#look okay look I know everyone likes to say Nandor treats Guillermo like shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ineffably-human · 2 years

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Some very belated meta about Guillermo's season 4 cliffhanger (which got so long I considered splitting it into two posts, but tbh I think these ideas need to exist together)...

I want to emphasize again that I'm convinced: at least in part, Guillermo took matters into his own hands for the entire household. He's getting himself turned right now to get them all moving forward again. And I still can't get over that.

Maybe it's because I sat wondering about how that line translated for two weeks before the episode aired in English. The entire ending was hanging on it. 'Nothing changes, but I can'? 'Nothing will change [about this place? about my life?] unless I do'? Did Guillermo really think the best way to move forward in his life was to remake himself in a way that left him completely alone?

But he's specifically talking about something outside of himself. "Nothing ever changes in this house, nothing's ever going to change, unless I change it."

And that's not something he has to care about. He could look at Nandor sitting in his chair, settling down to read for a decade after driving everyone insane, and he could say 'oh, okay. None of it meant anything. All these things you supposedly needed from me, the boundaries you crossed in my life, the loneliness and fear you said you had - those were all whims to you, and you don't actually give a shit.'

Instead he asks what's next, asking Nandor to take the lead again. He doesn't express his own fears (we'll come back to this), he asks for Nandor to validate them by feeling the same: "Don't you feel like nothing ever changes around here?" And when there's no answer to 'what's next?', when Nandor claims there's nothing he wants or will want for many years, that's what gets Guillermo moving.

Because that means another ten or fifteen years of waiting, yes - but also because Guillermo knows that's not true. He's watched Nandor, watched all of them, try to achieve something beyond what they've been for hundreds of years. He's seeing them experience truly heartbreaking losses, and treat it as a factory reset. And he still has that human perspective - that short life span, that newness and urgency. So he's saying 'fuck that, not this time,' about them and about himself.

We're slowly ruling out different elements of The Reason, whatever it is, that Guillermo's convinced himself being a vampire is what he needs. His relationship with Nandor is frayed and needs to be rebuilt. He's closer to the others, but not so close he'd need to change his life for them. They no longer need his constant protection, and they get into plenty of trouble even with him there as a stopgap.

He's come out to his bio family and they support him, so it's not about being accepted as a gay man. (And it's becoming a vampire that could risk his relationship with his family, forever!) I think there's an element of sexual freedom, but he's taken steps to do that now without vampirism, and if anything his relationship with the vamps has impacted his chances to have these things. He's seen there are parts of life he's missing out on, that he could maybe achieve if he stepped away.

He knows his strength and his worth, his physical abilities. Hell, he could lose a lot of the power he has, if he goes from slayer to vampire. I don't think it's rooted in self-loathing, because we never really see him talk about himself as lacking. If anything he welcomes the opportunity to preen, he lays it on a little thick.

I thought for most of the season that with a normal life waiting in the wings, all ready for him to move back into it when the time was right, we were going to get him torn between that and the supernatural world. But Guillermo never seemed to have interest in leaving. He wasn't making plans to move in with Freddie or move back to London before the disaster happened, he wasn't using the stolen cash to scout out a new apartment. In Go Flip Yourself he was angling for a new improved bedroom.

What we keep seeing, over and over, is that Guillermo lives his life based on lies. He lives his life in compartments, curating himself for the situation he's in and the image he wants to convey. I think he truly is devoted, truly does take pleasure in acts of service for loved ones. But on the other side of that, he only gets what he wants by sneaking his way into it. Does anyone have a full picture of him? His family and Freddie can't by design. The vampires made it a point, up to now, to not care about his feelings or learn anything about him. Nandor's the only one who has even started to ask, and most of the time he doesn't think to.

("Don't you feel like nothing ever changes around here?")

But the vampires we meet, while they all have hidden depths, don't really have secret selves except for their species. They live mostly on the surface, impulsively and chasing pleasure. (I'd say at least for the Staten house, they also use it as a way to avoid thinking about things that are deeper or more painful.) They're unapologetic, and most important, they live selfishly. And the thing about being selfish is, it means being seen.

Guillermo is waiting for vampiric power, vampiric selfishness, to have the freedom to exist as a whole person

And the thing about that is: Guillermo is selfish at heart, absolutely. It's one of the reasons he'll make an excellent vampire. But one of his best traits is his empathy - for everyone, monsters included - and how much he truly wants to give to the people who matter to him. The whole thing about his photo hitting that line in opening? Is because Guillermo has to sacrifice 'hope and compassion' to get what he wants, but he's also never lacked for it. And the others are changing, he's the catalyst for their change, because of who he is and the influence he exerts on the stagnant, selfish world around them.

I don't think becoming a vampire magically takes empathy (or really any human trait) out of people. The new vampires we meet pretty much act like their old selves. Even Nadja's doll is just a younger version of her. I think vampiric craziness and selfishness is a result of immortal lifespans, and a life built on death, and a culture that seems to emphasize power and violence over connection to others - even when it works against them.

I'd still love for Guillermo to become a vampire, because I think he can bring that fresh perspective to the table. (Plus I think he and the vamps have plenty to teach each other, I don't want them to lose each other.) But isn't it interesting, that paradox of kindness and selfishness? That potential for Guillermo to embrace the most dangerous parts of himself? The chance that maybe, now, it'll be Guillermo's turn to fuck up - and for the others to remind him of what's still in his heart?

#what we do in the shadows #fandom: wwdits #char: guillermo the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #i am a meta gremlin

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