#no but for real you're fantastic and sweet and just the right amount of insane and ilysm!!!!!!! have the most wonderful birthday ever!!
Text
more on reborn au au (au squared) obito. technically includes plasticity spoilers?
okay so my goal in plasticity is NOT to "redeem" anyone or have anyone change their personal goals. so obito reincarnates and he still wants his moon's eye plan but also he is a little baby. i think i'll let both him and itachi keep their magic eyeballs but they don't have enough chakra to actually DO much with them until they're older (i guess like 12-13 bc that's when itachi was an ANBU captain, but it seems like neither of them should be able to be casually spamming mangekyou until they're adults)
however i think obito is uuuuuh easily distracted. like he can make a convoluted plan and carry it out-- he IS an uchiha thank you very much-- but also he's going to get sidetracked by just doing random shit for the lulz. this is why in canon he spends months harassing deidara for no reason. so he determines he must put his evil plans on hold for an indeterminate amount of time and WAIT A SECOND he hang out with rin now!!!!
i think he'd actually be very frustrated with trying to maintain a friendship with rin? like he put her on the HIGHEST pedestal but at the end of the day, she's a normal young girl. she's sweet to him but she's not as interesting as he remembers and she's a kid so she makes mistakes and also, obito is kind of insane and all of his peers Sense This about him. so he likes checking on her and doing short social activities with her, but he's not having hours long heart-to-hearts with her anymore. they're not as close. also if anything happens to rin obito will kill everyone in konoha and then himself
obito is kind of like "whatever, i'll be a genius this time around, that looked fucking fantastic for kakashi" so he attempts to be A Genius but it turns out if you're better than everyone else your age, adults expect you to..... do things?? obito is his own boss he doesn't just DO things smh. so he sets up this weird dynamic where he get lauded by his family but his family is also like uuuuh why aren't you graduating early??? BUT BECAUSE RIN IS THERE AND HE NEEDS TO LOOK AT HER
also, incredibly annoyingly, kakashi can still beat him sometimes because kakashi is a weird genetic freak. instead of just continually kicking his ass obito has just put more pressure on him to get stronger. horrible
konoha gives obito to minato and is like: there is something deeply unhinged about this kid but he had a sharingan at 8 so. do something with that. and unfortunately minato trying very earnestly to mentor obito is sort of endearing, and obito didn't realize the first time around how many strings minato pulled to get rin into medic-nin training and keep them off the frontlines as much as possible and obito..... will let him live this time, maybe.
at some point obito catches wind that danzo is sniffing around kakashi and so he breaks into danzo's home and is like "aaaaw how cute, but kakashi is mine. keep it up and i will kill you <3" and scares the living shit out of danzo. (minato is SUSPICIOUS obito Did Something but this does mean MINATO no longer has to do anything, so he doesn't ask questions)
the minute obito thinks he can use kamui more than once without giving himself chakra exhaustion, he starts poking around internationally. there's no real goal except MAYBE find and kill zetsu and madara, he's just Doing Shit. and in Doing Shit he runs into the Ame Trio and realizes there's more than one reincarnate?
obito: oh.... oh my god
obito: (kamuis directly into three year old itachi's bedroom) HELLO????
itachi: (OH FUCK????)
so i think the obito-itachi relationship is obito realizes he has a sounding board for all the various random shit he's been doing and whining about how his friendship with rin is weird, and also what if he claims kakashi by nonconsensually implanting one of his eyes??? no no, you're right, it's better if obito has two eyes to make up for not being half hashirama cells.
also his presence makes itachi 10x more feral
itachi: if you decide to kill everyone again, you have to give sasuke to me, unharmed. if you don't i will ruin your entire. i will kill you as painfully as i can. this is non-negotiable
obito: whoa whoa whoa little coz!!!
obito: i'd only kill the old people :)
itachi: aaaaah
obito isn't really interested in uchiha massacre 2.0 though. he doesn't care if itachi murders danzo, and he'll eat popcorn while watching but he doesn't offer help. he convinces itachi to swap eyeballs with him for the EMS, but itachi really wants SASUKE to inherit his eyeballs once he's old enough so Obito might have to swap? again? with sasuke?? fine, whatever. this new version of team 7 all think he's bonkers and sometimes walk on extreme eggshells around him, but they're NICE to him and he's not going to fuck that up. minato will ask kakashi and rin to babysit once he has his brat kid, never obito, but obito doesn't really care because it means he has more time to go harass other akatsuki members
and then kakashi is taken hostage (UNFORGIVABLE) and it turns out. there was someone ELSE he could have been bothering this whole time!!!
obito: tori PLEASE join konoha it will be SO FUNNY
obito: anyway excuse me i'm burning down kusa <3 here hold kakashi for me. omg, DEIDARA'S here too??? *_*
someone commenting on obito watching itachi and tori gay chicken (straight chicken?) each other so hard they end up married so i've been debating how his presence affects this dynamic. i think he obviously makes it worse. because he cottons onto itachi's Girl Problems the second they start and he keeps trapping him in social situations and giving him "dating advice." so itachi is even MORE desperate to get a stable girlfriend to get his entire stupid family yo leave him alone
itachi: i'm dating tori. i haven't told her yet
obito: this is
obito, tearing up: the greatest gift you could have given me
also obito supports book club SO HARD and comes to every meeting
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ninja Assassin (2009)
I love the idea of applying horror movie logic to other kinds of things. We've had our fill of vampires and werewolves, don't get me started on zombies, but we fail to often imagine ourselves in the worlds of other genres, and comprehend just how frightening some things they present may be. In a world where highly trained killers can come out of any shadow and slaughter you without mercy, why should we limit that kind of play to only a martial arts film. Though many may disagree with the dear reverend here, I think Ninja Assassin is what happens when you apply horror movie rules to a martial arts film, and that's pretty neat! but does it do this well. Let's take a look.
The Message
Ninja Assassin is a 2009 action film that stars Korean pop star Rain as Raizo, a renegade ninja on the lamb from his vengeful and supernaturally deadly clan, the Ozunu. The Ozunu are also the target of a sharp and fearless interpol agent named Mika; as she is about to break the lid on an investigation regarding several unexplained high profile assassinations across the world. Through the events of the film the Ozunu ninja clan are agitated and become increasingly active. This over the top ninja action eventually brings Raizo and Mika together.
Mika and Raizo decide to combine her resources with his insider knowledge of the group to bring down the Ozunu clan once and for all. In a bad ass bloody spectacle all of the Interpol forces that Mika can muster are brought down by the ninja clan, and Raizo and Mika are brought face to face with Raizo's old mentor and father figure Lord Ozunu.
These events may seem rushed but actually the film intersperses them with flashbacks about the tortures and discipline Raizo went through as a ninja child growing up in this clan and being shaped into these insanely effective killing machines we have witnessed throughout the film. It also reveals how his spirit was never completely broken and bent to the will of the tribe, and his eventual rejection and escape from them.
Raizo does exact his revenge on the leader of the clan in the climactic battle, but in the melee Mika is supposedly fatally wounded. She is however spared due to a freakish medical condition that is foreshadowed earlier in the film: her heart is on the wrong side.
The Benediction
Best Sequence: They Fucked Up!
Without a doubt the scene that everyone thinks of when they think of Ninja Assassin is the sequence where Interpol attempts to commit a military style raid on the ninja clan and in turn they get absolutely fucking slaughtered. It's a pretty long sequence but you don't even really need to see the rest of the film to enjoy it. Just google Ninja Assassin Raid Scene and I'm sure you'll have a pretty good time just watching these Fed's getting fed their own asses. It's probably some of the best ninja action ever put to film.
Best Kill: Uneven Load
Somebody attempts to carry out an assassination attempt on our hero Raizo in a laundromat. Their head is later discovered when a thumping dryer starts to bleed. The dryer door is opened a a bloody head just tumbles out. It's pretty darn hilarious.
Worst Concept: Anatomy! My Only Weakness!
The heart on the right hand side thing is pretty stupid. For one thing the heart is slightly more on one side of your body but a direct shot to the chest is still pretty likely to kill you. It's a real condition called Dextrocardia but it was used as kind of a Deus ex Machina in this film, and the film makers seemed pretty proud of themselves for "foreshadowing" it in an earlier scene, and I use foreshadow very loosely.
Best Aspect: We Don't Think You're Dumb
Ninja Assassin attempts to do the Grindhouse thing that was very popular around this time, by taking a concept like Ninja Action Movie and playing up the gore and the extreme nature of the action as far as they can. I have to give the film makers props for playing the plot straight too, the bonkers grindhouse action of a movie can only be winked at so many times before it just becomes too stupid to care about. The characters can totally play the story straight and the audience doesn't need them to plant their tongues firmly in their cheeks for us to get that it's supposed to be absurd. So very good job Ninja Assassin.
Worst Effect: Look at all this ... Blood?
However, the movie would have benefitted greatly from an exorbitant amount of fake blood. buy gallons of the shit, throw it everywhere!!! please! I know it was cheaper to do the CGI blood but it looks bad and is way less fun, I want the practical effects version of this movie. I want actors slipping in the shit.
Best Effect: Shadowy Figure
A combination of CG and Camera Tricks was used frequently when our villains appeared on screen. The ninjas in this film had a power to jump in and out of shadows, to almost teleport using darkness, to watch the silhouettes of the assassins materialize from every dark corner and narrowly cast shadow was a pretty freaking sweet and unique little touch that added a lot to the menace the ninja clan represented.
Best Concept: Their Ninja Way!
As mentioned earlier the Ninja in Ninja Assassin are a lot less like a group of martial artists, or poor farmers rebelling against samurai warlords like in history. These Ninja are the way you thought about them when you were 7 years old. They are almost a category of mythical being, like a vampire or a Pegasus. They have their own distinct look, powers, and rules. I really wish we had gotten a sequel or a spin off of this. The way Ninja operate in this film is so damn American, and so damn fantastic. It's utterly absurd but that's just what the doctor ordered in a dumbed down action flick. I want to see more of these kinds of Ninja.
Summary
Ninja Assassin is a movie that sadly, you will not hear many people bring up. Everyone was talking about it for like a week after it came out and then it disappeared. That's not terribly hard to understand. Raizo is not a particularly distinct character, and in a world where Anime is so readily available to give audiences this kind of over the top ninja action, this hour or so long film really doesn't stand out. I sincerely believe if it had relied more on solid landing action choreography and practical effects for it's violence it would have had more of an impact on audiences. But it's as fleeting and material as a spray of computer generated blood, and that's a shame. I think we should petition to get Raizo put into the Mortal Kombat games, because that is exactly where he belongs. I predict that cult film status will eventually find it's way to this movie, once the kids who saw this when they were far to young, finally start making movies.
Overall Grade: C
14 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
