empty on her right. The one who would sit at the end of the table would be basically next to Soonyoung. Before we could walk to Yerim, however, Mrs. Choi was on her feet, a warm smile on her lips.
“Good evening, welcome!” She greeted us and patted my cheek once Joshua freed me from his hold, “I see my dear Y/N decided to bring someone along. Who are you, young man?”
“Hong Joshua, Mrs. …”
“Choi Seunghee.” My boss introduced herself and Joshua bowed politely.
“Mrs. Choi, nice to meet you!”
“You too, Mr. Hong—” Mrs. Choi’s eyes landed on me and she winked, “Lovely choice, my dear.”
My cheeks flushed and I groaned quietly as Joshua chuckled and nodded once, before pulling me towards Yerim, who was waving us over aggressively.
“Thank, fucking, God!” She exclaimed once we were by her side, “My arm was about to fall off!”
“Well why were you continuously waving?” I asked laughing as Joshua helped me take my jacket off, “It’s not like we can sit anywhere else…”
“I’m just being a good friend, don’t lecture me about it.” Yerim said with a pout as I threw her a playful glare, holding my jacket so that Joshua could take his own coat off.
“Yeah, whatever,” Yerim rolled her eyes, eyeing Joshua as he went to take our jackets to the hanger, “Damn, classy but sexy as fuck.”
“Yerim!” I hissed, eyes widening as Joshua walked back, a warm smile on his face.
“I’m Kim Yerim!” She introduced herself, standing up and extending her hand. She was wearing a dark green dress, body fitting, for once reached bellowed her knees and had a turtleneck. I see everyone went for a turtleneck tonight.
“Hong Joshua, nice to meet you.” Joshua shook her hand delicately, smiling when Yerim grinned at me.
“A foreigner too!” She winked at me, eyes running over Joshua again, “Nice catch, bitch.”
My mouth fell open as Joshua started laughing loudly, covering it with his hand once he realized he was really loud. I threw him a glare before I pulled on Yerim’s straightened hair, earning a hiss from her.
“Watch your language, Kim Yerim!” I snapped, feeling embarrassed, as I took a quick seat beside her. I forgot about Soonyoung’s existence, but it didn’t last for long, when I heard Joshua greeting him.
“Good to see you made it.” He spoke monotonously, lips in a tight line. He wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure and I threw him a warning glare.
“Good evening, Soonyoung.” I greeted him; expression neutral as he bowed before downing his shot in one go.
“Want to drink?” He raised his glass of Soju to Joshua.
“Not tonight, I’m the designated driver,” He said with an apologetic smile, “Next time.”
“Next time.” That made Soonyoung smirk as he sent me a wink, downing another shot. I sighed quietly, opening the can of soda in front of me, eyes accidentally catching Baekhyun’s.
“Eyo, I thought you ditched us!” He said loudly, smile lopsided.
“And miss seeing you drunk?” I laughed, taking a sip of the soda, “Never, Baekhyun, never.”
Baekhyun giggled and raised his glass of Soju in salute before taking a big gulp.
“So, Joshua!” Yerim exclaimed, making me go deaf for a few seconds, “What do you do? How do you earn money? How did you charm Y/N? What are your hobbies? Tell me everything!”
“Take it easy, Yerim,” I said with a snort, hand finding Joshua’s underneath the table, “I forgot to tell him how energetic and tiring you can be.”
“Ah, I know someone just like her…” Joshua mused, eyes glinting with mischief and I laughed, shaking my head.
“Jeonghan.” We chorused at the same time, making Yerim raise her eyebrows and Soonyoung frown at us.
“Hmm, his name doesn’t sound bad. Is he handsome?” Yerim asked, lips forming a pout.
“Yah, Kim Yerim!” Came Chan’s loud exclamation, he was sitting next to Wendy, two seats away from Baekhyun who was across from me, “You’re trying to find yourself a new man?!”
“Yes, do you have a problem with that?!” Yerim snapped back, eyebrows raising in a challenging way.
“Yes, I do!” Chan snapped back, lips jutting out as he stared back at Yerim.
“Then stop being a pussy and ask me out!” Yerim’s statement made the table go silent, and she blushed. Kim Yerim was actually blushing! I started laughing loudly and soon the others followed, well except for Yerim and Chan; and Soonyoung; who were staring at each other intently.
“Ah, to be young and in love…” Mrs. Choi mused from the head of the table, making Yerim glare at her.
“Who’s in love? I’m not!” She was quick to defend herself, throwing Chan a subtle glance. But Chan was focused on glaring at his bottle of Soju, ears red. I giggled to myself and Joshua squeezed my hand underneath the table, making me look at him. He grinned down at me and I blushed, scrunching my nose at him.
“Those two definitely are.” Wendy said with a sweet smile, nodded her towards us, making me blush further. I groaned as Joshua, once again, pulled my head against his chest, and rested his chin on top of my head.
“Yeah, we might be…” He sing-songed, making me pinch his hip just a bit, “Oh, come on, don’t be shy now.”
“Shut up.” I snapped and pulled away with a small glare, my eyes catching Soonyoung’s in the process. His jaw was clenched and he glared at me, downing another shot of his Soju. I couldn’t help but worry, watching as he did that three more times, finishing his first bottle of the night.
“Soonyoung…” I called out, Joshua was playing absentmindedly with my fingers as he conversed with Baekhyun, “Take it easy…”
Soonyoung’s head snapped up and he looked into my eyes, licking his lips, “What do you care?”
I rolled my eyes and glanced at Joshua to see if he was paying attention to us, but he wasn’t, so I lowered my voice knowing Soonyoung will hear me, “I do, okay? You are my best friend!”
“Yeah…” He chuckled bitterly as he opened up another bottle of Soju, “Best friend.”
“I mean it.” I snapped, eyes glaring at him as he just shrugged.
“Thanks for worrying about me, bestie,” He faked a grin and gulped half of the Soju down, “But I can handle myself.”
“I won’t be driving you home if you get shitfaced.” I warned him, becoming aware of Joshua glancing at me more often.
“Don’t worry, my girlfriend will make sure to pick me up this time.” I scoffed and gulped down the remark I had for him, instead looked up at Joshua to see him frowning at us. I have to tell him after tonight what’s been happening between Soonyoung and I. He deserves to know. Maybe he can help me out even with some advice, I don’t even know anymore.
“Are you okay, hon?” He asked quietly, eyebrows furrowed as he searched my face.
“Of course!” I offered him a small smile, then nudged Yerim, “Wanna hear the answers you were so eager for?”
“Fuck yeah!” Yerim slammed her Soju bottle down, spilling a bit on the table, as she leaned closer in, captivated once Joshua started talking. That’s how I felt every time I was with Joshua, utterly captivated. Like it was just us, no one and nothing else in the world. It was new and weird. It was something I enjoyed and craved, it felt amazing.
Somewhere halfway through, Yerim and I excused ourselves to the restroom, Yerim complaining about having to pee after she drank three bottles of Soju. The food was almost done by that time, everyone having eaten well and now we were just drinking the rest of the drinks and sharing stories. Mrs. Choi said she didn’t want to stay until very late, her son having to pick her up and he had classes tomorrow, so we decided to stay until midnight instead of late night, like usually we do. Yerim and I took quite a while, her having to make sure her whole makeup looked presentable, rambling about how she was going home with Chan tonight even if she had to force him. Something I’m sure she won’t have to do; Chan’s been eyeing her all night after she told him to ask her out. It was quite obvious Chan had a crush on Yerim, everyone knew, but no one expected Yerim to reciprocate the feelings. She was always after Soonyoung, barely batting an eyelash at Chan. And it’s not like the others know Soonyoung has a girlfriend, he hasn’t told anyone besides me and Jihoon. When we made it back to our table, Joshua had a neutral expression and Soonyoung was smirking as he leaned back in his chair, an accomplished look crossing his face. I gulped as I took my seat and tapped Joshua’s thigh, asking if he was feeling alright. Deep down, I knew Soonyoung told him something and that’s why his demeanor changed, but I hoped I was wrong and Joshua was just tired and Soonyoung just said one of his lame jokes to which Joshua had a good reaction. But when Soonyoung raised his fifth bottle of Soju, already drunk, and called loudly ‘cheers’ while never breaking eye contact with me, I knew he said something to Joshua. Something I didn’t want him to know, at least, not yet. Joshua, however, was quick to reassure me and say that he was tired and wanted to head home earlier if it wasn’t a problem for me. And it wasn’t, we quickly took on our coat and jacket, wished the others a good night and left the barbeque restaurant. My heart was hammering, cheeks a bit red from one bottle of Soju, and I was surprised when Joshua’s fingers intertwined with mine as we walked towards his car. No one said nothing, Joshua seemed deep in thought meanwhile I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know what happened that ruined his mood so quickly. He opened the door for me once we reached his car, and I thanked him quietly as I sat inside. Joshua was quickly inside the car as well, starting the engine to generate warmth. We put our seatbelts on and Joshua turned the radio down for quiet background noise as he started driving. I gulped and bit my lower lip, trying to find a way to ask him if Soonyoung said anything to him, without spoiling much.
“Are you okay?” I decided on asking, placing one hand gently on his thigh. He tensed up and I felt a pang in my heart as I quickly retracted my arm, clearing my throat. However, he quickly gripped my wrist and held it for a second.
“I’m not mad at you, please relax.” He spoke up calmly, thumb rubbing over the skin of my wrist. I let out a shaky breath, now knowing certainly that Soonyoung told him something he wasn’t supposed to.
“What—” I took a shaky breath, “What did Soonyoung tell you?”
Joshua was quiet for a second as he took a left turn, not rushing as he drove below the speed limit, “Enough to piss me off, honestly, but not enough to push me away from you.”
“I’m so sorry,” I sighed out, looking down at my lap, “You deserve to know, but we’ve barely been on our second date and I—I didn’t want to tell you anything yet, I just didn’t think it was the right timing, you know? What was I even supposed to tell you? That I—”
“The reason why it pissed me off, is because it wasn’t his call to make. You were supposed to tell me once you felt ready and not Soonyoung to spite me,” Joshua took a deep breath and threw me a quick glance, “I don’t give a shit that you two were friends with benefits, Y/N, calm down, okay?”
I took a shaky breath and bit my lower lip, “Joshua, I’m—in love with Soonyoung.”
The silence was deadly and my heart was hammering in my chest, but Joshua’s thumb never stopped caressing the skin of my wrist, not even after I said those words.
“But I like you, very, very much. And I want to be with you, not Soonyoung. It took me so long to realize he’s not good for me, that he could never offer me what I need. Soonyoung is—not a good person. He was a good friend, and still is sometimes, but when it comes to relationships, he—doesn’t know what those mean. I don’t want to be with him, yes, I still love him but God! I’m doing everything I can to get over him and…it’s working. It’s hard and it takes time, but it’s working, Joshua. I’m slowly, but surely, falling for you. Even if it’s too early to say that, I feel it. You are so amazing, I never even dared to dream of someone like you! You respect me and bring out the best in me, make me laugh until my stomach hurts and make me feel things I never even knew I could feel. You are special, Joshua.”
I wasn’t even sure Joshua was paying attention to my rant, but by the time I finished, we arrived in front of my apartment complex. My heart was beating fast and I was scared to look at Joshua as he stopped the car, head turning towards me. If I were him, I knew I’d be furious and feeling like I got fucked over. That’s what scares me, what if he leaves me right now? How do I get over that? Losing two men I care about is too harsh.
“I know falling out of love can be a hard process, but I sure as hell haven’t seen someone before trying so hard to do it,” He chuckled and my eyebrows became relaxed a bit, “I understand you and I respect you. Thank you for telling me, even if I had to find out this way, I think you would’ve still told me. I have to be honest; I’m not pleased to know you love other man, but who would be? But I see how you act around me, and I don’t know how you used to act around Soonyoung, but I know that you simply radiate when you are with me. And you make me feel warm and full, always tugging at my heartstrings without even doing anything. I choose to trust you, Y/N. Prove me right, please.”
The sudden relieved laugh that left my lips was loud in the car and it brought a smile on Joshua’s lips, I felt like I could breathe again. My heart slowly returned to its natural rhythm as Joshua and I stared into each other’s eyes.
“Thank you, for trusting me.” I whispered and closed my eyes when he pressed his forehead against mine.
“Thank you, for making room for me in your heart.” A wide smile spread on my lips and I pressed my lips against Joshua’s softly, his cherry-colored lips pushing back just as gently. There was nothing hungry behind the kiss, only genuine feelings being poured into it, as our lips moved slowly. I wanted this moment to last forever, I wanted to ask Joshua to come up with me, but it was too soon. We decided in taking things slowly, if I called him up right now, that would change a lot. And we are not there yet, I’m not ready for that yet.
“So…” Joshua’s lips pulled up into a mischievous smirk once we pulled back from the kiss, “I’m your boyfriend, huh?”
I chuckled and shrugged, “Guess you are.”
“Good.” He breathed out and I leaned in to press another soft kiss against his lips before I went upstairs.
“Good night!” He called out as he rolled his window down, sending me a flying kiss. I caught it and pretended to press it where my heart was, putting it away and keeping it in a safe place.
“Good night!” I called back and quickly rushed inside the building, racing up the stairs to my apartment. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to be in the stairway late at night. Once inside my apartment, I closed and locked the front door, leaning over it. I was feeling ecstatic from that kiss and the word exchanges Joshua and I had, but then suddenly rage over took me. And I knew how I would spend my early morning tomorrow.
It was early in the morning when I got up, the rage I felt towards Soonyoung didn’t let me rest much. Even as I cooked myself some breakfast, I found myself throwing everything around loudly and then feeling sorry for my neighbors, it was an early Sunday morning after all. After eating my breakfast, I took a shower in hopes that it would ease my tense muscles and angry thoughts, but it just fueled all the mean things I had to say to Soonyoung. After all, we all know in the shower come the mightiest ideas and arguments. After getting dressed, I took the car keys and off I was to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment. Due to it being early, and a Saturday, traffic was almost none and I made it to their apartment in 10 minutes, a ride that on a normal day would take twenty minutes. I glanced at the clock and decided to go upstairs, knowing well hungover Soonyoung always got up at 6 am to nurse his headache, cook himself breakfast, and then go on a run to clear up his head. Besides, I wasn’t just here to put him in his place, I was here to hand him back their apartment key and ask for mine back. So, without second thoughts, once I reached their front door, I unlocked the door and barged inside. The apartment was quiet, Jihoon was still asleep as he had the nightshift last night, probably made it back home two or three hours ago so I was already feeling bad for waking him probably once Soonyoung and I start arguing. I heard some muffled noises coming from Soonyoung’s room, so I knew he was up. Taking a deep breath and rolling my shoulders a few times, I marched towards it and barged inside. The sight that greeted me wasn’t something I was expecting. Not now, not in a million years. Eyes wide, I turned back around and slammed the door closed, praying that it didn’t wake Jihoon. I heard a few groans and some mumbled words as I walked away from Soonyoung’s room, taking deep breaths. A girl, his girlfriend no doubt, with her mouth deep down Soonyoung’s dick. Both of their eyes went wide when I barged in, Soonyoung’s darkened a lot more once he realized it was me and not Jihoon. I didn’t see the girl’s reaction as I slammed the door closed, and now I was pacing up and down in the kitchen, reaching for a glass to pour some water into it. How am I going to do this? With his girlfriend over? I don’t want to drag her into this mess, I know she doesn’t know, and I don’t want her to find out either. I’m not like Soonyoung. If it was just Jihoon here, I wouldn’t have cared, he already knew everything. Just as I downed the glass of water, Soonyoung’s bedroom door was opened and the black-haired girl tiptoed out, long hair in a high ponytail now.
“Uh—Hi.” I greeted quietly and she gulped as she looked away embarrassed, “Uh—sorry, for barging in like that, I—”
“Yeah, uh—just forget about it?” The girl asked as she played around with the towel in her hands, “I’m Soonyoung’s girlfriend, Yuna, nice to meet you.”
“Y/N, nice to meet you too.” We nodded our heads at each other a little as the girl tried to smile at me but failed.
“Yeah, you’re Soonyoung’s friend—anyways, I’ll be taking a shower. See you later?” She headed for the bathroom door and I muttered quietly after her a ‘See you later’. As the bathroom door closed, out came Soonyoung from his room wearing his black sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His face was still swollen and his hair sticking out in every direction. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with a glare, a glare I returned fiercely.
“What?” He finally snapped like nothing happened yesterday, a glint of amusement filling his eyes.
“Don’t act like Saint Marry, Soonyoung!” I snapped, jaw clenching as the rage I’ve felt all night long flooded my body, “You have the fucking audacity to even ask ‘What?’ when you almost ruined my relationship with Joshua?!”
“Ah,” Soonyoung laughed quietly, “The one-week long relationship? Are you sure that’s a relationship? Maybe he just likes the way you suck his dick—”
“Don’t even talk about Joshua like that!” I snapped, making sure my voice remained low enough that it wouldn’t wake Jihoon, if he wasn’t awake already, nor would it reach Yuna’s ears.
“Oh, look at that! Defending him like you’re his little puppy—”
“Fuck you, Soonyoung! You’re a piece of shit!” I snapped, slamming the apartment keys down on the counter, “I want my fucking keys back, now.”
“No.”
“No? I don’t think so.” I snapped and glared at him as I went to walk past him, but Soonyoung grabbed me by my upper arm and pulled me back, hips pinning me between him and the counter.
“You can’t take the keys back.” He muttered lowly, his glare boring into my own.
“Those aren’t yours, to begin with, I am taking them back.” I went to push Soonyoung away but he grabbed my jaw tightly and forced my head to stay in place. I hissed at him and tried to swat at his hand, but he raised his eyebrows in warning.
“Just admit you’re here because you miss fucking me.” A shit eating grin spread over his lips and my palms turned into fists, ready to punch him any second now.
“I’m here, to tell you, that you are a scumbag, Soonyoung. I knew you played unfair your whole life, but telling Joshua we used to fuck? That was really low, Soonyoung. You proved that you’re a trash person deep down. You have a girlfriend but you go around being jealous? Trying to destroy your best friend’s relationship? When she’s finally happy?!”
“You just think you’re happy with Joshua, Y/N, but you aren’t really.” He growled, grip tightening on my jaw, making me hiss.
“Sure,” I scoffed, nodding my head, “Go ahead and tell me how I feel, right. Because you know! You! Not me!”
“You’ve only known him for a week, God damn it! You’ve known me for almost ten years! Can’t you see I’m right for you, Y/N? Who knows you like I do? No one else! I grew up with you, I was there to support you through everything! Through every heart break and every successful date! Y/N, I love you truly! Unlike Joshua who doesn’t even know you!” His voice started raising and he was breathing hard and I whined, gripping his wrist when his grip became unbearable on my jaw. If he was going to keep on squeezing, he would bruise it and I don’t want to go around lying to people.
“Well unlike Joshua, who doesn’t even know me! He’s the one who made me feel truly happy and heard and seen ever since we’ve reconciled, Soonyoung! I always felt so drained being with you. It was always about you! About making you satisfied, about making you happy, about supporting you no matter what, about bending myself to everything you wanted because I wasn’t important. Not as important as you, at least.” His grip softened but he didn’t let go, he was slowly shaking his head no, “You are afraid of letting go because I’m something safe, something you know. Something you can come back to. I know new things scare you, Soonyoung, but we are over. I don’t love you.”
“That’s a lie!” Soonyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes, giving me the moment to push his grip off my jaw, “You love me and I love you. Understand that already!”
“No, you don’t love me. Not like I did, anyways. My body is what you love, the way I made you feel and the way I would always bend to your likes. I broke myself down so that you could build yourself up, and you knew all along what you were doing, Soonyoung. And I knew, deep down I did, but I was blinded by my foolish love and selflessness. That’s not happening anymore, understand?”
But Soonyoung just kept shaking his head, “No, bullshit. I—love you!”
I bit my lower and realized pouring my heart out to him, about everything he made me feel made the dull ache disappear. It was like I felt nothing now when I looked at him.
“Stay away from Joshua and I, understand? Don’t make me take drastic measures, Soonyoung, because I will. You know I will!” I warned Soonyoung, wriggling out of his hold, “Whatever we ever had, takes an end, right now. After I leave this apartment, we are just co-workers. After we are done with this reception, we won’t work together unless Mrs. Choi or the project demands us to. We can’t be friends anymore, not after you broke my trust and respect like that. It was my job to tell Joshua we were friends with benefits, not yours!”
Soonyoung’s lips quivered as he stared at me hopelessly, a humorless laugh leaving his lips, “You really care that much about him? After a week?”
“You have no idea,” I whispered, looking away from him as seeing him so broken didn’t sit well with me, “He makes me feel like no one else.”
“And I couldn’t do that?” He whispered quietly; eyes trained on the kitchen floor.
“No.” I muttered, gulping and taking a deep breath, “Tell Jihoon I’m sorry if we woke him up and that I’m sorry I couldn’t properly say goodbye, but maybe we’ll see each other from time to time. Next time dinner will be on me, if I see him.”
Soonyoung sniffed once and then looked up and nodded, walking past me. I watched him as he reached inside his jacket’s pocket and pulled out multiple keys. He detached one set and turned around, walked up to me and placed the keys in my hands. The keychain, the little turtle that I gifted him in our first year of college, broke my heart. I looked up at Soonyoung with teary eyes and he was quick to hug me. His chest rocked as he buried his head in my shoulder and I returned the tight hug, feeling my own tears rolling down my cheeks. This hurt a lot more than when he told me had a girlfriend. My lungs were heaving for oxygen and no matter how deeply I tried to breathe it wasn’t working. It was more painful, because we were saying goodbye to each other. To a friend of a lifetime, to a secret lover, to someone who meant to world to us at one point. And that was more painful than realizing we were in love and thinking the other wouldn’t return it.
“Maybe—maybe when—we have sorted things out—we could be—friends again.” Soonyoung said between sniffles, rubbing my back up and down.
“Maybe.” I whispered, unsure if there was reconciling from this one. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t.
“Stay healthy for me, please?” I muttered into Soonyoung’s shoulder as I took in his scent for the last time. The scent that brought so much comfort and pain at some point in my life. A scent I associated once with home.
“Yeah…just, be happy.” Soonyoung was the first to pull away, eyes red as he looked me over. I offered him a sad smile, clearing my throat and cleaning my face of the tears.
“Bye.” I called out quietly and Soonyoung gulped before he gripped my wrist and pressed a painful kiss against my lips.
“Bye.” Yet he still managed to smile, that smile that was so contagious and lit up a whole room. I returned it, but only half heartedly as I left Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment, leaving my best friend and the feeling behind. It felt liberating in a way, like the final weight was lifted too, like I could fly up high in the sky again.
The door that opened for Joshua in my heart before, was wide open now. Ready to be filled with Joshua and Joshua only.
#bvidzsoo#seventeen scenarios#seventeen oneshot#seventeen smut#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#choi seungcheol#yoon jeonghan#joshua hong#hong jisoo#wen junhui#kwon soonyoung#jeon wonwoo#lee jihoon#lee seokmin#kim mingyu#xu minghao#boo seungkwan#hansol vernon chwe#lee chan#yeri red velvet#wendy red velvet#baekhyun exo#hana gugudan#seventeen ot13#seventeen hoshi#seventeen soonyoung#seventeen joshua#seventeen jisoo#joshua pairing
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Memories Are Golden
The prom of ‘85 was just one week away. If you asked Steve how much involvement he would’ve have in the event, not even a month ago he would’ve guessed it to be nothing more than maybe taking a flyer home and immediately throwing it in the trash.
Because he wouldn’t be able to go anyways, him and his date didn’t exactly abide by the administration's rules, or society’s, for that matter, so he didn’t care about the whole thing, until last minute, when Nancy had successfully convinced him to be a part of the prom committee with her.
The conversation had basically been a very lengthy guilt trip, he’s well aware of that, and her whole, ‘best moments of our lives’ speech hadn’t really done much to change his mind either.
In the end, Steve had only decided he was going to do it for three reasons: he’d get extra credit in the teacher in charge of prom, the math teachers, class, he wouldn’t have to go to any of his morning classes, and Robin joined in on Nancy’s bullying him because her and Heather would be apart of the committee too.
So now for the next week leading up to the big day, Steve has to spend his mornings in the gym putting up the decorations for the grand march.
But it isn’t all bad, because their small little task force made up of the other poor souls Nancy had rallied to do this with her is all of his friends, Nancy and Barb and Robin and Heather, with the addition of one very begrudging Billy Hargrove.
The girls were all the type you’d expect to be into this thing, the crafty ones mixed in with popularity, and everyone knew Steve would do anything to show school spirit, especially if Nancy bullied him into it, but nobody actually expected Billy of all people to even show up.
He certainly looked more likely to be the one crashing the prom than hanging up little foil stars on the walls, and anyways, rumor had it he only was on the committee as an alternative to detention for smoking weed under the bleachers.
But Steve knew that had absolutely not happened, for one thing, Billy’s weed stayed tightly locked up in his bedroom, thank you very much, and for another, he was there completely willingly. Steve knew that, because he’d been the one to tell Billy to sign up.
Which, when it really got right down to it, Billy honestly was the only reason Steve was even doing this whole thing. They were used to working in a couple of very limited interactions on the court or in the few classes they shared, but with the prom committee they’d be required to spend at least four hours together every day. It was the golden opportunity, even if that wasn’t the way Nancy intended it.
So maybe Billy does show up a little late every morning on purpose, just to keep up appearances, but he’s got a smile on his face, hidden behind the styrofoam coffee cup he gets from the cafeteria as he seeks out Steve and sits beside him in the bleachers to wait for that days instruction.
“Mornin’ Bill.” Steve mumbles tiredly, used to coming in late every day and getting at least an extra hour of sleep most days.
Billy nods and hums in his throat as his only response, so Steve asks him, “You wake up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin’?”
And of course, in true Billy fashion, he flashes Steve his most shit eating grin, and says all nonchalant, “Always do when I wake up alone.”
It’s so cheesy, and very obviously meant to get to him, but Steve can’t help the blush that creeps up his neck. He’s still trying to think up an equally as flustering comeback, when the teacher in charge finally shows up.
She announces that this year’s theme was ‘under the stars’, which Steve thought sounded incredibly tacky, but there was still no way it would be any worse than the godawful ‘hollywood’ theme from the year before. Hawkins High had a reputation for a lot of things, but creativity was not one of them.
They get split up into groups, Nancy and Barb in charge of the promo, the writing up, designing, and printing of the announcements and tickets, and Robin and Heather got the delicate detail work, blowing up balloons, laying down the artificial grass squares and hanging or putting in place whatever the other groups made them.
Billy and Steve, on the other hand, were stuck with all the dirty work, the manly jobs. They’re the ones who have to paint the banner that’s going to go over the door, and carry anything that’s considered too heavy and hang anything too high (even though Barb really isn’t that much shorter than them), and set up the tents and string the electricity to the lights in the fake lamp posts.
Quite frankly, Steve doesn’t think it’s fair that they have double the workload as the girls, most of the week had been dedicated to their work, but he just can’t bring himself to complain about getting to watch Billy working every morning, still barely awake yet, his hair pulled up so it didn’t get paint or that much glitter in it.
~~~~~~~~
On their last day in the gym, all that’s left is to sort out a few last minute details, the final squares of fake grass are laid out, lights are tested and glitter is spread out on everything. It doesn’t take too awful long, so they end up with just under three hours leftover to kill.
What they’re supposed to do is report back to their morning classes and try to catch up on all the work they’ve been missing out on for the entire week, but Billy isn’t looking to worry about a bunch of school work, so he tries to convince the rest to skip those last few hours with him.
From Barb and Nancy he gets an instant no, which, he was honestly expecting that. They’re responsible girls, and he can’t blame them for giving two shits about their education. The fact of the matter is though, that he doesn’t.
What he isn’t expecting as much is for his best friend to tell him no, but Heather’s too excited about her senior prom to get in trouble the day before it, and he can respect that.
He already knows that if Heather’s not going, Robin’s not either, so he waves her off before she even bothers trying to explain herself.
That just leaves Steve, and lord knows Billy’s been a bad enough influence on him that he doesn’t even have to ask if he’s ditching, so when Mrs Mitchell and the girls leave, they follow behind until they’re out in the hallway, then duck out of the back entrance of the gym.
Most of the time when people skip they just go home considering the lack of literally anything at all to do around Hawkins, but with Steve’s house too far away for it to be worth leaving, and Billy’s stepmom still at home, that sort of wasn’t an option for them.
Usually they don’t skip for those very reasons, but today they have a handwritten excuse to be out of their classes until exactly 12:15, so in a way, it isn’t so much like skipping as it is just using their free time wisely. Or at least, that’s how Steve rationalizes it, earning from Billy, who thought it was sweet that his former bad boy felt it necessary to make excuses for skipping, a chuckle and a warm smile.
They decide to just hang out on the school grounds, nowhere in town to go but the diner and the stores downtown, and they weren’t in the mood for food nor did they have enough money to blow buying stupid shit they didn’t need, so smoking and sneaking kisses by the tree line on the practice field it was.
It’s nice, but Billy doesn’t like the quiet, furrowed brow as he plucks blades of just growing grass trying to think of something to say that would break the silence. Steve just waits patiently with a lit cigarette burning out between his fingers for Billy to speak, listening intently when he finally says, “You know, s’a shame that I can’t take you to the prom after all that work we did for it.”
“Nah, prom’s way overrated.” Steve blows him off, not wanting him to feel bad about it, personally viewing the dance as stupid anyways, in a way sort of glad he doesn’t have to go, “It’s just a way to pay for new football uniforms and make kids who piqued in highschool feel good about themselves.”
But Billy doesn’t even laugh at that, flicking the head off a dandelion to keep his hands busy as he basically mumbles, “Guess you had time to think ‘bout it already.”
“Yeah. I guess I just always thought dances were kind of dumb. Now that I’m not King Steve anymore I just don’t really see a reason to bother with ‘em.” Steve explains, sliding his hand over to Billy’s across the tips of cool blades of grass, linking their pinkies together and leaning his head against his shoulder, soft touches like these the only way Billy could tell the difference between an open conversation and an argument.
“Still, think it’d be nice to be able to show you off. Let ‘em know what they’ve been missing.” Billy admits, a shy crack of a smile, like he was afraid to bring it up, and it makes Steve smile back, looking straight into the vulnerability behind his blue eyes and saying so softly it’s almost a whisper, “S’not necessary, B. I’m all yours.”
Billy pulls his hand away, a flush on his cheeks that wasn’t just from the warmth of the sun, overwhelmed by the affection just a bit, not uncomfortable with it, just not used to it, and bumps his shoulder into Steve’s, telling him, “God, you’re such a sap.”
“Hey, you’re the one that wanted to take me to the prom.” Steve says, barely even defensive, making Billy smile again.
There’s a break in the conversation, both of them flustered and thinking about the other, until Steve interrupts the quiet this time, leaning back on his hands in the grass and suggesting, “We could do our own prom though, you know.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Well, we can’t do the real thing, obviously, but I don’t have any other plans tomorrow. You should drop by.”
“You’re really askin’ me to be your prom date?” Billy smirks, but the vulnerable hope in his eyes gives him away, and makes Steve’s heart flutter, though he replies nonchalant, “Who else? Be there at 8:30?”
“It’s a date. See you then, pretty boy.” Billy says with a smile, leaning in to kiss Steve, but getting interrupted by his watch beeping, their break time almost up already.
Steve chuckles and kisses his nose, and says, “Guess we better get back then.” waiting for Billy to leave first so his boyfriend had a head start to get into the school before him.
Billy throws a wink over his shoulder as he retreats towards the gym doors, and suddenly the weight of what they’d just agreed to settles with Steve.
Maybe this prom thing wasn’t as overrated as he thought, because did he ever feel over the moon right now, blushing like an idiot and just standing there dazedly until he hears the bell ring inside the building.
Apparently it showed too, that butterflies in his stomach feeling he had for the rest of the day, if the fact that Robin pulled him aside in the cafeteria for an emergency meeting about why he couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off his face was any indication.
He told her some lie, something about one of the teachers he got his makeup work off of cutting him some slack, and Robin doesn’t believe that, but she knows it’s none of her business, so she lets him keep smiling.
Still, as much as Steve was looking forward to this, at the end of the day when he waved at Billy from across the parking lot, he got nervous. Like, speeding back home to Loch Nora in under ten minutes on a normally fifteen minute drive nervous.
Because he still has a lot of shit to get done between now and tomorrow night when Billy is supposed to show up.
For one thing, his house is a disaster. He almost never cleans it until it’s too late, half-assing the dishes and overloading the washing machine and hiding things in closets usually the day before his parents were supposed to get back.
Another thing is how should he dress? He had a few fancy suits of his own from outings with his parents and past dances, but he knew Billy wouldn’t. Still, wouldn’t it be rude to underdress just because he assumed Billy would be too poor to clean up?
And what did people even do at prom? Get drunk and have sex? If Billy wanted to do that he would’ve just said so. How was Steve supposed to figure out what else they were going to do? The rest of prom is just bad dancing and even worse food, was that something he was supposed to include?
What if he’d sent the wrong signal in the first place and it wasn’t just going to be them? What if Billy showed up at his door with a bunch of other losers skipping out on prom night and this wasn’t really special at all?
The thing is, he knows he’s being irrational. Billy’s not the type to care about this stuff, and even if he did he wasn’t gonna like, break things off just because their little fake prom in Steve’s living room wasn’t perfect. That’s just ridiculous.
So he tries to redirect that initial panic into productivity. Get at least something planned out and put together before he freaks all the way out and loses his motivation.
He decides to do it in small parts, tonight he’d start with the cleaning and getting everything he already had together, and tomorrow would be for shopping and decorating.
Because he’s got such a scatterbrain, he makes a list of all the things he needed to get done before 8:30 tomorrow night, and already he feels the stress start to dissipate with each thing he gets to check off, the living room cleaned until Ruthie would approve, picking out a nice sweater he’d never worn before, fancy but not too much, and tracking down all the things he already had, a record player, the fancy wine Billy said he liked, and a couple of strings of fairy lights and tinsel.
~~~~~~~~~
The next morning he goes straight to Melvald’s, with the rest of his checklist to but candles, more decorations, a boutonnière, just to do it, and maybe something other than takeout to eat for once.
He must look as nervous as he feels, dumping his purchases on the counter, because Joyce smiles that understanding smile of hers, and asks him, “Last minute jitters before prom?”
“You could say that.” He responds breathily, trying to return the smile.
“Jonathan and Nancy decided not to go, but it sounds like it’ll be fun.” Joyce says with a nod, and Steve realizes he’s given her the wrong impression, explaining, “Oh, I’m not going to the real thing either, just hanging out with a friend tonight.”
“Well that sounds nice anyways.” She says, as she rings up his stuff remarking, “You must really like this friend to go all out like this.”
“Yeah he’s-“ Steve physically shakes his head, a reminder to stop talking before he gets himself caught, backpedaling with a shaky excuse, “I-I mean, it’s not like it’s a prom date , it’s just, you know, two guys hanging out.“
Joyce puts her hand on his, that same warm smile still on her face, and tells him, looking him right in the eye as if to say, ‘I know, but it’s okay’, “I’m happy for you, Steve. Have fun tonight.”
Steve nods, a flush to his cheeks as he leaves the store with not another word than, “I… Thank you Mrs. Byers.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy knew absolutely jack and shit about school dances.
The first and only he’d ever been bothered to go to was way back in elementary school, and that didn’t exactly hold a candle to the fucking prom.
It helped some that it wasn’t the real thing, but Steve was talking like it might as well be, and quite frankly, he wanted it to be. This was going to be special goddamnit.
But before he can even think too much about it, he realizes none of that will matter if it turns out he can’t show, so he brings it up with his dad at dinner.
At the table is where he’s least likely to get beat if Neil said no, so that was always the time he chose to ask for things. “I know it’s, uh, kind of last minute ‘cause it’s tomorrow night, but could I go to the prom?”
Neil quirks an eyebrow, seeming mostly uninterested, “With who?”
“Nobody as a date.” Billy explains, using the cover story he’d been coming up with since the minute Steve asked him, or rather in anticipation of, “Heather has a spare ticket ‘cause her actual date ditched her last minute and she asked me if I would go with her.”
Neil nods, seemingly believing him, and asks, “When’s it start?”
“Uh, about 8, I think, so I’ll probably leave at like, 6:30 or so.” Billy throws it out nervously, tapping his fingers against the underside of the table, and freezing when Neil speaks.
But he doesn’t get yelled at, it’s just a simple, calm, “Susan, do we have anything planned that time tomorrow?”
“No, dear. Max is going with her friends at six, but other than that...” Comes her timid response without a hitch, and Billy already knows he’s in the clear before Neil gives his response, still not looking up from the table.
He agrees, but with a few conditions that Billy wouldn’t dare disobey, “If you drop your sister off first, you’ve got yourself a deal. Just don’t come home if you’re drunk, and don’t waste all my damned money on pictures.”
Billy nods, his heart racing in anticipation of something he was pretty sure at this point wasn’t going to happen, though some part of him was still waiting for the slap across the face and a never your mind as he says dutifully, “Yessir. Thank you.”
~~~~~~~~~
Billy starts getting ready six hours early for two reasons: for one thing, the sooner he’s ready, the more time he had away from Neil and to psyche himself up to knock on Steve’s door, and for another, his hair on a normal day takes at least an hour if he doesn’t want it frizzing out or losing it’s curl or getting heavy, and this was his prom, he was willing to spend a whole day on his hair for the sake of looking nice, even if there were no pictures of it.
Of course Max, being the little nuisance she is, follows him to his bedroom when he goes to get ready, holding the door open with her foot so he couldn’t slam it in her face, and earning herself a grumbly, “What do you want, Maxine?”
“I thought you told me you weren’t going to the prom.” She says it like she caught him doing something wrong, as if plans couldn’t change, and it pisses Billy off a little bit.
“I’m not-“ He starts to explain, cutting himself off when somewhere in the house Neil pops the tab on a beer can, a tiny sound Max probably hadn’t even picked up on, but if his father was out and about in the house Billy doesn’t want to admit what he’s going to in front of him. He opens his door wider and ushers his step sister in, immediately shutting it behind her and finishing what he was saying, “I’m not going to the prom.”
She quirks an eyebrow, through Billy’s eyes maybe looking a bit too much like her step-dad when she does it, “Why’d you tell Neil you were?”
“Crashing the after party. Thought it’d look better if I said I went.” He just shrugs, half assing the lie, and, picking up on that, Max fires back smugly, “You’re lying.”
Billy snaps, no longer looking at her while he starts lining his shit up on his makeshift vanity, getting ready to get ready, “Yeah, I am. But it’s really none of your business, shitbird.”
“Are you going on a date or something?” She looks at him knowingly, if not a little surprised, and asks as it dawns on her, “Oh my god, do you have a boyfriend?”
“Maxine Nicole!” He hisses through his teeth, turning to glare at her and seeing that she’s holding his hair spray that he literally just put out, probably planning on stealing it, “Jesus, give me that.”
She lets him snatch it out of her hands and puts it back in its spot on the vanity she told him didn’t count as a vanity multiple times, rolling her eyes, “Yeesh. I’ll take that as a yes then.”
“If you’re going to tell on me Max, I swear to god-“ He starts, defensive, more vulnerability in his voice than intended, but Max insists honestly, the most not bratty she’s been since she stepped into his room, “I’m not, I wouldn’t.”
Though it doesn’t last very long, her not being a brat, because she immediately cracks a big smile and asks Billy, “Who is he though?”
“Mind your own, Max, Christ.” Billy blows her off, catching glimpse of himself in the mirror and taking note of the barely there flush to his cheeks, pointing to the door and telling his meddling step sister, “Out.”
“Awww, Billy-“ She tries to whine, but he cuts her off, “ No. Out. Of. My. Room.”
But Max offers quickly, like it’ll change his mind, “I’ll do your hair if you let me stay.”
And maybe it doesn’t immediately change his mind, but it does successfully stump him, because he’s asking her, equal parts genuine curiosity and sarcasm, “Why would I let you touch my hair?”
“No reason.” Max says, looking down at his carpet, definitely overplaying the bashfulness in bringing up her answer to appeal to Billy’s emotions, “I just thought, and maybe it’s stupid but like, most guys have their moms to fuss over them for prom, but, you know, you don’t, so I wanted to, I don’t know, be a good sister and do that for you or, whatever.“
Billy sighs, that had been exactly what he was thinking about all night last night, how his momma would be proud of him for finding a way to do this with the person, the boy he loved, and how she could’ve been there to do exactly what Max said, so he agrees, “Alright shitbird, guilt trip successful. You’re not kicked out.”
Max claps her hands together and sits on her brother's bed, getting all of Billy’s wrinkled button ups tossed at her from where they had been previously shoved, unfolded into a dresser drawer, and a command to, “Help me pick a shirt.”
She asks him while she’s unfolding all of his shirts he’d thrown at her and spreading them all out over Billy’s bed, “Are you going to button it.”
“What do you think?”
“Billy. It’s your prom.”
“Fine. One more button.”
“Two?” She tries to bargain, but he shuts it down again, making her giggle when he jokes, his tone level like it's a real threat, “One or I‘m going shirtless.”
“Then I pick.. this blue one.” Max says and puts her hand on a navy blue, quarter sleeve shirt after careful consideration of holding each button up up to Billy and thinking hard about it, but one more once over and she changes her mind, handing Billy a white shirt with snap buttons instead, “No, no, no, wait, this one with full sleeves is better. Yeah, that one for sure.”
“Sleeves it is.” Billy says taking the shirt and hanging it on the door so he’d remember to iron it, crudely shoving the rest of the button ups back into the drawer, and asking Max, “Will I need to wear like, a coat or something?”
She shrugs asking him smugly, “That depends on who it is.”
“Sensitive information.” Billy says immediately, when she looks like she’s going to argue shutting her down before she can say anything, “Which means I’m not tellin’ you.”
“Can I guess?” Max asks, making her case by reasoning with him sweetly, “Please? You wouldn’t be telling me that way.”
He genuinely considers it for a minute, and decides it’s whatever, in his head assuming there was no way Max would be able to figure it out, so he waves his hand with an eye roll, giving her the go ahead to start guessing.
Her first question is, “Okay, okay. Is it.. someone I know?”
“Yep.”
Max furrows her brow, and asks, “Do I like him?” To which Billy shrugs and responds, “Probably.”
“Um, is it…” Max snaps her fingers, an idea coming to her, “Is it Tommy?”
But again she’s shut down, because for somebody she’s supposed to probably like, she sure does a lot of complaining about Tommy, and he calls her on it, “Do you like Tommy?”
Max hums thoughtfully, taking a second guess, “I guess not. Is it Keith?”
Billy shakes his head, giving her the most confused look she’d ever seen on his face as he asks, or basically exclaims, “Who the fuck is Keith ?”
“Well excuuse me for not knowing a lot of guys around here!” Max says, defensive, making Billy roll his eyes again and turn back to digging through his drawers for a decent pair of jeans to wear with a button up, most of them stained and worn.
“Not Tommy, not Keith, who’s left?” She thinks hard then gasps, connecting something in her mind, a devious, knowing little smile on her face, “Is it Steve?”
Billy doesn’t answer her, quite frankly doesn’t know what he should say. It’s his fault, letting her guess between the only three boys his age in town she apparently knew, but now that Max knew who his mystery boyfriend was he wasn’t feeling so hot.
Honestly, some part of him is expecting Neil to come busting through the door any second, like this was some sort of run around way of finding him out, but after a few minutes of her squealing like teenage girls do, he realizes all he has to face is an excited little sister.
He flushes, and asks her over his shoulder, his forcing his tone to sound bored, “Are you done?”
“Yes.” Max says, nodding, but she smiles wide and dissolves into a fit of giggles again, covering her mouth with her hands when Billy crosses his arms, and insists, “Okay, okay, I’m done!”
“Good.” Billy says, but he can’t help cracking a smile. He angles his mirror down towards the floor and sits in front of it, telling his sister lightly to, “Help me with my hair then, shitbird.”
Max sits behind him, and runs her fingers through his hair, “You should’ve put curlers in it or something last night.”
Billy rolls his eyes, realizing as he does so for the dozen things time since Max barged in that she maybe learned that from him, deciding that doesn’t even warrant a response, and hands Max the comb and one of the many cans of hairspray off of his vanity.
She sits up on her knees, and brushes back the hairs just behind his ears that always frizz out and lose their curl, holding them at the back of his hair with a bobby pin, one of the blond ones she bought specifically for him so he could use them without immediately getting caught using ‘girly’ things, but had so far been too scared to anyways.
It looks strange on him, looks more like something Max would wear than him, but honestly he doesn’t hate it, so he lets her keep going, only frowning a little when she adds a pearl adorned hair clip, big enough it looks more like a fancy brooch, to the back of his hair.
She sprays it with so much hairspray it’s tacky, scrunching it up so his curls are tighter, and smoothing the sides so they won’t come unclipped.
When every curl is in its place and approved by Billy, who insists he’s not in the least bit emotional about what Max had said early, that thing about having nobody but her to fuss over him, she hops up, telling him to, “Wait one minute.” while she runs to her room.
She returns with her bulky pink Caboodles box, the one that has all of her mostly unused makeup in it, tapping him on the shoulder and telling him, “Alright, turn towards me.”
Her plan didn’t work though, at least he’s almost positive it was her plan to break down his defenses just so she could use him as her dress up doll anyways, but he isn’t having it, telling her quickly to “Put that shit away, Max.”
“Why? You wear makeup everyday.” Max observes simply, making Billy hiss and tell her to lower her voice, “Yeah, but never the extra strength shit that makes your eyelashes curly and your face pretty. Neil will sniff this out the second I step out of this room.”
Max just shrugs, “Then I’ll make sure he doesn’t see your face. It’s not a big deal.”
“He’ll make it into one.”
“I think your senior prom is an even bigger deal, though.”
Billy sighs, once again losing to her arguing skill, and turning to face her like she told him, “You owe me if I get caught like this.”
Max rolls her eyes and does her magic, each second that passes Billy regretting agreeing to turning the control of his appearance over to his little sister, expecting to come out of this looking like her Diva doll, fidgeting more and more the longer it takes her.
Just before he’s about to panic, Max tells him, “All done.” and lets him look in the mirror.
He blinks repeatedly at his own reflection, surprised to see he didn’t have sparkly eyeshadow up to his eyebrows or rouge on his cheeks, just a tasteful amount of lip gloss and a copper tint to his eyelids, framed by darker than usual eyelashes and the smallest bit of eyeliner.
She gets impatient after a few minutes of Billy not saying anything, and pushes his shoulders to turn him around again to look at her, staring at him until she decides what she thinks is missing.
She hurries to the upright jewelry box in her mother’s room, and brings him back a clip on pearl earring for his right ear, opposite the chain of silver stars she already picked for his left.
“Here, it’ll look better if you have earrings in both ears.” She reaches up, pushing his hair out of the way and clipping the earring on, letting him do the screw on the back himself so she didn’t make it too tight.
Billy lowers his hand and scrunches his nose, leaning in slightly towards the mirror, “They don’t match.”
“It looks nice though. You look really pretty.” She tells him honestly, not realizing the impact the simple compliment, though not so simple for somebody like him, has on her brother until he’s trying to subtly blink away tears behind mascara coated lashes, pretending like that wasn’t the case and telling her, “Whatever, it’s too late to change it now if you want to be on time.”
He does one last once over himself in the mirror, though he knows he’s going to be using his car windows for the same purpose at the last minute, and shoos Max out of his bedroom door, trying to hurry out of the house before Neil can stop him and see him all dolled up.
He’s got one hand around the door knob and his keys through his belt loop when his dad does stop him, his heart just about stopping as Neil calls from the other room, “Do you have flowers for the girl?”
“I have a corsage in the car.” Billy lies, hoping his tone is sure enough for Neil to buy it.
“Good. Just remember what I said, boy.” Neil says, still from the living room, so Billy lets his posture relax a bit and breathes out a quiet sight, saying casually, “Get Max to her friends, don’t spend any money, and don’t come home drunk, I got it, dad.”
“Watch the attitude, William.” Neil says low, the air going still for a minute until he adds, “And have fun tonight.”
“Yessir.” Billy says, ushering Max quickly out the front door, sighing when it closes behind them.
~~~~~~~
Billy drops Max off at the Wheeler’s, just driving around Hawkins until it’s time to show up at Steve’s, making sure to stop past the Holloway’s place just in case Neil went asking around wanting to know if anybody saw his car in the neighborhood.
At 8, he decides he doesn’t want to show up empty handed, buying Steve some flowers like he’d lied and said he had for Heather from Melvald’s, not understanding the knowing look the cashier lady has in her eye when he brings a dinky bouquet of flowers to the checkout counter.
He rings the doorbell at 8:30 on the dot, checking himself out one last time in Steve’s window while he waits, fifty cent roses held behind his back.
On the other side of the door, Steve stands in the dining room, now adorned with cheap party decorations that would’ve made his mother pitch a fit, waiting a whole thirty seconds before he goes to answer it, trying to collect himself first.
Billy smiles wide, and, as cheesy as it was, seeing him standing there all dressed up taking Steve’s breath away and stealing the words right off his tongue, Billy having to invite himself in because Steve was busy catching flies.
He hands him the flowers, nodding towards the silver tinsel wrapped around the banister, the stars hanging in the archway that lead into the living room that were almost identical to the ones they hung from the basketball hoops at school and saying, “Place looks nice.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.” Steve says, quickly adding, “You know, you look nice too.”
Billy smiles softly, looking at him with that ‘you’re an idiot Steve Harrington’ look he was so used to by now, “C’mon, Stevie, we’ve been dating for four months now, you don’t gotta be all awkward with me still.”
“I’m not, I mean it, you look really good, Billy.” Steve says, smiling now that it’s his turn to fluster Billy.
“Oh by the way, I almost forgot. Got you this just because.” He remembers, handing Billy a box with a floral pin inside, pink roses with lace, and telling him expectantly, “It’s a boutonnière.”
But Billy doesn't open it, just raises an eyebrow and says, “I thought you did corsages for prom?”
“Corsages are for the girls.”
“Ah. Got it.” He says it like he already knew that, like he was hoping maybe Steve didn’t, so Steve offers, not really understanding it, but knowing what he means all the same, “It came as a set, I still have the corsage upstairs, if you want it.”
Billy nods and pins the boutonnière to Steve’s shirt instead, explaining simply, “Just so we match.”
Steve runs upstairs and gets the corsage, giving Billy a minute to actually appreciate just how much went into decorating this place, snickering to himself when he imagines Steve having to stand on a step ladder to put the string lights so high up on the wall.
Steve tosses Billy the box from the top of the steps, letting him open it while he comes back down and ties it around his wrist, having to tie it twice because he put it on the wrong way the first time.
Billy asks him, shaking his wrist to make sure the bow is tight enough, “So what’s our official plan for tonight, Stevie?”
“Honestly I don’t really know. I’m sort of just winging it here, I don’t know what you even do at prom.”
“You never went at all?” Billy asks, surprised miss priss hadn’t dragged him along to their junior prom last year.
“Nope. Like I said, overrated.” Steve confirms, and Billy smiles wide, saying, “I’m sure I got a few ideas in mind then.”
~~~~~~~~
Billy’s idea basically consisted mainly of drinking all that fancy wine Steve had gotten out of the cellar specifically for this, shoving his tongue down Steve’s throat, and complaining about the real prom happening up at the school.
Honestly, Steve suspects things wouldn’t have been so different had they actually gone, but he can tell the fact that they weren’t able to go was still bothering Billy, judging by the sheer number of times he brings it up.
After what must be the tenth time that night Billy brought up Heather and Robin getting to go, Steve asks him, “Do you wish we were there?”
“No, that’s the thing. I couldn’t give a damn less about the whole dance, a thousand times over I’d rather just be here with you.”
“But?”
“But I wish we had the choice to go, you know? It’s just, bugging me that if we had genuinely wanted to go, we couldn’t’ve.” Billy rants, very obviously having been holding this in, “And I keep thinking about all the other gay kids who don’t have a big empty house or a safe place to do what we’re doin’.”
“Yeah, but it’s really not a big deal. Prom is pretty much all for the parents anyways, and the way I see it we, and all the other people like us, we’re so used to disappointing them, what’s it matter if we don’t go?”
“Just, I don’t care about the event or whatever, but it feels like we’re missing out on something. Like maybe we should’ve just swallowed our pride and went with Hetty and Robin anyways.”
Steve stands up abruptly, picking up their wine glasses and kicking the coffee table all the way over to the far wall to clear the floor, offering Billy his hand, “I know you feel like you’re robbing me of something by us not going, but we don’t need all of that for this to be good. I meant it when I said that’s superficial to me anyways. We can make it mean something to us.”
Billy looks up at him, still bothered deep down, but out of ways to argue about it, and accepts Steve’s hand, wrapping his arms around the back of his neck when he pulls him close by his waist.
It’s not really a slow dance as much as it is an excuse to just be close to one another, to breathe each other in and sneak kisses and be sappy, but that’s was this whole thing was about. They could’ve just hung out tonight if they wanted, and honestly they probably would’ve anyways, but they called it a prom, put that title to it that made both of their hearts pitapat.
Steve had always heard, even felt it a few times before, that when you were with the person you loved, everyone and everything else would melt away around you until it was just you, but somehow, this was different than that.
Because that would mean there were times when his world didn’t revolve around Billy, and that there was ever a moment when he could focus on anything but the boy he loved, and that just wasn’t true.
This wasn’t performative, wasn’t a relationship formed on the status of being able to show off that they were better for being in love either, this was simply Billy and Steve, dancing in their tennis shoes on Ruthie's carpet, snickering when a particularly sappy song came on the radio, barely able to be separated long enough to turn to side B, falling in love all over again under the stars.
~~~~~~~
When the wine bottles are all empty and the stack of records has been spun through, Steve’s schnockered, and insisting they get a picture, searching the house for an old Polaroid camera and making Billy stand with him in front of the fairy lights strung
They only had three chances to get a good picture, no new packs of film and only a few left in the camera, so Steve took all three.
The first one was upside down and so off center he was hardly in it, Steve being maybe a little more drunk than he thought, and the second Billy closed his eyes because the flash was too bright, but it didn’t matter too much anyways because the film didn’t develop properly and the picture was nothing but reddish-yellow tinted blackness anyways.
The third one by some chance turns out fine, maybe a little blurred because he moved and still not quite centered right, but it’s a picture, something to hold onto the memory of this night forever when the hangover wore off and things got a little blurry, and that was important to the both of them, for different reasons.
As soon as it develops, a little 8 by 10 of Billy kissing his cheek, Steve runs upstairs to hang it on the cork board above his desk before it gets misplaced, dating it and doodling a little heart with a S+B inside it, hiding the picture behind a ribbon for a middle school art contest and a picture of him and his parents.
Billy hooks his chin over his shoulder, his hands traveling a bit lower than Steve’s waist this time as he watches what he’s doing. He hums and asks, when Steve stands up straighter and turns in his arms to face him, “So? What have you got planned for the after prom, Stevie?”
#stranger things fanfiction#harringrove#billy x steve#billy & max#steve harrington#billy hargrove#max mayfield#ej writer#story by ej!#slipped in the teensiest bit of billy w/ ocd because i can#also gnc billy#there’s a lot more characters but they don’t have major enough roles to tag#posted to ao3 yesterday
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[CN] Gavin’s Returning from Afar Date (Eng Translation)
🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 远归之约, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒
[ This date was released in CN on 28 Sep 2020 ]
This is the 29th day of Gavin’s mission, and also the day he said he’d return.
As agreed, I’m in Gavin’s house to water Little Spiky. Since I’m already here, I also tidy up the place, which hasn’t been habited for a month.
MC: Mm, its rootstocks are healthy, the colour is lush and green, and it’s growing well. Now to put it under the sun.
I carry it to the window carefully, letting it soak in sunlight.
My line of sight lingers on the wind chimes hanging near the window. I reach out to pull at the crystal piece.
The bright and limpid crystal suddenly sends my consciousness back to the week before Gavin departed for the mission.
[ flashback ]
The afternoon wind blows the curtains upwards, brushing across the crystal shoes glittering on the floor.
If one were to ignore the slight scratch at the back, this would have been a perfect souvenir.
I squat on the floor, one hand holding the “main culprit” - the broom, and another hand gripping my phone, giving the manufacturer a call while feeling upset.
MC: Hello? I’m the person in charge of [MC’s Company Name]. We held an activity and ordered crystal shoes from your company. Do you still remember that?
Person in charge: Miss MC, right? I remember, I remember. Do you want to collaborate with us for another event?
MC: Ah, actually, one of the crystal shoes has a scratch on its back. I wanted to ask if it’s possible to fix it?
Person in charge: Hmm... Because of the way it was designed, that batch of crystal shoes were specially handled, so traditional restoration works won’t be effective. But since you’re a regular client of our company, we can send you a pair based on the address you gave us.
MC: ...no need for the trouble. Since it can't be restored, it’s fine. Thank you.
I hang up, a little disappointed.
In the midst of cleaning up, I had accidentally scratched the crystal shoes Gavin gave me the other time.
[Note] MC is referring to Gavin’s 2 Become 1 Date, which is available in EN.
Although the damage is slight, it’s not something I can just ignore.
While sighing, I store the crystal shoes back into the box, and place it in the cabinet.
At this moment, a low knocking sound resounds from the door.
When I open it, I see that the person standing at the door is Gavin.
Light and shadows are cast on his profile, illuminating his sharp and soft eyes.
Gavin: What are you busy with?
He walks in while speaking. Without him noticing, I prod the the box containing the crystal shoes further into the shoe cabinet.
MC: I was doing a cleanup, but it’s almost done.
Gavin responds with a “Mm”. He seems to hesitate, then walks over and takes my hand in his, his thumb rubbing it gently.
Gavin: I have a mission in a few days. It’s of a high level, so you might not be able to contact me for a while.
I freeze for a moment, subconsciously recalling how Eli had previously detailed the dangers of Gavin’s missions.
MC: ...is the level of danger very high as well?
Gavin: Mm, it’s a little dangerous. Which is why I have to go.
He pauses, then continues.
Gavin: You don’t need to worry. Before the 30th of next month, I’ll definitely be back.
He speaks confidently. Suppressing the worry in my heart, I give him a smile.
MC: All right. I’ll take care of Little Spiky. And will wait for you to come back.
[ end of flashback ]
The wind chime clangs, its melody light-hearted and lively. However, I can’t help but sigh.
For some reason, the second day after Gavin left, I discovered that the crystal shoes in the cabinet had disappeared.
I searched the house, but couldn’t find a trace of them. In the end, my guess was that a thief had stolen them.
Even after pondering over it a hundred times, I remain puzzled about the thief’s motives, and couldn’t fathom how a thief could have broken in. To be safe, I ended up changing the lock.
MC: When Gavin returns, should I tell him about this...
All of a sudden, the wind outside grows stronger, causing a magazine on the table to flip open with a rustle.
MC: What’s this?
I walk over, holding up the magazine. I flip through it randomly, and wind up on a page which has been folded.
It features a custom-made jewellery shop.
The vibrant front cover is incompatible with the cold colours of Gavin’s house. On the page, the eye-catching font forms the shop’s name - “Cang Xing”.
[Note] 苍星 (“cang xing”) directly translates to “dark green star”.
MC: Isn’t this the private studio which opened recently?
In a program not too long ago, I got to know about this shop. Although its prices are hefty, and the workmanship takes quite a long time, it has a very good reputation.
I find myself getting confused.
MC: Is Gavin interested in this shop too...
The phone suddenly rings.
Designer: Hello. Is this Miss MC? I’m a designer from Cang Xing. Previously, a customer ordered a gift for you. May I know if you have time to drop by and have a look today?
MC: A gift?
My eyes flit to the magazine in my hands, a vague guess surfacing in my heart.
MC: All right, I’ll head over now.
-
Pushing open the doors to the studio, it’s as though I’ve stepped into another world.
Soft white muslin can be seen everywhere. Jewellery of various colours can be seen on the ivory tables, brilliant like stars in the dark night.
The table near the entrance has visitors’ book. The designer doesn’t seem to be around, so I instinctively pick up a pen and flip it open, planning to write my name down.
After signing my name and preparing to shut the book, I suddenly see familiar handwriting.
On the upper section of this page, amongst a mix of illegible and serious font, there’s a handsome and light-hearted one.
It’s Gavin’s.
The date that he filled in was the third day before he left for the mission.
??: May I know if you’re Miss MC?
A staff dressed in working attire walks towards me.
MC: Mm, I’m MC.
??: Nice to meet you, I’m the designer who talked to you over the phone earlier. Please follow me.
I follow the designer’s directions and walk towards a reception area at the side.
Several pink jasmines are scattered on the table of the reception area. At the side, there’s a long white silk ribbon, looking as though it’s been tied halfway.
MC: Is there an event happening in the store today?
Designer: No, there isn’t. These were leftover flowers from an earlier event. I just thought to use them to decorate the shop. I didn’t expect you to reach so quickly, so I was only halfway done with the decorations.
The designer explains in embarrassment.
MC: I see. Oh yes, you mentioned a custom-made gift in the call...
The designer casts a glance towards the door, her expression turning apologetic.
Designer: Well... I have to wait for the customer who ordered it to arrive before I can tell you. I’m really sorry about that.
I nod my head pensively. Looking at the unfinished decorations, I break the silence.
MC: Since I have to wait, why don’t I help you with the decorations?
Designer: How could I ask that of you!
MC: It’s fine. Is this meant to be hung on the wall?
While speaking, I pick up the jasmine flowers on the floor, and hand it to the designer.
After that, we stand on the stools, hanging the jasmine flowers on the wall. The white muslin sways gently next to us.
At this moment, the door is suddenly pulled open. What follows is the sound of specially made boots. The footsteps are slightly hurried, and they pause not too far off.
Gavin: Sorry, I arrived slightly later than scheduled.
I lift my head abruptly, turning around and wanting to hop off the stool. But my coat gets stuck on a hook, which has jasmine flowers hanging on it.
MC: !
Along with the sound of fabric ripping, a pulling force tugs me backwards, and there’s empty space beneath my feet.
MC: Gavin--
In a moment of desperation, the word slips my mouth.
A gust of wind blows up the white muslin. Accompanied by a calm laugh, a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist.
Gavin: [laughs] Don't worry, I won’t let you fall.
Gavin catches me steadily. In the narrow and small world created by the soft, drifting muslin, he carries me and spins in half a circle.
My torn coat is on the floor. Slightly embarrassed, I clasp a hand over the strap which has fallen off my shoulder.
Gavin sets me down. His gaze falls on my body lightly. Then, he hurriedly averts his line of sight.
Gavin: [coughs] ...
The temperature in the room suddenly rises. Face flushed, I frantically search for the coat.
MC: ...where’s the coat?
Gavin: Over here.
He picks up the coat and hands it to me, his eyes averted to the side, his ears tinged a slight red. I take the coat, but discover that it’s basically unwearable since the snag is too serious.
In the next second, a warm piece of clothing is draped over me. The texture feels slightly hard, and I can even still feel the cold insignia.
MC: ?
I lift my head to see that Gavin has taken off his uniform, revealing his white shirt underneath.
Gavin: Put mine on first.
He pulls the uniform more snugly around my body. His warm fingertips accidentally brush my collarbone, causing me to shiver.
Face flushed, I lower my head. But I catch sight of a ripped button on Gavin’s shirt.
MC: What happened? Are you hurt? Are there any other places? Let me see...
Anxious, I’m just about to pry apart his shirt to check if there are any injuries on his body.
Gavin: ...
Gavin: I’m fine.
Gavin grips my hand to stop me, his cheeks slightly red.
The designer had left without us realising it, leaving the private space to us.
The surroundings are delicate and tranquil. Only the person before me carries with him a windy and frosty aura, his eyes lowered as he watches me quietly.
[Note] Interestingly, the word used to describe Gavin’s aura, 风霜 (“feng shuang”) also has a figurative meaning to describe someone who has experienced hardships in life :’)
MC: Let me have a look then. Only after I’ve verified it with my own eyes, I’ll believe that you’re not lying to me.
I act in a fit of pique, angry and not understanding why he would still hide his injuries from me.
Gavin looks resigned. After a moment, his long and slender fingers touch his lapel, slowly removing one button.
His defined muscles come into view, revealing a lean figure.
My hand gently brushes a wound on his shoulder blade which has already formed a scab, and my nose suddenly feels sour.
Gavin: It’s just a small wound, and it has already healed.
His gaze follows my hands and rests on the wound, then he pauses.
After being silent for a while, I lower my head, mildly aggrieved, and speak.
MC: Did you rush over from afar? Actually, you could have taken your time to come back. You didn’t have to... be afraid that I’d worry, and be so anxious.
I hold onto Gavin’s hand. He hasn’t removed his gloves, and the touch feels as cold as ice, bringing with it a chill.
Gavin: It wasn’t far.
He tries removing his gloves before holding me again. But I don’t release him, and I tighten my grip.
Gavin pauses. Then, his fingers curl slightly, encasing my hand in his.
Gavin: The mission was completed earlier, so I came back.
A smile dyes Gavin’s eyes. Then, he pinches my palm.
Gavin: Let’s not talk about these things first. The gift I prepared for you - want to know what it is?
Looking at the mildly expectant expression on his face, I can’t help but store away my sour emotions, and snort with laughter.
MC: I do want to know. So could Officer Gavin tell me what it is?
Gavin: You’ll know soon.
-
MC: I didn’t think there would be a small showroom at the back of the private studio...
After pushing open the door inside the studio, what enters my vision is a glass showroom.
The outer side of the showroom is constructed using glass, allowing sunlight to stream in, illuminating bouquets of pink jasmine flowers that have been strung up.
Gavin: This is a small glass showroom originally used by the owner to allow customers to hold mock weddings.
Gavin guides me to the centre of the showroom, brushing past the flower bouquets.
Gavin: But today, I’ve temporarily borrowed it.
A gust of wind causes the fine gauze draped over the showcase in the middle to fall, revealing a pair of crystal shoes surrounded by flowers.
The shoe now has a small gem embedded in the place which was scratched - brilliant, bright and sparkling.
MC: ...this is? What is it doing here?!
Gavin: When I went to your house the other day, I saw that you placed them on the shoe cabinet.
I’m a little dumbfounded.
MC: I thought I hid it in the box...
Gavin can’t help but laugh.
Gavin: Mm, you did hide it in the box. But your reaction was too obvious. In the span of a meal, you glanced at that area around ten times. So before I left, I took a look.
This causes me to feel perplexed.
MC: So you were the one who secretly took the shoes away. I thought I lost them, and was depressed for so long. I also thought a thief stole them, and even changed the lock.
I mumble softly, but my eyes sneakily linger on that pair of fully restored crystal shoes.
The unease from the scratched souvenir vanishes bit by bit, turning into a sweetened state of mind.
Gavin: I searched for many places, but only this shop’s owner said he could use precious stones to try restoring the damaged area.
Gavin: The date of the completed restoration could have been earlier, but I wanted to give them to you personally.
Gavin: Which is why I asked the shop to give you call today.
Gavin: [coughs] Even though it looks different from how it was before...
I interrupt him softly.
MC: But I like it very much.
Gavin stops, looking at me seriously with lowered eyes.
Gavin: I did this because I didn’t want you to be unhappy over the damaged crystal shoes.
Gavin: As long as you like it, that’s all that matters.
His words land on my heart, rippling across it.
Slightly flushed, my peripheral vision rests on the gem, which is reflecting specks of light.
MC: Oh yes, what’s with this gem?
Gavin: While I was on a mission, I passed by a shop and saw this gem through the window.
Gavin releases an unnatural cough.
Gavin: At that time, I was about to return to help you with the amusement park wedding photoshoot. I thought it would be of use, so I bought it.
Gavin: But after that, I didn’t have a chance to give it to you.
He seems to think about something, and laughs lightly.
Gavin: I kept thinking about when would be an appropriate time to give it to you.
Gavin: It just so happened that the shape of the gem needed by the owner tallied with this.
Gavin: So it was used.
He fixes his eyes on me, affectionate and gentle.
Sunlight parts the layers of clouds, casting a warm shade. It’s as though I can clearly hear the sound of my own heart beating.
The sound gradually grows louder, becoming more urgent, wanting to burrow its way out of my chest and tell the person in front of me how I feel right now.
MC: Although what I’m about to say may come across as being overly polite to you, I still have to say it.
MC: Gavin, thank you.
Thank you for silently watching over my mood. Thank you for always returning to my side no matter where you go.
The white muslin drifts to and fro. My heart stirs, and I gently touch the muslin in front of me. Sunlight streams in.
My fingertips brush the soft white muslin, tracing the word “Gavin” on it.
I turn my head to the side, blinking at Gavin a little playfully.
MC: This word - apart from it being your name, it also has another meaning.
MC: It’s “courage”.
Gavin’s eyes pause on my face, as though he’s slightly shocked. But it quickly morphs into a smile which harbours starlight.
His smile leaves me in a daze. I turn back, pretending to be unaffected as I begin speaking softly.
MC: Gavin, you are my courage.
MC: You are the courage I have when I face life’s large and small twists and turns.
MC: Next time, I’ll become a person who is stronger in heart, and won’t be dejected over such a trivial matter.
MC: I’ll also work hard to become your courage and strength - to protect you from harm each time you go on missions.
MC: Or... to sustain fewer injuries.
I wave a fist towards Gavin as a display of my determination. The sunlight sifting in through the muslin is like a gentle filter, descending on Gavin slowly.
Having to part from each other and having gloomy moods are inevitable. But there’s one person who will ultimately make his way over to me, smoothening out all the anguish, leaving only happiness behind.
He will cross the mountains and rivers, walk across the clouds and the moon, to meet me at the brink of dawn.
Gavin: [laughs] I got it.
He turns his head, mimicking my earlier actions, lifting his hand to trace something on the white muslin.
MC: This is...
I try to decipher what he wrote, but can’t tell what it is. Confused, I look at Gavin.
He puts his hand down, lifting his eyes to stare at me quietly.
Gavin: Protecting each other.
His voice is loud and clear, reminiscent of a galloping breeze in autumn, crashing into my heart.
Gavin: You are already my strength.
Gavin: So I will keep protecting you, and everything you like.
The numerous times of parting, the numerous mornings and evenings spent alone, now leave a sweet aftertaste.
MC: Gavin, I’m really happy now.
MC: So happy that I feel as though the entire world is before me at this moment, and within reach.
Seeing my smile, Gavin lifts the white muslin between us, reaching out to bring me into his arms.
The coat draped over my shoulders slides off. The white muslin is akin to a gentle mist, gracefully drifting mid-air, then falling onto the both of us.
Gavin holds my hand, encircling me in his arms.
MC: Gavin...
The close and warm contact causes my face to heat up. I can’t help but call his name.
But he isn’t in a hurry to respond. Instead, he lifts a hand, taking a strand of my hair into his palm, his gaze lingering on my face.
Gavin: Now, I’m the only person in your entire world.
The delicate fragrance of pink jasmine slowly permeates the air. The temperature from our laced fingers is scalding. I tilt my head upwards, giving Gavin’s chin a careful peck.
MC: In that case, could I bribe my entire world to let me have this moment for a while longer?
In the next second, I feel warmth around my waist, and Gavin wraps me in his arms tightly.
He lowers his head slightly, his fringe brushing my eyelashes. I can feel his steady, composed breaths.
Gavin: No matter how long it is, you can.
-
Phone call: here
-
🍒 Cheri’s elegant thoughts 🍒
HE PURCHASED A RING OKAY
NO ONE JUST BUYS A RANDOM GEMSTONE
HE HAD A RING ALL THIS TIME
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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So I got the idea for this little ficlet after @tatorsthots posted screenshots from About Time on their Twitter and saw this scene. I decided to write it after not having a super great day today. Purely self indulgent content
(Screenshot credit to @tatorsthots/thediktatortot on twitter)
18+, Minors DNI
Armitage Hux/OC
Warnings for brief mentions of pregnancy, fingering, piv sex and I think that’s it
“Are you busy?” Lita asked, appearing in the living room of their quarters. Armitage was sitting on the sofa, datapad in hand and stylus between his lips. He was working on the most recent schematic of a weapon he was creating for the Final Order. A pair of glasses sat low on his nose and he looked over them at the Empress. It was late in the cycle and Lita was ready to go to bed, but just wanted Armitage to join her. Even if he continued working, she wanted him to at least get comfortable. After they spoke.
“Unfortunately, yes. I can multitask, though, you’re well aware of that, my love.” Indeed, Empress Cetrye was aware of Hux’s ability to multitask. She knew how he’d manage to do his work impeccably whilst he had two fingers inside her cunt or, requiring even more of his focus, how he’d allow her to ride or suck his dick while he finished up designs, paperwork or went over speeches to be given.
“I was speaking with some of the advisors… Kylo and I both were and we decided that it would be best to go public about our marriage.”
Hux put the datapad down and looked at Lita. He knew this day would come. The Empress had just given birth to his child, after all. The Order knew, of course, but the public didn’t. Kylo, Lita and Armitage had been avoiding the topic for weeks, not wanting to stress themselves out too much. It had been a few months since Jeyla was born and she looked so much like her Papa that it was undeniable that Princess Jeyla Ren was the Grand Marshal’s child.
“Whatever is best for the Empire in the long run is fine by me.”
“Armitage—” Lita paused for a moment. She adored the man but it was undeniable: he was stubborn. She’d have to sweeten the deal, allow him control of the situation. “For every decision you make on the subject, I will take off one article of clothing.” That got him to look up from his work completely.
“Alright, you have my attention, young lady.”
Lita tried to stop the light flush from creeping along her cheeks and get her thoughts straight. She could already feel heat pooling low in her belly and a slight wet patch forming in her panties.
“Where will we announce it?”
“The ship is convenient and we wouldn’t have to leave. However, this could be rather scandalous news and in the past, speeches have not been well received when we make announcements people don’t like from an imperial war ship.” Armitage’s tongue grazed his lower lip as he thought, watching Lita’s hands begin to toy with the sash holding her dressing gown closed. “That leaves us with the homes on Arkanis and Naboo.” He tapped the stylus still in his hands against his lips. “We’ll announce it from Arkanis. It’s my home planet and we’ve already made plenty of announcements from Naboo.”
“Alright, Arkanis it is.” Lita pulled the sash loose and shrugged the robe off her shoulders. “Who will announce it? Kylo or me?”
“Kylo.” Lita began to undo the fasteners on the top of her sleep set. “Wait! We could always have Ellaria announce it.”
“Why would your sister announce it, Armitage?”
“Never mind, we’ll have Kylo do it.”
“Alright, Kylo it is.” Lita undid the fasteners, pushed the straps off and dropped the silk romper to the ground. Armitage watched as the soft fabric pooled at her ankles, leaving Lita in just a pair of panties. As he looked down, though, she covered her breasts with her hands. Hux raised an eyebrow at her actions. “Since you changed your mind, you have to wait to see them.”
That was fine with him. His eyes could continue to roam along the rest of her body. Hux was barely listening as he drank in every last detail, cock starting to throb in his trousers. He could admire all of the soft skin he’d soon mark with his teeth as he firmly held his beloved Empress in place, drawing loud moans from her throat and fucking her until they were both too exhausted to move. To be honest, Armitage would let her make the remaining decisions if he could look at her like this for just a bit longer. To look at all the tattoos she’d gotten over the years and appreciate the art.
“One more question. What are you wearing?”
“My uniform, I’d suppose.”
Lita didn’t move to take off her panties.
“I’m not going to take off my panties for just your uniform.”
“I thought you liked me in it. And out of it.” He’d lowered his tone to something more playful and sultry.
“You’re an Imperial consort and you want to show up in a Final Order uniform?”
“I made a decision. Take them off.”
A devious smile crept its way along Lita’s features.
“No.”
Armitage stood from the sofa, removing his glasses and setting them aside.
“I held up my end of the deal, darling, now it’s your turn.” Lita took a step back before turning and darting into the bedroom. It didn’t take much effort for Armitage to catch her, arms wrapping around Lita’s waist and pulling her against his chest the moment they were in the room. “Take your panties off, love.”
“Let me get you something nicer to wear,” Lita countered, starting to pull the lacy fabric down.
“I will if you take them off.”
Lita let them drop down around her ankles.
“I’m all yours, Grand Marshal. Thank you for— oh!” Lita didn’t finish speaking before Armitage ran his fingers between her thighs, pushing his middle finger into her soaked and needy cunt.
“So eager, your majesty,” he murmured. “On the bed.” Hux released her and Lita went to lay back, making herself comfortable as he finished undressing. The moment he was undressed, Armitage was pinning Lita down to the mattress and reaching down between them to rub the head of his cock along her entrance.
“Armitage, please!”
He pushed just the tip inside, savoring the soft gasps and moans Lita let out before he thrust the rest of the way inside, making her eyes roll back and curses slip out.
“Let me hear you, my love. Don’t be shy,” he breathed, pressing a kiss to her jaw as he began to thrust.
Tag list for Empress of the Known Galaxy AU: @starlightsearches @armitages-galaxy @poedameronsbeard @booksmusicteaandanimals @cleversturmhond @queenphasma (no pressure of course ❤️)
#lita talks#my writing#ok2rblg#minors dni#empress au#armitage hux smut#armitage Hux#general hux#general hux oneshot#armitage hux oneshot#Armitage Hux x OC#general hux x OC
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The Six Senses - Chapter 4: Ugly Things in the Darkness
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 AO3
It’s been three years since I posted Chapter 3 of this fic. And now, I’m finally finishing it! I had a lot of ideas and plans to do more than just four chapters, but inspiration is a fickle mistress, and I ran up against basically a wall. Not to mention, while I was working on this last chapter, my Word doc kept freezing, so I think the Universe is trying to tell me to end the fic here.
Enjoy.
---
Summary: The assault on the company.
Ugly things in the darkness
Worse things in store
In the declining years
Of the long war
- The Mountain Goats, “In the Craters on the Moon”
——————————————————————————————
Shermie’s van came to a stop outside a small, cozy cabin. Stan, Ford, Fiddleford, and Shermie got out. Ford eyed the cabin.
“Really? This is where the kid lives?” he asked.
“I think it looks lovely,” Shermie said. “Small, but homey.”
“It’s the size that’s throwing Ford for a loop,” Stan explained, leaning against the van. “The place is barely big enough for Dan’s voice.” Shermie frowned. “You’ll see. Let’s head inside.” The four headed for the cabin. Just as Stan raised a hand to knock, the door opened, revealing Wendy. Wendy beamed up at Stan.
“Uncle Stan!” she chirped. Stan scooped her into his arms with a playful growl.
“Hey there, little gremlin,” he cooed. Wendy giggled, throwing her arms around his neck. “Where are your parents?”
“Mama’s in bed.”
“And your dad?”
“Right here,” a voice rumbled from behind the men. The men turned. Dan Corduroy stood there, apparently just done with his work, judging by the dirty axe hefted over one shoulder. “And ANGEL is STAYING in bed. GOT IT?”
“Angel?” Shermie asked. Dan scowled.
“My WIFE.”
“Ah. Yes. Is that- is that her name?” Shermie asked, clearly trying to be polite. Dan’s scowl deepened.
“It’s her NICKNAME. Ever HEARD of one?”
“Ah. Okay.”
“Good to see ya again, Dan,” Fiddleford said, holding out a hand. Dan shook the offered hand. Shermie goggled at how Fiddleford’s hand was dwarfed by Dan’s. “How’s m’ sister doin’?”
“All right, but NOT involved with THIS,” Dan said firmly. “Doc says she CAN’T have more STRESS. She’s staying OUT of this.”
“Understood,” Ford said with a nod. Dan sighed heavily.
“But I can’t stay out of it,” he said somberly. Stan raised an eyebrow.
He doesn’t use his inside voice very often. He’s serious about this.
Yeah, no shit, Ford said tartly. Stan glared at him.
Get outta my head, Sixer. Ford rolled his eyes.
Fine.
“What do you mean, Dan?” Stan asked. Dan sighed again.
“These people…they’ve gone after my wife. They’ll go after my daughter, too. I can’t let them.” He met Stan’s eyes squarely. “Whether you like it or not, I’m coming with.”
“We’ll be glad to have your help,” Ford said. He looked at Stan. “Stan?”
“Yeah, with Dan as backup, our odds are even better,” Stan confirmed.
“Why do you think the company will go after your daughter?” Shermie asked. Dan looked at Wendy, still in Stan’s arms.
“Show ‘em, SWEETIE.” Wendy nodded. She closed her eyes. Stan began to float off the ground. He hovered for a few seconds before slamming back down onto his heels. “Started happening LAST WEEK. ANGEL says that’s how SHE started.” Dan gripped his axe so tightly his knuckles turned white underneath his ginger hair. “They WON’T do to Wendy what THEY did to my WIFE.”
“No, they won’t,” Stan said firmly. Dan looked at him.
“Do you…KNOW?” he asked. Stan reached for the information. After a moment, he nodded.
“Wendy’s safe.” Dan’s shoulders slumped in relief. “But only if we rescue Shermie’s grandkids.” Dan grinned viciously.
“Sounds GOOD to ME. My AXE gets sick of TREES sometimes.” Shermie, Fiddleford, and Ford blanched. Stan, however, set Wendy on the ground.
“Hey, kid, did you hear what your husband just said?” he called, cupping his hands around his mouth.
“Yes, I certainly did!” the kid shouted from inside the house. “And I’m not happy he made that sorta joke in front of people who don’t know his sense of humor!” Stan smirked at Dan. “You better all come inside so I can catch up with my family and scold my dear spouse!” Stan ruffled Wendy’s hair.
“Go get your mama, sweetie.” Wendy bolted inside. Stan looked at Ford. “Let’s go see our little sister.” Ford smiled.
“But of course.”
-----
Dan’s pickup truck came to a stop inside a wooded clearing a little under a mile from the company’s headquarters. Stan practically fell out of the car in his haste to be away from Dan’s distinctive body odor.
“Do you ever shower?” Stan choked out. Dan got out of the truck, scowling.
“ANGEL likes it.”
“Yeah, I don’t understand her sometimes,” Stan muttered. Ford and Fiddleford got out as well. “So, we all understand the plan?” The other three men nodded.
“We should go over it quickly, though,” Ford said. “We will break in by stealing some of the uniforms worn by the workers. While Fiddleford causes a distraction, Stan and I use the map to track down Mabel and Mason. Fiddleford leaves after causing his distraction, Stan and I leave after rescuing the infants, and we all meet up here with Dan.” Everyone nodded.
“If you NEED me, you can…” Dan grimaced. “You can get INSIDE my HEAD, Stanford.”
“Really?” Ford asked. Dan nodded.
“I might HATE it, but it’s the EASIEST and FASTEST way to contact ME. Can’t waste TIME with these PATHETIC worms.”
“Usually I use more four-letter words to talk about the people who work for the company, but ‘pathetic worms’ isn’t bad,” Stan remarked. Dan grinned.
“I just HOPE your CITY-SLICKER BROTHER takes care of my WIFE.”
“Shermie will take great care of the kid and Wendy,” Ford said smoothly. Dan nodded. Stan took a steadying breath.
“We better go soon.”
“Do our odds get worse if we wait?” Ford asked.
“Yeah.”
“Any particular reason why?”
“‘Cause I’m gonna lose my nerve if I have to think about it much longer.”
-----
One strong mental blast from Ford was enough to knock out the three guards by the back door.
“You’ve gotten better at that,” Stan remarked as he removed the guards’ uniforms.
“I’ve been practicing,” Ford replied. Stan handed him a uniform. “You’re physically much stronger than I am. I have to be able to protect myself somehow.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. It’s just a bit surprising to see three men drop when all you did was look at them.” Stan tossed a uniform to Fiddleford. “Get dressed. We’ve gotta move fast.” Fiddleford nodded. The three men pulled on the uniforms. To Stan’s relief, the uniform included a full-face mask. Stan opened the door. “All right, Fiddlenerd, go make us a distraction.” Fiddleford nodded and ducked inside.
Stan and Ford waited a few minutes, then entered as well. The moment they stepped into the building, Stan swore softly.
“They’ve got dampeners up.”
“We don’t need our ESP for this, though,” Ford said.
“If everything goes right, we don’t,” Stan corrected. “But that’s not what I’m worried about. Mabel and Mason are babies. The company’s already got power dampeners up for them, at this age? Even the kid didn’t get dampeners until she was a toddler.” Ford stilled. Stan couldn’t see Ford’s expression, but knew the blood had to be draining from his twin’s face.
“Shermie’s grandchildren must be something special, to warrant such protection.”
“Yeah.” Stan shook his head. “We can’t think about that right now. We’ve gotta focus on getting the kids outta here.”
“Absolutely.” Ford pulled out the map. He inspected it closely. “I know which way to go.”
“Well, age before beauty,” Stan said, gesturing for Ford to lead the way. Ford huffed slightly, but began to walk.
The company’s facility was different than Stan remembered. He wasn’t sure whether it was because they had decided to switch up the design after relocating, or because he hadn’t seen it much when he was in the facility, since he had spent so much time locked in blindingly white rooms.
Clearly, they haven’t changed their favorite color. The tile floor, walls, and even chairs and tables they passed were all white. Would it kill them to have one piece of furniture that doesn’t look like it was bleached? In the sea of white, a bright yellow plaque on the wall caught Stan’s attention. He came to a stop in front of it. Luckily, Ford noticed before he had walked very far.
“Stan, we have to move,” Ford hissed, backtracking to where Stan stood. Stan gestured at the plaque.
“Apparently, this place has an actual name,” Stan said quietly. The plaque proudly listed the names of donors that paid to construct the new headquarters of the Cipher Paranormal Studies Corporation.
“I’m not surprised,” Ford whispered.
“We were never told the name. That’s a dick move.”
“Stan.”
“You’re right, this is the least dickish thing they’ve done. But I still feel like we shoulda been told the name of the place we grew up in.”
“Stan, we need to move fast. We don’t want Fiddleford’s distraction to go to waste,” Ford insisted. Stan nodded. He followed Ford away from the plaque, but glanced back at it briefly, a strange feeling in his chest. Almost like his dampened clairvoyance was trying to tell him something.
-----
“Here,” Ford whispered, coming to a stop in front of a closed door. A sign on the door read “Subject Incubators”.
“Damn, that’s a creepy way to say nursery,” Stan muttered. He pushed open the door. Like everywhere else in the facility, the room was bright white. The furniture was the same color, including two cribs tucked against the back wall. “There!” The brothers rushed over to the cribs. Stan’s heart sunk. Only one crib had a child in it.
“This must be Mabel,” Ford said, gently lifting the baby and nestling her in his arms. Mabel giggled loudly.
“But where’s-” Stan started. The door opened behind them. They spun around. Two employees stood in the doorway, one carrying an infant.
“Who are you?!” one of the employees snapped. In lieu of a response, Stan bolted across the room, tackling the employee who wasn’t carrying a baby before they could raise the alarm. He kicked the door shut. A jolt of pain accompanied the movement, making him gasp.
Fucking hell. My age is catching up to me. The employee he’d tackled quickly recovered, shoving Stan off.
“They said nanny duty was easy,” the employee spat.
“Well, whoever told you that was lying,” Stan retorted, grabbing the front of the nanny’s uniform and pulling them in. He then grabbed the nightstick attached to his hip as part of the uniform and whacked the nanny over the head with it. The nanny dropped to the floor, unconscious. Stan got to his feet, prepared to attack the second nanny. Instead, he saw Ford holding both babies and standing over the second nanny’s unconscious body. “Huh.”
“Please take one of the infants,” Ford said, panting. Stan took Mason from him. “Thank you.”
“Good work, Ford.”
“Save the praise for after we’ve left the building,” Ford said.
“Fair enough.” Stan opened the door. He caught sight of movement at the far end of the hall. “Shit, more nannies are headed this way. We gotta go.” Stan and Ford sprinted out of the room, running until they had left the nursery far behind. They came to a stop, breathing hard. “Okay.” Stan gently cradled Mason in his arms, muscle memory from Wendy kicking in. “We got the babies. We got away from those evil nannies. Now what?”
“You’re the clairvoyant,” Ford snapped, holding Mabel close to his chest.
“I can’t really do the clairvoyance thing if they’ve got power dampeners going,” Stan snapped back.
“Fine, fine.” Ford looked around. “Should we go the way we came?”
“Wh- you’re the one with the map!”
“…I dropped it,” Ford mumbled.
“You dropped it?!”
“It was either the map or Mabel. I chose to drop a piece of paper over our infant relative,” Ford said snidely. Stan rolled his eyes. “You helped to draw the map. Do you remember anything from it?”
“Not really, no.” Stan looked up and down the hall, yearning for the familiar sense of churning in his guts to guide him. “Maybe…that way?” He turned left, going up the hall. Ford followed. “If the power dampeners weren’t up, this’d be a piece of cake.”
“We might rely upon our powers too much,” Ford said quietly.
“You might be right about…that…” Stan trailed off. They had reached a dead end. A single, open door was in front of them. Through that door, something was glowing.
“What is that?” Ford asked. He walked into the room.
“Stanford, we’ve gotta get these kids outta here! We can’t waste time trying to figure out whatever bullshit the company is doing now!” Stan hissed.
“Oh, my god,” Ford whispered. Stifling a groan, Stan entered the room. His jaw dropped. The room was massive.
Well, it’s gotta be, to have room for…that. There was an enormous structure in the middle of the room, an upside-down metal triangle. A circle was cut out of the center of the triangle, bordered by strange symbols. Two metal circular platforms stood in front of the triangle. An identical pair stuck to the ceiling like stalactites. The platforms glowed a faint blue, as did lines of lights along the edges of the triangle.
“What is that?” Stan asked.
“My ride out of here,” a voice boomed. The door slammed shut. Stan and Ford spun around. They were still alone. “And you boys, as well as the other members of your deliciously powerful family, are my ticket.”
“Okay, first, it’s gross as hell to call babies ‘delicious’,” Stan said. “Second, who the fuck are you?”
“I’ve had many names,” the voice said vaguely. Ford elbowed Stan. When Stan looked, Ford pointed at a loudspeaker on the wall, from which the voice was coming. Stan nodded. “But the one you’ll recognize is Cipher.” Stan’s blood ran cold.
Cipher. Cipher Corp. The company’s real name.
“Cipher,” Ford said.
“That’s right!” Cipher said cheerfully.
“Are you the boss of this whole fucked up shindig?” Stan asked.
“Obviously,” Cipher scoffed. “I have to admit, it was a delight to watch you grow up.” The ice in Stan’s veins was promptly replaced with fury.
“You stole us from our family!” he snarled. Cipher sighed.
“I took you in,” he said, sounding disappointed in Stan. “Your parents didn’t want you. They didn’t want either of you.”
“You-” Stan started. Ford put a hand on his shoulder.
“Cipher, what do you want with us?” he asked.
“I already told you. You’re part of my triumphant return home. You, your twin, those darling children you’re holding, and even that young lady you think of as your sister are part of this.” Stan heard a hitch in Ford’s breath.
“Leave the kid alone,” he snapped. “She’s been through enough!”
“I’m not sure that she has,” Cipher said. Stan opened his mouth to shoot a retort, but before he could, there was a loud explosion. Ford stumbled back a few steps, nearly falling. The loudspeaker crackled. Stan knew what had happened. He knew.
“Cipher’s gone,” Stan said confidently. Ford looked at him. “He probably went to find out what happened to knock out the power dampeners. Now, let’s get the hell outta here before he comes back.”
“We don’t have the map.”
“We don’t need one now.” Stan furrowed his brow, focusing as hard as possible on what route they should take to get out. “The shortest route has a bunch of guards. Looks like you’ll get plenty of chances to practice that telepathic attack of yours.”
“At this point, I’ll take anything over more physical exertion,” Ford muttered. “Lead the way.”
-----
Exhausted and sweaty, but still alive, Stan and Ford finally arrived at the clearing Dan was waiting in. Fiddleford was already there, pacing back and forth anxiously.
“We’re here,” Stan croaked, removing his mask. Ford removed his as well. Fiddleford and Dan’s heads shot up.
“Oh, thank the Lord,” Fiddleford said, resting a hand over his heart. “I was startin’ to get mighty worried. Did the distraction help ya or was it too late?”
“It was perfectly timed,” Ford said. He and Stan walked over to the truck. Fiddleford sighed in relief.
“Good. I had some issues tryin’ to decide how to set up the distraction.”
“It worked out great,” Stan said. Fiddleford grimaced.
“Not really.”
“What do you mean?”
“He DROPPED the doohickey he made with my WIFE’S magic,” Dan rumbled. Fiddleford glared at Dan.
“I told ya, that ain’t how the lil tie I made works!” He looked back at Stan and Ford. “But…yes, I did drop it in the chaos. Ya don’t think that’ll be a problem later on, will it?”
“Of course it’s gonna be a fucking problem!” Stan burst out. “You just handed over the kid’s powers to the company!” Fiddleford quailed. Ford put a hand on Stan’s shoulder.
“Stanley. It’s okay. That’s something we can deal with at a later point. Right now, we need to be glad that everyone got out unharmed.”
“Yes, how are the lil ones?” Fiddleford asked.
“Surprisingly quiet,” Ford said. Mason abruptly began to fuss in Stan’s arms. “Never mind.”
“They had power dampeners on for these little gremlins,” Stan said quietly. Fiddleford cocked his head.
“Well, ain’t that just their policy?”
“Not for babies. They put in the power dampeners when they decide that someone’s ESP is getting strong enough to cause problems,” Stan explained. “Your sister only got power dampeners when she was a toddler, and you know how powerful she is.”
“So these lil sweeties ‘re goin’ to have some strong ESP,” Fiddleford remarked, peering at Mason and Mabel.
“That would be the logical conclusion, yes,” Ford said. Fiddleford grimaced. “We can finish this conversation at Dan’s place, I think.”
“Yeah,” Stan said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if the company decided to start combing the woods looking for us.” He felt a nudge at the back of his mind and let the knowledge wash over him. “Yep. They’re already coming. Let’s get outta here.” Dan got into the truck.
“Took the WORDS out of my MOUTH.”
-----
Shermie and Wendy cooed over Mason and Mabel, who were buckled into carriers, ready to be brought home to California.
“They’re so little!” Wendy gushed. Shermie smiled at her.
“Yes, dear, they’re newborns. When your younger brother is born, he’ll be as small as them.” Wendy’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.
“Whoa,” she whispered. Shermie chuckled.
“Hey, uh, Sherm, can we talk to you in private?” Stan asked.
“Sure,” Shermie said. “Fiddleford, Dan, mind keeping an eye on the babies?”
“No problem,” Fiddleford chirped. Dan nodded. Shermie followed Stan and Ford outside.
“What’s going on?” Shermie asked. Stan crossed his arms. He looked at Ford, waiting for him to start the conversation. Ford sighed.
“The company already installed and turned on power dampeners for Mason and Mabel,” he said. “Power dampeners are expensive to maintain, so they’re only turned on when necessary. The fact that they’d already turned them on with Mason and Mabel being so young…” Shermie paled.
“They’re going to be particularly powerful, aren’t they?” he whispered. Stan and Ford nodded. “Oh, no.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’ll- I’ll have to warn my son and daughter-in-law. But even with the warning, I don’t know how well they’ll be able to handle it.”
“I’m going to go to California,” Stan said. Shermie stared at him. “Ford and I realized that one of us should stick near you and the kids, to keep an eye on them, and we decided that I would. I don’t really have much of an attachment to any particular place. Not to mention, I can see danger coming from a mile away.”
“Stan, that would be fantastic,” Shermie said, audibly relieved. Stan shrugged.
“It’s important to look out for family.” He smiled. “Even if you’ve only just met them.” Shermie smiled back.
“Still. Thank you.” He glanced back at the cabin. “What about Wendy and her mother? They could probably use some protection. I know that Dan is rather formidable, but…”
“I’ll be staying in Gravity Falls,” Ford interjected. “Stan and I saw something in the company’s facility that concerned us, so I won’t just be staying to keep an eye on Wendy and the kid, but also to find out what I can about what we saw.”
“What did you see?” Shermie whispered. Ford shook his head.
“I honestly don’t know. But it can’t be good.”
“If I get any bad vibes or if Ford or the kid give me a call, I’ll head up to help out,” Stan said. He grinned at Ford. “But Ford proved he can hold his own today, so I think I can leave him here without too many problems.” The door to the cabin opened. Wendy sprinted out. She tugged on Shermie’s pant leg. Shermie looked down at her.
“Yes, dear?” he asked.
“Mr. Shermie, the babies laughed!” she enthused. Shermie’s eyes widened.
“Well, that sounds like something I should be there for!” He looked at Stan and Ford. “Are you going to come inside as well?”
“In a moment,” Ford said. “Stan and I need to have a quick conversation.” Stan nodded.
“All right,” Shermie said mildly. He took Wendy’s hand and went inside with her. Stan and Ford looked at each other.
“Do you really feel comfortable being on your own in California with Shermie, Mason, and Mabel?” Ford asked quietly.
“I’ll figure it out. I don’t foresee any big problems,” Stan said. Ford sighed.
“Still.”
“What about you?” Stan asked. “Are you sure you can handle the kid and Wendy and the company?” He scowled. “Or, I guess, the Cipher Corporation?”
“I’ll be fine. Like you said, the second there’s any issues, I’ll contact you for help,” Ford said smoothly. Stan felt a nudge at the back of his mind. When the information came, it made him raise an eyebrow in surprise. “What?”
“This town has more secrets than just the company. You better be careful.”
“I will,” Ford promised. Stan snorted. He turned around to head back inside.
“Ford, I don’t need clairvoyance to know that you just lied through your teeth.”
#Gravity Falls#Stanley Pines#Stanford Pines#Sherman Pines#Fiddleford McGucket#Manly Dan Corduroy#Mrs. Corduroy#Wendy Corduroy#Gravity Falls AU#ESPines AU#The Six Senses#fanfiction#my writing#my stuff#speecher speaks
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Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day, it’s Cinderelly~... ^.^ Okay..before I jump into the next part of the Cinderella AU, here’s your usual appetizer of random historical/etc. notes!
Although carriages were developed centuries earlier, actual coaches like the kind we think of from Cinderella stories were first developed in the late 16th century in Hungary, specifically a little town called Kocs. (The word “coach” and its alternatives in other languages, such as the German Kutsche and the Spanish and Portuguese coche, are thought to have been derived from the Hungarian kocsi, meaning “of Kocs.”) They then really caught on in the rest of Europe after Queen Elizabeth I of England started using them in the 1580s. The terms “coach” and “carriage” are often used interchangeably, but if one wanted to pin-point the advancements coaches specifically made in contrast to carriages of the past, there are a few differences one can pick out in how they’re built. Coaches generally are four-wheeled enclosed vehicles with doors and/or windows (glass was added in later centuries), and often include a “boot” seat on the outside for a footman and/or luggage to sit on. Coaches also generally have a reputation for providing a smoother ride than previous modes of transport because they’re suspended between the wheels rather than directly over or beside them. After the invention of the coach, one can find carriages (royal ones, in particular) adopting some of these same attributes.
Sadly wheelchairs really weren’t a thing in the 16th century. The first self-propelled wheeled chairs were developed in the mid-17th century and refined in the 18th, with sedan chairs or litters (A.K.A. chairs you carried) generally being used by the nobility prior to that. But there’s no way in Hell I’m not going to give McNully the independence he deserves, so I used a completely anachronistic design inspired by this antique wheelchair I found online, made circa around the 1840′s. Hey, this is a fantasy world anyway, so bleh. :P The flower detailing on the wheel is supposed to evoke an emblem I see being on Florence’s green and gold coat of arms (get it? “Florence?” “Flora?”). You might also notice that McNully has little Snitch-like “wing” frills on each of his buttons! XD
Another fun thing I learned while doing research -- although cloaks were often worn for warmth during the medieval period and beyond, in England during the Elizabethan era, their use was actually actively discouraged and even prohibited, as they were associated with criminals and rebels! Therefore it was common for a lot of English noblemen and women to wear thicker clothing made of wool and accessories like muffs, gloves, and even jackets for warmth instead. I tried very, very hard to find historically accurate examples of period-worthy jackets and capes for women around the time of the Renaissance, and was very frustrated to find a lot of fantasy-esque costume pieces or historical clothing from later eras that were simply mislabeled -- but I did find one lovely recreation of a 16th century wool jacket, so that’s what I used as reference for Carewyn’s jacket in this sketch, though I personally imagine it as a dark red, so as to better blend with her burnt orange and beige servant’s uniform. Bill’s uniform is based off a real castle guard uniform from early 16th century France, though with a much simpler color palette (I see Royaume’s colors being blue and red). Like with McNully’s chair, there’s a crown on the chest of Bill’s uniform, which I see being on Royaume’s coat of arms (“royaume” is literally French for “kingdom”).
In her canon, Carewyn was born when Jacob was nine years old. Although in most of Carewyn and Jacob’s canon post-Portrait-Vault, they end up being only two years apart in age, that’s only because Jacob stopped aging while trapped in a Portrait for seven years. From Carewyn’s fifth year on, Jacob and Carewyn in canon therefore act much more like contemporaries, even though Jacob actually kind of ended up partially raising Carewyn alongside their mother Lane.
Previous part is here – whole tag is here – Katriona “KC” Cassiopeia belongs to @kc-needs-coffee and I hope you all enjoy! xoxo
x~x~x~x
Every day over the next week, Carewyn met Orion at the gate of the palace of Royaume, and the two would spend an hour or so together. Orion would ask her about life at the palace, Carewyn would playfully respond, and sooner or later, they’d end up getting diverted and talking about something else completely, whether the upcoming Winter Festival, the language of flowers, art, poetry, the meaning of life, music, fencing, or (after seeing a rather beautiful eagle flying overhead) what it might be like to fly. Carewyn honestly wasn’t entirely sure what Orion got out of their meetings besides entertainment, and naturally she couldn’t afford to indulge in such entertainment too long, when she had so much work to do around the castle and she still had to find out where Jacob was positioned. But she had to admit, with the King and Queen having invited Iris over to stay in one of the guest suites at the palace for the remainder of the month, Carewyn didn’t mind having an excuse to stay far away from her cousin. Lately Carewyn had actively planned her days so that she could clean the guest suites at teatime, when Iris would be in one of the foyers with the King, Queen, and Prince on the opposite side of the palace. She did not want a repeat of the other day, after all...particularly since she’d also need time to change out of the nicer, collared dresses she’d wear when spending time with Orion.
Orion, meanwhile, was of course getting a bit more than entertainment out of his and Carewyn’s meetings. Through speaking with Carewyn, he’d sussed out some very helpful information about Royaumanian culture, the dynamics within Royaume’s royal family, and both their and their country’s financial state. One day he told his closest confidantes at court, Skye and McNully, some of what he’d learned...but Skye didn’t react quite as favorably as Orion had expected.
“...I gave Lady Cromwell a copy of the sheet music for ‘No One is Alone’ last week -- you remember the song, of course? And from what I understand, Prince Henri and the castle staff have quite taken to it. Not that I’m surprised -- Carewyn has a very soothing voice. I’m sure she performed it very well. But the Prince listening to the words at all is a good sign -- I even asked Carewyn if the Prince enjoyed them, and she said she believed so. She also found their message meaningful...one of Florence’s best-loved anti-War songs, and one about looking through another’s eyes and forgiving past grievances, no less! That can only be a good sign, for Royaumanians to take heart in it. It surely must have been fate that Lady Cromwell and I collided at the market -- I had a feeling we were kindred spirits, when she came to my aid, but now I am most assured of it. I might hazard a guess that she wishes for peace just as much as I -- for the sake of her brother fighting in the field, yes, but also selflessly for the sake of others, not wishing to see any other person in pain...”
“She sounds like a perfect knight in shining armor,” said Skye, her voice oddly cutting.
Orion looked up at Skye, startled by her tone. Her arms were crossed over the chest of her faded blue linen dress.
“Anything else you want to tell us about the fair Lady Cromwell,” she said rather icily, “or are you actually ready to talk about how you plan to end this War?”
Orion blinked slowly. “...I thought that we were already discussing that.”
“Really?” scoffed Skye. “‘Cause it sounds to me like you were busy gushing over your new conquest.”
“Conquest?” Orion repeated. His confused tone then melted into something more soothing and indulgent, “Oh -- no, Skye...you misunderstand me. I have no interest in courting Carewyn -- she’s just my contact point, with the palace.”
Skye gave a very loud, disbelieving snort. “Ha! Right, of course she is -- that’s why you can’t stop gushing about ‘Carewyn this’ and ‘Lady Cromwell that.’”
“Skye has a point, Orion,” said McNully, though his voice was a lot less confrontational. If anything he sounded almost sheepish. “I mean, about 85% of your report was about Lady Cromwell. You used her name over ten times just in the span of a minute.”
Amazingly Orion’s calm, hard-to-read expression didn’t crack. His hands clasped lightly in front of him.
“Lady Cromwell plays an essential part in this strategy. I’m an outsider looking in, without her insight -- a ship sailing blindly, without the light from a lighthouse to give me direction.”
“A lighthouse for a lost ship -- oh yeah, those sound like the words of someone who’s focusing on winning a war and not swooning over a pretty face,” said Skye scathingly. “Maybe instead of always running off and playing dress-up, you could actually bother to do your duty and go help fight on the battlefield for once!”
Orion’s lips came together tightly, but it didn’t make his expression any less composed. McNully shot Skye an uncomfortable, faintly disapproving look.
“Easy, Skye,” he murmured. “You know Orion -- ”
But Skye didn’t seem to hear McNully. Instead she tore into Orion.
“Face it, Orion -- you just like being treated like a commoner again and being able to make believe that you don’t have any responsibilities or worries...well, guess what? You’re not a commoner anymore! You’re the Prince of Florence -- you reckon little Miss Knight-in-Shining-Armor would take kindly to that, when she finds out?”
Orion’s dark eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon Skye’s face.
“Carewyn’s not an unreasonable woman,” he said softly. “I’m certain she would understand the reason behind my secrecy.”
This, if anything, only seemed to make Skye madder.
“Of course she would,” she muttered sourly. “Little Lady Royaume can do no wrong in your eyes, can she?”
She turned on her heel and stormed out, leaving Orion feeling very resigned and confused. McNully gave a heavy sigh, before facing Orion with a more serious expression.
“She’s overreacting, as usual,” he said, “but she’s still 60% right. It’s risky enough for you to get this close to anyone right now, when your position as Crown Prince is threatened by the likes of Lord Malfoy. He’d frankly love to have something like that over you. But someone from Royaume? The granddaughter of one of the most powerful, wealthy, and feared noblemen in their country? Orion, that’s dangerous.”
Orion leaned his hands on the table, looking down at the map of Florence and Royaume laid out on top of it.
“McNully, I assure you...my objective has not changed,” he said very levelly. “Everything I have done is for Florence -- for peace and balance. I admit, Lady Cromwell is a fascinating woman, and certainly one to be admired...but I spend time with her to gather intelligence I can obtain nowhere else. That is all.”
McNully looked doubtful, but didn’t directly address it. Instead he said, “I understand she’s your eyes and ears inside the palace, and the intelligence you’re getting is valuable...but don’t forget, she isn’t on your team. She’s on Royaume’s. And right now, Royaume is kicking our tail out there, on the battlefield.”
Orion’s dark eyes drifted away from the table as McNully leaned his arms on the table himself.
“It’s getting bad again,” he murmured very seriously. “I know you said the palace of Royaume’s strapped for funds, but somehow or another, they’ve scrounged up enough to get more cannons, and their troops have been moving them around every couple of hours so that our men never know where they’re going to be firing from next. It’s been very effective. Whoever’s been giving Royaume’s King and Queen military strategy lately, they’re a bloody genius.”
McNully clearly was irritated about this, given the flash that shot through his narrowed eyes.
“Your father sent me a request for a counter-strategy this morning. You know it’s likely if the strategy isn’t one he can execute on his own, he may ask both you and me to join him there, on the front lines.”
Orion did not respond. His expression was as unreadable as ever, but there was something oddly detached and avoidant in his posture.
“I know you don’t want that, and you know I have faith in you,” said McNully, “but your strategy is a slow burn, Orion. It requires both patience and time...and we might not end up having as much of those as you think.”
Once again, Orion chose not to answer. McNully sighed again.
“You know I’ll be right behind you in a coach, if you need me,” he said tiredly. “Just...mind that you use your head as well as your heart, all right?”
Orion threw on his black traveling cloak and headed back to Royaume not long after, hoping to meet up with Carewyn for an evening stroll. There was a notable chill in the air -- if it got much colder, he thought that any rain might instead come down as sleet or maybe even snow.
When Orion arrived at the gate, however, he was met not by Carewyn, but by KC. She was dressed in a high-necked gown made of black velvet and holding a leather-bound book and a stack of parchment in her arms.
Orion tilted his head slightly to glance at the piece of parchment on the top of the stack, which had several “X’s” scattered over an oddly familiar map.
“Plans to bury some pirate treasure?” he asked pleasantly.
KC gave a lightly amused snort. “No, just military plans.”
Her lightly freckled face then grew a bit more serious. “I guess you’re here for Carewyn?”
Orion had been ready to ask more about the military plans KC was holding, but decided not to circle back to it when she changed the subject.
“Yes. Has she been detained?”
“I guess so...” said KC. Her lips twisted into a concerned frown as she looked out at the darkening sky.
Orion’s eyebrows knit together over his eyes slightly. “You seem concerned.”
KC bit her lip. “Mm...it’s just...well, you see, one of the royal carriages broke down earlier today, when the Queen was riding through the country with Lady Yaxley.”
Orion raised his eyebrows. “Lady Iris Yaxley, do you mean? Carewyn’s cousin?”
“Yes. No one was badly hurt, fortunately, but the Queen, Lady Iris, and the coachman and footman were forced to ride the horses back and leave the carriage behind. When they got back, they asked the royal carpenter, Charlie Weasley, to go fix it. Charlie said that he probably wouldn’t have the proper tools to fix it here at the castle, so Carewyn offered to ride out with him, so that their horses could drag the coach together to the Weasley family cottage, about forty minutes away. The problem is,” she said with a deepening frown, “they left over two hours ago, and they’re still not back yet. Bill headed out after them on his own horse not long before you got here...he’s Charlie’s brother, so he knows the route they would’ve taken...”
Orion’s dark eyes had narrowed significantly.
“Which road did Sir Weasley take after them?” he asked, his calm voice nonetheless touched with the faintest edge.
KC pointed. “Northwest -- toward the mountains.”
Orion nodded. “Thank you.”
And with this, he turned on his heel and rushed back toward where he thought he might find McNully’s coach. He needed to borrow a horse.
Setting one of the black horses free of the black coach, Orion rode off toward the mountains, his slightly-too-long dark hair flapping freely behind him. The road was well-marked, but it soon veered off into dense woods as it migrated up toward the mountains. Orion had never gone so far west into Royaume before, let alone far from Florence before. Despite himself, he had to acknowledge the beauty of the landscape. The views of the castle below were breathtaking -- it looked as tiny as a toy, and yet the infinite glass windows made it sparkle like some diamond-like beacon in the darkening sky. He wondered if his own palace in Florence looked so beautiful to others, at a distance. As much as he himself hadn’t been raised a prince, it was difficult for him to look at his own palace as anything other than a cage.
As he went further uphill and the sky darkened, it also grew colder. Orion was starting to see his own breath on the air. He thought of Carewyn alone in the cold, perhaps hurt, and had to take several deep breaths to sooth his nerves. He was never in a right state, when he let his thoughts run too wild or his fears chatter too loudly.
Finally Orion caught sight of two familiar ginger-headed men, standing by an overturned coach, covered in mud and missing one of its back wheels. One of the men was the tall, freckled castle guard from the other day who Carewyn called Bill, dressed in his high-collared blue and red patterned uniform tunic and matching white feathered, blue-velvet hat -- the other was much stockier, but no less freckled, dressed in a burgundy-colored tunic and loose brown pants and boots, and he wore his ginger hair in a ponytail not unlike Orion’s when he was at court. When Orion approached them, Bill immediately reacted with suspicion -- Orion explained what KC had told him and asked where Carewyn was, and was incredibly startled to hear her voice coming from over the edge of the cliff.
“I’m down here!”
Orion couldn’t help but feel a flash of concern. He raced over as if to look over the edge, but Charlie lashed out an arm in front of the taller man to stop him.
“Uh, I wouldn’t look over if I were you, mate,” he said, having trouble biting back his laughter despite himself.
He pointed at the broken carriage. Hanging over one of the doors was what looked like the burnt orange and beige skirt of a dress and several wool petticoats.
Orion blinked a few times in great surprise, his tanned cheeks darkening with a faint blush. Bill, however, reacted with anxiety.
“Carewyn!” he shouted over the ravine. “Are you in your underwear down there!?”
“Ugh -- well, I couldn’t very well climb down into this briar patch and wrench this wheel loose in my dress, could I?” Carewyn called back up rather haughtily. “At least my bloomers are slightly akin to the sorts of trousers you all wear.”
“You’ll catch a death of cold out here!” said Bill.
“I’m all right,” Carewyn reassured him. “Ulk -- ugh -- I have the wool jacket Andre made for me on...”
Charlie took a step forward, his eyes moved up toward the darkening sky pointedly so as not to look over the edge as he called down,
“Bill’s right, though, Carewyn -- it’s getting colder by the minute...and it’s getting dark too. Are you sure you can lift that thing up and over all by yourself?”
“Ugh...I admit, it’s a bit difficult!” she called back. “But I think I can manage.”
Recalling Carewyn’s blatant refusal of help in retrieving her horse, Orion -- still fighting back a slight blush -- called over the ravine himself.
“We do not question your capabilities, Carewyn,” he said patiently, “but would you like our help?”
“Ugh -- don’t be silly,” said Carewyn, sounding faintly haughty. “You, Charlie, and Bill would break your necks, climbing down here. And I’m still in my undergarments -- I have no interest in anyone seeing me prance around without proper clothes on, thank you.”
“It’s no use,” Charlie muttered under his breath, “I’ve tried to offer her help for the last hour, but she keeps putting me off, saying she’s fine. I don’t get why she feels like she has to do everything by herself...”
“Probably because she’s always had to, Charlie,” said Bill quietly. His voice betrayed a lot of sympathy and sadness as he exhaled through his nose.
Orion’s black eyes deepened with some compassion for Bill as he called back over the ravine to Carewyn,
“Your points are well made, my lady...but we’d still like to help you.”
“Ugh -- you can help me by leaving me my dignity and not looking over while I’m only half-dressed...ack...”
“Would you accept us doing more than that?”
“Urgh -- I am...sorry to have made you and Bill come out all this way -- but I’m all right, really.”
Bill glanced at Orion out the side of his eye, and then back at the cliff. Despite his distrust of the man, the eldest Weasley was sort of glad he wasn’t the only one who disliked how reticent Carewyn was to accept help.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he said earnestly. “I was -- we were worried about you, Carewyn. You and Charlie.”
He and Orion glanced at each other. Bill wished the other man’s expression wasn’t so hard to read. The castle guard tried to twist his uncomfortable frown into a smile that Carewyn would hopefully be able to hear over the edge of the cliff.
“Come on...let’s get you and that wheel up and over so you can get back into your dress.”
There was a silence. Then Carewyn said a bit more quietly,
“...You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Wha -- oh, come off it, Carewyn!” said Charlie exasperatedly. “To hell we do! You think I was mucking about, calling you my pal and saying I needed to figure out a nickname for you? Now let us help you, or I’ll consider making that nickname an irritating one!”
There was another silence. Then Carewyn sighed very loudly and tiredly, and Orion couldn’t help but grin, because he could tell she’d finally given in.
“Oh, all right,” she said begrudgingly. “But I don’t really know how you’re going to help, when you can’t look at me.”
Orion closed his eyes.
“Describe your surroundings, Carewyn,” he said. “Paint a picture for me, with your words.”
“...Well, I’ve gotten the wheel out of the briar patch. I’m trying to roll it back up, but it’s as large as me, and the downward slope and the ice is making it difficult. Plus the wheel isn’t in great shape -- all of its spokes are broken, so there isn’t much for me to push up on, while rolling it uphill.”
“I would’ve told her to just forget it, but it’d be much easier for me to carve a new wheel if I have framework from the old one,” Charlie explained. “I’m already going to have to make the new spokes and hubcap completely out of wood instead of using any gold or metalwork, but it’s still going to take a lot of time...even more so if the old wheel framework can’t be saved...”
Orion considered the matter, visualizing the set-up down below on the inside of his eyelids. “...What’s left of the wheel...is it made of metal or wood?”
“Wood...but there seems to be some sort of metal lining around the rim, held on by nails.”
“That’d be for durability, I reckon,” said Charlie. “Wood alone would get chaffed badly on the ground, moving in a constant circle down cobblestones or over anything rocky.”
Orion opened his eyes and looked over the broken coach. His gaze lingered on the thick leather straps coming off of the front that no doubt would’ve attached it to their horses. Then he abruptly got up, rushing over to undo the straps from the carriage.
“What are you doing?” said Bill, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
Orion quickly knotted the long, thick leather straps together with several complex-looking and strong knots.
“Carewyn,” he called over very calmly, “I’m going to lower this down to you -- use the buckle and loop it securely around the inside rim of the wheel, so that it’s tight. Give it a light tug when it’s secure.”
He blindly tossed one end of the rope made out of leather straps over the edge of the cliff. After a minute, he felt a light tug at the end.
“Gentlemen,” Orion murmured to the Weasleys, “I’ll need you to hold this, for just a moment. Carewyn,” he added, as Charlie and Bill both grabbed the end of the makeshift rope and he let go, “I’m going to need you to step onto the wheel yourself and hold on.”
“What?” said Carewyn. “Orion, you can’t lift both me and the wheel -- it’s far too much! I’ll climb up and out myself -- ”
“Not to worry, my lady -- none of us will be doing the lifting,” said Orion serenely.
He led both his black horse and Bill’s chestnut horse over by their reins, and -- taking the makeshift rope from Bill and Charlie again -- he looped the end under the straps of both his and Bill’s saddles. He gave several tugs at all of the connections to make sure they were tight and secure before mounting his horse.
“Sir Weasley, if you would assist me.”
Catching onto Orion’s idea at last, Bill rushed forward so he could jump up onto his own horse.
“Mr. Weasley, you may want to have your hands ready to help Carewyn climb out when she gets close to the top,” said Orion over his shoulder. “Sir Weasley, together now.”
With a lot of effort and strain, the two horses were able to lift Carewyn and the broken wheel up and out of the ravine. Once Carewyn was out, all three men averted their eyes so she could put her dress back on. Once she was suitably redressed in her orange-and-beige dress, snood, and dark scarlet wool jacket, she, Bill, and Orion helped Charlie secure some makeshift posts he’d carved out of some nearby tree branches under the broken coach so that their four horses could lift it up off the ground and help support it without its second back wheel. Then the four hobbled the coach up the mountain the rest of the way to the Weasley family cottage.
The home of the Weasley family, affectionately nicknamed “the Burrow,” was built up against the side of a hill. Attached to the house was a large farm with sprawling pastures and short, rustic wooden fences. Its roof had clearly been patched up multiple times over the years with whatever kind of wood was on hand, making it resemble a patchwork quilt.
When the group arrived, Bill and Charlie’s youngest sibling and only sister Ginny immediately ran out to greet them -- she’d seen them coming up over the horizon and was beyond thrilled to see that it was her eldest brothers. Bill and Charlie’s teenage brothers Percy, Fred, George, and Ron soon followed along after. Fred and George -- who were identical twins -- were quick to crow that Charlie had brought them an early birthday present (namely, the coach), and Percy scolded them that clearly it was for work and they should let it alone. Orion and Carewyn ended up staying back at a distance, both faintly baffled by the amount of warmth and noise emanating from the seven siblings as they chattered amongst themselves, constantly stepping on each other’s feet and interrupting what everyone else was saying. Neither of them had ever encountered a family quite like this before. When Bill and Charlie’s parents, Arthur and Molly Weasley, emerged from the house, however, Molly very quickly bustled every last one of them inside, including Orion and Carewyn.
“In you go, the lot of you,” she said in a forceful, but very warm tone of voice. “You all look like you need some supper-- ”
“Oh -- no, Mrs. Weasley,” said Carewyn very quickly, “I couldn’t impose -- ”
“Nonsense, dear!” said Molly, as she took Carewyn’s hands and led her inside. “Why, you’re positively freezing! To think, you came all the way out here without a proper muff for your hands...”
“I had to help Charlie with the carriage,” Carewyn said, her eyes drawn away awkwardly rather than looking at Molly, “I couldn’t hope to have my hands free, using a muff...”
“Then both of you should come inside and get warm,” said Arthur, startling Orion with an amiable clap on the back. “Any friend of Bill and Charlie’s is a friend of our family.”
Carewyn had never been the subject of such coddling and generosity before in her life. Her mother had always taught her to treat people with respect and compassion, of course, but she had been a soft-spoken and understated person, and their family life had always been very quiet. And of course at the Cromwell estate, it had been less modest and quiet, but far less affectionate as well. Never had she ever visited such a loud, crowded, and faintly uncomfortable place that still nonetheless felt like a home, full of warmth and love.
Even Orion found himself feeling a bit unsettled by the Weasley family’s overwhelming hospitality. He’d been in plenty of unruly, crowded, and loud settings like this before -- but none of them had ever been quite this...well, jovial. It made it so that Orion yearned for peace, quiet, and returned distance, and yet also couldn’t help but marvel at the positive vibes that rippled off of this family and how much they could give, despite clearly having so little. When dinner was served, Orion had to politely decline a bowl of beef stew because he didn’t eat meat, and Molly Weasley immediately handed the bowl off to Ron so she could set about making Orion his own plate, piled high with cheesy mashed potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, and roasted cauliflower seasoned with garlic and chives.
The Weasley family and their guests sat in an uncomfortable, messy half-circle around the large brick fireplace, laughing and talking as they ate. After supper came the dessert of hot, fresh apple dumplings, and after dessert came some hot tea and scones. After all, said Molly Weasley, having guests over was a rare treat, so they were going to celebrate appropriately. Neither Carewyn nor Orion could remember ever having felt so full in all their lives.
As everyone enjoyed their scones and tea, stories and songs were swapped around the fire. At one point in the evening, twelve-year-old Ginny -- who was perfectly thrilled to have another girl around, for a change -- begged Carewyn to sing for them. Apparently Bill had told his family all about her lovely voice. So, with some encouragement from Charlie, Arthur, and Molly, Carewyn bit back a broad, amused grin, took a deep breath, and started to sing.
“Mother cannot guide you...now you’re on your own.
Only me beside you -- still, you’re not alone...”
Orion had thought to himself that Carewyn must have done the song from his youth proper justice while singing for the Prince, but hearing her sing it in person, seeing her smile at him and her eyes sparkle as she did so...it was a completely different matter. As before, Orion felt all of the tension in his shoulders ebb off of him, as easily as dirt was washed away in warm water. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, tilting his head a bit so that he could hear her better, as his breathing and heart rate slowed. Even with his eyes closed, he could hear a smile in every word Carewyn sang...even when she likely wasn’t smiling at all, he thought. How could she be smiling, when lines like “sometimes people leave you half-way through the wood” and “people make mistakes -- fathers, mothers” rang with such emotion and pain? Was that pain visible on her face? Orion thought not, given Carewyn’s sense of grace and composure...but he heard it, all the same. He felt it -- her heart, aching with a kind of deep, blazing empathy Orion had never encountered in anyone else before.
When Carewyn came to the end of the song, Orion opened his eyes at last. The Weasleys all clapped, delighted, but he barely heard them as he turned to Carewyn.
“...That was remarkable,” he murmured.
Carewyn smiled. “I’m glad you think I did it justice.”
“Mm,” said Orion. “I’ve...never heard anyone drown like that, before.”
Carewyn couldn’t bite back a laugh. “Perhaps I didn’t do it justice then, if I sounded like I was drowning...”
“You were drowning in the words’ meaning,” corrected Orion. “Enveloping and submerging yourself in them -- allowing them to pull you in and take your breath away.”
He smiled, his black eyes very soft upon Carewyn’s face.
“It was...very moving.”
Molly’s face spread into an indulgent smile as she reached forward and patted Carewyn’s hand. “It was absolutely beautiful, dear.”
“Orion’s right, Carewyn,” agreed Arthur. “Your feelings really came through. I could tell the words mean something to you.”
Carewyn offered a polite smile, even as her eyes drifted away. “...I suppose they do.”
“It sounds like a lullaby, sort of,” mused Ron. “Even if it talks about your mother not being around.”
Ginny tilted her head toward Carewyn, Ron’s words prompting concern.
“...Do you not have a mother, Carewyn?”
The rest of the family went very quiet -- some like Percy shot Ginny warning looks, while others like Molly and Ron couldn’t help but glance at Carewyn in similar concern.
Carewyn’s gaze had drifted off onto the fire. Although she was turned away and her face was stoic, however, Orion could see her eyes rippling like turbulent ocean water, before she closed them solemnly.
“...I had one,” she answered softly at last. “She died when I was twelve.”
“Was she sick?” asked Ron, very hesitantly.
Carewyn bowed her head and gave a single, silent nod. Everyone in the room knew what that meant. The Plague had swept through both Royaume and Florence several times, over the span of the War -- one of the worst years was about nine years ago now...probably the same year Carewyn had lost her mother.
Orion’s black eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon her face. Molly looked like she wanted to envelop Carewyn in the biggest hug and was only holding back the urge because of her husband’s tight, reassuring squeeze to her hand.
“Oh, you poor dear,” she murmured.
Carewyn raised her head at last, her expression once again touched by a small, resilient, pretty smile.
“It’s all right,” she said gently, her eyes only briefly grazing each of the Weasleys’ faces. “I’ll always miss my mother...but I’m getting along all right. And I still have Jacob.”
“Your brother?” asked Percy, and Carewyn nodded.
“He left for War the same day he and I moved in with our grandfather,” Carewyn explained.
“Your brother must be quite a bit older than you, then,” said Orion.
Carewyn glanced at Orion out the side of her eye, smiling slightly. “Nine years older, yes. You know...you actually remind me of him, a bit.”
Orion raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
Carewyn was forced to stifle a giggle behind her hand. “Jacob is also the sort to do things in his own clever way. Only he’s a lot more aggressive than you -- and more talkative, and arrogant, and overprotective...”
“And uglier,” inserted Fred.
“And smellier,” added George.
“With a long crooked nose and ears like a bat’s.”
The younger Weasley siblings were all laughing now. Carewyn had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggling.
“No!” she choked. “I don’t mean it like that! He’s wonderful, really. He’s just...well, an absolute idiot about how to interact with other people. He’s completely brilliant, mind you -- he could give you whole lectures about anything from geography to mathematics to physics...but coming up with spontaneous gifts for no occasion at all, just based on someone’s interests? He’d need some prodding, to do something like that.”
She smiled at Orion, who couldn’t help but grin fully in return.
“It was truly nothing at all, Carewyn,” he said. “With your love of music, it felt like that song would be something you would appreciate.”
Arthur glanced at Orion curiously. “Where is that song from, Orion? I’ve never heard it before.”
“I learned it as a boy,” Orion answered. “I would hear it sung outside the window of the workhouse, sometimes.”
Molly looked very troubled. “Workhouse? Orion dear, you don’t mean to say you grew up in one of those terrible places?”
Orion felt Carewyn’s gaze on him. When he looked back at her, her almond-shaped blue eyes were rippling with concern as well, though much gentler and more empathetic than Molly’s. He tried to offer her a smile.
“Let’s just say the words spoke to me as well, at the time,” he said lightly. “Not just to me, either...all of the boys there, one way or another, were where they were because of other people’s ‘terrible mistakes.’”
Orion’s gaze drifted down to his own hands as he lightly clasped them in his lap.
“...The War doesn’t touch you the same way here, but...the closer you are to Florence...the more the reality of it hits you in the face, every day. Even when you’re not on the battlefield itself -- even when you’re just at the border -- you, and the ones you care for, run the risk of getting caught in the crossfire. And on the border of Florence and Royaume...in those towns where it’s hard to tell where one country starts and another begins...tensions are like gunpowder. One spark from the tiniest match can set it ablaze -- can make everything implode, and force you to start all over again.”
His face was unreadable, but his black eyes were endless, rippling with the recollection of the fire and smoke -- the red and blue colors of Royaume, on the saddles of horses -- the life leaving his mother’s eyes -- his own heavy, terrified hyperventilating...
He closed his eyes and took several very deep, measured breaths before continuing.
“In such a place...one can find people desperate enough to want to lash out at others, to avenge their pain,” said Orion solemnly. “But there was one sweet old woman who owned a flower and herb shop near the workhouse. She’d had to rebuild her establishment several times over the years, and from what I understand, she finally had to leave town not long after I did...but every time she caught wind that the army was coming to town, looking for new recruits...she’d sing the song just loudly enough that we boys could hear it through our window.”
He absently played with the crudely carved circular charm on the cord around his neck in one hand.
“And although there were those who still enlisted afterwards...many others did not.”
Carewyn’s eyes widened.
“‘While we’re seeing our side,’ ” she sang again, more softly, “‘maybe we forgot...they are not alone. No one is alone.’ ”
Orion’s lips spread into a smile as he looked at Carewyn, his black eyes rippling gently as he nodded.
“So it’s against the War, then,” murmured Charlie. He glanced at his parents, who both looked concerned.
“Did that woman with the flower shop give you that?” asked Ginny curiously, indicating the charm around Orion’s neck.
“Yes,” said Orion. “She gave it to me one night when I tried to run away, to soothe my nerves. Its effects wore off by the next morning, but I’ve never really had the heart to throw it out.”
Percy sputtered, looking very pale. “Th-then she was a witch?”
“Whoa,” said Fred and George, looking almost too eager.
“Did she turn all the army into pigs?” asked George.
“Did she lure you in and try to cook you in a soup?” said Fred.
Orion smiled indulgently. “Of course not -- ”
“Well, thank Heavens for that!” said Molly, shooting the twins a very reproachful look. “Magic isn’t something to make fun of, you two -- it’s frankly a wonder you weren’t hurt, dear...”
Orion frowned. “There was no danger, Madam Weasley, I assure you.”
“No danger! Orion,” Molly scolded him indulgently, “I applaud your courage...but nature has its own way of things, and any magic that twists it out of shape is more dangerous than it’s worth.”
To the Weasley family’s surprise, Carewyn actually spoke up.
“Mrs. Weasley, men tend fields, plant seeds, domesticate horses and dogs...treat illnesses and injuries...cut hair and wear makeup and put on heeled shoes to make ourselves appear taller. Would that not also be twisting nature’s intent?”
Molly actually faltered somewhat. “Well, yes, but...that’s very different from magic, Carewyn! Magic is...well, it’s wild. Uncontrollable.”
“It’s untamed chaos,” said Arthur more levelly than his wife. “A kind that’s done a lot more harm than good.”
“But it still can be used for good,” said Carewyn very firmly. “And if it has that potential, why must we treat it as though it and all of its users are inherently reprehensible? If magic can be used to save lives, or heal the sick, or even just calm a scared boy down after something horrible...”
She glanced at Orion out the side of her eye.
“...Then it seems to be like any other weapon or tool, or even any other person -- something that could protect or hurt.”
Orion felt like his heart was being flooded with warmth, and his entire expression melted with pride and something like affection as he stared at Carewyn.
She truly is a woman to be admired.
The memory of Skye’s irritation and McNully’s warning rippled over Orion’s mind and he found himself faltering.
Admire...yes. Anyone could grow to admire such a woman, couldn’t they? To respect and esteem her...to...grow an attachment, to her...
Even I? Could I...?
The Weasleys exchanged uncertain looks amongst themselves.
“Come to think of it,” said Ron thoughtfully, “wasn’t there that old myth about fairy godmothers who grant you wishes?”
Fred brought an arm roughly around his younger brother’s neck and put him in a rough choke hold. “Aww, ickle Ronnie wanting a pwetty new dress?”
“‘Oh fairy godmother, I just gotta have a new dress for the Winter Festival!’” said George in a high-pitched squeal.
“Geroff!” growled Ron, as he pulled free.
“Oh, but that would be fun!” sighed Ginny. “Dancing at the Winter Festival, in the prettiest dress you’ve ever seen...you’re going to the Festival, aren’t you, Carewyn?”
“Probably not, Ginny,” said Carewyn gently, “I’ve got so much work to do...”
“Oh, but you have to!” whined Ginny. “The Festival’s tradition! Right, Orion?”
“So I’ve heard,” Orion said modestly, “but I’m afraid I’ve never attended a Winter Festival either.”
“What?!” said all of the Weasley children except Bill in thoroughly aghast unison.
“It’s the biggest celebration of the entire year -- ”
“Everybody in town will be there -- ”
“ -- well, aside from the noble tarts -- ”
“ -- but hey, who needs them?”
“Everybody makes the best mince pies and hot apple cider -- ”
“There’s dancing and singing and games and gift-giving -- ”
“You just can’t miss it -- ”
Before long, they’d completely gotten off the topic of magic all together, so the Weasleys could tell Orion all about the Winter Festival. Carewyn took the opportunity to start carrying dishes into the kitchen so that she could help Molly clean up. While she did so, Bill pulled her aside.
“Carewyn...can I talk to you? Alone?”
Carewyn blinked, but nonetheless put down the dishes she was carrying and followed Bill off into a secluded corner.
“What’s wrong?” she asked in concern.
Bill bit the inside of his lip, his brown eyes drifting over in the direction of the fireplace where the rest of his family was sitting with Orion.
“Carewyn,” he said slowly, “who is that man, really?”
Carewyn’s eyebrows knit together. Bill ran a hand over the undone collar of his tunic absently.
“He’s hiding something, I know it. And I’m sure you see it too. He dodges questions he doesn’t want to answer, and as much as he’s even told us tonight about himself, he never gives important details. He lived near the border, but he didn’t mention what town he’s from. He lived in a workhouse, presumably after losing his parents, but he never said what he lost them to.”
“Those things might not be easy for him to talk about, Bill,” Carewyn said softly.
“Yes,” said Bill in a bracing voice, “but he also hopped the walls of the palace, completely ignorant of how tight royal security is and why, has enough time to chase after you most every day, and gets paints from people he can’t identify and learns songs from people who, from the sound of things, practice witchcraft.”
Bill crossed his arms. He clearly was trying to be considerate to Carewyn’s feelings, but couldn’t hold back his concerns.
“Look, I...I understand you like the man. And I understand why -- Ginny and the others seem to have taken to him pretty well, too. But there’s no reason for someone to hold back that many secrets, unless they’re up to no good. He could be a cad, or a criminal, or maybe even something worse. Judging by his stance on magic, he could even be a magician himself...”
His brown eyes narrowed slightly upon Carewyn’s face.
“I’m just...worried about you, that’s all,” he said lowly.
Carewyn considered Bill for a long moment. Then, reaching out a hand, she gently took hold of Bill’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“Bill...I understand how you feel. And I’m grateful, truly grateful, for your caring. I hardly deserve it, and it...it means a lot to me.”
Bill frowned deeply, ready to say something, but Carewyn cut him off.
“But believe me when I say that people don’t just keep secrets because they mean to do harm. Sometimes -- for some people -- they’ve had to learn to hide themselves and shield their hearts...so much so that even when they encounter good people, it’s hard for them to let their guard down. Sometimes they’ve known so much pain that, even though they’re kind people, they’ve numbed themselves to a degree, just to protect themselves. Lied so much...that it becomes second-nature. Or worse, lie because they don’t know who they can really trust...because so many people have hurt them that they don’t know what trust even feels like anymore.”
Bill’s expression lost some of its edge, though it still looked wary.
“...And if he is a magic user?”
“Then he’s one of the good ones,” said Carewyn firmly.
Bill still looked a bit unsure. Carewyn squeezed his shoulder a bit more tightly, her eyes resting there instead of on his face.
“Bill, my brother is only alive, thanks to magic.”
Bill was startled.
“The Plague swept through our whole house,” said Carewyn lowly. “First the landlord and his family -- then my mother...and then Jacob. We were living hand-to-mouth, and I didn’t have anyone else to go to...so I went to the Cromwell estate.”
Bill’s brown eyes became a little smaller, darkening with grim understanding.
“...You went to your grandfather.”
Carewyn nodded. “He disowned Mum long ago, but he was still our family, so I thought he might be willing to help us. He agreed to take Jacob and me in and nurse Jacob back to health, so long as we paid back his generosity. Grandfather then tracked down a witch who could cast a spell to save Jacob’s life.”
Bill’s eyebrows furrowed. “Lord Cromwell hired a -- ?”
“Do not repeat this, Bill!” Carewyn said very sharply and urgently. “To anyone, do you understand? No one.”
Her eyes then softened visibly, becoming grimmer and sadder.
“Jacob was dying. There was no other option.”
Bill looked like he was in pain, just hearing this second-hand. He swallowed, and then gave a nod.
“So that witch saved your brother’s life,” he said quietly.
Carewyn nodded, her eyes full of emotion despite the stoicism of her features.
“The spell she cast bound Jacob’s life to Grandfather’s will. Jacob was brought into the house on a stretcher just after dawn, and within a half-hour...he was up on his own two feet again.”
Carewyn closed her eyes. She could still remember Jacob’s blazing, relieved smile as he barreled down the stairs and threw his arms around her, cradling her like a baby.
“My Wyn -- my sweet Wyn -- ”
Not long after that, though...Jacob’s arms were yanked away -- all of him was yanked away -- held back by Blaise and Claire and Pearl’s husbands, who all had work to together just to restrain Jacob as he fought to reach her, screaming and raging like a mad man --
“WYN! NO! GET OFF OF ME -- WYN! I WON’T LET YOU -- CAREWYN!”
Carewyn opened her eyes, the soft longing fading from her face completely and leaving a much more stony expression behind.
Bill himself, however, looked more troubled than ever.
“You said your brother left for War the same day you and he arrived at the Cromwell estate,” he whispered shakily. “Do you mean that, right after saving your brother’s life...Lord Cromwell immediately sent him off to War -- all while knowing how few men return home alive?”
Carewyn’s lips came together tightly.
“Grandfather sent him to the front, so that Jacob could start paying back the debt I owed him,” she said, her voice very soft and oddly distant. “After all...a man who wouldn’t die, so long as he willed it...would make an excellent soldier.”
Bill looked horrified.
“Then...” he whispered, “...then Jacob’s only alive because your grandfather decides whether he lives or dies? You only know your brother’s still alive after so many years at war...because Lord Cromwell is bound to him through magic, and he’s holding his life over your head?”
Carewyn withdrew her hand from Bill’s shoulder and turned away.
“Carewyn...that’s monstrous!” said Bill, and he was unable to keep his voice from rising. “I didn’t even know magic could do something like that -- but -- but that’s nothing, compared to...”
He couldn’t restrain himself. He actually threw an arm around Carewyn and pulled her into a hug from behind. The small ginger-haired woman stiffened like a startled cat.
“Bill?”
Carewyn looked up at him -- were those tears, in his eyes?
“Have you...never told anyone else, about this?” Bill murmured.
Carewyn tried to turn around, her blue eyes welling up with regret and pain. “Bill...”
She brought a hand through his hair, trying to soothe him the way she used to for Jacob.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I -- I didn’t mean to upset you -- I only wanted to explain why I’m not scared of magic...please forgive me.”
Bill closed his eyes to try to hold back both his righteous anger and his tears.
“Forgive you?” he repeated in a choked voice. “For what, trusting me with the truth?”
“For making you worry unnecessarily,” Carewyn said forcefully, trying to ignore how uncomfortably her stomach was squirming.
Bill opened his eyes, looking both flabbergasted and more upset than ever. “Unnecessarily?”
He roughly grabbed both of Carewyn’s shoulders and forced her to look up at him.
“Now you listen here, Carewyn Cromwell,” he said, taking on the sort of tone he only ever used with his younger siblings when they were being rowdy, “you may get to decide if you want to interact with me or not, or rely on me or not, or accept my help or not. But you don’t get to decide whether I worry about you or not. And from here on out...”
Bill’s brown eyes were blazing with resolve.
“...I’m going to worry about you. Because I hate the thought of someone feeling like anybody else worrying about them is somehow a problem.”
Carewyn was left speechless.
Bill’s face broke into a broad smile through his tears. “Until your brother’s back from the War, Carey, I’ll be looking after you for him -- no arguments, no dismissals, no saying you’re fine on your own. Got it?”
Carewyn looked at Bill, perfectly stunned. Then her gaze fell away toward the floor.
“...It sounds like...I really don’t get a choice in the matter, then,” she whispered.
“Nope,” said Bill, grinning broadly.
Carewyn was unable to fight back the weak smile prickling at the sides of her lips, nor the emotion flooding her eyes, even as she kept her face turned away.
“...And I suppose ‘Carey’...is a suggestion of a nickname you plan to give Charlie, for me?”
Bill’s eyes sparkled fondly. “Well, every one of my siblings has a nickname, in case you haven’t noticed.”
#hphm#hogwarts mystery#cinderella au#carewyn cromwell#orion amari#murphy mcnully#skye parkin#bill weasley#charlie weasley#percy weasley#fred weasley#george weasley#ron weasley#ginny weasley#molly weasley#arthur weasley#katriona cassiopeia#charles cromwell#jacob cromwell#my art#my writing#GAAAAHHHH BILLLL#I LOVE YOU SO FRIGGIN' MUCH MY PRECIOUS BOY ;~;#you go be a good big brother and best friend for carewyn you wonderful thing#also ooh hoo hoo~ orion you can claim you're not crushing but you aren't fooling anybody hahahaha#you'll figure out what you're feeling soon enough >D#we're learn more about how magic works in this universe as time goes on of course#but yeah rest assured there's still a lot to unravel in regards to what happened to jacob... >>#and of course this part is another reminder that charles cromwell is a no-good son of a b****
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Alright, chapter 8! And man is there a lot to talk about here. I don’t really have any pre-content things to say, so we’ll just hop right into it today!
[No. 8 - Rage, You Damned Nerd]
I swear, this first page has a LOT to talk about on it, so I’ll go from panel to panel and do some rambling thoughts on each segment.
First off, UA doesn’t actually handle the costumes the kids get! It’s support companies affiliated with the school that does - which makes sense, since the school has to focus on teaching their support students before letting them get their hands on actual costumes that these kids might be fighting in.
I mean, they seem to be allowed to practice on like, minor support stuff (read: Mei making Izuku his new gloves post-Nighteye or somewhere around there) but not full costuming, which is… actually a bit reassuring? But also explains some of the lag time in getting costume repairs / upgrades since they’re probably busy companies. It also explains why there probably aren’t major alterations to any costumes besides between the summer and winter variants, since it would be time-consuming to remake these costumes so regularly.
(It still doesn’t excuse some of the costumes the kids got, but that’s more on the whole ‘eye candy’ thing for readers than actual practicality, so whatever.)
(Also, I can’t get over the fact that Snipe has a support company. Fucking Snipe. Guess we know another canon or likely-canon Support teacher.)
Next we get a preview of what the kids sent in for specifications for their costumes:
We get a bit of insight into a few of the characters - as background stuff, we get Shouji, Mineta, Aoyama, and Sato. Mineta got pretty dunked on for char design and costuming, and Aoyama’s costume almost looks like a magical girl outfit like this, which honest to god would have been fantastic to see him in. More interesting (at least to me) are the other three: Ochako, Tenya, and Katsuki.
Ochako first, because that pressure point thing is interesting, and I dunno how often those actually come up in fics besides a passing mention, like. What if her support bracelets / neck piece broke during training / a mission / whatever? Would she suddenly have to fight through the nausea? By the point of current canon (War Arc) she’s probably trained enough that she doesn’t need them as much, but man, it could be an interesting little thing to explore, like, post-Kamino.
Tenya is a bit surprising, since we know he comes from a well-off hero family. Logically, this was before the whole Hosu / Ingenium plotline was really developed, so Tenya didn’t have that to fall back on, or it could be argued that the support company that Ingenium is associated with also works with UA. Alternatively, it could be that either Tenya didn’t want to rely on his family (which seems silly when they’d know how to work with his quirk best) or UA is very firm on ALL costume stuff going through them…
But then again, Katsuki. Oh god, Katsuki. What fucking support company looked at this kid and went ‘yeah we should give him a way to store more explosives AND give him bombs’ and just. Did so. Why did UA not vet that. Maybe the support company didn’t realize how strong his explosions were without the gear, but UA, man, I just. I suppose they had no way of knowing how reckless he’d be with them, but honestly, after the battle trials, they should have been fucking yoinked from him so damned fast.
Anyways, onto other parts of Katsuki’s costume, we see he’s a fucking dork. Possibly what lowered their guard. ‘Something scary’ and ‘Dynamighte all over’. What the hell, kid. At least your designer stuck close to your design… including the huge-ass clunky gauntlets. Man, the Musketeer Trio movie poster ones are so much better looking and so, so streamlined. Works of art, they are.
Moving on, we get a bit of a flashback to ~three weeks ago, which by the calendar would be around March 20th? So a few weeks after the Entrance Exam. And Izuku is only NOW getting around to updating the quirk registry? Izuku baby seriously, how the FUCK did none of the UA staff notice the ‘quirkless’ on your application form at any point before this?
But yeah, he’s worried about his registry, so he calls Toshinori, who explains the update process. It gives the example of someone who might alter their stuff with updated information, with one or two allowed - though major ones aren’t accepted. Toshinori then says it’ll probably be okay since he started with nothing, then tries to correct himself to ‘definitely’, only to get cut off because Izuku accidentally hangs up in a panic when Inko calls out that she’s home. Haha poor Toshinori, and poor Izuku, the two anxious dumbasses.
Anyways, moving on from that is Inko showing off the jumpsuit she made, with Izuku surprised. She admits it’s not the coolest, but she based it off of the design in his notebook (the one we saw back in chapter 1). She tells him she regrets giving up on him back then, and how he never quit regardless of her faith. She apologizes and says from there on she’ll be cheering him on with all she’s got.
Izuku’s narration notes that it’s a symbol of his mom’s love, and that he couldn’t wear anything else, even if it’s not ‘efficient’ or ‘cutting edge’. (Or even at all decent looking.) And it’s also hinted through the present thoughts on it that it’s meant to be an homage to All Might (the smile and the hair pieces) which is just such a dorky thing.
We get to the wide-spread of hero costumes, which- wait a second.
That’s Momo’s initial hero costume design???? Why did Hori not stay with that??? It’s a LOT better than the stuff we’ve seen her in later! Like, sure, it’d still be improved with the main opening being her stomach and not her chest, but this still looks like actual human clothing and not a sexy Halloween costume variant of her hero uniform. Fucking hell, now I’m even more mad.
Tsuyu’s costume meets the approval of the discord server as basically ‘no changes needed’ asides from maybe the goggles being a bit bulky.
Tenya’s costume, I’m sorry, I know it’s an homage to your brother / family, but were the additional pipes really needed? Also, the helmet isn’t a bad idea since he goes fast, and bugs in the mouth/teeth have to suck, but it just looks so damned Gundam-y I can’t help but laugh a little.
Shouto… nah, too easy a target.
Aoyama is Aoyama. I’m actually a bit disappointed now that it’s not a magical girl costume, but alas, I suppose even Hori couldn’t be that brave.
Kaminari… I forgot he had that headset thingy.
Don’t really have much else to say about anyone else, so let’s move on.
Izuku bugs out a bit about Ochako’s costume/appearance, while she compliments his more practical looks and laments not being specific, saying it’s a bit too puffy and curvy for her. Which means it’s more the accessories which seem to be her issue with it over the main costume itself? Huh.
Anyways, after All Might confirms they’re all there, he notices Izuku’s headpieces, which are a match to his costume, and has to turn to muffle a laugh for how obvious a reference it is. Tenya steps up, asking whether they’ll be doing cityscape maneuvers again since it’s the same field used in the entrance exam. Izuku thinks to himself how cool Tenya’s costume is, while All Might explains that they’re moving onto step two - indoor anti-personnel battle training!
He explains what while villain battles are most commonly seen outdoors, statistically the worst crimes and villains are more likely to be found indoors. Confinement, house arrest, black market deals… the clever villains luck indoors to avoid heroes. Which is why the class will be split into teams of two and pit against each other, heroes versus villains style!
Ah, Tsuyu. Calling him right the heck out, as expected. All Might then notes that in this scenario, the fight won’t be against disposable robots.
This entire page is just fucking hilarious. The class and all their questions while All Might is shaking with nerves. The fucking cheat sheet he uses to try to get back on track. Him being questioned on the lot drawing, and shaking while Izuku accidentally ends up covering for him. I just. All Might was not prepared for this mess and it shows. He was doing so much better when it was the one on one stuff with Izuku.
But yeah, Izuku notes the scenario is like from a western comic plot, and he’s also the one who ‘realizes’ the lots are like when heroes from different agencies have to team up for emergencies without prior warning.
Lots are drawn, and we have our teams:
Izuku’s so stressed out because he still can’t really talk to her, while she’s excited to be teamed up and calls it ‘fate’ that it happened. All Might draws the first two teams to participate, and… team Izuku and Ochako (as the heroes) versus team Katsuki and Tenya (as the villains). Both Izuku and Katsuki are alert from this development…
Which makes this a good point to cut off, since it’s halfway through and we got a lot of information to chew on already. Second part should be out this weekend (hopefully).
#chapter 8#readthrough#opening arcs#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#midoriya izuku#uraraka ochako#iida tenya#yagi toshinori#bakugou katsuki#midoriya inko#class 1a#izuku's first costume was fucking hideous#thank god hori / the support company improved on it afterwards#also shouto#i don't even need to say anything when the fandom has made fun of your for me#also i cannot BELIEVE we were robbed of this momo costume#what the FUCK hori
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winter promises - q.kn
pairing: gangster au!kun x student!reader
genre: angst, a tiny bit of fluff
warnings: mentions of violence, death, injury and bullying (they weren’t explicitly shown but they were mentioned by the characters. nothing too graphic or triggering.)
word count: 2323
ps: hello @strykiss! I got chosen as your secret santa this year. I debated whether to post From Home or Winter Promises at the last minute but this was the fic that I promised you at my ask. Sorry it took a while :< I hope you liked it.
Winter Promises is a part of the Secret Santa Collab by @lucaswithnoshirt and @bumblebeenct. This is my very first collab and I’m thankful that you have let me be a part of it.
If you want to read the other fics created by the other amazing nct writers, just head over to @neoculturechristmas for the other secret santa entries.
networks: @nctcreations @kdiarynet @kpopscape
The harshness of the winter has never felt colder than today. Just a few weeks ago, you planned to visit your brother James and spend the rest of Christmas break together. Everything changed when you received a call from the police a few days ago. You almost broke down when they told you about your brother’s passing.
You lived in a different area from your brother because you had to go to school. All this time, you believed that your brother is a salesman. That’s how he was able to pay for college fees and living expenses. Little did you know, he was actually hiding a secret from you.
The police found his body after a gang fight. After a bit of an investigation, they discovered that your brother is actually a member of one of the notorious gangs in the area. He is one of the Guardias. They are people of the night, lurking in the shadows and can only be identified by the tattoo of a black wolf in their forearms. That explains why he wore those long sleeves all of the time whenever he visits, even when in the blistering heat. He just used the excuse that he had to look professional at all times
What’s worse about his death is you had no other living relatives. You were both orphans that got kicked out of the systems when you got older. Nobody attended his funeral but the priest and yourself.
You stood at the middle of the field alone, the cemetery wrapped in a think blanket of snow. You did nothing for the past few hours but stood there in front of his grave and stared blankly at his epitaph.
IN MEMORIAM
JAMES Y/L/N
March 31, 199x – December 20, 20xx
A LOVING BROTHER
Reading the engraved letters made you tear up again.
You just can’t believe that he had to die like this, that he had to lie to make you feel better. You wondered how much he had to suffer just seconds before he dies, recalling the horrible state of his body when they discovered him. Just thinking about it made you shake from anger and grief. It didn’t take long before you broke down and sat right next to the grave hugging your knees.
“Hey…”
You were interrupted by a concerned Kun. He pulled you towards him and wrapped his loving arms around you.
“Sorry for being late.”
You desperately needed someone that day and him coming meant the world to you. If there’s someone that will understand what you are currently going through, it would be him. Just like the two of you, he’s also alone because he had to study overseas. He had a brotherly bond with James, like he’s an extension of your brother. James would always tell Kun that he would be the one to take care of you while he’s gone. It’s safe to say that he still fulfilled that promise.
“I’m sorry you had to spend Christmas like this…”
Eventually, he took your hands to find a nearby bench that you can sit comfortably. He started patting your head and never let go of you until you stopped crying.
“I’ll be fine. Thank you for coming.”
He handed you a handkerchief from his pockets so you can wipe your tears away. His hand still remained your shoulders, patting it gently to calm you down.
“If it makes you feel any better, I got a gift for you.”
He started patting all over his winter coat and his pockets to look for something. Taking it out on one of his inner pockets, he pulled out a box wrapped with a tiny red bow on top. You opened it right away and there was a unique bracelet inside of it.
“Merry Christmas Y/N. I made a promise to James when he’s still alive...”
He took your hand and placed the bracelet in your palms.
“As long as you’re wearing this, James and I will always be with you…”
Your heart melted as he said this to you. You couldn’t help yourself but to hug him once again. His touch felt like summer on this cold, winter night.
///
About a few weeks passed by and your classes resumed once again. You used that supposed break to mourn over James and help yourself to get over from his loss. Kun had a part-time job to attend to, but he always made sure to check on you from time to time.
Wintertime still surrounded the area, but some people already took down their decorations and things went back to normal. As you skipped across the snowy road, you couldn’t help but stare at the thing that’s jingling in your right arm. You stopped on your tracks and held it up to the sky. Your eyes squinted, trying to look for something special in the bracelet that the Kun gave you for Christmas.
It was the single thing that made you smile every day. His words repeated in your head like a broken record and you can’t help but blush at the thought of it. You always this little crush on him even before, but his caring nature the past couple of weeks make your heart flutter even more. This made you unconsciously touch it. You raised your arm up to your eye level and you finally realized that the bracelet is held together by two wolves, one on each side of the bracelet. You wondered why this was the design that he chose, considering that it doesn’t look that girly. It was weird, but you just shrugged it off when you realized that you still have to walk to school.
///
You came just shy a few minutes before the class starts. The professor is still out of sight, so you bowed to greet everyone inside before you walk towards your desk. The class didn’t pay you any attention. It’s always been that way ever since you got admitted to the school. Making friends is hard when people judge you from the way that you dress or the life that you live in every day. You don’t get to wear nice cloths just like everybody else because you liked to save your money for things that are more important.
The other girls would roll their eyes out and point out how worn out your uniform looks or make gestures behind your back. It stayed that way for years, but you never had the guts to tell Kun or James. You have to be strong for yourself sometimes and just ignored their mockery.
You were taking out the textbooks from your bag when you overheard the other girls squealing excitedly at each other. One of them is your classmate Lilith. Everyone thinks she’s so cool because she has a gangster boyfriend that buys her expensive stuff. It’s probably another designer brand bag or something.
“It looks so pretty! Have you tried using it yet?”
You swear that you can sense Lilith’s condescending smirk even when your back is turned against her.
“I haven’t actually. But he said it’s suuuuppppeeeer expensive. Like, it’s worth more than anything he’s ever bought me. I can’t wait to use it at clubs tonight!”
She said in this exaggerated tone that you hate. She had this habit of making herself extra loud so that you’ll hear what she’s trying. You roll your eyes internally and just proceeded to open your notes and tried to recall the lessons that you had for the past few weeks.
“Are you sure? It doesn’t look that much…”
“Ugh…” She sounded so offended at her friend’s remark.
“This bracelet are only given to very special people. It means they are under the protection of the whole group. It means nobody is allowed to touch the very fiber of her being. I can basically do whatever I want and no one will stop me.”
Your hopes of concentrating on your lessons was completely thrown out of the window. At a desperate attempt to keep your sanity intact, you cupped both of your ears with your hands.
“Special, huh? Then why does Y/N have one too?”
“There’s no way…”
You yelped as you felt someone yank out your hand away from your head.
“What do you want, Lilith?”
She yanked it again towards her face and so she can get a better view of your right hand.
“Hey! Let me go!”
You tried grabbing your hand away from her at the same time that she lets go of your hand aggressively, the force sending you off to the floor.
“So, you got claimed too huh?”
You glared at her direction, but the bright red thing on her wrists caught your attention. It looked similar to your bracelet, the only difference being that it was red and the wolf was replaced with a silver dragon. It’s strikingly similar to the one you’re currently wearing.
“I wonder which lowlife scum you had to sleep with just so you can have one of those.”
She folded her arms and scoffed at your direction
“Of course. It had to be one of those filthy G-.”
A stern voice interrupted her from the front door.
“Watch your mouth, Lilith.”
The voice came from Kun, you looked incredibly pissed.
“Leave her alone. She just lost her brother.”
Lilith opened her mouth again but Kun just raised his eyebrows at her. His gaze seemed to be sending her a message that only the two of them can understand.
The stand-off have successfully shut Lilith down as she begrudgingly went back to her desk. The professor came right after, so Kun smiled sweetly at your direction before he sat down at his desk.
You got up from the floor and dusted the dirt off of your uniform, still completely oblivious at what just happened. It made you a bit more self-conscious now that everyone has their eyes on you. Thankfully, the professor caught everyone’s attention and your class proceeded as usual.
It didn’t take long before lunch break comes and the bell rang. As soon as the last professor left the door, everyone’s attention was back on you once again. You just sat there awkwardly as you waited for everyone to leave the classroom, not really sure what else to do about this situation.
Kun felt your uneasiness. He stood up from his chair and offered his hand to help you stand up from your chair. Your smile grew wider once again as you took his hand and you walked together to your usual place in the cafeteria.
The both of you took your seats and brought out your lunchbox with you. You took out your lunch, which was a simple meal composed of eggs, bacon and a cup of rice. When took out his containers, you remembered that your bestfriend is actually a bit of a masterchef. There were several varieties of home-cooked meals from his lunchbox. There are dumplings, warm chicken soup, and some of which you don’t even know the names of.
“I made extra so we can share...”
You can tell that there was extra care given to the meals that he made. This man just never fails to amaze you. Looking around the cafeteria, everyone felt the same way. Some of the other girls looked at you with what you can assume is jealousy written all over their faces.
“You know, the girls of this school hate me because they thought I’m your girlfriend right.” He laughed at your comment, his eyes completely disappearing from the stretch of his smile.
“If you’re actually dating me, then I’ll be the luckiest man alive.”
You felt heat coming up from your face, unsure if it was because of his laugh or the thing that he said. Instead of answering him, you took some of the fried rice that he made and stuffed your mouth to hide your embarrassment.
Time passed and you’re about to walk home as well. Kun called out your name and offered to walk you home. You felt some dirty glance being thrown away at your direction once again, but for once, you didn’t mind them.
“Just making sure got home safe.” He explained when you asked him on the way. It’s a sweet gesture from his part once again, but he’s been acting weird throughout the walk. His eyes kept on looking from left to right, as if he’s looking for something.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
He relaxed and his cheery self appeared in front of you once again.
As soon as you got inside your house and closed the door behind you, he started to walk along the snowy road. His uneasiness crept back in, looking left and right to make sure that no one is following him.
His whole demeanor changed as soon as he entered his territory. The apartment that you thought he’s staying in is actually the headquarters of a secret gang that’s meant to protect the whole city. Men lined up in his path, bowing at his presence. At his room, he took off layers of his winter clothing, finally revealing a secret that he’s also been hiding from you. It was a tattoo of a black wolf, only given to the elite members of Guardia.
He sat on his couch and grabbed his phone to dial someone’s number.
“Yes, boss?”
“Hey Xuxi, would you mind giving the Kids a call?”
“Sure. What for?”
“Tell Chan that one of his bitches is misbehaving…”
He rested his head and closed his eyes, reminded of how you were treated earlier by Lilith.
“If he doesn’t do anything about it, I will. Make that very clear to him, unless he wants me to break his other arm.”
“I’m on it, sir.”
The call dropped and his phone was now showing his wallpaper, a candid picture that he took without you knowing.
The other gangs have been becoming bold lately and have orchestrating attacks from left to right. Knowing them, he’s sure that they’ll be going after the next Guardia successor, you.
///
“Protect Y/N at all cost. It won’t take long before the world knows about her real identity.”
That is a promise that he’s willing to keep, even to his death.
#nctcreations#kdiarynet#kpopscape#neoculturechristmas#secret santa collab#nct#wayv#nct fic#wayv fics#kun x reader#qian kun#gangster au#winter promises#soliverse
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Minerva (Bit 4)
Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 | Bit 4
Really just some brotherly fun :D I’ve posted a couple of snippets from this bit, but there is plenty more, a whole 1600 words worth :D
Thanks to @vegetacide and @scribbles97 for the reading and support ::hugs you guys::
I hope you enjoy this fluff :D
-o-o-o-
“Scotty! Bro! How ya doin’?”
Virgil had to smirk at his little brother. Gordon was acting like his hand had been caught in the candy jar.
“Gordon, what are you doing in Minerva?” One lowered just slightly. “Virg? What the hell? Gordon!”
“What?! He needed some fresh air!”
“He has two broken legs!”
“Yeah, but Grandma was cooking up a storm.”
“Oh.”
“Exactly.”
Virgil twisted his lips. “You do know I am a sentient being and can both speak for myself and make decisions on my own.”
“Did you hear something, Scott? There was interference on the line. Sounded like Virgil was claiming he was able to look after himself.”
The snort from the hovering Thunderbird was loud.
“Hey!”
Gordon actually cackled. “Sorry, Virg. Great at looking after everyone else, total shit at looking after yourself.”
The glare he shot his brother should have scalped him.
Gordon only grinned more. “We all have our strengths and weakness, bro.”
“Shut up, Gordon.”
Thunderbird One began lowering as if to come into land.
“Hey, don’t you dare land that tin can on the reef, Scott. Mel will have your hide, right after I kick your butt.”
“Keep your pants on, Fish, I’m well aware how attracted you are to my butt.” Thunderbird One pirouetted midair like the graceful craft she was under his brother’s hands, shifting towards the centre of the lagoon. Her landing struts unfolded from her fuselage.
“He’s not going to...” Virgil’s eyes widened.
But Gordon was grinning. “Oh, yes!”
A crack in the air and pontoons at the end of her landing gear inflated with a snap, One suddenly sprouting what looked like fat ski blades. Her front strut shot out extenders either side for stability and Thunderbird One settled on the calm ocean like the prim and trim bird she was.
“That’s not something you see every day. I thought Scott hated landing on water.”
Gordon snorted. “He does.”
“If Brains asks, it’s practise and equipment testing.” Scott’s voice was smirking on comms. In the distance his brother’s flight chair slid smoothly out of the cockpit to hang above the water. Scott reached beneath the seat and pulled out a package. With a yank of a cord, he inflated his own little lifeboat, chucked it onto the water surface, and lightly stepped onto it. He sat there fiddling for a bit, enough to have Gordon frowning across the water, but then Scott was moving in their direction.
“So, dropping by for a swim? Or just checking up on us?” Gordon’s voice was flippant, but Virgil sensed a touch of concern under it all.
“Does it matter?” As Scott got closer Virgil frowned. The blue of his uniform was smudged with something black.
A flick of the water seat’s controls and Gordon yelped as Virgil flew off the edge of the reef and splashed his younger brother with water as the contraption forced stability in a way it really wasn’t quite designed for. Virgil cursed as the seat hit its maximum speed which was little more than walking pace, a limitation he had put in there himself to stop Gordon from killing himself. But it got him across the water, however slowly, those few moments faster to his eldest brother. As Scott pulled up alongside him, Virgil raked him with his eyes.
His brother was filthy, but there were no obvious injuries. “What the hell happened to you?”
Scott rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Took a bit of a tumble down a coal mine.”
“A coal mine? Are you okay?” Scott still looked a little off with his pencilled-in eyebrows still growing back. Wasn’t the first time one of them had had to use makeup to hide an injury from the world at large. Scott had more soot on his face than anything else. “Did you wear your helmet?”
His brother’s shoulders slumped with the most put-upon whole-body expression he could manage. “Of course, I did. I’m fine, Virgil. A few bruises and a lot of grime. That’s all.”
Virgil didn’t stop frowning as he grabbed a handle on the inflatable and held himself steady. “Why didn’t you go home and get cleaned up?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just happened to find a brother with two broken legs sitting on a reef out in the middle of nowhere. What the hell are you doing out here, Virg? You’re supposed to be resting.”
“I am! I’m still sitting on my ass. Andre and Cecil, not to mention, Gords, have me wrapped up in bubblewrap. I’m fine!”
Scott arched a wonky eyebrow at him.
Virgil’s lips twisted and he combed his brother with his eyes for injury one more time before conceding. “Fine. We’re both fine.”
The grin that split Scott’s face was kind of worth it.
It was a sign of how involved they were in each other’s medical condition that they both startled as Gordon suddenly surfaced beside the boat. Their fish brother flicked his wet hair out of his eyes forcibly enough to get both of his brothers with the spray.
In the distance, and still on the reef, both Andre and Cecil were staring at them.
“Hey, bros.” Gordon pretty much hovered in the water like the water seat his movements were so practised. “How goes?” In others words, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ When both brothers just stared at him, his eyes narrowed. “Scott you’ve dragged Two Broken Legs out onto the water by your mere presence. You look like shit, he worries. Go back to A Little Lightning and get cleaned up. Meet you on the reef when you are more respectable.” The Fish’s glare turned to Virgil. “And you. You are giving Andre conniptions. You fall off this seat, there is drowning in your future. I know you know this because you drummed it into my head multiple times.” His brother parroted Virgil’s own words from years ago. “‘Its use must be accompanied by adult supervision at all times’. While I know ‘adult’ in my case can be a grey area, we didn’t hire two suitably respectable nurses for you to fly out of their reach and go drown yourself. Now, get your ass back on that reef before I throw it onto my boat, take you straight back home, and force feed you Grandma’s cooking!”
Virgil stared at Gordon. Okay, perhaps he had acted a little irresponsibly. Of course, Scott took the opportunity for what it was and turned his own glare on Virgil for reinforcement.
Gordon’s glower upped a notch at the lack of movement. “Now!”
“Okay, Gordon. Fine. Whatever.” Virgil somewhat meekly let go of the life raft and turned back towards the reef, the seat humming quietly beneath him. Gordon growled further words at Scott and a moment later the life raft took off for A Little Lightning.
It wasn’t often Gordon put his foot down, but it was usually a good idea to agree with him when he did.
But then it wasn’t like he could fall out of the seat, being strapped in an all.
The whole tone of his own thoughts screamed pout and Virgil was forced to acknowledge that yes, Gordon was right.
The aquanaut swam alongside him, quite capable of keeping up with the seat’s easy pace.
By the time they reached the edge of the reef, Virgil had worked himself up to an apology. “I’m sorry, Gordon.”
His brother had stopped swimming a little way back and was now wading. Looking down and watching where he put his feet, Gordon sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Virg. Just keep yourself safe and in one piece, and we won’t have any problems.”
Virgil brought the seat to a halt and turned to his brother. “Gords, thank you. For all of this.”
Gordon stopped and stared, a small smile curving his lips. “Anytime, bro.” And of course, he had to take it that step further. He flung his arms wide. “My boat is your boat. Mi Casa, es su casa. Yours, mine, ours. Happy families and all that.”
Virgil stared at his goofball brother a moment. Then a flick at the controls, he darted over, grabbed two armfuls of Gordon and hugged him until he squawked.
“Oh, god, Virg, getorff!” Gordon struggled, but even in the water, he was no match for heavy lifting biceps. If Virgil closed his eyes and just clung for a moment, he wasn’t going to admit it or care. If it wasn’t for the fact that the seat was on the verge of flipping, he would have hung on longer.
It was Gordon stumbling and righting him before he took a swim in the drink that finally broke the clinging.
“God, Virg, don’t you dare get all teary on me or I’m telling John the combination to your personal refrigerator.”
Virgil grinned, if a little sloppily. “He already knows and it is not what you think.”
“What, it’s not Two’s launch date?”
“What?” Oh shit.
Gordon’s grin split his face in half and he cracked up laughing. Virgil was reduced to grabbing at him again in either an attempt to throttle him or give him the biggest noogie since he hit adulthood. That explained the mystery of the damned banana caramel pie from last week. He’d have to change it again.
His brother ducked out of reach basically by throwing himself underwater. Sure, the water seat was designed to follow, but damnit! “You owe me pie! Cecil made that for me, you brat!”
Gordon just kick-splashed his brother and laughed harder.
-o-o-o-
TBC
#thunderbirds are go#thunderbirds#thunderbirds fanfiction#Virgil Tracy#Gordon Tracy#Scott Tracy#Kermadec AU#minerva reef#minerva
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Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep18
This week in Higurashi, things are relatively peaceful and mundane, which somehow has me just as nervous as all the shit that went down in the last arc.
Thoughts under the cut.
The preview images we got obviously included stuff from Matsuribayashi flashbacks, but I guess now we know that the entire episode was focused on Matsuribayashi and it’s aftermath, with no follow-up to the end of Nekodamashi. I think we’re going to spend a few more episodes on this flashback [which feels like a weird way to describe it since we’re dealing with new post-Matsuribayashi content, but it still happens chronologically before Gou], and to me this makes it feel more likely that when we cut back to the end of Nekodamashi, Satoko will get stopped before she can shoot Rika, and that arc will continue on and be the ‘true ending’ of Gou. Unless this ends in a super tragic and depressing way, which I guess is possible if they really lean into this being a Bernkastel origin story.
Anyway, at this point it looks like we’re just going back and seeing what happened with Satoko between 1983 and 1988 that convinced her to make some sort of a deal to go back in time and punish Rika for her sins, and it’s nice to finally start getting some answers. We haven’t really figured out anything to do with the mechanics of the different murders of the first three arcs happened, but we’re getting a much clearer image of Satoko’s backstory and her motives.
There’s still clearly a lot left to happen to her since things only really come to a head in 1988, but this episode already sets the stage for showing how the whole friend group is starting to break apart over time, and how all the traditions and norms of the village are starting to change. On the one hand it’s really satisfying to see this sort of pay-off after everything that happened in the VN, but on the other hand it makes sense that it all ends up just making Satoko feel alienated and abandoned by everyone.
Even on top of stuff like Mion graduating and Rika wanting to go to St Lucia’s, there’s also other stuff going on like Keiichi taking over the club and removing all the tricks and schemes that Satoko liked about the club games, and the village heads publicly putting an end to the dam war, and declaring the curse as basically just being a myth.
Even after everyone met Hanyuu and found out about the true nature of the curse, I can see how Satoko wouldn’t be very happy about having everything with the curse and the dam war cast aside and moved on from. It’s a good thing in the long run, but it doesn’t really erase all of the stuff it caused Satoko to go through.
We also found out about how the disease is starting to clear up all on it’s own, probably as a result of Hanyuu’s big change of heart and her deciding to ‘go to sleep’ after the events of Matsuribayashi, which Satoko at least seemed happy about, but it makes me wonder what happens with Satoshi after all this. One of the big reasons why Satoko’s motives for starting this new loop confused me is just because Satoshi should have already been cured by 1988, so even if Satoko had begun drifting away from her friends and having to adjust to life at a shitty Catholic boarding school, she’d at least have her brother back. But this is making me wonder if maybe he never actually gets cured, and if that might be part of why she’s looping in the first place.
Even with the disease disappearing over time, it’s possible that Satoshi had basically gone past the point of no return, and that even if they woke him from his coma, he’d never properly recover. Or maybe he ends up getting killed, directly or indirectly, as part of the clinic being shut down.
And on the whole topic of Satoshi, we also didn’t hear anything about Shion in this episode, which also makes me wonder how she’d respond to whatever happens to Satoshi in the future, and what her relationship with the club ended up being like. It also feels like one of the reasons why Rika and Satoko are going to St Lucia’s in the first place rather than any other school might just be so that Satoko can end up interacting with Shion there, but I’ll get back to that in a minute.
Aside from that, the whole scene where Rika and Satoko talked about how they both disliked how Keiichi was getting rid of the dirty tricks in the club games, and how ‘Rika’s pure soul had been tainted from all the games she and Satoko played’ just felt like they were going out of their way to mess with people like me who want more Bern and Lambda content, lmao. That whole scene really makes it obvious how those two end up with the sort of relationship they have in Umineko. It’s an extreme, exaggerated version of them playing games together that involve foul play and punishments. Also, I feel like both Rika and Satoko’s teenage designs make them look more like Bern and Lambda, which is interesting.
There’s speculation about whether or not Satoko will pass her entrance exams to St Lucia’s, but in her scene in the OP she’s wearing the St Lucia’s uniform, rather than the one she wears in this episode, so I think it’s very likely that she’ll get in, and that the real problem will just be what happens once she starts going there, considering how bad of a time both Shion and Ange had there.
We already know that Rika thinks very highly of her time there, and I think it’s pretty likely that she’d have an easier time fitting in than Shion and Ange did, but it seems pretty inevitable to me that Satoko would end up getting bullied and isolated. I think she ends up drifting away from Rika as a result of this, while Rika winds up not noticing what’s happening to Satoko because she’s too busy enjoying her new happy school life. And since it looks like Satoko probably spent about four years there before everything went to shit, that’s a lot of time for things to get really bad for her.
Considering that this episode also proves that Mion was just about to enter high school at the end of the VN, it’s very likely that Shion was still attending St. Lucia’s at the same time as Rika and Satoko, so I think we’ll end up seeing them interacting, which will be interesting. I could see this tying into whatever ends up happening to Satoshi, since both Satoko and Shion are invested in him. I also think that having Shion become more important this way could also let them finally include some material from Meakashi, so we don’t just entirely skip her whole backstory. Similarly, I get the feeling that we might see more of post-Matsuribayashi Rena in a way that delves more into her backstory and her family, and gives some answers in hindsight about what she was going through in Onidamashi. Which wouldn’t really be the most satisfying substitute for the entire Tsumihoroboshi arc, but it’s something.
The other big reason why I think Shion might get involved soon, and part of why I think Rika and Satoko are going to St. Lucia’s in the first place, is that we might find out that Shion is more or less Satoko’s accomplice. This is mainly inspired by the theories people have made about how Satoko seems to be holding Shion’s hair ribbon on the cover of the new ending theme’s CD jacket, but in general I think it makes a lot of sense that they’d end up working together. I don’t necessarily think that Shion is also a looper or anything, I think Satoko has probably been reaching out to her at the start of each loop in Gou to make her an accomplice, and their interactions at St Lucia’s might set the foundation for why she’d do that.
At the very least, if that time at St Lucia’s lets them become closer, it’d make it easier for Satoko to figure out how to get Shion on her side in each loop once she starts looping, but I think it’d also tie into Satoshi’s fate. If Satoko finds out exactly what happens to him, and she can convince Shion to believe her, that might help get her to become her accomplice.
I don’t really think Satoko did much of anything in Onidamashi, since nothing Rena did had anything to do with Rika, and we also didn’t even see Shion at all, but I think Watadamashi would have been the start of this. It’d also explain why Shion doesn’t even show up in Nekodamashi and never went L5 in spite of being the most obvious person to go L5, if Satoko was intentionally protecting her.
I don’t actually have any real concrete idea of how Shion being Satoko’s accomplice would relate to the mechanics of anything in Watadamashi or Tataridamashi, let alone all the loops in Nekodamashi, but it at least makes sense in terms of their motivations, lol.
Shion’s role in Watadamashi has always felt super weird, though, what with her strange phone call to Keiichi after the festival, and her apparently getting killed by Mion. And there’s also the whole mystery of why Satoko even bothered going to the Sonozaki estate at the end of that arc, since Rika had already died by that point. At this point I wonder if maybe Shion was still alive by that point, and only died at the end of the arc, instead of being killed on the night of the festival like we’re lead to think happened.
I think Shion being the main accomplice would help explain the logistics of how people like Kimiyoshi and Akane apparently got injected and turned L5, though. It still seems like a stretch to think that Satoko would be able to do it, and that they’d even listen to anything she tries to tell them, but I could see it happening if Shion was the one who did it instead.
I’m hoping that eventually this whole flashback will reach the point where we start seeing Satoko’s perspective on the first three arcs, since there’s still a lot that needs to be explained about them. It wouldn’t be as fleshed out as a full series of answer arcs like the VN had, but still.
Onidamashi’s kinda weird because it feels like it can be ‘solved’ almost entirely just with knowledge about Rena’s character from the VN. Satoko might have been involved with it, but it’s very easy to imagine how Rena could have just gone down the same route as Tsumihorboshi without any intervention from Satoko at all. So since Gou doesn’t really seem all that interested in actually answering all the mysteries for new fans, I could see them not really going into detail about that arc, and only explaining the very end of it with Rika and Satoko dying, since VN fans could just figure out the solution for Rena’s side of things on their own.
Watadamashi is probably the arc that needs the most explaining, at least in terms of the different murders and how they happened and who did them. At this point I guess we’re just meant to take the story of Tomitake and Takano fleeing the village at face value, and that there’s probably not much else going on there, but we don’t know exactly what happened that lead to Kimiyoshi, Oryo, and Shion dying, or who exactly killed Rika and why they did it, or why Satoko went to the Sonozaki estate and wound up getting killed there. I’m still honestly not very sure what happened in that arc, even now that we know a lot about the bigger picture of the story. Even now that we know more about Satoko’s motives, it’s still hard to explain why she bothered going to the Sonozaki estate after Rika had already died. Since her whole motive just seems to be about Rika, it feels like she would have just wanted to reset the loop as quickly as possible, and there’d be much simpler ways to go about killing herself to make it happen.
Tataridamashi is also kinda weird, but less in terms of it’s murder mysteries, and more in terms of what was going on in the background of that arc in general. I don’t really buy the idea that Satoko was entirely faking all of the abuse in that arc, considering that in Nekodamashi she had an entirely genuine panicked response just to seeing the jack-in-the-box again, which makes it feel very unlikely that she’d be able to completely fake a way more severe PTSD attack. There’s also the fact that, even if we’re dealing with a Satoko from the Matsuribayashi timeline, she doesn’t necessarily remember the timelines where Teppei comes back to the village. It feels pretty unrealistic to imagine that just because she’s aware that she’s in a time loop, she suddenly doesn’t have any trauma toward Teppei anymore, and is able to be a master manipulator who can fake her own abuse just to mess with people. I also just don’t even know what her motive for faking her abuse would be, aside just wanting Rika to feel bad. But that feels like a pretty convoluted way to go about it, and in general it just feels like it’d be an insensitive way to handle child abuse as a topic.
It also just feels odd to me to think that this version of Teppei either wasn’t actually abusive, or just randomly changed his tactics entirely. But I do think it’s noteworthy that they drew visual attention at the end of the arc to Satoko’s lack of bruises, and that we didn’t physically see Teppei after the visit from Chie [aside from when he attacked Keiichi, which might have just been a hallucination]. Rather than Satoko just completely fabricating her abuse, I think that Teppei did start abusing her like in Tatarigoroshi, but Satoko ended up killing him in self-defense, which might have happened shortly before her big breakdown, which could still mean that whole scene was genuine, in it’s own way. And even if she did kill him, we already saw in Tatarigoroshi that Satoko is able to hallucinate him as still being alive even after his death, so even if she killed him in self-defense, it’s possible that she wound up convincing herself that he was still alive and abusing her.
Even with the meta-knowledge of being a looper, and what we know of her disease curing itself later on in time, it’s still likely to me that she genuinely still suffered from HS during the Gou loops. I mean, we know that Rika of all people went L5 at least once, in spite of knowing about the disease and everything. We saw in Nekodamashi that even after all this, Satoko apparently stilled believed in the existence of Oyashiro-sama as a conventional god figure who curses people, so I can imagine that even after she started looping, she could still develop HS and get paranoid about things.
I’m still not entirely sure what happened with Ooishi behind the scenes in that arc that lead to him going L5, and what exactly happened to Keiichi at Satoko’s house. It seems very likely to me that Teppei was already dead by that point, and he was just a hallucination, but usually the hallucinations don’t cause people to hear people say things that they aren’t actually saying, so the fact that Satoko mentioned her uncle in that scene when Teppei showed up might imply that she was in the phase of hallucinating him being alive as well.
Anyway, I think that this section of the flashback will end with Satoko in 1988 being contacted by some sort of supernatural/meta entity posing as Oyashiro-sama who convinces her to go back in time to punish Rika, so I’m curious to see exactly how that plays out, and how much it might tie into Umineko stuff. I still think it’s likely that Lambda decided to make Satoko her new piece, at least. But I dunno if we’ll explicitly see her in that case, or if it’d just be like Satoko hearing a disembodied voice in her head.
I’m not sure exactly how long I think this flashback will go for, though, with both the post-Matsuribayashi stuff, and any flashbacks to the first three arcs of Gou. It’d be kinda nice if we at least get one full episode going over each of the first three arcs, but we’ll see. There’s still about four more years left to go in this flashback until we get to 1988, but I don’t think it’d take that many episodes to get there.
In spite of this being a fairly sparse episode, I ended up having a fair bit to say about it, lol.
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the storm before the calm (f. andersen) | 3
A/N: I continue to be baffled by the response to this fic. It’s overwhelming! Keep those canon questions coming!
TW: mention/explanation of EDs, EDNOS/OSFED
While alone in his hotel room one night, after most of the guys had left to go to a bar, Fred decided to conduct an in-depth search of Aleida Casillas. He knew there were a lot of things she wasn’t telling him, and that he couldn’t really trust the word on the street from girls like Serena. So he went digging.
The first links that came up were fashion related. Things she wore to events put on by the Toronto International Film Festival, by Toronto Life magazine, by various other institutions in the city that always liked to have charity galas and fundraising parties so people with money felt like important, morally conscious philanthropists when they wrote $10,000 cheques for their tables. There were a lot of pictures. And she looked beautiful in all of them. Stylish and classy and just plain good. Everything fit to perfection. He could see why she was a model – at least an apparent model – even though she never talked about it. Her body was to die for. People went under the knife to look like her.
Other articles appeared from her past. There was a photo of her as a teenager, posing in her school uniform, the kilt and blazer in full effect. There was a family photoshoot when Hello! Magazine did a ten page spread of their newly renovated mansion in Rosedale, another spread from when their dad celebrated his 60th birthday party at the Shangri-La, and modelling shots from her Instagram profile and designers’ Instagram profiles.
World-renowned cardiologist, Dr. Felipe Casillas, and his wife, plastic surgeon Dr. Leonor Casillas, invite us into their home!
Youngest daughter Aleida, 17, who was just recently accepted into the University of Toronto’s faculty of music, poses with her older sister Alejandra, 21, recently accepted to the University of Toronto’s faculty of medicine, are pictured above. Alejandra is keen to follow in her parents’ footsteps and enter the medical profession. “It’s important to me to carry on the legacy that my parents have established in Toronto,” she says.
Aleida, for her part, loves music. “I think if Aleida could sing every day, she would,” Leonor laughs. “She has been playing piano since she was a child. Aleida is far from a doctor, so it’s only natural for her to want to pursue it instead of medicine.”
Fred was irked at the comment. He clicked on other articles and read on.
Aleida Casillas, 21, poses front row at Alexander McQueen’s London Fashion Week show. Casillas has just graduated with a degree in music. “Perfect for serenading,” she flirts into our camera.
Click.
Toronto socialite and all-around beauty Aleida Casillas knows a thing or two about fashion. After attending Branksome Hall with up-and-coming designer Genevieve Jones, the daughter of renowned cardiologist Felipe Casillas and plastic surgeon extraordinaire Leonor Casillas knew it was a no-brainer to support the designer as she launched her first collection. She does, after all, have all the best connections. Who wouldn’t want to attach themselves to Aleida?
Click.
TDOTDIRT.com:
Aleida Casillas is hot – we all knew that. But did we know she’s fuckin’ smokin’ hot?
Check out her tits in her newest modelling shoot for Genevieve Jones. Those nips poking through? Nice. And let’s not get started on her ass…
Aleida is probably the hottest girl in Toronto. Too bad she’s got a stick up her ass.
Click.
Aleida Casillas sits front row at the Genevieve Jones fashion show after modelling for the brand.
Click.
Aleida’s tight body—
Click.
Equestrian pursuits have always been a passion for the Casillas family. Dr. Felipe Casillas, the cardiologist responsible for the successful quadruple bypass of former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, brings us to the horse farm where his family’s horses are kept. Left, Dr. Casillas’s youngest daughter, Aleida (15), poses with her horse Concordia.
Click.
Who wouldn’t want to slap Aleida’s tight ass—
Click.
TODIRT.com: Sent to us from a reader:
If ANYONE ever runs into Aleida Casillas RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!!! That girl is the BIGGEST BITCH in the city of Toronto. She thinks she owns the city cause her family is rich! I PERSONALLY saw her ruin a date right in front of me by FLIRTING with the guy IN FRONT OF THE GIRL!!!!! She’s a heartless bitch!!!!! And she thinks she’s such hot shit because she’s in magazines and models and is popular on Instagram, but NOBODY LIKES HER!!!!!
Click.
Aleida Casillas keeps her Cuban roots close to her heart. She returns to Havana every year, where her family is one of the few who own a historic mansion in Miramar, to return to the place she has such find memories of.
Click.
If u check the insta of @aleidacasillas she posted a story of her at the leaf game. she’s def in the wag section. is she dating someone on the leafs?
Who?
omg aleida casillas is at the leaf game. basically confirms she’s dating someone on the team.
Who is this girl you guys keep talking about? Is she a known bunny?
Aleida Casillas is one of the biggest socialites in Toronto. These anons are reaching. If she was dating a Leaf, we’d know about it. Trust me. She’d make us know about it. She has no shame.
Um okay?
Click.
Lock.
He was left more confused than when he had started – at least somewhat. There was so much to know about her, so much that she was already telling him but so much he still needed to know. More than anything, he didn’t know how he didn’t know her before this. How it had to come to finding her crying in order to know who she was when she was already in the public eye and there was so much to find out about her.
He sighed.
He unlocked his phone again.
You have horses? he typed and sent off the message. He had no idea how she would react.
I have one horse, Mars. I’ve had horses.
Who told you?
I googled it
You must have found out a lot then
Nothing as important as what you tell me when we’re alone
God, he didn’t expect that to come out like it did. He was a grown man who wanted to hide beneath the covers.
Well aren’t you a lucky boy
I didn’t mean it like that
I know you didn’t
My attitude doesn’t come through via text. Sorry.
What are you up to?
Why haven’t you told me about your family?
Because I don’t think they’re very proud of me
I don’t think I ever lived up to their expectations, but my sister did
And that’s created tension
At least to me
They try to hide it but I know they’re disappointed
I doubt they’re disappointed in you
You’re successful
No I’m not
Not like them
Fred stared at the message for a long time – probably too long. Because before he could begin typing out a message – what he would say, he didn’t know – she’d already sent something again.
Go to bed Fred. Big game tomorrow.
God forbid people find out I’m the one to keep you up, right?
***
Fred watched intently as Aleida walk into the café. She was dressed in tight black pants, a tucked in black turtleneck, and a stylish brown plaid blazer. Her hair was styled in loose curls and it bounced so effortlessly, like she was in a shampoo commercial. Jewelry dripped off of her. On her neck, a multistrand pearl necklace hung over her turtleneck, the diamond clasp holding it together shining bright in the light. On her ears, pearl studs. On her wrist, stacks of Cartier Love bracelets she had obviously put on recently. On her fingers, a large emerald cut light green amethyst on a gold band on one hand; an equally as large emerald cut pale pink morganite ring on a gold band on the other.
He shivered thinking about how much money she was wearing. Why she was wearing so much money. She approached the table and set her purse down on it – a Birkin, naturally – obscuring the view of what was on their table from the rest of the café-goers. “Thanks for getting a table at the back,” she said, not even saying hello.
It was a point of pain for Fred that she was averse to being seen with him in public, unless it was at the backs of restaurants or cafes where very few people would see them. He tried to not let it get to him, but it was proving hard. “Yeah, no problem,” he said absent-mindedly. “Why are you all…” he didn’t finish his sentence, instead deciding to do jazz hands to signify how dressed up she was. Not that she didn’t dress up all the time – it was mostly a statement on the jewelry.
“I met with my friend Genevieve,” Aleida revealed, sitting down in her seat. “You must have heard about her in your readings.”
“The designer.”
“Yeah,” she nodded her head. “We did some new shots of her new pieces for Instagram, which is why…” she held up her hands, jingling her fingers like he’d just done, and motioned to her necklace. “Clothes are hers. Jewelry is mine.”
“You didn’t want to go home and change?” Fred asked.
Aleida’s brow’s furrowed. “Why? Do I not look good?”
“No! No no! You look incredible—”
“Then why would I change?”
“I – forget it,” Fred shook his head. “How are you?”
Aleida shook her head slightly. There were a few moments where it looked like she was going to say something, but she didn’t. She’d stop herself. “I’ve been thinking about the stuff we talk about,” she began, getting right into it. No formalities; no small talk. “And I don’t…I don’t know why you’re still here.”
Fred was perplexed. “What do you mean?”
Aleida sighed. “I’m just not…” her voice cracked slightly. “I’m not a good person. And you are. And I don’t know why you’re sticking around when it’s so obvious we’re like fire and ice.”
“Aleida, when are you going to get it through your thick skull that none of that matters,” he said, reaching over the table to hold her hand.
This time, there was no flinching. But she did tug away, and there was a sharp intake of breath as his hand refused to let go, even after being dragged further across the table. “Don’t do that,” she said, barely above a whisper.
“Why not?”
“Because if you do, I’ll melt into you.”
Fred’s heart skipped a beat at her words. “What’s so wrong with that?” his voice was soft.
Aleida shook her head again, like she was trying to deny not only Fred but herself too of the nonsense that was coming out of her mouth. “I can’t…I can’t…”
“Why not?”
“I can’t corrupt you.”
Fred looked at her like she was crazy, because she was really sprouting some nonsense now. He didn’t know where she was getting this from – where her mind would go when she was alone and overthought things – but if this was the result of a mind too active to think rationally, he didn’t like it. “You’re not corrupting anyone,” he stressed.
“I’m too much for you.”
“Maybe you’re just what I’ve been looking for.”
Aleida continued to shake her head. She was stubborn – he had to give her that. And quite hard-headed. “You’re looking for balance. You said so yourself,” she said. “I can’t give you balance.”
“Who are you to tell me what kind of balance I need,” he said back to her. “Maybe you’re the balance I need.”
“Fred,” she stressed his name, “you don’t understand. I’m not in a good place emotionally and I haven’t been for months – some would argue years – and –”
“Aleida, stop it,” he said firmly. The stubbornness and hard-headedness were hard to get through but he could be that right back at her if she was going to be like this – putting herself to blame for things. “I’m going to be in your life whether you like it or not.”
“But why? Why?” she demanded.
“It’s not obvious to you? I like you, Aleida. Can’t you see that?”
She looked at him, bewildered. Like he’d just grown another head. “You like me?”
“Of course I like you,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You honestly think I don’t?”
“You – you mean you think I’m beautiful,” she attempted to correct him.
“No. Well – yes – that too – but besides that. I like you. However you present yourself to me. However you are. I like you.”
Aleida looked mystified. Like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Like it was a foreign concept that someone could like her and want to be around her willingly without bringing her beauty into it. He wondered what made her think this way – what made her think the only reason people stuck around was her beauty. “Listen, Aleida—”
“Aleida?” a voice suddenly interrupted their conversation.
All the emotion drained from Aleida’s face as she violently tugged her hand away from his grasp and hid it underneath the table. She looked up and noticed an all-too-familiar face at the waiting area of the bar. Fred looked behind him to see a woman walking towards them. Dressed impeccably – much like Aleida – except with less jewels draping off of her, although he still noticed similar Cartier love bracelets and a gold necklace. Fred figured she didn’t come straight from a modelling shoot. Although, the more he stared at her, the more he noticed similarities between the two women.
“What are you doing here?” the woman asked, a nice smile on her face. She had beautiful, clear skin; long dark brown hair slicked back into a ponytail with a trendy headband; full lips painted with a neutral pink. “Didn’t think I’d run into you here after you didn’t answer my text this morning! I thought you might have dropped by the clinic.”
Fred looked between the woman and Aleida. Aleida caught him staring, and when she did, she knew she would have to explain. There was no way getting out of it. “This is my sister Alejandra,” she explained quickly, with no enthusiasm in her voice. “Alejandra, this is Frederik.”
Alejandra. It took a second for Fred to realize that she was Aleida’s sister. But after taking another look at her, and noticing their similar facial structure, noses, cheeks, and lips, he wondered why he didn’t see it sooner. He cracked a polite smile. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you,” he said, extending his hand.
“So this is Frederik Andersen,” she smiled, shaking his hand. “You look different without your goalie mask on.”
Fred chuckled slightly. “Yeah.”
“Sorry if you get that a lot. When my husband found out Aleida somehow befriended you it was a big shock to us all.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” he said. His eyes flashed to look at Aleida quickly, who looked more nervous and uptight than usual. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Aleida has told me a lot about you.”
“Did she tell you she was supposed to come visit our clinic this morning?” Alejandra slightly laughed, shifting her attention back to her sister. “Where were you?”
“I had a shoot.”
“A shoot?”
“With Genevieve.”
“You had a modelling shoot with Genevieve.”
“Yes.”
“Oh, alright,” Alejandra accepted Aleida’s excuse nicely enough. She didn’t put up much of a fuss. “Mom was wondering if you’re still coming to dinner Wednesday night. She didn’t get a text back from you.”
“I’m coming.”
“Fred, would you like to join?” Alejandra asked.
Before Fred could even breathe – before he could even entertain the notion of getting dressed up, going to Aleida’s parents’ house, meeting them and interacting with them for an entire night like Alejandra was proposing – he noticed Aleida’s eyes bulge out of their sockets at Alejandra’s question. “Fred has a game Wednesday,” she said quickly, answering for him.
“Oh…okay then. Next time,” Alejandra nodded, smiling politely again. She focused back on her sister. “Did you eat today? Since you were supposed to come for breakfast.”
Aleida tried not to glare at her sister. “I’m trying to eat right now.”
“No foam latte for Alejandra!” the barista called out, placing a large takeout cup on the bar. Fred, Aleida, and Alejandra looked towards the cup before looking back at each other.
Alejandra smiled at them. “Guess I better get going – Oliver is waiting outside anyway. It was really nice to meet you Fred,” she said, extending her hand one last time.
“You too.”
“I’ll have to have you over for dinner or drinks sometime, whenever Aleida lets me,” she winked at them. “Take care.”
Fred watched as she walked out of the café, meeting with a man waiting that Fred could only assume was her husband Oliver before the continued down the street. He looked back at Aleida, who was already looking down at her empty plate, not bothering to watch her sister. “So that was Alejandra?” Fred asked.
“Doctor Alejandra Casillas-Rowe,” Aleida said her full name pretentiously, rolling her eyes.
“She was nice.”
“I guess.”
“You look like her,” Fred commented.
Aleida finally looked him in the eye. She snorted at his comment. “She looks like me. She made herself look like me.”
Fred didn’t want to get into it. There was obviously something there that he didn’t want to get in the middle of. Relationships between sisters were notoriously…complicated. He figured this was no different, especially considering the way Aleida was and what she had already told him about Alejandra living up to their parents’ expectations and Aleida not.
Instead, Fred reached under the table to hold her hand again. This time, she didn’t tug away.
***
“This is the big boy who was looking for you that one time,” Frank, the drummer in Aleida’s band, purred as he was introduced to Fred at Aleida’s house during a “gathering” she was having. He eyed Fred up and down even as he spoke. “A very, very big boy.”
“Stop scaring him,” Aleida giggled, pinching the skin on Frank’s forearm.
“Didn’t you?” Frank quipped.
“Apparently not,” she wiggled her eyebrows.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Fred added.
“You are. And believe me, that says a lot,” Frank said.
Fred felt Aleida snake her arm around his bicep. He tried not to shiver at the contact – at the fact that for the first time, it was her that initiated the contact. “He’s gotta meet everybody else. We’ll be back.”
Frank scoffed playfully. “But he’s a tall glass of water and I’m not done drinking!” he complained, giving Fred yet another up-down.
“Goodbye Frank,” Aleida whisked Fred away.
As Aleida began introducing Fred to everyone, he made sure to keep track of their names and their instruments. There was Frank, the drummer; and Celeste, the saxophone player; and Malakai, the trumpet player; and his twin brother Marcellus, the trombone player; and Oscar, who played guitar on a vintage archtop; and Gina, the bassist, both double bass and electric; and Aleida of course, the pianist and singer. As he met them, they all gave him knowing looks.
These were the members of Aleida’s band, The Havana Cats – her second family. They had been with her since she was twenty, when they all met magically one night at some bar downtown and realized they all played instruments and had a nagging desire to start some form of band as a means to relax from stressful university workloads. And they did – they formed a band and jammed in rented out studio space or in someone’s garage. But then they got good. Really good. And then Marcellus got the bright idea to book them a gig. And they played it and did really well, so the owner asked them back. Again. And again. And again. And then they incorporated themselves into a business, and got booked at bigger clubs and more exclusive events thanks to Aleida’s name, and soon enough, they were booked a lot.
And they stuck together.
Most had day jobs – Malakai and Marcellus worked for the same financial securities firm, Gina worked as a web designer, Celeste as a music teacher, and Frank as waiter in an upscale restaurant – but their real passion was the music. They were booked most weekends, at either private events, galas – like where Aleida had performed the same night she met Fred – or the odd jazz bar in downtown Toronto – like where Fred had watched them last.
Genevieve was at the party too, tall and statuesque, with an air of grace about her that Fred immediately felt the minute he was introduced to her first. They made polite small talk – she asked about the team, he asked about her being a designer – before the band came over all in one go. That was when things got hectic. But despite everybody being there, treating Aleida’s townhouse as if it were their own, eating all the food on the island and playing all the music from the speakers, Fred knew that Aleida was surrounded by people she loved, and people that loved her.
There were moments when Fred would watch Aleida and he knew she was happy – that the smile on her face and the slight crinkles of her eyes were signs of pure, true, genuine happiness as she was surrounded by them. There were moments when their eyes would meet across the room and she’d wink at him and he’d wink back, and he knew she wasn’t playing a game – that the wink was a genuine, deliberate act on her part to flirt in front of people she was comfortable with. There were moments when she’d come up to him sitting at the bar and she’d stand in between his large legs as he sat on a barstool, and her body would be dangerously close to his, and her fingertips would graze his thigh or he’d bring his own hands up to lightly touch her hips or lower back or backs of her thighs and a blush would overcome her cheeks, and he knew she wanted to be there – that she wanted to be close to him, physically close, and that her guard was down, which was why she was even doing all of this in the first place. She must have taken the conversation at the coffee shop to her heart, because there was no fighting, there were no stupid excuses, and there wasn’t any confusion about the feelings shared.
Fred was seeing the happy Aleida. The true Aleida. What Aleida could look like. What Aleida was like, at her core. Without…everything else around her.
It was the most attracted he had ever been.
The band began to argue about whether or not they should jam out a few songs. Oscar had already picked up the acoustic guitar sitting in the corner and was strumming random chords. Celeste was offering songs. Malakai was shooting them all down. Fred’s hands were cold as Aleida had walked away from him, leaving him unable to touch her and feel his fingers burning as he did so. He watched her kick Frank off her piano. A Steinway Model D Concert Grand, it cost over $150,000. Most people didn’t even have them in homes, because of their size and the fact that it was a concert piano meant for a giant stage, but Aleida did. It was her baby. And it wasn’t for fooling around with. So Genevieve was explaining to him.
“Aleida’s a treat, isn’t she?” Genevieve was quiet as the band continued to argue. The sound of a few quick piano chords filled the room.
“She definitely is.”
“You know, Fred, it’s really telling that you’re still here.”
Fred gave her a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“There’s a fire inside of Aleida,” Genevieve explained. “Not many people are able to handle the heat.”
Leave it to a fashion designer to speak in metaphors. What was the fire supposed to represent? Her personality? Her issues? Fred wished Genevieve would just say what’s on her mind. “I know she’s going through a lot, and she’s maybe been through a lot, but I’m able to look past the front she puts up with people,” he explained.
“I know you can. That’s why I’m saying it’s telling you’re still here,” she clarified. “It’s telling, because a lot of people know about Aleida, and they think they know her just because they see her or hear stories about her, but I’d hazard to guess it’s only the people in this room who know and understand and can see the true her.”
“So what’s that got to do with her fire?”
“Most people just feel the burns. Only some people can see the fire, Fred. And you’re one of them.”
Before he could respond, the familiar sounds of a song he knew all too well hung in the air and distracted him, making him focus instead on Aleida sitting behind her piano and on Oscar strumming the guitar notes. John Mayer. He watched as she closed her eyes and continued to sing, her voice deep and jazzy and soulful all at once. Everybody in the room became mesmerized listening to her. Oscar helped sing the second stanza, then it returned to her.
She and Fred locked eyes.
“Don’t say a word, just cover and lie here with me, cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see…”
A shiver ran up his spine.
***
When everybody was gone, Aleida found herself nestled into Fred again. He had to be a gentleman about it. Despite being touchy feely all night, he had to ask to touch her before she agreed, and his hands were so soft and delicate as he did; and when he wrapped his arms around her, she couldn’t help but melt – do the exact thing she was scared of doing when she spoke to him at the coffee shop. But she found it harder and harder to say no to him, harder and harder to be so hard and difficult with someone who was only so easy and delicate with her.
And so as she looked into his big blue eyes, and felt the scruff of his beard along the backs of her fingers, in the depths of her mind she knew he deserved better. Explanations.
“You okay?” his voice was barely above a whisper.
Explanations. He needed more explanations. He needed to know what happened to her. What she had been through. Other things that made her the way she was.
So she was going to tell him.
“I had an eating disorder – well – I – I had trouble with food, and I had trouble with my body for a long time, because people paid more attention to it than they did me, and it really fucked me up for a really long time, and I think it’s the other major reason why I am the way that I am today,” she said, finally.
Fred’s eyes stung upon hearing her revelation. He had never known anyone with an eating disorder, even though he knew the brain was a tricky and complex thing. He wanted to be more understanding – not just for his sake, but for Aleida’s. He assumed that she had probably told very, very few people about it – and a part of him wondered, knowing the relationship with her family, if she even told them. As much as it was painful for him to hear, and as much as it probably took a lot for her to tell him, it was a privilege hearing it. It meant she trusted him. “Aleida…”
“What I had was an EDNOS – but now they call it OSFED,” she kept talking, needing to let it all out now that it was out in the open. “It started my last year of high school…basically the day I turned 18 and was legal. I wasn’t anorexic or anything – or bulimic – and I didn’t really binge eat often. But I was obsessed with my body because everybody else became obsessed with my body. I would think about everything that went into my mouth and how it would affect my body and how it looked. Like, if I ate a kale salad would my stomach still be flat? If I ate a donut would my boobs get bigger from fat? It was all in an effort to maintain the beauty that people were so fixated on, because I was convinced by everybody around me that it was the only thing about me that mattered.”
Fred’s mind was racing a mile a minute, thinking about what she had to go through at such a young age. He wanted to punch every single person who was responsible for making her feel the way she did; for making her think she was only beautiful and not anything else – a real, three-dimensional human being with needs and wants and emotions just like everybody else. “How long have you been sick?” he asked.
“It went on for a couple of years before I got help. It was the worst kind of psychological torture. You have no idea. But I finally told my parents – well, my dad, the one who isn’t a plastic surgeon.”
Fred’s mind began to race again, thinking about everything she had to endure. The pain and suffering of being in a body she had a bad relationship with; the constant guilt of trying to nurture herself with food but fighting an internal battle with herself wondering if it was worth consuming; the harassment from people around her who only focused on the least important part of her; the self-hatred; the loneliness; knowing that everybody around her was obsessed with the one thing she didn’t want them obsessing over, and judging her over the one thing that didn’t need to be judged. He was at a loss for words, and a loss for actions. “I’m so sorry,” was all he could say.
She smiled meekly at him. “You’d think that a doctor who sees Felipe Casillas making an appointment would know better, but apparently not. The first doctor told my father it was a privileged disease,” she continued to confess. She noticed Fred’s eyes go wide at what she had just said. “He told my dad that I had been a bored teenager, and a bored adult, and if my dad gave me something to do, I would grow out of it.”
“That’s horrible,” Fred commented.
“I know. I’m pretty sure my dad tried everything in his power to get the guy’s medical licence revoked,” she said, slightly smiling. “I’m okay now, if you’re wondering. But it was a struggle for a really long time.”
“You’re so strong,” Fred blurted out, the filter between his brain and his mouth non-existent. “You’re so, so strong.”
Aleida didn’t know whether to believe him. She didn’t know if she was strong. She never thought about it. Other things, unfortunately, preoccupied her mind, and her strength and how she overcame something like that never took precedent. She almost let it destroy her. Maybe it did.
There was nothing left to say. Fred and Aleida knew there was nothing left to say. Words exhausted them – he knew he didn’t exactly speak much, but he didn’t need to. Aleida’s words – the more important words – hung in the air around them. They continued to just stare at each other, his blue eyes and her hazel eyes communicating things that didn’t need to be said with words.
Then, Aleida moved closer.
And closer.
And then, she kissed him. And he kissed her back. And it was soft at first – like everything else to do with Fred, Aleida thought. And then she kept kissing him. And kissing him. And kissing him. And he kept kissing her. And kissing her. And kissing her. And soon Aleida didn’t know where her lips started and Fred’s began. And she didn’t need to guess what he tasted like, because he slipped his tongue into her mouth. And he didn’t need to guess what she tasted like, because she slipped her tongue into his mouth too. And they kissed.
And they kissed.
And they kissed.
“Aleida?” Fred’s voice mumbled against her lips as they caught their breath.
“Hm?”
“You have to start doing things that make you happy.”
She made sure she was looking him directly in the eye. “I already am.”
#frederik andersen#frederik andersen imagine#frederik andersen fic#frederik andersen fan fic#toronto maple leafs#toronto maple leafs imagine#toronto maple leafs fic#toronto maple leafs fan fic#freddie andersen#freddie andersen imagine#freddie andersen fic#freddie andersen fan fic#nhl imagines#nhl imagine#nhl fic#nhl fan fic#hockey#hockey imagine#hockey fic#hockey fan fic#the storm before the calm series
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A/W 2020 Fashion Month & Top 20 Collections: Before Vogue Went Blank (Part 4)
Hi all,
Welcome to part 4! It’s gonna be a bit of a shorter one because I wasn’t sure if I could fit the last few collections into my part 3 since I also want to include a ranking of my favourite F/W20 shows. I have so many ideas for what I’d like my next few posts to be (there’ll probably be a bit of gap between them as I would like to try and get some fiction writing in too) and I need help and recommendations on one post in particular so I thought I’d open by explaining that if anyone would like to send me suggestions! The post is basically going to highlight the often under-appreciated personal style of PoC, and I’d also like to make sure I include all types of bodies and genders and ethnicities (other than white girls, as we get enough credit as it is, all a tall, skinny blonde woman has to do is wear some light wash jeans, heels and a blouse and high fashion Twitter are posting non-stop about how incredible her style is)! This can be a celebrity, a model, an influencer or even just one of your friends if you think they deserve some hype too! Obviously there’s only so many photos I can include but I will make sure to look at any suggestions, though of course I’m gonna be biased towards the grungier looks; I gave Dolls Kill a pass for a long time because I thought the brand had changed and become more responsible over the last few years but since Shoddy Lynn’s thoughtless Instagram post during the protests last month and then her lacklustre response video, I say fuck that “goth is white” bullshit, alternative black women are hot af. I’ll also make sure to include a list of my favourite black owned clothing lines I’ve seen people talking about on Twitter and Instagram so again, if you have any suggestions feel free to inbox me. Other than that, I have a couple of lookbooks planned and after, either a post about my favourite shows for style inspiration OR a lookbook depending on whether I have the clothes to do it already/can source a few things from Depop-Depp-I’ve made a commitment not to buy anything new for the next couple of months and I want to stick to that this time round! I’d also like to do a general collation of my favourite summer outfits, an almost scrapbook-y kinda post, and another post on some of my favourite fashion icons (I’ll probs end up repeating a lot of the women from the post I was talking about above but I’ll try and include different outfits to keep it varied!).
Now, into the final part, and the top 20, starting with Tory Burch (I’m really pissed off because I added an unnecessary E in after the R and now Tumblr is once again being stupid and not saving any of my editing changes-also I said on the next post instead of in in the last paragraph and my anal-retentiveness is kicking into high gear).
You’d think it’s a kinda anti-climatic one to open with but I do like this collection! It reminds me a bit of last season’s Miu Miu but more so of Brock’s general aesthetic, though with more layers and in some ways to its detriment, a lot more wearable. Looking like something from a bygone era is part of what gives Brock its mystique, but Burch’s designs are practically made for the Chelsea born and bred lifestyle blogger who dresses for a cold spell in the Coachella valley all year long and treats trawling Pimlico’s furniture shops and meeting their girlfriends for coffee like it’s a full-time job. She’s probably born into money and doesn’t work all that hard but hey, she looks angelic holding a bouquet of flowers and in 2020 we all low-key want her life, right? It’d go against my ethics but...*whispers* it would be nice to be that girl just for a couple of days. It is a gorgeous collection, with a lush colour palette and an ever graceful variety of prints and textures, and it toes the line of being accessible and being worthy of a fashion week spot with dexterity. 8/10 and it only loses marks because it’s safe for the brand.
When it comes to Valentino, they’re a pretty reliable favourite for me, and this season’s collection doesn’t break tradition; this one is slightly grittier than usual too which is a big win for me. Whilst the usual sophistication and delicate details are there, quirky embroidery, sequins and tulle, we also get a lot of leather and more black than usual, which I pray doesn’t a herald a return to people thinking “I only own black clothes and listen to Artic Monkeys” is a personality trait. I don’t know if it’s intentional, but there seems to be a lot of aquatically inspired pieces in this collection too; the 3d roses resemble scales to me (and are a really unique texture), and the way the tulle is placed kinda reminds me of fins and has a mermaid on land feel. It wouldn’t surprise me, since Valentino does tend to draw from nature quite a bit. Highs for me were the Valentino red tulle piece and the tulle pieces in general, of course with the embroidered florals as well which the basic bitch in me always looks forward to. The few lows were concentrated in the leopard print section, a print that for me is really overdone and reminds me of recent Dolce and Gabbana. It was cool when layered with the matching coat but I otherwise could’ve done without it.
Vera Wang is another one of my reliable faves-I think I like this collection even more than the last, it really is a fucking DREAM. The overly floral pieces I wasn’t too keen on but I’ll ignore that on the basis that as with Gucci, the tulle-harness combo is everything I look for in a dress and more. I know manic-pixie-dream-girl is a bit of a slur (not a slur slur but you know what I mean) in terms of the associated character, but this 90s Courtney Love grunge twist on that aesthetic is gold, fully realised big anarchist fairy energy (which is a screen name I’m surprised I don’t see more often and which I might now steal). These dresses were made for someone like Zoe Kravitz or FKA Twigs on the red carpet, and if god forbid I somehow ever ended up on one, I would go to the ends of the earth to be wearing one of the dresses from this collection. Aside from the dresses, I appreciated the moody doesn’t-want-to-be-at-the-family-function teenager inspired sleeves and the 2014 Tumblr Cruel Intentions style knee high socks. Love, love, LOVE it.
So, Versace started off strong with the all black looks-the cut outs were cute if impractical and the fit and flare trousers in particularly were really well fitted (from a distance, at least). I hated the film Red Sparrow but the visuals were very cool, and this section reminded me of that, like a high fashion collection based on Jennifer Lawrence’s character. There were some stunning colour combos in the Ashish like hyper-floral part too, and the houndstooth, marble and Versace tile prints were sick. The black jumper with the flowers on reminds me of a jumper of my nan’s I always wanted that my aunty ended up donating to a charity shop after she died not knowing I liked it. Gutted (not just about the jumper obviously, looool).
HOWEVER, as with many 91 look collections, it was sloppy at times. A lot of pieces I at first liked (I.E the silver dress we saw Kendall Jenner in, included above) are kind of unfinished up close. There was also a big varsity inspired section which was nice at times but got pretty repetitive and occasionally looked like it could pass for Jack Wills or a bad Michael Kors collection. On the whole, it had both its pros and its cons which puts it directly in the middle of the pack.
Victoria Beckham’s collection is near the lower-middle quartile when it comes to plotting the highs and lows of the F/20 collections. The pieces are pretty and accessible, I’d definitely wear them, but they’re predictable and mostly a rip-off of other brands who did something similar in a more interesting way. Though her collections are never really experimental, this one is particularly safe, and she and whoever helped design this season’s pieces were clearly avoiding the edges of the box like a child playing the floor is lava. It’s alright, and I hate coming towards the end of the post with negativity, but I have to be honest, and this just doesn’t really interest me beyond a “yeah, that’s nice” glance.
Vivienne Westwood, on the other hand, is always interesting whether I would actually wear it myself or not. Despite the mix and matchiness that is essential to the deconstructed look, which being the basic bitch I am I often struggle to see past, there were some gorgeous pieces and eurgh, I could really talk about that Bella Hadid look all day. The contrast between the exaggerated femininity of the waist cinchers against the androgyny of the less structured, oversized pieces is a really interesting one and the colour combinations work beautifully together. I also love the idea behind the collection, which is, in the words of Andreas Kronthaler about “rites of spring, and the good and the bad, and conflict, and the good prevailing over evil”. Ahhh, I hear you say. THAT’S what’s with the garlic necklace. Can I get another pat on the back for summing up this collection as “vampire slaying uniform” in my notes? I mean, that’s kind of a good vs. evil situation, isn’t it? I know it’s hard to ignore how hot vampires always are in TV series and movies but just think of the true forms of the ones off Penny Dreadful and remember THEY DRINK BLOOD (I personally think being a vampire would be really cool, just need to work out how to do it “ethically”).
Lastly, Zimmerman, and I really can’t say how happy I am to end on a positive note because this collection was stunning. Not without all the characteristically ornate, indulgent and painstakingly detailed efforts we’ve come to expect from Nicky and Simone Zimmerman, these looks (in an icy winter themed colour palette as well) are the offspring of a sophisticated flower child and a 70s glam rocker and I think with this sentence I’ve finally put my style aspirations into words. Honestly, give me the money to produce a modern day Almost Famous and I’ll make my character this no-nonsense intersectional feminist front woman of a fictional Haim-like band who sings with the voice of an angel but is rock and roll as fuck and eats men for breakfast and I’ll put her in this collection and (deep breath) it would be ICONIC. There. Got to the point eventually. Am I talking about a 2020s version of Steve Nicks? Possibly. After all, I do have a framed illustration of her on my wall. But regardless, I need those lace-up velvet BOOTS, that mesh dress with the celestial embroidery, the flame detail pieces, the white pussy bow blouse with the eyes on it. Everything is sooo dreamy; when I was looking through the collection for my favourites, I saved pretty much every. single. look. IT’S EVERYTHING I STRIVE TO BE. WHY CAN’T I AFFORD ZIMMERMAN GOD DAMN IT!?
See, I’ll be going on about Zimmerman in a couple of paragraphs again because it will be very high in my top 20, which I’m so glad is a top 20 BTW. I know I said it would be a top 10 in my last post because I thought that was how I structured it last time but I double checked and it is 20, which is a relief; once again, picking only 10 collections would be very hard. SO! Let’s get into it!
1. Gucci
I hate being predictable but Gucci once again holds the top spot for me. How could I not love this? I would say that I hope Alessandro Michele fucks up next season so I don’t come off as a boot licker but when the boots in question are platform Mary Janes and knee high socks and they’re underneath tulle with BDSM inspired harnesses on top...maybe boot sole doesn’t taste so bad after all.
2. Zimmerman
Well, I did say it wouldn’t be long until you were seeing the same outfits again, so at least you know my word is good.
3. Moschino
Wow, as if putting Gucci first again wasn’t bad enough, Moschino’s also a non-mover. But...Marie Antoinette this season and Picasso last? And this campy? It’s like Jeremy Scott reached into my brain magician-into-a-top-hat-style, picked out an interest of mine at random, and tried to communicate this to me through the medium of design with THE most chaotic energy humanly possible. I an only commend the man, because he succeeded, and I approve. It’s weird because before I always saw Jeremy Scott’s designs as tacky and yet I’ve loved all the collections I’ve reviewed, so I must ask...are the collections getting less tacky or am I getting more tacky? Much to think about.
4. Vera Wang
The battle armour of a punk princess. Not very good at protecting against knives, arrows, bullets or...anything really, but I’ve never really been the kind of person to get into physical fights (apart with a bouncer who tried to push me down the stairs once at an ABBA night but I was really drunk and she was mean, alright!?), so who cares? Nobody can make you do anything in dresses this pretty.
5. Lanvin
I’m a few years behind everyone else but I’m still on the Mad Men hype train and I don’t ever want to get off. All I wish is that Betty Draper had *SPOILERS* divorced Don’s detty arse earlier and rode off into the sunset in that white Bella Hadid coat with the red lip to match (or the checkered one above will do).
6. Etro
As long as she remains the queen of dreamy bohemian fashion, I’m not gonna do Etro dirty by putting her any lower than this ever again on the basis that she’s not conceptual enough which ashamedly is what I implied in my last ranking-yes, Etro is a she because just as most women deserve more from men, she is beautiful and deserves better than my previous disrespect! I said what I said.
7. Dilara Findikoglu
I see your Thom Browne and your Commes Des Garcons and I raise you my “weird”-though-not-actually-that-weird-at-all-can-we-all-just-dress-like-this-on-a-day-to-day-basis-please? fave, Dilara.
8. Paco Rabanne
Battle armour that actually COULD protect you against knives, arrows, and bullets. Maybe. Well, you’d hope so anyway for the price.
9. Rodarte
Suddenly my phobia of spiders has evaporated. And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that these ones are diamond encrusted, what are you on about?
10. Alberta Ferretti
The colour combinations in this collection were stunning. Honestly. I just picked a really bad pic to illustrate that. Go read my first post to see (grifting 101: complete)!
11. Charlotte Knowles
I saw Bella Hadi wearing a Charlotte Knowles two piece, so I bought a Charlotte Knowles two piece.
LMAOOO, I wish.
12. Balenciaga
It’s occurred to me a couple of posts too late now on the basis that Tumblr is being a dick and won’t go back and let me edit stuff, even little typos, but I’m now wondering if there’s a link between the climate change theming of the show and the exaggerated structures of the pieces? Ya know, the whole abundance is killing the planet line of thinking? I know analysis isn’t exactly on brand with these silly mini captions and that oversized and exaggerated proportions is one of Balenciaga’s running motifs anyway buuut just a thought I had! And sidenote: I do believe overconsumption is killing the planet! The way I phrased that made it seem like I’m a climate change denying dickhead! That I am not! Maybe if I shave my head, legally change my name to Steve, get a British flag tattoo on my bicep, and spend every waking moment in my nearest Spoons I’ll get there but it’s not on the agenda quite yet!
13. Christopher Kane
If fashionable robots took over the world, they’d raid Christopher Kane’s studio and fry us all with laser beams whilst wearing his dresses.
14. Fendi
Siri, play Vroom Vroom by Charli XCX.
15. Olivier Theyskens
Mandarin collar. Mandarin collar. Mandarin collar. NEXT TIME I WILL REMEMBER WHAT THE PROPER NAME IS INSTEAD OF NEEDING TO GOOGLE IT AGAIN. Come on brain, you’re supposed to be good at this kinda thing, make it happen.
16. Elie Saab
Blair Waldorf’s wet dream. Add in some platform boots and chain jewellery and now it’s my wet dream too.
Because Chuck Bass is creepy as FUCK and maybe it’s because I watched Gossip Girl at the ripe old age (lol) of 21 and most people watch it as teenagers but I don’t know why YOU WERE ALL SO OBSESSED WITH HIM! He tries to sexually assault Jenny who is about 14 in the VERY FIRST EPISODE. I think I went off on a tangent here but it had to be said. You girls have no taste.
Don Draper was an absolute dog, but he was played by Jon Hamm, and he might be one of the finest men on the planet. What’s your excuse, Chuck and Blair enthusiasts?
17. Miu Miu
As someone who has probably been/met many a spoilt brat in her time, I appoint Miu Miu as the official sponsor of the Spoilt Brat™ aesthetic and yeah, that’s something I just made up but I’m on the money here. Imagine one of those “daddy, can you get me a pony?” types all grown up. Are you telling me you don’t picture her in Miu Miu? Because that sounds like a lie.
18. YSL
The war flashbacks I get of the Friends episode where Ross tries to get out of those leather trousers aside (I know it’s PVC her not leather but they have the same sheen, you can’t deny it), these outfits turn me into the irl version of the heart eyes emoji. It’s not like I think this is the best collection I’ve ever seen, YSL could def push the boat out a bit in terms of experimentation, but there aren’t many people who wouldn’t look hot as fuck in one of these pieces
19. Balmain
I didn’t like ALL of it, but the looks that I did like were amongst the ones that stuck out to me most when I was reflecting on the collections I’ve reviewed: the breast plates and silk capes and the scorpion detailing are real chef’s kiss moments.
20. Marques Almeida
Miss the collection that gave us this coat off the list? Never.
SO!
That is the end! Wow! I started saving the photos for this review back in late January/early February or whenever it was that the first fashion week began and now it’s mid-fucking July!? I don’t know if that speaks more to my incompetency or what a state the last few months have been. I’m not gonna write a super long ending paragraph because you’ve heard enough from me already and it’s 2:30am and I’m being hassled by Trump supporters on Twitter (literally just for stating that it’s a privilege to be able to pursue a career you truly have a passion for rather than having to be practical about finances first) anddddd I’ve got a closing shift tomorrow so I should probably log the fuck off and remove my clown makeup before it’s time to start my shift, lol!
Quick recommendation before I wrap this up, there was a really interesting debate on ITV literally a few hours ago on the Stephen Lawrence case that I thought I would recommend (they also showed the 1999 dramatic portrayal of events afterwards) about racism in England and whether or not much has changed since the murder. I didn’t catch the whole thing but from what I did see, there were some really strong points being made and I think it could be a good thing to sit and watch with your family members if you want to get talking about the Black Lives Matter movement and aren’t sure how to broach the topic. I bring it up because I feel like most middle-aged white people trust ITV so they’re less likely to turn their noses up (lol, I wish I was joking) at it and maybe go in with a more open mind. I’d like to keep the conversation about social issues going so if there’s anything you’d like me to get some information together on and make a post about-I read yesterday that there’d been arrests of THE PEOPLE PROTESTING the way Breonna Taylor’s death has been handled. No, not the police officers responsible for her death, the people simply pointing out that those police officers have done wrong. It’s a ridiculous situation and just shows how deeply embedded a police officer’s supposed right to kill and to use force is in upholding the American status quo. I wish I could end the post on better news, but let’s hope that next time I post, there is some, and as always thank you for reading til the end if you did get this far! I really don’t have all that many followers on here but do et me know if there’s anything I can reblog or share to help.
Lauren x
#fashion week#fashion#fashion inspo#style#style inspo#style critic#pfw#nyfw#balmain#balenciaga#paco rabanne#gucci#haute couture#designer#runway#ysl#brock#adut akech#bella hadid#model#street style#lfw
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