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louisrarepairfest · 4 months

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Louis Rare Pair Fest 2023

[A rare pair fest for all Louis Tomlinson rare pairs! Thank you to all of this year's amazing writers! Please remember to leave kudos and comments on these rare pair fics if you read and enjoy them! We'll be back in 2024 for another round!] And a massive thank you to all of the rare pair readers as well!

/// M A S T E R P O S T ///

✦ lonely in [paris] by f_ckromeoandjuliet / @louiesonlyangel

[T, 5k, Louis/Awsten Knight, fic post]

Summer flings are complicated and healing comes from the strangest places. // Alternate version of Louis's tour where he's in a secret relationship with Awsten Knight from Waterparks. Based on Awsten tweeting at Louis.

✦ Crush by @allwaswell16

[T, 1k, Louis/Niall, fic post]

When Niall stops smiling around the office, his co-worker Louis sets out to lift his mood with the help of their office mates.

✦ Feeling Feline by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

[T, 4k, Louis/Niall, fic post]

“I’m telling you,” drifts through the cracked door, and Louis’ ears prick, twitching with interest. “There’s something wrong with that cat.” “Have you talked to Liam?” asks another voice, worried. Louis thinks it’s the tall one with curly hair. Taller one. They’re all tall when you’re ten inches high. “Not medically wrong,” the blond one says. “But I swear, and I know this sounds nuts, but I don’t think he’s a cat?”

✦ must be love by @nouies

[NR, 6k, Louis/Andrew Garfield, fic post]

AU where Louis doesn’t know how to approach his neighbour, and Andrew keeps receiving homegrown vegetables at his door.

✦ Got My Chaos Automatic by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

[E, 3k, Louis/Zayn/Liam, fic post]

Louis shrugs his shoulders as nonchalantly as he can manage in his aroused state. “Let you stay in my house didn’t I?” He narrows his eyes at the spliff still between Liam’s fingers. “Let you smoke my weed. Seems like a fair trade to me.” Liam raises a brow challengingly. His expression is mostly unimpressed, but even from the other side of the room, Louis can still see the glint in Liam’s eyes. He likes it when Louis makes him work for it too. Zayn chuckles darkly. “Looks like someone came home with an attitude. What’s wrong Lou? No one on the road with you that could put you in your place hmm?” (Or the one where Louis comes home from tour feeling exhausted, yet antsy. Luckily, Liam and Zayn are there to put him back together).

✦ it's the summer of our love by localopa / @voulezloux

[G, 3k, Louis/Ryan Ross, fic post]

ryan is in love with his best friend and gym bro, louis. the problem? ryan is straight.

✦ softer than satin by cinnamons / @sunbellylou

[E, 4k, Louis/Joel Miller (The Last of Us), fic post]

“Wanna go back to bed,” Louis whispered languidly, voice partly muffled by his boyfriend’s lips on his. “Mm, but we just got up, baby,” Joel murmured. Lips touching softly with each syllable. Hands groping the soft flesh around Louis’ hips, kneading at the skin there and feeling his curves.

✦ Daydream by @allwaswell16

[T, 2k, Louis/Zayn, fic post]

Every Thursday, Louis nods hello to her fellow regulars at Horan’s Cafe, one of whom is the woman of her dreams.

✦ One by @allwaswell16

[E, 4k, Louis/Tommy Shelby (Peaky Blinders), fic post]

When omega Louis Tomlinson becomes pregnant after an unexpected encounter, he decides his only option is to flee his pack. But Tommy Shelby, pack alpha of the Peaky Blinders, might not be willing to let him go so easily.

✦ Chaos by @haztobegood

[M, 100 words, Louis/OMC (bodyguard), fic post]

Against the barricade, it’s complete chaos.

✦ Baking Memories by @haztobegood

[T, 2k, Louis/Jack Cochrane (The Snuts), fic post]

After a long day of songwriting, Jack convinces Louis to bake mince pies together.

✦ Jump! by @reminiscingintherain

[M, 15k, Louis/Tommy Longhurst (Only the Poets), fic post]

He let out a noise of surprise as his arms were suddenly full of a sweaty body, as Tommy threw himself at Louis and held on tightly. “Thank you so fucking much,” he muttered against Louis’ shoulder, squeezing a little. “You have no idea how much this means to us.” Louis softened a little, gently tapping Tommy’s back. “I absolutely know what this means, lad,” he replied, his voice gentle and supportive. “The way you’re reacting to being out there? That’s exactly why I chose you for the support slot.” He gave a reassuring squeeze. “You deserve this, okay?” He pulled back a little, gripping the back of Tommy’s neck and looking him in the eyes. “You deserve this.”

#lrpf23 #masterpost #1d rare pairs #nouis #zouis #zouiam #reminiscingintherain #haztobegood #allwaswell16 #sunbellylou #letthemusicmoveyou28 #voulezloux #nouies #ladyaj-13 #louiesonlyangel

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lianlilac · 1 year

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I just joined ao3 and I am soon going to start posting fics soon.

I heard fanfic writing is where majority of people improve their writing skills the most, so I guess I will be going through that phase to improve for a while to give it try? I'm curious to see how much improvement it can cause. I will report my finding as I go. (I'm trying to improve with feedback. Please, forgive me. )

(My first few stories will probably be bedrock bros. Most stories will probably be sbi)

1. Futuristic World Au/(Detroit Became Human Au) : Tommy is a little mischievous kid, and Technoblade is his android bodyguard.

Techoblade's code couldn't help, but go haywire when Tommy said,

" You know, I think you're like the closest thing that I've ever had to a brother. "

Technoblade plans to be the older brother that Tommy deserves.

(Side note: this one will be fluff/angsty. :D)

2. Kingdom Au (?)( the name is not determined yet.) : General Technoblade and knight Tommy.

Technoblade couldn't help but feel urked, ' Who let a kid in the training area? It's dangerous '

" General Technoblade! I see you've met the new recruit. "

Yeah, Technoblade could not accept the fact that the new recruit was so young, no way this is the supposed top knight in the academy. He's just a pip-squeak.

(Side note: this one is mainly fluff. I'm not sure, I will probably update tags as I go and tell y'all if there will be angst.)

I genuinely want to know if anyone would like to read my stories. Also, if you want to request me to write something, I am happy to do so, unless it is inappropriate or makes me uncomfortable. If I'm unable to write a suggestion or idea, I am sorry. Hopefully, you are willing to stick around and support me through this journey.

Here's my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LianLilac

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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years

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I am so over all the hyperbolic language about Pam and Tommy and the people who watch it. Shows and movies about real life people have been made for years and they will continue to be made. And projects made without approval or consent have also always been made. Lifetime literally makes a fuckton of them!? If you're so upset about this, where the hell have you been all this time and where is this energy for all the other stuff??? It all feels like such performative activism.

It feels that way because it is lmao. Like I gotta say, as horrible as the abuse Tommy inflicted on Pam is and as awful as the tape scandal was... People have been complaining about arguably more intense periods of their lives being portrayed recently, and literally nobody gave a fuck. The Guccis had the murder of a family member played for soapy melodrama--and I gotta say, as much as I did enjoy that movie, I can't deny that it was promoted a bit as "woman does feminist act of murdering her husband" and like... Yeah bro!!! If I was related to Maurizio, that would've pissed me off.

And just a few years ago, The Assassination of Gianni Versace distorted several things about an extremely intense spree killing in which multiple men were killed. One man was portrayed as closeted when we honestly have no evidence to definitively say he was, and his wife has always insisted that he wasn't. He was, again, brutally murdered so he can't speak for himself.

There was no "boycott House of Gucci" or "boycott The Assassination of Gianni Versace". Some people did take issue with it, and it was discussed, as it always is when people complain about the existence of biopics about them. And the subjects always have that right and I totally get why they don't want these things out there--but they're always going to be made.

I guess what fascinates me about all of this is the white knighting for Pam as opposed to literally anyone else who has gone through the same thing. And I do think that it's because she is a certain type of a woman that Twitter and Tumblr users attach themselves to. I've seen several people defending her to the death say that like "I don't know much about Pam, but she seems lovely". Like? Lol? Is that why she deserves the defense? If y'all were more aware of the shitty things Pam has said and done, would her rights suddenly matter less, the way the rights of the Gucci family or Donatella Versace apparently do?

I'll be real here, whoever Pam is (and none of us know her) she deserved none of what happened to her. But we've got a lot of people out here acting like she is their proto-feminist perfect victim, and... I know enough about Pamela Anderson to know that she's not that. She shouldn't have to be that to have valid complaints. I'm literally waiting for this trend to go the way it always does. Suddenly people are going to say "you guys, I just found out that Pam is friends with election meddler and possible sexual predator Julian Assange :( #PamisCancelledParty". Suddenly, her complaints won't matter anymore because she's problematic, just like Donatella was problematic, the Guccis are problematic, the Windsors are problematic.

Finally lol..... All of this is being done when Pam has not said a single definitive thing. She's leaked sources~ and Courtney Love (Courtney.... Love...) has spoken out on her behalf~. Just like. The way this has been blown up is borderline hysterical. I'm now seeing people say that this is a pattern for Gillespie because he also made I, Tonya and Tonya Harding "hated" it--lol, she thanked Margot Robbie for the portrayal in an interview and attended the movie premiere and promoted it, but sure!

At least like... Know a little bit about what you're talking about, you know?

#pam and tommy

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businessbois · 3 years

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MasterList of my fics

bluesandbirds on ao3

Series, all are complete unless stated otherwise

*personal favorite

The Story of Tonight: Independence War Era, Tommy Dies

who lives, who dies, you tells your story- wilbur pov; duel and onwards

what has become of the heart of that man?- eret pov; the days after the duel

what the living do- tubbo pov; the days after the duel

isn’t that what love is for?- techno pov; revenge

Do You Hear the People Sing?: Election-Festival Era

it ain’t right and it ain’t natural- niki pov; niki rebels

interlude: dream- dream pov; dream struggles with morals

*who are they to say what the truth is anyway- tommy pov; tommy starts a revolution

they echoed his refrain- tommy pov; canon divergent festival; the people rise up

when tomorrow comes- tommy pov; aftermath of festival

Back in Business: Festival-Finale Era, w/added Wisp

blessed be the boys time can’t capture- tommy pov; post-festival, tommy thinks about his past on smpearth

*guilty not remorseful- techno pov; techno character study

old friends, old scars (new starts)- tommy pov; wisp joined the game

interlude: niki- niki pov; aftermath of the festival

don’t you know that the kids aren’t alright?- wisp, wilbur, tommy pov; the grand finale ft. special guest wisp

Highschool AU Oneshots: SBI fd + friends, ongoing but they’re oneshots so...

*the art and (mine)craft of war- techno pov; big bro techno is not a fan of pseudo big bro dream, the battle of the bros commences

to see you smile- tubbo pov; tommy is sad and tubbo will not stand for it

Threads: Finale-Exile Arc, different ways Tommy’s story could play out

*how wars are like dodgeball- tommy centric; base story; in which tommyinnit is nobody’s first choice

a good kid who’s had a bad run- ranboo pov; villaininnit

*somewhere they won’t ever find me- tommy centric; tommyinnit: teen runaway

i’ll be good- tommy centric; tommy does what he must to stay in l’manburg; sad ending

pariah- tommy, sapnap, fundy pov; tommy is exiled but he’s not alone; hopeful ending

Misc. Oneshots w/ no series

*boys will be bugs- tommy centric; character study; rl kinda

philza batman (or: the knights of sleepy city)- phil pov; sbi&co batman au; (will probably get a series later idk)

no matter how far we have to go- tommy, tubbo, niki, quackity, fundy pov; pogtopia group-centric before the war

children of war- fundy pov; fundy and tommy have family bonding time after committing crimes

reprise- wilbur, tommy pov; ghostbur and tommy have a talk

the room where it happened- tommy pov; "why are you so scared of that room, tommy?"

weren’t we birds of a feather?- tommy pov; betrayal part 222 electric boogaloo

*once i called you brother- tommy, techno pov; a reflection on their relationship and shared history

everything’s alright in vc2- tommy pov; irl fic; some nights you don’t feel it, some nights you don’t feel anything at all

one disc down on the edge of doomsday- tommy pov; the fight at the community house

*that’s a lost boy (oh if he were mine)- puffy pov; mama puffy supremacy

drippin’ like a saturated sunrise- wilbur and tommy pov; tommyinnit is a brunette who dyes his hair blond. it’s not that angsty until it is.

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writhingcreature · 2 years

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OKAY SO I was looking for a reference photo for one of my fiancé’s d&d characters bc our characters are together and I was doing a coloring for them,, But. Instead I found a string of messages where we were playing d&d over voice chat and my comm had broken so they couldn’t hear me So it’s just like. Me responding and making jokes as we played

And,,, IM SO FUNNY?????

My favorite highlights:

(NOTE: The / are different messages in the server. I separated them like this to keep the messages that relate together while also adding the humor of the spacing lmao)

- Can I visit him? / How does one make an appointment to visit a supervillain?

- I just imagine Iss casually googling this dude and everyone looking at them like / bro

- Psycho murderer buff bitch?

- GASP / TALON / smhhhhhhhhh

- S E X I S T / *suspicious glare* / uh huh uh huh uh huh

- *fanfic writing noises* / i n t e r e s t i n g

- Don’t mind me as I / cry

- Is there anything I can do with this dust I have while at the library or? / I figure not but / might as well ask

- Oh for sure broken

- Is he still alive?

- SELENA??????

- I KNEW IT

- He just like / *casually hides computer screen*

- cool cool cool cool cooooooooool

- I just rolled me eyes so damn hard

- TOMMY

- “where’s my friggin pencil” is a very interesting name

- Not that Austin knows ANYTHING about the mafia / whaaaaaaaaaat?

- Iss at 32, eating dinner: wow these are good noodles we had such a good day at the library today :) / This bitch at 19: MAFIA DEALS

- 10 / fuck

- zoom zoom / ZOOM ZOOM / He probably wraps his face and zooms in there

- OH NO / SARA / oh thank god

- crap wait he doesn’t have enough shit for that

- let him do his limited thing / He’s trying to make it tense

- I hope you’re happy Talon now we have to use our brains and be creative / ugh / *snaps fingers* dang

- yep / y e p

- I know what I’m doing

- which SUCKS

- I assume dark Knight is doing something helpful and move upward (THE SHADE LMAO)

- I’m trying to get everyone to open air so they don’t suffocate (pls read this with heavy sarcasm)

- “Just make sure if things start to get iffy, you run up” / And then he leaves

- I mean / he’s blindfolded y’all

- Iss waves back

- I think he’s like “you good?”

- “Yeahhhhhhhhhh” and then he dips

- IM A SMART / I HAVE BRAIN / I KNOW FUN FACTS

- I love being detectives <3 / Being detectives, my love

- I’m sexy and I know it plays in the background / but slowed down so it sounds tired / now every time he sighs it gets a little slower

- regular iron man

- my computer is just having a hard day / like person like computer

- YOURE NOT MY MOM

Please enjoy <3 That is all <3

#d&d #dungeons and dragons #I’m hilarious <3

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tally-kiza · 5 years

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Red melted into the comfortably worn couch, settling down for a quick catnap, Doomfanger nestled beside him. The sun’s warm rays shone down on him through the window. Breath slowing and fog overtaking his mind, Red silently reveled in the wonderful peace and quie--

“GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU HOODLUMS, BEFORE I BLAST YOUR ASS INTO NEXT THURSDAY!!!”

Ope, Pap’s home. Sans sighed, not reacting otherwise. He’d been hoping for a few more hours minutes of beauty rest. Outside, screeching Papyrus sounds intensified as he stomped towards their average but comfortable house. Red snickered. It wouldn’t be a holiday without his brother yelling at teenagers like a grumpy old man.

Doomfanger lurched up attentively. She skittered towards the door, meowing loudly.

The door flew open as Pyrus trudged in, grumbling under his breath. Heading straight to the kitchen, he tore off the toilet paper clinging to his uniform, before peeling off the outfit entirely, hard candies colliding with the floor as he shook it out. The tall skeleton shook his body wildly in an effort to dislodge the remaining candies from his bones.

With a long-suffering sigh, he flopped down onto the couch next to his brother.

Sans smirked. “bad day, bro?”

“Have I mentioned, I fucking hate Halloween.”

Doomy crawled onto his lap and jackhammer-loud purring could be heard as Pyrus started petting her absentmindedly.

“jeez, what happened, dude?” The smaller skeleton inquired, eyebrow lifted.

“Neighborhood teenage brats were mocking me. Again! Requesting me to sing sing that insufferable song, you know, the one with the skeleton in the pin-stripe suit. And when I refused, they threw candy and toilet paper on me!” Recounting the events seemed to worsen his mood, foul aura permeating the air around him. “They have no respect nor decorum!!”

A glint appeared in his brothers eyes, “aw, come on, bro. theyre not that bad. dont be such a hallo-weenie about it.”

Pap groaned loudly. “Ugh, that was terrible!”

“eheheheh yeah, but youre smiling.”

“I AM AND I HATE IT!!”

A few long beats of comfortable silence passed.

THUMP!

Both the brothers jolted.

THUMP THUMPTHUMP!

“what the hell?!” Sans growled. They whipped around to see bright white smears sliding down their living room window.

“THOSE FUCKERS ARE EGGING OUR HOUSE!!!” Pyrus barked.

“sonuva--” More growling. “wait here, ill teach the little bitches a lesson.”

The younger brother scoffed. “As if you could fare any better than I did.”

“oh i absolutely will,” was all that Red uttered before lumbering out the door to confront the aggressors.

- - - - - -

Thump thwack THUMP!!

- - - - - -

Five minutes later, he silently reentered the house, head downturned. Papyrus side-eyed him with obvious satisfaction.

“Hmm? Did you ‘give them a bad time’ as you always say?”

The shorter (and now much messier) skeleton glowered at the other.

“No? Well look who has egg on his face now! Nyeh heH HEH!!” Papyrus cracked.

As his brother cackled at his own pun, Sans balled up his fists. “ohh, youre gonna pay for that, paps.”

Sensing danger, Doomfanger yowled and sprinted away into the other room.

In the blink of an eye, Red tackled his brother off the couch. Rolling around on the floor, the two of them snarled as they wrestled. Wiping one hand on the eggs that coated his jacket, Sans brought it down his brother’s clean shirt.

Pyrus shrieked, “NO! Why did you do that, that’s disgusting!!”

Attempting to writhe away from his brother’s hold proved fruitless as Sans repeated the action. Their tumbling continued, just as rambunctious as before. Just as Pap pulled his brother into a headlock, the shorter one licked his own phalanx and shoved it into the other’s acoustic meatus.

Jerking away and releasing Red, the taller one gagged. “OH MY GOD! Why did you do thattt?!!”

“you were being too sassy. needed to be put in your place,” he quipped.

Pyrus squawked. “PUT IN MY PL-- You know what, never mind, of course you would do something so vile. Either way, I don’t want to hear your excuses! You can’t just give me wet-willies!!”

“i can and i did.” Sans said smugly. “besides, whatre you gonna do about it?”

Unfazed by his brother’s taunts, Pap’s gaze turned vicious and a sly grin overcame his face.

The other’s eyesockets widened in realization. “wai’ wai’ nah, you wouldnt dare...”

His only response was a smirk. In an instant, Fell’s hands were everywhere all at once. Phalanges squirming into Sans’s neck, ribs, knees, causing peels of laughter spill out of the victim him.

Between breaths, he managed to protest though not really meaning it. “wait, shit, stop!”

“Payback, brother!!” Papyrus cried with fiendish glee.

The relentless attack continued, fingers fiercely scribbling over bones. But it wasn’t long before Sans built up enough resilience to return the favor tenfold.

As Pyrus screeched from the counterattack and Sans laughed maniacally, the two of them continued into the night, delinquents long forgotten.

- - - - - - - -

“BROTHER! Come on out, already!” Papyrus yelled at his brother’s bedroom’s closed door. “Everyone’s waiting!”

“no!!”

“Just get out here, you look fine!!”

“no!!!”

Groaning, Papyrus--now donned in pirate garb--turned towards his guests. Undyne, Alphys, and the new human he adopted mentors, Frisk had come over to go trick-or-treating, a human holiday where they tricked others into giving them free food while they wore the skins of monsters. Highly insensitive and offensive, in the edgy skeleton’s opinion, but Frisk had insisted on everyone participating this year. Which lead them to where they were now.

All of his guests looked increasingly bored as Red stalled for time. Alphys, dressed as a rotting zombie, was watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie on her phone with Frisk--who dressed up as a blue knight. Meanwhile, Undyne reached the end of her fuse.

“Runt, if you don’t get out here in 30 seconds, I’m kicking your ass into the goddamned CORE!!”

Loud grumbling erupted from Sans’s room. “fine, jeez, whateva’!”

Out of his room slinked Red, wearing a 1920s-style suit, complete with fedora and toy tommy gun. “i look so stupid! why the fuck’s this thing so constricting!”

“You look fine, now lets get this over with!” decreed Papyrus.

Frisk chuckled, “Gotta say, Sans, you look rather gangsta~.”

Undyne groaned as Alphys merely rolled her eyes.

“HUMAN!” Pyrus gasped. “You’ve been corrupted by my brother’s mediocre puns!”

“eheheh nice one, pipsqueak.”

Undyne sighed loudly, “Can we leave now?!”

“and whatre you supposed to be, fishsticks?”

She glared at him before flipping her hair. “A beautiful and seductive siren, duh.”

Her wife blushed as Red surveyed the siren ‘costume’: a ripped up dress ending in a mermaid tail, and stage makeup to make her look more gruesome and bloody than usual.

“meh.”

“YOU MOTHERF--”

Herding all the monsters towards the door, Frisk laughed nervously, “Okay, okay, lets just go already!! Mom and MK are waiting!”

As the monsters begrudgingly assented and journeyed into this Halloween night, no sad times were to be had and all was well.

...

“Hey, dude, you know you got egg on your house??”

“FUCK, I FORGOT--!!!”

fin.

= = = = = = = = = =

a gift for @quezq! this was a lot of fun. bolded lines are prompts from this!

#uf papyrus #uf sans #underfell sans #underfell papyrus #underfell #not fontcest #undyne #doomfanger #frisk #alphys #drabble #tickling #mine #undertale #i dont know if the last scene detracted from it #but i liked it and wanted to keep it #1172 words wow. thats the most ive ever written at one time #-proud noises-#taki writing

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hollandroos · 6 years

Text

Blow A Kiss, Fire A Gun | Pt.19

Teaser Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9 Pt.10 Pt.11 Pt.12 Pt.13 Pt.14 Pt.15 Pt.16 Pt.17 Pt.18 (If the links don’t work then please go to the masterlist in my bio!)

Summary: You’re arranged to marry Tom Holland, Londons most feared mobster, but it’s never easy. He doesn’t seem to want you and you don’t want anything to do with him.

Words: 2.9k

PLAYLIST!

I APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE IF THE ‘READ MORE’ TAB DOESNT WORK! + This amazing mood board was made by @lilac-skylight

With a deep, unsurprising sigh, you placed the phone down beside you, staring at the array of tubes and needles that were currently hanging around you and your frustration only grew. You felt weak, useless. Unable to even reach over and grab a glass of water without wanting to keel over in pain.

The nurses checked up on you every so often, and not long after you woke up one sat on the edge of your bed and explained your condition, your options. You were lucky to say the very most. But you were shocked at what she’d told you, filled with disbelief for a moment also but everything was all too real.

He was dead. Tom wasn’t there and you previously had been close to death.

The nurses were practically begging you to rest more and chucking you sympathetic looks that you almost couldn’t stand. Sympathy was never your style. But you couldn’t sleep, every time your eyes even dared to flutter shut for more than a few seconds you remembered everything you desperately wanted to forget.

Nikki had left to the waiting room when you told her that you needed a moment alone, but not before giving you a sympathetic smile just as the nurses had done.

The previous dream was still fresh in your mind. Nick snarling down at your pained figure, sick laughter booming throughout the office. Your frightened face, the nausea that settled deep in the pit of your stomach. And Harrison. Harrison laying still and lifeless on the floor.

“You didn’t know? Oh man. Your perfect man, your knight in shining armour, he practically got your mother killed.” It was like a knife had gone straight through your heart and at the time, twisting and turning the blade until your pain-, both mental and physical reached the optimum point. At that exact moment it sounded like something they’d conjured up to make you hate the man you’d grown to love. God, you wished more than anything that it was.

“Tommy was in the room when we made the plan, he even threw in some-, well, most of the ideas. The kid was always mafia material.”

All you could think was ‘I hate you.’. I hate you and I hate this situation and I hate that I got your friend killed and I hate that you made me love you.

“Sweetie, you’ve been living in a bubble. Your man has blood on his hands and your mothers is only a small part of that. You knew, didn’t you? You knew what he did for a living.” You nodded shakily, though you barely processed the words. “He’s a bad person, just like me, just like Ethan, Jake and Dave here. God, his Daddy was so proud of him that day.”

You covered your mouth with your hand, muffling the sobs that threatened to slip out and you willed yourself to stay strong, to keep it together even just for a little while.

All this time he’d been looking, searching for whoever plotted and killed your mother in hopes that it’d lead him to the ones that wanted your head but he seemed to play a more important role then any of you had anticipated. You trusted Tom, let him in and planned a future but now the light was fading fast.

How could you forgive someone for doing something that bad? You simply couldn’t.

You grew sick, picking up the small bucket that sat beside your bed and threw up whatever contents were left in your stomach repeatedly, gagging and jolting forward with each chuck and it was times like this, moments like these that you wished you had a mother that would sit and hold your hair back, reassure you and maybe pass you a glass of water and a throat lolly.

But you never had that.

With a fresh tissue you wiped your mouth, sniffling and with an unsteady hand, you place the bucket back on the side table, wincing when you put too much pressure on your injured side.

Tom heard everything from the conversation with your father, every word sounding worse than the one before to everything you’d eaten in the last twenty-four hours coming back up until you were sputtering and coughing into the bucket. It broke his heart even more if that was somehow possible. Luckily he hadn’t heard the conversation with the nurse.

He wanted to be in there with you, to comfort you but now that he knew-, or thought that you remembered what he’d done, he didn’t exactly want to take another step closer. But he did anyway, stepping into the room.

You sat on the bed, shaking all over and he doubted that it was because of the low temperature. Your eyes were filled with unshed tears and all he wanted was to hold you, to promise that it’d be okay and that he’d do anything he could to make up for the awful situation at hand.

“Are you okay?” He sounded unsure.

“Tom.” Your voice broke, “How much did you hear?”

“The conversation with your dad. The vomiting.” He said honestly.

He moved closer to your bed and all you wanted to do was back away. “Did you know before Nick told me?”

Tom fiddled with the ends of his sweater, looking anywhere but at you. That question alone held too much power and Tom was afraid of giving the wrong answer but to be fair, no matter what he said would make the situation worse.

“I didn’t remember until he said it.” That was the truth. “I was a kid, Y/N. Doing what my father expected of me. I never knew. I-If I had know-,”

“You would have walked away? Then what? The next time your father wanted you to plot a murder you’d be ready, all hands on deck.” He looked down in guilt, knowing that you were right. “He was right, you have blood on your hands.”

“Y/N, I didn’t know.” His hands were so close to yours and Tom was tempted to scoop them up in his own, kiss your cold knuckles and warm them up with his bruised ones. “Please-, please, I can’t lose you.”

The first time he met you his knuckles were bruised just as they were now, purple and blue coating the bones and the look sent shivers down your spine but now you were used to the colours. They were simply a part of him, just as you had been.

“The thing is Tom, I always knew that you were bad. I think I tried to convince myself that you weren’t as bad as the rest of them. But I can’t anymore. You’re just like them a-, and I’m scared.” You look down, fingers wrapping themselves around the white bed sheets. “If I wasn’t your wife and you didn’t fall in love with me, would you be able to kill me too?”

“Why would I kill you?”

“You killed her.” Your voice was barely above a whisper now, still, they hit him like a bus. “I can’t do this anymore. I-I’m tired.”

“I’m not-, I’ll change. Look at me, look at me, please.” He breathes and you force your eyes onto his. “I’ll change.”

You shake your head. “No, Tom. I won’t make you change. As much as I hate it, you’re good at what you do and look where it’s got you! You’re successful, you have all of the money in the world.”

“Do you think I’m happy with that money? I lost my best mate and I’m losing you.. I’ll give all of that up, every goddamn penny if it means that I get to stay with you.” It was true. Tom had millions, but he was sad. He had a frown and tears in his eyes because he truly wasn't happy, he was scared.

The beeping on the monitor picked up slightly as your heart broke, more by the second. It seemed that you were scared too.

“I want you to leave.” You whispered.

It broke you to say those words, absolutely tore you apart.

He sighed, placing the bouquet of flowers down. Admittedly, they were beautiful and contained all of your favourites. “Angel…”

“I’m not your angel and I’ll ask you once more. Leave.”

“I know I messed up…”

“Look at me right now.” He did, eyes shutting briefly. “Do I look like I’m in any condition to listen to apologies that I know I’m not going to be able to accept?”

“Princess-, Y/N.” Hearing your name actually fall from his lips was different, the bad kind of different. “I can’t leave you right now.”

“If you don’t leave I’ll call security.” you threatened, voice cracking. You were too tired to speak and your throat burned like hell.

“Please don’t do this.”

You look down, unable to look him in the eyes anymore. “I can’t even look at you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Get out.”

Tom turned around, facing the door. He listened to the beeping of the heart monitor and the last thing he wanted to do was leave-, the last thing you wanted was for him to leave but it was what you needed.

“Tom.” You choked back a sob as he turned around, teary eyes looking right through yours. “Don’t come back.”

If Harrison was there he would’ve kicked Tom up the ass for leaving, demanded he walk back in and make it up to you one step at a time but he wasn’t here. Harrison wasn’t here and he wasn’t coming back so it was up to Tom now and he was just going to let you go, because what else could he do?

He’d done something unforgivable and now he was going to pay the price.

“Fucking idiot,” Tom muttered angrily, fist meeting the wall.

He’d come straight home, knowing exactly what he was coming home too. A torn apart office, frightened staff and no you, no Harrison. Of course, none of the staff was allowed in his office so it remained in shambles.

Broken glass lay in every corner, photos and family relics in disarray and the chair that you’d sat in, the one your wrists had been bound to for over an hour still sat in the middle of the room. Blood coated the floor and he couldn’t tell who’s it was anymore.

Tom lifted his leg up, kicking that goddamn chair so hard it hit his desk but he felt that none of his anger was released, instead, it was getting worse, either that or it was sadness. Tom found it hard to differentiate from the two.

“Tom…” Harry stood by the door, he’d practically watched the scene unravel.

Tom turned to his brother. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“The business, the fucking mafia… I-, I can’t do it.” He gripped the roots of his hair, tugging as the frustration grew further. “Not anymore.”

“You can’t give this up, Tom. it’s everything you worked for…” Harry, who had barely spoken to his brother in years felt pity.

“I lost my best mate, I lost the girl I love all because of this business. It’s taken away every good aspect in my life.”

Harry had admittedly been waiting at the house for Tom to get home, heading over as soon as he got the call from Nikki that he probably needed some support and boy was she right. Tom was even more reckless when he was sad then when he was angry for some reason and now he had bleeding knuckles, tousled hair and there was a broken chair sitting beside the desk.

“Look at me, Harry.” Harry did. “I’m not a good person, this job made me bad- awful.”

“If you leave the business then you’ve got an even bigger target on your back then you did when you were in the mafia. You won’t have protection, neither will the family.” Tom knew Harry was right. “Think about Padds, Me, Sam, Da-, Mum.”

Tom knew that what he was talking was utter nonsense. He was the mafia boss, practically a damn king. He had what others wanted but Tom would trade it all in for a normal life in an instant after the last day.

“You’re right, but... when do I get to be happy?” The question fell before Tom could think about what he was going to say next.

“If you’re expecting me to say some cliche shit like ‘there’s millions of fish in the ocean’ then you’re not getting it, but I will tell you to look at mum and dad. They were happy and if they are then you can be happy and stay in this business too. Maybe Y/N just wasn’t for you.”

Maybe Y/N just wasn’t for you. Bullshit. She was.

Tom shrugged, not having enough energy to argue with his brother.

“Is this the first time I’ve ever seen my big brother cry?” Harry joked, causing Tom to gently swat his arm.

“If you tell Sam about this I’ll strip you of every damn penny that’s sitting in your bank account.” It was partially a joke, partially not but Harry knew better than to try and find out.

“Sam wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

Maybe he’d lost you and Haz, but he had his brother and at that moment it seemed to be enough.

“What did you guys do with Nick?” Tom asked, wiping the tears away and putting on his mobster face, the one he wore all too often.

“We left him down there and locked the door, shouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

Tom nodded, cracking his knuckles and turning to look back at his office. “God, this place is a mess.”

Harry laughed at the sight. They’d have to repaint the walls, possibly replace the floor and buy all new furniture. “It is, should I call some people in to clean it?”

The eldest brother shook his head. “I think I might move my office to the room on the second floor.”

Harry nodded in understanding. Of course, Tom wouldn’t be able to continue working in that room when his best mate died in there, and he lost his girl in there. That room would most likely sit as a spare from now on.

“What about the furniture?”

“I can afford more. Maybe redesigning will help keep my mind off of things for a while.”

Harry laughed. “Oh please, mate, you can’t design for shit.”

“Shut up.”

“How’re you feeling, Ms?” The nurse asked, looking at the clipboard that hung on the end of your bed before placing it down and looking over at you, smiling when she saw you sitting up higher than yesterday, a book in hand.

“I’m feeling better today, probably because I found something to read.” You laugh lightly, turning over the cover of The Book Thief, one that one of the other nurses had been kind enough to let you borrow.

You were growing bored quickly. There was nothing good on the television and the food tasted awful compared to what you’d grown used to at Toms but you tried your very best to complain about it as little as possible.

Your only visitor happened to be Nikki, who was surely feeding information on your recovery back to Tom but you didn’t mind her popping in every now and then. She was almost oblivious to the whole situation and at the end of the day, was the only person you spoke to besides the other nurses.

Speaking of Tom, you hadn’t seen him in three days and while you were pleased that he’d listened to you and hadn’t come back, a part of you was hurt that he didn’t try harder. You missed his face, the soft curls that were often slicked back. You missed slipping on his clothes because they were all ten times comfier than your own and you missed his arms that always seemed to be around you every chance they got.

But you were quickly reminded of what he did and grew sick, unable to stomach the thought of going back to a man that used violence to sort out his worst problems and was constantly surrounded by trouble.

There was another reason you were fleeing, of course, to secure a future away from violence and crime. One that wouldn’t put yourself and the ones you loved in danger.

“Hey, when do you think I’ll be out of here?” You asked, eyebrows knitted together.

“A few weeks, darling. You need to be patience! My goodness” She rolled her eyes playfully, also managing to pick up on your ansty behaviour. “Got something planned?”

You fiddled with the page. “Just a funeral.”

Harrisons funeral was going to be later than usual, considering his family had to fly in from all around the country and they were stuck trying to sort out some legal business. You just prayed you’d be able to make it.

“I’ll do my best to get you out of here soon.” The nurse gave you a sympathetic look before. “How was the nausea this morning? Did the medication work?”

You nod, glad that the nausea had taken a break that morning. “It did, thank you.”

She stood beside your bed, the chart in hand as she updated a few things before looking down with a raised brow. “I’ll tell you what, that baby of yours is a fighter, a damn miracle.”

You smile and place a hand on your still flat stomach, drawing circles just like Tom used to do. “A fighter, that’s for sure.”

PART 20

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askroahmmythril · 3 years

Text

Reference List for amiibo Names (Set 7)

Well these ones aren’t Fighters, so just amiibo names. ANYWAY.

68) 8-Bit Link : 1st Quest - A simple reference to the original Legend of Zelda. It might not be Link’s first quest chronologically, but it was his first quest for gamers. I styled the card to look like an original NES cartridge, gold in color like that of the original Legend of Zelda. The waterfall design on the nameplate comes from the main title screen of the game.

69) Timmy & Tommy : 2For1Deal - This one’s designed to look like a shopping coupon, the joke being that Timmy and Tommy share an amiibo, so hey, a 2 for 1 deal. The bar code, I’m not sure if it actually works or not, but it’s what I got from a bar code generator after putting in “Timmy & Tommy.” Of course, for the drawing, I just kind of had to “replicate” it as best I could, so it might not work 100% correctly.

70) 8-Bit Mario (Original Color) : 8-BIT 80s - Of all things, the name of this amiibo is a reference to a remix of the Super Mario Bros. underground theme that I found on OverClocked Remix. I tried to go all in on a pixely synthwave aesthetic for this one. Synthwave is one of those visual aesthetics that I really love.

71) Wolf Link : BestInShow - The idea of Midna smugly showing Link at a dog show amused me way too much. A lot of the style here, such as the main design of the ribbon on the nameplate, the trophy, the arena, and the placard showing the “breed name” come from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, one of the most famed dog shows. While one of the ads shown in the background is just the Purina logo, I also put in ads for Malo Mart and Ravio’s shop because of course.

72) Dark Hammer Slam Bowser : Black King - Yep, I even have the Skylanders amiibo figures. I themed this one around chess, since he’s a king, his “dark” variant is black in color, so having him play the black side in a game of chess made sense to me. Since he’s the “darker” version, I gave him a couple of Dry Bones minions, as summoning them is a possible move he can have in Skylanders Superchargers. From a chess standpoint, he... probably shouldn’t really be moving his king, because that white knight can take either Bowser’s rook or bishop, but I just wanted to emphasize the king aspect. Looks like he probably has pretty solid control over the board anyway, at least...

73) Callie : CalamaRAVE - Pretty much just Callie at a rave, this one, shaking some glowsticks through the air and having a good time. The purple and green lasers in the background reference her and Marie’s main colors. Not much else to say about this one, but amusingly, I remember I had been thinking to myself “I really wish there were amiibo figures of Callie and Marie.” And that very night they got listed on Nintendo’s amiibo character listing.

74) Inkling Squid (Orange) : Citrisquid - This one’s a reference to Legend of Mana, where you could grow all sorts of unusual produce as a side activity. Since this Inkling Squid is orange in color, thus, an Orange Squid, I decided to have it meet the Citrisquid. The tree in the background is known as Trent, and the other produce shown in his branches are the Whalamato, Fishy Fruit, Orcaplant, Orangeopus, and Squalphin. The nameplate is styled after a page from the game’s encyclopedia, which records data on various items and characters in the game.

75) Yarn Yoshi (Light Blue) : DIA♦MEND - In part, this one is a dual reference with the Pink Yarn Yoshi, as the two were named in part after the Diamond and Pearl Pokémon games. I kept the reference a bit lighter though, not fully going in a Pokémon direction with the art itself. Since mending is a type of sewing, repairing rips in fabric and such, I decided to have him patching up Burt the Bashful’s pants. Using dotted lines for texture seemed to work rather nicely for giving a yarn look to things, and I wanted the background to have a cross stitch look. I enjoyed working with plastic canvas at one point in my life, so I kind of wanted to go with that sort of aesthetic.

76) Guardian : FATALERROR - This was one of those where I just immediately knew what I wanted to do with it, ye olde blue screen of death. The fact that it tends to talk about affected applications being terminated seemed like a good direction to go to make this seem more ominous. Neo suggested adding the Ganon shadow from Zelda II in the background, I like how that turned out.

77) Kicks : FOOTWAREZ - Having him running a shoe store filled with shoes from other games just seemed to work to me. Present on his shelves going left to right by row, we have Kuribo’s Shoe (Mario), the spike jumping shoes from Kirby Return to Dream Land, Sonic’s speed shoes, some fresh fashions from Splatoon (I forget if there’s a name for the specific pair shown), Pegasus Boots (Zelda), and Hi Jump Boots (Metroid).

78) Pikmin : FreshPik’d - Overall this one’s a reference to the source game, specifically, Hey! Pikmin. I only used the types of Pikmin found in that game and the amiibo itself, and the background is made up of images of the Pikmin removing debris found in one of the outside level modes of the game. Perhaps understandably, Visio Home did NOT like how many objects I had drawn for this picture, it gave me a bit of a fit. The nameplate features one of the Pikpik Carrots the Pikmin were named after.

79) Zelda (Breath of the Wild) : GadgetGirl - I wanted to feature Zelda doing what she should have been allowed to do the whole time, being a technical genius. That was a huge problem I had with Breath of the Wild in general, they had this opportunity to have a Zelda so different from any other appearance she’s had in the series, but they blew it by shoehorning her into having to use her magic which didn’t work out all that well. Really, that’s an entire rant in and of itself... BotW was okay but I cannot call it my favorite Zelda game... Anyway, I wanted to have her repairing a mini Guardian within one of the shrines, because I like how those areas look. I tried to style the overall card in the shape of the Sheikah Slate, and placed a Silent Princess flower on the nameplate.

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 2

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

zack snyder's 300: Rise of an Empire *Lady warrior commandeers the battle scenes and saves it from being a male meat fest like the first film.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Independence Day" *One way to make this movie more moronic would be if social media existed in its world at the time.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Cannon films "Ninja 3: The Domination" *Spunky shinobi, you must avenge me!* 3 stars

Septic Man *Municipal shit-storm* either zero stars for grossness or 3 stars for grossness and surrealness

"The Stuff" a Larry Cohen film starring Michael Moriarty *Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.* 3 stars

Farscape premier episode *Awol from the ratcage.* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's: Darkplace "The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shoggoth" *Brocolli from space. I'd thought it had tasted odd.* 3 stars

Albert Pyun's "Omega Doom" starring Rutger Hauer *It's nice to know after we've killed ourselves off, through constant warfare, sentient robots will become gun nuts and start acting out cold war westerns.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: "Who Can Sell More Bibles?" *The Devil is in the details.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Clive Barker's "Valerie on the Stairs" *Another bodice-ripper.* 2 stars

"I Spit On Your Grave" uncut 1978 either zero stars or 3 stars

"Beyond the Door" *Paranormal pregnancy with personality.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "The Condemned Woman" *Josie and the pine weasels* 2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night: Vol 7 -- 3 stars

Seinfeld: "The Frogger" *George's high score.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Mr. R.I.N.G." *What's the difference between right and wrong? robot need to know.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible "The Rise and Fall of God" *Homeschool is the answer.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents Andrew Stevens' "Subliminal Seduction" featuring Sharknado's Ian Ziering and Critters' Dee Wallace Stone *CD-ROM Inception meets Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" type inept erotic thriller.* 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "eXistenZ" *Jennifer Jason Leigh penetrates Jude Law's port hole in order to play an addictive and twisted version of The Sims.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" *Butter scraped over too much bread.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

"Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" *Han Solo babysits a brat-pack ginger cutie, Ernie Hudson is Lando, and Michael Ironside is a Darth Humongous who believes that Earth Girls Are Easy.* 3 stars

"Riddick" *Robinson Crusoe machismo* 3 stars

Farscape: "I, E.T." *My name is Mud.* 3 stars

Dominion: pilot episode *Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire.* 2 1/2 stars

"Thor: Dark World" *Science lady Padme pines for Adam of Eternia so that she inadvertently stumbles into the evil fudge and awakens the 9th Doctor Keebler Who causes the realms to converge like ornaments on an imploding Christmas tree.* 3 stars

"Priest" *Paul Bettany's Obi-Wan character is disenchanted with his forced retirement in a Catholic 1984 dystopia and his regret filled dreams lead to the wasteland where his fallen knights of the old republic partner, a cowboy from hell Karl Urban, lurks about with his horde of bloodsucking bandits and xenomorph vampires. A decent cameo from Brad Dourif as a snake oil salesman. This movie's biggest flaw is that it forgets the classic genre work of Sergio Leone, John Carpenter, and George Miller and instead mimmicks the cliche Matrix ripoff style hack work of Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil flicks.* 2 stars

"Scanners 2: The New Order" *If you get inside me, go gently, and easy on the nosebleeds. This kind of telepathic power in the hands of a fascist P.D., no thankee.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Christmas Special: Charles Band's "Pets" *Inhabits the same universe as other weird, dumb kids' adventure comedies like 'Garbage Pail Kids', 'The Super Mario Bros Movie', 'Ernest Scared Stupid', and 'Problem Child 1 & 2'* 1 1/2 stars

Sami Rami & The Coen Bros present "Crimewave" aka "The XYZ Murders" *Reminiscent of the Three Stooges, classic Mel Brooks, 40s cartoons, humorous Tom Waits song tales, and the original SNL.* 3 stars

Udo Kier in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss OSbourne' --sexploitation-- *Show me where it hurts. Fill me with hatred. My pleasure is seeing your dead body.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Right to Die" *The crispy, vengeful ghost of Terry Shiavo.* 3 stars

William Lustig's "Vigilante" starring Robert Forster & Fred Williamson *Regular Joe nihilism* 3 stars

rifftrax presents Ridley Scott's "Alien" *H.R. Giger porn on the sattelite of love.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Josh Brolin is DC's "Jonah Hex" *Sometimes spooky, often dumb B-western that's sadly too gutless to show any blood n grit. Still it might fit into a marathon of 'The Quick and the Dead', 'Five Bloody Graves', 'Navajo Joe', and 'Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.'* 2 stars

"Rhinestone Cowgirls" 1982 --xxx-- *Easy listenin' and screwin', plus plenty of other prickly situations protruding in Cactus Corner.* 2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Primal Scream" *Unfrozen caveman mauler.* 3 stars

"Shogun Assassin" *Daddy day samurai* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Dino De Laurentiis presents "Orca" *starring Richard Harris as a salty sea-dog, Charlotte Rampling as a sensitive marine biologist, Bo Derek as a sexy shipmate and Shamu snack, plus the indian fella from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' lending his wisdom by saying things like, "The old ways no longer work. Now, even our gods dance to a new tune."* 2 1/2 stars

"Baron Blood" *Decent dubbing, giallo lite, moody nightscapes, cursed castle, creepy stalking.* 2 1/2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: "Illuminatum & Illuminata" *Interviewer: Do you believe in the Horned One? the actor Todd Rivers: You mean the Hoofed One? Interviewer: Yeah.* 3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: "Time Machine" *Butthead: 1832, that's like not now. Beavis: Yeah, aren't we more than that?* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Wounds and Scars" *"A country habit. We are so very trusting."* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" *A ghetto version of Twin Peaks' "Black Lodge" where "Hills Have Eyes" type inbred freaks are trapped in the cellar and "Sometimes further in is the only way out." in a twisted Tom & Jerry style game of cat & mouse.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "We All Scream for Ice Cream" starring Lee Tergesen, William Forsythe, and the kid from Bad Santa and Eastbound & Down *The Good Humor Man returns from the land of the popsicles to scoop out and dish some cold and sticky revenge.* 3 stars

Gun Fu John Woo and Risky Bidness Tom Cruise present: "Mission Impossible 2" *We've got the cure, we made the disease. Dianetics incorporated.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric present: Bedtime Stories "Hole" *Spitting surreal absurdism sometimes sidetracks the sinister suburban satire.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3K presents: Charles Band's "Laserblast" *Moppy-haired stoner with a muscle-van gets to rain down the fire of the lizard alien gods on his stereotypical 70s burnout and redneck cop enemies in his one horse desert hometown.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Farscape: "Exodus from Genesis" *A hot time in the roach maternity ward in the outer reaches of the universe, tonight.* 3 stars

"Saga, Curse of the Shadow" aka "The Shadow Cabal" *Somewhere between Peter Jackson's LOTR and LARPers that run around yelling, "Lightning bolt, lightnight bolt, lightning bolt!" 2 1/2 stars

"Night of the Loving Dangerously" --xxx-- *With the allure of his ever-wanton ex-wife, Traci Lords, private dick, Peter North, is pulled into a web of blackmail involving his ex's new fiance- a perverted CEO with everything to lose, Jamie Gillis, his naughty daddy's girl daughter, and gay son's snooping photographer boyfriend.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "Poltergeist" *Joe Bob maligns Spielberg's involvement with a Tobe Hooper horor flick, Heather O'Rourke gives me the sads, an 80s kids bedroom is full of nostalgic shit, the mom looks sexy even with a streak of grey hair, there's some kind of message about the sinister nature of suburban sprawl, a sassy medium with a drawl steals the show, and Joe Bob ponders the difference between "Go into the light" & "Stay away from the light."* 3 stars

Lost & Found Video Night Vol. 5 *Hot diggity tallyho* 3 stars

"Purely Physical" 1982 --xxx-- *Schmaltzy motel fornicating where the lovers' lips refuse to move when the pillow talk gets filthy.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "The Trevi Collection" *Fashion victims. Some hilariously bad acting from a witch.* 3 stars

"Gallowwalkers" starring Wesley Snipes *Spaghetti vampire western. The kind of movie Blade 3 should have been.* 3 stars

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi ---despecialized editions--- *Impressive. Most impressive* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: 1954's U.S. version of "Godzilla" & "Godzilla vs. Mothra" *Tokyo stompin' in a Texas trailer park.* 3 stars

"Manborg" 2011 *Will Ferrell's 'Westworld', Scott Pilgrim vs. Mega City 1, Napoleon Dynamite 2: Judgment Day, Tom Green's 'Total Recall', Jim Carrey's "Battlefield Earth', Sam Raimi's 'Mortal Kombat: Annihilation', Paul Verhoeven's 'Army of Darkness', Patrick Swazy, Jacki Chan, Jake Busey, and Cynthia Rothrock in 'Revenge of the Sith'.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Stuart Gordon presents Edgar Alan Poe's "The Black Cat" *Pluto, the little devil.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents: "The Last Slumber Party" *More potty-mouthed and homophobic than a Wayans Bros. "Horror" "Comedy" "Movie"* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

The Outer Limits: George R.R. Martin's "Sandkings" starring Beau & Lloyd Bridges *Red menace* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Battlefield Earth" *L. Ron Hubbard's The Passion of the Prometheus as acted out by the rat-brained man-animal, John Travolta.*�� 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" *Fate of world hangs in balance while obnoxious bantering, obnoxious celebrity style wedding is overshadowing focus, obnoxious background extras actors mug for the camera and stare at the pop culture status heroes, obnoxious twirling mustache Dr. Doom villain moments, obnoxious studio thinking Galactus is a stupid concept and yet going through with having his threat to earth being the plot-- leaving us with a cloud of lame spacedust* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Troma presents: Lucio Fulci's "Rome 2072: The New Gladiators" *Televised brutality in a cyber-disco dystopia where the cities of the future are painfully obvious scale models covered in Christmas lights and dirtbikes along with karate chops are still considered pretty badass.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Game of Thrones: Season 3 episode 1

*The inept, pudgy comic relief gets to stumble around in the snow avoiding ice zombies,

the dashing dwarf gets dissed by dear old dad,

the high class pimp positions himself near the daughter of the woman who always shunned his advances,

the would be future queen shows kindess to orphans and gets politely scolded for it,

a crow defects to the king beyond the wall,

a fiery zealot harshly deals with infidels,

a shiprecked war veteran brother puts himself back in harm's way to try to talk sense to his witch's pussy whipped brother,

the king of the north returns to his scorched hometown and imprisons his mum there,

a puppy eyed dragon mama sails with her seasick soldiers and goes shopping for baby slaughtering drone warriors while narrowly escaping creepy child with scorpion assassination attempt.*

3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "Predator" *"Speak mono-Slavic-ally and carry a big stick."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

George Lucas & Ron Howard present: "Willow" *In order to save a red-headed bastard baby, Frodo Skywalker fellowships a force of ragtags including a Han Solo in Pocahontas drag, an indian in the cupboard Kevin Pollack, and a wizard lady trapped by spell in the body of a wombat.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Twilight: New Moon" *A frigid, psycho chick gets dumped by her prissy, older, unhealthy obsession. she then begins having night terrors ruining the sleep of her closet gay lumberjack dad. next, she begins leading a lovesick puppydog around on a leash while getting wreckless on a mopad, attempting suicide for attention and all before going on a sisterhood of traveling pants adventure to a pretentious Anne Rice version of faggy Europe. 1980s teens were awesome. 2000s teens are awful.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

---- monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:

"Slaughter High" aka "April Fool's Day"

*These jokers aint' f-f-f-foolin'. They like their drugs, they like their sex, they like their cruel pranks on nerds.

Unlucky for them, their 10th year class reunion takes place at the now abandoned old high school in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night.

It's the perfect setting for an old dark house horror mixed with Agatha Christie style revenge picture.

This is one of the best episodes of monstervision.

It features a classic 1980s slasher flick, it has the original mail girl, Joe Bob skewers the logic of the TNT censors, and he reads an awkward letter from a male admirer named Rufus.*

3 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" *Freddy flew over the cuckoos' nest* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Valerie 23" *Do androids sleep mode with electric wet dreams? 2 be or R2D2? See, I could think of some existential questions to ask my prototype sexbot over a romantic dinner, especially if she were the first sentient being of her kind, and had Hulk strength for no apparently necessary reason.* 2 1/2 stars

Jamie Gillis in "Midnight Heat" 1983 --xxx-- *Rare grime. A gem of a different time. Seedy NYC.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "The Washingtonians" *Patriotic blue hairs set their wooden teeth on edge about the disclosure of that rich colonial tradition of chomping on cherry tastin' child flesh.* 2 stars

Farscape: "Throne for a Loss" *Rigel, the royal pain in the rear.* 3 stars

"Hellraiser 2: Hellbound" uncut *The stigmata of Sigmund Freud, from the makers of 'Scratch it, sniff it, squeeze it, suck it,' now available at finer novelty shops.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "On the Wings of Love" *Hangover cures, hidden secret half-sister, hallelujah for the hard of hearing, hometown beauty pageant queen hitlist, and hoot owl hieroglypics.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Randy Quaid in "Parents" *A Norman Rockwell painting hanging on the wall behind the desk at the Bates Motel.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Blood Brothers" *Twelve immortal monkeys* 2 1/2 stars

"Kill List" 2011 -- *This feels like it could be a Garth Ennis story. It has old mates drinking together and shooting the shite about life. It has acts of extreme violence almost to the point of dark comedy. It has a bleak poignancy. There's also the occult undertones like a Hellblazer comic.* 3 stars

William Hurt in Ken Russell's "Altered States" *Waiting, in a fish-bowl, for Godot.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Chopper" *Stunt motorcycle riding, sword slashing specter with separation anxiety.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Back, and Back, and Back to the Future" *"Psychic Spanish-fly," alien lady combat, genetically structured spy seductress, quantum singularity also known as a blackhole used as a soul saving secret weapon of mass destruction that is seriously in jeopardy of being stolen or accidentally set off."* 3 stars

"The Wind" starring Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, & Steve Railsback *Swept up in stormy solitude and story.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Second Soul" *Lending our dead bodies, like they were used cars, to alien parasites, leads to some serious moral implications. Feels like a 50s style sci fi message about the dangers of multiculturalism given a more progressive twist at the end.* 2 1/2 stars

"Virgin Witch" --sexploitation-- *Prissy Galore throws a feisty spell when a group of dysfunctional devil worshippers decide they really, really fancy her.* 2 1/2 stars

Van Damme / Raul Julia "Streetfighter" *"Who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME?!" Self aware dumb fun.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "xXx" starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, & Asia Argento *Double Ohhh Seven sez, "Do the DEW, dude."* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

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thick-thighs-and-sharp-eyes · 7 years

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NPR’s “150 Greatest Albums Made By Women”

“This list, of the greatest albums made by women between 1964 and the present, is an intervention, a remedy, a correction of the historical record and hopefully the start of a new conversation. Compiled by nearly 50 women from across NPR and the public radio system and produced in partnership with Lincoln Center, it rethinks popular music to put women at the center.”

Joni Mitchell - Blue (Reprise, 1971)

Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (Ruffhouse/Columbia, 1998)

Nina Simone - I Put A Spell on You (Philips, 1965)

Aretha Franklin - I Never Loved a Man The Way I Love You (Atlantic, 1967)

Missy Elliott - Supa Dupa Fly (The Goldmind/Elektra, 1997)

Beyoncé - Lemonade (Parkwood/Columbia, 2016)

Patti Smith - Horses (Arista, 1975)

Janis Joplin - Pearl (Columbia, 1971)

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black (Island, 2006)

Carole King - Tapestry (Ode, 1971)

Dolly Parton - Coat Of Many Colors (RCA Records, 1971)

Erykah Badu - Baduizm (Universal, 1997)

Madonna - Like a Prayer (Sire, 1989)

Whitney Houston - Whitney Houston (Arista, 1985)

Diana Ross and the Supremes - Where Did Our Love Go (Motown, 1964)

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours (Warner Bros., 1977)

Janet Jackson - Control (A&M, 1986)

Lucinda Williams - Car Wheels On A Gravel Road (Mercury, 1998)

Selena - Amor Prohibido (EMI Latin, 1994)

The Ronettes - Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes Featuring Veronica (Philles Records, 1964)

PJ Harvey - Rid Of Me (Island Records, 1993)

Sade - Diamond Life (Sony, 1984)

Aretha Franklin - Amazing Grace (Atlantic, 1972)

Loretta Lynn - Coal Miner's Daughter (Decca, 1970)

Ani Difranco - Little Plastic Castle (Righteous Babe Records, 1998)

TLC - CrazySexyCool (LaFace, 1994)

Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes (Atlantic, 1992)

Nina Simone - Nina Simone Sings the Blues (RCA Victor, 1967)

Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill (Maverick, 1995)

Adele - 21 (Columbia/XL, 2011)

Liz Phair - Exile In Guyville (Capitol/EMI/Matador, 1993)

Björk - Post (Elektra, 1995)

Queen Latifah - All Hail The Queen (Tommy Boy, 1989)

Tina Turner - Private Dancer (Capitol, 1984)

Blondie - Parallel Lines (Chrysalis, 1978)

Grace Jones - Nightclubbing (Island Records, 1981)

Kate Bush - Hounds Of Love (EMI, 1985)

Odetta - It's a Mighty World (RCA Victor, 1964)

Gillian Welch - Time (The Revelator) (Acony Records, 2001)

The Staple Singers - Be Altitude: Respect Yourself (Stax, 1972)

Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman (Elektra, 1988)

Ella Fitzgerald - Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Johnny Mercer Song Book (Verve, 1964)

M.I.A. - Kala (XL/Interscope, 2007)

Heart - Dreamboat Annie (Mushroom, 1976)

Dusty Springfield - Dusty in Memphis (Atlantic, 1969)

Emmylou Harris - Wrecking Ball (Elektra, 1995)

Celia Cruz - Son con Guaguanco (Emusica/Fania, 1966)

Etta James - Rocks The House (Argo, 1964)

Rickie Lee Jones - Pirates (Warner Bros., 1981)

Hole - Live Through This (DGC, 1994)

Sarah Vaughan - Sassy Swings Again (Mercury, 1967)

Bonnie Raitt - Nick Of Time (Capitol/EMI, 1989)

Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like A Wheel (Capitol, 1974)

Nico - Chelsea Girl (Verve, 1967)

The Go-Gos - Beauty And The Beat (I.R.S., 1981)

X-Ray Spex - Germfree Adolescents (EMI, 1978)

Mary J. Blige - What's the 411? (Uptown/MCA, 1992)

Labelle - Nightbirds (Epic, 1974)

Indigo Girls - Indigo Girls (Epic, 1989)

The Pretenders - Pretenders (Sire, 1980)

Destiny's Child - The Writing's on the Wall (Columbia, 1999)

Dixie Chicks - Wide Open Spaces (BMG/Sony, 1998)

Madonna - Like a Virgin (Sire, 1984)

Spice Girls - Spice (Virgin, 1996)

Cassandra Wilson - Blue Light 'Til Dawn (Blue Note, 1993)

Miriam Makeba - Pata Pata (Reprise, 1967)

Sinead O'Connor - I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got (Chrysalis Records, 1990)

Rosanne Cash - King's Record Shop (Columbia, 1987)

Cyndi Lauper - She's So Unusual (Portrait/Sony 1983)

Stevie Nicks - Bella Donna (Modern, 1981)

Salt-N-Pepa - Blacks' Magic (London, 1990)

The Runaways - The Runaways (Mercury, 1976)

Astrud Gilberto - The Astrud Gilberto Album (Verve Records, 1965)

The Raincoats - The Raincoats (Rough Trade, 1979)

Donna Summer - Bad Girls (Casablanca, 1979)

Tammy Wynette - Stand By Your Man (Epic, 1969)

Aaliyah - Aaliyah (Blackground/Virgin America 2001)

The Bulgarian State Radio & Television Choir - Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares (Nonesuch, 1987)

Portishead - Dummy (Go! Beat, 1994)

Laurie Anderson - Big Science (Warner Bros., 1982)

Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out (Kill Rock Stars, 1997)

Laura Nyro - New York Tendaberry (Columbia, 1969)

Bobbie Gentry - Ode To Billie Joe (Capitol Records, 1967)

Roberta Flack - First Take (Atlantic, 1969)

Joan Baez - Diamonds & Rust (A&M, 1975)

Alice Coltrane - Journey in Satchidananda (GRP/Impulse!, 1971)

X - Los Angeles (Slash/Rhino, 1980)

k. d. lang - Ingénue (Sire, 1992)

Shania Twain - Come On Over (Mercury Records, 1997)

Barbra Streisand - Funny Girl, Broadway Cast Album (Capitol Records, 1964)

Alison Krauss And Union Station - New Favorite (Rounder, 2001)

Meshell Ndegeocello - Peace Beyond Passion (Maverick, 1996)

Britney Spears - ...Baby One More Time (Jive Records, 1999)

Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club (A&M, 1993)

Shakira - ¿Dónde Están los Ladrones? (Sony, 1998)

Lil' Kim - Hard Core (Big Beat/Undeas Recordings, 1996)

Mariah Carey - Daydream (Columbia Records, 1995)

Bikini Kill - Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah (Kill Rock Stars, 1993)

Taylor Swift - Fearless (Big Machine Records, 2008)

Buffy Sainte-Marie - It's My Way! (Vanguard Records, 1964)

Eurythmics - Touch (RCA, 1983)

Alabama Shakes - Sound & Color (ATO, 2015)

Umm Kulthum - Enta Omri (You Are My Life)(Sono, 1964)

ESG - Come Away With ESG (99 Records, 1983)

Sheila E. - The Glamorous Life (Warner Bros., 1984)

No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom (Interscope, 1995)

The Shangri-Las - Leader of the Pack (Red Bird Records, 1965)

Gladys Knight and the Pips - Imagination (Buddah Records, 1973)

Against Me! - Transgender Dysphoria Blues (Total Treble, 2014)

Miranda Lambert - Platinum (RCA Nashville, 2014)

Diamanda Galás - The Litanies of Satan (Y, 1982)

Mercedes Sosa - Mercedes Sosa en Argentina (Universal Distribution/Philips, 1982)

Aretha Franklin - Young, Gifted and Black (Atlantic Records, 1972)

Reba McEntire - Rumor Has It (MCA, 1990)

La Lupe & Tito Puente - La Pareja (Fania/Tico Records, 1978)

Macy Gray - On How Life Is (Epic, 1999)

Joan Jett - I Love Rock 'n' Roll (Boardwalk, 1981)

Chaka Khan - I Feel for You (Warner Bros., 1984)

The Slits - Cut (Island Records, 1979)

Anita Baker - Rapture (Elektra, 1986)

Joni Mitchell - Hejira (Asylum, 1976)

Siouxsie and the Banshees - The Scream (Polydor, 1978)

Cris Williamson - The Changer and the Changed: A Record of the Times (Olivia Records, 1975)

Carly Simon - No Secrets (Elektra, 1972)

Fiona Apple - Tidal (Work Group/Clean Slate/Columbia, 1996)

The Carpenters - A Song for You (A&M Records, 1972)

Sonic Youth - Sister (SST, 1987)

Pauline Oliveros, Stuart Dempster, Panaiotis - Deep Listening (New Albion, 1989)

Marianne Faithfull - Broken English (Island, 1979)

Teena Marie - Wild and Peaceful (Motown Records, 1979)

Shirley Horn - I Thought About You — Live At Vine St. (Verve Records, 1987)

Shelby Lynne - I Am Shelby Lynne (Island/Mercury, 2000)

Fanny - Fanny Hill (Reprise, 1972)

Solange - A Seat at the Table (Saint/Columbia 2016)

The B-52's - The B-52's (Warner Bros., 1979)

Yoko Ono/Plastic Ono Band - Yoko Ono/Plastic Ono Band (Apple Records, 1970)

Ofra Haza - 50 Gates Of Wisdom (Yemenite Songs) (Shanachie, 1987)

Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas (4AD, 1990)

The Bangles - All Over the Place (Columbia, 1984)

Norah Jones - Come Away with Me (Blue Note, 2002)

Joanna Newsom - Ys (Drag City, 2006)

Iris DeMent - My Life (Warner Bros., 1993)

Robyn - Body Talk (Konichiwa Records, 2010)

The Breeders - Last Splash (4AD/Elektra, 1993)

Oumou Sangare - Moussolou (Women) (Kartell/World Circuit, 1989)

Patty Griffin - Flaming Red (A&M, 1998)

Meredith Monk - Dolmen Music (ECM, 1981)

Terri Lyne Carrington - The Mosaic Project (Concord Jazz, 2011)

Alicia Keys - Songs In A Minor (J Records, 2001)

The Roches - The Roches (Warner Bros., 1979)

Starting here: http://www.npr.org/2017/07/20/538307314/turning-the-tables-150-greatest-albums-made-by-women-page-15

#music #feminism #awesome women #NPR #public radio #Aretha Franklin

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bnfbc · 5 years

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Stranger in the Woods - by Michael Finkel - March 2019 - selected by Tommy

Andy: “This was a quick read. The topic was quite intriguing to me. How could someone stay alone in the woods for 27 years? Christopher Knight did, sustaining himself on candy, Mac and cheese and cheap booze. The writing was seemingly simple, and I would have liked to hear more about hermits and the psychology of someone who goes out alone.” B

Gabe: “Although I didn't find much to admire in the hermit, I appreciate how the author told his story in a non-judgmental way and enabled us to come to our own opinions of the guy. Part of what drags the grade down, though, is that it was pretty clear the author wanted to admire Knight and didn't really address the lack of admirable qualities head-on. I did like how the book generated another great, wide-ranging discussion.” B

Jachles: “Easy to read, a page turner, but kinda lacking in depth. Definitely a missed opportunity to go further into the history and psychology of hermits. The brief asides about hermit history could have easily been expanded into some interesting chapters. To be a hermit, you’ve obviously got to be a unique person, but it was tough to identify with our guy Chris Knight because of his highly questionable hermiting methodology (stealing and living in squalor). While it was a breeze to read in the moment, it didn’t leave me with much new understanding or appreciation for hermitdom.” B-

Paul: “An easy and fairly engaging read about the Christopher Knight, a Maine man who escaped society and lived by himself in the woods for 27 years by breaking into people’s homes and stealing food (and booze, trashy novels, and Game Boys). While it was a light read with plenty to think about, the book’s downfall lies in Finkel’s desire to cast the hermit as some sort of enlightened shaman living off the land, despite all evidence to the contrary. The moments where Finkel aggressively inserts himself into Knight’s life are downright cringeworthy and left me with a strong dislike for both author and hermit.” B-

Tommy: "Finkel's biography of sorts of Christopher Knight was beguiling, but lacked extraordinary qualities. It was engrossing to learn about the whats of living alone deep in the woods of Maine for twenty-seven years, but few whys were offered. The reasons for Knight's choice to drop from society seemed to escape both the author and reader perhaps because they eluded Knight himself. The author verged a bit on obsession with Knight, but his intent seemed genuine for the most part. It seemed like Finkel attempted to present Knight in a neutral light, but his affinity shone through in several sections. It's remarkable that Knight survived all those years, and one can't help but be impressed even if his methods were far from admirable." B

GPA: 2.87

Fuck, Chuck, or Marry: Chris McCandless, Everett Ruess, and Christopher Knight

This age-old question was posed to the group during our discussion, and we quickly landed on a consensus.

Fuck Chris McCandless. This brash bad-boy may not have the greatest survival skills (RIP), and definitely needs to check his privilege at the door (c’mon bro, you really gonna burn all your money??), but we can overlook these faults for one glorious night with this big-hearted sexy adventurer.

Marry Everett Ruess. First of all, dude’s rich, so that’s a plus. While his emo poetry and complaints about society may get old, at least he has some rationale for going off the grid. We’ll be riding our burros down the aisle, then riding off into the sunset forever with this OG of the wilderness world.

Chuck Christopher Knight. This guy lived in the woods for 27 years and DIDN’T LEARN HOW TO FISH OR FORAGE??? While we all feel that society can sometimes be a bummer, this guy was terrorizing peaceful Maine vacationers just so he could chow down on junk food and listen to conservative talk radio. Hard pass on that life.

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fionnwhitehead · 7 years

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Meet Fionn Whitehead, the Lead of Christopher Nolan's Highly Anticipated Battle Epic 'Dunkirk'

Bale. DiCaprio. McConaughey. And now, Fionn Whitehead. The 19-year-old Brit (whose Irish first name is pronounced “Finn”) joins elite ranks as the lead actor in a Christopher Nolan joint, headlining the acclaimed filmmaker’s upcoming ensemble war, Dunkirk. At this point Whitehead doesn’t have clearance to say anything about his character, Tommy. But if you happened to catch the intense seven-minute tease Warner Bros. unspooled on Imax screens in front of Rogue One, you’ll recognize him as one of the two poor chaps charged with hauling a stretcher over a decimated dock as enemy warplanes whiz by overhead. (While plot details on the film are also scant, we have WWII history to tell us the film is about the 1940 rescue of Allied soldiers cornered by the German army on a French beach.) “It’s a suspense thriller,” Whitehead told Yahoo Movies. “It takes you there and you see this world through my character’s eyes and ears. And it kind of explores what it would’ve been like to be there at that time, on sea, land, and air. It’s all about survival, and the human urge to survive.” Whitehead was in Los Angeles this week where we got to know the fresh-faced star of Nolan’s fiercely intense-looking battle film. Here’s what we learned: Dunkirk will mark Whitehead’s movie debut. The actor, who grew up in an artistic household (his dad is jazz musician Tim Whitehead) on the southwest edge of London in Richmond, performed on stage at the National Youth Theatre and Orange Tree Theatre, and was in the process of applying to drama school when he booked the lead role in Him, a three-part U.K. miniseries about a teen with supernatural powers. The casting director for Him referred Whitehead to agent Sophie Holden, who put him in contention for Dunkirk. His hair almost got in the way of his dream role. Whitehead auditioned for Dunkirk over an extensive three-month period, with Nolan present at every tryout after the first. “For Him, they made me grow my hair out, and then they’d straighten it out every day because I’ve got quite curly hair when it grows out,” Whitehead explained. “And I remember turning up to do one of these auditions and I had this straight long hair, it just looked so ridiculous. And they’re like, ‘Um, Chris has asked if you could push your hair out of your face this audition.’ So they gave me a tub of wax and I’m slicking my hair out of my face in this ridiculous fashion.” He was put through the ringer before production even started. “I was quite scrawny when I started out, so they saw that and realized that they might injure me in the whole process of shooting,” Whitehead laughed. So the upstart was dispatched to Dunkirk (where the majority of filming would be completed on location) two weeks early to work with the stunt team. Along with costars Harry Styles and Aneurin Barnard, Whitehead was put through a boot camp of sorts. “I did a lot of circuit training, did a little bit of boxing, did some weapons training. Then I went to the beaches and I was swimming in full war gear, which once it got waterlogged was about 60, 80 pounds. Running up the beach with stretchers with weighted dummies on them. It was quite a lot.” Speaking of Mr. Styles… The One Direction singer also makes his film debut in Dunkirk, and Whitehead had nothing but props for the pop star-turned-actor. “He’s a lovely guy. Really hard working. There was no preferential treatment, and he didn’t ask for any. He was just a great asset to the team, one of the crew, no differentiation.” The grueling shoot put things in perspective for the young actors. “Physically it was quite demanding,” Whitehead said of the five-month production. “So the toughest part was just keeping the energy up. Every night, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out… But that made it easier to step into the shoes of these people, knowing what they had to deal with and how they kept going.” Despite somber subject material, the cast tried to keep things light by riding bikes around set and playing the occasional game of rugby. They also learned quickly, though, not to pull any woe-is-me moves. “Any time any of us complained, somebody would say, ‘Well, at least you’re not actually there.’ And then everyone would feel so guilty and be like, ‘Oh yeah, sorry. I’m just going to crawl into a hole.'” Whitehead abstained from fanning out over Nolan. Make no mistake, the actor was over the moon to work with the director of Memento, the Dark Knight trilogy, Inception, and Interstellar. “He’s so present as a director,” Whitehead said. “He’s behind every shot and he creates this family-like vibe on set which really puts you at ease. It’s a very collaborative environment. I was quite apprehensive going in but that was gone straightaway because you’re in this safe space where you feel comfortable to try different things, and encouraged.” But he made it a point not to geek out over the filmmaker. “Nah, I kept it in,” he said. “I tried to play it cool.”

#Fionn Whitehead #Aneurin Barnard #Harry Styles #Christopher Nolan #Dunkirk #news

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beochanpaiseanagustaifeala · 7 years

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💖”Star🌠Gazing”💖 Part 3 (and NOT the finale....yet)

Well, this is gonna take longer than I thought to get to the very end and it’s gonna be a “breather episode” but I hope you’ll still enjoy this!

Tommy’s POV/Story (You get the drill)

Years after the event, Sanjay and Craig predictably finding themselves separated by region; Craig was a soldier in the nation of In-Between, fighting in the raging war between the nicktoons and the Cartoon Network while in the meantime Sanjay was serving as the late Spongebob and Patrick’s bodyguard and trusted knight in the mother country; I had no idea how Craig felt about his new job (must have had a heck of a time wrangling those troublemakers though!) but I could tell Sanjay was very bittersweet about his new position, while he was proud to take care of the two princes, he felt sad about having to be separated from the one who loved him the most and while he was a proud knight, fighting off any baddies who would assassinate, rob or threaten the princes and wouldn’t be afraid of bragging about how tough he was for his age, I’d sometimes hear him softly crying in his chamber every night about Craig~ I felt bad and decided to comfort him one night.

Rubbing his back, I whispered: “Hey now, don’t cry.”

Sanjay, with his messy hair and wide, tearful eyes looked up at me and replied: “How can I be happy without him? he was so nice to me....he was the most wonderful person I’ve ever met...why do I feel this way?....we’ve only been with each other for days on that ship and I’m so close to him.....”

“You know, when me and Helga left to find recruits, me and Kimi felt the exact same way you do, in fact, on the very day we set sail I reached into my pocket and gave Kimi a beautiful charm as a promise of me returning....and uh if you’re wondering what that feeling is called, its 💕.”

“💕?....that sounds nice.....I like the sound of 💕.....you know, Craig told me we’d be reunited again some day....”

“A very good sign all around that you two are a perfect pair, I wish the best for you two, now let’s get some shuteye.”

The morning that followed was pretty calm, I freshened myself up, got myself a warm latte and sharpened up my screwdriver sword to welcome a new day but when I got out of my chamber, all bell broke loose! the princes hid in the throne room in fear, the hounds (descendants of Spike btw) went mad and started barking up a storm, alarms where activated and screaming was heard; it must be those pesky hooligans at the Cartoon Network again.

I threw on my armor, grabbed my sword and marched outside roaring out: “JUST WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARLENE AND GABOR IS GOING ON HERE!?”

What was going on in the name of Arlene and Gabor was not pretty; I saw Lori and Rambamboo tackling a familiar face from some time ago, but it was a little hard to tell because he couldn't get up and walk and was covered with bruises and blood so I couldn't put my finger on it until he opened his mouth.

“I NEED TO-!” *SLAP!*

“Shut your mouth, the queen’s gonna have an aneurysm if she sees an intruder like you hiding in her garden!”

“And then we’ll get in trouble with her!”

“I NEED TO SEE SANJAY, ALRIGHT!?”

I felt like a bolt of lightning went through my body and shocked all my innards; it was Craig, who have appeared to have been beaten to a pulp to be kept silent; luckly Helga came to the rescue to break it up and scold the two while I dealt with Craig in a nice, private place away from the palace.

“Dude, I’m really sorry you got beaten up by the guards...”

“That’s okay, as long as I get to see Sanjay again, all will be fine.”

“But if you get into the castle chock full of surveillance, Angelica would kill you no matter if you where a nicktoon from the start! she hates anyone who isn’t a resident of the mother country or has left for somewhere else.”

“But....I promised Sanjay....that I would return.....and we could be happy together...”

“Maybe we can arrange a private meeting.”

“Where?”

“Somewhere Angelica and her goons can’t get you, that’s for sure!”

“You think the beach would be a good place?”

“Bikini Upward? the place Patrick and Spongebob where found? of course, its hailed as a sanctuary for those with families separated by the two regions and even though she allows mother-country nicktoons to go there, Angelica won’t touch it because she’s envious of the very thought of Spongebob and Patrick stealing her throne...did I mention the hotel there has excellent service?”

“Sounds good, I’ll sneak to that beach and you can invite Sanjay there so we can meet today.”

“Okie then, what time?”

“3pm sharp.”

“Sounds good mate, see you there!”

“Thanks, I owe you one.”

And with that, Craig became a snake again and slithered out of reach before the magic would wear off again; later on Sanjay got his luggage, took my hand and I drove him to the shores of Bikini Upward and let me just tell you that nobody was not joking when they said it was a sanctuary, the sand was crisp and warm, the cool waves where all sorts of blue/teal/green shades, all sorts of toons there where having a blast over there!

“I’ll go change, be right back Tommy-sama!” Sanjay laughed and rushed to one of the booths.

“Okay then.” I replied, smiling.

Craig eventually arrived in his human form, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, dark green swim trunks, a straw hat and sunglasses, while his scars where still visible somewhat, he was in much better shape than before; “Tommy, buddy, did he show up?”

“He’ll be out in a minute, he’s changing into his swim wear~ imagine how happy he’s gonna be when he sees you again?”

“I bet he’ll have-”

“THE BEST DAY EVER!!” Sanjay cheered as he ran to Craig, hugging him.

“Sanjay, my man, how are you!?” Craig hugged him back and blushed noticed the cutesy red bottoms he wore, plus a lei and a starfish adorned on his head.

“Doing fine!”

I chuckled, telling the two: “Tell you what? I’ll treat you two birds and myself with our own surfboards and I’ll pay for all three of ‘em! sound good?”

the two nodded in agreement and followed me to a small shack offering them; it was chock-full of ‘em in all sorts of colors, shapes and sizes~ it was like a house of mirrors you’d see at a fair or carnival except if you replaced them all with surf boards! Sanjay picked out one with a traditional hibiscus pattern, Craig got one that had a flame decal and me? one that resembled a goofy shark....*blush* okay I said too much.

“Three surfboards, please.” I asked the manager at the store, who was none other than an old friend of mine, Otto Rocket; who used to serve in Angelica’s court until he was impeached for getting sand in her potato salad.

“Alrighty my gnarly bros, that’ll be ¥900.″

Well, darn, I only had ¥600 in my pockets! but since I didn’t wanna be selfish, I decided to let Sanjay and Craig get their surfboards while I hoped maybe I could find some coins buried in the sand later on; “I’m a little short on cash, I’ll come back if I find some moolah buried on the shore and buy mine.” I replied.

“Okay then...” said Otto in a sympathetic, unusually calm tone tone until: “...but I hope you know well that you can’t pay with sand dollars.” with a hardy laugh coming from both of us before we both signed off with a “Smell you later!”~ I was a little bummed out since I felt as if I was missing out on all the fun Sanjay and Craig and because all I found was candy wrappers, shells and a tiny crab who clasped on my nose (Ow!); suddenly, a little shed of light fell upon me in the form of another old friend of mine who was casually strolling on the beach.

“Tommy, whatcha doin’?” she asked in her as-per-usual friendly tone.

“Hey there, I was just looking for some yen to pay for a surfboard since I’m short on cash but I can’t find any.” I said in a tired tone.

“Maybe I can be your surfboard, I am a shape-shifter after all.”

“You’d do that for me? well, thanks Jenny!”

“No problemo~” she said in a chirpy, sing-song voice.

Now I was really having a ball! I joined up with Sanjay and Craig who where just getting started.

“You got your surfboard? nice!” said Sanjay.

“Let’s just say I got a pretty sweet discount.” I replied, chuckling.

🏄

After that, we all agreed to get some grub to satisfy our growling stomachs~ Craig wanted to get some pizza, Sanjay craved wings, I didn’t know what I was gonna get but my “surfboard” spoke up and announced: “I hope they sell oil cans!”; naturally, Sanjay and Craig where a little startled at first but quickly grew amused, asking me: “Who said that?” and I answered by setting the “surfboard” down and like a transformer, Jenny returned to her default setting.

“Who are you?” asked Craig.

“My name is Jenny, I’m a friend of Tommy’s.” Jenny replied with a loving, friendly smile.

“Woah....I really like your hair~” said Sanjay, following: “I was wondering if you could doll me up like that.”

“We’ll find a way!” She chirped back.

The rest of the day and night was filled with joy: we went diving, we played a games like volley ball and limbo with other Nicktoons, we tried some seafood right off the grill and even saw some hula dancers performing! what a party, huh? however when I was gonna take Sanjay home so we wouldn’t get in hot water with Angelica, the unpredictable happened.

“Tommy, I don’t want to leave here.” He replied in a stoic, somewhat solemn voice.

“Because you and Craig wanna spend some more time together? don’t worry, we’ll be back tomorrow!” I tried to reassure.

“...Me and Craig are actually gonna live here, together.”

“Oh.”

Isn’t that cute? they made plans to live the rest of their lives in a paradise where they can live together without any laws restricting them but...

“You’ll need to save enough, find a home here and resign from your duties to live with Craig here, are you sure you wanna go through with this so early?” I suggested, hoping Sanjay wasn’t accusing me of being just like Angelica in some sort of cliche but thank the splat he didn’t, instead he asked me some advice about finding money in the sand like I talked about earlier.

“About that...(^^’)”

💕 See you next time, where things go down right into the soup! 💕

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bluegrasshole · 7 years

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bones, and how to bury them

title by @wholockviantime. 1.6 k of ??? epiphanies ??? and some in french too. also posted on ao3.

bitty:

the closet in jack’s bedroom is big -- cavernous, almost -- and new, and clean, and mostly empty. overwhelmingly empty, maybe. bitty can picture it, though, with its shelves and hangers full of clothes that belong to him too and shoes and jerseys and extra sheets, but the image is not for right now. jack doesn’t say anything but bitty knows he’d like to buy bitty new things to fill his closet with, make it theirs, but. for now, he’s content with his one drawer.

and the thing is, it really is big. so big bitty doesn’t mind going in there to put the laundry away while jack’s at practice. there’s a storm picking up outside but it’s warm in here, and jack’s got a big truck so he’s not too worried about him driving in the snow. he folds it all neatly, precisely, which he sure as hell doesn’t do for his own clothes. the closet even has a light, which turns on from the outside, so bitty doesn’t have to spend any time in the dark. it’s warm and comfortable and bright and

until it’s not. the bulb flickers off and bitty drops the socks from his arms, because the feeling is immediate. creeping in, squeezing his throat, taking his head and spinning it around. the fuck was he thinking? this closet is small. tiny, even, and he can’t breathe. he left his phone on the bed and his eyes haven’t adjusted to the darkness -- or maybe he shut them tight and hasn’t been able to open them yet. it’s so fucking dark in here, and he remembers, he remembers --

he turns, nudges a sock with his toe as he does, and. and there’s some light from the windows in the bedroom creeping in from the cracked door, so he runs, and makes it to the bed gasping for lungfuls of air. the first thing he sees is his phone lit up with a text from jack: radio said the power’s out. i’m on my way home. be there soon. and one from his mom, from earlier, asking about how his weekend went. he hesitates, and looks back at the door now thrown wide open, then picks up the phone.

“dicky! i was just going to call. i saw something on the news about a storm and was wondering if you were bundled up,” mama says before he can even greet her. he takes a breath as the last of the dizziness fades away.

“not dicky anymore, mama,” bitty says.

“oh,” she says. she’s frowning, he can tell. “alright. everything okay, baby?”

“yeah, mama. everything is good. is daddy around? i’ve got,” he says, and in the kitchen the microwave beeps in time with the closet light stuttering back on, “i’ve got something to tell you.”

holster:

“tommy?” holster says before he can stop himself, and the man in front of him turns and stares. still, after all these years, unmistakeable. a slight twist to his lips from a cleft palate long since fixed by surgery, and a scar on his chin from -- “tommy bennett?”

“big adam,” tommy bennett says. no one’s called holster that in years. he’d almost forgotten.

almost.

the pepsi fridge he’s standing next to hums and the door to the bodega tinkles but they just stare at each other.

“i haven’t seen you since, since -- well, how are you,” holster says. tommy is still half a foot shorter than holster is, but he’s standing straight and his shoulders are square.

“what do you want,” tommy says. which is, well, fair.

“nothing,” holster says. “nothing. or, well -- ”

“i just want some sprite, man,” tommy says. he gestures to the fridge holster is blocking with all his bulk.

“oh. i’m sorry,” holster says. “like, not just about the sprite. about the, the, the, you know. the everything. i’m sorry.” his hands move to point to his own chin but he drops them halfway through the motion. “i’m sorry.”

tommy stares. “okay.”

“okay. really though, i’m --”

“sorry, i get it. can i...?”

“yeah. yeah,” holster says. he moves away from the glass, leaving a space in the condensation the shape of his hand. “i hope. i hope you’re doing well,” he says.

he gets no answer.

when he opens the door to the car, stomach twisting in nausea, ransom just raises an eyebrow at his empty hands.

“the fuck took you so long? and you didn’t even get any snacks,” ransom says.

holster turns on this car. “i’ll tell you later,” he says. “i think we’ve got chips at the haus, anyway.”

“alright, bro,” ransom says. “whatever you want.”

the neon lights of the store illuminate the rearview mirrors when holster looks back and the snow starts to fall.

shitty:

the envelope is addressed to mr. bishop knight in unfamiliar handwriting and the return address is one shitty’s had memorized since the month after he turned 12, though his mother hasn’t even looked at it once. he knows what it contains without even opening it: a birthday card and a signature. once there would have been thirty bucks too, but that stopped when he turned eighteen.

“hello-o-o,” lardo says from her bed. “coffee?”

“oh. right.” shitty’s still dressed from his solo trip to annie’s, so he sets the coffee tray down with the envelope on his desk and slowly unwinds his scarf, lovingly knitted by alicia zimmermann as a christmas gift. he unbuttons his jacket slowly, ignoring lardo’s impatient huffs.

“you got snow in your hair,” lardo says, rolling her eyes. “it looks like dandruff.”

“hm?” shitty carefully strips himself of his shirt and pants and brings over the cups to the bed. it’s warmer in here, with lardo, than outside. “oh, yeah. it’s messy out there."

“what’s that,” lardo says, gesturing to the desk with the hand that’s holding her cappuccino.

“christmas-slash-birthday card,” shitty says. “from my father.”

“oh. a little late for that.” then, slowly, “you gonna open it?”

shitty can’t help but lean into lardo’s side, and lardo lifts the arm not holding the coffee and wraps him up. takes him in.

“no,” shitty says, and closes his eyes, smiling, “not this year.”

jack:

la route de la patinoire jusqu’à la maison n’est pas longue, mais avec la neige devenant de plus en plus épaisse, et bittle seul chez lui dans la noirceur, elle semble interminable. les tempêtes lui ont toujours fait sentir impuissant, mais – bref, ils ne sont pas uniques dans la catégorie.

son père lui a souvent dit qu’ils ont tous deux un « esprit cartésien », et c’est peut-être vrai, mais ce n’est que dernièrement qu’il le prend vraiment à cœur. étape par étape, sa thérapeute et ses parents lui répètent. donc, voilà : prends une droite après le stationnement ; continue lentement pour trois kilomètres ; attention à la glace ; maintenant, arrête à l’intersection ; compte un, deux, trois ; avance ; une gauche, et ensuite une droite ; un autre arrêt pour la vieille qui veut traverser le chemin ; quatre kilomètres, puis l’immeuble droit devant.

rends-toi au stationnement souterrain et trouve l’espace qui vous a été désigné. éteint le moteur. prends ton sac du siège à côté et va à l’ascenseur. fais-le vite, quand même – il ne faut surtout pas oublier qui t’attends. et puis cinquième étage, deuxième porte à la droite. ouvre-là.

– jack ? bittle dit. oh, i’m glad you’re home.

sa voix, douce et familière, provient du salon. le salon qui a de la lumière, donc la coupure n’aurait pas duré longtemps, jack suppose.

– me too, jack répond. roads are getting pretty bad.

bittle apparait dans sa vision, avec sa couverture la plus chaude autour de ses épaules et un grand sourire peinturé sur son beau visage. il tend une main vers jack, qui la prend fermement. voilà une chose qui ne lui a jamais fait sentir comme s’il ne pouvait rien faire.

un nouveau plan, alors. étape un : prend la main de celui que tu aimes. étape deux : respire, respire, respire…

dex:

nursey stops him at the door, which is just as well, probably, because he's been staring at it for five minutes, trying to decide if he’s going to go this week. like he does every week.

“where the fuck are you going like that?” nursey asks. he crosses his arms and dex can’t even meet his eyes. he’s been having trouble meeting them for a while, now. “it’s a storm out there. you don’t even -- fuck, dex, you don’t even have gloves on.”

“i’m fine, nurse,” dex says down at his shoes.

nursey exhales, then shakes his head. “it’s not like i haven’t noticed you go out this time every sunday, you know.”

“i -- oh. um. i didn’t think you would.” dex bites his lip hard, then looks at the door. he hasn’t told nursey where he goes. or anyone at all.

“fine. if you’re not going to take care of yourself...”

when dex looks up, nursey is pulling his jacket off a hook on the wall and stuffing his arms into it, then pulls out a pair of gloves from the pockets.

“what are you doing?” dex asks. he feels panicked, suddenly, and reaches out to stop nursey’s hands. nursey just catches his and holds them tight.

“it’s non-denominational, isn’t it?” nursey asks. he brings dex’s knuckles to his lips and kisses them with a gentleness dex will never possess.

fuck.

“um.”

“i was waiting for you to tell me,” nursey says. “i figured you’d do it on your own time, or whatever.”

“oh.”

he’s never really been one for words, anyway.

“dex,” nursey says. “can i come with you?”

dex looks back at the door, then at nursey, with a smile tentative and soft against dex’s hand.

he opens the door.

#to tag #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #adam birkholtz #shitty knight #william poindexter #my writing #cpwriting #bitwriting #zimbitswriting #zimwriting #shitwriting #dexwriting #ndwriting #zimbits #holtzwriting #nurseydex #shardo

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marcuserrico · 7 years

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Holy Easter Eggs! How 'The Lego Batman Movie' Celebrates the Caped Crusader's Big-Screen History

Batman v Superman in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

One triumph of The Lego Batman Movie is its ability to simultaneously satirize and celebrate the legacy of the Dark Knight, a rich history spanning eight decades of comic books, TV shows, and, especially, films. From Will Arnett’s Christian Bale-inspired gravelly growl to callbacks to the 1940s serial, The Lego Batman Movie is overstuffed with cinematic references and inside jokes. Here are a dozen of our favorites to look out for as you head out to see the film this weekend. (Caution: There are a few minor spoilers below.)

The Joker’s Squashed Schemes In the opening moments, the Clown Prince of Crime boasts to the pilot of a hijacked plane that his latest plot against Gotham is foolproof. The pilot immediately calls out the Joker, pointing out how his previous big-screen endeavors were thwarted by the Caped Crusaders, alluding to both 2008’s The Dark Knight and 1989’s Batman.

Pilot: Batman will stop you. He always stops you.

Joker: No, he doesn’t.

Pilot: What about that time with the two boats?

Joker: This is better than the two boats… Trust me, Batman will never see this coming.

Pilot: Like the time with the parade and the Prince music?

Batman’s Phases During an early scene in stately Wayne Manor, Alfred catches Batman staring longingly at photos of his lost family. “Were you looking at the old family pictures again?” the devoted butler asks of his brooding charge. “I’m concerned… I’ve seen you go through similar phases in 2016, 2012, 2008, 2005, and 1997, 1995, 1992, and 1989… and that weird one in 1966.” As he ticks off each year, we see Lego-fied versions of the corresponding films: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Dark Knight Rises, The Dark Knight, Batman Begins, Batman and Robin (complete with Clooney’s Bat-nipple costume), Batman Forever, Batman Returns, Batman, and the 1966 Batman movie based on the vintage TV series (which is shown in live-action — a scene featuring the created-for-the-show character King Tut, who also figures in The Lego Batman Movie).

‘The Dark Knight’/’The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Later, in a similar montage, the new Gotham police commissioner, Barbara Gordon, gives a presentation about how Batman has been patrolling the streets a “very, very, very, very, very long time” without stopping the crime problem. Bricky vignettes of classic comic covers, and movie and TV scenes flash by from his 78-year-history, including many of the movies mentioned above as well as his debut issue in Detective Comics, Batman: The Animated Series, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel, and the Caped Crusader’s earliest screen incarnation, the 1943 Columbia serial.

Batman’s Phrases The film’s dialogue is peppered with references to Batman’s previous screen outings, and one of the zaniest comes during the opening battle between the Dark Knight and the Joker’s army. Before launching his attack, Batman says, “Let’s get nuts” — just like Michael Keaton did in this scene in Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman.

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Related: Yes, There Is a Condiment King: A Field Guide to Oddball Characters in ‘Lego Batman Movie’

The Jerry Maguire Connection Batman unwinds after a tough day of crime fighting by watching rom-coms in his home theater. One of his favorites: Jerry Maguire, especially the famous “You complete me/You had me at hello” exchange. This is a nod to one of the most memorable scenes in The Dark Knight, when Batman interrogates Joker, prompting the immortal rejoinder, “You complete me.”

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Batman v Superman Beginning with the opening credits, a running joke throughout Lego Batman is the Caped Crusader’s perceived rivalry with Superman. During his initial confrontation with Joker, Batman insists that “Superman is my greatest enemy,” which the Joker dismisses. Later, when Batman comes calling to the Fortress of Solitude, he tells Superman, “I’m not here to throw down or anything…” to which Supes retorts, “I would crush you.”

‘Batman v Superman’/’The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Speaking of Superman Aside from liberal callbacks to the Batman filmography, Lego Batman also pays homage to 1978’s Superman: The Movie. The Fortress of Solitude, modeled after the Christopher Reeve film version, features a doorbell chime using John Williams’s seminal score. Batman triggers a hologram of Superman’s dad, Jor-El, which looks like a Lego Marlon Brando. And Lego Batman‘s main plot is a direct result of General Zod being exiled to the Phantom Zone, which figures in both Superman and Superman II.

Superman answers the door at his Fortress of Solitude (Warner Bros.)

Squad Goals A more recent movie skewered by Lego Batman is 2016’s Suicide Squad. During Joker and his cronies’ initial attack on Gotham, Killer Croc swims under a nuclear reactor, affixes a bomb, and then exclaims, “Yay! I got to do something” — a dig at the character’s unimpressive showing in Squad. Later, when Gotham is faced with a bigger menace, Batman pooh-poohs the idea of recruiting some of his rogues to help in the fight: “Using villains to fight villains? What a dumb idea.” Finally, at the end, Barbara Gordon/Batgirl, tries to convince Bats that he needs a team. To which he retorts: “Who? Seal Team 6? Fox Force Five? Suicide Squad?” [And big props to the screenwriters for slipping in that Fox Force Five mention; of course, Pulp Fiction/Fox Force Five alumna Uma Thurman also played Poison Ivy in Batman and Robin.]

Holy Hoarding, Batman The Batcave is bursting with Bat-gear, and it will take repeated viewings to catalogue all the cinematic vehicles parked there. But we spotted several the first time around, including the Batsub from Batman Returns, several Batjets, and nearly every iteration of the Batmobile, from Christopher Nolan’s Tumbler of the 2000s, to the various versions from the 1980s and ’90s movies, to Adam West’s 1966 classic. There’s also a container of “useless” shark-repellent Bat-spray from the ’66 Batman.

Batmobiles in the Batcave (Warner Bros.)

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman! Along with the Nolan-Bale Dark Knight trilogy and the Burton-Keaton Bat-flicks, Lego Batman really embraces the camptastic 1960s movie and TV show starring West and Burt Ward. The soundtrack is loaded with cues of Neil Hefti’s seminal “Batman Theme,” from a sample during Batman’s villain-dispatching song (watch below), to the horn on the Batmobile, to the way Batman says no-no-no-no-no-no.

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Aside from all the ’66-spawned sight gags noted above, there’s a meta moment before Lego Batman and Robin tangle with the baddies at the film’s climax where Batman says, “Together we’re going to punch these guys so hard words describing the impact will spontaneously materialize.” Pow. Bif. Boom.

Two-Face Is Back, Baby One of the great wrongs Lego Batman rights is giving Billy Dee Williams the opportunity to finally play Two-Face. Williams was cast as Harvey Dent in the 1989 Batman movie with an eye to eventually playing the villain in a sequel. But by the time that era’s Caped Crusader got around to fighting Two-Face in 1995’s Batman Forever, Tommy Lee Jones had been recast in the role.

Billy Dee Williams as Harvey Dent in ‘Batman’ and Two-Face in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Bane Lego Batman’s Bane is much beefier than the Dark Knight Rises version, but he still sports that fur-lined coat and speaks with a weird accent in homage to Tom Hardy’s character.

Tom Hardy as Bane in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’/Bane in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

The DC-Marvel Rivalry Lives OK, this one’s not specifically a callback to another Batman-based movie, or even a DC film, but we had to flag nonetheless. As the original crime-fighting tech billionaire, Bruce Wayne doesn’t have time for pretenders. Thus, we get his secret password for entering the Batcave: Iron Man sucks! Burn.