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shawnjacksonsbs · 3 years

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Romanticize this!

Is youth really wasted on the young? 11-29-20

"Being deeply loved gives you strength, but loving deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

As is normal for me sometimes, I couldn't decide between the 2 titles. Cool thing about writing my way. . . I don't have to decide. I don't write for grades or pay raises, so . . .

You read, you pick the better fit, or let the piece hold a dual-title. Dual title. I like that.

Anyway,

The day we grow up for real is the day we realize surrendering selfishness is in our best interest, as well as in the best interest of some of our loved ones.

Ro·man·ti·cize; a verb, to deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

Lots of words describe the unhealthy, negative behaviors of someone caught up in different types of addiction. It generally depends on the addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, codependency, or maybe-usually a combination of several, and the behavior that accompanies it.

Words like rationalize, glamorize, even justify, fit but none embodies the collective whole of all of them like romanticize. I'm pretty sure that best describes why I got into the life all those years ago, and absolutely why I stayed in as long as I did, even after it started to become painful.

It is that unrealistic view of the life and its relationships, that causes the aches and longing to throb in the emotional place of the mind like a migraine until we just can't take it anymore. The only way to stay out is to accept that it isn't the best course for our mental and emotional health. That takes a type of selfish, yet selfless surrender that not everyone gets until they get it.

Seeing someone's mind light up in the back of their eyes, because they're about to go back out, and no amount of talking will pull them back is due to their mind playing those romanticized scenes over and over. Watching it is like getting a whiff of someone else's emotional stimulation. It happens all too quickly sometimes, too.

And although it sometimes feels like it came out of nowhere, it didn't. It's generally been there the whole fucking time, albeit sometimes it was a fight against it. I've learned this first hand as I've watched loved ones crawl back into bed with the darkness multiple times since I've moved back here.

I remember all those years ago, thinking that to win I had to achieve a status everyone else saw for me, but I had to do it my way. The always high on dope, couldn't cope with pain like an adult, irresponsible, joke of a father, husband, son, scared, abandoned childlike version of me, sometimes makes me wanna scream, cry, and punch myself in the mouth. I look in the mirror, and think "limiting deathbed regrets huh?". I've come so far, and overcome so much more, and the gratitude I carry with me today includes what I've been through, and as fucked up as it sounds I carry some gratefulness in my heart for the hurt felt for hurting those closest to my heart.

I'm not saying that I'm glad I hurt people. Far from it actually, but because I did I know the opposite end now, and the love I give now is beyond measure. All because I've been on both sides of that toxic life-damaging behavior. I love with my whole heart, because I remember loving with pieces of it, if at all, and how painful and confusing it was for my family, especially my children.

Wanting better for a loved one than they, obviously, want for themselves is very difficult a thing to hold fast to. And it sometimes means doing something necessary, even though it doesn't feel right or like love. It is, in fact, love though, if its intent is to better them later regardless of how they feel now or how you "feel" about it in the moment.

Just different life choices. No one is free from the consequences of those choices either, especially not emotionally. I mean drugs can cover up small amounts sometimes but never entirely.

And don't even get me started on codependency, abusive, toxic relationships. Those are definitely a thing, and the real struggle with not understanding just how far from love those really are takes some serious self-examination.

Real love heals. It doesn't prevent growth, I promise. And if real love heals, then real grace holds the power to resolve, but in the way of light or truth. You know when you know. That's all I can say about that part.

I lay my head down at night, counting all the ways, his way might go right, which of course feels limited. Instead of losing sleep thinking about all the ways, it feels it might go wrong.

What if it's not about right or wrong. Everyone makes different life choices, some just feel more wrong than right when actually it's just making it harder on the decider I suppose.

And, and, . . . If I got hung up on every negative, what-if scenario that someone close to my heart could have, well I wouldn't get to sleep for days at a time. That would not be good. At least in the old days, the high covered it all up. Lol no lol

Not everyone can keep up, but when I say 143.2, just know it's a thing. The day the universe said, to me, "I love you too", was a pretty cool synchronicity. I'm catching on a little more, and then a little more with each passing day.

My life, my journey. Accepting mine should inherently mean accepting theirs, no matter what.

The culture, society, even the generation we live in makes just as many collective decisions about our individual futures as we, the individuals, do for ourselves. We accept and maintain happiness and contentment or we don't accept it and we stay sad and miserable, or better yet we fight it, and stay fucked off and angry. The choice is literally in our hands.

Besides this point is another, and another, and another and it doesn't matter to who, your lover, your mother, father, daughter, . . . son, but that "part of me that's you will never die" that too is a thing. A very powerful seed planting tool.

So those of us who have, or those of us who are currently lost in a clouded mindset, cant stay like that forever. One of several styles of stopping will eventually hit. If the sting of hearing love comes across as anger as you step out of the light yet again, I hope it hurts the heart to the point you get out with the same hope and maintain with the same gratitude I was allowed.

May you find that grace and the peace that comes along with it, until then good luck. You'll need it. It only feels good briefly and in little doses. Just like it always does. The worth never balances out, promise you that. It just stays harder than is necessary.

With every exchange;

When I get the reaction from someone I thought I would, it was more meant for them. When I don't get the reaction I thought I would, it was probably more meant for me.

On a side note, the whole gracefully receiving thing, which I call my current work in progress, has several sides to it, as I learn, I learn. lol

Criticism holds the highest place on this list for most people I imagine, but it's in an especially high position for me.

It's not how I generally think of graceful receiving, but it's definitely a thing I'm working on, these days. It might be one of those ones I continue to learn for the rest of my time here on Earth.

If you have loved ones who have stepped back out of the darkness, and away from those harder than necessary life choices, just remind them that you love them and that they're worth more now than the negative consequences will cost them later.

Also, if you have loved ones who have not yet stepped back out of the darkness, and away from those harder than necessary life choices, just remind them that you love them and that they're worth more now than the negative consequences of continued actions will cost them later.

If you didn't catch it, I had a loved one decide, yet again, to go back out into their struggle and attempting their way through it. So we'll see.

Keep sharing your love and laughter with the world around you always. And, please, please stay kind. It could change someone's life and you not even know it. It's important, and always worth it.

Oh yeah, do you have your gratitude list?? Maybe writing them down daily will help you more than you think it will.

Until next time;

"I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though

Yeah, I been on it for a while, dunno how to put it down

Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though

I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit

Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though

I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk

I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone

But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to

Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to

World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood

You don't know what love is 'til you holdin' onto

somethin' that you can't lose

I swear I'm tryna get it together

Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better" - Change by NF

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miss-m-calling · 4 years

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Shipoween 2020 letter

Canons requested: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Starred Up, Witchblade (TV)

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with.

Without further ado…

Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson

Lenny Bruce & Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Susie Myerson

Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson

I’m here for Midge’s adventures in the intoxicating, foul-mouthed, and often-frustrating world of comedy, so her dynamic with Susie and Lenny is where it’s at. I just love the interactions between these three, and between every pair combination among them: Midge and Susie bantering and swearing and tits-upping even when they irritate each other, Midge and Lenny bringing the pathos as well as the humor, and Lenny and Susie both being hardened old pros with still a little glimmer of starry eyes. I am good with either V-shaped triad/poly or hey, Susie (whom I absolutely read as gay) might find a way to be good with a full-on triangle… If you want to keep it platonic, True Companions all the way, always there for each other, even when they want to strangle each other. And as much as I like the comedy inherent in the characters, I also love that they’re all three, each in their own way, messed up people and dysfunctional to various degrees. So yeah, I just want Midge to hand the kids over to her parents, ditch Joel once and for all, marry (interpret that as literally or as loosely as you want) both Susie and Lenny, and for the three of them to ride off into the sunset to make comedy history. Canon-specific DNWs: anything above M rating, pairing any two as a / couple with the third as a & hanger-on, and while Lenny can still be his RL messed-up, drugged-up self – albeit the gentler version the show gives us – it would be good if he didn’t kick the bucket a handful of years down the line.

Most of these prompts are from before S3 dropped – feel free to work with canon or diverge however you see fit, I am all caught up now:

-Does Susie manage them both? Does Midge open for Lenny on tour? Does he open for her??? Or they become equal stars on the comedy circuit?

-Maybe Lenny joins Shy Baldwin’s tour, or they run into him while touring Europe or the US, or after Shy fires Midge, Midge and Susie cobble together a Midge-only tour of America and keep crossing Lenny’s own touring path, and they all tool around, and yes I would love as much period detail and geography porn as you can throw at me. And while Lenny and Midge have seen the world, Susie hasn’t – her reaction to different foods, languages, customs, landscapes would be spectacular to witness. Especially if “different” is someplace as close to New York as Jersey or Connecticut, or someplace as far away and different as, say, Japan.

-If they do go to Europe, somehow or other they also tour the Soviet Bloc. Cue culture clashes, getting followed (or thinking they’re being followed) by the secret police, getting hammered on vodka and herring and pickles, and then when they get back to the States, the Feds grill them. It’s all dead serious, and Midge and Lenny refuse to take it as seriously as they should, while Susie is trying but the whole thing is really pissing her off…

-Lenny’s burned out, and Midge is just getting started. This dissonance may or may not find some sort of resolution. One thing’s for sure: Susie has limited patience for both Lenny’s depression and Midge’s need to make everything pretty.

-Instead of going to Joel for a no-way-is-that-closure fling after the Steve Allen Show taping, Midge goes to have a drink or seven with the two people who have, in their own ways, always been there for her and never let her down.

-Midge goes on TV again, this time as the star: longer set, prime time slot, dressing room, the works. She’s dying of nerves. Lenny and Susie coach her through it.

-More radio work to make ends meet in between gigs: hilaribad period ads, hilaribad radio drama, running all over town to be on time, getting paid in all kinds of dubious merch…

-Midge and Susie head out west to make it big and stay with Lenny once they’re in Los Angeles, and it’s marvelous (ha ha) and disastrous in equal measure.

-More of Susie being the hypercompetent manager we saw especially in S3! (And please don’t dwell on her gambling problem, I was not a fan.)

-They all three get drunk, maybe with a hint of sadness if it’s the holidays (you can ignore my DNW about holidays, but please let that be just the background, not the lynchpin of the story) or someone’s birthday, and there’s a bar fight, running from the cops, eating greasy food at ass o’clock, and possibly kissing, not necessarily in that order.

-One or two or all three of them get arrested/have court appearances all over America and have to bail each other out, or find someone to bail them all out, or secure legal counsel – you get the drift. Or all three of them are trying to explain to a single lawyer what happened, talking over each other, the two pros not being able to resist landing zingers and Susie not being far behind, and the lawyer just getting more and more confused.

-They get in trouble some other way – offended patrons, surly management, shitty hotels, tour bus breaks down in the middle of Wyoming – and have to have each other’s backs because no one else will.

-Three-person road trip or tour, and only Susie knows how to drive. So Midge decides to learn, right then and there. And Lenny… Lenny may or may not be too lazy/hungover/lying about not knowing how. There’s supposed to be a rotation so everyone gets to stretch out on the back seat for equal lengths of time, but you know the system doesn’t work too well in practice. Also, they play games in the car to while away the time, and they do it their own way of course: I spy, cows on my side, yellow car, never have I ever, 20 questions, or riffing on whatever’s playing on the radio…

-They sit down to watch the moon landing (you can move it up a bit so it’s not happening a whole decade after S2) – by which I mean, Midge is all gung-ho about the moon landing, and Lenny and Susie are like whatever – and things don’t quite go to plan, but a good time is eventually had by all.

-It’s Yom Kippur again, and Midge wants to do the whole production: synagogue, breaking fast, the lot. Lenny and Susie would rather eat glass. Midge gets her way, of course. Does she decide to bring Susie and Lenny home to meet – or meet properly – her parents??? I bet Abe and Rose’s reactions would be something to see. (This too is an exception to my DNW about holiday settings – I just want stuff to get as crazy as it did the two times we saw Yom Kippur celebrated on the show, and for everything to still somehow turn out relatively OK.)

-Midge and Lenny have cheered each other up when the going got extra rough. I want for Susie to be especially down in the dumps – maybe her boozehound of a mother died and Susie took it worse than she does in canon, maybe some asshole told her she’s a shit manager and got her right in her insecurities – and Midge to rope Lenny into trying to cheer her up. And for Susie to fight them every step of the way but still be glad they care enough to try.

-Inspired by Susie’s brother looking just like her, by which I mean she and he and their sister look nothing alike, and by Lenny’s “she’s my mother” quip about Midge at the TV studio and then his “let me introduce my wife or maybe my sister” in Miami – Midge, Susie, and Lenny pretend to all be blood relatives, or mafiosi, or spies, or something else they’re not, while out in public, say in a restaurant. Just to be assholes and see how long they can keep it going before they break character or people figure them out, or call the cops, or something. There’s totally a bet on who corpses and breaks character first. Or, nice hotels ca. 1960 weren’t very big on letting unmarried couples, let alone threesomes stay in rooms together – pretending to be family might make that easier; forgetting what they’re meant to be to each other, or mixing up their backstories might make it harder. Or they’re just trying to save money by only getting one room, there’s only one free room in the hotel, or any other screwball reason you can invent.

-Lenny and Midge do a (comeback) tour of the Borscht Belt, and all the Steiner Mountain Resort guests (especially the gossipy old hens from the beauty salon) and staff go to see them – and heckle.

-Stuff happens and they end up performing at some hole in the wall place where no one knows who they are (or no one believes it’s really those people they’ve seen on TV) – tough crowd, but a good workout for the two comics, and if Susie gets to threaten to rip off someone’s head, all the better.

-Lenny and Midge honing their routines – and maybe developing a double act – and Susie being all “oh my fucking god, what the fuck!!! … They’re actually good. I’m so proud.”

-Sharing a bed with two other people is an ongoing project: who sleeps (or refuses to sleep) in the middle? Who gets up during the night and why? Who starfishes across most of the bed? Who snores, and how does this get handled? If alcohol or pot have happened, how does that affect the sleeping arrangements? Also, Susie and Lenny witness and react to Midge’s beauty routine, ‘nuff said. Or, for various reasons one person after another ends up decamping to another room/bed/couch, but it doesn’t help them get much sleep or even stay there very long (this is inspired by my love of Shirley Jackson and her short story/humorous essay “The Night We All Had Grippe”). If you prefer to keep it platonic, most of this would work if they’re just sharing a double bedroom on tour (I leave the reason for why Lenny is bunking with the women up to you).

Starred Up (2013 movie)

Oliver Baumer/Eric Love

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell - yowza!

For this canon, my dubcon DNW does not apply.

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Role reversal: Oliver as the con (jittery, shut off, sticking out like a sore thumb in prison with all his fancy learning, yet no pushover) and Eric as the newbie counselor (kid from the wrong side of the tracks made good? Youthful hoodlum turned around his life, now trying to help others via tough love and lots of swearing and maybe a bit of manipulation when called for?)

Witchblade (TV) Sara Pezzini/Danny Woo

I used to love this show back in the day, and loved it again in all its hokey gloriousness when I rewatched it recently. Sara figuring things out and being a principled badass, but maybe out of her depth with the Witchblade, and her dynamic with Danny, whether he’s a ghost or alive, it’s all catnip to me. Sara is not extremely quippy, she has a job to do dammit! and don’t look at her vulnerable side, just don’t look at it!, and I love that about her (she’s much harsher in S1, after Danny’s death, than in S2); ditto that Danny is somewhat softer than she is, but still can hold his own thanksverymuch (well, when the plot doesn’t require him to get nabbed by bad guys) and has a bit of a deadpan snarker side too. I’d love something that plays around with their canon dynamic from either season, or uses canon as just a starting point. Some of my prompts lean dark or horror-y, so don’t be shy about going there; I’d also enjoy a story in which the Witchblade itself ends up not being very significant (say, they start to investigate a possibly mystical case and then nope, plain murder). Canon-specific DNW: Irons and any version of Nottingham appearing (you can mention them if you need to).

Prompts:

-The Witchblade is more parasitic than symbiotic, and instead of Sara learning to control it, its feeding on Sara affects her more and more over time. Or, the visions and dreams ramp up into full-blown paranoia and/or disassociation. The Witchblade’s POV, maybe (it is sentient)? Asking for help is the hardest thing for someone like Sara, but what are (more than) friends for? I’d also enjoy a dubcon scenario (exception to blanket DNW) where Sara really shouldn’t be having sex when her head is all messed up by the Witchblade’s influence, but… well… they do. The Witchblade canonically enjoys violence and bloodshed perpetrated by its wearers, so it stands to reason that it might lower other inhibitions too.

-Witchblade v. mythological monsters. In S1, even with everything else that’s going on, Sara absolutely scoffs at the possibility of vampires. So of course I want: Witchblade v. vampires! The scarier and more feral, the better. Or, it’s implied that the Witchblade was forged from a meteorite, so it’s basically an eldritch artefact from outer space. Yes, please lean all the way into the Lovecraftian tropes! (The moon is turning red, the Old Ones are back, it’s the end of the world as we know it, but Sara’s got her partner by her side.) Or something from Chinese mythology, so Danny can kick extra ass. Or, for a silly take on Chinese culture: Sara and Danny in the world of Big Trouble in Little China, another old fave of mine, the entire plot of which revolves around… a woman with green eyes and an unwanted connection to the supernatural.

-The Witchblade has a reputation for abandoning its wearers just when they need it the most. True to form, it slips off of Sara’s fist, leaving her and Danny to save themselves with good old-fashioned guns, fisticuffs, martial arts, and of course having each other’s back.

-More of the psychedelic-ness in many of Sara’s fight scenes, where now she’s a woman in a leather jacket with a gauntlet on her arm, now she’s a knight in armor! Now her opponent is human, now he’s a wolf-shaped spirit of evil and hatred! Playing around with the characters’ senses and perceptions – yes!

-Instead of seeing only Danny and needing him to play intermediary for Sara to talk to other ghosts, the Witchblade makes Sara see ghosts all over the place, and it’s getting to her. Ghost!Danny may or may not help with that. Or, ghost!Danny is basically always around, whether Sara can see him or not. He manifests when Sara is masturbating, and you can’t really feel guilty if the ghost of your dead partner whom you’ve always had a thing for helps you out, and anyway you’re probably going crazy and none of this is real, so it doesn’t count anyway… right?

-Case fic/stakeouts and banter. Flirting to pass the long and stressful days at work. Quick and guilty sex because Danny’s married. Slow and intense sex if handwave he’s not married but “oh noes we’re partners, we shouldn’t be doing this, but somehow we keep doing it anyway.” Hooking up in the car. I’ve always headcanoned that they had a thing pre-canon which ended for Reasons, but they both kinda wish it hadn’t, hence the hand kissing, and the “I can’t even touch you,” and the coffee bringing/stealing, etc. So feel free to play around with that.

-Undercover as married, undercover as a gangster and his moll (LOL at Sara as a moll, or have Sara as the gangster and Danny as her lieutenant/enforcer/arm candy), undercover as “they think we’re fucking, better fake it real good for the people listening in, oops shit got real fast, careful don’t say each other’s real name or you’ll blow your cover.”

-More timey-wimey shenanigans with the Witchblade. Maybe it allows Sara to manipulate time more than once. Maybe she starts doing it way too often, throwing the continuum out of whack (something non-linear would be very interesting). Maybe she and/or Danny remember some or all of what happened in S1. Something about all the multiverse versions of them, possibly splitting off from a dramatic moment. Time loops and feelings are a combustible mix.

-Apart from the super obvious shippiness, what I like about S1 especially is how Sara rolls with the weirdness the Witchblade has brought into her life, instead of reaching for rational explanations. More of that (I can’t think of a better way to put it), and double extra brownie points if alive!Danny figures out at least some of what’s going on with Sara’s bracelet and somehow gets in on the action. Maybe a Danny saves the day divergence? Or how about a loophole that allows a man close to the Witchblade’s wearer to wield it temporarily, but There Is a Price to Pay.

Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, competence, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, kinks, incest, underage, genderswap/genderbent characters, xeno, non-/dub-con, torture and abuse (this and non-/dub-con can be mentioned if the story needs it, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it), dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore/blood and come are fine), toilet humor, character bashing, issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons, unrequested ships, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (meaning my requested characters being or staying dead by story’s end), serious illness or injury, pregnancy and children, holiday or wedding setting/theme, secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job, reference to RL current events, 1st/2nd person POV, unrequested crossovers or fusions, AUs which have nothing to do with canon

#dear author letter #shipoween 2020

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caricatlc · 4 years

Text

BASICS –

full name: alice marisol romero

nicknames: none

birthdate: 4 august 2025

birthplace: plattsburgh, new york

ethnicity: columbian, cuban, and caucasian

nationality: american, english

languages: english, spanish

accent: slight bronx accent

APPEARANCE –

hair color & style: dark brown, usually kept waist-length and wavy, with green tips after breaking up with nigel

eye color: dark brown

height: five feet five inches

build: thicc. muscular but also hyper-feminine

skin tone: olive skin that rarely burns and tans well

personal style:

grunge lite. alice prefers to be comfortable above all else, so soft fabrics and denim are her go-tos. when she dates nigel she adopts a more instagram ho aesthetic to match his, but her heart isn’t really into bodycon dresses if she cant accessorize them with doc martens and a flannel.

distinguishing marks: expressive face

tattoos: ‘esforzada’ on back of neck ( x ), ivy on left wrist ( x )

piercings: two piercings in both lobes, helix piercing in left ear, daith and industrial in right ear, belly button

FAMILY –

parents: noah romero and lia villace

parental relationships:

while seth is more gregarious, alice is a quiet reflection of noah. as a result, their relationship deals largely in companionable silence. he’s not one to gossip with but always good help for moral quandaries. he’s also more likely to catch alice in the middle of doing something wrong, but mostly just offers gentle advice and hopes for the best. alice really hates to disappoint her father.

lia is a fun parent. alice almost always has fun with her mother, even if the interaction ends on a sour note. she can run a lot of day-to-day thoughts past her mother-- lia is kept mostly in the loop about the goings on in her daughter’s life. however, some compulsion leads alice to remain silent about her love life as it seems like it would be much easier to let her mother believe that everything is going fine.

siblings: rex, seth, and michael romero

sibling relationships:

when rex came into their lives, alice understood the difference between her twin and an actually older brother immediately. she enjoys spending time with rex, and ever since she was young she was always content to tag along with her ‘fun’ brother.

what can alice say about seth? they know each other better than anyone else, and speak almost exclusively in snark. but opposites don’t always attract, and their very big, drastically different personalities clash and erupt frequently. when times are good, though, they’re each other’s biggest hype-man as they snap another selfie.

michael is a strange one, but alice will always hold a tenderness for her little brother. she’s helped house dozens of wild animals and filmed a vine or two in her time. while she’s not keen on him bringing insects into the house it’d certainly be difficult for her to turn him down for anything.

birth order: only girl, younger twin, middle child

status in family:

alice likes to think that she’s practically invisible in her family. she’s not as rebellious as rex, or as obnoxious as seth, or as rambunctious as michael. but alice is a quiet ride-along for almost everyone in her family-- she really holds good relationships with everyone in the house. for the most part, it really seems like her parents and brother just want the best for her.

distant relations: bash romero, second cousin

pets:

wells and bilbo, the dogs, are always happy to see her, but she’s also conditioned them to remain quiet if they want a treat from her nightly comings and goings. felix, the cat, is a good companion on a gloomy day, with alice finding comfort in his rumbling, sleepy purr.

FRIENDS –

close friends:

alice has known ellie albright since birth. or even before that since ellie’s parents attended the same birthing classes as alice’s. the albrights returned to italy for a few years shortly after ellie’s birth but the two girls were paired up again before they could even tie their shoes. they’ve been best friends ever since. ellie brightens alice up to draw out a softer side than alice rarely presents alone. alice makes ellie more assertive, unafraid to stand up for her friend if she thinks ellie needs help.

it took rumi thatcher a bit longer to enter the picture, but she’s not going anywhere. rumi’s dead-pan sense of humor endeared her to alice immediately after she moved into town in the forth grade. ever the calm logician, rumi finds great amusement in tempering alice’s hot temper. they share a mutual love of nature that often leads them to dreamy afternoons surrounded by beautiful woods.

technically considered a cousin through brotherly love, dallas hong is probably the only boy that alice can completely get along with. he’s certainly the easiest to get along with out of her brother’s crew, with his laidback guy’s guy charm. while she’s annoyed at how tall he’s gotten as they age, she knows that his easygoing personality won’t ever change on her.

tensions:

adam hudson has been seth’s best friend for years, but his and alice’s interactions have always been tentative. he has a way of confronting her with the truth when she’s least likely to accept it. their relationship is hard to define, atleast on alice’s part.

alice and dapne newcomb used to be friends, much to the chagrin of ellie and rumi. the brash blonde wasn’t always a good influence, and they tended to clash over their many differences in opinion. it wasn’t until alice supposedly ‘stole’ nigel chadwick-wembley from daphne that their relationship fractured completely. daphne is the root cause for much of the suffering alice experienced in high school, so she’s not at all keen to rekindle the friendship.

if there’s one person that alice could do without ever seeing again, it’s nigel chadwick-wembley. he was her first real boyfriend, but the supposed fairytale beginning led to nothing but trouble, even if alice did her best to keep anyone from finding out about the more controlling aspects of his personality. they were on-again off-again for so long, but alice finally broke it off for good and never looked back.

there’s nothing wrong with ruby robbins-- in fact, she’s perfect. alice has always felt like she was competing with the other girl, even if that’s hardly true. they share similar interests but ruby’s easygoing demeanor makes everything seem so effortless in a way that alice can’t help but envy. she does consider ruby a friend, though, and would do anything for her if she asked.

crushes:

so much of the tension in alice’s relationship with adam hudson stems entirely from their mutual attraction. when they were much younger she was aware of it but content to ignore it, but as they’ve grown older things have changed. alice finds herself at odds with his ill-suited girlfriend and with him over it. ever since she kissed him on christmas, the muddled emotions there have only gotten worse.

the first boy that ever had alice truly starstruck was leo robbins. the definition of a cool, older boy, leo’s appeal quickly passed but she remained impressed by his sense of style and teenage rebellion. in fact, alice was quick to take up his mantle selling weed to a few of their acquaintances when leo decided to move on from the business.

as a friend:

alice is a friend like batman-- she’ll come if you send out the signal. anytime anywhere, alice will be by your side if you’d let her. she’s fiercely protective of them and will want to help them achieve their goals no matter how trivial. she can be too blunt at times, which tends to rub people the wrong way if it’s not quite what they want or expect to hear. but she’ll have your back until the end, without saying ‘i told you so’ to anyone but seth.

PERSONALITY –

positive traits: enterprising, candid, empathetic

neutral traits: self-sufficient, meticulous, noncommittal

negative traits: volatile, withdrawn, self-involved

astrology sign: leo sun / gemini moon, the confidence man ( x )

mbti: istp-t, the virtuoso

theme songs: i’m not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance / agnes by glass animals

aesthetic:

dyeing your hair in the bathroom, guitar calluses, jumping off the porch roof, lilac bushes, the solitary silence of 4 am, soil between your fingers and toes

LIFESTYLE –

partying habits:

a stoner to the max, alice deals quite literally in weed, inheriting a small client base from leo robbins. when she first started dating nigel, alice found she didn’t mind the party scene. there’s always fun to be had, and she can handle her alcohol. she’s also not necessarily opposed to experimenting at parties-- if there’s a good time to be had, alice will try a sporadic drug or two without feeling particularly inclined to do these things later on her own.

smoking habits:

directly inherited from her father, alice took up smoking as an act of teenage rebellion and favors menthol cigarettes. she finds it calming to smoke late at night when no one is around, or whenever she is overwhelmed by the situation at hand. finds it to be a handy tool to escape social situations if things aren’t going well.

eating habits:

growing up in a four-child household has definitely made alice a bit food aggressive. she eats when the opportunity presents itself but doesn’t pig out very often. snacks usually seem like a good idea, and alice is content to bring healthy options when she can. late-night meals are a staple in her diet. salty-sweet combinations are her usual favorite.

excercise habits:

alice has been practicing aikido and tae kwon do since she was young, and as a result has adopted a fair amount of exercise and weight training into her daily routine. mostly she just works to maintain equilibrium and not lose any muscle mass or physical ability, but if she’s feeling particularly stressed or upset she’ll throw herself into her workouts.

work ethic:

it’s alice’s belief that she can work hard and play hard, so long as she meets the deadlines set out for her. she’s got decent time management skills and works best with a loose schedule where she can make the decisions about what to do, when. when it comes to school work, alice is content to maintain her good grades in order to fly under the radar with her parents.

sleeping habits:

when alice feels tired she can fall asleep anywhere, but her penchant for the peace of nighttime usually finds her awake well into the early mornings. she is a deep sleeper, but an agreeable one. sharing a bed with her is not a bad experience as she’ll typically move wherever she is prodded without much fuss. she usually prefers to sleep with a loose comforter and top sheet and will cocoon inside. waking up outside of her typical routine can be a challenge, but once alice wakes up she is awake for good.

ideal living space:

alice’s bedroom at home is well-lit and cozy, with an abundance of houseplants in any available spot of sunlight. her walls are filled with things she likes looking at: posters of her favorite bands, watercolor prints she and ellie made, and endless photos of herself and her friends. she usually takes time once a week to clean up, as she has a tendency to drop clothes or books wherever they lay as she moves onto something else.

quirks:

despite being a fan of all things spooky, jump scares always get her good. she’s usually the middle person in the haunted house group, and subsequently is always getting picked on. she will let you borrow anything she owns, but it’s of utmost importance that you ask first.

INTERESTS –

hobbies:

alice has been playing guitar and practicing martial arts since she was very small. her love for plants wasn’t fostered until later in life, but she prides herself on rehabilitating various wilted houseplants she happens upon. she loves a good smoke session and will make a whole event out of some rolling papers and a gram of fresh weed. she’s usually a pretty willing participant in any photoshoots that ellie cooks up.

best school subject:

science has always been a passion of alice’s. she’s a stem student through and through, excelling in maths and sciences from a very young age. through high school she took college level chemistry and biology courses.

worst school subject:

history always presented its challenges, but as alice grew older and her inability to learn much hands on coupled with the fact that most schooling was a little on the white supremacist side of the situation, alice tended to skip these classes as much as possible or spend as long as she could backtalking a teacher just trying to stick to curriculum.

opinion of education:

alice doesn’t mind school itself-- college classes are perfectly designed to give alice all the free space she needed in a high school curriculum. but her not-so-stellar experience with the allegedly popular social scene made her more than ready to finally be free of high school.

career aspirations / achievements:

a perfect overlap of her loves of science and nature, alice dreams of becoming a bioengineer. she’s well on her way to it, quickly showing aptitude for higher-level stem courses from an early age.

favorite things:

her guitar, family breakfasts, american beauty, ellie & rumi, pop punk music, hand-rolled joints, ghost adventures, her freshly-made bed, chocolate covered pretzels, restarting the bell jar, when plants grow new leaves, her led zeppelin shirt ( x ), god of high school

boredom cure:

driving then walking, or just walking, as far as you can in silence, discovering a beautiful spot to watch the sun set, or rise, depending on when the urge strikes.

#character sheet #alice romero

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

you know whats unhealthy?

being made to be upset before 7am about things which are projections of the issues someone has with themselves and needs to find something or someone to blame for their own problem because admitting it is their own problem would be admitting a fault in themselves.

you know? thats the lack of stability.

he told me to make a list of my problems. i felt like maybe he should make a list of my problems because he seems to have a different list than i do.

heres what i know:

a) i have very fast metabolism to the point i need to eat frequently throughout the day in order to feel super super on top amazng healthy. i cannot afford to eat healthier or as frequently as i want to. this leads to buying lower quality food to try and buy “bulk” amounts to last longer or things with “empty” calories just for sustenance. i occassionally buy fresh vegetables and fruits but they are not a good investment when you’re poor. period. a box of rice costs 1.99. three apples cost about the same. can you eat 3 apples for a meal? a very frequent problem is not being able to afford to eat alot in the day and then getting a meal at the end of the day from his home but only being served ridiculously small portions. i’m grateful for anything at all but it’s not enough for me to not feel hungry afterwards.

however when we eat snacks in the evening and sleep on it, my normal very fast metabolism is not active. this has caused me to put on 10 extra pounds that i have not carried in at least 5 years. what can i do? i dont have alot of options at my disposal.

b) rheumatoid arthritis runs in my family. this is an autoimmune disease. this means that the genetic line in my background dictates that the dna that makes up my body is suspcetible to creating a being with weaker joints because the body itself - not by injury, activity, or lack there of, is attacking the joints. being prone to having weaker joints means that it is important to strengthen and stretch and be active however it also means knowing that you have some physical limitations in your activity. maybe your activity will be like 30 minutes instead of an hour. but it’s still being active.

one of the biggest issues i have by far are very weak knees. well .. i think thats actually the wrong word to describe the issue. that automatically implies that i need to strengthen my knees. my knees have painful joints that are unable to maintain repetitive motions such as cycling or walking for long periods of time. maybe a knee brace would help not create so much stress and tear on joints and ligaments that are natually inclined to wear quickly but those cost _money_.

additionally, i can continue being active after a break. like i can do 20 minutes of very good, heart pumping activity with repetitive motions but then i need a break because its very painful and stressed and once its able to relax, it’s good to go. i don’t think this implies i’m unable to be active. i think this implies that i have a moderate activity level right now that is equal to how much nutrition i get and the expecations i have during activity.

c) i smoke cigarettes. sucks. i dont do chemical or pharmaceutical drugs. i maybe do shrooms once every few years. i smoke weed. i have never been addicted to chemical or pharmaceutical drugs in my life. i have never injected drugs in my life. i have never smoked chemical drugs. i have inhaled drugs probably 7 - 10 times in my lifetime. i only casually drink alcohol and have only drank to excess maybe 7 - 10 times in my ife where i’ve vomited or had a hangover. i have maybe 10 beers over the course of 4 - 6 months at a time. that’s the lvel of “casually drinking” i have. i almost never drink mixed alcohol anymore but used to drink on a more frequent basis and drank orange juice with vodka primarily. so guess what? despite the obvious ill effects that smoking has had on all of my organs, i probably havent created any additional issues to my major organs by doing any of these things. i have not created any stress on my heart or my liver.

but i do smoke. and that is legitimately the worst thing i do in my life in terms of harming myself or being unhealthy. absolutely nothing in my lifestyle is more unhealthy than smoking. in no way what so ever do i deny the effects smoking has. it is very very bad. not only do i have some breathing issues naturally to begin with including asthma and apnea but i am now putting layers of toxic tar on top of my lungs and much of it admittedly has been unfiltered for almost 10 years and have ben low quality tobacco. not that higher quality is necessarily better but lower seems like its probably even worse. probably like even more random chemicals they dont write anywhere. ive pulled out like pieces of wood from cigarettes before. my dad rolled his own for a long time as well. it’s bad. it’s totally completely bad.

this is going to cause negative side effects in my life in the future. for sure. will i get cancer? maybe. it doesnt run in my family but maybe? lymphoma? copd? sounds like it could maybe happen but again, genetically i’m not pre-disposed but i can cause it by smoking regardless. everyone in my family smokes. they did not age super well in terms of like.. visually. and mentally theyre totally fuked up. but physically theyre oddly in decent shape. like theyre all still moderately active people capable of doing things in their 50s and 60s which is probably a decent sign they’ll be moderately mobile in their 70s and 80s.

d) depression is the NUMBER ONE DISEASE THAT RUNS IN MY FAMILY ON BOTH SIDES. VERy SErIOUS CLINICAL DEPRESSION WHICH GOeS UNTREATED FOR YEARS IF NOT DECADES. my uncle shot himself in the stomach with his kids in the next room and he was not even blood related. thats how much depression runs in this family. we attract more depression. and it’s not just depression but i’m going to use it as a blanket term because to simplify the pain of this generational experience its that everyone deeply suffers from depression as a disease and not as just like.. a way to describe a deep sadness. a good number of people in my family who are my age but third generation are on drugs. you can clearly tell. my cousin lives in a hospital for huffing glue as a teenager and hes like an old man now. the matriarch on my fathers side literally jujust abandoned all of her children. just peaced the fuck out. literally. thats fucked!

but what we have to KNOW - we HAVE to KNOW that depression is a disease in this family. trauma is accepted and depression is a genetic disease passed down. if we dont KNOW this then we’re fucked. we’re all fucked. you have to know the enemy. you have to know what youre fighting in order to win. many people so far have passed because of a heart attack or diabetic complications. however the more and more i think about it (which is a lot. like everyday.) my father died of depression. he had zero will to live anymore and its lke.. he had guilt for that because i was there and i was a good kid who didnt do anything but try to help him but he had no will to live. it wasn’t selfish either - he gave me everything he could but he had absolutely no desire to carry on in life and he made harmful choices over and over again partially out of being stubborn, partially because he just did not care. he told me many times that he was WAITING TO DIE. my own father. and do you know what i replied? “i know dad. i’m waiting to die too.” and you know what he said? nothing. nothing. we just existed in silent empathy of eachother - understanding.

depression will absolutely kill me before any disease does if i do not get taken out by a random heart attack which honestly i am terrible at eating salt in moderation so i feel like im more likely to have like a sodium related issue that in combination with smoking would lead to a random heart attack. but i would never, in my opinion, knock on wood, suffer from a long term disease because i already do and depression will totally kill me way before anything else. right now, at 27, i can see me going until 40. maybe. MAYBE. ive already done 27 years. but the next 10 are going to be fucked. totally fucked. and if i make it until 40 then wow. wowwww.

e) i am very .. easily persuaded in regards to someone telling me an observation they have about me. i have experienced trauma numerous times by multiple people which has created a personality flaw that leads to very serious emotional & mental instability with how i perceive myself and what i know and what i’ve seen. this is not a “disorder”. this is not an “illness”. this is a personality flaw which has been created through life experiences. essentially, by listening to other people amd choosing to believe them over what i legitimately know to be true is one way of choosing to harm myself. i am “doing it to myself” even though these people could be being assholes at the time. but i am not capable of immediately filtering and having the confidence in what i know - because it’s been questioned so often i question my literal sanity and reality of the world on an hourly basis - so instead of knowing how to cope, instead i allow the traumatic experiences to play out as i am familiar to them acting out. they tell me something, i accept it, question myself, fight with myself and being picking apart things that maybe arent even that big of issues but ive correlated it with what theyve said and now im focused on all these problems i think i have with myself.

i was told i was sick for a long time. do you get that? i’m not even making this up. like the fact im SAYING THAT should be enough. i was told by my mother that i was sick for a long time. i was told this. she made up all the fucking things she could and told me and told doctors and everyone that i was sick. i had many infections and illnesses and just.. things. i was sick. i was TOLD i was sick. i was TOLD i had a problem i couldnt see or feel or hear. and thus the cycle begins.

i fight it as well - but i’m not sick. i’m not sick. i’m not weak. i’m not stupid. OBVIOUSLY. OBVIOUSLY IM NONE OF THESE THINGS. but im listening to these convoluted assholes spouting opinions which again are projections of their own personal insecurities make me doubt myself and question if i am. maybe i am. maybe i’m so stupid i cant even see what they see. now theyre in a position of power. to counteract i spend my time having one sided arguments and writing personal essays about how i’m none of these things and this doesnt even make sense because all this other shit happened! but now ive stressed over something that meant nothing to my being for x amount of time, become tired and stressed out, emotional and depressed.

~~~~

last night i kind of felt like i didnt really want to be sleeping at his house. i was uncomfortable and had trouble breathing and the silence combined with his heavy breathing is soo grating it takes sometimes hours to fall asleep. i still like sleeping with him. i do. after this conversation, i dont realy feel like i want to hang out with him again anytime soon anyways.

i have to balance and meditate on my own knowledge and perceptions because i have not been wrong before about how he infers more “important” or “bigger” emotions. we have been together for a year but he refused to acknowledge a relationship until last week. which means we are not emotionally affectionate - we don’t express affection in words either but we are both very aware that we are in love.

i believe he knows that i am both the problem and not the problem at the same time. i believe he has a lot of love for me on a lot of levels and would do just about anything for me. i believe he wants a future with me and wants to have me in his life “forever” but he can’t be promised forever if i’m dead at 40. he cant invest all this emotional attachment to someone whos going to die. he needs to know im not going to die and everytime i light a cigarette in front of him im choosing that over living with him until im dead.

i lso believe some of the frustration comes from knowing he could live with me in some capacity if we didnt smoke weed or i smoked cigarettes or we ate junk food because we would have more money to build an appropriate life (possibly to his standards) together.

quitting smoking is not something im considering right now because its acrutch. its a daily crutch that gets me from one difficult 5 minutes to the next. i am very scared to live without it because i am not capable of handling long term stress emotionally & mentally right now. i also have no real personal desire to stop. its not a big deal to me and if i did quit i am sure they would all ask me if i felt better etc. and ii’d just shrug and tell them sure. they feel better, clearly, so i guess i feel better because i dont listen to them put me down for my personal choices in life anymore. just another thing im told. im told. im told.

his ignorance to the legitimate issues and difficulties of living in long term poverty is overwhelming and to add trauma and depression on to it .. incomprehensible.

additionally since he has no self control he wants other people to be his self control by not smoking weed or eating junk food and promoting an active lifestyle. he said he couldn’t take me biking or for a run - and that’s fine; it’s not fun to do those activities with him. i’m not interested in exersizing with him, i’m interested in just being active and going at break neck speeds are not fun at all for me. i enjoy a level of activity that gets my heart rate going but is still leisurely and like.. not aggressive. i’m not looking to run aggressively, you know? if i die in a freak accident because my stamina is not good enough to run aggresively well then i die. it’s cool. i probably died in a fucked up way anyways if i needed to run aggressively away and at tht point kudos to me for trying at all.

when we tried to canoe it was terrible. just a shitty experience because he likes adrenaline and the rush that pushing himself gives him but you know what? maybe - maybe. some people. just want to have a casual leisurely canoe ride. okay. thats not fucking terrible. they arent weak. theyre fucking enjoying life and the experience. thats how they enjoy it. go make some adrenaline junkie friends. let us slow pokes enjoy the ride. i am not required to fulfill every role in his life. i am not required to be his clone and like all the things he likes and do all the hings he does the way he does it. we have a ton of things in common already and we get along super well. his mother frequently buys pretty terrible pre-packaged foods and granola bars full of sugar and stocks his lunches full of fruit and like honestly fruit is good for you but you cant just eat fruit and say youre healthy. you cant eat shitty grocery store bread and say youre healthy.

however we both like the same foods. whenever i cook for us he has never complained but openly complains about his mothers cooking. the only time he has complained is when i try to bake frozen fries in a fucking oven because his mother thinks its just “tht much healthier” when you’re eating fucing mccains frozen fries to begin with and then baking them until theyre brown to simulate cripsyness.

if we lived together i could actually feed him healthy foods that are homemade and not store bought as i have done in all my previous live in relationships. i made dinner with multiple food groups every night too. alot of my lunches would be salad or soup or a sandwhich or all of it together. did i also eat snacks? fuck yes. did all i eat qualify as a snack? no. i ate healthy. and i actually ate even healthier as i got older and included more vgetbles and fruits in my regular diet.

but living between two places and having his mother feed us once a day is pretty fucking stupid. sry2say. buy your own foods. know that the cupboard doesnt restock magically. when you make foods you actually accept in eating left overs of or create lunches a week a head of time like other people do its not as easy to turn to snacks either.

but what do i know.

i’m just sitting here waiting for this guy to figure out that hes still causing 50% or more of the “problem”.

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