#murder trio | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

purrrrplecats · 2 days

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oh no i found it

the in correct quote generato-

(there a lot so if you don't want to read lots don't click keep reading)(theres loads i think 50-)

Scar: Grian and I are so close we even share a toothbrush. Grian: We what?

(he appoligised abt the joke later on.)

Mumbo: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Grian: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend. Scar: Yeah? Grian: Bitch.

Mumbo: Is… Is that meant to be on fire? Grian: No… not really. Mumbo: Are you going to do something about it? Grian: Hm… nah.

Grian: Your future self is talking shit about you right now. Scar: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.

Pearl: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

Pearl: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Grian: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Pearl: gasps whErE???!!!??

Impulse: So I have made the decision to trust you. Grian: A horrible decision, really.

Grian: Gem, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? Gem: No, it’s mine. Grian: It… looks just like the one I have… Gem: You don’t have one like this anymore.

(its and mug with pink and blue snails on it.)

Gem: This should be illegal! Pearl: It is.

Pearl: Okay, let's split 'em up and make 'em sing. Impulse: Two of you take Gem, the other two take Grian. Scar: Right. Bad cop, good cop. Mumbo: You know, it's interesting that they say "bad cop, good cop," because policing in this country is so broken it's really just "bad cop, bad cop". Impulse: Scar, you're with them. Scar: Got it.

Grian: Norwegia. Is. Not. A. COUNTRY! Scar: Then where are Norwegian people from!? Impulse: NORWAY!!

Impulse: Would you slap Pearl- Grian: Yes. Impulse: I didn't even finish! Grian: Sorry, continue. Impulse: Would you slap Pearl for 10 dollars? Grian: I would do it for free. Pearl: Rude…

(you could also swap Grian and Pearl around because I mean, SKYLINGS)

Grian: If you want my advice- Pearl: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Grian: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me. Scar: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Scar, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Impulse: But how- Scar, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Gem: I am strong! I beat Grian at arm wrestling! Impulse: Anyone can beat Grian at arm wrestling! Grian: Hey-

(sure Impulse sure-)

Gem: Grian, I am nothing if not a Woman of principle. Gem: Now let’s break into this apartment.

Pearl: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Gem: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

(again you could swap them around)

Pearl: Hey, you want a tarot reading? Mumbo: Those are Pokemon cards. Pearl: You got a magikarp. Mumbo: … Pearl: It means 'fuck you'.

Grian: Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere Gem: Where did you get that? Grian: My pocket. Gem: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? Grian: Skills.

Scar: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Scar: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Impulse: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Impulse: SCAR IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Impulse: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Gem: Hey Pearl, check out this funny .GIF I found! Pearl: It’s pronounced “jif”. Gem: Huh? Pearl: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Gem: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Pearl: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Gem: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Pearl: It’s exactly the same! Gem: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Pearl: Gentrification. Gem: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Pearl: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Gem: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Gem: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Pearl: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Gem: Huh. Didn’t know that. Gem: You’re still wrong, though. Pearl: You just hate me because I’m right. Gem: I just hate you in general. Pearl: You mean in “geh-neral”? Gem: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Scar: What's worse than a heartbreak? Grian: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Mumbo: Waking up in the morning. Gem: Waking up.

Scar: I love you. Grian: Me too.

Grian: Fight me! Scar: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Scar: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Pearl: What’s your favorite color? Gem: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature. Pearl: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP? Gem: My favorite color is pink.

Grian: Do you love me? Mumbo: We’re literally married. Grian: Yeah, but as friends or—

(logic is that Waffle duo got married as a bit like Clingy duo (Tubbo and Tommy) but G is like Tommy and doesn't want to get a divorce because he wants to commit it the bit.)

Grian: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done. Pearl: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real. Grian: They're not. Pearl: Haha, very funny. Grian: I'm serious. Didn't you hear? Pearl: No… what happened? Grian: …Why would you fall for this again-

Scar: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Gem: Bees? Scar: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Gem: Wait- Impulse approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly

Scar: Mx. Grian, I accidentally dropped my seed into my mouth and then I accidentally ate it. Am I going to have a lemon tree grow inside my belly? Grian: Well, let's think about it. Did you also swallow a wet paper towel? Scar: Yes. Grian: Grian: Alright, let's go to the nurse.

Grian: Some people are like slinkies. Pearl: What? Grian: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Pearl: Pearl: Please don't push Scar down the stairs. Grian, pushing Scar down the stairs: Too late.

Pearl: You’re just being paranoid. Again. Scar: When have I been paranoid? Pearl: Um, when you first met Gem you thought they were an undercover cop…? Scar: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera! Pearl: And last year you were sure Impulse was a mermaid! Scar: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?! Later, when Scar’s theory is proven wrong Pearl: Do you have anything to say for yourself? Scar: I still think Impulse is a mermaid.

Grian: Scar, Pearl keeps bullying me at school. Scar: Ask your teacher for help. The next day… Grian, to their teacher: Will you help me beat up Pearl?

Pearl: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

Scar: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

(same quote 2 times in a row!?!?!)

Impulse, near tears: Please, Grian, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

Gem: I need to dye my hair. Impulse: … Gem: Or get another tattoo. Impulse: … Gem: Or a new piercing. Impulse: Why? Gem: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

Grian: aggressively throws pencil at Scar Grian, deadpan: Oh no. I’ve been stabbed. I’ve been impaled.

(Double Life = soulmates)

Scar : So you like cats? Grian: Yeah. Scar : tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table

Impulse: What have you done with Scar ?

Grian: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

Pearl: Scar , let’s go! Grian : Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter. Pearl: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance. Grian : What-? Pearl: Mom, Dad, Scar smoked pot in college. Grian : You are such a tattletale! Grian : Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was Jimmy who was smoking the pot but… It was me. I’m sorry. Pearl: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, Grian did. Grian : Yeah, well, hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing Pearl did. Pearl: Grian hasn’t worked for a year! Grian : Pearl and Gem are living together! Pearl: Grian married Scar in Vegas and got divorced AGAIN! Jimmy: I love Jacques Cousteau! Etho: I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle! Doc: I wanna gooo!!

(I changed some names, aka added Doc, Etho and Jimmy, also Etho is the mum Docs the dad, and Tim is ofc the younger brother.) (the family situation is defo not from TTSBC)

Mumbo: I will send my army to attack! Mumbo: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Gem, throwing their head into Pearl's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Pearl, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

(awwwwww)

Squad is playing Among Us Grian: I believe Pearl is innocent, I was with them the whole time. Mumbo, what were you doing? Mumbo: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

(I was gonna change Pearl to Scar and change Mumbo to Impulse because Impulsetor)

Pearl, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out? Grian: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

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gaylordscooter · 1 month

Text

Nightmare('s) Blunt Rotation

He almost laughed when Nightmare handed it to them, but then he realized that this was their torture for the day.

“a blunt?” Horror questioned.

“Weed, cannabis, marijuana, whatever you want to call it.”

“and you're giving this to us because?” He narrowed his eye sockets.

Killer snatched the blunt from over Horror’s shoulder. “yoink!” He examined it, smile curling up as he realized it was real.

Nightmare’s eyes flicked from Killer to Horror. “You are to share it—equally amongst yourselves. Decide who’s room you all want to stay in. I will not let you leave it until tomorrow.”

“you're trapping us all in the same room and expecting us to smoke weed?” Horror surmised.

Killer let out an exaggerated gasp, “like a sleepover?”

“oh hell no.”

“If that's what you want to call it, sure. A ‘sleepover’,” Nightmare confirmed. “Now if you excuse me, I have to hunt Dust down.”

Nightmare sunk into the ground as if he entered the shadows.

Killer diverted his attention to the blunt in his hands. “we don't have a lighter…you think a gaster blaster can light it?”

“i think you should try that while it's in your mouth,” Horror grumbled.

“great idea, buddy!” He patted Horror on the back, earning him a violent glare.

Dust was hiding somewhere in the castle. Nightmare could feel his presence. It was annoying that he had to seek him out, but the thrill of the hunt was almost worth it.

He was in the great hall, lying flat underneath one of the long tables.

Once Nightmare spotted him, he tried to teleport away, but he was able to grab him with a tentacle before he could. He dragged him closer by the leg with a sly smirk.

“Hiding is futile, Dust,” he reminded.

His mismatched eyelights stared at him, unamused.

“Oh, don't complain. I’m letting you three relax for the day, even though yesterday was supposed to be a calm day, yet Killer skewed things off course. Aren't I nice?” he asked. He picked Dust up and made his way over to the halls where Killer and Horror were in. He plopped Dust down on the floor in front of the two. His face contorted into confusion as he realized Killer had a gaster blaster aimed right at his own face. “What are you doing.” It didn't even come out as a question, because not a single answer could explain the display.

The blaster disappeared and Killer gave him a look of a child being caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “you didn't give us a lighter,” he said with his teeth still holding the blunt. He pointed at Horror with his thumb. “he gave me the idea.”

“he’s lying.”

“nuhuh! you told me to light it while it's in my mouth,” Killer retorted.

“it was a joke and you were the one who thought about using a blaster to light it in the first place,” he said through gritted teeth.

“oh so you tricked me!”

“i didn't trick you, you're just stupid!”

“at least my skull’s still intact, humpty dumpty!”

Horror lunged for Killer and the two ended up squabbling on the floor like two rats fighting over poisoned cheese.

Nightmare looked down at Dust as the two bickered. “Have fun.” He dropped a lighter next to Dust and disappeared into the ground.

Dust grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket before he stood up. He grabbed the two’s souls with a ping and wrenched them apart, practically launching them as he did so.

“fuck, dude, what the hell?!” Killer groaned as he recovered from the toss.

Dust walked over to him and extended a hand out to him.

“aw, you helping me up now?” Killer reached for his hand, but Dust smacked it away and snatched the blunt from his mouth.

He took out the lighter, put the blunt in his mouth and lit it. He proceeded to take a long hit from it.

Horror was almost impressed by his boldness, if he didn't see his desperation.

“hey! nightmare said to share it! and we gotta choose someone’s room to stay in,” Killer pointed out. He hopped up to his feet.

Dust blew the smoke in Killer’s face and turned to walk towards his room.

Killer walked ahead of him. “your room it is, then.” He opened the door and gestured for Dust to go ahead, “ladies first.”

Dust threw his fist at him, but halted right before he made contact, making Killer flinch. His shoulders rose and fell as he laughed silently and went inside while taking another hit.

“must be hitting him quick if he’s already joking around,” Horror said as he entered the room as well.

“pun intended?” Killer asked as stepped inside and closed the door.

“what do you take me for?” Horror quirked a brow bone.

“dust, stop hogging it.” Killer extended his hand out and motioned for Dust to give it to him.

Begrudgingly, Dust handed it over.

Killer giggled like a gossiping high schooler before taking a drag.

Dust chuckled.

Killer gave him a look, blowing the smoke out. “what? something funny ‘bout the way i smoke?”

“have you ever smoked weed before, killer?” Horror asked. Motioning for the blunt.

Killer slapped it into his hand. “‘course i have!”

“you gotta let the smoke get to your lungs—metaphorical lungs. you sipped on that shit like a straw, it's not a cigar.” Horror pressed the blunt to his mouth and inhaled deeply. He exhaled a couple of seconds later and passed it to Dust.

Dust made his way to his bed before taking another hit and laid down.

Killer tried to sit down near him but was kicked off and passed the blunt. “asshole,” he chided. He settled for sitting down on the carpet and leaning on the bed frame.

Horror sat down as well, leaning back against the door. “yeesh, it's strong,” he muttered. He wondered where the hell Nightmare got something like that.

Killer hesitated this time before taking a hit, taking Horror’s advice in mind. He immediately started coughing.

Dust chuckled at him.

“fuck—” he coughed some more, “you.”

Horror snorted in amusement as Killer's coughing finally died down but Dust’s laughter continued.

“ok, i’ve never smoked weed before,” he admitted. “but i have taken edibles!” he added with a bit too much pride.

“damn, we got an adult over here,” Horror joked.

“fuck off…” Killer crossed his arms.

“you get any in your system or did you cough it all out before you could?”

“i said fuck off!” He turned his head to Dust. “and stop laughing!”

“you two go ahead n keep smoking, ‘m good for now.” He leaned his head back, pressing it against the door. He was already pleasantly buzzed, taking another hit might be going overboard. Dust already took three. They had the same body so he doubted they had different tolerances.

“aw, tapping out now?” Killer teased. “i’m feeling fine after two.”

“that's cause you didn't smoke it properly.”

Dust hastily grabbed it out of Killer’s hands.

“yeesh, ok, junkie,” Killer mumbled. As he waited for Dust to hand it back, he got an idea. “hey, this is like a sleepover, right?”

“no.”

“we should play some games. y’know, to pass the time.”

“i say we skip right to the ‘sleep’ part,” Horror said, already closing his eye sockets.

Killer took a hit, inhaling slower and less this time. He managed to exhale without coughing, but he did clear his throat. “c’mon, bud, when's the next time we'll get to do this? just hanging out and chillin’.”

Horror sighed and opened his eye sockets. “truth or dare?” he asked.

“that's more like it! hmm…dare!” He handed the blunt to the impatient Dust behind him.

Horror took a second to formulate one. “next hit you take, hold it for five seconds.”

“you just want me to cough again!” he accused.

He winked, “what? you gonna chicken out?”

“hell no!” He motioned for Dust to hand it over. The hooded skeleton sluggishly handed it over. He took a deep breath in and out before bringing it to his mouth.

“gotta prepare?”

“shut,” he snapped. He inhaled deeply and held it.

Horror counted for him, “five. four. three. two…are you crying dude?”

He breathed out harshly, choking out a “one.” He coughed, once, and willed himself to stop there. “ok,” he composed himself, “truth or dare?”

“truth,” Horror answered.

He cleared his throat again, eliciting another laugh from Dust. He shot him a look before saying, “how many times you got laid?”

Horror chuckled. “what are you? twelve?”

“i ‘unno, dude! this shit’s hitting me harder than i thought it would! i can hardly think.” He felt tugging at the back of his neck and realized Dust was playing around with the fluff on his hood.

“‘m starting to think nightmare’s targeting you with this one. anyway, zero,” Horror responded.

Killer’s eye sockets widened, forgetting about Dust. “really?”

“nada, zip, zilch, never.”

“...huh.”

“why? have you?”

“i’m not inclined to answer that.” He looked down at his hands, noticing the blunt was gone. He turned to Dust. “you’re still going?!”

Dust shrugged and blew out a ring of smoke at his face.

Killer waved it away. “yer crazy…hey, how about you? truth or dare?”

“wasn't it my turn?” Horror asked.

“dare,” Dust responded aloud.

The other two froze like they'd blow up if they moved. Rarely did Dust ever talk. He must've been real high.

Killer smiled mischievously. “i dare you…to kiss me on the cheek!”

“ok, wow,” Horror said, eye sockets going blank. “that got weird quickly.” He was silently thankful he only took one hit. He expected Dust to punch him or something. He expected Dust to back out.

A second later Dust grabbed Killer by the collar of his shirt, bringing him onto the bed, and leaned in, clinking their teeth together.

Killer’s eyelights flickered on as the kiss continued. He didn't know if it was the weed that was affecting him but damn was he feeling euphoric.

Even though they were high out of their minds, it wasn't half-assed. There was passion.

His soul fluttered. He closed his eye sockets, letting ecstasy flow throughout his body in waves as he leaned into it.

When was the last time he felt like this? Has he ever even felt like this? He doubted it.

It was like he was flying or falling. Either way, it felt amazing. He was convinced he died and went to heaven, hallelujah.

There was warmth. There was peace.

Everything was nice. Everything was beautiful. He was beautiful. God, why couldn't he feel like this sooner—

“hello? you two have been making out for five minutes now,” Horror’s voice pierced through their illusion of heaven.

They opened their eye sockets.

Killer was looking at Dust; Dust was looking at Horror.

Hands he didn't notice until now gripped the back of his jacket and skull tightly.

Horror’s eye darted from side to side, as if looking directly at them was difficult. “if i remember correctly the dare was a kiss on the cheek…”

“oh yeah…” Killer whispered.

Dust let go of Killer and pushed him off the bed again.

It stung. It was like he ripped him from a hot tub and dunked him straight into a tub of ice.

Dust pulled his hood even further over his head and laid down, presumably not planning to get up until next morning.

“...yeah let's just. let's just move on to the sleeping part,” Killer said, completely out of it.

“...yeah,” Horror agreed.

No “goodnight”s were exchanged. No words in general were exchanged after that.

Despite sleeping on the ground with no cover or pillow, he managed to doze off pretty well. That wasn't that much of an accomplishment when any of them could sleep standing on hot coal.

WAKE UP.

His eyes snapped open at the command, and then he registered who spoke, in disappointment. It was in the middle of the night. No idea exactly what time it was, but he knew it had to be a few hours since they'd started sleeping because he could hear him again.

WERE YOU TRYING TO SMOKE ME OUT LIKE A BEE?

Yea.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. ACTUALLY, YES I CAN. I JUST OVERESTIMATED YOU.

It was just a dare.

JUST A DARE—ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE HOLDING RIGHT NOW, FIEND?

What was he holding right now?

Oh.

He was currently hugging another skeleton as if he was a body pillow. He could've sworn he kicked Killer off the bed…

YOU DID BUT YOU CARRIED HIM BACK UP HERE, HARLOT.

Harlot??

Yeesh, he did not remember doing that. Where was that blunt, did they ever put it out??

OH, GUESS WHERE THE BLUNT IS.

Where's the blunt.

YOU SMOKED IT ALL. THE REST OF THE BLUNT? YOU KNOW. THE WHOLE THING. BY YOURSELF. YOU SMOKED THE WHOLE THING.

Okay, sheesh.

YOU GREENED OUT, YOU IDIOT!

Now Papyrus certainly did not know that term.

AND YOU’RE STILL CUDDLING WITH HIM!

Oh yeah.

…

How the hell was he going to let go of him without stirring him?

YOU COULD KILL HIM.

He was not gonna kill him.

JUST PUSH HIM OFF AGAIN. BLAME IT ON HIM.

He was going to push him off.

….

WELL?

OH.

OH, DON’T TELL ME YOU DON’T WANT TO.

YOU’RE SICK.

tell me something i don’t know.

He let go of Killer and rolled to the other side of the bed, facing away from him.

Luckily Killer didn't stir.

Goodnight.

The next morning was rough.

Dust’s skull was screaming at him in more ways than one. He did not want to get up. He wasn't completely lucid, but he was thinking clearly enough to question what the fuck was wrong with him.

Killer woke up confused, having no idea how he got on the bed or how he got in Dust’s room or what transpired last night.

Horror was fine, physically. He was still reeling from seeing two alternate versions of himself makeout like there was no tomorrow. He was never playing truth or dare with them when high. Or ever.

None of them bothered getting up despite the fact they were all awake. There was a mutual agreement to stay silent and still for a bit longer.

It wasn't until Nightmare barged in that they had to get up.

“Seems like some of you enjoyed that,” he stated.

“yea? didn't go according to plan?” Killer asked, despite having no clue what “that” was.

Dust shoved a pillow against his face, he couldn't handle hearing his grating voice right now.

Nightmare ignored his question. “You three should eat soon, it's already noon.” And with that, he left.

“leave,” Dust managed to say.

Horror was already on his way out the door.

Killer scrambled out of the bed to follow after him.

Once the door closed behind them, Dust brought his hands to his face and let out a shuddering breath.

What

The

Fuck!?

What the hell was wrong with him?!

#utmv fic #the bad sanses #murder trio

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