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im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:
videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.
and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.
this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.
there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.
there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.
for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.
i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.
here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."
eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.
we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.
"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"
thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.
it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.
an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.
and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."
#and there's something else in there about like ....#tbh once i got over something like 1k followers#i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON.#yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc#but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about#in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers#bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like#jesus christ lord almighty#every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me#each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!!#their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was#fucking cottagecore !!!!#like girlie this person needs THERAPY#again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc#bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this#and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!#aND THEY ARE!!!#something something something they know this content makes them money#they don't give a SHIT about u babe
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You want a good chuckle look no further than wikipedias list of british dishes
#food#food innit#im allowed to make fun of white people food im brown#go ahead and make fun of american food thats WHITE american food idgaf
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I know I haven't said much about it, but legitimately, "running away" was one of the most pivotal life decisions I've ever made. Probably THE first major life decision I've made, and also the best. If you have an opportunity to go, leave. Get out of there. If you are not safe at home, emotionally, physically, whatever, and you're able to leave, do it. It's going to suck such major ass for a while because you're going to have to deal with the scars they've left on you, but I wholeheartedly, full-throatedly, with-my-chest promise you that it is going to be better. You're going to be better. If you have the privilege of being able to escape, no matter how difficult it feels, then RUN.
#whatever you leave behind is not your responsibility. sometimes you're gonna have a fucked relationship with the siblings you 'abandoned'#but they have to understand that you had to leave. and that you were actively fighting to take them with you the entire time#it's okay to be selfish. you need to be selfish to start to recover.#if you have to be homeless please look up and do your research on local resources first. plan things out.#i was lucky enough to have family who'd been waiting years and years for this moment to happen#if you can go and have your college dorm as a safe haven then absolutely take that chance#if you can go and rent an apartment with the money from your job then take that chance#plan shit. do it. even if your brain fights you. you do not want to be out there without proper precautions or else you could end up-#-seriously fucked over.#also i know i'm encouraging people to get out but in equal measure:#if it isn't safe to leave you are not lesser for staying.#if it's winter and you can't be out there alone you are not complicit in your own abuse yk?#if you have family you CANNOT leave behind like extremely young siblings then you are not at fault for staying.#i was lucky enough to be able to leave quickly and (relatively) painlessly and i'm aware that not everybody can do that#sometimes staying IS the better choice. but that's a choice YOU have to make not me#assess your situation properly. are you staying for your own safety or because you're scared?#etc etc. obviously take all of this with a grain of salt i don't have all the life experience in the world just what little i have#also: prepaid phones are a godsend. MRIs. canned food. make sure to have first aid kits if needed. plan ahead. have a stash somewhere safe#rox rumblings#me things
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Just when I'm trying to be more social again, something will happen that reminds me why I'm a hermit
#vent ahead:#i tried to get my friends together to celebrate passing my exam#I'm not the kind of person who celebrates stuff about myself but I said fuck it I deserve it and I miss my friends#and they turned it into a drama and gossip fest#i don't care i really don't i just want to play cards against humanity and have a good time#i haven't seen these ppl in months and they either brought their romantic partners and ignored me alltogether#hijacked the evening and made it about them or didn't even arrive#why do they have to turn a simple celebration into something so complicated?#i hate it i hate it i hate pls get out of my house#I'm sitting here staring at the forgotten cards and food#and wondering if this is the point in life where i realize that friendships mean more to me than to the allo people around me#the older i get the more isolated i feel#and being aro makes it worse not gonna lie#i thought i could live without a partner as long as i had my friends but well#funny how that works#dan is rambling again
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somehow, Nina’s 4th Sneak Peak video is up to 57K???
and fyi my analytics let me know which part of the video is doing better than another as in the most replayed… and yep it’s the chosen one/osirian parallels that people keep going back to.
hm.
shocker.
@frobisher-smythe as the resident neddie shipper, you should know about this
#the neddie ship shall never sink🫡🫡#chosen one/osirian parallels are so interesting and such good food#watch me skip over making eddie’s video (which is penultimate btw) to go ahead and make the neddie edit i planned afterward#i’ve had a song planned for them for ages#and it’s not romantic so it works for whoever wants to watch it and whether they ship them or not#neddie#house of anubis#hoa#nina martin#eddie miller
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oh, it is on.
#it feels like a sign from the universe that my exact branch of the library had this just as I was contemplating buying a copy#(I've been making my way through the test kitchen chicken bible and really like it! but their perfect pie cookbook is 100% sweet)#savory baking is exactly it! that's my jam!#I am going to make so many vegetable galettes!!#meat pies! maybe go wild and try gougeres!#ah. I'm so satisfied. even though I'm making cookies this weekend I will know in my heart that savory lies ahead.#tw food#no love sincerer than the love of food
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I am in a depressed state. I'm not as involved with my family and friends lately. I don't want to talk to anyone and I'm trying to avoid everyone here. For instance, my oldest niece has a surprise graduation party tonight but I have yet to reply to my sister because I honestly don't think I am going to go. There's shame, disinterest, and quietness in me. I feel less and less here.
I know that this will pass. At least I hope it does. I realized that I have to actively do the things that brings me joy in order to bring myself back.
And that meant no dating app anymore — I hated it so much; yesterday two girls wanted to hook up and I just ugh — I don't think I will find or want to find my future partner in a dating app. I'm not discrediting them because I know and I appreciate the fact that people have found love through them. heck, my future partner probably is in one right now, but I don't think I'm going to be the one swiping right or whatever. I don't care anymore about dating apps.
Sigh
I'm just really sad at the moment so I have to allow myself to slowly feel, and allow time to hopefully help me heal from it.
#i have a productive day ahead and i am also going to make time to hopefully stop by store and buy myselfy fav comfort foods#okay#hope you all are having a great Friday 😊😊😊✌🏽#personal
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Under the stain is so good and so well written! Huge fan. I was wondering what’s the schedule for updates since you mention that the next chapter is already ready but I’ve had to wait for weeks for it to drop. Please drop it earlier if you can :((
Hi anon,
I already drop chapters of A Stain that Won't Dissolve earlier than I used to, because it used to be a chapter every 3 weeks, and now it's a chapter every 2. I can't go any faster, because I am literally working on eight different stories right now, and you know, I need money to eat food, and live, and pay my medical bills, and Stain doesn't do any of that, so my other writing has to come first.
I'm doing the best I can, anon.
You can always check out my writing schedule here. Generally A Stain that Won't Dissolve goes up every second Sunday. You are not the only one who is having to wait two weeks for it to arrive, everyone is, and I'm glad you're enjoying it, just...please know I'm also a real person who is working really hard all the time on my writing and Stain can't come first, unless you're willing to come here and pay me a living wage? Then we can work something out ;)
#asks and answers#a stain that won't dissolve#thespectaclesofthor#i have written 4 chapters ahead anon#the reason i don't post them is because i'm very sick and i have an incurable cancer and a bunch of other stuff#so if i'm ever too sick to update every two weeks#*i have chapters to post so that people aren't waiting even longer between updates*#that's the reason i write ahead#because i am perma-sick and i care enough about all of you#that i want to make sure i'm consistent even when i'm too sick#to make food for myself#(the good news is i am rarely that sick)#but i *have* been that sick before and will be again#so i plan ahead
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Shinobi 4: It's Here! Paonmaru
#this is the episode that make me associate oden with takaharu immediately#i think it's really interesting to see how takaharu learns things#it's seemingly more difficult to understand some concepts by looking at them straightforward or deeply#when it comes to teamwork he doesn't understand why he has to wait and work with his team when he can go ahead and do a task himself but#when he looks as each ninninger as a part of oden that come together to form a great combination he understands#he gets that working together enables them to bring out each others strengths and learn from one another#while he could go alone he is missing opportunities to grow and isn't able to show his strengths to their full potential#episodes like this are why i like ninninger so much#i like the characters not knowing why they're wrong but self-reflecting and learning in their own way#//food#ninninger rewatch lb#super sentai lb#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts
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Steve and Bucky having a brownstone in Brooklyn? Yes, but also consider: rich af Steve and Bucky having a chalet in the Dolomites, or a beach house in Normandy or Provence or Campania or Sicily, or an apartment in Paris (near the Louvre for Stevie), or a cottage in Ireland, or-
#basically imagine steve and bucky just. living in a bunch of places they saw during the war. in the sun. and sea.#someone work-related back home annoying steve...#and/or threatening to make his life in america difficult#and him immediately being like hmm yes interesting anyway if you want me I'll be in europe getting a full body sunburn w/ my husband#stucky#steve rogers#bucky barnes#MCU#release the cracken#MORE BEACH DAYS AND SUNTANS AND EXCELLENT FOOD IN THEIR LIFE. is what I am saying.#and they wander ahead of the winter so neither of them has to feel the cold ever again... 😫
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This is the song I like to put on when I do the nudist ritual lmao
#everytime i do it i like to try and make it like a party yknow#ill plan ahead and make a bunch of food and alcohol#i think it fun#cotl#rambling into the void
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guys i cooked a bunch of dumplings and apparently some of the coating of the pan came off and i ate it as well. if i die. well. that would suck
#i was gonna make a joke that u can post my drafts#so u can see every rancid thought i’ve ever had#and yknow what ? someone would be like damn cool au#and i’d come back from the dead to be like Oh Let Me Tell You About That One#my tummy hurts tho#it’s making unhappy noise#i thought we were already eating microplastics#like. i’m just ahead of the curve#eating bigger pieces.#in my defense i thought it was like. burnt food#that’s not much better but like i only noticed when i flipped my dumps#couldn’t be helped#ruby.txt
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Is behaving like an adult really that hard? Is it really that hard to just tell someone when they’re making you anxious?? Is it really too hard to just say you want to do something?? Is it really too hard to just… text people when plans change??? No we gotta all behave like kindergartners and stay in a group and hold a fucking rope when we’re walking around so we don’t get fucking lost
#.txt#I can’t walk fast because it makes people feel ‘obligated to follow me’#so I should instead what???#just stand around and never lead??? fuck you want me to always walk next to everyone because it makes you feel bad????#if you need me to wait you can tell me or text me#calling me back to the group doesn’t imply that we at all are stopping it feels like people didn’t say what they wanted#and then got left behind and now that’s everyone else’s problem because they’re also apparently incapable of just asking where everyone is#like holy shit do we really need to micromanage our time that much???? no one goes ahead no one moves until we decide exactly where we’re#going#we have to stand in place and decide whether or not we’re hungry before leaving for the mall of America#… to get food….
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at this point i actually need my endless celeb crushes and my junk food to make me not turn to drugs
#i've suffered a lot in my life. and there have been times where im like#yeah... yeah i understand why drug addicts exist...#it would be nice to just be able to. force the happiness or contentment#now it being emotional suffering rather than physical it's become even more tempting#god give me the strength to not go down that path. because it'll fuck up my precious organs#the crushes induce serotonin. and they're not dangerous. the worst thing i'll get is second hand embarrassment#...the overeating so much junk food is more of a problem but i'll. i'll handle that. shut up. don't judge me#i gotta make myself not ruin my life. i have the rest of my life ahead of me and it can be really great#and mum wants me to have the life i deserve. where i have novels and the love of my life and my babies#it'll take time to heal but you can do it sapphire#this whole situation is so bad that at times i've even considered... therapy [gags]#but i'll fight that urge too. those fuckers won't get me
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I don’t feel hunger properly anymore. I broke my body, so I constantly teeter between “nothing” and “desperately, insanely, unimaginably ravenous” when my sugar crashes. The problem being, if my sugar isn’t actively crashing I just. Don’t think about food. At all. It never crosses my mind, so I don’t do any kind of meal prep and suddenly I Must Consume and there is nothing ready to hand, so I end up eating three boxes of dry cereal and an ice cream bar, and this isn’t working at all.
#I used to be so good about getting things ready and prepping food ahead of time#But I fell out of the habit and now I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of dying#Because I have to eat four to five times a day at least and there’s never anything ready to eat#most things require 10+ minutes of cooking and doing that while I’m actively dying (or so my body thinks) is almost enough to make me crazy#I JUST WANT MY BODY TO REMIND ME TO EAT BEFORE IT STARTS GOING INTO PANIC MODE#IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????????
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unfortunately my post office job decided not to keep me, they said i wasn't fast enough putting mail in the PO boxes (and also, i was wearing a wrist brace bc the way they require me to hold it hurt my wrist, so im Sure theres something about That)
regardless, i have a new job interview this week, its a sort of social work position, ill wait and see if i get hired before i talk about it. very similar pay, i Was 20/hour but this one is 19 and change. i still have some money saved up in my bank that ive been eating my hands not to spend on dumb shit, so lets hope i not only get this job but can actually afford top surgery !
#the amount of dumb shit ive spent money on is a Lot but you know what im Happy#ive been making a lot of art lately (for me)#and ive been having Fun and Being happy#and I can afford groceries !!!#like. food *I* eat and am not subjected to my father's horrible diet#anyway lets not get ahead of ourselves i still have to go to the interview
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