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#me im queer neurodivergent parents
cyeayt · 8 months
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being autistic in the mormon church
being autistic in the mormon church was, for me at least, a weird experience. because i wasn't excluded or mocked very often, just smothered in that strange warm beige obligation. because they could tell, they knew i was different just like i did. so they held my hand, told the other children to be nice to me, to make sure i felt included. and my peers did, cause they didn't have a choice, raised to be polite and kind no matter what just like i was. so i was included and invited places, always as an afterthought or a checked box but invited nonetheless, injected into conversations and games by adults that my peers wouldn't dare contradict. 'well meaning' adults who ask me if im okay or if i want to join the group, talking down in the sweetest tones. every christmas and on every birthday they still track me down to give me a card about how much they miss my 'unique perspective', even though i always tried my hardest to fit in and say the normal things.
"Look at that one. it's different and broken, but you must be kind to it. help it stay in the light of god, because god is the only way to save it. we're good, and righteous, and its so lucky to be in the church because we're the only ones who'll ever tolerate it, because that's what god wants."
and i miss it sometimes. standing on the edge of people who i desperately want to be friends with, flitting around in the back of stores and staring at concert posters indecisively until the date has passed. never finding the right spot in a conversation to talk, never working up the courage to ask if i can come too, i miss the people who had to be nice. who had me on a little list in their mind of what they need to get to heaven.
but im never going back. because even i could feel that it was fake. i felt watched and judged and pitied at all times, by peers who would ask me if i was coming then talk amongst themselves about jokes i didnt get and shared friends i didnt know. and i may be lonely now, but id rather do the work and be awkward and sick with nerves and find people and spaces that i actually want to be in who actually want me to be there, even if it seems impossible now. id rather that than go back to that warm suffocating place, familiar like the worst kind of family.
also telling that all the adults im talking about are either women/afab people or members of the bishopric, people whose 'job' it is to be welcoming and nurturing, though these experiences are mostly from young womens so that would also be it, but even women who arent involved in the yw leadership are raised and taught and obligated to do this and i dont blame any of them but its always made me wildly uncomfortable. never as much as random men who would sit down next to me and just start talking like we knew each other tho so eh
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ghostiboos · 2 years
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When I was growing up, I had this “bad” habit of locking doors.
I would go in a room — usually “my” room (until I didn’t have locks anymore) — and I would immediately lock the door behind me. I didn’t even do it on purpose most of the time, I would just do it subconsciously because it made me feel safe.
It made my parents so mad. Mom would always shout “Why is the door locked again? Let me in! What are you hiding in there??” That always scared me.
I tried to break the habit, but it was muscle memory, and I kept doing it on accident, which made my parents think I was being willfully disobedient. They benevolently “believed” me that it was an accident sometimes, but only when they were in good moods.
And then there were the times when I couldn’t take it — I couldn’t breathe, I needed to lock the door even though I knew that I “shouldn’t” — and I would make a conscious and guilty decision to lock it on purpose.
I would sit on my bed, curled up in a ball, and I would finally feel safe, but I always had my ears trained on the door, holding my breath at the sound of footsteps and listening closely for even the slightest rattling of the knob.
But then I went to university.
Don’t get me wrong, my freshman setup was awful (I’ll spare the details), but all at once, the door-locking habit was broken.
It’s not that I trusted my roommate or the other students on my floor — I didn’t — but for some reason, that absentminded flick of my fingers every time I closed a door just ceased to exist.
Yet moving back “home” with my family over the summer, it somehow returned without me even noticing.
Back and forth every year, locking doors at “home” and forgetting to at uni, I never realized the pattern until now… I don’t think I let myself realize it. That happens a lot. I think my brain tries to protect me that way.
And here I am again, staying at “home” with my “family,” and it’s funny.
I don’t even have a lock on “my” door anymore, but the muscle memory is still there — every time I close it behind me, my fingers flick across the knob where the lock should be, and I don’t even think about it.
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roseverdict · 1 year
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considering starting a therapy group for survivors of (REDACTED) Christian School's 4th grade teacher, the one who started the same year i went into 4th grade and may or may not still be teaching there.
surely one of the alumni is going into legitimate therapy instead of faith-based guilt-tripping
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oneangstymotherfucker · 10 months
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Another thing that bothers me is the way antis will use the word "coded". Coded is a word for groups that aren't allowed to have explicit representation to use for when authors make something that's obviously for them under the radar. Like queer coded. In kids shows there can also be stuff with coding for neurodivergent characters, and race coding can also be a thing. The idea is authors can't directly do what they want because society is being a dick (like they want to make x and x characters gay or have a Black main character) and so they code it so that people of those groups can still see themselves in it and Understand What They Mean.
So "child-coded" and "family-coded" are not things that even make sense. If the author wanted a character to be read as related or a child they would have simply written them that way! Nothing was stopping them! I respect all headcannons, but you headcannoning someone as a child or related and seeing your own evidence for it is not the same as coding.
Do you know what is coded though? Sebaciel. That ship is so heavily queer coded- in everything from the way the characters are drawn to the age gap to the campiness to the contract, the relationship-that-isn't-a-relationship-because-taboo!
These are classic queer tropes. They are all over the place in queer fiction, especially older queer fiction, to illustrate and emotionally navigate relationships that are considered by society predatory and taboo. Queers have always been painted as predatory. Because when you kicked out your teenage kid for being queer, guess where they went? They found some older queers to take them in. And support them in ways you never could, and see their strengths. And then people would say little Johnny was "seduced" or "taken advantage of" by some "degenerates" and "perverts" because they didn't want to take the blame of putting little Johnny on the streets. (Ofc sometimes im sure there were predators doing this maliciously, but that doesn't mean it was always the case. Not everyone wants to take advantage of people.)
Queer people also tend to have overlapping relationships because of social ostricization. For example, your dating history is your friend group and back in the days of Houses and mentors, your dating history might also have them in it too.
Age gaps are also a very quintessential trope in queer fiction. It makes a lot of sense when you think of how someone whose family life was suddenly cut short (or never really there in the first place) would end up wanting the sort of dynamic where someone was there to take care of them. And again- I'm sure that this was sometimes abused by a handful of people, but it as a fiction and as a desire is part of queer history and has been for hundreds of years. Most people whose parents pushed them aside or actively hurt them end up with daddy/mommy issues! Not everyone of course but a good amount! I want a daddy! I feel so much younger than I am because I am only just now getting to live my life as me!!! So of course i project myself onto and want to read stories about some little victorian boy and his op demon butler!!
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Ciel is very heavily queer coded. He was ignored by his family and then forcibly removed from it (because they died here, ofc) and the fact that he is essentially rescued from his powerlessness, aloneness, from being abused and taken advantage of by Sebastian, who is also very queer coded, ticks a lot of boxes. Then there's the whole messaging of Sebastian being seen as an abusive monster (when he is really quite caring of Ciel) and Ciel being seen as some perverted, broken, godless freak (ey what queers haven't heard those?), the religious implications of "making a pact with a demon" ("you can't be holy because of this relationship! Satan made u gay!!!!"), the victorian setting, the costume choices, the idea of being eaten, hell even the kinky undertones of the power dynamics- there are too many queer tropes to count. Even Ciel's age, when taken metaphorically- someone who hasn't been given the chance to have much experience, who isn't taken seriously, who does not have the social standing of someone who can hold their own against "grownups"- can all be read as coding for someone being descriminated against. Raise your hand if you're queer and have been called 'boy' or 'girl' derogatory/been treated like a kid for no reason!
I'd go so far as to say that most of the reason Black Butler squicks so many people is because the coding is so overt and obvious, but people still take it literally and think it just means "p3dO!1!!!1!". Probably because ya'll stay away from queer history because the Elders reclaimed slurs and that makes u angry lol.
The fact is even if Sebastian and Ciel never "get together", their relationship is still inherently queer and always will be. And quite frankly if it was cannon then it wouldn't be coded anymore it would just be gay. :)
Anyways thats how i feel about coding thanks for comin to my ted talk. x
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yonpote · 4 months
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also some ppl asked me abt what i was talking about w like. SOME fans' perceptions toward dnp's early relationship. giant nonsense under cut :3
essentially it was about like, i guess we have an idea in our heads about what a parasocial relationship between a celebrity and a fan looks like right. and there can be issues there when boundaries are crossed, particularly when the celebrity is the one to cross that boundary without acknowledging the inherently power dynamic that they hold. this is still an issue that can happen with youtubers to this day ESPECIALLY because the line between creator and fan is so blurred.
when we hear about how dan and phil's relationship started out, from the current perspective we have towards parasocial youtube relationships, it can look a lot like that power dynamic. i mean for the most part, its something that's joked about, but specifically from the view of a "crazy fan". dan is phil trash, hes the ultimate phillie, he's the parasocial fan who won, i mean even HE joked about it back in the day (in a much edgier way) with his video about befriending internet stars by doing all these horrible things.
but it's important to remember what youtube was like in 2009, and what youtube culture specifically in the UK was like in 2009. those old halloween gathering vlogs and old sitc vlogs are all still up on youtube, and you can see it really was just. 50 nerds standing in a field huddled around doing whatever. the only thing i could compare it to in my personal life was going to facebook group cosplay meetups in washington square park in nyc, just a bunch of nerds wearing horns in a park and then going to get mcdonalds afterwards lol.
a youtuber wasnt even a real thing at this point in time. there was no money to be made really, just internet clout. cant remember who said this in a call recently, but someone made this comparison: dan and phil meeting each other was less like a modern day youtuber meeting a fan and more like a tumblr user with several thousand followers meeting a tumblr user with a few hundred followers. like in terms of a dynamic, sure phil was a few years older and had some internet clout, but that didnt have nearly as much weight back then as it does today. also fine lets talk about the age gap.
dan was 18 and phil was 22. a lot of (american) people talk about this and are like "oop red flag!" and im american so i kinda get it. especially when you know about how college dudes can and do prey on girls fresh out of high school like that. but a couple things to remember.
there are different standards for age differences in relationships everywhere around the world and we cant just view everything from the one mindset we know, and in terms of mental differences, 18 really isnt that different from 22 (frontal lobe aint done developing just yet yall)
they are two queer guys. and im not saying whatever isnt possible but like its something to take into account that queer relationships are just not going to be in the same framework as het ones.
they are two neurodivergent guys. a common thing w neurodivergence is feeling like youre being left behind by peers.
alright lets focus on that last point shall we? think about it this way. dan had just finished [UK equivalent of high school SORRY FOR BEING AMERICAN] but he is taking a gap year. from what hes said and what we've seen of this time, it seems like his friends have gone off to uni and he was kind of alone and figuring out what he should even do. idk if he even decided on studying law yet by the time he started talking to phil.
speaking of whom... phil had also just finished school, he finished his masters at uni! i posted a clip on here that i found really interesting from a (pre-dan) 2009 vlog of phil being open about like, feeling scared about what to do once school was over. he had to get a job and move out of his parents house and become a Real Man.
if you think about it, dan and phil were in much more similar boats than you might think at first glance. they were both extremely internet queerdos who were being forced to "grow up" and felt kind of isolated from their peers who seemed to have their shit together in comparison. there was a lot they could relate to even outside of common interests or anything like that.
its not a lie that there was some parasocial nature to their relationship at the start, but it's not nearly the same as other later cases of youtuber-fan relationships. but also! maybe im only saying all this cuz it worked out right? what abt [redacted] and [redacted]? two queer guys, similar ages to dnp, similar amounts of internet clout, but they didnt work out. so maybe it really is just bc its dan and phil specifically that it managed to work out.
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justletmereadmycomics · 5 months
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hey, Im a queer with ADHD and my relationship with my parents and family is amazing! I’m so lucky to have-
*realizes I only truly relax around 2 people (neither of them are related to me), I will probably never come out to my family, I don’t know if I’m masking or not because I’ve just accepted that I’ve failed at society, and school has gone from ‘hah this is easy :)’ to neurodivergent burn out + anxiety*
well shit
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trufflesmushroom · 11 months
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lately i keep thinking about like, the idea that- who you are now is who you needed when u were growing up. that people eventually become the missing figure of their own childhood
and while i think thats like a naive oversimplification, i keep fucking thinking about it because like- god i fucking hope. i fucking hope so. thats what i want to be so bad. its what i keep striving to be for my students. an adult that actually listens, pays attention, genuinely cares, wants whats best for the kid, tries to good by them. teaches and imparts without holding back. encourages and comforts and teases and guides. somebody thats safe. somebody who will make sure that its gonna be okay. god i needed an adult i could trust. to look up to. god i needed an adult i could cry with and confide in and ask for a hug and get it. god i needed somebody that took me seriously and believed in me and let me know that i was just a lil kid that was allowed to make mistakes and take it easy and have fun, but also that i was a whole universe unto myself and that i was important just as i was.
the other day this one kid of mine, she said to me- yknow truffles sometimes i forget that youre an adult. and at first i was like D8> like what a shock!! like u dont respect me or u think im just some kid like u?? like what da hell does that mean!!!! but then she was like, the only other adults in my life are my parents and my teachers and you dont feel like that to me. youre more like… and then she floundered a but cuz she didnt have the words to express it but then i was asking, like, oh is it cuz im hip w the youth and know all the lingo and the memes?? and she was like no!! its cuz she feels like i get her and dont expect some like impossible standard from her and run her whole life and just kind of treat her like an obligation. and that was like. such a sigh of relief but also like a huge realization moment for me.
like its true that a mentor feels different fundamentally. the kids like say literally everything w me cuz they know for a fact that i dont fucking snitch and that i completely fucking get it. im loudly proudly queer and disabled and neurodivergent and recovering from a lifetime of struggles and they just open the hell up to me cuz i cant fucking judge them for anything and they feel comfortable around me. they ask the dumbest fucking questions and cry on my shoulder and complain about school and home and when class is over they mope and whine and try to keep me going for just a minute just a second longer cuz they dont want to leave. they dont want to leave the safe space that ive made in the classroom.
because im an authority figure but not like that. im here for their dreams and aspirations. im here to challenge them and believe in them and guide them thru smth they want to pursue out of love and passion. and they way they act, the way they talk, the way they wave hello and goodbye and follow me around and desperately fucking want my attention and approval and try so fucking hard to impress me, i know. i know that im that adult that i needed. for them
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ace-in-sp4ce · 3 months
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Finally doing an intro post!
Hi, I'm Leo! I am oriented aroace, pan, genderfluid, and transmasc. My pronouns are He/they. I'm also autistic, so I apologize in advance if I ever come off as rude or blunt. I most likely don't mean it that way!
I am a minor, so don't follow me if you are a nsfw-centered blog and don't be creepy. I will block you.
Here's some things about me:
I am the proud parent of a leopard gecko (see below)
my favorite colors are purple, green, and maroon
I am frequently told by irl friends that if I was an animal, I would be a capybara
although my favorite animal is probably a possum
I am, unfortunately, american (RAHHHH 🦅🇺🇲)
Some of my hobbies are: archery, ice skating/hockey, singing (I'm in choir), theater, and painting.
I recently set up a fandom side blog, @your-local-gay-nerd (intro post should be posted shortly), where I'll post and reblog things for shows, books, and artists that I like. This blog will mainly be queer stuff, neurodivergent things, occasionally political things, maybe some pinterest memes, and cat videos. I mainly just reblog, but im gonna try and actually post more.
I love receiving asks! Talk to me, tell me about your day, ask me questions, whatever! I'll do my best to answer them as soon as I can.
This is my son! His name is Sammy :)
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and this is my nephew pistachio!
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he doesn't like having his picture taken lol
DNI: homophobes, transphobes, terfs/radfems, exclusionists (I believe that's the right word), transmeds/truscum, ableists, racists, antisemites, prolifers (anti abortion), pro isreal
If you disagree with my dni, ignore me or block me. I don't want to argue, it's exhausting.
userboxes!
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frogofalltime · 2 months
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10.02.2024
despite going to bed at 5:30am after dancing all night with my friends, i woke up at 11:30am feeling pretty normal and alive, i didn't have a headache and even my legs didn't hurt much even after so much jumping around ?? so that was really good and unexpected !! maybe i am built for the Normal Young Person Lifestyle after all (lying)
i wasted time on my phone for a while, then made myself some food and ate it, got washed and dressed, did my prayers, etc.
by now i was very tired so i wanted to take a nap. but my brain kept asking weird questions which led to me having a conversation with robin because i could not sleep until i knew the answers lmao
my friends were going to go to ikea in the evening and i wanted to join them just because ikea is fun, but in the end they didn't go, which was fine because i needed to do my grocery shopping anyway. i was hungry so i made myself some dinner and ate it while watching youtube.
then i got a call from my mother. in the beginning i assumed she just wanted to chat because my dad had gone out with his brother and she was home alone and bored. but then she started talking about how one of my aunts saw an instagram post i made for me and @etherealspacejelly 's anniversary and started asking questions and now everyone thinks i'm a lesbian (i haven't come out as aroace or trans to anyone in my family except for a different aunt and also my brother and cousins. so i guess to everyone else it does look that way, in hindsight. but i had completely forgotten they followed me because i have been in a bubble of queer / supportive friends and i guess i forgot that the real world and especially my family is very homophobic)
i reassured my mother that i am definitely not a lesbian and our relationship is absolutely a platonic one and she said she can understand that but she is sure my family will not, especially if the news reaches my dad, because he "sees everything in black and white" and will "go mad" and "blame it all on me for not raising you properly". i suggested that i could message my aunts and explain but she told me not to do that unless any of them explicitly asked me about it. but she said i must be careful in the future because this kind of thing is a huge taboo in my family and our religion.
she also kept saying that my dad loves me and that i mean the world to him and he just doesn't know how to show it because he goes into Parent Mode around me and my brother so whenever we see him the atmosphere is super aggressive and tense. and i know i can't blame him for being like that, im sure he's neurodivergent since i mustve inherited autism and adhd from somewhere, but it's still annoying that she brought that up straight after saying what basically felt like a threat that i have to hide everything from my dad forever otherwise the world will explode :/
i got very upset and cried for a while and asked robin for advice. then i forced myself to get out of my room and go grocery shopping before the store closed at 10pm, and i blasted my ears with emo music because that helps whenever i have Family Drama lmao (yea i'm cringe this is tumblr what did you expect)
i put my groceries away and brought robin the stuff i had picked up at the store for him. then we hung out for a bit, some of our other friends were there too for a while, i enjoyed listening to robin talk about star trek and queer anthems, and by the time i went home i was feeling much better.
unfortunately when i got back to my room i realised i had started my period and this always makes me very dysphoric (as well as being physically painful and making my emotions much more intense). but i dealt with it, and made myself a nice snack to eat before bed, because i was very hungry, i hadn't eaten much today, and i deserved it.
i'm going to try to get to bed earlier than 5:30am tonight, it's already almost 1am though so wish me luck lol :')
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thethreehostsystem · 9 months
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Im gonna lie out of my ass once I get a job about paying tithing. Like, Yes Parental Unit. I Your Queer Neurodivergent Child Payed 10% Of Their Hard Earned Income To a Rich Church That Hates Me.
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flower-zombie-rob · 10 months
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My guy you are not obligated to love your emotionally abusive mother and you are not a bad person for hating someone who mistreats you like that constantly.
In fact, thinking just bc she's your mother you're required to love and respect her is lowkey the abuse working on you. Don't let your brain wire itself that way. She's not entitled to your love, respect and obedience just bc she decided to push you out of her and you are not her personal dress-up doll. Fuck what she says about your hair and clothing choices, you're you, not whatever warped version of you she expects you to be.
And idk if she's aware you have RSD or a dif neurological disorder, but RSD is a common trait in neurodivergent people and if she's taking advantage of it knowingly, that's ableist as shit.
You don't owe her SHIT. You're valid the way you are and you have every right to hate someone who constantly tears you down, fucks with your emotions and self-image, acts entitled to your autonomy, and demands you take all of it with a smile. Fuck her dude. Don't let her convince you you're the problem.
I've been there with my dad in the past. I know the feel to a certain degree. It's a lot of mental gymnastics but if you keep rationalizing things and disregarding everything she says because YOU know you best, you'll come out of it a little less fucked up one day.
I really apreciate the kindness and support people have given me reguarding this. For most unaware, i do have self diagnosed adhd(educated guess, i just fit all the symptoms and it explains a lot of my life experiences. Am planning on trying to get a clinical diagnosis soon) and it causes me to have a lot of sensitivity to critisism and it causes a lot of self hatred. I have a lot of perfectionism and even though she's a really good parent and she loves and supports me some of the things she says as a very judgy person just hit me a lot in a very personal way. Shes not someone that takes critisism very well herself and because im non confrontational person i dont like to rock the boat. Shes not abusive, not at least the way i would consider emotional abuse, but i feel she does sometimes just not have this awareness of my senstitivity, especially when her critisisms are so often on the basis of me doing non-heteronormative things. Having an androgynous hairstyle, dying my hair colours she doesnt like, dressing in a way thats more conventionally too queer for her(even though she'd never word it like that) and the way she'll constantly encourage me to change who i am just really leads to self hatred. I wont do these things because they wont make me happy, but the critisisms lead to this sense of self hatred and self conciousness in moments where i once felt confident. An example of this is the robbie the zombie cosplay i did for comic con this weekend. I litterally chose the day where id wake up in a hotel and have time at the end of the day to change into something more normal that she wouldnt mind me wearing before i got home bevause i knew her first comment would be a critisism. She gets angry with me using a rude tone with her that I'm not aware I'm using simply because whenever she comes to talk to me I make the immediate assumption that she's going to say something that will feel like she's tearing me down. This perfectionism complex I have can lead to a lot of the things that she says just feeling like I'm not good enough for her. I'm planning on trying to work through it in therapy when I start it but it's just a general thing that I have to deal with in every once in a while it really hits me all-in-one go when I have multiple things stressing out. I don't think she's emotionally abusive and she really does look out for me and support me in so many ways, but it's just that with this aspect of our relationship she hasn't seemed to have reached that point where she allows me to have freedom of expression without any form of judgement from her. I'm trying to move on from it and soon enough when I get my own place or when I move out or when I get a partner or just a better support system and found family in general I won't have to feel so judged and consumed by what she wants for me. Until then it's just this rejection sensitivity thing that I'm going to have to work through and suffer with because of this major issue with criticism and perfection is and that I have for myself.
It's really sweet the amount of people on here that are really supporting me though and saying really sweet things about me. The way my mother reacts to my opinion on how I look makes me feel unattractive and ugly and like I would look better wearing things that I don't want to wear. When I post pictures of myself on here however people react to it in a way that makes me feel really good about myself and proves to me that her opinion is not the only one i should listen to. I'm still yet to sort this out with her because I don't like to confront her on this kind of thing. She reacts very viscerally and attends with me usually just feeling guilty and like a horrible person so until I can get past the way she manipulates my words during confrontations I'm just going to have to find myself some confidence in a place that isn't her and deal with the criticism.
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tarotmantic · 3 months
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ages ago i remember seeing an orientation prefix that like basically meant ur orientation was influenced by neurodivergency which I definitely feel fits me. I don’t remember the term but yeah, i believe my autism informs my aromanticism (it probably also informs my asexuality and my gender identity but that’s not for this post).
I consider myself on the cusp of loveless, i feel very allied with that community and generally see my experience reflected most there. I’m very solidly on the end of the aro spectrum, I’m not even remotely grey-aro. Never experienced anything I could label as traditionally romantic lol. I often say I love my friends but that’s mostly for ease of communication. I care for them, and I care for many other things- but love? I don’t know. I don’t consider myself aplatonic though.
This is kind of where I see myself in the loveless community because I’ve read people talk about the rejection of the idea of love, and all the baggage attached to it. You can say “oh there’s other kinds of love, love isn’t just romantic” all you want but you can’t deny all the connotations it has within ~society~. Even if I could “love” my friends, because I fundamentally miss out on the experience of romantic love- an experience so entrenched in society and the popular conception of humanity- I feel disconnected from the entire notion. Love doesn’t mean anything to me.
On a minor tangent, this is definitely why I like narratives that twist love, that make love the villain. A lot of the poetry I write takes love and write it like obsession. I like playing with it, because I don’t have any sentimental value on true love, because I don’t know what it’s like to love but I know what it’s like to hurt.
I don’t have any aromantic friends, and I haven’t really talked about it to the friends I do have. I think about discussing is with them but I have no clue how to raise that lol. I kinda wanna know what they think about it, if they have any questions. Especially since they’re starting to get into relationships now.
I am out to my friends, but I’m not out in any capacity to my parents. I don’t think they’d be against it, they’d most likely be supportive but they also definitely wouldn’t get it. I don’t have the energy to explain it to them. I don’t know if they’ll ever ask, especially since I’ve never had a partner. Do they think im just hiding it from them? Who knows.
There’s a lot of things I’ll never experience, like first crushes or break ups or dating apps. Since im also asexual (also no grey, will never ever have sex in any capacity) I won’t ever experience those supposedly universal things like losing my virginity or even just like the feeling of being horny either lol. Whole swathes of the human experience that aren’t for me.
That’s where the grief creeps in, so many things I’ll never have. Ugh, I shouldn’t have to mourn things I never wanted. That’s where voidpunk comes in. I know the creator originally made it for aroallo folks, but also left it open for anyone who felt it fit. The nonhuman thing is very attractive to me with being very queer and very autistic. Especially since my identities are kind of all the absence of something.. void feels very apt.
Anyways.. this was a long post, I enjoyed rambling on though. I don’t put my thoughts about this to metaphorical paper often, but it’s always rattling around my head. If anyone else wants to chime in im all ears! As I said, I don’t really have anyone with similar experiences to talk about this with so im always willing to hear what the community is thinking.
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gloomzi · 4 months
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RULES ☆
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key:
italicized if it's a preference
asteriks if there is a note at the bottom with further context
what i will write :3
canon x canon, canon x reader (if you send a request and want your reader to have specific attributes, tell me, or i'll make it as neutral as possible), canon x oc for friends
readers of any gender (request specific pronouns please! neos, any pronouns, he/they, she/they, whatever floats your boat! if you give no pronouns and no indication of a gender for your reader such as f!/m!/gn!, i will default to they/them or dm you if you're off anon)
queer relationships, het relationships*, polyamory, monogamy, open relationships
dom, sub or verse readers/dom, sub or verse canon characters
most kinks are okay (including stuff like blood, impact play and weapon play) so feel free to get specific in my inbox
neurodivergent or disabled readers (if it's something i'm unfamiliar with i will do research and try my best, but please feel free to leave me pointers in your request to help me!)
oneshots, short series (think 2 or 3 parts), drabbles, headcanons
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what i wont write :3
no rape (dubcon is on thin ice), drugging, abuse*, yandere, pregnancy, pedophilia, student/teacher (even if its a college student) or large age gap pairings
nsfw for underage characters
no scat/piss/emeto, no cnc
no comfort works for csa/sa, self harm or eating disorders (writing this would probably trigger me, sorry)
long x reader series
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further info :3
you must be +18 to request nsfw or interact with nsfw content (you will be blocked if i catch you breaking this rule)
i wont write verbal/physical abuse between the main pairing but i wouldn't mind doing it as something the reader or the canon character have dealt with in the past (whether that be from a parent/ex partner/friend doesnt matter, you can specify in the request). if the canon character has been abused in their source material i will also include this ofc.
i wouldnt mind writing stuff like codependency or like kill for each other type shit, but there's a fine line between like. guy who kills somebody in defense of their partner bc it makes sense for the story/their character (think characters like adrian chase for example) vs making a character who doesn't rly kill people do that bc then it comes across more ooc and sometimes even yandereish...if that makes sense.
please give me an idea of what you want in a request, don't just send "character x reader" (give me a scenario or at least say like "fluff with [insert character]").
im not the fastest writer unless im really excited about a prompt, please be patient. thanks to adhd i can be a bit of a procrastinator, but if you sent a request please feel free to ask for progress updates (just give me the specifics of what you asked for so i know it's yours). depending on how busy i am irl, if i have writers block and how many requests i have, writing might go faster or slower.
i'll try to do things first come, first serve, but if somebody sends in a new idea that really excites me i might write theirs first even if yours came before theirs bc i have adhd brain and i can write things faster when i'm rly hyped about em
erm idk if anyone cares but im a self shipper so yeah perhaps fics with my f/o's will deranged (in a loving way), if you want a list of my f/o's for those concerned with stuff like sharing, here is a list of mine, i don't mind sharing tho <3 my content is aimed towards selfshippers and i wouldn't wanna exclude anyone who shares so much love for the same lil guys as me
some characters i wont write x f!reader/m!reader for, please check this list before requesting (this is not an issue with any straight/bi/other interpretations of these characters, it just has to do with my comfort level and how i interpret that character)
like i mentioned before, i have adhd and i am specifically unmedicated at the moment, which means sometimes i'll write a lot more of one fandom than the others i'm into. this does not mean you can't request a different fandom! i will always be multifandom, i will always love my past fandoms, it just might take me a bit longer to write your request.
at the end of the day i just wanna keep things fun, writing has been a hobby of mine for over a decade now, so pls try to be kind to me and i'll be kind back! if any of these rules are unclear just send me an ask and i'll try to clarify!
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aroaceconfessions · 2 years
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https://aroaceconfessions.tumblr.com/post/694895420173877248/im-writing-a-book-wher HI I HIT SUBMIT TOO EARLY AND ME AND MY SIATER WERE CRYING TEARS OG LAUGHTER AGSHSAA
My dog made me fumble with my phone (he really wanted attention) so blame Peanut
But yeah I'm writing a book and I've got aspec characters in it that deal with alienation/demonization and I'm still working out of the plot but there's monsters (it's basically a slur at first that's later reclaimed) and humans and being a monster is like, an allegory to being queer and neurodivergent and since I've revived the old wip it stemmed from I've been learning so much about my community!! And like!!! This is such a comfort wip omg
I'm not sure when it will be published but you bet your bread I'll have sensitivity readers because I want to represent communities without much rep! I'm just, so excited to publish it when I get there!!
It's about a changeling living in a society that hates beings like him. Over the course of the story he's going to make connections with others like him, learn to overcome his internalized hatred, and eventually accept and appreciate what sets him apart. Very coming of age story with social commentary elements! And that's stuff I can't delve too much into ;)
I never had anything like it growing up and it resulted in a lot of internalized hatred, confusion, and overall discontent. So I'm hoping this book will help people (or otherwise) like me feel seen, heard, and appreciated
I'm trying to include loveless rep, alloaros, romo aros, aroaces, and etc. My MC is aplaro but this isn't something that's fixed or bad!! He's just dealing with a lot! I also wrote one of my mcs to struggle with hormones like I do, another whose dysmorphia stems from his moral dilemmas, and multiple trans characters- some who experience dysphoria and others who don't! My main parent is a transman, there's foster siblings rep, and possibly a wavership that develops between two or more characters!!
And my cast is predominantly POC (mc is culturally east asian, his mom is east asian, a black transgirl, an afro caribbean vampire, mc's foster father is caribbean, etc) because we have enough predominantly white casts and more cultures deserve to be included accurately and with care!
There's lots of friendship, casual intimacy, normalization of unrequited feelings- stuff I preach about on the daily. My main goal with the book is to start conversations about things that only seem to matter to us aspecs
I'll properly advertise it when it's done but yeah the wip means a lot because it's a very personal, very important, very queer! And to think this all began from just a silly little sims 3 file
That's all I can share at the moment!! It's still a wip so a lot is bound to change. I was just sharing what's pretty concrete so far! Mainly because y'all were expressing interest and I'm really enjoying conceptualizing it :D
I also can't spoil too much for when it does come out! The very idea of someone taking all this makes me feel a bit ill, haha
But I hope you enjoy what I've shared thus far 💚
Looking forward to reading it!
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Text
So me and my friends have a document of quotes that we have said or heard and I felt the need to assign quotes to the members of buccigang, maybe ill do la squadra next?
Anyways we are stupid and say stupid things there are more for certain characters because they fit, Bruno and Fugo don't have as many and none that I could find sounded like Trish but anyways here we are
Mista: Get fucked! ......Nevermind I'm getting fucked
"You can like women I guess but you're gonna be hella fruity at the same time" - god creating Mista probably
Mista: If you put your funds to buying guns you'll have less butter proportions
Mista: Sometimes the best medicine is a bullet in the brain
Mista: I'm very miscellaneous
Mista: you don't understand. They want to steal my cheezits
Mista: I'm sure Mr. Whisper played many a round of hopscotch in his youth
Mista: Mustard on a hot dog is just piss on your dick
Mista: Whatever you're going through is not more important than beans
Bruno: I will gladly take care of any crotch goblins you have, I love kids!
Bruno: I only know it was a bone cuz I licked it
Bruno: Astral projected my ass directly to 9 years ago for about 3 seconds
Bruno: Welcome to the mafia, if the depression doesn't get you, the others will
Bruno: I'm not sad I'm just concerned
Bruno: Sorry I can't hear you over the sound over me PAYING
Bruno: Which one of you piddled on the table
Bruno: If I cant have a cool dad!!! ILL BE THE COOL DAD!!!! *honk honk*
Bruno, upon meeting Abbachio: You're an alcoholic? That's pretty poggers
Abbachio: Giorno, I've only known you for a short amount of time and I am going to punt you directly into the sun
Abbachio: I am not above hate criming a child
Abbachio, about Bruno: he's just out here getting attached to other men
Abbachio: You're 70% water go drown in your bodily fluids
Abbachio: You wanna see jesus?
Abbachio, to Fugo: Can you not give me a virus
Abbachio: *incoherent mumbling for 12 minutes accompanied by loud ass music* I can't deal with this *mumbling continues for like 30 minutes*
Abbachio: Shut up grandma I'm gonna put you in the gadamn nursing home!
Abbachio: Ahhh it be the cockroaches up in this peace! Is he trying to kill me
Abbachio: I just came back from WhatTheFuckVille, population huh?? To hear yall talking about bug fuck
Fugo: I'm like a plague but I don't spread, I linger
Fugo: I want to charge into people and gore them
Fugo: you are 15 pounds of nothing
Fugo: Classy men don't eat doors
Fugo: I identify as a threat
Fugo: I was gonna beat you over pickles that weren't mine I hope you know that
Fugo: You and your 3 inch lightsaber are disappointing
Fugo: Im going to staple you to the ceiling fan
Giorno: I've harassed my therapist with moths
Giorno: why do you insist on assaulting me with fake fruit
Giorno: We're going to exploit capitalism and pay for the couples ticket when we're single
Giornio: maybe illegal activity is the way to go
Giorno: honestly i can tolerate capitalism when theres dragons and ritualistic sacrifice involved . but ONLY when dragons and ritualistic sacrifice are involved
Giorno: Date idea: plot to overthrow the government
Giorno: Sky daddy really fucked me in the parent department
Giorno: The boss smells like a sussy baka
Giorno: I’m a minor, I have a giant eagle advantage card
Giorno: Ice cream grew bones the day I did this
Narancia: I'm dumb and queer Bucciarati, all i need is caffeine and i'll be fine i'll be ready and willing and able to fistfight god and fuck the devil
Narancia: fuck Pythagoras, me and my homies hate Pythagoras
Narancia: I was fully ready to drop everything and believe Bucky Barnes was a sexy demon butler
Narancia: DO YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF
Narancia: I share a lot of common interests with neurodivergent lesbians
Narancia: Oh, that’s oxygen?
Narancia: Mr. Whisper and the proclaimers played hopscotch together
Narancia: There’s a Snoop Dogg lego set?
Narancia: I'm about to break all known laws of aviation
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c-kiddo · 1 year
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about ùna and ava! sorry if this has been covered already but what was growing up like for them? like family n growing up bein queer + neurodivergent and all? (that's a very broad question ik, but just like, a random short info about their situations I guess?) :3
oh ye :-o i haven't covered this before since i still need to figure it out, mostly for ùna because ava right now has a story that she just kinda, exists now, and didn't really come from somewhere. she has caregivers (ornithologist + partner) who help her out and basically are her parents in a way, so thats just kinda that.
ùna comes from somewhere, grew up in a city and probably is in art school or something, or had been. also likes music so probably has had wonky queer bands that kinda fall apart n stuff. she probably has brothers or something and im not sure what her parents think about stuff, at least one of them is v much supportive of her because she's been transitioned for a while and pretty comfy with it. hmhmhm.. need to think about it more. she probably got put in a bunch of patterned pinafores as a young trans kid or something lol . and now she's a little bit more masc leaning (as in short hair and jeans and doesn't wear skirts lol) but she likes that ava wears skirts and patterned things because it suits her and her scraped-up knees. ùna has sorta lesbian vibes 2 me, also.. so that could be part of her backstory, past girlfriends when she was a teenager n stuff.. i need to keep on thinking about it to figure out more :-3
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