#mortarian
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The Primarchs as Onion headlines part 1
#primarchs as onion headlines#Angron#ferrus manus#fulgrim#konrad curze#mortarian#perturabo#rogal dorn#sanguinius#vulkan#Warhammer#warhammer 40k#primarchs#world eaters#iron hands#emperor's children#death guard#iron warriors#imperial fists#blood angels#salamanders#the onion#the onion headlines#The Emperor Protects#oops#I have too much time on my hands
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Planning a Party for the Two Worst People (pt. 1)
You were an Imperial Agent working for the Sigilite. You were not one of the highest ranked, but still up there. You had access of many of the smaller found relics of humanity... trinkets and long lost recipes. To you, it was a miracle that you had made it this far; but compared to the nobility of Terra, you were nothing but a filthy peasant that somehow sneak their way up to the higher ranks.
But never mind that, it was a new day. You were on a personal cruiser waiting for the orders to receive from Terra. Recently, through your efforts, a crucial mission that your colleagues had somehow messed up, but through your skills... you managed to somehow mange to turn the mission around. Honestly, you didn't expect much in terms of a reward, but you hoped that you had... you had been working for the Great Crusade for years... but even then you have had doubts.
You have heard rumors and seen the Marines preform their work. You had seen multiple systems surrender once they heard of the mere mention of certain Legions. You were true to the Crusade, but not the officers that were near it. Often, during your assignments, many of the Imperial men and women often fought and bled in the droves....often to be used to as support for the trans-humans... in your taste.. it kinda rubbed you the wrong way, you were loyal the Emperor's vision yes, but the way you have seen countless men and women struggle to support, only to really be treated more harshly (in some cases) in return.
Shaking those semi treasonous thoughts from the back of your mind, you noted something was different within your work quarters... upon the holo-pict, it was flashing red. An urgent notice. Odd...but you immediately darted over and opened the message. You adjusted your formal uniform and prepared for the message's contents.
A large head appeared from the holopict, its features thin, and having an almost predatory like appearance. Their face had been treated by various medical treatments, but you could detect ancient scaring underneath it all. You tried your best to smile, despite the bile raising up in your throat. The head as if sensing your placidity or just basking in this moment, cleared its through and began to speak.
"I bring great news... a report has been recevied that the Lord Primarchs Konrad and Mortarion have completed joint missions successfully. Due to their grand successes in crushing the xenos... a grand party will be held to celebrate. " You tried to keep your smile wide, despite your thoughts racing... personally you heard rumors and had information on them... but it wasn't until the head finished it
"On the behalf on the Sigilite and as a commanding member of the 606th Exploratory Fleet, Master of the King's Blood... you will plan and host this party for these two primarchs. I will send you the location of where the party will be planned. It will take place around three months from now. Anything that you will buy for this event will not be reimbursed."
The pict said its standard formal salute, and disappeared. You started to laugh... it was almost too absurd of it all, why you? And party planning... it was not your forte after all. But orders were orders, no matter what. Still, it seemed like a complicated way to get rid of a rival, why didn't they just plant treasonous materials on you and send out the Assassins? Why didn't they just slowly grind you down assigning a worthless position?
No. This was meant to a public gruesome execution. You knew that Konrad, leader of the fearsome and based on the reports that you have read, has a nasty habit of brutalizing and tormenting those who may accidentally gain his ire. And, the other guest of honor, Mortarion.. a grim stalwart of a primarch..who's stubbornness and spite put the Master of the Iron Warriors to shame... so that you have been told. Many lifeless planets had been left in the wake whenever the Death Guard battled with the poor souls that drew in their ire.
You sighed getting up and pulled up the location of the ball, it was on Terra of course. You didn't know where it was, but at the very least it was on neutral ground, so the risk of an undue assassination was low. There were so many factors to consider: For an example, making enemies based on who you invited amongst the military and traditional nobility; you certainty had to invite the Mecanicum, and the navigator houses. Still... you had so little time, but you would take on this challenge,for everything depended on it.
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New crack pairing: Malenia x Mortarion. Because fuck - and I mean, emphatically - just fuck this place in particular, and all of its surrounding areas just for fun. Nurgle himself told me about it.
#*points cross at this post* outta this house. get outta this house.#crossovers#video games#elden ring#malenia blade of miquella#wh40k#mortarion#schmidt makes a contribution#i tag everything#yo wouldn't it be fuckt up if the outer god of rot was a nurgle thing tho#naked plague fight is the last thing mortarian needs to learn
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Magnus: "Remember my son's, vocal components can be whatever you wish it to be."
TS Terminator: "Whatever we wish? Hmm..."
TS Sorcerer 1: "Penis bolt!" *fires spell*
TS Sorcerer 2: "Cock attack!" *fires spell*
TS Sorcerer 3: "I cast dick laser!" *fires spell*
TS Marine: *confused* "Dick lasers?!"
Mortarian: "This is why I hate psykers, Magnus. All they talk about is dick!"
.... Are... Are you sure you sent this to the right person?
This feels more like a @cursed-40k-thoughts ask.
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Magnus: "Remember my son's, vocal components can be whatever you wish it to be."
TS Terminator: "Whatever we wish? Hmm..."
TS Sorcerer 1: "Penis bolt!" *fires spell*
TS Sorcerer 2: "Cock attack!" *fires spell*
TS Sorcerer 3: "I cast dick laser!" *fires spell*
TS Marine: *confused* "Dick lasers?!"
Mortarian: "This is why I hate psykers, Magnus. All they talk about is dick!"
I appreciate your consistency, thank you
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Bro if a cultist of Nurgle offers you a hit of that ruinous reefer do NOT smoke that shit. I’m hella high on that heretical herb right now. I’m baked out of my brain on that blasphemous blunt. I’m tripping on that Typhus tug. Drilled on that daemonic dillweed. Molly-whopped on Mortarian’s marry jane. That cursed cush. That greater daemon giggle-weed. That pustulant pot. That lung-rot lightup. That carrion-lord’s cannabis. That empyrean edible. That putrid puff puff pass. That deathguard dank. That traitorous trip. That blighted bluff. That great unclean one’s ganja. That 14th legion leaf. That hellbrute hash. That plagued plant. That despoiled dab. That grandfather’s grass. That fly-lord’s funny flutter flute.
#how much of a nerd am I that I ran out of weed words before I ran out of nurgle words#warhammer 40K#nurgle#death guard#jellyfish jams
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AHA! SISTER UNDER THE DARK GODS! PRAY TELL? TO WHAT WAR BAND DO I PLAY HOST ON THIS, AUSPICIOUS BLOODMOON.
You are in the presence of the warband of the Vile Hand, of the 14th legion. One of Mortarian’s Unbroken blades. Who do we find in our way across the sea of souls?
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Wait, Mortarian is a psyker? Than why does he hate them? And I thought you were the only one of your siblings that was one.
"Hah. No. Quite a few of my siblings have psychic abilities. Morty had suppressed it and had rejected it though chaos had brought it out of them. Lorgar's had also manifested upon demonhood. Quite a few of my other siblings display other such capabilities though not as strongly as myself. I believe all of us have at least some sort of connection stronger than that of an average human considering who created us. You can see it in the premonitions that Sanguinius and Curze have... for most of them it's feint but it can be theorized to be there."
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My lord.... Mortarion is waiting for you, outside..... Like, right now
That was a surprise he was a little unprepared for. He glanced down at himself, currently not in his power armor. There was a nagging feeling that he should put it back on, but he didn't think Mortarian was here for a fight. If they were, there would be Deathguard with them. And from the sound of it, they likely came alone.
Roboute got up from his desk and pulled on his robe over his tunic and toga. If they were simply here to talk, there was no need to show hostility. He didn't quite rush but he moved with purpose heading to where his sibling was waiting. There was a small pause when he saw them.
"I hope I didn't keep you waiting long, Mortarian... It's been a while."
#the avenging son || self#the pale king of barbarus || mortarion#the pale queen of barbarus || mortarion#wasnt sure which it was for so i kept it gender neutral#cause i know theres several female primach blogs around so i dont wanna assume anything#robu's also still a little unsure about how his siblings feel about him so hes being cautious
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You might want to hurry. Mortarian plans on testing out new plagues on Corvus. So the rescue team could use some backup.
“Get off my ass I’ll deal with it.”
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Warhammer 40k & D&D AU
Everyone's favorite Choir boy! Logar Aurelian
Initial post
This boy also needed a lot of therapy after being dragged into this place and was strangely skittish around Corvus
His brothers were worried when it was shown that the gods do have a lot of influence in mortals lives but it was also Logar who was able to convince them that it didn't have to be a bad thing
Was the one who talked to every single cleric they ran into helping everyone understand what was going on. He basically had a compendum of the major gods and relations between different gods and followers
Logar really didn't care about how other people labled the gods as good or evil he catologued them trying to find what he would follow
And believe me the gods of the plane did try to court them; local spirits, devils, demons, celestials, etc. Could feel their presence and wanted them to be an ally rather than a foe
Logar was finally approached by a Neutral deity; a powerful one but with few followers (most likely a homebrew deity as none of the canon ones fit what will happen/fit the narrative)
He became a powerful follower and naturally a cleric and this is really where the brothers could see the raw power this realm could give. (Or in mortarian's case it was a magical hellscape)
Logar was one of the brothers who could help get them work though often it was guarding caravans and in one of these guarding gigs he met his first follower and eventual wife. (Might be cliche and have her named Mary)
It actually took him a very very long time to realize she was attracted to him to the point the deity in question had told him that she was praying to him to get him to notice her. Its not Logar was fully blind to her advances just he tends to throw himself fully into something with zeal and passion
Part of the agreement with the deity was to allow its "offspring" to bind with his offspring (thus they have more like a warlock pact ((this is important)))
He has 3 children so far:
His eldest Argel Tal Aurlian (and this is one of the souls magnus picked up) ((Yes another soul is Cyrene because damn it I liked that ship))
And his twins Adam Aurlian
and Eve Aurlian (This is the one we will follow)
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Primarchs as Birds
Just in any order I goddamn want. Plus, these are North American birds only.
Perturabo (Northern Mockingbird)
They are just dicks. I swear. And just look at them. they will go after any and everyone who threatens their food source.
2. Lorgar (Cardinal)
He RED. Plus, cardinals are named after the cardinals of the church. Plus there are these birds that are in the Desert
3. Konrad Curze (Grackles)
Budget Crows. Nobody really likes em. (I mean they are trying to get rid of them in Texas) Plus they look like they gotta a problem with you in almost every other photo. Got that energy.
4. Gulliman (Blue Jay)
HE BLUE. PLus these birds are actually Corvids. They are smart as hell. (Another option is the California quail cause round)
5. Sanginius (Mourning Dove)
You can really replace him with any piegion species.. but although this little guy look like head empty/no thoughts.. this guys are actuall smart. Plus they are symbols of peace. (And they are cute as hell)
7. Mortartion (Turkey Vulture)
Although he stank. Turkey Vultures tend to keep to themselves and often have been tried to exterminated more than once. They do get bullied by black vultures.
8. Corvus Corax
Self explinatory. Move on.
9. Alpharius and Omegon: ANY brood parasite birds (Think cuckoos, cowbirds..etc)
These birds have the habit of laying birds in other's nest so that others can raise their young... and that's kinda what the Alpha LEgion do. Plus it can get REALLY complex fast.
#warhammer 40k#warhammer 40000#primarch#primarchs as birds#corvus corax#konrad curze#perturabo#lorgar aurelian#alpha legion#sanginius#roboute guilliman#mortarion#mortarian#birds
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the only time ever period that horus has gotten lower results than mortarian
I hope the Lord Primarch gives you every disease for that vile slander💚
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My completely subjective list of how cool/valid the traitor legions/primarchs are with why they fell to chaos:
Tier A:
-Word Bearers for their initial "it sucks but this is the truth" thing
-Iron Warriors for not even falling but being like "shit OK fuck this I guess we are Nietzschean self-degerminators now" and ironically being one of the more honorable traitor legions
-Alpha Legion (??????)
Tier B:
-1k Sons: many many many things wrong, would be cooler if Magnus had consistent character motivations
-World Eaters: Tragic, but you had to see it coming
-Luna Wolves: REALLY needed more motivation but the first trilogy is haunting (especially when the loyalists at Isstvaan paint their armor back in the original white and re-christian themselves the Luna Wolves as a final act of defiance to die with honor)
Tier C:
-Night Lords: Literally no one likes you, go away edgy fucks
-Emperors Children: Even the other chaos legions think you guys are coomers
-Death Guard: Being trapped by a Plague aside, Jaghatai Khan basically roasted the fuck out of Mortarian for being an even whinier Perturabo without the stubborn determination to lay in the bed he chose to make
I think Perturabo becoming a daemon Primarch is pretty dumb but otherwise I agree with this list for the most part. sorry I’m tired af
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So, if the Night Bringer ever reformed and faced against Mortarian, would the C'tan find Mortarian cute for trying to imitate him, before killing him, or just see him as a cheep knockoff to the original?
2 Assumption here, one that C'tan feel emotions the same way humans do. (Remember kids, the started out as barely sentient space farts) and two, that Night Bringer can perma kill a deamon.
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Mortarian and his lads had a field day with my Imperial Fists today. Where I normally outnumber my enemy with many decently sized units, Sigismund's own were both the smaller force, and the less elite on this evening's battlefield. Two twenty man Tactical squads with Apothecaries, Mortarian attached to one, two lascannon Heavy Weapon Squads and a big blob of Grave Warden Terminators led by Typhus. Just in the opening salvo alone, I lost my own lascannon marines, and I was down my Leviathan by the end of turn one. Turns out chemical weapons are just as effective against a walking coffin than they are against guys in armoured hazmat suits, who knew? I ended the game with only a dreadnought left, while the Death Guard were running around with 25 Tactical Marines, 10 lascannons, Typhus and a single Grave Warden. Mortarian had only taken a single wound from Sigismund - so how about this for an oath of moment: I am never taking Sigismund without a Chaplain ever again. My heart cannot take any more 1s and 2s on his To Hit rolls. #warhammercommunity #warhammerbattlereport #imperialfists #spacemarines #spacemarine #siegeofterra #ageofdarkness #horusheresy #horusheresy2point0 #hardforheresy #hardforheresy2point0 #hobbystreak #hobbystreakday279 (at Wakefield) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cha8C8TIeBg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#warhammercommunity#warhammerbattlereport#imperialfists#spacemarines#spacemarine#siegeofterra#ageofdarkness#horusheresy#horusheresy2point0#hardforheresy#hardforheresy2point0#hobbystreak#hobbystreakday279
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