haunting the narrative -> haunted by the narrative -> haunting the narrative -> haunted by

happy mochizuki monday, have a little doodle i made based on a convention i went to this past weekend :)

torn between wanting to make all my ocs Specialest Little Guys and overpowered VS. the fact I just finished watching all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings and am deeply moved by the struggles and worth of the common man

thinking about post-war married megop where Megatron will be the most annoying mf ever trying to get Optimus’ attention when Optimus is busy and Optimus is always this close to punting him into the sun

................ he 

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

the bg3 fanbase is funny as fuck in a bad way for primarily shipping gale, who is the most garrulous man you can imagine, with astarion, whom gale goes "uh 😐 not really looking to talk with you man" at when prompted for conversation, and not with wyll, whose party admission gets a "gale approves" and then they proceed to compliment each other 24/7.

i said i love zelink

I have officially edited and updated my DP fic recommendation document

I've so far only used it for friends but now I'm wondering if any of you guys would be interested...

that last post got me thinking about Greek heroes/characters who end in tragedy and, you know most people don't think of as a tragic character but 100% is?

Narcissus.

Literally all people really remember is 'he's the self absorbed guy who fell in love in with his reflection' which yes, did happen but, like, you wanna know WHY that happened?

He was CURSED.

Narcissus was a hunter, the son of, either a river god and a nymph or a mortal man and the goddess of the moon Selene, depending on the version. He was, by all accounts, very beautiful and men and women alike fell for him, but he turned them all down.

And it was turning down one of these advances that got him cursed.

I've read some versions that say it was him turning down the nymph Echo that got him cursed; and there's other were it was a young man that had fallen for him that he turned down he got him cursed(tho the Echo story still happened).

Either way, someone was turned down and, bitter and broken hearted, turned to the goddess Nemesis to curse Narcissus. And she did, she cursed him to never be able to be with the person he loved/to fall in love with his reflection. And so, the next time he saw his reflection in a pool of water he fell hopelessly in love with it.

And he eventually died, either b/c he just wasted away looking at his reflection, or because he straight up committed suicide. And then turned into a flower that bears his name.

And yet. Somehow he's only ever remembered as 'a self absorbed guy who fell in love with his reflection' and his name short hand for someone who is shallow and vain and self obsessed and generally just, all around negative connotations.

So not only is his story itself a tragedy in the confines of the myth (literally, all he did wrong was, turn down unwanted advances, and not even advances form like a god, just ordinary ppl), but outside the myth it's tragic as he's been reduced to 'hurr hurr guy who loved his reflection'.

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

house and wilson. but they are cats. warrior cats, if you will,

(bases by googaoo!)

I am resisting. SO HARD. The urge to stay up until one am and write fifteen different Lu analysis posts because I NEED SLEEP but there's SO MUCH and SO MANY DETAILS and I need to rant about these things but sleep??!!!!!!!!!

Ooooh you want to ask me questions about WOE.BEGONE, you want to know so badly about my favorite show 💫💫 You want to listen to me infodump sooo badly 💫💫💫

Muppet ass bird movie