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roublardise · 3 years

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i just finished s8 and i can’t stop thinking of the Dean/Sam dialogue near the very end when Sam goes:

You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.

What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another -- another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just –

I already got that Sam’s reaction to Benny at best didn’t make sense and at worst was controlling. and truly I don’t want to dislike Sam but he just keeps doing shit he’d never apologize for nor acknowledge afterwards.

and here again: it’s not even subtext or interpreting it’s Sam stating that he feels replaced by Castiel and Benny (who are Dean’s only close friends). like Dean having other people in his life is experienced as a threat, as a failure on Sam’s part. he talks about it like if there ever was a case of Dean trusting someone (heavily implied: Benny) who betrayed them afterwards, but there wasn’t. Sam literally equals Dean having other things going on in his life, other people to trust and care for, as him letting Dean down. how??

what does he think his role is? does he think he has to be Dean’s everything? I could understand such irrational thinking from Dean-I’ve-been-taught-all-my-life-my-brother’s-life-mattered-more-than-mine but Sam was able to see through the abuse and get out. he knows, he has learned as a character, that they could & should be independent.

it even makes less sense considering at the start of the season Sam’s planning to stop hunting, because he has other people in his life he trusts and cares for. but then Sam decides to stay (it’s his own choice, Dean even gives him the unsolicited green light) and asks of Dean to cut ties with Benny - who has hurt neither Dean nor Sam nor anyone since he's been back from Purgatory. it’s literally Sam isolating his brother from the other people he has in his life.

and like, yeh I get that Sam has trauma too but???? it doesn’t fit with his history. like even if it was his abandonment issues acting up, it is still not okay to expect someone to have no one else in their life besides yourself.

he’s just being controlling, whether he realizes it or not. and if he does realize it later on, good!!! but considering he still hasn’t apologized for saying to Dean’s face that John was right to do what he did, I have doubts.

Sam is projecting so much I am begging him to sit down for a day or two and to take a good look at himself.

#can you tell i'm fucking pissed #spn 8x23 #spn s8 #supernatural #spn #spn takes #tbh i'm also pissed that they can't write this character like he has no personality but is that truly his own fault?#most spn's women also lack personality but at least they die quickly enough so i don't end up disliking them #knowing how this show ends just make the rewatch harder bc i am in full mode Dean deserved better #anyway if you've read all that check out my fic where dean and sam gets the sibling conflict they need

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