My sciatica is still acting up, and I'm trying to limit my medication.

Anyway I suddenly decide that I can't take it no more for today so I get up, take an anti-inflammatory medication, put it in my mouth and then I suddenly got hit by the fact that I'm currently with an empty stomach. I spat it out immediately. Won't add stomach aches on the top of everything.

Anyway, remember to eat something when you're taking anti-inflammatory medication 🙏

I know I just did a little rant about Sooho so let me just talk about Sieun and why he is the way he is (or why I THINK so)

It's pretty obvious his parents neglect him, probably as early as childhood based on that flashback scene. I don't remember which parent said it but one of them most likely did not want to have a child and that outlook can definitely affect the way you raise your kid.

Based on that flashback, they were so unprepared with the thought of Sieun ever getting hurt (he had a broken arm I think?) I get being worried, but that was not worry to me tbh, it was more like they didn't expect raising kids to be so troublesome which is such a ridiculous notion! They get hurt, they get sick and you can't just expect a child to raise themselves no matter how smart or good they are. They need guidance! They need love!

And I don't remember what ep it was but when the dad asked Sieun if he still fell asleep in class or something like that and Sieun responded 'I don't do that anymore'. Idk that made me think that Sieun had like a chronic sleeping thing that he probably managed on his own just so he wouldn't trouble his parents. And the way Sieun at that age, understood how much 'trouble' he seemed to cause his parents, I think that's what started his very 'cold' and 'unfeeling' nature.

And from then on out, Sieun decided not to be a bother to his parents at all. That also made me think...okay, if he didn't want to bother them...then did he want to make them proud of him instead to show that he wasn't gonna be their problem?

And I get it, he's so me lol. Because I try so hard not to be a bother to not just my parents, but honestly any adult authority figure in my life. But the diff is, I kind of strive for that validation whereas Sieun...doesnt seem like he does, or at least not as much as he thought it would. Like what are his goals? Did he even want to go to a big college and be a big time 'something'? I don't even think we learned much about him and his motivations because it's true that he's so studious and gets so many awards and good grades and yes his parents praise him...but Sieun doesn't even look like he wants or cares about those praises anymore.

On the first ep. when he got that award and showed his dad, his dad seemed like he was genuinely proud of him but his reaction was just...😐 perhaps Sieun knows that his purpose in his parents eyes is to generate good grades and be a good kid so he just does that. Like 'ok I've done my purpose, on to the next task' and honestly that's so fucked up.

Anyways, yeah. I feel like he lost any sense of purpose. Maybe back then getting good grades and validation from his parents meant he wasn't being a bother to them and he prolly liked it but after a while, it kind of just burnt him out. Also maybe after his mother left and his dad started being away more often for work, it just didn't seem like it mattered to him but he still keeps going because it's the only thing that will grab his parents' attention. But again, at the same time, idk if he still even wants their attention. He doesn't even want to try anymore

When he was eating with his mom, you could tell the mom was distracted and Sieun must have felt so discouraged because he must have felt like a task to her, like something on her to do list to check off because how easily she pushes aside Sieun's presence and assumes he was done eating. Like she was already standing up, like she was waiting for an interruption. Sure, Sieun never said anything or expressed his needs but only because his parents never tried to understand him in the first place and idk...be an ACTUAL PRESENT ADULT FIGURE IN HIS LIFE!!

Sieun is such a complicated and interesting character and my only wish was for him to snap at his parents at least once. He almost did it with his dad at the hospital but he held back which he shouldn't have!! Yell at them! They deserve it! (hopefully we'll see that in s2)

I never really knew I would be so attached to him. Usually I get drawn towards the Sooho-type (and dont get me wrong, I love him too) but something about Sieun just makes me want to wrap him in a blanket and never let him go and give him the proper love and care and attention he deserves!