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#managing to overcome my brain
kirk-goes-to-gallifrey · 11 months
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sigh
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dentixvoxel · 2 years
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you know your brain is bad when you get depressed over forgetting how to cook pasta
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i-wanna-b-yours · 2 years
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80% of north indians i have met have always commented on my skin colour or my terrible acne and the marks it left :) go fuck yourselves
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propertyofwicked · 1 month
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CAPTURING THE MOMENT - LN
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MDNI !!
warnings: straight up smut, no plot. doggy, unprotected sex + (make good choices please) tiny praise kink if u squint. forgive me if this is absolute dog shit <3
inspo from this post by @norrizzandpia
“want to film you like this angel. look so pretty filled with my cock,” lando panted in your ear, lifting you leg higher up his waist to find a deeper angle.
before your brain could catch up with your mouth, you were already nodding and giving lando a firm yes - it took even longer for his brain to compute that you were agreeing to it.
he’s pulling out slowly, moaning quietly about the loss of contact, and then grabbing your waist, turning you onto your stomach and pulling your backside back up into his hips. one hand stays on the curve of your waist, his other reaching for his phone and opening up the camera. he’s taking too long, and you begin to roll your hips onto his for any semblance of friction.
your head cranes backwards, to see lando’s phone angled where your bodies align, and a line of spit living his mouth and landing at your entrance. his free hand grabs his cock, spreading it through your folds and eliciting a long mewl from your mouth. without warning, he thrusts back into you, bottoming out instantly.
“fuck baby, still so tight for me” he says, before pulling back and slamming straight back into you repeatedly.
“lan, oh my- s'good to me” you manage to babble out, muffled by your face pushing into the mattress.
“what was that angel? i didn’t catch that,” lando’s voice let slip the smirk on his face, he heard every word. his free hand reaches the back of your head, grasping a handful of hair and using it to pull your whole body upwards, all the while his pace remaining relentless.
“you like it when i take you from behind? you like how i make your eyes roll to the back of your head like that?” he coos. you moan out in response, unable to form words when your whole body begins to shake around him.
“speak to me baby, who makes you feel like this?”
“you, lando, you,” you manage to pant out, loud enough to satisfy him, the statement followed by a loud grunt falling from lando’s mouth.
“taking me so well, baby. you always take me so well,” he continues, his words sending you to a new level of pleasure. his hand drops your head back to the mattress and comes around the front of your body to play with your clit. he can feel you getting tighter and tighter around his cock, and your hips grinding back into him, trying to match his pace.
“lan, please fuck i-”
“please what? what do you need baby?”
“im gonn-” you barely finish your sentence when you mouth falls open, and your whole body is overcome with waves of pleasure. your legs begin to shake around him, and his fingers leave your clit, so that his hand can hold you up by your hip.
“such a good girl, ‘never get tired of feeling you cum around my cock,” he says softly, his hips still snapping against yours but slowing in their pace as he comes close to finishing himself. the phone drops from his hands and they both move to your waist, giving him a better grip of your body. he’s close. you can tell. he grunts loudly before pushing out a strained, “where do you want it baby?”
“in me, lan, need you to finish in me” you breathe out, still coming down from your own high - the statement alone had him finishing, filling you up, as his body leant further into yours out of exhaustion. once, he pulls out, you lay next to each other in silence for a while till you hear him say -
“no one can ever see that video.”
“our faces aren’t in it?”
“they’d never know it was us.”
oh how wrong you both were.
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madschiavelique · 9 months
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Restraint - Miguel O'Hara x fem!Reader
summary : you convinced Miguel to wear a muzzle to fuck you, and let's just say it drives him insane.
content warning : SMUT (18+) minors dni, pnv sex, unprotected safe (be safe kids), miguel becoming a tiny bit angry because he can't kiss you nor bite you, possessive miguel, no use of Y/N word count : 1,1k
note : needed to get this out of my brain, enjoy (english is not my first language and i tried to proofread it properly fdbfdgf)
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Miguel grunted, his teeth clenching over the empty air. He snarled, thrusting further into you, trying to press his face into your neck to squeeze the metal and get closer to your skin.
You had managed, in a way that still impressed you right then, to convince Miguel to wear a muzzle during sex. You had smiled, telling him that "you won't be able to resist, it's impossible for you," because the words 'bite' and 'Miguel' were simply inseparable, whether in everyday life or just in bed. With an air of pride and restraint, he had replied, "I'll resist, and you'll be biting your fingers off."
And now, he was pounding into you, body all sweaty with the muzzle on. The restraint had enough space between the bars and his mouth that he only managed to partially graze the sides if he tried to spread his lips or his tongue.
At first, he had put it on almost like a medal, because he was convinced that he would overcome his cravings and control himself perfectly well. How wrong he was.
As soon as he realised that he wouldn't be able to kiss your lips again, that had been a problem. But to admit at that moment that he didn't like it would be to admit defeat a little too soon. However when he realised he couldn’t bite you ? Now that was a problem.
His hands came to grasp your body more tightly than ever. The lack of grip he had with his teeth resulted in his fingers digging into your skin, which turned red under the pressure.
His fingers were pinching, his hands grabbing everything they could get their hold of that he couldn't bite. He took one of your breasts in his hand, his thumb starting to play with it, but when he lowered himself to lick it, he was instantly stopped by the distance between his tongue and the metal. He frowned, but eventually resisted using just his fingers.
Then he realised he couldn't trace your belly with kisses and light nibbles. But the real weight of his little wager began to sink in when, on reaching your legs, he realised what a mistake he'd made. The soft skin of your inner thighs, where the traces he had left the previous time he had fucked you were beginning to fade, was beyond his reach. The very idea that he couldn't make sure it was newly marked, right here, right now, was driving him crazy.
And then, when he got to your pussy, disaster. It was already so wet, glistening with your own desire for him. He was already salivating at the thought of tasting it, of getting drunk on it until he fell off, of hearing you moaning as he made you go from orgasm to orgasm.
But he couldn't, the cool metal dampened by Miguel's breath on the muzzle sending a delicious shiver down your spine when he tried to kiss you there.
He grunted quietly, frustration really beginning to set in, and started to work his fingers instead of his tongue. You breathed a sigh of relief as he came back to you, wanting to nestle into the back of your neck, wanting to kiss it, to feel your cheek pressed against his. But once again, he was stopped by the meagre metal frame. This was where deprivation became sincerely complicated. He hadn't noticed until now how much power his mouth had over your pleasure. He still had control over his words and his voice, but everything else was forbidden to him.
He bit his own cheek as he thrust in you, the first thing he wanted to do with the moan you let out was to swallow it, to relieve himself from the taste of your voice, your whimper and all the others that were to come.
The idea occurred to him to suggest removing the muzzle, thinking that the argument of "but it ruins our common pleasures" would do the trick. But he stopped himself, setting off at a frantic pace, his frustration reflected in the depth and power of his thrusts. All those delicious noises you were making, he wanted them for himself, in his own body, he had caused them and they were rightfully his.
So he tried to press the muzzle aside, hoping that by contorting his lips he would be able to kiss your shoulder, but he couldn't.
"Cariño," he breathed at last, slowing slightly, "What do you say I remove this stupid thing, hm?"
The little flash of satisfaction lit up your eyes like lighters.
"What is it ?" you whimpered, looking up at him through your lashes. "Can't handle yourself ?"
His nose wrinkled under his frown, his lips forming an angry pout. But he had to retain some pride, so, reluctantly, he replied:
"I can handle this perfectly."
He turned you over, your head on the cushion, ass up for him, resuming its previous rhythm as your cries were muffled into the pillow. He'd thought maybe if he heard them less he'd be half as tempted to want them for himself, but the urge weighed.
And the noise that his pelvis made against your ass was pushing all the right buttons.
His fingers dug into your skin again, the desire to bite and kiss you becoming more and more unbearable. Perhaps in another position he would be less tempted?
So you moved into cowgirl, your pelvis undulating against his as his hands gripped your ass and your thighs. But seeing you like this, your teeth biting into your lips from time to time, prevented him from thinking straight. It was his own teeth that should have done that.
"You look frustrated," you noted as you leaned over him.
You had taken care not to kiss or bite him either, but you allowed yourself the small temptation to kiss his neck, and Miguel's desire was growing by the second. Then, with a mischievous smile, you came back to face him.
"I wonder why," you smiled, licking from bottom to top the surface of the muzzle in a slow, almost lazy gesture.
It was too much, he couldn't take it any more. So with a sharp jerk, he grabbed the strap of the object of all his torment and pulled on it, the strap ripping immediately.
He pounced on you, hungry, his lips attacking yours, swallowing your every moan with monstrous satisfaction. Inevitably, he lunged at the crook of your neck, biting down harder than he was used to into your flesh. He consumed everything in his path, insatiable.
"I'll burn that thing," he said between a kiss and a bite, thinking of the pleasure he would take in destroying the muzzle.
One thing was certain, he would never tire of devouring you whole.
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csuitebitches · 5 months
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Things I Have to do for My Sanity
1. Wake up at the first alarm - no snoozing and no going lying around in bed. Getting up straight away and head to the bathroom. It’s going to suck initially but you’ll get used to it in a few days.
2. Mental self care: 30 minute meditation, brain games mental math, reading, news. Knowledge is sexy and don’t deny yourself sexiness.
3. Daily review in my diary at the beginning and end of my day: what went well, what didn’t, what I need to accomplish to achieve my goals. This has tremendously helped my goals and keeping my motivation more consistent, especially at work. Analysing and correcting incremental changes creates long term success.
4. Cleaning up before bed - clothes, shoes, organising my bag, etc. I set a timer for 5 minutes and try to get as much done as possible.
5. Pick out my clothes the night before and steam iron them for the next day.
6. Face masks twice a week, a hair mask once a week, I scrub the soles of my feet with that foot scrubbing thingy once a week. Manicures every month because my nail beds are too sensitive to do it biweekly, iron supplements so that I’m not a moody bitch. Matching underwear to feel good about myself. Lavender spray on my pillow before sleeping so that I don’t get weird dreams.
7. Reading biographies and autobiographies. My mentor had suggested this to me and it’s amazing how literally I don’t have a single original experience - everything I’ve felt or mistakes I’ve made have already been done by someone else.
I’m going to curate a list of business books that I feel that have helped me the most recently.
8. I write a short essay everyday in the language I’m currently learning. I also end my day by talking about my day for at least 2 minutes in that language and I record it in voice memos to keep a track of my progress. I want to be fluent to a level where I can think in this language.
I don’t generally share a lot about my personal life - none of you know my name or where I’m based and I feel comfortable doing that. But I do want to start giving out more insights to what I’m doing personally in my career - the good, the bad, the ugly.
Being self aware and honest to myself has helped me improve a lot. I know that shame is my Achilles heel, so now I’m reading books to combat that. I’ve caved in and decided to try therapy for a bit to see if what I’m doing is useful or not. My first session is tomorrow. Staying disciplined was my initial hurdle but the systems I’ve set (waking up early + habit stacking) have helped me slowly overcome that.
Work side, I’ve started establishing myself publicly more. I don’t want to reveal too much about what I do exactly but the good news is that our biggest competitor has noticed my progress (a former employee of that company came to us for an interview and directly asked our top management about me). It’s been 4 months that I’ve been working here but I know that next year I really have to swing the bat and hit a home run. I’ve decided to work on the field more and less in the office to really understand people’s needs and create unique solutions.
The daily/weekly/quarterly diary is definitely credited to my recent wins. That’s the biggest change I’ve made in my routine and i can already see that it’s working well. I’m going to continue refining and implementing that method.
Recent work methods I’ve decided to start working on (I’m not required to do these but I do it for my growth):
1. I’ve started studying popular companies’ business and revenue models in detail. Everything is adoptable and adaptable, you just have to figure out how to tweak something for your company’s clients and needs. Now I’ve decided that I want to keep a track of our competitors, their business models, their owners names, pricing strategy, their target audience etc etc on an excel sheet so that I’m aware with what’s happening in the market. 
2. I’ve started making client profiles. Every time I meet a client, I note down their name, the company name, what they were like, anything specific they seemed to like or want, how much they had paid us for a service, what their paying capacity could be, etc. 
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zorobff · 7 months
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i bet on losing dogs. (opla!zoro x reader)
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synopsis: zoro is defeated by mihawk and therefore unable to claim the title of the world’s greatest swordsman. you just want him to know that he’s still the greatest to you.
warnings: mentions of blood, some direct dialogue from opla, not much romance i literally just wanted someone to tell zoro he’s enough bc he deserves it <3
a/n: idk if this is any good i just wanted an excuse to write and one piece has been my fixation for like 2 months now so :P
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you can’t move.
it seems as if every bone in your body is frozen in place despite your brain telling you to do something — anything. you stand there, eyes helplessly locked onto zoro’s weak and defeated body. your heart is racing and you’re unable to stop your mind from doing the same. after all, there was a certain unease that came with seeing someone like roronoa zoro be conquered. his dream of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman had been crushed within minutes. knowing zoro, that thought would be tougher to overcome than any physical wound.
you want to run to him. to be with him.
luffy beats you to it.
“zoro!” he shouts with such pain that you wonder if he’s somehow hurting more than the swordsman is.
the sight of your captain sprinting across the deck of the baratie manages to push you to action. the two of you rush to zoro’s side, trying and failing to look anywhere but the bright red gash across his torso. it’s even worse up close. with every heave of his chest, more blood oozes out.
the cut is impossibly deep and yet, you can’t help but feel grateful. you’d seen the size of mihawk’s sword. the thing could’ve split zoro in half with the flick of a wrist. just the thought of that sends a new wave of shivers down your spine. you thank every higher power that mihawk was feeling generous enough to spare your friend’s life.
“zoro?” you attempt to say his name calmly. “zoro, please talk to us.”
his eyelashes flutter as he attempts to keep conscious. you see the subtle wincing in his face, the clenching of his jaw. for a second you wish he would have passed out, at least then he wouldn’t have to endure all this agony. even though this was surely the worst hit anyone had landed on him during his extensive career, you could tell that wasn’t the hardest part for him.
his eyes stay glued to the skies, refusing to even acknowledge you or luffy. his irises gloss over and tears well up on his waterline. there could only be one thing on his mind, the one thing you knew he was truly passionate about; his promise. was he afraid he had let down that nameless person he always spoke of? that he had failed as a swordsman?
for some reason, you want to cry with him.
“you did good,” you whisper without a second thought. “just stay awake, okay?”
luffy nods in agreement, hand coming to grip zoro’s shoulder so tightly his knuckles turn white.
“monkey d. luffy,” calls mihawk, shifting everyone’s attention back to him. “what is your goal?”
your captain nearly growls. “i’m going to be the king of the pirates.”
luffy’s response could seem rehearsed. mechanical, even. but the truth is he just meant it that much. his conviction was unmatched in every possible way.
“king of the pirates, eh?” repeats mihawk. there’s a hint of amusement in his tone. however, he wasn’t mocking luffy, as many people tend to do when they hear of his dream. “that is a much more treacherous path than defeating even me.”
luffy whips around to fix mihawk with a stern glare. “i don’t care. it’s what i’m going to do.”
“maybe you will at that,” muses the bearded swordsman. “this world could use a few more wild cards.”
their odd exchange ends there, leaving an unnerving silence. the sound of your choked back sobs getting caught in your throat and waves splashing against the deck is all there is for a moment.
“why the tears, girl?” mihawk inquires.
you can’t bear to look at him, much less respond. not after what he’d done to zoro. your hands that once rested reassuringly on your crewmate’s stomach now ball into fists. how could he behave so nonchalantly when he had injured zoro within an inch of his life?
“seems like you aren’t as plucky as the rest of your crew, hm?” mihawk comments when his question is met with silence.
hot tears of frustration roll down your cheeks. “get lost. you’ve done enough damage, haven’t you?”
“that would be incorrect. i was tasked with retrieving your captain for the marines. as you can see, i have yet to do that.”
“i couldn’t care less about what you came here for,” you tell him between gritted teeth. “how do you have the nerve to stand there and talk down to us after what you did to him?”
mihawk’s head tilts to the side as he observes you. pensively, he murmurs, “you care for him.”
“of course we care for him, he’s our crewmate!” luffy shouts in response, clearly missing the true meaning behind the words.
on the other hand, you opt to stay silent, slightly embarrassed about how quickly mihawk was able to catch on to you. were your feelings really that easy to see through? almost as if confirming your concern, mihawk coughs out a dry chuckle before his face falls stoic once more.
“look after him.” his gaze lingers on you when he says that. “it is too soon for him to die. roronoa zoro, grow strong and come find me. i’ll be waiting.”
with that, mihawk makes his exit. once the coast is clear, usopp and nami finally come scurrying over. the marksman kneels down on zoro’s left while the latter stays standing, almost too afraid to get close.
“he’s losing so much blood,” usopp notes, voice unsteady.
luffy is quick to shut down the true implication behind those words. “he’s going to be okay.”
a strangled groan escapes the green-haired swordsman in question. the four of you freeze. the moment feels eerily similar to when you watched him collapse after mihawk had struck him down. for the second time in a day, zoro has all of you holding your breath in anticipation.
“if i—” he swallows hard, eyes still shiny and looking upward. “—fail to become the world’s greatest swordsman... you’ll be disappointed. right?”
luffy’s gaze softens. “you could never fail me.”
however, your captain’s sincere words don’t seem to be enough. zoro finally rips his gaze away from the clouds, head lolling to the side to face you instead. those wide eyes of his always held so much intensity, so much emotion. now is no different as he meets your stare, seemingly in search of your reassurance as well.
it wasn’t that you were unsure of what to say but how to say it. you didn’t trust yourself to speak your mind and say what you truly thought of zoro. the last thing you needed was your feelings for him slipping out at a time like this. you decide to play it safe and just nod. “you know i feel the same way. we all do.”
“i need… to hear you say it,” he replies, voice cracking.
your heartbeat gets caught in your throat at the utter desperation in zoro’s voice. it sounded as if he truly needed your approval if he was going to survive this. it was unlike him to get hung up on something so trivial such as someone’s opinion of him. he never seemed to care what other people thought, why was he starting now? and with you, of all people?
before you can question it any further, zoro hisses. the pain causes his entire body to tense and his wound spurts fresh crimson. without thinking, your hand comes up to rest reassuringly on his cheek. automatically, your thumb begins rubbing soothing circles on the skin. he’s hot to the touch and slick with sweat but you don’t mind it. the way his body relaxes itself is all you care about. well, that and the way he leans into your touch. for someone who rejected physical contact at every given chance, this was new but very, very welcome.
the emotion of it all causes you to lose any concern you’d previously had over voicing your thoughts about zoro. you can’t help but give him the response he was begging for, regardless of how smitten you sounded.
“zoro, you’re the best i’ve seen. and i don’t just mean with your swords. no defeat could ever take away what you have, you know that right? almost everyday i ask myself what the hell i’m doing on the same crew as someone like you. you don’t understand how much it pains me knowing that you feel the need to prove your worth when clearly you’re the greatest there is. in every way. so, how could i ever be disappointed in you?”
there’s a few moments of silence. this time, you truly don’t hear a thing. not the waves, not the birds in the sky, not even the thumping of your own heartbeat. your brain has blocked out everything that isn’t zoro. the same zoro who’s breaking down into tears right in front of you. it’s an unbelievable sight, watching them stream down his face as he takes in everything you’d just said.
using what little strength he has left, zoro lifts a shaky hand to rest atop yours. you pause your ministrations on his cheek and let him intertwine his fingers with yours. he squeezes your hand so tightly that you’re positive it takes everything in him to do so.
“never… again,” he chokes out, tearful eyes meeting yours. “from now, until i beat him.” he uses his left hand to unsheathe his sword. he lifts it to the sky with purpose, as if to solidify this vow. “will i ever give you a reason to be disappointed in me. i, roronoa zoro, will never lose again!”
his grip becomes unsteady, causing his sword to fall from his grasp and clatter on the ground. his arm falls back to his side and he’s able to give you one last look before he’s out cold.
“zoro?” luffy calls, leaning forward. “zoro?!”
you suck in a shaky breath at the feeling of his hand going limp. you’re grateful he’s still breathing at the very least but it’s clear he needs medical attention fast.
“let’s get him inside,” nami commands. it’s the first thing she’s worked up the courage to say.
luffy and usopp waste no time shifting zoro’s arms over their shoulders while you and nami take his legs. despite your joint efforts, the four of you struggle to drag zoro off the baratie; you blame his rigorous training that had made him all muscle. usually you wouldn’t complain but it sure made carrying him aboard the going merry a difficult task. at last, he’s dumped onto the table in your makeshift kitchen.
“get the first aid kit,” nami demands, opening zoro’s shirt to inspect the severity of his wound.
“do we even have one?” usopp replies as he shifts around every cupboard and drawer on the ship.
“zoro… can you hear me?” luffy’s quiet voice gets lost in the commotion your two other crew mates are creating. but you take notice.
“he’s going to be alright,” you tell him. whether you say it for luffy or yourself, you aren’t certain.
“someone needs to go back to baratie,” nami sighs, running a hand through her ginger locks. “maybe one of the customers is a ship’s doctor.”
the devil fruit user blinks a couple times. “right. a doctor. we need a doctor.” he sprints out of the kitchen, presumably in search of one.
once your captain’s gone, nami aids usopp in scouring the kitchen, in search of anything that could potentially help your crew mate until he’s able to receive the proper medical attention.
you decide to stay right by zoro’s side. not once do you leave him.
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faetedforglory · 2 years
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kremlin · 2 months
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@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict
first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always
don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)
OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.
weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast
i guess those are the only two.
ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section
mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post
dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.
mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.
coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one
ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time
rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.
ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.
ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me
peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good
whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.
don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄
synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!
kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin
dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king
inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead
not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly
sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up
amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)
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jinnie-ret · 2 months
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hellevator
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stray kids x ninth member male!reader
genre: angst, fluff
content warnings: implied anxiety, implied disassociating
word count: 2.1k
summary: he's going through voice changes in their debut era and fans are already sending in hate
Requested: anon!
This is my first male!reader fic so please be kind, I hope you enjoy! <3
1K FOLLOWERS PLAYLIST 💚🖤
MAIN MASTERLIST
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He was so excited to finally be a part of something, not that he had been training for long. But when Bang Chan told him he saw potential in him, despite their 6 year age gap, and recognised how well he got on with the other members, he was quickly added onto the line up for Stray Kids.
During the survival show, Y/N was babied, of course he was, the maknae in the upcoming JYP boy group. Fans of the show fauned over his fluffy black hair and the oversized hoodies he'd wear, making him look smaller. It was similar to how Jeongin was babied too, the two of them being the youngest and seen to have that sweet, innocent air around them. Plus, for Y/N's case, his voice hadn't broken yet at the age of 14, so that fed more into how he was perceived by fans.
However, it was not long after the group had finally debuted that a more mature, deeper voice had overcome him. Of course, not without the struggles of getting used to it. Originally singing the chorus of District 9 wasn't difficult, in fact it was easy. His gorgeous, husky tone was unique yet when he hit those high notes his voice was instantly recognisable. Now, he had to deal with voice cracks, and the rapidly depleting self-esteem that came along with it. This is what he trained to do after all.
"You're getting stressed out. We need to practice getting your voice in a position where it can hit those high notes again. It's not going to help if you're standing there thinking you can't do it," the vocal teacher sighed, putting down her sheets of the lyrics Y/N had been singing.
She was firm, yes, but she was being kind about the situation too. She has coached many that had gone through the same thing as Y/N, and all she wanted to do was to see him succeed, but he couldn't see things through her eyes, that was far too big of a mountain to climb for him. A treacherous journey to realising not everything is one dimensional.
Y/N could only focus on those last four words. 'You can't do it'. And he hated the way that everything suddenly felt hot, and how his throat itched. How his neck itched. He started subconsciously scratching lightly at his neck, feeling the stress flood through his body. He scratched away at the thing he wanted to change most, knowing he couldn't turn back time and have things stay the way they were.
All the comments he had read, all the whispers he had heard, circulating in his brain, like an endless loop of vicious words to bring him down. He would be the reason Stray Kids would fail, they had said. He wasn't good enough, they had said. It all came from jealous trainees that were bitter they didn't get to debut instead of him. The only failure apparent in this situation was Y/N realising that.
"I need some air," Y/N barely managed to speak as he rushed out of the small practice room, tugging at the strings of his hoodie and making his way outside.
Fresh air.
Just breathe, Y/N.
And he managed to do so, not without his mind taking him to another place as he stared up at the JYP sign on the building. Was he meant to be here? Did he deserve to be here when his talents were no longer there? Y/N just couldn't see it the same way anymore, he couldn't see himself the same way anymore when the thing he had been praised for so deeply had changed. Even the people who had supported him before had changed their opinions, because his growth had shattered the image they had of him.
Y/N was unaware of the familiar presence beside him, one that had playfully called out his name before realising something was wrong. He was gently guided back into the building, and swiftly surrounded by the warmth of the 3RACHA studio.
"Hyungs! I found Y/N but he's not talking to me," Jisung's voice quivered as he himself was now feeling worried about his dongsaeng.
Changbin took Jisung aside, hushing him and reassuring him that he did the right thing, whilst Chan took it upon himself to understand what was happening to his youngest brother.
"Hey, hey, you're ok, come on, look at me," Chan spoke quietly, yet he managed to break through Y/N's mind as the younger looked around the studio.
"I shouldn't even be here," Y/N shook his head, voice monotonous. Just being there upset him further, yet he still fought against everything within him to show that side.
"What do you mean? This is our studio of course you're allowed in here, I mean, I know Channie likes his own space sometimes but this is different," Changbin moved to stand in front of Y/N too, having successfully calming Han, "hey, no no no don't float away again, I need you to listen," Changbin forced Y/N to sit down in the sofa. Han automatically wrapped his arms around the younger, wanting to do his best to show he was there for his fellow member.
"What's going on Y/N? Your vocal teacher said you just ran out of the building. She was waiting another 45 minutes until Seungmin turned up for his lesson because she couldn't find you," Chan sighed as he sat down in his chair, opposite the distressed boy.
"I bet Seungmin was much better than me," Y/N mumbled, but even with that, throat thick in emotion, his voice cracked yet again. Flustered that it had happened yet again, Y/N's fist came down against his own leg, huffing in frustration.
"Yah yah, don't do that!" Han frowned, pulling Y/N's arms away from him.
"I'm just so frustrated!" Y/N spoke through gritted teeth, looking up at the ceiling to keep his tears at bay.
"About what?" Changbin prompted Y/N further but he just stayed quiet.
"You need to tell us ok, we're your hyungs, we want to know what's going on, we need to know," Chan moved closer, resting his hand on Y/N's knee.
"My stupid voice," Y/N whispered, embarrassed to admit it.
"What?"
"Huh?"
"What about it?"
"Ever since it's broken, you know, gotten deeper, I just sound stupid when I try singing, it's embarrassing, I mean, it makes sense when they say I shouldn't even be in the group anymore, I-" Y/N opened the gates to his mind as his mini ramble began and was quickly cut off.
"Who said that..." Changbin frowned deeply.
"Stays, other trainees," Y/N threw his hands up in the air, just done with the whole situation.
"Trainees are saying it too?!" Han gasped, looking at Chan and Changbin worriedly, a hint of malice in his eyes as he thought about all of those around them that still acted like their friends.
"Y/N they're just jealous, you can't listen to what they say," Chan began, sighing once more as he ran his fingers through his hair, somewhat at a loss of how to reassure Y/N anymore.
"Easier said than done. Why did you even have me join this group when, when... when I was just going to make us fail!" Y/N exploded, pushing himself up from the sofa and out of Han's arms, away from Changbin's concerned glances and especially away from Chan's words which went in one ear and out the other straight away.
It wasn't long until he found what he thought was an empty practice room, not noticing the bags of his other hyungs that were for once tucked away neatly in the corner of the room. He found solace in the emptiness and allowed himself to collapse to his knees, breaking down into tears of frustration, sadness and all the other emotions he kept pent up.
The rest of Stray Kids returned from a small snack break at the vending machine, all going together of course, you wouldn't find one Stray Kid without another, even this early on in their time of being together.
"Hey hey hey, aegi, what's going on? Omo..." Lee Know gasped as he saw the baby of the group shaking and sobbing. He ran up to Y/N and wrapped his arms around him, the other members astonished until 3RACHA ran in and finally found Y/N after hearing the commotion.
They began to explain what happened to Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin whilst Felix sat down in front of Y/N to help calm him down, brushing his hair out of his face and rubbing his leg soothingly. He tried his best to listen to Y/N at first but due to his growing knowledge of Korean not being up to par with Y/N's incoherent sobs, it was easier to stick to physical affection. You could say Y/N was in a Lee sandwich, the best place he could be right now.
"Can't... Shouldn't..." Y/N sobs soon calmed down and the rest of his members gathered around him in a semicircle, Minho still hugging him from behind. Yes, he could come across as cold and brash sometimes, but no one could tell you just how soft Minho really was apart from his members. They knew him the best.
"Y/Nnie... please you have to listen to us, you're in this group for a reason," Hyunjin patted his knee from beside him.
"T-they didn't say anything about Jeongin's voice when his broke!" Y/N exclaimed, pain clearly still there, tired of all the judgement he had been receiving. He wasn't able to listen to his hyungs right now.
And the boys go quiet not knowing what to say back to Y/N, they were sure he didn't mean to offend Jeongin but it didn't stop Seungmin from patting his shoulder in support.
"Not, not, oh gosh not that I wanted Jeonginnie hyung to get hate I'd never want that for my hyungs I just..." Y/N put his face into his hands, feeling bad as if he has indirectly insulted his hyung, just because he was feeling hurt. From behind him, Minho hugged him tighter, whispering in his ear to try and gain his attention.
"It's ok, I know you didn't mean it like that," Jeongin smiles from across him, and Y/N could tell it was a genuine one.
"Look, our vocal teacher said something to me earlier about what was going on, she was worried about you, she thought she said something wrong," Seungmin trailed off, trying to get to the bottom of the matter.
"No she was actually really nice about it, it was just too much of a reality check and then my mind just took control and... Ugh I don't even know," Y/N came to a realisation that his vocal teacher wasn't being rude to him and it was all these overwhelming feelings that had built up and caught him out.
"Just take a moment, yeah, and think, would I have added you to this group if I didn't think you had the talent, had the potential," Chan rose an eyebrow, firmly talking to Y/N to make sure he understood what he was saying.
"Or his personality, personality is important too," Felix piped up, not wanting Y/N to feel like his worth was only reduced down to one thing.
"Of course it is, but that isn't what this is about right now, answer me, Y/N," Chan nodded to Felix before looking back at his upset member.
"N-no..." Y/N stuttered, realising the depth of what his leader was saying.
"Good. We can see how good you are. The only reason fans are getting annoyed is because it's a change they haven't adjusted to yet. Just like you're adjusting to this change too. Now, they shouldn't be sending in hate, so please, I will do everything it takes for you to not listen to it anymore, ok?" Chan promised Y/N, sitting in front of him and making sure he got that one answer he needed.
"O-ok, I-i understand now, thanks hyung, I-i love you all," Y/N felt the stress leave him, finally able to understand things from a different perspective.
"Aww he said he loves us!" Minho suddenly picks up Y/N and spins him around, causing the younger boy to squeal.
"I wish I had a camera!" Seungmin laughed along.
"I need to remember this forever," Jeongin and Han fooled around, widening their eyes and pretending to screenshot this happy cute moment into their brains.
It was definitely a moment that Y/N would be teased about in the future, being exposed for his true feelings for his hyungs when normally he'd be quiet about what he thought about in the normal way. It was just a good thing they got in his head this time, because now they had a happy memory to think about instead.
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tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @kpopmenace143 @sakufilms @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @turtledove824 @2minstan @royal-shinigami @yangbbokari @skzoologist @crabrangoongirl25 @atinyniki @writingforstraykids @minholing @lilmisssona @astraysimp @lixie-phoria
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punksocks · 7 months
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Please pick the picture that resonates with you, that gives you sort of that subconscious pull. The picture with the most weight behind it.
This didn’t quite turn out how I expected but I do like the results ! Everything may not resonate perfectly because they’re general readings, but please comment which pile resonates with you the most, and your thoughts after your reading <3
Why do people stare at you?
*****
-Pile 1: People stare at you because you have this air of authority. You may have been through a lot of heavy life experiences, a lot of tragedy and betrayal from those you’re closest to. (I had a hard time writing out the words for this one- some of your may still really struggle with the weight of what you’ve endured.) But you’ve made a lot of progress in overcoming this. You’ll get your just deserts and you’ll never have to look back at this betrayal again. You know how to build a way out for yourself and that empresses a lot people and gives you a naturally regal air (I misspelled this in my notes too lol, confirmation). You still manage to be kind and generous despite your wounds from what you’ve endured. If you have the mean, financial or otherwise, you use them to be a good person. You’re at the end of a cycle of suffering and people find your strength poetic. You’ve gotten through so much so successfully, it leaves people enamored and they want to honor how you’ve done it (ok I was going to write hear over honor but it felt too important to correct, this confirms how you’re coming out of this on top). You work so hard, endlessly, people are in awe of your stamina and want to know what you’re doing next. You’re a very passionate person, people love your ambitions and how you always have energy to create and expand and work (Do you have fire signs in your big 6? Especially Aries?). You’re the life of the party ! You may be a heartbreaker as well. People want to work with you to see what you know (Possible Capricorn energy, especially Ascendant). People don’t think they’ll measure up to your -steep- standards, but they love to shoot their shot anyway (my notes say to be your lover, but I can’t type that outright lol). You have boss babe energy and people want a shot at proving themselves to you (proving that they can keep up with you, even when they /know/ they can’t). They get scared at the possibility of fumbling you (bruh the way I sucked my teeth on accident, this doesn’t impress you lol). They think their worlds will fall apart if they have you and screw it up (Scorpio/Pluto placement vibes?) People see you as rich, wealthy, abundant (financially, rich in resources, energy even, any of that). They see you as very ambitious and they wonder if they can keep up without falling behind or getting jealous. People dispare over the thought of keeping up with you because they know they can’t match you (*despair, but this may indicate experiencing ghosting for some of you. Also emphasis on Aries energy again). You do all of this while prioritizing your self care and happiness. Good for you Pile 1! Don’t slow down or neglect yourself on behalf of anyone. Someone that knows how to match you will come into your life if they haven’t already. Ancestors/ guides/ however you prefer to refer to them as say they’re proud of you but you’ve got to release all of those people that want you to slow down for them— they’re dead weight (damn, stone cold, as you should be).
Songs:
******
-Pile 2: people stare at you because you’re super major! My brain went to a valley girl accent so people may regularly under estimate you pile 2 (major Elle Woods from Legally Blonde vibes). They may assume you’re a bit vapid or superficial but you contain multitudes and you have some seriously strong boundaries. The Emperor came out from 2 different decks! You’re often the smartest person in the room, and you really don’t care about your haters, you couldn’t care less about them because you know they’re below you. (Impressive, a lot of people have to work on healthily embracing their ego, you’re balanced in this and that’s commendable.) People stare at your naturally regal presence ‘I look expensive’ I’d what I just heard. You are really luxurious (in small and big ways - luxury can also mean never treating yourself less than you deserve.) People may try to steal attention from you but you know they’re grasping at straws. You don’t let them phase you. Like grounded Libra energy. You may be a bit older, some of you have Libra conjunct outer planets. Like Pluto, so there’s a lot of depth to your grace and charm. At the beginning (of the reading) the original Venus song, from the 60s, played. You may also be drawn to a vintage/classic style and this adds to your charm. The fact that you know when to pause and rest helps make you so unstoppable. You’re a very balanced person, strong Libra energy. You channel being balanced into making things happen (‘making money moves’). I thought of my Grandma (my favorite Libra tbh) very demure, classical lady, but she could move mountains when she set her mind to it. You have a razor sharp intuition too, you always know ‘when to hold ‘em and when to fold em’ (do some of you like country music? Lol) You know how to get your wishes fulfilled. You may be older (gen X) or you just have really mature vibes for your age. You’ve probably transformed a lot to get to this point in your life as well. I’m happy for you and your guides are proud of how far you’ve come (and how far you’ll go)
Cosmia by Joanna Newsom
******
-Pile 3: Hello my pile 3’s, your guides had a lot they wanted to say to you and I had to switch pens bc my first one ran out. I get the feeling that you rushed into a new opportunity lately. A situation that you thought you wished for but it broke your heart. Could be a relationship or a job, something that you hoped would solve your woes but brought you more head and heart ache than you expected. This was a challenging period but people are staring because they can see hope and optimism coming back to you. ‘The sun will shine on another day’ I heard. (Either you’re realizing this or your guides need you to know this truth.) The Sun, The Star, and the Ace of Swords all came out so you’re really being called to stay optimistic because things will get better is what I’m getting. You’re gaining more abundance after a hard period and you’ve been weighed down by a lot of burdens (too many !). But this cycle is ending and is calling on you to listen to the knowledge you already know. You’re growing into your emotional understanding and overall this pushed growth is for the best. You’re learning you’re your own expert guide. You know what you want and need the best out of everyone. People can tell you’re changing and you’re not who you used to be.
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fairydustblossom · 8 months
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tied to you
azriel x reader
summary: yours and azriels friendship is strained, but azriel can't seem to keep away from you
category: angst, mutual-pinning, fluff
word count: 3.5k
warnings: none i think lol
notes: hey y'all i know i disappeared for a bit i promise i will update losing control but i just hadn't felt any inspo and my brain kept coming up with different fic ideas lol, anyways wrote this one and i quite like it ◡̈ lmk what y'all think! and remember request are open! i won't necessarily get to them immediately but i will at some point!! enjoy!
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“Why don't you like me anymore?” a deep voice asked. You jumped in your seat, dropping the pen you were writing with, ink splashing all over your paper. You hadn’t heard the owner of the voice approach you, having been consumed by your work in the deep aisles of the library. 
At the sound of his voice, your inner alert senses started going off. Immediately you were overcome with the urge to flee, the same feeling you had often felt in his presence as of late. If you didn’t leave now, your heart would hurt. The longing within you would surface if you didn’t find a way out. However, you looked up, glancing at the intruder. The room you were in had darkened, the faeligths around you dimmed, as if the light was fighting to be seen. That was the power he had. To walk into a room and the sheer strength of his power bend the will of light, surrendering to the darkness he commanded. There he was, sitting across from you and you could feel yourself wanting to do the same. Wanting to succumb to him, give all of you to the darkness that was part of him and never surface again.
Fighting back the urge to roll your eyes, you met his unrelenting stare and sighed. This again. Recently, he had started noticing the distance you had put between you and him and he had started trying to catch your attention, to get you to speak to him, anything to get you to interact with him.
"Azriel you know I like you, we are family" you replied, glancing up at him for a breath only to continue your work.
His cheeks were slightly flushed. You hadn’t seen it, but he had winced when he startled you enough to ruin the paper you were writing on. He didn’t intend for his question to come out so bluntly. He already felt mortified at approaching you with this question, but he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help but notice how you never interacted with him anymore. Couldn’t help but notice how anytime he tried speaking with you, you would find a way to get out of the conversation. How you would leave a room when he walked in, and if you had to stay in the room, how you would simply ignore his existence. 
He remembered a time when you would smile at him every time he walked into a room. How you unabashedly talked to him, unphased by his quiet demeanor. How you would seek him out in meetings, at parties, during missions. How could he not notice the change? At first he thought you were maybe going through something and needed some space. But your behavior towards the rest of your family hadn’t changed, you had only changed your behavior towards him. Azriel couldn’t explain why it bothered him so much. It was eating him alive, not knowing what he did wrong. How had he managed to push away his dearest friend? 
He took you in, eyes narrowing at your response. He expected you to tell him honestly, to not so casually lie to his face, as if he didn’t know when you were being dishonest.
"You know Y/N, I’m used to being disliked,, and normally I wouldn’t care.. but... we used to be friends. At least I thought we were." Even though he tried, he couldn’t fully keep the bitterness from his words.
"We... we are friends Azriel" you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. You could tell Azriel was irritated, but you refused to let him get to you. You had vowed to yourself to remain strong in your decision to keep your distance from Azriel. For years, you had longed for your friendship to grow into something more. For years you had been complacent, satisfied in having any part of him that you could. Pushing aside the feelings you harbored for the Shadowsinger, grateful that you could be such a close friend, never asking for more. 
He shook his head at your response, narrowing his eyes further and standing his ground. "No we aren't. I know how you treat your friends and you dont treat me like that anymore." 
You looked back down to your papers, opting not to respond. You knew Azriel and you knew anything you said he would counteract with his own reasoning. And the truth was that you had distanced yourself, and you didn't really consider Azriel a friend anymore. You had painfully said goodbye to that friendship that you cherished so dearly. It had taken you a long time to accept that Azriel would never be yours. You had finally come to terms with the fact that remaining friends was too painful. So you had decided to end the friendship.
No, you never had a conversation about it with him, but you didn’t think he would care. He never seemed to care. At least you thought that, until now.
Your  silence hurt him more than he expected. A feeling of dread was creeping up on him. At that moment, Azriel decided the most important thing in the world was to gain back your friendship. The loss of it suddenly unbearable. He could undoubtedly see the emptiness it had left in  his life. 
"Y/N, did I do something?" he managed to keep his voice steady but he was ready to drop to his knees and plead for your forgiveness, whatever he had done. 
You snapped your book shut and stood up looking down at him now.
"No Az, you haven't done anything. Really, I’ve just been busy" you shot him a tight smile, and turned around walking away from the conversation. 
Azriel stood up, about to follow you but the pit in his stomach, the feeling of rejection, and how easily you dismissed him, left him standing in place.
A few days later, Azriel had come back to the library. He had, at one point, seated himself  in the chair across from you. 
He was intent on getting you to acknowledge him. Even if it was only you asking him to go away. He figured you would say something about him there; however, you said nothing to him. You had only looked at him once, when you first realized he was there. The rest of the time, you just sat silently, working on whatever Rhys had asked of you. At first, his presence made your entire body tense up and it was hard to concentrate on your work, but refused to give in. You knew he was just trying to provoke you. Still, Azriel just sat there doing his own work. After a few hours of silence, realizing Azriel wasn’t going to bring up your strained friendship again, you were able to relax. His presence became comforting, something you had not felt in a long time.
Azriel’s calming presence had been one of the first things that drew you to him. He had never been a man of many words but you had always found solace in him. A consistent, safe space for you. 
You had mourned the loss of that space, and you were weary of letting yourself fall back into old habits, but you decided to indulge yourself. One time wouldn't ruin all the hard work you had put into coping with the distance. So you let yourself bask in his silence, your mind losing itself in your work. 
Azriel on the other hand couldn't really calm down. Joy filled him with being able to sit next to you. He kept wracking his brain for something to say but kept deciding against it. He was terrified of feeling what he had felt the other day, determined to  never  feel rejected by you again. He decided he would be content with just sitting next to you in silence. 
The intensity with which he  realized  how much he had missed the warmth you radiated, after getting it back today, took him by surprise. He mentally made plans to seek you out whenever he needed to do paperwork. If you let him sit next to you he would be happy with that. 
When you got to a good stopping point, you decided to leave. Everything in you begged you to stay longer, to talk to him, to touch him, but you fought against it. You would not let yourself go back to being at his disposal. 
Azriel continued showing up to the library whenever he needed to do work. His heart would quicken anytime he set his eyes on you, tucked away in your corner. He refrained from talking, fear seizing his heart that talking would break this delicate companionship. He also started showing up to training at the same time as you, even if the sweat glistening down your body made it impossible to actually train and he had to do two sessions a day. He felt consumed by thoughts of you, he craved you.  
When Azriel started showing up to your training hours, your heart sank to the pit of your stomach. You had purposely changed your schedule to avoid training with him, it had become unbearable. Now, you were back in the same predicament. Worry filled you, it felt like you were losing control of the situation and Azriel was slowly trickling back into every aspect of your life. But you couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered in you every time you saw him, fully aware that what he seeked was your company. It also helped that he looked incredibly breathtaking while training. The sight of his shirtless torso one that you had missed. The tattoos that adorned his defined muscles, and the power he radiated while practicing his skills, made your knees want to buckle. 
He didn't really know if you found it annoying that he was forcing himself back into your life. You wouldn't let much show and he couldn’t decipher how you were feeling. He wasn't used to that. He used to be able to read you so easily, whatever you were feeling so plainly written on your face. The past weeks had felt like he was getting to know you all over again, like he had to earn those smiles back that so easily had come before. Azriel understood now that he had taken you for granted, and he was ready to do just about anything he could to get you back. 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At the end of the fourth week of this new silent dance between you and Azriel, you found yourself somehow sitting next to him in a circled booth at Ritas. Conversation flowed between your friends, but you stayed quiet, the feeling of Azriel’s body pressed against you overwhelming your thoughts. His muscular body radiated warmth and you could feel yourself leaning into him in your drunken state. You sat up straighter when you realized what you were doing, looking around the booth hoping none of your friends had noticed. They hadn’t, all too busy in their own worlds to notice anything. 
Azriel turned his gaze to look down at you, you seemed to be looking at everything but him. He took in how your exposed thigh was pressed against his covered one, and he thought for a fleeting second that he shouldn’t have worn pants tonight if it meant he would have been able to feel your bare skin against his. He had felt you sinking into him and then quickly sitting up and fought the urge to pull you into him again. He wanted you closer to him. He wanted you.
The alcohol running through him gave him the courage to bump you with his shoulder to get your attention. Your head turned to look at him and your eyes met his hazel ones. You were mesmerized. It seemed his eyes were glowing in the night club, specks of gold beckoning you in deeper. His shadows creeped up around you both as you continued to stare into each other's eyes. He leaned down, and your heart skipped a beat, for a brief second you thought he was going to kiss you. But instead of your lips, his lips brushed the side of your ear. You felt silly, why would he kiss you? Rather than shame filling you, heat creeped up, your breath hitching in your throat when you felt his own on your neck. 
“So, are you going to tell me why you stopped being my friend?” He asked against your ear, deep voice gruff with the drinking of the night. He leaned back and looked at you intently, waiting for your answer. 
"Come on Azzie, you know better than to ask questions like that" you replied with half shut lidded eyes and a shake of your head, a soft smile etched on your face.
His heart skipped a beat at the nickname you used to call him, only in private moments. And your smile. That soft barely there smile was the realest smile you had given him in months. He wanted more of it. He wanted that smile aimed at him every day. The fervor of his need left him breathless and it took everything in him not to grab your face and kiss you until all you could say was his name.
He licked his lips and said in a low voice, "You forget interrogation is part of my job description. I ask whatever I want, and I always get answers"
You couldn't fight off the heat creeping up your cheeks. His voice, gods, his voice did things to you. Especially when it was just meant for you to hear it. You let out a sigh, a deflated sigh. You recognized the need rising within you to have him. And every reminder that you never would made you feel heavy and defeated. 
"I don't understand why you wanna know so bad" you whispered, averting your gaze, only to be met by a thick cloud of shadows. 
"I care about you" he replied, his hand tentatively reaching up to turn your face back to him. He barely touched you, scared of spooking you, but when he did, he felt a spark shoot up his arm and he swore he could feel it crawling its way up to his chest. However, the slight frown on your face hinted to him that he had said the wrong thing. 
"Azriel, it's been months. I don't think you cared about me until this past month. And you and I both know the only reason you suddenly care is because Elain finally gave Lucien a chance and is not giving you any attention anymore."
The sharpness in your words took him aback and he looked away.  And the mention of Elain made his cheeks flush . His shadows scattered away form you and were mostly surrounding their master now. He felt embarrassed at how he had behaved the past year, knowing full well Elain had a mate. It was a sore subject, and he hadn’t expected you to throw it back in his face like that. But your words weren't exactly accurate. Yes, he had noticed the distance between you only recently, and some of that did have to do with not being around Elain as much anymore, but he had always cared for you. How could you think otherwise? 
He couldn't deny that something was drawing him to you more than ever and he didn't know what to say back to you. The lightness in your conversation, verging on the edge of flirtiness had dissipated. He could feel your unrelenting stare on the side of his face and could feel your annoyance growing  by the second. 
"I've always cared about you" he finally said, mustering the courage to look you in the eyes again. He forced himself to look at you and read the dislike you held for him on your face. The look you gave him now is what he had been wanting this past month. Every time he sat next to you, every time he invaded your space he wanted you to look at him this way, to prove that he wasn't making it up, to prove that he was right in thinking you didn't like him anymore. But now that he saw it, he felt small. He felt that he had done something to ruin the friendship he had grown to fiercely need in his life again. 
You couldn't fight the roll of your eyes and the scoff that came out of you at his words. The alcohol making you lose the grace with which you had handled Azriel the last few weeks. You stood up and walked away, the words "Not in the way I've cared about you" at the tip of your tongue. Trying to lose yourself in the crowd you quickly made your way through, fighting off the tears building up. The past month had just been too much. You had promised yourself that you would not be in this position again. That you wouldn't cry over Azriel again. 
You stepped out of Ritas into the cold fresh air and let out an exasperated laugh, tears falling from your eyes now. You felt a madness creeping up within you, the feeling of being trapped, always tied to Azriel  consuming you.
You leaned against a wall and looked up at the night sky, laughing at yourself.Only a few minutes had passed before you felt him coming near you. The look you shot him made him stop abruptly. Something in his chest broke at seeing you in such a state. Your makeup was smudged around your bloodshot eyes, tear marks running down your face. 
You had stopped crying and now you just stared at him with a deadpan look. Why were you crying? He was so confused. He furrowed his brows. Were you crying over him? 
He didn't know if it was the liquor running through his veins that gave him the boldness  to step closer to you, or if it was simply the need within him to feel your body pressed against his. The desire overtaking his body to be sharing each other's space. But he did know that he felt a pull towards you, an unstoppable force that would only subside once he could feel your breath against his lips. He just knew. 
Azriel analyzed your features, looking for any indication that he had misread the situation. The front of his body was fully pressed against yours now, your back pressed against the wall, drawing a small gasp from you. His hands came to cup your face, and his thumbs wiped away the remaining wetness on your cheeks. 
"Is this okay?" he whispered, barely audible.
You could only give a slight nod, hypnotized by his beauty, the feeling of his strong body against yours. Everything you had dreamed of for years. This couldn't be real, could it? You were afraid that if you spoke the moment would end. You took in every detail of his face, committing everything to memory, you had never been this close to him. You could see the furrow in his brows as he took you in, the freckles spread around his face, his beautiful nose nudging yours slightly, and his lips. His plump lips, gods his lips, once you set your eyes on them you couldn’t draw them away.
And then he leaned in, lips hovering over yours, you could feel them lightly grazing your own. You felt like you were melting, the wall and his body the only things holding you up. 
"Please kiss me Az" you heard yourself say, not even realizing you had started speaking until the words were coming out of your mouth. The desire you had kept locked up for so long seeping through. 
That was all Azriel needed to hear to do what he wanted to do. His lips met yours in a slow passionate kiss, he poured every once of care and affection he felt for you into it. He didn't rush it, he let himself feel every part of your mouth, taste every inch. His hands tightened their grip on your face. One hand tangling into your hair. How had he gone so long without ever tasting you? He felt that he couldn't stop now. He felt so complete.
And then it snapped. The bond he had been searching for his entire life. The pull that he felt toward you. And you felt it too. The feeling of being tied to Azriel, never letting you get too far, had been the bond. All at once, everything made sense and fell into place. You held him closer to you, neither of you stopping to catch your breath. You just kept kissing him, trying to figure out how to pour everything you were feeling down the bond. And then you felt his own feelings seeping through, the happiness he felt, the relief, and the heat that came with it indicating what this kiss was doing to him. 
You felt yourself giggling between kisses, the bond singing with joy in its full force. "You're my mate" you said, hand coming to hold his face in place, leaning your forehead against his while still looking into the pools of honey in his eyes. His cheeks were flushed and he couldn't, wouldn't, fight off the smile creeping up on him. ",and you're mine." He whispered
There would be a lot to talk about in the following days, but for now you just let yourself forget everything to enjoy the feeling of Azriel.
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mo0nfairy · 1 year
Note
😍😍 OMG, I'm gonna be needing a part four to that Leon post stat.
(Love your writing it's amazing just like you are) ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
part 1. part 2. part 3.
tw :: re4 spoilers, obsessive!leon, yandere!leon, violence, knives, tasers, guns, explosives, framing, murder, abuse of power, death of a character, physical restrainment, noncon touching, thoughts of suicide, being knocked unconscious, shit goes down basically.
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⸺ thank u, honeybaby !!!!! i've been vv busy these past few days, but this man has been HEAVY on my mind. i've also been listening to playing dangerous by our lord and savior lana del rey on repeat and it had my brain conjuring up some ideas... (also this part is long so buckle up friends)
you see, you've been praying everyday to earn back those damned memories that slipped from your mind 6 years ago. but in a attempt to do so, all you can feel is a gun against your head, an explosion against your body, and dust permeating your lungs. all before the classic cut to black welcomes you. no crying mouse-ley, no crying guard-dog. just empty darkness. through the abyss, however, you are now able to unveil memories that were buried deep within you. and whether the return of these past events is a good thing or not is up to you.
you remember a late august evening. the cool air and descending leaves would calm you, but your current circumstances prevent you from any serenity. an anonymous tip to the RPD claimed that you were in possession of illegal substances. and somehow, those said drugs had magically appeared into existence within your home. this leaves you here, being driven to the station by the officer of the month, marvin branagh. despite everything, you're grateful marvin was the one to arrest you. you happen to favor him and his basic understanding of boundaries, as opposed to a certain mutt you know far too well.
it's safe to say you've now got quite the reputation in the RPD with how much trouble you get into. and especially with how quickly the problems seem to fade away. you're being escorted through the station until another officer complains to marvin about some kids with fake ID's. he leaves you by yourself at an empty desk with one hand cuffed to the armrest. the desk right beside leon's. you look to the blonde beside you. his head is rested against his arms folded upon his desk, deep in slumber. his cheek is squished against the surface of his arm, pushing his lips out into a duck-like pout. your mugshot peeks out from beneath his sleeping form. you swear through his unintelligible murmuring, you hear a gentle whimper of your name. marvin had mentioned during the drive how he was up all night looking through your case (wouldn't be the first time), but you can't find it in yourself to feel bad for him. you don't trust him. even several years ago, something within you has always prevented you from trusting him.
you fiddle with a mr. raccoon toy as 20 minutes slowly tread by. completely overcome with boredom, you peak over leon's shoulder to see your case file beneath him. maybe you could find something useful inside, like the bastard responsible for all these false claims. using your free hand, you manage to slyly slip your case folder from under his weight. not without a quiet whine of "no, y/n/n... don't leave me..." good god, was he cuddling your mugshot? (it would be the closest he could get to you physically, after all). you ignore him entirely, thanking the heavens that this man is such a deep sleeper.
opening the file, you find standard information about your case. you read through the notes leon left behind, which causes nausea to then stir in your stomach. he jotted down his worries of your case closing and not being able to keep you in the station any longer; there was ideas of any potential loopholes in the system he could take advantage of and prove your innocence. beside his rambling, there was a long list of certain ways he can frame you for crimes to reel you back into his clutches. what in the actual fuck? and just when you thought this situation couldn't get worse, you find he used pictures of your friends at the shooting range, bullet holes piercing through their paper faces.
you read through the evidence in shock, until a sickeningly-sweet tone gasps your name and pulls you out of your trance. you look over the folder to see those familiar blue eyes peering into yours. leon lights up like a golden retriever with a bone when he wakes up and you're the first thing he sees, metaphorical tail wagging and all. to dream of you and to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes, it is pure heaven! only, instead of the early morning, love-drunk haze within his dreams, he is instead met with the heartbreaking look of horror on your face. his eyes trail down to see you holding his notes and his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach. no, no, no, it wasn't supposed to be like this! it was never supposed to be like this! you were supposed to fall in love with him! you are supposed to be with him forever!
you are supposed to love him! you have to!
and you thought you've seen the worst, you thought you reached the bottom of the iceberg. but you were so, so wrong. it had been 2 weeks since you learned the truth about leon. since then, you were able to find solace within an old friend, claire redfield. not only do you adore her, but the layer of protection she had given you when you complained about the clingy cop on your hip was just the cherry on top. without leon, these 14 days were the most peace you have felt in what feels like months. you didn't know how the man who acted like he needed your presence more than air felt about this sudden separation. and to be completely honest, you didn't really care.
now, with your arm hooked around claire's, you two walk home after a night out in raccoon city. you're repeating old inside jokes and clutching your chest in heaps of rib-straining laughter. everything is full of high-spirits until you notice a certain cop car sitting in the street. claire enters your estate first, guarding you protectively while you follow her footsteps. you find (you guessed it!) no other than leon kennedy rummaging through your belongings. and the look on leon's face when he sees you with someone else is nothing short of pure anguish, sheer betrayal. he is jealous — so much so that it practically suffocates the room. you've seen plenty of emotions expressed by leon and the consequences that followed, but you've never seen first-hand what jealousy may compel him to do. considering the pictures of your friends he used as target practice, you feel as though the outcome won't be any good.
claire breaks the silence, "you disgusting pig! i'm calling my brother down here and he's gonna kick your-" her roar of anger is cut off with a sharp groan.
leon stands, taser gun in hand, as the electrodes strike into claire's body. she then falls to the ground with a loud thump, her form convulsing from the electric shocks waving through her. rushing to her side, you attempt to help her. but, you then cave into yourself when leon walks over in three large strides. and you now realize he is absolutely terrifying when he is jealous. his voice drops to a low husk as he demands you tell him who the fuck this is, a major contrast to the bubbly-puppy you're grown familiar with. you are left flabbergasted and are unable to mutter even a syllable.
you aren't even granted a mere second to compose of yourself before leon pulls a knife, plunging it deep into claire's chest. a scream of pure terror erupts from your throat. you're painted red as he relentlessly stabs your best friend, curling yourself into a corner and hiding your face in your arms. through your tear-stained vision, you see the lifeless body of claire and leon standing above her, huffing with fury like some blood-thirsty creature. something in his gaze perceptibly softens when he sees you, so scared and feeble. and it shatters his heart. after all, leon would take every life on planet earth just to see your lips curl into a smile, even once more. but, nothing could have prepared you for the words that would then leave his mouth.
he turns his body cam on. "y/n l/n, you are under arrest for the murder of... whoever this was. you have the right to remain silent. anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." you stare at leon entirely flabbergasted, but you're too exhausted to fight against him.
he bends down to you, light whispers of "you're ok, it wasn't your fault" and "i've got you, sweet angel" doing little to comfort you. with his gentle hands against you, leon proceeds to cuff you with the same softness you would use to handle a baby bird. and you let him take you away, because you are too caught up in looking at your best friend who was laughing with you just minutes ago now dead on the ground. you cry to yourself in the backseat of the cop car the whole way to the station.
by the time you get there, you are entirely in a state of shock. tears of dread stream down your cheeks, but your face is nothing short of emotionless. you are so caught up in your head, you don't even notice the whispers of other officers there. they gossip about how considering your track record, it's no wonder you'd end up here for good. a sharp glare from the man guiding you through the department is enough for them to shut their mouths. you're then brought into an interrogation room, with cameras off and no other presence besides you and this mad-man at your beck and call.
cuffed to a chair once again, leon locks the door behind him. he then drops to his knees and ties his arms around your waist, burying his head into you. it takes several seconds for reality to hit you, but you soon realize he is crying. and if you weren't restrained currently, you would've pushed him off and made him suffer a fate far worse than what claire endured. now, the two of you are sobbing together, but for entirely different reasons. you, full of grief over someone you love being murdered just moments ago. leon, full of agony over how the gleam of emotion he was so infatuated with left your eyes. all because of him.
you muster enough strength to plead to the blonde, your voice coming out through hoarse, slurred sniffles. but much to your dismay, your cries fall on deaf ears. if only leon had more morality than he did love for you.
"i'm so sorry, y/n, i just needed to hold you. even for just one last time” he picks his head up to look at you, face breaking out in a pitiful smile. “and i can't lose you. not again.” he grabs hold of your hands from behind your back and begins caressing the digits of your fingers. and the contrast between his smile and the crazed look in his eyes has you shuddering in apprehension.
"you're stuck with me to the end."
your eyes then flutter open to see a blinding white light; you begin to hear the quiet chant of a monitor beside you. where the hell am i? despite your current confusion, all you can think about is how you grieved for your best friend in the grimy cells of the RPD, how everyone turned into undead creatures just a week later, and how leon protected you from anything as small as a paper cut. you remember how several zombies overpowered him and how you took advantage of the opportunity, running like hell away and out of raccoon city. you remember the burning of your lungs, the rain on your skin, the hope of getting far, far away from this nightmare. you also remember the fear you felt when umbrella snatched you into their possession, to where you would soon forget everything that happened. including leon kennedy.
you're in the present now, as you can tell by the sheepskin jacket around your form and the hospital bed you're laid upon. it takes you too long to realize that you're safe, out of the hellhole that is los iluminados. looking down, you find a gun sitting by your hip (leon made the declaration that if you were to never wake up again, he wouldn't hesitate to end it all right then and there). you shift your train of sight to see leon at your bedside with his head in his hands while his entire body trembles with trepidation. the sight of this lovesick maniac at your side causes you to spring forward with a harsh gasp. his heartbeat skyrockets at the sudden occurrence. you're alive, and leon can't stop the tears of relief that fall from his eyes.
"hi, pretty... i'm here, you're safe now..." the smile on his face is borderline terrifying. his hands cup your face, practically clinging onto you like a lifeline.
"i remember... i remember everything..." the statement is entirely said to yourself, your gaze distant and not entirely there.
his eyebrows scrunch upwards, gaze softening (if it can even soften more than it already has). leon then pulls your face to his and molds his lips against yours aggressively, desperately. it isn't soft, sweet, or romantic in any sense. it is inexperienced, but overflowing with raw passion, need, and obsession. he only stops when the two are you are breathless and gasping for air. a dreamy sigh escapes leon's lips once he parts from you, gazing into your eyes as if you were something holy (which you are, obvi, but i digress). leon is so horrifically, irrevocably, disgustingly in love with you. and you can feel everything in his all-too overwhelming kiss.
he then engulfs you and melts into your arms like a noodle in boiling water. his light-headed, lovesick laughter fans against your neck. leon somehow pulls you impossibly closer to him, almost as if he were trying to morph the two of you together. it is too much; he is all you can feel, smell, touch. but, without a sliver of strength in your body, you are entirely vulnerable to him and his captivation.
"ashley... she didn't make it..." there’s a certain tone in leon's voice you can’t explain, but you shudder beneath it, anyway. he tells the information softly, but his voice is full of too much exhilaration to be normal. with these newfound memories, that dread returns to your stomach at the thought of what leon is capable of. what leon may have done to ashley while you were out cold.
through the abyssal darkness, your wish has been granted. you have now retrieved all lost memories.
and now, you know why you never were able to trust leon kennedy.
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the end !! hehe, thanks for the fun ride babes.
HOWEVER……….. this is surely not the end of my resident evil stained brainrot. so i will not be continuing this series, but i will most certainly be pouring out everything in my RE-obsessed brain. only if u would like to see it, of course. if u do, pls send me some asks!! and thank u again !!!
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thefrogdalorian · 2 months
Text
Sanctuary
Din Djarin x GN!Reader
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Summary: It's one of those days when your emotions threaten to overwhelm you. Despite the horrible day you're having, you try your best to keep it together. A feat you manage, until a certain Mandalorian arrives home and takes you into his arms. Word Count: 1.2k ✯ Rating: General ✯ Content Warnings: Descriptions of anxiety/panic attack ✯ Author's Note: Seeing these gifs the other day broke something in my brain and this little fic was the result. I hope this gets you through a day when you really need a hug from Din Djarin 💕 ✯ My Masterlist ✯
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On the days when your stomach churned and you were too upset to vocalise the war that waged within yourself, you were grateful to have someone in your life who seemed to know exactly what you needed. There was no doubt that Din understood you better than you understood yourself. It was unsurprising, given how meticulous and attentive he was in everything he turned his hand to.
You had been in each other's lives for some time, yet you still found yourself pleasantly surprised each time he shared such care towards you. You never doubted Din's kind heart once you got to know him, but you were nonetheless astonished by the multitudes he contained. It was astounding how tender and caring the man, who had gained such a fearsome reputation throughout the galaxy as a ruthless bounty hunter, actually was beneath his cold, hard beskar. 
It was early in the morning when Din had left through the door and your stomach tied itself into knots as you heard his heavy footprints gradually fade into the distance. The sound indicated that you were now alone with your thoughts. Throughout the day, you had pushed your emotions to the deepest depths inside yourself. You had been trying to kid yourself, in his absence, that you could survive the day without breaking down. You told yourself over and over that if you could just make it until Din returned and then put on a brave face when he walked through the door, you would have survived the day without dissolving into pieces. The last thing you wanted was for Din to see how upset you were. The fear that you were weighing him down with your troubles or somehow holding him back from achieving greater things was omnipresent. Even though he had never given you a reason to fear such a thing, you were constantly terrified of being seen as a burden to him.
The familiar heavy footsteps grew louder; their rhythmic, even quality indicated they could belong to only one man. You took a deep breath and attempted to steady your racing heart, preparing yourself to keep it together upon Din's return.
The second you saw his figure in the doorway, you knew it was a lost cause. At the sight of the familiar outline of beskar shining in the entryway, you immediately knew that there was no way that you would be able to maintain your composure. You stood up immediately, rising off the chair you had been sitting on as you waited for him, to greet the man who owned your heart entirely. Instead of racing towards him as usual, you found yourself suddenly overcome with apprehension. Your steps faltered with uncertainty as you walked towards him on shaky legs, feeling your ability to stay strong evaporate just from laying eyes upon him. 
Din held his arms out to you without hesitation, beckoning you to come close to him.
“Come here, cyare,” Din whispered as you stepped into his orbit, his voice gravelly, “Let me hold you.”
As you closed the distance between you and Din to rest your head in the crook of his neck, you caught a glimpse of his mudhorn pauldron, glinting despite the low light of the cabin. Despite how terrible you felt, the ghost of a smile passed across your lips as you noticed the signet was so distinctively Din. Stepping into his arms felt like you were returning to safety. To your home.
You rested your head in the crook of his neck and nuzzled into his rough cowl, enjoying his familiar scent. It was musky and masculine, but not overbearing. You detected a faint hint of perspiration mixed with the floral scent you knew lingered on his skin thanks to the bottle of liquid he lathered across his tan skin in the 'fresher each morning. Din’s chestplate was firm against your body. Initially, you recoiled at the slight chill from the beskar, discernible even through your layers of clothing. Once you had adjusted to the temperature and new sensation, though, you felt nothing but warmth when you were in his arms.
As Din held you close and his hands rubbed comforting circles into your back with one strong arm holding you tightly around the waist, you appreciated the way your bodies fit together. It was as you were admiring how you seemed to be made for each other that you noticed how Din had wrapped his cape around your shoulders to further cocoon you into him. As though he was protecting you from all of the hurt that lingered outside of the sanctuary of his arms. From whatever was troubling you. There was no intense questioning, no expectations for answers. Only safety, love and understanding from a man who wanted to help you through your very worst days.
Something about nuzzling into Din’s neck and the care he had taken to raise your spirits rendered you speechless. You were overcome with emotion, powerless to stop the tears which started falling down your cheeks. At first, it was a solitary droplet, but then you couldn’t help yourself as more and more tears slipped from your eyes. 
At the first sound of your sniffles, Din pulled away from you. You felt your stomach drop in panic, momentarily afraid that you had upset him somehow. You looked up at him and felt the embarrassment settle somewhere low in your stomach, a physical symptom of the mortification you felt at your outburst. Then came the shame. You were dismayed that you had lost control of your emotions in such a way. Evidence of your loss of composure was evident in the reflection of your face in his helmet. You watched as your expression grew increasingly more distraught and felt your chest heaving as the panic rose within you, upset at your emotional state.
Fortunately, Din was nothing but understanding and caring. Before your thoughts could spiral anywhere darker, he began to use his soft leather gloves against your cheeks to dry the tears that were burning hot trails down your skin. It distracted you from your anguish, his tender touch providing instant comfort.
You relished the contact and melted into his embrace. Between his hand that lingered on your cheek, while the other rubbed your back and ensured his cape still swaddled you, your mood was instantly calmer. Din brought you back into his shoulder and returned his hands to your back, rubbing up and down as he held you close. You wrapped your arms around his waist, relishing the small contact you gained with the warmth of his flesh between the hard plates of his beskar. You stayed like that for a few more minutes, feeling your anguish dissipate with each second that Din held you.
Eventually, your breathing evened out and returned to a less frantic pace. Sensing that his embrace had had the intended effect on your fragile emotional state, Din pulled away once again and brought his hands to cup your jaw gently.
“How are you feeling now?” he rasped as he stroked your cheeks with his gloved thumbs. 
“Being in your arms always makes me feel better,” you smiled.
“I’d hold you for the rest of my days if you only asked me to, cyare,” Din vowed with a nod of his helmet. 
You smiled then, enjoying the way your face lit up with a smile and how your eyes had regained their sparkle thanks to the tight embrace of your attentive Mandalorian; your sanctuary.
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Text
midnight feasts and evening strolls — c.d.
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Summary: Aside from thinking up clever retorts to practically everything, you had always been quite fond of midnight feasts. Aside from being reduced to a blushing mess at said clever retorts, Cedric had always been quite fond of you.
Pairing: Cedric Diggory x fem!ravenclaw!reader
Word Count: ~4.1K
A/N: i'm so down bad for this man. possibly one of my most simple yet the most fun to write fics ever. i loved writing for cedric so expect a lottt more of that in the future!!! enjoy!
Cedric knew it was too good to be true when his midnight patrols were going a little too well. 
It was eerily quiet in the castle, with Cedric producing the only sounds heard in the night. He hadn’t caught any students out of their dormitories tonight. A truly novel feat. 
It wasn’t unusual for him to reprimand one or two lost first years nightly. Although, how they managed to be lost for two hours past curfew, he had no idea. 
Partly surprised and partly pleased, he had made it all the way around the castle, on his way to the dungeons to finally call it a night. The soft rustling of his cloak against the stone floor soon came to a halt, however, when he heard a faint thud in the distance. 
He exhaled deeply out of his nose before turning back the way he came to find the culprit. It really did seem too good to be true – and he was absolutely right. He would be catching a student tonight, after all.
He retraced his steps until he wasn’t even sure if he had actually heard anything or simply imagined the sound due to his recent lack of sleep. It certainly wouldn’t surprise him if it were the latter. He had a lot on his mind lately and while these midnight strolls usually seemed to clear his mind, they weren’t proving particularly helpful tonight. 
Rubbing his sleepy eyes once, he decided that it really was too late tonight to chase a potentially imaginary student around the castle. He rounded a corner that he was pretty sure would lead him to the dungeons as you collided into his chest with a thud, dropping the contents of your hands.
“Shit!” you exclaimed as you bent down at once to recollect them all. The house elves were not going to be pleased to see you back at the kitchen doors for a second time tonight.  
Finally overcoming his shock at encountering a strange girl with handfuls of biscuits, crisps and the occasional pastries, Cedric found his voice again. “Hey! It’s two hours past curfew. You’re not supposed to be here.” 
“Pfft,” you excused his scolding without glancing up. “What are you going to do? Take five points from Ravenclaw? Go ahead. We’re too far ahead of every other house this year anyway.” 
Cedric furrowed his brows as he blinked, taken aback and at a severe loss for words. Realization flooded his brain at once at your snarky remark and he exhaled again. Of course he had to run into you tonight, of all people. 
You had earned quite a reputation in your year for your sharp tongue and even quicker wit. He couldn’t remember a single class in the past seven years of his Hogwarts career in which you hadn’t raised your hand politely to interrupt and correct whatever professor was giving the lecture. You had even done it to Snape a few times and Cedric had only been able to blink in stunned silence every time. 
Though Cedric would never admit it, it was getting increasingly difficult to conceal the little crush he had developed on the pretty Ravenclaw girl that always had a clever quip on the tip of her tongue. 
That very fact was evidenced by his odd behaviour tonight: he couldn’t help but remain standing awkwardly as he watched you gather your things on the cold stone floor, your hair illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the castle windows and your robes impossibly ruffled after the collision. 
As you finally turned your gaze upwards, standing back up and brushing your robe off, you raised your eyebrows in surprise. “Diggory?” You questioned in confusion. 
“Er,” he began, trying his best to regain his composure. “Yes.” Cedric found himself thanking Merlin that you two were alone right now. His friends would never let him live this down if they were to see this. “What are you doing here, [Y/L/N]?” 
“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied simply as your eyes roamed Cedric’s face. You had never seen him up close before, though all the girls in your year had made it a personal mission to do so at least once in their academic life. He was already impossibly dashing from afar but this was a different thing altogether. It was like he glowed. 
“So you raided the kitchen?” he questioned as his lips tugged upwards slightly. He tried to ignore how his eyes seemed to catch on how you licked your lips as you thought of an answer or how your nose twitched at his attempt at humour.  
“I couldn’t sleep and I was really hungry,” you amended with a quick roll of your eyes, which only made Cedric smile wider. He soon reigned it back, though. He really hoped you couldn’t see how hard he was trying to feign nonchalance. “I was just about to head back actually.” You clarified.
As you started to take a few steps forward, with your pile of snacks balanced haphazardly in your arms, a packet of crisps tumbled to the floor yet again, followed by multiple packets of cookies. You cast Cedric a sheepish look. Cedric cast you a thoroughly amused one. 
With a fond smile still playing on his lips, he picked your snacks up from the floor, placing them back in your arms. It wasn’t long before they tumbled back to the floor. Cedric watched this with amusement, paying close attention at the huff you let out and the slight pout of your lips and the soft furrow in your brows and–
“Diggory?” You called expectantly.
He blinked a few times as you addressed him, his love-struck smile dropping altogether.  He wondered if he was supposed to know what to do at this moment. He opened his mouth to say something before closing it again. 
You exhaled heavily. “Can you please walk me back? I can’t carry all this back myself and my wand is buried in my robe pockets.” You gestured to the fallen snacks on the floor. “Please?” 
Cedric’s heart leaped at your request just as quickly as he bent down to pick your snacks up, giving you a small nod. “Yeah,” he finally let out. “Of course.”
He matched your pace as you two walked through the castle together, towards the Ravenclaw tower. It was, once again, eerily silent in the castle. Although, if someone were to ask Cedric, he’d complain of all the commotion his heart was making. He risked a few glances at you to make sure you couldn’t hear how loud it was beating. 
“So,” he began, eager to fill the awkward silence but even more eager to be able to turn to look at you properly without it being weird. “Do you raid the kitchen often?” 
“It isn’t raiding, per se,” you retort. “It’s requesting nicely and hoping the elves don’t say no.” 
Cedric let out a small, breathy laugh. “Alright. Do you do that often?” 
“Mainly when I can’t sleep,” you admit honestly, turning to look at him. “I’ve always found it easier to sleep after eating something.” 
Cedric hummed in response. Merlin knew he needed all the tips he could get to help him sleep. With the first task of the Triwizard Tournament fast-approaching, he hadn’t been able to sleep a wink most nights. “I’ll have to give that a try then,” he mumbled under his breath. 
A pause.
“Is it because of the Tournament?” 
Cedric turned his head, then, to look at you at once. It was like you had read his mind. But then again, he found himself thinking, he was the Hogwarts champion. He reckoned most students knew who he was and what he had signed up for. Still though, if you were to look closely, you would’ve seen the faintest shade of pink coat the tips of his ears. 
He hesitated before sighing. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I guess it is.”
“Still have no idea about the first task?” you asked sympathetically, holding his eyes the entire time. He found it particularly difficult to keep gazing into your eyes, though, so he cleared his throat as he looked down for a moment.
“No,” he replied. “I’ve got no clue.” 
You nudged his shoulder lightly and Cedric was sure his brain had short-circuited at the contact. “You’ll be fine, I’m sure. I believe in you,” you shot him a quick smile and Cedric immediately felt his cheeks redden. He tried his best to hold your gaze as he smiled back but eventually resorted to studying the ground with a bashful smile on his face.
Upon your arrival to the spiral staircase that led to your common room, Cedric placed your snacks back in your arms and turned to bid you goodnight before you stopped him. 
“You really should try it, you know,” you said before he could turn away to walk to the dungeons. “My sleeping method, I mean,” you handed him a packet of your favourite biscuits. “Here. They’re a personal favourite. Satisfaction guaranteed.” You winked as you turned to walk up the stairs.
With his cheeks aflame and his mouth gaping open, he knew he had to say something back. With all that he had in him at that moment, he tried his best to return to his normal, confident self instead of the flustered mess you always reduce him to. 
“I’m holding you to that, then,” he called as he watched you ascend the stairs with slow steps. “Fifteen points from Ravenclaw if it doesn’t work.” 
“That’s not going to hurt Ravenclaw’s chances at winning the house cup either, Diggory,” you laughed as you looked down at him. “And what if it does work?” 
“Then the elves will have to make room for yet another student showing up at their door to ‘request nicely, hoping they don’t say no’ to stealing snacks from them every night.”
“I’ll let the elves know to make the arrangements, then,” you called as you slipped through the door finally, leaving a star-struck Cedric standing below. He turned the biscuit packet over in his hands before shaking his head fondly. He opened the packet at once, desperate to try the biscuits you were so fond of.
That night, when Cedric returned to his dormitory, stuffed full of the biscuits you’d gifted him, he slept soundly for the first time in two weeks. 
It wasn’t a dreamless sleep, either. He dreamt of you all through the night.
– 
It had been a week since he had learned what lay in store for him for the first task of the tournament. It had also been a week since he was last able to get a good night’s sleep – no matter how many chocolates he popped in his mouth.
Needless to say, over the past week, he also grew desperate to run into you again. Even more so than normal, which, admittedly, was already a hazardous amount.
He had tried paying the kitchen a visit every night since he first encountered you returning from it, but he never seemed to find you at the right time. There was a particular night on which he was so desperate that he actually resorted to asking an elf if you had visited that night. He’d worn a sheepish smile as the elf had only looked at him hesitantly before bidding him goodnight.
What Cedric had not been aware of, however, was that you had asked the same elf the exact same thing that same night. The elf was thoroughly confused, to say the least.
He was trying again tonight. He really needed to see you again tonight. You were the only person that could ease his nerves about the task tomorrow, while simultaneously making him flush with every little thing you said. It was like a drug.
He had arrived at the kitchen doors, raising his hand to knock before the door opened itself. He breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of you, once again laden with snacks that he was sure you already had a pile of under your bed. 
“Diggory!” You exclaimed as your eyes lit up and Cedric tried to dismiss how his heart seemed to have skipped a beat. “Are you here to take fifteen points away from Ravenclaw?”
He chuckled at your question. “No,” he shook his head with a nervous smile. “Quite the contrary, actually. I’m ‘requesting nicely and hoping you don’t say no’ to me stealing those biscuits from you again.” 
“Ah,” you nodded with amusement, handing him another packet of your favourites. “Satisfied customer, then?” 
“Very,” he agreed, taking them. “Thank you.” 
He took a deep breath to calm his nerves as he followed close behind you. Neither of you had to say anything to know that Cedric walking you back was part of the routine by now. 
“Are you ready for the task tomorrow?” you asked, slowing a little so he could walk beside you through the winding hallways of the castle. You turned to study his face – the kind eyes, the worry lines on his forehead from, no doubt, worrying about the task, the golden locks that fell perfectly on his head despite it being so late.
“I hope so,” he sighed as he turned to look at you and shoot you a quick smile. He found – with much delight – that your presence had grown more so comforting than it was nerve wracking – and that was never something he ever thought he would be able to say.
“You are,” you affirmed with a nod. He breathed a laugh at how certain you were of what you were saying only to hide how full his heart really felt at the affirmation. “Do you know what it is yet?” 
“Dragons,” he said simply. You waited for him to follow it up with a laugh to indicate he was joking before widening your eyes. “I know.” He half-smiled at your reaction. It had shocked him too. 
“Wow,” you said as thoughts raced in your head. “What are you planning on doing?” 
Cedric shifted uncomfortably at your question. He always prided himself on being brave, on being intelligent. Yet, somehow when it came to you, both of those thoughts dissolved into nothing. He had no idea if you would find his idea as ingenious as his friends did. 
“I’ve always been quite good at Transfiguration,” he began slowly. “I was thinking of using that to my advantage. Perhaps if I transfigured a rock into – I dunno – a dog, maybe, then I could distract the dragon.” 
He waited with bated breaths for you to say something. Your eyebrows were furrowed in thought as you analyzed his idea. “That’s brilliant, Cedric.” You said finally, with a thoughtful smile. It was certainly an inventive idea.
He couldn’t help but grin at your compliment, and his grin only grew as he realized you had used his first name. He loved how it sounded when it came from your mouth. “I trust I'll find you in the stands tomorrow, then?” 
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you grinned. You both halted as you arrived once again at the foot of the spiral staircase. You held his eyes for a second before leaning up on your toes to leave a small peck on his cheek. “For good luck,” you added cheekily, turning at once to climb the stairs.
Cedric blinked a few times in shock before bringing his hand up to his cheek, feeling the residual warmth of the kiss you had planted just seconds ago. He felt himself blush intensely as he watched you slip through the door into your common room. Only after you had vanished completely out of sight did he allow himself to break into a shit-eating grin. 
He slept soundly that night once more, dreaming only of you, even when the threat of dragons loomed over his head. 
Cedric knew he would be able to sleep just fine tonight if he went up to his dormitory. The roars of the party that was currently being held in the Hufflepuff common room wouldn’t even bother him. He had successfully completed the first task today, and he felt like he was on top of the world with his ornate golden egg. 
Except, he could not stop thinking about you. He knew he needed to see you again. 
He found himself smiling absentmindedly as he thought of you en route to the kitchen once again. He brought a hand to knock on the kitchen door excitedly, eager to see you again, to see what you had to say. He hadn't gotten a chance to talk to you at all today, despite spotting you in the stands immediately.
When an elf answered the door, he tried to dismiss how much his heart dropped. He was expecting to see you.
“Good evening,” he smiled politely to the elf. “I was wondering if you’ve seen [Y/N] tonight?” 
“The Ravenclaw miss?” The elf frowned in confusion.
“Yes,” Cedric nodded with a fond smile playing on his lips. “Have you seen her tonight?” 
The elf shook his head. “Not tonight, Mr. Diggory.” 
He tried his best to mask his disappointment with a small smile. “I see. Thank you.” 
He debated waiting outside the kitchen doors for you to turn up before deciding against it. That was probably a little creepy, right? Plus, seeing as the kitchens are right down the hallway from the Hufflepuff common room, he’d be running into too many of his friends in the meantime, anyway.
He knew that it had been a complete chance occurrence that night for him to run into you. It had allowed him to actually talk to you – beyond the curt words he’d exchanged with you in class. It allowed him to look at you as if he had all the time in the world – rather than stealing glances at you from the corner of his eye. It had allowed him to actually get to know you. 
And, he found himself quickly realizing, chance events could only be relied on for gentle pushes in the right direction. In the end, he had to take his fate into his own hands. He had to grab his golden egg – he’d done it literally already. All he needed to do now was do it metaphorically. 
He turned around and knocked for a second time on the kitchen door. When an elf answered the door – looking a little exasperated – Cedric wore his best apologetic smile. 
“Can I get one of those biscuits, please? The ones the Ravenclaw miss likes?” 
He set off at once towards your common room, with your favourite biscuits tucked in his arms. 
He couldn’t wait for any more lucky run-ins with you anymore. He wanted to see you, and he was tired of waiting to run into you like he had on the previous two occasions.
“Padma!” He called as he spotted the fourth-year girl descending the spiral staircase. 
“Yes?” She asked confusedly, unsure of what Cedric Diggory could possibly want from her at this hour.
“Is [Y/N] inside?” He asked. He knew how dishevelled he probably looked right now. After all, he had run from the other side of the school in the same uniform he had worn for the task this morning, with a bright blue packet of biscuits in hand. It wasn’t an ordinary sight.
Padma thought for a second, as if thinking back to remember every face she had seen on the way out of the common room. “I think so,” she concluded finally, remembering that she had seen you sprawled on a couch with a book in your lap.
“Can you get her for me, please?” He asked. Padma could sense the slight pleading tone in his voice as she gave him a quick nod and turned back to fetch you from inside the common room. 
He looked around as she disappeared inside, trying to calm his beating heart for the second time that day. Somehow he’d successfully stolen the egg from right under the dragon’s nose – literally – today yet he found himself more nervous while waiting for you.
He knew the implications it carried, to ask for someone and wait outside their common room like this. You were bound to know now how he felt about you, how much he enjoyed being around you. He ran a hand through his hair quickly and tried to smooth out the honey-coloured top he was wearing before he heard you from the top of the stairs.
“Cedric!” you beamed as you spotted his familiar head of hair. You climbed down the stairs with a grin on your face and Cedric’s heart seemed to beat impossibly faster the longer he looked at you. He could never get enough of you saying his name like that. “I almost didn’t recognize you without that Swedish Short-Snout beside you.” 
Cedric sent you a wry smile as you came to a stop in front of him. “I almost didn’t recognize you without all the food in your arms,” he retorted with newfound confidence. 
“Is that why you have that?” you questioned with a raise of your eyebrows, gesturing towards the biscuits Cedric had long forgotten about.
“Oh,” he blinked. “Yes, um, they’re for you.” He held the packet out towards you with an attempted smile he really hoped was coming across as charming. It was hard to ignore the butterflies in your own stomach at the sight. 
“Thanks,” your fingers brushed his and you almost chuckled at how quickly his cheeks flushed with an all-too-familiar red tinge. “Want me to walk you back?”
He raised a single eyebrow at your question before you added with a light nudge to his shoulder, “Evening strolls are customary at this point, right?” 
He breathed a laugh at your remark – like he often found himself doing. He didn’t have it in him to protest. He wanted – no, needed – to spend every possible moment he could with you. The euphoria of this night was bound to wear off soon, he knew that. Tomorrow, he had to start worrying about the second task again. But walking with you, just as he had on that first night, always made his problems seem insignificant. And he needed that right now. 
“So, what’s the deal with the golden egg?” you asked, reading his mind once again. He shook his head slightly in disbelief as a small smile crept to his face.
“No clue,” he answered honestly. “They make the most horrid shrieking sound whenever I try to open it. I’ve got no idea what it means.” 
You hummed in response. “I could help you figure it out.”
Cedric sputtered, taken aback at your offer. Even his friends hadn’t offered to help him figure it out. “I would love that.” He told you gratefully, watching you closely for any signs of hesitation on your features. All he saw was genuinity. 
“Tomorrow in the library, then? After supper?” You asked with a small smile. It was so endearing to watch his ears and cheeks redden.
“Yeah,” he breathed out quickly. “Tomorrow sounds great.” He couldn’t believe how he was still able to talk in coherent sentences.
“It’s a date, then,” you uttered with a sly smirk, holding his gaze. 
He almost fell on his face, right then and there. Cedric thanked Merlin, then, for you two had finally reached the entrance to his common room, both of you coming to a halt. He wasn't sure if he would be able to walk after what you had just said. He blinked at you blankly before finding his voice. “Yes. Yes, it’s a date.” 
You turned to leave with amused eyes at the boy’s reaction. Could he get any cuter? 
Cedric had no idea what had possessed him. He hadn’t even had any firewhisky that night. But he found himself calling out to you anyway. 
“Wait!” he called, making you turn around at once. Your curious eyes met his nervous ones and he walked closer to you. He had no idea what he was doing, but somehow the after-effects of all the adrenaline pumping through his body earlier today could still be felt twelve hours later. “I never got to thank you properly for your well wishes last night.” 
“Oh?” you raised an eyebrow, your lips tugging upwards. 
You tried to hide the absolute shock you felt when he leaned down to peck your cheek quickly. “As a thank you,” he clarified quickly. He watched carefully for your reaction, unsure if he should’ve done that or not. 
It was safe to say you didn’t exactly mind.
Before he knew it, you were leaning up to press a chaste peck to his lips. He breathed in sharply as you pulled back to smirk at him. You had always been a competitive one. 
“To congratulate you once again on your feat today,” you clarified wryly, watching him for any reaction so as to make sure you hadn’t overstepped. 
It was safe to say you hadn’t. 
Cedric didn’t take a moment to think before acting this time. He didn’t take a moment to gather his courage or analyze the best course of action. He acted on instinct, and instinct alone. And every instinct in his body was telling him to lean down again and crash his lips onto yours – properly this time. 
So he did.
Cedric took his time kissing you with furrowed brows. The biscuits you so loved didn’t even come close to you. You tasted sweeter than any biscuit he’d ever had, any dessert that he’d ever tasted. He was sure that he could get addicted to the taste, to the feel. It wouldn’t really surprise him – he was already addicted to your presence.
You kissed him back with the same urgency, your hands wrapping around his neck to bring him even closer. 
Pulling away slowly, he teased against your lips, “To thank you again for your heartiest congratulations.” 
Your quip died on your tongue as cheers and whoops broke out in the background, forcing you two to break apart suddenly. You both turned to find Cedric’s friends watching this encounter with excited smiles and boyish eyes, standing in front of the entrance to the common room. Cedric’s mouth hung open a little as he wondered how he had missed them standing there. But then again, he had been a little preoccupied for the past minute or so. 
“Atta boy, Diggory!” Trevor whooped, teasing him as you tried to smother a bashful smile of your own. 
“Oh, sod off, Woods,” Cedric retorted with exasperation. “Go back inside, would you? I’m– I’m busy.”   
“Oh,” Fairfield spoke up. “We can see just how busy you are, champ, not to worry.” Roars of laughter and whistles broke out again. “Come on, lads, we’ll bug him about it when he comes inside.” 
“If he comes back inside at all tonight, that is!” More laughter.
Cedric cast a weak stinging hex at no one in particular as his friends all clambered back inside their common room. He turned to face you at once, possibly to apologize but you beat him to it.
“Here,” you told him with a knowing smirk, handing back the packet of biscuits. “I think you might be needing these more than I will tonight, champ.”
And, Merlin, you were right. He didn’t sleep a wink in his rowdy dormitory that night. Not that he minded though – thinking about all the real aspects of you that he had gotten to experience that night were even better than the dreams. 
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wellofdean · 2 months
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Thinking about @luckshiptoshore and her liveblog of watching Supernatural and how much I love following it and how great it is to watch someone just fucking ENJOY the show...
And then, there were a couple of people in my Discord who love the fic, but have never watched the show, and folks in there were trying to convince them that it was worth watching (duh!) and that knowing the show by heart makes the fic so much better and like yes, again... DUH! And then I was suddenly overcome with such a feeling of ENVY for all the people who still have the chance to watch Supernatural for the first time already knowing what happens in the end.
I mean, I watched 14 years of it in real time (after downloading and bingeing season 1) and at least I was clever enough not to be in the fandom trenches that whole time, and just enjoyed it for what it was, but the end broke my brain, and changed the whole show for me.
Because, like, here's what happens in Supernatural by the end: Dean and Cas are in love. It was not subtle. Dean can't say it because he never has a single moment of not being up to his pretty, pretty eyeballs in dealing with the ongoing and constantly multiplying trauma of being the man his father raised him to be, and god's specialest boy to boot, but in the end, Cas finally does just fucking say it. Not only that, he waits until he can use it to save Dean, and show him once and for all in an incontrovertible, undeniable way exactly how deeply and truly loved and SEEN he is.
When you watch it knowing that, knowing that the the whole story is going to end in that stupid bunker dungeon with Cas telling Dean who he is and dying to save him, the whole thing just HITS DIFFERENT, because the Dean of season one with his outcast liminality and pretty, pretty lips is the poor, lonely, weird boy who will one day be loved like that by Castiel, an angel of the lord -- an impossible Eldritch being who learned what love and selfhood are from closely observing Dean.
The consensus amongst most Supernatural fans is that it is trashy and bad and that its all evil queerbaiting, but I would contend that it's actually deeply entertaining, culturally rich and interesting (yes, even its flaws and missteps), often impressively well-written and acted, never puts on any airs about being prestige television or high art, but still manages to be ultimately epic and somehow sublime, and that it's a queer story, about queer love saving the universe, and it is so, so worth watching.
Like, my brainworms are not 'they strung me along all that time and then never let them make out', by brainworms are 'they told us so many times and in so many big and small ways, and now I need to watch every bit of it again and again and again so I can finally REVEL IN IT (and, friends, that is the Supernatural rewatch journey: realising it was ALWAYS THERE). My brainworms aren't 'but does Dean reciprocate??' they are: 'of course he loves Cas, and of course Cas knows that Dean loves him, and the one thing Cas can't have? That's just his chance at happiness and a soft epilogue with and for Dean, because Cas, impossible, cosmic, Eldritch being Cas, traded his chance at happiness for his family's lives and sacrificed himself for love of his son and Dean, because that is what you do when you love someone, and what he has watched Dean never stop doing for even a minute of his beleaguered life.'
And then, Dean dies (yes, it's stupid), and he cannot just go to heaven, drink a beer and hang out, he needs to climb into his magic soul vehicle, hit the axis mundi and tear the universe up looking for his angel and his happy ending in The Winchesters? Fuck me.
And like, it's the most romantic, and devastating story I have ever been told? And I love it so much?
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