#never really have felt too identified with a character lol
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Belated weekly thoughts-
Mostly because this was too big of an ep to completely skip and I really wanna clear up a few misconceptions I keep seeing in the comments. I know only a small percent of readers see these, but at least a few of you will have the canon facts:
First off, just some personal thoughts-
I get asked a lot of reader input has ever influenced the story and, aside from a few fan-servicey memes like Roof Blank, the answer is no for the vast majority of the comic. This episode was kind of the one exception. I definitely never intended to address Rex's ace identity in the comic (outside of his obliviousness), but the more people learned he was canonly ace, the more I realized how important that was to a lot of people, so I thought it'd be cool to actually canonly address it- of course in a way that's realistic. To be clear, Rex absolutely has no idea what asexuality is, and I doubt any other characters do either. This comic does not take place in the digital age, so Rex doesn't have resources like twitter and reddit to help him figure this stuff out lol. He just knows he's not experiencing attraction the same way everyone else seems to, and that's what this episode is addressing.
Now as far as misconceptions- He is not aromantic. I've seen a few people jump to that? And I'm not really sure where it comes from, because he is very much in love with Bell, as I thought (?) I made clear in this scene. I understand the demi assumption, but I don't think he's that either. Bell's just the first person he's felt romantic attraction to, but he does not have sexual attraction (towards her or anyone). However, he's not repulsed by the idea, and that was also important for me to depict, as someone who...basically identifies the same way haha.
Now, for the BIG misconception- Bell potentially taking Lyss' face. So let's clear some things up:
This would not kill Lyss. She got plastic surgery on her nose that Bell already stole, so she would have a way to breath if Bell took the rest of her face.
Lyss would be able to resume a completely normal life after some reconstructive surgery. Blank victims still have a mouth and eyes under their sealed flesh. She explained last season that the only reason she's missing her eye still is because her parents wouldn't pay for the surgery to fix it after she moved out. Basically, giving Bell the rest of her face would just result in a painful and expensive surgery, but she would be by all means fine.
Not so much a misconception I've seen in this episode but just in general when I bring up the reconstructive surgery point- No, this does not mean you can just keep having your face stolen over and over and over. Your face gets a little harder to rebuild each time, and it's very expensive and painful. Think like an acid burn victim getting facial reconstruction, but just smoother...then getting in the same accident and surgery over and over. Surgeons can only do so much.
Bell would not "lose herself" or "become Lyss" if she stole the rest of her face. At this point, Bell is practically a half-blank in the sense that she fully her own person with her own personality, and stealing the rest of a face wouldn't really change that beyond maybe some influence- Much like how when Rex stole Mikiah's face, he didn't stop being Rex. He still maintained the personality and preferences he had as Rex, but just now has knowledge and memory of all of Mikiah's personality and preferences. Bell is slightly different in the sense that she *started* as a copy of Lyss, so many of their preferences and identities are the same (i.e, if Lyss is a straight cis girl, Bell would be a straight cis girl. If Lyss hated cilantro, Bell would hate cilantro), but she's developed in such a different environment from Lyss, that she has very much adopted her own unique personality (though with traits from Lyss, like her fieriness), and taking the rest of Lyss' face wouldn't change that. She would just have memory and knowledge of the rest of Lyss' life. The only real consequence of taking her face might be...getting some unpleasant memories of Rex and Scion, but even then, Bell has grown into such an understanding and forgiving person, I don't think she'd hold those past actions against them (except maybe Scion for the whole attempted murder stuff).
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The Dinner
Characters: Poly! Grian x GTWS x Mumbo x M! Reader
Warnings: slight angst, kinda betrayal?, unaccepting family
Words: 2217
Prompt: N/A
I posted this on AO3 about a week ago and I thought i had posted it here too, but apparently I hadn't lol sorry!!
It was supposed to be easy to distance himself. Nothing was supposed to get through the encryptions and nothing was supposed to be able to get even close to his house. However, the letter made it into his hands. The letter seared itself into his brain as he thought about it all day and all night. For two days, he thought about the letter, memorizing every bit of it so he could think about what he would do.
It was a short letter, one containing only an invitation to dinner. Normally, one would feel delighted to get an invitation from one’s mother to attend a family dinner. However, Y/N felt nothing but dread. He would have been fine if his mother didn’t add the sneaky little thing she had.
Bring your girlfriend. I’ve heard you've gotten quite serious. The letter reads. That part is what got him. That’s the part that has him staying up all night. It wasn’t like she was wrong, he was in a very serious relationship. But he was not dating a woman. Nor was he dating just one person. No, he just had to be difficult for his mother and date three men.
He was conflicted. At one end, he wanted to go and introduce his family to his partners and his partners to his family, but at the same time, he knew the response he would get from his family. It would be anger and disappointment, maybe even hatred. He didn’t know if he could take a reaction like that.
A knock shocked him from his thoughts. It was late, the darkness outside of his window told him that. He hesitated before going to open the door, hoping it wasn’t a zombie. It was a zombie, just not the one he was hoping it wasn’t. The door opened slowly to reveal the exhausted, yet caring, face of his neighbor.
“What are you doing up so late, babes?” Cleo asked. He could hear the exhaustion in her words. “I saw your light was on and came to check on ya.”
He frowned, “Me? Why are you up so late?”
“Oi, I asked first.”
He didn’t laugh. In fact, his eyes burned from tears. None fell, but he knew they were there. “I can’t sleep. Not a crime, is it?”
Cleo’s expression softened and she gestured to the door. He nodded and she entered the building, closing the door behind her. The pair walked to the kitchen, where they sat at the island together. “What’s going on, babes? Do you need to talk?”
His mind was a mess. Did he want to talk? What would he talk about? The fact that his family expected him to bring his nonexistent girlfriend to dinner? His nonexistent girlfriend. The words echoed in his mind for a second before he stared at Cleo.
“Cleo, will you be my girlfriend?”
Cleo’s eyes widened and she coughed, choking on air. “I- uh- What?!” She steadies herself quickly. “Mate, I know we’re close and all, but I don’t think your boyfriends would appreciate that very much.” He groans, placing his head in his arms. “What’s going on? Why’re you asking me something like that?”
“My mom invited me to dinner.”
Her eyebrows rose slightly, “Okay, that’s great.”
“She wants me to bring my girlfriend.”
Her expression shifted slightly, “Okay, less great. You haven’t come out to her?”
He shook his head, “No, well kind-of? I told her I was interested in boys, back when I was identifying as a bisexual, but I never told her I was gay. Or poly.” He frowned, “Even as a bisexual, she didn’t really accept me. She was always saying that she expected me to be with a girl regardless. She doesn’t really accept, I suppose.” He sighed, “I don’t want her to lash out at me or at them.” He said, referring to his boyfriends.
Cleo was quiet for a moment before she moved to cover his hand with her own. “Babes, I think you just have to talk to them about it. You know them, Grian, Mumbo, and Scar. You know they would figure it out. You should just talk to them.”
He sighed, “You’re right I know them. I know they’d want to go to dinner regardless. Just to see if she would accept it. But I know she won’t. I can’t say no to them, Cleo.”
Cleo smiled, “They’ll understand. I know they will. Just talk with them. Please? If you still want me to pretend to be your girlfriend, and your boys are okay with that, then I will gladly be your girlfriend. Deal?”
He hesitated before nodding, “Deal.”
The next morning, he woke up to hushed whispers surrounding him.
“Aww, look at ‘im. He’s so cute when he’s sleeping.”
“That he is.”
“Move out the way, you’re blocking my view of him!”
“Scar! Shush! You’re gonna wake him up!”
His eyes fluttered open, coming to view his adorable boyfriends. He noticed the positions they were in. Grian was perched above him on his bed’s headboard, Scar was leaning onto his fists at the end of the footboard, and Mumbo was sitting awkwardly at the foot of the bed.
Grian noticed his eyes had opened and whined, “Aww, you guys woke him up!”
Mambo scoffed, “I believe you mean you and Scar woke him up.” He smiled at his boyfriend.
Y/N’s mouth fitted into a grin, “Hey.” His voice was scratchy with sleep and Mumbo’s ears flushed.
“Hey, pumpkin.” Scar grinned, moving to lay beside him in bed. “What were you dreamin’ about?”
He thought back to his dreams. It was a nightmare, actually. About how that dinner would go if he brought his partners. His real partners. “Uh, dreamt about y’all actually.” It wasn’t totally a lie.
Scar dramatically placed a hand over his heart, “Oh, how amazin’. I love it when you dream of us.”
Grian rolled his eyes, “You’re so dramatic!”
“You love it.”
Mumbo watched quietly before laying down to the right of his newly-awoken boyfriend. “Hey.” He mumbled as the other two talked together.
Y/N turned and grinned at his boyfriend, pressing his lips to his cheeks lightly, “Morning, my love.”
Mumbo chuckled lightly, “Stop, you’re tickling me.” He laughed softly before his eyes focused on him again. “I got a message this morning. From Cleo.” He said quietly. “She said you had something important to talk to us about. I haven't mentioned it to the other two yet, though.”
A frown quickly replaced his calm smile. He sat up and sighed, “Oh, okay.” He hoisted himself out of bed, quickly getting ready for the day.
As he did so, Scar and Grian looked at him confused. Grian glanced at Mumbo, “Did we miss something? What happened?”
Mumbo sighed and shook his head, “Nothing yet.”
Scar huffed, “Now wait one second, are you two hiding something from us?” He narrowed his eyes at Mumbo, who averted his gaze. He gasped, “You are! What is it?”
Grian’s feathers ruffled, “What do you mean, hiding something? Are you two keeping a secret?”
Y/N shook his head, “No, nothing. I just need to talk to you guys later.” He glanced at Mumbo with a reassuring smile, “Later, though. Not now.”
The three shared a glance of worry before nodding, “Okay.” They said simultaneously. He smiled, opening the door as he finished pulling his shirt on.
“Okay, come on, let's go make some breakfast.” The three hurried over, scrambling over to the kitchen, pushing each other as they went. He chuckled at his lovers, smiling to himself before he remembered the letter. He glanced to his bedroom, where the letter sat beside his bed. His name was called and he hurried to meet up with his loves.
Throughout the day, he tried to think of ways to talk about it with them. He really did try! It wasn’t like he was avoiding the entire thing and ignored the pointed looks Cleo gave him when he passed by. By the time the sun was setting, he still had yet to say anything.
While he was ignoring the issue, his boyfriends noticed something was wrong with him. He was acting weird and they knew something was up. While he was in the restroom, they talked about it.
“Well, Cleo said he had something he needed to talk to us about.” Mumbo muttered, twisting his mustache.
Grian hummed, “Maybe he got some bad news?”
Mumbo shrugged, “She didn’t tell me what it was about. Only that he wanted to talk.”
“Do you think he wants to break up with us?”
The two turned to stare at Scar, an absurd look on their face. “What? No- I can’t imagine that's it.” Grian said with a final shake of his head. “Are you worried about that, love?”
Scar nodded, “No, no, you're right. Sorry. I just don’t know what else it could be.”
“I think we ask him when he comes back.” Mumbo suggested. The other two nodded and they waited patiently for their boyfriend to return.
When he eventually made his way back into the living room, he noticed the slight tension in the room. “Uh, are you okay, my loves?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing.
“We should be asking you that question.” Grian said, urging Y/N into a seat. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting off all day.”
“And about what Cleo said-”
Y/N sighed, “Why did they have to bring that up?” He groaned quietly before rubbing his eyes lightly. “Okay, fine. I was invited to bring my girlfriend to family dinner.”
The trio in front of him were quiet for a second before Scar interrupted. “Hmm, okay, see, I think I misheard you. Because I thought you said bring your girlfriend.” He laughed until he realized nobody joined him and paused. “I didn’t mishear, did I?”
Y/N shook his head. “I haven’t come out to my family, especially my mother.” He hesitated before continuing, “I asked Cleo last night to pretend to be my girlfriend for the dinner.” His boyfriends were quiet again, but he noticed how they slouched. “She declined and told me I should talk to you guys about it. I guess- I was just nervous. My mother has been my role model for years. I tried to come out as bi to her before I realized I was gay and she basically said she wouldn’t accept anyone other than a girl as my partner. I don’t think she’ll react well to me being in a serious relationship with three boys.”
Grian decided to speak up. “You asked Cleo to be your girlfriend instead of just talking to us?”
He closed his eyes tightly, “Yes. It was stupid. I’m so sorry. I panicked and I didn’t know what else to do. I love my mom, and I couldn’t stand her not accepting me or my partners.”
They were quiet again. Nobody spoke for minutes. Tension rose and Y/N could feel his throat getting tighter and his eyes burning. He kept his eyes closed, counting silently to keep his panic attack at bay.
“You could have just talked to us, y’know?” Scar eventually said. “We love you. We don’t want you to miss out on your family.” He glanced towards his boyfriends. “We care about you. So much.”
Mumbo nodded softly, “Yeah. We do. Uhm, if you really want to bring Cleo as your faux girlfriend, I won’t be upset. I understand how much your mom means to you.”
It took a little bit for Grian to speak. He curled himself into his wings, “I love you. I don’t want you thinking we won’t accept your decisions. If you want to go with her, fine.”
He stared at them with an absurd expression, “What? No! You guys are supposed to be mad at me. Why aren’t you mad at me?”
“Because we care about you.” Scar repeated. “We understand that you’re under a lot of stress. We know you love us. Mistakes happen. It's okay.” He paused before trying to lighten the mood, “But, y’know, Grian can play a mean girl if you wanted.”
He laughed, wiping his eyes. “You guys- You are so amazing. I love you.” He pressed his lips to Scar’s. Before kissing Grian and Mumbo in a similar fashion. “I- I want my mom to know who I am seeing.” He mumbles. “I don’t want to lie to her.” They stayed quiet as they waited for him to finish. “I- I guess I’ll have to live with whatever she decides to say. Will you go with me, my loves?”
“Of course.” Mumbo said, taking his hand and pressing his lips to his knuckles.
Scar grinned, “Can’t leave my prince all alone there, huh?”
Grian hesitated before nodding, “Yeah, yeah, of course, love.”
Y/N grinned, pulling the three into a huge hug. “I love you guys so much. So much more than anything in the world. Thank you for being patient and for loving me.”
“Ah, well, we couldn’t really help that last part. It just kinda happened.” Scar jested, poking fun at the situation. All of them laughed before they decided to head to bed, cuddling throughout the night and talking about the dinner that awaited them.
#poly hermitcraft x reader#grian x reader#male reader#keymeadoww#x reader#gtws x reader#hermitcraft x reader#mumbo x reader
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Hey Wilk!
I'm ONLY asking this because you've made multiple posts about how playful misgendering is fun and how pregnancy temporarily reversing the effects of transition is sexy, but have you felt doubts about your transition? Or is this moreso just that you really love being feminized while identifying and presenting as male and that the transformation aspect is what's so fun?
I completely understand if this question is a bit too sensitive and you don't wanna talk about it, just noticed this is a running theme in some of your posts. Love ya!
I had to think about this one LOL
I'm pretty sure most trans people feel doubts sometimes. I've had lots of doubts before, but they boiled down to fear of not being accepted (cough bigoted country of origin coughcough) so the problem was never with me. But I'm safe and respected where I am now so all is good 😎
So all the genderplay(?) stuff is just escapism and fantasy, really. The visible transformation and loss of agency are very fun! And once I come out of the headspace surrounding all of this I go "whew. ew. so glad that ain't me rn" and move on with my day. It's probably fun to think about exactly because I've transitioned as far as I have so there's a mental distance between me and the lil characters I keep putting in situations.
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(😶 so I can find this later)
AITA for telling someone to move on past rude comments? This happened a while ago but I'm curious about Tumblr's thoughts. TW: SA
I (29M) was part of a gaming group online and got along fairly well at first but I was getting frustrated with Sara (early 20sF) as she was very negative about basically everything. I stayed with the group because my then boyfriend John (mid20sM) played with them and we had been friends. There were three other people in our group, Mike (late20sM), Anne (early 20sF), and Luke (early 20sFtM).
We had invited a new person to our group and he had gotten along well with us but made some inappropriate comments to Anne (his comments were "I can see your character's nipple lol" when Anne posted art of her character and, when Anne said she "was ready to rumble" for an in game event he replied "I'll rumble you.") Anne said she did not like these comments and we asked her what she wanted done. She said not to remove him from the group but tell him to stop so the new guy was told to stop. He apologized, said he never meant to make Anne uncomfortable, and immediately stopped the behaviour.
Sara and Mike frequently complained in a private discord channel about the new guy and called him a predator. Any time new guy interacted with a female identifying person they talked about how he needs to be watched since he was likely to harass that woman too.
I told John I was frustrated as Sara had run off several potential new friends to the group already, people who had done nothing inappropriate but she just felt were cringe. I told John what I wanted to say to Sara and he said I could say those things. I ended up pointing out that new guy apologized and stopped the behaviour so what else can we ask of him? If his actions are too far then why are we keeping him around? It looked like Sara was trying to run him off and we should either get rid of him or drop it because we had resolved it as a group. Sara said she was very good friends with Anne and that Anne was crying everyday due to the triggering effect this man had on her. I said that we could remove him if Anne wanted it but she needed to ask it or else it was Sara's decision and not Anne's. We ended up having a massive blowout fight and Sara said I was a sexual abuse enabler among other insults.
I would later find out that Luke, Sara, and Anne were all SA survivors (I did not know this at all before) because John told me I need to learn to talk about rape and tore into me for saying the things he said I could say. John would also learn that neither Anne nor Luke felt particularly triggered by new guy and neither were crying like Sara had said.
My offline friends, some of which disclosed they were SA survivors to me, all think Sara was trying to be overprotective of her friends and that nothing I said was really out of line but I'm curious about Tumblr's take. I'm no longer part of that friend group or relationship (the relationship had multiple reasons it ended).
So, was I the asshole for asking Sara to stop complaining about the new guy?
What are these acronyms?
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I've been thinking about the fact that a lot of us identify so strongly with these characters because we identify strongly with their trauma. The specific trauma of either Aziraphale or Crowley mirrors something from our own life in a way that makes them feel intensely real to us.
And that's definitely true in my case. Aziraphale's traumas and flaws and character arc mirror my own life in such a way that watching GO is an extremely powerful experience for me. But I'm specifically reminded of a much younger version of myself. The very first time I watched the show, I noticed it during the Garden of Eden scene. I'd never read the book, knew nothing about the show except it was an angel and a demon everyone shipped, and in the very first scene I was texting one of the friends who had been urging me to watch it like "lol omg why is Aziraphale literally me in high school??" (I'm almost forty, high school was awhile ago.) So it's like this intense reliving of that time of my life, how painful it was and how lost I felt and yes, some of the truly obnoxious shit I did and said while I was struggling to figure it all out.
The other thing, though, is that I'm still a very Aziraphale-coded person, just in terms of my overall personality and vibe and strengths and weaknesses. And that's the other really meaningful thing I've taken from the show, actually, because I'm like an Aziraphale who finally completely broke free from Heaven and then got a lot of therapy. (Seriously. So much therapy.) Which isn't to say that I'm now some totally evolved paragon of mental health. I'm not. I think what I'm trying to say is that my identification with Aziraphale isn't just about the trauma. It's about the good bits, too. And it's actually really comforting and affirming to be reminded that working through a bunch of my stuff in therapy hasn't made me any less me. It hasn't changed me into a whole different person.
One of the most Crowley-coded people I've ever met is my therapist. (It's probably why we clicked. I could not possibly have done a bunch of intense trauma therapy with someone who was too much like me.) He's a really good therapist, and like any really good therapist, he's done the work on himself so that he's not walking around being a bundle of unresolved issues while he's trying to help clients. But he's still very Crowley-coded. He's got the sass, the quick wit, the fun clowning around energy. He would totally be a demon who glued coins to the sidewalk. He comes across like a Crowley who's content and comfortable with himself.
Not just about the trauma.
These characters aren't just their traumas, and neither are we.
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hello bunny! I (ego, probably) find stay 'knowing myself' throughout the day as I tell myself I will observe the Ego's life with no attachment but in 2 minutes get swept up in my thoughts and identifying with them.
How do I separate my Self from ego and stop identifying with ego? and How do I believe that I am Self, 'I' need some proof, what do I do to get that? I'm so sorry if this has already been answered or repetitive.
hiiii, anon! c: no need to apologize at all, i completely understand the question and the struggle! this is a long answer, sorry it's late here and i have no idea how to be concise ever lol.
the biggest piece of advice i would give to you is to not beat yourself up for getting swept up in the thoughts. when we get swept away we can get frustrated with ourselves because we're like, "ughh i'm not doing this right, i have to start over, c'mon ego just do it correctly already!!" but the thing is, that is just how the ego is. it is acting the exact way it was intended to; the ego has endless thoughts, the ego worries, and the ego wants to beat you up for not getting it "right." but Self knows that that is the way the ego is and doesn't try to fight it! It accepts the ego as it is and simply lets it be. Self thinks that the ego is perfect simply because it "is;" it's perfect when its happy, it's perfect when it's sad, it's perfect when it has a thousand thoughts, it's perfect when it feels angry at itself. the ego/character you're playing right now, your Self created, and it is perfectly neutral and loving towards it ALL.
i used to be so confused when people would say, "just observe," because when i had thoughts i didn't like i would feel negatively and try to push the negative thought away or try to stop feeling the negative feeling. but what i learned was that instead of trying to change the thoughts, i can notice that i'm trying to change the thoughts. i can notice that i felt uncomfortable, then i can notice that the thought is sticking around, then i can notice that the feeling gets harder, then i can notice where the feeling is in my body, then i can notice that my awareness of where it is in my body has made me forget that i had a negative thought that i didn't like in the first place! it all falls away, because simply noticing helps you shift your awareness.
as ego, you will never run out of things to notice. that's why there are so many opportunities to practice not identifying with the ego! something you could try practicing for it to become more normal is taking time throughout your day to sit with yourself and truly pay attention, neutrally, to every single thought, feeling, and sensation that comes up. when i say neutrally, i don't mean NOT feeling negatively about things you're frustrated with or pushing down the feelings. the ego is going to feel frustrated, because that's how the ego feels. what i mean is, even if you get frustrated with yourself, NOTICE THAT TOO. "oh, i'm noticing that i'm feeling frustrated. that's okay!" it's all okay - have compassion and love towards EVERY feeling and thought that comes up, because they are all a creation of Self/God. i'll give you an example of the first time that i "got" it that will hopefully explain what i'm saying a little more. this was something close to my internal monologue:
alright. here we go. gonna notice some stuff as Self. i'm noticing my breathing. cool!
i'm noticing that i'm noticing my breathing now hehe. that's okay!
i'm noticing a feeling come up; ego wants to laugh because this feels funny to notice. that's okay!
i'm noticing that the feeling feels really warm in my body, it's pleasant. that's okay!
i'm noticing that i'm pretty hungry right now, actually... that's okay!
*drifts for a little while bcuz i was so hungry*
oh. i noticed that i just started drifting thinking about lunch. that's okay... wait, is that okay?
shit. i fucked up and drifted, ugh. that's not okay, why do i always drift so easily? *gets frustrated with myself*
wait, i didn't fuck up. i'm noticing that i was just frustrated with myself. okay. frustration, you are noticed. it's okay for the ego to be frustrated! that's okay!
i'm noticing now the peace that comes with simply allowing my ego to be the way it is. that's okay!
i'm noticing that i'm thinking about lunch again. that's okay!
maybe i should eat. what should i eat? (*drifting*)
ugh! i keep messing this up! (*frustrated*)
oh! i am noticing that the frustration is coming again, and i'm also noticing that i'm hungry. that's a sensation the ego is having. i am noticing it. that's okay!
does this make sense? everything that the ego does is perfect, it's acting as the way it always is - we as Self are simply here to observe it! it doesn't have to change its ways for you to become self-actualized; in fact, the ego cannot "become enlightened," the feeling of "enlightenment" only happens when the ego is left to just vibe and do its thing, without changing it. the ego is perfect to Self because no matter what, it is playing its role exactly as it was meant to. the ego wants to fight itself, but it doesn't need to fight itself, because it's doing exactly what it was designed to do. Self knows this! Self is able to take a step back and allow the yuckiness that the ego feels to just happen, because it knows that that yuckiness is a creation of Self. this is why people always say that Self is an expression of / feeling of pure love, because everything that the ego does is simply okay, it's allowed, it's perfect, it's loved by Self. it's pure acceptance, and what is more loving than that? i think it's also why people who are Christian say that "God's creations are perfect" because they were created by "Him" and "He makes no mistakes." it's the same thing with our true Selves and ego - the ego is a perfect creation of the Self, it doesn't need to beat itself up or get frustrated because it's not doing things properly. but if it does beat itself up or get frustrated, all you as Self have to do is say, "it's okay. i'm noticing you're frustrated. i'm observing this frustration. that's allowed, you're okay, you're perfect!"
you don't have to say "that's okay" every time you have a thought or sensation, either. i told myself the phrase "nothing i am conscious of is me" when i was trying this out. sometimes i tell myself, "that's allowed." sometimes i just notice and shift awareness without thinking anything and just witness. do whatever feels natural to you, that's what this whole process is about!
it might take time for you to get to this space where it feels constant. but that is okay! the biggest thing to remember with all of this is that it is all okay. you as the ego aren't doing anything wrong, you just need to observe when you do feel that you're doing something wrong and return to that lovely observing Self who knows everything is accepted.
another thing to keep in mind is that this might take practice, but it doesn't have to be an arduous journey. you know how starting a new habit can take a little bit of time before it becomes natural, and then all of a sudden you're remembering to take your meds at the same time every day or your posture is improved because you've reminded yourself enough times throughout the day? it's the same thing for detachment (or at least has been in my case). practice makes better, and holy fuck, we've gone our whole lives attached and identified with ego, so cut yourself some slack! <3 just take some time to return to your Self throughout the day, whether that's taking five minutes to practice the above "noticing" or even just noticing whenever you remember you're Self. whenever i suddenly realize i'm getting caught up in ego identification (which is quite often), i try not to beat myself up - have compassion for the sweet character you've known and identified with! they don't know any better. sometimes i greet my ego like an old friend, like "oh! hi ego! i'm noticing you now."
hopefully this makes sense - compassion and witnessing is the key, and truly with practice you'll come to find it's the simplest thing you've ever known to do. you've got this! <3
also, here is advice from this lovely anon, too!
#non dualism#nondualism#nonduality#non duality#lol have to get all those spaces in there#bunny's asks#bunny's originals
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Why so much hate towards Wendy?
I need to vent somewhere other than twitter
I REALLY wanted to be the kind of person who had the courage to express my opinion like this by answering and facing it but I care too much about my image lol stan kinnie (and also because I think it's a silly reason to fight over a fictional character idk)
Unfortunately I had the displeasure of seeing a twitter account hating on Wendy (I won't divulge it here, but it's basically an account calling her a whore and other stuff) and unfortunately, one of the owners of the account was someone I liked and followed her drawings, fanfictions, etc.
I followed this person even though I knew how much she hated Stendy (which is my otp) and anyway, anything involving Wendy
Wendy is a very special character to me. I liked her from the first episode. I like how South Park portrays all the characters as flawed, they are human, they make mistakes and they learn from mistakes. Same with Wendy. She's made mistakes many times, but she's always learned from them. She is an inspiration to me, like the breast cancer episode, where she fought to defend a cause that was important to her. And then these people come to me and call her manipulative, selfish and mean? For God's sake! No one is forced to like her, of course, but it's good to know that the reason they hate her is just one reason that would be enough to hate all the other characters.
"Wendy is a manipulator! She blackmailed Stan in Season 1 Episode 7"
- She is a child. Her blackmail about combining fantasy with stan (or whatever the fuck she did, I can't remember) is no big deal. Also, Wendy apologized to Stan, acknowledging that she hadn't taken his feelings into account.
"Wendy never takes Stan's feelings into consideration. He's already treated her very badly but nothing compared to what she did to him"
- I really can't see all this harm that Wendy did to Stan in the relationship. She "cheated" on him with Tolkien because she clearly felt lonely. In the scene, Stan himself said he hadn't spoken to her in weeks! BOTH ARE CHILDREN they don't have maturity for a relationship, it's obvious that this would end up happening. It wasn't right for Wendy to do that, of course, but it's kind of understandable considering how old she is. Same with Stan. Wendy was a great girlfriend. She worried about Stan when he was depressed, inviting Kyle to visit him together (which Kyle himself refused to do 😱) and even hired specialists to deal with Stan's hoarding problem. She was worried about him and in the recent episode, we could see how much she loves and cares for him. The problem is that they both have different love languages, something they won't identify with being a problem with their age.
"Wendy is stupid, the only good thing she did was in the list episode" and "she didn't even help with the list episode, stan did everything himself" (I swear it was stuff like that on this account)
The owners of this account swear to have watched the series and say that those who defend Wendy are those who have not seen the series. Like... really?
- 1: Absolutely in all episodes starring her, she is the heroine of the day.
Wendy showed the importance of fighting against childhood erotization, the importance of breast cancer, criticized the standard imposed on young girls and women by the media, in addition to which she has an irreparable critical sense. She is the real girlboss!
Of course, Wendy has done things VERY wrong, like sending Miss Ellen into space, but come on? this is part of the humor of the series. Characters will always act stupid at some point because that's where the fun is. Like, when Kyle does stupid things and acts on impulse, in anger, to champion a cause, he's considered a boss. But when it's Wendy, they call her an "insufferable feminist". When Kyle does stupid things and acts on impulse, in anger, to champion a cause, he's considered a boss. But when it's Wendy, they call her an "insufferable feminist". When Kyle blew up Canada causing death to thousands of people because of his belief that Canada was a bad influence, he is considered a human with flaws, but when Wendy went on a TV show to talk about the importance of stopping the pattern of feminine beauty in young women, she is called a "dumb bitch"
- 2: Wendy who discovered the hoax on the list; she analyzed all the data and discovered that something was wrong, she faced her friends even though she knew that this could cause her harm. Stan did absolutely nothing but stand and watch, he didn't even know what to say when he got in front of the girls to argue. Wendy is the one who saved Kyle from burning down the school. SHE SAVED THE FUCKING SCHOOL
Anyway, other horrible things were said that at the moment I can't remember to rebut them and idk I don't want to waste my time on that. Sorry for the very very long text, I really needed to dump this somewhere
#south park#wendy testaburger#sp wendy#south park opinion#Stendy#sp stendy#i love wendy#why people are like this?#south park wendy
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Thinking about roleswap au Strelitzia and Ventus,,, do you have thoughts on roleswap Strelitzia and Ventus if so can I have them
gladly!!! (this kinda got a bit too character study-y lol)
to me Strelitzia and Ventus are very similar characters, they parallel each other in a lot of ways. For one, they're both very lonely. Ventus is.... well he's Ventus you know how it goes with him, and while Strelitzia does have a lot of acquaintances from the various parties she's been apart of over the years, she doesn't really have any long-lasting/significant relationships besides Lauriam and a select few keykids from when she started out.
(whether she means "still around" as "she still talks to them" or just as "still alive" is up to interpretation I think)
Elrena says it herself, she and Strelitzia admittedly weren't that close, but apparently Elrena was significant enough to Strelitzia for her to mention her to Lauriam- probably multiple times if Lauriam was able to remember her name and accurately identify her. There was also Strelitzia's total need to get player, someone who she had never had so much as a conversation with, into the dandelions where they wouldn't die. I think it says something that she's willing to go that far for a complete stranger.
So yeah, both of them seem pretty lonely (to varying degrees), but they both also have a lot of self-doubt. There was that whole flower field scene, and even though that was technically a dream-sequence Lauriam was having due to blood-loss delirium I'm pretty sure it was meant to be an actual memory of his. That scene focused a lot on like, Strelitzia not being confident in her own abilities compared to Lauriam and Lauriam trying to hype her up. It's similar to Lauriam and Ventus's first interaction with the "you're not weak, you're kind" exchange.
I actually think these two things are actually big factors as to why Lauriam gravitated towards Ventus so much, because he reminded him of Strelitzia. It opens up an interesting light on their dynamic that I think people should talk about more, but that's for a different post lol
This is all to say that I feel their dynamic would be very "self-recognition through the other" on Strelitzia's part. Like she sees this clearly skilled kid beating himself up over how weak he perceives himself to be and she probably thinks "is this what lauriam felt like?" It's a bit of a wake-up call I think. It causes her to stop looking down on herself so much, because she feels that if she did so it might reflect badly onto Ven, also general self-improvement stuff.
Strelitzia has always wanted a chance at being the older sibling for once, and Ven is desperate for any kind of companionship so it works out for both of them! yay! Hope nothing bad happens to them!
(on a side note, i think Strelitzia might daydream about finding Lauriam, and him and Ventus getting along, and the three of them getting to be a happy little family together :))
#ask rosie a question!#anon ask#roleswap au#flower siblings roleswap#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts union x#khux#kh ventus#kh strelitzia#kh lauriam#lauriam#ventus#strelitzia#character study#meta#well vaguely that#i have a lot of thoughts on these three haha
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What was it about Will and Nico that drew you to them, individually and/or as a ship?
nico has always been my favorite character!!! well technically that's not true it was annabeth until battle of the labyrinth (and i still love her very very much) -- i read the original series as each book was coming out so when titans curse came out in 2007 i honestly thought nico was so annoying LMAO and i thought bianca was going to be the new addition to the cast. so when she died i was totally shocked and i didnt know how to feel about nico until battle of the labyrinth came out. and then he had that dark and edgy character arc, and my dark and edgy emo 14 year old self was like "ok this kid rules actually" and hes been my fave ever since. how long has it been. (checks watch) ive been stanning nico di angelo for 15 years.
i have always loved nico because i've always related to him -- i have a lot of the same problems that nico has (catholic repression, internalized homophobia, trauma, mental illnesses, feeling like you dont belong, i could go on) and seeing him fight so hard to survive just for the chance to see the day when things might get better...it was really inspiring to me. it sounds corny but this character helped me get through some really difficult times in my life. the way that nico strove so hard to survive in heroes of olympus when he basically had nothing he wanted to live for really gave me strength to keep going too.
And thats part of why solangelo immediately appealed to me! Nico di Angelo finally finding love and laughing and allowing himself to be close to someone after i watched him endure ceaseless torment since 2007 was so gratifying. ever since their initial interaction in blood of olympus i have felt like will was so right for nico -- he was never afraid of him, he treated him the same as everyone else, he went out of his way to make nico feel wanted and refused to let nico fall back on his old self-destructive habits. and i thought it was really fitting that nico's love interest would be someone new, someone unentangled with nico's twisted past, someone he could look to the future with and heal with.
so i started liking will because he was nico's love interest, but once trials of apollo came out I got really invested in will as his own character too, and this feeling has only strengthened with the sun and the star's release. I have actually been waiting for an Apollo demigod to be a main character since I was like 12, because I've always identified with Apollo (I've had a lifelong special interest in Greek mythology lol). And Will was exactly who I was waiting for -- i love how gentle he is, i love that he's a healer, i love his relationship with Apollo, I love how much of a dork loser he is, i love how much he cares for people, and i love his dynamic with nico so much. i ended up writing my fic Solace because I couldnt stop thinking about how will was there in the background the entire time, he lost his siblings, he pined for nico, he was forced into leadership roles when he wasn't ready. and after reading tsats i LOVE how much he is filled with self-doubt and anxiety and how he loves nico so much and wants to support him and make him feel safe and loved in the ways that nico needs. he is so so so fucking good and i adore him and he is truly unlike any other character in this series.
i love nico, i love will, i love solangelo, i love how they contrast each other and yet are the same in so many ways, i love how they overcome realistic relationship obstacles to be together because after all theyve both been through they deserve to feel secure and at peace with someone they love, who they know loves them back.
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here’s something interesting i feel like some more people in the community should probably think about:
something really interesting i’ve had to learn over the years is that, no, i didn’t actually have that many fictives lol. what i did have was dissociation-related identity issues and severe derealization and latched onto fictional characters because i felt like the rest of the world wasn’t real, like i was in some kind of a TV show or video game or something.
weirdly enough, it hasn’t gotten better since getting a job and getting out of the house, and in fact it kinda feels like it’s gotten worse. every day, i struggle with understanding that people other than me/my family are real and that i have to legitimately deal with them, and that my job is not some video game and is actually something that i have to take seriously.
either way i find it really interesting to consider that some people don’t have as many fictives (or non-fictives) as they think they do. it’s not a bad thing, just part of the process of getting all your shit sorted out, especially if you don’t have a therapist. but i think too many people are afraid to admit that they could be wrong about how many alters they have for some reason. if they think they have an alter of something than they must, and they can never be wrong about it because why would they? they know themselves best, right?
not necessarily true.
all the time, people mistake things for alters that were not alters. people who have been diagnosed for years can mistake something for an alter when it’s not an alter at all. it’s simply a part of the process, and people need to acknowledge that you can be wrong about having (a) certain part(s), and that’s fine.
like i said at the beginning of this post, this very thing has happened to me. i thought i had alters i didn’t, particularly fictives, and had to eventually restart my alter count a couple of years ago because i didn’t have my shit figured out, and was so sick of being unable to tell what was real and what isn’t.
here’s some things that should’ve been my own hint that the alters i thought i had were not real:
if you have fictives that go 'dormant’ when the fixation on their source material goes away,
if they only front to interact with their source material,
if they only front because their source material triggered them out,
if you’re only ever ‘splitting’ fictive alters, especially if you’re in spaces where fictives are the majority,
or if you constantly expect to split fictives over any other kind of alter...
...then that/those fictive(s) might not actually be there.
causes could be related to being in fictive-heavy spaces causing you to feel like you’re only going to split fictives or identity issues related to severe, chronic dissociation causing you to identify with fictional characters heavily without actually introjecting them. both of these were the reasons i thought i had more fictives than i did in the beginning.
obviously, not a one-size-fits-all type deal and there are probably plenty of cases where this is flat-out wrong. i’m mostly just writing this so that someone out there like me doesn’t have to waste their time thinking they have more parts, or more of one specific kind of part, than they actually do, thus stunting their own recovery like i did for a handful of years.
it’s also not to shame anyone or fakeclaim anyone or whatever. there’s no shame in being wrong, and being wrong about having a specific alter or a handful of a certain type of alter doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re faking everything or whatever. it’s just something to consider, especially if you’re new to the system community, like a year or less into realizing you have a complex dissociative disorder.
#part zero#actuallydid#actuallymultiple#actuallytraumagenic#actuallydissociative#actuallyosdd#did system#osdd system#dissociative identity disorder#osdd-1#osdd-1a#osdd-1b#ddnos#syscourse
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Intergalactic Abductees: Tommy (1)
Word Count: 2,193
TW's: Unintentional Fearplay, Violence, Injury, Mentions of Abduction, Mentions Of Past Abuse, Fear of Death, Profanity, Referring To A Person As An "It", Firearm? (<-Idk if that needs to be tagged but I'll put it there anyways. Nobody gets shot lol...unless)
Characters: C!Tommy, C!Dream, C!Sapnap, C!George, C!Tubbo(mentioned)
Summary: Tommy just barely escapes his imprisonment on an alien spacecraft with his life intact. Now his captors have all fled, leaving him in the hands of the explorers scavenging their ship.
Tommy's hands were clasped over his mouth. Every breath felt too loud so he simply stopped breathing. His teeth ground down into the abused skin of his lip. He didn't stop biting until he tasted copper. These creatures could hear a pin drop in a mosh pit. If he so much as twitched, there was no doubt in his mind that they'd find him.
He'd seen far too many people lose their lives through the careless actions of these freaks, let alone intentional actions. He'd accepted he might never make it home but he would be damned if he wasn't going to let himself be captured before he found Tubbo.
The many foot falls clopped against the metallic tile like hoof beats.
"...empty?"
"...gone..."
"...don't know..."
Those were the only words he could make out. Their every phrase was flanked by gibberish. He had no idea why they spoke in broken English. You'd think aliens would have their own languages. After all the time he'd spent with them, he still had a lot to learn.
Not that he wanted to. If given the option, he would give up on the educational venture immediately.
Air. Right. He'd forgotten he'd needed that. He drew in a deep, much needed breath against his own volition. He found solace in knowing that his own body was conspiring against him. The footsteps that had begun to retreat paused. Like they were hesitating.
Trembling fingers gripped Tommy's cheeks like the jaws of a bear trap in hopes that if he held on long tight enough, he could stop any sounds from escaping his lips. Some part of him knew that it wouldn't work but a larger part of him-likely the one running on half an hour of sleep, an empty stomach, and primal fear-really didn't care.
A voice called out a slew of words he didn't understand. Probably a threat. He was getting pretty good at identifying those of late.
Please leave. Please just go away. There's nobody important in here, Tommy pled silently.
At least, there wasn't anymore. Something happened that sent everyone running. The others he was taken with were stored for relocation or disposed off if they seemed like dead weight. He had enough dumb luck to be trapped on an operating table when it all went to shit.
Nobody thought to even look for him. By the time he'd escaped his restraints, everyone was gone. He'd been stupid enough to take his sweet time locating an exit or something that might provide him with some notion of where exactly he was.
The footsteps gradually faded into the distance. Tommy waited until he heard a door shut to start breathing again. He peeked around the odd lever he'd claimed as a hiding spot. The room looked empty enough. Good. He just needed a little more time in there and then he'd made his grand escape.
He returned to the touch screen. It flickered to life as he tapped the small, red button beside it. As a denizen of earth, screens happened to be his area of expertise. There were a couple words on the display but they weren't written in any language that Tommy recognized beyond the odd A, T, and Y.
It didn't matter. Pictures spoke a thousand words and, lucky for Tommy, the images splayed out before him were in HD quality. He scrolled around what he had to assume was a diagram. If the blue was where he currently was, he just had to find out where Earth was in relation. At least that way he actually had an exit strategy when he found Tubbo.
The planets weren't familiar so he moved onto the next cluster. He'd stupidly assumed that Earth would be the same size as all the celestial bodies on the map but the moment he recognized Jupiter, everything began to click into place.
Giant aliens, giant planets. It made some semblance of sense.
He zoomed into the solar system to the best of his abilities. He ignored the nausea rolling in his stomach at the realization of just how infinitesimal the solar system was in comparison to all the others. There was Earth. It was marked with some kind of red label he had yet to see on any other planet. He was too busy reveling in the fact that he'd actually locating home to worry about what that meant.
Home was far.
Very, very far.
So far, it made Tatooine look like our next door neighbor in comparison.
He was so caught up in trying to plot out the exact course from the blue icon to Earth that he failed to hear the door slide open behind him. Failed to notice the drum of steady boots against the floor. Failed to realize he was no longer alone until he felt the goosebumps creeping up his arms.
Every hair stood on end. Like he was about to be struck by lightning. Given that they didn't have thunderstorms within the spaceship, he had a pretty good idea of what the exact cause of the reaction was. He froze up entirely as the silhouette ingulfed him.
Shit.
He slowly turned to face his death without the usual level of cowardice he operated on.
In retrospect, he shouldn't have turned around at all. He should have just stood there and waited for his inevitable fate to befall him. But he had to know what was going to be responsible for taking his life.
All he saw was a blank slate. A white metal so shiny that he could see his own reflection staring back at him in fear. There weren't even eye holes. If this thing was alive, it obviously didn't prioritize vision. And yet, Tommy could somehow feel its eyes on him all the same.
It was in a black uniform that resembled a tracksuit, a sleek firearm aimed directly at Tommy's forehead. It didn't look like any gun Tommy had ever seen and yet something in the back of his mind still identified it as a weapon. A threat. He swallowed thickly, holding his hands up in surrender as though it would make a difference.
It stood there a moment, frozen in place. It tilted its head curiously before lowering the hefty gun back down at its side. Tommy let out a heavy sigh, warily retreating back a step. The creature's focus was no longer on him. It leaned overtop him to get a better look at the screen behind him.
It raised a hand that donned a fingerless glove. It tapped a blunt nail against the graphic of Earth.
"...you..." was the only word he understood. After receiving no response it tapped again to emphasize a point Tommy couldn't comprehend.
Its head turned back to him, staring at him expectantly. Tommy only stood there, petrified, as he gawked up at the looming figure. After a moment of waiting, it sighed and yanked a small, metal device from its pocket. It almost looked like a phone but thinner and more square than rectangular.
It laid the device out on the panel, clicking a few icons on both screens before tucking it back into the pocket of its pants. Tommy debated on trying to escape while it was distracted but it was pointless. Usain Bolt couldn't outrun these motherfuckers.
"Okay...you...no..." it tried again.
Tommy clenched his eyes shut as it raised a hand. No impact ever came. When he opened his eyes, it was frozen. The mask had grown closer as it leaned in towards him. Its head tilted again. The hand reached towards him again, only this time with far more hesitation. Tommy moved as far away as possible but there was very little room for him to find refuge in.
He was scooped up with jarring ease into a snare of fingers roughly his size. He wriggled about to no avail. His arms were stuck to his sides. The grip was tight. Not suffocating but tight. Possibly tight enough to bruise.
"Come on, man," Tommy whined. His toes curled as his feet left the floor. It held him at what he had to assume was eye-level. "I-I just want to find Tubbo and go home."
"Home," the alien repeated.
"Yes. Home."
Without warning, his body was turned sideways with such speed that he nearly got whiplash. He winced as a cool fingers prodded at his temple. That's where they were operating before they all fled to who knows where. It muttered a slew of foreign vocabulary as it studied whatever would was left open due to his own, blatant negligence.
He'd been too busy to address whatever funky alien experiments they'd done on his head. Not time to worry about whatever gashes they'd left behind from their botched dissection. He drew in a hissing breath through his teeth as it pressed just a bit too hard. The offending digits retreated immediately.
After a few more seconds of consideration, it seemed to make up its mind.
Tommy clung to consciousness as adrenaline coursed through his veins. The entire journey he spent imprisoned within chilled flesh left him with terrible motion sickness. The walk was long but at least it brought him out of the spacecraft.
The world around him was...bizarre.
The ground was the wrong color, the sky was the wrong color, and every bit of flora was the wrong shape. It looked like he was in the middle of the woods with trees looking like something straight out of a Dalí painting.
Yet another ship was waiting just beyond the last one. This one was a hell of a lot smaller than his previous ride but it still dwarfed him nonetheless. Painted silvery color with a white staircase protruding out the side.
Another alien was waiting there, leaning against the ship with its arms folded across its chest. At least this one had a face. One that lit up upon seeing his captor approach. Literally. A bizarre illumination flooded its skin.
It looked apt to say something but closed its mouth with a click when it spotted Tommy. Its grey eyes flickered a bright yellow. Like fireflies.
"...is...?" it asked.
"...planet...the screen...hiding..." the faceless creature rambled.
The glowy creature bent at the waist to get closer to eye level with Tommy as he was brought closer. The alien squinted at him. Curiosity brewed in its flickering eyes. Tommy could feel the heat radiating off it. It was such a welcome change of pace from the icy fingers he was held in that he almost felt disappointed when it pulled away.
It let out a soft coo before starting up the staircase. The metal-faced creature gave one final glance over its shoulder before starting after its companion. Tommy flinched at every foreign whirr and click from the ship around him. The stairscase folded up behind him, leaving him sealed within the confines of the metal coffin.
No. No. No!
He didn't have time for this! He'd only just found out where he was. If these douchebags were taking him somewhere else, they'd spoil his only chance to ever find his way back to Earth!
He growled. Before he could talk himself out of it, his head snapped down. His teeth snagged on the tender flesh encasing him. The alien let out a choked sound. He could feel the fingers instinctively loosening around him before tightening once again.
Too tight.
Tommy's teeth dislodged from the digit, taking a smatter of blue liquid with him. He let out sharp cry of pain. The fist fell apart around him. The plummet was unceremonious but short. It didn't help that the only thing to break his fall was hard material akin to plastic. The impact rattled his very bones.
The faceless creature inspected its injured finger a moment. Tommy flinched so hard when its focus returned to him that he nearly pulled a muscle. It failed its hands about in exasperation.
"You...I...help..."
Tommy scooched backwards on what he'd begun to assume was a table. That fact didn't exactly instill hope in him. He raked bruised fingers through messy, blonde locks. The creature groaned.
"...to..." the glowy alien said, seemingly materializing out of thin air. The ship hummed all around him. The feeling he'd begun to identify as take-off only served to sicken him further. The pair had seemingly had enough of trying to communicate with him and turned their attention to one another.
"...maybe..."
"I...if...ask..."
"...don't...help...could..."
"...won't..."
He didn't like this. Not at all. They were too close. They weren't leaving enough room to breathe. Prime, was there even any oxygen on that ship? What if there wasn't? What if there was no air at all. He was suffocating. He'd choke on his own lack of air. Slowly. Agonizingly. He was going to do. He was going-
"Hey!"
A new voice jarred him from his panicked stupor.
A figure stalked into the room with an eerie grace to its stride. A pair of sapphire eyes locked onto Tommy. Slitted pupils tracked his every breath. Pointed, chestnut ears twitched atop its head, a tail languidly sweeping the floor.
Tommy's jaw nearly dropped open.
Giant. Space. Cat.
~
#mcyt g/t#g/t writing#g/t angst#giant/tiny#hurt/comfort...eventually#fluff...at some point#unintentional fearplay#accidental fearplay#fear of death#intergalactic abductees au
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The question about how you write characters reminded me of a question I'd been meaning to ask you for a minute!!! I've noticed almost all the boys have veryyyy distinct diction, which I thought was really cool. It's not just a difference in voice or accent. This was first super obvious to me with the Auron penthouse tour audio when I knew just a moment before he said it, that he'd describe something as "preposterous."
SO my question is how do you do it + maintain it? And is there ever a point where it comes subconscious as your writing a character's script?
That's something I've become more and more conscious of as I've added characters and sometimes it's not the easiest thing! Sometimes I actually think it's a weak point of mine I need to focus on getting better at and am actively conscious of as I'm writing nowadays.
We run into the "creative vs. worker" situation I'm in where as much as I want to be really good about that sort of thing, sometimes I just need to get the fucking work done if I wanna eat so I better stow my ego and perfectionism and trust that it's fine and I'll get another crack at doing a better job of it next time around. There are times where I'll be deep into a recording session, second guess myself, and want to re-write or do another take of the WHOLE THING and it's like...no dude we gotta go. lol
Familiarity with characters matters a ton. I think I did a great job with the most recent Faust stuff, where he felt really unique among the roster of boys. His speech, mannerisms, and character in general gets me further away from what I'm familiar with. I knew it was something I wanted to nail with him, and I think just being aware helped a ton as I worked through it.
Alphonse and Charlie suffer from my unbearable enjoyment of having that accent say big words. It's just fuckin funny to me and will never not get me to giggle, even if it shouldn't really be in their everyday vernacular. Charlie has the added lore excuse of being lowkey smart (Jessie mentions he should have stayed in school) and being Auron's beta reader. Alphonse isn't necessarily well read, but he knows words. Perhaps too many at times, but it's something I'm aware of.
Auron is right in the sweet spot, him being a bit arrogant + desperately romantic allows me to go directions that don't necessarily fit with the rest of the roster.
Seth is similar in that the southern sweetheart approach opens up its own language opportunities.
Finn is one that I'm still playing with. I like when he gets poetic and thoughtful. I think the sweet spot with him was in the hiking/bug audio. Shoutout to that commissioner btw, because I really tucked some lore in that thing years ago. He gets the most "dreamy" of the lot, I think? He romanticizes the mundane the most, and I don't think that was even a conscious choice at first.
As I tackle Echoes and other projects that involve more characters and variety I'm definitely becoming more and more aware of my habits. I actually think that aside from "cook with this mf narrative", ensuring that my individual character voices are distinct and strong is priority number one in the writing room for me right now.
Saying ALL OF THAT to say thank you for thinking that, I'm a tough critic when it comes to myself, but if I've managed to make someone think I'm decent at what I've identified as a weakness, I can at least know that I don't have to beat myself up over it lmfao.
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Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).
I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.
Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!
1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed
Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?
I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.
2. Female Characters/Feminism
I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!
Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)
I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.
Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.
3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult
Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!
4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That
The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.
TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.
5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before
Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.
I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.
Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.
Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.
6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things
I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.
Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!
Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
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Holi Dani honey. Today i have a very very long long question
How do you feel about Etta? I don't think I've ever read that you mention her, and in your fics I don't think she ever appears. Camille (iconic), Imasu (damn bastard) always appear and I think you mentioned Woosley once. But never Etta.
The story of Magnus and Etta hurt me a lot. It's my Roman empire lol so much love and it still couldn't work. That is hard. Magnus has had two great loves, I think Cassie herself said it, and they are Alec and Etta. And of course, he has loved other people because Magnus does nothing but with all his heart, but Etta is the closest to the kind of love he has with Alec. And it still didn't work because of something Magnus can't control: not being able to have children. And then Etta got Alzheimer's and everything was even worse.
It's easy to talk about Camille, Imasu, or Woosley because it's easy to hate them and identify their mistakes and how they hurt Magnus intentionally or by being cruel in the name of being honest. Etta is not like that, it is something more complicated and painful, more intimate, deeper. It's incredible how there can be so much love and so much pain intertwined.
I understand that it is difficult to write about her, because it is difficult to write badly about her and usually when people read Malec fanfics they want to read fanfics about their favorite couple, not read one of them in love with someone else. But that's why I wanted to know what you thought of her, what she made you feel or if you perceived her in a different way than mine.
I know TLND Alec would have taken Etta's existence very hard, he wasn't in a good place. But in another AU, do you think he would have gotten to know her? Do you think he would have always felt insecure knowing that Magnus loves someone else almost as much as Alec, even when he was the one he chose to marry and have children with?
I loved this analysis! Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I loved it very much.
I like Camilla as a character (not as a partner of Magnus), but out of all of Magnus' exes, Etta is my favourite too.
This whole little analysis reminded me of a quote from one of my future fics: "Sometimes the way someone breaks your heart says more about them the way they love you."
Not only did Magnus and Etta have a beautiful love, but they also parted so beautifully. It was pure and good. Not exactly the right person wrong time, but the right person too much/not enough time.
There are many things that I like about her. I like that she was mundane. I like that she liked the arts (just like Magnus). She liked Magnus for who he was and she was very transparent about what she wanted in that relationship and what she didn't. In essence, it was such an honest relationship. No games. Not from either side.
Etta actually does appear in TLND! She's in a chapter called "To Be Loved By Magnus Bane" (i think! it's in timeline 2). I've also alluded to her in a couple of fics, I think. Although I'm not very sure about that.
I wish more writers (including myself tbh) would explore other relationships of Magnus - either in a fic with alec or even as a standalone one shot or something. Because there is so much to explore and dive into.
You are SO right in that some fans/readers turn it into a competition. Magnus loves Alec more and Magnus never did that/this with this ex, but he did it with Alec. I think you can write about Alec being the love of Magnus' life, and still write about all the other great loves he had. It doesn't, in any way, diminish the love Magnus has for Alec.
As for your question - in a mundane au it really depends on the context. I think a younger alec definitely would've been insecure. But I'd like to think, Alec in general, would've been grateful for Etta for loving Magnus the way she did and for bringing light into his life (That's the Alec I know!)
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I re-watched Ninotchka for the first time in years and loved it. Greta Garbo is SO deadpan and her comedic delivery was astounding??? Plus the range of going from total deadpan to drunk to emotional back to dead pan. I need to re-watch Dark Victory but ... should Garbo have won the oscar that year? Bette Davis is very deserving of course, but really such a great performance from Garbo. Also imo one of her best looks from the 30s (I loved her makeup and hair). Melvyn Douglas I have a love hate relationship with but I thought they worked together so well since Garbo was a bit more goofy than usualy and Douglas was a bit more dashing than usual. I think when I first watched this film I was in my late teens or early 20s and I was pout off by the element of pro-capitalism, and I over identified with Garbo's character in her stiff she is, how socially awkward she can be, and the way she is so committed to her political ideals. I was/am also very stiff and awkward and I felt called out by this movie lol. Watching it now (when I am emotionally better adjusted lol) I think it does the comedy really well! A big annoyance of mine is when in rom-coms (or comedies about women), the female main character is repeatedly degraded or humiliated in comedic ways to make her more attainable or approachable. I think Ninotchka never humiliates Garbo's character though it does ask her to change. Even when she does things that are perhaps "embarrassing" (like making the speech in the powder room after getting too drunk) it's never in a degrading way which is so refreshing
#i think in as you desire me melvyn douglas and garbo don't wprk together#as that was part of her WOMAN OF MYSTERY UNATTAINABLE GODDESS phase and he's just melvyn douglas#she was so above him and he was so beneath her#in ninotchka they both have added humanity#she is still a goddess though just playing the role of a human very well
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I have a sincere question. I heard someone say Viktor is disabled in LoL. I feel this is untrue. Can you confirm or deny this?
That is definitely not canon. Arcane was the *first* Riot property to ever depict Viktor as disabled, and that's not without some considerable drawbacks. (Such as: knowing he could very easily fall into the 'magically curing your disability/deleting it out of yourself' ableist trope, new/casual TV show fans seeing him as positive representation while unaware that his ultimate future ideals Suck and frankly need to be viewed with a critical lens, etc etc...)
It's a very new concept which brings into question things such as agency & nuance & the continued portrayal of villains with some disability or disfigurement (as well as a deeply negative outlook on those things), not to speak of the eugenics slippery slope. The issue at hand is that Viktor's original concepts did not play into these tropes, unless it was fanmade stuff. I read his champion archetype to be much more tied to the cycles of industrialization/ exploitation /dehumanizing capitalism, while Arcane Viktor has very little to say about any of these things.
To put it more simply: League Viktor augments himself as a choice, to prove a point and present his creation; something no one could ever take credit for, because it is literally his own self. Arcane Viktor is forced to augment himself under the threat of impending death and a decaying body, via a darkmagic macguffin. Those are fundamental differences.
Riot doesn't have a good track record when it comes to sensitive topics and if I'm being perfectly honest with you I don't expect the argument borne out of Arcane season 2 to be... good... its likely to be very centrist and cartoonish in an effort to wrap up S1 storylines, and that means weird takes, bootlicking, and "Rich People Have Feelings Too".
League Viktor certainly has had fanwork interpreting him as disabled before; though back then it was a consequence of self-amputation, limb replacement, lab accidents, and the works. I can see how his staff and in-game gait brought those things to mind, and even knowing that Arcane can never un-exist, I'm happy that some people felt really seen and identified with an openly disabled Viktor being on the TV show. I think you could still write that well - if you gave a shit - which is not something I trust the company to do when they've already deleted most of his outside life/character motivation and made it singularly focused on a killing chronic illness to be 'solved'. The main character involved in scamming Viktor out of his work was even included in the TV show, but for some reason they decided to make him a long dead (and very nice and wholesome) professor instead, which just seems like proof of wasted character development to me.
^You'll see a lot of people who prefer to keep iterations of his character wholly separate for all the above reasons, some who rewrite his hollywood sickness to be a lot closer to a real condition, some who give league viktor different kinds of disability still.
You just have to remember they're different characters.
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