#lots and lots of angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyberconfessions · 1 year

Text

A/N: Hey guys, I've got no excuse, life happened and shit happened and I lost some dear people. Hopefully I can make it up to you in more chapters. New Moodboard art by the wonderful Saradika. As always, this is a 18+ older fic and deals with anxiety, death, sex, PTSD, murder, loss, found family, Order 66, and coming to terms. This is not just a fluff fic. It will very much be dealing with very dark and hard themes, so please, if that is something that can be too hard for you, don’t read. Pairings: Rex x Reader x Cody (polyamory) I should say this is NOT a Rex x Cody fic. There will be ZERO Clonecest on this blog or story. Reader is a consensual relationship with Rex and with Cody. Yes they share, yes they will eventually have sex together, but Cody and Rex are NOT in a relationship nor will they be intimate. TW: Death, Murder, infanticide, death of the Jedi, PTSD, Loss, Anxiety, eating disorders, sleep disorders, Order 66, sex, m/f, PiV angst, but ends in fluff. I will add other things as I think about them

No Matter Where You Go, I Will Find You.

Part 6 - Confessions

You laid in your bunk, half curled up against Rex's side, half laying on top of him, basking in the afterglow. The small bed was not quite big enough, but neither of you complained, content to be as close as you could be.

It was dark inside, the few dim colored lights flickered, casting soft shadows onto his skin.

You could hear the rumble of your ship's engine, low and soft against the vast emptiness of space, and the quiet beeping from your mousedroid, already in stasis. The others had gone planetside, but you and Rex chose to stay up in the thermosphere, wanting some precious time alone.

The recycled air blew on you and him, causing goosebumps to rise on his shoulders, but he didn't say anything in discomfort, too lost in you.

Rex lazily ran his fingers up and down your shoulder and arm while you pushed your face farther into his neck, arm thrown across his barrel chest.

"Rex?" You whispered against his skin, sleep prevalent in your voice. He hummed in question and bent his head down to kiss your crown.

"Is this a dream?"

You felt him stiffen at your words before both of his arms came to grip you tight. He held you against him for a few moments, content to hold you as close as he could.

You sunk in closer to him, reveling in the contact. It had been so long, so very long. And you never wanted to lose this. Neither did he.

"Cyare, if it is, I'm never waking up."

You smiled, placing small, sleepy kisses on his skin.

"I missed you so much, Rex. I never thought...I never thought I'd ever see you again. I thought I lost you like...like..." You couldn’t bring yourself to say Cody’s name. Thoughts of him started playing in your mind, memories of his kiss, his laugh, his touch; but then your treacherous mind brought up the memory of him ordering your death and how cold and heartless he sounded as he tried to kill you.

You rolled over slowly and rubbed your eyes, waking a bit before sitting up. The happiness you had from earlier suddenly turns to melancholy - thick and sticky in your throat; you move away from him, trying to force yourself to not go to those dark places. Your knees come up to your chest and you lean against them, head in your hands, fingers tangled in your hair. You try to remember your meditations, try to ground yourself in your breathing to let this moment of fear pass.

Rex, unsure what caused the change, sits up as well, back against the small wall and head ducked so he didn't hit the ceiling and your little trinkets.

"Talk to me, Jed'ika. Don't block me out.'

He leans forward to put a tentative kiss on your shoulder, before rubbing his hand up and down your back. It's an awkward position, the bed and cubby much too small for him, but he doesn't mind.

You're quiet. A moment passes, and then another, and he feels small tremors in your shoulders, letting him know you've started crying.

He sighs through his nose, eyes full of concern. He hates that he can’t comfort you now like he used too. When you got like this, it wasn’t uncommon for him and Cody to just hold you at night. You had done the same for them countless times.

Softly he whispers your name and tries to bring you back to reality.

"Sweetheart, please, talk to me. Don't go where I can't follow."

"I went to Mandalore." You whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear, but he did.

Rex felt the blood drain from his face and his stomach drop. His hand fell away from you, unsure of what he should do now.

"I went there to look for you. After...after Master Kenobi and I went to the temple. After we escaped. After he...after he tried to stop that...monster, that thing, that took Anakin, that killed him, on Mustafar. I went there and searched for you. I searched for all of you. I knew it'd get me killed, but I had to see you, just once more, even if you were the one who killed me. I looked everywhere. But it was just....it was ash. And dust. And blood. But there was no sign of you, of Jesse, of Ahsoka, of any 501st soldier. You were all gone. And I couldn't find you. And I couldn't find Cody. And then I couldn't find anyone in the Force. They were all gone, everyone, just gone. I was alone. I was so alone. And Hondo, he tried to help, he did, he tried so hard, but I didn't, I didn't know what to do, Obi-Wan was gone, Ahsoka was gone, everyone was gone and Maker Rex, there was so much blood. Everywhere I went there was blood. So, so much blood and death in the Temple, in the halls, in the rooms, bodies everywhere, my friends, my family, they were all dead, strewn across the grounds like they were garbage, bodies of, of, of younglings!

"Younglings, Rex, they, they, they were just slaughtered like, like animals, scattered in the council chamber, and the Halls of Healing...I can still smell it, I can still smell that burning, fetid, sweet stench... and The Corrie, oh Maker the Corrie...they locked it up, Rex, they locked it up and, and, and burned it down. Everything that was important or precious to The Order was burned. Everything was destroyed. And the Clones, it wasn’t their fault, it wasn’t them, they never would have done this, but it happened and we were hunted down like wild animals by men we trusted; Fox he, he killed so many of us and he loved it, he laughed, Rex, he laughed and he was my friend....and Padme, gods she tried, she tried Rex and ...she...she died...in, in, in my…"

You were sobbing out, choking on your words and breaths, crying at the memories you endured... Finally, you swallowed down a deep, shuddering breath, cutting off your ramblings.

When you closed your eyes, you could see Padme’s face, so serene in death after struggling to birth her children. You pushed the heels of your hands into your eyes, pushing in hard until little bursts of light lit up the darkness, trying to stop the memories. But you could still feel the weight of her lifeless body in your arms. You could see the bloodied corpses littering the floors of the temple; children, friends, teachers, people you knew and loved.

You could see Anakin, still just as handsome as always, but those horrific, yellow eyes that now haunt your nightmares, glowing; that evil that had taken over, clawing at you. You could see him slaughtering the younglings hiding in the Council Chamber, scared and crying, praying for a Master to save them. You could feel the heat of Mustafar and hear him screaming his hatred at Obi-Wan and could smell the putrid, burning flesh of his body as you helped your broken Master up the rocky incline.

And you could see Cody, see him smiling at you, full of love and happiness, hear him whispering his love to you as he handed Obi-Wan his saber with a laugh and you could feel his hands on you as he helped you up onto the varactyl.

You could hear him give the order to shoot you down.

The blanket that pooled in your lap had a growing wet spot from the tears that slipped around the heels of your hands. You took a moment, fingers digging into your hairline and scratching hard, hoping the pain you caused yourself would give you something to purchase on better than meditation did. You took a breath, and another, and another, swallowing down air.

"I've done things, Rex. Things I'm not proud of. Things no Jedi should ever do. I've killed people. I've slaughtered them. I'm no Jedi. Not anymore. That young girl died with Kenobi."

You fell quiet again, eyes closed and head slumped forward with your hands once again tangled in your hair, trying to control your ragged breathing and emotional spiral.

Rex reached out again, slowly, gently. He pulled his hand back for only a moment before gripping your shoulder with a firm touch and pulling you to him. He knew you better than anyone. He knew you didn't need feather-soft touches that dance on the skin. He knew you didn't need to be treated like delicate glass, you needed a firm, strong touch, something to ground you in reality. As soon as your cheek hit his shoulder, you crumbled into sobs, horrible, open-mouthed cries that threw spit and tears all over his tanned skin. He pulled you closer and positioned you to sit in his lap, wrapping one arm around your waist and the other with his hand on your head.

Gently he rocked you, humming some nonsense tune that he made up on the spot. He held you as you cried. Everything you had held in since that night came rushing back. Everything you stopped yourself from feeling as you watched your Master grow smaller and every nightmare you had where you felt Cody fire at you to kill you, everything came out. And Rex was there to hold you through it.

“I have you, sweetheart. I have you.”

#Rex x Reader #Cody x Reader #Rex x reader x Cody #Rebels!Rex x Reader #Rebels #ExJedi!Reader #Clone Wars #Hondo X Reader Platonic #Hondo #X Platonic!Reader #Dad!Obi-Wan x Padawan!Reader #Obi-Wan x Reader Platonic #Polyamory #angst.#lots and lots of angst

28 notes · View notes

boqorka · 1 year

Text

The legacies people leave behind in you.

The legacies people leave behind in you are the lasting impact they have on your life and the person you become as a result of knowing them. These legacies can take many forms, such as:

Values: The beliefs and principles that a person instills in you can shape your worldview and guide your decision-making throughout your life.

Memories: The shared experiences you have with someone can create cherished memories that stay with you and shape your sense of self.

Lessons: The knowledge and skills you gain from someone can help you succeed and navigate challenges in life.

Inspiration: The way someone lives their life can inspire you to be a better person and make positive changes in the world.

Love: The love and affection you receive from someone can provide a sense of security and comfort that stays with you throughout your life.

Influence: The way someone interacts with others and the world around them can influence your own behavior and attitudes.

Legacy: The impact someone has on the world can inspire you to carry on their work and leave your own positive mark on the world.

Ultimately, the legacies people leave behind in you can be a source of strength, guidance, and inspiration throughout your life, helping you to become the best version of yourself and make a positive impact on the world around you.

8 notes · View notes

thebetterengineer · 1 year

Text

Mack Angst headcanons

(big TW for implied abuse and SA in this one guys)

oh- oh no-

you've just opened up a whole new can of worms

As a child, Mack was unaware whether or not his parents were ever around, or even for that matter alive.

His sister was the one who basically raised them, despite being not much older then him.

Throughout his school years, he was bullied for how skinny and shy he was.

When he got his first space related job, he was like the head engineer's assistant.

The Captain of the ship was not only a massive asshole, but was also interested in Mack's shy personality and small appearance.

Let's just say, a lot of stuff happened where... consent was not applied.

Because of the treatment, Mack is covered head to toe in a large amount of scars.

One day, the ship malfunctioned to the point where staying on it would be dangerous, so everyone had to evacuate. Mack was stuck in an escape pod for a while that crashed into the ocean, so now he has a massive fear of big bodies of water.

After that ship was destroyed, the higher ups promised to give Mack a promotion.... that he proceeded to not get because Mark became head engineer. That's why he dislikes so much.

Mack actually likes the Uniform he wears a lot, since it covers up a good majority of his body including his hands.

After that incident, Mack started to walk around with a fake personality. He acts like he believes he is better than everyone, when in reality he could not be more terrified of the people he works with.

The incident is also the reason why Mack is afraid of being stuck.

If someone were to touch Mack, usually he'd grab their hand in time or push their hand away. If it's a situation where Mack is experiencing lots of physical contact (unwanted hugs, being grabbed anywhere, being picked up), he will have a break down.

The only person he's comfortable with being touched with is his sister, who is the only person he's close to that knows what happened.

Part 3 is gonna be love headcanons.

#im so sorry for this-#lots and lots of angst

2 notes · View notes

the-artof-starting-over · 2 years

Text

Came up with what I thought would be just a short little mouse fic but my tired mind wasn't going to let me write anything that coherent so I wrote a summary.... 400 words worth of summary for a piece I thought might total about 500/1000 words at most. So turns out it's going to be a lot longer than originally planned whenever I have enough energy to actually write it

#chicago pd #jay halstead #one chicago #moustead #writing thoughts #greg gerwitz #mouse #jay halstead x mouse #it was originally just going to be mouse but now its definitely moustead #i shouldnt be surprised #also angst #lots and lots of angst #and unexpressed feelings #dont know if its going to be romantic moustead or platonic #but heavy on the feelings either way

3 notes · View notes

laurasimonsdaughter · 9 months

Text

Came back wrong this, came back monstrous that

What if they came back loving? What if they came back in love. What if the necromancy worked and you cheated death and it's everything you've ever wanted, but now they love you in a way they never did before and you cannot know if that is because they finally know the lengths you are willing to go for them, or because something in this deathless magic bound their soul to yours to guide them home and it left them no. choice.

#a rare sprinkling of angst from me #call that necromantic~#laura tumbles #the solution of course is lots of healthy communication and maybe therapy #as it so very often is #necromancer #necromancy

38K notes · View notes

1dont-really-know · 4 months

Text

This is what I get from listening to Hozier when writing my fics

#angst #lots and lots of angst

1 note · View note

rsxavior · 6 months

Text

I think about the elven bond that was introduced in earlier DnD editions. I need to write about this more. It's part of a longer fic's intended story arc. But I feel like I also need a one shot about this.

#bik.exe #about writing #because apparently fluff is on the brain #and angst #lots and lots of angst

0 notes

egophiliac · 2 months

Note

What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?

I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.

I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay

also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 4 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 chapter 4 spoilers #stage in playful land #i hope this is legible whoops #anon i am sorry but you made the fatal mistake of asking me to talk about diasomnia #insert 'i just think they're neat' jpg #i do like the other characters a lot but they are definitely my favorites #they just hit a lot of my favorite things in characters i guess!#yes even you sebek even though you keep shrieking NINGEN at me #(it's okay he gets Character Development™ later)#and their dynamic! it's great! these guys frikking love each other SO much and they WILL have terrible terrible angst about it #ohoho delicious #give me all your emotional hangups baybeeeee #also somewhere in there i went from 'i like them all equally (but lilia is the most fun to draw)'#to 'lilia is absolutely my favorite (and still the most fun to draw) (EVEN MORE fun now thank you swishy ponytail!)'#(it was probably when his candy coating got a little scratched and whoops all the tragedy fell out)#(where's that 'get loved loser' post because i need to staple it to lilia's forehead)#i am extremely bad at putting things into words so please don't ask me to explain it any further #just know that the diafam is everything to me and if we don't get more episode 7 soon i'm going to crumble into dust and blow away #we'll be getting the crowleytimes on monday and maybe there will be. idk. some foreshadowing or something in his groovy #probably not but LOOK i'm desperate

3K notes · View notes

novelist-becca · 1 year

Text

Man.

Imagine being Eda here.

You did everything in your power to keep your daughter (who just cracked open your walls) safe and away from the fight. Argued with her about her safety and even helped carve her palisman.

Only for it to be in vain, because she ended up being killed by Belos anyway. And you got a front row seat.

You don’t even know what to do as you watch the light orbs that used to be your kid float away.

At this point, Eda doesn’t give two shits and let’s the owl beast take the reigns.

You can practically hear her grief and agony in “I don’t think I can control myself right now.”

#a lot of people talk about how Camila cried as a puppet at seeing the light orbs #but I don’t see anybody acknowledging how broken Eda must’ve felt at this point #the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #owl house #the owl house spoilers #eda clawthorne #luz noceda #edalyn clawthorne #eda the owl mom #found family #angst #analysis

10K notes · View notes

cupidzgf · 1 year

Note

Hi! I suck at requests and I don’t know if you take them. But if you do, can you write more hange x reader? It’s just so hard to find fics like that and your writing it’s SOOOOO AMAZING.

If not, just ignore it. Lots of love ❤️

𝖠 𝖲𝗈𝗅𝖽𝗂𝖾𝗋'𝗌 𝖣𝗎𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌

aww thank you, that means a lot to me. i hope this one was just as good as the last!

a quiet, as serene as an ocean wave enveloping the shore, fills the room, charging it with energy. it's nice, you think. you could almost get used to the silence- the serenity of it all.

there's a knock at the door, a voice, and the retreating steps of a soldier that are the painful reminder the stability you cling to is on borrowed time, a stolen moment out of hundreds.

then you're back to work, out of the warm embrace of your lover, shrugging on your uniform, letting your fingers work the straps like they've had hundreds of times. each one pilling on top like a weighted blanket, a comfort in the uncertainty surrounding the new…well, everything. your little world was changing faster than you could wrap your mind around, faster than you could catch up to.

marley is outside that door, waiting with bated breath for the destruction and death you're going to bring if you follow eren's plan. you've dammed your soul the moment you took the life of another in vain, but when will it stop? when can you fall down the path of redemption if you can't forsake tarnishing the lives of others?

a body, sheathed in blankets, tentatively brushes your hunched figure on the cot you share. hands roam over the clothed plains of your back, making a point to trace the knobs of your spine, fascinated- almost curious. the word explained hange better than any other.

"we have to go." you hate the way they taste on your tongue, they're vile words, and you're repulsed by how they slip so easily past you. its an excuse to leave and return the world that demands your abilities while you still have the will to do so.

"i know."

it's a truth you can barely swallow with a shudder down. the world, even fate itself, awaits outside your door, one that will spare no mercy and claw its way to your throats until you suffocate under the pile of bodies you've created. you crave a moment longer with her more than anyone could know, desperately reaching for the clock to turn it back and grant yourself more of the affection hange graciously affords you. however, you, of all people, should know time is a luxury you cannot afford.

hange's body presses behind you in such a way you can feel the curve of her breasts, the weight of her touch settling heavily over your weary limbs.

"one more moment." it's a plea, out in the open with desire laid bare, whispered from lips that press a kiss to the junction of your neck. if only it were so easy to ignore the fighting outside this room, then maybe you could cling to your last shreds of humanity with the person fighting the same sins as you.

"we can't."

you two were a secret in the shadows, lust hidden behind comradery. yet it didn't stop these instances you stole from losing any value, and if you could, you would never leave. if it was that simple, you would have abandoned this regiment long ago.

it's a cold reality you had pledged yourself to, tugging you away farther and farther from a distant future you two could have. doomed to the very thing you swore to give your life to.

"the mission."

it's all the reminder she needs to know where your thoughts are leading to, and like the good soldier she is, hange lets you go, heading for their own uniform in the mess it was taken off in.

you want nothing more than to erase the trace of sadness from her face, wipe her clean of any hurt, and beg for forgiveness no matter what it costs, no matter the cause.

only, the cause is your life, a dream you promised each other to put before the other. it's how it had to be. soldiers couldn't afford to lose themselves in emotions. not even the ones who deserved that freedom the most.

you let the door close behind you in an effort to forget the pain you've caused by fulfilling your duties. it doesn't work.

#hange x reader #hange x you #hange x y/n #hange zoe aot #hange attack on titan #hange zoe x reader #hange zöe #hange aot #major angst #lots and lots of angst #attack on titan

47 notes · View notes