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#may allah forgive me if i got anything wrong here!
apollos-olives · 3 months
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what are your thoughts about what's going to happen on the 11th and 12th? I'm south african and although we've got a strong free Palestine and anti zionist community, as well as being the country to get Israhell to the ICJ, the pro zionist/Israel is very strong and very big. my fear is that if my country can be so against Palestine (and this is mainly because Israhell has sold this idea that Israel=the Holy land and Christianity is very strong here in SA) how is it going to be in other countries. Islamophobia is so much worse in western countries and I'm genuinely fearing for the outcome because the reality is whether Israhell is condemned or not, there's going to be outrage.
I'm not educated enough to even understand the implications of the ICJ, but I do pray that it goes in my country's favour, thereby going in Palestine's favour. I don't know if this is ignorant on my part, so do forgive me if this statement is tone deaf, but I remember reading something regarding the Syrian Civil War: that the healing process is painful but the result is worth it.
I sincerely believe that Israhell will not win and that Palestine will be free. My country is far from perfect, but we achieved democracy and ended our own Apartheid. Despite what many believe or think, I refuse to condemn Hamas because although I myself believed them to be in the wrong and thought of them as terrorists, the ANC were considered terrorists and Nelson Mandela was only removed from the CIAs terrorist list when Obama came into office. So it became clear to me that any act of resistance will always be considered an act of terror in the eyes of the oppressor, and we in Cape Town recognize this and we pray for Palestine's liberation.
I was born 11 years after Apartheid and grew up free, so I know that I will never be able to understand your pain, but I pray to Allah that this current generation will give birth to Palestinians who are like me and never have to experience oppression.
Allah will save this Ummah, I believe in it, and a powerful statement that was made by Alan Busack, a politician and theologian in my country, when he and Naledi Pandor, my country's Minister of International Relations, announced that the charge had been lodged with the UN was that "Palestine is already free." and i realized while listening to his speech that Palestinians are the bravest souls. Your children are braver than I could ever be and your faith is stronger than steel.
Regardless of the results of this case, we in South Africa will not give up on Palestine, we even have this new found tradition of fasting on Thursdays for Palestinians, and altho the Zionist movement is strong here and people are even being kicked out of public places for wearing the colours of the Palestinian flag, us supporters will take it in our stride.
May Allah bless you and free Palestine In Sha Allah Ameen ❤️
for the most part, what i hear and believe from my community is that the icj isn't actually gonna do anything or dismantle israel. but it WILL show the world the atrocities they've committed, and more and more people will be exposed to what has been happening, and therefore the intifada will become stronger. even if the icj doesn't do much (inshallah it will), it will still expose israel for what it is and will help change peoples minds over what is happening. that is the biggest thing we believe we will get out of from this whole situation.
islamophobia through christian zionism isn't new, nor is it something we don't know how to deal with. i don't really think you personally should be worrying about that, though we do appreciate the concern. people are waking up and more and more people are joining the intifada and not just protesting and supporting us but they're actually learning about palestine and it's history and culture and people and it's allowing people to learn about how palestine is the holy land and how we must protect it, etc etc. the world is turning to our side and taking apart christian zionism and proving it wrong, so while yes christian zionism is dangerous, it's easily dismissible and taken apart, and we are prepared to deal with that.
we are grateful for south africa helping us and inshallah palestine will be free soon. i hope the next generation of our children will never have to face hardship like this ever again. may allah accept all martyrs and send them to heaven ya rab. thank you for your kind message, it means a lot 🫶
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dearserenesoul · 1 month
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"Anything in excess is harmful..."
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"...and that, macam kita tengah baca sekarang ni, includes virtues, Shirin."
I was so sleepy that day. So I went to his work station to fresh up a bit. But he was so into his writing so I just lingered around, playing with his stuff, positing my presence.
Cant be. I have works too.
While I was so into mine, he brought his MacBook to my table and sat in front of me. I stopped and looked at him.
"Yus...", I paused, waiting for his reaction.
"Dah agak dah. Hm? Nak cakap apa?"
It's been years since I last had this kind of rapport with him; meeting everyday, talking everyday, like good ol' undergrad days. Pandemic had distanced us, since I'm not that good at maintaining virtual connections. I've been isolating myself too much too, not reaching out to many.
"Bila last kita jumpa?! It's been years, Shirin!"
Still remember how he got mad when I finally reached out to him to ask for help and support last year.
"Too much courage will make us hasty and angry. Too less of it will make us cowardice. Dalam Islam ni kita kena sentiasa strive for middle path."
I know, I know. I think everyone knows. Mentally. Not many actually internally.
"Being compassionate is good. Tapi terlalu compassionate..."
"Orang akan pijak?"
He nodded.
I'm aware. I'm always aware how people show up to me. I take mental notes. I make conclusion. I may remain silent, but I have a lot inside here, no matter how they think they are close to me, knowing me well.
This year feels like golden opportunity given by Allah for me to actually start moving forward. Everything, every aspect of my life, feels like turning a new page. I'm re-learning & re-living almost everything. I'm currently a baby phoenix just raised from the ashes; still have ashes on me to shake off, then to grow, to burn, to fly.
That includes how I allow and don't allow people to treat me. If I'm not pleased, instead of just remaining silent like I used to; creating excuse, being understanding, forgiving without apology, maintaining soft—I'm starting to be more vocal. Or I will quickly remove myself. Not used to doing that made me...ragingly reactive. I think I've crossed some wise line.
"Are you sure you can move forward without them?"
I'm still angry. I can no longer tolerate. It's either people respect me, or they don't exist in my life at all. I have enough with people. I cannot let anyone makes me feel bad about myself, push me down ever again.
Or at least there needs to be some distance. If they cannot even have a second thought on how their actions make me feel, after all compassion, gentleness, tenderness I've been offering, I don't need them. Or I think so.
Some people, if I do them like they did me, they won't stand me. They won't stand the way they treat me upon themselves.
"Kalau diorang betul care dekat awak, maybe diorang akan reflect. Just give this some time."
If they don't, then they don't. I'm all about turning new pages.
We're all adult. No matter if we have long friendships since our young immature age, since we were still childish and acted unlike an adult is supposed to, now that we're adult, behave like one. Talk like an adult, talk to people as an adult they are. Be respectful, be kind, practice good lisan and akhlaq.
Knowing each other closely for a long time is not a ticket to bring out our worst just because we're already comfortable. At this age, it's with people that matter that I'm striving to be my best self, and I expect the same.
. . . . .
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I frequent selawat & istighfar during my commute to work & back from work. Usually it makes me feel serene to start my day with, and feel like i close up my working ibadah with zikr too.
But I cannot help but to feel like something is going wrong. The selawat & istighfar are not working like they usually do.
I have guilt in me for positing my boundaries, for demanding respect. I know I shouldn't. It's more about the guilt for how I posit it.
Then I create excuse for myself,
If I don't make it a huge matter, people won't take me seriously. They need to understand that I'm serious, I'm taking myself seriously, and they also need to.
. . . . .
People at work are mostly surprised that I'm 29. They think I'm younger. Or look younger.
Unfortunately, looking young is not always a praise. People would think you're below them & they can baby you. Worse case, not taking you seriously and disrespect you.
I get 'cute' more often than i get 'beautiful'.
"Alahai comel je."
"Alahai manjanya."
I smiled, but...I'm sorry?!
No, don't manja me. Respect me. I'm an adult. Be kind to me. Behave with me.
"Anything in excess is harmful..."
I'm just being polite. It's not in my control if I appear to be too soft, or even manja.
They think the softness in me is just in my voice, in the way I speak, in how I choose to smile more than to speak, I choose to be polite more than friendly, that I may appear to be shy or manja (?)
But what some people are oblivious about is this softness translates into fragility inside here.
I hear tones in their voice.
I read their faces and body languages.
I'm hypervigilant of their actions and reactions.
I get hurt easily. But I choose to keep it inside. So they think I don't get hurt. So they think it's okay.
But I'm not okay.
. . . . .
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Today Mama packed me a lunch box in this pinky winky cutie luncheon bag! Mama is so cute. This bag is so cute and pink and Mama is so cute too! 💖
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323398149 · 1 year
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Hey besties. Another happy vibes post I guess. More like major life moment has been going on slash being prepped for and I haven't been able to process it properly and then I realized yknow what I gotta just journal it out bro that's the only way anything ever comes together for me.
So
Hello future old amms.
Three weeks ago your healthy parents booked an umrah trip for you and your sister. And you guys didn't even have passports yet so that was step one. And you went and got your photos. Oh wait gotta add detail you were at the gym about to do a madfit app upper body workout when ur mom called to congratulate you and then I was like uh can I get my pictures today and go tmr? And she was like sure anyways you went to the office near the peo office gah and yeah went to pick them up in the subway a week later. And yeah then you read an umrah prep book and made notes and then you've been shopping for necessities and coaching Fatima zohra twice a week. So that's pretty much been ur life. Also you went to your first Patel cousins potlock dinner and humairaa took you guys out for dinner last weekend. So that's pretty much been what's up.
So what that means is you stopped applying to jobs, you stopped going to the gym, and you honestly haven't got as far as you'd like to have with your knowledge prep. You've been listening to an audio discussion of sealed nectar tho so that feels good oh and you purchased your first ever own Quran!
Anyways you've also reflected a lot a lot on the past year and how much you've changed since 22. Your physical appearance has changed a LOT! lol you're way stronger looooool like not to say you're strong but just strongER than you were before which was random pains. OH SIDE NOTE you also cleaned the basement donation pile. And your hair is way shorter, you eat proper meals and you're less tired cause you get to sleep in all the time. You smile and laugh and are a person with a personality who reads books and makes jokes. You're alive. And you're so grown up lol.
Your friends tell you you're more calm. Oh I ALSO spent one day with zaibaa at her classes for her big kid engineering school and that was so dope and inspiring. Gaaah that's a whole other excitement to talk about. So yeah it's been an eventful start to the year.
Anyways back to the topic. A year ago you got sick and in the moment before you passed out you called out to your mom to alert her that something was wrong and as you were dropping and everything felt far away, you thought "thank goodness I didn't do the haram thing that was dangling infront of me 2 months ago" lol and in the hours after I realized like shit, I'm so grateful that it was that thought instead of one of fear of death and regret. Like yes obvs those were still there but there was a relief. And honestly that wasnt me, that was allah that stopped me and protected me from myself and from jahanam yknow? Anyways which started you on a slow crawl journey back to your faith, a reversal of like 3 years of pulling away. Idk maybe the journey has already started and halted before that but yeah. It's been such a slow crawl which means I still feel so behind where I'd like to be but I still love being able to look back and see that there HAS been progress.
So yeah a year ago I had told me classmate that my parents wanted us to go to umrah in may after exams but no way I wasnt ready or mature enough or at that place in life and I was gonna tell them that I didnt want to go. And here I am, terrified and not at all feeling ready yet still excited kinda. So that's the thing and what I want to say. Like I haven't really let myself get excited because idk I lowkey feel so undeserving loool. But yeah I guess now I need to put myself into that excitement because I need to prepare my soul for this big life moment that's happening and now it's really here and it's happening loooooool if that makes sense idk.
The main thing for me is working on forgiveness and like letting go of grudges and hard feelings. I lowkey dont even know how to gah but imma google it and figure it out tmr morning and then just work my way through everyone I know and like let shit go in my heart.
Honestly even a few weeks ago I couldn't imagine myself even WANTING to do that looool rip but anyways now thinking about it I'm like damn that acc sound kinda nice and like I'll be lighter. I'm looking forward to letting go now which idk if you know me loool idk that hasnt been my vibe in the past. So yeah I'm excited. I hope it all works out. By it all I mean everything. This trip, getting a job, starting a life, dying, the afterlife loooool I hope it all works out haha
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tawaifeddiediaz · 2 years
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Ramadan FAQ
Ramadan is from an estimated April 2 - May 2 this year, and since most of my following is non-Muslim, so...I put this together (because I’m always excited about Ramadan xD) As always, my inbox is open to questions or clarity!
What is Ramadan?
A month of fasting! It’s the ninth month in the Islamic (lunar) calendar, and is a time of worship and growing closer to Allah. Fasting, known as sawm, is one of the five pillars of Islam, and for everyone who is able to and is of age*, it is obligatory to fast all days.
*This means anyone who’s hit puberty and older!
What’s the significance?
Ramadan is the month that all of the scriptures in Islam are said to have been passed down to the prophets (peace be upon them). This includes the Scrolls of Abraham, the Tawrah (Torah), Zabur (Psalms), Injil (Gospel), and the Qur’an (which is the book Muslims follow today).
In this month, it is said that Shaytaan (Satan) is chained away for the entire month. This is said to signify that Shaytaan can’t push people in committing sin. It is also said that the gates of Heaven are opened, and the gates of hell are barred. 
Do you fast continuously for one month?
No, the fast starts at dawn (with the Fajr prayer) and ends at sunset (with the Maghrib prayer). Depending on where you are, this can go from anywhere between 11-22 hours of fasting (there’s various views here about the 22 hour fast, but for the sake of simplicity, I’m not elaborating). 
Can you eat or drink anything during the day?
Nope! You eat sehri, the morning meal (also known as suhoor), before dawn, and then nothing until iftar at sunset, when you can break your fast with dates and water.
Not even water?!
No, not even water xD
What’s the point? What do y’all do?
Ramadan is used by Muslims to grow closer to Allah, to strengthen their relationship with Islam. The barakat (blessings) and sawab (spiritual rewards) of this month are triple that of any other month, so we dedicate our time to prayers, reading the Qur’an, giving charity. We also dedicate time to breaking harmful habits, like smoking and drinking. Ramadan also helps Muslims realize compassion for those who have food insecurities, and cannot access a full meal. We’re encouraged to give as much as possible during this month.
In Ramadan, there are special prayers that most pray in a congregation, called Taraweeh. It is not a compulsory prayer, but it has a lot of reward so most people pray it.
Why aren’t the women fasting?
People who menstruate are excused from fasting during their period, just as they’re excused from prayer. This is because periods are physically taxing, and require a large amount of hydration and nutrition, and because they are already a source of discomfort. It is not because periods are “impure” (because they aren’t! That is a cultural misconception.) These missed fasts are to be made up at any time before next Ramadan. Most people do it during winter months, because the fasts are shorter then!
While menstruation means no prayer or fasting, it doesn’t stop other acts, so many people double down on using prayer beads, listening to Islamic lectures/recitations or other acts of worship on the days they can’t fast.
Are there any other reasons people won’t be fasting?
Yup! People who are elderly, pregnant*, breastfeeding, ill, diabetic (hence can’t go without food for that long), or travelling are excused from fasting. Out of these, travelling will require fasts to be made up. Additionally, some chronically ill people decide to continue fasting, but this is not mandatory, nor recommended! If fasting is hazardous to your health, you’re exempt.
*There’s some debate about whether to fast in pregnancy, as some do, but generally, fasting can negatively impact the unborn baby, and increase birth complications, especially during later stages. Most are recommended to follow the exemption and not fast!
(Also, if someone says they’re not fasting, it’s basic manners not to ask them why not.)
Why don’t you guys ever know when it starts?
Because the Islamic calendar is a lunar calendar. It goes by the phases of the moon, and only when the crescent is observed do the months start and end. There are a lot of ways to observe it now, but some places just go by what Makkah, Saudi Arabia declares, or what the surrounding countries/states say.
Are specific days better than others?
Some days are said to have greater reward because they’re the days one of the aforementioned scriptures were passed down. Fridays are always holy in Islam, but more so in Ramadan. The last 10 days are also of great importance, because it’s said that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) received his first revelation of the Qu’ran (Surah Al-Alaq!) during one of the odd-number nights — 21, 23, 25, 27, or 29. That night is known as Laylat-ul-Qadar (Night of Destiny), but no one knows the actual date.
When does it end?
On the first of Shawwal, which is the next month! When the crescent is spotted again, it marks the end of Ramadan, and the start of the festival of Eid-ul-Fitr. If the moon is not sighted, most people take a default thirty days for Ramadan, and that makes the end of the month.
Are there any specific traditions?
Everybody is different! My family loves making at least one fresh dish for iftar. We also fill trays with food to give to the masjids (mosques) because many people break their fasts at the mosque itself. It’s almost like a huge potluck every night, which is great for people who can’t afford a meal, because they won’t have to go hungry at the end of a long day of fasting. Sheikh Zayed Mosque in Abu Dhabi feeds 20,000-30,000 people a night, without question of who they are or where they’re from.
I personally set a few goals during Ramadan for myself, including finishing the whole Qur’an during Ramadan, spending time with my family, giving more charity and learning more about Islam. Everyone’s goals are different, and some don’t have any, which is completely okay! There’s no “right” way to do it.
What can non-Muslims do to support Muslims during this month?
Keeping an open mind is the biggest thing, I think. I remember that I used to get a lot of “but that’s so cruel!” comments in school because eating or drinking wasn’t allowed, and then made fun of because I’d take ten minutes from class to offer prayers. “You must lose a lot of weight” was also another really, really annoying one, and also...“not even water” asked every single year endlessly (we get it, but please stop asking).
Most people don’t care if you eat in front of them but be respectful of them fasting and don’t be obnoxious about your own food. Don’t come up with plans that are physically taxing, and try to look out for your Muslims friends. Don’t point out if someone who’s fasting has bad breath because that’s what you get from not eating or drinking all day. Try to be understanding if your Muslim friends can’t schedule things at certain times, or if they don’t want to participate in something because it goes against something they’re trying to accomplish. 
If you work with Muslims who will be fasting, just know that it can be very physically taxing, especially if you work a job where you’re on your feet a lot. Try to accommodate that. Also, if an employee requests different hours, it’s usually so we can go home and open our fast with our families.
This is honestly a very small guide to Ramadan. There are countless other things that could be included in this list, but I hope this is a start! May Allah accept all our fasts, our prayers and may He make the month easy for us, and especially for our community in tragedy-stricken places, Ameen!
Ramadan Mubarak! <3
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Forgiving is hard.....
Every time I contemplate on all the heartbreaking episodes & events that i had to endure these past few months, I couldn’t help but to be filled with rage and/or great sorrow. Lately, it has kind of taken a toll on me. I often find it so difficult for me to fully focus & achieve khusyu’ in my ibadah or any task I do in general. As hard as I try to eliminate external distractions when I’m at something, my past always finds its way back to me. I start to be reminded of how hurt i was, and all the familiar faces that caused that hurt. Anger will peek in and just like that, I lose focus.
Now being distracted isn’t my main concern. It’s the fact that by losing focus when i’m in the middle of doing something, be it ibadah or work, I would end up not entirely satisfied of the outcome once it’s done- this bothers me a whole lot. Imagine how much better everything would turn out if I gave my 100%. Until I discover how to get rid of everything that’s bugging me, I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace. The question here is, why can’t I? Why is it so hard to get over everything? Then it occurred me last night that maybe, just maybe, the reason why I can’t let go of my past is because I’m withholding one of the most essential thing that is needed to move on- forgiveness.
In my effort to start fresh, I realised how I still get all emotional and mad each time I think of the ones who broke me. So I ask myself, if I still feel this way then have I really forgiven them? Hm, I don’t think so. But then, why not?
Although Allah has given us the right to refuse from forgiving someone, I’m pretty sure He does not encourage it. As difficult as it is to forgive, holding back forgiveness is way more tormenting and painful. It haunts you. In my idealism, I used to think that if I don’t forgive someone, i have done my revenge. They will not be able to live in peace because regardless of whether they have asked for an apology or not, i’d still consider it as ‘unsettled business’. But hey who am I kidding, because eventually, this mentality corrupts the heart. And a heart which is corrupted will never be at peace- including mine.
Oh come on, It’s islamic new year. If not now, can there be a better time? You see, forgiving does not only benefit the person at fault, but it’s equally as important & necessary for the forgiver as well. You should forgive others not only because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. After all the crap they got you through, even if they never bothered to say sorry, forgive them. Again not because they deserve it, but you are way better than that. Because you are worthy with the quality of being forgiving. It takes the same amount of energy to forgive as well as to not forgive. There’s a certain kind of humility required to be the adult here. Not forgiving, as convenient as we ‘assume’ it is, just indicates the amount of pride and arrogance we have in us. Since when is life a battle of ego? Remember the story of Adam and Iblis Laknatullah? Ego was the exact reason why Iblis was taken out of jannah.
We are all children of Adam. We make mistakes. At some point of our lives, we have also wronged someone. We might have caused them hurt. With or without intentions, knowingly and unknowingly. It is certainly natural to mess up here and there. Yes right now you are torn. Yes you are shattered to pieces and broke to the bones. That person may have betrayed us, slandered us, or simply been a pain in the ass. But how can you be so sure you’ve never left anyone feeling the same way before? And because of that, we all owe each other forgiveness. If we hope to be forgiven, why is it so hard to do the same to people? Why are we withholding something which we are clearly not the rightful owner of in the first place?
Forgiveness, dear readers, it’s is not our forte. It’s not something we humans are experts of. For goodness sake, we are not God. Even Allah is Al-Ghaffur- The Most Forgiving. He forgives and He loves to forgive. It’s one of his beautiful attributes. A Godly one. Now since Allah is All-Forgiving, if the person at fault commits sincere tawbah (repentance), it is most likely for Him to forgive the person. But us humans? We on the the other hand, are different. We tend to come up with so many excuses and have the cheek to not forgive a fellow human being who breathe, eat, sleep and make mistakes just like us. Do we think that if we do not forgive them, we can refuse them jannah? Are we for real? Don’t compare who hurt who more, or ‘my pain is bigger than your pain’. If you look at it that way, you will never be able to forgive. We are not the bosses of others. I don’t owe you, you don’t owe me. Honey, who are we to punish people? If Allah can forgive people, why should we punish them more than they deserve to be punished?
It warms my heart every single time I recall on how forgiving our prophet Muhammad SAW was. Do you remember how he was once rejected by the people of Ta’if? When he arrived to Ta’if, he was pelted with rocks and stones until he bled awfully. His whole body was covered with blood and his sandals were clogged to his feet. Things got so ugly that Jibril was sent down to usher the angels in charge of the mountains to look after this matter. The angel greeted Rasulullah and said;
“Oh Prophet of Allah! I am at your service. If you wish, I can cause the mountains overlooking this town on both sides to collide with each other, so that all the people therein would be crushed to death, or you may suggest any other punishment for them.”
I bet you can guess what the prophet did next. 
Yes, he forgave them instead. Allah. He was A PROPHET. A Nabi! He could simply ask Allah to destroy the people of Ta’if. But not only he forgave them, he also prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies. No grudges. No nothing. MashaAllah, such humility. Muhammad SAW raised his hands towards the heavens and said “…So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favour is of a more expansive relief to me.”
Allahuakbar
Here’s another story. Once during the time of the prophet SAW, a man was said to be given glad tidings of Jannah. A sahabah heard this news and due to curiosity, he observed that man’s activities for 3 days from the moment he wakes up, to the time he goes to bed. However he did not find anything that made the man stand out from the rest of the sahabah who seemed to be doing more good deeds. So one day, he gave up and decided to ask the man directly. The man revealed a truly virtuous act that he never forgets to do every night. He said “Every night, before I go to sleep, I forgive whoever has wronged me. I remove any bad feelings towards anyone from my heart.”
How beautiful is that?
I learnt that one way to be more forgiving is by reading more seerah of the prophets. How they dealt with people, particularly who hated them and had harm inflicted on them. They were so gentle towards others and they showed that it is absolutely possible to forgive with hikmah; to become strong, without being hard, and remain soft, without being weak. Personally, the more I read about the prophets, the more I feel so little. As if I have no right at all to NOT forgive people, despite how they were towards me before.
Again,
Forgive others not solely because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace
It’s a win-win situation, for both parties. Not only that, it is also an investment for our Aakhirah. Our “jannah access cards”. Give yourself a chance to be happy again. Get rid of all that intention of wanting to torment a fellow human being by not forgiving them. It’s liberating and life changing, you know. Set them free, while setting yourself free. Pray for them. Ask Allah to guide them and make them happy. I noticed that by making du’a for those who have hurt us, we will find that their happiness can also be our happiness too. Tell me how can we not be happy seeing our prayers being granted?
And to every single soul that I have wronged, if by any chance you’re reading this, I sincerely beg for your apology. Please make du’a for me. Also know that I have forgiven you and I wish you nothing but the best for both your dunya and aakhirah. May Allah grant you contentment and peace, and may he soften our hearts to continue forgiving.
I deserve peace. You deserve peace.
So may peace be upon us all, inshaAllah.
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youarebeyoutifulx · 4 years
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Hey may i know how to move on from someone we still love ?☺️
السلام عليكم،
okay let’s do this, bismillah.
i hate to say this but moving on from someone i love has been the hardest struggle of my life because it took me so long to find the solution even though i had the solution but didn’t know the right way to implement it? i say “i hate to say this” because now in the place i’m in there’s so much to life other than that, there’s so much i was missing out because i was too busy trying to move on, and “i hate to say this” because Allah swt blessed me with so much, so much & because of my heartbreak i thought my life was the worst place to be in & i talked to god a lot asking him why me? why am i the side of the relationship that has to suffer with cheating, or being lied to or whatever. i’m saying this because i want you to know that i did suffer & i do know how horrible it feels & i do know how much pain you might be in & i want you to know i’ve been in your shoes & i have the solution with me & i want you to trust me & trust Allah swt & do this knowing that you’ll move on & knowing that you’ll come out of this the best version of yourself. i’m gonna take you through my journey.
i want you to know that all along, i did pray & i did complain to Allah swt a lot & i cried & soaked my prayer mat & meh at times i did read quran when i felt too much heaviness in my heart. & okay i read the morning & evening athkar so i was doing all that thinking i’m close to god so i’m definetely gonna move on because whenever you ask anyone how to move on they just tell you get closer to god so i thought i was doing something there. Along side with all that, i talked to my friends a lot whenever i felt down i talked to them about it waiting for them to help me & yes they did help me but it was only for a matter of a few hours maybe a couple of days but then i’ll go bad again. Along side with that i worked out, along side with that i stalked him for so long because i needed to know what he was doing i felt like I needed to, i actually stalked him maybe once a minute & got several panic attacks per day depending on what i see when i stalk him & i’m not even exaggerating. just want you to know how attached i was so that you can trust me when i tell you that if i can move on from that, you can too.
for a long long time that’s what i did i relied so much on my friends, that every couple of days i’ll talk to them they’ll calm me down for a few days then i’ll talk to them again & this went on for so long until they really got tired of me hearing the same things & telling me the same things & i don’t blame them, if i were in their shoes i’d get tired of me too. but it’s not because they don’t love me, they do love me but they’re human after all, they don’t have the power to change what’s in my heart, but okay god can change what’s in my heart but i’ve been complaining to him too & he didn’t help me not yet, it’s been so long & i haven’t been progressing a single bit. so i tried again.
this time i tried to only complain to him, and stop complaining to my friends because i’m sure they’re done with me. the more i complained to him the faster i used to want the next prayer to come so that i can complain again. i wanted to keep complaining to him but i still used to think about the guy a lot because for 5 times a day all i was doing is talk to god about him i’m still so invested in the guy that throughout my whole prayer all i’m doing is think about sujood to talk about him; what was i doing. i came across something somewhere, i think in a video that said if you’re thinking about something continiously in your prayers, abandon it. tyb that’s what i’m doing! that’s why i’m praying! but i shouldn’t be praying to abandon it? it shouldn’t be the purpose of praying. i shouldn’t be praying wholeheartedly only because i want something from god. i came across something else that said if god doesn’t grant you what you want it’s because you might be praying for something that’s bad for you & god wants nothing than the best for you. but how can me getting back to a person that broke my heart so many times be bad for me that’s what i thought lol. i was so attached that i thought nothing can fix me other than going back, & hell i did go back on & on & tried forcing things to work just because i was attached and each time my heart would get worse & worse.
i was convinced after a while that maybe praying he comes back & is good to me isn’t the right prayer. i forced myself to pray that, ya Allah if he’s good to me i want him to come back if he’s not then make me forget him. i’m sure god changed something in my heart so that i can wish for that, because back then i was addicted to the thought of him coming back to me i wouldn’t believe that i will once ask god to make me forget him, so good something was changing. subhanallah a short while after that i started praying only that i forget him & when i reached this stage my heart started changing. slowly slowly i found myself praying for things other than him, that god forgives me for being in a relationship before marriage ( our parents knew about it & we were gonna get engaged but their still shouldn’t have been a relationship in the first place) & the more i asked for forgiveness the more i found things that i should’ve been feeling guilty about but didn’t so i started asking for forgiveness for those things. now my head so was so invested in all the mistakes i’ve done & i wanted nothing but for god to forgive me. so i begged him on every prayer to forgive me. subhanallah i felt like god was putting me through all this pain so that he can forgive me so that i can know my mistakes & ask him for forgiveness. he blessed me with so much & i took advantage of it all without thanking him. i never thanked him enough and i started feeling like nothing i’m doing is enough. that he protected me and covered for my mistakes, he covered for me so many things i’ve done that were wrong i never thanked him for that. i have never thanked him enough for blessing me with parents with good health that didn’t really raise me all this time so that i can waste years of my life not appreciating what i have. i wanted to thank god for all that. so i’ll pray more to thank god for all the things i didn’t see all these years.
along side with thanking god in my prayers i wanna do more for Him. i want to starting reading quran on a regular basis, not for my own sake this time, but to thank him at least i need to read his book, the more i read the more i got attached to it & the more the verses spoke to me, so many verses in the Quran subhanallah make so much sense to me now although i’ve read them before but they make so much sense now, they calm me down, they show me that life isn’t really that important, and i shouldn’t be spending my life on anything other than getting closer & closer to Allah swt, because all those people, they’re temporary and they really are, selfish? in a way or the other, they wanna keep following they desires & they wouldn’t care if their desires stepped on you a little, but Allah swt? he cares about me & he wouldn’t hurt me in any way.
oh we’re not thinking about him anymore. good. he texted me, oh months ago i wished for this text, i wished he told me these things, but i don’t need them now, i begged god to grant me that back then . لا يؤخر الله عليك امرا إلا لخير و لا يحرمك من امرا إلا لخير ولا ينزل عليك بلاء إلا لخير ، فلا تحزن فالله لا يأتي إلا بالخير . if he texted me back then i would’ve answered and went back to an abusive relationship, but god waited to grant me my prayer after making me stronger. he granted it though, subhanallah. all i cared about then was to thank Allah swt more for delaying granting me my wish till i was okay. subhannalah he wanted to show me that he answers my prayers but in the right time for me. i started finding peace. we moved on. subhanallah, i forgot i was trying to move on. god really does have the power on removing what’s int he heart. Allah swt really does have his ways of getting a person to follow the right path. it’s the hardships that guide us.
it’s getting your heartbroken that guides you, i thought i was guided since i prayed all my prayers & read my Athkar, but my heart wasn’t guided. i didn’t have tawakul, i searched for peace by talking to my friends when i had what was greater than that, i healed like i’ve never healed before. It was like all those broken pieces of my heart were healing again, and my sheer pessimism and bitterness was turning into this beautiful optimism. once you realise that Allah عز وجل is the source of all hope, you won't feel hopeless anymore. you will find yourself rising above your despair, and that crushing sadness will leave you.
so how do you move on, you ask me. you throw everything away & invest yourself in nothing apart from getting close to Allah swt. he will fix everything broken inside you, without you asking for it. you try getting close to him & he will fix you & he will show you what matters & he will guide you & he will take care of you like no one ever did.
take care of yourself, and talk to me if you ever need to, i love you & i’m here for you.
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basicsofislam · 4 years
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Existence of Allah (Part 2)
'Ali b. Abu Talib reported that when the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) got up at night for prayer he would say: I turn my face in complete devotion to One Who is the Originator of the heaven and the earth and I am not of the polytheists. Verily my prayer, my sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of the worlds; There is no partner with Him and this is what I have been commanded (to profess and believe) and I am of the believers. O Allah, Thou art the King, there is no god but Thee, Thou art my Lord, and I am Thy bondman. I wronged myself and make a confession of my Sin. Forgive all my sins, for no one forgives the sins but Thee, and guide me in the best of conduct for none but Thee guideth anyone (in) good conduct. Remove sins from me, for none else but Thou can remove sins from me. Here I am at Thy service, and Grace is to Thee and the whole of good is in Thine hand, and one cannot get nearneststo Thee through evil. My (power as well as existence) is due to Thee (Thine grace) and I turn to Thee (for supplication). Thou art blessed and Thou art exalted. I seek forgiveness from Thee and turn to Thee in repentance: and when he would bow, he would say: O allah, it is for Thee that I bowed. I affirm my faith in Thee and I submit to Thee, and submit humbly before Thee my hearing, my eyesight, my marrow, my bone, my sinew; and when he would raise his head, he would say: O Allah, our Lord, praise is due to Thee, (the praise) with which is filled the heavens and the earth, and with which is filled that (space) which exists between them, and filled with anything that Thou desireth afterward. And when he prostrated himself, he (the Holy Prophet) would say: O Allah, it is to Thee that I prostrate myself and it is in Thee that I affirm my faith, and I submit to Thee. My face is submitted before One Who created it, and shaped it, and opened his faculties of hearing and seeing. Blessed is Allah, the best of Creators; and he would then say between Tashahhud and the pronouncing of salutation: Forgive me of the earlier and later open and secret (sins) and that where I made transgression and that Thou knowest better than I. Thou art the First and the Last. There is no god, but Thee. (3)
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urhayati · 4 years
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❝𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰𝒔 𝑨 𝑹𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚❞
"When you are in pain, it doesn't matter how intrinsically special you are, or how beautiful life is, or how precious each moment is." That is the thought that has been killing me for years. I was drowned by sadness. I was like a wayfarer who got completely lost her way out of an unknown desert. Whenever someone will ask me, "how are you?" ofcourse I will say, "I'm fine." But clearly, it doesn't usually mean that at all. Lonely, that's how I feel. I want to run but I have no idea where to run to.
Sometimes, we make mistakes. Sometimes, we don't feel good. Sometimes, things are not good at all. Or maybe things just honestly aren't very good at all right now. But Subhanallah, everything is getting clearer day by day. That the love for the deen and love for the dunya cannot coexist in one's heart. And what you will attach to your heart is what you will follow; and so I attached Islam.
Healing is a responsibility; and Islam led me to it. Islam indeed is a way of life. It teaches us sab'r. When Allahﷻ said He only tests those He love, I took the pain like it was an honor. That's the time I sat and said, "Alhamdulillah for the sins that keeps me repenting." Isn't it beautiful? Of how Allahﷻ will eagerly forgive you for the things you can't even forgive yourself? And here's a thing, fortunately "suicide" never crossed in my mind. Even for once. I guess another beauty of Islam is it forbids all of the things that harms an individual. Alhamdulillah. Surely, Allahﷻ loves us.
Wouldn't it be powerful if you fell in love with Islam so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much Allahﷻ loves you and wants you to be on the right path. The deeper you love Islam, the more you will affirm your worth. Just make tawbah because your failures will never define who you are. Pick up the pieces of your broken spirit. Do not allow any hardships to hinder your growth. You have Him.
يقول الله عز و جل في كتابه الكريم: "ألا بذكر الله تطمئن القلوب."
You can never be truly broken as long as you have Allahﷻ. When I said, "I want to run but I have no idea where to run to." I was wrong. I should've run to Him for way too long. Islam healed me. Repent and surely, you too might be healed if you turn onto Him. In shaa Allah.
May Allahﷻ keep us away from anything that keeps Him away from us and may Allah purify our intentions, cleanse our hearts, minds, and souls. Ameen.
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nihalsjourney · 4 years
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Not wearing my hijab anymore
We’ve entered a new decade, it’s 2020. To be honest I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Eve and the hype around it, which is why I waited with a new blogpost. I think it’s nice to look back on some things, one of them being my very first blogpost on here. (link) December 8, 2015 was my very first day without hijab. I can still feel the stress and anxiety of that day. After that, I never talked about it anymore because I still felt guilt and shame. It’s been four years and I feel like I’m able to talk about this past chapter in my life much better.
So we’re going waaaaay back, beyond those 4 years!
My mother is Dutch and my father is Turkish, my mother converted to Islam 24 years ago. When my parents had my brothers and I, baba (father) felt a stronger sense of practicing Islam better as well as raising us with our Turkish identity. Seeing as how Dutch society forces immigrants to assimilate rather than to integrate. The thought and fear of us losing our Turkish identity really stressed him out. 
Being in an interracial relationship asks for more different responsibilities I think. My mother and baba were integrating in each other’s culture, learning one another’s language while working hard and raising us with best of both worlds. 
As we got older our parents signed us up to an Islamic elementary school. With a school bus we’d go in the early morning from Valkenswaard to Eindhoven. There were both Muslim and non-Muslim faculty. My personal experience wasn’t great, I was already dealing with depression, anxiety, and trauma. I don’t remember a lot from what I learned because I dissociated quite often. It was difficult for me to learn because unfortunately we were taught Islam from a cultural perspective and fear inducing. To me Allah seemed like a big angry man and I refused to believe that.
I remember that all female teachers wore a hijab. Muslim or not. The girls also wore a hijab starting very young. After school they would take it off, others didn’t. I remember one time after gym class that I didn’t put my hijab back on. One of the male teachers who saw us on our way back to class shamed me for it. Looking back it was so awful how at first the girls didn’t even bother or noticed. But once the teacher said something about it they started whispering loudly to each other ‘haram’ ‘she didn’t put her hijab back on!’.
There was this unspoken rule that a girl should wear her hijab ‘full time’ when she’s 12. We’d ask each other, ‘When will you wear your hijab?’ ‘If you don’t start wearing it now you never will!!’ ‘Wearing your hijab at 16 or 18 is too late, you should wear it when you’re at least 12!’ Alhamdulillah (thank God) I can say that my parents never forced me.
I switched schools when I was 8, it wasn’t an Islamic school but I still kept wearing my hijab to school as force of habit.  Once I turned either 10, 11 or 12 years old I started wearing my hijab. After age of 12 I had to switch schools again, this time a dominantly white school. From the maybe 200 students, there were 5 students of colour, 4 of them Muslim and I being the only one wearing a hijab. I was facing a lot of discrimination and Islamophobia already and it only got worse from then on. The majority of white people questioned me about every single little thing, my hijab, Islam, if I sympathize with terrorists, if my father came here for money and if I was oppressed. ‘When did you start to realize you wanted to wear your hijab?’ ‘Did you feel ready?’ ‘So you’re Muslim, right? What do you think of ISIS?’ The older I got, I hoped that the questions would stop but they never did. I had very little knowledge, yet people thought I did because of my hijab. Like I was a living, walking human museum or encyclopedia.  
I started to question myself. Did I feel ready? Do I understand what wearing the hijab means? Can I justify myself to Allah for wearing my hijab though the intention of wearing it is non-existent?
It made my heart hurt so much because I had to face reality. I didn’t have an answer. At first I tried reading and researching more about Islam, but back then there was very little willingness of me to do so. I tried to move on despite feeling unhappy, guilty and confused. When I was 18 I decided to talk to my mother about it. She said she had always been worried that I never made my decision to wear my hijab consciously because I was so young. Together with my mother I began brainstorming for ideas and options. Such as trying to wear my hijab in different styles to see it makes any difference and talking with a few women who had taken their hijab off. When I listened to their stories I felt scared. Clueless of what I should do, standing at a cross roads having no idea which path to take.
Once I decided that I wanted to stop wearing my hijab, I talked with my baba. He was very confused and upset. He always tried to protect us from the Western world, so he was worried that it influenced my choice. I told him it didn’t. Although he didn’t agree with my decision he emphasized that he will always be there for me and love me. That’s all I needed to hear. I knew that baba needed his time to get used to things.
Sometimes I still think that I have to explain to others that I used to wear a hijab. Specifically to sisters who wear it. Because I understand all too well what it’s like to be a visible target of Islamophobic violence. There has become such a huge shift in my daily life that sometimes I feel like the odd one out when I’m with Muslim women (who wear the hijab).
Talking about a huge shift in my daily life. In the beginning especially, I noticed how Muslims and non-Muslims were now treating me differently. Whenever I’d greet a sister ‘Assalaam aleikum’, (peace be upon you) she’d look me up and down disapprovingly and wouldn’t return my greeting. It felt awful, I stopped greeting anyone all at once to give myself some sense of security because I was feeling so vulnerable back then. Instead, non-Muslim (majority white) people started to happily greet me. It was mind boggling. 
Like it was some sort of game, I’d keep track of all these differences. How in the past people wouldn’t sit next to me in public transport even when it was busy, to by passers saying ‘Allahu akbar’ or ‘terrorist’ under their breath when walking past me, getting checked by security a lot faster or accused of stealing, always being refused when applying for a job (in my city, Eindhoven, discrimination on the job market is very high) etc. 
When I have to show my ID, that has a picture of me with my hijab on, people always feel the need to tell me ‘You look prettier without hijab!’. When that happens I get a, what Dutch Iranian artist Saman Amini calls in the play ‘A Seat at The Table’, racial freeze. Cashing in the comment, reacting with a fake smile and getting back to my day. Not allowing myself to feel the hurt or the frustration.
It has definitely been a struggle the first year or two. I had to adjust to how society was treating me, nobody sees my hijab but sometimes I still feel like I wear it. A lot of my life experiences before taking it off were based around my hijab. And as I’m writing, realising it now, hurts. Wearing the hijab since a young age, I was basically robbed of my childhood and sure that may sound dramatic but it’s reality. It impacted my quality of life because I was an easy target for Islamophobic violence both verbal and non-verbal.
I got to see first-hand what it’s like to be treated both with and without hijab by non-Muslim and Muslims. Whether I’m a bad Muslim or a well ‘integrated’ (read assimilated) immigrant. 
We still teach girls to judge other girls. In my time we’d judge those who chose not to wear their hijab (yet) or who wore their hijab the ‘wrong’ way. As I got older I started to realise how toxic this behaviour is. But I find that this way of thinking is still deeply rooted. Because I still have some moments that when I see a sister with a hijab showing hair, my first thought is ‘Oh My GoD sHe Is ShOwInG hEr HaIr!! AYIB!!’ it’s been happening a lot less. But when it does I mentally slap myself in the face and remind myself of how toxic that way of thinking is because it does not contribute to anything positive. The judgement I had towards myself and others has lessened immensely. I’ve become a stronger person and learned so much (I’m still learning!!). All the things I named and more, I had to experience. Before I was so caught up with myself. Trying to survive. Now I able to make room in my heart for others to heal.
I look back to these past four years a lot. Feeling thankful and amazed. Never before did I have such a close relationship with Allah and myself. Honestly, I feel ashamed when I say the following. So may Allah forgive me for my ignorance and wrong doings, may He accept my good deeds, prayers and efforts of learning…
I never prayed, sometimes during Ramadan. Like I said, I forgot what I learned as a kid because of dissociating. When someone tried to teach me about Islam I didn’t have the space to listen, my mind never saved the information. Alhamdulillah, with its ups and downs, the past four years I have now been saving the knowledge I learn about Islam. I’m praying 5 times a day, reading translations of the Quran, going to lectures with an open heart and mind. Soaking up all the information I can get my hands on, eager to learn.
I’m not saying this to brag. But to stress that once again, I had to go through these things to grow through them. I had to experience all of this in order to become the person I am today. A better version of myself. Because with this experience and knowledge I am able to stand even stronger on my feet.
Lastly, I want to emphasize that my experiences I shared above, especially the negative ones have nothing to do with Islam. It’s man-made culture. Please see religion separate from its people.
Also there is unfortunately still way too little awareness of how children mimic our words and (misogynistic) behaviour. Pretty much everything I named in my story I learned from aunties, uncles and the girls around me. So especially to us women, I hope that we can start to truly uplift each other and not tear each other down any longer.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. A Dutch version of this blog post will soon follow.
Take care, peace and blessings upon you all! Much love,
Nihâl
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Salaamu alaykum. I suspected my husband for a couple years and even looked through his phone. Now he admitted to porn / inappropriate videos a few times after marriage. I feel stuck. I don’t want to be near him anymore. Am I wrong for feeling that way? We should forgive so Allah will forgive us. But it’s making me feel sick and low and stupid that he did this behind my back and also slept with me. He said he’s still attracted to me and loves me. But I can’t trust him anymore. I feel lost.
Sigh. Welp here comes the “Oh you’re just saying this because you’re a man!”. 
So let’s state the obvious. Pornography is completely haraam in Islaam. To indulge in it is a sin. There are also more “secular” arguments one could make regarding porn, just in case we have any “uhhhh says who?” lurkers on here. Ultimately for us as Muslims we stay away from that which is incident and there are few things more indecent than pornography in the frame work of Islaam.
So we can all agree and skip the “IT’S HARAAM!” diatribe because we all agree it is. We all agree there are some harms that come with it, and even if there weren’t its enough that the foundations of this religion make it clear this action falls into the forbidden territory. So, I don’t want  ANYONE claiming in any way that I am lightening this sin in what I am about to say next. If any one does you are either blinded by your own emotions( more than likely deep seeded insecurity and trust issues) or intellectually dishonest and have some bias that only Allah is aware of.
Ok, so..
Your husband has admitted he has watched porn after marriage. Got it. So what does that mean? To you, what are you saying he’s done?
“He’s betrayed my trust”
True enough. He had a habit he did not disclose(in reality he doesn’t have to because that sin is between him and his lord that he must rectify) and you found out. Was it malicious in that he tried to hurt you? Probably not. It’s just your first response to it.
“He hurt me!” “He’s looking at other women!” “He’s doing things that are haraam!”
The last is the strongest argument because no doubt he should, as a Muslim, stay away from that which displeases Allah. Ibnul Qayyim describes any sin related to lust as intoxication because truly it is like being drunk. You may know what you are doing is wrong but you still act as if you are outside of your own body watching yourself do the act but cannot stop.
Now he’s the very uncomfortable truth. Marriage=/= no longer attracted to anyone else but your spouse.
For anyone who thought after marriage your desires would just go away and be purely for your spouse, I’m sorry, you’re living a fantastical lie. Men AND women will always have to battle their own desires, especially sexual. The fact is YOU probably have seen a man that is not your husband and thought they were attractive but fearing Allah you dared not act or speak to those feelings. You would do your best to reserve those feelings for your husband. However you still had that. Period.
My point is not to make this a “what about”-ism laden argument but to say your husband is a human, he is sinful, and he made a mistake(s). In the time we live in porn is readily available and if I had to guess I’d say men AND women have watched porn before marriage. If you haven’t, alhamdulilah you have been saved but for the majority of people in this dunyah, that is not the case. 
Shaykh Ahmad Bazmool(er...actually it might have been his brother Shaykh Muhmmad) in his explanation of Al Waraqaat mentioned the views of some of the fuqahaa on anyone who consistently abandonded the sunan rawatib(established voluntary prayers after the mandated prayers). Some of them(scholars from all four of the major madhaahib) said such a person is a FAASIQ(OPEN, REBELLIOUS, SINNING MUSLIM).
I mean compare yourself to that? In today’s time, the majority of us would be considered fusaaq because at that time the Muslims, spiritually, were at a much higher place. I mean you could go to a simple merchant in those times and find a huffadh. It isn’t that way today.
My point in bringing this up is that it is 2019/1441H. There are so many things widely available that there is no doubt you will find some people who have %ngaged in things that are haraam. Yet we are aware of those and we advise the people. Your husband is no different. Your feelings are your own and I will not shame you for feeling hurt but do you really think your husband is trying to hurt you? Has he gone out to talk to other women? What if he had watched porn before he married you and once you all married he thought he would rid himself of it, but realized it wasn’t that simple, because I promise you that this does happen a lot. 
I have to say this all the time but please do not take this as some shot against you because he has done this. This visceral response of “I don’t want to be near him” is just not constructive. No, it doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you and no it doesn’t mean he needs to be with other women. It means he is in this dunyah like you and I are and he made mistakes. Now I want to be clear that if you keep this as a grudge against him there will be a time where this will bite you back. Where you will make a mistake and demand he forgives you and you will probably argue “OH but mines wasn’t as bad”. Says who? How can you judge on that arbitrary line according to your own biased perception what is worse than what?
He hasn’t cheated on you(oof someone’s gonna come at me for that one). He’s not trying to harm you but he is completely in the wrong. Talk to your husband and more importantly ask yourself how good of a man do you think your -husband is? Does he provide for you? Is he kind to you? If you are in the 85-90% approval rating of your husband most of the time are you really going to tell me that you can’t see how perhaps this was simply a lapse in judgement and weakness in strength.
Also understand that if you go to “this means he wants other women” or “He isn’t happy with me” YOU made that up. Unless this man has literally forgone intimacy with you completely YOU are imagining scenarios in your head that are not true. You don’t close up, you talk. Congrats ukht this is a relationship. You don’t get to get hurt, close up and then expect him to fix everything. You and your husband need to talk and air out the pain that is between you two.
Think the best of your husband and remember that even the best of us fall. As men, we compartmentalize our feelings. We are extremely visual and basic creatures. Just because he watched does not mean it’s anything more than that. He watched it. Not, “He’s thinking of other women to leave me for” or “He’s comparing my body to theirs”. No, he’s really not. He’s being primal and releasing tension in a way that displeases Allah. He should be advised, repent and then you all need to talk seriously about the intimacy in your relationship and communication. 
May Allah make it easy.
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thekursuns · 4 years
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Another anniversary story...
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We stand where we did stand years ago. Still together, still with love...
Today is the first day, just as it was three years ago today.
First days have always been a reason of motivation for me to write my feelings down.
I decided to write, but only some short passages this time, just like I did two years ago. Two years ago when we experienced that adventurous journey from my motherland to yours and back. This time it will even be simpler...
I know this is only the beginning of our story. If you ask those who have already come a long way in marriage, perhaps they will laugh at us and say some words which will probably mean “You are still young and have a long way to go” etc. The only thing I’d like to tell them is “Tell me about it!”. Please don’t get me wrong. It is not a complaint about my life. Who knows where would we be if not here in this situation? Who knows what would we do now? Would we be together or they take us apart? Anyway, we are still together, still free and still lay back on the same pillow every night. And this is enough to be grateful for the Almighty Allah!
However, it is sure a turning point in our lives and it cannot be simply misprized as a period of rawness. God knows, would those (somewhat) outsiders put up such resistance if they went through the same we have been going through since the beginning of these three years? Would they go on struggling or give up just like some others who got tired even before the beginning of their stories?
How about those claiming to have the same story as us? Do they really know our story? Do they really feel what we feel?
No way I can or dare to belittle stories of others. Each story is unique. And, so mine is…
Today is a gladsome day for us. But it also is a little bit blue…
Gladsome as we have put three years behind us with all its ups and downs, blue as we have been passing through maybe the hardest time of our lives in this wild world.
I know I did not start with heartwarming words to this writing which was supposed to be simpler. At least I claimed so in the beginning but it again turned to be a complicated one. Okay, no problem I think... I remember those words I wrote for you when we sometimes were over the moon and sometimes up in the clouds with the hope to touch each other during that painful long distance time. What beautiful days they were! But isn’t today as beautiful as those? I think it is. And it is only in our hands to make it even more beautiful.
Ok…
This nonsense talk is enough I think. Now let me tell you something, my life, my wife, my everything…
You are stronger than I was thinking before and I know you will be more.
You are getting more beautiful in my eyes every single morning and night.
You are the only one who stays beside me in this hard period of life. I sometimes think like, “How can she stand such a problematic man in her life?” but you do and you are still with me, as my best and biggest supporter.
You are my love. I love you, baby. Just like the first time I wrote to you, I want to sing it out loud that I love you so much!
Please forgive all of my mistakes for these three years’ sake.
I know well that you’ve never lost your hope, but let me tell a story to you which I lived just two days ago. It was one of the strangest moments of my life.
That day (night actually) I met one of the purest humans living on earth. He is probably about 40 years old and if you don’t really know him, you may think he is a dangerous man. His face is a little bit scary and his body is strong enough to harm anyone weaker than him. But when you see the smile on his face, all these iced prejudices start to melt down.
Believe me, I told nothing to him about my past and future! He just heard that we are planning to go to that peaceful place we wish to live. You know where I mean…
But he was so sure when was expressing these words just at in the beginning of our conversation, “You will be very successful soon. Just in three years!”
I was shocked to hear this. What did he mean? How could he be so sure like he was?
Then I started to ask questions to him. He insisted on saying same words to me. “You will go to that country you want. You will stay there three years and start to be successful in the first year.”
I felt really strange and wanted to cry. But I held my tears as I was too shy to do that there.
Then I asked him again: “So, when I will leave here? What do you think about the time?”
His answer was as strange as his first sentence, “Only in three months you will leave here and go there. And you will be successful there in three years. I know you have some problems in your country now. But this is only a little problem. Don’t worry” he said. But he also warned me, saying “When you go there and become successful, don’t forget this country, these people and us. You must come back to here”.
Can you imagine how sure he was talking about my future?
Then again without hearing any words from my mouth, he said, “And you will have a baby soon. And when you have your baby, something will change…”
I will keep this “something” as a secret until that time comes. Please don’t ask anything about that? Deal? :)
Let me give two simple predictions of him to help you believe these words more strongly.
I asked him the reason why I got too many little accidents in only one week.
He said “It is because you have more jobs than before now, your economy is getting better and this is a warning for you. It says ‘Don’t forget sadakah!’ to you”. Then my friend asked him, “What do you think? Is the way going to his home safe now or not?” and he said “There is no problem. It is so safe”.
I thought about these words whole the way going home. The road was strangely empty and there was no problem until I came to the city center. And you know the end of the story and the miracle which saved me thanks to a friend waiting there with the others. No need to give more details I think :)
I was so excited to tell all of these words to you when I came back to home. But I decided to wait until this special day of us as I couldn’t prepare any beautiful gift for you this year. So please accept my simple gifts and these exciting wishes from that pure heart.
So,
What are we waiting for?
Still, I’m (putting up a resistance) I’m gonna work it out You know I’m (putting up a resistance) I’ve got to work it out Lord, I’m (putting up a resistance) I’m ah gonna work it out You know I’m (putting up a resistance) I’m gonna work it out, Lord!
Got to fight it! Got to fight it!
Just listen to this song, say a prayer and relax.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkTwyi4qfqY
Allah has the best plan for us :)
Note: By the way, I will not share this to the public until you privately read. After that, you decide. To share or not to share...
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islam-for-girls · 6 years
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Dealing with Toxic People, Islamically ♥
We all have intentions, emotions and sentiments. Mostly we think our intentions are good and right, so we act upon them. Why is it sometimes then, that things go so astray?
Why do we get into fights with people we didn’t mean to offend, sometimes us simply appearing in a room sets someone’s emotions alight, and no matter how hard we try, Grandma will just never stop being grumpy around us? These things are among many other examples (some extremely underrated) which can be seriously hurtful... They can cause us to feel rejected and irrelevant, and when we feel this way much of our energy is spent in self-condolement where we become motionless in trying to fix ourselves.
Although self-care is necessary to pick ourselves up again, depending on our environment, we could be staying in that state for much more time than needed! This is honestly draining, and when it comes down to praising Allah, we end up too tired to do it. This horrible cycle of emotions can render any human frozen and could lead to depression. 
Can we break the cycle? Let’s try!
Here are some psychology, rules and ideas that may apply to you and generally how to fix them. When reading these, be honest with yourself, and select the ones which apply to you in a complimenting or constructive way. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes, especially when we learn from it and improve! When we improve we become better people than before ♥
It’s not you, it’s them.
This isn’t a statement meant to remove responsibility from you, rather it adds a harder and more selfless task, and that is empathy and sympathy.When you know you did not do anything wrong, but someone is rude, aggressive or dismissive towards you, what does that mean? Well, for one it means it is not your fault and cleary this person either has something bothering them that they can’t deal with properly, or has a personality problem. What has that got to do with you though? Nothing, other than that you are in the same environment with them, and it is affecting you.
What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this?
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Part of the perfection of one's Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him." (Tirmidhi)
Anas reported Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) as saying: “Nurse no grudge, nurse no aversion and do not sever ties of kinship and live like fellow-brothers as servants of Allah.” This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Shu'ba with the same chain of transmitters but with this addition:" As Allah has commanded you." (Sahih Muslim)
What does Allah SWT say about this in the Quran?
"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend." Quran (41:34)
When someone is being abrupt, abusive or uncouth, move on and do not dwell on it. What is the psychology behind that? Let’s look at the great behavioral psychologist Skinner and his theory of Operant Conditioning.
According to Skinner people can either aggravate or diminish behavior depending on whether they are rewarded for it or not. Here is the funny part though, rewards are different to everyone. If someone wants to see you upset, they will behave in a way to upset you and if you BECOME upset that means they have achieved their goals! They are rewarded by you becoming upset! People love rewards, it makes them feel better about themselves. When someone likes the feeling of something, chances are they are going to keep attempting at it to achieve the same feeling; ie: they will continue to try and upset you! This behavior is seen in bullying.
So now that you understand the theory behind it, what do you do? EASY! Don’t give them what they are looking for and don’t show them that they are making you upset or sad. They will realise what they are doing is wrong (if they are good enough to see their faults), realise you are a strong person and stop, in shaa Allah ♥
But what if they don’t change and are truly horrible to you regardless of your pure intent and behaviours?
A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they treat me badly; I try to be kind to them, but they are cruel to me." He said: "If you are as you say, it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. You will continue to have support from Allah against them so long as you continue doing that." (Muslim)
Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is more than just isolating yourself and dwelling on your hurts and pains, it has to do with actively doing the things which make you happy and feel better about yourself.
What are your favorite things to do, or what have you been putting off which you want to succeed in? When you do things which you wanted to and succeed, you raise dopamine and serotonin levels in your body, causing you to feel happier. If you leave doing thing which make you happy or forsake your goals, your serotonin and dopamine levels drop. If these endorphin levels drop below the ‘safe-zone’,it can cause depression. Depression is very hard to come out and may need medication which has side-effects on your body and emotions.
What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this?
Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.” (Sahih Al-Albani)
The Prophet (pbuh) used to say: "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by (other) men." (Sahih al-Bukhari)
It’s difficult and it takes alot of strength, but to be better you just have to be better. That means picking yourself up and doing what you want and need to do. The beginning will be hard, but the end will be so rewarding, in shaa Allah ♥
Introspection
This means to think about your own thinking, rather than the thinking of others. It means to look at your objectively, critically and really suss out what your flaws are and if you are the one causing the dismay of people around you.
Is your mom being dismissive of you because you can’t do the small requests she has been asking of you? Do you ignore her when she is doing painstaking work in the house and /or other times and not offer your help? Do you take her for granted?
Think about the times one of your friends or someone you really cared about ignored you, did not offer you their help, did not take a hint or took you for granted? That didn’t feel so great. Think about if you are causing these emotions to other people because of your own issues, rather than theirs.
Perhaps you think doing the dishes is not important at a certain time, or doing some other mundane activity which you think could wait. That is your perception, but maybe not that of your moms (for example), and she will feel as though you don’t care for her (which is another way of saying ‘respect her’), making her want to show you her displeasure hoping you will improve.
It may not be your mom, it might be your friend, husband, siblings, cousins or anyone that is emotionally dependant on you in some way. They are also human at the end of the day.
Introspection (being aware of oneself) is critical to being a good Muslim. We are aware when we are going to do something wrong, or have done something wrong and can adapt ourselves. Adapting and changing ourselves for the better in Islam is called ‘tawba’ or ‘asking forgiveness of Allah’.
What does Allah SWT say about this in the Quran?
“When any evil suggestion from Satan touches those who fear God, they are instantly alerted and become watchful.” Quran (7: 201)
What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this in the Hadith?
The Prophet (pbuh) said; “All of the children of Adam make mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are the ones who repent.” (Tirmidhi)
How will we know if we made a mistake if we do not reflect and introspect?
♥♥♥
This is Part One of this write-up on some Islamic Manners ♥ I hope it was useful to you, in shaa Allah ♥
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nurulxothman · 3 years
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My first Taubah
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Peace be upon all Muslims. In anything wrong I said here comes from me and in anything right I said here comes from Allah. In sha Allah.
Past few weeks I have been crying because I was betrayed and I was destroyed. I lost everything. Mostly I hated myself and I blamed myself. It was too overwhelmed for me to deal with. My heart was torn and crushed into pieces, my heart was burnt and my heart was stabbed with thousands of blunt knives. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop thinking and analysing everything and mostly, I couldn't stop myself from self-harming every part of my body because I needed to channel the pain away from my broken heart, so badly. I was lost and I didn't know what to do. I shut myself from everyone, I went silent because I was so afraid of all human beings. I didn't want to go back to my psychology therapy sessions, because good God, those sessions were just too damn painful and I didn't want to take my medication (Brintellix) anymore - I am so sick of that medication.
For the first time in almost 20 years of self-harming, this time, it went wrong. Really wrong. And I got scared, of myself. I'm putting a hope that thoughts of self-harming have come to an end. Please forgive me for harming my skin that belongs to You. May Allah give me the strength and protect my thoughts, In sha Allah. While seeking, I have found something else, and I have never thought I would pursue hypnosis therapy but, all I wanted was, to heal.
I roared to Allah to take the pain away because I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much for me. I begged him for His mercy. May Allah forgive all my thoughts, forgive all the words that I had used and forgive my black heart, amin.
It has been a month and I couldn't stop crying. But the last few days, it was for a completely different reason. I suppose my heart was already numb with the betrayal. I accepted this is my Qada' and Qadar that is written in my book, Allahu Akbar. I imaginarily had erased most of my unhappiness in my invisible thoughts. I regretted all the sins that I have committed to the Almighty. He was and has always been there for me to protect me and I failed to see that until now. It was beautifully written in my book - for I am a loan and I belong to Him.
I came across a video a few years back regarding "How do we know if Allah accepts our fasting - worship". A year before last year, I completed my fast without missing any obligatory prayers and completed reciting the whole AlQuran and yet I continued with committing sins afther Ramadhan passed. Allahu, may You forgive my sins and accept my ibadah to You. Last Ramadhan, I tried the same thing and Alhamdulillah I managed to let go some of my sins, not completely all but slowly. In my daily do'a, I have been seeking from Allah to give me the strength in my faith to fulfil At-Taubah, one day. I was given a huge unbearable and a heavy test from Him for me to find Him and get me closer to Him, Ma sha Allah. He promised that He will never test His creations for more than what they can take it. I thought I was alone, which I felt that I always was. But Allah has never left me alone.
Upon roaring and asking Him to take away my pain, I regretted the words that I said and my reactions as my Jannah is still placed underneath it. I did apologised and was assured forgiveness, may Allah accepts it too. That night, it changes me. I begged Allah not to leave me alone. I begged Allah to always be with me. I begged Allah to be closer to Him.
Yesterday I stumbled upon an eye-opening video. It's about Istigfar plus (to be included with) At-Taubah. I have been doing tons of Istigfar for the past few days, maybe weeks or maybe months (may He accepts all my Istigfar). But I have never included At-Taubah in. Last night, my heart was confided to perform Solat At-Taubah. Ma sha Allah, everything that I recited, He never failed to mention that He is the most merciful and forgiving and He is the one and only. I am your smallest creature and I am a sinner. O Allah, please accept my Taubah and forgive all the sins that I had done and the sins that I will be doing. Forgive me for forgetting You. Amin.
During my last sujud to my tahiyyatul akhir, I smelled a very sweet and pleasant scent. I couldn't help myself but to smile and I was genuinely happy. Such a beautiful moment. Alhamdulillahi rabbalalamin.
Another video that I watched was saying when Allah test you, means, He loves you. He gave you all the nikmat and we always forget to thank Him for it (Alhamdulillah - thank you Allah for all the nikmat that You have been providing to me and have been giving me). He can always take it back whenever He wants then He can always give you something better whenever He wants, that you will never think of. Subhanallah, Glory to Allah. He took something that I thought was precious and pure that had gotten me so devastated. But He replaced it with the most exquisite feeling - Loving Him, the one and only creator, the Almighty. Subhanallah. It is so heartfelt and so beautiful. O Allah, I think I am falling in love, with you.
Wallahua’lam bissawab. He knows the truth and He knows everything.
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anotheraldin · 6 years
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Considering the last few questions, felt this was worth sharing. ❝I have a lot of stories to tell about these scholars (who've had a deep impact on people simply due to their sincerity). I'll mention one such story which Professor Ahmad Hasan al-Zayyat (author of al-Risalah) told me. It was about a Shaykh whose name he mentioned but I can't quite remember. He said, 'This old shaykh used to be a teacher. His life revolved around al-Jami' al-Azhar where he used to teach. It meant the world to him and he didn't know anything in the world except for this place (this was before ة was added to it after which it became Jami'ah). He used to live in a house which was close to it. Then as time passed and he began to age and his health started to deteriorate, he realized that it was time for him to rest. The doctor told him that he must stay away from all work environment and to even avoid being near the work place, and to go relax in the parks and the beach. So he got out and stopped a wagon. In those days they didn't have cars. He said to the driver, 'My son, take me somewhere nice where I can unwind and relax. The driver was very mischievous. He took the old shaykh to the outskirts of Azbakeya where there were a lot of brothels. The driver dropped him off and told him that he should be able to find a place here. The shaykh said, 'My son, its almost Maghrib. Where can I pray? Take me to the Mosque first.' The driver told him 'This is the Mosque.' The door was open and a woman was standing there at the door as women of her profession her used to stand. When he noticed her he lowered his gaze. Then he saw a chair so he sat there waiting for the Adhan whilst she stared at him not knowing what is it that made him come near her as he wasn't from those who frequent this place. She couldn't even gather the courage to ask him as she was held back by the little shyness that was left inside her, the shyness that is felt near the people of piety even by prostitutes. He sat there doing Tasbih as he kept checking his watch until he heard the Maghrib adhan from afar. So he asked her, 'Where is the Muaddhin? Its Maghrib now... why isn't he giving the Adhan? Are you his daughter? She didn't say a word. He waited a little and then said, 'My daughter, Maghrib goes fast. We aren't allowed to delay it. I can't see anyone here so if you have Wudu then pray behind me so it can be a Jama'ah.' So he gave the Adhan and was about to give the Iqamah whilst not looking at her when he realized that she hasn't even moved. 'Whats wrong? Don't you have wudu?' the Shaykh asked. All of sudden her Iman was rekindled in one go and she forgot her current state and was taken back into her past... the past where she used to be a pure and chaste girl, far far away from this sin. She began to cry and sob and then threw herself at his feet. He was shocked and didn't know how to comfort her as he didn't want to look at her nor touch her. So she told him her story of how she ended up here. The shaykh sensed the truthfulness of her repentance from the deep regret in her voice. So he said, 'My daughter, listen to what the Lord of the worlds says, A'uthubillahi Min-ash Shaytani-r Rajim, (Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins) All sins my daughter! All sins... Indeed the door of repentance is vast and it widens for anyone that enters through it regardless of how heavy the load of their sins may be. Even disbelief... if one disbelieves after believing but repents before they breath their last and is true in their repentance and renews their Islam, then Allah will accept it from them. Allah, oh my daughter, is the Most Generous. Have you ever heard of a generous person shutting the door in the face of the one who has come to him seeking him for refuge and relying on him? So stand up and go wash up and cover up properly. Wash your skin with water and your heart with repentance and regret and then turn to Allah. I will be waiting for you here, so don't take too long in case we completely miss Maghrib. She did what he told her to do and she came out with a new garment and a new heart. She stood behind him and prayed and she tasted the sweetness of the prayer and the prayer cleansed her heart. After they finished praying he said to her, 'Now come with me and try to cut off every single link that you have with this place and the people here and try to erase from your memory whatever you have in there from the time you spent here. And increase in your repentance and do frequent good deeds and know that Zina isn't bigger than Kufr. Hind, who was a disbelieving woman and an enemy to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ , who tried to eat the liver of his uncle Hamzah, when she was truthful in her repentance she became from the pious believing women for whom we now say, Radiallahu 'Anha. The old Shaykh then took her to a house where there were practicing women and then got her married to someone who agreed to marry her and then advised him to take care of her.❞ — Sh. 'Ali al-Tantawi (r)
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vivywhulandary · 4 years
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ramadan day 2 - Forgiveness
As I mention in the previous post, I want to start fresh and be better version of me, Alhamdulillah with this blessing month plus the current condition, I’ve got more than enough time for me to focus on increase my worship and repairing my relationship with Allahu Rabbi. 
In my effort to start fresh I’ve to learn to be forgiving, letting go, get over and open minded but, forgiving is the hardest pill to swallow you know. Why I said so?  I realised how I still get the feel of uneasy inside my heart when someone hurt me, even though I already forgiven them. So I ask myself, why I still have this kind of feeling if I really already forgiven them (i assume)? Hmm I think I’m not fully forgiven them, all this while I think I just endured it to make myself feel better.  As hard as I try to endure and distract myself with doing something, my past always finds its way back to me. I start to be reminded of how hurt I was, and all the familiar faces and events that caused that hurt. I started feel uneasy and just like that, I’m starting to lose focus in everything I do. My real concern here is my peace. I’ve to find my own peace, I can’t let all this feeling kept bugging me. So last night I’ve this thought that I can’t withholding one of the most essential thing that is needed to move on which is forgiveness, fully forgiveness, that’s the only way I’ll gain my peace back. 
Now I realised that holding back forgiveness is way more painful and tormenting as it to forgive. When you forgive others, that not only because they deserve it, but because you the one who deserve peace. I know you think that they’ll not be able to live in peace because whether they have asked for an apology or not, we’d still consider it as unsettled business (read: not forgiven) by saying like “karma-will-hit-you, kifarah-is-real” whatsoever. After all that sh** they got you through, even if they never bothered to say sorry, just forgive them. Remember it’s not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it, you are worthy with the quality of being forgiving, especially in this Ramadan, the month’s of worship. 
People make mistakes. We make mistakes. With or without intentions, we have also wronged someone. Knowingly and unknowingly, we might have caused them hurt. We’re human after all, children of Adam. Yes you’re torn and shattered to pieces right now. That person may have betrayed us or slandered us. But how can we be so sure that we’ve never left anyone feeling the same way before? If we hope to be forgiven for all of our mistakes, why is it so hard to do the same to people? We all owe each other forgiveness. We all wronged each other at some point of our lives.
It reminds me one of the story that I’ve heard from Ust. Hanan Attaki, Lc, an Islamic preacher from Indonesia share on how forgiving our prophet Muhammad SAW (pbuh) was. Do you remember how he was once rejected by the people of Ta’if? When he arrived to Ta’if, he was pelted with rocks and stones until his whole body was covered with blood and were clogged in his sandals. Alone, bleeding, and rejected, he (pbuh) rests on a rock and prays to Allah; 
“To You, my Lord, I complain of my weakness, lack of support, and the humiliation I am made to receive. Most Compassionate and Merciful, You are the Lord of the weak, and You are my Lord. To whom do You leave me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy You have given power over me? As long as you are not displeased with me, I do not care what I face. I would, however, be much happier with Your mercy. I seek refuge in the light of Your face by which all darkness is dispelled and both this life and the life to come are put in their right course against incurring your wrath or being the subject of your anger. To You I submit, until I earn Your pleasure. Everything is powerless without your support.”
At that moment, Jibril came to Prophet Muhammad SAW (pbuh) and told him that if he wished, Allah could order an angel to collapse the two mountains surrounding the people of Ta’if and crush them.
But .....
Instead of seeking revenge against the people of Ta’if, he forgave them. Yes he forgave them. Not only forgave, he also prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies. He said to Jibril “I rather hope that Allah will raise from among their descendants people who will worship Allah the One, and will not ascribe partners to Him”. 
MashaAllah, such a humility.
Here’s another story of our prophet companion. Have you heard the story of Abu Bakr (ra)? 
 It’s all started when a man named Safwan let Aisha (ra) ride on his camel while he led them on foot to the caravan that was at the next halt as he happened to see Aisha left behind by the caravan. Ever since the Muslims returned from the battle of Bani al-Mustaliq the hypocrites have been busy spreading lies against Aisha. Among them is Mistah bin Uthatha (ra), a cousin of Abu Bakr. He is an extremely poor man with no money except that which Abu Bakr  regularly gives him. Hurt and angered by Mistah's allegations, Abu Bakr takes an oath that he will never spend on Mistah again. How else can he treat a person who slandered his daughter, the Mother of the Believers, with the worst of slander? And then Allah reveals; 
“And let not those who are good and wealthy among you swear not to help their kinsmen, those in need and those who left their homes in Allah's Cause. Let them forgive and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Verily! Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” (24.22) 
After hearing that how Abu Bakr react? Despite his anguish and hurt feelings, he immediately responds by exclaiming “By Allah, I would love it that Allah forgives me!". He also takes oath that he’ll never stop spending on Mistah, and he even increase the amount by giving a lot more than before. 
Here’s another story of sahabah. The Messenger of Allah SAW was sitting with a group of the Sahabah (ra) in the mosque and he said “A man will now enter [who is] from the people of Paradise.” and a sahabi (companion) walked in. Later it happened again, and then a third time. ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘aas (ra) wanted to find out what was so special about this man, so he asked the man if he could stay over his house for 3 days. The man allowed him to stay. ‘Abdullah noticed that the man didn’t do anything out of the ordinary: He didn’t fast all the time, he slept some of the night and prayed some of the night, and so on. So after the 3 days, ‘Abdullah told him the real reason why he requested to stay with him, and he asked him what it was that could be the reason why he was from the people of Jannah. The man (ra) couldn’t think of anything, but after a bit he said “Every night, before I go to sleep, I forgive whoever has wronged me. I remove any bad feelings towards anyone from my heart.” (Kitab al-Zuhd by Ibn al-Mubarak – Number 694)
I learned that by reading more seerah of the prophets and his companion, they showed that it is absolutely possible to forgive, to become strong, without being hard, and remain soft, without being weak. I wish I can share more seerah of the prophets and his companion, the more I read the more I realized and feel so little. We should learn how they dealt with people, especially to those who hated them and harmed them.
So today let’s start by give yourself a chance to be happy again, to feel peace again. Stop torment other human being by not forgiving them. Pray for them. Ask Allah to guide them and make them happy. So that we also happy. Pray may Allah grant us peace, and may he soften our hearts to continue forgiving. By making du’a for those who have hurt us, we will find that their happiness can also be our happiness too. 
Allah once revealed to Abu Bakr, “Do you not love that Allah should forgive you,”–which shows that the reward fits the action, and that if you forgive others, you will be forgiven. And to every single soul that I’ve wronged, I sincerely apologize. Please make du’a for me. Also whoever wronged me, I’ve forgiven you and I wish you nothing but the best for both in Dunya and Akhirah. 
May peace be upon us all. Love, v.
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theblacklistscripts · 4 years
Text
3.04 The Dijnn #43
1 Previously on The Blacklist Liz: Karakurt.
We know you're working for the Cabal.
How was the virus delivered? You've been set up.
You infected the senator, and now they will come for you.
Ressler: Suspect's name is Special Agent Elizabeth Keen.
But as of today, she's a fugitive.
Red: Dembe's missing.
Where is Raymond Reddington? So be it.
We're gonna die in here.
What would you do to help Elizabeth Keen? Anything.
Woman: I'm happy to report your funds have cleared, Gerald.
You'll have full use of the penthouse suite until 9:00 AM.
That's when the clean-up crew arrives.
Thank you.
I can't tell you-- Oh, you don't have to say anything.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
This man's drugs ate my son alive.
And now you'll deliver payment in kind.
Shall we wake him? The hour of vengeance has arrived.
The road to healing begins tonight.
What happens next is up to you.
Oh, and if you find that you can't finish your meal, we've provided takeout bags in the kitchen.
[ Muffled screams ] Caul: You know him? Red: No.
Neither did I.
Had to dig out my agency rolodex to find someone who recognized him.
Name's Matias Solomon-- a real lone wolf.
He was CIA? Asset only.
In Ethiopia until he joined the Eritrean war.
Solomon committed atrocities on the battlefield so vulgar even the CIA disavowed him.
I need you to find him, Leonard.
I appreciate you wanting to help your associate, but Solomon's been MIA for a decade.
Dembe is more than an associate to me.
Please find him.
[ Keys jingle ] [ Footsteps approaching ] Excuse me.
- Who are-- - Aram.
[ Door closes ] Surprise.
[ Chuckles ] What are you doing in my apartment? And, uh, who was that guy? Red: I'm sorry for the intrusion.
I'm here because I need your help.
Where's Agent Keen? Something's happened to her, hasn't it? Yes, thank God.
I got a shower for the first time in days.
[ Laughs ] I'm so happy to see you.
Not many people are these days.
Okay, I probably shouldn't say this, - but you look fantastic.
- [ Laughs ] Aram.
We're looking for a woman who calls herself The Djinn.
A matchmaker of sorts, who pairs clients with what they most desire-- greed, lust, revenge.
They say she can make any fantasy come true.
Liz: We have a web address.
There are encryptions we can't decipher.
I know this is asking a lot, but we wouldn't come to you if Reddington didn't believe that this Djinn might be helpful in clearing my name.
If I agree to help I'll have to let Agent Ressler know.
We're in a symbiotic relationship.
By helping us, Agent Ressler keeps us close.
I have to believe Ressler wants the truth about who attacked our country just as much as we do.
If that's true, he'll accept help anywhere he can get it.
He wouldn't take it from Tom.
What? Tom? I-I don't understand.
He knows you're in trouble.
He came and offered to help, and Agent Ressler turned him down.
The Djinn-- we need to find The Djinn.
If you want to help Keen, this is how you do it.
Find Karakurt.
The Cabal hired him to do what she's being framed for-- the Orea bombing, the senator's murder.
Yeah, I know Karakurt.
He's Russian garbage.
Probably hitting some strip club in St.
Petersburg right now.
Karakurt betrayed his country.
If he went back to Russia, the FSB would shoot him on sight.
My intel says he's had extensive plastic surgery.
He's trying to change his identity.
Says here you had him in custody and you let him go.
It also says Karakurt's sister is married to Charlie Volkens-- violent, unstable.
He runs a crime ring in the Rust Belt.
Word is that's where Karakurt's laying low.
Why come to me? Hmm? Your boy Ressler told me to hit the highway.
Donald Ressler's a fine agent.
Within the rules, he'll do everything possible to find Elizabeth and the truth.
- You don't think that'll be enough? - Maybe.
Given what we're up against, I'm willing-- Throw out the rulebook.
Bend the bindings a little.
All right, so what's the FBI doing about this? I assume their entire focus is on Reddington and Keen.
You "assume.
" Don't you know? I'm on leave from the task force while they investigate my part in the shooting of Tom Connolly.
So this isn't a sanctioned op.
No.
I'm asking you to figure out a way to infiltrate the crime ring that may be protecting Karakurt.
If you're caught, something happens, you're on your own.
I had no knowledge of this.
I walked in, and they were just there.
Ressler: We have a confirmed sighting.
I live at the Nottingham apartments.
Tell MPD to shut down a five-block radius around Adams Morgan.
Reset the checkpoints.
Notify all agencies.
Run it into the ground.
I know you think she's innocent, but you did the right thing coming forward.
Uh, Mr.
Reddington asked me to.
Why would he do that? Because he needs our help finding The Djinn.
Who's The Djinn? Aram: The kidnap and rape of a British princess.
The mauling death of a big-game poacher locked in a lion's cage.
The vivisection of a drug dealer while he was eaten alive.
According to Mr.
Reddington, these are not random acts of perverse cruelty.
Each was a revenge fantasy, planned and providing by a woman known only as The Djinn.
The Djinn? You mean, like a genie? All I know is, they believe she can help clear Agent Keen's name.
The Djinn apparently grants your deepest, darkest wish.
If you can imagine it and pay for it she'll make it happen.
How do you contact this Djinn? Right.
At the early days of the web, a virtual fantasy world was created online to connect people of all ages from around the world.
The technology was quickly obsolete, but the site was never taken down.
Today, it is a hidden oasis for freaks and weirdos.
No digital signatures.
Tor-encrypted on the dark web.
It offers anonymity for new clients to contact The Djinn.
Once you locate her avatar, The Djinn invites you into a private room, where you give her your name and bank account.
That's it.
You sign off.
The Djinn verifies your financial resources.
If she likes what she sees, she contacts you directly to set a meeting.
I don't buy it.
I mean, if they're trying to prove Keen's innocence, why go after some high-priced vigilante? Navabi: And if that's not what they're trying to prove, why risk everything asking for Aram's help? Why do any of what they've done? A troll farmer, a counterfeiter, a company that launders money for the Cabal, now this Djinn-- it doesn't make sense.
They're fugitives, but they're not running.
They're searching.
But if not for Keen's innocence, then what for? Well, we know they're trying to set up a meeting, but we have to find a where and when.
If we can find The Djinn first, maybe we can intercept them.
Cross-reference all our known cases.
Look for the IP addresses, how her clients communicated with her, anything that can provide a clue to her identity.
You did it.
No.
You did.
Your hour of vengeance has arrived.
The road to healing begins now.
What happens next is up to you.
[ Door closes ] Allah teaches us forgiveness, but some things-- they're unforgivable.
[ Metal scraping ] Do you have to torture me, too? I'm preparing for my next interrogation.
With a spoon? [ Blows ] I counted four men.
You might get two before they kill you.
So be it.
When Solomon figures out he can't break me, he'll go after my daughter, her little girl.
Whatever it takes to find Raymond.
[ Blows ] If I'm dead, they're safe.
Navabi: I found a link.
The revenge fantasies arranged by The Djinn occurred around the world, but two of them drove down the earnings of one company.
How? Well, it seems cannibalism isn't good for business.
The victim's body was found in a dumpster outside the hotel wrapped in hotel towels.
Now no one wants to sleep there.
Just like no one wants to fly a certain airline in South America.
It went bankrupt after a hijacking planned by The Djinn.
Azeri Financial is a majority shareholder in both the airline and the hotel.
It's a private holding company in New York.
Two is hardly a pattern.
Maybe it's just a coincidence.
It could be, but it's not.
Aram? That is Bahram Bakhash, owner and CEO of Azeri Financial.
Navabi: The abduction took place two hours ago.
So far, there have been no ransom demands.
Well, if someone hired this Djinn to bankrupt Azeri Financial, we need a motive.
And-- more importantly-- what does any of this have to do with Keen? Red: "I am not courageous.
Only the poor have courage.
Why? Because they are hopeless.
To get up every morning to plow a potato field in wartime, to bring kids with no prospects into the world.
To live poor-- that takes courage.
" Ugh.
I forget the next line.
You're a terrible actor.
[ Laughs ] There's nothing wrong with my performance.
It's the play.
Bertolt Brecht uses the alienation effect to create emotional distance from the audience.
I don't know.
So, why did you produce his play? I was completely swept up in the idealism of the theatre owner-- a pipe-smoking cream puff of a German named Gerta.
She read "Mother Courage" to me aloud-- the whole play in one sitting.
A brilliant exploration of the politics of war and those who profit from it.
Sadly, it was 1991, and audiences were going in droves to see "Cats.
" Gerta lost every penny of my investment, but she remains grateful to this day.
Her theater is ours as long as we need it.
[ Cellphone beeping ] The Djinn.
We have a meeting point-- a bench in Astoria Park tomorrow at 9:00 AM.
When she arrives, keep her in the open until I move in.
This woman-- The Djinn-- you said she can help, but you haven't said how.
I have reason to believe that at least two of the people she's catered to are powerful members of the Cabal.
And if we get to her, we can get to them.
In case we lose visual contact, you'll be wearing a tracking device.
If you're thinking of reaching out to him, don't.
Now that he's on the FBI's radar, they're likely monitoring any communications.
This is important, Lizzy.
Promise me you won't call him.
I promise.
We should get some rest.
[ Indistinct conversations ] She hasn't called yet.
More tea? Sure.
Tom: Karakurt had extensive facial surgery.
Navabi: Do you know anyone who would want to hurt your father? No.
No one.
He's a devout man.
Respected, with many friends.
- When did you see him last? - Here.
This morning.
He called a board meeting to discuss a hostile takeover.
How hostile? The Newcastle Venture Group is an investment firm.
They made an aggressive buyout proposal.
Which your father opposed? Yes.
He wants the company to stay in the family.
In his absence, would the board approve of the buyout? Buyout proposals happen all the time.
No one gets kidnapped because of them.
Look, my father raised my sister, Nasim, and me after our mother was killed by a bomb during the Iran-Iraq war.
He's everything to us.
Please.
Find our father, bring him back to us.
[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Dog barks ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Woman: Nice to make your acquaintance, Elizabeth.
If you'll be so kind as to follow my instructions, we'll be having a lovely visit in no time.
First, I'll need you to leave your cellphone.
Opposite you, there's a gap in the fence.
Follow the path until you find some portable restrooms.
Walk there now, and enter the one on the right.
[ Police siren chirps ] [ Tires screech ] - Freeze! - You! Don't move! [ Indistinct shouting ] Get there now.
Red: Aah.
[ Breathing heavily ] [ Cellphone rings ] You did well, Elizabeth.
For my privacy and your safety, I'm turning off the lights.
Wait.
W-where are we going? Enjoy the ride.
I'll have a cup of hot tea waiting.
I've called everyone.
It's as if he just vanished.
There's been no demand for a ransom or anything-- just silence.
What can I do, Hamid? I feel so helpless.
I put out a reward for any information, and the FBI assures me they're doing everything they can.
They want to talk to you.
I'll text you their number.
Yes, of course.
Anything I can do to help.
I'll finish up what I'm doing here and then call them.
Man az samime ghalbam.
That was Hamid.
He's worried about you, father.
- He should be.
- [ Groans ] I know this may seem barbaric to you, but no more so than what you did to me.
[ Screams ] [ Gasps ] Elizabeth.
Thank you for enduring my security measures.
Please, take off your shoes.
Get comfortable.
It's not often I'm contacted by an international fugitive.
We do our homework.
Why don't you tell me your fantasy, and let's see if we can help? "If"? Not all wishes are granted.
We help at our discretion.
I want revenge.
You have my full attention.
I was framed.
I want the people who did this to admit it and pay for what they've done.
I don't believe that.
It's what I want.
I'm sure it is.
You wouldn't be human if it wasn't.
But I'm not interested in what you want.
I'm interested in what you deeply desire.
I can sense that death and vengeance aren't what drive you, Elizabeth.
Or feed your soul.
What does? A lost world, I suspect.
Another life.
Why don't you tell me about that fantasy, and maybe I can help you? If you can't face your truths, I can't be of service.
My car will return you to Astoria Park.
[ Clatter ] I'm sorry.
[ China rattling ] [ Sighs ] Hamid's right.
I can't think of anyone who would want to harm my father.
He's a good man.
Your father's company-- I have nothing to do with the company.
The Newcastle Venture Group-- we understand they're mounting a hostile takeover.
Did your father ever mention them to you? No, I don't think so.
We know that it's a front, but we don't know who's behind it yet.
Your father never mentioned them? My father never talks business with me.
Surely you must know how that is, Samar Navabi.
I know how that is.
But I took control of my life a long time ago.
Hmm.
Then you're braver than I.
[ Knock on door ] Nasim? [ Knocking continues ] Nasim? [ Muffled screaming ] Forgive me for intruding.
[ Screaming continues ] Nasim? Hamid.
There you are.
Have you heard anything about father? No.
It's gonna be okay.
[ Sighs ] The FBI are doing everything they can.
I know nothing else matters right now, but I need your advice.
You're the only one who values it.
The board members-- they're nervous.
They were nervous even before father was abducted.
Quarterly earnings, share value, and now with him gone, I've tried to convince them to wait, that to decide the fate of the company at a time like this is insane.
They won't listen.
I want him to be proud of me.
Father groomed you to be his successor because he trusts you.
He has confidence in you.
The board will listen to you.
It's a fair offer.
Take it.
It should have been you.
Running the company.
The bias, the prejudice.
He should have seen past it.
I just pray they find him.
[ Door opens ] Your turn, chief.
Not so fast.
Lift your pant leg up.
The right one.
Let's see what's in the sock.
I had to give them something.
They made me.
[ Screams ] Okay, that's enough! Raise your hands! Face to the wall! [ Groans ] [ Grunting ] [ Bone cracking ] You didn't have to hit me that hard.
That wasn't part of the plan.
Get his weapon.
Wait.
[ Horn honks ] [ Engine turns over ] [ Telephone rings ] Hello? Liz: Hi.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Is-- It's you.
Calling for the guy.
Y-yeah.
I can't believe it.
He was hoping you'd call.
He wanted me to give you this number.
Lizzy? What is it? 555-0123.
When he comes back, do you want me to-- [ Dial tone ] What happened with The Djinn? We tracked you to the warehouse, but then you were gone and the tracking signal left the city.
She had guards, so I couldn't ask her about the Cabal.
I gave her the story, but she didn't believe I was being honest.
She wanted to know my real fantasy.
So.
Well, I didn't say anything.
I put the bug on her shoe.
What is your fantasy? It's been the same thing for as long as I can remember.
I'm walking in a park with my husband.
In between us is our little girl.
I'm holding her hand in mine and I never let go.
[ Cellphone beeps ] Thanks to your shoe switcheroo, apparently we have an address for The Djinn.
[ Children shouting playfully in distance ] [ Dog barking in distance ] [ Knock on door ] [ Laughs ] Hi, there.
Is your mommy home? You're not The Djinn.
[ Breathing heavily ] What are you doing? Looking at the classifieds.
"Tuba mouthpiece for sale"? The number will lead us to Reddington.
Thanks.
All I wanted to hear.
[ Gunshot ] [ Groans ] [ Horn honks ] Woman: Oh, my God! Oh! [ Shouting playfully ] You followed me.
What's The Djinn's name? Is that why you came to me? So that I'd give up The Djinn? I won't do that.
Let's forget about The Djinn for a moment.
I'd be more intrigued to hear about you, Alice.
I'm sure you have a story to tell.
I love stories.
I used to work the convention circuit, standing next to supercars all day in heels and short shorts.
As a brand ambassador, you're trained to answer questions and push product.
The Djinn found me through an agency I work with.
Most of our clients are men.
They enjoy a little eye candy.
When I started, The Djinn scripted every word I said, but I guess I had a knack for reading people, knowing their desires.
In time, I became the face of the operation.
I imagine selling fantasies is a very profitable business, one you are clearly not profiting from.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
The range rover in the driveway, those diamond earrings, your shoes-- your aspirations clearly exceed your reality.
I've been preparing to quit.
I have more than enough money.
Oh.
Lies on top of pretense, my dear.
You haven't quit because you enjoy the power.
There's no shame in that.
Do I look ashamed? [ Laughing ] No, you do not.
It appears we're all good at reading people.
What fun.
But, Alice, I don't think you see that we have an opportunity here to make both of our fantasies come true.
The Djinn is a middleman I believe you've outgrown.
Tell me his name.
Tell me all about him, and I'll get him out of your way.
You can launch your own operation.
Maybe one that's a little more optimistic and constructive than the present business model.
I even have your first client all lined up.
So, this Djinn-- tell me.
[ Panting ] That's your chest collapsing.
That feeling? Asphyxiation will be next.
Your suffering is almost over.
I wish the same could be said for mine.
I did what I had to to keep you alive.
You did what you did because you couldn't stand to look at me.
Well, I am making you look at me now.
Look at me, father! Your company is gone.
Hamid and the board sold it to the Newcastle Venture Group.
That's not possible.
Mm.
You know, for years, I had dreamt of ways to get my revenge on you.
So many fantasies swimming in my head.
So many that they gave birth to a business.
As The Djinn, I make people's fantasies come true.
You have no idea how much people will pay to experience their darkest desires.
And I've been collecting that money so that one day I could live out my own fantasy.
And guess what day it is, father.
You said I was unfit to run a company.
Now I own one-- yours.
Newcastle Venture Group is mine.
Aram: I figured it out.
I had to go through six pass-throughs and two loan-outs in The Caymans, but-- Aram.
Oh.
Um You look nice today.
Ressler: Aram.
What did you figure out? Right.
The Newcastle Venture Group-- Nasim Bakhash controls it.
Bahram's daughter.
And the board of Azeri Financial just approved the buyout offer.
And that only happened because Bahram wasn't there to oppose it.
That's what this is-- her revenge fantasy.
She's getting back at her father for cutting her out.
That's why she kidnapped him.
And the only question is, has she killed him yet? Aram, get an address, get units en route now.
Found my way into the crime ring.
Cooper: "New York's hottest bachelors"? Page 32.
Asher Sutton? I don't know who that is.
He's my fast pass to finding Karakurt.
How does the only child of a billionaire resort owner get you anywhere near the crime syndicate where Karakurt's hiding? Trust me.
It does.
I believe we've already established that I don't trust you.
I believe we've also established that you need me.
Look.
If this world where Karakurt is hiding were easy to get to, I'd have gotten there myself.
If this Asher kid somehow has access to it, what makes you think he's gonna take you there? Because he's got a weakness.
For street life, hustlers, players-- anybody who has to fight for their money.
Go on.
Asher spends most of his nights at an underground casino in New York.
All I need is a good story.
Graduated Princeton.
Summers in the Hamptons.
Maybe you should tell him how you learned to channel lady luck in college during a weekend bender in Sag Harbor.
Sag Harbor.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what? I remember that weekend.
You know, it was my junior ye-- No, it was my sophomore year.
And my roommate at Princeton, Sammy-- Sammy? I don't think so.
Right.
Not Sammy.
- I once had a life, or rather - Samuel.
His parents had a beach house in, uh, Sag Harbor that he said was flush with bikinis every summer.
So, come July, we want to get lucky, right? So we hit the beach, you know, like Samuel said-- scores of girls.
But the problem is-- they're all high-school girls.
Right? Jailbait.
15 will get you 10 to 20.
You know what I'm saying? So forget it.
We just drink every night.
You know, make the most of our fleeting youth.
And on the last day, we hit the beach one more time.
And there lies the most beautiful college girl you've ever seen.
I mean, ever.
But it's two guys, and there's one girl.
So I strike first.
I sit down, I start talking to her, and she says she's hungry.
So I get up, I go to the Sag General to buy her a cappuccino muffin.
But when I come back, there's Samuel lying on top of her and their lips are locked like a jigsaw puzzle.
You know what I mean? So I do the death march back to my towel.
I'm just gonna sleep off the rest of my hangover, you know? "Forget about this day.
" But I can't sleep.
Because I got something hard stuck under my head, right? So I reach under my towel, and you're never gonna believe what I find lost in the sand.
So I go back to school the next day with a $12,000 Bvlgari on my wrist, and Samuel-- he goes back with a brand-new cold sore.
Oh.
That's the day that I learned that luck is just what you make of it.
[ Laughs ] That's a dope watch, Mr.
Wainright.
You have a good evening, and, uh, good luck in there tonight.
- Can you get? - Hey, let's hope.
[ Engine shuts off ] Alice was right.
No guards.
[ Door closes ] What? What is it? You've been quiet ever since we left Alice.
Is it Dembe? It's your fantasy.
What about it? It's as it should be.
Red: Look at that.
Pinned like a swallowtail.
[ Gasps ] Oh, my.
No, no, no.
Let's not fuss with that now.
Our priority's to find Nasim.
Liz: He won't be alive.
Look at him.
He needs medical attention.
I'm not sure we should start the party before the hostess arrives, but so be it.
Yes.
Hello.
I need an ambulance.
A man's dying on a cross.
[ Cellphone rings, I nen siren wailing ] Aram, we're five minutes out.
That's good, because a 911 call was just placed from Nasim's home, and the caller was Mr.
Reddington.
Are you positive? Voice analysis confirmed it.
Reddington.
He's already there.
[ Door opens ] Red: Nasim.
There you are.
Please, come in.
We have much to discuss, and time is a factor.
What do you want? To offer my sympathies.
I know who you are.
And I know who you are, Nasim.
What a beautiful name.
It means "breeze" in Farsi.
But you weren't born Nasim.
You were born Nasir-- "the victorious.
" How ironic.
But a boy.
A perfectly healthy boy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Alice told us the story.
We know you're The Djinn.
And this must be your father.
The butcher.
Tell me, Bahram, was it so horrific to discover that your 19-year-old son, your eldest son, was gay? So horrific that you forced him against his will to go under the knife, change his gender, to give you a daughter instead of your son, who is gay? [ Shakily ] Clerics accept People can get trapped in the body of the wrong sex.
- The law says-- - I wasn't trapped.
I liked my body.
I liked men.
I wanted to protect you, Nasim.
They could have killed you.
For being gay.
They're so homophobic that being gay is a hideous crime, but chopping off a man's penis isn't? Honestly, is it just me, or is the human race, armed with religion, poisoned by prejudice, and absolutely frantic with hatred and fear, galloping pell-mell back to the dark ages? Who on earth is hurt by a little girl going to school or a child being gay? Let's be Frank, Bahram.
You didn't change your son to protect him.
You changed him because he disgusted you.
[ Breathing shakily ] That's not true.
You violated my body without consent.
You sliced out my identity and discarded it as waste.
You cursed me to live the rest of my life as a second-class citizen, despite being a firstborn son.
[ Tires screeching ] We're running out of time.
Get what you came for, and let's go.
What did you come for? A leather journal-- hand-written-- with the names of all your clients and their adventures in wonderland, but I suggest you find it fast before the authorities outside break down your door.
What did you do? As a general rule, I'm against the militarization of America's police forces, but I needed an army, so there they are.
I've prepared an escape for Elizabeth and I, and there's room for you, too, but the price for your freedom is one leather journal.
Now who's The Djinn? [ Police radio chatter ] Agents Navabi and Ressler.
Where are we at? We set the perimeter.
Our fourth side is water, and we're waiting for harbor units.
No sign of the targets.
They're in there.
I want a full layout of that property, and position teams to cover all the exits.
Yes, sir.
- [ Safe beeping ] - I should have never agreed to this.
Risking everything, for what? Another list of names.
How valuable can they be? All part of the master plan to clear your name, I assure you.
Helicopters.
Not even you can get us out of this.
You want to know my fantasy, Nasim? To escape a hopeless police standoff in style with two sensational women on my arms.
Shall we? [ Scoffs ] Yeah.
Well, we can't have everything.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ] We're gonna breach on my command.
SWAT will follow.
Reddington and Keen are inside.
They're armed-- Lieutenant, are you listening? - That chopper.
- What about it? It's not mine.
Reddington.
Let's go now.
Move, move! [ Indistinct shouting ] Welcome aboard, Elizabeth.
Excellent.
I gave you the journal.
I kept my end of the deal.
Your deal was with him.
Women.
oh, here comes trouble put your helmet on we'll be heading for a fall yeah, the whole thing's gonna blow and the Devil's got my number it's long overdue he'll come looking soon yeah, the whole thing's gonna blow oh, here comes trouble these people talk too much need to shut them up - yeah, I'd rather be alone - [ Both laugh ] can you can you feel that rumble? all this borrowed time it's been running out it's the ending of the show It was empty when I found it - but I know now - just like the rest of the building.
yeah yeah, I know now yeah everything's gonna be okay He was here.
oh, I keep telling myself - "Don't worry, be happy" - [ Dialing, ringing ] Mr.
Solomon - oh, you keep telling yourself - I'm in New York City.
- "Everything's gonna be okay" - I know how to locate Reddington.
oh, I keep telling myself "Don't worry, be happy" oh, you keep telling yourself Navabi: We caught a predator.
You should be proud.
That journal had names, dates, locations.
The DOJ's going to close dozens of cases.
There was one page torn out-- the one that Reddington wanted.
Whatever he's doing, he's gonna get her killed.
You can't save her.
You shouldn't even try.
Liz made a choice to kill the Attorney General.
She said it was the only way that she could stop him.
I've stopped men the same way, and I'm ready to pay the price.
Liz needs to be ready, too.
oh, here comes trouble Nobody made her pull that trigger.
put your helmet on we'll be heading for a fall Tom: So, I go back to school the next day with a $12,000 Bvlgari on my wrist, and Samuel-- he goes back with a brand-new cold sore, right? - [ Laughter ] - And that's the day that I learned that luck is what you make of it.
Blow on that for me.
Thank you very much.
- "Don't worry, be happy" - One more seven! - oh, you keep telling yourself - [ Cheering ] "Everything's gonna be okay" [ Beep ] Have a good night.
everything's gonna be okay Oh, you're good.
What's that? You switched the dice while you were showing off your fake watch.
That's a clever misdirect, but the house dice are in your right pocket.
Have another drink, pal.
Oh, no, no, no.
You won't make it to the front door if I don't want you to.
The Sag General wasn't selling cappuccino muffins when you were in college, if you even went to college.
What do you want? Oh, I want to take you to dinner.
You're a fascinating character, Mr.
Wainright.
Or whatever your name actually is.
[ Cellphone vibrates ] Yeah.
Liz: Tom.
You called Wing Yee's.
I was hoping you would.
I can't believe you came back.
Of course I came back.
As soon as I heard, I came back.
Are you all right? You had a plan.
The boat I wish you would have come with me.
I know you went to Ressler and offered to help.
Yeah, I did.
And I'm gonna do everything I can.
Listen, Tom, you don't have to do this.
I do have to do this.
You said you wanted out of this life-- out of the secrets and the lies and the risk.
I don't want to be the one to drag you back into this.
You're not.
You haven't.
Listen, Tom, you-- you don't understand.
I have done so many terrible things. 
I have hurt so many people. 
I don't care what you've done. Liz, I know who you are.I took that for granted for a long time, but I don't now. So you're right. I do have plans. I'm coming to save you.
- Tom.
Listen-- - It's too late.
'Cause I'm already in.
In where? Where are you? What have you done? 
I got to go. I love you.
[ Cellphone beeps ] So, what's good around here? 
Follow me.
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