#me when i get upset at work
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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holy shit I did NOT realize how popular my "I will remove my teeth, for I want to remain kind despite my anger" quote is. I just googled it for fun to see what would come up, a bunch of people are quoting it not knowing who its from, an artist called Kuma made an album titled that, so bizzare
#also people are misatributing the quote to kuma and the first google result for the quote attributes it to them#which is kind of upsetting but not a huge deal whatever#its cool it seems to have entered culture like that#i get very mixed feelings about those instances where something I made got WAY more popular than i expected and#people are reposting it or using it without attributing it to me#i both feel bad when stuff isnt credited to me but also good that my art has expanded beyond my reach#its out of my control kind of and other people have it now#which IS what i want for my art and how i generally think art should be#but it is also obviously causes some anxiety to lose control and really full ownership of something that is yours#i think also there is anxiety about something of mine being taken by someone bigger than me#since they can just claim it as their own and most people will know them as the origin#not talking specifically about this quote btw just any of my work#ive definetly been thinking about that hbomberguy vid lol#i hope any of this made sense im a little high rn
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DC x DP Prompt *30*
If anyone would ask Bruce how he could have known, he would tell them that it is obvious. Phantom - the new part-time member of the Young Justice - who seemed to be forever young and their new engineer Danny Fenton who is in his early twenties have perfectly fitting schedules. When Fenton is working in the Watchtower, Phantom will be unavailable for the Young Justice and vice versa. Also, the pranks started after both of these figures appeared. Of course one could argue that they could just be related or somehow knew each other otherwise, but the pranks that were pulled on all of the mentors of the Young Justice were only possible with Phantom Powers. And because of the new Ghost Shield the young hero wouldn't be able to just fly into the Watchtower and had to use the Zeta-Tube, what would mean that they should be able to look at the logs. But Phantom never entered the Watchtower while the pranks were under way. And as soon as his team really needed him, Fenton would make an excuse to leave work early.
What he wouldn't tell anyone, is that he saw how Fenton had transformed himself into Phantom, shortly before the Flash got up to run for a snack, just to fall down because his ankles had been cuffed together.
And maybe he helped him from time to time, with a well timed question to distract his fellow heros. Because the motive became clear really fast. Everytime someone got pranked, that someone had done something to ignite the wrath of the younger heros.
All of that also meant two things.
First of all, as soon as Danny was at work, Batman would be extra aware of his surroundings. The pranks never worked on him, which meant he had to dodge more attempts for the rest of the day.
And secondly: He should talk to Tim, after he found out how he had put his foot in his mouth this time, since he just saw his spoon move in his coffee mug without anyone's involvement. He just let his (probably salty) coffee go cold, brooding. Maybe he should go home early today and spend some quality time with his son...
#skylers prompts#dcxdp#dcxdp prompt#dpxdc#don't tag the danny phantom fandom#bruce wayne#justice league#young justice#Danny is a part-time member of the young justice#he doesn't like it when his new friends are hurt/sad#so he pranks the adult hero responsible#bruce knows#everyone else is losing their mind#but Bruce now knows that he upset Tim somehow and tries to talk things out#Tim knows that Bruces knows but it works either way#Danny the engineer getting a text from Kon that they really need his help: “My sister just texted me that Cujo ate a entire Chocolate cake!#I have to bring him to the vet!“
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Barbarian!Bakugo is a little bit… obsessed with lactation.
No, it’s not a new concept to him—he’s seen mothers feeding their children before, in fact, hardly ever put a thought to it.
But now that it’s you, now that it’s his child… it’s interesting to him. Beyond interesting, really. That someone he loves and desires so carnally can provide an almost irreplaceable service, one he is incapable of replicating despite how much he wants to provide for the both of you.
And he’d want to be present for most feedings anyway, both to bond and help ease the parenting load off your shoulders… but the whole time, he can’t take his eyes off your chest, where the little one is latched so safely and happy, suckling away as he stares in a protective haze, in awe. Blinking when baby blinks, wincing when you wince, his hands balling into fists when you sigh and the soft fat of your bosom jiggles.
He’s shy, though. Shy to admit his fascination despite how he asks to touch you one night, after the babe has been fed, swaddled and put to rest, and then rubs his fingers so gently against your nipple it starts to leak.
Bakugo looks at you under thick lashes, no blush because he’s seen you naked endless times, was there for the birth, but hesitant, almost… to do more than feel your raw areola underneath the rough pads of his fingertips. Even if, no sooner, does he put a thumb into his mouth to taste the few, silken drops of milk that escaped onto his skin.
Baby always eats first, of course, until plump and sleepy… but after that first touch, barbarian!Bakugo is no longer above licking up what’s left for him until your tits are relaxed and soft, then massaging you til there’s milk in abundance once more.
#bakugo#bakugou x reader#I wrote something similar to this before but I didn’t actually write the#toddy s*cking#but I also can’t really remember what I said#and also this isn’t very descriptive#so 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️#anyway it just makes me laugh to think of this big honking beast of a man to be staring at u all dumbfounded/concentrated#when ur nursing his kid#I wish there were emojis to describe the face I’m imagining 😐😲😠 combined#but he’s just so… intriqued#even if he knew that’s how it worked it’s like#that’s my wife……… my baby mama……#😳#esp cuz he’s always hunting he’s upset he can’t do more to help feed babba except keep u company#he’s so used to doing more#stick him with loin cloth duty LMDAOOOO KIDDING#anyway ugh have a brand new phone charger that keeps doing the unpluggy thing#might need to get that fixed#also my cat just took a fat sh*t and I can smell it#LOL I’m so tired#hope this was … tolerable!!!#caitie post#tw:lactation#fem reader#kids tw
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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You always get me some surprise
#I know a lot has happend after this but this still reminds my number 1 moment.#Bojan truly had a mission to cheer jere up no matter what#and he’s so happy it worked#and they don’t even care that there’s like millions of cameras filming them#and jere genuinely laughing and smiling for the first time after he lost#even tho he hates when someone tries to cheer him up if he’s upset???#And you always get me some surprise??? they have known each other like a month by then and Bojan?? always??? got jere??? some??? surprises?#you! always! get! me! some! surprise!#????????#käärijä#bojan cvjetićanin#esc 2023
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being depressed sucks, but at the same time it did stop me from drawing illuminaughti fanart like four days before the shit(tm) popped off with her back in may
silver linings i guess
#not art#i like listening to video essays and shit while i draw and work and i ended up listening to a lot of her videos back then#extremely funny to get into a youtuber and then not two weeks later they are the worst person of 2023#cool sona design! shame it belongs to Her#yeah i think about this every time i see a new drama video abt her in my youtube recommended feed#i would be so mad if i drew her and then had to delete it wbhsdjhbdsfg saved me the energy#also the plagarism stuff from hbomb was THE icing on the cake. oh my god. she blew herself up being upset that someone else#was copying her when she literally copies other people all the damn time#flaming mess of a youtube channel my god
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I want you to tell ‘em that you love the way that they don’t stick out like sore middle fingers
[Continuation of this]
#TMNT 2012#casey jones 2012#raphael hamato#rasey#this is platonic again but I’m not against romantic subtext or whatever#when I was in school being able to do this with your hand was super cool and I often still do it with both#but I’ve met both adults and kids who’ve never seen it before and it freaks them out ahaha#anyway I was jus thinking of hands again and this is a warm up sketch#but i do think thee two would have heart to hearts on rooftops sometimes and really open up#maybe theyre sat next to eachother and raph looks at his thigh next to Casey’s and gets self conscious#maybe one of them was hurt in a fight (probably Casey) and theyre patching eachother up and they just start exploring their differences#or maybe its something as simple as raph asking casey if he was Tarzan and the scene with the hands and Casey’s like yo we can do that#or even more childish theyre just doing it to see who’s hands bigger because Casey’s sister has been doing it a lot and its fun#because let me tell you it doesnt matter how old the kids i work with are they all love comparing my hand with theirs#but i imagine Raphs eyes for a second would give away hes upset a little cause he’s definitely the most self conscience about being a mutant#so Casey would do this and be like ahh look see we arent that different really#raph could bend his fingers to emphasise how much shorter Casey’s are#and cause would say something like these digits might be small but theyre mighty#leading to a shove or even a thumb war or something#anyway ill stop gushing i have a comission to do xxx#OH OH OH THE BITE MARK ON CASEY IS BECAUSE A MUTUAL COMMENTS ABOUT EATING MY RASEY ART SO THATS THEIR TEETH but im not naming names....
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i appreciate the curiosity and desire to understand when people ask me what growing up religious/in a cult was like, how religion and religious trauma impacts me, why i'm so against christianity, but i kind of dread those questions now because it's so... impossible to explain it properly. i don't know how to explain to people that don't have that experience that it's everything and it's a million little things.
#like. there's a reason my therapist didn't really get the religious trauma until we had been working on it every week for at least a year#i keep trying to write this post and explaining it but i keep dissociating and like#that's part of it too#there are a lot of things i don't remember that only come to me when i'm triggered/having a flashback#there are a lot of things that are normalized so even when i realize they're traumatizing#other people don't#there are a lot of things that don't sound very upsetting and only make sense in the context of larger things#there are some things you can't understand the weight of unless you've been in it#there are some thing you just straight up forget until something reminds you of it#there are just... so many bits and pieces that make up what makes it traumatic#and xtianity is so fucking normalized that nobody blinks an eye about it#if i never have to explain my religious trauma to a MHP again it will be too soon#religious trauma#ex christian#ex cult
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I'll never understand how some fans are so incredibly willing to just be okay with "it happened in a timeskip" to excuse bad writing lol. Like "oh yeah these two characters who have been enemies for like four seasons of a TV show had their entire reconciliation OFF SCREEN in the time skip between episodes right at the end so it works" or "oh yeah this character who was left basically broken had their entire growth and development where they came to terms with the thing that broke them in the time skip so it works" kind of stuff. Like that's literally the ENTIRE emotional climax of a story that's been building for a while and you're FINE with not getting to actually SEE IT???
Can't relate.
#fandom wank#i'm so so tired of people telling me 'well it happened in the timeskip' when i get annoyed about something#like a character doing a personality 180#or a character suddenly changing their mind about something that was really important to them#or literal wholeass character development that's integral to this character's story#there are some things that can happen in a timeskip and some shit that CANNOT#like imagine if luke had NEVER confronted yoda or obi-wan about keeping the truth of his parentage from him#like we come into rotj and they're just fine and it's never addressed#like luke's just never mad and they never even have a convo about it#imagine how unsatisfying it would feel to have had that massive bombshell dropped without any real payoff to it#imagine never actually getting to see luke work through that particular revelation or how it impacts these relationships#and they were just like 'well it happened in-between movies'#it would SUCK#you NEED those convos in order to actually understand how luke fully comes to accept the truth about anakin#because even if he's calmer by rotj he's still upset by it a bit#only by TALKING to yoda and obi-wan does he actually get to the point where he has total faith in anakin's goodness#we HAVE to see that he's still frustrated about this and still working thru it#we cannot fucking skip it#i'm willing to accept that he's calmer about it due to the timeskip but not that he's already worked thru it all#there's a fucking difference
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I was laughing at Xie Lian not really knowing how to use curse words properly in the flashback arcs. but it just dawned on me that it was probably to show how young and naive he was during all of it
#the way he had all his innocence and naivety snatched away in such violent ways#the way that it’s so unfair and brutal#the way that trauma effected him so deeply but even in little ways like his vocabulary#I wonder if he sleeps differently#mxtx when I get you mxtx—#I’m upset about tgcf again guys don't look at me#I’m wish I could articulate myself better#I have SO many thoughts and feelings about Xie Lian#all I can say is he just like me fr fr#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#xie lian#tgcf xie lian#idk man my brain is so fried rn from working on an animatic#scriv lore
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shoutout 2 this person in my class who i can tell wants 2 talk 2 me really bad but instead of doing that whenever she has the chance she'll talk 2 whoever else is around and ignore me entirely unless im mentioned by name
#bruh lmao#so awkward. say something you dingus lol#ik you wanna talk 2 me so bite the bullet already#gyatt#spacie spoinks#literally. she was having a conversation with my partner for the project im doing. and like#heres the thing#if im not invited into conversation i usually dont participate#im like a vampire like that#and so like. after they're done conversating she'll just kind of. stand there. this has happened twice now#like dude sdkfjshlkdfj#im not upset by this behavior i have very awful social patterns as well and have been thru this (i am autistic)#am i gonna hafta say something. lol#probably#''hey bro whats up with you. i dont mean like how are you doing. i mean like. whats wrong with you.''#cant say that its not funny when you say it irl only when the ppl you're talking with know you're not being mean 😭#also like. this person has been staring at me lol#which like. makes me flustered so whenever she's around i panic and my face fucking turns red its god awful#for awhile it made uhh. my paranoia get really bad im ngl!!#its already bad when it comes 2 being around strangers but this like made it REALLY bad for a few weeks#im more calm now tho. rational brain won over and im chillin#i gotta work up the courage 2 say something b4 the semester is over or this is gonna bother me for the rest of my life sfkjsdhflkjs#i dont wanna put her on the spot#the only time i see her is when im in class#and . doing that interaction in front of ppl. i dont wanna embarrass her ksjfskjd
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A drabble for an anon asking about the prisoners watching their music videos! This is focused on specifically Mikoto’s initial shock at seeing MeMe for the first time, but just know that Double comes with a whole new set of shocks as he truly listens to John for the first time ;-;
Mikoto was no criminal.
He didn’t know how to break into locked rooms, or hack into complex prison security systems. He figured there was no way in hell he’d be able to see these so-called incriminating videos that the Warden was recording, and had resolved himself to an eternity of wondering what they could be. He was shocked when he didn’t need to do a single thing to gain access to them – Es simply adjusted the computer monitor and told him he could hit play when (and if) he wished. Then they left the room.
“A-are you sure?” he called, but they were already gone.
Mikoto blinked at the screen. It showed a stretched version of his apartment couch, near his bathroom wall, broken to reveal sky above. He thought he could spot his tarot cards at the bottom of the frame. Had Milgram broken into his home to film this?
He scoffed, and hit play.
Distorted guitar started up. He flinched as his own face appeared for a moment – looking directly into the camera and making a wild expression he would never have made if someone was recording. His body tensed up more as he heard his own voice start to sing lyrics he’d never spoken before in his life. He wasn’t even a good singer, and here he was sounding like a professional.
There were plenty of ways to accomplish all of this, of course. Software could mimic one’s voice, making him say anything these crazy reality hosts wanted. A team could easily add some digital effects to a stunt double and match his appearance perfectly. Knowing that didn’t make the experience any less unsettling.
He watched himself commit a nasty murder. He watched himself return home bloodied. But it was all ridiculous. How could Milgram even claim that this was him? He’d never raised a hand to anyone in his life. Were the other prisoners’ videos as outlandish as this one?
But then, a switch.
The song shifted to a new melody. He appeared to wake up from his couch, and suddenly Mikoto got the sense that this was him.
He was struck with how familiar this new segment sounded. It simultaneously felt like a favorite song he must have played on loop not too long ago, and one that he’d never heard before. As it played, each new note and lyric felt right on the tip of his tongue.
It ended as quickly as it began. The song returned to the heavy-metal-murder aesthetic it had started with, and once again he felt like he was watching a cheap copy of himself onscreen. He watched another murder, a shower scene (had the warden seen all that? How embarrassing…) and then he turned to his bathroom mirror.
At the same time as his musical counterpart, Mikoto leapt backwards in horror.
His eyes remained glued to the screen. His hand flew up to grab the lower half of his face. It was fake, he told himself. AI and CGI and all that. It was fake. It had to be.
Something deep inside of him said “no. That’s real. That’s me.”
Something else deep inside of him echoed the sentiment.
The video was less than four minutes of music, but by the end he was panting and tugging at his hair as if he’d endured hours of prison torture. He burst out of the room. He sucked in breath after breath. The melodies still played in his mind, lines repeating in his memory as he tried to put as much distance between himself and that little television screen.
He found the others in the common room. They gave him a knowing look, but somehow he knew his experience had been very different from their own. Es approached him.
They studied his expression for a moment. Thankfully, they didn’t ask anything stupid, like “how did it go?” or “what did you think?”
Instead, they just told him, “if you ever want to watch it again, just let me know, I can get it set up for you.”
He would want to see it again. Of course, it would be better, then. He would take a moment to calm down. He’d watch it later and everything would be okay. He’d have a clearer mind. He’d pick out all the little camera tricks they used to make it. He’d be sure it was a fake, and laugh about how ridiculous he was being now.
Of course. Of course.
He nodded to Es, unable to produce any words. Es left him.
The rules in this prison never made any sense, but in this case, he was grateful. He wouldn’t need to figure out any snooping or hacking to get access to the video again. After all, he was no criminal.
… he wasn’t, was he?
#milgram#mikoto kayano#thanks again!! this was super fun to do 👀#i was so sad that they cant see their videos in canon so it made me so happy to work out how it may work/feel#you know when theres a song you used to love but its been too long and you sort of forgot the words#but as theyre playing youre like ‘ahhh i knew that’#thats what im picturing#something unnervingly familiar#as mentioned in the hcs i think john would have a very different reaction#hed be happy to see himself but upset to see mikoto so afraid of him#:(#i like to think that john watching meme is what prompts some of his lyrics in double#i think the opening shots of bring it on would convince fuuta that someone had just hacked his cameras#but then there would be shots they shouldnt have any way to get#and the same for mikoto seeing his apartment/the train station and then suddenly himself in the shower…#he probably laughs it off with the others knowing that they came back a bit more calm than hes currently feeling#so he fakes it as long as possible before having another Moment alone in his cell that night#OUGH#drabbles
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