oh before i forget, this is ako

he kills people professionally AND recreationally <3

winstonthequant replied to your post: winstonthequant replied to...

Ah…don’t remind me of that first GMA performance. Yeah, some were unaware of the need to PG-fy daytime tv. I’m cool with those that were simply questioning but man, blaming Will for the rewrite? idk… And I have to admit, Will didn’t sound his best there but due to circumstances, I understood. Like man, why schedule that thing on a two show day??? He’s got to save his voice somehow and I think that was after/during opening week and that’s typically when voices get strained.

Like, from intense tech to previews to opening…that’s gotta tire someone who’s onstage for 90% of a 2-hour show. There may be a bit of respite after that but not much considering it’s straight to campaign/awards season.

But thankfully it’s mellowed out but I guess people still think liking Will is the unpopular opinion? Like how do you measure that? Genuinely curious… 

i love every time we got a Necessary Lyric Change to censor a lyric or two for some daytime pg program and it was like no porn, no Shit......only all-day preoccupation lmao.......honestly the Creativity in it was fun and the replacements were all pretty golden actually and it’s like oh crap wouldn’t mind if some of these were the official lyrics really, wow. but yeah the idea of remembering alternate lyrics and skipping over entire segments of the song to cut it down for time being Mistakes like.........you’re really going wild to not automatically assume those were deliberate changes. and like that was one zillion years into will having the part lmao, and how’s everyone just happen to be precisely coordinated with said allegedly forgetfulness? it’s wild

“i don’t know if i always sound good at 9 am” lol.....honestly i don’t vividly remember how the performance went but i certainly wasn’t like, struck by anything like some wildly noticeable disastrous nightmare quality that would make me go “take that role away from that menace right now” lmao like even if he Did, you’d have to have some real vendetta to think that one rough performance means that you were right all along and this casting choice is an undeserved outrage!! but wait, people Do really have that idea, so obviously yknow why not reach for the stars at anything you can possibly perceive as not the everlasting perfect unimpeachable performance to end all performances. ppl really are gonna be out there deciding that anything material must either be proof that he’s not good enough for the part if anyone even Notices anything they can at least imagine as inadequacy and it proves you’re justified in complaining His Casting Is A Mistake / Bad, and if that fails, you begrudgingly Don’t complain that his casting is a mistake / bad...........really anyhow i Am amazed they were up at like, 3am or whatever to do 4? 5am? staging and rehearsing at that studio....on a two-show day......like, that must have been just some terrible coincidence in scheduling necessitating that b/c god, surely if they had Any other options........like ffs i’d Hope will wasn’t giving it his all. for one thing that space was very small compared to say, the lyceum, so idk that anybody’d even need to be giving it that full voice commitment for everyone there to hear........and like obv it’s a bit important he not overexert himself re that vocal strain and fuck himself over b/c he did still have two entire shows to do, and like, you wanna be able to perform those properly And not worry that you hurt your voice thx to the extra demand........Pacing............but like, why be reasonable and understanding when you can just assume that will has just showed up out of nowhere with no idea how to sing, and that every single day everyone’s at the top of their game and this is a known fact so if someone’s struggling more on one day that means that’s their True And Constant Ability. and i am a touch skeptical of taking any rando’s complaints in good faith when there’s people left and right who are like No He Just Can’t Sing. Doesn’t Know How. That’s It. like,,,,,,and who are you??? god damn i Wish i could sing 25% as well as 9-years-ago will roland. i really do. Please

anyways lol the point is that these people are really like, navigating their bias like an artform. somehow always sticking the landing in the complex routine of their mental gymnastics. i really doubt any of these people are trying to be all about Statistics and Consistency in their takes.......people will be like “Unpopular Opinion” about absolutely everything, like i’m sure some people who are aghast at will’s casting will say it’s an Unpopular Opinion to be mad abt him having the part like......is it though. you can find plenty of people who agree, i’m sure. but really like, an Okay thing about me arriving in between 2.0 and 3.0 is that i like to think that truly some people have Gotten Over It / resigned themselves to it / gone away / realized the virtue of just keeping those thoughts to themselves at this point b/c what could it possibly accomplish? and yet some people are that dedicated to voicing their malcontent on various platforms for their own sake i guess. like. is this about 1.0 still. because that content is still there for you

Departure Gate 16

When you left this town, with your windows down//And the wilderness inside ~ Angela//The Lumineers (Because every adventure should have a soundtrack, or in this case every blog post should have a song that accompanies and inspires it)

Let’s jump right into it, lovelies! Here’s the first blog post for my study abroad programme, concentrating on the final few days before I leave. It’s Sunday 10th September, 2017. Time: 9:12pm (I’m an early to bed kind of gal lol). I spent all morning packing my suitcase and debating whether I should take my pink dress (I decided not to), if I would need another jumper (Yes! You can never have too many jumpers in my opinion), and how many thermals were too many (Answer: *Cady from mean girls voice* The limit does not exist!). I had written down a packing list to follow but, alas, I am the worst at following my own advice. Knowing my luck I have packed too much of one thing, and not enough of something else. Either way, I’m headed to Manchester, so whatever I need I know the great city will have it once I arrive, so at least I know the city can save my ass if need be lmao. 

It is beginning to feel very real. I thought it was feeling real when my visa finally arrived a few weeks back, but that was nothing compared to what I’m feeling right now. I’m beginning to mentally prepare myself for what’s to come: The saying goodbye to family, the solo trip halfway across the world (I am freaking out about finding my way through Dubai airport to my connecting flight to Manchester, honestly atm this is my number one anxiety), and the settling into Manchester and my dorm room. Even writing these things down is making me realize that this is happening and I am leaving New Zealand, my home, my friends, my family, in three days! And I won’t be seeing them for almost six months! This is excitingly scary! And even though the nerves are kicking in and I am suddenly realizing the reality of this exchange, I honestly cannot wait to board that plane and arrive in the UK. 14 year old me is ready, and so is 19 year old me. I think I’ve grown too big for this small town, and while Auckland city is great, the travel bug has been biting my ankle raw for almost two years now. At least with this exchange programme I’ll be killing two birds with one stone (study and travel, woo!) So I think I’m ready. To quote Oh Wonder, “I’m ready to go.”

It’s pretty much the same time as yesterday, just 24 hours later. It’s Monday 11th September and this is my last night in my bed, which is in my room, in my home. I thought I would be sadder, knowing that my black-walled room is going to be empty of human presence for six months. The fairy lights won’t light up for six months. The books sitting on the refurbished church pew will probably go unread for ages. My darling Pop Up Globe posters will go unadmired until I return. However, I feel as though this is just like any other night. I’ll go to sleep, wake up the next morning, go about my usual, slightly mundane day. But that’s not true. This is my last night. Next time I’m back here in my room (which is pretty much a shrine to my teenagehood with a dash of my adulting BA lifestyle) it’ll be a new year and I will no longer be a teenager (I’m turning 20 in a foreign country wtf!!!). I wonder how much I would’ve changed once I get back. I wonder if I’ll redecorate my room when I return. Maybe I’ll marvel at it for a bit and try to remember what kind of person I was six months earlier, before I ever knew what traveling was. If I do change, I hope it’s for the better. And I hope I will still love my black walls when I return (if I don’t then I’ve obviously changed for the worst lmao). 

I woke up at 5am and wasn’t able to fall back to sleep. I think my anxiety is getting to me now. Today was so strange; it went by really quickly and yet at the same time it felt so damn s l o w (put that down to my tiredness). I said goodbye to my home, said goodbye to my two grandfathers, and now I am saying au revoir to my last night in New Zealand. I forgot how much I love the city, especially this city. Yeah it’s got its flaws (so damn expensive, also the housing crisis is legit), but I am beginning to see it as home. My teenage to adult transitional home, I guess. It’s lovely being able to walk around the city where people don’t know anything about you (can’t do that in a small town). Maybe this sounds stupid, but it kinda makes me feel mysterious and able to do anything. I guess this means that I might be able to take Manchester on. Here’s hoping! But I’ll be honest, I’m missing my parents already (and they’re in the same room as me). Tomorrow will probably break me when I have to say goodbye, but I’ll be rebuilt again in the UK, and I’m looking forward to that.

My mum started crying before we had breakfast and she’s taking every opportunity to hold my hand and give me hugs. I’ve decided I’m not gonna cry in front of her because I know that’ll just turn her into a huge mess. I’ll save my tears for later.

At the airport feeling like I'm gonna throw up. The anxiety is real, resulting in a steadily shitty writing style (as you could probably tell). My baggage is checked in, my stomach filled with miso soup, my heart heavy with having to say goodbye. Also I'm worried about the plane ride (my fear of flying from when I was a child hasn't fully left me, plus I'm worried I'll get lost in Dubai airport - knowing me, I probably will).

Dear past me, It’s Friday 15th September. You didn’t get lost in Dubai airport, thank God. You shouldn’t have worn the woollen socks, it’s not as cold as you think at the moment (also woollen socks in Dubai? You dumbass lmao). You were right about how saying goodbye would break you, and congrats for not crying in front of your mum. You saved it until you had just turned the corner out of your parents sight. Also, get used to the anxiety for a little while. Things won’t seem normal until uni starts and you have a proper schedule in your life again. 

But you did it. You’re in Manchester, baby. 

~Michaella 

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story*  I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely  by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed  repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

3.7.19

I have no fucking clue why but my body sucks.

I’ve been doing amazingly well at waking up at 4:30/5am and going to bed early for THREE nights. and then on the 4th night, I do everything right. I'm in bed by 8pm. but I just could not goo to fuckin bed, mate.

this happens every fucking time I get to a schedule that I LIKE! I have gotten so much shit done in the last 3 days, it’s unreal. And I was tossing and turning last night and had to watch a sleep meditation video TWICE in order to go to sleep. Ugh.

But this was the second time I used the sleep meditation. the first time? I was OUT. I don’t even remember how far along I got. This time I did a different video and it didn’t really work. I found the first one this morning and I’m going to try that again tonight.

I normally fall asleep listening to American Dad.

These days, I NEED something to listen to. It’s scary when I’m not distracted at night. I become a sobbing mess when my thoughts take over and I definitely wouldn’t get any zzzz

So... yeah. I wish it can be silent. but then Mamie and death anxiety takes over.

But it’s cool. mediation is cool I guess. Also, YO AMERICAN DAD WHY YOU AINT CUTTING IT NO MORE?!?

Since Tuesday, I almost have a post almost done, I'm adding a section to my ebook, I finished my Pinterest course, added a feature to my site where I can control the sidebar from each page and honestly feeling great about all of this.

I love it when I actually work. I make progress on things that I’ve wanted to make progress on. I need need need to keep this up. I will fucking drug myself to sleep if i have to.. not really but something needs to help me sleep.

I like waking up early because i get some sun. and im more motivated when brandon is at work AND i somehow squeeze exercise in like what is this productivity?

Something that I haven't done this week is read. But can you fucking blame me? that game of thrones book is about 3 books in one. I crammed that in for 2 weeks and I’m still not done. I’ll finish the other book I'm reading probably Saturday but holy shit, mate.

also, i have not been eating the healthiest this week. It’s like tradeoffs. You get work done and exercise but not eat right. or you take the time to cook and lose the will to work. IDK.

I need to meal prep a bunch of shit. 

I’m going to make soup today. A shit ton. And then eat it a shit ton. And all will be merry and good. I guess. until tomorrow when i need more food lmao.

But it sucks because half the sink is frozen and it’s difficult to do dishes when only the hot water works. A lovely scalding sensation is what I crave.

I need to clean my house. I need to WORK

i want to finish writing this post and then work on the ebook. I need take pictures for the ebook so im doing that today.

It’s soooooo cute. So, when im ready to exercise, I put all the babies down for a nap in the room and shut the door. I’m not fucking around. I literally put cats down for a nap.

After an hour and a half I go to open the door and all the cats and on the bed together sleeping. and rumples on his hay chilling. One or two sleeping heads pop up and I tell them they can come out if they want. But hardly no one comes out. They;ll stay in there to finish their sleeps.

It’s so cute.

I don’t like them out and about when I’m exercising. My bike trainer spins and some of them try to bat it, but if they do they get a bad rugburn. And then when im on the treadmill, I swear to god cookies jumps on there with me and is shocked when we all go down. like he didnt realize the thing was moving.

And then if im doing some doing something like running teah and frappe get so pissed for some reason like im threatening them and they start to attack me. and baby breadstick wants to race me and i trip over him and you know what?

It’s just best that they get a nap.