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spidybaby · 11 months

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Begin Again | part one

Summary: Secrets can't be held forever. Specifically, not the one you keep from him.

Warnings: cursing.

A/N: The dividers I'm using are from @cafekitsune All credits to them ❤️✨️

Part two

December 2025

"No, Pedro! No puedo calmarme, estas bromeando?" (No Pedro, I can't calm down, are you joking?) You were shouting at this point. "Estas bromeando?" You repeat.

"¡No! Joder, no estoy bromeando!" (No, Fuck, I'm not joking) his tone elevates as much as yours.

You cover your face with your hands, feeling the tears wetting them.

"Cuatro putos años, Pedro." (Four fucking years, Pedro.) You shout again. "No me vengas a decir estupideces, anoche me hablabas de casarnos y hoy te dio por olvidar todo eso?" (Don't fuck with me, yesterday we were talking about marriage and today you forgot about all of that?) You couldn't believe his words. "Me estas jodiendo, dime por favor que me estas jodiendo" (you're joking, please tell me you're joking).

He stayed silent, time passing as you only waited for him to start laughing and tell you he was pranking you.

"Amor," you took his face in your hands. "Por favor no hagas esto, tu y yo podemos con todo, lo hemos hecho siempre, Pedro, por favor" (Please don't do this, you and I will get over everything, we've done it before).

You were begging him in denial of the situation.

"Pepi, por favor."

His eyes were fixed on something. He was trying as hard as possible not to look at you. He knew if he did everything he just told you, it was going to be taken back.

He press his hands on your wrists and slowly took your hands away from his face.

"Lo siento," he whisper "lo siento pero no puedo." (I'm sorry I can't).

He let go of you, not looking once at your. Took his jacket and keys and walked to the front door. "Por favor, ve a Portofino, no lo dejes ir por mi, no valgo la pena. Haz tu vida y déjame atrás." (Please go to Portofino, don't let that go because of me, I'm not worthy. Live your own life and leave me behind).

You saw his car getting away from your house.

The tears never stopped. Your body was now on the floor, crying louder than before, the pain I your chest was growing stronger by the minute.

January 2026

"Bueno niña, todo listo y ordenado. Amo la vista por cierto." (Okay, girl, everything is done and ready. I love this view, by the way). Your brother Paulo says he's the one helping you with the moving.

You got an offer to be part of this big company in Portofino.

"Venga, cambia la cara, todo estará bien, me tienes a mi acá y Elena prometió venir a verte cada dos semanas, estas bien" (c'mon, don't act like that, everything will be fine, you have me here and Elena will visit you every two weeks). He pat you in the back, forcing you into a hug.

You accept the forced hug but only for a moment, after that you shove your brother away from you.

"Debería estar feliz." You say walking to the couch. "Pero no puedo estar feliz, Paulo. No sin él." (I should be happy, but I can't Pualo, not without him).

Your eyes water, you have everything you wanted, a big start, the job of your dreams, everything but him.

"No llores, por favor no de nuevo." Paulo runs to your side, hugging you while you cry. "Venga, vamos a dar una vuelta y tomar algunas fotos." (Don't cry, please not again. C'mon, let's go out and about and get you some good photos).

He dried your tears and pulled you out of the couch. Grabbing your purse on the way out to his car, you took out your phone and snapped a picture, sending it to Elena, your best friend.

Paulo took you to a rental of motorcycles, knowing you loved driving one around everytime you visited him.

You two spend the rest of the day laughing and having all the fun you could. You appreciate your brother help. He knew you needed to move on at your own time. A four year relationship was not a thing you left behind in a day.

"Para, deja te tomó una foto para tu insta" he indicates you how to pose for the picture, taking several. (Stop right there. Let me take a photo for your insta).

"Basta, ya son, suficiente," you laugh, getting off the motorcycle. "Igual solo subiré una." (Enough, they're enough, I'll only post one).

You both cheeked the pictures, and he airdrop them to you.

"Subí la foto y pone algo como "amando los nuevos comienzos", no crees?" (Post it and caption it with something like "I love new beginnings).

You laugh but did it.

(Sorry if the picture doesn't adapt to your features. I just use it as inspo. Also this is not portofino but imagine it is, love you)

February 2026

"Elena, apúrate por favor." You say as you touch up your makeup. (Elena, hurry up, please).

You were going to be her +1 at this event in London, Elena was became an influencer way back in the day when you were eighteen, she started posting for fun and suddenly it became a full time job.

A good one, she was always invited to fashion shows, she even did modeling campaigns for big brands. You were happy and thankful because you could borrow some trendi clothes.

"Relax, bebé" she says, coming out of the bathroom. "Tenemos aún como una hora para llegar, bájale" (we have an hour to get there, relax).

"Elena, ya viste la hora?" You say, looking at her with lifted eyebrows. (Did you see the time?).

She looks at her phone, eyes opening as you laugh.

"Okay, vamos c'mon, vamos todos al show, vamos a la obra en una sola maniobra." she sings the Dora the Explorer song, and you only laugh at her.

You make your way to the venue. It was this big event for Dior. They're showing their new makeup line and invite different type of social media presence.

The event was amazing. The Dior team was amazing and made everyone feel welcome. They even gave you a little souvenir.

You left a little earlier because Elena was done for the day, not feeling like socializing with other people but not wanting to be rude.

"Te sientes bien? Estás algo pálida, " Elena says, looking at you carefully. "Queres agua?" (Are you okay? You look pale, do you want some water?).

You were feeling kind of dizzy, but you didn't want to ruin the day with that.

"Toy' bien," you say, drinking from the bottle she opened for you. "Maybe it's the day being too hot." (I'm fine, maybe it's because of the weather, it's too hot).

She only nodded, leaving the conversation for later.

The car ride was rough. You felt to hot, too dizzy and too uncomfortable. But didn't say a word.

As Elena's driver parked in front of the hotel, she was the first to go out. "Sabes que quiero, un carpaccio de salmón." (I want some salmon carpaccio).

She was paying attention to her phone and didn't notice how you were struggling to even hold yourself on the car door.

The last thing you remember was Elena shouting your name and feeling a harsh pain in your head.

Waking up to a painful white light and with a headache was not the ideal thing.

"Ay Paulo, esta despertando." You can hear Elena's voice. (She's waking up).

"Paulo?" Is all you can ask, barely opening your eyes due to the light.

Elena noticed this and turned the switch off.

"Ya esta, relájate." She pushed you back on the bed. "Te golpeaste la cabeza, me asustaste." (It's okay, relax. You hit your head, you scared me).

"Joder, no sé que pasó." Your head is still pounding. "Dónde estamos?" (Fuck, I don't know what happened. Where are we?).

"En el hospital, lista." She says with that obvious tone. "Me diste el susto de mi vida." (At the hospital, dingbat. You scare the shit out of me).

"Paulo, donde esta mi hermano?" You ask remembering about hearing his name. (Where's my brother?).

"En portofino, lo llamé porque el hospital por protocolo lo debe llamar al ser tu contacto de emergencia." (In Portofino, I called him because the hospital did it).

You slowly nodded. Your eyes are open now, but you are still feeling a deep pain.

"No entiendo que paso, estabas bien al salir del evento." Elena was playing the whole event and day with you, trying to find an answer for your pass out. "Tal vez se te bajo el azúcar, esta horrible el calor afuera." (I don't know what happened. You were fine at the event. Maybe your sugar went low. It's pretty hot outside.)

Lucky for you, a doctor walked into the room, making her stop.

"Hi ladies, how are we feeling."

"How do you think?" Elena says and points at you.

"Well, I think that apart from the head, which you don't have any contusion, everything seems fine."

"But, this is not fine." Elena talks again, making the doctor laugh.

"Relax, please." He patts her shoulder. "Her iron went low. It's completely normal, with the weather being hell hot, it's nothing to worry about, I promise."

She nods, smiling shyly.

"And even better news for you miss." He's not talking to you. "You're very healthy, it's good. Let me call a nurse to make sure your little one is also fine."

Your head snaps up very fast. "What did you just say?"

"Oh, don't worry, it's a routine thing, we have to make sure mommy and baby are both fine before letting you leave."

You felt like passing out again. "Mommy and baby? You must have the wrong room, I'm not expecting." You're sitting now, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of your headache. "Elena, please tell him."

Elena is as shaken as you're. Being speechless was not a thing in her books, always having something to say at the right time.

"I" she tried but nothing is coming.

"Oh, okay. My bad, " the doctor began seeing your shock. "I didn't meant for you to find out like that, I'm sorry. I'll call the nurse and we can check."

"No!" You snapped. "You need to do another test or whatever I'm not pregnant, I can't be."

The air was reducing around you, feeling a pressure on your chest.

"Wow, no, ma'am, please, let's breathe slowly, I didn't mean for this, sorry." The poor doctor is now in alert mode.

"You, friend, please go out and call a nurse."

Elena does as she's told and goes out of the room.

"No, por favor," you're hyperventilating. "The tests are wrong. Run them again."

The doctor tries everything to calm you down, working a little bit.

Elena and a nurse enter the room. The woman has a machine with her.

"Venga, respira profundamente." Elena is calming you down now. The doctor focuses his attention on the machine.

"Can you open your dress for us, love?" The lovely nurse says. "Just a little on your tummy area will be fine."

Elena helps you with that. Thank goodness your dress was a corset type, and you could undone it upfront.

You calmed a little, the crying stopped, but your breathing still irregular.

"This is going to be cold, okay?" You nod at her words. "Okay, let's see here."

The gel was indeed cold, nothing too crazy for you to handle.

She's pressing the ultrasound thing on your stomach. Yours and Elena's eyes are fixed on the little screen.

"Here it is." She points. "Here's baby."

She's smiling, but you're not, mind blank.

"What about?" Elena starts, out of breath. "What about the heartbeat? Can we hear it?"

Pressing a button was enough for you to hear the little boom boom.

Your eyes water, you let yourself fall onto the hospital bed.

"Stop it." You cry. "Make it stop, please."

"Amiga" Elena tries but you're not having it.

"No, Elena! Stop it, please."

The nurse and doctor look at each other, and she cleans the gel off of you.

"Él tenía que estar aquí, conmigo." You can't stop your tears. "Yo no tendría porque estar sola, se suponia que ambos íbamos a enterarnos juntos, ambos íbamos a planear la sorpresa a los demás, ambos íbamos a hacerlo juntos" (He was supposed to be here with me, I'm not supposed to be here alone, we were supposed to find out together, we were going to plain the announcement, we were doing all of this together).

Elena's eyes are teary. She knows what you mean. She knows your pain.

"Me quiero ir, sácame de acá" (I want to go, take me out of here).

"Can we go?" Elena ask the nurse, who's at this point kind of scared to even talk.

The doctor gives her some indications for you to follow as well as a recipe for prenatal vitamins. Indicating her how to take them.

They both left, saying goodbye to you.

After calming down a little, still very shaken with the news.

Elena helps you as you make your way out of the hospital.

The silence was uncomfortable. You didn't know what to say, and she didn't want to trigger your cries again.

The only thing in your mind is him and all the what ifs.

"Vas a decirle?" Elena broke the silence. (You're telling him?).

You didn't even know your next step, afraid of everything. You only responded by moving your shoulders.

"Sabes que estoy aquí para ti, verdad?" (You know I'm here for you, right?).

You only nod. Just wishing you could wake up for this nightmare.

Lucky you, the driver pull up to the hotel. You exit the car as fast as possible, ignoring Elena calling your name.

You run to the elevator, not waiting for her, just wanting to dissappear on your room. Thankfully, you and Elena had separate rooms.

You slammed the door as you entered, throwing yourself in bed.

After a good hour or so without moving, just existing in bed, you grabbed your phone. Making the mistake of opening Twitter.

You stared at the screen, feeling empty.

Two months.

In two months he replaced you.

After all the "you're irreplaceable."

After four years.

"Okay."

August 2026

"Venga, que parece que cada que te veo estas más grande." Paulo and you are sitting on his couch, his hand on your belly. (C'mon, it looks like every time I see you, you're bigger).

"Paulo," you laugh. "Eso es porque cada vez va creciendo más. Duh." (That's because it's growing constantly).

He laughs as well.

Paulo got so excited when you told him the news.

He loves kids. He's the type of guy who you'll fall in love with just looking at him with a kid.

"El big boy esta cada vez más grande, eso me encanta." (Big boy is getting bigger by the day, I love it.)

"Big boy," you repeat, laughing. "Mami dice que no le gusta que le digas así." (Mom said she doesn't like it when you call him like that).

"A mi me gusta decirle así." (I like calling him that). You caress your belly. "Big boy."

You were thankful for all the support your family gives you.

They didn't judge you or repremend you when you told them the news. Your parents were excited, taking the first flight to Portofino, your brother cried, he was happy to be an uncle.

They even supported your decision of not telling Pedro about the pregnancy.

After the picture of him and that girl, you decided that if he had already moved on with his life, that was okay, but you were moving too, without him.

You blocked all the people from Tenerife and cut ties with all his friends from Barcelona. You even blocked his family from everything. Your brother did the same in support.

Your parents weren't posting or mentioning anything about your baby, not wanting to mention something to the wrong person, and have Pedro and his family find out.

"Te gusta esta foto?" Me la tomé el otro día y Elena quiere que la suba." (Do you like this picture? I took it the other day, and Elena is nagging me to post it). You showed him the picture.

He nods and motivate you to post it too.

So you did.

"Harás una sesión de fotos como mamá te sugirió?" (Are you doing a maternity photoshoot like mom asked you to?)

"No sé, creo que si." (I don't know, I think so).

August 2026

"Dame una sonrisa, mami." The photographer says.

Elena, your mom and you were at Mike Peralta, a big photographer. You mom wanted the best of the best for your maternity shoot.

After a while, you're done with the photos, kind of tired. Being seven months pregnant was making you tired all day.

"Oh mi amor, estas fotos están preciosas," your mom says as Mike shows her the photos. (Oh baby, this pictures are adorable).

You change into the clothes you bring.

Elena, as well as your mother, loved your photos.

"Hola a todos." (Hello, everyone).

A very happy and excited Paulo enters the room with different drinks.

"Un chai latte para Lena, una americano para mamá, un té sin azúcar para Mike, un frappe caramelo para mi y un frappe matcha para ti y para mi big boy." (A chai latte for Lena, a Black Americano for mamá, a tea without sugar for Mike, a Caramel Frappe for me and a matcha frappe for you and big boy). He says, giving each person their drink.

When he gets to you, he kisses your belly as he hands you the drink.

"Paulo, amor mío, ven a ver las fotos." (Paulo, my love, come see the pictures). Your mom dragged him to the computer.

After your mom paid, not letting you do it, you all went back to the house you have in Portugal.

You were thankful for all the opportunities your parents gave you. They worked really hard for you and Paulo to have a nice future.

Something that always made you laugh was that Pedro's fan girls used to say you were a gold digger. Even when you grew up with more money than him.

Having that stability helped you get away from him. Not having to get back to Tenerife to do all the things you were doing.

September 2026

"No puedo creer que este año tenga que ir sola a celebrar mi cumpleaños" (I can't believe that this year I have to celebrate my birthday alone). Elena says, after her birthday dinner, you were in Manchester, she wanted to celebrate there.

You were sad too, it was the first time in all your friendship you didn't celebrate together.

"Tomemos una foto, antes de que te vayas." (Let's take a picture before you leave).

"Estoy bien hinchada, le haces photoshop." (I'm so bloated, photoshop it).

You laugh extra hard.

"Lena, créeme que la única barriga que van a ver es la mía." (The only belly people will see is mine, trust me).

"Okay." She giggle as pose with you in front of the mirror.

Elena left for her party.

She was going to a new club that her boyfriend owned.

She loved parties, and her boyfriend had the perfect places for her to party.

As the night went, she wanted to take some pictures with her whole group. But before anything, she was going to retouch her makeup.

Making her way to the bathroom, she hit someone. Making that person throw the drink in their hand.

"Omg, I'm so sorry." She turned at one table stealing their napkins.

"Elena?"

Her eyes found that person eyes.

"Pedro."

#football angst #football drabble #football fanfic #football smut #football x you #football #pedri x y/n #pedri x you #pedri smut #pedri x reader #pedri #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri gonzalez #pedri x gavi #fc barca #pedri barça #barca #fc barcelona

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caostalgia · 10 months

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Para ti, estrella brillante:

Creo que por fin voy a poder decir que esta es la última vez que te escribiré con dolor. No la última vez que te escribiré, porque eso sería mentirme a mi y mentirle al mundo.

Nunca dejaría de escribirle a la persona que me enseñó que el amor es bonito, a la persona que me enseñó que todo en mi está bien, que valgo la pena, que brillo y que hago arte con las letras. Nunca dejaría de escribirte Andrés.

Pero si que voy a dejar de hacerlo con dolor, aunque todavía te extrañe. No a nuestra relación, sino a la persona que eras, a tu risa y a tus audios a horas imposibles. A tus datos sobre dinosaurios, a tus historias terribles, a tu sarcasmo. A tu dolor, porque era tan parte de ti que también terminé enamorada de ese pedazo de ti. Pero ya no, ya no pienso en ti de esa forma.

Ahora estoy bien, ya no me duele el corazón al pensar en ti. Ahora cuando pienso en todo lo que fuiste y en lo mucho que nos quisimos solo puedo sonreír. Aunque ya no sea capaz de llorar desde que te fuiste, porque las lágrimas si que te las quedaste todas cariño. Están en el mismo rincón del firmamento que tú, porque sé que estás por ahí, observando la vida de todas las personas que te quisimos. Observandome a mí.

Y ojalá pudieras conocerle, es tan distinto a ti que creo que sería inevitable que te cayera bien. Está tan vivo y tan lleno de cosas bonitas. Creo que todo se resume en lo bonito que es, no por fuera, sino ahí dentro, en ese corazón que empieza a latir por mí.

Y creo que esta vez es la buena, lo siento aquí dentro. Siento que el corazón está cerrando todas esas cicatrices que en algún momento quedaron mal curadas, siento que su sonrisa es el único lugar donde desearía quedarme todo el tiempo posible.

Creo que por fin he entendido la diferencia entre "amor de mi vida" y "alma gemela". Tú fuiste el amor de mi vida, pero no íbamos a conseguirlo, nunca. Porque nos queríamos si, pero no lo hacíamos lo suficientemente bien. Aunque en su momento no quisiera aceptarlo, aunque hasta hace poco todavía gritara de agonía por no tenerte más. Él, sin embargo; creo que es mi alma gemela, mi otra mitad, mi destino. Porque siento que lo conozco de toda la vida, que siempre ha estado ahí.

Y no sé si saldrá bien, porque ya sabes que sentir me aterra, pero esta vez quiero darme la oportunidad. Darnosla a ambos. Esta vez no es algo pasajero, porque pensar en despertar sin sus mensajes me causa dolor. A mí, que llevo tiempo huyendo de la constancia; a mí, que cuando siento que voy a querer a alguien me alejo; a mí, que había dejado de creer en las casualidades y en el destino. A mí, que desde que te fuiste había dejado de sentir cosquilleos por todo el cuerpo, de esos que sabes que traerán sentimientos con el tiempo.

Y creo que él, en algún momento, merecerá todas esas canciones que nunca dediqué, esas que siempre dije que no se pueden dedicar. Y eso es lo más verdadero que se puede sentir por alguien, la certeza de que las canciones especiales llevarán su nombre.

Te quiero Andrés, no dejaré de hacerlo nunca. Pero ya no te quiero de esa forma arrolladora que no dejaba hueco a nada más, ya no es un amor romántico lo que siento por ti. Ahora solo estás ahí, en un pedacito de mi corazón, bien resguardado y con unas flores burdeos entre los recuerdos que me quedan de ti. Y esto no es un adiós cariño, solo es un nuevo enfoque hacia la vida. Una oportunidad hacia algo que presiento me hará feliz.

Espero que haya un hueco para mí en ese rincón del firmamento, porque algún día pasaré a hacerte una visita antes de ir al mío propio. Y espero que esto te dé paz, porque por fin conseguiré seguir. Porque por fin soy capaz de superar nuestro amor fallido y tu marcha. Porque ya no dueles.

Katastrophal

#notas #frases #citas #escritos #caostalgia #textos #pensamientos #amor #katastrophal #despedidas #cartas #quererte #seguir

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