it sucks that doing something that i know is good for myself can just be so painful. i have to create distance but it just feels like... idk, i always think of creating distance between someone else and myself as almost severing a limb. its why i'm so careful of who i get close to, because its so hard to create distance if we get too close too fast

the only thing that's keeping me from scrapping it all and just going back to talking to her is because i know she can't handle that push-pull dynamic either (not that she'd ever tell me that). i have to be confident in what i can handle in this friendship before we start talking again, or i'm just going to hurt us both when i inevitably get overwhelmed

haha i'm sorry for all the venting lately folks, i don't wanna annoy my friends with talking about this too much. and my best friend doesn't really understand the situation anyway, they just think i should cut her off and move on