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riversimmone · 6 months

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No More Goodbyes

No More Goodbyes

RiverOfTheSand

Summary:

She watched them saying goodbye for the umpteenth time, wondering how dense Gaara had to be to not notice Sakura's feelings for him. The way Tsunade saw it, she had two choices: get drunk on sakē for the rest of the day, or force Sakura into confessing her undying love to the Kazekage... decisions, decisions. *post-war*

Notes:

Cross-posted from fanfiction.net. This one-shot has been an effort and a half. It has everything I love about GaaSaku; heart, soul, reasonable doubt, elucidation and that burning need that can drive a person crazy... well, me at least. ;) Rated T. Hope you all enjoy. :)

A light breeze grazed the top slip of paper on the small pile of documents in front of her, and she frowned at it. Like an invisible hand was lifting it, the movement reminded her of something she'd seen before. Her office was getting draughty again.

"Naruto," she murmured. "Go away."

The future Rokudaime scratched his head. "What are you going on about baa-chan? I'm supposed to be–"

"It's too early for me to care about that."

"Granny, aren't you forgetting something?"

Tsunade looked up at Naruto. He was staring at her intently, the slight tilt of his head indicating his confusion and she wondered what the hell he was talking about.

"Gaara's leaving again soon," the knucklehead stated matter-of-factly. "Aren't you going to see him off, as the Hokage?"

She smiled. "No Naruto, I passed that on six months ago."

"Huh?"

"Didn't you notice?"

"Uh... no."

Tsunade sighed. "I decided to leave that up to Sakura."

"Huh?" Naruto looked pained. "Are you sure that was wise granny? You know how she feels about him."

"Yes Naruto, it's caught my attention. But Sakura isn't going to be able to move past this if she doesn't do or say anything about it. It's been six months since the end of the Fourth Great Shinobi War, and neither of them have said anything about it. I'm not sure what's going through Gaara's head, but knowing Sakura, she won't be able to keep her feelings to herself for much longer."

"I don't know baa-chan; she went through a lot to to get over Sasuke. I'm not sure she has it in her to confess her feelings like that to anyone ever again."

He wanted to believe she would, but the broken young woman who was his best friend had clammed up emotionally, and Naruto was scared for her. He told her he understood, that he would support her no matter what she did, but he was getting tired of watching her sulk over Gaara. He wasn't entirely sure what the former jinchuriki would do if Sakura confessed her undying love for him, but he knew that guy at least cared for her–she was his best friend after all. Even if he didn't like her the way she wanted him to, she needed to get this off her chest.

"We'll see Naruto, now get out of here–I still have paperwork to finalise."

"Yeah, yeah: I'll be back later, whether you like it or not."

The Hokage just scoffed, and swivelled in her chair to look out the window as Naruto left.

She stared out over Konoha, her eyes resting on the figure of her fellow Kage as he very slowly made his way toward the main gates–two ANBU trailing behind him. Sometimes, Temari or Kankuro would accompany him on one of his trips, but even they got tired of the back and forth. Tsunade often wondered about Gaara's excuses for coming here, and hoped he really did like Sakura–as much as she would miss her kouhai, she wanted her to be happy more than anything else in the world. She deserved someone who loved her as much as she loved him, no matter what village he came from.

She continued to watch Gaara, her fingers itching to just guzzle the unopened sakē hidden under the top drawer of her desk in one go. If he wasn't a Kage, she'd kick his arse for causing her adopted daughter such grief. So now she had a decision to make, and the sweet scent of the untouched elixir mere inches from her hand was telling her to make it hurt.

– No More Goodbyes –

"Step forward prisoner 727853-824442."

Sakura Haruno sighed inwardly. 'Not him again.'

Kotetsu Hagane glanced at Sakura before giving his full attention to process the prisoner. The dishevelled man wouldn't look at her, as usual, only responding to his guard enough to avoid receiving a jolt from a Raiton jutsu–all at the guard's whim. Sakura didn't want to be here anymore than this guy wanted her to; he always acted like she came here just to lord it over him that he'd lost and they'd kicked his arse in the end. But really, she'd let go of the notion that she had anything to gloat about.

It was overdue for him to do the same.

But he never would, she knew he never would.

Sakura sighed inwardly, preferring not to show him how much he still affected her. That chapter of her life was over now.

"You're hurt."

Sakura looked up, realising she'd been staring absentmindedly at the clipboard in her hands–it held the medical information for the man in front of her. She was at the prison only as a precaution, since there had been a few viral outbreaks recently–nothing catastrophic, but when acting in conjunction with prisoners who spent most of the day labouring in the hot sun and potentially cutting themselves with sharp instruments, it increased the risk of infections. And from the look of most of them, they needed all the hygiene they could get their grubby hands on.

The owner of the voice interrupting her thoughts was Izumo Kamizuki–the other guard standing to Sakura's left. His dark eyes were examining the prisoner closely, and narrowed at the sight of a gash on his arm. Said prisoner did nothing other than clench his fist imperceptibly before glancing toward the door that would elicit his freedom from his guards and medic. He didn't want their help, which wasn't surprising, but they were responsible for him all the same.

Reluctantly, Sakura tucked the chart under her arm and stepped toward the prisoner. He made no move to pull away from her and she healed his wound without physically touching him, but as usual, she was trembling inside... even after everything, he still scared her. She probably should've done that without moving from her spot–to save herself some heart palpitations–but that idea always came to her too late, also accompanied by an image of Kabuto doing something similar a long time ago, when Naruto's Kyuubi chakra had hurt her.

She hated herself for how much she still dwelled on those days.

Without a word, she returned to her position and averted her eyes from the prisoner once again... gazing unseeingly at the chart instead.

Kotetsu gave the prisoner another look over–this one a little more thorough, to make sure there were no more wounds. The man did have a habit of pretending he was alright, and had spent time isolated from the other prisoners for his stupidity–not that that seemed to have taught him anything–to ensure his infections weren't contagious.

Idiot.

Sakura watched him as he reacted to the invasion of his personal space, as stiff as ever, lamenting on how things had turned out, as she always did. If she had her way, she'd wipe her name from the list of "volunteers" and never have to come to the Konoha prison ever again. Unfortunately, Lady Tsunade had decided that all medics were obligated to sign up for this complete and utter waste of time. If these weren't war prisoners, and each and every one of them guilty of heinous crimes, it could be mistaken for charity. Sakura did not want to waste time on these people, when she could be in the hospital, helping sickly children or whatnot.

'Who am I kidding?' She thought grumpily. 'There aren't enough patients to go around over there.'

Ironically, the number of healers outweighed the need for them these days. If it wasn't for Tsunade's new missive, Sakura might very well not be able to pay her rent this week.

"Lady Sakura."

The voice to her right startled her–an ANBU carrying a message scroll... unusual here at the prison. Surely whatever it was could wait.

"Thank-you," she said softly, and the man disappeared in a cloud of smoke. She thought she recognised the chakra, but gave it no mind. Sakura opened the scroll as her companions now went through the items the angsty prisoner had brought with him–it was a weekly, routine thing, to make sure there was nothing missing. It had something to do with security, but she didn't care.

Sakura's eyes widened as she read the scroll, her stomach churning suddenly, and painfully.

'No...'

But really, she shouldn't be surprised. Again and again, she took this news to heart; Sakura ignored the suddenly curious stare of the prisoner as she struggled not to break down. The message scroll went unread by the rest of the room, so she could only imagine they worried what it said to make her pale on command. She hated herself for this, and the fact that this news hit her so hard every time. She cleared her throat, rolled the scroll back up and looked up at the curious guards, forcing a smile past her lips.

"Later," she said, grateful that her voice was firm and detached.

She didn't wait for a response, instead ambling on her way out of the prison. This wasn't the place she'd rather be of course, and since life in Konoha was so ridiculously peaceful now, even normal missions were spread a bit more thinly. She supposed she should be grateful–the fifth Hokage and her imminent successor were cleaning up the mess that was the Fourth Shinobi War so efficiently that mission casualties were non-existent right now–it was just a strange feeling, not to be needed.

Naruto had however, told her that peace was merely a step between the problems, and they must be ever vigilant to prevent the next great war, no matter how easy things seemed to be right now. He was starting to sound like Lee.

"Shit." Sakura groaned, hastening her pace now, as she realised she'd been lost in delirium for a few minutes, and according to the message scroll, it was happening now. "I'm going to be late."

She had one thing to look forward to these days, above all others–the monthly visits from the Kazekage. Gaara came to Konoha under the guise of friendship with Naruto (or whatever political things they were preparing for, since it wouldn't be long now, before the blonde took the title of the Rokudaime Hokage), and Sakura took advantage of each and every single one. She loved him, she knew it, and even Naruto had seen it as her feelings blossomed during the war. Sakura felt so desperately drawn to Gaara that she wasn't surprised when he turned out to be just like Sasuke–he didn't like her that way anymore than the Uchiha did.

She was sure Gaara only saw her as a friend.

So Sakura spent the war hiding her feelings. The only people who knew were Naruto, her shishou and Ino. But once the fighting was over, she could've killed herself with the fear and despair when he went back to his village as though there was nothing between them. She remembered the day that had made her realise that he had no interest in her as anything other than an acquaintance because she happened to be Naruto's best friend.

...Flashback...

"You going to find a nice guy and settle down Sakura?"

The older sister of the Kazekage had called her over to the apartment she was sharing with her brothers, and Sakura was beginning to suspect it was because she was dying to tell someone that Shikamaru had finally made their relationship official–they just needed to go public.

"Yeah," the pinkette said wistfully, forcing herself not to look at Gaara as he and Kankuro sat three feet away, playing shōgi. Kankuro had challenged Shikamaru to that game numerous times over the course of the war, determined to beat him (and failing each and every time), and was now using Gaara as a guinea pig to see where he was going wrong. Unfortunately, for the puppet master, he'd chosen an opponent who was more than capable of kicking his arse.

Meanwhile, Temari was nervously wiping her iron fan, even though it clearly didn't need cleaning. Sakura sipped her tea thoughtfully, knowing the blonde wanted a much more detailed answer from her before she spilled her own beans on the subject.

She swallowed heavily. "I don't know who it'll be with but... I will, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"It's the accepted norm," Kankuro said wisely, his eyes glued to the shōgi board. "Everyone expects that getting married and raising some hell raisers is what everyone should be doing."

"That's for civilians," Gaara countered, also keeping his eyes on the game. "Shinobi are different."

"How so, little bro?"

"Despite the fact that we live longer naturally, through our consistent use of chakra, we actually die sooner for the most part, due to missions, wars, or whatever. Such things are deterrents to people who do not wish to burden a spouse or marital partner with the knowledge that the next mission might be their last."

"And the clans," Kankuro said. "What about them?"

Gaara reached out almost tentatively, pushing one of his pieces along the board, earning a grunt from his older brother. "Their leaders are obligated to keep their kekkei genkai, or the jutsu their clan is known for, alive through arranged marriages, and in the case of the bloodline limits, in the family. The clan members have little to no choice but to choose a suitable mate to keep the traditions going–it has nothing to do with societal views or life expectancy."

"Well I'm getting married," Kankuro said cheerfully, his eyes lifting from the shōgi board. "There are lots of girls out there, just ripe for the picking."

"I definitely won't be," Gaara murmured softly.

Hands clasping her tea cup tightly, Sakura stiffened unperceptively. She knew that Suna didn't have the marriage policy for their Kazekage in place anymore–really, it wasn't like they were a monarch, and therefore producing offspring was his civic duty–but it was surprising to hear Gaara say he had no plans to settle down. Her heart plummeted at these words, realising once and for all that she had no chance with him, but at the same time, the fact that he had no-one else in mind was a small comfort... ridiculously so.

Still, Sakura fought back the disappointment in her voice as she replied to his comment. "You don't know you never will."

"Waste of time," Gaara grunted softly, now ignoring her. Kankuro gave his brother a Cheshire grin, and took his turn... and lost the smirk when Gaara immediately retaliated. "Check-mate," the redhead said calmly, and stood immediately. He headed toward the bathroom as Kankuro gaped distastefully at the shōgi board.

"Well, it's been fun," Sakura lied, placing her tea cup down and standing up. "But I have some work to do. Congratulations on the relationship with Shikamaru, Temari. Bye."

Sakura was half-way out the door when Kankuro's booming voice cried out: "WHAT RELATIONSHIP?"

Sakura left quickly, flash-stepping toward her apartment the moment her sandals hit the roof of the hotel. She wasn't paying attention to what she was doing, just getting inside the seals as she normally did–habitual movements and muscle memory. Her mind was blank as she kicked off her shoes, stripped off her weapons (it was standard procedure to carry weapons, being a ninja), and headed straight for her bathroom.

She wasn't thinking clearly, that was it; Sakura forewent undressing and just stepped into her shower. The water was scalding hot, but she didn't care. She didn't register the tears, the sobs, or the grating sound of her fingernails scraping at the shower tiles. All she could feel was cold despite the scalding water, fear despite being in the comfort of her own home, and gut wrenching pain...

Half an hour later, Sakura wrung out her wet shirt absentmindedly, her hands still shaking. How the hell could she have let this happen to her, again? First she spent an inordinate amount of time daydreaming over Sasuke, who then became a missing-nin and tried to kill her, now she was pining after Gaara... and who knew what was going on in that head of his? She was a sucker for unrequited love, and she was sick to death of it.

...End Flashback...

That had been mere days after the end of the war, and less than two weeks later, Gaara had begun his monthly trips to Konoha. Her shishou had placed her on the roster to escort the Kazekage through the village, and she secretly hated her for it. Still, Gaara became more pleasant to speak with, and he never raised the issue with her that had upset her in the first place–not that he knew it had–and she started to look forward to his visits, instead of dreading being in the presence of someone who would never return her feelings. She'd just decided to take what she could get.

After all, if he had no intention of settling down, she had no-one to be jealous over...

Sakura stopped suddenly, realising she'd arrived at the main gates without noticing. Shading her eyes from the sun, she looked up and around–Gaara wasn't here yet, so she wasn't late after all. The guards on duty... their names escaped her right now ...waved to her and she returned the gesture out of habit more than anything, and etiquette.

She was stronger than the stupid girl who'd sobbed and begged Sasuke not to abandon the village, and vowed she'd cried over Gaara for the last time. But unlike with Sasuke, Gaara didn't know about her feelings, so she only had herself to blame for the lack of resolution for said feelings. She supposed, today was as good as any. It would be more humiliating to tell Gaara she was in love with him immediately before having to spend several days seeing to his needs when he wasn't in meetings with leaf officials–it wasn't like she trailed around after him.

And, despite her desire to spend more time with him, Sakura didn't want to do this again. She'd stood at the gates to Konoha, like the good little dignitary she was, and seen Gaara off every time his visit came to its inevitable end. She would smile, he was polite, and yet neither of them seemed to want to make eye contact. She had to say goodbye, and Sakura wasn't sure she had it in her to do this all over again.

No, there would be no more goodbyes after this.

– No More Goodbyes –

The cold always left him in pain. He supposed he was just used to the heat of Suna, but even the warmth of Konoha left him wanting. A cool breeze, much like the hint of winter, swept through his hotel room as Gaara absentmindedly packed. He felt lonely even when surrounded, so trips to the leaf with only ANBU as company were that and boring. He only came here to see Sakura, after all, and she didn't even know it.

Temari was the only person who knew about his infatuation. He had worked alongside her in the war, as she'd been assigned as his personal medic a few times, but it was her temper and his own stubbornness during those times that stood out the most.

Gaara sighed.

He was thinking about her a lot lately, and it was driving him insane. He had no idea how to go about changing the nature of their relationship, especially considering the only time they'd both been part of the same conversation involving romantic futures he'd ridiculed the idea of wanting someone by his side. He hadn't understood at the time, just how good it could feel, to want someone, or be wanted, outside the friend context.

But did he really get it, now? When he stopped to think about what it was he wanted from the feisty pinkette, all that came to mind was her time and attention. Sexuality and romantic situations only occurred to him after talking to others. Kankuro asked him when he was going to go ahead and finally get laid. Temari asked him when he was going to go ahead and finally ask Sakura out–or confess his love, whatever. He never answered them.

"Are you ready, Lord Kazekage?"

Gaara nodded to his ANBU guard and allowed the man to carry his bag for him. Like he needed him to. This was something he didn't think he'd ever get used to. He looked up at the Hokage Tower before turning his attention toward the main gates. Lost in his thoughts, Gaara relied on muscle memory and habit to steer him where he needed to go.

The Godaime Hokage had not allowed him to see Sakura so much this visit, so Gaara had sulked in his room a lot–though he would never let anyone, even his siblings, to see him pout over a girl. Sakura had given him his diplomatically demanded medical check-up every other time he'd come to Konoha, but this time, Tsunade was adamant about him keeping his distance. What the hell was going on? That mouse of a woman, Shizune… something, was the one who had seen to him this time, not that he'd really needed medical attention. Being a Kage meant that he should. It was both standard procedure and good politics.

But the question of what was going on was buzzing around in Gaara's head.

It wasn't like the Hokage owed him an explanation–the treaty between their nations didn't stipulate that a specific doctor had to see to him every time. And Gaara did feel a little foolish having looked forward to his physical exams when the pinkette was doing them. That other woman had cold hands.

Gaara shivered involuntarily at that thought, looking up as he realised he was close enough to the gates to see that Sakura was already waiting for him. Seeing her always brought back memories of the times he was too stupid to realise his interest in her was more than professional.

...Flashback...

It had started with him saving her life, escalated into an argument–about all the reasons why she hadn't needed saving and he was not stronger than her–and ended with him wishing he'd just left her to the mercy of those Zetsu clones. It wasn't like he was expecting a confession of undying love, let alone a ridiculously corny Valentine's card, but would it kill her to say "thank-you" in return for him not letting her get skewered?

Apparently, it would've.

That was when he finally understood what Shikamaru had been going on about for years, and why Naruto was waiting to start dating Hinata until the war was over–women were nothing but a nuisance.

But as the Regimental Leader of the Allied Shinobi Forces, he had to at least appear like he cared if she had broken her nail beating the crap out of Naruto. Not that she verbally complained, but he caught her staring forlornly at her cuticles a number of times, as though her disappointment would magically grow them back. And they fought over everything, argued every day, and barely spoke unless doing either–his medical check-ups notwithstanding.

The allied forces even had a bet going on who would snap and kill the other first.

It was toward the end of the war, one specific day, that had turned them around. Gaara fought and sealed his resurrected father. Sakura caught him crying in his tent. He'd sobbed on the battlefield, which was bad enough, but the quite tears were the ones that ended up on display. But instead of making some snappy retort (like he'd feared she would, though Naruto had insisted to him later that Sakura would never do such a thing, no matter how much she hated him), she'd knelt down beside him. Gaara could still remember the feeling of her breast against his cheek as she held him.

Just being there, being his friend, she'd affected him more than she would ever know. More than he would know either–until the war was over, he was finally back in Suna, and he quickly discovered that he actually missed that insufferable Kunoichi.

...End Flashback...

And so began his visits to see her, making up excuse after excuse so that even Kankuro was suspicious of his reasons. But this back and forth was tormenting him. He needed to decide on what to do about this attachment he'd developed and clear things up once and for all.

– No More Goodbyes –

"Hey, Gaara."

Gaara nodded to Sakura, as he always did, and motioned to his ANBU guards–they disappeared from sight, now waiting for him along the path out of Konoha. Sakura looked startled at this, but quickly covered it with a smile.

"I suppose this is goodbye again," she said, fiddling with her thumbs nervously.

He smiled genially at this, not sure what it was she wanted him to say. But he spoke with conviction, remembering every visit he'd ever made to Konoha, in an attempt to let her know how he felt, had ended the same way. "We always seem to be saying goodbye, don't we?"

She nodded. "Uh... Gaara?"

"Yes?"

Sakura swallowed back the bile threatening to sear her throat and clenched her fists. 'Get a grip, Sakura!'

She really needed to do this before she lost her nerve. "I've been thinking... um..." She shifted uncomfortably. "I wanted to tell you... I love you." Her eyes fell to the ground.

Great... she'd evolved her love confessions from becoming a sobbing mess to pretending her shoes were more interesting than the object of said confession. Sakura forced herself, rather painfully, to look up at Gaara. The shock was obvious... was that a good or bad thing? At least he didn't look disgusted.

"I've loved you for a long time," she heard herself saying–rambling; she couldn't stop herself. "And I completely understand if you don't feel the same way–who would, right?–it's just I can't do this anymore, the whole escorting you thing. I can't be around you anymore, not like this. So it's best if–"

She ignored the sudden intake of breath from the nearby, tactless guards as Gaara interrupted her rambling to kiss her. His lips were warm, slightly parted, and enticing as she immediately and unconsciously leant into him, returning the kiss. Gaara's hands were unobtrusive as they slid up her sides; his right hand slipped down behind her, falling to the small of her back, while his left hand ran through her hair, pulling her more tightly to him.

Sakura parted her lips, letting him in and just enjoying being held by the Kazekage as he took control. It was the most amazing feeling–she'd never kissed anyone before! Her heart was racing, but not painfully so, and the feel of his body pressed against hers only added to the tingling sensation ripping through her as she lost herself to the delirium.

She was breathless when Gaara finally pulled away, barely able to stand on her own two feet. There were no words to describe that... he'd literally stolen her breath away, and she had nothing left to use. She tried, but couldn't speak.

So Sakura just lowered her head to his chest, holding tightly to the front of his Kazekage robes. Gaara chuckled, the light reverberation no more than a purr in his chest as she inhaled his scent. Sakura looked up at him, her eyes locking with his, losing their fear as he smiled back at her.

"Promise me," she said breathily. "You won't leave me again."

"No more goodbyes," he promised.

– No More Goodbyes –

High above and on the other side of the village, she watched them saying goodbye for the umpteenth time, wondering how dense Gaara had to be to not notice Sakura's feelings for him. The way Tsunade saw it, she had two choices: get drunk on sakē for the rest of the day, or force Sakura into confessing her undying love to the Kazekage... decisions, decisions.

Hm...

Like always, she could see everything from her open window, spying on her fellow ninja, just like countless Hokage before her (though each had their own methods). She'd attempted to change the dynamic of their encounters this time around, by keeping Gaara from Sakura's side, since it was human nature to be lulled into a comfortable routine, rather than work up the nerve to break that monotony. So far, she'd seen a grumpier Gaara, more depressed Sakura, startled Naruto, and an increase in her own consumption of sakē. This gave her the hope that the Kazekage was missing the pinkette's company, and would respond more favourably to a confession from the young woman.

Hopefully.

Finally making her decision, Tsunade grabbed the sakē bottle from under her desk, keeping her eyes on the distant forms of the two lovebirds as they embraced. And then she smiled slightly before turning away from the sight. "Sakē it is."

–XXX–

#gaasaku #gaara x sakura #fanfiction #my ao3 #All images are not mine

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