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#monumental vent post incoming don't read the tags if u don't want to 🫡🫡
spocks-kaathyra · 14 days
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really nothing more detestable than a coward
#monumental vent post incoming don't read the tags if u don't want to 🫡🫡#about me to be clear. disgusted at this part of myself that I don't seem able to change at all#even ppl who do shitty things. at least they have confidence and intention and purpose. u can admire that#nothing lower than someone who harms others through inaction. someone who knows the right thing to do and can't bring themselves to do it#really subhuman in my cowardice. I don't think anyone has ever deserved respect less. I don't think anyone has ever been this useless#I contribute nothing to the lives of the ppl around me or to the world.#I could never be the hero of any story.#not suicidal but what is the point if I'm this useless. sure I can enjoy my life but I will never contribute anything to anyone else's life#I will never contribute anything of value to anyone's life. I will never be able to help in any meaningful way.#I can't even bring ppl the brief simple joy of laughter.#maybe that's why I like characters who were raised to be tools. at least they're given a purpose. a skill to hone. a cause to contribute to#even if it's like a bad evil cause that hurts them. at least they earn their existence somehow#I'm really like a waste of oxygen#ppl ask why we're here and I answer that I'm here to have fun. as if that's enough. is there anything more selfish than that#as if I've earned that. as if I've ever been anything but a burden on the ppl around me. ''I'm here to have fun'' god you're disgusting#I. enjoy my life. I just feel like I don't deserve to. I haven't earned it. I'm disgustingly useless#disclaimer I'm not suicidal and nothing really prompted this I've just been. thinking.#having new bad realizations. do u understand how privileged I am if I tell u I've never had these thoughts before#and I will think all this and continue to act as selfish and cowardly as I have always acted. I will continue to be paralyzed by inaction#nothing worse than someone who apologizes and then doesn't change their behavior#narcissus's echoes#vent
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