HOPE SANDOVAL in DAZED & CONFUSED #84, December 2001

Hope Sandoval for Interview magazine, 1992

all those dreams where you're my wife (birthday party!matty x reader)

(hi! a fic inspired by the ending of my most recent blurb for this universe. probably a bit shit, i won't lie, but i thought it was kinda cute. i'm sure you can guess what it entails... enjoy! <3)

it's one of those mornings when you maintain that your boyfriend could have titled his second album based on himself.

you watch matty from the doorway of the master bedroom, his grey-streaked curls splayed across the same bright white pillows his handsome face is half-smushed into. the duvet covers have bunched around his waist, giving you a perfect view of his muscular arms and un-tattooed back, decorated with little crescent moon indents courtesy of your fingernails. suddenly, he moves, and your view changes; you can now clearly see matty's face, softened by slumber, pretty lips open ever so slightly and long dark eyelashes resting almost against his cheekbone. a gentle wave of love washes over you as you watch him sleep, wondering if he's dreaming about you in the same romantic ways you dream about him (he definitely is). he looks so content that you almost don't want to wake him, but the breakfast tray in your arms is growing heavy, so you must.

setting it down gently on the table at matty's side of the bed and perching on the edge of the bed, you lift the little bunch of flowers from the tray in one hand, and softly caress matty's cheek and jaw with the other. "matty, baby, it's time to wake up, c'mon."

languidly, matty presses his face further into your hand, twisting his head to kiss it, before blinking his eyes open. once he's shuffled to sit up against the headboard and adjusted to the sunshine-brightness of the room, he smiles lovingly at you, taking in your (his) mazzy star t-shirt and the flowers you're holding; when he registers the latter, some deeper emotion seems to settle itself in matty's dark eyes, but you can't quite explain what it is. you don't dwell on it - instead, you lean down to kiss your boyfriend's forehead and lay the flowers gently on his bare chest. "bonjour, mon amour. as-tu bien dormi?"

"ok, i understood the first bit," matty replies, his voice gravelly from sleep (quite sexy, if you do say so yourself). "and bonjour to you too, mon petit chou."

"you know you just called me your little cabbage, right?"

"i was trying to call you 'sweetheart'," matty groans, trying to hide his whole face in your palm, presumably to escape mortification. "how do you say that again?"

"chouchou. two of them. you were close! try again, babe."

"nope, my seduction attempt's ruined now," comes the characteristically overdramatic reply, muffled by your hand. "i fucked up my big sexy french-speaking moment, and now you're going to run off with timothee chalamet so he can seduce you with it instead, fucksake."

you snort. "me run off with him? are you sure you're not talking about yourself?"

"i'm not the one who spent a whole afternoon watching videos of him speaking french in interviews non-stop after we watched dune, am i?"

"and i'm not the one who admitted to an interviewer that they had 'interesting feelings' and had a crush on him after call me by your name, am i?"

"but you did, though, didn't you? i bet you did. he's your type, defini-"

"enough about him," you interject, moving your hand over your boyfriend's mouth to prevent hearing his analysis of your type in men, which would inevitably lead to a narcissistic tangent considering matty's, well, the blueprint for it. "do you like the flowers? i picked them for you earlier."

matty looks down at the bouquet of tulips and daisies resting on his chest, eyes softening. "they're beautiful, sweetheart, thank you. what's the occasion?"

he knows full well what the occasion taking place today is, but there's no way that you do.

"just thanking you for bringing me here. and coming to paris with me," you shrug. your head dips bashfully, and matty's heart soars in response; he loves you unconditionally all the time, he really does, but there's just something about seeing you all shy and sweet and blushy that makes his knees weaken. if he was to stand up right now, he knows his legs would simply crumple, and that certainty grows tenfold when you meet his gaze and grin. "wouldn't have gone on this trip without you - everything i wrote in that novel was either for or about you, even before i knew it. so... yeah, they're flowers of gratitude. and love, obvs."

"i love you too," matty smiles, placing the flowers to one side and pulling you into his chest in replacement. "and i'm so - god, i don't even know what to say about being the subject of your writing - honoured? yeah, honoured. this has been the best two weeks of my life, honestly, being here with you."

"i know i said it in paris," you snuggle further into matty, and he kisses your hair. "but i really, really don't want to go home."

"neither do i, sweetheart, but we need to at some point, yeah? mayhem'll be missing us."

"oh, my baby," you sigh wistfully. matty's glad your face is tucked into his chest right now, so you can't see him beaming like an idiot about how much you love his dog. not that you don't know how down bad matty is for you already, but he reckons he should probably try to keep his cool a bit, stay focused, for today of all days. "alright, we can go home. for him only."

matty presses a kiss to your temple, tracing little swirls into your arm. "exactly, babe. we do still have one more night here to focus on, too."

a fucking huge night.

"and on that note, we should probably think about starting to get ready," you peel yourself off your boyfriend - with great reluctance - and stretch, before crawling towards the bottom of the bed (matty makes no attempt to hide his ogling of your bum, mostly bare with the exception of a tiny black thong he's mentally patting himself on the back for buying you) and standing. "will you join me in the shower after you've had your coffee? want you to wash my hair, please."

"of course. will you do mine in return?"

"duh!" you blow matty a kiss. "see you in a bit, lover."

he pretends to catch the kiss and presses it to his heart, which coaxes a giggle and a wink from you before you disappear into the bathroom. holding his quickly-cooling coffee in one hand, periodically taking sips, matty reaches down under his side of the bed to rifle in his carry-on bag, categorising items by texture and bypassing them until he finds the little velvet cube he's looking for.

after downing his cappuccino and setting down the mug, matty does nothing but sit and look at this box for a moment, marvelling at how something so small can hold something significant of one of, if not the biggest commitment he and you could make to each other. but despite the gravitas of the situation, he doesn't feel nervous. here, now, listening to you sing like a virgin as you potter about the ensuite and hissing and swearing at the freezing water temperature when you turn the shower on, there is nothing but love and hope and certainty in his mind; matty wants to marry you, simple as that, and tonight is the perfect night to ask you to do so.

this certainty doesn't diminish at all, either - if anything, matty's decision to propose is only affirmed throughout the day, through everything you do that reminds him how much he loves you. like the way you wordlessly and gently wash his hair for him; your habit of pre-empting what he needs at any given moment simply because you know him so well; the myriad of kisses and compliments and hugs and soft touches you gift him with. the way it takes you twenty minutes to tell a joke because the thought of it made you laugh too hard to talk; how you look at and listen to him intently when he speaks; your incredible insight and way with words turning the most mundane things into the most beautiful, in matty's eyes. speaking of beauty: the way you look right now, sitting opposite him in your new dress; the smile you gave him when he told you in complete earnestness that "you are the most gorgeous person in the known universe. and the unknown, too"; the way your eyes lit up earlier when you recognised the name of the vineyard you're currently sat in, the same name as on the bottles of the wine that you and matty bonded over all those years ago, the same wine that led to you confessing your feelings for each other, and the same wine that you've shared together to celebrate every occasion since then.

the ring has been burning a hole in the front pocket of matty's trousers for hours, desperate to be presented to you and slid onto your recently-manicured (he checked when your nail appointment was before he planned the holiday and proposal, obviously) finger. matty did almost get down on one knee while you were touring the grounds a few hours ago, walking between the rows of grapes, and you made him laugh by unexpectedly calling an obnoxious american man in the same group a "fucking wankstain" under your breath; as soon as he began to shuffle his foot back in kneeling preparation, though, he stopped himself. too eager, healy, she deserves more romance than this.

he could do it right now, and it would work. it's certainly romantic enough - the two of you sat at an outdoor table, illuminated only by moonlight and candlelight respectively, soundtracked by quiet, soft classical piano music, a vintage edition of the wine you love so much being shared between you. it would work, yeah, but it's still not totally right. matty's undeterred, though; he's not sure what's convincing him of this, other than the vague sense of anticipation crackling in the night air, but he knows the perfect moment is nearby. and neither of you are in a rush - the wine is only half-drunk, and another bottle will make its way to the table once that one is gone.

so he'll wait. impatiently, yeah, but he'll do it. the perfect moment will come along, and matty will ask you to be his wife.

you, his wife. perfect, talented, lovely you, currently interrupting his "waiting" reverie by tapping a platform sandaled-foot against his leg and smiling sweetly. "what's going on in that pretty head of yours, hmm?"

"just thinking about you. well, us." not a lie.

you smile shyly, taking a sip of your wine before leaning back in the chair and resting your glass lightly against your chest. reflected candlelight warms your slightly sleepy eyes, locked intently on matty's own. "what about us are you thinking about?"

"everything. us in the future, us now, us in the past." matty pauses for dramatic effect, knowing exactly how you'll react to his next words. "how good an idea i had when i decided to kiss you at that birthday party."

your reaction is just as matty expected - you raise your eyebrows coolly, pointing your index finger at him in warning. "christ, not this again. you know full well it was me who instigated that."

matty laughs. "nope, as i recall, it was all me; you did nothing that night except try to give yourself a nicotine addiction." his face softens before he speaks again, voice quietening to match. "and as much as i think you're insane for constantly trying to take up smoking, i am so glad you walked outside to bother me for a cig that night. i mean, look at where it led us."

putting your wine down, you gaze at matty so lovingly he thinks he might swoon - this is not helped by your next move, leaning across the table to press your lips to his in a gentle but lingering kiss. after you break apart and matty wrestles back control of his brain from you, he takes both of your hands in his own, rubbing his calloused thumbs across your knuckles and the permanent ink stains on the side of your index finger. "you warm enough, darlin'? hands feel a bit cold."

"a little bit, but the wine's helping," you shrug. "i'll be alright, babe."

the goosebumps spreading up your bare arms in the cool breeze suggest otherwise to matty - he quickly rids himself of his suit jacket, standing to settle it on your shoulders. "there we go."

"matty, i'm al-"

"don't be a martyr, baby, please," matty smiles softly at you as he returns to his seat. he gestures to his dress shirt-clad chest. "see? long sleeves. you need the jacket more than i do."

you sigh, then look sheepish. "yeah, that is better, thank you. i'm also gonna... just to try and warm my neck a bit."

sliding an arm out from under his jacket, matty watches as you take the tortoiseshell claw clip from your hair, shaking the wavy tresses out and leaving them to settle around your beautiful face. then, you take a lazy sip of your wine, before setting the glass down and beaming at him, the picture of comfort and contentment. and something in matty's brain just clicks.

of course. of course it would be you who gave matty the perspective he needed - you do it every day, after all. that simple action of taking your hairclip out, one you must do constantly without thinking too much, if anything, about, and the obvious relaxation that followed... that was the key. the perfect moment has been unlocked.

now is the time for matty to ask you to marry him.

it's as if the crackling anticipation in the air has culminated in a lightning strike, like in back to the future - the right energy is coursing through the atmosphere, and matty knows he has to pull a marty mcfly and seize this moment to change the course of his life for the better, before it slips away.

so, in a quick movement sequence punctuated by awestruck gasps from you, matty practically jumps out of his chair and moves to stand beside yours, pulling the ring box out of his pocket and kneeling; only once he's slowly lifted the lid - ironically at about the same speed the DeLorean doors open - does matty look up at you, tears beginning to pool along his lower lashline already. "so, i think you'll have an idea of what i'm doing down here-"

you giggle, sniffling a bit yourself, and nod.

"-but i have a whole speech prepared, and i'd like you to hear it. ok?" another nod from you, which makes matty smile. "right. here goes - fuck, you're so cute."

not how matty had envisioned his proposal to you beginning, but the way you look right now - eyes wet but sparkling, starlight on sea, cheeks lifting in an elated smile despite the way you've pressed your lips together to keep from exclaiming - is too adorable to go unaddressed.

"ok," matty laughs, then shakes his head and inhales deeply. "i know i'm prone to being dramatic, and exaggerating, but when i say that the seven years i've known you have been the best seven years of my life, i'm doing neither. it's the truth, darlin' - especially these last two years, where i've had the privilege to officially love you and be yours, although i've unofficially been doing those things a lot longer. how could i help that, though? you're so beautiful it breaks my heart, but so kind that it heals immediately, and you're unflinchingly loyal to the people you care about, even when they don't make it easy for you." he pauses, briefly, to bite back the sob building in the back of his throat. "you saw me at my absolute worst and you still stuck around. which i am so grateful for, because i really do think you bring out the best in me. and also in the world in general; i am so envious of the way you can turn the most quotidian things into the most stunning, through your perspective and your unparalleled talent with words. to be given insight into your thoughts every day is the second greatest gift in my life, only beaten by the mind-boggling fact that you, for whatever reason, love me. if you'll allow me to be a little bit self-indulgent, i would love to keep both receiving those gifts and being granted the privilege to love you and be yours for the rest of our lives, officially, and also to spend that same amount of time doing whatever i can to make you happy. i love you, sweetheart, so much. will you marry me?"

you're nodding furiously and beginning an ecstatically teary monologue before he's even finished the question. "yes, yes, an infinite number of times, yes. i love you. i can't wait to be your wife. wife! jesus christ. i'm gonna marry you. oh my god. this is insane. i love you so much. thank you."

after your monologue ends, matty stands and gently takes your left hand, bringing it to his lips before sliding the delicate ring onto its designated finger. you both take a moment to admire it, gemstone sparkling almost as much as your eyes in the romantic lighting, before your eyes lock. matty beams at you. "s'perfect."

"it really is," you say, wiggling your hand in different directions before bringing it up to rest on your fiance's (!!!) face. "and so was that speech. you're incredible, healy. i can't wait to share that last name, and forever, with you."

with that, you pull matty's lips onto yours. the kiss is a little bit damp and salty, because of your shared tears, but it's the best kiss you two have ever had. the red wine lingering on your lips makes it seem like the first all over again, to matty. with a jolt, he realises that it kind of is - your first kiss as a couple betrothed.

as the kiss deepens, you pull matty impossibly closer to you, arching your back against the table - at the sound of a loud thud against it, though, you break apart to see your wine glass on its side, the burgundy contents spreading out over the table. you swear, rifling through your handbag for tissues to clean up the spillage; your fiance, in contrast, continues to hold your waist as he laughs at your clumsiness. "maybe we shouldn't have red wine at our wedding. seems like a dangerous game, what with you in white and all, yeah?"

you faux-glare at matty, before giggling and abandoning the spillage. "yeah," you smile, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "we should probably just stick to champagne."

"well, there's our next holiday destination sorted. champagne region. you up for that?"

"honestly," you begin, kissing all over matty's stubbly face before ending with a peck on his lips. "i'd go anywhere with you, my husband-to-be. i love you."

"i love you too, my future wife."

Lilies and Soap

—

"You could consume this scene through me

And assess the same majesty

But you could never know the welfare, the glee

That being in the presence of your beauty throws at me"

- "Share in the View" by Lilies and Soap. Lyrics by A. E. Bridgerton and K. K. Sharma.

—

"Looking good, Lamb!" Anthony whistled obnoxiously at Kate, who was leaving the hair and makeup area of the small studio.

"Come off it. They barely did anything."

"Well, doesn't that make it even more of a compliment?"

"If you were being serious, I suppose it might."

"Oh, but I am."

Kate sighed, exasperated. "Fine. Thank you. So kind of you to say." She curtsied, making Anthony laugh.

A producer walked up to them and pointed toward the camera and chairs setup. "Alright, we're ready for you. If you'll just head over there, we can get started."

Kate nudged Anthony with her shoulder as they walked over. "Nervous?"

"Nah. We've done interviews before."

"First time on camera, though." Kate fiddled with her necklace. Anthony put his hand over hers to still her fingers.

"Then just don't mind the camera, Lamb. It'll be fine."

Kate smiled up at him as a journalist approached them with an outstretched hand.

"Hi! I'm Etta, with MOJO Magazine. So nice to meet you, Anthony, Kate."

After everyone exchanged handshakes, Anthony and Kate were directed to the elevated chairs situated opposite Etta. Anthony helped Kate up into hers.

“Thank you, Tony.”

“Oh,” Etta looked down at her notes as she settled into her chair. “Do you go by ‘Tony’?”

Anthony smirked. “Not generally, no.”

“So, is Tony, like, a family nickname?”

“No, it's, uh… Well," Anthony looked over to his bandmate. "It’s a Kate nickname.”

“Aw, that’s adorable.”

Anthony shrugged. “She's adorable, aren't you, Lamb?” he teased as he tugged on Kate’s hair.

Kate batted his hand away. “Arsehole,” she muttered.

—

Coming soon...ish? (Hopefully, maybe, possibly.)

As a primer, here a playlist to give you an idea of the kind of band Lilies and Soap is.

And here is the list of songs here:

“9 Crimes” by Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan

“Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star

“Colorblind” by Counting Crows

“Relator” by Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

“Stay” by Rihanna and Mikky Ekko

“Dancing On My On” cover by Calum Scott

“Collide” by Tianna Major9 and EARTHGANG

“Higher Love” cover by James Vincent McMorrow

“I Wanna Be Yours” by Arctic Monkeys

“Nicest Thing” by Kate Nash

“broken (acoustic)” by lovelytheband

“Back at Your Door” by Maroon 5

“Wait” by Alexi Murdoch

“Upward Over the Mountain” by Iron & Wine

"Out Loud" by HRVY

“Wanna Be On Your Mind” Valerie June

“Crystalised” by the The xx

"Oh! Sweet Nuthin'" by The Velvet Underground

"Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel

"Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley

"Make Me Feel" by Janelle Monáe 

"Your Baby Ain't Sweet Like Mine" by Carolina Chocolate Drops

"Crash Into You" by Dave Matthews Band

"Wicked Game" Chris Isaak

"Happier (Stripped)" by Marshmello and Bastille

“Little Talks” by Of Monsters and Men

“Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers

“Don’t Hurt Yourself” by Beyonce and Jack White

“To Love Somebody” cover by Ray Lamontagne and Damien Rice

“Ever Fallen In Love” cover by Pete Yorn

“Nothing Better” by Postal Service

"Samson" by Regina Spektor

"Everlasting Light" by The Black Keys

"Amsterdam" by Coldplay

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie

"You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)" by The White Stripes

"Top Yourself (Bluegrass Version)" by The Raconteurs

Interview With a Writer

Thank you @humanpurposes for your time to answer my questions about your amazing story 💜 This is just a continuation of my Interview With a Writer series. You can go to masterlist and read the other amazing, talented, wonderful authors that I have spoken with, getting a BTS of their brilliant minds and their stories on Tumblr and ao3.

Dividers by @saradika 💜

Name: humanpurposes

Story: My Heart Belongs to Daddy

Paring: modern!Aemond x step-daughter

Warnings: 18+, angst, smut, daddy kink, spanking, degradation, questionable relationship dynamics, infidelity, mentions of grief/loss, no underage elements.

So, when did you start writing?

I've always had an interest in stories, whatever form they take, books, films, plays, ideas in my head. Since I was a kid I've loved exploring different creative outlets, writing being one of them.

I think I first really started to realise I was decent at it when I did creative writing at school, it was the one subject I just 'got'. As a teenager I tried writing fanfiction and originals (which were all terrible and never saw the light of day), and to be honest, my interest in writing dwindled while I was doing A Levels and uni.

Then last year, out of nowhere, I managed to finish a one-shot for The Sandman (which I never posted and lost rip). Then House of the Dragon happened, Aemond Targaryen appeared on my screen and the rest is history! So really it's only in the last year I've considered myself 'a writer'.

Where did the plot for My Heart Belongs to Daddy come from?

One thing about me is that I'm highly susceptible to peer pressure, so when people were asking for a part 2, I was like "of course!" ...cut to me sitting in front of my laptop for hours trying to conjure up a plot.

I knew I wanted it to be quite an emotional series, because while hooking up with your mum's boyfriend is a fun gimmick for a one-shot, I really wanted to get deeper into all the dynamics and relationships at play. I knew I wanted Alys to have her moment, I was really adamant that she wasn't going to be a villain, and I had the scene outside the club on New Years Eve in my head. From there, I kinda came up with Aemond's backstory, him having a crush on her when they were younger and harbouring those feelings. It all just kinda fell into place from there.

I have to say as well, it was kind of inspired by Normal People; just two people struggling to navigate their feelings. And I love it because it sounds like such a simple premise, but there are so many complexities to it.

Expand on your interpretation of Aemond. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in MHBTD?

MHBTD Aemond is very much intended to mirror the Aemond we see in the show, minus the dragon and the war crimes.

He's studious, a perfectionist, a very imposing but understated presence. The relationship with his family is very much the same too. He sees himself as more capable than his siblings, is overlooked by his father and overshadowed by Rhaenyra and the Strong boys, so he is very much driven by a want to prove himself and live up to the legacy of his family.

He also takes on the burden of being Alicent's golden child, which he kinda botches when he messes up a contract with Storm's End, and ends up feeling more alienated by the only person who really values him. That's where Alys comes in and gives him a way to escape all of that.

So I really tried to translate his character into a modern setting in a way that would be believable, but I didn't want to lose what makes Aemond Targaryen, "Aemond Targaryen."

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?

Well, this was actually the first reader/nameless character fic I've written. Generally I tend to write original characters for a series. I mean real talk though, a lot of her character is inspired by me, like her interest in history and the love for Lana Del Rey and Mazzy Star, but if you can't self indulge when writing a fanfiction, when can you?

But it was interesting for me trying to write her as someone who is easy to project onto, but also, I hope, has a lot of depth. She has a lot of conflicts going on in her head, her dependence on Aemond and her guilt she feels lying to Alys, knowing pursuing a relationship is wrong, trying to break away, only to be pulled back in... so the more I wrote, the more she became her own person.

What is your take on her relationship with Aemond? Do you feel she complements Aemond?

I think they compliment each other quite well, but there are a lot of things at play here.

So on a basic level, they have similar personalities, not particularly outgoing but not exactly shy either, they both have a quiet confidence. They have similar interests, did similar subjects at uni, that kind of thing.

But I think their differences go together well too. Aemond is ambitious and eager to prove himself, whereas she can be a bit more grounded. There's also an element of codependency to their relationship. True to canon, Aemond likes to be in control and she compliments that well (better than Alys does), and they both have moments where they struggle with loneliness and latch onto each other as a result.

There are a lot of external factors that make the whole situation very very complicated. They suck at communication and obviously, he dated her mother.

But ultimately, they both want each other enough to keep going back. I think it's like that age of question of 'is love enough?'

What was your outline process for this? Did you always know how this story was going to end?

I always write with an end point in mind. For me anyway, I need to know what I'm working towards. In my head it was always going to end with her knowing that while being with Aemond probably isn't the right choice, she does it anyway because she can't say no to him.

And again talking about realism, I really didn't see it having a fairytale ending, because even though they'll be in Oldtown together, they won't be able to hide their relationship from their families forever.

Do you think there will be a sequel? Or something else you are working on next?

As much as I've loved working on this series, I am ready to work on some other stuff.

I have two series which I'm currently updating, a canon era Aemond fic called Karma is a God, and a Tom Bennett mini series called Just for a Moment.

I also have some one-shots in the works and I'm looking to get back to updating an Osferth fic which I started in May and haven't updated since!

That being said... I did have an idea for an epilogue which I'm kinda obsessed with. But we'll see how long it takes me to get round to it 🤭

Last question! Do you have any fanfic recommendations?

That's so hard to just pic one!

I have to shout out my girl Sam @randomdragonfires and her story Invisible String. I love the dynamic she created between Aemond and the reader, only to leave me utterly devastated with the ending! Sam is so talented I love her writing style and the voices she gives the characters, everything she writes is gold.

Also, I feel like I'll never shut up about it but Now I'm Covered In You by @inthedayswhenlandswerefew was just incredible. I cannot tell you how much of a chokehold that fic had on me. The tension, the politics, the drama, the yearning between Aemond and Ivy! I was on the edge of my seat for all 10 Chapters.

I'm obsessed with medieval history, it is literally my perfect fic.

Harry Teardrop- “discolor ”Interview

ニューヨークのアンダーグラウンドで彼は完全に独立した立場を保ちながら、限られたリソースの中で特別なものを生み出している。デビューEP「1000Backyard Pools」ではパワフルで爽快なギターロックと甘くストレートに歌ったリリックが印象的だった。

新曲「Discolor」では自己不信や未来に不安を抱えながらも、自らのアイデンティティや経験、築いてきたもの大事にしながら自分を信じて前に進むことを歌っている。

NewSingleとは別でAmbient Track「May’s always humming something 」が同時リリースされており、 街の音や人の会話、様々な日々の環境音がサウンドに影響を与えている彼の「音」へのこだわりを感じる1曲となっている。

ニューヨークで活動しながらもアジア人としての文化的アイデンティティに誇りを持ち作品に反映されていたり、インターネットを使って積極的に日本のミュージシャンたちと交流があることも興味深かったため　メールインタビューをお願いし今回快く引き受けてくれた。　

Discolor + May’s always humming something- out now★←

Instagram@HarryTeardrop

Twitter@harryteardrop

★新曲のコンセプト、制作、レコーディングについて教しえてください。

この曲では、まずインストルメンタルから始めました。ドラムのプログラミングそれに合わせてギターやベースのパートを書きます。最初は歌詞はありませんでしたが、「Discolor」という言葉だけが頭の中に浮かんでいました。なぜその言葉が潜在意識に浮かんでいるのか、それが私にとって何を意味するのかを考えました。数日間歌詞を書いたり書き直したりしているうちに、「I won't quit even if I'm discolored（変色しても諦めない）」というフレーズが浮かびました。この曲は、自己不信に直面したときに希望を見つけること、そして自分自身の道を辿ることがどれほど困難であってもそれに従うことについての歌です。

★作品作りどのようにして行われますか？

私の創造的なプロセスは非常に散漫です。なぜ何かを作りたいのかはあまり分かりません。ただそれは痒い所に手が届くような感覚。音楽的には、通常はコンピュータ上でアイデアのインストゥルメンタルを作り始めます。しかし、詩を書いたり、映像を作ったり、服を作ったりスプレーを吹いたり、すべては同じ源から生まれています。ただ自分自身に対して正直であることを心がけています。

★新曲「Discolor」のMusicVideoについて教えてください

ロンドン出身の親友であるSoren Harrisonと一緒にビデオを作りました。数か月前、彼がニューヨークに来ると話していたので一緒に作品を作りたいと思いました。私は彼の作品のファンであり、4年以上も前から彼の仕事に魅了されています。Sorenがニューヨークに到着する前日に曲を完成させ、翌日にビデオを撮影しました。　　ほぼ即興で決めて街のお気に入りのスポットを巡りました。その中には、私にとってのニューヨーク最初の思い出の場���である自然史博物館やセントラルパークなどもあります。私には予算はありませんでしたが彼が私と一緒にビデオを作ることに快く協力してくれたことにとても感謝しています。彼は普段、より大きな予算でビデオを制作していますが、私と一緒にDIYで制作ができたこと、それは愛です。

★あなたの音楽的な影響はどのようなものがありますか？

名前を挙げるのは難しいですが、私のお気に入りのアーティストの中にはThe Cribs、Bill Evans、Mazzy Star、Ride、The Replacements、My Bloody Valentineがいます。Oasis、Blink-182、The Strokes、The 1975も聴いて育ちました。

★あなた自身について教えてください

私の母はベトナム出身で、父は中国出身です。兄のGrey（Push Ups）が生まれた直後に、彼らは私が生まれたニューヨークに学校のために引っ越しました。私たちが育つ間に、家族はよく引っ越しをしました。私はニューヨーク、オレゴン州ポートランド、上海、カリフォルニア州オレンジ郡といった場所で育ちました。変わる世界を理解するために、いつも音楽に頼ってきました。6年前、私は学校のためにニューヨークに戻り、"Harry Teardrop"として音楽をリリースし始めました。まだ自分の人生を見つける途中ですが、この地球に存在できることに感謝しています。

★どのようにして音楽のキャリアを始めましたか？

私は5歳のときにドラムを始めました。記憶に残る限り、音楽はずっとそばにありました。11歳か12歳のときに曲を書き始め、高校の時にGaragebandでプロデュースする方法を学び、Soundcloudで本当にひどいデモ音源をリリースしました。18歳のときに "Harry Teardrop"として最初の曲「Chinatown」を発表しました。当時の自分をほとんど認識できないくらいですが、それが私の音楽の本格的なキャリアを築けると愚かにも信じるきっかけとなりました。それにもかかわらず、それに伴う困難があるにせよ、私はそれをうれしく思っています。もし自分を出し切っていなかったら、東京の新しい友人であるあなたとは繋がることはなかったでしょう！

★周りのシーンについてどう感じていますか？他のバンドとのつながりはありますか？

ニューヨークの創造的な人々は常に互いに出会っています。みんながお互いを知っているか、友人の友人を知っているような感じがします。ニューヨークで活躍しているアーティストたちと仲良くしているけれど、特定のシーンに所属しているとは感じません。私はバンドでもなく、電子音楽のアーティストでもありません。その中間にいます。また、アジア系アメリカ人のアーティストでもありますが、それはアメリカで最も多様な都市でも珍しいことです。でも、私は慣れてきた感覚なので、それで構いません。新しいアイデアが毎日交換されている都市に住めていることにただただ幸せです。

★聴いている日本のアーティストはいますか？

たくさんの日本の音楽を聴いています。最近は、新しいCruyffのアルバムがとても好きです。　

私のお気に入りの日本のアーティストには、スーパーカー、ART-SCHOOL、Number Girl、m-flo、Strawberry Machine、くるり、宮谷大輔、原神玲がいます。

★あなたとSATOH（LINNA FIGG/Kyazm）はInstagramでお互いをフォローしていますね。どのように知り合いましたか？

@SATOH←

SATOHが大好きです！彼らは私にとってとてもクールです。どうやって知り合ったかは覚えていませんが、多分lil soft tennisを通じてだったと思います。彼らの音楽がどれだけ本物に感じるか、私は大ファンです。最近、LINNA FIGGとはビデオ通話をしましたが、彼の英語の上手さに驚きました！私は本当は日本語を学びたいと思っていますが、東京では多くの人が英語を話すので便利です。今年の後半には一緒に東京でショーをする予定です。

私は実際に会ったことはありませんが、DYGLやSATOH、Lil Soft Tennis / Heaven、JUBEEなど、いくつかの日本のミュージシャンを知っています。そこに行けばたくさんの友達ができるだろうと思っています。その考えだけでとてもワクワクします。私は日本に行った際にはパーティーでDJをしたいと本当に思っています。

★2023年の現在の/夢の目標は何ですか？

2023年のメインの目標は、秋にデビューアルバム「Inbetween Webs」をリリースし、記憶に残る映像と共に提供することです。また、ロンドンと東京でショーを行いたいとも思っています。しかし、大局を見れば、私は人々にインスピレーションを与えたいし、大きな窓のある自分の家に住み、猫と妻、将来は子供も欲しいです。それまでは、手に入るすべての勝利を受け入れます。

★あなたの音楽の魅力は、日本で話題となり、多くの熱狂的なファンがいます。日本のファンへのメッセージはありますか？

それは本当に信じられないことです！音楽の大きな要素の一つは文化的アイデンティティです。私がアジア人であるため、日本の人々は私をそのまま受け入れてくれるので、時にはここアメリカよりも日本の人々により理解されていると感じることがあります。私の母も90年代に日本で英語の先生をしていたので、私は日本の文化への愛を育んできました。年を重ねるごとにその愛はますます深まり、お気に入りのアーティストたちを発見しました。日本に行って、思いっきりパーティーを楽しみたいです！

_______________________________________________

【English 】↓

★Please tell me about the concept, production and recording of the new single .

Thank you! I'm so happy it resonates with you. For this song, I started with the instrumental. I usually start with programming the drums on my computer and then write the guitar/bass parts over that. I didn't have any lyrics at first but I had just the word, "Discolor". I thought hard about why that word was floating around in my subconscious -- what it means to me. After a few days of writing and re-writing the lyrics, I wrote the line "I won't quit even if I'm discolored". To me, the song is about finding hope in the face of self-doubt. It's also about following your own path, as challenging as that may be.

★what does your creative process ?

My creative process is so scattered. I never really know why I want to make something. It just feels like an itch that I need to scratch. Musically, it usually starts with making an instrumental idea on my computer. But I also write poetry, make visuals, sometimes make clothes or spraypaint-- it all comes from the same place. I just try my best to be honest with what I'm doing.

★Can you tell me about your new music video?

I made the video with my good friend Soren Harrison, who's from London. A few months ago he told me he was going to be in New York. I knew I wanted to make a video with him because I've been a fan of his work for over 4 years now. I actually finished the song the day before he flew into New York and then we shot the video the day after. It was all so spontaneous, just going around my favorite spots in the city. Some of them are places where my first memories were formed like the Natural History Museum and Central Park. As with pretty much everything I do, there was no budget. I'm so grateful he was willing to DIY it with me because he usually makes videos with way bigger budgets. That's love.

★who are your musical influences?

I have too many to name but a few of my favorite artists are The Cribs, Bill Evans, Mazzy Star, Ride, The Replacements, and My Bloody Valentine.

Growing up though it was Oasis, Blink-182, The Strokes, probably The 1975 too.

★can you tell me about your personal history?

My mom is from Vietnam, my dad is from China. Right after they had my brother Grey (Push Ups), they moved to NYC for school where I was born. Our family moved around a lot when Grey and I were growing up. I grew up split between NYC, Portland, Oregon, Shanghai, and Orange County, California. Somehow we always turned to music to make sense of our changing world. 6 years ago, I moved back to NYC for school and started releasing music as "Harry Teardrop". I'm still figuring out my life with each new day but I just feel grateful to be here on this earth.

★how did you start your music career?

I started playing drums when I was 5 years old. Music has been around as long as I can remember. I started writing songs when I was 11 or 12 and then learned how to produce on Garageband when I was in high school, releasing really shitty demos on Soundcloud. I put out my first song as "Harry Teardrop", "Chinatown" when I was 18 and even though I barely recognize the person I was back then, it led me to foolishly believe I could make a real career out of my music. I'm glad it did, despite the challenges that come with it. If I had never put myself out there, I would never be connecting with you, my new friend in Tokyo!

★how do you feel about the scenes around you ?

Do you have any connections with other bands?

Creative people in New York are always bumping into each other. I feel like everyone knows each other or knows a friend of a friend. Even though I'm friendly with so many artists coming out of New York right now, I don't feel like I'm part of any particular scene. I'm not a band, nor am I an electronic artist. I'm somewhere in between. I'm also an Asian American artist which is rare, even in the most diverse city in America. That's how I've been my whole life though so I'm used to that feeling. I'm just happy I get to live in a city where new ideas are being exchanged every day.

★Are there any Japanese artists you listen to ?

Yes! I listen to a lot of Japanese music. Most recently, I've been really loving that new Cruyff album. Some of my favorite Japanese artists are Supercar, ART-SCHOOL, Number Girl, m-flo, Strawberry Machine, Quruli, Daisuke Miyatani, and Rei Harakami.

★You and SATOH(LINNA FIGG/Kyazm) follow on Instagram each other. How did you get to know each other?

I love SATOH! They're so cool to me. I don't remember how we found each other, maybe through lil soft tennis. But I'm a big fan of how genuine their music feels. Linna figg and I had a facetime call recently, I was surprised by how good his English is! I really want to learn Japanese but it's convenient that a lot of people in Tokyo speak English. We're working on playing a show together in Tokyo later this year. I'm just trying to find a sponsor to fly me out there, so if you know of any brands that would be interested, let me know!

★Are there any other Japanese musicians you are close with?

I've never met any of them in person but I know DYGL, SATOH, Lil Soft Tennis / Heaven, and JUBEE, to name a few. I know once I go out there I'll make so many friends. Just the thought is so exciting to me. I really want to DJ a party while I'm out there too.

★What are your current/dream goals for the upcoming ?

My main goal for 2023 is to release my debut album "Inbetween Webs" in the fall accompanied by memorable visuals. I also want to play shows in London and Tokyo. In the grand scheme of things though, I just want to inspire people, have my own house with huge windows, and have a cat, a wife, maybe kids someday. Until then, I'll take every win I can get.

★ The appeal of your music is a hot topic in Japan, and you have many passionate fans. Do you have a message for your Japanese fans?

That's so crazy to me! Such a big part of music is the cultural identity aspect. Sometimes I feel more understood by people in Japan than even here in the US because I'm Asian so they can see me for who I am. My mom was also an English teacher in Japan in the 90s, so I grew up with a love for Japanese culture. That love has only grown as I've gotten older and discovered my favorite artists from there. I can't wait to come out there and party my brains out hahaha.

AN INTERVIEW WITH JACKIE COHEN by Isaiah Mock for WHIPLASH MAGAZINE

(Top row: cover art from Jackie Cohen’s solo EPs About Yesterday and Give It Time. Bottom row: cover art of one of Stunts’ EPs “Leaning Backward” and their most recent release, “Didn’t See That Coming”.)

Jackson Cohen, better known as Jackie, is the frontwoman of one of alternative’s underdog up-and-coming bands Stunts. She tells me before she’s even sat down that she never expected to be where she is today. “I know a lot of people say that kind of thing under these circumstances, but I mean it in every sense.”

We discuss the obvious first; how the element of surprise, virality, and speed affects the path and struggles of becoming a public figure. But the singer feels that the "unexpected" sentiment she holds is even more relevant to her and the band's evolution since highschool. "I don't think our music is what we imagined it'd be at all, but we're pretty in love with it. That's a good thing!"

Cohen’s earliest works, both solo and collaborative with various members of Stunts, (past and present) are a far cry from what you’ve most likely heard from her today. Psychedelic pop, sweet and swooning, are accurate descriptors—sometimes even synthesized.

All of those elements are still found in Stunts’ recent projects, but the trajectory of their music has undoubtedly shifted into something heavier. Not darker, but in the literal way, with more weight. Post-punk and rock influences are obvious, especially in lyricism. There’s an air of confidence and lived experience that wasn’t present before. The singer names Jeff Buckley, Slowdive, The Smashing Pumpkins, and The Cure, as just a snippet of her and her bandmate's inspirations. “Y’know, I think—doesn’t everybody want to be someone else a little bit?” She smiles with some humor at the thought, but it’s clear she believes it.

“About Yesterday”, Cohen’s first EP, can be found scattered in many corners of the internet, (not on any formal streaming platforms, as it is rife with uncleared samples) where it’s often named as a favorite by indie popheads from all backgrounds. She made it in her basement with the help of her older brother and a few of his musician friends. “Realizing your older siblings are cool is a tough pill to swallow,” she jokes. “But at some point or another, they realize you’re kind of cool too, and that opens up a whole new world of opportunity. He [Jackie's brother] definitely encouraged my, um, my—penchant for music? That feels dorky to say."

“Artists like Imogen Heap, TV Girl, Mazzy Star; I looked up to them for sure while making that, [About Yesterday] and most of my other stuff too, to be honest. I think it was comfortable and fun to work in that style. I was able to express myself how I needed to at that time, and I still am, it just sounds hugely different from when I was 16.”

I ask her how that change in sound, as vague as that is, came to be. Does she attribute it to anything specific, or feel like it was a natural progression?

"Working as a team, probably? That will always yield different results and force you to "evolve" in some way or another. I was doing the band and my own thing at the same time, [in highschool] though, so if I came up with something I knew wouldn’t fit with Stunts, I could still take it somewhere else if I really wanted to. But I think meeting my friends, my bandmates, that was a really big part of the shift. Probably the biggest. They all have their own unique tastes and styles in what they consume and create. I grew up going to shows, but they have taken me to probably hundreds more at this point, and shown me stuff I wouldn't find on my own. They’re so versatile as musicians and artists, they’re always open to trying all these different things, but they don’t lose their standards or vision in the process. Ever. Um, they’re the best. Sorry—I’m rambling," she laughs. "Does that answer that question at all?”

Not even minutes later, we've bounced through several different subjects, Jackie sometimes asking me more questions than I can ask her. When I had reached out for an interview, she eagerly accepted the opportunity and invited me to come to her apartment rather than my initially suggested café. "Coffee shops can get so fucking loud!" She had emailed me.

We're still in her living room, which also serves as a makeshift studio. (She clarifies: "None of the real recording happens here, I think I would've been evicted by now if that were the case.") The space is small and full, but well organized. There's a few photos framed on her desk-side wall above her monitor, a handful of them I recognize as cover art. I ask her if there's any story behind them.

"Oh—ha, I was really into film in highschool. I still am, I just don't have as much time or opportunities for it right now. But yeah, some of the photos I've used for cover art are mine. Some are just ones I dug up from my parent's basement." She follows my gaze, which lingers on one cover that has been an object of speculation since it's release. "Give It Time."

I glance back at her, understanding if she doesn't want to elaborate on it. Most fans believe it's a photo of her and Seven Lawless, her ex-bandmate and ex-boyfriend, (who, at the time of the EP's release, were both in Stunts but their relationship was not yet public.) but the pixelated editing has left it fairly ambiguous. There are other plausible theories floating online about who it could be.

When I had first arrived at her door, she told me: "I'm an open book with most things, as long as you don't have bad intentions." And I'm not in the business of prying into subjects like that for anyone I interview—but she smiles at me warmly when she realizes what's caught my eye.

"I didn't take that one actually. It's still one of my favorites, though."

There's a comfortable lull in the conversation while I continue to examine the wall, until I point to one that looks only slightly out of place among the rest. There's about five people (you can probably guess who) squished into the frame, all half-dressed and soaking wet with wild grins plastered onto their faces.

She immediately bursts into a fit of laughter. "Okay, maybe not that one. My manager might kill me."

Stream "Didn't See That Coming" here.

☆☆☆

This is the first part of a pre-BOTB interview miniseries about my @infamous-if OC, Jackie Cohen. Whiplash Magazine is local to her home county's music scene but a lot of their audience is spread out online too. :)

The album cover edits were inspired by @spider-actual’s edits for their Infamous band Shelter In Place, go check them out they are so cool !!!

Original sources of the photos used for album art: About Yesterday / Give It Time / Leaning Backward / Didn't See That Coming

interview music tag game

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) xx

@serethereal & @boydykepdf thank you for the tag xo

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

some say day-dreaming is for all the lazy-minded fools with nothing else to do

may this be love - jimi hendrix

2. What kind of [libra] are you?

i am human and i need to be loved

how soon is now? - the smiths

3. You're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

tonight i think i'll walk alone i'll find my soul as i go home

temptation - new order

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

i've been let down

I've been let down - mazzy star

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

psycho-delicate girl

because you're young - david bowie

6. What would you say about your best friends?

where have you been? if you go i will surely die

hey - the pixies

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

this kind of experience is necessary for her learning

baby's on fire - brian eno

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

i am tired, i am weary i could sleep for a thousand years

venus in furs - the velvet underground

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

there's a world thats waiting for you i'm down if you want to go out

nice out - kilo kish

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

now i don't hardly know her

crimson and clover - tommy james and the shondells

tagging @pomegranate-pill @steelycunt @shipsnsails @fastasyoucan1999 @pancakehouse @bone-machine

interview tag game !!

rules: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) xx thank you for tagging me @serethereal luv u sooooooo bad ser<333

first off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence ? "if you don't have a date, celebrate / go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing / cause it's just what you must do and nobody does it anymore" waltz (better than fine) - fiona apple

2. what kind of [virgo] are you ? "everybody seems to think i'm lazy / i don't mind i think they're crazy / running everywhere at such a speed / til they find there's no need" i'm only sleeping - the beatles

3. you're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about ? "we took a walk last night but it wasn't the same / we had a fight on the promenade out in the rain" jenny was a friend of mine - the killers

4. if your life was a movie what do you think the first review would be of it ? "the boys get lonely after you leave" chelsea dagger - the frattelis

5. say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir ? "there's a ship that sails by my window" blue light - mazzy star

6. what would you say about your best friends ? "it's been a long hard twenty year summer vacation / both these twenty years tryna fill the void" crack baby - mitski

7. think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school i did not what was your motto as a teenager ? "i know it's sad that i never gave a damn about the weather and it never gave a damn about me" do you know what i'm seeing ? (alternate version) - panic! at the disco

8. describe your aesthetic now "love songs on the radio / your sweetheart lies in bed / she's dreaming of the things you said / she's hoping that it's meant" love songs on the radio - mojave 3

9. what's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy ? "that road that you've been taking home forever / that'll be the same road that i take when i depart / those charcoal veins that hold this chosen land together / may twist and turn but somewhere deep there is a heart" playing with fire - brandon flowers

10. and for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be? "pools of sorrow / waves of joy are drifting through my open mind / possessing and caressing me" across the universe - fiona apple

tagging: @delusioner @seroquel @jonismitchell @youngestdaughtersyndrome @mermaidteeth and uhhhh anyone else that wants to join<3333

Suede #17: Independent Venue Week/BBC 6music, Stereo, Glasgow

I don't know how every single Suede show manages to be more special than the last but show diary under the read more

Left home immediately after my shift on Thursday night and headed up to Glasgow to stay with Jason. We caught up and watched Four In Bed, before I left him at 8:15 the next morning to get to Stereo. I arrived at the venue at 9:00, 11 hours before doors, and sat on the steps with breakfast and a book. A couple of friends joined within an hour and by lunchtime there were a dozen of us catching up outside. We had a lovely (if garlicky) lunch in the venue café, saw the band arrive and Steve Lamacq interviewing Brett and Mat at one end of the café. Then back outside to queue for the show, a bit of standard-issue drama but they let me in first and I got a barrier spot just off centre towards Richard. The support act were nice, an acoustic duo with a Mazzy Star sort of vibe to them. Eventually, Suede. Opening with That Boy On The Stage and Personality Disorder, Brett was leaping and yelling and squealing from the beginning. Song three was The Drowners and off he went into the crowd so I thought I wouldn't see him but he came back to the barrier for the end to offer me an unforgettable moment. Stood on the barrier step in front of me, he turned to me and leaned in, singing the 'you're taking me over, oh' outro line until our faces were so close that there was just room for his microphone between us. I put my arms around him and he hugged me, pressing his face against mine, cheek to cheek. It was utterly bizarre, unreal, even writing it now I feel like I'm conjuring up fan-fiction. The rest of the set is a blur of songs old and new, Brett not out on the barrier again for a while but the stage close enough for him to hold my hand from there during Snowblind and Metal Mickey. They didn't play anything super rare but there were a lot of sound/tech issues that Brett had to keep pestering Neil about, and he just couldn't get his acoustic Wild Ones off the ground and had to give up. He remained cheerful though which was nice because sometimes tech issues put him in a mood and throw off the gig. At the end during Beautiful Ones he made his way along the barrier again, singing 'shaking their tits to the hits' to me at the start and clamping a hand around my wrist towards the end. They closed with New Generation which I didn't expect but love so overall a great set (although I missed The Only Way I Can Love You). After the show the band left for their hotel immediately so after a break for food we went back into the bar for the afterparty, which was Suede/indie/Britpop. We danced to Suede and the other good stuff, and protested Blur, until 3am. After 5 hours sleep I had to check out of the hotel but met back up with everyone who had stayed over to say goodbyes and do a bit of wandering/shopping in the city, eventually heading back home once everyone else was off to the airport. Aside from a fight in the bus depot the trip home was uneventful, just trying to stay awake on each leg of the journey until I was home in my pyjamas reflecting. My wish for Suede shows in 2023 was to capture Brett's attention enough for him to hug me when he was mingling with the crowd and I seem to somehow have surpassed that on night one so I'm so excited to see what the rest of the year has in store ❤

Ethel Cain - Preacher’s Daughter

(Singer/Songwriter, Gothic Country, Americana)

Hayden Anhedönia's debut album under the Ethel Cain name is a breathtaking piece of modern Americana, placing her as one of the most heartfelt and visceral songwriters of our time. Preacher's Daughter is a long, uncompromising album that utilizes every second to Anhedönia's advantage, telling the story of Ethel Cain with its many traumas, beauties and horrors with the gravity and respect it completely deserves.

☆☆☆☆☆

Ethel Cain is dead. The character Hayden Anhedönia's music has revolved around since she conceptualized the character back in high school is murdered in the four-minute instrumental piece August Underground, her abusive partner chasing her relentlessly through the forest before finally catching and killing her in cold blood, mangled vocal loops and Grouper-esque ambiance soaked in blood and buried in distortion. Knowing that, listening to Preacher's Daughter requires the same kind of empathy and respect we give to the dead, to treat the album as the last words of a woman who will never return to Anhedönia's music the same way again. Now, Anhedönia's music is chiefly about her own experiences: her time spent as a kid deeply entrenched in a Southern Baptist church in the humid heat of Perry, Florida, her experiences coming out and being ostracized from that community while maintaining some of her connection to it to this day, the abuse and violence and repression inherent to many of its values, but she uses Ethel Cain (I'll be referring to Anhedönia and Cain as separate individuals to make it easier to tell when I'm discussing the artist herself and the events that happen to Ethel Cain the character throughout the album) as a vessel for her experiences to be run through ("She is the mirrored version of what my life would be like if I chose not to get better,” Anhedönia said in a May interview with Billboard), the resulting music exploring the darkest and most visceral parts of her mind and her history. From all that, it's no surprise that Preacher's Daughter is a massive album: thirteen long and dense ballads - only three of the album's songs are less than four minutes and two of those are instrumental interludes - but Anhedönia uses this hour and fifteen minutes to her complete advantage, creating an immersive and truly frightening world where every instance of Cain's self-determination and potential happiness is defied by fate, be it God himself or the people in her life who took every chance to make it worse for her. But simultaneously, it is an album of genuine grace and beauty, taking all of Anhedönia's influences from 90's Christian synthpop to Mazzy Star and Def Leppard and bringing them together for an all-American masterpiece, Preacher's Daughter primed for full dissection and analysis while packing so many ideas into it that it's difficult to even figure out where to start. But just like the characters within Anhedönia's music, that's part of the point - you're never going to get a simple answer from her. Now, Anhedönia makes that analysis project a bit easier by splitting the album up into two separate acts, the first running from Family Tree (Intro) to the chilly banjo waltz Hard Times, and the second from ten-minute centerpiece Thoroughfare all the way to the final track Strangers, and while talking about the album in chronological order might seem the most logical way to go about things, I've never enjoyed writing that way and find it much more interesting to first touch on the way Anhedönia makes her songs. She's oft been compared to similarly gothic artists with an strong writing arm and America-centric writing style - think Lana Del Rey or Lingua Ignota - but where Lana Del Rey's music grounds itself by embracing the romanticized vision of America everyone grows up with while subtly subverting its expectations, and Lingua Ignota's vicious neoclassical/industrial blends brings out the darkness and anger she has towards the world and the people who abused her, Anhedönia's work is much more comparable to the works of writers like Flannery O'Connor or the mid-90s work of Lisa Germano, more reliant on concepts and characters and the ideas of what we are owed and the ways in which we are both accepted and rejected by the world around us at once. Combine this with the less than approachable design of Preacher's Daughter's songs, and makes the album feel more cinematic and immersive than near any other album to come out this year, Anhedönia fully rejecting the idea of Ethel Cain as a tortured pop songstress that arose after the release of her Inbred EP back in April of last year. Kicking off the release cycle for Preacher's Daughter with Gibson Girl, a languid and doomy blues rock jam about sexual dynamics and substance abuse as Cain is pimped out and hooked on drugs, immediately made it clear that Anhedönia wasn't fucking around when she said she was sick of being called a pop star. With the rest of Preacher's Daughter now out to the world, it's no surprise that Anhedönia's done everything possible to stray away from the expectations others have put on her, releasing an album that is unashamedly dark, instrumentally gorgeous, and lyrically powerful like few other artists out there. Getting into the acts of Preacher's Daughter, the first is the more adventurous of the two as it begins to build Cain's backstory and establish many of the themes the album carries forward through the rest of the songs. After the terrific Family Tree (Intro) where Anhedönia finds religion following her every step and hints as Cain's eventual death (Jesus can always reject his father / But he cannot escape his mother's blood / He'll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers / But he'll never escape what he's made up of" is one of this year's best verses, full stop), the heartland rocker and final album single American Teenager appears, bringing back Anhedönia's pop sound one single time to show that she's still an absolute boss in that part of her world while not sacrificing the depth in her writing, detailing many of the ideas the rest of Preacher's Daughter develops on - losing faith as you grow up ("Putting too much faith in the make-believe / And another high school football team), dying for a country that didn't care much about you in the first place ("The neighbor's brother came home in a box / But he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault / Another red heart taken by the American dream"), begging to find salvation in Jesus to no avail ("And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room / With you?") - and with that the rest of the album begins to reveal itself. While all these songs are long, gloomy ballads whose shape is often quite predictable and commonplace for music in this style, that doesn't mean Anhedönia doesn't do a fantastic job with it: the swirling piano progression on Western Nights that rings out like they're playing in the darkness of a midnight gathering as Cain devotes herself to a troubled man ("I’d hold the gun if you asked me to / But if you love me like you say you do / Would you ask me to," the way Hard Times uses the country ambiance of insects and electricity to give Anhedönia all the space she needs to recount the sexual abused Cain suffered at her father's hands ("In the corner / On my birthday / You watched me / Dancing right there in the grass / I was too young / To notice / That some typеs of love could be bad") over reverb-coated banjo that makes for a perfect and heartbreaking end to the first half of Preacher's Daughter, how Family Tree utilize a more post-rock inspired build to show the intensity, fear and excitement that comes with the rigid expectations put on both Anhedönia and Cain by religion; despite these stories been incredibly tough to listen to at times, Anhedönia's musicality ensures that these songs always have something more to them. The crown jewel of the first act, A House In Nebraska, has been around for quite a few years now, but on Preacher's Daughter it serves a whole new purpose, Cain devastated over a lost relationship and visiting the abandoned home they imagined was theirs, Cain using Nebraska as her beacon of potential freedom from everything the world's thrown at her before a cathartic electric guitar solo shines like tormented sunlight before burning out, just like the romance Cain had with the man she would do anything to get back ("And it hurts to miss you / But it's worse to know / That I'm the reason / You won't come home"). Rarely is an album able to be this uncompromising with its form and maintain such a stunning level of thoughtfulness and care, let alone the first half of an album, but here Anhedönia does it with ease, proving Preacher's Daughter's self-produced nature was absolutely the right move for her, nobody able to get in the way of her goals as an artist here. The second side of Preacher's Daughter, in comparison, is much darker and colder, slowly approaching the end of Cain's life and bringing out some of the richest textures and atmospheres on the entire album. The ten-minute centerpiece Thoroughfare is such a red herring with its songwriting and sound, opening with breathable acoustic guitar as Cain finds a new love out on the road and travels with him to the coast, the chance for a new lease on life found in the beautiful and slow instrumental build as Anhedönia holds back the climax as long as she can, the explosive blues guitar solo over dark backing chords feels like the one true moment of celebration on the entirety of Preacher's Daughter - hell, she even throws in a fun little jam band session the last two minutes of the track with hand drums and soft electric guitar as Anhedönia quietly scats on top of it all, it's the peak of her storytelling that helps make the rest of the album click if you didn't quite understand why it was designed that way beforehand. But, as things always seem to go for Cain, this love doesn't last for long: when she does reach California with her new love, all that romance and acceptance she thought was there all turned out to be a lie, the three-song trilogy of Gibson Girl, Ptolemaea, and August Underground, Cain's last moments on Earth before her untimely demise. Out of the three, Ptolemaea is the clear winner, the album's best song by far with its incredibly unnerving spoken-word passage and heartbeat-like drugs, as if you're in Cain's mind while she's under the effects of whatever her lover's got her hooked on, but under the effect of those drugs she finally confronts the darkness, and it is not pretty in the slightest. It is one of the most tense, blood-curdling, horrifying songs I have ever heard, every moment of the song building up to a brutal scream that sounds like it could have come out of an exorcism before falling into huge, slimy doom metal guitars before closing out in a pool of distortion and a prayer. It is like absolutely nothing else you will hear this year, and sandwiched in between the sensual Gibson Girl and anxious ambient piece August Underground it works even better. From there, Anhedönia closes the album out in the afterlife, another instrumental piece Televangelism absolutely heavenly even when bits of distortion and pitch shifting begin to contort Cain's ascent to Heaven, but things aren't any easier for her up there. On Sun Bleached Flies, she reflects on everything that happened in her life, a glorious seven minutes that once again subvert expectations as Cain closes the song out still wanting to return to the man who first showed her what love could be in A House in Nebraska, and in the final track Strangers, she says goodbye to her mother one final time as the man who murdered her decides to cannibalize her, one more wrong done to Cain as she consoles her mother through Anhedönia's use of traditional afterlife imagery makes for a truly touching end to this chapter of the Ethel Cain story ("Don't worry about me and these green eyes / Mama, just know that I love you (I do) / And I'll see you when you get here"). Combined with the majesty of the album's first act, the 75 minutes of Preacher's Daughter are so well done and utterly spellbinding that you can feel every moment of Cain's life along with her, the closest any album this year has gotten to making your world one with the music. Preacher's Daughter is an album that could be talked about for so much longer than this - it feels like an album primed for the kind of in-depth discussions and thematic analysis you'd get in a college class - but the best thing you can get out of the album is a connection to Ethel Cain and Anhedönia's music that is truly unforgettable. Anhedönia doesn't hold anything back here, and if you can get yourself in sync with the unusual structures and sound of Preacher's Daughter, lean heavily into the songwriting and let these dreamy ballads take you into Cain's chilling Americana story, it's such a sublime listen that you only want to know what's next for Cain and her family when the album ends. Anhedönia's still connected with her family - she's stated she's shared the album with her mother and is very open and empathetic to the ways in which the generations before her were hurt and shaped the same ways she was in their hands - but never softens any of Preacher's Daughter's blows because of that, completely taking the power back into her own hands and used her music to tell the story of someone she could have been if things were only a little bit different. In every note, in every verse, in every breath, you can hear how much Preacher's Daughter means to her, how the years spent making this album kept her alive and what it means to her now that the rest of the world can experience it, too. Recently, Anhedönia said "I’m in a much more positive place in my life now because I was able to kind of exorcise these feelings into this record." With how much power and passion is behind these 13 magnificent songs, I believe her every word.

HELLO ROCK N ROLL KITTY! (Vol.2): MAZZY STAR & HOPE SANDOVAL [Update August, 2022: This is a post I originally put on Tumblr in 2016. I'm re-posting it again today, six years later, Aug. 21. 2022 (updated to include some newer info) because it disappeared from my Tumblr account along with all my other previous content I'd posted to Tummblr. In the last few days, I logged into my Twitter account for the first time in years and discovered Twitter must have wiped it clean of content, followers and following.  It looked like a brand new account showing no activity, no content, no nuthin'. Did Tumblr do this 'cause I was inactive for so long? Hm. At least the account was allowed to exist, even if it had been reduced to nothingness! I had visited others' Tumblr pages occasionally but had not logged into my own for a very long time. I became active instead at fan groups on Facebook and elsewwhere and on my own you tube channel] ..................................................................................... This is a post on on Mazzy Star’s Hope Sandoval & David Roback as a cat appreciators. (Vol. 1 focuses on Dum Dum Girls’ Dee Dee Penny (now known as Kristin Kontrol) as a cat person). Mazzy Star’s / Hope Sandoval’s “totem animal” seems to be the cat as there are at least nine examples of cat image themes appearing in album art, merch, & music videos. Hope also meows her way, cat like, through a song, her guest duet on JAMC’s song “Perfume,” (a song whose lyrics only make sense when one knows the history of Chanel No. 5 perfume, & how the company became more responsible by ceasing to use in the making of its perfume musk taken from musk glands of the endangered wild civet cat). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pMPb6ifZ5c  . Plus, Hope’s been known to send letters on stationery with cat images printed on the paper, & sometimes signs autographs accompanied by cat cartoons she draws.

The photos are:

1) Hope Sandoval in L.A., 1993. Photo by Stefan De Batselier.

2) Cat imagery album artwork from Mazzy Star’s 1990 album, “She Hangs Brightly”, in yellow and black

3) Mazzy Star red and black tee shirt official merch design with cat image theme.

4) Mazzy Star black and white tote bag official merch design with cat theme.

5) & 6): Front and inside covers of Mazzy Star’s 2013 album, “Seasons of Your Day” with cat themes. [The album’s credits say: “Artwork: Mazzy Star, Barry Bodeker”]

7) Hope’s autograph accompanied by a cat cartoon she drew for a fan, Juan, after Mazzy Star’s Wiltern Theatre, L.A. gig, Nov. 7, 2013.

8) & 9): Two Black and white Screen capture pics of  two cats with different colourings that appear in Mazzy Star’s official video for the song “I’m Less Here,” released April, 2014. The cat on the left roams around in the video. The one on the right David is shown petting. The video’s on yt here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmQhNp5rr3Q The cat on the left roaming is Hope's own cat Herman, I believe who she's named in an interview. In the video, the colours of the cat on the left have been reversed like in an old photo negative.

10) Screen capture (orange toned) from the official video for the single”Isn’t It True,” by Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions, released April, 2016. It shows silhouettes of hands reaching out to two cats.

11) Black & white screen capture, close up of a cat’s face from a mysterious video from Hope’s tendriltales.com site, 2016, a video which also has some shots of Hope. There's good reason to believe the cat is Hope's cat Herman she has mentioned by name in an interview. In the video, the colours of the cat have been reversed like an old photo negative

12) Official post from Mazzy Star’s official Facebook page, Aug. 2016 re. the then forthcoming single “Let Me Get There,” by Hope Sandoval and The Warm Inventions with a cat them in its message which I’m going to guess Hope likely wrote.

13) Happy Halloween! At long last, a pic turns up of Hope with a cat! This pic was posted by Mazzy Star to their own official Facebook page, Oct. 31, 2016. Meow-wow. It must be Hope holding her cat Herman.

14) A picture of my own two cats as Mazzy Star cats (R.I.P. "Coco", the black one. The other, "Monkey" is still with me)

-References to Hope’s own cats, or cats she knows have appeared in a few articles over the years, most amusingly in a Sept., 2013 SPIN mag interview where she & Colm O’Ciosoig speak jokingly about a cat “Herman” but without letting on to the leg-pulled interviewer “Herman” is a cat, not a person! http://www.spin.com/articles/mazzy-star-seasons-of-your-day-interview/

A helpful SPIN reader in comments ID-ed the mysterious “Herman” as a cat, which fits with what Hope & Colm say about him. I see the current posting of the article no longer has any comments attached. So, I’ll leave a new one there with the “Herman” info restored that someone else originally supplied.

-Hope mentions cats in lyrics in at least one of her own songs, “Suzanne,” by Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions. The lyrics line is: “The cats in here are overflowin’ “

- There’s a 50 min. audio interview from 2013 with Hope & David I’ve upped to yt here: http://youtu.be/TJaFHGAEFiE  with a section (starting at the 30:16 mark) where they talk about cats, & it’s evident from it both are cat appreciators. At one point in the interview Hope says “I wish I could see a cat right now.”

-There’s a Rome radio interview & performance by David from 1988 (when Hope-era Opal was touring Europe) where he sings a song with amusingly odd sounding cat lyrics: “Sad and insane, Cat’s in the rain.” (Huh, David?). I’ve upped it to yt here: http://youtu.be/NL5mzjwyWNc It turns out it’s an Opal song called “A Falling Star” originally from the Opal era when Kendra Smith was still singer, but  with new lyrics. Hope sang the new version with cat lyrics on the 1988 Opal tour after she became Opal’s singer.

-Here’s a passage from an Oct., 1996 Alternative Press article: QUOTE: “We pile into William’s [William Reid of JAMC, Hope’s bf of the time] compact car. He drives us to his and Hope’s place so she can get her notebook of lyrics [before they go to the studio for a Mazzy Star rehearsal for an upcoming tour]. At the house, David goes to the back garden to pet William’s cat. He speaks of his love of animals, nature and the beauty of Cambridge (where Syd Barrett lives, he notes).“

-In an October, 1993 Melody Maker interview, David recalls first encountering Hope at 1980s L.A. rock shows as “Just a set of eyes, like a cat” !

-Cat  passage from 2002, Jan. 3 Rolling Stone Hope article/interview: “Hope sits at home in Berkeley while her cat meows over the phone even louder than she is able to speak.”

-Cat passages from 2002, August, L.A. Press Telegram Hope article/interview: “It becomes apparent that Mazzy Star lead singer Hope Sandoval is definitely a cat person when a faint mewing comes throughthe phone  during an interview from her Bay Area home…But like the territorial half-Siamese cat making its presence known  during this conversation, Sandoval has always set public and private boundaries in her career…”

-My own main youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/Bobjb999 has a large collection of Mazzy Star, Hope Sandoval, & related recordings, mostly live, including many unreleased rarities, mostly audio with slideshows, although I have a few fine videos. Most of those slideshows have one or more cat pics sneaked in. It’s a small side distraction, but as a cat-person-Mazzy-fan I enjoy playing up the Mazzy Star cat connection a little! I also have a secondary yt channel with more Mazzy rarities, here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Bobb99999999 .................................... [LATER UPDATES, Aug. 2020: Here's an excerpt from an interview with Hope and Colm (of The Warm Inventions) from The L.A. Record, Jan. 2017 https://issuu.com/larecord/docs/la_record_126_web

INTERVIEWER: Hope, do you have any hobbies besides making music? Do you collect anything? Records? Instruments? HOPE: Well, obviously I buy instruments—but no. I wish I could have a cat collection. That’s my fantasy. I’d be the crazy lady on the block with all the cats. I only allow myself one cat but I fantasize about having loads.

INTERVIEWER: It’s really disciplined to only have one cat.

HOPE: I know! And I can barely handle the one cat. I didn’t tell you, Colm [Colm is on the phone with them in a three-way phone interview] but he didn’t come home until three in the morning. I couldn’t sleep all night and finally I heard his little door and I went to open the little door and he walks in and he’s limping. He is ok. He’s sleeping now and I’m just debating whether I should take him to the vet. He’s one of those cats who is just a fighter. He thinks he’s in charge of the whole neighborhood so he’s constantly getting into fights and this will be, like, the fifth time I’ve taken him to the vet and at this point they’ll probably call child services on me. It’s just strange. He’s a fighter.

INTERVIEWER: f you did have a collection, you would be at the vet nearly every other day.

HOPE: Can you imagine the expense of having ten cats? .................................................... Here's a 2018 quote from Hope where Hope mentions her cat Herman. It's in a quote re. her 2018 collab with Mercury Rev from a tribute album celebrating singer Bobbie Gentry, The Delta Sweete Revisited, an album of new cover versions of the songs on Bobbie's 1968 album. Hope sings on one song "Big Boss Man" https://bellaunion.com/2018/12/mercury-rev-and-hope-sandoval-share-big-boss-man/ QUOTE: “Well, the only boss man in my life is my cat Herman so this song was a bit tricky for me but I am so honoured to have been asked to be a part of this amazing group of women paying tribute to such an inspirational artist. I’ve always been a fan of Mercury Rev and Bobbie Gentry, so needless to say I am over the moon to be a part of this project.” (-Hope, 2018)

............................................

The idea of doing a HELLO ROCK N ROLL KITTY! series was inspired by a popular post I saw & enjoyed at the Dangerous Minds site of photos of rock stars with their cats & dogs: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/rock_stars_with_their_cats_and_dogs

[Full disclosure:  My yt & mazzystar.free.fr  handle “Hermesacat,”  is homage to a fave cat of my own named “Hermes” (now deceased). Resemblance of the name to the cat Hope & Colm cite, apparently named Herman according to a 2013 SPIN interview, is but an amusing coincidence. “Hermesacat” was my site name for years at (sadly now defunct) fan site Mazzy Star Boulevard. Btw, there are current worthy fan sites  here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/6071129794/ (I'm an admin at the FB group); and here: http://mazzystar.free.fr ;

-Bob B. (Hermesacat)

- 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞:

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥:

༻ name: anastasia! (my friends call me anya) ༻ pronouns: she/her ༻ zodiac: libra ༻ age: 18

𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬:

༻ music ! movies ! writing ! editing !

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬

༻ people: christian bale | paul dano | gillian anderson | danny gozalez | drew gooden | kurtis conner

༻ artists/bands: ethel cain | deftones | my chemical romance | pierce the veil | radiohead | shin guard/hazing over | pulp | death | depeche mode | $uicideboy$ | loathe | mazzy star + LITERALLY SO MANY MORE OMG (linked r my fav songs by each)

༻ movies: american psycho | there will be blood | the batman | little miss sunshine | the lost boys | beetlejuice | heathers | interview with the vampire | less than zero | the nightmare before christmas

༻ shows: stranger things | american horror story | the x-files | CSI: las vegas | law and order/svu | criminal minds | the office | i am not okay with this| the end of the fucking world

Is Kimin the only non-corps non-Russian left at MT? Why do you think that is?

I think it's just him and Camilla Mazzi remaining, the rest are all either Russian or Belarussian. Of course, the website isn't super up to date, there are people still on the site that are known to have left, Xander Parish is still listed on the roster for crying out loud. But I believe the rest of the foreigners have left.

Honestly, I'm not going to pretend I know his reasons for staying when I don't know him personally. Kimin is one of ballet's most prominent star dancers, I can't imagine it would be super hard for him to find a spot at another significant theater. In a 'worst case' scenario, there's always the Korean National Ballet; he could go dance with his brother. But that's assuming he can/wants to leave. He's given countless interviews where he talks about the importance of his coaches and teachers Vladimir Kim and Margarita Kulik. They brought Kimin to Russia and he has lived with them for over a decade now and often refers to them as his parents in various interviews. Bonds like those run deep, I can't imagine Kimin willingly leaving them.

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 ✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧

welcome welcome welcome, if you give a shit enough to take a gander at this page in the first place, thank you. you absolute star

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩 ˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

exhilarated and mortified at the human experience ✩ ENFP ✩ she/they ✩ im new to this so sorry for any crumby coding errors :/ ✩ may or may not be a ghost ✩ 19 ✩ libra btw ✩ reading ✩ writing ✩ philosophy ✩ big 420 fan, the biggest, you might say✩

𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔠 ✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧

Mazzy Star ☆ The Cranberries ☆ Smashing Pumpkins ☆ Pixies ☆ Fiona Apple ☆ TV Girl ☆ Grateful Dead ☆ Blur ☆ Cigarettes After Sex ☆ Echo & The Bunnymen ☆ Gorillaz ☆ Garbage ☆ Lana Del Rey ☆ Grateful Dead ☆ $uicideBoy$ ☆ Freddie Dredd ☆ City Morge ☆ Steely Dan ☆ I, Monster ☆ Fog Lake

𝔪𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔢𝔰 ⋆｡°🕯️✩.˚₊

eyes wide shut ☆ interview with a vampire ☆ scream ☆ any of the live action scooby doo movies ☆ cruel intentions ☆ empire records ☆ trainspotting ☆ dazed and confused ☆ gia ☆ the crow ☆ X ☆ pearl ☆ jennifer's body ☆ fight club ☆ titanic ☆ knives out ☆ crimson peak ☆ howl's moving castle ☆ mid90's ☆ twin peaks ☆ nightmare on elm street ☆ halloween ☆ kill bill volumes I & II ☆ pretty in pink ☆ rocky horror picture show ☆ the virgin suicides ☆

𝔱𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 ⋆˚🐾˖°

shameless ☆ devilman crybaby ☆ derry girls ☆ castlevania ☆ breaking bad ☆ good girls ☆ euphoria ☆ boondocks ☆ south park ☆ adventure time ☆ that 70's show ☆ always sunny ☆ SNL ☆

𝔟𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔰 ༻📖༺

daisy jones & the six ☆ my year of rest and relaxation ☆ fight club ☆ the bell jar ☆ the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle ☆ interview with a vampire ☆ the vampire lestat ☆ queen of the damned ☆ the satanic bible ☆ a certain hunger ☆ prozac nation ☆ just kids ☆ boy parts ☆ call me by your name ☆ rouge ☆ manhunt ☆ siren queen ☆ jigsaw ☆

And as a bonus: