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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years

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In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter one rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peter’s greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Masterlist and Series Masterlist

“Married?” You squeaked as your eyes grazed over the words on the card a hundred times without retaining any of the information. As you momentarily forgot how to even read, you had to rely on the words coming out of Andy’s mouth.

“Yes, uh, married.” He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Dani and I are getting married over the summer.”

The awkward silence filled the air, suffocating the three of you, but you didn’t care. You were still staring at that damn card. That damn card that said your ex boyfriend was getting married to another girl.

“Married.” You repeated, at a loss for words.

“You said that already, dumbass.” Venom chimed in, telepathically. You rolled your eyes and kicked the bench, signaling to her to quiet down.

“Yeah.” He said again. “I know we’re young, but I’m sure about her. She’s the love of my life.”

“Wow. Good for you.” You faked a smile as you stared at the invitation. “It’s Uh, it’s a lot to take in.”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you in person. I figured it would be better than you randomly getting the card in the mail and finding out that way.” Andy explained.

“Our hero.” Venom snarled, so you pinched your leg to send her the message to be quiet.

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m glad you told me.” You lied as your eyes finally processed something on the card.

“You’re getting married on August 10?” You asked, finally tearing your eyes away from the invitation to look at him. He looked good, you had to admit. His curly brown hair was cut shorter than usual and he was still wearing his police uniform.

“Bright and early. I chose that day because-“

“Because it’s your parents anniversary. I know.” You cut him off, a little sharply.

“I’m sorry if this is awkward.” He frowned. “I understand if you’re too hurt to come.”

“It’s fine. We were together and now we’re not. Besides, I’m really happy for you and Dani. She really helped me get back on my feet when Venom and I first bonded. I like her. And if you want to marry her on that day, then go ahead.” You said, and you meant it. You did like Dani. You’d like her more if she wasnt dating the love of your life, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

“You’re lying. We want him back. He looks so juicy and delicious.” Venom said. You choked on your saliva for a moment at her words and Andy was quick to pat your back.

“You alright?” He asked. You nodded and made a mental note to have a domestic conversation about boundaries with Venom when you got home.

“I’m fine. And anyways, I’ve uh, I’ve moved on.” You lied, adverting your eyes so he wouldn’t catch on.

“What? No we haven’t?” Venom didn’t grasp the social cue.

“You have?” Andy asked, seemingly taken aback.

“No! We love you!” Venom growled in your head.

“Yep. I’m in a deeply committed and loving relationship.” You nodded as you looked anywhere but at him. It wasn’t a total lie. You were technically in a relationship with Venom, though be it a host/parasite kinda deal.

“What’s he like?” Andy wondered, looking pissed off all the sudden.

“They’re great. They’re, uh…tall. Super, super tall.” You began to describe Venom. So far, it was all true. Venom was 7’6 in her final form.

“They’re black, like yourself, and they’ve got this big, beautiful smile.” You could feel yourself cringing internally as you painted the picture for him.

“You think our smile is beautiful?” Venom teased you.

“And they just always have my back. They’re my ride or die, you know? If I didn’t have them, I’d be dead. Literally.” You finished. Also true. If you and Venom ever got separated, you would both die. Andy was looking off into the distance, sucking his teeth before nodding again.

“That’s nice.” He said, but his tone didn’t sound like he thought it was nice.

“I’d literally die.” You repeated to fill the awkward silence.

“I get it.” He deadpanned.

“Like, I’d freaking perish.”

“Alright.” He held up his hands and you stopped.

“So, do you think you can come?” He brought the conversation back to him, something he was good at.

Of course you could come. What else would you be doing? But you were just getting back on my feet after losing your job and a wedding might be too much too soon. You were at rock bottom before you found Venom. Well, before you found each other. That was nearly a year ago, but that day came back in flashes every now and then...

“You’re seriously breaking up with me? Over a job?” You asked as you followed Andy out of the police station. You were under the impression that he had just been fired because of the files you took from his computer. Classified files on local businessman Carlton Drake and the people he had killed with his experiments, of course.

“Yeah, I am.” He snapped. “I’m done with you.”

“Can’t we talk about this?” You pleaded as you followed him down the street.

“Okay.” He stopped, looking angry. “Do you want to talk about how you embarrassed me in front of my precinct? I just got yelled at in front of my all my coworkers because of you and your greed. You used me for your stupid show.”

“I wasn’t being greedy.” You insisted, ignoring that he called your job stupid. “You had the information on Carlton Drake and I needed it to make an accusation. He’s killing people! He’s a bad guy, Andy. And I write about and report bad men. That’s my job. I didn’t know that looking at your files would get you fired.”

Andy put his hands on his hips and looked around, suddenly sheepish.

“I wasn’t fired.” He mumbled.

“What?” You switched from upset to confused. “Then why are you angry?”

“I was demoted to traffic duty for two weeks because of you.” He pointed an angry finger at you and you almost laughed.

“I’m sorry, wait.” You compared yourself. “You’re breaking up with me after two years together because I got you demoted to traffic duty? Are you serious?”

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to wear that orange vest? It’s humiliating.” Andy shouted and you covered your mouth to keep from laughing. “Everyone in the neighborhood knows me and now they’re gonna know I’m on traffic duty.”

“People know you?” Your eyes widened at how dense he was being. “Andy, I’m a local celebrity. I had a whole show on YouTube that I was just fired from. Actually fired. You’re just a police officer who was demoted.”

“To traffic duty.” He repeated, as if it was suddenly worse.

“I know!” You snapped before calming down. “Are we really over? Just because of one mistake?”

“You used me.” He shrugged. “I can’t trust you.”

You stared at him as he walked over to you, never breaking eye contact as he took his key off your key ring.

“We’re over.” He hissed before turning around and walking away.

“Y/N?” Andy waved a hand in front of your face, snapping you out of it.

“Oh, right sorry. Um…” You trailed off as you mulled it over. You were happy for him, but you weren’t ready to see him marry someone else. That was gonna be you guys. Of course you wanted to be at his wedding, but you wanted to be the bride.

“Actually, I cant.” You blurted, quickly thinking of a lie. “The Daily Bugle called me and offered me a job in New York. They want me to cover a story on some serial killer. I was gonna move there part time until the story is done. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

It was partially true. The Daily Bugle did reach out to ask you to write the story, but you had planned to write it at home. News of Andy’s impending marriage was enough to drive you out of the state.

“Oh really?” Andy raised an eyebrow. “Wow.”

He was never one to celebrate you, even when you were together, but his reaction seemed different now. He almost seemed surprised that you were still successful without him.

“Yea. I just finalized everything this morning.” You lied again as you wondered how you’d get a NYC apartment on such short notice. “But hey, maybe I’ll finish early and make it back in time for your big day. I mean, it’s only April. I have lots of time. How many people could this guy possible kill until August?” You joked, but Andy didn’t laugh. He never really got your sense of humor.

“That’s great Y/N.” He nodded, not much enthusiasm behind it. “Things are really turning around for you. I can’t believe you found a job and a boyfriend. I didn’t think it would happen.”

You narrowed your eyes at his condescending comment but decided to brush it off.

“Well, it did. I’m on to bigger and better things.” You cut into him a little as you stood up. “I better go. I told my partner I’d meet them for lunch. Bye!”

“Bye!” Andy called after you, still in a funk from what you told him.

You practically ran home and slid down your door once you got inside.

“Holy shit. I’m such a liar.” You grimaced and covered my face with my hands. Venom manifested herself in her snake-like form and looked at you.

“You’re not a liar if we move to New York and start dating.” She said, making you laugh.

“You have a point. In that case, will you be my girlfriend, Miss Venom?” You asked sarcastically and Venom grinned.

“You’re not really my type, but I’m willing to settle.” Venom matched your sarcasm.

“Then let’s make moving plans, baby.” You sighed. “We’re going to New York.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

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idreamofplaid · 3 years

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Moonlight Whiskey

Square Filled: Whiskey for @walker-bingo & Established Relationship for @girl-next-door-writes Make Me Feel Bingo

Summary: Cordell plans a romantic night for the reader that brings back memories from decades ago.

Rating: Explicit

Characters: Cordell x Reader; Emily mentioned

Word Count: 4040

Created for @walker-bingo & @girl-next-door-writes Make Me Feel Bingo

“We’re almost there.” Cordell’s voice held a hint of excitement. Whatever this was he had planned for you, he was happy with himself about it; and that made you happy. It was past time Cordell let himself feel happy again.

You lifted your fingers to the bandana covering your eyes. It had slipped a little, and you pushed it back into place. If it fell much lower, you might be tempted to peek, and you didn’t want to ruin Cordell’s surprise. He knew your inclinations, and when he saw what you were doing; he issued you a playful warning. “Keep the blindfold on.”

This entire night already had you feeling good, and you played along. “Is this something kinky, Cord?”

You felt his hand settle on your thigh. “Not that I don’t want to get kinky with you, baby, but not tonight.”

You put your hand over his and moved your fingers lightly over his long, thick ones. That was part of the beauty of Cordell. His hands were strong. You’d seen those fingers wrapped around a rope while he rode a bull. His hands were strong enough to keep him on the back of that massive animal.

They were also gentle. When he touched you, he made you feel like something precious, and his gentle touch could set you on fire. You shifted slightly in your seat at the thought.

The truck came to a stop, and Cordell cut the engine. “Sit tight, baby. I’ll be right around to get you.”

It was only a few seconds before your door opened, and Cordell’s hand was on your arm to help you out of the truck. “Watch your step, darlin’.”

The ground was a little uneven beneath your feet. It made you wonder where you were. After a few steps, Cordell stopped you and put his hands on your shoulders, turning you to face the direction he wanted.

You could feel him untying the bandana at the back of your head, and it slipped from your eyes. When you saw the landscape in front of you, your mouth fell open; and you put your hand over it. “Cord, you didn’t.”

His smile was so big it brought his dimples out to play. “Happy Anniversary, baby.” His arms circled around your waist, and he pushed your hair to the side so he could kiss the back of your neck.

You closed your eyes, enjoying the feel of his soft lips on your skin. “Cordell, that’s really romantic, but it isn’t our anniversary. He opened his mouth a little to suck on your neck.

“Yes, it is. It’s the anniversary of when we almost had sex on prom night. Right here.” You opened your eyes to take a good look at the lake. This was the exact spot he’d brought you after the prom when you had just turned sixteen and he was the dashing older boy who was way too cute and adorable. You hadn’t had a chance and had fallen for him hard.

You smiled at his attempt to be sentimental. He never had been good with dates. “Cord, this isn’t the right day.”

He turned you in his arms and pulled you up against him. “Well, it was April,” he said, “and you looked beautiful that night.” He smiled when he said it, and it made him more handsome and more charming than any man had a right to be.

You laughed. This man had always had the talent to make you happy, even when he was a boy. “Yes, it was April.”

He kissed you slowly with a touch of tease, promising something more to come. Cordell lifted his lips from yours, and he smiled at you again. “I thought we could have a do over. Maybe I’ll be luckier tonight than I was then.” He grinned at you with a particular gleam in his eye.

You licked your lips. “As I recall, you were the one who put the brakes on that night.”

He chuckled. “I did, but I had a very good reason for that.”

You slid your hand down to grip his ass. “And what reason was that?”

He lowered his head, and you could have sworn you saw him blush behind the beard. “I had no idea what I was doin’ because... I was a virgin.”

You’d never known that. Girls were all over Cordell in high school. You’d just assumed.

He nodded toward the bed of his truck. “Would you let me try to make things a little better for you than they were that night?”

For a second you forgot to respond because the moonlight was shining in his gray blue eyes. “You left me aching for you, Cord.” You said it with a touch of lightheartedness, but it was the absolute truth.

His smile was hypnotizing, his eyes serious.“You weren’t the only one who was aching.”

You put your hand on his cheek. “Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen tonight.”

He nuzzled that sweet spot beneath your ear. “I’m not going to leave you wantin’ for anything tonight, babygirl.”

Then Cordell took your hand and led you over to the back of the truck. He lowered the tailgate and climbed inside. There was a rolled up sleeping bag that he unfurled and laid out across the bed. Then he reached for your hand and helped you up.

He sat down, leaned his back against the cab, stretched his legs out in front of him and extended his hand in invitation to you. You took his offered hand in yours and sat down next to him, tucking your legs beneath you.

Cordell put his arm around you, pulling you close, and you put your head on his shoulder. It seemed that all the stars were out tonight, and it was even more romantic than that night all those years ago had been. If that was even possible, because you had been head over heels in your first love then.

That first love had never left you. He’d moved on, and you had tried. You’d even moved away from Austin for a while. It had just been too painful to see him with Emily, but moving to another state or anything else you’d tried had never erased him from your memory. No other man had ever measured up to him.

You let yourself just feel this moment. Cordell’s arm was around you. He was choosing you, and you wouldn’t ponder too much on if his decision would be the same if Emily were still alive. He was with you now.

You buried your nose into his neck and inhaled his scent, wanting nothing more than to lose yourself in him. He kissed the top of your head and asked, “Hey, you okay.”

His instincts were good. What else could you expect from a Texas Ranger? “I’m fine, Cord. I was just thinking.”

He combed his fingers through your hair. “What ARE you thinking?”

You turned your head to kiss his neck. It wasn’t possible to say it out loud. You couldn’t tell him how much he actually meant to you, how you really felt about him. In your mind, you were still second choice to Emily. If she were still alive, you wouldn’t even be here. That knowledge didn’t encourage a complete reveal of your feelings for him.

Instead, you told him “I was just thinking about that night.”

Cordell laced his fingers through yours. “Will you tell me what you were thinking?”

You chewed on your bottom lip for a minute, contemplating how much you should share with him at this point in your relationship. Part of you knew how he felt about you, even if he hadn’t said it. Another part of you knew he was focused on his kids right now, and you supported him in that. They had lost their mother, and Cordell was doing his best to help them through that. You loved him even more BECAUSE he was a good father.

It was that third part of you that was causing you so much trouble. Emily might be gone, but the specter of her loomed large in your mind. You’d been Cordell’s girlfriend first, sort of, but then Emily had come sweeping into his life and just like a spring storm that was fast and furious; she popped up out of nowhere. It wasn’t entirely unexpected. It was bound to happen; some girl was going to capture his heart, and in so doing she had destroyed all your dreams of a future with him.

That wasn’t really fair. She hadn’t meant you any harm. Chances were she barely even knew of your existence. Cordell had followed her around like a puppy. It was clear he was enamored with her, and the friendship you had with him that might have blossomed into something else was all but forgotten. He was busy with someone else, and that still stung. You were a grown woman, and it still hurt. There was a young girl inside you who had never stopped loving him, and she was a part of the woman you had become.

You’re being ridiculous, Y/N. He’s here with you now. Are you going to let your teenage broken heart get in the way of that?

It was time to expose yourself to him a little more, let him know what you had felt for him, maybe even what you were feeling now, trust him. You squeezed his hand to reassure yourself he truly was there. This wasn’t a dream you would wake up from and feel the other side of the bed, only to discover it was empty.

You took a breath and told him one of the secrets you had been holding inside. “That was one of the best nights of my life. I had a huge crush on you.” Crush. That word would do for now, until your relationship was in a place that you could reveal the entire truth.

He shifted to look at you. The grin on his face was adorable and oblivious. “A crush? Really?”

“Yes, Cord. I thought you were the cutest boy I’d ever seen, and that night you were so handsome. A tux is a good look on you.” You put your head down on his shoulder because what you’d told him made you feel a little vulnerable and because you could. After so long, you could be close with him like this again.

“I thought you were so pretty. I couldn’t believe you were with me.” Hearing him say that made you get all soft inside. “I meant what I said about a do over. I wish I’d done things differently that night.”

Butterflies started to flutter in your stomach just like you were sixteen again. “What would you have done differently?”

He tilted your chin up with fingers. His eyes, that always kept you guessing about what color they would be, had turned the deepest of grays without a trace of blue. “Why don’t I show you?”

He dipped his head down to touch his mouth to yours. His lips parted slightly, and you opened yours in response. Cordell’s tongue glided around yours, and you felt yourself falling even more deeply into him.

When he pulled away from you, the expression on his face was as soft as the warm April breeze caressing your skin. You looked at each other for several long seconds before he turned and lifted the blanket that was piled in the corner of the truck bed to reveal a picnic basket. He lifted the top and pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

He held it up so you could read the label. “Remember this?” he asked.

You smiled and shook your head, but not because you didn’t remember. Every detail of that night was etched in your mind. You were amazed he remembered so much. The shaking of your head turned into a nod. “I do remember. That was the first time I ever tasted whiskey. It felt like my throat was on fire.” You laughed softly at yourself and the memory.

Cordell reached into the basket to retrieve something else. He’d brought glasses. It was the same kind of whiskey, but he’d upped his game. That night you passed the bottle back and forth, drinking straight out of it. He opened the bottle, poured some into a glass and handed it to you. Then he poured a glass for himself.

He held up his glass before taking a drink. “To second chances.”

You clinked your glass against his and took a sip. “What do you remember about that night, Cord?”

He took a big drink from his glass and got a faraway look in his eyes. “I remember how nervous I was. I thought we were gonna...you know.”

Your voice dropped to a whisper. “Why didn’t we? I would have. Why did you stop?”

Cordell’s eyes searched yours, like maybe he was weighing how much he should tell you too. “Because I...uh...I was afraid of hurting you, in more ways than one.” He dropped his eyes. “I had a condom in my wallet, and it just felt too calculated. Prom night. This place, a lake and the stars overhead. It was like I set you up. I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

You put your hand over his where it was resting on his thigh. “Cordell, just because you were prepared doesn’t mean you were taking advantage of me; you were taking care of me. Neither one of us was ready for a baby then.”

He raised his eyes to meet yours again. You wanted to ask him why it had never happened, not even after that night, but you didn’t. You knew. Emily. She was the one who’d had his babies. It was barely a month after that night that she’d entered his life.

Cordell’s voice snatched you out of your troubling thoughts, back to the here and now. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want you, Y/N. I did. I went home and...took care of the raging hard on I had while I thought about you.” You saw him swallow hard.

You ran your fingertip around the rim of your glass, suddenly feeling bold. “Tell me, Cord, exactly what did you think about?”

He finished his whiskey in a gulp, put his glass down, and settled his hands on your hips. “I thought about you, your mouth, how it felt kissing you, and... what else you could do with your mouth.”

You dipped your finger into your glass, then dragged it across Cordell’s lips, leaving them wet. He tasted of bourbon when you kissed him and whispered against his mouth “Tell me more.”

Cordell’s breathing was noticeably heavier. “I imagined what it would feel like to be inside you, how warm and tight you’d be, and I pretended it was your hand on me.”

You tossed your glass and the remainder of its contents past Cordell’s shoulder and over the side of the truck. It hit the ground with a thud. With both of your hands now free, you unzipped Cordell’s fly and reached inside to cradle his cock in your hand.

He hissed in a breath as you worked his cock out of his boxers and through the opening in his jeans. When it was free, you stuck three of your fingers into your mouth to get them wet. Then you wrapped them around his dick that was beginning to harden and started to stroke. “Is this what you imagined?”

Cordell dropped his head back. “Fuck, baby. This is so...much...better.”

His cock grew hard under the soft velvety smoothness of his skin. “You feel so damn good, babygirl.”

Your strokes got slower. “It can feel even better. Why don’t you do what you wanted to do that night?”

Cordell opened his eyes. He held your cheek in his hand then brushed your hair from your face. “You’ve even more beautiful now than you were then, Y/N.”

You’d been dating Cordell for months now. This certainly wasn’t the first time you’d been together, but in many ways it felt like it. Maybe it was the place; maybe it was the way he was looking at you, like you were the only woman for him. You believed that. He’d made you believe it during this time you’d reconnected, with moments and gestures just like the one he was making tonight.

He lifted your shirt off over your head, and you felt a chill run through you; but it wasn’t because it was cold. It was because you were filled with excitement and anticipation, as though the clock truly had turned back.

You’d bought a matching bra and panty set for tonight, and you were glad of it. When Cordell saw your blue satin and lace bra, he inhaled sharply. You had never forgotten it was his favorite color. He ran his thumb along the top edge of your bra cup, then lowered his head to kiss the swell of your breast rising over the top of the bra.

“You are so soft, baby.” He raised his head to nuzzle that spot below your ear while he reached around to unhook your bra. “You smell good too.”

He slipped the bra straps from your shoulders, and your breasts spilled free. Cordell cupped them in his hands, kneading them in his calloused fingers. You moaned when he flicked his thumbs over your nipples. “God, Cordell.” Your moan got deeper when he sucked one into your mouth.

His warm mouth closed over your nub, and the way his tongue was circling over it, caused you to clench. Your walls were fluttering around the emptiness, and you were close to begging him.

Cordell’s mouth left your breast, and you felt the loss, but you were distracted by watching him take off his shirt. His body had changed since he was younger, and was it ever breathtaking. His shoulders were even more broad, his waist still trim. The muscles in his arms, shoulders, chest, and stomach were more defined. Your mouth literally watered looking at him.

His cock was fully hard now, protruding through the opening in his jeans and underwear. It was magnificent. No matter how many times you saw it, you would never get used to just how big it was, and you couldn’t see it without thinking about the way it felt inside you when it was stretching you open.

You wanted him out of the rest of his clothes so you could see that cock, standing hard and thick against his stomach. Once you’d gotten his clothes down around his hips, Cordell took them the rest of the way off, including his boots and socks.

His naked body drew you to it like a magnet. The hair on his chest was soft on your breasts, and your fingers tangled in his hair while he kissed you passionately, further stoking the fire in your core. You shimmied out of your jeans and panties, wanting all of his bare skin next to yours.

Cordell’s hands traveled down your back while his mouth continued to claim yours. You dropped your mouth from his to kiss his neck. “Cord, are we going to get caught doing this?”

There was a smile on his lips as he guided your mouth to his again. “Are you afraid you’ll get arrested? I’ve got some handcuffs if you want to practice.”

He’d made you laugh again and put you completely at ease. “I thought you said no kinky stuff tonight.”

He nibbled at your neck where it met your shoulder. “Right. Later then.”

Cordell guided you down to the sleeping bag. You were on your back, and his eyes were traveling up and down the length of your body. “You are so fucking gorgeous naked in the moonlight like this.”

You bit your bottom lip like the shy schoolgirl you used to be. “So are you.”

Cordell lowered himself over you and whispered in your ear. “Tell me how you want it.”

You played with the curls at the nape of his neck. “Slow at first, but I want everything you have, Cord. Don’t hold anything back from me.”

At first, all you felt was the blunt head of his cock at your entrance. Then he pushed into you slowly, just like you’d asked. He kissed your neck and your ear, told you how much he wanted you, and looked into your eyes while he moved inside you.

When his thrusts speeded up, you felt your orgasm getting closer, and you closed your eyes. You felt him raise your hand over your head and thread his fingers through yours. “Open your eyes, baby. Look at me. I want to see you when you come around me.”

You slowly lifted your eyelids. Your breath was escaping your mouth in small little gasps. Cord’s eyes had changed to the color of a honey kissed chocolate. He was so gorgeous, perfect in so many ways, and everything you had ever wanted.

His eyes were locked on yours, and they held a soft intensity in them that you knew you would remember and see when you closed your own eyes. The sound of his voice nearly sent you over the edge. “I’m so close, baby. I want you to come with me. Will you be a good girl and do that?”

“Yes, Cord.” You held onto him tightly. His next thrust scraped across your g-spot, and your body began to spasm and squeeze his dick buried so deep inside you. Cordell released his hot come into you with a grunt followed by a deep groan.

He collapsed onto his forearms, keeping his full weight off you. You could feel the light sheen of sweat on his back, and it was satisfying knowing you had put it there. Cordell nuzzled his nose on your cheek. “You okay, darlin’?”

“Mmmmm. Hmmmmm.” You wanted to stay here like this with him forever, just the two of you under the stars.

When he rolled off you, you followed and settled your head on his chest. Cordell reached for the blanket and covered you both with it. You kissed his chest and whispered, “That was perfect.”

He was running his fingers lightly up and down your back. “Yeah. It was.”

You lay that way for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of his touch on your skin. He was unusually quiet. Finally you asked, “Cord, what is it?”

He shifted and propped himself up on his side. You sat up a little so you could see him better. Cordell reached for you and traced his fingertip down the edge of your cheek. “Y/N, I…” You waited, your breathing speeding up again. “I...love you.”

Before this moment the concept of forgetting to breathe had seemed like an exaggeration to you, but now you understood it. He put his fingers over your lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.”

You leaned in to kiss him, not trusting yourself to say anything just yet. For twenty years, you had waited to hear him say just that. Now that he had, it was overwhelming. It was like a dream. What followed was the sweetest and most meaningful kiss of your life so far. Cordell loved you. You were being kissed by a man who loved you, the man you had always wanted to love you.

While you were kissing, he lay you back down. When you opened your eyes, you were facing each other, heads on the pillows he had brought. He played with the hair at the side of your face, twisting it around his finger. “I wanted to be your first, Y/N. I wish I had been.”

“I wish you had been too, Cord.” You sighed, still trying to believe what had just happened. What did it mean? But you refused to let your head intrude on this moment. This one was for your heart, the heart that had been longing for him since you were a girl. Now, he was yours. That was enough. You’d figure out the rest later.

Everything: @gambitwinchester @princessmisery666 @onethirstyunicorn @peridottea91 @logical-princey @emilyshurley @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @fangirlxwritesx67 @waywardbaby @atc74 @shaniquacynthia @mariekoukie6661 @tumbler-tidbits @67-chevy-baby @fandom-princess-forevermore @terrarium-jpeg @emoryhemsworth @crashdevlin @jules-1999 @cosicas-cuquis @sammyimpala-67 @queenoftheunderdark @dean-winchesters-bacon @timelordy-fangirl2 @sweetness47 @hobby27 @awesomesusiebstuff @kickingitwithkirk @becs-bunker @sandlee44 @supernaturalgrandma @dawnie1988 @volleyballer519 @kdfrqqg @lizette50 @daisymoder72 @sorenmarie87 @lovealways-j @mrswhozeewhatsis @spnbaby-67 @wayward-and-worn @asthesunwentdown @vulgar-library @petitgateau911 @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Walker: @spnwoman @sammysnaughtygirl @putowtin

Sam/Jared: @girl-next-door-writes @stunudo @feelmyroarrrr @idabbleincrazy @evansrogerskitten @focusonspn @autumninavonlea @durinsbride @deansyahtzee @wendibird @waywardnerd67 @fullmooner @julesthequirky @sams-sass @beskaradberoya @fromsamwtocordellw

#walkerbingo #make me feel bingo #walker smut #walker fluff #walker x reader #cordell x reader

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keeptheotherone · 3 years

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Mecation: Day 1

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages.

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life.

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college.

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with.

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential!

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day.

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease.

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian.

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :)

#ktoo travels #covid coping #mental health #about ktoo #ktoo nurses #herself

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littlx-songbxrd · 3 years

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okok here it is, i don't have a working title yet lol and i wrote the first like three paragraphs a year ago and only now finished it

but uh here it is ig (it's long so below the cut)

oh and i named the characters before i read chog believe it or not so there is no correlation lol

Prologue - Cordelia

May brings with it the memory of battles fought and won and the ever looming presence of a war not quite lost but certainly nowhere near done. As I hand out threadbare blankets around the flickering fires of the temporary war camp, I have to force my mind not to stray to all the people who should be here but are not. Well, the one person, really. I don’t allow myself to dwell, for I know that if I let my heart open to loss, there will be no hope at closing the hole left behind. No one here will tolerate that.

Yet no one criticizes Halen when she fumbles and breaks her fragile composure, storming out of the planning tent, the memories glistening in her eyes threatening to spill over. No, when it’s her, they rush to comfort her, to appease her, and they tell her to take all the time she needs. After all, has the poor girl not been through enough? they whisper pityingly as though we all haven’t lost others to this fight. But, of course, it’s not my place to comment on the actions of the mighty Chosen One. Even if she is my friend.

I look down to find my hands are empty. Tir has taken the last blanket from me without my noticing, and he’s settling down against his pack with his bare feet at the fire. I scowl; he isn’t allowed to speak against Halen either, despite being her older brother.

Heaving a sign, I slump down next to my friend and pull a corner of the blanket over myself. Tir shifts slightly so I can lean against his shoulder. We don’t speak. There are no words big enough to dispel the cloud of grief that hangs over us.

I know Tir is thinking of Zo today, just like he knows I’m thinking of Cherry.

Both of us, I’m sure, are also thinking that Halen ought to be here. She ought to be spilling those tears she always threatens and apologizing meaninglessly for deaths that aren’t her fault. Since when did she choose to be distant and calm? Couldn’t she at least have the decency to break down with the rest of us?

I scowl at a gecko as it skitters through the dirt toward the treeline to the west. I should say something to Halen. I should scream at her, sob at her, cry out until she understands that we need her as a friend, not just a commander.

My mind made up, I stand quickly, earning a confused stare from Tir. “Where are you off to?” he asks, his voice thick.

I shake my head. “Somewhere that isn’t here.”

He chuckles and reaches up to squeeze my hand. It’s enough. He was never one for many words.

I smile sadly down at him and set off to the eastern shore, where the purple and gold tents of the Eneris royal tents have been set up. Their fire and sun emblem shines bright on the tent flaps behind guards dressed in layers upon layers of robes and wraps and blankets. I scoff. The army settled just twenty yards away is shivering under thin blankets and dying fires while the royals and their company dine on mutton and venison. Not that I’ve come to expect anything else from them. They recruited Halen and built this army from the ground up—of course they believe themselves worthy of a few more precious coins exchanged for better conditions.

Even today, the first anniversary of Monvira’s troops storming villages and uprooting lives, they haven’t so much as acknowledged the flood of pain that’s sweeping through their army. I wonder if they even know what May first means to their people.

I stop mid-stride, staring straight ahead at the Strategy tent, where I know Halen spends most of her time these days.

It hits me: May first. The sky is clouded and the birds are silent, but it’s May first and no one bothered telling me that I forgot my birthday. Which was April thirtieth. No one noticed.

Weariness pushes at the back of my eyes, and I blink heavily against the tears blurring my vision. Memories from last year flood my mind as I turn and hurry towards Halen’s private tent. It bares the same colors and seal as the others.

I collapse on her bedroll and let out a single sob.

Last year, on the night of my birthday, Cherry had wrapped a blanket around us both as we stumbled back to our village after a whole day spent together at Renton Lake. She’d kissed my hand and twirled me toward the hut I shared with Halen, giggling in the moonlight, her dark unbound hair spilling over her shoulder like a waterfall of night. The memory rips through me, forcing another sob out of my quaking body.

The next morning, she’d been gone.

I’m not sure how long I lay there, my tears collecting in a pool around my head, but eventually the shaking subsides and leaves behind a solemn heaviness. Only when I hear the tent flap ruffle do I stir. There’s a small gasp, then: “Delia?”

Halen’s nickname for me only makes the smallest dent in my sorrow. I push myself to a sitting position, sure that my face is red and splotchy and my hair wild and tangled. All in all, I don’t blame her for looking taken aback. “Delia, what is it?” she gushes, crouching before me and taking my face in her hands. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

This is exactly what I wanted when I stormed in here. Now, I nearly laugh. It’s pathetic, really, all this time I’ve spent cleaning up after Halen, chasing her, thinking maybe she could do something that would fill the cavity growing inside me. I see it now, as her hazel eyes rake my face. “Nothing,” I tell her. Her thumbs are soft as they wipe away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. “Not anymore.” My voice is scratchy, and I push down against a wave of shame. I’m better than this. I’m better than breaking down in my friend’s plush tent. I’ve never been the emotional one—that was always Halen.

I wipe away my tears, feel myself stand and walk out of the tent, my mind still occupied with hazy revelations I’m too exhausted to fully pursue. There’s a feeling in my gut, the only one that matters right now, and it’s an overwhelming cry to get out.

The grass is silent under my feet as I walk, and I’m distantly aware of Halen calling after me. Her cries of “Wait!” and “What’s going on, Cordelia?” follow me, even after she stops.

I keep walking.

I don’t look back.

---

so uh yeah that's it 👉👈 i can give u the idea of the book if u want or you can just take this offering and run lol <33

Im gonna give you my unfiltered thoughts with no order or organization

REMEMBER ME WHEN YOURE RICH AND FAMOUS AND A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR

OMG IM GONNA GET TO BRAG I SAW THE PROLOGUE TO AN AWARD WINNING BOOK IN THE FUTURE HOLY SHIT

I DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS AND IM BILINGUAL

RENDERED ME SPEECHLESS IN TWO LANGUAGES GO YOU

SHE DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT

LOOK I ADORE THE FEELINGA CORDELIA POTRAYED DURING THE ENTIRE PROLOGUE

LIKE HOW YOU WROTE IT IS JUST

I WANTED HER TO COME BREAKDOWN WITH THE REST OF US?????

NO IM SORRY IM HORRIBLE AT COMPLIMENTING EVERYTHING HERE IS BRILLIANT

1) i have a basis for how the crown is unfair (based on cordelias description) ALSO HOW CORDELIA DESCRIBED "i wasnt even sure if they knew what may 1 meant to their people" IDK BUT I LOVED HOW OT WAS WRITTEN. Its not explicit BUT LEAVES THE MESSAGE SAID

2) basis to whats going on? C H E C K

3) JUST HOW YOU WROTE CORDELIAS GRIEVE AND ESTABLISHED THE CHARACTER

Artie i've told you a million times but I adore your writting style, i always adored it BIT READING YOUR ORIGINAL WORK

I FEEL SO PROUD OF YOU?????

Your style is perfect

I WASNT LOST WHICH IS GOOD!

AND LEAVES ME WANTING FOR MORE

I DIDNT NOTICE BUT MY PHONE HAS LOW BATTERY SO IF I DONT REPLY AFTER THIS ITS THAT BUT TELL ME MORE PLS

#also im so curious on halen #pls i need more

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yeoldontknow · 3 years

Text

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

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thekillerssluts · 3 years

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We’ve Got A File On You: Win Butler

In a year when a lot of our plans have been on hold, Win Butler has been busy. In April, the Arcade Fire ringleader let us know that the band had been working on music shortly before lockdown, and then he let us hear some of it. Last week, on the night of the election, the band debuted a new song called “Generation A.” Apparently, Butler was one of the people who found quarantine more inspiring than suffocating. Just a couple weeks ago, he amended his previous hints with the update that he’s written “two or three” Arcade Fire albums thanks to having to stay still all year long.

It seems like there’ll be a whole lot of new Arcade Fire goings-on to parse sometime on the horizon, but that isn’t the reason Butler and I got on the phone one recent October afternoon. Butler’s not quite ready to talk about forthcoming music yet, aside from saying this era of writing gives him flashbacks to that which preceded The Suburbs and promising “The new shit is about some of the best shit we’ve ever done” as we say goodbye.

In the meantime, there have been some milestones this year: The Suburbs turned 10; Butler turned 40. There is, of course, a whole lot of rich Arcade Fire history between their early ’00s origins and now. There are too many high-profile collabs to dig through, too many pop culture crossovers to cover, in just one conversation. But before Arcade Fire’s next chapter begins, while we both had a moment of quiet at home in the year 2020, Butler and I took some time to dig back through highlights and surprises from across his career.

Appearing In Bill & Ted Face The Music (2020)

How did this happen?

WIN BUTLER: They were filming in New Orleans. I’m kind of the exact age where Bill & Ted really has a soft spot in my worldview. [Laughs] That was just like, yeah, of course I want to be in the Future Council. That’s the part I was born to play. No, it’s funny, it was just one of these random things that come through the email. Usually, it’s, “Nope, nope, nope, nope.” But this was, “Tell me when, tell me where, I’ll be there.” It was on soundstages. When we were filming it, Tommy Lee from Mötley Crüe was back there, and he sort of disappeared at some point. I got to bring my son, who’s six. He was hanging out and we were talking to Keanu about Canada and punk bands back in the day. It was a pretty sweet hang. It was a bright spot in 2020, let me put it that way.

You say you get these emails — is that random stuff they want Arcade Fire to do, or there’ve been other cameos you turned down?

BUTLER: Oh, no, it’s mostly random licensing or stuff that goes to the junk box. But every once in a while, it’s like, “Hey, that sounds like a nice way to spend the day.” I started out in film. I went to Sarah Lawrence College in New York around 2000. I had really wanted to go to film school, and I could never get in. [Laughs] Initially, the song “The Suburbs” was an idea I had for a film and it seemed easier to make a song than a film.

The Suburbs (2010)

That was a convenient segue. The Suburbs just turned 10. I was wondering if you have gone back and revisited it much amidst that anniversary.

BUTLER: The whole experience of Funeral was such a rollercoaster. We were on the road so long. We didn’t have much of a break going into the second record. For The Suburbs, Régine and I — I don’t think we saw anyone for a year straight before we even started demoing or anything for that record.

It was a time in my life… I don’t know, I was in my late twenties, and there were all these details of my childhood in Houston. You know, I moved to Canada when I was 19. [Houston] almost felt like this other life I had. I would close my eyes and imagine riding my bike through town and trying to find the edges of my memory. There was kind of all this emotion that came up through that, and I wanted to capture it. It’s funny, as a songwriter, most of the time I feel like my mind is living in the near future. You’re listening for these little signals in the air. This was almost inhabiting the emotional space of these memories but thinking about it as the future.

When you say it like that, I’m curious if the album feels different to you now that you’re a father yourself and another 10 years down the line. Like another layer to that refracted youth, sort of?

BUTLER: Totally. In a way, I feel like the last year has been a parallel to that year before The Suburbs. Then I was kind of a hermit by choice, and this has more been the world conspiring to make me a hermit, but it has been a really introspective. In a sense, the material that we’ve been working on feels the same way, this hybrid of your emotional landscape and the future.

It’s almost seasonal, like a trade wind that blows in once in a while. I remember we played with Neil Young when he was still doing the Bridge School Benefit and hearing him sing “Old Man” as an old man, almost like he wrote the song when he was 22 to sing when he was 80. I think there’s an element on that Suburbs record that’s like that as well.

Winning The Grammy For Album Of The Year (2011)

Obviously that was a huge turning point for Arcade Fire because you won the Grammy the following year. As a suburban indie fan at the time, I had no real grasp on how big certain bands were. From where I was, it was pretty trippy that you guys won that.

BUTLER: I mean, tell me about it. It was definitely pretty trippy.

There are very, very early moments of you guys getting linked up with some iconic artists. Arcade Fire got plenty of respect from the beginning. But at the same time, the Grammys is something different. That’s a moment of mainstream insurgency. Ten years on, you’re one of the big indie bands of your generation, but also one of the only rock bands to get to that level in recent times.

BUTLER: I don’t know it was the best record that year, but it was definitely the best record nominated that year. I mean, we were up against a Lady Gaga remix record and like, Katy Perry. We weren’t up against a great Eminem record, we were up against a not-that-great Eminem record. In a certain sense, I was like, “Well, I think we should win.” [Laughs] I think we had the best record.

I remember in high school Radiohead and Björk were the two [new artists I loved]. I bought The Bends the day it came out, I bought Homogenic the day it came out. And then everything else I listened to was artists that had broken up 20 years earlier. I remember watching the Grammys the year OK Computer was nominated and it didn’t win, and I was just like, “Oh, that thing must not mean anything then.” I remember Dylan won, and it’s a really great Dylan record, but objectively OK Computer was the best record. So if that didn’t win, then what the hell does that thing mean? After that, I didn’t think about the Grammys that much. It wasn’t on my list of my dreams of my career and what I could accomplish and what I wanted to do.

For me, I was looking more at a band like the Cure or New Order, these bands that were really just artistic entities but you would hear them at a pharmacy once in a while. Like, I’d hear “Bizarre Love Triangle” come on in the pharmacy in Houston and just be like, “Is this from outer space? What the fuck is this?” My dreams for our band was to do for other people what those bands did for me, which was just throw me a fucking lifeline. Because I was just like, “What is this world, and where are my people, and how can I feel OK existing?” My grandfather played in big bands and played with Louis Armstrong, and he bought me a guitar when I was 15. I held on to that thing — if I didn’t have that I don’t think I would’ve made it out of high school. It literally saved my life. I don’t think I could exist without that.

For me, the Grammy thing was strangely moving. Even up until the moment we won, I just felt like an interloper. Even when we won, people looked at us like aliens. Like, “Who? What?” You know, I’m a competitive person. It was really exciting. Cool, awesome, the universe makes sense for one second. It’s interesting, I didn’t expect it to mean anything until we won, and then it meant something.

David Bowie (2005, 2013, Throughout)

I alluded to this earlier but: The Grammys were like an industry stamp of approval. From the beginning, however, you guys were embraced by a lot of elder artists — particularly artists who were influences on the band. One I wanted to talk about was David Bowie. He was a very early supporter; you performed together in 2005, which turned into a live EP. Then he shows up on “Reflektor” in 2013. Somewhere around 2015, you talked about how you’d come to regard him as this professor-type character in your life. He came to your first New York show, right?

BUTLER: Our first headlining show, when we played at the Bowery, Bowie and David Byrne came to that show.

Wow, no pressure huh.

BUTLER: It sort of set the table. Like, “Well, I guess this is how it’s going to be right out of the gate.” [Laughs] It’s funny, I have a photo of David in my studio that I look at when I’m working sometimes. It’s just him in a dressing room with one of those kind of Hollywood mirrors behind him. He really… I don’t know, he felt some sort of spiritual connection with us. It wasn’t like he wanted anything from us. I just think he wanted to say, “Hey guys, you’re going on the right path, keep going.”

I was emailing him over all those years. I don’t know if you have anyone close to you that’s died and you go back and read those emails, it’s really these strange digital fragments of someone you care about. After he sang on “Reflektor,” Régine and I bought him a painting in Haiti as a thank you gift. We were supposed to mail it to him and we got busy and forgot about it, and in the interim he passed. I knew he wasn’t well, but I didn’t know he was dying. Maybe a couple months later I remembered the painting and I dug it out and it was a painting of a black star. A voodoo painting of a black star with rays coming out of it.

I didn’t know anything about his record being Blackstar or anything like that. Now it’s on the wall of my bedroom. Shit like that sometimes happens in my life. I take it for what it is. I don’t know exactly what that means and I just feel grateful… I don’t know man. Even just how inspiring, what he put into his art even in death. He’s someone I think about at least on a weekly basis.

Backing Up Mick Jagger On SNL (2012), Playing With The Rolling Stones (2013)

Obviously that was an ongoing relationship, and you’ve worked with David Byrne too, and you referenced playing with Neil Young. Still: Being onstage with the Rolling Stones seems particularly daunting.

BUTLER: We were Mick’s backing band on SNL. SNL is maybe one of my favorite American institutions. I don’t know if it’s the Canadian thing since Lorne [Michaels] is Canadian. The first time we did it, it was just like, “This dude is my friend.” I don’t know if Lorne’s kids like Arcade Fire or something. But I was in New York randomly and he was like, “Mick’s doing a thing,” and I said, “We do a pretty amazing cover of ‘The Last Time,’” and he said “Come on down, let’s do it.” Then we’re Mick’s backing band. I don’t know, pretty fucking cool.

What is Mick Jagger like to work with?

BUTLER: Mick is like: As soon as the light goes on, he’s a different person. When he turns it on, it’s like this muscle memory — like if you were with the greatest ballet dancer ever, and you say go and this energy comes out of him that is so practiced. It’s someone who’s an absolute master, after practicing something for decades and decades and decades. That was pretty amazing to see. You’re chatting with someone, we’re at the piano and we’re talking about an arrangement, “OK, let’s do a run,” and then, “Boom! Shit!” There he is.

It’s this other level. I feel like people at that level, music’s not something they’re fucking around with. [Laughs] Music is a spirit. You hear something, and if it strikes a chord with you, it connects something at your deepest core. People like that, when you see them do their thing, it really is this other plane. It’s not this show thing. It’s more of a possession. You can hear it in the music.

I feel like I’ve listened to more music during COVID than any time since I was like, 18. I had this moment when I was listening to these amazing records from the 1950s. You can hear the room. It’s almost like audio VR — you can hear the drummer here and the bass player over here. There’s a sense of space, particularly to that older music. It’s a snapshot. If you hear “La Bamba,” right now, that is what it is. It’s a spirit captured on vinyl, on a piece of tape. It’s alive within that.

With people like Mick, they’re a little bit closer to the spirit of rock ’n’ roll — a literal spirit, not a figurative spirit. Bowie was the same. When he played with us in Central Park, the second he hit the stage he’s illuminated. You’re like, “Oh, shit, that’s what it is.” He’s a human when you’re talking to him and as soon as he’s in it, he’s touched by another thing.

SNL (2007-Present)

I’m glad you brought SNL up, because you’ve been on it a bunch of times, but you’re also one of the musical acts they’ve brought into skits. Like, they actually wrote a game show around you. How does that work? Did they write that sketch with you guys, or you walked in and they’re like, “Hey, by the way…”

BUTLER: I can’t remember, I think we’ve been six or seven times. We’ve been there for a couple different casts at this point. The Lonely Island dudes, those are so my dudes. In another life, I would’ve been in Lonely Island, that would’ve been my dream to just fuck around with my friends; when we were first writing music we were kinda joking around because you’re too insecure to try. A lot of times [at SNL], we’ve played for the staff when we’re there, because you get so fired up to play one or two songs and you’re playing live so your endorphins are running so we just sort of keep playing afterwards. I feel like they appreciate that, it kinda feels like you’re on the same team or something.

I was backstage at SNL once last year, and it is pretty crazy to see it all from the inside like that.

BUTLER: It’s so crazy. They write it all that fucking week, and then to see the differences between the dress rehearsal and the live show. They do a little meeting in Lorne’s office. They’ve done the dress rehearsal and it’s still this tiny office and every cameraman and every cast member is crammed in this little office and Lorne’s like, “Make it a blue light instead of a green light at minute 23, and change this word to this word, I don’t think that’s funny, change that, OK, go,” and everyone’s got pencils writing this down. It’s still fucking that. And you know, it hits and misses sometimes, but they’re doing it.

How long did you have to work on your De Niro impression for that skit?

BUTLER: It’s actually more of a Billy Baldwin impersonation, but it seemed to work for De Niro as well. [Laughs] My only real impression is I can look exactly like Billy Baldwin if I want to. If there’s any casting directors reading this and you need a Billy Baldwin impersonator, I’m your man.

LCD Soundsystem’s Goodbye Show (2011)

You’re the one who ended up serendipitously coining the title of the live album.

BUTLER: [Laughs] That is true. That was genuine. He was being a little talky.

I moved to New York before I moved to Montreal, and I would go to the city and go to shows and I didn’t see one fucking thing that was good in the whole year. I was like, “Wait, I thought New York was the shit, where is it?” All I saw was bad, very industry bands. I couldn’t find anything, I wasn’t cool enough to figure out what was going on. There’s very few bands that I really think of, like bands of my generation where I heard them and thought “These are my people.” For me it was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, LCD, and Wolf Parade. When I heard those bands, I thought, “These are my fellow pilgrims.” It was art, DIY, no bullshit, just trying to make something great that communicates to people. It’s real and emotional.

James is really just one of us. He’s just such a great engineer and really into the way things sound and really passionate about details. It’s rare to meet people like that. James was working with us when Bowie came in, when we were in Electric Lady. James had never met Bowie before. The first 7” he ever bought was “Fame.” We’re in this studio, and the last time Bowie was there he had cut “Fame” with John Lennon, in the same studio. We were all like, “This is the right place to be.”

James is just a man after my own heart. We did a tour with them on Neon Bible. We were playing to a thousand people in Salt Like City and I was like, “Man, in a couple years a lot more people are going to wish they were at this show.” What a fucking great live band.

Scoring Her (2013)

What kind of headspace did you have to get into for this vs. making an album?

BUTLER: Spike [Jonze] came to a bunch of our early shows on Funeral. The second I met him he was just immediately one of my best friends. He thinks about the world the same way. Even though we work in different mediums he was someone I knew I’d be working with in some capacity. I was visiting LA and I was staying with Spike just randomly one time, in the early days of him working on the script for Her. I was reading the script and immediately thinking about how it could sound, and I was like, “Well, we should fucking do the score to this movie.”

When you’re working on a record, it’s so rigid, what works on a song and what doesn’t work on a song. It can be so limiting in a way. Within the band, there’s so many different talents and color palettes and things people bring to the table, so it was cool to do something where the boss is the picture. It doesn’t matter how anyone feels about a piece, if it’s working for Spike, if it’s working in harmony with the picture, that’s what the boss is — the emotionality of the picture. It’s not about you, it’s in service to this bigger thing. It was a cool opportunity for all of us to use different aspects of things we do, and to work with Owen [Pallett], who had done a lot of strings on our records. It uses a totally different part of your brain.

Do you want to do more of that kind of work, or was it this specific story from Spike that spoke to you?

BUTLER: I can say pretty confidently that I’ll work with Spike in the future. It definitely takes a lot of energy. It’s definitely something I’m interested in, but I feel like while I’ve got the juice it’s good to spend as much energy writing songs as we can. It’s pretty fucking hard to make a record, believe it or not.

Future’s “Might As Well” Sampling “Owl” From Her(2017)

Are you a big Future fan?

BUTLER: I love Future. There’s something in the rhythm of the thing he does that actually reminds me of some music from Haiti, in this really deep, subtle way I can’t put my finger on. There’s something almost mystical in the way he sounds, and I thought that was really cool that they sampled that soundtrack. His shit does sound like the future still. I think it’s pretty special.

The Reach Of ”Wake Up” (2004-Present)

This song has had this big pop-culture reach over the years. U2 used it as their walk-on music in the ‘00s. It was used in the trailer for another Spike movie, Where The Wild Things Are. Macy Gray and John Legend both covered it. Microsoft ripped it off for a commercial. It was used in a commercial for LA’s bid for the Olympics.

BUTLER: That Microsoft money went to Haiti, by the way. They did rip it off. [Laughs] Thank you Microsoft.

As far as I know that’s far from an exhaustive list, too. It’s just one of those songs that’s gone out and become a part of the atmosphere. Even a lot of big bands don’t necessarily have a song like that. What do you think it is about “Wake Up” that’s registered in so many different contexts?

BUTLER: From the time we wrote that song to now, the biggest difference in my life is I’ve traveled the world and I’ve been able to play music in all these different cultures and feel the ways different countries feel music. Not only listening to the music in other countries but seeing how they feel the music I play.

I remember around The Suburbs we played in rural Haiti. It was our first time playing in a place where nobody in the audience had any of the reference points of the music we played. We were playing in the mountains, there were people walking in barefoot to the concert. We were playing these songs we had been touring the world with, and the energy from the crowd was so different. The things they responded to, the things they felt, it actually fundamentally changed the way I heard my own music. It made me start to think about music not just from my own perspective but culturally how people hear it and feel it.

I think the one thing that kind of transcends everything across all cultures is melody. Régine was playing that melody on piano in our rehearsal room. I hear it like it was yesterday. It was like, “That’s the shit.” [Laughs] Being present and being in the room, hearing something and really giving yourself to it, just singing that shit like it really meant it and feeling the power of that melody and trying to push it until it breaks. That’s something I think about, just how great it is to have people to play music with. To say it like you mean it.

I remember singing that song in Montreal, in these lofts. Most of our early fans, the first time we played that song, they were like “Fuck this shit, I want the acoustic shit.” People were so negative. I remember a lot of early fans didn’t come to our shows after that because we were suddenly screaming at the top of our lungs and playing electric guitars. It was like, “Everyone here hates this, that means we must be going in the right direction.” [Laughs] But yeah, don’t be discouraged if people hate something. It doesn’t mean shit.

https://www.stereogum.com/2105395/win-butler-interview-spike-jonze-arcade-fire-snl-mick-jagger-david-bowie/interviews/weve-got-a-file-on-you/

#Arcade Fire #Win Butler #interview

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rivalsforlife · 3 years

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AA7 Speculation Post: 2021 Edition

So I did one of these back in August, claiming that it was likely we’d get an AA7 announcement sometime in September for the Tokyo Game Show. Obviously it was wrong. So I am doing ANOTHER ONE, because I apparently like publicly being proven wrong?

This will be shorter than the last one because I exhausted most of my material on the first one, and also there’s less material. There is, however, SOME new stuff we’ve learned since August. ... And I was going to make a post in November but completely forgot, so consider this a starting point for the year. I’ll be covering the leaks, in general terms, and theorizing when we will be getting announcements/releases.

The rest will be under the cut so as not to burden everyone with my ramblings.

The Capcom Leaks

First things first, a disclaimer: this information was leaked through a hack which was highly illegal and compromised the personal information of many former and current Capcom employees, and therefore, I do not condone the methods through which this information was obtained and will not provide any guidance as to how to obtain this information, nor have I sought it out myself. However, I will still talk about then in general terms, because the information is out there already, and the information I am discussing will not compromise any personal information.

In summary: early this November, the hacker group Ragnar Locker managed to hack into Capcom’s databases somehow and retrieved 1 TB of information from the company; this includes a bit of information on ace attorney, which was leaked in mid-November after the group demanded a ransom and, presumably, Capcom didn’t pay up.

The two major ace attorney reveals that came from this are as follows: the announcement of a DGS/DGS2 port for the nintendo switch, steam, and ps4 with an English translation, and a calendar for the development and release of this port along with... ace attorney 7.

It’s highly likely that this information was real, given the level detail and the fact that Capcom confirmed some of their information was leaked, essentially confirming that AA7 either is or once was in development -- more news about this than we’ve had in a long time! But what does it mean and when can we expect it? Let’s take a closer look at the calendar.

The Calendar

Unfortunately, this little thing happened in between the creation of this calendar and it being leaked, called “a global pandemic” or something like that, so this calendar is almost certainly behind.

But what did it say? I lost track of the original, but I did find a roughly translated version someone made (from this post which summarizes some of the stuff in the leaks):

So... what does this mean? First, let’s remember two things: one, this calendar was made pre-COVID and things were definitely pushed back. And two, the Japanese fiscal year starts April 1st, meaning that FY2021 starts in April. This means that as of writing this, we are technically in FY2020 Q4 - where, if we were on track, would be nearing the end of DGS1&2 port production and midway through AA7′s production. (We are almost definitely not on track.)

The pandemic started hitting Japan around April 2020, I believe, so that would be in FY2020 Q1. The DGS ports seem fairly unaffected, considering it’s later in production, and also, the DGS games are already complete, so most of the work would be on translating and adapting the games for modern consoles, rather than starting completely at scratch like AA7. AA7 is a little trickier: it was still in the prototype/pre-production stage, most likely, when the pandemic hit. I’m not tooootally sure what that means because I’m not a game developer, but it’s quite possible that this meant it took a serious hit. Given that there didn’t seem to be a lot of other AA7 data leaked, including in a large schedule of releases for Capcom later, there is the possibility that AA7 ended up being scrapped owing to the pandemic or other extenuating circumstances... but I don’t believe that’s likely, with the 20th anniversary coming up. We’ll see.

Another thing of note is that the name “AA7″ is temporary. Here in the English-speaking world that isn’t a big deal because all the AA games have random titles (like “Justice for All” and “Trials and Tribulations”...) but in Japan, they’re referred to simply with their numbers (GS2, GS3, etc. standing for Gyakuten Saiban 2, Gyakuten Saiban 3). The fact that “Gyakuten Saiban 7″ is a temporary name could possibly mean that what we are getting is not another mainline game.

However, again, there’s not really anything to support either of these things. I’m just bringing up random possibilities to cover my bases; but personally I think it’s likely that it is another mainline game, and that it is still in development. If we hear absolutely nothing about AA7 for all of 2021, though... then perhaps not.

Now... obviously, this calendar was pushed back. If we’re in 2020Q4 right now, then by the calendar DGS1&2 is hypothetically going to be released in about three-six months, and there has been absolutely no word on that so far. If this calendar were still being followed, we’d have AA7 on sale in Q3 of 2021 -- meaning October-December 2021, possibly in October for the 20th anniversary of the series, which would be super cool. ... but I doubt that will happen now.

So then, when are we getting the games?

I haven’t seen actual evidence of it, but rumour is that they’re pushing back DGS1&2 for a July release and an April announcement, giving three months between announcement - release. This is a shorter period than the most recent trilogy switch/ps4/pc/xbox release, which was announced in September 2018 and released February 2019 in Japan, a five month waiting period.

When we English-speaking players will get the duology is unknown, too -- the trilogy rereleases took a month and a half before they were released in English, despite already having been translated and the original released in Japan coming with an English language option. (No idea what was up with that!) The duology released in Japan reportedly will have an English option from the outset, though the English released version will not have the Japanese option because of copyright issues surrounding Sherlock Holmes -- sorry, I mean, Herlock Sholmes. Still, we should expect a few months following the Japanese release before we are able to play it ourselves. Same goes with the hypothetical AA7, which seems to typically be around three months following the Japanese release for an English release.

As for when we can expect AA7′s announcement... to the extent of my knowledge, the shortest announcement-release period for a game was Spirit of Justice, announced in September 2015 and released in Japan in June 2016, a period of nine months. Usually it takes longer. Assuming that there’s still that six-month gap between the DGS duology release and the AA7 release, we could hypothetically have AA7 in early 2022, pushed back a quarter, and if the announcement comes nine months ahead... it lines up pretty nicely with an April announcement. If we’re having a DGS announcement in April as rumoured, it would make sense to tie in the AA7 announcement to that as well.

How will they be announced? ... I’m not sure. TGS back in September would have been the most opportune time for an announcement, but I have the feeling that owing to our good friend the pandemic, they didn’t have enough to show for either the ports or AA7 back then and so opted not to show anything. If these games are for the Switch, they could be announced in a Nintendo Direct. Or they could be announced in a Famitsu magazine with trailers released later outside of any other event. Honestly I don’t really know for this part.

Overall, though? This is the upcoming 20th anniversary of the series. I’d be surprised if we ended up not getting anything. Despite the pandemic likely pushing everything back, I think it’s highly likely we’ll get some big ace attorney news soon, even if it’s not quite in time for the anniversary -- of course, the safety and health of the employees comes first, so a bit of a delay will be just fine.

TL;DR: I’m theorizing we’ll have DGS port/ AA7 announcements around this April, with DGS being released around July and AA7 being released late 2021/early 2022, with a few months delay for the English versions.

#ace attorney #aa7 speculation #this one's short but once we get an idea on concept I plan to go wild on theorizing

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official-wayward-keener · 3 years

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Here is to Anniversaries and Engagements

For @playboyphilanthro-pissed

Ao3 Link here

Peter was cuddling with Harley on the couch when his phone rang. He just wanted a quiet day with his boyfriend not a disaster day with the Avengers. Harley went to grab Peter’s phone so Peter wouldn’t have to go but Peter answered before he could.

“Hello?” Peter asked the caller not thinking to check the caller ID.

“Pete, I need your help,” Tony said.

“Today is my day off and I haven’t heard a disaster going on so I’m not coming in,” Peter said.

“Not that kind of help, Kid. I need help with Rhodey,” Tony explained. Peter looked at Harley before putting his phone on speaker so Harley could hear.

“Go on,” Peter said.

“So I was in the lab and Rhodey came down and said that he wasn’t surprised then left. He hasn’t come back to the tower since and I don’t know why,” Tony said.

“Was it an anniversary?” Peter asked.

“No,” Tony said.

“Well it's not his birthday,” Peter pointed out.

“No, that was two months ago,” Tony said with certainty. Peter knew it was three months ago.

“Tony are you sure nothing happened on April 10th for you and Rhodey?” Peter asked.

“Well duh that was when Rhodey and I got married,” Tony explained.

“Tony, it’s April 10th,” Harley said.

“Wait you put me on speaker,” Tony said.

“Not the point now, Old Man. You forgot your anniversary with Rhodey,” Harley reminded Tony.

“How do I make it up to him?” Tony asked.

“Well it's still noon and you are Tony Stark so get a dinner reservation and text him telling him you both have dinner plans tonight,” Peter told him.

“Why didn’t I think about that?” Tony asked them.

“You didn’t even remember your own anniversary,” Harley pointed out to Tony. Tony grumbled before hanging up the phone. Peter and Harley looked at each other.

“I’m going to call Rhodey and see how he is doing,” Peter said.

“Good plan,” Harley said. Peter dialed Rhodey’s phone.

“Something wrong?” Rhodey asked.

“No, we just wanted to check in on you after Tony forgot your anniversary,” Harley said.

“Did he call you both?” Rhodey asked.

“In his defense, he didn’t know what day it was but he knew what date your anniversary was on,” Peter said.

“He remembered the date but forgot what day it was on the calendar?” Rhodey said. Rhodey seemed to go quiet.

“He texted me about dinner reservations for tonight. I think I’m going to milk this one for a bit,” Rhodey told the boys.

“Take him for all his money and remember your two kids in the divorce,” Harley said.

“Yes, Morgan and Peter,” Rhodey joked.

“I meant me and Morgan,” Harley said. Peter just rolled his eyes.

“Have a good dinner and definitely act like you deserve to be treated differently. I would be upset if you weren’t treated properly,” Peter told Rhodey.

“I’ll make sure Tony treats me with the most respect. Pepper is going to watch Morgan for the two of us tonight,” Rhodey said.

“Bye, Rhodey,” Harley said. “Have fun tonight but not too much fun.” Peter rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

“Whatever you say, Keener,” Rhodey said. “Keep your boyfriend in check, Pete.”

“I will,” Peter said as Harley scoffed at that comment. After Rhodey hung up, Harley stole Peter’s phone from him. “Hey.”

“Nope, no more phones until tomorrow. Tony and Rhodey are busy tonight and we are off. If they need us they can call me instead,” Harley told Peter. Peter muttered something but finally agreed with his boyfriend. One night off from being a superhero wouldn’t kill him at all. Now if it was a month he would be arguing. Harley pulled him close as they cuddled while watching Treasure Planet.

Peter woke up to a phone call the next morning. He could hear Harley in the kitchen making them breakfast. He decided to let the phone go to voicemail as he flipped on his side to try and go back to sleep but it was hard without Harley next to him. His phone rang again and Peter grumbled as he picked up his phone.

“Hello?” Peter asked, irritated.

“Morning to you too,” Tony said in a chipper voice.

“You know it's eight am right?” Peter pointed out to Tony.

“Well it is but also it is a good morning and I just made Rhodey breakfast and he isn’t mocking me because he said you talked to him about what happened and he said it wasn’t something I would do,” Tony said.

“Yes, I get that,” Peter said, not awake enough for this conversation right now.

“I wanted to…” Tony seemed to think. “How about you come over today and we will build you a new suit?”

“Are you trying to bribe me when you should be focused on making up to your husband about last night?” Peter asked.

“No, I just was thinking about how I could make it up to you,” Tony said.

“Let me and Harley have the day off and pay for us to go to a nice place for dinner and I’ll call it even,” Peter said looking at their dresser where the ring was hidden.

“You sure that is all it will take?” Tony asked.

“Let’s just say it would help me out a great deal with something big I’ve been planning,” Peter explained. Tony just agreed as Peter looked at the kitchen. Peter knew it would have to be tonight. He had to, it had been months since he bought the ring and he didn’t know if Harley would accidentally find it. Peter got up so he could join his boyfriend for breakfast.

Peter was waiting for the right time as they ate dinner but for some reason, it wasn’t coming up. Peter wanted to call the night a failure when Harley asked Peter what was wrong. Peter knew he had to ask now more than ever. He got up and then moved to one knee and held out the ring. Harley froze surprised.

“Harley?” Peter asked when it had been quiet for a bit.

“Sorry, I was trying to think about how to tell you yes without acting like a fool,” Harley said before Peter got up and put the ring on Harley’s finger as he smiled. In the background at another table, Tony took a few more pictures as Rhodey smiled at their two kids who were now engaged.

“How long until they get married?” Rhodey asked Tony.

“I give Harley six months to have the wedding planned and set up so maybe a year,” Tony said. “Maybe they will get married on April 10th.”

“I hope not. That is our day,” Rhodey told Tony. Tony laughed as he sent the pictures to Peter who looked at his phone confused before turning to their table and looking embarrassed. Harley looked in their direction and then asked Peter something before Peter handed him the phone. Tony later would get a thank you text from Harley but at that moment the boys decided to leave as Tony and Rhodey watched the newly engaged couple leave.

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jobrookekarev · 3 years

Text

Little Turkey (Updated)

Summary: Jo and Alex celebrate Thanksgiving with everybody in Meredith’s backyard and Jo tries to induce labor.

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Meredith Grey, Maggie Pierce, Jackson Avery, Amelia Shepherd, Atticus Lincoln, Zola Grey Shepherd, Ellis Shepherd, Derek Bailey Shepherd, and Carina DeLuca.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: thanksgiving, pregnancy, birth, babies, and tiny adorable turkey onesies.

AN: New edits because I forgot to add the reason why Jo didn't realize she was in labor and her water breaking because I was in a rush to get this posted!! You think that someone who studied to be a doula would get it right but nope. LOL. So hopefully this makes more sense and seems more realistic.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

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Jo pushed open the gate to Meredith’s backyard and was greeted with the sight of the socially distant Thanksgiving dinner in full swing. It might be the holidays, but there was a rise of COVID in the past few weeks and the governor had shut down the state. Despite how the group was constantly tested at work, none of them were willing to take any risks for an inside formal dinner. Which meant that tables were 6 feet apart, plates of food were already set out, and masks were required. Jo didn’t mind the outdoor activities, even with the November air as her pregnancy meant that she often ran hot.

Amelia and Link were at one table with her godson, the three kids and Meredith were painting at one table. Maggie and Winston were off to the side, and Jackson, April, and Harriett were at the third table. The last table was for her and Alex, Meredith had already set out plates for them that were already filled with turkey, stuffing, casseroles, and Amelia’s pie.

“Hey, Aunt Jo,” Zola said, being the first one to greet her and waved at her with her paintbrush still in her hand. She wore a white and purple butterfly mask that matched her butterfly coat.

Everyone else followed Zola’s hello with waves as Jo walked up to the only empty table. Link bounded over like a puppy and hugged her as tightly as he could with her full belly between them. The two of them had been together for most of the pandemic with her and Alex helping them with Scout and Link and Amelia returning the favor to help with Jo’s pregnancy.

“Where’s Uncle Alex?” Zola asked holding up her turkey painting to show Jo.

“That looks very cool Zola and he is on his way. He had a meeting so he's just running a little late,” Jo said as she put a hand on her belly and eased herself into the lawn chair and put her feet up on Alex's empty chair. “I see you all left me the good chair.”

“Yeah well the rest of us didn’t want to hear you complain about it for the entire night,” Amelia said, sending Jo a wink.

“I did not complain last time!” Jo insisted, looking over at Link who just looked at her wide eyed.

Jo knew that Link’s mouth was open under his mask as he was trying to find something to say to her before retreating back over to Amelia.

Ellis grabbed a plate of paint and dragged her cat chair to Jo. “Aunt Jo, can I paint your belly?”

“What?”

“She wants to paint your baby belly,” Meredith clarified for her, handing Bailey a plate of food. “She saw a picture of someone doing it online and now all she talks about is painting your belly.”

Jo looked back down at Ellis who looked up at her with the biggest puppy eyes and Jo knew that she was pouting under her mask. Jo smiled and nodded, how could she refuse Ellis’ request. Jo put her feet down and grabbed a pillow, putting it behind her back before she pulled up her shirt and tucking it under her breasts. Ellis giggled and grabbed her brush to paint a streak across Jo's belly. Jo shivered at the cold paint, but the feeling of Ellis’s brush was oddly soft and Jo found herself relaxing back as Ellis painted.

The party continued and the conversation flowed. It had been a while since everyone had gotten together outside the hospital, especially with the kids and it was nice to relax and enjoy the night.

“Oh that’s so cute,” Jo said as Link handed her a small canvas of one of her godson’s baby bumpkins. “I can’t wait to do that with this baby.”

Jo smiled as she stared over at Amelia and her godson. Back when she and Link were serving coffee, just trying to make it through college. They talked about how their kids would grow up together and be friends. They would be each other’s family. After Jo left, she didn’t think she’d ever see him again, but she was so glad he came to Grey-Sloan and gave her a second chance.

“Yeah, it does make a good keepsake for Christmas too,” Link said, smiling back over at Amelia and the baby as well.

“Nuh-uh,” Jo mumbled, shaking her head as she took a bit of the nacho that she had dumped hot sauce on. “I’m having this baby tonight.”

Immediately all eyes were on her.

“You're in labor!” Meredith shouted standing up and pulling out her phone, no doubt to call Alex.

“You're in labor!” Maggie freaked out as she dropped Zola’s painting.

“The baby’s coming today!” Zola cheered her eyes sparkling as she raced over to them.

“The baby’s coming!” Ellis shrieked, putting both of her hands on Jo’s belly that was still wet with paint.

“Oh my god, Jo why didn’t you say anything?” Link said, dropping down to his knees and putting a hand on her shoulder.

“No, I’m not in Labor,” Jo shouted above the noise.

“Josephine Brooke Karev are you still trying to induce labor a week before your due date?”

“Uncle Alex!” All the kids screamed, so excited to see him, they all talked over each other as they showed him their paintings.

“For heaven's sake Jo,” Link said, his eyes wide as he sat down on the grass leaning on the arm of her chair. “Between you and Amelia, the stress is gonna kill me.”

“Why would you want to have your baby today?” Meredith asked, moving her chair over to sit next across from Jo.

“Well, our anniversary is Halloween. I just thought I’d keep with the theme, that way we'd always remember and it’d be extra special,” Jo said, with a shrug as she felt the baby kick inside her as if they were agreeing.

“Regardless of the date it will be special, trust me. You're never going to forget your baby's birthday because it's also your labor day,” Meredith said her eyes sparkling and Jo knew that she was smirking over at her.

“I know, but I just thought I'd be fun,” Jo said, putting a hand on her baby belly where Ellis hadn’t painted, feeling them kick again as she turned to see Alex talking to the kids.

He was nodding along to everything they were telling him and acting like Bailey's messy painted turkey was the greatest piece of artwork he's ever seen. She loved seeing Alex with all the kids so much that she didn’t mind being second best to her husband. He was so good to them, always listening to them talk and going along with whatever they wanted. She couldn't wait to see him with their kid and she knew that they already had them wrapped around their finger.

“I painted Aunt Jo’s belly!” Ellis said putting her paint covered hands on Alex’s shirt.

“And now we match,” Alex said looking down at his nice button up shirt to see two small handprints.

Jo laughed as Alex looked down at the sight of his ruined shirt. Meredith got up and took Ellis inside to wash her hands and Alex sat down next to her. He pulled down his mask to greet her with a kiss and settled in. Jo grabbed another bite of her pineapple spicy nachos and Alex took a piece from her plate.

“Hey,” Jo said, pulling the plate away from him.

“Sorry,” Alex laughed before feeding her the chip.

Jo thought that he would have long since learned not to get between a pregnant woman and her food, but apparently not.

Alex’s eyes turned serious as he looked over at her. “How are you feeling?”

“My heartburn is better than it was this morning, my braxton hicks haven't been as intense as they were yesterday, and I did a hepatectomy on a guy who almost burnt down his house trying to cook a turkey with Jackson,” Jo said in between bites of her nachos.

“Yeah I’m surprised I got here before you,” Jackson said as he held Harriett and offered her a bite of green beans. “You finished the resection before I was done debriding his wounds.”

“I scrubbed in on a surgical extraction with Dr. Bailey right after,” Jo said with a laugh, remembering the case. “Some guy shoved a corn husk up you know where.”

“A corn husk?” Meredith asked in disbelief. “I can’t believe I missed that!”

“You can scrub in with me next year after COVID is cured and you can come back to work.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Karev.”

“It sounds like you had a good day,” Alex said, leaving in to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

“I did.”

Jo could see Alex smile under his mask as his eyes wrinkled and sparkled. Jo leaned in and pressed a masked kiss to his cheek. Alex chuckled, squeezed her shoulder as she leaned in and put her head on his shoulder.

They watched the kids paint and ate too much of April's pumpkin pie and stayed long after the kids fell asleep as the alcohol came out for the adults. It was the first time they had all congregated outside of the hospital and no one was eager to leave. Her sober buddy, Amelia, came to sit next closer to her, and Jo cooed at her godson, gushing over his cute little baby cheeks even after he fell asleep.

The cold night air set in and soon they were all bundling up in blankets, but no one wanted to head home first. Jo put the baby down inside and curled up against Alex as her braxton hicks started up again. She didn't mean to fall asleep but the next thing she knew Alex was shifting against her and pulling her onto her feet and putting one arm around her as he half carried her to the car, Jo mumbled goodbye to everyone.

Jo fell asleep in the car and she didn't remember getting into bed, but the next thing she knew it’s 4 a.m. and she's waking up with a braxton hick. She rolled over in bed realizing that Alex changed her into pajamas. Jo’s not sure if it's because she was exhausted or what but, as soon as it passed she rolled over and fell asleep again.

Somewhere around sunrise, just as the sun was shining into the windows, Jo got up with another braxton hick. She knew that moving helped and she had to pee anyway, but Jo only made it to the table behind the couch before she felt a trickle of water run down her leg. At first, she thought she had an accident, but the trickle of water just kept coming as Jo tried to clean herself up. Then she realized it was amniotic fluid. Her water broke.

Jo turned around to wake up Alex, but before she could she doubled over in pain as her next contraction started. She knew that her contractions would increase in pain after her water broke that this was on a whole different level.

Jo leaned against the table she tried to call out to Alex but she can’t speak. She was frozen in place until it passed. She knew that these weren't braxton hick, these were contractions, she was in labor. When she felt like she could move again Jo looked back at Alex, but she couldn't manage to call out to him. Instead, Jo got out her phone and pulled up her contacts, she blindly pressed Alex’s name and waited to hear his phone ring. Instead, she heard someone else answer her call.

“Hey Jo, what’s up”

Meredith’s voice was music to her ears. Jo opened her eyes and shook her head as she looked down at the phone. Jo was so relieved to see her friend. Although she had originally planned to just call Alex, it seemed she had set up a video call with Meredith. Because of the restriction, Jo couldn't have anyone other than Alex with her when she gave birth. Despite her initial plan to have Meredith with her, they had agreed to have Meredith be there over video call to support her through it. In the midst of a contraction she could barely speak, but Meredith seemed to know exactly what was going on.

“Are you in labor?”

Jo nodded, closing her eyes and swaying her hips, she wasn't sure why but somehow it seemed to help.

“How long have you been having contractions?”

“I don't know,” Jo said, blowing out a breath as the contraction passed. “A few hours maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?” Meredith asked, glaring at her. “When did the pain start?”

“Before I went to bed last night I think.”

“So you've been in labor for six hours, Jo how did you ignore this?” Meredith said as she rubbed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose

“I have a high pain tolerance, and I'm used to sleeping through the pain and I was really tired,” Jo said, the memories of when she used to fall asleep after Paul beat her were not once she liked to remember, but as a result, Jo often ignored her pain out of habit.

“Well, where's Alex? He should have been keeping an eye on you.”

“Alex he's …” Jo shook her head, and trailed off as she had another contraction.

“Do you need me to get Alex?”

Jo nodded, the contraction had passed but she was so exhausted and let Meredith help her.

“Okay, hang on Jo I'm going to call him from a second phone,” Meredith reassured her as Jo heard her stuff laying around on the other end of the phone. “Amelia gimme your phone Jo’s in labor.”

Jo chuckled as Meredith continued to harass Amelia for her phone. Ever since Meredith had recovered from COVID she had been working from home and harassing them all via phone call. Especially her as Jo continue their work on the mini-livers from their lab at the hospital.

“Okay, I'm calling him now.”

Jo looked back at Alex who was still sleeping peacefully in their bed. The blanket was pulled back on her side and his arm was laying over her pillow leaving the impression of an empty space where she had been. Alex had that evening morning scruff that she loved and his lips were parted as he snored. He was completely oblivious to how his world was going to change in a few hours.

Alex’s phone rang, the sound bouncing around the apartment. He rolled over and reached for his nightstand, cursing as he looked for his phone. Another contraction distracted her from calling out to him, but she heard him silence his phone and roll over again.

“Jo, Meredith is calling you.”

“No, I'm calling you,” Meredith yelled at him through Jo's phone. “Your wife is in labor Karev, get the hell up.”

Jo looked over to see Alex sit up and stared at her. He blinked once and then twice before he scrambled to get up, getting tangled in the blankets and tripping several times before he made it over to her.

“You're in labor?”

“Yes,” Jo and Meredith yelled at the same time.

“We’re having a baby!”

“Yes, we're having a baby!”

“Okay well let’s go,” Alex said and Jo could see it on his face as he went from paranoid dad to helpful husband. “Let’s have a baby.”

“Let’s have a baby.” Jo smiled as Alex kissed her before another contraction hit and she closed her eyes in pain. They were for sure having a baby today. Happy Thanksgiving to her.

“How far apart are the contractions?”

“Every four minutes,” Meredith answered for her.

“Has your water broken?”

“Not that I can tell.”

“Jo?” Alex asked looked down to check, but Jo shook her head.

“Okay, let's check how dilated you are, but regardless we're going to head to the hospital. I'll call Carina and tell her to have a room waiting for us.” Alex said as he put his arms around her waist and Jo heavily leaned in on him.

Alex helped her over to the bed and Jo laid down, sinking into the mattress. Another contraction hit and Jo closed her eyes taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out.

“That’s it Jo, deep breaths, you're doing so good,” Alex praised her as he held her hand, and mirrored her breaths.

Jo felt the tears collect in her eyes and Alex spoke, she was so thankful that he was there cheering her on. He had been so supportive through her pregnancy. He braided her hair and rubbed her back when she puked. He tied her shoes and helped her reach for things. He rubbed her back and her feet when they ached, and he talked to their baby when they kicked her ribs. When the contraction passed and Jo opened her eyes to see Alex smiling down at her. She sighed and relaxed as he leaned forward and kissed her.

“He is right, you're doing everything like you're supposed to, you're doing great Jo,” Meredith said, from where Jo had left her phone propped up on the table.

Jo returned their smiles and squeezed Alex’s hand. “I’m having a baby.”

“You are, and you're handling it like a champ,” Alex said, moving back and putting a hand on her knees, Jo saw his face shift from proud and supportive husband to concerned doctor. “Your contractions are pretty close together. Can I check and see how dilated you are now.”

Jo nodded and lifted up her hips as he pulled off her pajama pants. Jo put her feet up by her hips and let her knees fall apart. Alex waited for her to nod before he checked her cervix, despite how many times they had sex, he always waited for her consent. Alex quickly checked her and then smiled looking down at her.

“Jo, have you felt the need to push?”

“No, why?” she asked, confused as she pushed herself up on her elbows. He had pulled back his hand, but didn't give her back her pants.

“You’re about 9 cm dilated, but we should get to the hospital before you have this baby in the car,” Alex said as he patted her knee and got up. “I’m gonna grab your bag and stuff and put it in the car then come back for you.”

“Oh my god!” Jo shouted as she sat up and watched Alex run around their apartment.

“Hey it’s okay Jo, just take a deep breath,” Meredith said, Leaning into the phone so Jo could see her whole face.

Jo nodded and took a deep breath, knowing that panicking wouldn't get her anywhere, and put a hand on her belly. She couldn't feel her baby kick, only the contractions that seemed endlessly painful. After a few deep breaths, she held herself calm back down and had to open her eyes and look back at Meredith who greeted her with a nod.

“Wait Alex, give me Meredith,” Jo shouted as she heard him open the door.

Alex stopped everything and grabbed the phone before handing it to her and running off again. Jo just smiled as she watched him go, running around like a mad dad, panicked as she labor. After everything they had been through, he was still so excited and nervous for their baby.

Another contraction hit and Jo closed her eyes, tuning out everything as Meredith talked her through it and Alex ran around with the bags. Finally, he came back and helped her down the stairs, and into the car.

Jo barely remembered the car ride to the hospital. In between her contraction, Meredith and Alex talked to her and tried to distract her. She was so exhausted and could barely think as Alex and Meredith prompted her to move and breathe when they got to the hospital. It sort of worked, but it was all just a blur as they got her up to a room.

“Hello Jo,” Carina said that she came into the room rubbing fresh hand sanitizer over her hands before she reached for a pair of gloves. “I wasn't expecting to see you so soon.”

“I need to push,” Jo shouted, already bearing down, this baby was coming now, regardless of whether anyone was ready for them or not.

“Now!” Alex shouted in disbelief. “Shit we should have been here hours ago.”

“She said now!” Meredith insisted, yelling through the phone.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Alex said, as he crawled in behind her, rather than push on her back they had her upright and Jo sat on the end of the bed while Alex held her up and squeezed both of her hands.

“Jo wants me to advocate for her, this is me advocating.”

“Okay Jo push on the next contraction,” Carina said, shutting them both up as she got ready to catch the baby in between Jo’s legs.

Jo closed her eyes and tried to breathe as another contraction hit and she pushed with every bit of energy she had left. It felt like an endless circle of pain and pushing, then a break, and then more pain and pushing. She was so exhausted and she couldn't imagine doing this for an endless amount of hours.

“You're doing great Jo, just a little bit longer and they're gonna be here,” Alex whispered in her ear.

“He’s right Jo. Everything is perfect and your little bambino is going to be here very soon,” Carina said giving her a short nod.

Jo pushed for what seemed like hours and then Carina was announcing she could see the head. Jo knew that she had to keep going and pushed again and suddenly her baby was out and Carina held them up for them to see.

The second their baby cried, Jo's heart stopped as Carina held up this tiny little red baby screened in their ears. Jo pulled down her gown so they could do some skin to skin and Carina quickly placed them on Jo’s chest. Jo's arm instantly moved to cradle them and she leaned back against Alex as the tears filled her eyes. She and her baby's cries filled the room.

“She's so beautiful,” Alex sobbed on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around them both.

“It's a girl,” Jo said in astonishment, she looked down to where the baby laid in her arms and their daughter looked up at them with big eyes as her cries quieted.

“Alex do you want to cut the cord?”

Alex nodded and moved to cut the cord, taking the surgical scissors from the nurse. Meredith took a few pictures and Jo was glad she had asked her to beforehand because all she could focus on was the beautiful little girl in her arms.

Jo looked down at her beautiful, perfect daughter and moved to stroke her cheek. She hardly noticed the nurses cleaning her and taking their daughter’s Apgar scores. All she could think about was a perfect little baby in her arms. For her, falling in love was a gradual process, but Jo loved their baby from the moment she found out she was pregnant and she was so overwhelmed with love for her baby as she stared down at them.

Jo looked over at Alex as he moved out from behind her to stand next to her. As all the nurses attended to her and the baby. He looked so nervous as he stared down at her shifting his weight on his feet and stuffing his hands into his pockets. It was so unusual to see him so concerned and nervous.

Jo looked down at their daughter, she’d had her for nine months and although it felt like she had only been holding her for a few minutes, Jo was sure that she was ready to watch Alex hold their baby for the first time.

“Do you want to hold her?” Jo whispered, already moving the blanket that had been placed over both of them to loosely swaddle her and transferred their daughter into her chest.

Alex just nodded and took off his shirt so they could do skin to skin, then held out his arms for their daughter. Once she placed her in his arms, Alex slowly sank down in the chair next to her bed. He held her close to his chest before he seemed to remember how to hold a baby and cradled her in his arms as he relaxed back into the chair. She watched as Alex just gazed down at her with an expression of pure love.

Jo could tell by the way that his eyes sparkled that he was smiling down at their daughter under his mask. Tears collected his eyes and a few escaped the corner of his eyes as he whispered to her. The baby opened her eyes and squirmed, crying out for a moment before Alex soothes her as he began to rock in the chair. The baby flailed her arms out and Alex reached out to hold one of her hands as her tiny hand wrapped around his big finger.

Jo finished pushing out the placenta and laid back onto the bed before Alex put their daughter back on her chest and put the blanket over both of them. Jo just stared down at her in amazement. She was so perfect, from her tiny little forehead to the thick tufts of dark hair. She stretched out her legs, kicking Jo before she curled back up into a tiny little ball and closed her eyes.

“She’s perfect,” Jo said to Alex, not taking her eyes off her daughter. “Even if her big head caused me a second degree tear.”

“Sorry about,” Alex said, sliding in to sit next to her.

“Well you and her big Karev heads are perfect and I can’t feel anything down there anyway,” Jo’s legs felt like mush and she couldn't tell how many stitches Carina was doing.

Alex wrapped an arm around her shoulders leaning in to kiss her cheek. Jo turned and tilted her head to give him a proper kiss.

“You did so good Jo, I'm so proud of you and she is absolutely beautiful,” Meredith said with a smile as they all look down at the baby. “I’m gonna let you two enjoy your baby and I’ll send you the pictures I took in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Jo said as she looked over at Meredith who smiled.

“It was my pleasure,” Meredith said, tilting her head as she looked down at the baby. “Besides if it wasn’t for me you would still be laboring in the loft and Alex would be fast asleep.”

“Har har,” Alex said as Jo laughed.

“But you Jo Karev,” Meredith said turning a pointed finger at her. “You have to keep remembering to watch your braxton hicks and not sleep through your labor until your nine centimeters dilated!”

“Meredith is right Jo, your labor progressed very quickly without you realizing it,” Carina said, as she set Jo with a look. “Next time, I want to see you in here as soon as your braxton hicks are consistent for more than an hour. I'd rather send you away with false labor then put you or your baby at risk.

“Yeah, we can’t have the next one on the couch in our living room,” Alex added, kissing her forehead.

“I know I said I wanted two kids, but let's not talk about a second one until my vagina starts hurting from having the first one,” Jo said as she glared at him as Alex turned to look down at their baby girl.

“She needs a name,” Alex said, changing the subject as he trailed a finger across her little hand as she wiggled her fingers.

“Meredith does make a really good name,” Meredith sang, raising her eyebrows and giving them a look.

“We'll take it into consideration,” Jo said looking back at Alex. They had a list of names they were still arguing over, some of the names were new, but others were after friends and family.

Meredith ended the call and most of the nurses left, it was just them and Carina, who was finishing the last of Jo’s stitches. The baby fussed, turning her head and opening her mouth, signaling that she was hungry. Jo moved her down and Carina helped her and the baby get a good latch on her breast. Soon their baby was making happy little eating noises as her parents smiled down at her.

“She does need a name,” Alex whispered to her, setting his head on her shoulder and he looked down at their daughter as she nursed.

“You know which one I like.”

“I know,” Alex sighed, looking away from her.

“You should call her,” Jo said, turning to look at him as he gazed off into space. “Call her and then decide, and if you still don't want the name. we can choose a different one.”

“Okay.” Alex nodded and kissed her shoulder as they turned their attention back to their baby girl.

After their daughter finished eating and Carina finished her stitches, Alex ran to grab her some food from the cafeteria. Jo chatted with Meredith again for a few minutes about the pictures before Alex came back and they ate. He put on a movie some kind of Christmas movie that Jo wasn't really interested in so she closed her eyes. She must have fallen asleep and slept for a few hours only to be woken up by Carina and the nurses checking on her.

It’s still later in the early afternoon but the closed blinds and curtains made it seem like night and it was easy for her to close her eyes. She stared at the baby in Alex's arms before she fell asleep again and when Jo woke up and the baby was in the bassinet next to her bed. She reached out an arm to lay a hand on her chest feeling the baby breathing under her hand and fell back asleep.

When Jo woke up again she heard Alex talking faintly on the phone again. The baby was not under her hand and for a moment Jo panicked, she looked around the room and she saw Alex holding the baby in a football hold, as he rocked back and forth with his back to her. Jo relaxed and closed her eyes as she listened to the baby gurgle and coo as Alex talked on the phone.

“Yeah, thanks Mom, we can’t wait for you to see her,” Alex said as he walked back over and sat down next to her. Jo blinked and caught his eyes and he smiled at her. “Hang on Jo’s awake, let me give her the baby.”

Alex set the phone down and unswaddle the baby before setting her on Jo’s chest. The baby settled on Jo as she put a hand on her back tracing her spine and noting her clean skin. While she was asleep, Alex and the nurses must have bathed her and they put her in a plain hospital hat and onesie and Jo safely tucked those away for safekeeping. Jo reached over to the bag on the chair next to her and pulled out the little turkey onesie along with a dark orange hat to match.

Jo sat the bed up and put the baby on her lap as she changed her clothes, the baby slept through the whole thing and Jo pulled her close to whisper to her daughter. She tried out the names they had on their list, including Meredith, and just as she expected, the name Jo wanted for her fit.

Jo looked up at Alex as he finished the call with his mom and smiled at him as he put down his phone and came to sit down next to her. “She needs a name. We can't just call her baby forever.”

“I know,” Alex said, looking down at the baby as Jo shook her head.

“Let's try them all out and see which one fits,” Jo said, she knew that Alex was still hesitant, but that he would know that the moment he heard it and connected the name to the sight of their daughter.

“Okay, hello Stephanie,” Alex said looking down at their daughter before he shook his head. Jo chuckled, she knew Stephanie would be disappointed, like Meredith they had considered the name as they wanted her to be named after someone they loved, but it just didn't fit. “Okay, you do the next one.”

“Alright, hello Meredith or Edith for short,” Jo said to her, it was the name Alex wanted and Jo liked it too. Meredith meant so much to them and they had agreed to have it as her middle name regardless, but it wasn’t her first name.

“You're right, it doesn't fit,” Alex said as he sighed and leaned back into the chair.

“No,” Jo said looking down at the baby in her arms. She took Alex's hand and pulled it over to hold their daughter's hands that had wiggled out from the swaddle. “Her name is Helena, after your mom and Mrs. Schmidt.”

Alex smiled as he looked down at their daughter and rubbed the back of her hand. “Yeah, she's Helena.”

“Helena,” Jo said as their daughters fluttered open and she stared up at them.

Alex's phone lit up with a video call from Meredith. He looked over at Jo, they had agreed to the video call beforehand, and although Jo hadn't had any time to shower or even wash her face she knew none of them would care and nodded as he answered the call. They were greeted with the sight of their family. Meredith, Amelia, Lincoln, Maggie, Winston, Jackson, April, Ben, Bailey, Richard, all the kids, and even Levi and Helm joined the call. Everybody cooed and gushed over the baby and the kids talked about how excited they were.

“Have you two decided on a name yet?” Meredith asked as everybody went silent waiting for them to respond.

“Guys say hello to Helena Meredith Karev.”

#alex karev #meredith grey #jolex #grey's anatomy #otp: home and heart #grey's anatomy fanfic #My Fanfiction #My Writing #My Work #jo wilson

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starlitvesper · 4 years

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Why can’t I just focus on one thing at a time and quit doing weird side projects???

Argh. Whatever. Here’s the first part of my “Zim has gecko paws” AU.

Stuck on You

“If you’re not wearing the rest of your stupid getup anymore, why won’t you ditch the gloves?”

A slightly annoyed Zim looked up from where his head was in Dib’s lap, then stuffed most of his cotton candy in his face at once. Summer was in full swing, and that meant the local carnival was, as well. Where else were you supposed to bring your boyfriend for a tacky one-month anniversary?

“It wasn’t stupid, Dib. I just decided I would blend in better if I wore what you humans consider ‘popular fashion’,” Zim said dismissively.

Dib eyed Zim’s leggings and crop top, noting how they contrasted against his ripped black jeans and band tee. A bead of melted ice cream made its way down his cone and he licked it off before it could reach his fingers.

“Yeah, well, you look like a prep. And leggings aren’t pants.”

Zim crossed his legs. “You’re just jealous of how good my legs look in these.”

“Why would I be jealous of your legs??” Dib asked as he took a bite from his ice cream cone.

Zim didn’t have a good answer, so he bumped the bottom of Dib’s cone up into his face.

“Ack!! What the hell, Zim??”

Dib’s nose and mouth were completely covered in mint chocolate, and Zim stifled a giggle. Dib looked away and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, but not before Zim caught him grinning despite himself.

“You’re a jerk …” Dib muttered. “Back to my point, though. If you’d just ditch the gloves, you could quit wearing long sleeves in 85-degree heat.”

Zim shot him a long-suffering look. “You really want to know why I don’t take them off?”

Dib shoved the rest of his ice cream cone into his mouth. “Well, yeah … that’s kinda why I asked.”

Zim sat up. “Alright. Let’s go back to your house and I’ll show you.”

“Why not here?”

Zim looked around nervously. “There’s too many people here.”

Dib got to his feet. “Oh, like they’ve ever noticed any of the weird shit you do.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were back in the dark, air-conditioned recesses of Dib’s room. Dib cleared off a spot on the floor, tossing an armful of clothes in the hamper.

“Okay. Nobody else is home. We have the house to ourselves. Tell me your dark and terrible secrets,” he said, sitting cross-legged in front of Zim.

“Alright. But you can’t freak out about it,” Zim said nervously.

“I promise. Now just show me already!!”

Zim delicately grabbed the middle finger of his left-hand glove and tugged it off, revealing fingers that looked almost disappointingly normal. At least, until he held his hand out, palm up.

“Oh my god … you have gecko feet!!” Dib exclaimed with unbridled joy. “Why have you been hiding those?? Can you crawl up walls?? Holy shit this is so cool!!”

“Slow your roll, Dib—.”

Zim held up his hand and Dib abruptly grabbed it and intertwined their fingers.

“This feels so cool!! Okay you’re going to take those off more often and—.”

Dib tried to pull his hand back, but Zim didn’t let go. Dib gave him an odd look.

“You can … um … let go now, Zim …”

Zim’s eyes were wide. “That’s what I was just about to tell you … I can’t. I don’t have the muscle memory for it anymore.”

Dib just stared at him before whispering, “Please say ‘psych’...”

“I’m dead fucking serious.” He shook their hands vigorously to illustrate the point.

Dib put his other hand on top of Zim’s to make him stop. “Okay! Okay. I get it.” He started to pace, but was abruptly pulled to a stop. “Fuck … what are we going to do??”

The sound of a door closing downstairs made them both freeze. Dib mumbled a few choice, colorful swears as footfalls made their way up the stairs, stopping outside his door.

“Hey Dib!!” came Gaz’s voice from outside his door. He wasn’t sure if he should feel more relieved that it wasn’t his dad. He dragged Zim to the door and opened it a couple inches.

“What?” he asked, trying to obscure as much of his room as possible.

“What are you—?” Her eyes suddenly went wide and she peered around the door. “Oh my god, is that Zim in there with you?”

“I … yeah. We’ve been dating for like a month,” Dib said defensively.

“I already knew that,” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m just shocked you’d bring him over for the yearly family dinner.”

Dib’s mouth went dry. “... Th-the whu?”

Gaz rolled her eyes. “Nice. You forgot again. Someday I’ll learn to have less faith in you. Look, if you don’t want to introduce him to your boyfriend, aka the alien you’ve been trying to destroy for the past four years—.”

“More like three?” Zim chimed in, his face appearing just below Dib’s in the doorway. “We’ve had a truce for a while now—.”

“Zim!” Dib hissed.

“Yeah, you two work so well together,” Gaz said flatly. “As I was saying … Dad’s gonna be here in like five minutes. So either push Zim out a window or commit to telling dad about your boyfriend.”

“... I can’t get rid of him,” Dib squeaked out.

Gaz held up her hands. “I’m not going to try to come between you two. If it’s that important—.”

Dib pulled the door open all the way and held Zim’s hand up, shaking it. “No, I mean I literally can’t get rid of him.”

“Ow, Dib!” Zim yelped, smacking his arm. “Ow ow ow!! Quit that!!” He forced their arms back down, glaring. “And quit panicking. We’ll just have to cut both our hands off.”

“Excuse me??” Dib said, holding his arm a little closer.

“You can just wear long sleeves until it grows back. You’ll be fine.”

“Human body parts don’t just grow back, Zim!!” Dib exclaimed, looking horrified.

Zim looked surprised. “They don’t?? Huh … well I guess that does explain what was so special about Deadpool …”

“How did you get through all of Deadpool without realizing nobody else regenerated body parts?” Gaz asked with a raised eyebrow.

Zim shrugged.

“Zim? Can we focus?” Dib asked, exasperated.

“Ugh, okay, fine. We’ll cut mine off,” Zim replied, as if it were any less gruesome a suggestion.

“Dead geckos still stick to things!! I’ll be hauling around your disembodied hand until it disintegrates!!”

Zim stuck his tongue out. “Yuck, you don’t have to make it sound so romantic, Dib.”

EDITED TO ADD (April 24, 2020) — Here’s the finished fic!

#zadr #zim and dib relationship #zim and dib romance #zim x dib #invader zim fanfiction #invader zim fan fiction #iz fan fiction #iz fanfiction #invader zim #zim #iz #dib membrane #dib #gecko zim au #my story #my stuff #long post

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8ofdecember · 4 years

Video

youtube

The last time I did something like this was 4(?) years ago, but this is just so funny! They’re attending ZIP! from their own houses. Any weirdness is purely on my grasp of what they’re saying. I don’t own the video btw.

Masu pretends to press a button and connect the call: Ah, we’re connected! Good morning everyone!

Everyone wave and say good morning.

Masu: Amazing. This is quite the sight! Ah but I feel that there are people present who are giving out this sense of “who’s this?!” First there’s Naoki.

Kenjiro: Eh? Naoki? Why?

Masu: Probably his hairstyle?

Kenjiro: Recently he’s going for this singed Naoki style.

Naoki: Please allow me to burn you.

Masu: I also feel that Imaichi’s image is a little different?

Ryuji: Oh really?

Naoto: He feels fresher.

Kenjiro: Yeah that’s right. There isn’t that prickly feeling

Someone says he feels softer (more approachable)

Ryuji: I am at home after all.

Voice in the backgroud: The members who are showing a different side of themselves because they are at home.

Masu: There’s something I’m a bit curious about. Are the wallpapers of the homes of the members of Sandaime J soul brothers all matching brick wall patterns?

Iwata: It’s just coincidence that Naoto and I have brick wallpapers:

Masu: You’re not living together, are you?

Kenjiro laughs out loud.

Iwata, Naoto: No.

Masu: And Elly’s house is full of Marilyn Monroe (actually you only see two portraits XD)

Elly: I really like Marilyn Monroe.

Masu: How many Marilyns do you have?

Elly: All in all, 4 Marilyns.

Background voice: And then we go to this request

Masu: Since this a precious opportunity where you’re doing an interview from home, if it’s alright with you, we were wondering if you could share a treasured item with us.

Naoto: This thing (as he brings a big box into view), I’m not sure I should call it a treasure. It’s more like a treasure and a bother. Gun-chan told me, “Naoto-san this is your birthday present.” The bag holding it was really really big. I bought it home and it was really heavy and I was wondering what it was. I opened it with a great deal of excitement and it turned out to be a kayak!

Everyone just starts laughing.

Iwata: Isn’t a kayak great!

Naoto: I wanted to ask the guys: do I look like I go kayaking?

Ryuji: No you don’t.

Meanwhile Tosaka claps gleefully.

Iwata: Naoto-san is the kind who likes hills and rivers (Naoto agrees) and I have this image of him going to these places. I had this thought where maybe he would just happen to go to a river in private and think “AH, there’s a kayak loaded in my car, why don’t I bring it out for a run?”

Tosaka: Do you really expect that kind of miracle to happen?

Background voice: Although the conversation doesn’t stop here, we need to move on to the main theme.

Masu: To the members of sandaime J soul brothers, it’s still a bit early, but this year’s November 10th is the 10th anniversary of your debut. Congratulations! (The members thank him) This is a great opportunity so we would like to look back on ZIP! and sandaime’s history from our first meeting.

Background voice: From the precious archive footage of ZIP!, let’s look back on the 10 year history of sandaime J soul brothers. The first one is from June 2011 at their first album release event.

Footage-Naoto: From the bottom of my heart, I’m really happy.

Tosaka: His face was sharp!

Naoto: My eyebrows were so thin!

Background: Then two years later in April 2013 we have an interview. The members who are watching this footage (Elly and Kenjiro were partnered up: cooking demonstration + beatboxing) 7 years later are curious about-

Naoto: At the back, Naoki’s hairstyle was eyecatching.

Elly: Yes! I noticed too!

Ryuji: I noticed the hair.

Kenjiro: It was a refreshing bob cut.

Naoto: It looks like a bob.

Naoki: It was not a bob. It was an Okappa (おかっぱ, google it :D)!

Background voice: They were curious about the long hair. It’s totally different from what it is now. Then we have footage from December in the same year of their first live performance in the ZIP! studio. After that in March of the next year, Sandaime’s first participation in ZIP!’s spring fest. Here the event that left the most impression on the members was the dance collaboration with Announcer Masu. (They did 君の瞳に恋してる~can’t take my eyes off you)

Elly: For Masu-san to have managed to remembered all of that choreography, it was really quite hard.

Masu: Yes, they gave me a week and so I had the time to turn the steps into words and from there I managed to remember.

Tosaka: Oh yeah you turned them into words

Naoto: You transcribed the dance moves.

Footage-Masu: I transcribed your steps into words. (someone comments that he was all serious business) Macho pose~Macho~macho

Footage-Naoto: This has never been heard of before right? This transcription of dance choreography into words.

The clip switched to Elly rolling across the stage while everyone took turns jumping over him.

Ryuji: Masu jumped over Elly.

Masu: Elly told me, “It’s okay if you step on me”, but there was no mirth in his eyes at all so I was really afraid.

Background voice: Then in June 2014 the release of Ryusei whose dance moves became a social phenomenon. After that the star studded Sandaime J soul brothers also appeared on ZIP! several times. How much of the interview do they remember? Let’s find out! The interview we have prepared is from November 2015, where after appearing on the music special “Best artist”, they were asked about a recent “Best scene”

Naoki: So on November 10th we will celebrate our 5th anniversary, and it is coincidentally also my birthday.

Background voice: That’s right. November 10th is an important anniversary for Sandaime J soul brothers: Debut anniversary and Naoki’s birthday! On that day-

Footage-Naoki: Naoto invited me to go eat very casually, when we got there and I opened the door______

Background voice: To give Naoki a suprise, Naoto prepared a surprise. What kind of surprise did he prepare? Everyone remembers, right?

Tosaka: Eh? What was it? I don’t know.

Iwata: What was it?

Masu: Naoki you yourself remember don’t you?

Naoki: No, I forgot.

Naoto: OI! You cold hearted man!

Background voice: And we start off unexpectedly with Naoki himself not remembering what happened, but what of the other members? We asked, just in case.

Elly: Something like Naoto dressed up as a girl waiting for him?

Naoto: My image in Elly’s mind is that?!

Ryuji: Other members were also present?

Kenjiro: Isn’t that it? That’s it right? November 10th to me is a special day. Since it was a birthday, the surprise was all members gathering together right?

Masu: So if Naoki asked you all to gather together for a surprise you will all gather together?

Kenjiro: If we can gather around on that day we will.

Masu: Ah then let’s go to the video showing the correct answer

Footage-Naoki: Naoto invited me to go eat very casually, when we got there and I opened the door and Gun-chan was waiting there (as a surprise)

Kenjiro: Gun-chan?

Elly covers his face and laughs uncontrollably.

Footage-Naoto: My plan was to have all 6 members waiting for him, but after I informed everyone, only Gun-chan turned up.

Footage-Gun: I was also wondering, “What kind of energy should I be using to welcome him?” “Sorry it’s just me?”

Iwata: We’re so bad at gatherings!

Kenjiro: It’s so bad that we were all asked to go but no one went!

Naoto: And you just said, “If you ask us to go we’ll go”! That was such a huge lie.

Masu: Kenjiro-san, what were you doing on that day?

Kenjiro: I really no longer remember.

Masu: Naoki how do you feel?

Naoki: It’s really lonely. I was thinking that I should always maintain a good relationship with Gun-chan.

Iwata: That’s good. That’s good.

Background voice: A fray in a 10 year bond? and then we go to another interview, this is right before their debut, about the pose that Iwata showed the fans.

Footage-Iwata: At the time I was still an amateur who couldn’t tell left from right, and I was standing on the stage without any clue as to what posing meant. and I ended up doing _____ weird pose. (footage-naoto agreed) They’re still laughing about it today.

Background voice: The weird pose that Iwata did when he was still a newbie, does anyone remember?

Kenjiro: This one, yeah

Ryuji: This I know.

Masu: Does everyone remember?

Tosaka: If you cue us, we can all do it at the same time.

Masu: The pose from Iwata’s newbie days, cue!

They all do the exact same pose

Masu (laughing loudly): That’s right, Let’s go to the answer video.

Footage-Iwata: It was simply a pose where I held my right wrist with my left hand. They’re still laughing about it today.

Masu: Iwata-san, are they still teasing you about this today?

Iwata: 10 years later today it’s still a joke that can be thrown around, that’s conversely quite alright. At the time I couldn’t quite make my hands calm down, and while thinking that I had to do something, I ended up with this pose where I looked like I was holding an injured wrist.

Background voice: We have the actual footage here. among all the members who had cool poses, there was Iwata: holding his right wrist tightly with his left hand.

Masu: Iwata-san, would you mind showing us that pose a second time?

Iwata: Ah it’s our 10th anniversary so I would like to promote this

Naoto: Promote?

Tosaka: I’d like to see that!

Background voice: This strong bond that Sandaime J soul brothers have built up over a 10 year period, another strong bond that goes without saying is their bond with the fans. Although they were supposed to celebrate this important year together with the fans, they faced extraordinary circumstances. However, the members are already prepared for this

Tosaka: The time when we can’t meetup, whether it’s the fans or the members, the frustration that builds up from wanting to “have fun at a live performance”, that’s a good kind frustration. Of course we all hold these feelings of wanting have a live performance, the build up of these feelings clash and lead to the birth of a tremendous amount of anticipation for both us and the fans.

Naoto: After the lifting of this emergency state and we overcome all this with everyone, we hope to be able to bring you all a lot of fun with the power we have accumulated, the ideas that we have thought up in this period. We are doing all these preparations. So let’s look forward to the day when we meet up in a live performance. We hope to continue to have your support.

Lady in the studio: You could really feel their bond in the interview

Masu: I’m sure the viewers at home also have this feeling, when you’re doing meetings remotely there’s usually a clash where everyone tries to speak, but the sandaime members didn’t face this situation and everything was smooth so I felt this was the result of a 10 year bond.

Kenjiro (laughs): Really? I think you’re praising us a little too much. (Masu: no really!) Looking at the footage from when we debuted, you can only feel a sense of wonder realising that that artist has successfully stood on the stage of a dome tour. The 10th year anniversary is a really special year to the sandaime J soul brothers, although it’s shame that we can’t do any live performances, we will fully utilise this time, arrange meetings. so that when this emergency state is lifted, we can deliver unbelievably fun live performances and entertainment. I have the confidence that we will be able to deliver, so please look forward to that.

Masu: Please work hard on that. ZIP! is also in its 10th year so I hope to continue to have your support.

#sandaime j soul brothers #3jsb #Yamashita Kenjiro #naoto #kobayashi naoki #elly #tosaka hiroomi #imaichi ryuji #iwata takanori #ZIP!#translation

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violetsmoak · 4 years

Text

Pieces of April [11/?]

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099044/chapters/50202530

Summary: On the anniversary of his death, Jason’s second life takes an abrupt new turn and he’s faced with a challenge that neither Batman nor the All-Caste prepared him for.

Rating: PG-13 (rating may change later)

Warning(s): Past Jason/Isabel, kidfic, minor canon character death (pretty sure you can guess who), I’ll add more warnings/tags as I think of them.

Canon-Compliance: Takes place in between the two RHATO series, so after Roy and Kori and before Artemis and Bizarro. Jason and Isabel Ardila

First Chapter

________________________________________________________________

As expected, Jason doesn’t sleep that night.

His eyes remain trained on the ceiling of the guestroom while his subconscious drags him along a tilt-a-whirl of anxious and circular thoughts. He can barely process what they are with how fast they manifest and vanish again to be replaced with new ones. And before he’s really aware of it, the sun is streaming through the window that he forgot to pull the shades over, and he hears movement outside the room.

Figuring he might as well get up, he heaves himself out of bed and ambles down the stairs, skirting the piles of baby supplies he somehow forgot about while drowning in his night of circular thinking.

Tim is standing in his kitchen doing up his tie, nodding and humming with a frown on his face. Jason’s about to ask until he notices the hands-free earpiece in one ear. That could be either for work or to cover the Bat-issue comm; he probably has the latter plugged in permanently the same way Bruce does.

Tim notices him, and his mouth quirks upward in a not-quite smile of greeting.

“I’ll be in shortly, Lucius,” he says distantly. “We can discuss it before the meeting.” He taps the earpiece, hanging up, and then addresses Jason. “Good morning. You look like shit.”

“It’s the ‘I-didn't-sleep’ chic, which you should recognize since you invented it.”

“You’re just jealous you can’t make it look as good as I can,” Tim quips, and maybe if Jason were well-rested, he’d have a better retort for that. Instead, he narrows his eyes to study the younger man.

Tim Drake is polished and put-together, the epitome of perfect Wayne heir. Damian might throw around the words ‘blood son’ at every opportunity, and Dickie might be the first and favorite son, but Tim’s the one actually carrying on the Wayne legacy. From what Jason’s heard, he does it better than Bruce ever did.

Goddamn workaholic. And that suit probably costs more than rent for one of my legal apartments.

“I’m heading out,” Tim announces needlessly, taking a sip of what must be coffee from a travel mug. “I’ll try to get home before four o’clock, but it really depends on how much work Lucius decides to pile on while I’m still in town.”

“Because it sure as hell won’t get done if B is the only one around,” Jason agrees, earning a sharp grin in reply.

“Exactly.”

And there’s the cocky little bastard Jason’s been waiting to re-emerge after a day of being hidden by the scarily competent functioning adult façade.

“Feel free to stick around here and play the game system or raid the fridge or whatever. It’s up to you. The security system’s biometric, but I can give you an override code—” Noticing Jason’s disgusted and somewhat insulted look, he huffs, “Or not. Whatever. You’ll figure it out.”

He leaves without saying anything else, and suddenly Jason is well and truly alone for the first time since waking up on the anniversary of his death with his only thought being to get black-out drunk.

Funny how much twenty-four hours can change.

Except it’s really not.

Jason doesn’t want to spend another day thinking over all of his problems and the infinite possibilities of how the situation can become even more screwed up or confusing, so he busies himself with breaking into Tim’s hideout.

That occupies him for a little while, figuring out the security codes to the false wall and then to the locks on his computer system. He spends the morning wandering around, getting to know the frankly sweet set-up of the place, testing out the training room and looking under the hood of the cars in the garage.

Wonder if Timbers would help me outfit my bunker.

He’s been squatting in an old subbasement beneath GCPD headquarters for a few weeks now; the place was cut off from the main building during the Cataclysm a few years back and for whatever reason, everyone seems to believe it was caved in beyond repair.

Jason’s cleaned the place out and set up his own operation, but it doesn’t have the tech or necessities of an actual Cave. Which, frankly, isn’t fair, since everyone else has their own Batman-free getaway to hide in when the old man gets in one of his moods. Hell, even the new kid has a place beneath the Fox center.

As soon as the thought enters his mind, Jason scowls.

What the hell am I thinking?

None of this is even going to matter for a while anyway, now that he’s about to be benched. Might as well say goodbye to the state-of-the-art vigilante tech now and spare himself the disappointment.

He leaves the Nest (was Drake born without the ability to be original or something?) and returns to the living area, examining the place with a more critical eye this time around.

He still ignores looking at the pile of baby supplies.

Jason’s first impression the day before was of a barely lived in space, meant to show any would-be-intruders how a normal local celebrity might live. He learns he was only half-right when he spies smaller, more personal touches in the décor as he wanders through the house. There are photographs arranged along most of the walls, which on first glance he assumed were the kind you picked up at Ikea to make a place look classy, but he realizes as he studies the black-and-white images that they are shots of various locations in Gotham.

Locations a normal person can’t actually get to.

Which means Tim must have taken them himself; it’s just innocuous enough that a regular visitor would only admire the clarity of the shot. To someone like Jason, it’s impressive for completely different reasons; not least of all the danger inherent in achieving just that right angle. Two pictures he knows could only have been taken by hanging one-handed off a Gotham Trade Centre gargoyle.

The whole thing says more about Tim’s personality than any human detritus or strewn personal belongings could.

Though he does have those, too.

The shelf beside the television has a copy of what might be every video game known to man, across three different platforms. The study is filled with vintage board games and robot figurines and piles of tech magazines. Everything is scary neat—the professional, unnatural Stepford kind of neat that speaks of someone paid to clean it—with the exception of Tim’s bedroom. Jason pokes his head in there for like a second before shuddering and walking away from it.

How has Alfred not murdered you yet, kid?

Back downstairs, he studies the faux mantle above the electric fireplace where he sees artfully placed personal pictures of other recognizable personages. Tim with his Kryptonian and speedster friends, then him along with his generation of Titans. There’s one of him as a child with two people Jason assumes are his parents at a high society event of some sort, as well as a wedding photo of him much older; the man beside him is the same, but the woman in the veil is different. Stepmother, probably.

Jason pauses to smirk at the one of Tim and Dick on a beach somewhere, both ridiculously sunburned; it’s in the same folding frame as one with them both sitting beside Bruce on a beach chair. The older man is asleep, or at least pretending very well, and they’ve used sunscreen to write ‘I hate this place’ on his chest. Alfred obviously took that one.

The family butler is in the next image, standing beside the entry stairway of the manor with a thoughtful expression on his face. It’s so clearly staged to seem as distinguished as possible.

Guess Alf never did get over his dislike of having candid pictures of him taken.

Moving on, there’s a four-strip photo of Tim and Blondie stuck in the frame of a larger one with all three Batgirls past and present in what he supposes is Barbie’s apartment, with them trying to show Cass how to make a duck face. Beside it, one of Tim and the Thomas kid arguing over what looks to be a disemboweled computer; judging by the thumb shape in the corner it was taken sneakily and probably by Dick. Hell, there’s even one of the demon brat there, conked out on a couch in Bruce’s study with a black and white cat curled up on his chest.

Family’s all here, he thinks with a grim sort of humor. All except yours truly.

He’s not sure if he would have expected different, given his and Tim’s relationship. They might partner on occasion, and he works better with Tim than any of the other Bats he sometimes teams up with, but it’s not like they’re actually close. He doesn’t go out of his way to spend time with him outside of the mask, and then there’s a chasm of tense history between them.

He’d actually be surprised if—

Something catches his eye as he turns away from the fireplace, if only because next to all the gleaming frames its’ ordinariness makes it stick out. There’s a faded paper propped up against the wall behind a decorative clock, and when Jason reaches to pick it up and examine it, he finds himself staring down at his own grinning face.

Sort of.

It’s him from years ago.

The Jason Todd before Bruce stopped trusting him; before finding out his entire life had been a lie and before the Joker destroyed him. And it’s not so much a picture as a clipping from a newspaper.

Little Jason grins up at the photographer, missing his right canine and the same side of his face slightly puffy. Jason vaguely remembers the fight with Two-Face the night before, faster than he recalls sitting for this photo. He’s wearing a school uniform, can now recall the harried little man asking if he was sure he didn’t want to wait for picture retakes so they could get a picture when his face wasn’t bruised (“Bruce tried to teach me to ride a horse. They need to make those things closer to the ground!”) and him refusing because he earned these colors, thanks very much—

Jason can’t figure out how this photo ended up in a newspaper, though; the only pictures of him still extant in public are the ones they drag up on television every few years when Bruce does some bit of charity for orphans. Reminders of the poor dead orphan.

But this one—no, now he remembers.

This was the photo the press used during the custody case when Bruce was publicly battling Natalia Knight for guardianship of Jason. It’s not a copy, printed off the internet or digitally finished as a photograph. There’s yellowing around the edges and the paper quality is thin and grainy the way an actual newspaper is when it ages.

But why the hell does Tim have this?

He’s been back from the dead for years now, and with the Bat propensity for stalking and surveillance footage, if Tim wanted a photo of him, he could certainly have gotten all manner of material. Why this one? And why include it here at all, if it’s hidden away behind the others like a dirty secret?

The whole thing is vastly unsettling, and as he remembers Tim’s words from yesterday—

“We’re too complicated to be family. But we are Robins. And in a lot of ways, I think that’s stronger than us being part of the Family.”

—his chest starts to experience that vicelike pressure he’s been having on and off since learning about Isabel and the baby.

He’s struck by the very pressing need to get out of here.

Fleeing the apartment for the hidden Nest once more, Jason finds the exit protocols and manual overrides for Tim’s system, then borrows one of the bikes in the garage area. Tim did say he was free to do ‘whatever’ and though Jason doubts that includes absconding with his wheels, he doesn’t entirely care. He doesn’t even bother looking for the tracking beacons he knows are hidden on them.

He’s not running away, he’s just…clearing his head.

Or clearing it as well as anyone can while navigating the construction and traffic-infested roads of Gotham.

An open highway would be the most ideal way for him to lose himself and avoid his complicated feelings, but he supposes that option has its own dangers. Like just driving straight to California and pretending the past day has been nothing but a bad dream.

Instead, the constant roadblocks and detours Jason’s forced to take through the corners of the city jog his brain back into thinking. Back into reasoning and solving problems and improvising like he usually does.

First of all, he needs to stop letting Tim do everything for him.

Jason is capable—has survived on his own his whole life; it’s time to get his shit together. And to do that, he has to find someone who can take care of the baby.

His daughter.

He needs to get used to saying it, whether he stays in her life or not.

Jason isn’t entirely sure what he’s looking for in terms of the plans Tim suggested to him the night before. There’s merit to all the ideas, but he’s stuck between getting her out of Gotham or finding someone here who knew Isabel.

Or at least someone who knew she was expecting a kid. Any kind of connection to her mother would be better than nothing.

In theory.

Jason’s pretty sure that it’s a rare kid—himself included—who would have been better off without knowing anything about their birth mother. But Isabel is not Sheila, and the situation isn’t anything like that one.

He’s not even sure where to start looking for potential guardians.

Though Isabel’s friend Safiya said she would be looking into it, it’s once again putting Jason in the position of letting others deal with the consequences of his own actions. If only he knew more about what frame of mind Isabel was in before all this started…

Jason didn’t live with the world’s greatest detective for three years of his life without learning how to build a profile on someone. And the best starting point for that is where she spent most of her time.

He pulls over in the parking lot of a Bat Burger to unlock the fancy computer hidden within the bike’s dash (obviously one of Tim’s own design) and linking to the Bat-network’s backdoor to Gotham General’s patient records. Then it’s a simple search to bring up Isabel’s personal information, including her latest address.

Turns out she moved a lot closer to Gotham General than she was before; as he revs the motor and takes off again, Jason wonders if that was pre-emptive.

Isabel’s place is on the edge of Midtown, where the business district turns residential. The condominium itself seems well taken care of, especially in contrast to the fixer-uppers Jason’s used to in his own neighborhood, but in Gotham, that means next to nothing.

Though clearly Isabel’s been doing well if she’s able to afford a place here.

He’s not entirely sure what the average flight attendant’s salary is, but maybe she was just good with money.

Her apartment is on the highest floor of the apartment building, reachable by the fire escape. He scowls a bit at the idea that just anyone could get in here if they so choose, and if she thinks that’s a good enough deterrent than—

Jason has to stop and shake his head and remind himself that Isabel is gone. She’ll never have to worry about break-ins again.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he jimmy’s open the window and slips through.

⁂⁂⁂

Your feedback matters! I want to know what you think of my story, so feel free to leave kudos, a comment or as many of these emojis as you want and let me know how you feel!

❤️️ = I love this story! 😳 = this was hot! 💐 = thank you for sharing this 🍵 = tea spilled 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy! 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good! 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER 😢 = you got me right in the feels 🤯mind blown 🤬god damn cliffhanger 😫 whyyyyyyy?!?!?

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#jaytim #jaytim fanfiction #jason todd #tim drake #babyfic #accidental baby acquisition #enemies to lovers #slow build #slow burn #coping with big news

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annakie · 5 years

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Notes on a Blog Cleanup (& some other stuff) Part 4

Made it all the way back to to page 1000.

Started with 3021 pages. Currently have 2954 pages, adding in posting 10 - 13 times a day for the last month... deleted somewhere around 87 pages of posts (or around 1300 total). I’m in April 2015. So it took two and a half years to do 50% of my posting here and nearly another year and a half to get that down to 2/3rds. It’ll just speed up from here.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of words about tumblr, fandom, and Doctor Who.

I’ve found myself deleting more news articles lately. There’s almost no cringe-y stuff left. If I go back and do this again it’ll be even more deleting current events stuff unlessI connected to it somehow.

A LOT of the content creation I ever did happened in this time. I did so much giffing for Who’s Line, a lot of video game stuff, especially Mass Effect, cause you know, it’s me, and a lot of edits and such. Some way better quality than others. I was also getting thousands of notifications a day from the few things I did that were really popular back then (still sometimes get notes on that Whose Line/Elmo/Game of Thrones gifset to this day).

I know I’m not like, the best at gifs and edits, but hey, I think some of it is like, pretty good? There’s a few things I’m a little sad about that just never took off, but I bet all people who try and post OC on Tumblr feel that way about some of their stuff. A few things I made did surprisingly well, though.

I still will make the odd gif/photoset there that’s more than just “here’s some nice screenshots I took slightly edited” but honestly, I feel like these days it’s so hard to get many notes on tumblr at all? Like there’s just so fewer people making stuff, and even less reblogging gifsets/photosets? Idk, maybe it’s something more specific to my overall followers and who you all follow? But I made a joking post a couple of days ago about my dash feeling weird because not everything is specifically tailored to me after scrolling through my blog, but on the OTHER hand, I also feel like, overall Tumblr has become just yet another place to post memes and text posts and has the big problem of the Reddit/Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram (+TickTock) circle where each place is like 50% screenshots/reposts of content the others? This obviously isn’t a criticism of any actual people, but just... what tumblr has become the last year or two? Is it just me? Like you can find some gifsets and such with a couple thousand notes here and there but... just not as much is being produced now? Does that make sense?

Like a month or two ago I spent a couple of hours specifically looking for good general fandom blogs specific to several fandoms I’m in and... it’s hard to even find those blogs anymore. Like, “fuckyeah” type blogs that are someone’s sideblog about a specific topic. And hey, believe me, I’ve created and abandoned several of these kinds of blogs on my time here (and at least one I’d keep up with but.. it just doesn’t have any content being generated for it so it’s just... sparse) so I get it. Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places, I don’t know.

I keep wondering how much longer I’m going to keep doing this little project, and then every 10 or pages I come across a post I didn’t tag properly that’s now been found, or something I just really wanna get off my blog and I’m like “Welp, when I stop finding these, I’ll stop looking. So maybe in like, 2018. :p LIterally finding posts I forgot I ever made in the first place and like has made it worth it.

Notes on TAH Fandom

This was also the phase of being heavily heavily like SO heavily into The Thrilling Adventure Hour. And I have a lot of thoughts on that, too.

Literally, one of the best decisions of my life, tbh. Not every moment of being like a SuperFan of this thing was sunshine and roses, but most of them really were. Honestly, I made such good friends. I had some extraordinary experiences, doing things that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, for sure. I traveled to Seattle, Chicago, New York twice, and LA three times, hanging out with new friends, and getting to know the cast of a thing I loved so much, and also somehow getting to be known by them as well. There were things that happened that I didn’t blog about here because I never wanted to come off as braggy, or just to keep a confidence. There were a few not-as-great things that happened during that time, but basically, 2014 through mid-November 2015 will likely go down as one of the best time periods of my life, for a lot of reasons, but a good chunk of that was the experiences I had through TAH.

Hoo boy though, I blogged about it a LOT. Like, it felt like almost as much as early blog was about Doctor Who. I was, uh, real enthusiastic and am now kinda regretful about some of those early fandom tags. Also turns out some of the TAH people looked at my blog more than I knew, I think, so a little yikes there thinking back on it now. But also I was kind and helpful a lot, so all of that was good.

This is a good recap post of all of the awesome stuff. And even that glosses over a lot of the really cool stuff, or skirts around some of it, just to try and stay brief about it.

One of the big things I learned from that experience was that being a very involved person in a fandom is such a double-edged sword. For one thing, it honestly became somewhat of a second job for me, which I 100% put upon myself. But running FYTAH (with Shannon!) and admining/writing a large percentage of the TAH Wiki (with Ange!), working in the booths at conventions (with Jena + Shannon/Kitty/Jamie/Dani) and being available to help in a variety of other ways was A Lot. Which again, I took on willingly. And Ange warned me about it several times but I was like “No I want to do this.” So then it also kind of turned into like a customer service job even outside of working at the cons. After awhile you gotta smile and be nice allllll the time. I ended up taking a lot of things offline to a small subset of friends. And most of that came from other fans, not from the show itself (except like, feeling like I couldn’t show my true disappointment when the show was ending, or feeling like I couldn’t air any criticisms I had about the show except in very private conversations.)

At one point I was having an email conversation with a couple of those friends and realized that, for the first time in my life, I was like a “popular kid”, which was weird. And I tried my damnedest to be as welcoming and inclusive and not to let anyone feel left out. But also there’s a point where like, you can only take on so much, and you can only be actual friends with so many people? You can be kind and welcoming and enthusiastic and all, but you only have so much time and energy to give away. There were so many messages I never answered still sitting in my / the FYTAH inbox or in email and some on twitter because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to give away sometimes. It was a weird lesson to learn because I knew it so well in general in my personal life, but had never had to apply it... in this way before? Does that sound weird? Or braggy? I feel like I’m walking on land mines with this one.

For a more specific example of what I mean, in March, 2015 ten of us rented a house and lived in it for a long weekend for the TAH 10th anniversary show + a fun getaway vacation. Everyone invited was someone I knew or were close with someone else in the group. A few more people had been invited but couldn’t afford it, so word got around a little bit. And it was AMAZING. But I later heard that there were a few people, most of whom I didn’t really know, were hurt that they weren’t invited. Jena and I spent dozens of hours and put a lot of financial risk into being the custodians of the trip for even the ten of us, and it was a huge undertaking. It was never meant to be a thing for the entire fandom, just a group of people who were already friends. But there was still a small kerfluffle from a few people about it. Which, I TOTALLY get feeling bad about being left out but... it was always supposed to be a relatively small thing, never any kind of “Official Fandom Get Together”. And we definitely didn’t have the time/money/ability to host an “open call for anyone to come” type thing. Just coordinating 10 people (and about 25 - 30 overall getting together to hang out at designated times over the weekend) was... more than enough.

At one point sometime later people started suggesting that we organize and hold an actual TAH-Con and I... let that one pass me by without really talking about it. It was definitely too much, and even then I knew it. And I mean, the shadow of Dashcon was still hanging over all fandoms heavily in those days. I wasn’t about to become the next Dashcon. It never got past a few emails being passed around.

So yeah, to be honest, if I could go back and do those years again, I absolutely would, it was like 95% awesomeness. But I think in regards to some of the fandom-specific things, I’d be a little less of a doormat, and I’d be a little more careful about spreading myself too thin.

So now that the show is “back”, I am enjoying listening to it, and I’ll reblog some things or post big news on FYTAH, but I’ve been lazy about even helping out with the wiki (I keep meaning to get back to it, Ange is still doing great) because... although I’m still a HUGE fan, I also am gonna be more laid back about it now.

I also haven’t REALLY loved a thing in the same way since TAH. The closest there has been is Critical Role, and I’ve been real careful to stay out of any actual fandom stuff there. I really love the thing, but I’m gonna keep with my group of 5 or 6 other fans I already know (all from other fandoms) who love the thing too, and stay out of wider discussions. With some of the stuff happening there lately, it was a good decision.

Wow, that was a lot of words. Sorry.

Hey one last thing to catch up on.

Doctor Who Rewatch 2019!

I’m now already at 6x01, into the Silence episodes.

So I did finally rewatch the Desert Bus episode that I hated so much before and like... this time... it was fine? Cheesy and all, but not so bad that I should have hated it as much as I did? Also noticed the Doctor doing the classic “gonna hit on this girl really hard in the beginning then drop her so quick at the end” thing to the companion of the week. Ah, Ten. The most bi-polar of all Doctors. I’m gonna be honest, I decided to skip on through Waters of Mars because I realized I was just ready to be done with Ten at that point. I’ll probably go back to it at some point but I wasn’t ready for another Ten Temper Tantrum, maybe the worst one of all, in that episode.

So I finished Ten (and oh man that whole two-parter to end Ten with... like the whole Master plotline is such a stinker. The first half, in particular, is so bad, the only really good scene is the one in the cafe with Wilf. The rest of it... wow. Wasn’t that whole thing written like the week before filming and never really edited or something? IDK.) The last half hour or so is really good though, with Ten’s sacrifice (after a tantrum) and then all the companion goodbyes (except Joan Redfern’s granddaughter, bleh).

But yay, on to Eleven and Amy and Rory and more River!

Season Five is... wow it starts off strong and really stalls there in the middle for a bit. Picks back up a bit with Rory returning, then somehow has two great episodes without Rory and ends strong, though the first pretty nonsensical Moffat-era “this doesn’t make sense but it looks and sounds so good you don’t care, right?” season arc and ending. Season six, I’m already remembering, is way, way worse for that. But anyway. Rory remains my second favorite companion ever. And episodes with Amy, Rory and River continue to be my favorites. Also? Matt Smith is so good.

But even early on in season six I’m remembering how really dumb the overarching plotline is... Moffat is great at “Oh man this will be cool so I’m gonna throw it in there! (and it really is some very cool stuff!) and hope it all makes sense later! Or just don’t think about it too hard!”

Honestly though, despite all the quibbles, most of the episodes work on an individual level if you don’t think about the the overall arc Moffat is trying to do. Even those that are a bit sloggy, like the Cold Blood/Hungry Earth two-parter, have enough great moments to justify watching them. (Ambrose is still maybe one of the worst “regular people” characters to ever be on this show, though.) There’s still no “Fear Her”. And that’s pretty good.

Also? The blog itself is now about as Doctor Who oriented as it is in the last year. Like... oh the season is airing? There’s a lot more good stuff to reblog, I’ll reblog good stuff. Season not airing, a scattered post here and there. It’s a much better place to be.

After Amy and Rory leave, that was about the end of my true like “Doctor Who Obsession” phase. On my Blog we’re in the break between Amy and Rory leaving and Clara showing up. I never really clicked with Clara, I think like a lot of people. Like I really liked the season with Danny, but after that season I never really rewatched episodes, so I’m looking forward to getting there and experiencing some stuff again for the second time.

#personal post tag thingy #notes on a blog cleanup

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 5 years

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We’ll Carry On - Chapter Forty Six

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

March 18th, 2019

Dee looked at everyone in the room in the courthouse with confusion. They were smiling and laughing and chatting like they had done this a million times before. They hadn’t done it a million times, but they had done it three, so maybe they were just that familiar with each other.

Whatever the reason, he was uncomfortable being slightly dressed up and just standing around in court doing nothing. He clung to Remy’s leg like his life depended on it, and when they finally started talking about signing papers, Dee felt relief flood through him. Even if this meant he couldn’t go back to Mama, he wouldn’t be stuck in this courthouse forever.

And anyway, if Mama left him, didn’t that mean that this new family taking him in was a good thing?

March 18th, 2020

Dee was happy enough that he was jumping up and down and flapping his hands like mad. He was wearing his adult villain gloves, because he had outgrown his old ones but Dad got him these so that he didn’t have to go without villain gloves at all. These he just had to grow into.

They were at his favorite pizza place, the one that knew his particular preferences for pizza and didn’t give him or his family weird looks when they ordered a white pizza with extra cheese and sausage. It was the anniversary of his adoption, and while he had gotten a mini-party two weeks before with his family for his seventh birthday, Lucy wasn’t able to come and have dinner with them like he had hoped. But today, Dad and Ami had talked with Lucy’s moms, and they all had agreed that they would meet here, as a belated birthday celebration in addition to his adoption anniversary.

As soon as they walked through the door, Lucy exclaimed, “Dee!” and ran over to hug him.

He hugged back, tight, before taking off his gloves and shoving them in his coat pockets so he could sign. “I’m so glad you came!”

“Well, of course!” Lucy signed back. “I was super sad I couldn’t do it on your birthday, but this is almost as good!”

Dee grinned and flapped his hands before signing, “It’s better! Because this is the reason why I know you in the first place!”

Lucy frowned. “What do you mean?” she signed.

“Well, if I hadn’t been adopted by Dad and Ami, I wouldn’t be going to school with you!” Dee explained.

“Oh!” Lucy said out loud. “Yeah, I’m really glad you got to be adopted, then!”

Dee nodded. He was really glad too, and he didn’t want to think about where he would be if he weren’t with Dad and Ami. It definitely was not a pleasant thought. Would Mama have stopped taking pills? Would he have had to talk to way more police people? Would he have been taken away anyway, only this time he wouldn’t have been with Dad and Ami? He didn’t know, and that really scared him. Hence why he didn’t think about it often, if at all.

Lucy tapped his arm and Dee looked up at her from where he found himself staring at the floor. “You okay?” she signed.

Dee smiled softly. “Yeah. Just started thinking about not nice things.”

“Oh,” Lucy said, nodding her understanding. “Yeah, that’s no fun,” she agreed. “Do you want to find a table with my moms and your family?”

“Yeah,” Dee agreed, and the two immediately looked for a table that could house the ten of them.

When they found a likely candidate, everyone sat down and, because the customers were allowed to seat themselves, a waitress came right over with a bright smile. “Hello there! How can I help you tonight?”

“Hi, we’re going to be ordering...” Ami trailed off, before signing at Lucy’s moms. At their response he said, “We’ll be ordering three pizzas. Two large ones, regular sauce, pepperoni on one half and veggie lover’s on the other, the second one plain cheese on one half and green peppers and black olives on the other, and then a small, white sauce, extra cheese and sausage.”

The waitress laughed. “Oh, you must be the Picani’s! The manager talks about you a lot. Usually to say why you should never judge someone for their pizza order, because you come here often and tip well because no one else takes the order seriously.”

“That’s us,” Ami said cheerfully. “We’re here with a school friend of the youngest. He’s very excited about it.”

Dee noticed that one of Lucy’s moms was translating what Ami was saying for the other. When the waitress left, the conversation moved solely into the sign language territory. Mostly introductions, explaining who was who to one another. Lucy’s mom who was Deaf, who was wearing a denim jacket tonight, smiled and signed, “Your ASL is amazing for only knowing it one year.”

Logan signed back, “Well, Dad and I have had more practice than one year, but my teacher has said that my signing improved greatly since Dee joined the family. Full-immersion does wonders in learning a new language. And since Dee only would speak when he knew we wouldn’t know the sign and no one was around to translate, it really was like full-immersion.”

Lucy signed, “That’s really cool! I didn’t realize most of you didn’t know sign before! You’re naturals!”

“Not really,” Roman signed with a laugh. “My sign was terrible for the longest time. I constantly had to ask Dee to slow down, and I still do when he fingerspells. But I’ve been getting better.”

Ami lightly waved his hand and signed, “Before the food comes, we have a gift for Dee to celebrate his adoption.”

Dee was surprised, thought he didn’t know why. He had gotten presents on his birthday, both from the family and from Lucy. But he forgot that he might get a gift on his adoption.

Dad passed over a small bag to Dee and Dee took it gingerly. He sifted through the paper and found a pair of earbuds, which he played with for a few seconds before sifting through the paper more at Ami’s encouragement. He pulled out a small-ish rectangular device that sort of reminded him of a phone, except it had a circle where the keys would be, and the screen was small. “What is it?” he signed.

Ami and Dad both laughed, and Lucy’s moms were cracking a smile. “I never thought I would see the day,” Ami signed. “It’s called an iPod. It stores music and podcasts and stuff so you can play it whenever you like.”

Dee blinked a few times, before putting the earbuds into the iPod and then his own ears. “What do I do to start the music?” he asked.

“You see the symbols of the sideways triangle and the two little lines? Press that,” Dad signed.

Dee did so and his eyes widened as he recognized one of the songs that Logan liked to listen to, one of the few that he was allowed to play without headphones around Dee, and the one that was Dee’s absolute favorite of Logan’s songs. He took out one of the earbuds, surprised that he couldn’t hear the music in that ear anymore, before putting it back in. He grinned. “Cool!” he signed.

“Ami and I found that in the basement in one of the moving boxes, and we cleared out what little music was still on it before downloading songs we knew you liked,” Dad signed. “We figured it could help some in crowds. It’s not the same as noise-cancelling headphones, but it still will give you something to focus on.”

Dee grinned wide and signed “Thank you” over and over again. Then, “Can I keep them in while we eat?”

“Well, yeah, if you want,” Ami signed. “We’re all going to be signing anyway, so you won’t be missing out on any of the conversation.”

Dee flapped his hands excitedly and slid the iPod into his pocket. Lucy was grinning at him. “That looks like it was a really good gift!” she signed.

“It is!” Dee exclaimed. “And on my birthday Dad and Ami found a weighted blanket in my size! They know all of my sensory problems and they help with them, instead of telling me that I need to get over them, like some of the mean kids at school do!”

“That’s great!” Lucy signed. “I’m really happy for you!”

Dee nodded. “They also help Logan when he has similar problems.”

“What?” Logan signed. “I don’t have those sorts of problems, do I?”

“You don’t buy certain shirts or pants because they ‘feel wrong,’ you can’t stand certain music because ‘the lyrics don’t sound right,’ you can’t touch chalkboards with any part of exposed skin, nevermind fingernails, without squeezing your hands repeatedly until you can run your fingers under water or on something that ‘feels better,’” Dad supplied. “You do all of this without realizing it, but yeah, Logan, you have sensory issues.”

Logan looked momentarily stunned. “Oh,” he said, out loud. “I didn’t realize...” he started to sign, but his hands drifted down as his thought process trailed off. “I don’t know.”

The pizza came while Logan was still brooding over this fact, and the conversation moved to lighter topics. Lucy and Dee talked a lot about school when they weren’t eating their slices of pizza, Roman talked about how the school play was coming up in April and how he had most of his lines down but the blocking kept tripping him up, and Patton and Virgil talked a lot about the books they were reading. Virgil adored Animorphs and Patton was still enjoying The Magic Tree House whenever he could.

Eventually, Logan joined in on the conversation again, when Lucy’s moms asked Logan and Dad where they had learned to sign. They signed an hour-long conversation, and when all of the pizza was eaten and their drinks gone, Dee was starting to yawn as one of Virgil’s slow songs came on the iPod, acting like a lullaby. “We should probably head out,” Dad signed. “I think Dee’s a little too tired for dessert.”

“I’m not tired,” Dee protested, before yawning again.

“You’d fall asleep face-first into whatever dessert you had,” Roman signed with a grin.

Dee whined in protest but didn’t do anything else outside rub his eyes. He was tired, and it had to be getting close to eight, but that didn’t mean he wanted to go home and get ready for bed.

“We should be going, too,” Lucy’s other mom, the one who was wearing bright pink lipstick, signed. “Lucy will need to go to bed soon. It is a school night, after all.”

Lucy tilted her head back and groaned, before hugging Dee. When she pulled apart, she signed, “I had fun tonight.”

“Same,” Dee signed.

“Oh, and do you like the book Mom found for you? There aren’t a lot of kid’s books out there with characters who are mute, so I hope just finding one who was autistic is okay...”

Dee smiled. “I love it a lot, Lucy. It’s nice to read, especially when the bullies give me a hard time.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Lucy signed.

Everyone stood, and after Dad and Ami left two twenties on the table, they all walked outside and went their separate ways in the parking lot. Dee was a little sad, even though he knew that he would see Lucy tomorrow. He had sorta hoped that tonight would never end.

“Chin up, Dee,” Virgil said as they all got in the van. “You get to listen to your music a little while longer before you have to go to bed.”

“And you get to see your best friend tomorrow!” Patton chirped.

“Not to mention that just because tonight is over, doesn’t mean we’re not going to be here tomorrow,” Roman added.

“And while it might seem unfair to cut the night short, we really should get back home. If you want, we could read the book Lucy got you again before bed,” Logan offered.

Dee yawned again and nodded. That sounded really nice. Ami drove out of the parking lot and started the trip home, and as one song bled into the next in Dee’s ears, he leaned back and tried to let himself relax, just a little, just enough that maybe he could have an easier time sleeping tonight. After all, his family was here, and they would keep him safe and love him ‘til the end of time. He had been here a year and they hadn’t disappointed him yet.

Virgil gently grabbed Dee’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Dee looked over in confusion. “Just...you know that we’re not gonna leave you for anything, right?” Virgil asked. “The only thing that would make me not be able to talk to you anymore is if one of us died. And that’s not gonna happen for years and years.”

Dee nodded. “I know, Virgil. Thanks,” he signed.

“I love you,” Virgil murmured. “I want to make sure you know that, because I don’t say it often.”

“I know,” Dee signed again. “I love you too.”

After Virgil nodded and Dee started to relax again, he was asleep before they even hit the next red light.

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #deceit sanders #remy sanders #emile picani #logan sanders #our creations #danger gays

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