do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

Don't listen to I Guess by Mitski while thinking about him you will NOT survive. Been meaning to finish a couple of quick redraws, so I just smacked them all into one. If you couldn't tell, I love his soft side.

Hum...

don't really know how the fuck to feel that if you search up "bipolar" on this fucking app you immediately get met with the "is everything okay? do you need medical help?" message

like I get that it's Like That sometimes but fuck dude, I'm trying to look at the positives while the meds are working, give me a fucking break

i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh

I've gotta go to the dentist again tomorrow. I got two fillings done on Thursday but they feel really rough and it's hurting my tongue (plus my brain doesn't stop noticing something like that so I'm constantly aware of it and it's exhausting), so I've got to get that fixed.

this time I have to drive myself, so I can't take any Lorazepam. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a quick visit anyway, at least this kind of thing has never taken long in the past, so. it should be fine, I know that. but I feel so shitty anyway. it's like the anxiety/fear is there right below the surface but it can't quite come out (probably thanks to the anxiety meds) so I just feel off all day. it sucks (though I much prefer this over the actual anxiety, that completely ruined the days leading up to anything like this).

Anyway today I got to order ~$5k worth of school supplies stuff that my company is donating for a yearly charity thing and that felt nice

i haven't posted a whole lot of f/o content lately and honestly! it's because! i think i am falling for this real life man. i've posted a tiny bit about him! i've posted that i have a crush! but when we're together, when we talk and we laugh and i look him in the eyes, it feels like a much bigger deal than just a crush. we spent halloween together and it feels like something shifted. it feels like i am falling. and i know that this is a self ship blog and most people follow me for self ship content so i haven't wanted to post too much abt him! but you're also my friends and i wanted to share with you! 💗

i love you shooting on site

brain is spinning

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

and when I get out of this FUCKING HOUSE

this will either be the most inaccurate, shot-in-the-dark, completely nothing prediction I've ever made, or it'll be my most big-brained, apollo's-gift-of-prophecy, kissing-the-writers-on-the-mouths speculation yet, but i gotta place my bets before the speculation window closes, so:

calling it right now, i think Buck's gonna get blown up/be injured in an explosion at the very end of 6A/start of 6B, and that's what will lead to buddie canon. also this is how coma buck can still win