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#literally my childhood i'm crying
ayo-edebiri · 2 years
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Look, I didn't want to be a half blood. Being a half blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time it gets you killed. If you think you might be one of us, my advice is turn away while you still can. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth. Try to live a normal life. Because once you know what you are, they'll sense it too. And they'll come for you. Don't say i didn't warn you
First look at Percy Jackson and the Olympians 
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bonerot19 · 2 months
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did you know that every time someone says my writing rewired their brain chemistry it temporarily heals me of all my woes? replenishes my life force? acts as a barrier between me and the Horrors?
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lylahammar · 1 month
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god the farcille flashback made me cry this episode and I'm still tearing up just thinkin about it ugh I'm so happy this anime is turning out to exceed all my hopes and dreams for an anime adaptation
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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askticcitobyshit · 7 months
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I think you guys broke her
It's been a rough last couple of years, but it's nice to be back! We missed you guys too!
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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justmenoworries · 6 months
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Okay, but I can't be the only one who thought Jenny Kord was fucking insufferable, right?
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aeide-thea · 9 months
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oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'
#like i decline 2 actually cry abt it but. sure am on the verge of it lmao. thick sore throat and all#i always forget that when i'm actually happy i sing to myself. it's been a long time since i did that#i mean also a big problem with voice was like. the gender thing#conveniently being a mezzo is ALSO a gender thing which did more work for me than i realized but#was listening to a jeremy jordan medley ft. on the street where you live from my fair lady and had a sudden flashback#to the year i was like 'what if i sang that for our musical theater showcase' and my voice teacher was like. noooo not a Boy Song 4 Girl U!#but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun#which is just like. literally i still thought i was a straight girl tho. the sheer level of doublethink this required.#what was happening in my brain.#(i mean obviously what was happening in my brain was that like. i knew the limits of acceptability)#(and so i couldn't know anything else abt myself.)#(like i've said this before but i do strongly wonder what else my brain isn't allowing me to know bc i still live with my dad)#(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over)#(certainly not anything sexuality or even gender related idt)#(but it's like. i know where the discomfort line is and emotionally i just. can't bear to exile myself out beyond it!)#(even if my doing so might eventually shift the line out to where it embraced me again!)#(sometimes learning yr own deep unacceptability in childhood 4 adhd reasons)#(and also 'yr mother is so depressed nothing you do will ever please her. have fun trying tho!!' reasons)#(makes you just. totally incapable of deliberately rendering yrself less acceptable as an adult even when it would be good for you)#(anyway like. thinking back to the K in old home videos who was like. confident that they were an engaging delight)#(and like. what a charming jeremy jordan of a performer they could have made.)#(if only my whole upbringing hadn't then happened to me and crushed all the unacceptable self-expression out of me.)#anyway. shh don't look at me it's fine! it's all fine. 🫥🫥🫥#formative#feelingsblogging
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leagueraised · 1 year
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not to be norwegian on main, but i just found out the norwegian advent calendar tv series jul i blåfjell is airing again for the first time in 11 years, and they made it available to watch internationally, and i literally screamed in the car
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imimmaterial · 10 months
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literally if i lived on my own or at least in a situation where i had more autonomy and less anxiety i wld not spend so much time online lolz like you do not even understand sigh
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Me: *Scrolls through Ao3 for new stories, ignoring the 898234870 tabs of fanfic I've got open*
Me: Gosh, I can't find a story that has what I'm looking for in this horrible horrible world of boredom
Brain: What if we write the one we wish was written?
Me: Oh! I like how you think
Five minutes later
Me: *staring into the ceiling as I imagine the fic but not actually writing it and probably never will*
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why did i just suddenly realise yesterday exactly how i was as a kid
#where is that kid who solved second grade maths in lower kindergarten#where's that kid who solved seventh eighth grade level maths in fifth grade#where's that kid who never felt academically challenged at all till tenth grade#where's that kid who still doesn't feel academically challenged but manages to fuck shit up and cry#why am i like this now#and y'know what's funny this entire realisation came from one single conversation i had/heard with [redacted]#he was like matrix and determinants is so hard#somebody else was like it's the easiest chapter#and then he was like ha sabse easy chapter hai lekin uska answer hi nahi milta#and i was like what#like he's so good in physics he's literally the best in physics in our entire batch and when i asked him why doesn't he shift to jee#instead of neet he was like maths kaun karega and then i was like tum maths mein kaise ho and he was like mota bhi muti bhi#or rather he's average#and i was like huh really but you're great in physics and i was like i was so damn good in maths always till tenth and then i stopped doing#maths and i don't even know why#maybe because i have pcmb and i have to give neet#i mean it wasn't a childhood thing i just happened to be really good in biology at a time when people found me good enough to convince me#to give neet i mean i agreed because i was like yeah okay fair better put my brain for some social service would prolly be nice#but no i'm here rotting on tumblr crying continuously for more than an hour and i have a test on 720 tomorrow and i haven't really revised#and i don't feel like doing anything and i feel like shit
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veshialles · 2 years
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when you're trying to relax and fall asleep but you just keep getting increasingly upset bc your brain won't stop bombarding you with embarrassing/shameful memories 😞
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0rchidm4ntis · 2 years
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less than 4h left aaaaaaAAAaaaaaAAAAAAAADJDKKZ THIS IS NERVE WRACKING.
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asteralien · 2 years
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i'm fixating on spy x family which means using it for au fodder for my own stories and i'm soooo unwell thinking about a wdnftp au where loreleaf is anya. like, i want the parental figures to be doli + tomi but i can't imagine them meeting that late in life, tomi has to be there already somewhere. doli & stormy might be good too but again, i think it works better if stormy is still his found sister. so...... really the best fit for yor is jademoon?? who canonically hates doli lin's guts. but in this au they can just be vaguely antagonistic parental rivals who still bond over parenting their weird little kid who is still psychic but also sometimes just sets things on fire with his mind. in this au i think jademoon has to be like an underworld doctor not an assassin which is slightly less cool but i think she can pull it off and she can still teach loreleaf how to punch
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