Thinking about Bucky in Romania and how every old lady in his apartment building probably adores him because he’s this handsome, strong, man who always helps them cross the street, and keeps those whippersnappers from stealing their purses, and holds the door open, and is just so baby-shaped to all of them.
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Murderer: Any last words?
Peter: Do you think I'm cute? Be honest.
Natasha, on the comms: Peter that is the WORST way to distract them.
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Kidnapper: we have your son
The Avengers: We don’t have a son??
Kidnapper: He made us reevaluate our life choices and now we feel really bad, please come and pick him up
The Avengers: Oh my god you have Peter
Kidnapper: I’m going to be a painter
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Behold! Marc and Thor talking about their dead brothers!
Thor: Heh, this reminds me of my Bother, Loki. I saw him die that way right infront of my eyes.
Marc: Oh, ehm... I'm sorry for your lost.
Thor: Nah, it's ok, he came back after all... He got stabbed a year later, trying to help me. That funeral was the best of all yet.
Marc: Uhhh... Yet?
Thor: Yes he wasn't dead after all.
Steven: Oh, that's lovely to hear!
Thor: Heh, yeah the sneaky bastard.
*awkward silence*
Thor: Thanos kill him.
Steven: And how did he get back this time?
*awkward silence*
Steven: Oh, I'm so sorry-I didn't-!
Thor: Yeah...
Marc: Don't you think he'll eventually come back?
Thor: *crying* No! He's dead! He's actually dead!
Marc: I... Get it. I lost my brother too and it was my fault-
*steven yells at him from the headspace*
Marc: I mean... It's not your fault... Thor.
Thor: Really?
Marc: *nods*
*Thor transforms into Loki*
Loki: So how do you think he'll take it when he finds out I'm alive? Was that accurate, is that how he's feeling now?
Jake: ¡pero que mierda !
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Stephen: wow you really yeet that criminal
Tony & Peter: *visibly shocked*
Peter: no wait it’s yeeted in past tense-
Tony: Peter don’t encourage him-
Stephen: you can conjugate it?
Peter: if it been done to you, you were yooted, it’s actually a much debated-
Tony: I’m literally begging you to stop-
Stephen: no wait, let him finish
Peter: Past? Yeeted. Doing? Yeet. Done? Yoot.
*shoots tony a look*
Peter: Hotel? Trivago
Tony: how was that so perfectly orchestrated?!
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So between Doctor Strange, Tony Stark, and Clint Barton...is the real measure of your superhero Avenger status how many powerful children you’ve adopted or...?
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I am so glad that Steve “Fuck Around And Find Out” Rogers and Bucky “What Doesn’t Kill You Is Worse Than Death” Barnes are married.
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Natasha: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game...
Peter, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
Natasha:
Natasha: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.
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