#margaret buckley
tawaifeddiediaz · 2 months ago
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EVAN BUCKLEY + (one of his) most heartbreaking look(s) ever
(i.e. the scene that made me want to punch the buckley parents to kingdom come)
[Image ID: three rectangular gifs from 9-1-1 episode 4.04, "9-1-1, What's Your Grievance." of Evan Buckley, Philip Buckley and Margaret Buckley at the dinner at Maddie and Chimney's apartment:
GIF 1: A shot of Maddie's baby box with her name scrawled on the front. Maddie's hand comes up to hover over her name.
GIF 2: Buck leaning over to take a look, his eyes hopeful as he asks, "When do I get mine?" towards his father.
GIF 3: Philip's smile faltering as he takes in Buck's question.
GIF 4: Buck's smile fading as he turns to look at his mom instead, the hope in his eyes dying.
GIF 5: A shot of Philip and Margaret. Margaret is in focus as she and Philip exchange a look, awkward with how to answer that they don't have a baby box for Buck.
/end ID]
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peacemakersbeloved · a month ago
Margaret Buckley: You're saying I play favourites but you're wrong. I love all my children equally.
Also Margaret Buckley: I don't care for Evan.
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dannilea · 7 months ago
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Buck + being loved anyway
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likeshipsonthesea · 8 months ago
avoid the flames
takes place like a month after Buck Begins. warnings for ableist language (it’s only theoretically said in an imagined scenario but it is mentioned) and rough child/parental relationships. buck & christopher relationship heavy, buck & his parents relationship heavy
It’s Buck’s first solo session back with Dr. Copeland after the handful of calls with his parents, and Dr. Copeland starts it by saying, “Buck, may I ask you a question?” 
Immediately Buck knows he isn’t going to enjoy answering whatever it is. “Sure,” he says anyway, because that’s kind of the point of all this therapy stuff.
“Have you talked about Christopher with your parents?”
Buck blinks at the screen.
“I only ask,” Dr. Copeland continues, when Buck’s been silent long enough to deem it necessary, “because I don’t recall a single session where you haven’t told me at least one story about Christopher. And now it’s been several weeks since I’ve heard of him.”
Buck licks his lips. That’s fair. 
He usually spends a good fifteen minutes at the beginning of every session just chatting. He used to think it was him just being needy--kept apologizing for treating this like a social thing--until Dr. Copeland told him it was normal for therapy sessions to feel awkward in that they don’t follow the normal flow of regular conversation, and that chatting seemed to help Buck get comfortable enough to settle into the format.
Christopher tends to come up during that time, because all of Buck’s best stories involve Chris. And--yeah, now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t talked about Chris in therapy for a while, since his parents joined the sessions. Not even consciously, really, it’s just--
“They’re not kid people,” Buck says finally. Dr. Copeland nods, as he’s told her that before--used to be his reasoning for why they were so hands-off with him as a kid. Now--not so much. 
Dr. Copeland pauses a moment, before asking, “Would you consider Christopher to be an important part of your life?”
Buck answers immediately. “Of course. He’s--he’s one of the most important parts of my life.”
“Then don’t you think your parents should know about him?”
Buck’s instinctive response is no, because that’s been his instinctive response to his parents knowing anything about his life for going on a decade now. But Dr. Copeland has a point--he’s spent the last month in therapy with his parents, talking about his job and Maddie and how alone he feels, all in the hopes of making their relationship into something. He’s shared more about himself with his parents in the last month than he has in the last eight years, and yet--Christopher is off-limits.
Buck tries to answer the question of why. “I don’t think--it’s just--it wouldn’t help,” he says, sifting through the tangle of emotions in his chest.
“How do you mean?”
Buck can see in the little box on the screen that he’s grimacing and tries to relax his face. “Talking about Daniel, about my job, about how they’ve treated me and Maddie--it’s productive. I’m--understanding why they acted the way they did, and it helps me see that I’m--” He huffs. “That it wasn’t my fault.”
He doesn’t believe that yet, really, but it’s easier to say it knowing that when his parents were looking through him, it was because looking at him felt like looking at a ghost--not because he wasn’t worth looking at.
“It makes it easier to talk to them. Forgive them.”
“And you don’t think telling them about Christopher would make it easier to talk to them?” Dr. Copeland leans forward in her chair and, despite the way the camera angles work over video call, Buck feels like she’s looking right into his eyes.
Buck shifts in his seat. “I--how would it?”
“Christopher is one of your favorite people,” Dr. Copeland says. “You talk about him often, and freely. I would think that being able to talk to your parents about something that you have so much to say about would make it much easier to talk to them.”
Buck shakes his head. “It’s not about how I talk about him, it’s how they’d--” He stops, suddenly, as he realizes what he’d been about to say. He is abruptly, uncomfortably aware of how fast his heart is racing. This feels--this feels like when he’s in a burning building, looking for paths through the flames, how his mind acknowledges danger areas and notes to avoid them. Something in his brain is saying that, saying don’t go here.
“How they’d what, Buck?” Dr. Copeland asks, and her voice has gone quieter though it remains firm.
Buck takes a deep breath, acknowledges how badly he wants to end the session right here, and steps towards the flames. “How they’d react.”
“How do you think they’d react?”
Buck rolls his bottom lip against his front teeth. He tries to imagine telling his parents about Christopher--about his science fair project and the book series they’re reading together and how he’s been getting into colored pencil drawings lately and how he cheats at video games but it’s impossible to stay mad at him when he’s smiling like that and how he’ll come to Buck, bouncing in excitement, with ideas about how to prank his dad and--
And he pictures his parents’ faces. And he can’t picture them laughing along with Buck, matching his enthusiasm. He can picture them smiling politely, his mother saying that he sounds like a lovely child, his dad nodding along silently. He can picture them uncomfortable, confused, judgmental. How do you know this boy? Your co-worker’s son? He can picture them maybe, even, looking at a picture Buck shows them and going, “Oh, that poor boy, it’s amazing he can do all that he does despite his--limitations,” in an attempt to be kind and Buck--
“I don’t know,” he tells Dr. Copeland honestly. “I don’t know how they’d react. But--” His grip on the tablet tightens. “If they didn’t react well, then--” He forces his hands to relax. “Then that would be it.” He lets that truth sit for a moment. “I can forgive them for me, I can forgive them for Maddie, but--” He shakes his head. “Not for that.”
Dr. Copeland is silent for a few moments, thinking probably, and Buck lets her, trying to calm himself back down after riling himself up with possibilities. “Buck,” Dr. Copeland says, and Buck refocuses on her face, “I can see how hard you’re trying to form a good relationship with your parents. I understand why, and I am wiling to help you work towards it.” She pauses, and Buck braces himself for one of her harsh truths. “But a good relationship must be built on trust and communication.”
Buck exhales shakily. “So you think I should tell them about Chris.”
“I think you should think about what it means for your relationship that you don’t want to.”
Buck nods, stilted. It--it burns to think of it, but she’s right. If he can’t trust his parents with Christopher, with even the knowledge of Christopher, how is he ever going to fully trust them? He’s trying, he’s trying so hard to make it work with them because--because he’s guilty and sorry that they lost their first son, he wants them to still have a relationship with their second and he wants--he wants to be the kind of person who has parents he speaks to, who’s normal, and he was so sure he could do it, could fix it, fix them, but--
But maybe he can’t fix this. Whatever they build, whatever relationship they piece together from a handful of therapy sessions and shared DNA, it’s all so unbearably fragile if at any moment their reaction to Chris could end it all.
If Buck doesn’t tell them about Christopher, they can’t ever truly build anything. If he wants to have any sort of real relationship with them, he has to trust them with Chris. 
And sitting here, with Dr. Copeland staring at him through a screen, Buck knows without a doubt that he doesn’t.
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corcordiums · a year ago
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you wanna know why i’m really in therapy? it is because i have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. and you wanna talk about our jobs? you think my job is dangerous?
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nattynyx · a year ago
Eddie @Buck's parents: I am Buck's best friend
Eddie: I also once hit a guy so hard pieces of his nose came out
Eddie: now you might be wondering how these two pieces of information are related.
Eddie: Fuck around and find out.
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incorrectbuddie · 10 months ago
Margaret: Evan, I did not raise you to embarrass me like this.
Buck: You didn’t raise me at all.
Margaret: That is what I just said.
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tarlosbuddie · a year ago
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I just gotta say "I miss you, and I hope that you're okay"
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eddieslovelife · 8 months ago
Buck: My parents raised me to never quit so I’m not quitting
Buck: actually my parents didn’t raise me at all
Buck: so I quit
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bellabrady · 16 days ago
jigsaw by conan gray is such a savior baby and sperm donor buck song
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fatedbuck · a month ago
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911 as texts 5/?
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jakejensen · a year ago
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parallel requested by @lusmusings
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greatcometcas · 9 months ago
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daughterofbuddie · 6 months ago
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incorrect118 · 6 months ago
Margaret: This Howard is an EMT?
Maddie: Mm. A lot of people around here find him irresistible. Including himself.
Margaret: He acts very much a little boy, doesn’t he?
Maddie: Oh, believe me—he��s not acting.
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missmitchieg · a month ago
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All I'm saying is no one understands Buck like Eddie understands Buck
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