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aletterinthenameofsanity · 1 month

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Y'know, there's this gripe I've had for years that really frustrates me, and it has to do with Love, Simon and people joking about it and calling it too-pg and designed-for-straight-people and all the like. (A similar thing has happened to Heartstopper, but that's another conversation.)

I saw Love, Simon in theaters when it came out my senior year in high school. I saw it three times, once with my friends/parents on opening night, once with my brother over spring break, and once with my grandparents.

On opening night, the air in the room was electric. It was palpable. Half the heads in there were dyed various colors. Queer kids were holding hands. We were all crying and laughing and cheering as a group. My friends grabbed my hands at the part where Simon was outed and didn't let go until his parents were saying that they accepted him. My friend came out to me as non-binary. Another person in our group admitted that she had feelings for girls. It was incredible. I left shaking. This was the first mainstream queer romance movie that had ever been produced by one of the main five studios, and I know that sounds like another "first queer character from Disney" bit but you have to understand that even in 2018 this was groundbreaking. Getting to have a sweet queer rom-com where the main character was told that he got "to breathe now" after coming out meant so much to me and my friends.

But also, from a designed-for-straight-people POV (which, to be frank, it was written by a bisexual author and directed by a gay man, this was not designed for straight audiences), why is it a bad thing that it appealed to the widest possible audience? That it could make my parents and grandparents see things in a new light? My stepdad wasn't at all interested in rom-coms but he saw it with me because it was something I cared about and he hugged me when we came out of the theater. My very Catholic grandparents watched it with me and though my grandpa said he still didn't quite understand the whole 'gay thing,' all he wanted was for me to be happy and to have a happy ending like Simon did. My Nana actually cried when Simon came out and squeeze my hand when his mother told him he could breathe.

And when Martin blackmailed Simon, my mom, badass ally that she is, literally hissed "Dropkick him. Dropkick him in the balls" leading to multiple queer kids in the audience to laugh or smile. Having my parents there- the only parents, by the way, out of my group of queer and questioning friends- made multiple people realize that supportive adults were out there. That parents like those in Love, Simon do exist in real life.

When people complain about Heartstopper not being realistic or Love, Simon being too cutesy, I remember seeing Love, Simon on opening night. I remember my friend coming out and my stepdad hugging me and my mom defending us through this character. I remember the cheers that went through the audience when Bram and Simon kissed and the chatter in the foyer after the movie was over and the way that this movie made me understand that happy endings do exist.

Queer kids need happy endings. Straight people need entry points to becoming allies. Both of these things can come together in beautiful ways. They can find out about more queer culture later, but for now, let them have this. Let them all have a glimpse at a better, happier world. Let them have queer joy.

#love simon #simon vs thsa #simon spier #spierfeld #bram greenfeld #my experiences #meta #the importance of queer joy #heartstopper #becky albertalli #my mom also watched rwrb with me last year when it premiered #and let me tell you that was interesting sitting in the room with her for an r-rated romance movie like that

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inkskinned · 9 months

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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

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morganbritton132 · 8 months

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Eddie starts a live-stream in the kitchen and then immediately leaves the room because he forgot half the shit he needed in his studio. Meanwhile, Steve and Dustin are coming in from the backyard. They’re bickering about the injury Steve got.

Steve: It’s a splinter. I don’t care that your mom is a nurse, I don’t need her to drive to Chicago to remove it. This is just like with-

Dustin: Oh my god, if we would’ve called my mom then than maybe your nose wouldn’t look like that and you wouldn’t have spent the whole night at the hospital getting Miss Byers’ plate removed from your skull with Hopper.

Steve: Dude, what were you planning on telling her? The house was torn to shit and we put a dead dog in the fridge.

Eddie, standing in the doorway: …What the fuck?

Dustin:

Steve:

Dustin: It was for science

Steve, at the same time: It was dead when we found it

#Sometimes when a 14yo boy experiences something traumatic they want their mom Steven #Eddie is literally just like: 🧍‍♂️wut??#neither Dustin nor Steve ever mentioned the demodog in the fridge because they don’t want to remind Joyce of it #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson #dustin henderson

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rubydubydoo122 · 2 months

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Robin!Jason, Dying: Honestly, this isn't even the most traumatic thing that has happened to me.

The Joker: Excuse me? this is so traumatic. I'm about to blow you up.

Robin!Jason: I was homeless at 9, a pasty man with a crowbar isn't really that scary compared to the streets of crime alley

#jason todd #batman #batfam #dc comics #red hood #because lets be so fr #in the grand scheme of things #jason probably thinks his death was just annoyingh #it probably ranks number 7 on his list of traumatic events #I'm not minimizing his death #im just enhancing his other life experiences #he probably was really close to being murdered all the time on the streets #and was probably also almost trafficked #he found his mom dead #he's probably hates the cold more than he hates the Joker if we're being so fr #he probably is more scared of going hungry than he is of the Joker

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kugisakiss · 2 months

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a one man performance

#dcmk #detective conan #kudo shinichi #hattori heiji #mom said it was my turn to draw the dcmk characters in those travel outfits #believe it or not i've already cut out a lot of text from this so if none of the logic makes sense just trust me on it #hey guys it's been a bit.. i've been Experimenting #big fan of dots atm #i'll be back in hopefully less than 3 weeks with a bonus #my art

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baylardian-1 · 3 months

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"I've thought about having children, but I must say I never considered having them with you."

#happy threshold day friends :)#kathryn gets to re-experience realizing shes a mom THREE times lmao #GET MOMCORED IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#shes riddled with the Ive Been Unfaithful To Mark And Its Blatantly Apparent To Me With These Weird Lizard Babies I Made guilt #My Art #Threshold Day #Threshold #AU #Kathryn Janeway #Chakotay #Thomas Paris #Philippa Janeway #Edward Janeway #Amelia Janeway #Star Trek: Voyager #Human

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one-time-i-dreamt · 2 months

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I walked into the kitchen to see my mom backflip out of the fridge and when I asked her about it she was just like, ‘That's what happens when you visit Wonka Land’.

#dream #willy wonka #mom #mother #kitchen #backflip #wonka land #wonka #willy wonka experience #wonka experience

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nostalgicfun · 11 months

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oh, hot summer nights walking through neighborhoods while the sun is setting at 8pm and everything is a little orange and smells like cookouts and swimming pool chlorine when the wind blows

#typing as I walk through my mom's neighborhood #but also i miss this same experience when I was a kid #nostalgia #memories #talking

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suntails · 2 days

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adrift

#FORGOT TO POST HERE. yes ill post a science experiment of an art piece w a dramatic caption. who do u think i am this is my BRAND #i am nothing if not consistent. and dramatic. and this boy's mom. i love him #i do stuff like this sometimes to go 110% in the loose direction to remind my hands they can do that #my art style leans stiffer and exercises like squiggles are good for muscle memory and exploring new expression its fun #i can draw a million different art styles if i must but i want the default to have a lil more flow yaknow. (that rhymes <3)#ill never get over how fun the imagery potential of his little miserable depression map moment is. the white hexagons of woe #tastee #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #suntails

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 days

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vaggie, miss "im not used to fighting with long hair" who's out of practice actually battling someone or really stabbing ppl...

...still had the arm and hand strength, the REFLEXES, to do a bare handed blade catch on a SWORD, who's user had been doing an aerial dive with it aimed at vaggie's FACE

then sling around and THROW her opponent with it

i know she wants a peaceful-ish life with charlie, but i really wouldn't mind seeing her getting into just a FEW more fights >:D

also also side note: carmilla was able to eff her up earlier so easily bc vaggie fought like an exorcist, no thought to getting hurt or personal defense, the headspace of 'i can't get killed! wheee! DIE DIE DIE' that got that other exorcist killed

and the main advice vaggie got from carmilla was take advantage of that sure, but first and more importantly, defend yourself better

which kinda plays into the whole "be out for love thing" too

aka the fight isn't important, it's what you're fighting to still have Afterwards that matters- the people you love, having a life with them

(the hotel, the hazbins, charlie)

carmilla doesn't send vaggie off with a 'you're ready to go kill angels'. she's only satisfied and ends their little lesson / sparring match when she can say "you might just survive this"

feels like she wasn't teaching vaggie to take out angels. she was reminding her and showing her how NOT to get KILLED

so it's just so nice seeing vaggie blocking, dodging, and grappling lute later. how good she is at focusing on avoiding or neutralizing those attacks aimed at her. how Seriously she takes them

binding lute's both lute's arms and wedging them into her own body so lute's sword CAN'T be angled towards her

the way this shot emphasis's the THREAT of the sword hanging over vaggie

and how her flash-fast recovery and block shows she's READY for it

dodging, not attacking

she's not in this for blood or vengeance, this lady is trying to stay the fuck alive. she's got things and people to live for

things like the idea of mercy. that thing both her and charlie show their enemies, people who came down to hell for murder and spent this fight trying to kill them and got damn close to doing it.

and sure there's a pretty big tone difference between charlie's "Whoa whoa dad. He's had enough" and vaggie's "No, live. Live knowing that you only do because I let you" but both end at the same place, with someone who hates them still getting a second chance

(UNLESS ITS NIFFTY WITH THE ANGELIC BLAAADE)

and vaggie wants that second chance too. she wants a life with charlie, and fights hard so she can stick around for it

epic fail, lute... have you considered getting a hobby...?

#hazbin hotel #vaggie #carmilla carmine #chaggie #lute hazbin hotel #*dreamy sigh*#carmilla as best hell mom im sorry ladies she is So Cool #and the action in that little fight with lute was so fast and brutal #vaggie was clearly using specific BLOCKS and GRAPPLES as well as just clocking lute in the face with the odd radio #she might be (happily) out of practice generally speaking #but she's still got the experience #and she learned Quick how to fend off a SWORD while unarmed #A. SWORD.#she didn't even have her wings out for it #charlie forgive me for re-watching your gf getting beat up so many times- but she really /was/ pretty impressive about it #im like 90% sure there was broken ribs and internal bleeding by the end #from the way she was moving #and she STILL managed to sling shot lute ass over teakettle #XD #the power of looooove

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trashogram · 6 days

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He Chose You Fluff:

——— “Mama?”

You glance up from the little table, pausing mid-wipe of the sticky apple juice staining its surface after Charlie had abandoned her carton.

You find your daughter peering through the arched French doors, little palms and dotted nose pressed against the window pane. “C’n we go outside?”

At first you smile, knowing that your daughter’s nursery is just above the palace garden. It may be the safest place in all of Hell, and also one of Charlie’s “favoritest” playgrounds, per her own exclamation not a week ago.

“Of course, muppet.” You say as you resume cleaning what’s left of your little brunch date. “Do you wanna pick more daffodils for Daddy?”

“No, not the gard’n. Outside.” The toddler turns on her hooves to look at you with wide, ruby-red eyes.

You stop again, but your smile fades. “Outside? Like… outside the gates?”

“Mm-hm!” Charlie nods enthusiastically, overlong hair bouncing on her shoulders. “Let’s go!”

She’s already toddling over to you, hand outstretched to take yours. And it takes you a moment to stop stacking cups and plates and putting away the toys that your daughter had insisted join you while you had “mommy and baby” time. Your mind is practically sluggish trying to come up with something to say. Idly, you know that beyond the garden under Charlie’s tiny balcony, glints and gleams of the magically-enforced gate are visible behind carefully plotted ancient trees. It shines perpetually with the crimson sun as well as the swirling quasar of Heaven’s taunting light. It’s always there, even when Charlotte isn’t in her room but playing in your estate or being carried around as her you and Lucifer go about your day.

A twinge of anguish brings a crease to your forehead as you imagine how many times your child must’ve looked directly at the gate with interest. All at once you’re picturing Charlie being older and resenting that barrier, not understanding why the Morningstar family relies on it so damn much. Wishing she didn’t have to be kept in. Likening it to a cage.

(It’ll be even worse than when your daughter asked why she didn’t have any wings when you and Lucifer both did.)

Your hands uncurl from the stuffed animal you’d been holding as you sigh, slow and deliberate. You look back at Charlie, already hanging off of you, waiting with a smile on her face.

She tugs at you and it feels like nothing. You exhale again, mentally chastising for getting too far ahead of yourself.

“Hmm,” You make a show of thinking long and hard about the request as you rise from the floor. “Why don’t we ask Dad first? See if he wants to go with us?”

“Ok!” Your daughter grins, leaping onto the tips of her hooves and holding her chubby arms out. You pick her up and sweep out of the room, what’s left of the mess forgotten as you go.

“Daddy!” Charlie calls out. It’s too loud and too close to your ear but you snicker as she continues to chant. Lucifer is probably on the other side of the castle, but the daughter of the Devil is nothing if not overly excitable.

You have high hopes that Lucifer will turn that excitement into distraction from the idea of leaving the safety of the palace for now.

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #little family fluff #And angst? Idk #toddler Charlie is wayyyyy to young to leave the house #Mom and Dad do not want her to experience Hell if they can help it for several years to come #HCY

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nelkcats · 9 months

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Halves company

Danny had a big problem: since a couple of days ago he had discovered that he didn't look good in pictures. He wasn't a vampire so he was actually in them but his eyes always looked bright green, and the photos left an eerie feeling.

His friends didn't mind, and his family much less (they had gotten along much better after revealing the whole secret), the problem was that he was due to take a trip to Gotham soon and he just knew he would have some pictures taken.

A couple of years ago Danny had accepted Vlad's request to "start over" and together they had formed a research company that specialized in several fields, among them: the technological field, advanced engineering, space engineering, and different ecto-related projects, although the latter was not revealed to the public.

Few months later "Wayne Enterprises" seemed very interested in their inventions for everyday life so they wanted to negotiate some deal and dig into their technology. Danny was fine with that, he had created those things to make people's lives easier.

The problem came when Bruce Wayne invited them to a gala, he told them that the "founders" of the company were very elusive about their identity (neither Vlad nor Danny liked cameras much in those days) and joked that it was a shell company for some illegal activities and it was better to check, Danny was not amused about it.

He accepted Bruce's invitation knowing full well that Vlad couldn't meet the challenge (or be polite about it), but once he got to the gala he saw all the reporters and knew he was screwed.

Would it be better to be unsettling or not appear in the photos at all?, he supposed it would be best to avoid all the cameras and say hello to Bruce or Lucius, talk a bit and then leave.

It was supposed to be easy: walk in, say hello, walk out; Of course, his plans had never been perfect, so before he knew it he was seeing the Wayne "kids", and a reporter from the Daily Planet looking extremely nervous.

#dpxdc #immortal danny #Vlad and Danny have a truce #they formed a company together #Danny had brains #Vlad had money #and both had experience #Danny had no problem with photos before #but the cameras were updated to pick up more spectrums of light and that screwed it up #Danny found out because his mom bought a new camera #and she wanted a family photo #after that he just started avoiding the cameras #Vlad avoids them out of habit #dp x dc #dc x dp #Bruce is interested in the company's technology and how advanced it seems #but don't trust them #he has suspicions that it is a shell company #or something worse like the birth of a second Lex Corp #Vlad masters doesn't have the best track record after all #and no one has seen the co-owner of the company #maybe he doesn't exist #that's why he invited them to the gala #Clark was instantly uncomfortable when Bruce's new “business partner” showed up #It was disturbing

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 2 months

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the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there

#this is about #all of us strangers #ofc your experience of a piece of media is molded by your own perspective #and i have been thinking a lot about growing up queer and how it still fucking sucked #for me. ten. twenty years ago. fuck it even five years ago #it still sometimes sucks #because i was raised without any queer representation around me #i was trained to be straight and to desire straightness #and anything remotely queer was mocked and bullied and judged #i saw it done by others and done to others so much that it's hardly surprising i did everything i could to Not be that #and the fact that i had to grow up that way #and that i still wouldn't feel at ease bringing a partner to a family event #makes my heart ache so much #i am often on my own and going home doesn't bring me comfort #it's like harry describes #it's just how it went #my parents didn't mean to make it like that #my mom even thinks it's sad #but she doesn't understand how it came to be #and i don't know if i can turn it around #adam's imaginings of how his parents envelop him with love and acceptance in the end #was a dream #but a painful one #a dream where your parents suddenly say all the right things #and for him they only did so bc they're dead and he could imagine whatever he wanted #/and still/ he imagined his mom rejecting his sexuality at first #literally so disgusted she can't drink her tea #oooooofofffffff.......#i need to think some more #my posts

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ryllen · 5 months

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#mtas #my time at sandrock #mtas wei #mtas builder #fanart #i found my true love target ; v ;#the smiling type is the ones that truly snatch my heart #they bring me the utmost joy #as much ironic it is unsuur makes me unsure of the rest of the stage after confession #i just thought i marry him in case the builder parents come and there would be some kind of scene over it like in portia #till the very last minute my heart was somehow still half in about it #tho in the game unsuur is read very close as 'unsure' i actually pronounce it differently bcs it's close to something in my language #unsur : means element; i thought that's nice bcs it feels closely to rock related thing #https://translate.google.com/?sl=id&tl=en&text=unsur&op=translate #if anyone even interest the slightest on how it sounds when pronounced by me here's the google translate link #but yea i'm dying that it is literally being pronounced 'unsure'#pls help him he just needs to be given a chance to command so he can learn to do independent thinking from experience #like yeah probably there would be lots of mistake at first #but u're like a mom justice who decides everything for the child so when u ask the child they just be like don't know ask mom fshdshd #he needs to be put out there #or had that been done justice if so i am sorry ; v ;#but seriously i'm dying when i kept adventuring with justice and logan and unsuur was just told to wait like a puppy fhsdh #he needs to be taught how to decide things by himself seriously #it's honestly hard to write unsuur's character #like no matter how u tried somehow it doesn't feel as close as funny or as serious deadpan like the original #wei here is like a piece of white paper i can scribble whatever i want #it's unexpected #but i ended up liking wei

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spoilers-ahead · 9 months

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okay!! now that it’s not 2am for me, i’m going to post my selkie!jason todd hc’s straight up au apparently!

(uh. this was supposed to just be a list of hc’s but i got slightly,,,, carried away)

his selkie skin looks like an oversized red hoodie in his human form, and is just warm enough to help him survive new england winters.

when the summer heat becomes unbearable, he slings the hoodie around his waist

alternatively, he just coasts it out underwater. perks of living in a coastal city!

willis todd was a selkie. he used to tell jason stories of what it was like to swim through the big, wide ocean. of how freeing it felt. how different it is, from the smoggy, heavy air of gotham --- different, but both theirs, in their own right.

but to be honest, jason doesn’t remember much about the stories he was told, or really, anything about willis --- he had been in and out of blackgate for most of jason’s life, working for two-face to try and make ends meet, before dying.

what jason mostly remembers, are the warnings. don’t let anybody know you’re a selkie. don’t let anybody find your skin. they will find it, and they will use it to control you. even decades later, jason would still remember those warnings.

catherine is the one who teaches him how to swim, who helps him trial-and-error his way into putting his skin on, and learn how to make the transition seamless.

after she dies, jason spends three months as a seal, to just... exist. forget.

although jason technically lives on the streets, whenever he can;t find food, whenever he can’t find somewhere warm to sleep, whenever just being human becomes too unbearable, he spends the night as a seal. he ends up spending more time in the ocean, than on land.

that’s not to say he’s very good at being a seal --- he barely knows how to swim, has to learn how to fish the hard way.

when bruce finds jason stealing his car tires, he marvels over how nice jason’s hoodie is, soft and fluffy even after all of jason’s time on the streets, especially given the condition jason is in, ribs showing from malnutrition, and the worn and raggedy shape of the rest of his stuff.

jason is skittish when he goes to live in the manor, even after a few weeks. he always adopts an expression particularly similar to a cornered wild animal around alfred in particular, alfred, who keeps on trying to take his hoodie away, purportedly to wash it.

alfred eventually gives up on trying to force jason to wash it --- he figures that as jason becomes more comfortable living at the manor, he’ll wind up telling them why he’s so protective over that hoodie, and they can work something out then.

whenever wayne manor overwhelms jason with how big and how decadently expensive all the decor is, jason runs away, run to the ocean.

jason doesn’t actually end up telling alfred and bruce that he’s a selkie --- bruce just has a ridiculous amount of motion alarms, which are triggered every time jason ran off. he had followed jason the third night, and saw him transform.

bruce doesn’t tell jason that he knows, assuming that jason kept this a secret because he didn’t fully trust either of them. he would later learn that he was right in this assumption (a rare win for bruce in terms of emotional awareness)

except jason doesn’t fully trust either of them, even after a few months. bruce impulsively decides to do a few things --- a) tell jason about batman and robin and his crime-fighting secret identity, and b) tell jason he already knows about him being a selkie.

jason is absolutely bamboozled by the fact that bruce knows, and yet hasn’t tried to take his hoodie to control him, or to stop him from playing in the ocean for a few hours.

in fact, (under alfred’s encouragement) bruce offers to take him to the ocean during the day, so he can get “a proper night’s rest that a growing young boy such as himself would need”

jason remembers what his father told him, to never trust anyone, never let his guard down. but bruce has known about jason being a selkie for so long, and he didn’t take his hoodie or try anything. of course he can trust bruce.

and when he tries on the robin costume for the first time, it fits perfectly. just like his hoodie, his second skin. it fits just like magic.

oh, it’s a little loose in some places, the legacy of dick fucking grayson a little heavy sometimes, but he’ll grow into it. he’ll make himself, if he has to.

also, jason finds the fact that even though he’s a friggin’ selkie, his callsign is a bird (a robin, no less) incredibly ironic and funny

being a selkie is actually so useful for vigilantehood. the amount of people who talk freely, openly, and loudly about their drug smuggling plans near the ports is quite frankly, ridiculous.

honestly, towards the end of his robin years, jason remains genuinely surprised nobody catches on to him or his tactics yet. bruce is very proud.

even though jason is safe, has been safe for three years, and trusts bruce with his life, his skin, and everything, old habits are hard to break. so he has his hoodie on when he goes to find sheila.

and anyways, he wants to see if sheila is a selkie too. he’s taking biology right now, and they’re learning about punnett squares. jason’s never met another selkie before, other than willis who he barely remembers. there’s a possibility that sheila knows something, anything, so he has to try.

sheila gets a glint in her eyes when jason mentions that he’s a selkie, tells him that while she’s not one herself, she’s familiar with the myth. she has long suspected that willis was a selkie, she tells him, and she’s glad to have confirmation.

jason positively vibrates with excitement, can’t wait to ask, to pester his mother (mother!) with questions upon questions until.

until.

sheila doesn’t do anything after she gives him to the joker. she just smokes and smokes. and she doesn’t tell the joker about his hoodie, despite how it would have been much easier for the joker to destroy him that way. much more painful too.

small mercies, he supposes, in between hacking coughs that brings blood bubbling up his lips.

after he dies, his hoodie is ripped and in tatters from the crowbar, with burns along the edges from the bomb. bruce has to carefully peel it off his body.

when jason was alive, his magic kept the hoodie in perfect condition, always. even when the rest of him was covered head-to-toe in mud, or dripping sludge from the nasty gotham sewers.

bruce stares at the same hoodie, blood-soaked and mangled, so incredibly dissonant from how he remembered it on jason, when he was bright, whole, and alive.

he can’t stand it. the hoodie that was so precious to jason, that was jason, at the core of him, in this state. dirty and ripped and devoid of the magic jason had exuded.

in a moment of desperation, late at night, bruce asks alfred to teach him how to sew. he doesn’t dare to practice on jason’s beloved hoodie --- instead, he starts with the suits in his closet, grabbing the first one he sees, regardless of price. rips a hole and sews it back together over and over until he perfects his technique.

and then he washes the fabric gently, using baby fabric cleanser and scrubbing for hours upon hours until the last traces of the deep-set brown stain from jason’s blood washes down the drain.

he painstakingly sews the scraps of fabric back together with a red thread, carefully sourced to match the hoodie to try and make it flow seamlessly like it used to.

it doesn’t work, not exactly. despite his best efforts, the creases bruce had carefully sewn together are prominent and thick like scars, littering the soft fabric.

so he gives up. he hangs it over the grandfather clock entrance to the cave in his study. brings it with him every time he visits jason’s grave, because he doesn’t ever want to keep jason’s hoodie away from him, but he also can’t bear for it to get ruined.

dick visits him. a rare occurrence, these days.

dick yells at him, as he is wont to do.

these days, it feels like they spend more time angry at each other than not. dick says that this isn’t right. isn’t fair to anybody, not to alfred, not to himself, definitely not to jason. he rants, jason deserves to be remembered as he was in life, not frozen in death.

perhaps he is right. bruce is not unaware of the state of violent, cutting stasis he is in, this putrefaction of his life. and he is certainly not unaware of how it is affecting the people around him. dick. alfred. the neighbor’s kid, the one who wants to be robin.

bruce tries. not for himself, but for tim. for alfred, for dick. even for stephanie brown, who sometimes, when she smirks just right, or says something with just the right twang, he swears he can see jason in her.

he still can’t bear to put the hoodie away, because jason deserved better than to be forgotten, so he folds it gently and places it in his closet instead.

he also can’t bear to look at it for very long, so he forces himself to every single day.

it’s different from the glass case that houses robin’s tattered suit in the cave --- that, is a reminder of how he failed robin. this, this is salt in a constant, stabbing, festering would, reminding him of how he failed his son.

it was stephanie, that eventually helped him figure out what to do with the hoodie. when she was young, young enough to cry at ripped pants and skinned knees, young enough that her mother hadn’t touched the drugs yet, her mother would dry up her tears, give her a hug and a kiss on the forehead, before patching her pants up.

what not many people know, is that before crystal brown set her mind on becoming a nurse, she wanted to be an artist, first. and so she grabs her old set of embroidery needles, and stitched little designs. dogs and cats. stars and planets. tools and gadgets.

bruce doesn’t react, doesn’t even move, even as stephanie finishes her story. she hangs there awkwardly for a second, stares up at jason’s suit, waiting for him to respond, before shuffling towards the exit of the cave.

thank you, spoiler, bruce manages to croak out.

ah, yeah, she says, shrugging lightly while slouching in on herself, any time, boss. she walks out, and bruce watches her go from the reflection on the darkened computer.

that night, he takes out jason’s hoodie, smooths it out, grabs his threads, and stitches.

he stitches on constellations, argo navis, for jason’s namesake in the greek myths he had loved so much. a tiny seal, playing with beach balls. little books, with quotes on the sides. a robin, big and bold.

he tries to make it as true to jason as possible, not just in death and in bruce’s memories, but as he was in life.

jason wakes up abruptly.

he wakes up in a coffin, cold, alone, and with a gaping hole in his chest. getting dipped in the lazarus pit only made it worse, only made him all the more aware of what he was missing, all the more conscious of it.

he doesn’t bother trying to learn how to swim with two arms and two legs, instead of two fins and a tail. it doesn’t feel the same. it only reminds him of what he’s lost.

sometimes, on sleepless nights that happen more often than not, he wonders what would have happened if he still had a hoodie, still could swim.

if he still was robin.

and he doesn’t have access to the cave anymore, or to the titan’s tower, or the watchtower, and his memory of the past is still patchy and shitty in some places.

so in a burst of impulsivity fueled by the person he no longer is, he prints out photos of robin’s costume from the internet and recreates it on his own.

if his skin is gone, then fine. fine! he’s perfectly perfunctorily aware that nothing about this resurrection of his is natural. if he doesn’t think too much about it, he’ll be alright. his hoodie, his skin, that was something he was born with, a birthright that died with him.

but robin, robin was something that he helped shape. robin was something that he worked for, changed himself for.

and the makeshift robin suit --- it doesn’t fit him, not anymore. no, it feels wrong, like a child playing with their parent’s suit. or --- he realizes, perhaps more accurately, like an adult realizing they no longer fit in their favorite clothes.

and --- and --- what was the point of it all? what was the point, of trying to make bruce proud of him, of getting dick’s approval, of trying to futilely save people over and over again from the same gallery of supervillains who keep on escaping from prison?!

and what was the point of carving out a space for himself if the joker was just going to beat him out of it, and if tim drake was going to insert himself in the hole he left behind?

and then the next thing he knows he’s in titan’s tower hitting tim drake over and over again because who let him? who let him take jason’s role as a son, as a brother, as a hero? how dare he?

but when he’s slit tim’s throat and torn the ‘R’ off his chest, jason doesn’t feel any better. the robin suit still doesn’t fit. his hoodie’s still gone.

he’s starting to think it never will, not again.

sometimes, when he gets tired enough to let his mind wander, he wonders what happened to his suit.

he’s pretty sure he died with it, so either the hoodie is with the joker, batman, or... gone entirely. (it’s not like they found willis’ skin after he died. maybe selkie skins just disappear in a cloud of sea foam once they die, or some little mermaid shit like that)

it’s a cold comfort, that nobody can manipulate him now. nobody can control him --- not even batman.

(bruce had thought about it. when he first had his suspicious regarding who the red hood was, before he knew there was any trace of the son he once had left. he thought about using the hoodie, using jason’s selkie skin to coerce him, at least to stop murdering people, to stop hurting their family.)

(he would never go that far, in retrospect, or at least, he doesn’t think he could ever. to do that to jason, betray his trust so thoroughly and completely... but it would be a lie to say that he didn’t consider it.)

bruce reflects on this as jason reveals himself, the joker tied up at his feet with a gun pressed to his head, and venom spitting from his son’s mouth.

but when he lifts the batarang to hit jason’s gun, or wrist, or anything that’ll force him to drop the gun, he realizes that his hands are shaking.

and when he throws the batarang, he knows a millisecond after he’s let go, that he’s miscalculated the ricochet.

so when jason escapes that night, bruce knows he’s fucked up.

jason goes off the maps, completely. bruce doesn’t know where he is, if he’s safe, if he even made it out of the explosion that night.

it takes weeks. weeks for bruce to track jason down, from meticulously documenting the dropped threads of where the red hood was pulling strings in the gotham underworld behind the scenes, to tracking security cameras with facial recognition.

once bruce manages find where he’s staying, make sure he’s safe, he knows what he wants to do. and, he knows what he needs to do.

jason gets a package in the mail, five weeks after his disasterous meeting with batman and the joker. unmarked, unsigned, no return address.

when jason opens the box gingerly and carefully, he holds on to his skin for the first time in years. and then, and then, and then --- something right slots into place. his fingers brushed gently over the tiny spotted seal he knows he used to look like, the books he remembered ranting to bruce about for hours on end.

the robin, on the top left, over his heart, big enough to have changed him, yet small enough to not define him.

it’s not perfect. it doesn’t even fix anything, not entirely. he still fights with bruce most times he sees him, tries to punch dick in the face, steadfastly ignores tim and steph the entire time.

but it’s something. it’s something, and the next time nightwing, batman, spoiler, and robin fight a gang on the docks, the red hood gives them a helping hand before jumping back into the ocean and swimming away.

fin!

wow this got long

#jason todd #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #batfam #selkie!jason #dick grayson #stephanie brown #tim drake #catherine todd #willis todd #that one selkie!jason au #i swear i will turn this into an actual fic one day #anyways about the using embroidery to fix ripped clothes thing all i can say is WATCH HI MOM #it's SUCH a good movie and i guarantee it will DEVASTATE you in ALL your little mommy issues glory #like you think the batfamily comics/fanfics have an amazing nuanced complicated take on the parent-child dynamic?#this movie will BLOW your fucking SOCKS off. and best part of all: you can watch it WITH said parent #and it won't be as horrible of an experience as showing them encanto/turning red/eeaao!#in fact your parent will probably like the movie too and be reminded of THEIR own mommy issues :D #admittedly it's slightly different from the examples i listed above bc it's more abt what it's like to never reach ur parent's expectation #rather than an exploration of complicated parenting but it's still very relatable and very very good #the best part is you can find it all for free on youtube. also note that i mean the recent chinese movie not the old 70s movie #asteria's fics #i'm never writing a fucking flash fic on TUMBLR of all text editors again #shouldve written this out on a google doc first but i genuinely did not think this would get so long T.T #you can probably tell from the first three (3) bullet points that this was supposed to be a hc list before... it stopped being a hc list #guys i started writing this at 12 PM #IT'S NOW 9 AWOGEJAWOIG #my writing

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