i SORT of got my storage sorted out so here is a brand new, shiny, 305% accurate chart!!

pretend boyfriend

(i use guardian because idk there was this one time i used “mom” in a though unrelated n old draft and i showed it to someone and they replied with “i don’t have a mom” 😧)

note(s): also this totally wasn’t inspired by something that happened to me some time ago 😭 and this upload is late so IGNORE that it’s no longer february (actually, for 10 days now) and focus on how i’m early for white day— basically a day in japan in which guys give chocolate to their crush or partner instead of girls giving chocolates to guys (which happens on valentines day) white day is on march 14 btw

»»————-　♡　————-««

you realize your sad plan for your single, partner-less white day— an extension of valentines day, backfired on you when your guardian asks you about a boyfriend upon your usual visit from school.

“what?” you question, sounding unbelieving of the question, like it was a collection of meaningless words. “i don’t have a boyfriend—”

“the chocolates say otherwise,” they point out, interested in the heart shaped box of sweets. “can i see a picture? i need to know if they’re good for you!”

what an… interesting way to determine who’s good for you. “there’s no boy— no one, trust me.” you insist, sounding a little more panicked than you would’ve liked— and this only fueled her suspicion.

“there has to be someone, you’re beautiful!” they insist. you would’ve felt complimented if it weren’t for the context of it all, and also the fact that they’re just talking about physicality “really, who gave it to you?”

you’re hesitant to say that you actually bought them yourself, not just to replicate the experience of having a significant other, (now that you’ve realized how hard you’ve been pining over someone incredibly unattainable)

but also because you couldn’t resist the contents of the box.

sure, you were given other pieces of chocolate and sweets from your classmates even some of the girls! (which wasn’t common to see on white day of all days) and a suspiciously expensive looking cupcake box landed on your table too.

(you didn’t eat it, you just couldn’t accept the fact that it wasn’t actually decor, until you went to eat lunch and smelled the thing.)

but those chocolates were obviously obligatory, considering the context of white day. besides, the box you bought was different— it had all your favorite flavors and it was from your favorite sweets brand. you just couldn’t help but tear a small portion of your allowance out of your wallet for this treat alone.

you don’t know what your guardian would say— they’d either insist that you’re lying, or they’d make fun of you, and none of these options sound appealing.

you deflate, not having a good defense. “… a friend.”

they don’t seem convinced. nobody used a friend to refer to their actual friend. you mentally beat yourself over this simple mistake.

this only proves their point, “hmm, okay..”

there’s a beat of silence.

“i’m still expecting a picture.”

your heart rate picks up, and you can feel your veins be filled with anxiety.

and now you’re returning to the dorms, absolutely mortified— and it clearly shows on your face based on how your best friend, todoroki shouto, approaches you at the front door with a concerned look.

“you look.. distressed.” he notes out loud, as he opens the door.

shouto’s quick to help you get your shoes off, letting you lean on him as you undo your shoelaces. he pulls off each shoe afterwards— the action so casual.

“it’s because i am, shouto!” you exclaimed, following him in. “i did something stupid and now i’m paying the consequences of my actions!”

shouto’s two toned brows furrow, there’s a deep look settled on his pretty face— and he draws all his focus on you. “whatever it is, we can fix it.”

“i’m sure but, my ego! my dignity!” you groan, and your hands cover your face as if it’ll burrow you away from the embarrassment and transport you to a place of peace.

“i won’t laugh,” he says, an indirect way of saying that he won’t absolutely clown you for any of your decision making skills.

shouto then holds his pinkie up, waiting for you to take it. it’s a clear show that he’s intent. “promise.”

“sure,” you say as you link pinkies, the warmth of his pinkie making embarrassment creep up your neck instantly. “i trust you.”

you breathe in as preparation. “i bought chocolates for myself and my guardian thinks i have a boyfriend and is asking for a picture, so now i’m screwed because i don’t have a boyfriend in the first place, and i’ve told them that i don’t but they just don’t believe me, so i might have to get a fake boyfriend for a picture!”

all of it just spilled out at once. you aren’t even sure if shouto understood, let alone was able to comprehend all of it due to the lack of reaction.

but when you carefully examine— you realize that a reaction slowly shows on his face, like it just dawned on him the information you’ve dumped.

“fake boyfriend.” he echoes, “for a picture.”

“yes!” you groan, mortified of the other possible solution of the matter being slapped in your face again, “and they need to be tall, handsome, and apparently someone that looks rich— don’t know how a picture can prove that, we don’t even have jobs.”

“anyway, they’ll just criticize me for my choice in people.” you sigh, “i’m lost.”

he folds his arms together, and he unintentionally flexes. your eyes follow the movement for a short second before you realize that you cannot be caught gawking at someone you’ve met when you were both five. “it appears you are quite in a situation.”

“yeah..”

“if only there was someone available to help.”

“yeah—”

“someone close to you.”

“i figured— it’d be awkward to ask someone who i’m not really close with to be my fake…” you trail off, brows furrowing when you realize there might be some insinuation in his words. you can’t tell what he is necessarily eluding to— but,

you take a good look at shouto— an very good look. you size him up, and he allows this as he is basically standing politely. there’s a fixed look of stillness in every aspect of his expression, and he’s calm when he speaks,

“i could play the role.” he suggests like he doesn’t understand the weight of his words, or he doesn’t care that much about it.

you can feel your heart in your throat all of a sudden, and the beat of it is becoming painfully loud.

“shouto,” you somehow manage to get out, “they know who you are.”

your deep rooted history together as close friends would be seen as a plus point, if it weren’t for the fact that you’ve refrained from showing (let alone hinting) any sign of your feelings for him. shouto did the same, except you are absolutely sure he doesn’t want anything more than platonic with you— as he has displayed no such signs.

the sudden shift of events would raise more questions instead of just solving one.

besides, who doesn’t know him nowadays? he’s tall, good looking, strapped with money and a multipurpose and hella useful quirk. heck— his appearance during the sports festival was a huge thing and has definitely made a positive mark on his reputation.

additionally, it was hard for your guardian to miss someone with an alluring presence like shouto’s, and a head full of naturally snow-like, and flaming red hair.

you think carefully before coming up with something easy. “what if i just asked one of the girls to wear an oversized hoodie; and stand on a stool? i’d crop out their face, of course. kyouka or yaomomo could—”

before you were allowed to finish your thought, shouto continued to press on his idea. “i’d be the most preferable, since the backstory makes the most sense.”

you pause. you’ve never thought of an actual backstory for you too, and you couldn’t quite indulge in the self blame— you didn’t think he’d agree at all.

“childhood friends turned best friends, and with a bond that drew us together.” his gaze fleets somewhere below your eyes, and then he draws them back up— a small boyish grin now blessing his face. “besides, you’d be in quite some trouble if they asked for a picture of their face.”

oh, that description sounded way too close to home, so much that you forgot. now that shouto mentioned one, that solution does seem to have its loop holes.

“touché.” the lengths he’d do for you is admirable, and your heart would’ve stuttered if it weren’t for the dull reminder from the back of your mind, of what it’s really like between the two of you.

“so uhm, what now? do you want to take the picture right later or—”

“now would be good.”

“oh uh, okay then…” shouto never wastes time, even when it came to unimportant stuff it seems, and he watches as you shift around to find your phone.

getting your phone is something that never takes any time, but with everything being taken account for, your hands are starting to feel like jelly.

after opening your camera app and switching to selfie mode, you position your phone carefully. not just like a photographer that was about to capture a rare wild animal laying still, but also similarly to how people take pictures with celebrities.

you are cautious of the angle. although you’ve almost seen every single expression that he could make— you’re worried how you could make everything look good, make him look phenomenal. (although it seems impossible to make him look anything but)

you end up snapping a photo that’s majorly of him, and the only show of you being in the same frame was the very top of your head shoved to the corner of the screen.

the two of you stare at the photo, exchanging glances. you might think that this is enough, considering that this photo of shouto is nowhere on the internet. so— plus one for authenticity, sorta.

he’s not your real boyfriend, but your guardian won’t know that from looking at the picture.

“let’s do a retake.”

you nearly stumble, like his words were a gust of strong wind. “huh?”

“this photo.. doesn’t seem authentic. i wouldn’t know what it’d be like to be in a relationship but the couples on television look— different. don’t you think?”

you take another look at the photo. although the couples shouto is referring to are actresses and actors playing roles— he’s right for the most part. the distance between the two of you is hard to miss, nobody would be able to guess that you two were together.

not to mention, it’s more of a picture of him instead of the both of you.

“alright then,” you say in agreement. “any suggestions?”

“if i may.”

“of course you may,” you encourage.

“then…” he shifts, feet moving closer to you. “if you’ll allow me.”

shouto’s hands reach out, and you’re immediately drawn to them. although unsure about his next course of action, you don’t stop him as he pulls you close— hands with contrasting temperatures maneuvering the positions to his liking.

eventually, the two of you were positioned in a way that made you encase shouto in your arms and have you turnt slightly towards the camera.

the side of your faces are pressed against each other’s, and despite trying your best to stop it, the proximity had your heart thumping against your ribcage once again.

making sure you don’t prolong the ordeal more than you need to— you snap the picture and attempt to pick yourself up afterwards.

but shouto makes no effort in detaching himself from you, relaxing in your arms as he leans against you to view the picture. you feel yourself flustering again, and you just know that he could end you one day and be blissfully unaware of how and why.

although you just took a big risk that could possibly have your feelings found out— you were just as curious as he was to see the outcome.

and you two seemed like a couple indeed.

“thoughts?” you ask in place of allowing yourself to slowly pass away on the inside. your skin feeling increasingly hot all of a sudden, and you’re confident the boy beside you has nothing to do with it this time.

“just as i suspected.” a small smile pulls at his lips, “we look good together.”

your brain buffers, “huh?—”

and then, he’s pressing his soft lips onto your cheek— pulling back as quickly as he pressed his lips onto you.

you choke on practically nothing, and you stare at him with eyes so wide they rival saucers.

and then it started to make sense, “what— are you playing me?— you’re doing all of this for a picture i didn’t even take!”

he tilts his head, confused for a moment before letting out a disapproving noise. “i… was teasing at some point, but i would never play you. i even pinkie swore.” he said, holding the same pinkie he linked with yours earlier to prove his memory.

“so why… after all this time?”

his gaze sharpens, “why not?” he states simply, “i figured just recently that.. the feelings are mutual, and that you’re interested in the way i’m interested in you.”

he clutches you, shoving himself deeper in your embrace, “besides, there was no way i’d let you ask anyone else to be your pretend boyfriend when i’m right here.”

“it would be just for a picture though.” you note, slightly amused that todoroki shouto was jealous at the idea of having a pretend boyfriend for a picture— even if said pretend boyfriend were to be one of the girls from your class.

a specific blank expression is pinned onto his face. “still.” he replies, quite dryly.

though the expression immediately melts away as he says these next words, “now then,” gorgeous, gorgeous heterochromatic eyes meeting yours in a gaze. shouto holds it, and it seems that he’s taking advantage of his effect on you. he’s quick, not to mention— observant too.

“we should take another picture, one that’s much real.”

HIII

I saw one of your latest posts and you wrote Tecchou so well😭😭 so i was thinking about requesting Fyodor (or Nikolai, whoever you prefer) and more Tecchou basic fluff hcs because your writing is honestly amazing🧍

HIIII anon! Thank youuuu, honestly sometimes I feel like my writing is a bit rushed :') but I’m glad that you like it! And I shall do all three of them, because why not? ^-^

BSD Manga spoilers below!

The gifs used are not mine. They belong to their original owners.

Fluff headcanons with Fyodor, Nikolai and Tecchou

Fyodor:

-As we all know, Fyodor is the leader of an underground organisation. And that means he is busy most of the time

-But he'll try his best to take time off to spend with you. Due to his big brain, I bet he can take away some time in his busy schedule to spend with you and still run the organisation with efficiency

-He strikes me as the type to like spending time with his s/o at home, or at nice and quiet places where nobody can come and interrupt his precious time with you

-Sooo you two will mostly spend time with each other at home. He would probably sit in silence with you, basking in your presence, while maybe introducing some of his hobbies to you.

-Chess games! If you don't know anything about it, Fyodor'll be more than happy to teach you. But be warned, he is very good at chess and seeing you lose to him every time just fuels his ego. Good luck trying to beat him just steal one of his pieces when he isn't looking lmao

-If you're into classical music, congrats, you've just found your soulmate. Just imagine Fyodor playing the cello for you underneath the moonlight... and I swear that he's hella good. Fyodor give me some of your musical talent pls If you play an instrument as well, play a duet with him! He thinks it’s romantic and it’s a great chance to flex your music skills on him as well (slay)

-Books! Just buy some classic or mystery books or borrow them from the library, and Fyodor would be more than happy to read them with you. If you make it into a competition to see who would read all of the books first, well... he’s already read nearly all of them. He’s just going to reveal the truth when you’ve finished reading them, only to see your reaction <333 but it’s Fyodor we’re talking about. Just enjoy your reading time with him <3

-I feel like Fyodor might take you out on library dates. And not just any library; I’m talking about the libraries that have old books, smells like old paper, and nearly nobody is in them. You two would just browse the shelfs for books, occasionally stopping and asking the other whether to give this book a go or not. And if you two both agree on one book, the rest of the date is spent reading it, your back against his chest while his cold hand is caressing your warm one. The vibes are just 💖💖💖

-If he’s not feeling as tired, and if you’re up for it, he might take you to concerts. Specifically classical music concerts; the ones where you wear formal clothing and all the musicians are professionals. His favourites are Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov (personally some of my favourites too)

-His free days are spent drinking tea with you; sometimes conversating, sometimes enjoying the silence. He would even cuddle with you if you wanted! He’s cold most of the time, and he’s kind of bony, but even then his cuddles are great

-Talk to him about anything, and he would turn the conversation into a discussion. And it’s not one of those boring philosophical discussions where you might fall asleep. Fyodor makes the discussion very interesting, to the point where you could spend an eternity just talking about that one subject

-But please remember to remind him to take medicine for his anaemia. Or just sneak it into his food

Nikolai:

-This man is a burst of energy

-Literally you couldn’t go about for one minute before he pops up again, saying ‘Y/N!! Wanna see a new magic trick?!’ or ‘Y/N!!!! Did you know?’ And spouting a random fact that you probably had heard of before

-I feel like he is very affectionate. You’ll find yourself being adorned with hugs and kisses, each quite playful, but full of his love

-Takes you out to a lot of amusement parks, festivals, circuses, etc. If you’re an extrovert, he’ll love dragging you to different events, and if you’re an introvert, he’ll still drag you to different events, but only if you were comfortable with it

-Loves cuddling with you. 99% of the time he makes it into playful tickling sessions, but the other 1% of the time he’ll just hold you in his arms, and probably lean on your shoulder or bury his head into the crook of your neck. Sometimes extroverts need to recharge as well lol

-He’d be open to exploring different interests! For example, cooking, music, art, whatever you can think of! Most of the time, he’d do something reckless to incite laughter or purely because he’s bored, but he’ll stop if you ask him to. You’ll have to repay him in cuddles

-Lovesssss showing you magic tricks. Literally, he has so many of them he can even start his own business. One time, a bird popped out of his coat and flew right into your face. It was not fun, but Nikolai was laughing his head off

-But in his chill moments, Nikolai would cuddle you while listening to your soothing heartbeat. It calms him, and if he had an exhausting day he might just fall asleep to the sound of your heart beating

-Overall, he always wants to be around you and trying new things out with you <333

Tecchou:

-Tecchou doesn’t get a lot of spare time due to his work as a Hunting Dog, but whenever he does, he is always spending it with you <333

-He would offer you some of his food combinations; some of them are weird as hell and when he started mixing soy sauce with his coffee, you decided to teach him how to cook actual food

-He gets the hang of it pretty quickly; sometimes, he would cook you your favourite food and trust me it is better than what most restaurants serve. Tecchou still prefers his odd food combinations from time to time, but he also loves cooking you food and eating the food that you cooked for him

-Evenings are normally spent with you two chilling in each others’ arms. Normally, you guys would watch television, but there are some evenings where you would gaze at the beautiful sunset with him.

-One time you said that the sunset was beautiful. Tecchou replied with a ‘yes, but I still prefer you over it’ and that made you flustered. He was so confused and thought that you were having a fever lol. Please educate him on this

-I feel like Tecchou would probably take you out on strolls for dates. Just holding each others’ hand, looking at nature, and just being in each others’ presence says more than words ever could

-Tecchou also wants to try new things with you! Feel free to introduce your hobbies to him, and he will try it out with you. You like painting? Show him which brushes go well with different paintings and he would immediately paint an artwork of you. You like playing an instrument? Show him how to play it and he’ll be playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in no time like a pro. Basically, Tecchou is interested in what you’re interested in, and he often loves doing your hobbies with you <3

-Simply speaking, this man is boyfriend/husband material

Heyyy so I hope I did ok! Sorry that Nikolai’s part was a bit short, his personality is kind of hard to grasp for me, but don’t let that stop you from requesting for him

Overall, this request was quite fun to make! Don’t be afraid to pop into my inbox again~

Founders of WeevilClan!

(copy + pasted descriptions of each cat)

Since Clangen got a new update, I started a new clan. I wanted to draw all the founders because these guys are all sooo pretty and I love them

The StarClan guide is Hareheart, who I briefly exiled to the DF for fun. That's all I really have to say about him. I like to think that him and Basildapple are related somehow. 

WeevilClan's leader is Crowstar, formerly called Crowtooth. He's very confident, a good fighter, and has a huge ego. He frequently brags about his abilities and leaves his clanmates exasperated a lot. He very frequently butts heads with both his deputy and medicine cat. 

Basildapple is the deputy, and although he and Crowstar share similar traits they could not be more different! Basildapple is confident in the quiet, calculating sort of way. He can be intense at times but unlike Crowstar there's still warmth underneath, and he cares a lot for all his clanmates. He is also a lot more reasonable than Crowstar, and his antics make Basildapple nervous a lot. 

Siltpurr is the medicine cat and well... cold certainly describes her. She frequently grumbles the warriors for their "low pain tolerance" (She's also listed as being a good fighter so I headcanon she used to be part of a violent colony) and overall she isn't like, super pleasant to be around. Though, there is a secret heart of gold, and the willingness to help others, underneath that frosty exterior. 

The eldest warrior is Whirlfur, and he's a big stick in the mud. He can often be found lecturing the apprentices and young warriors about the importance of the warrior code. That being said, he is deeply loyal to his clanmates and would risk his life for any of them. 

Freezerump's name is great. She's literally the expression "freezing your ass off". Anyways, Freezerump is a disheveled, bloodthirsty cat. She loves nothing more than antagonizing the other clans and sparring with her own clanmates. She frequently wishes she was deputy, and knowing Crowstar he probably would pick her if anything happened to Basildapple. 

Rosytwist is your crunchy, granola, "spirtual" aunt who swears that essential oils cure sickness and probably posts misguided bible verses on Facebook. She's undeniably sweet, but also downright strange. She has a strong connection to StarClan as well, which only fuels her strangeness. She has taken great interest in spending time with Buttercuppaw recently, worried that she's going down the wrong path.

Crookedpatch the friendly cat in the clan that everyone is friends with! He likes telling stories and would probably be the perfect elder if he weren't only 70 moons old, lol. Between you and me, he would be my choice for the next deputy. 

Comfreyfur is a silly, childish prankster who loves nothing more than joking around with her clanmates--especially if that clanmate is Pinetree, who she has a crush on. She's not the most reliable warrior however, and this frequently gets on other cats' nerves. 

Pinetree on the other hand, is a hardy, loyal, and bold cat who frequently brags about how she isn't afraid of anything. She's a bit like Crowstar in that regard (I actually kind of imagine they're related too, since they have the same eye color) but unlike Crowstar, Pinetree is much kinder and frankly more popular than she is. 

Finally, Buttercuppaw is currently the only apprentice. Apprenticed to Pinetree, she is a bit, well... bitter. Nobody's really sure if it's permanent or just a phase, but both Rosytwist and Siltpurr try to spend time with her and make sure she doesn't do something bad. 

And that's WeevilClan! They're a fun bunch, can't wait to see how they develop in the future.

Ok but am I about to Rant?

...You know what? Fuck it.

Why not, I'm gonna end the year talking about something nobody really cares but I certainly do for whatever reason: Dragon Ball Super, babyyyyyy.

Specifically the Granolah Arc.

(In advance, thank you for reading.)

Genuinely, I have like a lot to criticize about it but for those who need a refresh or have no idea what I'm about to say but still wanna read my thoughts anyways lemme do a quick summary for you.

The story continues from the resolution of the prior arc, as a power copying enemy known as Seventhree is salvaged by it's creator. Before this guy could do anything though, the titular Granolah trounces and steals the Android.

We find out he's the last of his race, and had his planet wiped out by Saiyans working under Frieza back then. He's serving a faction known as the Heeters, they sell planets but work under intel over force, now holding their own monopoly after Frieza's first death.

Keyword: FIRST. Now that he's back, they are in trouble and tell as much to Granolah, whose trauma kicks in and wants nothing but vengeance, but of course, he's too weak. Though the Heeters start to carefully plot around this development thanks to SevenThree's memory helping them get caught up with last arc's development and our heroes.

Granolah returns to his planet and the topic comes out with his caretaker, a namekian elder. Reminded of their set of 2 Dragon Balls and with the finding of the missing one, Granolah wishes to become the strongest (At a cost) and demands to see Frieza.

The Heeters, of course, tell him to stay put and set in motion their plan: Get rid of Granolah before he destroys the empire they wanna overtale by tricking Goku and Vegeta into coming, while they wish their toughest member, Gas, to be THE strongest to then kill Frieza.

After a long brawl between our heroes trying to talk Granolah down, the elder is forced to reveal some truths: A Saiyan (Bardock) saved them and the Heeters killed his mom actually, he couldn't reveal it prior as Granolah was put to work with them in exchange for their safety.

Thus, Gas turns into the strongest and faces the now teamed up trio who are vastly outmatched as he continues to grow, little by little wearing him down until Frieza's surprising arrival, who wipes out Gas in one clean sweep and leaves Goku and Vegeta with the bitter feeling of being left behind powerwise.

With Granolah now giving up on his vengeance, Goku finding out more about his father and adapting Ultra Instinct in his own way, and Vegeta fueling his newfound Ultra Ego form with his feelings on the Saiyan's past, the gang says their goodbyes and set off.

People with familiarity on the arc will notice me describing the entire second half of it in three paragraphs. And this is for sure not a mistake: This IS the relevant information of that section. So you know, we'll be here for a while when I get there. :)

So like, was the arc bad from the start?

No. Much like the grand majority of DBS, I think it's got one of, if not the most promising start so far, because as it stands, the arc set in motion a very character centric narrative over something with a bigger plot in motion. This is actually the most enjoyable part of it which we hardly get in this series at all, so it feels fucking good when people come to blows because we have so much baggage on each side the clash gets hype, much like how DBS: Broly toyed with (Or you know, how Battle Shonen that go hard do it).

Granolah is an interesting character, despite having his arc rushed at the very end and with some missed out chances. Already having seen a similar concept with Baby from GT, we know the idea of a surviving race member of a wipeout from the Saiyans writes itself. Not to mention his unique aspects such as his trauma or his combat quirks help him stand out beyond the cool design. He's also integrated into the world with as much grace as the new group, the Heeters, who serve as our "people to punch" this arc.

From the duo of Maki and Oil proving to be a little more comedic than threatening but still effective, and the cunning Elec being modestly entertaining, they don't feel out of place in the world of DB. Gas in particular I'm going to put off for now, but know that his interactions with Elec is what make the latter vastly more unique in terms of narrative role. Commander Red comes to mind but if he was played entirely straight. I think they serve the narrative pretty damn fine without the need to go beyond as characters, Gas nonwithstanding.

When it comes to Goku and Vegeta's role in the story, the latter gets the most out of it. His training with Beerus, his theraphy session with Granolah, his showcase of the Ultra Ego to an extent and him getting to interact with the Saiyan's past in a fresh way. They have never fucking fumbled Vegeta since the "doing the same thing as before but worse" allegations from prior arcs, which is a strong positive for his fans, but yeah, he doesn't get any Ws lmao.

With Goku, we have... Things happening for sure, of varying qualities, but the praises are getting short on that end, so I'm going to save it for later. On paper, I do appreciate the attempt to do more with this character and he still is not the weakest part of the character centric narrative.

In general, the central core of said narrative is one of the more interesting and cool so far. It makes the entire portion of the fight against Granolah all the better, not to mention that section having bouts of good coreography and action. I love having an enemy worth punching in a series where punching people happens so much they can be souless bricks to punch, especially if the bricks aren't interesting unlike, say, Frieza.

Speaking of, he turned out the be the funniest, most shocking element in this arc. Like not even as a joke, his presence is a legit highlight from the sheer absurdity of his impact. He barely gets foreshadowed at the first half, with the asumption it's the character who is most commonly tied to everybody what makes you think of him at all times, and isn't even used until the very last minute. But when he DOES show up, he ONE SHOTS GAS, VEGETA AND GOKU, claims to have been OUT OF RANGE for the "make me the strongest" wish to account for him, found a HYPERBOLIC TIME CHAMBER in space and proceedes to brag that he knew what's up and that got a brand new form only to LEAVE.

It's truly a chaotic shock to the system which matches the ridicolousness of Dragon Ball Heroes whipping out a new Broly out of nowhere every anniversary or so, but in an oddly positive way. Like you could've done more with the concept but honestly I can't truly be mad with the sheer boldness in display. But that's because... Well...

So like, is the second half bad or what?

I can certainly say the ending woke me up. But it's kinda fucked up how once Granolah stopped being the opponent everything else kinda crumbles into fighting a boring nothing character with no connection to the heroes and progression being constantly halted JUST so we can attempt to give this opponent some fluff.

Let's be fair: Gas holds his own with Granolah padding and brick personality aside, there is some setup to their rivalry and the backstory works, albeit motion is wasted to highlight aspects that only come out now instead of beforehand: The fact that he was envious, the stubborn devotion to his own techniques, Granolah feeling anything beyond towards him, etc. Still works fine, still patched up now.

There's also his relationship with Elec as a highlight, the former manipulating him and hyping him up in spite of Gas doubting himself, showing devotion and loyalty back to Elec and even being grateful he made him strong as he is, which is kinda tragic once he realizes what he becomes.

But I can't fucking caaaaare.

I believe the core problem with Gas is that they waited too fucking long to start showing his development and choosing the very distracting battle that HALTS ALL PROGRESSION to try and do something with him.

This is also after the big break which was the Bardock flashback, we'll get to that, but since the goal became his defeat and he has no one to bounce from naturally, the second Goku steps up as the main opponent (After the fight has had MANY twists and he powered up several times) everything resets completely harder than when each form turned the tides. Because Goku still had no internal change, he doesn't remember Bardock yet, and the story didn't think of bringing Gas along to recruit Goku and Vegeta and build THEIR personal rivalry outside of Bardock's impact on Gas after defeating him so it feels limp without the connective tissue.

So what we have is a scene which deadass could've played like this:

Their goal is to kill Frieza. They did not want to waste time. They literally just believed they killed Granolah and incapacitated both Goku and Vegeta. What are they gonna fucking do? Defend Frieza? They don't fucking care if he dies again, maybe they wanna fight them, but it would provide a fucking change of scenery which hasn't happened since the start of all the fighting. Gas too, like, sure, he would want to kill them for knowing too much but at this point NO ONE is a threat.

As a result the jawdropping moment of Ultra Ego and Ultra Instinct together feels wasted on a very lame opponent. The revelation Goku has to use Ultra Instinct his own way is just kinda there because Gas is the least important part of said development. The epic struggle to take him down feels done already.

It's tiring. Really tiring. No matter how fancy the techniques, the core character is being built as we speak in a narrative that SOLELY focused on characters on the last minute. And I can't care as a result.

Speaking of breaking progression and being tiring, we also need to talk about a little something.

This is another joke page, dw.

But uh, anyone feels like the first flashback would've been enough? Technically, they could skim on HOW Bardock defeated Gas interrupting an already glacial paced conflict, especially not without any substantial information to the characters, Goku's development aside.

Bardock doesn't feel entirely realized either. I appreciate the fact they are trying to bridge the gap between Minus and Z Bardock to make it look like it's mostly the same character but it's not until he's fighting where this seems to be at play.

He feels like he's on autopilot on his own plot thread. There's feeling his actions are arbitrary (To the point of needing a flashback within one for justification) as him being conveniently set up to be there, rather than let his character flow naturally. His impact is felt across the characters but "just so happens to be there" is not the card they play. This isn't a rando — Nonono, this is Goku's Dad™, therefore he MUST be important... Which goes against the core idea of making Minus Bardock and Z Bardock the same character, but topic for another time.

Point is: When the story could've chosen to use the Saiyans as a positive influence (A loaded statement but yet another topic for some other time), they really chose to tell this story in a rather clunky way, contradicting the core idea of a typical Saiyan without exploring Bardock's uniqueness regarding it (If he has it) when we need it to buy into it. We're coming off from the character from Minus, you HAVE to expand on it because that one had ALSO next to nothing going for him.

So yeah, I may be beating this aspect way too much but in hindsight, if the story decided it should be focused heavily for breaks between fight while also having a half that is meandering just to trigger Goku's memories, then maybe they should've thought about it a little more when telling this story.

Which leads us to perhaps the biggest weakness of writing for DB: Getting Goku involved in the plot without him feeling less like a problem solving plot device they are forced to keep out the action. He's active, sure, but he has no connection to anybody, so what do?

His arc this time around is Ultra Instinct being a technique Goku needs to improve on despite everyone in the fandom swearing that the one we were calling MASTERED Ultra Instinct for years wasn't really it. As such, he has to find a path to use it on his own, which obviously means "dodge on your base form" but there's more to it: He has to learn and stop mimicking Whis when doing so.

The solution is simple and it works in every aspect but to make UI less impactful, but asuming we saw that coming and we don't mind, this leaves Goku accepting his emotions instead of repressing them while using UI, thus getting the most out of the Sign form.

...And it's kinda disconnected to everything? They tacked in Bardock's sole focus on his drive to win as a catalyst which is why they used the second flashback, and that kinda gets a little lost when this still doesn't tie him to Gas and with how little that statement says on it's own. "He has the same determined look" doesn't work and the Sign reveal loses a lot of impact, so what we're left is with what feels like a very random power up.

This scene of Goku recovering his memories is used as a superficial aspect as a result, because the memories themselves don't make for anything beyond one disconnected touching moment. It's even lacking impact on Goku as a character because he sure knows the thing which never mattered to his core identity at all save for being a fighting freak, it would be nice if this was important as it wants to be. But that's it. Him being positively in touch with his Saiyan side internally has always been a thing, he's supposed to be the opposite of the stereotypical one, so yeah, sure. It's not awfully offensive but it sure feels wasted.

Wait, that's it? Those are your takes?

Listen, you probably expected me to go off over the new set of DBs making the story lame with how anyone can wish for strength or what I think about the new forms and how I think they are either ugly or cool, but like, I feel there was a bigger urge to talk about the core narrative problems and less about the window dressing of the action. The balls have always been in a downward spiral to becoming too convenient already, and forms as punctuations for progression is like, tiring but it works visually, it's not a specific problem to the arc but the series as a whole.

Overral, I just feel uneven about it. The character driven conflict is obviously gonna leave you with a lot of holes if you don't keep it PERSONAL so the failure to do something so cool with DB hurts a lot. Undeniably though it's first half was the best part of this entire Manga on setup alone.

The second half is an atrocity however that makes me call the arc trash without the hesitation that I should be having. The fighting? Drags on with a nothing opponent. The opponent? Boring us to death as momentum has to stop to develop them. The developments? Tied to Bardock between breaks in a couple of flashbacks, used sloppily with a protagonist that feels uneven. Our actual protagonist? Hardly there.

Frieza coming back to end the arc feels cathartic on top of hilarious as a result. It's a spit to the face to the whole of it. And it's not horrendous as the Future Trunks Arc's ending thanks to at least having promises for the upcoming stories and ultimately being more interesting too.

o(-(

I don't know. This especially sucks because we were going so hard on something amazing like always but DBS just has a mystifying way to fuck things up for literally no reason. But you've heard me ramble enough. I still enjoy the series for that alone: I can't stop peeking no matter if it's a trainwreck with thousand dead. It's easy to pick apart the pieces.

Thank you for reading this if you did. I really appreciate it.

Take care! <3

Episode 15 of the bad batch

The pacing of this show is insane what do you mean this is the penultimate episode and you actually haven't moved the needle on characterization in any significant direction. What do you mean world building has progressed an inch. They had the chain codes but those appear in other parts of star wars. This is episode FIFTEEN. Episode 13 was a waste imo. The writers for tbb gotta get in touch w the writers for Andor and arcane bc this pacing is not it

Damn not Gregor gotta chill w cid

Why are my subtitles only half working

I think this character (the Black woman) lives. I hope so.

Okay I wonder how omega knows about this landing platform if she's never left Kamino. They might reveal it soon tho

Are there other cities in Kamino I wonder

Okay Nala se told her

Wonder where they put all the regular clones.

"the empire will be phasing out clones next" "not the ones that matter" again Crosshair really does think he's above the regs and I know this is obvious to anyone who has eyes but like this fear of a) not having his power/prowess affirmed by the state and b) his being relegated to the same position as the regs he derides so much is whats fueling. Is there love for his brothers? Probably yeah. Is crosshair ultimately a very selfish person who'll pick ego over family? Yeah. Also any instance of the batch hating on the regular clones looks racist soz

Also sidebar bc it's getting on my nerves but deliberate changes to something cannot make that thing defective. Omegas not defective if the Kaminoans specifically made her the way they did on purpose like huh. Having special skills isn't defective AGAIN they'd have to have their ability to perform or their health impeded in some way in order to do that. How the hell is being a genius or really strong a defect who tf thinks like that 😭

Crosshair ain't even being fair here this is so funny. "We didn't have a choice but to leave you because you were trying to kill and us specifically targeting a child" and he's like. Well I didn't have a choice either. And it's like yeah the chips but again you did say "aim for the kid" like were they supposed to stand there?? And let you kill them and the BABY? TBB wanting to live trumps crosshair feeling abandoned sorrryyyy

She's dry now

"your MUTATIONS were ENHANCED in this room" methinks the writers just. Keep flipping back and forth on what they want tbb to be depending on the mood they're going for

I wonder how old omega was when she saw tbb being created

Again with the I in the name but nobody says AZI it's just AZ

Hunters eyes annoy the shit out of me why can't the animators pick a color

An interesting conflict between hunter and crosshair would have been their strategizing skills, like if it's clear that crosshair is as good as or even better than hunter in terms of planning and execution, that could be something they'd butt heads about before the chips and O66 were even a thing

Echo's ARC training would ideally be kicking in now

I'm surprised they don't have more weapons

"we're running out of time commander" this man's voice

Not crosshair saying he'd be justified in killing them fbsndnmsdns

"you weren't loyal to me" again. You Tried to Kill Them. including the Kid.

And the use of loyal from him feels to me more like how someone in power expects loyalty, not how equals expect it

"we're not like the regs. We never have been. We're superior" die. die!

This is one of those lines that gets approved bc not a single person in the story telling process was like paying attention at all to what they were writing and they have like no clue of their own context for their series.

But anyways crosshair thinks caring about other people is something those mean gross """regs""" do. He wants tbb together but does he really want to take care of them? Does he want them to take care of him? No. He wants power. Hence why even w the chip out he stayed w the empire.

"think of all we could do" "the empire can't protect the galaxy without strength" "this is what we were made for" he's a fascist idk why ppl still try to argue about this

Kinda weird he actually believes in the ability of the empires protection

You know what else this is? All these TK troopers were PoC and now they're nearly all dead

God he's just. So fascist he's SUCH a fascist. "Don't become my enemy" like goddamn

The theme will NEVER FIT IN it's always such a punch to the face

These droids seem tougher than what the clones actually have to fight in the war

This is like the only part of the series that has emotional depth, when they fire on Kamino.

This delivery 🥴

See this would be more sad if I felt the bad batch earned any of the emotional pay out they're expecting. The destruction of tipoca city is huge. As evil as the kaminoans are, this is also an entire people that's been displaced (depending on if there are other cities on Kamino w other populations)

Anyways this is the kind of conflict that we should have been steadily fed from the beginning.

like the more i examine my own feelings and wants and needs, the more i unmask and realize just how deeply embedded my narcissism is in my psyche, the more i question what i even get from friendship beyond ego fuel and the security of my own wellbeing that comes with being part of a community. im starting to feel like my desire for friendship is selfish, like i only know how to reach out and initiate contact when i want attention or when i know its "right" to reach out. but if it really is selfish then im far too selfish to give it up completely. i depend on other people to fuel my own self esteem. i rely on helping people and showing off my talents and proving how funny i am. i have to force myself to pay attention when people talk about themselves instead of focusing on me. even my closest friends. i run on scripts and say the things im supposed to say but its so fucking difficult. of COURSE i always get burnt out with social situations, its EXHAUSTING to try so hard. its not like i completely lack any interest, but my interest is just. detached. idk how else to say it. its so exhausting to keep trying to amplify the connections i have, to try to pretend i feel for people the way im expected to. maybe im just crashing and overthinking everything but it just feels like i only really feel those connections, or something close, when im being given praise and attention.

i like the idea of a qpr but what i like is what i would gain. admiration, care, physical intimacy, the opportunity to be a Good Partner, someone to share responsibilities with since its hard to live alone in this shit economy, much less while raising a child like i plan to someday. i think in order to truly be happy in a relationship i would need to find someone i could, firstly, be entirely open with about my minimal connection. they would need to be someone i could see as being "on my level", close enough to perfect in my mind instead of being someone for me to look down on all patronizingly. but thats an unfair burden to put on someone. nobody is perfect. eventually something about them would make me start devaluing them.

maybe i just need to be a hot single dad forever and just focus on being independent and building a life for me and my future kid. maybe i need to stop trying so damn hard to reach the goals of love and connection egotypicals always hype up, and instead i should just focus on myself and accept that im just shooting myself in the foot when i keep reaching for something unattainable. at least my narcissism drives me to be a good parent, at least i can connect with kids better than adults and i can be EXPECTED to take a nurturing role. it sounds nice honestly. i could raise my child with kindness and teach them good morals and encourage them to connect with friends the way im unable to. i can focus my energy on that, and even if i spend my life a little lonely i can still end up happy to have given my child the best i could give. i know i could at least connect with another human by being a father. i could do that right if nothing else. i could accept the shallowness of my connections to others, i could find joy in the superficial sides of my friendships, i could love my friends in the detached way i know how to,i could even have sexual partners who maybe know about my narcissism and understand i cant love them the way society expects. it would all be nice i think. its comforting to look beneath my own mask and accept the person i actually am, but it hurts to know what im missing out on.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just gotten the go-ahead, so it looks like our finals can now proceed between this plucky little pugilist possum, and the undefeated champion of the Canopy’s concrete colosseum, “The one. “The only! “HRONK!!! “BORIS THE POMPABOAR!!!!”

She never liked how cocky this one was, if she’ll be honest.

Boris always had a certain air to him, a certain je ne sais quoi that made Kit feel frustrated every time he went into that arena.

When his win rate steadily went up and up, it only fueled him further--it was like a Mobius Strip of consequences. It felt like there would never be anyone who cared enough to actually take him down.

Sure, she could think of a couple people who actually could--Valente, Friedrich, one of her guards on a good day--but nobody actually wanted to put the effort in to do it! Always too busy with a plethora of other things--of which, she didn’t blame them for this, not at all. It was just slightly frustrating, having to cut out her favorite thing to watch because of some smug jerk-off who ruined the whole thing!

What was the point of watching if fate already told the tale?

Of course, this was all until that opossum came about.

Poppy Odeletta Possum.

What an interesting specimen, really. She’s never seen anyone so strong before, someone who looks like they could easily break a house in half with their pinky toe. It helped that she looked really nice as well.

Surely, if anyone were to defeat Boris, it would be the opossum. She would easily go against the odds and win, Kit knows it for sure.

In fact, here she goes right now, curling up her tail and launching herself at her foe!

POW!!!

The hit landed cleanly on the giant boar’s stomach, and...!

...

He didn’t move.

Oh bother.

This fight was going to be a whole lot harder for Poppy than she expected, wasn’t it?

---

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW.

DIDELPHI DAMN IT WHAT THE CHUCK--OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

She looked up at the, now very menacing boar, and winced.

“H-How did you...?”

“Oh, didn’t you hear?”

He lifted up his head, throwing a real hard punch straight at the opossum!

“FLIP!!!”

A punch she barely dodged.

“Around these parts, “I’m a real S U P E R  S T A R ! ! !”

And with that declaration, he grew ever larger.

And larger.

Oh slip, she really messed up this time, didn’t she...?

WELP.

GUESS IT’S TIME TO RUN.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

---

That is a rather powerful Lucky Star.

Again, part of the reason why she doesn’t like him.

How fair was it really that one man’s own confidence decided an entire match? And with the entire crowd vehemently cheering against the opossum, it felt as if this was an open and shut case!

And she hated that! It was bull-hockey!!!

In what world was any of this fair???

S M A S H ! ! !

That poor opossum was crushed in between his two hooves.

She sighed.

A shame, really. So much for changing up the status quo. So much for her ambassador.

Maybe Arthur has a recommendation--

“Whatever Poppy was trying to goad him into doing, it seems to have backfirrrred rather badly--”

“WOAH WOAH WAIT A MINUTE!!!! LOOK AT THAT!!!!!!”

“Well I’ll be damned.

“The opossum still stands!!!”

It looked like she was trembling terribly, however. Who knows how long she can keep this up?

---

“WHAT?!?!?! “THAT SHOULD’VE BROKEN EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY!!!!”

“Hey, hey now! Don’t just go assuming every bone in my body is as delicate as my hand’s.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

SHE IS IN SO MUCH FLIPPING PAIN RIGHT NOW!!!!!

THIS STUPID GAMBIT BETTER WORK DAMN IT!!!!

“Now you, on the other hand...~”

And he looked down at his hands--er, hooves, actually, noticing just how cracked they are.

She couldn’t help but snicker to herself as he started to despair about his appendages.

“Looks like I hurt your ego, too! “And just like a balloon, one faulty seam’s all it takes to let all of your hot air out~!!!”

“You.“

Wait, huh?

“Cracked.”

That... that doesn’t sound like a balloon deflating.

“My.”

Maybe it’s... just a fluke? Like, he’ll start getting smaller and more manageable any secon--

“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

---

HOLY--

THE ARENA DOESN’T HAVE MICROPHONES--SHE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO HEAR THAT FROM WHERE SHE IS!!!

“I’M GONNA SMACK YOU ALL THE WAY TO SKYHENGE!!!”

And the opossum started to dodge and weave between this monster’s attacks, the arena getting viciously dented all of the while.

He has gotten... impossibly large.

She was not aware that his Lucky Star also worked with anger.

It was terrifying, to say the least.

“I’d sure hate to be Miss O’Possum right about now!!!”

Yeah, no kidding.

“What do you think Poppy’s chances of success are now, Friedrich?”

“She would need a miracle to win this bout, your highness.”

Oh Vulpis, give her strength--

“THIS IS IT, POSSUM!!! HERE COMES THE GRAND FINAL--

“eh???”

“I don’t believe it!!! Is that--”

“...Ribbitina from Funzie Frogo? “I think I remember babysitting Twee with that show in the background.” Snickered, “I remember Della being her favorite character!

“Oh that’s really kind of cute! Isn’t it, Friedrich?”

“Downright adorable, your majesty.”

And, seemingly, the boar started to shrink. Steam coated the entire arena, making anything and everything impossible to view. Drat!

She wanted to see how this ended. She wanted to see who would win!

Oh well. The announcers will say who won soon enough.

The Symbolism of Spamton, and what he says about us

I don't usually analyze Undertale/Deltarune characters but I love Spamton. In this post I'm going to go over what Spamton represents, and all of his relevant symbolism. I'll try to keep this one short and straight to the point.

Before we can talk about Spamton we need to explore the context of Chapter 2. It should be clear to most people that Queen, her plan, and level are a metaphor for social media. Specifically Twitter. More specifically Twitter Drama.

Even her name is a play on the word “drama queen”

The whole level is centered around a blue bird character, Berdly. A possible reference to Twitters blue bird logo. I mean, just look at her boss battle. If taken out of context, what do you see?

You see a person sitting in a chair controlling a blue bird to attack people. 

Is that not Twitter? 

Although its important to note that Berly himself doesn't seem to connect to this social media metaphor in a narrative sense, you could still argue that Berly's front of intelligence could represent how people act online, trying to appear as someone cooler and smarter than they really are.

Point being that like the first game, Deltarune was created to be a commentary on fiction and role play. The first chapter is literally about games, and this one is about our digital presence online.  

Another more obvious reference to Twitter in the chapter is the sidequest about collecting “blue check marks:

You have to bring the Hacker “checks” which could be a reference to “Verified Checks” on Twitter, and when you give them to him he creates a fireworks show “in dedication to you.” Symbolizing how for many people on the internet, getting a verified twitter check is the symbol of becoming famous, worthy of celebration. A sign that you've become a “big shot” now.

On that note, let's finally talk about Spamton.

The most obvious connection is that Spamton seems to be like Mettaton. 

Spamton and Mettaton have similarities, beyond their names. Both are “robots” that want to steal your “heart shaped object” to become big and powerful. 

But the key difference between the two is the motive, and this is where the social media angle comes in. In the first game, we meet Mettaton who at first seems cut throat and sinister, but is revealed to have a real passion and dream. He wants to “get big” to make music that everyone enjoys, and even decides to stay behind out of an altruistic devotion to his fans.

Compere this to the cynicism of Spamton. Notice how in the first battle with Spamton you progress the battle by engaging with deals, but he doesn't seem to care about the money itself. You cant pay him off because its not about the money. He just wants to feel like a “big shot” making deals. The thrill and freedom of feeling like someone important.

In this sense we can then divide Mettaton and Spamton into two types of influencers. Whereas, Mettaton has a dream. Spamton just wants clout.

The kind of influencer who wants to use their platform to enrich themselves and fuel their ego, as oppose to someone like Mettaton with a real desire to change the world for the better. In one of the genocide routes, we can even see him take over Queens mansion, representing how these types of influencers are bound to take over the social media structure, sans the right people step in.  

Given the social media and fame metaphor. Its impossible to examine this boss and not read into the context of its creation. Although this is purely speculation, its possible that Spamton was created as open meditation on Tobyfox's baggage regarding his own fame, and also the effects of social media fame and clout chasing in general. Imagine the pressure of being that famous, of everyone expecting you to follow Undertale with something just as good or even better, and Toby probably doesn't even know what made the original game blow up like it did in the first place, and probably never expect it to. 

Consider this line in his first boss theme:

“... Now's your chance! Now's your chance! Now's your chance! Be a big- be big- beeee-”

Over and over. It can almost be read as Toby's internal monologue. An unrelenting pressure to outperform and succeed, to make sure the game is a success that fulfills everyone's expectations.  

Simply put, Toby is a big shot now.

In the matter of a single year, Toby went from being a nobody on the internet to being twitter famous celebrity. Getting “calls” from Nintendo. Again this is all unconfirmed, but its even possible that Nintendo offered Tobyfox a deal. A chance to be a big deal, with a big salary; a corporate puppet.

Toby would (hypothetically) rejected this offer. Like Mettaton, he cares about his fans, but has no interest in the acquisition of clout and power for its own sake. But hey, that's just a theory.

Which brings us to his central message about internet drama. While its not my place to psychoanalyze how someone is feeling from afar, a message is certainly here about internet fame and clout chasing. Its clear that Toby has become twitter famous, and consequently has found himself thrust into the heat of internet drama time and time again. It seems that Toby Fox is horrified by the affects social media is having on the indie gaming community or just more broadly society in general. In the past, toxic fame was a niche problem faced by a handful of Hollywood stars and musicians. But now Social Media has democratized fame, and all its problems to everyone that owns a phone. 

Chapter 2 seems to be Toby's response and warning: that being a big shot is not all its cracked up to be and certainly not worth parting your soul over.

could you do another fic where mari has too many overprotective relatives (batfam, jason in particular, adrien, luka, kagami, chloe, jagged, bruce, penny, clara, tony stark and the avengers maybe lol) and all the boys who want to date her are scared away by them until she starts seeing damian or someone else i love your writing and thanks! ♡♡

I loved this prompt immediately and I really hope I did it justice! Hope you like it!

The Never-Ending Cycle of First Dates

“No! Wait! He’s just kidding!” Marinette ran out of the building trying to grab the boy's hand before he could escape, but she was too late. Her hand slapped her forehead in defeat as yet another man hurried off before they could even order drinks. Turning her attention to where her target stood, she couldn’t help the bubbling anger directed at his smirk.

“Why must you ruin every date? It’s like you guys have a pool of names and you just reach in and see who's in luck to scare off the next guy that tries to date me!” She threw her hands into the air, only earning a chuckle.

“C’mon Princess, if the man can’t handle a little threat then how is he gonna stick around for the long term? Hmm?”

Marinette wanted to argue, but she knew it was pointless. Jason and the others were firm in their beliefs; Marinette must be protected from heartbreak at all costs. She tried arguing with them that if she never got hurt in the first place then she could never learn, but alas, her words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“How did you even find us?”

Jason’s smirk widened which only fueled her rage.

“What? You thought meeting at the restaurant would actually change anything? I can find you anywhere and everywhere. Plus Adrien totally snitched.”

Marinette made a mental note to lay into Adrien later after she found the poor kid that Jason scared of.

“One day I’m going to find someone who isn’t scared by you lot and he’s gonna make it through the first date.”

She turned her back on Jason’s boisterous laughter. She was determined to prove her point. After all, there had to be one man in Gotham City that wasn’t afraid of her, right? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The rest of her week had gone as smoothly as Monday had to say the least.

Tuesday’s date was crashed by Kagami’s foil. One look at her slicing the bread and he didn’t even make it to the table.

Wednesday’s date was a double date with Luka and Chloe. Marinette begged Tikki to lend her a little luck, but the small God would do no such thing. At least this guy made it past drinks. Marinette almost cheered until Luka donned his infamous stare. She watched as her date squirmed uncomfortably before excusing himself for the bathroom, never returning.

Thursday’s date ended with the man strung up by his ankles, none other than Nightwing and Red Robin dropping in to apologize, claiming they thought he was trying to mug her.

By Friday, she was ready to cancel her date before it even began.

“Adrien, you guys are making it impossible to even think about dating.” She collapsed on the couch, letting out a small whine.

“I think that’s kind of the point Mari, besides, you’re a working woman now, shouldn’t you be focusing on your career-”

Adrien paused as his eyes narrowed in on Marinette’s hand mocking his lecture. Her hand paused as she noticed his now silent voice. Meeting his eyes, she simply shrugged.

“You sound like my mom. She’s worried that I’m too worried about dating but guess what? I kind of missed out on that experience in high school pining after a guy who wasn’t even interested!”

They both chuckled as they remembered the awkward dance they both did from the time they were 13.

“So what are you going to do about the date tonight?”

Marinette shrugged once more as she pulled at a piece of her hair, twirling it around her finger.

“Who is on date duty tonight?”

“First of all, it’s not called date duty,” he waved off the pointed look Marinette gave him before continuing, “and it was supposed to be Jagged and Penny but in case they fail, Tony is on backup duty and Jason is on backup, backup duty.”

“Not date duty my ass.”

Marinette sighed longingly as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

“I’m giving this one more chance before I swear off dating forever.”

Adrien chuckled before offering his hand to pull her into a standing position.

“Well, guess you better prepare to look good. After all, they always say if you’re gonna go out, at least do it in style.”

Marinette rolled her eyes as she pushed Adrien to the couch, ignoring his protests. If this was going to be her last date, then maybe he had a point of going out in style.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  .

Marinette pulled at her dress nervously as a black limo approached her outside of her apartment. She had checked the perimeter once as Marinette and once more as Ladybug; there was no sign of Jagged or Penny. Somehow though, that didn’t calm her nerves.

As the limo pulled to a stop, a man stepped out of the back seat causing her breath to hitch in her throat. As if him being drop-dead gorgeous wasn’t enough, her worst fears stepped out from behind him, wide grins on their faces.

“Oi, there she is Penny! Marinette, we tried calling you but you sent us straight to voicemail, that wasn’t very rock n’ roll of you. Luckily, this nice man right here was there to give us a ride, right Penny?”

Penny nodded sweetly as if the two of them were innocent victims of Marinette’s forgetfulness. She wanted to turn right back into her apartment and never leave again, but a small hand grasped hers, pulling it up to their lips, as soft and gentle as his movements.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I have heard many stories of you from my brothers and father. You seem to have impressed many powerful people such as the two strays I picked up off the streets earlier.”

His smile was playful as it coaxed a small laugh from her. It helped even more to see Jagged panicking in the background at the sight of the small gesture. This man, no, his name was Damian. Damian had already broken through the first wall without even knowing it. Marinette let herself feel a spark of hope at the thought of finally making it through a first date.

“Anywho, now that we have arrived, I must apologize for leaving you two here, how does the saying go? ‘High and dry?’ but I do have a date to continue.” He nodded to Penny and Jagged leaving them both with their jaws almost touching the ground.

If she had a moment, Marinette might’ve taken a photo, but she instead quickly grabbed Damian’s arm, shutting the limo door before either could protest. She didn’t bother to release the breath she had been holding until the apartments were gone from the rearview mirror.

“I am so sorry about them, they-” she tried to let the apology spill out of her mouth but Damian simply shook his head, that same playful smile monopolizing his face.

“I am fully aware of the so-called ‘date duty’ your friends have. After all, my brother is in charge of the scheduling.”

It was Marinette’s turn for her jaw to drop. This was Jason’s brother? The literal spawn of satan as Jason had put it. There was no way. He was so nice, and such a gentleman, there was no way they could be the same person.

“How come nobody ever told me you were in town? Last time Jason introduced me to the family, he made sure to wait for when you left on a business trip. I’ve only ever been invited over when you’re not there!”

Damian chuckled as if this was a normal occurrence.

“They knew I had a crush on you ever since I watched your alter ego take down an akuma three times your size. It was only a matter of time until I asked you out, but with Jason observing your every date, he made it quite difficult.”

Marinette felt her face flush as his words washed over her. A man that was actually interested in her and was willing to take on the trouble a date with her could mean? She lightly pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

“You know it’s only going to get worse from here right? Like, Jagged and Penny were only the first round worse.”

Damian leaned in, placing his hand overtop hers, that smile of his killing her slowly.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Marinette nodded as she leaned closer, nearly closing the gap between them, her heart racing from the distance.

“I borrowed his rotation schedule and have prepared for every incident that could occur tonight.”

Marinette couldn’t help the words that slipped out of her mouth.

“I think I might love you.” Immediately she slapped her hand over her mouth letting out a string of apologies as she scooched away from the red-faced man. He cleared his throat, trying to overcome his shock as his smile pulled into a small smirk.

“Don’t apologize, just tell me again if you feel the same after we’ve finished the date.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Somehow, they managed to make it through dinner without a single hiccup. It was suspicious, but she was having too good of a time to care. She fell in love immediately with his animals as he showed off his many photos, commenting on whichever one seemed to make her melt the most.

They talked about where they had gone to college, where they were working now and what they were hoping for their futures. Marinette felt her heart swell with excitement for how compatible they were, it almost made tonight ending that much more painful.

As they stepped out of the restaurant, Marinette heard a familiar voice that made her blood run cold.

“Do you know who I am? I could buy this whole place and then you’d have to let me in! I’m the damn Ironman, doesn’t that count for something?”

The poor hostess was shaking her head, trying to apologize to the other guests for the wait he was causing. Marinette let out a defeated sigh as she took a step forward to intervene, but Damian’s hand intertwined with hers pulling her in the opposite direction.

“There aren’t too many places in Gotham City that Tony Stark isn’t banned from. However, you can thank my father for that. He agreed for me to host my dinner at his restaurant to nullify backup number 2, Tony Stark.”

Marinette almost wanted to laugh at the irony of a billionaire being banned from a small Italian restaurant in Gotham.

“There’s not much that Uncle Tony can’t fix by throwing money at it, but I suppose that’s pointless when it’s another billionaire causing the said problem.”

Damian sent her a wink that warmed her to her core. They decided to ditch the limo in favor of walking home, spending more time with each other coincidentally. Marinette felt her mind racing like she was in middle school once again planning her imaginary wedding and their future hamster.

He was everything she had hoped to find in a man and so much more. She honestly regretted not meeting him sooner, it would’ve saved her so much trouble over the years.

She opened her mouth, only to close it immediately as her eyes narrowed in on a figure leaning against her apartment building.

“Jason, what are you doing here? There’s no date to ruin now and I finally found a guy who can’t be scared off by your stupid date duty.”

She crossed her arms in defiance but Jason paid her no mind.

“Damian, I didn’t know you were home so soon. I would’ve locked you up in the Batcave to make sure this would’ve never happened.”

Damian scoffed beside her as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“As if you could.”

The two men were locked in a staredown, leaving Marinette to wilt in the tension that had formed. She moved towards her apartment, only to be stopped by Damian’s hand for the third time tonight.

Turning her back to Jason, she watched as he brought her hand to his lips, his kiss still as gentle and soft as the first when he had given her hours earlier. She ignored Jason’s protest as she pulled his hand forward placing a quick peck on his lips.

The man’s face matched her own in shades of red.

“Does this mean you would be interested in a second date?”

Marinette nodded furiously before waving him goodnight, darting past Jason’s brooding figure.

“This is not the end of it Marinette!”

Jason’s threats felt empty compared to the excitement racing in her heart. She had finally broken the cycle of never-ending first dates and boy, did it feel good.

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The rose left unwatered Part 2 (Law x f!reader)

A/N : Hi there ~.~ Part 2 is ready ! I was so surprised with the nice feedback I got on part one, wow, I am so pleased. I will do my best for updating ;w; ! This chapter was nice to write, it follows the events of the Dressrosa arc (with modifications) so if you’re not there it might be a bit of a spoiler. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter and please let me know if you like it ! Part 1  Part 2 :

A few days have passed, normally, days passed without nothing exchanged but stealthy looks, as if that night never happened. You acted casually but you called him now by his first name, making sure to pronounce it in that peculiar way that is specific to you. Law was immersed in making plans so he didn't have much time to re-think about your interaction even though you were never too far, always in the corner of his visual field, always in some corner of his mind. By this time, Law's plan was going well, Doflamingo retired from being a Warlord and you were heading to Dressrosa. Once arrived, you split into teams, and when nobody expected it, you said quite casually ;

-Hmm...I'm actually bored so I'll go with Robin, Law and Usopp if that's okay.

-That's definitely not okay  said Usopp, hiding behind Zoro* what if she betrays us ?!

You pinch the bridge of your nose and just add « Well...if I wanted to betray you guys, wouldn't it be safer for me to stay on the ship ? Also, It wouldn't be that hard for me to take you down if I really wanted to... » you said with a cocky smile

-Don't say such things Usopp ! Says Luffy with a pouty look, (Y/N) is our friend !

-Don't be mean to (Y/N)-chan ! Adds Sanji, hitting usopp with his fist.

Usopp gives in and you and the strawhats split into two groups, yours is charged of giving Ceaser to Doflamingo. You put on a venetian-carnaval looking mask to hide your identity. The mask was white with golden arabesques decorating it.

Law was surprised that you wanted to join them for the first time. Since you joined the strawhats as an unofficial member, you have never taken part in any kind of fighting, no one has ever seen you fight. Robin was curious about why you wanted to join, she had a little enigmatic smile, her eyes going from you to Law.

Once in Greenbit, you decided that you, Robin and Usopp would go explore the forest while Caesar and Law will stay further in case something happened. This is when you were all captured by Tontattas -the dwarves that lived in Greenbit- and stitched to the ground.

-Hey...(Y/N)...Why won't you use that « extraordinary power of yours » and save us ?!

-Hmm...Don't wanna, you said while yawning, stuck to the ground as well.

Usopp started crying in fear but then made up that story about being a descendant of Noland, the legendary explorers that Tontattas happened to worship. You then, or more like, Usopp and Robin decided to help the Tontattas to execute their plan to make some light on Dressrosa's secret ; the fact that Doflamingo was controlling everyone in the city and staying on the throne by using one of his family member's ability and turning everyone who tried to rebel into toys. You honestly weren't interested in this part of the plan, your thoughts were with the surgeon. Since the plan failed and Doflamingo only pretended to have retired from being a Warlord, you now knew that Law was in heavy waters ; having to face not only the Navy but also the Heavenly Demon. You wished that Law would just escape as you knew that Doflamingo can be pretty dangerous. The idea of him dying made the knot in your stomach grow. You didn't want him to die...Not now. You wanted to save him. You knew that only you could do it.

The DenDen Mushi started ringing suddenly and Usopp picked up. You were hanged up on the line, waiting for news about Law, expecting that he would be there with Luffy or the others. I really want to see him right now, you thought to yourself. A sharp sound was heard through the speaker ; a loud bullet noise followed by Luffy's voice

-Hey !!! Tra-o why are you fighting mingo ??!

-HEY ???! What was the gunshot ???? Did Doflamingo shoot Tra-o ?? Said Ussop, as if he was adding fuel to the fire that was burning your whole being.

Your heart almost skipped a beat, almost escaping from your ribs ; Law got hit by the bullet ? You heard screams of pain and you assumed the worse...You felt that monstrous pain. And then came the remorse, the poignant weight of « what ifs » ? of « what if I stayed with him ? » you could've done something for sure, you that were doomed with such devastating power. « Why did I even have a power if it's not to save people I care for ? » you were surprised, caring, you cared for him and you were ready to go there, to be there for him. Suddenly, you felt nothing as some tears were rolling down your cheeks, tears of sorrow, with nothing but nausea at the back of your throat. You let out a shriek that made everyone look at you with terror ;

-LAW ! You screamed...Wait for me I will....I will...save him I will...I will bring him back to life if I need to...

You took the denden mushi off Usopp's hands and screamed into the snail ;

-Leave Law to me ! I will be there in seconds.

- We are counting on you (Y/N) aded the captain

-(Y/N) said Robin, but that's basically impo-...

-Porta Ermetica ! As you rose your hand, a violet looking gate the same size of a door appeared. You set entered into it and it disappeared as it was never there. This transported you directly to the palace, where Law and Doflamingo were fighting. Trebol, one of Doflamingo's family was also there. You didn't pay attention to both of them, you jumped on Law's body holding him by the shoulders delicately, as if that touch would break him. He was all covered in blood and he has also lost an arm.

-Who do we have here ? Another brat ? We don't have time to waste with y'all ! - Said Trébol.

You looked back at him with such anger in your eyes, your conqueror haki was so strong that it made Trébol collapse at Doflamingo's feet. That was the extent of your ability. A terrifiant ability that you didn't have the control of.

Doflamingo looked at you in both awe and bloody anger, how dare you ? On the other hand, he felt that your presence was very familiar, bingo, how could he forget the scent of an old lover ? He didn't take you lightly at all. He was curious as why you were there, but also careful.

During this time, Law was really taken aback, he never thought that you had this kind of power, and above all, conqueror haki. His mind was blurry after fighting restlessly against the heavenly demon. He started to understand your high bounty and why you were so hesitating to fight...

But so much more was left unanswered and so much more was left unsaid. He couldn't help but feel a mixture of shame and relief, why were you fighting for him ? You that hated fighting so much. But seeing him in that state, coming to save him, it didn't please his ego and he cursed you inside for it.

-(Y/N)-ya..Why are you here ?!

You looked at him with nothing but tenderness in your eyes, putting your finger on his lips

-Shh..You're injured....We will talk later.

Doflamingo was looking at this scene, puzzled yet amused, seeing how you got fragile at the sight of the surgeon. He then started laughing in his usual evil laugh as he looked closely at you, recognizing you. How could he not ? You both shared the same story. You both knew the government's hidden secret, their hidden trasure that could shake the whole world if it came to be known. Except that he got the government in the palm of his hand because of his bloodline, and that you were tracked and targeted because of it. He knew the kind of powers you had, he knew and it made a shiver of excitement shake his body. Raw power, untamed power.

-Fufufu~ My, my, isn't it (Y/N)-chan ? Long time no see...

-Doflamingo...I have no intention of fighting you...You know very well what I'm capable of...I'm just here to get him back. You said as you pointed to Law with a movement of your chin.

Doflamingo got closer, holding the gun in his arm. You stood up to face him and took off your mask, your eyes met his. Your eyebrows were frowned and you were boiling up with anger. You only had one desire ; to punch him, but you wanted to get out of here as fast as you could.

-Come on, don't frown this much...It will make you age prematurly. He gets close from your face putting two fingers on your eyebrows. He wasn't scared of you, he knew your « peaceful » temperament and he knew how to pull your strings. You slap his hand away and say in a firm tone, wanting to end this as soon as possible ;

-So, here is the deal, I take Law and I go away...And I won't interfere with your...little business. End of the deal. You say, pointing to the birdcage that is closing around the island.

Doflamingo looks at you with a half-moon smile then answers ;

-Why are you in a hurry ? Don't you want to remember the nice old days ? I have so many questions for you, my dear (Y/N)

-We don't have anything to talk about ! Also we both know that we don't want to fight.

-I was a little bit surprised to see you here...he says, ignoring your words...Really surprised. I was looking for you for quite a while, and all this time you were with the strawhats ? Why them ? Why, when I asked you to join me. With my power and yours we could destroy the world government. Listen to me, I know that we both know their little secret, if we join our powers we will...

-Enough...Enough Doffy.  I will never ally myself with someone who shares your blood !

-But that didn't seem to bother you...Back in the days. He said, teasing, his voice getting lower, two fingers holding your chin up.

-I don't care about the past. I don't want to follow your path. I am an enemy of the gods as well. I will follow their will. You then took a step back.

The veins on his forehead became prominent as he felt blood pump into his veins. He clenched his fist and added

-Again ? Don't tell me you believe in such fairy tales as well ? What is up with the « D » ? Look at him very well (Y/ N)...He is one of yours too, is that why you try to save him so badly ? What did he do with that measly name of his ?

-(Y/N)-ya !! Law screamed, shocked by this amount of revelations in such a little time, this has nothing to do with you just....Just go away !

You were surprised, Law was...he was a D as well ? He didn't tell you though...At this moment,

At this very moment, you heard quite a big crash coming from down your feet. It was Luffy who had beaten Bellamy and came to fight Doflamingo. You looked down and said ;

-Luffy...I'll leave it to you from here.

-(Y/N) ! Sure ! I'm going to kick Mingo's ass.

-Do you know where the others are ?

-They're there, at the top of the hill.

You then turned to Law and he was still processing your interaction with the heavenly demon. You then got down to where he was sitting and said ;

-I am sorry but..I think that I will have to carry you.

-...

At this point, Law wasn't able to say anything or to protest. What was there to say ? This movement alone was what hurt his ego most, but he remained silent, nothing, not a single word out of his blood-covered lips. You bent down and held him firmly as if you were carrying a princess. The funny scene made Luffy laugh from afar but the murderer look from Law's face made him stop and focus on his fight. You were shaking a bit, his blood pearling on your arms, on your dress, on you. You didn't lock eyes oh no, you weren't brave enough, as if those dim eyes would have petrified you if you looked in them.

You murmured a spell and the purple dimension appeared again. It seemed as if it swallowed you both as you stepped inside of it.

You carried Law tight in your arms and your heart was throbbing inside of your chest. Fuck, you thought, you felt weak, you got weak, you that has sworn to yourself not to bend down, not to get emotional, not to get attached. But you have grown attached to the straw hats and now to the Surgeon. Why did you care if he died ? So what if he died ? So what if you would never ever see him around on the Sunny go ? So what if you never heard his low voice calling your name ? So what if you never ever got to feel his voice deep in your ears and his hands on your body ? You chrugged, keeping him closer to you, not wanting to let go of him. He seemed to have lost consciousness from his blood loss and for that moment you were a bit thankful that you didn't have to face his eyes. What would you say to him ? Hell, you didn't even know how to justify this to yourself.

You bring him to the top of the hill where the others were. Meanwhile, Robin and Usopp have accomplished their mission and returned all the toys into humans. There were also some people that you didn't know but you didn't care, all you cared about was Law. Robin came closer to you, worried.

« -(Y/N). What happened to Law ? My, his arm...I wonder if he will lose all his blood and die. »

Robin's words worried you, Robin always had such a pessimistic way of expressing herself and in other situations you would've laughed but you were in no mood to laugh. You looked quite worried bending down and looking closely. You felt so exhausted and confused, you would've preferred staying on the ship. You suddenly felt nausea and faint, fingers shaking, vision blurry. « I just want everyone to be alright...I want him to be okay... » you softly murmured before loosing the last fine thread that connected you to consciousness. Suddenly, your body felt as light as foam, your eyelids as heavy as moutains and you fell into the soft embrace of unconsciousness.

--------------------- I swear there will be more law x reader interaction in next chapter owo so brace yourselves. See you next time~ T A G L I S T @transparentobservationpaper @ shadowserpent4444  @lolli-ace @zumoshikio @its-me-ya-boi-lisa @soul-stealer-reaper​

shameless; 

full masterlist

Pairings: biker!bucky x female!reader

Word count: 1,423

Warning: SMUT. sexy times, cuss words, oral sex (female receiving), fingering. (MUST BE 18+) 

Summary: on a rainy monday night where bucky took you to the club, what could happen when there’s only the two of you and a few glasses of whiskey in between? 

a/n: so i was thinking of writing another biker!bucky because it’s my favorite trope and i know that i have written another biker!bucky fic previously, so i was considering of turning it into a series of events kinda fic? just a compilation of domestic and adventurous one shots between biker!bucky and reader that take place in the same universe but different times... let me know in the comment if you’d be interested! as usual, likes & feedbacks are always appreciated. enjoy!

Your lips were swollen as Bucky had one hand on your hip and the other one with a fistful of your hair. You leaned back with your hands propping you up on the carom billiards table as Bucky shoved his tongue inside your mouth. He kissed you ferociously as if his life depended on it. Through every clashing teeth, tongues entangling, and tender nibbles, he conveyed his blazing infatuation for you and he was addicted to the spell that you had on him.

Bucky took you at the club that he owned, where The Howling Commandos biker gang liked to hang out every weekend. It was practically their nest and no one walked through that entrance undetected. Their vigilant eyes were always scanning every person who stepped foot on their territory.

It was a quiet Monday night where the club was customarily closed due to its employees and bartenders working extra harder on the weekends so Bucky thought they deserved a break. Not that many people visit the club on Mondays, anyway.

Bucky liked to take you on spontaneous dates and tonight, he took you to his favourite spot, where he found the most comfort other than in your arms as he once claimed, and that was his club. He initially planned to take you here for a quick drink and then he was planning to take you to a drive-in theatre, where his parents used to take him back when he was a kid.

But his plans were ruined the moment he heard the sounds of droplets of drizzle upon the roof that soon turned into a rainfall. You sat by the bar with Bucky by your side as you talked about whatever random topic that came into your mind. The club was partly dimmed and the thudding of the downpour was the only noise you could hear. You were clad in nothing more than a black shirt that exhibited your cleavage and a pair of ripped denim shorts and it was very challenging for Bucky to keep his hands off you.

After a few shots of whiskey, Bucky didn’t hold back when his primal instinct urged him to take you right there in the unoccupied club. So he slammed his lips to yours after you giggled incessantly like a child just like you would when you got a little tipsy and then he lifted you to the billiard table without detaching his mouth from yours.

That’s how you ended up here; with Bucky’s hands roaming all over your body as he groped your breast by reaching through under the hem of your shirt and he didn’t even bother trying to unclasp that bra off of your chest and just pushed aside the cup through the underband. You panted as Bucky dragged his tongue down your neck and nipped on your sensitive spot, marking you as his.

He loved watching you walk around with a cordial bruise especially on the areas where he knew you couldn’t cover. What can you say? Bucky was quite a possessive man. He’d fight anyone who even dared to think about you.

He fondled your hardened nipple as the cold air made it even more sensitive. His lips returned to yours after he was satisfied with purple mark and he pushed you on the surface, making you lie on it. He unbuttoned your jeans and slid them down along with your thong. You knew how spontaneous Bucky could be and you anticipated that something like this would happen so you’d always slip in a surprise that would provoke him even more.

This time, it’s your favourite mauve pink lace thong. Bucky was tempted to tear it off your hips but he knew just how much you loved your pretty underwears so he stopped doing that, not wanting to make you mad.

“But doll, I promise, I’ll buy you a new one.”

“It’s not the point, Bucky! The point is, they don’t sell the exact same item anymore.”

Bucky put them on the floor and started trailing up your leg with kisses as you both maintained eye contact. He was going slow because he knew it was agonizing to you and that sexy motherfucker lived to tease you. He nibbled on the inside of your thigh before he lifted your thighs on the table and spread them wide to give him more access. He pushed his head to your core and he licked a stripe on your bud. He feasted on your wetness as he moaned at the taste. It reverberated through your skin, causing your head to spin.

“Oh God, Bucky…” You bit your lip.

Without any warning, he inserted two fingers into your cunt and you arched your back, a loud moan escaped through your lips. He kept driving them in and out of you, scissoring you open for him. He curled his fingers to nudge on your G-spot, steering you to the edge as you released all over his fingers. He cleaned them off by licking them and you watched the erotic scene playing out above you.

Bucky kissed you once more with fervour and you could taste yourself on him. It was so sexy and you couldn’t wait any longer for him to give you more so you wrapped your legs around his waist and bucked your hips against his crotch. The friction was tantalizing.

He chuckled as he retreated an inch from your face, “patience, babygirl.”

Bastard. He loved riling you up and he loved seeing you in a dishevelled state. When you couldn’t hold back any longer and there was nothing else in your mind than his beautiful cock, it fueled his ego.

“Please, Bucky, I need you so bad… please.”

“You want me? You want me to fuck you like a whore that bad?”

“Yes, please!” you whined.

“Then beg. Beg like a good girl and tell me you’re mine.”

“Please, Bucky? I’m yours. All yours, just take me, please. I can’t- I need… I need to feel you.” You pleaded in between pants.

“That’s my girl.” He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled it down with his briefs as his hard cock wobbled with every motion that he made. He took off his leather jacket and placed it on the table next to you and then he lifted your legs up onto his shoulders and slammed his hard cock into you as you thrashed in pleasure and squealed, your warmth engulfing him. He didn’t waste any time in drawing himself out only to pummel himself back in full force. He impaled you as he shoved his fingers into your mouth, muting your shrieks.

You could feel his balls slapping against your buttcheeks that were dangling on the edge of the table as he rammed his cock into you relentlessly. You could feel him in your stomach as you felt your climax approaching. He accelerated his pace and you clenched around him. A few more hard, rapid thrusts and the coil in your abdomen erupted, making a mess all over Bucky’s cock.

Bucky was still chasing his release as he watched the expression on your face when you came undone, it was pornographically divine. His cock throbbed and he reached his own peak. He groaned as he released deep inside you, mumbling a few profanities under his breath.

You trembled beneath him, trying to regain control over your breathing. The familiar ache between your legs filled you with bliss. Bucky withdrew himself out and he watched his cum dribbling out of you. “So fucking perfect.” He muttered.

“Can’t believe we just did that…” Bucky helped you up as you sat half-naked on the baize.

“Have sex?” he scoffed.

“Defiled the pool table. The boys like to play here, it feels... weird.” 

“Well, I own this place, doll. I can defile as many equipments as I please. Plus, nobody has to know what we just did, don’t they?”

You could only nod, still a little hazy from the offence you just committed.

“Now, let’s get out of here so we can have a quickie in the drive-in, yeah?”

You shook your head at your shamelessly perverted boyfriend. He was never one to keep it in his pants longer than fifteen minutes. You had lost count on how many public places he had fucked you at. He’d always tell you, “not my fault that you walk around looking that hot, is it? Can’t blame a guy for not getting enough of you, doll”

Lucky for him, you could never get enough of him either though.

and it's not like you and sunghoon are star players either

HELPPPPP HUMBLED THEM SO FAST

it coincidentally hits sunghoon right in his back while he's playing on the court adjacent to yours

men 😒 don't cry sunghoon people are dying 😒 Jk do you need help i can hit y/n for you 😘😍

you, on the other hand, was someone known for being very quiet and introverted due to your terrible case of social awkwardness

kinnie moment 😍

not to mention, to add even more fuel to the fire, he'd always make fun of how nobody cared about the girl’s tennis team just to spite you

in his misogynistic era #ICanFixHim 🥀🖤

jay simply raises an eyebrow, “so you won't even try asking your own teammates but you'll ask y/n?”

hoon so down bad

“I want free lunch for each day we practice until the tournament, and keep in mind, I'm on a very specific eating regimen.”

SO THEY'LL HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER 😚

“I can. it was last year two months into the first semester and I won.”

DOWN BAD FOR REAL IS HE COUNTING THE DAYS TOO

you quickly spin on your heel and walk away to do some solo warms up, not noticing sunghoon popping open the cap of the gatorade bottle, unable to suppress a soft smile

SO CUTE I'LL CRY

you invite him out to dinner a couple nights before the tournament, excusing the kind gesture by saying there was a new restaurant opening nearby and you just didn't want to check it out by yourself

DAMN GO Y/N SHE'S DOWN BAD TOO relatable

he gently lays his hand over yours from across the table, “thanks for cheering me up. I know it must be weird to comfort your annoying arch nemesis that you hate.”

THE HAND ?_!$)#)2(2)(# GO AWAY ily

like it's not because you're actually in love with him and have been secretly wanting to get closer???

HSJHSHWHWHWH If you're interested i am hmu 😁

and that's when he realizes two things: one, that his ego has been bruised, and two, that he may have somehow developed a very tiny not so tiny crush on you

FJKSOWU1LWI HE'S SO . I LOVE HIM

but heeseung was an amiable third year in a long term relationship with his girlfriend therefore making him the best option in sunghoon's eyes

it's true i'm the girlfriend 😅☺️

and when you felt bad, you snuck a teddy bear in her locker the next day.”

FUCK HIM HE'S SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭

you hug sunghoon out of excitement and it takes an painstakingly long moment of realization to pull away once you see that you're hugging the life out of him

💞💖💗💞💝💓💘💞💗💕💗💞💖💓💕💝💞

you turn around and it's jungwon, the cute first year that played for a neighboring school

DON'T DO THIS TO ME jelous hoon slaaay 😍

he has a small bouquet of daisies in his hands (where they came from? you have no clue) and peppermint breath spray tucked into his back pocket

NOOOOO HE'S SO CUTE 😭💔😭💔😭💔 i'll give you a chance jungwon

“what?” sunghoon's eyes look like they're about to pop out of their sockets. “but I thought you just turned him down!”

we love himbo hoon 😍❤️

“and if I am?”

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS AND IT'S SO DUMB BUT IT MADE ME REMEMBER when someone once asked jungkook "are you jeon jungkook?" and he replied "and if i am?" THIS IS SO OUT OF CONTEXT AND STUPID but yeah ❤️

and sunghoon thinks that you look so breathtakingly adorable

🤬🖕🤬🖕🤬🖕 hey god it's me again

and a wide grins spreads across your face as you tell him those last three words back

HELLOOOOO I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE WHERE'S THE KISS 💔

I LOVED IT SM IT OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T DISAPPOINT ME OMG SORRY IF THE COMMENTARY WAS KINDA DRY BUT IT WAS SO GOOD AND SO CUTE FR TYSM FOR WRITING THIS RI 😭😭😭😭😭😭 ENEMIES TO LOVERS NEVER GETS OLD 😋😋 AND I LOVE YOU SUNGHOON ‼️

- 🦕 anon

I love this commentary sm like ty bestie you don’t know how much I appreciate this😭

I cackled reading the ‘in his misogynistic era’ comment lmaooo

but yes, enemies to lovers never gets old and we love two newfound simps trying to chaotically navigate their feelings (more so on sunghoon’s side lol)

also I feel like I keep screwing jungwon over in my fics beside love montage like I’m so sorry my love💔

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“Should I Get A Divorce?” Speaks,  Oct 6, 2020

- This video is weird. He’s trying to make himself seem smart and insightful about marriage because his marriage is “successful”, while most people complain about their marriage. - There’s one part where he says people don’t understand you don’t have to be lied to or cheated on in a relationship. Which is pretty ironic coming from him. He shows a clip of an upset wife asking her husband what he’s doing with a woman in a bedroom. The husband and the woman are getting dressed. The husband keeps asking “Who?” “What?”, pretending the woman isn’t there. Later he shows more of the clip where the wife is still questing him. He keeps pretending he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She looks in the bedroom again and the woman is gone. The wife looks confused. Love that gaslighting. Just like when Jamsey boi cheats. “I didn’t cheat. It was the other person who cheated on you, my spouse” “You said I can’t have oral or vaginal sex with your friend. You didn’t say anything about anal.” - In another part he says there are people who constantly complain about their s/o and they hide away in a man cave.. he says this while in his garage man cave. 😑 Which we know he spends most of his time in. Like, way longer than normal working hours.  - He says he used to look angry in his old Speaks videos because of his marriage at the time. That’s total crap. He only shows clips from videos where he used his old militant persona for videos like his anti-meat videos. He made plenty of mushy Speaks videos talking about how happy he was with Skye back then too. 🙄 - I think he made this video during his short guru / advise phase.

“gotta say goodbye for a little bit” Speaks, October 8, 2020

- Tells his viewers they can listen to this video without watching it if they like to listen to people talk, like Kai used to do. [This is definitely meant to be another guru / advise type video. I can tell by his tone.] - Says he’s married to Kai for almost 8 years. (How Kai found James story) Says he married a fan and had children with them. He says they now have an awesome dynamic, but he knocks on wood because people who are together 18 years still get divorces. Says you never know, things can suddenly fall apart. - Says it’s cool because at the time he didn’t listen to social standards. Kai was 17 at the time, but lied about his age. Most people would have said don’t go for the relationship because Kai lied and the age gap, even though it was legal. He listened to the law and his heart and now he’s in the happiest marriage of his life. - “F society.” If he listened to society, he wouldn’t know where he’d be or what relationship he’d be in. Says you have to follow the legal system or your life is ruined. - Says he was an air force cop at one point because he believed in justice. He doesn’t think he wanted to shoot people, but he excelled in the cop program. He says he met Magic Johnson in the cafeteria at Lackland Air Force Base. He barely knew who Magic Johnson was, but he thought it was cool a famous basketball player was there. James asked him if he could take a picture and he said yes. He says he took a picture of him like a reporter and not a selfie. He still regrets that. - Says he wants to talk about the future of this channel. Some people appreciate he’s been uploading every day, but he wants to focus on sites that aren’t shadow banning people or algorithmically demoting people. He feels like Youtube is king in letting negative opinions prevail, even if it’s invalid. If the engagement shows people are mad at you, Youtube used to go the harsh truth route. He says that was nice. He says he once made a fake meltdown video in response to a video Leafy made about him. He says it’s fun for him to make fake meltdowns. - He says he and Kai took a quiz today and found out Kai’s IQ is 136 and his is 129, so Kai is smarter than him. - After the meltdown videos, Youtube algorithm didn’t favor him as much. He says maybe it was because he said they were fake. - He says he has been thinking about websites and how they treat users. Says Twitter is one the best because they don’t care about what your opinion is. They just care about their rules. Says if people don’t like you on other sites, they will shadow-ban you and you’re done for. He says his reaction video to Leafy’s video got 1/6th the views Leafy did, so there was a bleed over of traffic. Now when someone says something negative about you, YouTube will only promote videos that agree with that narrative. Says if you only want to hear negative stuff about Joe Biden, you’ll only see negative stuff. He says it’s financially productive, but it’s not ethically productive.

[I just want to pause here and vent a second. Yes, James fell out of the YouTube algorithm, but he’s had plenty of chances to sweep back into it. Like when he was getting tons of views on those fake meltdown videos in January. The reason those viewers didn’t stay is because there is nothing good for them to watch. His Speaks videos are boring, long, rambling messes. He repeats himself, contradicts himself, talks about the same topics over and over. These videos are mind-numbingly boring. His comedy videos are extremely outdated. The characters, topics, and humor he uses are not going to get him anywhere anymore. Like is the Death Note fandom really that strong in 2020? That anime came out 14 years ago for Christ sake. His music is not particularly good or interesting. On top of all this, his reputation is complete garbage.

People just don’t want to watch Onision. If the algorithm tried promoting his Speaks videos, I guarantee most people are actively choosing not to click on his videos. The non-subscribers that do click probably regret it. He’s made ZERO effort into making interesting or engaging content. He’s ONLY been making Speaks content that either fuels his ego or defends himself using the same old arguments he’s used 100+ times before. He’s got to be in some kind of deep denial if he thinks his Youtube views are down because of the algorithm. 

There used to be a saying that whenever Onision’s fans grow out of him, there will always be a crop of young teens that start watching him. That’s not happening anymore. It’s not cool for the alt / loner kids to watch edgy Youtube videos anymore.]

- Says people only want to hear things they agree with, people want to take what he says out of context, blah, blah. I’m only 1/4th of the way through this damn video. - He asks why he’s busting his butt when there’s no chance for him to prevail on Youtube or anywhere. He says he’s on TikTok, OnlyFans, Twitch. [This video was from before his partnership was taken away on Twitch.] He says those are slightly less problematic because they are driven by human beings and not drama. - He says when you see him posting less to Youtube in the future, you’ll understand why. He says he wants to wait you guys out, 2 years, 20 years. (He tried to call out Shane story.) He says he had to wait a year or two until people admitted he was right about Shane. He says he has conflicting feeling about Shane because they had a personal friendship. Says Shane told him they were friends. - He says you guys seem to drive your narrative and agendas by emotion rather than science and facts. He can’t reason with them unless he picked a greater evil and wages war on that. You would have to join forces with him because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. He says he wouldn’t do that because he’s not interested in being a professional wrestler and making fake drama. - In time you will feel passionately about other things. You don’t actually care about anyone involved because none of you are consuming yourself with anything that is not pop culture. You’re only interested in things other people are pretending to care about. None of you would care if someone found three bodies in a basement. If they were not celebrities you wouldn’t care. You only want justice for things that will get you attention. - If someone builds their whole platform about anti-person they might get bored and become anti-you. That’s why you don’t want to be friends with dramatic people. - He says he was dramatic about things, but that’s because he did care about those things. He wasn’t talking about 3 bodies in the basement either. - Says a long time ago when a celebrity died, he pointed out 30 people were murdered and washed ashore in another country. No one was talking about it because they probably didn’t hear about it. Nobody actually cares about human lives. If you did, every second that a human dies you’d be tweeting about it. - (Sarah blackmail story.) He says in a number of words Sarah said she wouldn’t ruin his life if she slept with him, then went back on it. [Wow. He really morphed his original story. It used to be: One time she jokingly said she could ruin our lives. Later we wanted her to sign an NDA and she said only if she gets something out of it, meaning sex. James said it was “good vibes” that day and he perceived that as her being kinky. She also said it was just a joke in the “proof” clip he always uses. They signed the NDA, then James pressured / tricked Kai into having sex with himself and Sarah. Then Sarah later came back and he decided they should have anal while Kai was out of town because Kai didn’t say no genital to butt. He only said no genital to genital and no genital to mouth before he left.] He says he decided to no longer sleep with Sarah because it was toxic and he decided he would rather be ruined than be with Sarah. [I have a theory he stopped sleeping with Sarah because he was afraid of Kai finding out. If he was truly afraid of Sarah ruining his life, why did he make those videos about weed smokers and BPD that would piss her off? She didn’t speak about their relationship publicly until he started bashing her through those videos.] Says Sarah went ahead and ruined his life and you fell for it. - He keeps mentioning Joe Rogan. - He says others have said he built an empire, uploaded thousands of videos. He gave so much of his life entertaining people and making them laugh. It was so important to him. He changed a lot of lives for the better. Says if you look on Twitter before the drama, you’ll see a lot of people thanking him. Says he was a positive influence to millions of people. That’s a fact. It all came crumbling down because people lied. They’re all criminals he kicked out of his life. He tries to play hero and he was only right with Kai. Kai wasn’t playing victim, he was on his way to college to be a surgeon. Once he was in the process of having kids, he lost the taste to be in a surgery room. Instead he got a bachelor’s in psychology. Kai’s diagnosis of James is aspects of narcissism, but says he doesn’t meet the qualifications to be a full blown narcissist. - He is investing a lot of time in people who don’t listen and don’t appreciate his content. Social media is a drug that tries to take up as much of your time as possible to make advertisers money. He doesn't create content that lies to you or brainwashing you into thinking your opinion is valid. He doesn’t pander to you to make money. Says when he says he’s one of the most honest people on Youtube, the bar is low. OnisionSpeaks is snake poison because snakes don’t survive on this channel. They aren’t going to have a voice that isn’t questioned. Most snakes on Youtube don’t even know how to activate charities on their channels. - Says he had a conversation with Kai about someone who said they vote for the economy over people. Humans are divided between helping their neighbor and helping themselves. - Says he was never taken to court because he never did anything. He’s still posting to places that he thinks is beneficial to himself and his family. Why would he stop because people have a bad idea of him? You shouldn’t alter your life just because people have an opinion of you. If you quit it makes you look guilty. If you quit you’re either guilty or incapable of dealing with it. He says he’s used to dealing with abuse since he began social media. - He wants to create content and help people and make them laugh. He wants to be socially capable and experienced. His ambitions are aligned with what he’s doing. - He says he can’t forgive his father if what people say about him is true. Everyone else he can forgive. If you are at odds with him, he doesn’t have any hate for you. He understands people can hear the wrong narrative and make mistakes. Says we are both imperfect people and have gone through different things. Says if we went through the same experiences, we’d think the same. Says we aren’t so different.  - Says he’s going away and he hopes you watch all his videos so you’ll know a little bit about who he is instead of listening to what Youtube manipulates you into watching. Says his advise is to quit social media. He wouldn’t quit because he’s passionate about it.

National Enquirer, December 28

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Ghislaine Maxwell scandal explodes 

Page 2: George Clooney was rushed to the hospital after rapidly dropping 28 pounds to play an ailing astronomer in his latest movie The Midnight Sky and the harrowing incident has infuriated worried wife Amal Clooney -- George’s scare came when he was diagnosed with life-threatening pancreatitis days before he was scheduled to start filming on a glacier in Finland -- Amal was unhappy and angry that he put his health on the line for the role and she was also furious because this wasn’t the first time the father of her twins has been in harm’s way and she’s demanding he take better care of himself so he’ll be around to care for his kids 

Page 3: Lori Loughlin’s deluded daughter Olivia Jade Giannulli is clueless over the college admissions scandal that landed her parents in jail and believes her own hype according to a body language expert -- in an interview on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk Olivia claimed she had no idea posing for pictures on a rowing machine to finagle a crew scholarship to the University of Southern California despite never having practiced the sport was deceitful but body language expert Susan Constantine said Olivia doesn’t appear to have any understanding of the consequences of her actions or those of mom Lori and dad Mossimo Giannulli -- after observing Olivia’s confession Constantine said she didn’t notice any deceptive indicators such as pauses in her speech or shrugging of her shoulders however she labeled Olivia completely unequivocally oblivious which she said made it challenging to judge Olivia’s truthfulness 

Page 4: Lonely Diane Keaton is longing for love and she’s turned to former flame Jack Nicholson for help in landing a new guy -- Diane is truly desperate to find a man and she knows if there’s one person who can help her navigate the dating scene after all this time it’s Jack -- the Oscar-winning actress shocked the world when she recently admitted she hasn’t been on a date in 35 years and she made a joke of it but the pandemic has made her realize how lonely she really is -- Diane would never date Jack again but knows he has a lot of eligible friends who would fit her dating profile 

* Dying Olivia Newton-John worries endlessly about her daughter Chloe and made a touching final request of close pal John Travolta: Please take care of Chloe after I’m gone -- Olivia’s concerns for Chloe spiked after she blasted the COVID-19 vaccine on social media writing that natural medicine is the party she belongs to -- Olivia has been battling stage 4 breast cancer while John lost his wife Kelly Preston to the same disease and John loves and admires Olivia for the way she’s battled this disease and she’s given him the hope and encouragement he needs -- now Chloe’s ongoing issues have pushed Olivia to beg John to pledge he’ll be there for her daughter because Chloe has spent over $450,000 on multiple plastic surgeries including breast enhancements and a nose job and lip enhancements and Botox and she’s also battled anorexia and depression which led to bouts with cocaine and alcohol addiction -- Olivia has always been deeply concerned about who would look out for Chloe if she wasn’t around and now that she can see the end is near she asked John to be that person; he never blinked an eye and said of course 

Page 5: Ozzy Osbourne’s frail and feeble appearance has friends fearing for the rocker but he has no plans to abandon a 2022 comeback even if it kills him -- the 72-year-old singer has battled Parkinson’s disease and crippling nerve damage but has vowed he will die onstage -- nobody disputes he has the heart of a lion and it’s great to see him out and about again recording music and talking the good talk but ultimately Ozzy is a very sickly guy who needs to protect himself and not charge around trying to delude himself by living life at a pace that doesn’t make sense anymore 

Page 6: Rattled reality star Kylie Jenner is living in fear after being terrorized by two crazed fans and is now spending $350,000 a month on a 25-person security detail -- Kylie filed court documents seeking a restraining order against Justin Bergquist who allegedly broke into her $36.5 million California home last month 

Page 7: Lonely Ryan Seacrest may have nearly half a billion bucks in the bank but he’d trade in his riches for another shot at love -- he was so devastated by his breakup with on-again off-again galpal Shayna Taylor last summer he fears he may never find a woman to spend the rest of his life with and he now realizes her put his career before his personal life one too many times and may suffer for it forever -- Ryan’s recent health woes have been a wake-up call and forced him to understand the price he’s paying for taking his partners for granted for so long -- Ryan now realizes life is too short to go it alone and it’s finally dawned on him he’s not invincible and not so self-sufficient after all 

* Miley Cyrus’ admission that she’s had a lot of FaceTime sex has left friends and advisers fearing she may be setting herself up for some unwanted exposure -- though Miley explained she’s turned to virtual hookups to avoid physical contact during the pandemic but she’s putting herself at an entirely different kind of risk and she’s setting herself up as a potential victim of revenge porn 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Brooke Burke showed off her toned figure in Malibu, Andrew Garfield looked bored on the NYC set of Tick Tick...Boom!, Busy Philipps cleaning, Audrina Patridge and her daughter Kirra on a Beverly Hills playdate 

Page 11: Guy Fieri is eating up heaps of praise for handing out $500 grants to more than 43,000 restaurant workers across the nation -- he scrambled to raise over $21.5 million in seven weeks to help legions of unemployed restaurant laborers who have suffered financially due to the COVID-19 health and economic crisis -- through his new Restaurant Employee Relief Fund Guy personally buttonholed fat cats at cash-rich corporations such as PepsiCo and Uber Eats and Moet Hennessy USA to make donations -- he shows how he did it and shines a light on the industry’s continuing challenges in Restaurant Hustle 2020 a documentary he produced for the Food Network 

* Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood are spreading yuletide cheer with their TV holiday special but they’re more interested in ringing cash registers than Christmas bells -- Garth and Trisha rake in $60 million a year from concert ticket sales and CD purchases and merchandising but the couple saw their cash flow slow during the pandemic -- they lost a bunch of money but they had the unique opportunity to do TV specials and grab a big chunk of it back -- while the $10 million they are pocketing for their TV specials won’t make up for what they would have netted on tour it was a sweet stocking stuffer and they both want to get back on the road and really rake it in but TV has made the wait a lot easier 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- With Beyonce and Taylor Swift facing off for Song of the Year at the upcoming Grammy Awards producers are scrambling to prevent another Kanye West explosion like what happened in 2009

* Killing off The Talk may be the only hope of saving Drew Barrymore’s tanking talk show

* The Real Housewives of New York are treating the first Black cast member Eboni K. Williams with kid gloves because no one wants to come across as racist 

* Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts (picture) 

Page 13: January Jones’ desperate bid for online attention has pals concerned she may be cracking up -- her red-hot career appears to have cooled since Mad Men ended in 2015 and January is dying to land another plum part like Betty Draper but she’s going about it the wrong way -- she’s been posting sexy bikini pictures and leggy dance numbers on Instagram but that’s not the way to catch the eye of casting directors especially with so few shows in production during the COVID-19 lockdown 

* Caitlyn Jenner has reached out to trans actor Elliot Page offering to be his big sister in an opportunistic PR ploy -- while Caitlyn was one of many trans celebs including Jazz Jennings and Geena Rocero to offer Elliot congratulations and support, Caitlyn viewed the announcement as a new opportunity to leap back into the limelight and she believes that by aligning herself with Elliot she can regain her status as an activist and the symbol of transgender rights in Hollywood -- Elliot is happy to listen to Caitlyn’s advice but he’s been navigating his gender issues for years and doesn’t need guidance and he’s not going to be rude but he doesn’t need the help 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: A never-before-heard audio recording is of iconic soul singer James Brown’s wish to leave his $100 million fortune to educate poor children -- in the garbled 1999 recording the singer who died suddenly in 2006 called the creation of his I Feel Good foundation his lasting legacy but his precious foundation has not seen a dime because his fortune has remained tied up in court since his death which is the subject of an investigation by the Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney’s office after allegations surfaced that Brown might have been poisoned by someone after his money 

Page 16: American Life 

Page 17: What Shocked and Rocked in 2020 -- the best scoops and stories of the year 

Page 25: Fired Hillsong Church pastor Carl Lentz was so starstruck by his celebrity parishioners he believed he was a star himself and his ego fueled his shocking fall from grace and now he’s getting mental health treatment after being accused of cheating on his wife and getting sacked for moral failures -- Carl tended the trendy megachurch’s New York City flock and regularly rubbed shoulders with celebs including NBA star Kevin Durant and singer Selena Gomez and even once invited Justin Bieber to live with him before being booted by bigwigs but now he’s said to be getting help at an outpatient facility specializing in depression and pastoral burnout but cunning Carl may have made the move simply to revamp his wrecked reputation 

Page 26: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are heading to couples therapy in a desperate bid to stay together because their marriage is hanging by a thread -- the pair are at each other’s throats as they struggle to adjust to their new life in America -- Harry’s gone from being excited about the move to feeling tortured and it’s like he swapped his royal prison in Britain for a new hell in a $14 million California mansion and he fears he’s made a terrible mistake but Meghan’s ordering him to man up and grab this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make millions away from the monarchy’s suffocating shadow -- the fighting came to a head before the holidays when Harry was feeling especially homesick and guilty about abandoning his family especially his brother Prince William and his grandmother Queen Elizabeth -- adding to their troubles Meghan seems hellbent on staying in the public eye during the pandemic and she masterminded their personal video calls to charities in London and the U.S. and the secret deliveries of meals to the needy but then she made them public and the truth is it’s The Meghan Show now and Harry’s just the side act 

Page 27: A charming Chinese spy bedded two Midwestern mayors and courted other clueless politicians to weasel her way into U.S. government circles -- Chinese national Christina Fang also known as Fang Fang, reportedly entered the U.S. as a college student in 2011 

Page 31: Candice Bergen moaned that at the age of 74 she’s a wreck and that she has a wattle -- Candice admitted to having her eyes done while filming the Murphy Brown reboot because they were very hooded and as for today she knows she should have injections because she has deep lines along her lip but she can’t take the pain 

* Rachael Ray lost her New York home to a blazing inferno but her holidays were salvaged by the warmth of community spirit -- following the devastating fire she and her husband moved into the property’s guesthouse and in a clip on The Rachael Ray Show the emotional host showed off her festively decorated digs and gushed she didn’t know where she’d be without friends and a community and people so dear to her that helped her bring Christmas to life even when you’re not at home 

Page 32: Health Watch -- blood test predicts Alzheimer’s 

Page 34: Longtime lovebirds Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are hoping to make a movie with their whole family -- the star-studded cast would include Goldie’s kids Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson and the couple’s son Wyatt Russell -- as for filming with the entire gang Goldie gushed that they have thought about it and she’d love to do something with her kids and the grandchildren too 

* Hollywood Hookups -- Kristin Cavallari and Jeff Dye heating up, Malik Beasley and Larsa Pippen dating but Malik’s wife Montana Yao filed for divorce, Chrishell Stause and Keo Motsepe dating 

Page 36: Infamous Hollywood hotel Chateau Marmont has a storied history of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll ever since it opened its doors in 1929 and nearly a century later it hasn’t been tamed -- even during the pandemic the majestic hotel is wild with drunks, overdoses and luckily averted suicide attempts and according to 911 records the debauched celebrity haunt is filled with people having breakdowns -- the Chateau’s crazy days and nights are legendary: it’s where John Belushi died in one of the bungalows in 1982 from a deadly cocaine-heroin concoction 

Page 38: One of the most iconic images from the James Bond films which is a handgun used by Sean Connery in Dr. No has sold for $256,000 at auction in Beverly Hills -- the gun is a deactivated semi-automatic Walther PP pistol -- the winning bidder who asked to remain anonymous is an American who’s seen every James Bond film with his children -- a helmet created for Tom Cruise in Top Gun also sold at the auction for $108,000 while a sword used by Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction sold for $35,200 

* Dolly Parton has one major thing left on her bucket list which is she wants to see Beyonce sing Jolene one of the country star’s signature songs -- Jolene has been recorded more than any other song Dolly has ever written but that isn’t enough for her because she also wants to see it updated by one of the top female stars of a new generation -- it has been recorded worldwide over 400 times in lots of different languages but nobody’s ever had a really big hit record on it and Dolly always hoped somebody might do it someday by someone like Beyonce 

* Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has wrestled his way into the alcohol market with his own tequila brand and lifted it into first place as the most successful spirit launch in history and he’s even on track to double George Clooney’s first-year launch -- Dwayne is expected to move more than 300,000 cases of small-batch Teremana Tequila in its first year of trading 

Page 40: Smitten singer Rihanna has fallen hard for A$AP Rocky but friends fear the playboy rapper will leave her broken-hearted -- Rocky is a charming guy but he also has a love ‘em and leave ‘em reputation and everyone’s concerned she’s more into him than he is into her -- Rihanna’s desperate to meet a man she can see herself with for the rest of her life and she believes Rocky might be the one but everybody thinks she’s rushing into things with Rocky -- Rocky is not interested in a long-term romance and Rihanna shouldn’t be thinking of this as more than a port in the storm 

* Lizzo is livin’ large and she’s showing every inch of her jiggles and folds on TikTok -- the body-positivity enthusiast wore a white bikini for an all-angles video in which she amply demonstrated the tricks models and celebs use to look slimmer -- she bared her belly and back and legs and sometimes jiggled her thighs or grabbed a hunk of herself to prove there’s more to luscious ladies than meets the eye and wrote, “Wild to see the body positive movement come so far. Proud of the big girls who gave it wings.” 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- The Crown stars -- Claire Foy, Emma Corrin, Gillian Anderson, Vanessa Kirby, Erin Doherty 

Page 47: Odd List -- baseball fan Darren Johnson hatched an unusual idea for his new chicken coop making it a model of Houston’s former Eighth Wonder of the World The Astrodome

Meeting and dating Mickey Jarvis

(My shit gif)(Mickeys the blonde for those who haven’t watched Porkys)

- You and Mickey met when your car broke down in the parking lot after school. Now Mickey’s car might not show it but he’s pretty handy with cars so when he sees a pretty young girl struggling to get her car to work he quickly comes to the rescue. 

- He definitely took a minute to stare at your backside as you were bent over looking under the hood of your car. After he got a good look at you he stood back and asked in his best sexy southern drawl if you needed any help. When you turned around you were met with his charming grin and cocked brow.

- You happily agree to his help and he begins to inspect your car all the while making small talk and using a few pick up lines on you. It doesn’t take him very long to find the issue but it’s not something that he can fix right there so you’re forced to call a tow truck.

- As you were waiting for the truck he offered to repair your car if you had it towed to his place. You asked how much he wanted for the job to which he responded that he didn’t want any money just your “sweet company”. You couldn’t deny that you were flattered; and a little flustered, so with little hesitation you agreed.

- After the truck came and was told where to go, Mickey offered to take you out to lunch and drive you home. Soon enough he was helping you into his truck and driving the two of you to a diner near the school.

- Mickey can be a real charmer when he wants to be so it’s not hard for him to worm his way into your heart during your “first date”. You have no problem joining him back at his place to continue spending time with him. So for the next few hours you sit on his front step and talk with him while you watch as he works on your car.

- The time just seems to fly when you’re with him so much so that you have to rush back home to make it in time for dinner. You quickly thank him for his help and promise to talk to him at school while you get into your newly fixed vehicle. You’re probably still late to dinner and your parents chew you out for it but you can’t be bothered by their nagging as you think about the blonde.

- The next day you dress up a little hoping you’ll see Mickey again; and you do. The instant you pull into the parking lot his truck revs up behind yours and parks in a space beside your car. You chuckle as he gets out of his truck and opens your car door for you, giving you a smile and asking how the “engines been treatin you?”.

- Wherever Mickey is the gangs not far so you’re quickly introduced to the boys and being animatedly told about one of their friends shenanigans. It seems like every step you take another person joins all of you, you’re introduced to Wendy at the doors of the school.

- Wendy steals you away from the boys with a wink aimed at Mickey. The two of them are close so she puts in a few good words for him as she walks you to your first period class.

- At lunch time Mickey comes up to your table and asks if he can take you out again. Your friends tease you mercilessly after he walks away but you just smile and let them.

- After school you drive home and fix yourself up before he arrives at your house and takes you to a malt shop. The two of you eat and talk, laughing and overall just enjoying each other’s company.

- In the next few weeks you and Mickey go out or at least get together nearly every day. The two of you kiss for the first time on your third date. You’re at a drive in watching a movie that neither of you are really paying attention to. His arm is around your shoulder and you feel him give you a small squeeze. When you look at him he pulls you closer and kisses you.

- After maybe a month of going out on dates he gives you his letterman sweater to signal that he wants to go steady. He loves the smile you have on your face as he slips it over your shoulders.

- You call him Sparky, he thinks it’s cute.

 - You get called Baby, Honey, and Darlin in return.

- He knows you love the accent, everyone loves the accent. He definitely uses it to his advantage whenever he can.

 - Helping his brother and the gang talk some sense into him.

- You’re going to have to babysit him at times because he has zero impulse control especially when he’s angry.

- Once he’s set on something he’s going to do it no matter what it takes. This can be a good thing and a bad thing depending on the situation. Wants to get you an expensive necklace? Good thing. Wants to assassinate a strip club owner? Bad thing.

- You’ll have to learn how to calm him down or more realistically try your best to. Nobody in the world can put out the fire once he gets himself worked up, all you can really do is postpone the inevitable.

- Getting used to patching him up when you can’t stop him. He refuses to go to the hospital and you’re probably the only one he lets actually help him.

- Obviously he’s got a temper so it doesn’t take much to get him jealous. When you’re around he might not do something about his anger but he still sits seething and watching you like a hawk to make sure the guy doesn’t try anything. It depends on who it is really, if you’ve never met the guy and Mickey thinks he’s flirting then he’ll probably come up and “introduce himself”.

- But you should really worry about when you’re gone because chances are he’s going to try to fight the guy. He doesn’t want you to see him do it but it’s going to happen.

- He might not want you to see him fight the guy he’s jealous of but he’ll want you to see him mess up anyone whose hurt your feelings or disrespected you. Watch him fight for your honor it fuels his ego.

- Correcting him when he says something offensive.

“Well look at my little liberal!” He’ll chuckle in response.

- Trying to get him to tone it down on the cursing.

- Riding in his shit box truck with him.

- Teasing each other.

- He accepts a lot especially when it comes to you. Literally all of the guys are pushovers when it comes to their girls and you can’t convince me otherwise. Although they do get back at you when they can.

- Putting up with the gangs jokes and antics.

- The only reason he lets the guys tease you is because he loves when you hide your face in his chest. Not to mention when you fire back with your own response and make him proud.

- Going out dancing.

- Big cuddler. Give him all your affection.

- Picnics.

- Laying in the grass and cloud watching.

- He makes you laugh all the time. Get used to having your cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

- Theres really never a dull moment with him.

 - You’ll probably get pretty buff from having to try to hold him back when he gets all worked up.

- Sometimes he wonders if you have a crush on his brother. He sort of sees your innocent small talk and joking as you having interest in the older man. After all his good looks run in the family and he’s aware that they did not skip his brother.

- You have to try not to laugh when he asks you if his suspicions are true. You just fight back a smile, grab his hand and tell him he’s “the only Jarvis for you”.

- Hes big on kissing, he can’t go a day without having your lips on his at least twice.

- He has his hands on you at all times. More often than not he’ll have a hold on your hips or an arm resting in your shoulder.

- If someone needs to find him they just have to look for you.

- Getting cosy on the bleachers at school. One of you will end up leaning on the other while you watch the gym class or basketball practice.

- He’s a horny little shit, it’s common knowledge. You have to slap his hands away more than a few times.

- You can be sure that he’s going to watch you in the showers. He’ll threaten the other boys that he’ll “ring their necks” if they look at you.

- He’ll probably deny peeping at you with the most sincere smile you’ve ever seen but you both know he was.

- His mother probably loves to embarrass him when you’re at his house. Pinching his cheeks, tousling his hair, fussing over him, it kills him which is why she does it.

“Come on ma!” He’ll all but whine at her while you hide your grin behind your hand.

- He loves taking you to school functions. He doesn’t even care about the hassle of buying a suit and corsage or working for the money he’ll need; it’s worth it to see you all dressed up and smiling.

- You probably end your dates with makeout sessions in his car complete with necking and petting.

- A lot of compliments.

“Well doesn’t my girl look pretty!”

“Hello gorgeous.”

- He would never admit it but he definitely reads dating guides and magazines for advice. He practically studies so that you can think he’s a good boyfriend.

- He always pays for dates mostly because that’s what the books told him to do.

- Amusement park dates. He tries to win you one of the biggest stuffed animals they have.

- You probably fight a lot because he can’t control himself and he’s stubborn as all hell. You’ll argue, you’ll yell and you’ll probably break up in the heat of the moment. Like I said: he’s stubborn, so it’ll take him a while to admit he was wrong.

- When he finally comes around it’s usually by prompting from his friends when the group sees you out with your other friends. He’ll slowly make his way over and ask to talk to you. When you’re away from your friends he’ll begrudgingly apologize and from there it’s your decision whether you’ll forgive him right then.

- If you don’t he’ll probably call after you with something along the lines of “Well hey now! Come on! I learned my lesson!”. He can’t believe you won’t just take him back. Expect that he’s going to pester you until you give him, once again: stubborn.

- You can’t deny that you love each other even if you fight a lot. He really just needs some time to mature and then he’s husband material so if your willing to wait a little than he’s the guy for you.