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beardedmrbean · 1 year

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NEW YORK — Colinford Mattis’ trajectory from a working-class upbringing in East New York to the Ivy League and corporate law abruptly ended at about 1 a.m. May 30, 2020, when a Molotov cocktail ignited the center console of an empty police car during a Black Lives Matter protest.

On Thursday afternoon, Judge Brian Cogan of U.S. District Court in Brooklyn sentenced Mattis, one of two young lawyers who burned the vehicle during the protests days after the murder of George Floyd, to 12 months and a day in prison and a year of post-release supervision.

Mattis, 35, has lost his law license, having pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit arson and having acknowledged he had broken the law he had sworn to uphold. Now he may lose much more: the guardianship and planned adoption of three foster children. The oldest is 14.

On Thursday evening, the Brooklyn courtroom was crowded with Mattis’ friends and family.

“I’m deeply sorry and embarrassed about the things I did and said in May 2020,” Mattis told the judge. He said he recently reread his text messages from that day. “I am more than horrified at the words I used,” he said.

“I am sorry that I hurt my three children that my mother had entrusted to me,” he added.

The judge told Mattis that the country needed attorneys to bolster faith in the rule of law and to reassure Americans that the legal system would hold Floyd’s killers to account. He told Mattis that his hard work had changed his station in life.

“You’re not one of the oppressed,” Cogan said. “You’re one of the privileged.”

Spectators in the gallery gasped at the judge’s words. “To make that comment, you’re not seeing the same things that I’m seeing,” said Taaj Reeves, a friend of Mattis’, after the hearing.

In November, the judge had sentenced Urooj Rahman, Mattis’ friend and a fellow lawyer, to 15 months in prison and two years of supervised release for the same crime. She was the primary caretaker of her aging mother. Cogan called the sentence one of the most difficult he ever had to impose. After a lifetime of hard work and conscientiousness, he said, Rahman’s conduct was a violent aberration.

“You are a remarkable person who did a terrible thing on one night,” the judge told her.

Cogan said Thursday that Mattis got a lighter punishment because he had not been the main instigator of the attack.

The sentences close a case that stunned the city, devastated two families and exposed deep fissures between the police and the community. They reflect a long negotiation with the U.S. attorney’s office in Brooklyn, which at first sought steep charges and had pushed to deny bail to Rahman and Mattis, both first-time offenders.

Rahman and Mattis had been high achievers, children of immigrant families who were raised in New York. Rahman pursued public interest law, co-authoring a paper on police reform in 2014 and working at Bronx Legal Services. Mattis followed a more lucrative corporate path. But he was already teetering in his career and personal life when the protests occurred.

The events that led to their downfall began in an unsettled spring.

Mattis had been furloughed in March from his job as an associate at the law firm Pryor Cashman, and the pandemic had cut him off from outside support as he took care of the children, his lawyer wrote.

Then, on May 25, video of Floyd, a 46-year-old Black man who died in Minneapolis after his neck was pinned to the ground by Derek Chauvin, a white police officer, ignited protests. There were demonstrations in at least 140 cities across the United States.

In New York, peaceful protests turned into confrontations with police. Throughout the weekend, demonstrators clashed with officers in Union Square in Manhattan and outside the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, resulting in injuries and hundreds of arrests.

On May 29, according to court documents, Mattis had been drinking throughout the day as he exchanged despairing messages over the murder of Floyd with friends, including Rahman, who were mobilizing to join a protest. That evening, Rahman, who was 31 at the time, met Mattis after he made stops to buy supplies, including gasoline, and joined a swell of protesters in Brooklyn.

Shortly after midnight, with Mattis at the wheel, according to court filings, they drove in a tan minivan to a police precinct in Clinton Hill. After trying to persuade a bystander to throw a bottle that she was holding, Rahman got out of the van herself, walked toward an empty police patrol car that had already been damaged by protesters and threw the Molotov cocktail through its broken window before fleeing.

She and Mattis were arrested shortly afterward and held in jail for several days before they were released to home confinement.

It was a politically fraught moment after New York police officers had arrested hundreds of people during the protests, many on charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and unlawful assembly. District attorneys said they would not prosecute many of the nonviolent cases.

Brooklyn federal prosecutors, then part of the Trump Justice Department, appealed twice to keep them behind bars, saying that the two lawyers had tried to incite others to similar attacks. But more than 50 former federal prosecutors signed a public letter urging the appeals court to reject the U.S. attorney’s office’s argument for detention, saying it contradicted settled bail law.

In June 2020, a grand jury returned an indictment against Mattis and Rahman that included seven counts, including arson, use of explosives and civil disorder.

In November 2021, after President Joe Biden had taken office and new leadership had taken over in the Department of Justice, Rahman and Mattis each pleaded guilty to one count of possessing and making an incendiary device. Last June, those charges were dismissed as part of a deal with prosecutors, and both pleaded guilty to a count of conspiracy to commit arson.

At Rahman’s sentencing, she faced up to five years under federal guidelines, and the government had asked for 18 months to two years. Her lawyer, Peter Baldwin, asked the court to impose only supervised release, saying his client had experienced “a dangerous and reprehensible lapse of judgment.”

“Urooj’s emotions — her anger, her despair, her rage — got the better of her,” he told the judge. Since the incident, Rahman had been in therapy and Alcoholics Anonymous, Baldwin said.

Rahman was born in Pakistan and grew up in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn; she graduated from Fordham Law School and had always been drawn to public interest work, a commitment for which Cogan praised her.

When she addressed the court, Rahman cried as she spoke about her mother’s grief. “I don’t think there are enough words to express my sorrow and regret,” she told the court. “My sole intention was to lend my voice to other New Yorkers in the pursuit of justice. I completely lost my way in the emotions of the night.”

She is to report to federal prison in Connecticut on Tuesday.

Mattis has already spent nearly a month in jail, has taken a leadership role in his Alcoholics Anonymous chapter and is at no risk of reoffending, his lawyers said in the memorandum to the judge.

Sabrina Shroff, his defense attorney, told Cogan in a presentencing letter how Mattis, the son of immigrants from Jamaica and St. Vincent, grew up in a chaotic home. Although early on he struggled academically, he went on to graduate from boarding school, then attended Princeton University and New York University’s law school.

When he was in his second year of law school, his father, Kingcolinford Mattis, was stabbed to death during a robbery in St. Vincent. His son used alcohol to dull his pain, Shroff wrote.

After law school, when he took a job at a law firm in 2016, he was often late or absent, court documents said. His yearslong dependency on alcohol worsened. He was asked to leave the firm just as his mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer, and he became her primary caregiver until her death in 2019, even as he worked at another firm.

After she died, Mattis took over her role as the foster parent for the three children he is now in the process of trying to adopt. He is also the primary caretaker for his 15-year-old nephew.

Shortly after the pandemic hit in March 2020 and Mattis was furloughed, his drinking increased, according to court filings.

On May 29, 2020, hours before he joined the protests, Mattis watched the video of Floyd’s murder for the first time and began to cry.

Within hours, court records said, Mattis was driving the minivan quickly away from the burning police sedan with open bottles of Bud Light, a funnel, a half-full red gas can and rolls of toilet paper.

#nunyas news #we think before we act #so things like this don't happen

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canonicallysoulmates · 1 year

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Walker 3.06

Abeline bails Stella out of jail and I am so glad because that poor girl did not deserve to spend even an hour in there but I wish she had torn Cordell a new one for acting like a jackass towards his daughter. And after Cordell gets put in his place, August needs to be put in his place. Because he is acting like such an annoying, hypocritical asshole refusing to apologize to his sister, refusing to own up to what he did, and telling Stella that she should be angry at their dad instead of him because he's the one who didn't listen to her and left her in jail when he is taking his anger out on her and placing the blame on her for him feeling neglected in the family. August, go to therapy and deal with your issues because I am tired of your developing victim complex.

Cordell and August's behavior leads to Stella making perhaps the best decision she has made in this show which is to move out. At least temporarily. Geri has to travel to deal with some things, that seem to be related to Hoyt 👀, and she leaves Colton in charge of her house as well as the Side Step so Stella takes the opportunity to move into Geri's house while she's gone. For two seasons I have gone back and forth between either not caring about this girl or disliking her but this season is achieving what I previously thought impossible and that's to make me like her! I am fully on her side when it comes to this whole debacle and I am cheering her on and feeling proud of her for moving out.

On to the other characters, Walker and Liam go to where they got held because it's part of Liam's therapy and it's revealed that what affected Liam so much is that when Walker was taken from the cell to talk to the main bad guy Liam was made to believe that he had been killed and that he was being forced to bury his brother's body.

Trey might be new to the Rangers but he's already making friends in high places and was personally picked by the Mayor to be part of his security detail for a fundraising event! Good for you Trey! And Cassie is also on the security detail for this event but her job is to be part of the mayor's Chief of Staff security detail, and there's some tension between the two of them like maybe he could potentially become a love interest for her.

The mayor's chief of staff by the way is played by none other than Mr. Jake Abel!!!! And the role he plays I can only describe as a Hallmark man, and it actually makes me want to see him in a Hallmark movie, cause the character he plays is to use Cassie's words "politician nice" he comes across as fake and one dimensional but then he has a scene where he's talking to two kids and that's supposed to show there's more to him than meets the eye- if you've ever seen a Hallmark movie where the male is a businessman you know exactly what I mean.

Anyways, there's an attempt against the mayor's life via nerve agent but the one who ends up getting hurt is actually Kevin - Jake Abel's character is named Kevin - because he opened the mail that contained the agent. But luckily for him, Trey is there and is able to keep him stable while the paramedics arrive. And it leads back to the people that kidnapped Walker. These criminals are still not smart and the team is quickly able to track down where they're storing/making the nerve agent, and since Walker was nearby he goes to the location.

One of the bad guys is in the place and he and Walker get into a pretty cool fight, and he ends up injecting Walker with one of the agents but it's okay because this is tv and not only was Liam there to shoot the bad guy but there was also a very clearly visible Emergency kit box which conveniently contained a very clearly labeled with "in case of exposure" counter injection *guffaw* That was a little too much, that broke my suspension of disbelief.

Also, they mention sulfur so much in this episode I was expecting somebody's eyes to turn black and reveal demons are real in this world 😂

#walker 3.06 #walker spoilers #mine #non spn #i'm going back to my vampires now which means it's time for me to SOB

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sashankhota · 1 year

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Impatient and scared

This personality problem was recently pointed out by my brother. This had become a pattern. He was smart and caring enough to confront me for it. I had formed this as a habit. I would quit things mid-way. I would start it enthusiastically and then give it up when it becomes complex and when it requires you to have patience and work harder.

Let’s talk about the pre medical times. Let’s forget about the first year, because I had made so many mistakes and it was completely novel situation at a very young age. So, there was no chance really.

I had no base values, they were being questioned after 12th results.

I had disrespected the people who I was supposed to look up to and feel safe with. This is very important as the trust in a mentor gives you peace of future, for which you can be focused on the present which will eventually give you results.

I didn’t go to the place I thought I was supposed to go, I had quit on me. I had given up on me. If I don’t go and aim at things that I respect I will never involve myself with it, as I like to call it the cultural fit. This is tied to the above point.

I had lost the habit of regular study session, which destroyed my confidence in my abilities.

I was looking for answers as what passion and intelligence meant. At any sight of hard, complex or challenging work, I would bail thinking passion never should feel difficult (I know right!). But now I know it was all just system 1 vs system 2.

I was not honest with myself as to what I really wanted and where I really was, both of the questions are incredibly hard but these things really matter.

Then there were exciting things like Jio, Android and dopamine trigger to wave me off.

That is a fair mix of my own mistakes and the state of the world. But what really was wrong, was my accountability, my responsibility for my own reactions and aftermath actions. I would just jump ship at the sight of difficult times. I would never cash in on the reward of compounding therefore and would just complain.

Now I think I know that before you get any big achievements in life you have to cycle through all stages of that journey. The highs, the lows, the angers, the frustrations, the eureka, the comforts, the sureties and the joys. All of it is a part of that, if you miss any you won’t feel that you actually did something and won’t gain the confidence from that experience to build on top of it.

So first learn to walk before you fly. But walk with 100% integration. Your truth will define you.

#confession #writeblr #journaling

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contentgreenearth · 2 years

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TRUE TYPES POST #45: MILTON (FORMERLY MATT)

DISC: C/I/S profile; result: C/I (D), slot 136

SOJT type: Ti-n/Ni-f (D>A, more than one type)

MBTI type most resonant: INTJ. INFP is also resonant, but nowhere as much as INTJ

What were you like in high school?

In high school, I was somewhat liked, because I was athletic and amiable, but truthfully, for the most part, I was a nerd

What is your greatest fear? What do you do to address it?

My greatest fear is being wrong, and my mistake being put on display for everyone to see. I'm glad it's never happened

Was there a time in your life where you felt you hit rock bottom? What was the situation behind it?

I think it was when I was in high school. I went to a boarding school, and I found a stash of recreational drugs under the bed I shared with someone. I thought they put them under the bed to say they were mine , and get me kicked out of the school. I had a major falling out with him, and asked to be moved to another dorm room. I was. Years later, I found out the person who put the recreational drugs under the bed we shared was actually distributing them at the school. When I found out, I testified against him in his trial. I thought it was the right thing to do

Where would you put yourself on the social spectrum, and why?

I'd say I'm an introvert, but a fairly likeable one. I'm much more amiable than a lot of my introverted coworkers in the laboratory

What are some things that really bother you?

Boy, there's a lot of things: crowds, chaos, lies, inconsistencies, errors, mistakes...

What, would you say, are your biggest strengths?

I'm good at filling in the blanks and finding the holes in a project. I'm also very efficient and get things done. I listen carefully and follow instructions

What, would you say, are your biggest weaknesses?

I can come across as cold sometimes, and I'm a very private person. I don't like to share too much of my personal business with others

When you switch your attitude between introverted and extroverted, or vise versa, what are you like?

When I'm more extroverted, I will have an angry outburst that is so unlike me. I try to keep my level of socialization balanced, so that this doesn't happen

What was the hardest thing you ever had to do? Why was it so hard?

It was testifying against my former dorm mate in court. Although it was the right thing to do, it greatly altered my life. I was a university student studying chemistry at the time. The police were concerned for my safety, because of things my former dorm mate said. So they had me transfer to another university, move to another city, and change my name. It was all tough consequences I had to face for doing the right thing, but in the end, it was worth it.

What are you like when you're sad?

I haven't been been sad for a long time. I really can't remember what it was like.

How masculine/feminine do you feel in relation to others of your gender?

I believe I'm average

Here's 4 focuses you can have in life: tasks, people, objects and ideas. Which one would be your primary focus and why? Which one would be your secondary focus and why?

Tasks are definitely first. I'm all about doing things and achievement. Then I would say ideas, because if an idea is not being expressed well, I can bring clarity to it. I do that a lot. But interestingly, people like me more than most other similar people, so I guess we'll add people for a third focus

What do you do to have fun?

I get invited to events and go, but still, nothing beats time alone.

What was the nicest thing you ever did for someone, and why did you do it?

While I was a university student, I contributed money to bail a friend out of jail, and I testified against my former dorm mate in court. I did both of those things because I felt they were the right thing to do.

Thanks, Milton, for sharing with us

Additional typologies I've been able to do since:

Big 5: high O and N; 50/50 C and A; low E (RLxxI)

Enneagram: 5w6 sx/sp

Attitudinal Psyche: LEVF

Greek Temperament Blend: Melancholy/Sanguine

#typology #mbti #jungian typology #intj stuff

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bendix44mcnulty · 2 years

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compassionatereminders · 2 years

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I’m here Sweets as a Person with Schizophrenia and having an awakening of who I’m most comfortable being. As most schizophrenic journeys I had a normal adolescent and short adult life until my diagnosis at the age of 22. What I’m writing you is what I think of my self now as compared to my past. Out of high school I knew what I wanted to do with my life and that was work in the large hotels doing food and beverage management and maybe start my own restaurant. So I went to community college and worked at some the nicest hotels where I lived. I actually had my first episode of hallucinations and delusions while working. I was a mess and embarrassed for my behavior when I was finally well enough to work again to face my coworkers . I remained Defiant anyway , I opposed the thought of stigma winning over me and the illness killing my dreams of success. It took me 6 years to get an associate degree. I didn’t want to give up. I worked different gigs in the food and beverage industry. I even tried my hat in a different field because of social anxiety. I tried working a health care job in the administrative side of things. There was a pattern of me working then bailing out for reasons due to my mental illness. Stress set off high social anxiety, I had trouble sleeping regular hours and all this would heighten hallucinations. So needless to say I stopped trying to work the 9 to 5 hours. As I got a little older I would look back at what I started and didn’t accomplish and this thought process made me feel worthless. Self stigma kicked in and this dark cloud I carried over my head for a long time. I can honestly say today I’m still Defiant but in a different light I have strived despite my downfall to look at things that are tangible in my life right now and the love I found for a new way of life. Art is my life. Painting, drawing, cooking, and making music keeps me satisfied. I have had a long relationship with someone who cares deeply about me the way I feel about her. No kids but loving pets that warm our lives. After about 29 years of trying to make a life from something that just wasn’t in the cards for me, I finally feel at peace and I’m free from negative self judgment. It seems that life isn’t about achieving a level of success for me anymore. It’s easier to do just the things I love. There is an infinite amount of thing to love. I think I just learn to love different things throughout my life time.Right now I might not win an art contest or be some famous star for my music or cooking but if that comes along I’ll humbly except it with nothing but love. If not that will be okay too because I know I’ve already won .Thanks for reading Sweets✌️ ☮️ peace

Yeah in my experience the key to living with a chronic illness like schizophrenia is to find meaning, value and joy in the things you can still do - even, or maybe especially, if you're unable to reach the achievements society expects you to reach. There are other roads to happiness than an education and a full time job - and it's important that we find purpose in the things we're actually capable of doing.

#chat with kat

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piduai · 3 years

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Character profiles from the Golden Kamuy fanbook

sharing anywhere is fine but please credit me. stop posting screenshots of my translations on twitter with no credit

Sugimoto Saichi

Birthday: March 1st Birthplace: Kanagawa prefecture Likes: Dried persimmons, salted brains Dislikes: Locust tsukudani (shredded locusts that were simmered in soy sauce and mirin) Height: Shorter than Vasily, about the same height as Toni and Wilk, taller than Tsurumi and Koito Weight: Lighter than Nihei, about the same weight as Vasily and Tsukishima, heavier than Tsurumi

Commentary:

His emotions are expressed through his scarf. His injuries heal fast due to his abnormally high metabolism, and so do burns. You meet people with this kind of constitution once in a while. He sweats easily so his skin is always damp.

Asirpa

Birthday: January 1st Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Otaru Likes: Salted brains, Sugimoto’s osoma (miso) Dislikes: Snakes Height: Shorter than Ienaga and Nagakura, taller than Cikapasi Weight: Lighter than Inkarmat, about the same weight as Cikapasi

Commentary:

Her face and height changed the most out of all characters.

Shiraishi Yoshitake:

Birthday: March 3rd Birthplace: Southern Kanto region Likes: Sake, candy, white rice Dislikes: Deer brains Height: Shorter than Ogata, taller than Hijikata, Usami and Sofia Weight: Lighter than Koito, about the same weight as Ogata, Nikaido twins, Usami and Wilk, heavier than Kadokura

Commentary:

Sugimoto’s hidden partner, although he is more of a Fujiko rather than Jigei in relation to Lupin; there’s a sense of danger about him.

Ogata Hyakunosuke:

Birthday: January 22nd Birthplace: Born in Tokyo area, raised in Ibaraki prefecture Likes: Anglerfish hotpot Dislikes: Shiitake mushrooms Height: Shorter than Edogai, taller than Shiraishi Weight: Lighter than Koito, about the same weight as Shiraishi, Nikaido twins, Usami and Wilk, heavier than Kadokura

Commentary:

He was supposed to be more talkative, but ended up rather quiet in order to balance things out. Snipers are tricky to write whether they’re allies or enemies, so he’s a difficult character to handle. I think he’s rather strong at close combat too, though.

Tanigaki Genjirou:

Birthday: June 28th Birthplace: Akita prefecture, Ani village Likes: Kiritanpo (mashed rice put on skewers and toasted over fire) Dislikes: Shiitake mushrooms Chest circumference: 124 cm Height: Shorter than Ushiyama, about the same height as Ariko, taller than Kiroranke Weight: Lighter than Ushiyama, about the same weight as Sofia, heavier than Ariko

Commentary:

There was a possibility of Golden Kamuy’s main character being a combination of him and Sugimoto. The difference between them is that Sugimoto is an amateur when it comes to hunting. The matagi aspect is kind of good too. Sugimoto is the main character, so I couldn’t make him too hairy and voluptuous either. He’s not the mainstream type, but he is my type. There is a matagi ritual called kuraidori and I wanted to illustrate it as part of the time he spent with Nihei, I went as far as to draw the rough outline of the scene, but it was way too lewd, so I gave up. Do your own research regarding the ritual. The one initiated was supposed to be Nihei. By the way, you can tell the passage of time by the length of his hair. I would like to draw his leg and finger hair properly too, but it would be too much for a weekly manga. I will die. Tanigaki will kill me. I want to be killed by him.

[t/n: Kuraidori is a matagi ritual of initiation. As a summary, when the chief declares that it’s time for kuraidori, the ones to participate in the hunt for the first time get naked and into a standing position with their legs spread wide. Next someone appointed from experienced hunters warms his hands over a bonfire, grabs the penis of the newcomer and rubs it until it gets hard. The standing one shouldn’t resist or move. Wooden embers are tied to the erect penis with twine as it gets shaken; they smolder and sparks fly but the hunter is not allowed to raise his voice or put them out. He jumps around and sways his hips, which is said to please the mountain god.]

Kiroranke:

Birthday: August 2nd Birthplace: Amur river valley Likes: Prefers fish over meat, especially freshwater fish Dislikes: Refuses to consume horse meat Height: Shorter than Tanigaki and Ariko, taller than Kikuta Weight: Lighter than Ariko, heavier than Kikuta

Commentary:

He does have Sakhalin Ainu roots, but neither he nor Wilk ever pretended that they became Ainu. They just happened to choose the Ainu life when they came to Hokkaido.

Inkarmat:

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, Saru district Likes: Rabbit meat Dislikes: Dogs Height: Shorter than Tsukishima, about the same height as Henmi and Anehata, taller than Nagakura and Ienaga Weight: Lighter than Anehata, heavier than Asirpa and Cikapasi

Commentary:

The way she wraps her headband is rather old-fashioned. And tamasay, the necklace she’s wearing, is normally only worn on special occasions, but I’m glad I made her stand out.

Cikapasi:

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Otaru Likes: Bean snacks Dislikes: Salmon eyeballs Height: Shorter than Asirpa (shortest character) Weight: Lighter than Inkarmat, about the same weight as Asirpa

Commentary:

I believe he achieved happiness, however much he’s swallowed up by the waves of history.

Ryuu:

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Otaru Likes: Bear meat Dislikes: None

Commentary:

If he were a person, he would be similar to Shiraishi. He’s no stranger to bailing when things get serious. However, as a plot device, he helped me a lot of times, so he’s an important character.

Retar:

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Sapporo Likes: Deer Dislikes: None

Commentary: I want to believe that his children’s descendants exist somewhere even now. Maybe they’re mingling with some Ainu dogs.

Hijikata Toshizou:

Birthday: May 31st Birthplace: Musashi province, modern day Tokyo region Likes: Chazuke (dish made by pouring green tea, dashi, or hot water over cooked rice) Dislikes: None Height: Shorter than Shiraishi, about the same height as Sofia and Usami, taller than Kirawus Weight: Lighter than Kantarou, about the same weight as Edogai, heavier than Nagakura

Commentary:

Hijikata’s coolness will never waver. I don’t want him to show any breaches. A Hijikata who sucks at haiku sounds like a loser.

Nagakura Shinpachi:

Birthday: May 23rd Birthplace: Musashi province, modern day Tokyo region Likes: Unagi kabayaki (grilled eel) Dislikes: None Height: Shorter than Henmi, Inkarmat and Anehata, taller than Asirpa, about the same height as Ienaga Weight: Lighter than Hijikata and Edogai, heavier than Henmi and Ienaga

Commentary:

Personally I love him a lot. He’s a Watson-like character. I think he looks the most like his historical counterpart.

Ushiyama Tatsuma:

Birthday: March 10th Birthplace: Mikawa province, modern day Aichi Likes: Peaches, beer Dislikes: None Height: Taller than Ariko and Tanigaki (tallest character) Weight: Heavier than Tanigaki and Sofia (heaviest character)

Commentary:

Without his lump he becomes the cream of the crop in terms of being a badass. If I included someone as immaculate as Murofushi Kouji in the story he’d just put the rest of the male cast to shame.

Ienaga Kano (Chikanobu)

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Mikawa province, modern day Aichi Likes: Meat dishes Dislikes: Shrimp Height: Shorter than Henmi, Inkarmat and Anehata, about the same heigh as Nagakura, taller than Asirpa Weight: Lighter than Nagakura, about the same weight as Henmi, heavier than Anehata

Commentary:

Penis size is on the larger side.

Toni Anji

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Rikuzen province, modern day Miyagi and Iwate Likes: Deep-fried wild plants Dislikes: Crows Height: Shorter than Vasily, about the same height as Sugimoto and Wilk, taller than Tsurumi and Koito Weight: Lighter than Tsurumi, heavier than Koito

Commentary:

Based on an article that I read many years ago, about a visually impaired person who was able to live normally thanks to echolocation, which has been lying around in my drawer for ages. I heard that owl ears are asymmetrical and can catch sound three-dimensionally, so I made him wear that hearing device. The vest he’s wearing is supposed to invoke an owl imagery as well.

Kadokura Toshiyuki

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Mutsu province, modern day area of Fukushima, Miyagi, Iwate and Aomori Prefectures Likes: Alcohol, squid Dislikes: Shellfish Height: Shorter than Kirawus, taller than Nikaido twins and Kantarou Weight: Lighter than Ogata, Nikaido twins, Shiraishi, Wilk and Usami, heavier than Kirawus

Commentary:

A wilted, uninspired middle-aged dude, but sexy. I love this kind of characters.

Kirawus

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Kushiro Likes: Kokanee (a kind of salmon) Dislikes: Snakes Height: Shorter than Hijikata, Usami and Sofia, taller than Kadokura Weight: Lighter than Kadokura, heavier than Kantarou

Commentary:

He’s named like that because he used to play with deer antlers as a child. Isn’t it cute? (t/n: his name means “to have horns”)

Okuyama Kantarou

Birthday: August 1st Birthplace: Hokkaido, Sapporo Likes: Corn Dislikes: None Height: Shorter than Kadokura, about the same height as Nikaido twins, taller than Tsukishima Weight: Lighter than Kirawus, heavier than Hijikata and Edogai

Commentary:

He’s quite plain, yet I can’t find a reason to kill him off. Ordinary people are important too. Like Krillin.

Tsurumi Tokushirou

Birthday: December 25th Birthplace: Niigata prefecture Likes: Wagashi (Japanese confectionery) Dislikes: Alcohol Height: Shorter than Sugimoto, Toni and Wilk, about the same height as Koito, taller than Edogai Weight: Lighter than Sugimoto, Tsukishima and Vasily, heavier than Toni

Commentary:

He is the villain, but I think I’m the one who understands him the best. I think he’s making the right choices. After all, I’m a bigger fan of him than any of the readers.

Tsukishima Hajime

Birthday: April 1st Birthplace: Niigata prefecture, Sado island Likes: White rice, egoneri (boiled seaweed) Dislikes: None Height: Shorter than Kantarou and the Nikaido twins, taller than Henmi, Inkarmat and Anehata Weight: Lighter than Nihei, about the same weight as Sugimoto and Vasily, heavier than Tsurumi

Commentary:

He is so cool. I like that he’s short. There’s more to him than simply following Tsurumi’s orders like a machine, though, he’s carrying a lot of hurt. He's just got a flat nose is all. I don’t remember what made me give him that nose, but he wouldn’t be Tsukishima without it.

Koito Otonoshin

Birthday: December 23rd Birthplace: Kagoshima prefecture Likes: Tsukisamu anpan (flat bun filled with red bean paste) Dislikes: Sakurajima radish Height: Shorter than Sugimoto, Toni and Wilk, about the same height as Tsurumi, taller than Edogai Weight: Lighter than Toni, heavier than Ogata, Nikaido twins, Usami and Wilk

Commentary:

The more stupid he got, the more solid. I love the clean-freak spoiled brat type of characters.

Nikaidou Kouhei (and Youhei)

Birthday: November 19th Birthplace: Shizuoka prefecture Likes: Mandarins Dislikes: Tsukisamu anpan Height: Shorter than Kadokura, about the same height as Kantarou, taller than Tsukishima Weight: Lighter than Koito, about the same weight as Ogata, Shiraishi, Usami and Wilk, heavier than Kadokura

Commentary:

I wonder how the nipples on his head gear stay erect. They probably are heat-sensitive. Edogai-kun is a genius.

Usami Tokishige

Birthday: February 25th Birthplace: Niigata prefecture, Shibata Likes: Horse, Tsukisamu anpan Dislikes: Shiitake mushrooms Height: Shorter than Shiraishi, about the same height as Hijikata and Sofia, taller than Kirawus Weight: Lighter than Koito, about the same weight as Shiraishi, Ogata, Wilk and Nikaido twins, heavier than Kadokura

Commentary:

He is the most dangerous man in the cast.

Kikuta Mokutarou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Saitama prefecture Likes: Watermelon Dislikes: Tsukisamu anpan Height: Shorter than Kiroranke, taller than Nihei Weight: Lighter than Kiroranke, heavier than Nihei

Commentary:

A man who knows suffering. He’s got the most difficult face to draw. I want to make him look cool but rarely manage to succeed.

Ariko Rikimatsu/Ipopte

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Noboribetsu Likes: Hazel grouse Dislikes: Shark Height: About the same height as Tanigaki, shorter than Ushiyama, taller than Kiroranke Weight: Heavier than Kiroranke, lighter than Sofia and Tanigaki

Commentary:

Ipopte means “to bring to a boil”. To become hot in an instant. He’s quiet, but there’s something steamy about him. He’s sexy.

Edogai Yasaku

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Nara prefecture Likes: Somen noodles Dislikes: Figs Height: Shorter than Tsurumi and Koito, taller than Ogata Weight: Heavier than Nagakura, about the same weight a Hijikata, lighter than Kantarou

Commentary:

I wanted to draw more of his clothes. Something big, of the scale of Alien Queen or Kobayashi Sachiko.

Nihei Tetsuzou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Hokkaido, Ishikari Likes: Bear meat Dislikes: None Height: Shorter than Kikuta, taller than Vasily Weight: Lighter than Kikuta, heavier than Vasily, Sugimoto and Tsukishima

Commentary:

A character like Nihei being killed in a clean, gallant way had a lot of narrative value for Golden Kamuy. I love him a lot, to the point that he could have become a main character.

Henmi Kazuo

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Shimotsuke province, modern day Tochigi prefecture Likes: Strawberries Dislikes: Spicy food upsets his stomach Height: Taller than Nagakura and Ienaga, about the same height as Inkarmat and Anehata, shorter than Tsukishima Weight: Lighter than Nagakura, heavier than Anehata

Commentary:

Important character that kicks off the story. I tried giving him as plain of an appearance as possible, but it became weirder as the story progressed.

Wakayama Kiichirou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Raw oysters Dislikes: Tomatoes

Commentary:

A drunk friend once said the “it’s like going to take a shit!” phrase verbatim in real life to me.

Nakazawa Tatsuya

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Whatever oyabun likes Dislikes: Whatever oyabun dislikes

Commentary:

It’s oyabun’s fault his nipples are big.

Kumagishi Chouan

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Tomato soup Dislikes: Japanese leek

Commentary:

His words will come in handy in the future.

Suzukawa Kyohiro

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Alcohol Dislikes: Brown bear meat

Commentary:

His famous scene is from the movie “Kagemusha”. Did anyone notice?

Sakamoto Keiichirou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Grapes Dislikes: Turtles

Commentary:

I think the way I got to show his tattoo was very smooth. A prime example of necessary nudity.

Ogin the Viper

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Spicy things Dislikes: Sweet things

Commentary:

There are records of Ogin and the Lightning Bandit couple actually existing, and the real Ogin was just as violent.

Anehata Shiton

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Animals – Forests – The earth – The sky Dislikes: Himself Height: Taller than Ienaga and Nagakura, shorter than Tsukishima, about the same height as Inkarmat and Henmi Weight: Heavier than Inkarmat, lighter than Ienaga and Henmi

Commentary:

I have a testimony from Masanori Hata that I failed at invoking the imagery of him being chased by his pet bear with this.

Gansoku Maiharu

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Chicken, eggs, beans Dislikes: Cucumbers, alcohol

Commentary:

He’s a gentleman, but has a people hitting problem. Splendid character with a barbarian side.

Doi Shinzou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Tosa province, modern day Kouchi prefecture Likes: Citatap Dislikes: Mandarins

Commentary:

Read about Okada Izou if you want to understand him better.

Sekiya Ichirou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Pomegranates Dislikes: Crab

Commentary:

I heard the story about experiencing the death of a child by lightning from a teacher in elementary school.

Gotou Takechiyo

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Northern Kanto region Likes: Dried fish, alcohol Dislikes: Offal stew

Commentary:

It’s surprising that he managed to survive for so long given that he was surrounded by so many violent prisoners.

Kasahara Kanjirou

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Unknown Likes: Soba noodles Dislikes: Sheep meat

Commentary:

He’s a weak character. I needed to set the tempo for the early stage, so I couldn’t avoid it.

Wilk

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Southern Sakhalin Likes: Lingonberry Dislikes: Snakes Height: Shorter than Vasily, about the same height as Sugimoto and Toni, taller than Tsurumi and Koito Weight: Heavier than Kadokura, about the same weight as Nikaido twins, Ogata, Shiraishi and Usami, lighter than Koito

Commentary:

I don’t think young people now can easily understand his attitude towards Asirpa. I want to end the story in a way that will make them.

Sofia Golden Hand

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Russian Empire, Saint-Petersburg Likes: Vodka, tobacco, potatoes Dislikes: Mice/rats Height: Shorter than Shiraishi, about the same height as Hijikata and Usami, taller than Kirawus Weight: Heavier than Ariko, about the same weight as Tanigaki, lighter than Ushiyama

Commentary:

One of the few cigarette smokers. The point is that she smokes through the gap in her front teeth. To tell you the truth, I’m not a big fan of performative smoking. Especially when it’s men who are trying to look badass.

Vasily

Birthday: Unknown Birthplace: Russian Empire, Yeleninka village Likes: Pelmeni, green tea Dislikes: Squirrel Height: Shorter than Nihei, taller than Sugimoto, Toni and Wilk

Weight: About the same weight as Sugimoto and Tsukishima, lighter than Nihei, heavier than Tsurumi

Commentary:

Given that his molars were probably pulverized, he can only chew with his front teeth. He should stick to soft foods. Like porridge.

Boutarou the Pirate (real name: Oosawa Fusatarou)

Birthday: August 13th Birthplace: Hokkaido, near Asahikawa Likes: Freshwater fish Dislikes: Mice/rats

Commentary:

He will have a huge impact on some of the characters by the end of the story.

Matsuda Heita

Birthday: October 17th Birthplace: Eastern Hokkaido Likes: Crayfish Dislikes: Crows

Commentary:

I wanted to write a story about gold dust digging and I think it turned out spectacular.

#golden kamuy #noda satoru #translation #this isn't proofread either so ignore the typos and weird grammar thanks #noda said tsurumi simps have rights

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pndnj · 3 years

Text

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend.

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41- 1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec, get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone, it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor, cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all, I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker, i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun, seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some, get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice, i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon, this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

#zayn #yellowmetal #cathartic #feel free to correct me pls #cathartic lyrics

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yandere-sins · 3 years

Note

Yandere Kageyama please! Maybe he is the leader of the Mafia or a Gang leader?

Now this is very farfetched, but yandere!yakuza!Kageyama? Hot. Didn’t make him the leader in case I want to write more for that AU. It wouldn’t make sense if he was a leader yet in the long run.

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Dealing with other people had never been your strong point.

It wasn’t like you lacked social skills, and you had a few friends to prove that. However, you just weren’t good at negotiations or lying. Being in a tense conversation always made you nervous, as did having to stand your ground and not be a push-over. Then again, you probably would have made it through your life just fine if not for that one mistake.

You cursed your ‘best friend’ quietly under your breath as you walked the long hallways. Feet on wood made those full, echoing sound of steps, letting you know that this was real wooden flooring, only the best of the best and expensive as hell. Things that could be bought when one lends out money and then asked for more and more back.

At the same time, you had to curse yourself too. How stupid had you been to co-sign a contract you hadn’t even read?! Who did this in this day and age, just blindly believing that you weren’t just selling off your soul to someone else’s cause? Of course, no one expected your friend to bail the moment his brilliant idea of a business got ruined, leaving him deep in debt. Still, now it was your responsibility to pay back the money you never even possessed in your whole life.

Anyone would have been nervous, wringing their hands as they got escorted through the traditional mansion. From afar, you heard calm, serene deer scares clicking and water flowing into a pond. Everything seemed so perfect.

Perfect enough to hide a lot of secrets.

Only the person who had greeted you, a tiny, young man with very noticeable orange hair, seemed as if he had no care in the world. He hummed happily, occasionally throwing a glance over his shoulder to make sure you were still following, before moving forward in what could be best described as carefree jumps.

“It’ll be alright,” he hummed, after watching your wringing hands. You managed a faint smile, wanting to believe him but finding it hard to after having done your research. This wasn’t just a loan shark facility. The Karasuno clan wasn’t just men in suits with more papers than words. They were the kind of people you didn’t want to pick a fight with, the ones you’d avoid at night. The ones really desperate people would go to for help when the government refused them. The ones your best friend thought he could trust after every bank denied him a loan.

And now it was all on you to meet these people, anxiety or not.

You were led into a nice tatami room, with only one table and two seating pillows filling it. A waste of living space, but it sure left an impression. To be able to afford a mansion so big to have an almost empty conference room in it surely was something to look in awe upon.

“Kageyama will be with you in a bit. Make yourself at home!” your guide chimed, grinning widely before he shut the door behind you. Now, you were all on your own, and you shifted your weight on your feet for a while before deciding to sit down. Just standing around would be very rude, too, right? The last thing you wanted to make was a bad impression, even though that meant you had nothing to get your mind off until it was time to meet that Kageyama-guy.

Meaning, the moment the sliding door flew open, you jumped hard, having been in your thoughts for just a minute too long. “[Name]?” the person who entered asked, and you stuttered a quick, “Y-Yeah?” back. He nodded approvingly before walking over, taking the seat across from you, and you began to wonder if you were sitting on the right side of the table or if there were any rules for that.

“I’m Tobio Kageyama, thank you for coming,” he introduced himself, reaching inside the jacket of his black suit - matching the dark tuft of hair he had perfectly. For a second, you thought those were the last words you’d hear before he pulled a gun on you, but instead, he made a letter appear, as well as an expensive-looking pen.

“This is your signature, correct?” He unfolded the paper for you to see, pointing at the bottom where he had it black ink on white paper, your very own signature. “Yes...” you mumbled, slowly curling into yourself. “Alright, did you have any contact with the person who took out the loan lately? We’ve been trying to find them, but if we can’t, that would mean that you need to pay--”

“I don’t have the money.”

Whatever had ridden you to interrupt him like this vanished with the little bit of confidence you had left. You felt sweat collect on your forehead, and you were too afraid to look up at him, while Kageyama’s mouth hung open, in the middle of saying something. Closing it, he looked at the table, followed by some taps on the wooden surface.

“Do we... do we know each other?” he asked suddenly, catching you off-guard. But he managed to draw your attention again, eyes flitting up to look at his face. “I- I’m not sure, do we?”

“Second year of high school, I think I sat a few rows behind you.”

Blinking, you could barely believe what you were hearing. “Huh, you were? I’m sorry... I must have forgotten... Or wait, you were really into volleyball back then, right?”

A smile crossed his face, nothing you would have described as sincere, but it seemed like a well-meant try. Still, you felt a bit of relief ease the tension in your shoulders, despite not exactly being safe even now. “I’m glad you remembered. I just noticed.”

Clearing his throat, he looked back down at the paper again, pointing his pen towards a large number with a lot of zeroes, making you shift your attention. “See, the problem is that this was my first deal with someone from outside the organization, and I’d absolutely hate to sit on this kind of money. You understand that, right? I eventually have to give it back to my bosses, and for that, it would be really bad for me to not have it, right?”

“I understand...” you mumbled, gulping at the big sum he was talking about. “But I really don’t have it! If I could, I would give it to you right away, but there’s no way for me to pay it back anytime soon.”

Kageyama watched you intently, time passed painfully slow. Something about his unblinking stare was unsettling, but you figured he might just be thinking right now, and instead removed your eyes from him shamefully. It was your fault, and you’d do the right thing if you could to make up for it, but as you were, there was no way to do so.

“I believe you,” he eventually agreed, pulling the paper off the table and back into the pocket inside of his jacket. “So here’s what we will do instead.”

Reaching into the opposite side from where he had just put the document into - and you were almost a hundred percent sure that this was your death sentence now and he’d pull a gun - he produced a silken, deep black, and long piece of fabric. “For as long as the debt isn’t paid, you’ll work for me. There is a lot to do, and you’ll not complain nor search for outside help while you work here. I hope you understand that if you can’t pay back what you owe, we will have to find other people in your surroundings to help you; your family, for example.”

Holding out the piece of fabric towards you, Kageyama leaned forward over the table. “I only do that because we have past together, [Name]. I’d hate if there was something happening to someone I know just because one more asshole runs away from their responsibilities. I can help you, and this is a good option, believe me. No harm will come to you or anyone else this way.”

The offer sounded reasonable enough, despite you not missing the bad notions in it that he so carefully threaded into his words. In the end, even if you knew each other, he too was a yakuza, serving his own and his clan’s purpose more than anyone’s. This was a merciful suggestion compared to the alternatives, and you could not imagine how your parents would take it if they were to be bothered by people like him.

Agreeing despite your better judgment, you took the thing from him, stretching it in your hand. It was soft, and honestly, you could imagine yourself wearing a pajama in it; it was that comfortable. “Uhm...” you mumbled, realizing you didn’t know what to do with that. “Please put it on,” he instructed, standing up. Only now did you realize it was perfectly made to be used as a blindfold.

Despite your hands shaking, you hesitantly covered your eyes with it, thanking God that if this was your end, you’d at least not have to see it coming. You flinched when you felt two other hands coming down onto the back of your head, helping you to secure the fabric tightly before you were asked for your hand to help you up. Up till now, you weren’t dead yet, so that was an achievement. “It’s just for security reasons, don’t worry. I’ll bring you somewhere safe, so just follow my lead.”

His fingers linked with yours - weird considering you two weren’t so close to justify such an affectionate hold on you - and you felt his tug, urging you forward. “Where... Where will we be going?” you asked, hearing the sliding door open, followed by a small chuckle of a third voice, before familiar-sounding footsteps took off before you two. Kageyama clicked his tongue, and you already felt like you had made a mistake, unable to see that his reaction had been for someone else entirely.

“Don’t worry, [Name],” he assured you, but his lack of answering your question barely helped you.

Still, all you could do was trust him, now that you were in his care.

Trusting was something you were very good at after all, Kageyama was aware. You’d trust a friend you’d only known for a few months and co-sign his contract with the yakuza. You’d trust said yakuza when he told you he had work for you to fulfill the deed. And you trusted Kageyama to be sincere, when really, he had set you up to come to him and agree to his conditions without complaining, letting yourself be taken to his room easily.

A room in which really no one could hear you when you screamed as the Karasuno clan’s prodigy would do all the things to you he had been dreaming about for years now.

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duskwood-legacies · 3 years

Text

"Your Armageddon"

•Fandom: Duskwood

⚠️->Episodes 5-8 Spoiler!

•Pairing/Character: MC, MWAF (Micheal)

•Word Count: 1.1k

•Genre: Angst

•Trigger Warnings: brief mention of blood and self-hatred, mentions of death

•Summary: MC stands face to face with the place responsible for the legend that calls itself the avenger of sins. Turns out, she was just the final pawn in the MWAF’s wicked game.

-----

Fog strangled the forests of Duskwood in a thick grey, forbidding to let anyone gaze farther than their arms could reach. Wind forced branches to collide, wind that soon swirled into a cruel storm to leave nothing but heartless destruction in its path.

As the world seemed to be taken away by Armageddon, I stood with my feet like rooted to the ground. The raven carved into the wood was almost shielded from my vision. Almost.

“Our origin. It lies here.” A raspy, sand-paper like voice taunted my mind from behind. The unnerving sound chased the hairs on my arms and neck upwards, nausea creeping into my throat.

“Is that why you brought me here, Micheal?” My own heartbeat nearly deafened me.

“Do not call me by my name.”

I shivered as I captured the calm tone inside his words. People possessing such calmness within such madness. They were dangerous. By far beyond dangerous. Rain crashed down like cascades, perfecting the chaos menacing around us, flooding homes of animals and drowning out hopes.

“We are one.” Micheal spoke.

“We…?”

“We. Every Man Without A Face before me, every Man Without A Face to follow after me. We share the same memories of your sins, we share the same curse.” Micheal’s voice darkened with each word spoken.

“But— But this is just a legend-“

“Naive girl.” His calmness began to fade away into the depths of hatred. “We are bound to this universe. We are the avengers for your sins. We are the justice. We are the misunderstood!”

I winced at the sudden loudening of his words. My veins pulsated with hot blood run cold, thoughts going numb with each passing dulled second. My airways tightened with an invisible rope swung around my neck.

“Ask MC.” Micheal’s voice bore into me “Ask. Ask! Ask what’s been haunting you!”

“Why?!” I shouted “Why Hannah?! Why Richy?! Why YOU?!”

I couldn’t see him, but I knew, I felt it. The sickening grin of success, securely hidden under his mask burned on my back, ill sensations diving into my spine.

“Jennifer!” Micheal pressed out, pained inside his neglected soul, relieved to say her name again. “Her death brought this curse upon me! Hannah and Richy watched her life cease from this world! They left her to die, allowed her murderer to run free!”

“They were only kids!” My shout matched a screech.

“Death knows no age!” A tree crashed into the ground behind us. The ominous loud thump hunted ravens out of their shelter, towards the one and only person their loyalty belongs to. My arms flung up and crossed in front of my head to protect my face. Micheal’s furious voice kept burning its way into my brain.

“Her death tore my life apart! Her death allowed the curse to seep into my cracked soul!”

“How is that possible?” I tried to mask my fright with half-hearted compassion.

“You don’t understand?! We were emotionally bound the strongest to those who fell victim to the cruelest of sins! We avenge our loved ones and protect those who can’t protect themselves!”

“By robbing lives?! You are committing sins yourself!”

“That is why we are the victims of our successors. This curse is Duskwood’s hell circle.”

Tears edged my eyes. Memories I couldn’t repress longer found their way back to torture my consciousness. The storm howled louder as the trees whipped into all directions with immeasurable violence. My knees started to feel light under the hectic of the unforgiving insanity those gone-by moments brought back to me.

“Do you feel the sting? The burn? The pain under your skin?” Micheal’s voice mixed psychopathy and lunacy as well as calmness and peace. With a weak spark of agitated success. “Do you hear their voices? Do you see their faces pleading you for help? Do you run from the guilt your sins have brought you? Do you see what monster you encouraged me to become?”

Thunder boomed through the fighting trees. I cried out in despair, broke under the suspense and agony he put me under as I bailed down onto my knees. My hands covered my ears, praying I’d somehow be able to shut his voice out before they reach my brain.

The sweet feelings of his achievement soothed Micheal’s wrath. His mind cleared as he saw his goal unfold in front of him like a dahlia in July.

The sound of branches breaking mixed with the loudness of rain, storm and thunder, becoming clearer and clearer the more Micheal stalked closer to me. I clutched my hands around my ears, with an intensity strong enough to make me hurt myself.

Micheal crouched down behind me. One of his hands grabbed my wrist and moved it away from my ear, easily fighting against the resistance I had attempted put up.

“Answer me, MC.”

I did. Day by day I ran from myself, hated when I saw my reflection, punched a mirror to shatters and watched my knuckles bleed until I could walk again. Every day the images of Richy would restrain my mind with shackles, guilt and helplessness charging and tackling me down the second the image unlocked their door.

“Crying. The silence of the sinners.” Micheal hummed. I didn’t notice I started sobbing.

“You mentioned Hannah and Richy… why me… why are you after me?”

“You have helped murderers. You willingly put people in danger for your own goals. You are powerfully bound to someone who has Duskwood’s blood inside their veins. You are the perfect victim. You are the final sin to separate me from my curse.”

My head pounded with distress. I pleaded for everything to be a nightmare, for the cold of the rain on my skin to be imagined, for the thunder in the sky to be a loud neighbor cutting into my dreams, for the storm to be a mask of my guilt.

The sentences resonated in my mind, bouncing and leaving a dull ache everywhere they touched my being. My parents weren’t from Duskwood. Neither of them had connections to the forgotten village within the lost forest.

My eyes went wide and a sudden inhale filled my lungs as realization came to me.

Jake.

Micheal yanked my head upward by my hair. A thunderbolt struck the tree in half, the spot scared with the raven splitting into two. Merciless heat of fire graced against my freezing skin, a high-pitched ringing consuming my ears. A cold metal blade pressed against my throat as I felt Micheal get closer to my ear one last time.

“This is your Armageddon, MC.”

-----

A/N: Hi!💕 This post was rather unplanned since I didn't want to post too much Angst, but I've had this idea for a while now and reading the story of @neptunee has given me so much motivation, I couldn't resist🤭🌿 I hope the stories don't share too much similarities, I promise if anything appears copied I didn't do it on full on purpose!

#duskwood fanfiction #duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood mc #duskwood player #duskwood mwaf #duskwood mc x mwaf #everbyte studio

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palbabor-writes · 3 years

Note

Headcanons for the type of ppl who would attract or be of interest to Satoru Gojo and Kento Nanami???? WHATS THEIR (personality) TYPE

ooh, yes. there’s so much to love about these two & i like analyzing them from a personality standpoint

warnings: none really, i tried not to spoil too much since the anime is just getting going

Gojo

I see him as someone who’d be attracted to those who are self-assured

That doestn’t mean you need to be brash, or outgoing, not that you can’t be those things, but we do see that he’s often very attuned & drawn to others who are a little quieter in their mannerisms in the manga: Getō, Megumi, Nanami. However, he also really likes being around louder characters like Yuji. So, I think as long as you give off an air of confidence and reliance, he’s gonna respect that

He’s also gonna look for that in a partner - gotta have some kinda foundation for him to notice & I think having an inner spark, or even a separate passion, is a great start

With that being said, I could see him having a difficult time being with someone who is not a jujutsu sorcerer

Namely because his own life is constantly on the line & he’s often away or busy with his own work

Chances are, curses are gonna know that you’re a weak spot & we’ve seen how manipulative and downright dirty some of them can get to achieve their goals

He’s likely not looking for a partner that he has to keep an eye on all the time

In fact, I can see that getting old, fast

Plus, he’s canonically stated that he doesn’t like those who are weak

So, sorry if you’re in the normie crowd

With a sorcerer, obviously you’re gonna be lesser than him, talent wise, but I think he’d also like to see growth and effort from you

I don’t see him being attracted to someone who settles

So even if you’re doing a sparing match and he’s completely got you on the back foot, don’t stop getting back up

I can totally see that piquing his interest because it shows that inner spark & if he’s gonna take down the higherup’s he needs people with that forward thinking determination

We’ve also seen that he likes people that push back: see - Getō

So, I don’t think he’d be bothered if the two of you have different opinions

However, he’s gonna want you to be able to hold your own in a debate

Speak your mind

Don’t just go along to get along

I do think he likes people that can keep him on his toes

He wouldn’t mind if you were someone who’s spontaneous

Just one day you’re like: Hey! We’re gonna do this! Come on! & refuse to take no for an answer

I think that’s a good way to keep his interest & keep things fresh

He likes the non-traditional things: so don’t think dinner dates, he’s fucking gonna take you along on this wild mission, or hey, found out there’s this cursed carnival, let’s GO

If he likes for you to be cuff of the moment, then you need to be able to put up with his own bursts of spontaneity, too - you have to at least tolerate his antics

However, don’t be clingy - we haven’t seen him dealing much with others like that & he’s been around independent people for most of his life

You need to be confident enough to be able do your own thing

He’s a busy guy: he can’t be on the phone with you all the time

But, I think he would like to be thought of

Let him know that there’s a spot for him in your life

By that I mean, even though you’re busy and have your own missions, you still might see something and pick it up for him

People expect soooo much from him & he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders

So for you to just say: Oh, found this & know you like it! Here you go!

Be it candy, flowers, whatever - I think he’ll be so fucking touched by that

I can see him returning that favor to you - he likes to bring souvenirs back to those he cares about

It’s nice to know that you’re loved, even if your schedules don’t allow you much time together

Nanami

I think what’s going to catch his eye is someone who encapsulates a mature and rational state of mind

Practicality and effort are gonna speak volumes, especially in the beginning

We’ve seen how he reacts to those who are over the top (cough: Gojo) and it’s not in a very positive way

Now, if you’re someone who is on the exuberant side, don’t give up hope!

Similiarly to Gojo, I think he can learn to accept and respect those outbursts, we’ve seen this from him, especially with Yuji or his partner Haibara

He has been shown to like bright and energetic people, but it’ll take a little more time to crack into his trust

If you’re more excitable you might face a more uphill battle, but if you want him, and honestly who wouldn’t, you just need to show him that you can be relied upon

Once you’ve cleared that, I can even see him liking that his partner has a different world view and a little bit more pep in their step

After all, I think he places a very high value on independence

He’s not gonna be the partner who immediately wants to move in with you, no matter how long, or how much he cares for you

No, he strikes me as the sort of guy who likes to know that he can lean on you & can go to you when he needs to, but he’s likely going to be very protective of his own space, and yours as well

Unlike Gojo, I do see Nanami being interested in a civilian and not just a sorcerer

He’s so big on comfort and just being able to kick back, he mentions that often when he’s discussing his future retirement and if you’re a laid back person, and not someone fully entrenched in the sorcerer world, I can totally see him looking twice at that

I think he’d like the normaliacy

After all, he’s one of the few sorcerers who have been in the “real world,” even though he was bored with his office job, I think there are still parts of that life that he values - hence why he dresses like a business boy

I feel like he’d like someone who can talk about low key things

It might seem like a simple conversation but I think he’d love chatting about the freaking news, or that new shop that just opened

OMG

Wait, WAIT

You immediately pass GO & collect the full $200 if you’re a baker & you snag his attentions

Like, dropping everything and haunting your bakery every free moment he has until you notice him

Yo. He is a foodie

If you’re a chill person who likes to restaurant hop, damn, you’re ticking boxes bb

OK. SORRY. Had to get that off my chest. BACK AT IT

He’s a cynical, realist - so I think he’d like to see someone who is encouraging and optimistic

If you’re easy going and can see the glass half-full, it’s likely a win-win for Nanami

His schedule varies, even when he tries to get off at 6 on the dot

So if he has to bail on plans, or things get moved, you need to be someone who’s understanding & can roll with the punches

But he’d also want someone who can set a routine and who plans things out

He’s big on rules and, let’s face it, he’s surrounded by incompetence

If you’re reliable and predictable, I feel that he’d really like that combination

It means he can let his guard down around you & for a jujutsu sorcerer that is HUGE

Again, don’t expect normal dates: I don’t see him being big on PDA, or the: let’s get a table for two with the candles bs

I’d see him really like making a meal with you, even if he’s tired

Restaurant dates would be fine, but I could see it being a more relaxed kinda thing: like two people who are hashing out the days gossip, not these long, drawn out, lovey topics

You’d likely look more like friends, than lovers

He is focused on money

So while he may not take you to cheap places, he strikes me as a bit of a penny pincher

Don’t expect hella fine dining every night of the week - as long as it’s got interesting food, he’s not gonna care much about the rest

He strikes me as an acts of service kinda guy

So anything you can do to help, be it big or small, I think he’ll appreciate you thinking of him

He’s a busy guy and it’s nice to have even the tiny things taken off of his list

Besides, the less he has to do, the more time you get to spend with each other

#asks #answered ask #pal muses #on jjk #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #nanami kento #kento nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk headcanons #headcannons #the relationship asks #personality #relationship

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seimeinotaka · 3 years

Text

A waltz for two solo dancers (VilXFeMC)

For TwstOC Week Day 2. Relationships.

There is a lingering tension between Vil and Ann, like a waltz. A waltz for two solo dancers, each gliding at their own tune, so close yet so far. Wanting to get close, but not enough to touch each other. Yearning gazes being the only betrayal of those hidden thoughts.

Thanks to polyphenols@AO3 for beta-reading this!

Vil stood in front of Ann, fixing her tie and her hair, unaware or uncaring of the soft smile on her face. Her heart always beat this fast when she was with him, always aware of the way he made her feel.

She loved Vil deeply, ever since that day.

“That’s why I want to give my all to be able to vote for myself proudly.”

Her heart was taken by those words, the deep conviction in his heart.

But she knew things couldn't go the way she wished, because she was a person who did not deserve anything.

It was why she was content with these faint touches, these ephemeral interactions that would go nowhere. At times, it almost felt like Vil was affectionate, an elusive softness that felt like a mirage. But, even if her heart trembled, she pushed her delusions to the back of her mind while simultaneously surrendering herself to the moment until her mind reminded her of her own reality, which marred the moment with a deep shame and grief.

"I cannot enjoy this, no matter how much I desire this. No, it was wishing for anything in the first place that caused me to lose everything."

A risky double thought.

"I don’t like the Potato, Rook," Vil said dryly.

The vice leader arched his eyebrows, with a matching knowing, taunting smile.

"Sure you don't, Roi du Poison. That's why you're mesmerized by the trickster."

"How could I be?" Vil scoffed with disdain, glaring at Rook, a sign to wipe that smirk off his face. "She doesn't know her place and dares to talk back to me. She's untidy, she doesn't take care of her skin, have you seen how she's always yawning in art class?"

Rook nodded to everything he said. "Oui, she is exactly as you say. When you demand her to move, she asks you 'Why?', instead of 'Is this far enough?'. Instead of being mesmerized by your beauty, she waves you hello. You expect her to fear and respect you, admiring you from afar, but she invades your private space to tell you she doesn't like how you treat others. Didn't she tell you, 'I'm on a raid, don't interrupt me or I'll kill you' without batting an eye, when you were filming in the courtyard she was sitting in?"

"You are proving my point, Rook."

"Unyielding against your charms and uncaring at your status as the Queen. To call this a crush would be a mistake. No, your feelings run deeper than this, ahhhh~ the scorching and relentless feeling of love!"

If looks could kill, the hunter would have been buried thirteen times already, for saying something so ridiculous. Vil Schoenheit in love with her, of all people?

"The Trickster also seems interested in you."

The words aimed directly at his heart, why did he choose Rook as vice leader when he was not careful of his place? And why was everyone telling him things he didn't want to admit?

"Of course, isn't that obvious? I am Vil Schoenheit," he uttered, attempting to assert his dominance, to defend his wounded pride.

"You know that's not what I mean."

He turned his eyes away, she had seen through him, the ugliness he wanted to hide. She saw it and yet...

"Stop spouting nonsense, Rook. I'm in a foul mood. I will be in my room."

He entered his room and closed his doors, fist slamming on them. His heart ached, frowning deeply as how easily he could recall her face and her cheeky smile.

And how he desperately wanted her to look at him.

When she was nice to everyone...

How could he tell if she is looking at him...?

He slammed his fist against the door, once more hiding his blushing face on his sleeve, as he was only accompanied by the sound of his racing heart.

Her feelings were like an open box, the best way to hide something was to be upfront about everything. It was how she had managed to fool herself. Never had she tried anything to reach him, to try to get him to love her.

It was fine if her love was one-sided, as hurtful as it was.

She was okay with being just his ‘professional headache’, the girl who sometimes got scolded by him, the possible friend that sometimes hangs out with him. She enjoyed their talks, their accidental meetings, their bickering.

As long as that line was never crossed, she was fine.

There was a silly contradiction to that trail of thought. She was fully aware of her love, and always acted on it, whenever she greeted him or talked to him. Her reassurance came from the bottom of her heart. However, she had no intention of it being known, she wouldn’t go and confess to him or anyone. She was no idiot and she knew how to avoid the usual talks of romance and love between her friends. It helped that Ace and Deuce hardly talked about the matter, focusing on the day-to-day happenings, and less on whatever she was feeling.

So long she could see him, from an invisible wall she had erected to protect him, she would be fine with whatever they never were.

He was surprised to acknowledge she had similar traits to him, even if they looked like immediate opposites at first glance. She didn’t look much like it, but she favored hard work, that was his first surprise. All of her potato friends had been duped by Azul’s scheme, but she was the one who bailed them out. She had also a hidden passion as well, given her devotion to that game of hers she played, and the art she seemed fond of making. While she was young and inexperienced, given how she often lost track of time, it was precisely this trait that showed her ambition and determination. The fortitude to throw herself into a task she had to accomplish no matter what. It honestly annoyed him, she somehow thought it adequate to go to bed at unholy hours as long as she did what she wanted, her skin care be damned, but it somehow made her shine when he scolded her the next morning.

“Sorry, Vil-senpai, I was at a good part of my game and I couldn’t stop.”

With his cosmetics, he could somehow make up for a tired look on her skin, but at times, it was as if she was glowing instead. He wouldn’t have imagined she had pulled an all-nighter, even if she was supposed to be the potato and him, the beauty expert.

She did possess something he lacked. It was that kindness of hers, one not restricted to her friends. His world didn’t forgive the easily duped, the ones who did something for others, expecting nothing in return. The school they studied at held this principle deep in its roots, where being kind and soft would only leave you as prey to be used. He was far from the likes of Azul and Leona, but he wasn’t the kind to help others for no reason. To give out his secrets for free, it was a way to coddle laziness and neglect. In the industry, it was a sure way to get you killed. But it seemed this concept didn’t apply to her, as her webcomic was a way to help her study (one of the potatoes had come to read it often) and her Magicam was full of advice, the accumulated experience of a high-ranked player in her home world. Everything for free, nothing expected in return.

He himself had been on the receiving end, with her annoying encouragement and unwanted advice. With his own life being saved from overblotting, like she had saved the others. Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil. Some of them people who had attacked her or her friends. Yet she still helped them, she helped him, not asking for anything, not even a thank you. They had argued, he had been cold to her, but she still extended her hand to save him.

There was something Vil Schoenheit possessed that no one else had, a brilliance that lay deeper than his obvious beauty.

Ann knew he was beautiful, but it was the elegance he carried himself with, the strictness he had for himself and the diligence to reach his goals that made him who he was.

Vil never excused himself, taking responsibility for his faults, like his own admission of his failings for his Overblot and making amends for it. He never asked for help, he worked on his own. She had learned his father was a famous actor, and Vil, while loving him dearly, had never resorted to latching on his father’s fame as an easy way into the business industry.

Instead, he had worked hard, went to auditions and prepared himself. The few times she helped him carry props for his Film Appreciation Club, she had seen the worn out scripts, the hundreds of notes and stickers. He took care of everything with meticulous care, she might have found him rehearsing nonstop even on his busy schedule.

Vil worked out and prided himself on being perfect always, even though he was close to wearing himself thin, and it wasn’t out of simple vanity. He was complex, far from perfect, with his secret failings that didn’t make him less beautiful in her eyes. Someone who wanted to better himself, to reach perfection even if such a state was impossible from the start, how could she not love him for giving his all to a goal?

Even if he denied it, he was kind, secretly helping others being their best person they could be. As harsh and strict as he seemed, he looked out for everyone, not only those close to him or in his dorm. He wouldn’t even mind being painted as something he loathed, as long as that person got the drive to improve themselves. It was why for her, he was a true selfless hero, with shortcomings that he struggled with. And it was why she wanted him to achieve his dream, and had tried to help him in the only way she could, through words, written or spoken, and through art so that others might see him in a different light, the things Vil never mentioned about himself that were easily missed by others just looking at him at glance.

He wanted her to look at him. To praise him. To tell him he was the most beautiful.

"I don't care about your opinion. "

It was a bold lie, one to hide his own deepest feelings, the actual fear of her opinion of him. He was aware that he was in the eye of everyone, but...

He wanted to be in her eyes but feared hearing her thoughts. Because she saw right through his efforts. Through everything he did. Would she praise him?

He felt bare, exposed. And, he was unsure if he could handle her rejection. That was why he shut out her opinion fast, fearing the words he didn't want to hear.

Why wasn't she telling him he was beautiful, like everyone else? Why did she approach him easily? She didn't know her place, he kept repeating that to himself, but there was a lingering fear it was because he was nothing to her, hence why she acted so nonchalantly.

He wanted to be her very first thought in the morning and the last one at night, just as she invaded his dreams and haunted him everywhere with her presence or absence. But he couldn't easily go and tell her, "I saw you in my dreams again. We were together, you by my side, the place I yearn for you to be."

He sighed. There was no use getting upset over this. But these words didn't reach his heart, its pace increasing as he thought of her again.

(He knew that it was because she didn't say those words, that she looked deeper, focusing on his sweat, blood and tears, that he looked for her everywhere now.)

"You've worked so hard to get where you're standing on and that's really amazing."

He was in deep.

"I think your beauty doesn't only lie in how you look, you are beautiful, but it's your determination and hard work that makes you shine."

He stopped breathing when she said that, heart aching so much because she wasn't aware that her words pierced his heart, permanently latching on it like the sword in his crown. Whenever he repeated them in his mind, like a broken record, he clenched his chest, losing all strength, a sweet tasting poison that bewitched his soul. It hurts him but, he couldn't stop himself from yearning it.

"Please, look at me."

"...Please love me..."

He whispered quietly in the darkness of his empty room.

There was an irony of the Pomefiore Queen falling victim to her sweet tender poison.

(Was it really poison? Her words were sweet and gentle, beautiful and without any ill intentions. But they killed him slowly, so they might as well be the most dangerous venom in the world. And he wouldn't stop wishing for it, taking them all until there was nothing left.)

"Vil-senpai, good morning!"

She would smile brightly at him and he would avoid her eyes, feigning indifference because he couldn't hold her gaze back. He preferred to nitpick, to tell her that her lips were dry, that she should pay attention to her appearance, harshly scolding her as his hands carefully arranged her tie.

"I won't be always fixing you. You should be always presentable, what am I going to do with you?"

He fussed over her, giving her even some lipstick he had, after applying it to her lips that surely her potato friends would comment on later.

What was he going to do? Wasn't it obvious? He'd look for her next and fuss again over her appearance, because that was as close as he could allow himself to be, safely hidden by the pretense of her untidy appearance.

"Tell me, Trickster Ann-kun," Rook's piercing voice shot through the silence like the arrow from his bow. "Do you have feelings for the beautiful Vil?"

He had suddenly approached her, as she had taken a night stroll in the surroundings of Ramshackle Dorm to clear her head, even though she knew the chaos would remain.

She closed her eyes, she knew that looking away or up front would show the answer, a fawn in front of the perceptive hunter. Vil had already confronted her, her eyes telling a different story than what she wanted to say. Rook would surely suspect, no, she had a feeling he was asking to confirm his suspicions.

"What do you mean?"

"Your eyes shine the most when you are next to him, even if you then look away moments after. You approach him often, during the free times he has or even when your paths cross, in between classes and your personal activities. There's a tension, a soft lingering warmth when you talk to him. I look at Vil the most, so naturally I would notice first anything that happens around him."

She looked up at the sky, her lips drawn in a thin line. There were no stars to reflect on her eyes.

"Would it bother you?"

"Non, naturally there are many who have feelings for him. In fact, I would be most bothered if people didn't realize his beauty."

"You did mention it before, you wanted us to see his beauty back during our VDC training."

"Oui, Vil has a beauty no one else possesses. It would be foolish to ignore it when close to it. But we are not talking about me, we are talking about you, Trickster Ann-kun."

"..."

"Befitting of your name, you try to fool your opponents and the people who surround you. But you should already know I am a hunter and it's my pride to say I do not let my prey get away.”

"I had a feeling you would say that, though whatever. Whatever I feel, it doesn't really matter."

She could feel his sharp eyes on her, carefully examining her every movement, conscious or unconscious. For a moment, she thought he was concerned, but she wouldn't engage in eye contact for her sake. She knew better than engaging in a fight she would lose.

"If I like him or not, it doesn't matter. Someone like him shouldn't be with someone like me."

"Do you think of yourself as inferior to him, Trickster Ann-kun? Vil is the kind of person who can appreciate beauty, no matter how unconventional."

"I don't really know where I fall in that category, and I don't think too much about it anyway," she said with a casual shrug, but it didn't shake off Rook's inquisitive gaze.

"You should be aware that you're already someone important to him. What happened in the VDC put you in another place in his eyes."

What would it be? Vil’s overblot and her desperate tries to save him? Their talk alone after they lost the VDC? She was sure Vil couldn’t know her punching Rook was largely due to her own anger at him for doing this to Vil.

But no matter the reason, it changed nothing.

"...It's because of that...Things are fine the way they are now. I'm fine with that. "

"Perhaps you are, but what about Vil?"

She unconsciously turned to him, his green eyes revealing a strong protectiveness and concern. She winced and looked away, though perhaps she had already shown too much.

"...He is better this way. I...I don't deserve him, that's all."

"Is this why you don't grasp for him? The yearning in your eyes, you cannot hide it from me, but you don't wish to claim him."

Ann couldn’t reply, and the look in the hunter’s eyes told him he knew more, her silence a confirmation for him. He pressed for no more answers, not that she would give them. Her love was doomed from the start and she was fine with that.

“But what about Vil?”

That was the only problem, though she prayed it never happened.

The truth is, I want him to love me. I want him to hold me.

But I can’t have him.

I have to look at him from afar, no matter how much my heart aches for him.

This was a waltz for two solo dancers, each gliding at their own tune, so close yet so far. Wanting to get close, but not enough to touch each other. Yearning gazes being the only betrayal of those hidden thoughts.

His lips touched hers and a bolt of electricity passed through his body, heart aching so much, as his tight chest reminded him to breathe. Her lips were so soft and tender, and when he pulled back in shock at what he had done, her warmth lingering on his lips almost made him wish to continue. Locking mouths, their skin needing to be one, to be this close always, it was a feeling he had been blessed to have just experienced and cursed, because it would never be enough.

Especially when her eyes reflected a pain he would have never expected to see.

The one time he had let himself be overcome with emotion, his relentless feelings deciding something so bold, it had to be the time where he quietly poured them all in one action only to feel a quiet unmoving slap in the form of her gaze.

She didn't have to say anything, too shocked to move but the rejection in her eyes was more than clear, and her lingering lips on his skin added insult to the injury.

It was the pain he felt as he left the room that let him know how hard he had fallen for her, how much he yearned for her love and adoration, and it was crushing him.

"Potato."

"Huh..."

The next thing she realized was his perfume so close filling her nostrils, his soft lips on hers.

And she felt her world crumbling, the small bubble she had crafted for her delusions rupturing and bringing her to the terrible reality she had to confront.

Something took over her, a violent mix of terror and guilt, of her realizing the thing she had done and how far her silly nonsense had reached.

She wanted his love, she yearned for it deeply, but she couldn’t accept it.

Vil was in love with someone else, right? Not her, someone like Rook or someone else who deserved him.

But his lips were on hers, a delicate blessing she wasn’t worthy of receiving. Hence she could only stand in horror, unable to move or react, because what was she supposed to do?

He pulled back abruptly, his cheeks light pink and brilliant violet eyes avoiding hers. He shook his head before vanishing through the door.

She pressed her fingers on her lips, they were warm, so tempting to keep bringing back the ghost of his skin over hers, the thing she had wished deep down for so long.

But the hurt in his eyes kept haunting her, and she felt like dying.

Thank you for reading!

#twisted wonderland #twstocweek #vil schoenheit #twstoc #vil x mc #twst #rook hunt

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ghost-in-the-stalls · 3 years

Note

What are ur tilda hcs?

Okay im finally gonna answer this!! Thank you so much for asking!!! I love receiving asks and I love sharing my headcanons. Sorry again it's so late ❤❤❤

This isn't gonna be nearly as well worded and eloquent as I originally planned. The first time I wrote it it basically became a drabble about her life. And then I lost that whole draft. Lmao

I just don't have it in me to recreate that whole thing again but I still wanna share my headcanons about her because I do have a lot!

I also wanna say this is in no way to like... excuse her behavior or try and redeem her. She was a terrible person. But people aren't born terrible. And I like taking 2 dimensional fictional women and making them make sense. So this isn't to excuse but instead to explain? I guess?

cw for all the shit you expect with the minyards by now, but specifically drug addiction and statutory rape. Also this is LONG so its going under a cut.

So first of all, I imagine her and Luther as being half siblings. Their father was a preacher or something- someone with a big role in their church's community and a big reputation of being a reliable, wise, holy man.

When Luther was maybe around 3 years old, there was this teenage girl in the congregation who would often come to Mr. Hemmick for advice, guidance, comfort, etc. She didn't quite fit in in school, wasn't great at academics and struggled to keep up with her siblings achievements, and was overall going through a lot of the turmoil thats unfortunately common for teenagers.

So she, like many people in the congregation, went to Mr Hemmick for guidance and ended up seeing a lot of him. She felt listened to and believed in with him. She felt like he treated her as more mature than the way her family treated her. She trusted him. He abused that.

If you asked her at the time, she would have said it was consensual between them. But she was 16. And when she became pregnant, he turned on her REAL fast lemme tell you. He made her promise not to tell anyone that he was the father, and he only told his wife. And of course, when he told his wife, he talked at length about how this 16 year old girl tempted him to sin; how he regretted it and only hoped she could learn to truly find God.

So he took the child in upon being born as a way to "attone" for what he'd done, but the whole community (not knowing he was the father) just saw it as an act of good will. And of course he'd tout off a lot in his sermons about how he'd be able to give the baby a much better, holier lifestyle than a teenager who turned her back on god by having sex.

So he and his wife end up raising Tilda from birth, but they make sure she knows from the beginning the circumstances of her birth. They drill it into her that her mother was a dirty sinner and that she herself is tainted as a result. She is raised always feeling like she needs to be twice as good to even be considered half as good as her brother in her parents eyes.

Naturally, she stops trying pretty early. In middle school, I imaging her being one of those bullies. The really nasty ones who get violent at their victims for even looking at them wrong. Idk about anyone else, but in my schools growing up the fights between the girls were always way bloodier than the ones between the guys. And I imagine those as the types of fights she got in- especially when one of her victims decides to stand up for themselves by throwing her own baggage back in her face.

By high school, she was thoroughly committed to the role of problem child. She would do everything she could to upset her family and get herself into shit. She'd do drugs, skip classes, show up to school drunk, stay out late, etc. In addition to all this, she would purposefully find whatever guy seemed like the most trouble and take him home. Whether this was the school drug dealer, a boy who got expelled for some rough shit, or college boys who caught her eye at parties.

So she's basically dug this hole for herself where she's committed to actually being the child of sin that her family has always seen her as anyway. The few people who tried to reach out to her wouldn't get far. She would push and push at them to see how far she could stretch their patience (to see how long it took them to give up on her like everyone else).

She even had one teacher who never did give up on her. But she outright told Tilda that she can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Those words would ring in Tildas ears for years to come, even if she never found it in herself to put the concept into action.

So eventually she'd graduate- just barely because she rarely put in effort in school- and she'd be left to suddenly have to find a place in the world when she previously never even thought she'd have a future. She started batting heads with her family even more (which no one thought was possible at that point) but it became less antagonistic on her end. She was still a shit stirrer, don't get me wrong. But she was getting tired. The fights were less about her being intentionally aggrevating and aggressive and more about her continuously being unable to live up to their expectations.

Luther already had a promising job as a cop at this point, meanwhile she was still living at home and bouncing between jobs that barely kept her afloat and boyfriends that barely made her feel worth something. She'd gotten into drugs in high school, and the habit only got worse now that she was out. It was the only thing that made her feel something other than misery or numbness. She could lose herself in the drugs and the boyfriends and the late nights out. She would come home to see her parents less and less and would speak to them only when absolutely necessary.

Eventually Mr. Hemmick died fairly young (heart attack or something equally as tragic. Whatever I dont care about him enough to pick the details) and his wife followed soon after by suicide. The house was left to Luther, who moved back in immediately and said there'd be changes in the household. He basically told Tilda to quit the drugs and go back to church if she wanted to stay in the house. He also had other rules like keeping a job, dumping her current boyfriend, giving her a curfew, etc.

So she left. She took her shitty beat up car an ex had fixed up for her and headed to California. A friend from high school lived out that way, so that's where she headed.

During this period in her life the drugs got a lot worse. This is also when she realized that she had become addicted. Mainly this is because, even after being away from her family and having freedom, she was still miserable. She didn't know how to get through a day sober. The constant variation between numbness and misery was too much to bare, but she wasn't ready to help herself. She wasn't ready to commit to her own healing and health.

She was in and out of therapy and rehab as quickly as she'd change jobs and partners. She wouldn't commit, and as soon as she had an out she'd take it. Had to miss an appointment for scheduling? Didn't make it back to the shelter in time to claim her bed for the night? Forgot to call back one of the few people who tried to reach out? No going back.

This is my main thing with Tilda. She was a shitty person who had a shitty life. But she never found the strength and commitment in herself to put in the work to be better. She instead let herself fall further and further down the hole because it was easier than pulling herself out. Because part of her still believed deep down that she had succeeded in living up to her birthright- that she wasn't deserving of ever healing or being better.

It was in one of these rehab facilities that she met the twins' father (and this part is absolutely inspired by Luke and Joey from the haunting of hill house). He was a guy with a similar past to hers- always sure he was meant to be bad so he committed to the role and never learned to commit to anything else. The difference between them, though, was that he was ready to get better.

They became fast friends and leaned on one another a bit while in rehab. She didn't see him as anything other than a friend, but he unfortunately became set on this idea that they would heal and move forward together. She knew he had feelings for her and enabled him (she didn't love him back but had never actually felt cared for like this before). He believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, which was a lot. Unfortunately for him, he also ended up being more committed to her healing than she was. When she eventually started spiraling again, all other feelings for him were overshadowed by the part of her that just saw an opportunity.

She took advantage of him. She slept with him, took his money while he was sleeping, and bailed to get high and never see him again. Now I'm not gonna say she was just a devil who entered this poor man's life. He saw her more as a potential for an ideal life than a person. He was more in love with the dream he had of them getting better and starting a life together than he was actually in love with her and who she was as a person. Bad match all around.

So she never saw or heard from him again. When she found out she was pregnant, she went home to Luther and his wife and son. She didn't tell him right away that she was pregnant. Instead, she pretended she was just finally ready to commit to God and turn her life around. She played the part alright for a while, went to church with them and got sober and everything, but tried to leave and move into a women's shelter when she started showing. Luther found out and brought her home.

At first he was actually super supportive- mainly because he just genuinely thought she wanted to find God and stop "living in sin". But when she finally told him she didn't plan to keep the child, he turned on her.

We know the story from there. Personally I think the night that she stole the money and ran as her point of no return. Years down the line, when she knew she was being a terrible mother and person, she'd remember that night. And she'd think to herself how this is who she was always meant to be. How she doesnt deserve to be any better than how she is. And she'd dig the hole deeper.

-----

So yeah thats my take on Tilda Minyard. Sorry it was so long. I like the idea of giving depth and complexity to female characters- even the bad guys and the ones I don't like. I have a similar lengthy life concept for Mary Hatford as well, but it isn’t nearly as long. If anyone is curious lol

Thanks again for asking!

#aftg #aftg meta #tilda minyard #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #twinyards #tfc #give female characters depth and complexity 2k21 #my writing

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legobiwan · 4 years

Text

Whumptober #5

“on the run”

Notes: Yes, I’m a day behind, I’m hoping to post a second story tonight but let’s see where life goes. This story...I started out with an idea, and then that idea went in a very different direction as I started writing. RotS AU.

General Whumptober tag

Whumptober 2020 #1

Whumptober 2020 #2

Whumptober 2020 #3

Whumptober 2020 #4

~~~~~~

If you were here, Qui-gon…

Right. If you were here you’d probably shackle me up - wrists tightly enclosed in Force-dampening binders, restraining collar around my neck. Your harsh words would be an invisible whip against my true skin, your touch too soft for a monster such as I, pleading almost, far too kind than what I deserve for my crimes.

You would do all this, Qui-gon, your eyes dark with disappointment, letting no other man or soldier or droid handle me except yourself. Your failure of a Padawan trussed up like a common criminal (common? Perhaps not.), signed, sealed, and delivered personally back to Coruscant for my trial and probable execution.

And you would be right to do so, Qui-gon. So, so right. Force, part of me wishes you could swoop down right now, take me in your arms, the last friendly touch I would ever know before you placed my body on the electroguillotine’s platform to the cheers of the Senate, to the stony facades of the Jedi Council. One last bit of kindness, your hand on my cheek, before the killing blade would deliver me from my sins, before this would all just be over.

After all, it’s not every day a member of the Jedi High Council assassinates the Chancellor of the Republic on live holofeed.

Their faces Qui-gon, the way the Force shifted like two ancient, tectonic masses, colliding as Palaptine - or should I say Sidious - fell from his lofty perch, body plunging, down, down, down until it hit the subterranean floor of the Senate chamber with a sickening, exhilarating thud.

The similarities to my subterfuge as Rako Hardeen were not unmarked, believe me, Qui-gon. Palpatine, however, unlike myself, continues to be dead, two neat holes placed through the side of his treacherous head.

I feel, perhaps, that I have forsaken myself.

But you weren’t there, Master, you didn’t watch through thin slits of wavering consciousness, of azure and crimson rainbows, of the sneaking tar of decay that oozed forth from the man who would lead - would conquer - the Republic and the Jedi. You weren’t there as your Padawan - your friend and brother, the boy you so cared for (more than myself, I can now admit). As Anakin brought the two blades together at Dooku’s neck, executioner of a death sentence signed in familiar large, looping letters - “Sheev Palpatine, Chancellor of the Republic.”

It was him, Qui-gon. The Sith Lord was right there, the entire time, one hand on Anakin’s shoulder, leading him to perdition.

And I did nothing to stop it.

Nothing, until now.

Perhaps if I had been the one to perish on Naboo…perhaps none of this would have ever happened. But that is another world lost to another time, and the ‘here and now,’ as you would say, consists of a cold storage closet in the rear of a Rodian smuggler’s ship.

Three days I’ve been cramped in this space, my passage paid with the frozen Twi’lek guard lying at my feet, legs bent at unnatural, backward angles, the trickle of blood dripping from their nose now an ugly, improvised tattoo.

It’s cold, Qui-gon. A blessing, in some ways, as my departed friend here is unlikely to suffer the worst effects of putrefaction, but I feel even if I were to be on the sunny beaches of Scarif, I would still shiver at my own conscience.

I am tired, Qui-gon.

~~~

You visited me in my dreams last night, Qui-gon.

Neither the avenging angel of death nor the soft shepherd of comfort, you stood, distant, enigmatic as a Loth-Sphinx, as distant and maddening as you had been in life.

I suppose this should have come as no surprise.

Why? You asked me.

Why what, Qui-gon? Why did I kill Palpatine, why did I run, why did I make a fool’s promise to you all those years ago?

As to the last question, I believe - well, perhaps not believe, but fervently hope - you know the answer already.

To answer the others - what choice did I have? To witness what I had, to know Anakin was in thrall to this…this thing, that I would never convince him of Palpatine’s true intentions, that I had lost any trust, any esteem he may have still had for me with my own betrayals -

It was all happening too fast, Qui-gon. The situation on Mandalore, the battle on Coruscant, Dooku’s death. I briefly confided in Bail Organa, the Senator from Alderaan, hinted at my actions in regards to the Mandalore situation, on the way to Coruscant. He told me in no uncertain terms that the Senate would be forced to bring down charges of insurrection, even possibly treason, once they learned of my manipulations of the GAR.

What was one more charge, on top of the others, I thought.

It…it’s better this way, Qui-gon. The Jedi, while still under suspicion, have an obvious and convenient scapegoat, a Council member gone rogue, the underground actor fanning the flames of rumors of a coup. Anakin, while unstable, is at least now out of his orbit. Whether he stays in the Order or leaves, I cannot say, but I hope for his sake - and his unborn child’s - he leaves.

Don’t you see, Qui-gon? The only one who must suffer here is me and I will do so gladly.

Ah, but why not turn myself in, you ask. The deed is done, why run from my actions?

The Twi’lek’s crimson lividity has given way to a more pale ochre, abdomen swollen and nauseated. While the cold has stalled this inevitable process, I must confess to being a bit wary of my companion’s stability.

One more night, and we shall reach Mandalore.

I remain here, discomfited bunkmate to the dead, while Cody and his men span the galaxy, hunting for the wayward Jedi - the turncoat, the traitor, the aruetii…

But you see, Qui-gon, as the galaxy turns its eye on me, it distances its gaze from the Order, from the Council’s machinations.

If I had not acted, someone else would have - with far more dire consequences, I fear.

We spoke of it, you know. Taking over the government, stripping Palpatine of his power (and how laughable a notion that is, to strip a Sith Lord of their edged fury. Impossible to achieve without bloodshed.) It’s not that we wanted to usurp the government - even within the Council itself, there was strong dissent to even considering this notion.

Mace would have gladly fallen on his lightsaber to see justice served. As would Kit. And Plo. And possibly Master Yoda.

But their souls were clean.

Mine, on the other hand…

It’s late Qui-gon, and I fear tomorrow will be an unpleasant day.

~~~

You once said, Qui-gon, that upon finding a confluence of paths, there is no correct direction, that, in the end, there was only a decision, and the consequences thereof.

I find myself in such a place.

It seems the news of my actions reached Mandalore before I did, the civil war now at an uneasy pause, Maul neutered (and what does that say about me, that I could not achieve this victory when Ahsoka could? Perhaps I am too close, too near that fault line to act as she could.)

But they do not know, Qui-gon, what I do. Ahsoka may look on in muted fury, Rex dipping his head as he comms Cody, his only words a soft we have him, Bo-Katan radiant with indignation - why could you have not done this before?

Before we both lost her, before Satine’s legacy was burnt to the ground, before it came to this.

They wrap me in cords and shackles and the best Jedi restraints Mandalore has to offer, dumping me in the same containment cell as him, who takes one look at my sorry state, who knows what sins are written on my soul.

Maul throws back his head, and cackles, the sound of a hundred broken mirrors.

They only have one, he says.

He doesn’t need to explain further.

The Mandalorian sarcophagus. We both saw it, that first time on Mandalore, Satine’s cheeks turning pink, then red, as she explained the true purpose of the monstrous devices.

We would never use them now, she said. There’s no need.

We can only hope, you answered.

And now, it is a question of who is the greater monster - the being born of blood and violence, or the one who accepted it into his heart.

He would have been his new apprentice, Maul drawls, with a sick smile.

I know, I answer. I do know, don’t I? Knew this entire time and yet could do nothing to stop it - until now.

Will you accept your fate, Kenobi? Be hauled back to Coruscant in chains, your allies grinning as your head falls from the blade?

I should. Damnit, I should, Qui-gon! I am a Jedi, I do not fear death, for there is only the Force.

And yet…

~~~

We are leaving, Qui-gon, Maul and I. To what end, I cannot say. Do not fear for me, Master of mine. I am long corrupted, past redemption in this life and can only hope to use my darkness for an ultimate good.

There is much to be done.

May I feel your soft hand on my cheek one more time, Qui-gon, if only in my dreams.

Please forgive me.

I am sorry.

Yours in this life and the next,

Obi-wan Kenobi.

#whumptober #whumptober 5 #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #darth maul #ahsoka tano #bo katan kryze #writing #the eternal struggle #i have no idea what this is #this just...SPROUTED from my being today #while the outline is the same the execution is VERY different from what i had envisioned #ah writing #i am not in charge here the characters are

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aprils-arcadia · 3 years

Text

Killjoy

Members: Kihyun, Changkyun Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,5k Summary: Once again Kihyun finds himself at the mercy of one of Changkyun’s drunk plans.

A heavy sigh escaped Kihyun’s mouth as he slowly noticed where they were headed. Changkyun had always been very good at taking back roads and weird shortcuts to throw Kihyun's sense of direction off, making him realize too late where they were going, too late to turn around.

The night was stuffy and humid and if it would have been up to him he’d have spent it holed up in his air-conditioned apartment instead of walking around in the middle of the night. Unsure where he was going but already dreading their arrival. He could feel his shirt stick to his body and cursed himself for having agreed to go out tonight. It would turn out like usual anyway. They turned a last corner and Kihyun was equally proud and agitated of having guessed correctly.

Changkyun on the other hand was in a completely different mood. He’d been happily strolling down the narrow lanes and alleys for the past 20 minutes, seemingly devoid of worry or care. It was a nice change of pace and Kihyun liked seeing him that way, that’s why even when he wasn’t in the mood he’d almost always agree to come along. Because for once it didn’t feel like the young man in front of him was carrying the weight of the world on his steadily broadening shoulders. Unfortunately this kind of thinking always got him to the same point.

Another friday. Another fence.

Changkyun had stopped in his tracks and turned around towards Kihyun, wearing his brightest smile. He gestured towards the fence and nodded.

“Pretty good, huh?” He looked like a little kid wanting to be praised for finally having drawn the sun not in the corner but as a standalone wobbly circle - a truly magnificent feat.

“Nope, not gonna happen.” Kihyun crossed his arms before his chest and briefly saw the mischievous glint in Changkyun’s eyes flicker.

"Come on! Don't be such a chicken! It won't be dangerous."

"You also said that the last time and we ended up in jail! So no thanks!"

“That was one night. And it wasn't THAT bad.” Changkyun shrugged with his shoulders like the night had been equal to being downgraded from a 5-star hotel to a 4-star one. And not like they were forced to sleep sitting against a cold stonewall constantly questioning if closing their eyes would even be such a good idea.

“Not that bad? May I remind you of that one creepy bloke that sat in the corner staring at us the entire time. And how in his end-of-the-world rant he told me to ‘watch out for the fairies’ because they were coming to steal my crackers.”

“Dude that guy was hilarious. Come on you gotta admit it was completely worth it”

“Worth it? We broke into an aquarium at 3 am because and I am quoting here ‘the fishies might be lonely’.”

“You say that like it was a bad idea.” Changkyun said defensively.

“Because it was for God's sake and now? Now you want me to break into an amusement park. What is it with you and the desire for breaking and entering every time you get drunk.”

Over the last 4 years Kihyun had become pretty familiar with the two vastly different behaviours Changkyun exhibited while drunk. Either he’d turn deeply philosophical wanting to discuss the meaning of life and the existence of the universe for what always felt like a million years or he’d want to do something dangerous or in his words exciting. These déjà-vus had to stop but Kihyun wasn’t able to figure out how to break that circle yet.

“Because it's fun,” Changkyun simply said. “Isn’t it?”

Kihyun hated to admit this and the words would never leave his lips unless they’d be tortured out of him but it was fun. It was irresponsible and dangerous but the sight of the huge fish tanks illuminated only slightly was a sight he’d not forget so soon. The eerie sounds of the water lapping onto the glass that would never have been audible during the day. The opportunity to enjoy the place completely devoid of humans. He didn’t like how they got there and he surely disliked how they left but he greatly treasured those moments in between.

“So let's hear it, what's your plan?” Kihyun asked purely out of curiosity. Maybe this time around Changkyun would have come prepared and not rely completely on his highly questionable ability to improvise.

“Easy. You give me a boost over the fence and then I'll pull you up.”

“That's the plan?”

“Yep”

“The whole plan?”

“Indeed.” Changkyun nodded sharply.

“You’re kidding, right?” Unfortunately Changkyun’s face remained unchanged. “That is not a plan. Not in the slightest. Seriously how is that supposed to be a plan?”

“Oh come on. It's not like you have a better idea.”

“I don't and you know why? Because I don't wanna end up in JAIL again.”

“But it would be so cool, don't you think? All the lights and the music.”

Kihyun looked towards the pitch-black park behind the fence and back to Changkyun.

“You do notice that everything is turned off right?” He said, cocking up his eyebrows and eyeing Changkyun in his perfectly patronizing way of stating the obvious to an apparently oblivious person.

“But we can turn them on.” Changkyun stated matter-of-factly.

“No sh*t, Sherlock. Great idea. How do you intend to do that? Do you know where the control room is? How do you plan on getting in there? Please, do enlighten me.”

“You know, I don’t like it when you ruin a perfectly good idea with all that realism. Why do you always have to be such a killjoy.”

“Killjoy?” Kihyun scoffed. “Seriously? Well one of us has to be the responsible adult in these scenarios. Otherwise you'd probably be dead in a ditch right now.”

“Like hell I would.”

“Do you even remotely recall all the things I prevented you from doing? Like at all? Believe me you’d be dead by now if it wasn’t for me.” Kihyun said, holding his head high.

“Yeah as if. And also we’ll never know because you are such a boring killjoy and wouldn't let me try it.”

“For good reason.” By now Kihyun's voice was raised and he could feel the anger bubbling beneath the surface. Why wouldn’t he listen. Once. Just once.

Kihyun’s phone started to vibrate and snapped both of them out of their bickering before it would turn into a fight.

“It’s Shownu. I gotta take this.” Kihyun felt the tension leave his body as he picked up the phone and heard the calm voice of his roommate. Kihyun walked a few steps further down the road but immediately regretted leaving Changkyun’s side the second he heard the distant clatter of metal.

“Don’t you dare!” Kihyun turned around sharply, his eyes glaring at the young man that was now suspiciously close to the fence, tugging at the rusty chain links. Sometimes hanging out with Changkyun felt like babysitting a toddler that you couldn't leave alone for five seconds or they'd start chewing on the crayons.

Only their responses differed greatly from Changkyun, who dramatically gasped and placed his hand comically over his mouth and not to forget the middle finger flung in Kihyun’s direction. An especially rude toddler he might add.

“Yeah got it. Thanks for letting me know.” Kihyun hung up.

“What’s up with Shownu?” Changkyun yelled as Kihyun made his way back to him. “Did you ask him to come along?”

“No, I didn’t and there is still nothing for him to come along to because we are gonna head home now. Shownu just said that he will spend the night at work.”

“That’s perfect!” Changkyun exclaimed.

“And how is that?”

“Obvious. He can bail us out anytime.”

“Shownu did not become a police officer just to bail your sorry ass outta jail everytime you so please.” Kihyun responded exasperatedly.

“But he definitely would. It’s the perfect night for this. Come on.”

Kihyun rubbed his forehead. This was getting exhausting. He knew the look in Changkyun’s eyes all too well and knew that he would not be able to stop him tonight. He’d have to trank him and carry him home if he wanted to achieve that. So the only reasonable thing left to do - and he hated himself for doing it - was to give in.

“Arggh, to hell with this.” Kihyun grunted. “Let’s do this.” Because at least that way Changkyun would not get into trouble on his own and maybe he would be able to prevent at least some more severe incidents by not leaving Changkyun’s side.

“Awesome!” Changkyun was getting ready at the fence to give Kihyun a boost.

“Great, so we’re not even following the tiny bit of a plan you had,” Kihyun said while already swinging across to the other side. “Just great.”

#mx #fanfiction #monsta x #monstax fanfiction #changkyun #im #kihyun #shownu #kihyun fluff #changkyun fluff #comedy #aprils fanfiction #aprils arcadia

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