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seoz-seoz · 1 year

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It was 4/20 yesterday, and I was thinking about how each of these idiots would act when stoned, and i was laughing so fukcing hard even though I was totally sober

my crack thoughts on these silly dudes under the cut

Initially, I was just inspired to draw stoner!sasuke bc I was listening to the song "found God in a tomato" and thought of sasuke getting high and having the experience in the song… bc he loves tomatoes..... XD idk but he’d definitely be weird as fuck and more talkative when he’s high. it’d be so fun to talk to him. I linked the song at the bottom of this post.

Naruto is kind of an idiot (but we love him) and has very low tolerance but doesn't take that into account and every time he smokes, he goes straight from giggly to totally fucking stoned out of his mind and stares at the wall/floor/ceiling/etc for hours

Kakashi is pretty much like his normal self, but just... much happier, lol. Wow that’s kinda dark bye

Obito is just there chilling on the couch manspreading in his boxers and acting like a fucking chad. He's always like "aight I'm taking my shirt off" and everyone else groans

Ps Here's the whole canvas with all of my insanity included on it 🙃 this is somehow how all my sketch pages end up, totally covered in my ramblings

youtube

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succikko-draws · 1 year

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this might be a little too much but I couldnt come up w anything else funny. do anything you want with it so its comfortable for you 😌

so what if madara and sakumo catch teen obito hanging out with the few years older city punks Konan Nagato and Yahiko 🤣 I hope you like it. and congrats for 400!!!! you deserve it so much, love ya 💖

THANK YOU HANNA ♥ I had a blast doing this

#obito uchiha #nagato uzumaki #konan #yahiko #madara uchiha #sakumo hatake #nagato #ame orphans #ame trio #dw they didnt give him weed he bought it with his own money ♥#also if you're curious about papa mads and sakumo AU go on hanna's blog she's the CEO of madumo #madumo #400 followers celebration #requests #naruto #fanart

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mrssakurahatake · 1 year

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The Old Cannabis Shop Chapter 2: Two Gentlemen of Konoha

Chapter 2 of 5 Rated: M Pairing: kakasaku

It was late when Sakura let herself into the apartment she shared with Ino. To say it had been a long day was an understatement. Naruto had pouted for the rest of the day, then as soon as Sakura clocked out, he’d whisked her home with him and Sasuke, because her second time smoking was going to be with him.

Ino greeted her with a hum, not looking up from her phone. Sakura kicked off her shoes and dropped her bag by the door before plopping onto the couch.

“You smell like weed,” Ino complained, pushing Sakura away.

Sakura was in too good of a mood to be annoyed by her roommate, and instead she fell back across the couch with her head in Ino’s lap. “Duh,” she laughed. “I work in a dispensary.”

“Oh my god, Forehead. You’re wasted.”

read on ao3

#Happy 4/20 yall #msh writes #kakassaku #kakashi #sakura #kakashi x sakura #kakashi/sakura #team 7 #naruto #haruno sakura #sakura haruno #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #modern au #weed shop au #tcrack fic #with feeling #fwb

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punk-pandame · 2 years

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idk if ya'll remember the naruto ghost hunters AU i started drawing stuff for last year (search the p.h.a.s.e. tag on my blog to see them) but it's been living in my head rent-free ever since and if i don't offload some notes and hc's my head's gonna pop asjdkghajks

their business is called P.H.A.S.E. Group- Paranormal Happenings and Spiritual Experiences Group. their logo is a ghost, and their colors are black and glow-in-the-dark green.

chouji is the owner and operator of the bus they tour with and live on, but he takes turns driving with shikamaru and sakura.

naruto is not allowed anywhere near the driver's seat of any vehicle, let alone the bus.

the bus has a name: 悠翔 / yuuto. the kanji they used mean "permanence" and "soar/fly"- it's basically a wish for the bus to have the reliability and constancy of a home, and the ability to get them quickly and safely where they need to go.

chouji let naruto graffiti the kanji on the side of the bus in green. the team often refers to the bus by name in conversation and it confuses others greatly asdkghkajsd

ino has a tattoo of the lisa frank unicorn on her thigh. those coloring books were how she made her first real connection to femininity as a young trans girl, and while she isn't into that style anymore, it's still important to her as a symbol of her beginnings. she didn't feel like she'd truly transitioned until she got it tbh.

shikamaru has the longest, lushest eyelashes ever. ino is constantly trying to put mascara on him just to see what happens but he won't let her.

sasuke and sakura often use the aisle between all the bunks as an impromptu workout space. they have both been stepped on before but that does not stop them.

ino prefers to wait until they stop somewhere and just use her planet fitness black card to work out. sakura has one, too, so they usually go together. sometimes sasuke and/or naruto come along as guests.

shikamaru has IBS but still insists on living off microwave burritos and pizza rolls. will eat healthier food if someone else makes it but will pretty much never go out of his way to eat anything that requires more prep than taking off the wrapper even if it hurts him.

ino actually spends a lot of time trying to get everyone to eat well. sakura may be a former nurse, but she's also a coffee for breakfast type of person. shikamaru at least drinks water, but he pairs it with a fat blunt and, like, a slice of bread if he eats anything at all. naruto will happily eat spicy ramen for breakfast and complain about his stomach hurting later. sasuke doesn't have anything at all and is probably dehydrated. she's going to kill everyone but chouji, who is an angel and can do no wrong in her eyes.

their wifi network is named "sasukes-belly-piercing" and the password is C0v3rItUpS1ut!. he hates it but it is funny so he doesn't fight it too hard. he's outvoted anyway.

naruto loves sitting places he's not supposed to. limited counter space? sitting on it. table? sitting on it. top edge of the couch? sitting on it. if there was any space above their fridge or cabinets he'd 100% climb up there to hang out.

sasuke, ino, and naruto do each other's nails every two weeks. sasuke always wears black, ino is usually black or purple, and naruto likes the fun colors like orange, blue, or green.

sakura can't sleep without a blanket. it could be 200 degrees outside and she'd still have to wrap herself up to go to bed.

sasuke is the absolute fucking worst about taking his meds. always wondering why he feels like shit, meanwhile he hasn't taken his wellbutrin in three days and refuses to take his sumatriptan even when he's actively having a migraine and has taken his zoloft at completely different times the last week.. his adherence isn't just bad, it's basically non-existent. sakura regularly debates smothering him in his sleep, but then again he'd have to actually sleep for her to do that so

chouji gives incredible massages. sakura and ino ask for them frequently, and will often also have a vent sesh. chouji's cool with it, he knows it's hard to manage everyone. he always listens and reassures them they're doing a great job.

#p.h.a.s.e.#punky's fics #punky draws #naruto #the fact that i still can't write a coherent chapter for this ghost hunters au literally keeps me up at night sometimes #food #food tw #drugs #drugs tw #<< weed and prescribed drugs #i love how none of these are even about ghosts are ghost hunting its just #hello here's what i think these weirdos are like in their normal daily lives in this AU #ajldhkjashdjg

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marblepastas · 5 months

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Hello! My name is Lady Leaf!and my suggestions are open!

Will Write✅ Wont write❌

Smut! Death!

Au’s! Pregnancy!

Requests! Heavy angst :(

Fluff! Heavy drugs!

Light angst! Real people!

Weed! MxM bc I’m not

Fem/Nb reader

I will write for these fandoms :3

Tokyo Revengers

Haikyuu

Call of Duty

Hunter X Hunter

Naruto

Jujitsu Kaisen

Five Nights at Freddy’s

Monsters, create a little sumthing or an existing monster.

Ur Oc’s

Creepypasta + marble hornets

Remember to keep it respectful as well but I think y’all know that :3

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johnnyutah · 5 months

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sending SAWSKS (SAW ASKS . REALLY BAD MASHUP HERE) please tell me more about your amanda/gabriela . whether about domestic routines or more about their dynamic I NEED IT!!!

sawsks.. that’s that gay bitch from naruto

i think domestic routines (in an au. sorry babygirls) would be so cute to consider for these two 😭😭 on a not so cute note i’ve thought before about amanda helping gabriela through recovery which is something that can be so personal to me LOL like i’ve personally always thought that amanda quit cold turkey after her first test, whereas gabriela might have fallen off a bit. but also her dealer is very much dead so that would help id imagine. all this to say i love the idea of them doing STUPIDLY sweet sober things together, the way you kinda have to force yourself into it when you’re recovering, but then discovering that they both enjoy all the corny stuff quite a bit. like imagine the potential here. what if i was your Jigsaw-Assigned Sponsor and you hated my guts a lot but also saw yourself in me (😳 and hopefully saw yourself in my guts later 🤞) and so you put up with my visits and we actually get along like a house on fire and we go sit by the dog park and i don’t realize we’ve been sitting for hours until an evening breeze starts to pick up . and we were both girls

i love shoehorning in references to my own work lol but i do think gabriela being a dog person is SO cute and real and good.. and that in this domestic AU, she and amanda should get the biggest dog possible just to piss off hoffman lmfaoooo. it would definitely be one of those situations where amanda talked shit about the dog before meeting it (“hope you don’t expect me to come home on my break and take that thing on walks”, yadda yadda) and then immediately after meeting it she would be like “well sorry gabriela but you’ve been replaced. this is my new favorite”

ALSOOOO not to make this about amanda’s three weed smoking (figurative) gfs but i do feel like out of every amanda ship, amanda/gabriela is definitely the most outwardly and notably Affectionate. obviously they would have to reconcile and whatever the fuck first but in this nebulous au where gabriela has been saved And recruited into her own evil apprenticeship, i love the idea that she would be cuddly with amanda :’) it’s what they both deserve

#ALSO TRADING CLOTHES . okay that’s it i have to go do my real actual homework #i love this ask so much THANK you jonah #gabriela saw #stallshipping #amanda young #saw #asks #jonah #drugs cw #apprentice gabriela

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slitherred · 6 months

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Fic idea: Post-war Obito is alive AU.

Obito fought the entire continent and was close to winning. He fought a goddess after the ten tails extraction and survived. He's probably the most feared man alive... but he was still a chunin.

As part of his rehab, he needs to do missions for Konoha and Hokage Kakashi can only give him D to C rank based on ninja policy or whatever.

Sukea's main entertainment is watching people react to the most infamous war criminal paint people's houses and weed gardens.

(He can't take escort missions since the clients are scared of Obito more than the bandits.)

It would also be funny for Obito to enter the jounin exams. I can see two scenarios. It can either be A, a jounin instructor fearfully screams that he passes without Obito needing to do anything, or B, he fails for using some illegal jutsu he wasn't aware was illegal.

I'm leaning towards the latter, because imagine Kakashi's reaction to that. He would've found it so hilarious he'd be gasping for air and silently dying from laughter. (Bonus: Naruto enters the chunin exams and gets disqualified for using his sage mode. They truly are alike.)

#Obito #Kakashi #Fic ideas

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peapodsinspace · 2 months

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Pinned Post Revamp!

[I’m still taking drawing requests in asks btw!!!]

Intro

Howdy!! Welcome to my blog!!!

I post art (digital drawings, traditional drawings, nail art sometimes) and whatever else I feel like!

You can call me pod/peas/peapods/ whatever else you can come up with!!! (I love nicknames!!!!!!)

Feel free to message me if ya wanna chat (especially if we’re moots)!!

And you can tag me in any tag games and such! It doesn’t annoy me- I just might not participate in all of them!

Drawings requests-

I’ll do request for OCs and any fandom I’m in, and maybe ones I’m not in too depending on my mood

No nsfw

No ships (unless you’ve seen me post art about the ship before probably)

Just send me an ask or a message!

Art trades-

I’ll do art trades with anybody! Shoot me a message about it :]

The same rules apply here as the ones with the drawing requests!

Fandoms-

Rangers Apprentice (and brotherband)

JoJos Bizarre Adventure (currently reading sbr)

Demon Slayer (I’ve read the manga)

Naruto (I haven’t watched all of it yet soo)

The Moomins (1990s cartoon)

Star Trek (basically all incarnations but it’s been a while)

Tags-

My art - tag for my artworks !

My posts - tag for my posts, anything other than art usually

Pea pods lore - information about me or my blog

Doodles - any drawings that are sketches, like art requests!

AU tags- ( yes I know they’re mostly for jjba rn)

[JJBA] glam rock au - my sbr rockstars au

[JJBA] small town kids au - golden wind characters aged down, with cameos from basically every other jojo character-

[JJBA] jojoxter au - my jojo moomin au!

[RA] barons apprentice - an au with Foldar as morgarath’s apprentice, and generally exploring their dynamic

[RA] ra wild west- cowboy au :] !!!

Mutual tags -

My sister cameo - @scarymonsters-andsupercreeps

The alpha 💪💪💪🐺🐺🐺 - @bekahkmcc

Unknown 🧡 - @unknown-art-room1

Dandy post ✨ - @dandelions-arent-weeds

Any other mutuals who want tags can ask for them / give suggestions!!!! <3

OCs:

Rani Ambrosi - an oc I have in an original universe

Berry Barracuda - a JJBA oc

Alrighty! That’s all!!!! bye bye!!

#pined post #my posts #pea pods lore #intro post

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dayseternal-blog · 1 year

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I absolutely love your fic Friend of Mine, I love all your other fics too but this one is sooo relatable to me and so sweet and pure, I’m just floored and affected every time I read it. I was wondering if you could recommend similar fics or fics that inspired you to write this (if any). I’m looking for fics where they begin as friends, that’s simple and not too soap-y (if you get what I mean?) they don’t even have to be in the hs realm. I’m sure there’s a prev rec list for this too. Thank u!

it's been ages since you sent this, so you probably don't even remember sending me this. but :D I'm happy that you enjoyed "Friend of Mine"! The song inspired me, so I don't think I used any other fics for reference.

and I don't think I've made a list like this before!

Childhood Best Friends to Lovers AU NaruHina

"One Small Step" by Shawny Wong - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. What if Hinata had actually found the courage to approach Naruto at the Academy? How would befriending him change their lives? Drastic changes are the result of one small step. NaruHina. Written for the Thirty Kisses community on Live Journal.

"One Small Detour" by Shawny Wong - Rated G, Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. Detour #1: Valentine's Day. After discovering that Hinata has a secret crush on some boy, Naruto decides that Valentine's Day is the perfect way to find out who it is...

“it was winter” by @eliphya - Rated G, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata and Naruto’s friendship begins on a cold winter day in the bakery down the street, which becomes a special place of comfort and warmth, continuing to be so even years after they have separated.

“The Cinderella Makeover Naruto Style” by CharismaHarmony - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. When Hinata’s best friend, Naruto said that she wasn’t the type of woman men fall in love with, she bet him 1000 she’d have a marriage proposal in 3 months.

“The Ramen Booth” by @chloelapomme - Rated E, College AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. Years have passed since her unanswered confession in intermediate school, since his humiliating hazing incident in high school, since blossoming popularity drew their attentions away from each other. Yet time has only sharpened friendship into painful longing, even as their time runs out with the approach of the university fundraiser. Can 7 Minutes in Heaven at a crazy flat party be enough time to clear the air between old best friends?

“August - Cultures/Around the World” from “Still Falling For You” by chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, One-shot. "Diversity is not about how we differ. It is about embracing one another’s uniqueness" - Ola Joseph (One-shot)

“Kiss Me?” by allconspirer - Rated G, Wartime AU, One-shot. Naruto and Hinata have been friends for as long as they can remember but will Hinata regret not giving Naruto what he wants?

"101 Ways to Make Hinata Hyuuga Faint" by Keidra369 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto finds out early on in the academy that he has an amazing talent. He can make Hinata faint! Now he is determined to find all the ways to make her faint. Starts in academy years and ends sometime in their married life.

"Misfired Attempts of an Uzumaki" by Transient Joy - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. Happy Birthday Hinata! In an attempt to celebrate Hinata's birthday, Naruto causes havoc along the way. At age 5 he pushes her down a hill, at age 9 he almost poisons Hinata and gifts her weeds, and age 13 was a failure. Can Naruto make it right this time? Or will everything crash and burn in it's wake?

"Misstep in the Right Direction" by Solvdrage - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. It was just a simple good luck wish. This innocent moment created a connection between two lonely children years before destiny intended. This unintended new connection will change the course of history.

"cross your heart and hope to die (that we'll be together forever)" by @secrettastemakerland - Rated G, Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. in which iruka solves an argument between best friends uchiha-uzumaki naruto and hyuuga hinata and then falls. Prompt: day 21 promise

hmm The Cinderella Makeover is a little soapy imo but I still really enjoyed it.

Happy Reading!

#anon #naruhina fanfic recs #anyone feel free to add others #naruhina friends-to-lovers #naruhina best friends to lovers #naruhina canon-divergent au #naruhina childhood best friends to lovers

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uchihabbynic · 2 years

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Naruto Uzumaki x Fem! Reader

Characters: Naruto Uzumaki x Fem! Reader

Additional: Shikamaru Nara, Temari Nara & Hinata Hyuga (Honorable Mentions) ✨

Warnings: Modern AU (College), All Characters Are 18+, Smut (Oral - Male Receiving) & Drug Use

Word Count: 4.1k

Special Note: Never thought I’d see the day where I attempted to write anything, let alone smut so I want to shout out my favorite Tumblr baby @jordyn-degas 💖 Thank you for always encouraging me to push myself to do new things and for being the best Naruto Uzumaki stan & partner in crime! 💫 ILYSM! 🥺❤️ Mood 🎧 : Miguel - Sky Walker

“Quick to dead the bull like a matador”

“Bull, bull, bull like a matador”

“Quick to dead the bull like a matador”

WAS all you heard as you entered the basement apartment you shared with your best friend and roommate Shikamaru Nara. The bass was almost deafening to the ears but you didn’t care because whenever a Miguel song was blaring through the speakers of your apartment - you knew a much needed smoke session was around the corner.

“Shikamaru, the upstairs neighbors are going to KILL us with all the noise.” You said as you walked in, plopping your backpack down next to the kitchen counter.

Shikamaru, already having smoked his first joint of the evening, just shrugged. “They’ll be fine. I mean, I don’t hear them complain when they come down to “borrow” weed from us.”

You couldn't help but to laugh at Nara’s unbotheredness. Shikamaru was your best friend. The most laid back dude around. Someone who naturally made you comfortable. Incredibly funny without trying and your closest confidant - which is why sharing space with him was surprisingly easy.

“Eh, you got a point.” you responded in agreement. “By the way, what’d you get on Professor Hatake’s final exam?” You asked, making yourself comfortable on the couch - relieved that you were officially done with your Sophomore year of college.

Shikamaru glared at you, before joining you on the couch - simply shocked at your question. “Pfft, do you even have to ask? 98%. I finished the course with an A+.” Shikamaru smirked playfully.

He had a way of being slightly arrogant when it came to his grades but it didn’t bother you much because you, being incredibly smart yourself - was a close rival when it came to academics.

“Dammit. I ended with an A. I’m shocked he didn’t just bump me up though. All the extra work I did for him throughout the semester…I deserve it.” You said, crossing your arms, pushing your plush lips out in the most adorable pouty way.

Shikamaru chuckled, “Yeah, I”m shocked too. The man couldn’t stop making googly eyes at you all semester.”

You rolled your eyes, slightly annoyed. “Not even!” you said, playfully slapping Shikamaru’s arm. He threw his hands up in defense. “Hey! I only speak the truth!”

You both broke out in laughter. It was comforting to know you could have such an innocent yet fun relationship with a man who wasn’t trying to get in your pants.

“Anyway - what time are we sparking up tonight?” You asked, shaking the vacuum sealed baggy that sat on a nearby side table.

Shikamaru, now preoccupied on his phone, shot you an “I’m sorry” look. “Actually, Y/N… Temari just texted me. She wants me to come over tonight.” Shikamaru said, nudging your shoulder.

You sighed. “First of all. Gross. Second of all - Come onnnnn! It’s the last day of classes. Just smoke with me first.” you whined, grabbing Nara’s shoulder practically begging him to indulge in your favorite pastime together.

“How about this? I’ll roll the fattest blunt and we’ll get completely faded…AFTER I meet Temari.” Shikamaru said as he wiggled himself out of your grip, getting off the couch to grab his jacket - ready to head out for the night.

You groaned. “Shika…”

“Just invite Naruto over. It’s so obvious you have a thing for him anyways. See if he’ll keep you company in the meantime.” Shikamaru said grinning as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

Your face immediately scrunched up. “I mean, yeah he’s hot and really really sweet but I swear he and Hinata have a thing going on so I don’t know…” you grabbed your phone staring at Naruto Uzumaki’s contact, unsure if you should actually text him.

“Orrrr, spend the evening alone. The choice is yours, champ.” Shikamaru shot you a playful wink as he walked out, locking the door behind him. You immediately hurled a throw pillow at the door as Shikamaru closed it, unamused with his natural ‘smartassness’.

You started weighing your options of a lonely night in or having a cute boy to keep you company. You picked the latter and decided to muster up the courage to text Naruto. You held your breath awaiting the Uzumaki’s reply and to your surprise, he was more than eager to drop by.

>>>

You had quickly changed into your favorite orange Nike Pro spandex shorts, put your hair in a high ponytail and threw on your favorite anime tee while you waited for Naruto’s arrival. Your nervousness began to kick in as you kept looking at the time on your phone every few minutes. Naruto had promised he’d drop by around 9pm and it was going on 9:30pm.

“Was he standing me up?” You thought.

Suddenly, a loud knock on your door shook you out of your intrusive thoughts. You made sure to let him stand a bit longer than usual at the door before you opened it. You didn’t want to appear too eager, plus…he was late. You couldn’t help but chuckle at Shikamaru’s pettiness rubbing off on you over the years.

You opened the door to be greeted by the tall, muscular blonde you’d adored for so long from afar. Your heart instantly did flip flops when your “E/C” eyes met his gorgeous baby blue ones.

“Y/N! Thanks for inviting me over tonight!” Naruto said, walking past you inside the now dimly lit apartment.

“Sorry I’m late! I picked up some to-go ramen on the way over - hope that’s okay!” He said, shooting you an adorably apologetic look.

Naruto was able to melt your heart in the simplest of ways and without even trying - so you wouldn’t dare hold his lateness against him.

“Ah, no worries! I love Ramen! Thanks.” you replied sweetly, grabbing the plastic bag from his hand as you lead Naruto into your bedroom. Naruto, followed closely on your heels until he suddenly froze. Awkward. Now unsure of where to sit.

He rubbed the back of his blonde locks nervously. “Uh…where should I sit?” he asked, looking around the dark room - nothing more than the TV and colorful LED lights providing any bit of illumination.

You laughed, pushing the pile of clothes you were due to fold 3 days ago off the bed. “The bed, silly. Just make yourself comfortable! If that’s okay?” you asked, now settling into your side of the bed, grabbing your signature rolling tray.

Naruto nodded his head and settled next to you on your Queen sized bed - way closer than you expected. You instantly felt your heart rate increase at the sudden closeness of the boy you had fallen so hard for. Naruto casually flipped through Crunchyroll trying to find a good show to watch while you started grinding the weed. However, in spirit of the relaxing night that was ahead - instead of tuning into an anime you’d both inevitably zone out during the peak of your high - he settled on your favorite, J-Cole & Miguel Smoke Playlist on the Spotify App, per your request.

“I was just getting ready to roll. Do you smoke…?” you asked Naruto, hesitantly. Not everyone was into the whole “smoking weed” thing. Naruto paused, thinking carefully before responding.

“Honestly? It’s never really been my thing…but it’s the last day of classes so, fuck it right?” Naruto said shooting you his adorably wide signature grin.

You glanced over and felt yourself immediately getting lost in his eyes. All you could think about was grabbing his cute, whiskered cheeks and kissing him all over. However, the weed wasn’t even in your system, so you weren’t quite that bold.

You nodded and began expertly packing the blunt wrap with the ganja you’d just grind to perfection. You slowly pinched and rolled along the blunt as you carefully coated the inside of the wrap with your saliva, cautiously sealing the blunt - the taste of tobacco now filling your mouth.

“Damn, you’re really good at that!” Naruto said, looking in your direction, surprised. His blue eyes practically bulged out of his head as he watched you carefully drag your tongue across the tobacco leaf paper, making sure to seal the ends carefully.

“What can I say? I’m pretty good with my mouth.” you immediately shot back, without a second thought - as you playfully slapped Naruto’s arm as the sexual innuendo rolled off your plump lips.

The prettiest shade of pink washed over Naruto’s cheeks at the sexual joke. “That’s what she said!!” The blonde retorted.

You couldn't help but crack up at Naruto’s stupid but playful sense of humor. He really was such a gem and quite frankly, hot as hell. You genuinely wanted to rip his clothes off right then and there, however, you decided you needed to get the status of him and Hinata before you made any moves.

You lit the blunt you had rolled perfectly and took a nice, deep inhale, letting the smoke and earthy aroma of the Mary-Jane fill your lungs - just the way you liked. You immediately passed the blunt to Naruto, who - being a novice smoker, inhaled way too much and was sent into a coughing fit.

Naruto desperately gasped trying to catch his breath in between each cough. “Don’t laugh, but clearly I have no clue what I’m doing!” he said, chuckling lowly as he let the first hit of the blunt settle in. Milky clouds of smoke now filling your bedroom.

You did everything in your power to stifle back a laugh. It was at that moment, you knew that you made the right decision to invite Naruto over. He was such a delight to be around and obviously very easy on the eyes.

>>>

You had hit the peak of your first experience getting high with Naruto and as you expected, the boy couldn’t handle his smoke. You couldn’t help but smile at his adorably contagious yet uncontrollable boisterous laughter.

“Demon Slayer? More like “MID-Slayer!” The blonde cracked up as he pointed at the Demon Slayer tee you’d be sporting all night. You busted out into a fit of laughter alongside him, because quite frankly you were being a good sport and didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“Nah, shut up! It’s a REALLY good show!” you argued back. While you let Naruto have his fun, you grabbed the bag of ramen he had brought over earlier in the night. It was both your favorites - Tonkotsu Pork Ramen. At this point, the munchies were hitting so hard you could hardly stand it.

Naruto’s stomach let out the loudest growl, which caused him to pause out of pure shock at the sound that just left his body and soon erupted again into a fit of laughter.

Boy, was the weed kicking his ass.

“I’m starving! I literally want to eat 8 bowls of ramen!” Naruto said as he reached his hands out impatiently for his serving. You handed him his helping and chopsticks to match. Meanwhile, your face was already deep in the bowl of broth slurping obnoxiously loud - something you’d normally be embarrassed to do around a boy you liked however, this was different. Naruto was different.

As you both sat next to each other soaking up the high and inhaling the yummy ramen, you felt at so much peace. You obviously loved having smoke sessions with Shikamaru but this just hit differently.

“Here, let me help you.” The blonde said as he reached out and wiped a stray noodle from the side of your mouth.

The second his hand touched skin, your body felt shockwaves running through it. Your heart was beating loudly in your ears as you desperately tried to control your sudden rapid breathing. Smoking weed occasionally made you horny as hell and with Naruto sitting so close on your bed, any little touch could send you into overdrive. An unexplainable embarrassment washed over you as you grabbed a napkin from your side drawer, finishing the clean up job Naruto had started.

“Thanks.” you said, giggling a bit from the cute moment you just experienced.

>>>

The high had finally settled in and you were laying next to Naruto on your bed, quietly, just enjoying each other’s company as you let Summer Walker’s “Body” play out loud, filling your ears at the perfect volume. Not too loud. Not too soft.

Your arms and legs were still tingly all over, your heart rate still elevated and your mind, now - completely slowed down. You were swimming in bliss as you let yourself sink deep into the comfortable mattress below you. You looked over at Naruto - who’s gorgeous blue eyes were now lidded and red as he bobbed his head back and forth to the new music selection. You couldn’t believe you were sharing this moment with one of your favorite people. His presence was almost as intoxicating as the Mary-Jane itself.

Shikamaru always told you when you first started smoking, “Control the high, don't let the high control you” but in this moment, with the marijuana coursing heavy through your veins, you lost all sense of control as you asked the gorgeous blonde you laid next to a rather, straight-forward & personal question.

“Naruto…what’s going on with you and Hinata?” you boldly asked. Naruto slowly sat up, trying to get his bearings, careful not to make himself dizzy and looked over at you slightly confused.

The Uzumaki shrugged, “As far as I know - nothing.” he responded nonchalantly.

You rolled your eyes at this modest response. “Oh come on. Everyone sees you two around campus. She obviously has a thing for you.” You say, now slightly annoyed.

Naruto laughed. “You’re really cute when you’re jealous.” he said, now facing you completely.

You slapped his arm in a playful tone. “I am NOT Jealous of HER.” you replied, almost trying to convince yourself. Naruto scrunched up his face in the most adorable manner and stuck out his tongue at you.

“Mhm…sure. Well, I’ll have you know, she’s just my lab partner and I don’t view her like that. He said, waving his hand, dismissively. “I…actually really like someone else.” Now facing you staring deep into your lidded “E/C” eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat and the butterflies in your stomach danced around causing you to almost gag with excitement as you heard these words. You finally got the confidence and reassurance you needed to make your move now hearing that Naruto was 100% single and uninterested in the purple-haired female who always seemed to show up wherever he was.

“Is that so?” you replied, smirking - trying your best to play it sexy and cool although - you were freaking the fuck out on the inside.

Naruto grinned, “Yup! She’s like, the prettiest girl on campus actually.” He said now slowly turning on his side in your bed, inching dangerously close to your face.

Your breathing hitched at the sudden and unexpected closeness. He was laying it on THICK so you decided to play along. “Oh really? What does this girl look like?” you asked, hoping to get the answer you expected.

“Well…she’s got the most gorgeous big “E/C” eyes… long "H/C” hair…she’s an A student but rolls one hell of a blunt…” Naruto said as he continued inching closer and closer to your face in between every word.

You knew exactly what he was going for but it was clear that he was still too nervous to seal the deal. Your heart exploded hearing the sweet way he described you - so, boldly, you decided to close the gap between you by pressing your soft plump lips onto his pink ones.

You immediately took control and dove into the kiss with everything you had letting go of all fear and inhibition. You let your leg wrap over the side of his body as you grabbed his whiskered cheeks, kissing him more intensely as you felt his tongue swipe across your plush bottom lip, begging for entrance. You let your tongues dance and intertwine as you tasted the faint hint of tobacco on his lips. You felt Naruto’s large hand cling onto your thick thigh, almost out of instinct - slowly rubbing your bare skin sending shivers up your spine, clearly indicating he was settling comfortably in this newfound intimacy.

Naruto’s hand slowly ran up the back of your thigh until he found his way to your ass - giving gentle squeezes to the jiggly mound of flesh peeking out of your spandex shorts. Your tongues still fighting for dominance. Naruto’s sweet lips and gentle touches sent your mind to dangerous places yet - you didn’t care. You wanted him. You had to have him. You let your small hands wander to a place of no return as you slid your hand under his T-shirt tracing his perfectly chiseled abs. Without a single apprehensive bone in your body, you made your way lower and lower on his abs until the tufts of dirty blonde happy trail hair traced your fingertips, alarmingly close to the top of the orange boxers that were peeking out of his pants. Naruto groaned lowly at the foreign feeling of your hand caressing his lower abdomen as you began stealing kisses up and down his collarbone, now sending him into overdrive.

Naruto felt the fabric in his pants get uncomfortably tight as he let you have your way with him. The blonde sucked in sharply as he felt your hands dive right for his belt buckle, ready to unleash the painful hard on that left him feeling so restricted, he could barely breathe.

Suddenly, Naruto abruptly stopped and grabbed your hand. “We don’t have to…I’m okay just making out, if you are.” The blonde said, shooting you a gentle smile as he stared directly into your red and dilated pupils.

“Shh…I want to.” you said, as you placed your finger over his pink lips - shooting him a reassuring look. Naruto plastered the goofiest grin on his face as he nodded and laid back on your bed, propping himself up and settling nicely into the pillows that surrounded him. You were already committed and too far gone to stop now.

Naruto threw his shirt across the room and inhaled deeply, knowing what was to come as he helped you unbuckle his pants. You were beginning to get FERAL as the outline of his dick bulged so prominently through his orange boxers. The sight of this alone had you incredibly hot and bothered - panties already pooling with your slick fluids.

Naruto shifted his butt upwards as you slid his boxers down his legs, instantly freeing the large cock that had been previously detained. The way it bounced and hit his abdomen had you drooling at the mouth and seeing stars.

You wanted to suck the soul right out of this man - and that’s exactly what you did.

You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for what was to come. You grabbed onto Naruto’s thick cock slowly running your hand up and down the underside of his shaft causing him to jerk at the sudden contact.

You let the precum that began forming at the tip act as a lubricant as you continued slowly jerking the blonde up and down, painfully slow. You leaned down, your face meeting his red and swollen head and began swirling your tongue around the tip, carefully lubricating the top half of his cock perfectly.

“Mmm…Fuck babe. Such a tease…” Naruto groaned lowly. Being the impatient motherfucker he is - thrusted his hips upward to meet your mouth.

“Ah, Ah. Patience.” you said as you dragged your tongue slowly from the base of his dick all the way to the tip. The now excited muscle flexing on its own from the contact.

You noticed Naruto’s breathing increased rapidly when you briefly looked up to see his chest heaving up and down, more obvious than before. You figured the man had had enough teasing and without a second thought - you let your wet plump lips sink all the way down Naruto’s thick shaft causing a loud groan to escape his mouth as he threw his head back in pleasure, cursing under his breath.

You began expertly bobbing your head up and down his cock letting the saliva dripping from either corner of your mouth dribble all the way down to his balls. You continued to take more of Naruto in your throat until you finally found a good rhythm. Within seconds, he was losing his mind, squirming and moaning uncontrollably.

“Fuuuck, I love that pretty little mouth of yours…” He cooed, looking down at you through his lidded, blue orbs - hints of red still peeking through from the blunt you both previously consumed. Courageously enough, he placed his hand on your head, gently pushing you further down his wet, veiny shaft.

You instinctively grabbed his heavy balls in your hand and started gently pulling and squeezing them simultaneously as you let your other hand work beautifully in sync with your mouth, letting Naruto’s massive cock hit the back of your throat repeatedly. You peered up once more to see Naruto’s eyes roll clean to the back of his head as you could tell he was unraveling completely, close to his impending orgasm.

“Oh my god baby…wait wait. Take it easy on me…you’re going to make me cum already.” Naruto scrunched his nose and pulled you off his cock, instantly amused at the smacking sound your lips made as you released them from around him.

You looked up, shooting him an innocent yet sexually fueled pout. “What? Can't handle it, Uzumaki?” you said, now in a taunting tone.

Without letting him answer, you dove in once more, this time giving it your all. Without hesitation, you wrapped both hands around his throbbing cock jerking and twisting - up and down, up and down. You spread the slick saliva all over as your swollen lips latched onto his red and pulsating head once more, sucking harshly - almost torturing the orgasm out of his body.

Naruto started squirming as you mercilessly sucked his cock, ramming it further and further down your throat and you let your hand follow your mouth down to the base, repeating this motion over and over - just watching him crumble beneath you. You had a hunch he was moments away from an explosive orgasm.

“F-fuck, Y/N… I- I’m gonna fucking cum!” Naruto let a strangled moan erupt from his throat as he shot his hot creamy load straight down your throat, causing you to gag. His chest heaving uncontrollably as he worked to carefully bring his breathing back to a normal pace.

You got up from in between the Uzumaki’s thighs and reached for the closest towel you could find so you both could begin cleaning up. A sudden hint of embarrassment washed over you as you had finally come down from your high.

“Well, that was…” You began.

“Fun.” Naruto said grinning, not letting you bother to finish your sentence.

You bashfully hid your face in your hands realizing you had just unleashed the ravaging beast inside of you. Naruto - now getting redressed, noticed your now uncomfortable demeanor and grabbed your hand away from your face.

“Hey, stop it. No need to be shy now.” He said sticking his tongue out. His playful smartass humor caused laughter to erupt once more as you found a nearby pillow, wacking him on the head with it.

“You’re so annoying, Uzumaki.” you replied playfully, suddenly feeling as comfortable as you once were.

“AKA: you’re TOTALLY in love with me now.” Naruto joked, now settling back into the bed with you, arm draped across your waist.

You rolled your eyes and started poking his ribcage - now just wanting to be a pest. “Shut up!” you responded, now searching for the remote control to put something on TV.

“Wait, um. Is Shikamaru going to be ok if he comes home and I’m still here?” Naruto wondered, nervous that he was imposing.

You waved your hand dismissively, “Yeah, he’ll be fine. He’ll probably end up spending the night at Temari’s tonight anyways.” Naruto smiled and leaned down to kiss your forehead.

You had turned on an episode of Black Clover as you prepared to binge the show the rest of the night. Naruto shot you a confused glare.

“Black Clover? Maybe you ARE a woman of good taste.” Naruto said, proudly. You giggled. “You know, the main character Asta actually reminds me of you.”

Naruto blushed at your adorable compliment in reference to your current anime obsession.

“Okay, you are DEFINITELY a woman of good taste.” The Uzumaki replied as you stole a quick kiss and settled your head in the crook of his neck. You were on cloud 9 and didn’t want the night to end because Naruto Uzumaki made you feel all the “warm & fuzzies”.

The last day of classes certainly turned out to be an evening you’d never forget - to say the least.

#Naruto Uzumaki #naruto smut #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto uzumaki x smut #anime x reader #y/n x smut #naruto x you #naruto x y/n #jordyn-degas i love you!#anime smut #oneshot #anime one shot #naruto one shot

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cinnamonglaive · 8 months

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another thing I’ve noticed as I diversify the fandoms of whose fanfics I read is that each fandom has slightly different content tendencies. These differences are very obvious around the themes of drugs and sex. Percy Jackson fanfics almost never have the characters do drugs (I’ve seen cigarette use but not weed or anything past that) and the sex is vanilla. Naruto fanfics can include kinky magical sex and drugs, but hard drugs primarily show up in modern-AUs. There is incredible overlap between The Last of Us writers and The Locked Tomb writers; they revel in gore and freak sex (non-magical) and weed. I’m not sure what to make of this, I’m just picking up on trends.

#percy jackson #pjo #naruto #tlou #tlou ii #tlt #gtn #htn #NTN #griddlehark #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #sns

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sapphire-shion · 16 days

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Searching RP partners!

I'm Shion, and I'm looking for people to role play with.

I am 22 years old with more OCs than I can count. I also have a long list of character obsessions.

I own an RP server on Discord. Lmk if you'd like to join it and use it for the RPs.

RP Rules/Info:

- Do not RP with me if you aren't 16+, as I try my best to make the situations realistic, including dark and emotionally scenarios

- Do not RP with me if you aren't 18+ if you plan on doing anything NSFW related

- I'm ok with including triggering topics like rape, self-harm, etc., but not if it's only for shock content

- Don't even suggest it if it doesn't have any substantial plot reason other than "boohoo b sad 4 my charctr"

- I use full paragraphs and proper grammar for my RP, but I can also do script/basic RP styles. Just match the style.

- I will not feed an ego or weird fantasies you're using RP for. If you just want to RP a certain character for some superiority complex or power dynamic fetish, I won't do it.

- I refuse any use of slurs and offensive content in a sense of promoting it

- A character may use some kind of offensive word if it's canonicaly their character, but not if the writer is just using it for personal biases (Zamasu saying Ningen, Frieza saying Monkey, etc.)

- Some of my characters include story aspects of things like abuse, rape, and even sex work as lore/plot reasons. Do not interact with those characters if you prefer to avoid such topics.

- I follow the RP setting, so if it is set in a country where the legal age is 16+, or a universe where young characters are put through trauma, I stick to it (BNHA, JJK, etc.)

- I will play canon and OC characters, but when playing canon, I will add headcanon details to them (i.e., Katsuki having piercings and smoking weed, Vegeta being FtM trans for the sake of his race, etc.)

- If you don't like the way I portray a character, don't be rude about it. We are both old enough to be civil

- I ship a lot, mostly gay ships. We can include shipping as long as it isn't any illegal/pro shipping, or ships that just make no sense (Eri x, Frieza x)

- I also have platonic/sexless ships (Piccolo x, Alastor x)

Fandoms I'll RP:

Anime:

I don't read manga, so no info that hasn't been adapted into anime

Boku no Hero Academia (My Hero)

Dragon Ball (Z and Super + AUs)

Jujutsu Kaisen

Naruto (OG - Boruto)

Demon Slayer

Seven Deadly Sins

Haikyuu!

Games:

Five Nights at Freddy's (Canon + Original concept)

Bendy and the Ink Machine

Danganronpa (1, 2, V3 + Fanganronpa)

Etc:

Creepypasta

Hazbin Hotel

My Little Pony (Normal + Horror/Grimdark)

#discord rp #rp #rp finder #looking for friends #fandom rp #haikyuu rp #jjk rp #fnaf rp #bnha rp

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mixelation · 2 years

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here's 3.2k words from my weird AU where itachi is team seven's jounin sensei

This AU is weird because it's Sakura and Kakashi from another AU transmigrated into an AU of the AU. In AU Prime, Kizashi died saving Kakashi's life and asked Kakashi to look out for Sakura, eventually leading to Sakura becoming Kakashi's apprentice and moving in with him. In the AU of the AU, AU Prime Sakura and Kakashi transmigrate into an AU where Minato survives and the Uchiha massacre is committed by a ~mysterious missing-nin~, leaving only Sasuke and Itachi alive.

Itachi is Team 7's jounin sensei. This scene is their first real day training, and Sasuke & Naruto have no idea this Sakura is not the one they grew up going to school with.

YES it's complicated LEAVE ME ALONE i started it in 2020 when the whole world was super weird

xXx

Itachi’s plan for their first day as a team had been for them to jump right into taking missions. The manual on new genin teams suggested taking a couple weeks to let the students get used to working with each other, but they were all in the same Academy class and presumably had been working together on assignments for years. Itachi didn’t see why they couldn’t figure out weeding a garden together, or whatever the easiest of the D-ranks were.

Sakura has made him completely change his plans. This new Sakura doesn’t match his expectations based on her file at all, and so he can’t imagine her being the same girl as the one Naruto and Sasuke know.

He arrives twenty minutes early to their meeting place, an old and impossibly broad Hashirama tree along the banks of the Naka River. Sasuke shows up ten minutes later, eyeing Itachi warily.

“Good morning, Sasuke,” Itachi says. “I appreciate your prompt arrival.”

“See, this is why I don’t want to move in with you,” Sasuke gripes. “You’d make me show up everywhere way too early.”

Itachi eyes him for a few minutes. Sasuke doesn’t make eye contact or try to make small talk, but he does lean his back against the tree trunk immediately next to Itachi. It’s not a rejection.

“What do you think of your teammates?” Itachi asks.

Sasuke doesn’t answer immediately. “Naruto’s Naruto,” he says finally. “He’s fine.”

“And Sakura?”

Sasuke pulls a face which might be pained or might just be confused. Yes, Itachi decides, they’ll have to take a few days for teambuilding after all.

Naruto arrives at exactly 8:00 AM, coming in at a run so fast he’s barely able to stop himself from running into the tree.

“Whoa!” he cries, his arms windmilling. “Good morning, everyone! Where’s Sakura-chan?”

It is, in both Naruto and Sasuke’s opinion, very unusual for Sakura to be late. At around the ten minute mark of her lateness, Naruto starts shuffling anxiously and wonders out loud if maybe something happened to her.

Itachi has a strong suspicion of what has happened to Sakura.

She eventually shows up at 8:17, also sprinting in at top speed. She comes to a halt much more gracefully than Naruto, although she’s panting heavily. There’s a shopping bag swinging at her side. She looks incredibly frazzled.

“Sorry I’m late,” she pants out once she’s caught her breath enough to talk. “I– my mentor–”

Itachi eyes her with deep judgment. Sakura’s face gains a thousand yard stare.

“He made breakfast for you,” she finishes, and holds up the shopping bag.

The unimpressed look on Sasuke’s face is almost comical. Naruto is immediately at Sakura’s side, leaning over to peer into the bag.

“Wow, nice!” He says. “Sakura-chan, what do you mean by a mentor?”

Sakura shoots Itachi a look that is clearly a plea for help. He considers leaving her to figure out explaining her own life, but he does think it is a responsible action for a genin to call on a higher ranking shinobi to help them cover up a highly classified secret.

“Sakura has recently been taken on as an apprentice by Hatake Kakashi,” Itachi says mildly, straightening up from his slouch and signaling the genin to follow him. “You may remember him at our meeting yesterday.”

Naruto’s face scrunches up and he eyes the bag of food with doubt. “Kakashi made us… breakfast…?”

“Eat it at your own risk,” Sakura deadpans.

Itachi leads them to the training ground he booked this morning, which is one of the smaller ones. It’s mostly an open field with smattering of trees along the back fence. A handful of training dummies are also set up.

“This morning you will be sparring with each other,” Itachi says. “Pay attention to your new teammates’ strengths and weaknesses, because in the afternoon you will be sparring me in pairs and then as a team of three. The goal is for you to understand where your teammates need to be covered and where you should rely on them.”

The three genin nod in understanding. Naruto is currently eating an incredibly lopsided onigiri from Sakura’s bag.

“Sakura,” Itachi says, and Sakura straightens to attention immediately. “Waiting for breakfast is not an excuse for tardiness. You’ll be running laps while Naruto and Sasuke spar first.”

Sakura makes a face, but she doesn’t argue with him. Naruto, however, does.

“That’s not fair,” he pipes up immediately. “Kakashi-san is a super hardass ANBU guy. Someone like Sakura-chan wouldn’t be able to say no to him, even if he was just making the world’s saltiest onigiri.”

Sakura’s nose wrinkles. “Naruto…”

“Keep talking back to me,” Itachi tells him, “and you’ll be running twice as many laps.”

“It’s fine,” Sakura assures Naruto, stripping her mission pack that likely contains her lunch and spare water off her back. “I need to work on my conditioning anyway.”

Her expression is extremely longsuffering, even as she jogs off towards the edge of the field.

Naruto looka like he would absolutely keep talking back to Itachi, even at the cost of running laps for the rest of his life, but Sasuke elbows him in the ribs.

“What are the parameters of the spar?” Sasuke asks.

Itachi tilts his head. “What are the usual parameters of your Academy spars?”

The Academy bars ninjutsu not taught in class from their practice spars, probably because Academy teachers both often have to referee many spars at once, and because teachers are not necessarily qualified to assist with clan jutsu. It creates a large disparity between students with active shinobi families to train them and those that don’t upon graduation, but that’s why genin get sorted into teams and are assigned elite teachers of their own.

The Academy spars also almost always happen in very controlled environments. He knows they occasionally do exercises in the trees surrounding Konoha because ANBU always gets informed to modify their patrol routes accordingly, but most spars happen under conditions that don’t allow students to show off how they might use a unique terrain. This particular training field is not a good place to test any such skills, but Itachi is already making plans for new exercises they can do for the rest of the week.

Then maybe they can start taking missions.

“The first to five points wins,” Itachi says, bumping the number of points up from the usual three the academy uses. “Use whatever techniques and weapons you want.”

Naruto perks up immediately. “Any?” he says. “Even my super special homemade tags?”

“Yes,” Itachi agrees. “I will interfere if things get out of hand, so don’t hold back.”

Itachi agrees without having the slightest idea what Naruto’s “super special homemade tags” are, but both he and Sasuke learn quickly enough. Naruto opens the spar by jumping back and chucking a tagged kunai at Sasuke, who breathes a fireball at it. The tag explodes into orange smoke and glitter.

Itachi has to body flicker away to avoid being hit by glitter. Sasuke shrieks. Out of the corner of his eye, Itachi notes Sakura slow down her run slightly to boggle the sight.

The explosion does no harm to Sasuke besides covering him in glitter, and is instead a cover for Naruto to make several shadow clones. Sasuke hisses with annoyance as they pop out of the smoke and glitter cloud one after another, although Sasuke successfully parries every one as he inches further and further out of the smoke cloud.

Best in his class, Itachi thinks proudly, then squishes the thought down. He can play favorites with Sasuke when he’s off duty.

Sasuke eventually scores the first point by finally putting enough distance between him and the mass of Naruto clones to use the Phoenix Flower Jutsu, raining down tiny fireballs on the small army of Naruto. Itachi has to grab Naruto’s actual body to prevent him getting hit.

“Point to Sasuke,” he declares. Naruto groans but otherwise seems unbothered.

Not even winded, Itachi notes as Naruto moves back into their starting position. Sasuke’s chest is heaving.

With some effort, Sasuke scores the next two points as well, but Naruto has clearly inherited his mother’s legendary stamina. While Sasuke slows down and has to use fewer ninjutsu, Naruto just keeps creating shadow clones and tossing around exploding tags that create everything from a smokescreen to a shower of thumbtacks. Naruto makes the next three points.

This is probably why the academy stops at three, Itachi thinks, watching Sasuke stagger around. Most genin simply cannot handle going longer. Oh well.

Sasuke seems to catch a second wind when Naruto makes a fourth point. Sasuke has always been terrified of failure, and with the threat of losing if he lets Naruto get another hit in, Sasuke’s tactics turn vicious.

After a hard fight, Sasuke wins the next two points. He goes down to one knee the minute the words are out of Itachi’s mouth, eyeing Naruto incredulously.

“What are you made out of, Naruto?” Sasuke asks, accepting a water bottle from Itachi.

“Uh,” Naruto answers, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Good fight?”

“Whatever,” Sasuke answers, draining the bottle. “It’s not like fighting Sakura will be hard.”

“Does that mean you want to go first?” Naruto asks, fidgeting nervously. “Sensei, I don’t want to hit Sakura-chan…”

“I’m sure Sakura won’t mind hitting you first, then,” Itachi answers.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Sure, I can go if you’re too chicken, Naruto.”

Sakura eventually notices they’re finished and jogs over to them. Her hair has gotten frizzy from sweat and the growing humidity of the day, and her face is red from exertion. When she comes to a stop in front of them, she has to take a few gulping breaths before she can talk.

“Okay,” she says. “I think– sensei, can I have a water break?”

Itachi agrees, and Sakura shovels an onirgiri into her mouth and then drains a bottle of water.

“Naruto, you’re up,” Itachi decides. “Sasuke’s overworked himself.”

“Hey,” Sasuke complains, head whipping around. “She’s overworked too–”

“Sakura has not wasted any chakra, and you have,” Itachi cuts him off.

Naruto seems distinctly nervous about the prospect of hurting Sakura. There had been a sticky note on his file about him likely having a crush on her, a note from their Academy sensei to warn Itachi about that dynamic. Even knowing this, Itachi doesn’t completely understand what the conflict here is.

Sakura slides into a fight-ready stance. It’s an Academy basic and not one Itachi has seen Kakashi use. Interesting.

“Begin,” Itachi calls.

Naruto hesitates. Sakura leaps forward and aims a kick at his head. She’s rather slow, even for a beginning genin– if Itachi had to guess, an effect of her being tired from running immediately before this, and her body not being the one Kakashi has trained.

That, or Kakashi is a truly bad teacher. Itachi supposes that’s always a possibility.

Naruto ducks under her foot easily, then rolls away from her kicking backwards as she lands. He yelps as he rolls, having been forced down onto ground previously covered by thumbtacks by his own work.

The momentum of Sakura’s kick brings her back around to face Naruto, and he yelps again as she bombards him with punches. Naruto gets his hands up fast enough to block every one.

“You’re not fighting back!” she yells in frustration a few moments later, fists still flying.

“Don’t wanna!” Naruto replies.

If she keeps going like this, he won’t have to. Sakura is indeed demonstrating competence in taijutsu beyond what her file would indicate, but she’s not fast or strong enough to land any hits that matter, and she’ll eventually tire herself out without him having to lift a finger.

“Fine,” Sakura snarls back, then outright tackles Naruto to the ground. They grapple for about fifteen seconds before Sakura gets a kunai under his chin. Naruto freezes.

“Point to Sakura,” Itachi calls. Seated next to him on the ground, Sasuke snorts derisively.

“She’s not stupid, Naruto,” Sasuke calls as they get back into their starting positions. “If you don’t find back, she’ll slaughter you.”

Naruto pouts. When Itachi calls for them to begin, he leaps back and tosses one of his tagged kunai into the air. It’s a slow, unenthusiastic toss upwards rather than at her, and Sakura follows it with an unimpressed look in her eyes.

When the kunai starts to fall, Sakura substitutes out with it. Naruto yells with shock when Sakura is suddenly coming at him from above with kunai in both hands. This time, he fails to dodge, and Sakura finally pulls out an advanced taijutsu move Itachi has actually seen Kakashi do. She pins him.

“Point to Sakura,” Itachi calls.

“I didn’t know you could substitute with moving objects,” Sasuke says as her teammates move back into position, Naruto looking slightly spooked.

“It is significantly more difficult,” Itachi replies, eyes still on the fight. Naruto still seems reluctant to fight Sakura hand-to-hand, but this time he tries tossing multiple kunai at her. Sakura gets behind him by substituting with one of the tacks on the ground, and Naruto screams with surprise again. “So is substituting with very small objects. She must have practiced a lot.”

Itachi then has to flash step away to prevent Sakura from slicing Naruto Achilles’ tendon.

“Point to Sakura,” Itachi declares.

Naruto still hesitates for round four, and Itachi has to intervene in Sakura nearly stabbing Naruto in the face.

“Fight back!” Sakura shrieks with frustration from Itachi’s arms. “I am not going to be ignored by everyone anymore!”

Naruto, looking vaguely haunted, does attempt to fight her more seriously on the next round, hurling himself forward to finally try hand-to-hand. Itachi does think Sakura’s overall technique is superior to Naruto’s, but it’s not so much better as to make up for Naruto higher strength, stamina, and speed. Sakura struggles for a bit, and then uses a brief opening to form the hand seals for substitution and vanishes. She does not reappear.

Naruto nearly trips over himself at her sudden disappearance. He goes very still, eyes darting around the training field.

“Where’d she go?” Sasuke wonders. Then after a beat, he smirks with realization.

“Sakura-chan?” Naruto calls out, palming a kunai. “You won’t surprise me again, you know!”

Sakura waits for Naruto to creep far enough away from her hiding spot before undoing her transformation. Naruto whirls around immediately.

“Aw, man!” he cries, but she’s gone through the hand signs for a genjutsu before he has time to counter attack, then immediately retransforms into a thumbtack. Naruto staggers back, looking slightly dazed. His eyes roam around the training ground. They finally settle on Itachi and Sasuke.

“Hey, guys!” he waves. “What’re you doing over there? Sibling bonding time?”

“...what?” Sasuke replies. Naruto trots up to them.

“Sakura made him forget about her,” Itachi murmurs. Sasuke gives him a baffled look as Naruto starts babbling about how cool he thinks Sasuke’s fire jutsu will be when it’s aimed at people who aren’t Naruto.

The drawback of this genjutsu is that it breaks down when the target sees the thing they’ve forgotten about. Itachi lets Naruto ramble to Sasuke and then get out his lunch and start eating. If he were feeling generous, he’d let Sakura have this point. If this were a real fight, Naruto being distracted for this long would give Sakura lots of time to sneak away or counterattack.

But Itachi is rarely generous. He wants Sakura to prove she can carry out the next step of this genjutsu.

Sasuke keeps sending him meaningful looks. It’s been at least twenty minutes. The transformation jutsu is not chakra-heavy, but Sakura is also only a genin. She won’t be able to hold it much longer.

Several minutes later, Sakura detransforms and hurls one of Naruto’s dropped tagged kunai at them.

“No–!” Sasuke yelps, grabbing for Itachi’s arm. He’s still completely covered in glitter. Itachi indulgently lets him piggyback on his flash step to get out of range.

Naruto is not so lucky. The tag explodes into some type of foul-smelling slime all over him and his lunch.

“SAKURA-CHAN!” Naruto screeches in betrayal. Green slime drips from his hair.

“Ew!” Sakura replies. “You really tried to hit me with that?”

Naruto drops his lunch and runs at her, slime flying from his arms as he goes. Sakura yelps and starts backing up as quickly as she can, hurling shuriken as she goes.

“Ew, ew, ew!” she yells. “Naruto, don’t you dare–”

Naruto flings slime at her. Sakura’s resulting scream sounds genuinely terrified, even as she dodges.

“I guess Sakura’s still Sakura,” Sasuke observes, picking at glitter stuck to his face, “even if she’s way better than I thought…”

Sakura eventually gets her wits together enough to try a new genjutsu on Naruto. Her hand signs are less practiced, but genjutsu has been Naruto’s biggest weakness from the get go. She gets him to stumble and slow down, then aims a kunai at his head.

Itachi knocks it out of the way with his own kunai.

“Winning point to Sakura,” he declares.

“That was really embarrassing,” Sasuke tells Naruto once he’s out of the genjutsu. “You didn’t even use your clones.”

Sakura scowls. Naruto looks only a little ashamed. Despite it only being day one of their formal training, Itachi can sense the beginning of conflict bubbling in his team already, but he doesn’t know how to stop it.

“Your turn, Sasuke,” Itachi says.

Sasuke stays true to his own advice and opens his fight with a fireball. Sakura puts a grim look on her face, and then substitutes herself with Sasuke.

“Point to Sakura,” Itachi says once he’s rescued his brother from his own fireball. Sasuke’s heart is pounding with shock under Itachi’s arm.

“Wha–” Sasuke starts, sounding visibly shaken. “How–?”

“There are ways to prevent that from happening,” Itachi informs him. “We’ll talk about it another day so you can learn.” His eyes drift over to Sakura. “And so you can recognize when that would be a bad idea.”

Sakura and Sasuke have both already run themselves ragged, and so the next few rounds are low on ninjutsu and mostly involve them circling each other and going in for carefully calculated taijutsu or kunai strikes. They’re more even than Itachi would have guessed under these circumstances, and he thinks Kakashi must have been very good at running Sakura to the point of exhaustion and then making her push through.

He wonders how they’d fare against each other if both were fighting fresh. He’ll have to let them go first tomorrow.

(He wonders what Sakura would do if Naruto had been more serious in his fight against her. He’s not sure how to solve that one.)

Sasuke eventually wins his five points, but it’s a long, slow fight, during which Naruto finishes off the onigiri from Kakashi.

Itachi allows them to break for lunch. Sakura insists Naruto stay ten meters away from her at all times.

“You’re smelly,” she sniffs.

“You did this to me, you know!” Naruto complains, although he does shuffle back a few steps.

“Sensei,” Sakura says, turning to him, “can you let Naruto go home for a shower?”

“Ninja can rarely break for showers,” Itachi replies.

Sakura purses her lips. “Ninja should take advantage of moments of peace when they can,” she counters.

“You need to learn to work with your teammates even when they’re at their worst,” Itachi replies.

Sakura clicks her tongue but drops the matter.

“What is that… goo?” Sasuke asks Naruto warily.

Naruto perks up. “It’s my own special recipe! My dad can summon these frogs, see, so I was thinking about mucus…”

#i'm still ironing out what i want the character dynamics to be but just writing it out help lmao #the adventures of beans and dog man and also itachi #<- click tag for other posts on this AU #my writing

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