hm i keep getting random tastes of delicious food just out of nowhere when im not even eating anything, this never happened before

Do you think that if Hatice hadn't ended up marrying Ibrahim she maybe could have been a little happier? Or at least lived longer? I always felt that her "love" for him was much more a kind of obsession than actual love and in the end being granted permission from Suleyman to be with him ended up being bad for her mental health since before their wedding she wasn't as anxious, paranoid, arrogant and jealous as she later became. Maybe if she married someone else she may not have fallen in love with them, but maybe she would have been a better mother to her children?

I honestly don’t think so. Of course a marriage of two traumatised people IS always a risky thing because obviously double dose of trauma and emotional problems is worse than when we have only one person with issues in a marriage, but loveless marriage would have destroyed Hatice much sooner, and actually it wasn’t the marriage that was the destruction of Hatice. Yes, it brought her a lot of pain with his betrayal, but ultimately it was one aspect of pain in her life that ultimately did get resolved, unlike others, which intensified.

Hatice is a clearly damaged person already at the beginning of the story. She’s a very sensitive soul that would always be troubled in this system. In her young age, she already had to witness the reign of her bloody father and was forced to marry an elderly man that died soon after the marriage. Even Süleyman is traumatised after dealings with his father and when he witnessed Selim’s brutal rise to power that involved eradicating all males in the family except Süleyman himself. Hatice feels trapped in the palace and feels suffocated in it.

While Ibrahim is made of sterner stuff, as we may say, and also does enjoy rising in the ranks in Ottoman palace, we know he also feels trapped and suffocated here, and that never truly adapted to Ottoman reality. While not so much sensitive person who abhors power games, he nevertheless also feels out of place here, also because he always feels more connected with Western culture. They are both outsiders actually. And this is what ultimately binds them together .Hatice, unlike say an ambitious princess like Sah, does not want power – she only wants to live peacefully with her children and man she loves. In this system of constant struggle, sometimes almost Darwinian (the whole open succession hello) to be on top, she might feel an outsider for that. Hatice in S1 IS also a naïve, sheltered idealist. She has her dreams of ideal future.

After (amost miraculous) acceptance of her marriage to Ibrahim, she seems to have it all, especially when she gets pregnant. But then everything is shattered when she miscarries and this is the event that begins her emotional descent arc.

However, she did have mental issues before that. She tried to kill herself when she was supposed to marry the man of Hafsa’s choosing. She didn’t want to feel trapped even more by again people deciding her fate thanks to all soulless, pragmatic, harsh rules.

Hatice was a depressed, anxious person from the very start of the series ,and she could also be short-tempered and impatient from very beginning.

And her being forced to marry someone else or not marry anyone would have likely made her to what Gevherhan did in MYK- decide to take her fate into her own hands FOR ONCE.

Maybe Ibrahim wasn’t a perfect choice due to his own emotional baggage that later made him commit stupid things, but he was still a good choice because she loved him, he loved her and he did understand her and also tried to be a source of support even though all their issues also caused him to be similarly a source of pain to her.

However, not matter how much Hatice and Ibrahim tried, the power struggle in the palace affected them because neither of them - she as member of dynasty and him as important official -  could ever be free from it. Ibrahim and Hürrem’s rivalry that intensified from S2 onwards affected it – we might say that neither Hürrem nor Ibrahim wanted to purposefully hurt Hatice, but she got caught in crossfire nevertheless. Obviously, marriage to Hatice meant a lot for Ibrahim’s career in the palace and making it fall apart was the easiest way for Hürrem to remove Ibrahim. We discussed it a bit here.

Similarly, fate also threw difficult things on them – first the miscarriage, then the death of the baby the cause of which was never determined (whether the poison or simple Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), but Hatice blames herself and thinks herself to be a killer of her child. Even once Ibrahim begins suspecting Hürrem because he figures out there was poison on his notebook that later could be carried to a child, who didn’t have such a strong organism as his father, he never shares this with Hatice not to re-open old wounds. Then Suleyman’s heart attack and her mother’s illness, all the intensification of power struggles that re-merged with Hatice trusting Hürrem again and then being disappointed again when Hürrem used sick Valide to frame Mahi while at the same sitting with Hatice and wishing her mum a speedy recovery (and Hatice did scold Mahi at first believing it was her), also some of earlier Mahi’s behaviour too… the turn of S2/S3 is very traumatising for Hatice. Death of her mother, followed by Ibrahim’s infidelity revelation together with manner of Hürrem revealing it that left Hatice in no doubt it was done to remove Ibrahim and that Hürrem was thus glad about his cheating (and again knowing that it is what Hürrem has dreamt of for long), so the final nail to their friendship’s coffin, it all caused a huge blow.Ultimately, the problem that does get solved in the end is the marital problem. Ibrahim ultimately does wake up even before he learns Nigar is pregnant (what Nigar anticipated actually) because in the end he DOES love his wife. He knows how much he hurt Hatice and is ready to face the consequences.. When Matrakçi said Hatice loves him a lot and would eventually forgive him, while Hürrem would surely use her opportunity and tell Süleyman: Ibrahim said: “What does it matter if I lose everything or not? I’ve once renounced ranks for Hatice. Nothing is worthy next to her. The only thing that worries me is Hatice, her broken heart. When she looked at me, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole”.

Again it’s Hatice’s choice to forgive him and neither Hürrem nor anyone should mock her for it. And unlike Süleyman, who constantly promises Hürrem to be faithful, and then goes enjoying making her jealous, Ibrahim does not intend to hurt Hatice ever again and I believe he wouldn’t  have even if he had lived much longer.

And then we see them at their best, most mature, most healthy relationship now they’ve dealt with their issues and decided to start anew no matter what. I think part of Hatice’s anxiety was being centered around her ideal, dream life and once cracks appeared (first crack was again the miscarriage), the issues began popping up, and she felt like world was slipping from her fingers. It is a psychological phenomenon, when sometimes big storm cleanses you because you give up on perfection, while a small crack can drive you crazy and be a nagging trigger.

Same with Ibrahim, who as Hatice’s husband and more and more successful vizier, began seeing that no matter his talents and achievements he’s still considered inferior to members of dynasty (including Süleyman ranting at beginning of S2 to Hürrem how nobody, including Ibrahim, is equal to him in Ibrahim’s earview). Hatice’s remark about him being servant (she obviously does not see him as that) would be perhaps part of normal marital quarrel otherwise, something thrown in anger, but for him it was a trigger. His relationship with Nigar was an escape from it all – unlike his relationships with Hatice and Süleymann, the dynastic aspect was gone, he was actually with someone inferior and doing something foribidden for damads. He himself believed in that fantasy world he created with Nigar and even remarked to his brother he would like to run away with the woman he loved (aka Nigar) back to Parga, but it was all an illusion. He did TRULY LOVE Hatice, NOT Nigar, but he could not get over at that moment with how much she stood for and was part of the system he abhorred (same with Süleyman). He loves both Hatice and Suly a lot, but at the same time he hates the system they stand for and this conflict drives him a lot in S2 . When he says why Esmanur is his favourite child he remarks that while he loves his children with Hatice, Esmanur is so precious to him because she’s not part of any dynasty he’s subservient to. At the same time he has his crisis with Hatice, he goes through several crises in this aspect with Süleyman too (and again, both conflcts are played at roughly the same time).  All things that would later doom him happened in S2 (things that he was guilty of, not simply blamed for something he didn’t do), he’s far more relaxed and certain of himself and his place in S3 before his death.

And after all problems were dealt with, Hatice’s paranoia concerning Ibrahim’s potential infidelity was healed once and for all. Even when Hürrem tries to scheme again and arranges Ibrahim to meet Nigar by accident in the Marble Pavillon, Hatice does not even intend to check because she trusts him 100% now. They were truly a happy family before Ibrahim’s death.

What destroyed once and for all was Ibrahim’s death and afterwards because it wasn’t just death of a spouse – following this event she effectively lost also another person very close to her – her brother. Of course after such horrible death when her husband’s body was dumped in unnamed grave in the forest and she can’t even go there (I suppose Matrakçi didn’t want to take her there because he was afraid seeing this could only make her despair more) as a result of brutal power games in the palace after which nobody was safe, a sensitive person lost it. Especially since she lost three people to whom she was closest most of out of her family in very close succession – her mother, her husband and her brother. And she had to live under one roof with people responsible for her husband’s death. Mahidevran and Mustafa also were gone to Manisa. She had Sah, who despite all loved her and wanted to help her, but it was of course a difficult relationship, also with some unresolved things. And instead of truly being there for his sister, Süleyman repeatedly made her even harder to heal by removing all traces of Ibrahim and trying to erase him, allowing Hürrem to hold a party in harem during mourning period, marrying her off against her will, ordering her to leave her palace, dismissing her as crazy and not trusting her at all (or again perhaps that’s what he wanted to believe) when Hürrem beat her up, etc. He never tried to understand her or truly talk to her, all he did was a series of actions that claimed were to make her heal, but were in fact cold orders that often were to made him feel better than actually help Hatice (but he could fool himself he is trying to help of course).

Then of course all injustices that befell Mustafa and his and Mahidevran’s despair, feeling that indeed Mustafa would be next and he would face Ibrahim’s fate made her decide for last desperate step.

And it’s again telling when Hatice comes to Süleyman following Hürrem’s disappearance – she says she finally has her brother again because now they experience the same and he finally understands her. For a short while, she looked happier because she finally had her brother back.Then again when she had her suicide speech he was again all about WHERE’S HURREM instead of even trying to listen to his sister’s words.

I think she was okay mother before Ibrahim’s death and later she was non-functional due to depression and since she could never consult a therapist or even leave this place forever (then she would be alone forever anyway), it could only lead to tragedy.

Hatice is precisely a tragic character, a sensitive soul which the palace life totally destroyed and all she wanted was to be happy with her family. She was a princess yet she could never be free or feel safe. Marrying for love was the only time she truly got what she wanted out of life and without it she would not only have even that. I think that even if she married someone she doesn’t love, so she would not be scared of losing them/would not suffer that much because of their loss would not make her be happier. She could even look at her sister, Beyhan, who didn’t marry for love and whose husband was executed for serious stuff, but yet she lost her brother forever and underwent serious trauma. Gevherhan in MYK also didn’t marry Topal out of love, but she nevertheless decided to create a happy family with him and tried to cherish what she had, but still she was humiliated by her brother, who again executed her (traitor)husband for a show after finally having paid attention to his neglected sister a day before, and her son was left without a father, their whole life uprooted. No matter who she married, Hatice could never be free of betrayal, death and power schemes, so at least she got some true love.

I think that it’s better to have something in your life even if loss than is more painful than if we don’t care about it than live more “secure”, especially since in Hatice’s case she could never have a peaceful life by the mere fact she belonged to the Ottoman dynasty and all its upheavals and conflicts had to somewhat always affect her.

And when it comes to betrayal, it was Süleyman’s, not Ibrahim’s, betrayal that Hatice could never recover and heal from.

- Joanna (also thanks to my friend and biggest Hatice fan & expert @queen-deter , who discussed this question with me 🥰)

I'm still confused as to how Iroh can just chill in Ba Sing Se after trying to burn it to the ground a few years ago?? That's like Bush moving to Iraq lmao. Yet mainstream fandom acts like Iroh is an angel and the citizens of Ba sing se should be grateful while in reality he will be the most wanted by the Earth Kingdom after the war is over.

... Curious analogy about Bush O.o I’d say maybe he’s not outright Bush, since Bush wasn’t the commanding officer on the field... a quick wikipedia search tells me the one who led the invasion in Iraq was Tommy Franks, a now-retired general? :’D yep, sounds more like this guy moving to Iraq, then.

People have made many excuses about Iroh being free to live in Ba Sing Se because he helped liberate it from the Fire Nation in the end, and I’m not going to lie, narratively it’s not even a bad idea for Iroh to have dreamt he’d “take” Ba Sing Se in his youth only for the dream to have a completely different meaning than he thought it did...

... But that would only be genuinely sweet and heartwarming if he hadn’t been responsible for an actual 600-day siege on the city. 

It’s not even a matter of headcanon whether Iroh is seen as a war criminal or not: we literally have an episode in Book 1 where he’s captured by Earth Kingdom soldiers who are hellbent on making Iroh face justice for his actions. By Book 2, Iroh and Zuko acknowledge they’re criminals to both Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation authorities: they need alter egos so they can travel the Earth Kingdom freely, otherwise they’ll face obvious consequences. Therefore, Iroh was very much a wanted criminal, and for solid reasons beyond “he’s related to the Fire Lord”. That his later actions helped liberate Ba Sing Se from the Fire Nation can’t be denied, but it doesn’t mean he should have been forgiven automatically for everything he did in the past. Perhaps he could get away with some sort of pardon by the Earth King, but pushing that as far as “he can settle down in the city he had under attack for almost two years and live happily there with zero consequences” can be a little too far in the suspension of disbelief department indeed.

It’s those small things, really, that make Iroh’s situation so very wishful and not as well-written as it could/should be. Featuring him as a wanted criminal in one season, as a runaway living under an alias in another... and then as a welcome tea connoisseur in the next one, who lives perfectly happy in the Earth Kingdom because he helped end the war? I might have felt better about it if maybe the show had the chance to feature Kuei offering him a public, controversial pardon for his past crimes, but as it was, it felt like that ending was meant to whitewash Iroh beyond reason... then again, Book 3 at large whitewashed Iroh constantly, even when they were trying to show him as flawed they merely backtracked right away (in The Firebending Masters).

I guess it’s partly a problem caused by the writing room being so set on indeminizing Iroh and giving him a perfect ending... I mean, recently I’ve been seeing a lot about how Aaron Ehasz inspired Iroh on his stepfather, a man he deeply admired. This may be the biggest writing mistake I’ve ever seen by him, because while you absolutely can love your characters, and you can inspire them on people you love, merging both things together will easily skew your understanding of the character until the character just stops being fiction and becomes a mere stand-in for the person you love IRL. It’s no different a concept from Mary Sues and self-inserts that constitute a completely unrealistic idealization of the author themselves, only, in Iroh’s case it’s the idealization of a loved one through writing. And this, perhaps, can even explain why Iroh goes from goofy-occasionally-wise in Book 1, to generally-wise-but-still-mostly-funny in Book 2, to the absolute paragon and pinnacle of wisdom in Book 3 (despite half his wisdom is contradictory and even hypocritical). These changes in Iroh’s writing wouldn’t necessarily obey character growth and development, but rather, they would answer the Head Writer’s conscious or subconscious merging of the identities of Iroh and his stepfather, to the point where he obviously can’t acknowledge Iroh���s faults because that’d be a disservice to the stepfather he admired deeply... which, in turn, results in a disservice to the writing of the show, for Iroh’s accountability for his past mistakes is relegated to the burning of a flag and nothing else, and that’s beyond hard to buy.

I’ve also talked in other asks about the three facets of Iroh, it might shed extra light on why the fandom treats Iroh as they do, and why they disregard Iroh’s past crimes so easily while focusing only on how nice he is, how wise he is, how funny he is. It’s why they think this isn’t weird in the least, whereas once you detach yourself from the emotional component in the show slightly, Iroh living peacefully in Ba Sing Se ends up feeling like a rather poorly thought-out conclusion for the character. 

Imagine I wrote a redemption story for Ozai (... easier said than done, I know xD), where he ends up realizing where he went wrong and devotes his life to correcting his mistakes and help the world on a better path: if I sent Ozai to live happily ever after in a restaurant in Omashu, to say one thing, the place that was renamed for him and that used to bear a monument to his ridiculous ego, no less, people would immediately tell me I’m insane, no matter how well-written the story could be. And they wouldn’t be wrong to do so: it’s simply not reasonable to give a character who committed HUGE war crimes a simplistic happy ending without considering how much backlash and how many complications can arise from it. 

Seriously, imagine how many Earth Kingdom people will want to barge into Iroh’s teashop to yell at him because his actions got a relative of theirs, or a loved one, killed during the war? Imagine people outright sabotaging his teashop, even setting it on fire or something radical like that... it could happen! There’s seriously no reason to assume otherwise. We saw, in the Promise, a group of angry Earth Kingdom people yelling outside Yu Dao in protest to Zuko’s decision to keep the city as a Fire Nation colony: how many people would want to charge into the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se to protest that Iroh has no right to live in this city, let alone to serve people tea carelessly when he’s responsible for so many awful deeds?

And there’s the other side of the coin: Zuko faces backlash on that same comic trilogy from the Fire Nation people, who see him as a traitor who’s selling out his people to the Avatar and the Earth Kingdom. Who’s to say some Fire Nation occupants of the city haven’t been lying low in wait to attack Iroh for his perceived treason of the Fire Nation, too?

In real life, usually tyrants and big war criminals run away someplace neutral and live their remaining days in relative peace while keeping as low a profile as possible, while knowing that if they step out of their safety zone they’ll probably be captured and held accountable for their crimes. In ATLA, they can open teashops in the very city they attacked for 600 days without a care in the world, and nothing comes of it :’)

Again, I blame the writing room’s unreasonable bias towards Iroh. Liking a character =/= giving them everything they could ever want without considering the character’s actual circumstances and the reactions this can elicit in the people around them. Hell, having Iroh setting up a teashop in the Fire Nation, close to the Palace or something, would make a bit more sense than doing it in Ba Sing Se + it offers him chances to advise Zuko properly, which Zuko DIRELY needs. But nope, instead we get what we got, and most people don’t even find it slightly strange because of Iroh’s three-faced nature :’)

Best albums of 2019

I am a strong believer in belated music lists. Hindsight! The past year was stressful for me even before COVID-19 broke, and my favorite music was on average noisier and more irritating than usual. I find comfort and excitement in a mischievous sensibility; if music as chaotic and unpleasant as Jpegmafia’s can hold together, maybe there’s hope yet.

1. 100 Gecs, 1000 Gecs

I’m addicted to everything that I see, yeah! Including screamo death growls, Auto-Tuned cackles, comically heavyhanded drops, pop-punk bangers in disguise, secretly tender love confessions, insanely catchy hooks, and flimsy guitar trash. This marvelous album throws every absurd pop trope of the past decade into a kaleidoscopic blender, spitting out a misshapen musical wind-up toy that never stops exploding and recoagulating, falling down a flight of stairs and revealing a new ghastly face with each bounce. Taken as some musical equivalent of shitposting by writers who think irony and sarcasm are the same, it’s a pop mindfuck that computes emotionally, as awkward kids and/or evil spirits of chaos Laura Les and Dylan Brady make their voices big and ugly and demented because that’s how they feel. Anyway, shitposting is its own species of rock & roll.

2. Taylor Swift, Lover

To be straight is for experience to confirm expectations. Taylor Swift has written about the delight of watching fantasies fulfilled (“Today Was a Fairytale”), renewed (“Begin Again”), or constructed (“Wildest Dreams”). Even when putatively rejecting conventional heteromance, she also sneakily reconstructs it by using its same vocabulary (“Speak Now”). Her best songs address not just desire but the stories we tell about desire, the moments when dreams and reality converge. But Lover is the first time she’s written about the delight of watching experience surpass expactations, the moment when fantasies are gleefully, unexpectedly discarded for something better (“I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden” is a lyric whose emotional force requires no familiarity with her catalogue). It radiates calm, a long exhaled breath after years of drama. She made a monogamous maturity move her queerest album, and the colorful electronic beats sound so pretty in the afterglow.

3. Lana Del Rey, Norman Fucking Rockwell

A quietly hysterical collection of observed Hollywood singer-songwriter fictions, played on the piano by a glamorous lady of the canyon who has just shooed guests out of her shag-carpeted parlor and drawn her nicotine-stained curtains after watching California tumble into the sea. In the same year hating boomers became mainstream, the year’s most critically acclaimed album was also a tribute to the most boomerific of rock critics. Greil Marcus, of course, whose taste has never before been so exquisitely pandered to, and I think that’s beautiful.

4. Blueface, Dirt Bag

Blueface doesn’t rap off beat, it’s the beat that can’t keep up. Or as Blueface himself puts it: “I’m literally talking in this bitch and it’s still knockin!” Or as Greg Tate puts it in “The Persistence of Vision: Storyboard P”: “At moments of revolution in artistic form, innovation frequently involves discarding flashy displays of technique. The reduction of ostentatious moves in favour of subtler ones is often read as laziness or limited ability (Flyboy 2: 86).”

5. Jpegmafia, All My Heroes Are Cornballs

Jammed up by jerky segues and pauses, constantly shifting to the next random thing in an endless procession of abrasive diversions, this experimental rap clusterbomb fashions a music of dynamic impatience, wrenching ugly harmonic convergence from the splattering of keyboard doodles, industrial crunches, electronic glitches, roaring guitars, death-factory sirens, repressed shrieks, goopy fusion keyboards, smears of electronic color. Jpegmafia’s rhymes compute mainly as yet more barrage, more proper nouns competing for your attention, but there’s a mischievous energy in his voice that adds a crucial smidgen of humanity. If this music seems the product of online information overload, it’s also the sound of working in the gig economy and/or the service industry, where “directed attention fatigue” has become a cautionary buzzword. My headaches feel like “Rap Grow Old & Die x No Child Left Behind”.

6. Otoboke Beaver, Itekoma Hits

Hardcore punk as hardcore comedy. Rage channeled into hyperactivity. Gnarled riffs and howled tantrums played at violent speed. Keening voices letting loose because they can’t hold the noise inside. Tension and release games crammed with sonic jokes. Tempo changes and dynamic jerks that seem tokens of the band’s impatience but in fact work as tension-building devices, with explosive kickback later--or now! Dissonance as byproduct of acceleration. In the playful intricacy of their group shout-singing I hear the Raincoats too. Angry giggles. Boom!

7. Kim Gordon, No Home Record

Lacking the guitars of her former bandmates, she threw a wall of synthesized barbed wire around some of her meanest basslines ever and made something unprecedented, for her and Sonic Youth--electroindustrial, basically, riding a bass rumble so deep it overpowers the music. The spoken pieces here (“Don’t Play It”, “Cookie Butter”) initially recall her willful avant-filler on A Thousand Leaves and NYC Ghosts & Flowers; then you notice how much more brutally these tracks bring the noise.

8. Kankyo Ongaku: Japanese Ambient, Environmental & New Age Music 1980-1990

Billed as ambient but sprightlier than the aesthetic that term suggests to an American audience, this two-hour set captures a moment in Japanese music history when the influence of Erik Satie and John Cage intersected with new ideas about architectural acoustics, inspiring a craze for minimalist electronica designed to peacefully fill a space (as in-store music for Muji, say). Lent contemporary relevance by the influx of chill lo-fi hip-hop beats to study to as well as the vaporwave-derived fascinations with banality and nostalgia, it’s considerably more beautiful than those lineages would imply, as tranquil and friendly as a book of nature poems. These pieces abound with cute tunelets, yet derive their spacious charm from nonmelodic elements--bells, pitched percussion, and the recorded outdoors: running water, chattering birds. Unlike most ambient music, they are not self-contained; when played outside, the synthesizers merge with the sounds of the city.

9. Teejayx6, The Swipe Lessons

By styling himself as an expert scammer, Teejayx6 invents a new internet-era edition of gangsta macho: he’s a master criminal, king of the deep web, fluent in cryptocurrency, relying on his wits to stay ahead of the online piracy brigade. Don’t cross him, lest he steal your grandmother’s social security number. Over darkly stylized beats, his chattering, perpetually surprised flow enters a realm of formal delight accessible to only the most playful. When he hits you with the requisite “All my fans, I really wouldn’t even scam you, I was just playing,” he acknowledges the figurative nature of the game.

10. Clairo, Immunity

A queer adolescent musical diary, tracing the highs and lows of a conflicted relationship that ends ambiguously. Rostam’s production lapses into self-parody exactly once, with the harpsichord flourishes on “Impossible”; otherwise the smoky bedroom-pop shimmer is flawless. “Sofia” exists for inclusion on romantic playlists. 

the babysitter (two)

summary: when Steve finally gets Bucky to the compound safely he calls on some help from a friend to watch him until everything calms down 

information: mutant!WocxBucky, a made up time period in the middle of civil war, slow burn

masterlist| one/ two/ three

The ride was silent and I could tell that he was trying so hard to make me feel comfortable. It was adorable. I couldn’t wait to get in his head. I never look forward to using my powers until Bucky. He was like a big puzzle hidden underneath a big hard man.

“Where are we going?” Bucky’s voice breaks my trance off the road. We got out of New York over an hour ago. I honestly had no idea but I decided to make up one quick.

“D.C,” I say remembering the dusty loft that I left in a hurry. I merge on the correct highway backing up my word. He doesn’t respond after that keeping his eyes on the window. I take a quick glance at the clock 3:26. Another hour passed and I started to notice how fidgety Bucky is. His leg is jumping and he rubbed his hands together. His eyes kept shifting from me and the road and his breathing picked up.

I was about to say something until he did “Let me drive.” Bucky says quickly but roughly. 

“Bucky you don’t-”

“Let me drive.” He says pleading cutting me off. I quickly take a glance at his pleading eyes “Please.” He finally begs.

I let out a sigh “Fine, fine” I say pulling over to the shoulder of the road. We quickly switch seats and Bucky takes up the driving. It’s weird for me to sit in the passenger seat, I usually ride solo. I take glances at Bucky sitting in the driver's seat looking more comfortable with his right arm holding the steering wheel. He’s calm.

“You gonna tell me where I’m going or do I have to follow the signs,” Bucky asks with a sigh not taking his eyes off the road. 

“There’s an exit a few miles up, take it and bare left.” I direct and he nods. Bucky is a true soldier. Any direction I gave he followed with ease. Great listener, dually noted. With Bucky’s good sense of direction and his slight need for speed attitude, we made it to my loft in no time.

Bucky showed no emotion pulling into my old looking building. Bucky turned off the car with a sigh, I take no time getting out the car. Bucky followed behind letting me go into the building first and guiding him to my door at the end of the hall. 

I haven’t been here in over 8 years. Hopefully, no one has been waiting up for me.

“I’ll go in first. Watch my back.” Inform Bucky and he responds with a nod. I jump and grab the key off the top of the doorframe. I unlock the door and I and Bucky cautiously walk into the grey dusty apartment checking the safe rooms off as we go. I walk into my bathroom and an envelope was taped on my mirror. In the middle of the white envelope in black ink, it read ‘sicario’My breath hitches when I breathe out and I tear off the letter.

“The rest of the house is clear,” Bucky tells me when I come out the bathroom. 

I give him a solid nod and sigh “Well, make yourself at home.” I say before walking to my room and setting the letter on my dresser and kicking. 

I walk back out to the living room and see Bucky awkwardly sitting on the couch tense and all. “Do you ever relax? You’re so uptight.” I say observing him.

He lets out a chuckle “I don’t think I can relax,” Bucky admits still sitting inattention. I walk over and sit on the couch with him. 

“Maybe I can help?” I suggest with a straight face and a cocked eyebrow. He looks nervous, but his eyebrows furrow in slightly. I sit on my knee’s beside him and bring my hands to his chest but I stop “C-can I touch you?” I ask softly and he nods slowly. I fill myself with energy most of it coming from the earth. I can feel my eyes change from the natural hazel to a blazing grey. It all happens in a flash I press my hands on his chest and his shoulders sink into his body, his eyelids hang low lazily.

“What are you doing to me?” Bucky tries to ask worried but comes out soft and calm. 

“I slowed your breathing which triggered your body to relax,” I tell him taking my hands off his chest. He doesn’t say anything else, he just looks confused.“I have psychic abilities, meaning I can do a lot of things with my mind” I tell him sitting back in the couch. He nods slowly, I could feel the confusion from him which makes me shake my head. “I can control minds, have mental conversations, and I have the power of memory manipulation,” I say calmly not wanting to relive how I found out about my powers.

Bucky looks at me “Is that why Steve stuck me with you, to help with my memory?” Bucky asks.

I chuckle “I think he thought of me because I’ve fought you-well The Winter Soldier twice and won.” I brag with a smirk and I see the confusion fall back on his face “But don’t worry your pretty little head about that. The guest room is down the hall and the second door on the right.” I inform him getting off the couch. “Try and sleep alright,” I comfort awkwardly pat his shoulder and walk away.

I sigh as I close my room door behind me. The unopened letter taunted me on the dresser. They only called me sicario. I neatly opened the envelope and pulled out the clean folded paper. No other handwriting blemished the paper beside the date scribbled at the bottom.

sicario,

we see you’ve been compromised. therefore we need to let you go. you knew this day was coming, we’re aware you planned it. we don’t wanna hear one peep from you. we have relocated and don’t bother looking for us. all know acquaintances are now dead (from the destruction of building) they all missed you dearly. don’t be angry sicario, they died peacefully. just a reminder we’re always watching you. you are now dismissed.

-dated 12/25

It’s exactly there style brutal. Like taking a shot of vodka without a chaser. It goes down smooth but it burns your whole chest. Of course, they knew I lead the Avengers right to them, I wasn’t that stealthy. A month and a half before I joined the Avengers.

They knew.

At least most of them are dead. I sat on the bed and let my thoughts take over. A scream of agony ran through my whole loft. I shot up and ran to the room Bucky was in. Bucky layed on top of the comforter clothes still on shoes still tied. He wasn’t planning on going to sleep. He thrashed above the sheets as tears spilled from his tightly shut eyes. Another scream erupted from him which made me jump in shock.

I stop starring and make myself useful. I quickly make way to Buckys side and take in a deep breath bracing for the pain. I place my hand on Bucky's head diving my mind into his.

The pain came in great masses. It was both physical and metal. I started to feel my own tears fall down my face as I endured the pain as well. I tried not to live the dream but rather get Bucky out of it. I began screaming his name both mentally and physically. The pain grew worse once Bucky started to wake. I felt the pain of his consciousness and subconsciousness in one setting.

I came back to reality with one last cry of his name. I stumble forward on the bed bracing myself.

“Are you alright?” I ask Bucky as I hold my head in pain. My blurry vision showed he was now sitting up

“I should be asking you that.” Bucky adds I think for humor then quickly adds “I’m fine. Thank you.” He kept his gaze on me as I recouped. I saw him hesitate before asking “Are you okay?” Bucky asks.

I look up at him and saw worried smeared across his face.

“Yeah Bucky, I’m good,” I say before walking out of the room back into my own.

I saw what they did to him. How they tortured him. Even hung the idea of getting out over him. Hydra fucking sucks, this I know.

I glance at the time on my phone 5:28 AM. Helping Bucky took longer than I expected. I throw my leather jacket over my shoulders and strut back where Bucky was.

“Let's go, Barnes. We’ve got stuff to do.” I say and he follows me out without question.

||||||||||||

tags🏷

@doestheroadwork

The Message

Summary:  A few months have passed after the team's unsanctioned mission in Cuba and, during a slow day, Callen opens the door of his apartment to the person he least expected to see there, and she has a very important message for him.

I don't own the characters, I only own the story.

Enjoy!

It has been a couple months since that unsanctioned mission in Cuba happened, since Anna decided to stay there and since Nikita has died.

Callen was still sad at the loss of his father, but he wasn't hurt anymore. He accepted life the way it has been given to him, and deep inside he was happy and relieved he managed to find and save Nikita from Volkoff's hands, even though he died because of him.

--------

The whole week at the office has been calm, with normal and ordinary cases. Thankfully none of those took his weekend rest away.

Callen liked spending those two days at home, or at least without having to worry about work. He'd go for a run every morning and if he was in a good mood, he'd probably go to a NBA game or get some beers with the team.

It wasn't the case this time, though. Kensi and Deeks decided to go away for the weekend, which means the bar was closed, Sam wanted to get some quality time with his kids, and Eric and Nell flew to San Francisco to watch over Nell's mom.

Callen hoped she would get better soon, so that Nell doesn't have to leave NCIS. He'd hate to see that happen. Nell was like a little sister to him, and he loved having her around.

--------

After his morning run, Callen went to buy some breakfast at a local store and then went to his apartment to have a quick shower.

After that refreshing shower, he sat down on the couch to have his breakfast. Suddenly he recalled how Anna would pretend to get upset whenever he dropped crumbs on the couch and smiled at the memory. She didn't seem to leave his mind.

Overall, it was a slow Sunday for him. He didn't feel like going anywhere, so he stayed at his apartment, zapping through the tv channels, hoping to find something interesting to watch.

It was just past 4pm when he heard a knock on the door. Who could it be, he thought. He wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe Kensi and Deeks had some trouble and were back already.

Little did he know that his slow day was just about to change. He opened the door and saw Anna standing there.

"Anna?!" Callen was perplexed to see her there.

"Hi, Callen." He stepped aside right away, so that she could come in his apartment.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, thinking she was probably in trouble again. Before he could even guess what has brought her there, she handed him a letter.

"What is this?"

"Open up and find out" Anna said with a slight smile.

Callen picked the letter from her hand and began to read it. It said all charges against her have been lifted, and a smile started forming on his face, meanwhile.

"How did you get this?"

"Well, surprisingly, Joelle managed to pull some strings. Legal ones, by the way. And made some phone calls. I don't really know how she did it, or why, for that matter, but she did."

Callen couldn't contain his happiness and put the letter away to pull her into a tight hug. Anna hugged him back. She couldn't even wrap her head around what was happening. She has wanted this for too long.

After a few seconds, they let go off each other and looked into each other's eyes, just like they did in that undercover mission a few years ago. That was when it all started for them.

In that very moment Callen couldn't seem to get his body to obey his brain, but he didn't want it to either. Slowly, while keeping eye contact, he leaned down a little to stop centimeters away from Anna's lips, in order to see where their relationship was standing now, and possibly get hurt, in case things have changed.

She was honestly surprised with his move, but she immediately understood what he was doing. Without breaking eye contact, Anna cupped his cheeks and smiled big before locking her lips with his, in an i-have-missed-you full of passion kiss.

Callen has missed the taste of her lips and the comfort they give him incredibly much.

Before they knew, Anna was letting her bag fall on the ground and Callen was pulling her even closer to him, while walking towards his bed, not far from where they were standing.

Soon enough all clothes were removed, and they were deeply involved in that moment, in each other, completely unaware of the world around them.

"Anna, I don't have any..."

"It's okay… I'm on birth control."

"I apologize... "

"Don't." she stopped him by running her thumb softly over his lips. "I've always wanted to have all of you."

Callen kissed her hard after hearing such a confession from her.

He has proven to be the best lover plenty of times. And this time it was not different. He has reached places, in her body, heart and mind, that no one has ever reached before. Callen was the first to ever get this close to her.

The words he has never said would leave his body through every pore of his skin to meet hers, and in that moment, words are not needed at all. She knows what he means.

He has missed the softness of her skin under his fingers and body, her scent and the way she tastes. Callen has missed the way they perfectly fit and connect to each other.

And so has she. She's missed the way he knows her like nobody else does, the soft touch of his fingers and calloused hands running through her body, loving her... She has missed touching him, feeling him this close to her, without a single millimeter separating their bodies.

And it all was still the same… The way he lets her know how he feels without any words involved. The way he puts her before him in these moments, trying to make her acknowledge how much she means to him and how dizzy and loved she makes him feel. The way they merge wonderfully together, in the most intimate of ways, as their bodies take what they need to make up for the loss they have felt for months and feel satisfied.

Callen has showed her his most intimate self a few times already and nothing has changed. Well, in fact, the flame burning inside both has only been fed with more oxygen and gotten bigger. He knows she feels the exact same, he can hear it on her rapid breathing and on the sounds leaving her mouth, and he doesn't want to let go. Ever.

"Anna..." Callen called for her under his breath.

"Mhm..."

He stared deep in her eyes, without stopping his movement, and said what she wasn't expecting to hear.

" Я люблю тебя" the words felt so intense in his chest, he thought it was going to burst. Grisha was relieved and happy he has said them. To her.

Anna was so overwhelmed by what she had just heard from the man who was making love to her, she couldn't think straight.

A smile formed on her lips and an unnoticed tear fell from her eye. Callen wiped it away, like he is trying to do with the pain he has been dealing with until she arrived at his apartment.

That whole moment was immense, she thought she was dreaming. Her hands involuntarily, but with all the will possible, moved to caress his cheeks and pull him to her, to perhaps share the most heartfelt kiss they ever did. And he understood what she meant.

Soon enough they got where they both wanted to be, together, and it felt like they had just crossed the limits of the universe, in the most beautiful way.

After their bodies have subsided and their heart rate has gone back to what can be called normal, they cuddled up in each other's arms. Not before Callen did the whole after care process, however.

He always made sure he did that, the caring kissing and touching, no matter how tired he was feeling after making love. His instinctive feeling would take over him and help him show the appreciation he thought she deserved for having had him, once again and every time, especially this time.

After that, none said a word. They just wanted to enjoy the warmth and comfort of each other's bodies without any pillow talk interrupting and possibly breaking the mood.

Eventually, both fell asleep.

--------

A few hours later, Callen woke up and saw the woman he loves still sleeping peacefully on his chest. He looked at the ceiling, to make sense of what has been happening for the past couple hours, while caressing her back and trying his best not to wake her up. God, has he missed this... Grisha looked back down at her and his heart felt heavy, in a good way. For the first time ever in his life, he was feeling complete.

--------

Half an hour later, Callen felt his girlfriend waking up and cuddling herself to him even more.

Anna opened her eyes only to realize that what had happened was no amazing dream, but instead a marvelous bit of reality.

She looked up at her boyfriend and noticed he has probably been awake for a while. She smiled a sleepy smile at him and kissed his chest. He returned the gesture by placing a soft kiss on her forehead and kept on running his fingers up and down her right arm.

Neither of the two began to speak and it felt alright, if they were honest. They wanted nothing but to enjoy that moment at its fullest.

Nevertheless, the silence, even though not awkward, slowly started to kill him.

So, a few minutes later, Callen gave in. He cleared his throat to get her attention, successfully. Anna looked up to him again and he knew he had to start talking before it all got awkward.

"Uhm… What I said earlier... I…" Callen giggled softly when he realized what was about to happen and looked down. That was the moment his smiley face turned into a serious expression. Anna understood he wanted to say something important and promptly moved to face him. She placed a hand carefully on his chest and felt his heartbeat going crazy.

"Look, whatever you have to say… I'll understand it." Anna caressed his cheek, making him look at her. She was starting to think something was wrong but wanted to calm him down anyways.

"Anna… that was not the feelings overtaking me. What I said earlier… I… I meant it... Like never before."

She sighed in relief. Anna couldn't contain the happiness from spreading all over her face. Not only because he said those words to her, but mostly because he has reached that emotional level that allows him to say them out loud and mean them as much as he does now.

Before she could process it at 100%, she was kissing him passionately, and trying hard to deposit all the love she feels for him in that kiss.

Callen rolled them over, making her lay on her back, and kissed Anna back, with everything he had.

"я тоже тебя люблю, Гриша. Я люблю тебя больше чем что-либо (I love you too, Grisha. I love you more than anything.)" Anna said in between kisses. She immediately felt him slow down and stop, so that both could get some air. They were both panting.

He couldn't stop staring in her eyes. The most beautiful ones he's ever seen.

That was the first time she called him Grisha. He couldn't deny he loved how it sounded with her voice. He loved it more than he cared to admit, so much that he started to feel his eyes tearing up. He was not crying, though. Not per se. Those tears are only the way his body has found to relieve the tension and show the woman under him how much those words she has just said mean to him, he thought.

Callen never thought he'd ever have someone who made him feel like this, let alone hear someone say those words to him romantically. The intensity of the whole atmosphere surrounding them was overwhelming him in ways he couldn't even express.

"Thank you. For waiting for me… and for coming back. I'm glad I didn't lose you too." A minute of silence fell between the two, while Anna wiped his tears away.

He couldn't help but cuddle into her soft and caring hand a little and then move to kiss its palm.

Anna was mesmerized by how sweet he was being (and always has been) with her, besides how hard this whole trust and speak-up-your-feelings thing was for him at first. She knows he has evolved a lot emotionally ever since they started dating and she's more than happy to be able to be a part of that, to be a part of his life, to be a part of him.

"Thank you for understanding what I was doing and for trusting me. That means a lot to me." She was caressing his face and hair. Anna knew how much he loved every time she ran her fingers through his hair. "��ы лучший человек, которого я знаю, Гриша. (You are the best man I know, Grisha)

Without thinking twice, Callen lowered his lips to meets hers and, once again, let her feel how much he loves her and is thankful to have her.

The day was slowly getting darker and the colors of the sunset spread through the apartment and painted it in magical tones, as the couple were slowly merging into each other's bodies and minds again.

Thanks for reading! 

I've reread this a few times, but since English is not my native language, I apologize for any possible mistakes that may still exist.

The Voider (Title and story WIP)

The waves are calm. They embrace me, lifting me slowly towards the clear blue sky. The taste of the sea takes me to my childhood, a fairground? Candy floss? I hear the abrupt commotion of seagulls soaring above, swooping and diving all around me at the unsuspecting fish below, as I peacefully float.

They know not why I am here. I wonder if they know that this isn't real? How much of them, are themselves, anyway? I always find myself knee deep in pseudo-philosophy at times like this. How far across the boundaries does sentience stretch? Do the seagull's understand that they have no real reason to feed, as they never hunger? Are they separate entities, outside of the patient? Individual strands of rogue thought, pursuing their own primal instinct? Reality born of fiction? Or mere reflections of the patients fractured psyche? Spots of personality, long ago compartmentalised, attempting to be heard against the crashing of waves?

I freeze this scene, embed it into my memory. I'll return here, the peace is serene, inviting. This will remain inside of me, though sadly, I'll have to mark this one as ‘Void’.

I find myself back at the Scape, an empty, dark space below the blooming petals of the mind. Journeying drains me of myself, when entangled, I hold no reference. I am what I become. During the Scape I can relax, center myself, gather all of my thoughts and return to who I was. As I lay, drifting in the bottomless darkness I look up expectedly, and see a ball of energy drifting down from above me, I grab it as it grows near, reeling it out from inside of itself. The radiant light that it emits captivates me, it's dazzling. The glows, beautiful and white, bursting with life. Sometimes sparks pop and crackle from its excited energy, the sparks trickle down into the darkness of the system below. It reminds me of the electric eels that I've read about. It waves back and forth, curling itself around my hand. I raise it to my mouth and breathe it in. Purity. The essence of being.

The whispering echo of a thought surrounds me from all sides.

‘Please return to the roots.’

With a renewed sense of self, I dive down towards the root system below. The system is a group of constantly changing pathways that link into other Scapes. When somebody connects, a new pathway forms, integrating itself into the main 'highway’. When they are disconnected, the pathway degenerates, closing the only entrance to that Scape. I have lived the vast majority of my life inside this, but for a person who's unfamiliar, they could easily take a wrong turn and lose themselves forever. The thought does frighten me, but why back away when I have nothing to lose? I am here because I wanted to be free, without consideration of the cost of others.

I arrive at the roots, shooting through the tunnels at blistering speed, surrounded by stars and bursting nebula, warped sun's going supernova and dark holes leaving patches in the network. Left, left, right, I navigate the system with intense precision, throughout the years I've learnt to enjoy this. Bouncing around the infinite slipstream intoxicates me, filling me with an excitement that I never felt outside of it. I unexpectedly let a laugh escape.

‘Be careful, or we'll pull you out.’

The whispers bring me back down to reality… whatever that is. I've forgotten, it's been so long, and I'm not sure that I wish to remember. My smile vanishes, and I'm left with the reminder that I have a job to do.

I begin to close in on the new pathway, the gate stabilising it's otherworldly convulsions until it opens as a vortex at the center, allowing me to dive through.

I know my goal, I've done this a thousand times, maybe more than that. Maybe a lot more. Time is strange here.

I enter the gate, lights flickering and dancing all around embrace me with a touch like ecstasy, the reds of a far away sun, dwarf stars collapsing, binary systems collide creating earth shattering roars. I feel it all. There's a vessel, far out of reach in distant, uncharted lands. The things I've seen... And with an eerie woosh, I'm thrown into another Scape. Silence.

The darkness embraces me as I orient myself, my senses fail as I glide through the Scape, I see by thought alone. This was no issue, a hazard of the job, it happens when a patient is prepared, expecting invasion. Many are simply trying to ward off nightmares. Some patients are stronger than others, but they always grow weary and submit, allowing the dark dreams, or other entities to pass through when their defences are lowered.

Swimming upwards, I break through the Scape and enter-

A deafening hiss ambushes me, causing me to recoil, my vision is met by nothing but hole punched snow, the static of a TV, everywhere. Inescapable. This one was ready, this one knew that I was coming, but how? I felt myself jerk, my real self. Pain blistering through my skull, numbing my thought.

‘Attack!’

‘Defend!’

‘Attrition!’

‘Steady yourself! Shall we aid him?’

'Do not damage the subject!’

The whispers also seemed panicked, shouting amongst themselves, barking contradictory orders.

I'm screaming at this point, I've never been myself outside of the pathways and Scapes. This was something completely new. The terrifying power of will breaking down my own. Folding me into myself, flooding my insecurities with guilt that wasn't even mine, leaving me hollow and broken, adrift.

‘We have done all that we can.’

The whispers break through.

‘AND WHO ARE YOU TO ENTER MY DOMAIN?!’

As if the static wasn't enough, a booming voice occupies every inch of my being, sending vibrations through my core. It was the voice of a woman, her voice cutting like steel could shatter any sword.

'Another?!’ I gasp.

The static all around me falls away, as if I were in a box that had just been opened, the walls falling to the sides and the top flinging upwards.

Floating in the air in front of me sits the behemoth woman on a gigantic throne.

‘NEVER HAVE I SEEN SUCH NERVE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!’ She doesn't seem to be shouting, but the vibrations of her words reverb inside of my body. 'FOR FIFTY YEARS I HAVE RULED THIS REALM IN PEACE, HARMONY. I ASK AGAIN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!’

'I haven't done anything…’ My voice is barely a whimper in contrast, the wind could carry it away, but I feel my strength slowly returning. I feel the energy building inside.

The whispers interject, I can only make out a few words.

‘Sedation… Compliance.’

'I FEEL MY POWER… sliding.’

I hadn't noticed before, but she looks as though she is in pain, struggling against some unseen force.

I regain enough composure to look around. In all of my years journeying, I had never seen a world as such, but it was eroding. Entropy accelerated, so that the forests and mountains were melting away into sand. Villages, towns and cities dissolving into nothingness. Cars abandoned in the streets, castles fell from clouds, decimating entire neighborhoods. I had done this. Destroyed an entire world. This guilt was my own.

The queen was shrinking, breaking down along with her world. I had regained enough strength to stand, she rose her head up to speak, seemingly sapped of all will.

‘Let us see how you like it.’

She lurched herself forward, throwing herself into me. I could feel us merging, colliding as atoms forming molecules, electricity throughout my being. A grand unity that I had never felt before. Love, hate, sadness, joy and other emotions that didn't have names overwhelmed my body, so that all I could do was cry.

I was flabbergasted into silence. Unable to comprehend what had just taken place. Then all of a sudden, there was nothing. Was I in a Scape? No, this truly was nothing. No thought, no feeling, just nothing.

I awoke, not as myself, but as something else. I could feel a chair under me, the wires and tubes connecting me to the machines that were keeping me alive. Shit, the physical world. I couldn't control my senses. A burning itch climbed the bone of my skull, it was her. She was in control, not that she could do much.

‘He's conscious!’ Screamed a doctor.

‘Emergency! We have a break!’

The chaos around me seemed erratic, blaring alarms and twirling red lights filled the room. People scrambled from their chairs to grab charts and to contact their superiors.

‘Did he do this?’ One asks another.

I could feel the queen laughing as she attempted flex my muscles, the neurons were firing, but there was no response.

‘Yeah, love. No luck there, eh?’ I snidely think.

‘What the fuck?’ I was shocked that there was a response.

Just as quickly as she had taken over me, she released me. We were back inside her mind.

‘So, you're a cripple.’ She states, coldly.

‘Rude.’ I reply. ‘What about you?’

‘I thought that I was dead, but now I'm not so sure.’

BakuDeku: Strangers AU Part III

28 Works.

Click here for Part I & Part II!

Handkerchief Dude by zubateatscakes  ( M | 10,630 | 1/1 )

Mr. Anger Issues might be an alien, Izuku thought. He couldn’t explain his apparently unlimited voice volume otherwise. “What have you just called me?” The guy cracked his knuckles and, face twisted in an evil smirk, stepped forwards into his personal space. Izuku became very pale and then turned as red as a tomato. He flinched and moved backwards, but the man kept approaching. “Did I say it aloud?” “You fucking did.” “Oh crap. Sorry?” “Take your fucking lame excuse for an apology and stick it up your ass,” Mr. Anger Issues spat out, nails digging into his palms.

Ghost hunter Izuku travels between the world of the dead and that of the living. Katsuki is troublesome and likes to brawl.

One day, Izuku finds Katsuki in a dark alley, and their lives entangle together.

Legend of Izuku: Ocarina of Time by Boku_no_Botanist  ( M | 42,916+ | 7/40 )

A Legend of Zelda AU no one asked for... ----- When Katsuki is summond to see the Great Midori Tree, he had no idea what he'd get himself into as he agreed to the elderly tree's request.

Suddenly, he finds himself in the land of Yuuei, where the forest is only a fraction of the world, people are bigger, and creatures try to kill him at every turn.

And then come the mysteries... what are the golden triangles, who is the prince with green hair and freckles, the man who wields fire, and the elusive doppelganger that died five years prior... ----- UPDATE - Don't get lost

Series Part 1 of Legend of Izuku: The Hero of Time Duology

[Graphic Depictions of Violence]

The Devil is an Acronym by CalRoe  ( Not Rated | 5,186+ | 4/? )

Yamikumo or as the human world knows him as, Izuku Midoriya is neither Angel nor Demon, he is a halfling, an abomination, something that shouldn't exist, a human.

With all the negativity he still manages to become Bakugou Katsuki's guardian and caretaker.

What are the odds?

[On Hiatus] the lies and the truth by electraheathens  ( T | 3,598+ | 6/? )

Katsuku Bakugou is rich.

Izuku Midoriya is not.

They live in completely different worlds, and this is the story of how those worlds collided.

Hana to Ryuu by kewltie  ( T | 1,909+ | 1/? )

The Dragon King is offer a tribute in the form of a flower.

Series Part 4 of Gravitation

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Self-Harm]

Handful of Courage by ChestnutPatronus14  ( M | 5,035+ | 2/? )

Izuku Midoriya is one of the rare few who cannot use magic, but he had always wanted to travel. Ever since he was little he was always exploring, and when he is finally able to travel to the capital city, he is beyond excited. His plans are thrown away when he meets the prince of the Dragon Lands, Katsuki Bakugo, laying injured by the side of the road.

Izuku makes him a promise, that he would get him home no matter what, but Bakugo is having a hard time trusting an outsider. What neither of them expects, is what happens once they return to the Dragon Lands.

Series Part 2 of Into the Dragon Lands

*record scratch* *freeze frame* you're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation by Ennoshita  ( T | 2,531+ | 2/? )

Katsuki's dragon senses an intruder, but this man is... peculiar.

A Dying Breed by VMarus  ( M | 3,583+ | 1/? )

The kingdom was under strick rule, technology rising and taking hold, magical creatures were slowly being hunted either for cash or for different qualities. Tribesman were forcably removed from their homes because of the Kingdom, the Kings excuse of merging them in with them or as he called it bringing them to civilization.

Bakugou was sick of this, sick of the way the Kingdom treated his people as if they weren't people at all. He wanted change

But what was Izuku's role in all this? -

Fantasy AU

Bakugou is appart of a dying tribe and looking to make a stance against the Kings rule. Izuku is just a young village boy who somehow gets strung along by his morals and need to help.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Major Character Death | Rape/Non-Con]

Ultimatum by Saborcafe  ( M | 2,614+ | 1/15 )

"I'll make the spoiled brat marry the Uraraka girl." Monoma laughed, his expression overflowing with frenzied satisfaction. "In return, we’ll make you the top hero of a magnificent world." A utopia made reality. A world with no Quirkless.

.:. Or the one in which Bakugou Katsuki is hired as the bodyguard of the heir of Hosu Islands, Midoriya Izuku. His goal: Convince Izuku to marry the swindler Uraraka Ochako, and get his reward. The problem: He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the Quirkless heir.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence]

Icarus by BrightEyesEren  ( M | 32,397+ | 4/9 )

“Young man, let me tell you the story of an angel born without wings.”

What's the difference between an angel with wings and an angel without them? Between sin and enjoyment? Between living a life of purity and a life of freedom?

Izuku summons a demon by the name of Katsuki to find out.

The Cure by despurrito  ( T | 12,835+ | 7/? )

Bakugou Katsuki woke up in a forest, bugs gnawing on his tan face and sweat from his forehead cascades down to his eyebrows. With no recollection of how he got to this area, he heard a voice which its source was nowhere to be found but inside his head. “Oh good, you’re awake! I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for nearly an hour now! I’m glad you’re not dead!” Turns out he is in a lonely island filled with zombies with fifty-foot metal walls trapping the occupants inside it. Inside his head, the voice supplied: “The objective is… To create the cure for the zombies!... I think.” Bakugou angrily rubbed his sore temple. “You think?”

[Graphic Depictions of Violence]

[On Hiatus] Katsuki's Moving Castle by MadhatterMia  ( T | 4,976+ | 2/? )

Howl's Moving Castle AU! BakuDeku! When Izuku encounters a strange Wizard, his life changes forever. Now bestowed with a curse that changed him into a Woman, his only hope is in the one Wizard who started all of this mess in the first place. Will they be able to break each others curses? Will they find love along the way? Find out in Katsuki's Moving Castle!

Not The Worst by chuuyazai  ( G | 889 | 1/1 )

Bakugou has never been good with people. But he needs a suitor, or so his parents say.

Series Part 11 of 12 Days of Winter

Coming of a New Dawn by screaming_potoo  ( M | 28,345+ | 12/? )

Izuku's life has been full of shit, if he were to be blunt. He thought he would spend the rest of his life living peacefully with his mother as the less than normal shapeshifter that he was. But fate certainly was not having it. Katsuki was more than happy with his life. The blood of the strongest Hunter pumped in his veins damnit. He had dreams of his own. What did fate do? Laugh as if that was the best joke it had ever heard. But that same fate brought the two of them together. So when a great peril falls over the land, Izuku must decide whether he wanted to stop it or run away. This is the tale of fallen kingdoms, creatures that span from the sleekest of cats to the fiery flames of phoenixes, and the lesson of learning who to trust and who not to trust, for every decision he makes, will either give him the fortune of a lifetime or spell disaster that can cost him his life and the lives of people around him.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Major Character Death]

How We Came To Be by AShippingAddict  ( E | 1,111+ | 1/9 )

The train lines to Kyoto were canceled. Bakugou Katsuki had to be there by today. Luckily Midoriya Izuku had a car.

An unlikely friendship blooms between these two college students.

The beginning or the end? by Sleepy_Princess_Jade  ( Not Rated | 4,074+ | 3/? )

In Japan, there is the two biggest gangs that control half of the island. One half, the Explosion gang, and the other half, the Midoriya gang. There's been peace between the two grounds for awhile now, until Bakugou and Midoriya become of age to take over the gangs. When Midoriya decided to go to school on the Bakugou's side. Everyone (including himself) gets a rude awaken of how rude and ruthless both gangs could be

[Graphic Depictions of Violence]

Can I Buy You a Drink? by ZaneBee  ( T | 1,410+ | 2/? )

Katsuki Bakugou was at age 23 when he began working at his friend Kirishimas Bar. It was all fun until Izuku Midoriya started coming in every weekend with a different dude. Eventually he gets tired of seeing the young adult looking so bummed out after each date and offers him a drink on the house.

Something Interesting by violet569  ( T | 7,569+ | 2/? )

When returning home to London from the Afghanistan war front after being wounded, Izuku Midoriya needs rest, but that's not all he needs. His issues acclimating back into society are beginning to consume him, but what he doesn't expect is for a high functioning sociopathic detective named Katsuki Bakugo to pull him out of the dark, and take him on a life changing adventure. One that just so happens to actually threaten his life on more than one occasion.

-This is based off of BBC's Sherlock television show with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman-

The sea, it calls me by MochiUs  ( M | 5,164+ | 1/? )

One was searching for what was lost. One was looking for what was rightfully his. They were creatures of the sea, and this was their tale. This was the story of how a selkie and a merman fell in love.

Throne Rooms and Rainy Days by catturner7007  ( T | 2,944+ | 1/? )

Fantasy AU in which Izuku finds himself in a heavily religious village that doesn’t agree with homosexuality. When a mysterious demon king shows up one day to destroy the town, everything about his life is turned upside down. Maybe he will finally be able to find a place where he feels like he belongs.

In other words: an AU in which Katsuki is not the bully in Izuku’s life and I get to write about them falling in love with each other without them hating each other.

(Tags might change. Rating might change with future chapters.)

fulfilled by howitzerimpact  ( G | 836 | 1/1 )

bakugou katsuki has always felt empty, disconnected almost. he barely has any direction in life - what he wants to do, where he wants to go.

however, one summer day, he encounters someone who shakes his world.

The Sound Of Your Voice by melkara  ( M | 2,989+ | 1/? )

Katsuki Bakugou is without a job and struggling with no real future in sight, until he gets hit over the head with a bucket from a future who has a really really nice voice and an over protective best friend who just wont leave him alone. --- Or bascially that one story where Izuku is deaf, Katsuki is oblivious, and Todordoki is just trying to keep the floors clean and Midoriya happy.

Catchy Title Here by acidfemme  ( T | 448+ | 1/? )

Bakugou Katsuki is a human living among dragons. One day, he finds another human out of the blue. Let's see how that goes.

Ever Ever After by Agent_Fluff  ( T | 1,265+ | 1/10 )

Izuku is from the enchanted land of Yuuei, where he spends his days chasing the happily ever after he saw in his dreams. After being rescued from a troll by a handsome prince, Izuku decides that maybe this could be it. However, King Endeavor is not yet ready to lose his crown, so he banishes Izuku to a place where there are no happy endings: New York City.

Series Part 1 of Enchanted AU

Beast Of The Plains by WiseTheWolf (Cervalces_Scotti)  ( Not Rated | 1,878+ | 2/? )

The world was already dangerous enough, but unintentionally stumbling into the fabled Rift? Worst moments of Izuku's life. Not only did he find creatures more terrifying then anything anyone's ever seen, he awoke an ancient beast of legend said to incinerate your very soul from just a glance. Wonderful

fantasy au by hoedogg  ( T | 2,987+ | 2/? )

What do you do when you and your dragon friend find a group of losers wandering the woods? Mug them, obviously.

The house of paper by xbemyguestx ( M | 14,587+ | 2/13 )

Eight thieves take hostages and shelter in the National Currency Factory of Spain, while the leader of the gang manipulates the police to comply with his plan.

Inspired in Money heist, the Netflix serie

Series Part 1 of Money Heist

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Major Character Death]

if you're capable of loving by southern_cross_phoenix (fukuro_kun)  ( T | 2,024+ | 1/? )

USJ, the famed underground laboratory where harsh human experimentations are performed daily to enhance Quirks.

The mission was for the pro heroes to destroy USJ and everything inside it, but a handful of human experiments escape during the chaos and are being tracked down meticulously by the government.

Therefore, Hero-In-Training Midoriya Izuku is supposed to turn Experiment No. 200417 Bakugou Katsuki over to the police when they cross paths.

But something holds him back, and now Izuku has to prove to the world that the experiments are not a threat---before the authorities catch Katsuki and send him off to be terminated.

It's not easy, though, because the guy has a goddamn untamable temper.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence]

As The World Falls Down by roserosa  ( M | 7,448+ | 3/? )

Katsuki never wanted to get involved with the green-haired man from the market. But when a mysterious note sends him into battle with a rebel mage, he finds that Deku and his friends might be the only ones who know how to stop him.

MISC.

NAME. (くるす あきら)  Kurusu Akira. CODE NAME. Joker. ARCANA. The Fool. DATE OF BIRTH.  ( Star sign:  ). SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Bisexual demiromantic. LANGUAGES. Japanese &&. English. BLOOD TYPE. AB - HEIGHT.  175cm. WEIGHT.  kg.

VERSES.

Main verse. TAG.「 V ❥ ᴍᴀɪɴ ; Akira ／ᵃ ᵐᵒⁿᵒᶜʰʳᵒᵐᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ᵖʳᵒᵛᵉˢ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒ ᵇᵉʸᵒⁿᵈ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉʸᵉ 」    Takes place at any point in the game depending on thread.

Pre-game verse. TAG.  「 V  ❥ ᴘʀᴇ ; Akira ／ 」     Before he was framed for acting accordingly to the situation, Akira lived a tranquil if not boring life with little to no friendships in his hometown.

Post-game verse. TAG.  「 V  ❥ ᴘᴏsᴛ ; Akira ／ ᵀʰᵉ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ⁱⁿᶜʳᵉᵃˢᵉˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᵗᵘʳᵉ ʳᵉᶜᵉᵈᵉˢ· ᴾᵒˢˢⁱᵇⁱˡⁱᵗⁱᵉˢ ᵈᵉᶜʳᵉᵃˢⁱⁿᵍ ʳᵉᵍʳᵉᵗˢ ᵐᵒᵘⁿᵗⁱⁿᵍ」    Time to bid his farewells, he ought to return home though what is home when he was  already  there? A new family that he had formed in this new enviroment that no longer was strange neither unknown — he had figured out both sides, dark and light. People, those with a good heart from the start that were willing to risk it all for a delinquent, the ones that didn’t judge him for actions he hadn’t commited in a rotten world whereas adult with wicked minds had been formely in charge. Yes, he will miss them all but he still gets to keep in touch and travel during long weekends thought it isn’t the same as before.

BNHA. TAG. 「 V   ❥ BNHA ; Akira ／ 」   Quirk.  Mirage:  by touching someone, Akira will be able to copy their physical appearance and keep it up for about a day and a half  ( this includes, reverting to himself back and forth ); however, if he wants to copy their quirk as well, he needs to consume something that contains the DNA  ( i.e. hair, body fluids, etc. )     in this case, he can only have  two quirks active at once  ( three counting his ), these last half an hour at most.                              Pushing himself beyond his limits will cause the quirks  to merge  and he would be unable to use them at all without hurting himself, hence why it depends greatly on which quirks he has in hand and  if  they are worth using together  ( i.e. ice-hot count as two already + explosion making it three: making dry ice and related to that ).                              The downside of using his quirk to its full potential  ( keeping someone’s appearance plus their quirk )  is that he really  can’t  break his concentration at all, constantly pushing mental barriers about acting on instinct while also recalling where a quirk ends and when another starts or it will all come appart, making him drop unconscious in the act.                               His quirk is extremely stressing to use at full,  therefore Akira usually chooses to either sharpen his observation and deduction skills by people-watching and taking both mental and actual notes for the copy their physical appearance; or... collect, ask on some cases, hair and keep it in a tiny handmade book filled with punched pockets with a zipper to always carry around. Just in case. School.   Not much changes from his background, the ravenette still bitter about how a majority of adults are corrupted as ever and will use their quirk if   their oh so fragile ego feels   threatened even though it’s against the law; honestly even though heroes are everywhere and exceed the quota, they literally  can’t be  everywhere at the same time. Nevertheless, being accepted in U.A. when such thing happened to him and forever appears in his files? What a jest.   Though he was surprised that a hero academy accepted him to begin with, already loving Ketsubutsu Academy. Some small headcanons. x The reason he wanted to become a hero is because  Hawks  saved him when he was twelve years old, his vague grasp of age and maturity made him feel like Hawks was an extremely cool adult, unlike his teachers who blatantly ignored the system and even picked on quirkless kids  going as far as to crush their dreams  ( so what if it was true?  That they could not be heroes, but they were kids.  Dreaming  was something they were supposed to do, not be crushed by reality. It would eventually wear off rather than leave a big invisible scar, wasn’t the bullying enough? ).    Plus, the more he learnt about the flying hero who patted his head followed by some inspiring words and a bird-related joke, the more Akira’s admiration grew: that man already had his agency and was a ranked high in the list right after his debut?  Maybe there was hope, there was something about Hawks that was so different to other heroes, he seemed to dislike fame, he wasn’t as loud as All Might or Endeavor but he didn’t pass as an underground or behind-the-scenes hero either. It was a mystery that, as a fan, he wanted to uncover despite being aware he could never. x His childhood friend actually came with the idea of his hero name being  Joker  and more card games related names for his attacks.

 My Candy Love / Amour Sucre. TAG. 「 V  ♡ MCL ; Akira ／ ʷᵃⁿᵈᵉʳⁱⁿᵍ ʷⁱᵗʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵃ ʳᵉˢᵖᵒⁿˢᵉ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᶜʰᵒᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗᵇᵉᵃᵗ ᵍᵘⁱᵈᵉˢ ᵐᵉ」    Sweet Amorris, quite the peculiar place in an extreme and unnecesary saturation of pink coloring the institution. Not to mention, right across the other side of the world in Paris, France — not that he minds the opportunity to futher expand his horizons. Though, he’d have been grateful if his parents were with him here rather than learning how to survive on his own.    He’s grateful of Daniel, though, a man who hired him as part-time worker and let him sleep in his office  ( who has a bed there? Apparently, bakers due waking up at five in the morning and closing for three hours in which they took a power-nap ).

Doki doki literature club.   TAG. 「 V • DDL ; Akira ／」    What’s the purpose of joining a club when the best one is  — clearly, without question —  the going-home-club? To review what he has done in classes at his own pace or proceed to study beyond, reading the textbooks and doing its exercises, looking for missing information in his phone or a library if he wanted that background noise and the need of other’s presence.    Still, he found himself being dragged into the Literature Club. It’s not like he ever raised a pen for poetry, perhaps, vague memories surfacing in his mind when he thought he could have a talent of sorts but it’s long dead by now. Still, the ravenette decided to consider it and is a not-official member.

Ephemeral: residents of the dark.   TAG. 「 V • ; Akira ／」   Trickster, that class of creature situates itself within the twenty more powerful ones. With habilities similar to a shape-shifter but also a contract demon, they are truly  the joker  — a wildcard — of monsters.   Along Chloé, the new zombie student, Akira finds himself as puzzled and lost as her.

Ouran High School Host Club.   TAG. 「 V • ᴏʜsʜᴄ ; Akira ／」    Takes place a year  after  the events of P5.    Akira ended up in a different school from his hometown given the few connections he previously had of what he could call friends or nice acquaintances didn’t bat an eye at him. Which is why, he entered Ouran High School through a scholarship due not wishing to spent the money he has from beating shadows back at Mementos go to ‘waste’  neither  spent his last year of highschool surrounded by those who judge rather than attempt to find the truth.    Because of his background history, the institution was not fond of the idea but he did display a high level of intelligence, strategy and physical strenght enough to make their mind change ever so slightly.    Once he managed to enter, Akira still uses his glasses despite not being needed to fix his eyes but to cover his ‘neutral and scary expression’ and actually joined the Host Club under the delinquent persona that, oddly, sells quite a lot. Initially, many females were intimidated but found him utterly charming and returned to ask for him.

Yan Sim / Lovesick.  TAG. 「 V •  ; Akira ／」   Takes place a year  after the events of P5.    Delinquents were, apparently, quite the normal sight within Akademi High despite being a prestigious institution with brillaint students already making connection with the world to guarantee a future within the industries. Turns out, that Akira was accepted without further care in his background  ( after all, there were Aishi students too, and from the information he could gather — they were no better ). Without joining a club in particular, Akira is trying to live quietly until, perhaps, something were to take place and caught his interest to intervene...

Big Hero 6. TAG. 「 V •  ; Akira ／」    Takes place two years  after the events of P5.     Having just graduated from highschool, Akira is puzzled at what he wishes to become in his future while he still keeps in touch with his friends and former Phantom Thieves, he still isn’t sure of what he wants to do. Thus, he mostly takes a part-time job in a café in San Fransokyo.

Inuyasha / Feudal Era. TAG. 「 V •  ; Akira ／」    Born from a human and a demon, Akira is yet another victim of judgemental stares and hatered due being a hanyo, an hybrid: humans  fear  his demonic heritance whereas demon hate his human side, seeing him as lower than dirt.    Still, he stopped minding that and lives peacefully — only those from his village know what he is, whereas visitors or if he travels, it’s impossible to tell he is any different unless in combat or if he feels threatened. Whilst demons can smell his scent and pinpoint that he  isn’t  normal.

Eldarya / Fantasy. TAG. 「 V •  ; Akira ／」    After a month of the events that took place, Akira feels that he is being followed in his hometown and when he subtly turns around, he is, indeed, being followed but what caught his attention had to be — that it  wasn’t  a human that was after him, but some sort of creature he could swear was a shadow.     Unbeknown to him, that was only part of the plan  ( and the trap waiting for him )  due the ravenette decided to run off towards a place where others wouldn’t be hurt while feeling that thing chasing after him — that’s where he landed in the circle of witches and was dragged into a world, an alternative dimension, co-existing with Earth. He, too, realized he was with his Joker attire.    Without a clue on what took place, Akira decided to investigate and joined the Garde L’Ombre, to know beyond what was labelled as public knowledge for his sake and to help here as much as he could. If he was going to be stuck for an unknown amount of time, it was better to help rather than cross his arms. Currently, he lives in the headquarters of the Garde.

Royalty. TAG. 「 V •  ; Akira ／」    Born into a poor family, his best choice was either to join into knighthood for the good pay and climb his way up until reaching a commander point or become part of the royal staff — he chose the latter and currently mantains the highest position within servants and is both respected and feared by fellow personal.

TITLE. TAG. 「 V • ; Akira ／」 TBA.

TAGS.

「 Akira Kurusu ／ 𝙹𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚛 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ MUSINGS 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ INQUIRY 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ VISAGE 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ MANNERISMS 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ ROMANCE 」

「 Akira Kurusu ／ CRACK 」

「 𝙿𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚖   𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜／ VISAGE 」

✘· Haru Okumura ♡（ˢʰᵉ ⁱⁿˢᵗⁱˡˡˢ ᵍʳᵃᶜᵉ ⁱⁿ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵒⁿ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ&ᵈⁱᵛⁱⁿⁱᵗʸ ⁱⁿ ᶜᵃʳᵉˡᵉˢˢ ᵍᵉˢᵗᵘʳᵉˢ·ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ'ˢ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵘᵐᵉᵈ ᵇʸ ʰᵉʳ）

The Girl Who Waited Beneath the Moon

Eurydice was a sweet and beautiful girl who died young because of love. One day, about a hundred years ago, a man told her to wait for him in their meeting place underneath the Olive tree. He promised that before midnight was over he would come and formally propose for her hand in marriage. The sun was only about to set when Eurydice already started to walk to their meeting place, she could no longer wait to see her beloved. When she arrived, she waited excitedly. She kept waiting until the sun had already reclaimed its place in the sky but the man she awaited was still nowhere in sight. This did not push her down so she kept waiting for the whole day until evening once again returned, yet it was to no avail.

She was hurt, no, broken, no, she was destroyed, crushed, and devastated from inside. She could no longer live with the pain. With a final cry for her beloved, she took a piece of the bamboo which grew by their special place, near the Olive tree. She struck it at her chest to end her life and even before that, her heart had already died inside. Her soul was still suffering too much, she had loved too much, so she had bound her soul to the Olive tree, swearing to remain until true love would come her way, no matter how long it would have to take.

She grabbed a necklace from her neck and pulled it away from her forcefully. It came from the man she had once loved, it was a necklace of the moon. She prepared herself for the longest wait, until the time that a man with a truly pure heart would come and pick up the necklace that she would leave behind. 

The Goddess of Love, Aphrodite had mercy upon Eurydice for her sufferings and blessed her with a gift, an ability. She would be visible and tangible to the eyes and the hands of mortals and once her lips are kissed, she would be granted life once more. Still, during the day she had to remain in the world of Hades and when evening finally draws near, she still had to pass through the trials of Tartaros, the Underworld, to get her feet back on Earth.

Now, one hundred years had passed and a valiant man, Orpheus, found himself in the place where the young woman had died. She was still waiting there. He was a journeyer, a traveling musician who had a dream of sharing his music to the world. Though little by little, he indeed shared his music with the world through all the places he went to. The sun was already setting so he decided to play one more piece in his piano before the sun could completely sink. His piano was enchanted. He received it as a gift from Apollo, the God of Music, who respected him for his beautiful goal and his wonderful skill. The piano was as light as a guitar which made it easy to carry so he brought his favorite instrument wherever he went. He played the “Serenade of Unrequited Love” and sang along with his tunes. Even the birds flew down and close to him because of his beautiful voice and his wonderful music.

“Tell me how to win your heart, cause it'll make our fiction love story reality. But too bad, with all actions I dare take, I can't make dreams merge with reality,” he sang. Afterwards he took his rest and lay down underneath his piano, being too weary already, he was asleep almost as swiftly as he lay down.

It was still dark when he was awakened by an unfamiliar but pleasingly beautiful sound which seemed to come from his piano. When he opened his eyes, the first he saw was the slender, smooth, and glowing knees and legs in front of him. Yet he did not want to disturb the lovely music, so he decided to remain in his position beneath the piano and to just listen to the playing of the mysterious pianist. After some moments, the music stopped so he slowly poked his face out from underneath the piano and there he saw the sad but goddess-like face of a young lady. When their eyes met, they stared at each other for such a long time that it was as if time stopped flowing just for the two of them. After both had recovered from their trance, the girl abruptly ran far away and before long, there was no trace of her like a vanishing shooting star. The first rays of the sun shone down, following immediately after what happened. The morning had only arrived and so Orpheus was confused. He cannot comprehend what he had just witnessed.

“Could that beautiful scenery be a dream? If so I really wish I was born in the world of dreams instead. The beauty I just saw will be a sight my mind could never forget forevermore,” Orpheus told to himself.

From the corners of his vision, one object suddenly took his attention. There was a necklace of the crescent moon placed on top of his piano. It shined with each strike of sunshine. He thought that perhaps it was left by mistake, by the girl he saw earlier and so he became pleased. He now had hope that she might had been real so she might return and the dreamlike scenery earlier could happen once again.

That morning, after he successfully hunted a wild bear by soothing it with his flute, he gathered some good herbs which would serve as delicious spices. He made bear stew for breakfast. For the whole day he did nothing but play songs in his piano. Instead of walking onwards in his journey he decided to stay because he still hoped to see the girl he met once more.

After the sun had set, Orpheus was still playing the piano when fate made the two meet again. He stopped when he saw her and she then walked towards him. The girl asked him, “Will you stay?”

“I don’t know,” answered Orpheus, “How about you? Will you be staying?” He asked her back.

“Yes,” Eurydice answered.

“For how long?” Orpheus asked Eurydice.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know whether or not I will still leave this place,” Eurydice answered.

“Now I know for how long I will be staying,” Orpheus told her.

“For how long then?” Eurydice asked him.

“Until the day I see you leave this place, and by then I will go with you anywhere,” Orpheus answered. She smiled, it was half uncertain and half happy.

“I would just like to ask by the way. Why did I only meet you again now when it’s dark already?” he asked her.

“I’m busy during the day but I could be free tomorrow night,” Eurydice replied.

Orpheus was about to ask her about the necklace when, with a smile on her face, Eurydice once again ran towards the distance, never to be seen again for that night. The young musician was already tired at that hour so it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep once again underneath the piano.

The following morning, the blazing heat of the sun woke him up. He felt a bit sad because he did not see Eurydice, unlike the previous morning. When he finally felt hunger, he just picked whatever fruits had been growing nearby and that was breakfast for him. Only taking a break to eat and have a drink, he spent another whole day doing nothing but polishing his musical abilities.

When the sun had sunk, he smiled for he knew that he would once again meet the person who makes him happy. It did not take long for the two to meet once aagain

“It’s quite nice that we got to meet once more this evening. What can I offer to you?” Orpheus asked the maiden.

“Can you make me feel like I’m also a Goddess?” Eurydice answered with another question.

“You don’t need to become a Goddess to be adored by all. You’re already perfect while being imperfect, you are much more beautiful and pure of heart in a way that a Goddess could never be,” Orpheus replied to the girl who started to smile happily.

“Maybe if I was still the girl I was before, I would have been captured already by the sweetness of your words,” Eurydice replied.

“That’s good then, I love it in a girl, that trait of being hard to get,” Orpheus replied.

“I really like how much of a gentleman you are even though I hadn’t caught your name yet. Just who are you?” Eurydice asked.

“I am Orpheus, just a simple musician who wishes to share my music to the world. What about you? May I know who is this most beautiful girl in the world whom the universe gave me a chance to meet?” He answered and asked her the same question.

“I am flattered Orpheus, my name is Eurydice,” she answered.

“I love to finally hear you say my name. Eurydice, what a beautiful name, just for the beautiful maiden. What song would you like me to sing to you today?” Orpheus asked her.

“There’s no need for that. I always listen to your beautiful songs during the day. You may not see where I am but believe me, I can always hear you. You have really good skills in music. But let’s not waste time, I’ll just listen to your music during the day,” said Eurydice.

“How do you want us to spend this night then?” Orpheus asked.

“For now, I just want to know how it feels… the feeling of someone’s sleepy head over mine and mine over that someone’s shoulders,” Eurydice answered.

“Let’s sleep then, in my special place,” he said.

“Where is that place?” Eurydice asked.

Orpheus paused and smiled, “Nothing out of the ordinary, just underneath my piano. This is my best instrument, a memorable gift, but most of all, here is where I first saw your beautiful face,” he said with the warmest smile he had ever worn before, to which her lips formed the same in response.

The two stared at the stars and the moonlight one last time then they went to their now special place to lie down. Surprisingly, the space from below was quite cozy and very comfortable even with the two of them. Eurydice rest her head on his warm shoulders and she felt his warm head on top of hers. The two slept peacefully as the night built the best ambience for them. The fireflies flew around, as many as the visible stars in the sky and all the other animals and insects sang beautifully, quietly, and very peacefully.

When morning arrived, at the very strike of dawn Orpheus opened his eyes. Once again he sadly thought that perhaps the Eurydice he sees at night was always just a nighttime dream. But his mind was set straight again when he felt something in his hands. The moon necklace, the only proof he had of her existence, still lies inside his pocket. He let the bad thoughts go and went on with the day as usual. Using his wits and talent he caught his breakfast that day by beguiling a boar to come his way through music, tricking it to step into a trap. After breakfast he went on picking some deliciously tempting berries of nightshade. With one whiff he can tell how nice, bitter and sweet these fruits will make for a wine and so he made some wine for later.

A whole day it was again that Orpheus dedicated his time to let his emotions run free in his piano. At the moment he had a deeper inspiration. She may be nowhere at sight but she said the word that no matter how he can’t spot her anywhere, she was always around somewhere, somehow, listening to him play. His music had been evolved to the next level iindeed

After sunset, Eurydice did not appear.

Orpheus became afraid, sad, and his eyes were losing their hope. Because of his worries that are drowning him along with the moon rising higher and higher, nearing midnight, he had nothing to do but drink his sorrows away. With a tear trickling over his face, he no longer knew what to think of.

When Eurydice saw him, he was almost in the brink of self destruction, she walked towards the heartbroken musician. Before he could even speak, she pressed her lips into his with a powerful gaze, she locked him in that position.

When the two lips parted after the long, slowly cherished moment, he asked her, “Where are you during the day?”

“I was beneath the ground. Today though and onwards, I will be with you always. That’s my promise,” Eurydice answered.

“I’m not sure if I understand but knowing that I’ll be with you is more than eno-” was the reply of Orpheus when he suddenly stopped and fell over. He was lifeless.

He did not know that the wine he drank was toxic, nightshade is poisonous. It was then Eurydice who was heartbroken and crying. Fate was tragic to her, previously she died because she did not see her love and now she was seeing her new love die in front of her.

She was quick to think that perhaps the wine he drank was the reason for his demise so she drank it. Nothing happened. She took another piece of bamboo to end her life once more. When she opened her eyes, it pierced her chest, blood flowing out yet she felt no pain. She then realized what she had become, immortal. Aphrodite gave her new life, it was a gift from a Goddess, and it made her immortal. This gift became nothing but a curse to her, immortality was nothing but a border between life and death and her reason for living, her love, was trapped on the other side. She was willing to do anything but at this point there was nothing she could do.  

With nothing else she is capable of doing, she dug and prepared a tomb in front of the Olive tree, beneath Orpheus’ piano. Once she finished, she took a long breath of fresh air. She went inside carrying her beloved in her arms. From inside, she sealed the tomb. Now that her loved one is dead forever while she had been made to live forever, she stayed with him. She was not afraid until the very end to face the lonely tides of forever. She was true to her word until the end.          

I did not expect to have such a major past break down, but seeing the sites again brought back more than I could handle. I took back my body from the Bunker by the sea, sexually, and I was amazed to finally do that for myself, but not left to rest enough alone. I had a good night that night, but my week was compiled of people's doubts and analyzations of me and I just got so angry that I have been on trial for a great Loss of Self, that I just couldn't take another mean word. I cried all day today basically.. Been feeling so sad, I forgot how sad I was back then, but I am integrating and I am sorry for being mean and vicious, but I am screaming at the behaviour and the pain of those acts that left my heart mangled and my body broken down in so so so many ways.. I had to get really mad. And it is the first time, I have ever been that angry at all. So I apologize if I hurt feelings but remember this is ptsd and in moments where I feel it all over again, it Burns up my soul and the black stuff that's been stuck in my wounds comes gushing out like fresh cut blood. Imagine me just tarantino spraying black blood streams of rotton feelings that we're never allowed to be released before, that I never even knew I was capable of feeling. Such Rage and Violence put into my experiences, stuck festering inside me for years.. All that hurt and anger and sadness and violation and confusion and high asf emotional residue so super heightened feeling and empathy... I had to get so angry with the history of my human life with humanity that I could kill off any remaining Stockholm ocd get that toxicity out of me. I hope you understand my anger is at the vile nature of humans that could contrive of such spirit defilement... The sellers, not the buyers. The sellers I want to thoom out of existence for all our own benefit. But to Hades. You especially. Thank you for saving me by familiarity and your eye spirals always had me out of body with you before either of us could lapse into psychosis and I wrote that all down beautifully in the ptsd book.... Which is full of my writing between the lines for veterans, victims, and group organization survivors.. How we survived. And how it wasn't meant to be that way.. And how to recover... I hope you join me in this fight against trauma and it's repercussions. please help me repair what you did to me on here... I was called illegitimate, fake, liar, idiot, asked for it, deserved it, and playing victim for attention when I seriously cannot stop that feeling from causing a horror reaction yet... But I am working on that every week.. I don't want to fight. Unless it's for fun. Play fighting might be helpful when I have more trigger rush control.... Though I might get bruised and cry much more than the tap, it's like a pressure point all over me.. And since I am failed sexually, which is a huge loss for me since I had recovered entirely twice before.. Third time killed my love of love and it's just all pain for me now.. Pointless to be romantic when you can't feel anything but searing pain... I almost had it back to go last year but I lost my will to go on with all that still hidden in me. I told you I would die to protect you even from myself and I am sorry for being your nightmares as well.. I never wanted to know who did anything but once abraxus tantamount came through the wall that night it all went to hell and you said so yourself that yes it was I the devil who took you down at your purest. And the memory of you from before made it all a billion times worse.. Please forgive my extreme emotions coming back to me. But thank you for leading me back to me. My heart can breathe. I will be taking mild time the rest of the week to rest and heal... I would really appreciate some consideration of my effort and offers.. I really want to put out the right kind of effort in this world and I would rather any any any day be your ally or even associate that worked towards a mutual regeneration of truth in healing instead of the old and now outdated ways of slitting wrists to read only spit shit talk and be seen so horribly for something I did not choose to experience... I did my best in those moments.. I really tried.. I always try.. I never thought I would even get to this day a decade from my suicide attempt, an adult with a mission, wanting to work and start being an adult. I think I got so mad I let the madness break instead of Me and the Peter pan syndrome and stockholm are fading away. I feel Only that I wanna be an activist for positive change and make sexuality at least in image for myself, something wild and free and beautiful again... And if that's not a problem.. We can make a code of honor maybe.. Very strictly samurai.. To respect each other and our extensive journeys. To work towards something brilliantly better and to not be sneaky about this whole... Broadcasting thing. Just give me a job with hours and tasks and some name credit and some cash so I can raise money for White Ribbon... That's a perfect apology. And you don't have to say anything too hard or go back or even worry about the past because a bright future even at a distance, I can see, if I am smiling and you are too.. A year without any major episodes for us... That's a dream I will cash in for win because it means we will be free of the hurt we cause/d each other and that is literally the best form of forgiveness and acknowledgement spiritually ever.. I think I could die happier than I have ever even dreamed if I could heal this and use all that spreading of Me around to Rep solid dual Record of recovery and maybe restore some faith in humanity. That is the best I can ask for and I believe in you to know you will think wisely before making any idea an agreement of respect.. I think it is positive for both of us.. I think I can be even worth my thousand names if I can reach people with a clean head and an open heart, no tattered doll threads or punched out stuffing or hidden pins that surprise or button down eyes.. I could make something beautiful if I was given a real chance... Obviously I am not gonna give up on that. I would just rather not have an enemy of the devil on my shoulder. I'd rather he encouraged me to be shameless and a warrior woman for strength of self, courage, and uncursing.. I wanna help me and if you granted me a wish it would be to do business in helping people network and find health in even the darkest places. And if the ocean pleases you, it is yours, let me have the moon to uncurse. I want us all to live peacefully.. No matter what i wanna die accomplished, old, and laughing. Laughing at good memories cause that's how friends Should be remembered. And laughing at the mystery of death being so easy and familiar that slipping into my next life will be easy as a dream. And everyone will learn how to make their own heavens without having to steal from others.. I can teach that.. I'm very good at making worlds. You and team black wolf know me pretty well. You can hear me and I am sorry for when I have anxiety or forget about meds.. I can't believe this internet even exists but I will work hard to prove more for all and me, that I am Worth Every Scar on our bodies.. By bringing sexism to a finale and leading by example for the other girls and women out there that need to learn compassion for others and how to make their own spirit soar vaster and more beyond than Anyone has seen before. This is the lifetime. We made a wish to the same idea of kind and made him a shared part of our minds.. Let's make our most valuable and important wish become reality, and reset ourselves entirely. Brutality is for defense against invaders and power is for making change happen positively I believe that. Fully. With my whole being. Shit i am old asf here and not even from here.. But we are all capable of the art of gods. And we can embody them sometimes, our highest selves all past legends and all our experience at our finger tips we could paint the world ookami colours and everyone who was there would be gifted with their own benefit and power of sanctified self. You are a genius savant you know. while we are still stuck together by spirit, let's at least make it worth it for the positive!!!!!! Please notify me if you think it through a yes or no or maybe in any platform inbox would be directly amazing. And then I could get started right away. I hope for yes we are all okay.. I wanna show you all the magic I learned to deactivate madness and how to defeat your own parallax paradigm trap without hurting anyone or yourself... I think I made maybe 6 or 7 other versions of the one I wrote for psychotrap the unboxing and assumption of the vincentarianism side of the self by saving yourself from a childhood trauma as vincent. Thus vincent is a Victor by default and the curse is snapped to nothing just like that as you merge you with little you and the new dark guardian hero in you.. I think. Maybe you can be great with me as your back up guide for light to dark to light and any other fable you want out of your system. I am no by birthright, zed, nai , el, aria, ai, Anna Marie Belle. Ava versus abuse, and ayame sachiekko just finishing my geass prep. Please allow me to show you even if you decline me.. Please look to see sometimes that I am making good worthiness of myself with all that work. That I maybe one day will re earn romantic rights in my life... But every day will produce something new and good. Yep.