I just started inpatient work today, so I don’t have the energy to say anything but this: Malenia is 99.9999% a lesbian, but if she were to ever get with a guy, it would not be what the average Tarnished OC writer thinks she would go for. You know the type: super buff and sexy; can beat her without breaking a sweat; swoops in to fix all of her problems because obviously he knows better, since he’s on NG+12.

You know the only type of guy Malenia would ever possibly go for? The fantasy equivalent of Clark from Connecticut.