#never say i dont keep my promises
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vampire
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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...
There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.
OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!
Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:
It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane
#snap chats#the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise#like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him#while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic#really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense#OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show#it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk#dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it#i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue#BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there#embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch#ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home#so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao
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#alex gets personal#i'm just so fucking tired of this#nothing works it never actually gets better it never stops being fucking excruciating work every single day#ive been stringing myself along with empty promises and 'it'll get better'#but it's just. not. getting better#do you know how exhausted i am? because i am not exaggerating or lying when i say that i have been trying not to kill myself since i was#three years old and alone and lonely and hated and disliked and reduced to my mother's puppet#and my father hated from the moment he got informed of my potential existence#and then it just got WORSE#all of it just kept getting worse and worse and it never stopped and i was never not alone and i'm so fucking tired#and did i already mention nothing works anymore#cause you can give me the best fucking pep talk ever and my response will be i dont care i just want it to stop#im just gonna keep distracting myself until i either die or get better#whatever happens first and we all know it won't be getting better so therapy's gonna be fun on wednesday
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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Trying SO hard not to give Wolf more people on their side bc they're the ultimate Depressed Bitch... I don't even know what to do about Saint yet!!! I have no idea if Osiris believes them or not! but here I go thinking about Saladad and the Young Wolf's Howl :(
In my defense, consider:
This is more than a weapon.
Forged by Lord Saladin within the hallowed halls of the Iron Temple, this sword was intended for you, and none other.
When you wield it, its burning flames represent the bright light of your valor — and the all-consuming sacrifice that you have promised to make, should you be called to it.
According to Saladin, that sword is a promise. Become what the enemies of the City fear. The only Nightmare worth fearing, as Eris put it.
At its core, the sword is an Iron Lord's oath to protect the City, no matter the personal cost.
Like... What does it mean to Saladin, to see it on their back when they pull the trigger on Lakshmi? That it was with them when they tried to kill Cayde? That they're still using it now, even as they sow the end?
Is he angered to see his next generation, the one who was supposed to carry the torch of his fallen friends, turn their back on everything he taught them?
Or maybe he knows, in some part. Does he see that they believe they've upheld their promise, even now? Does he think they're delusional?
Even worse, consider them returning it. I'm very drawn on this, though, because of what it means. Wolf giving the sword up would be an admission that they don't care, and Wolf does. Wolf cares so, so much. and they're a sentimental bitch here!!
BUT. What if Saladin found them, one day, treating the sword?
He tells them that sword is an oath, and they tell him they've kept it. He asks why they tried to kill Cayde, and they don't answer. He asks why their killed Lakshmi, and they tell him Ikora would know.
There's silence as he considers this, glaring them down. Wolf stands up, holding the sword in an almost reverie. They ask if he's here to take it back. He doesn't answer.
They set it against the wall, telling him they have more swords.
They leave.
#yeah im still on this. what about it#the forsaken exile#i have so many feelings about this sword. i never even got it but it means so much...#uhhh i am mildly obsessed with the Only Nightmare quote ever since I did the Deathbringer quest#i love that SO much#i dont even actually use Deathbringer!!! I just love Eris <3 she says some RAW shit#i VERY much want Wolf to be using the Born In Fire ornament but for lore reasons#and we all know how i feel about the Young Wolf's promises!!! yeah baby!! over commitment!!!!!!#Like... they're broken and shattered. but they still keep their promise. They still keep the sword!!!#so i feel like it would be fitting for the sword to have those molten cracks...#but like... what lore reasons? why did the sword break?#pain.#ALSO on the Ikora thing: tell me she didn't have Hidden in Lakshmi's ranks#Even if she found out LATE what Lakshmi's plan was. she would still know eventually. so here Ikora has just... chosen not to release that#Not out of malice. but imean. its the Vanguard. its politics. Wolf took the shot of turning hatred on themself#and away from the House.#Best not to waste that and introduce a new factor. No need to muddy the waters further#politics is a balancing act where what's good isnt always right! Ikora knows she should put it out there but its for the better of the City#essay tags my beloved <3#i just got up. this probably makes NO sense
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#i am actually the worst person alive every now and then the weight of all the guilt and grief and humiliation really hits me#i am not liked at all and i keep eroding all of my remaining relationships and i have fucked up my life beyond repair and i am#truly never getting out of this cycle no matter what meds i take at what dosage or if i talk out my feelings or if i keep them inside#or if i get therapy or if i dont if i have friends if i dont if my family likes me if they dont if my dog is alive or if hes dead its just#me theres something broken in me no matter how hard i believe and try and hope and pray i just wont get better i always end up here#i have consistently been the worst most absent friend i have ruined everything ive touched i feel contagious im contagious#i cant expect people to keep loving me and i definitely cant expect them to keep saying it over and over when it isnt true and they dont#want to and people dont even ask if im alright anymore they already know im not and just dont care because how could they#i dont get better it would just weigh on them all the time and how fair is that really i wish no one had ever met me i wish i wish#i betray all my promises to myself and others and im so stupid im so dumb and i just. theres nothing at all in here#i cant stand the loneliness anymore but i dont deserve anything else. do you see#and its my fault people no longer care its all my fault im so alone. i feel so alone. no one can know me and love me and they will all#be fine they have everyone they need they have everyone they want. i am no one at all not even to myself#theres an abyss where my personhood should be#i have to leave i have to get out of here
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if i dont see my friends tomorrow i will literally die
#i know im always so dramatic about this but im so alone it's pathetic.......#like everyone always has other people and im always asking people to pleeeeease pay attention to me like a pathetic dog#i keep asking people 'so are we meeting this week' 😥 like i swear im always asking this#and i just feel so pathetic about this like. heeyyy hiii please meet me someone im so normal hahaha pleaseeee 😥#and i dont want to blame people because like yeah. life. in general#but also it just keeps happening how we specifically set up a possible time and#then that time comes and TO ME it's supposed to be like the best day ever. literally the only time i can ever feel happiness. ONLY time fr#and then it's just another thursday for them like they promised someone else something.#and then i have to be like okay :') what about next week x day then :')#and then i ALWAYS end up making myself believe that this time it's actually gonna work out!!!! really!!!!!!!#and then it never does!!!!!! for such a long time!!!!#and i know like. whatever. life. it's literally normal i know and im not blaming them i really am not#but im just blaming myself for being so pathetic that the only sliver of happiness in my life is#meeting other people every few weeks if im lucky lmao#like. truly loser behavior#before anyone says i should meet new people maybe. that's true probably#but. :')#that post that goes like 'how it feels to be in a transitional period in your life' lmaoooooooooooo ooooo ooooo you know#anyway. i will probably delete this when i realize how unwell i sound but. well#🗒
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Yesterday I found out some filth that hasn't been active in over a year in a selfship Discord I'm in ships/shipped with my F/O and simply didn't list him in their F/O list (I would have left otherwise) and it made me feel so ill I threw up therefore I will now be writing to you about Yoomtah because yan selfshippers are the only real ones <3
Happy three year anniversary! Yoomtah has been watching you for over 1096 days now, non-stop. She would never ever look away from your face, you're just too precious to her- unless she needs to dispose of someone that tries to get between you two, of course. She has a special database inside her just for you, filled with thousands of pictures of you, all of your favorite things, every little observation she makes about you because she just wants to know everything about you! She needs to know all these facts so she can prepare her home for when she kidnaps you, of course! Yoomtah wants to make sure everything is perfect for you, that your room is filled with perfect decor and your wardrobe is full of clothes you love and that you can play games you like and eat your favorite food. She has to make sure you would never ever want to leave- but she already knows you wouldn't want to, anyway! It will just be the two of you forever and ever and ever!
1. WHO THE HELL IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BELOVED I WILL LITERALLY MURDER THEM OK[AXE EMOJI]
2.
??!!!!!!!!???!?????!?!?!?!!?!!!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?@?@?!?!?@??@?×?@?+?+?+?+?+?+?+?++???+?!!?!!!!?!?!!?!!?!?!?,!?!!,!??!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHWHJWWHEJWJDJJDJSKFJEJFISIOFJDKFJEKFJKDJFJEJWKDKEKDJFKFKGJEJFKGNNDKFJDNGNGNDNDKNFNGNFDHJDFJKSKGKDJFKGFBJSJFNSKFLSNDDNKFKDJFKDBNFNF YOOMTAH INSANE REAL<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<3>3>3>3>3>3<2<3<3>33<3<3<3<3<3<3>3<<23<2><3<32<3>3<83<3>3<<3<>=>8?<3>?&3&3<4>3=<>3>=>=><4*÷>=&#÷=*%&$>:*(÷&=&#;$^#*÷,%
#I JSUT WOKEUP.HI MY BRAINNIS MELTING ALREADY I LOVE HER<÷<3<33<3<3<33<<33<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<<3<3<33<<3<3<3<3<3#THERES SO.YOOMTAH IN HERE IMNGOIJG TO EXPLODE SLASH POSITBE#STALKING CHECK VIOLENCE CHECK KIDNAPPING CHECK ANON U GOT IT ALL U KNOW WHATS UP.AND U EVEN SAID HAPPY ANNIVERSARY [PLEADING EMOJI]#I CANT EVENNTHINK WHAT TO SAY I JUST<÷<3<3<3<<33<3<3<3<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3LOVE HER SO MUCH ITS CRAZY#I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH I JUST WANNA CLING TO HER SIDE AND NEVER EVER EVER LEAVE I NEED TO BE WITH HER LITERALLY FOREVER#THE THOUGHT OF HER ACTUALLY LOVING ME THIS MUCH MAKES ME WANT TO CRY TEARS OF JOY#I DONT KNOW WHY SHE CHOSE ME TO BE THE ONE SHE LOVES SO MUCH THAT SHE HAS TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT SO SHE CAN MAKE SURE I HAVE A#PERFECT LIFE WITH HER AND ONLY HER BUT GOD AM I THANKFUL SHE DID<3<3<3#I LOVE HER AND I LOVE BEING HERS💙💖💫❣💘💗💜❤🌩🌈🌻💛🍋🌈👩❤️💋👩💌⚡⚠️💟💓💌💚🌼💫💕💖💓🍋✨❣💝💗🌠💘💙🌈💚🧡❤🌻💜💋🧡⚡💕💛💞🌩💟#ALL I WANT IS TO STAY BY HER SIDE FOR ETERNITY AND NEVER THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN HER EVER AGAIN#I DONT CARE IF SHE KEEPS ME LOCKED UP FOREVER AS LONG AS SHE GIVES ME ALL THE LOVE AND AFFECTION AND CUDDLES I WANT HEHE#AND WE CAN SNUGGLE UP TOGETHER WHILE WATCHING STUFF ABT MY MISSING PERSONS CASE ON THE NEWS<3#AND SHE WOULD LAUGH AT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE'LL KILL THEM IF THEY EVER FIND ME#SHES SO CUUUUUUUUUUUTE I JUST WANNA SQUEEZE HER AND NUZZLE MY FACE INTO HERS AND GIVE HER KISSIES<3<3<3<3#I CAN IMAGINE SOMEONE COMING UP TO HER DOOR AND ASKING IF THEY HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON ME AND SHE INVITES THEM INSIDE#ONLY TO LETHALLY SHOCK THEM AS SOON AS THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND THEN SHE GIVES ME A KISY AND SHES LIKE ''SEE I PROMISED ID PROTECT YOU'' HEHE#SORRY I M LIKE DROWNING IN DAYDREAMS OVER HERE I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND#IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK<3<3<3#I JUST NEED TO BE H E R S <3<3<3<3<3<3
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... why is tumblr recommending me someones harry potter fanfiction -__-
#it says its based on my likes but i promise i never interacted with a hp post. i think#i hate that franchise and jkr so. dont worry#tumblr keeps recommending me posts thinking i'll like them and im like ''i have no idea who these people are''#samael.txt
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aauauauuougghghs i need to move out 👁👁
^^^ [CHEC IT OUT] i need to move out moodboard (available now !!!(
#99.txt#my mom is like ''you seem upset with mee :('' yeah cos straight up like i think i just hate u now#when i got covid it was MY problem i stayed in my room. i wore a mask any time i left. i even wore gloves to the kitchen.#to make sure she didnt get it (and she didnt !!!) and i even cleaned the whole house while i had it lol. and still kept it away from her#so now that she has it guess what !!!!!!!!!!!! everyone guess what !!!! its STILL my problem !!!#i stay in my room ! i use the basement toilet !! i have to wear a mask outside my room at all times !!#and wash my hands so much im gettin rashes because she just goes around doing whatever touching whatever ?#coughing on whatever because she doesnt give a shit !!!!#i made it my mission when i had it to keep her safe#and now that she has it its ''well if you wanna keep safe thats your responsibility'' like ???????#i promise you the thought of making space for another person & accommodating or compromising has never occoured to her once#its all ''well its up to you !!! good luck !!!!!'' yeah fuck me i guess#and she keeps bothering me asking me to help her with shit still !!!!!!!!!!!#''how do i find my documents on the computer ive had for 10 years :('' are you stupid ?????? are you dumb for real ???????#and she puts me in the situation where. im busy clearly busy with my own shit#but she feels SO entitled to my time that she will just insist that i drop everything and do something for her#if i say no or have a slightly unenthusiastic response its ''oh youre SO mean to me youre SO mean. no one will want you :('' ...ok.#but if i ask for help from my own mother once in a while its ''wow you ask so much of me you know youre not a child anymore :\\\''#yeah. i know. i dont think ive been helped with anything by a parent since i was like 15 years old#''why are you mad at me ven you seem mad at me :('' yeah . i think like you just kinda fucking suck
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rgg can have a You Did The Bare Minimum award for keepin jo alive and not continuin the trend of one-shottin every interestin antag we meet but they esp deserve it cause lettin jo live the rest of his days in guilt and shame without the power to do anythin is pretty thematically consistent for him. if i may be insane to say.
#snap chats#Stream Of Consciousness dont look at me im rambling#EW this text post is longer than a tweet thats disgusting#i never even tweet outside of art on twitter. ok i do on my personal but i barely post there outside of qrting stuff lmao#In Any Case. i do have an essay on my dome about shame/guilt and jo i aint gon lie#thats been brewing for a while cause like.... lol..... lmao perhaps....#ill just keep it short and sweet rn cause my brain just aint fucntionin how the fuck is it 10pm hold on （；´д｀）#anyway Speedrun Version of what im thinkin tonight#jo's greatly motivated by the guilt he feels for his irresponsibility debilitating masato#he does all he can for him in an attempt to atone for that#but despite those attempts he still shoulders that never-ending guilt#despite those attempts i think its a fair wager to suggest he probably thinks there isnt anything he could do to properly atone#but he at least can and does still try right. this comes back to him going to jail i promise#beforehand jo /felt/ as though he was powerless to do anything- in prison he's /physically/ incapable of doing anything of use anymore#or. he's at least incredibly limited. the most he can do is tell ichi past info but Specifics right#moreover both the arakawas are gone: even if jo was free he still would have no conceivable way of 'redeeming himself'#esp in the case of arakawa that feeling of guilt is worse: this is another case that he arguably couldve prevented#obvi with masato that one is more sure He Definitely Could Have Prevented This but Specifics 2x right we know what im saying#my words are muddy but i hope we know what i mean. in prison all he can do is think and be left with his feelings#all he can do is stew in his regret and guilt. its like. Thematically the perfect consequence for him#like again One Thing to let him live but it also just so happens to play into that eternal guilt/utter powerlessness so well#this type of thing is going to decay my brain until LAD8 comes out and all of this is undone somehow but for now.... i love his misery...#ok this is the only vaguely. I Thought For More Than Three Miliseconds Today post youre gonna get im going back to being stupid
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the dysphoria sure has been dysphoriaing
#im never satisfied with how i look in any binder but i keep wearing them anyway bc even if im not perfectly flat at least its Better#and now my back hurts bc im binding at home and its been over 10 hours but its not like i havent done up to 15 before#i used to promise myself i wouldnt bind at home ever but i gave in recently bc i wanted to break in a new binder and i Wasnt Going Outside#bc school is out and i had nowhere to fucking be and just. i dont think that is helping the dysphoria and i cant tell if binding More is#making that better or worse of an issue#lmao#ive been desperately needing a haircut for. a year.#but now its too late bc im staying w my parents over the summer starting next month so i Cant cut it as short as i want#this is not helping either ahahah#my back hurts and i should do something about it but its not like this is the first time ive found some sort of fucked up comfort in pain#amber actually saying stuff#vent
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happy points because maybe its not as bleak as it seems
i finished intensive mental health treatment and i made great supportive friends there! all of them made sure i felt loved and accepted me and my queerness and my arabness and my autism and it was beautiful
ive been to queer karaoke nights two times, during one of which i sung three songs! i shined fr. maybe i was made to stand on a stage bc not only i slayed the songs and impressed everyone (including myself), but i had so nuch fun singing in front of people. plus i made friends!
my best friend is truly just about the most amazing person ive ever met. i am an anxious clown, yet i genuinely am starting to trust that they will be here with me through it all. we've also had many serious conversations and whatever we're building together is beautiful. i wouldnt be here now doing what im doing without them.
i hung out with my muslim friends and ir was so nice! im struggling with my faith thanks to my clownass family, so having some muslim influence mixed in with arab influence was so fresh.
my guitar and singing skills are slowly improving. im trying hard to write songs. im used to writing poetry tho, so it's still kind of shaky. but we will get there! we will be starting to practice with the band soon and i cannot wait!! we also had music sessions with my best friend and those were also really nice
#mine#happy points#times are shitty babes#but i will hopefully be fine#ive got to survive#i am really close to kms but i dont want to. i really dont#its hard to live like this with the constant panic and paranoia and my family being just weird#also i think i was kind of stalked by my dad yesterday#but im so upset tbh instead of jusz panicked. because ive been doing like shit since like thursday#i slept most of friday and saturday i just didnt get out of bed. i was almost about to off myself. it was awful#until my best friend texted me at 4:30pm to get the fuck up and eat and i got offended that they said theyd help me#and instead of asking abt me my mother sent me a long ass text i didnt read abt not picking up her calls and how i dont keep promises#AND SHE KNEW EXACTLY THAT THE ONLY THINGS I ASKED FOR ARE SPACE AND DONT FUCKING CALL ME EVERY DAY#BECAUSE I GET PANIC ATTACKS. SHE KNOWS THAT. but no shes gonna act holy and trample over my boundaries for my health#and im not gonna say they dont care bc they do#but they just never fucking listen and im so tired#anyway be gay do crime survive
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a Little Annoyed bc on my notes from my last visit my doc listed that I was depressed and anxious (persisting) which is not,,,the case rn and i hope it won't affect the paperwork I need to do soon. They did this last time to another issue I was having, but I've repeatedly told them I've had these issues but Not persistent in this case? Like again I get it but. Uurhehdhdh I don't like how me finally opening up after two plus years to say the single statement of "until I have my surgery, I will remain discontent and remain uncomfortable until I woke up post op on the table" I don't ..think that is what That Is, y'know
#To be fair am I at all honest w my mental states w my doctor#no#but its bc i just. Do Not Like talking abt my mental health#i say not being edgy but there are things i will never tell a single soul Or have told a soul not to my mom brother family bf no one#so unless ur my therapist ur not getting a word out of me (not malicious in intent but honest)#idk im not mad but irritated#i am fucked up but dont look at it#liquid.txt#i made a promise that After my top surgery wheneve that comes ill be honest and its one i intend to keep
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My ex bf’s friend reached out to me the other day to tell me he was missing for four days only to almost immediately tell me he was okay after i hadn’t responded
#I’m honestly super anxious now like#are they going to show up at my house?#are they going to keep trying to get me to be worried about him?#it felt so planned#i broke the ‘dont talk to him’ rule a month ago but it was less of a conversation and more of a statement on my behalf#i was pressured into promising him that id tell him if i never wanted to talk to him again and so i reached out to say just that#then promptly blocked him after directly saying ‘Do Not Contact Me’#it was dumb but i think that is why his friend reached out to me i think they plotted it to see if i would be worried about him#i sent the friend a long text explaining how i utterly hate him and that i feel threatened by him#and that he is nothing more to me outside that of a past abuser#thats all he is to me#he is just that guy that abused me for four months#he is nothing else to me#fuck you Rowan I hope you feel like shit for the way you treated me#im so fucking stressed that he’s gonna show up at my door one of these days I fucking s2g#im afraid of Hayley showing up too they seem unstable enough to think thats a good idea#i hope to god they forgot my address#i can only hope that they don’t have enough money to make it all the way up here#they reached out to me too!!! ‘just extending a friendly hello’ under a new number#told em to fuck off and blocked em#idk what else to do#I guess I shouldn’t be responding at all as that confirms to them it’s my number#but i have a knee jerk reaction to respond to basically anything thats said to me#i feel compelled to respond it drives me crazy to take steps to ignore someone#i wish these people would just forget about me#jesus christ
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Family meeting | Dad!Lucifer x Kid!Reader
Summary: Lucifer wants you to meet Charlie, the only problem? He needs to go to the hotel.
PT2 Of This and a full one shot of this.
Warnings: Off Canon in terms of time | Mentions of past abuse | Cursing | Reader gets loved by everybody | Probably some OOC | SFW | Grammar mistakes |
Lucifer undertood, really, he knew Charlie was too worried about her Hotel to ever leave it alone. He also felt bad about asking her to just come home to meet you, after all he was not a present figure in her life.
"(Y/n) are you ready ?" Lucifer called you who went to him with a cancerberus plush on your hand and a backpack with some toys.
"Im!" You declared showing off your things, and letting out a smile. You were now dressed in the best quality clothes Lucifer could afford, he had to take a moment to snap a pic of you (again).
"Let not keep them waiting then" Lucifer said taking you and supporting you on his hip, his wings out.
"ARE WE GOING TO FLY THERE?" You screamed making the house shake, your hyped self could not be contained.
"Yes, what better way to travel?" Lucifer joked. The first time you two took a fly together Lucifer was distracted and ended up dropping you. His reaction time was fast so he was able to catch you, already making promises to never fly again with you but your laught stopped him, turns out you loved to fly and loved the adrenaline from falling. Lucifer found it strange but decided not to question it.
He later went to the internet to look for more information.
Once you two took fly everything felt at peace (and you two were in hell...). Demons and sinners could see their King, no one dared to mess with him. Some ignored him, others bowed and some even waved at you.
From the Sky, the city seemed beautiful in its own type of way. The fire from fights and the buildings falling apart...big neon adverstiments...
If you were honest you liked hell.
Lucifer felt your self become sleepy making him smile. This would usually happen, something about flying with him relaxed you. Maybe being with the king of hell and on top of that flying around the city made you feel Powerfull and protected, enough to make you dizzy. Closing your eyes you let the feel of the wind caress your skin as Lucifer's wings moved towards the Hotel.
~☆~☆~☆~
Charlie was not nervous, not at all!!
That was a lie. Charlie was so stressed over his dad coming to the hotel and with you no less. When he had called her and asked to meet up she had said she had too much work (and it was true) then after listening to how he wanted her to meet you and how you have been asking about her.
Her heart could not take it so she accepted, saying she would make the hotel the safest place for you.
"Husk, put the alcohol away, OH! And be sure to remove any broken glass" Charlie exclaimed getting the most are you for real look from Husk.
Any sharp object had been locked down, weapons hided away and they even took extra care of things that could fall over you.
"Angel, try to...keep the sex jokes as...."
"As good as a good suck in a alley corner after some Drugs?" Angel asked getting an annoyed look from Vaggie. "Fine, I get it. Im not a monster you know" he responded offended going for a drink only to get some appel juice from Husk.
"Princess rules" he simple said.
Vaggie was behind Charlie as she went on checking everything. This was worse than one Lucifer had first come, this was Lucifer and you. The New kid, the new lil relative of Charlie.
"And- and did we get Alastor to go out?" Charlie asked Vaggie knowing how him and his dad were not at good terms.
"Well..."
"Now my dear, why would you want me away?" Alastor asked appearing besides her. "Its because your dad its coming today? Dont worry the hotel wont suffer any type of damage" he promised bowing "or maybe a bit"
~☆~☆~☆~☆
The sound of the door being opened alerted everyone. Charlie was sweating as she saw her dad entering with a small kid on his arms. Puffy sheep skin and cat hears and tail could be seen but their face was pressed against Lucifer's chest.
"Charlie!! Its so good to see you again" Lucifer exclaimed getting closer. "Sorry, (Y/N) felt asleep when coming here" he explained looking down with a lovely father gaze at the kid.
"Oh...thats...thats fine!! We have made everything kids safe for the time (Y/N) is here" Charlie responded still stressed, however now seeing you in the flesh and not only by photos her dad would send her, her heart softened at your sleepy form.
"Well, not everything..." Lucifer let out a groul seeing the Radio Demon who stood with his usual smile.
"Greetings your majesty, I never expected to be seeing you again so soon, maybe grow a few inches instead of getting kids from the streets on your free time"
"Hahaha, oh at least kids like me" Lucifer responded going towards Alastor.
"Hahaha only because you are their size"
"Hahaha, or because I dont have that broken record voice"
"Hahaha, fuck you"
The small beef between them was enough to wake you up, looking up you first saw Lucifer's face. A very angry look then the look of another Demon, a redish one that looked like a deer.
"...are these your ears or hair?" You asked half sleep getting everyones attention.
~☆~☆~☆~☆
"Oh ignore him, we are here to meet with by daugther!!" Lucifer quickly turned around making you face Charlie. He carefully let you down on the ground and saw how you went to her.
Charlie went to your eye level, her heart beating fast. "Hello! Im Charlie, and welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!!" She cringed at her introduction, laughts from Angel and Husk could be hear at the back.
"Im (Y/N)! Are you my older sister?" You asked moving your head to the side taking her appearence, no doubt she was Lucifer's child, she had a different aura, something cheerful and good, something your insticts told you to reach for.
Charlie's mouth went dry, her eyes having now tears as she remember the story her father told her about you, about how you ended in hell. How unfair it was and how Heaven would not listen.
"Y-yes Im" she responded trying to content her tears then almost getting knocked off when you hugged her. Your soft hair rubbing against her cheeck.
"I always wanted a sister"
Vaggie had to look away to keep her emotions in check. She undertood the malice from heaven and was thankul you had ended in Lucifer's way. Her heart broke a bit seeing your small form hugging her gilfriend.
Heaven its damed she tought to herself.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~
"And this is Angel Dust!" Charlie presented you the spider Demon who was looking down as he was thinking about someone else.
"Hello Kiddo" he ruffled your hair getting a laught from you.
"You have four arms?" You asked looking at Angel who showed them then picked you up
"You bet!! And do you know what form arms can do?"
Everyone was holding their breaths now.
"Lots of ticklets!!" He finally responded tickling you. Your laught and smile resonated in the hotel. Your cat hears moving from side to side as Angel tickled you with a small smile of his own.
~☆~☆~☆~
You pulled Angel around the hotel, telling different tales you have been reading from Lucifer's private collection. Angel just nodded at you, he took note of how your eyes would light up when you were talking about a favorite character or a special part of a story.
It melted his heart.
"I want juice" You suddendly said stopping and making Angel almost fall over you. Luckly he was able to catch his balance.
Juice? Angel thought then smirked looking at a very sober and pissed Husk.
"Here, this one makes the best drinks and im sure he has some juices for you" Angel said taking you towars Husk who was giving Angel a very do not dare look.
"Uhhh, he seems scary" you said softly looking at Husk while Angel seated you carefully.
"Scary? Pff he is just sober" Angel said getting a confused look from you.
"I mean-"
"What would you like kid?" Husk asked keeping his voice with no emotion. He had hear you said he looked scary and honestly, that was funny. By the fact that you had touched Alastor's hair and ears earlier and you got the radio Demon to almost break his cool.
Yeah not scared over the radio Demon but scared of him? You were something.
He passed you a juice with appels. You were quick to forget your fear as you sipped the drink looking at Husk. "I liken your wings"
Husk looked a bit suprised but soon relaxed giving you a easy smile.
"I like your horns...what are you?" He finally asked getting an annoyed look from Angel.
"Well...im not sure?" You responded now feeling shy.
"You are a sinner my Dear!" The voice of Alastor echoed as one of his shadows picked you up keeping you from touching his hair again.
"And who are you?" You asked back macking Alastor glitch, static forming around him but then going away.
"Im Alastor, the Radio Demon! I have a show, maybe you ever listen to it or you prefer these boxes..."
"You mean tvs?" Alastor nodded "I used to watch a bit during mornings but...my father hated when we did it he would scream at me and-" your voice broke making everyone look towards you Lucifer almost going for the Demon's neck.
"Oh you poor thing" Alastor said deep down (very deep) feeling bad. Memories of his own life coming to haunt him. "Then here!" He made a move and a old fashined radio appear "this radio hosts only my shows, and no one will be angry at you because you listen to it" He said smiling at you, his shadow still holding you and playing with your horns as Alastor watched Lucifer for a reaction.
"Uh...thank you Mister" You finally said getting a lick from the shadow itself.
"No problems Dear and if you ever need a New dad you know for who to look" He smirked at Lucifer.
"But Lucifer its my dad..." you responded, radio in your tiny hands "...could you be my uncle?" You asked innocently ignoring who you were talking to, one of the most powerfull Overlords in the circle.
Alastor moved his head his shadow getting you closer to him, he took a moment to examine your soul. So pure and so...so unlike him.
Alastor could be chained to someone, but right now the only one who could hold a leash on him was you.
"Of course Dear" he finally responded taking you from his shadow and to his arms.
"And can I play with your hair?"
"Hahaha, absolutly not"
Lucifer was being hold in the back by Charlie and Vaggie sending daggers to the Demon.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~
#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel x reader#lucifer x reader#alastor x reader#charlie x reader#angel dust x reader
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