quiet on widow’s peak (15)
pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall
rating: teen & up
tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan
word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 49.6k (total)
summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.
read this chapter on ao3 or here!
"So," Phil starts, and then pauses. He has no real idea how to say this.
His parents wait patiently for him to gather his thoughts and his mum mutes the telly. Having their undivided attention doesn't really help, it just makes Phil sweat a bit. He can't even bring himself to sit down, too wired with anxious energy as he is.
The video has only been live for a day, but it's already one of Phil's most popular. People are clamoring in the comments for more; demands for proof and simple curiosity about what could explain his experiences. He's already had a call from Martyn about the benefits of going back and doing an update, but PJ and Sophie have put their two cents in as 'absolutely not'. Chris offered a don't care and then asked for Phil's mum's lasagna recipe.
Phil wants to stay. It's not so much about the mystery, for him, but he's pretty sure his friends and maybe even his brother already know that. He's got his own reasons for not buying a train ticket the moment the video went live and asking his divisive audience what they wanted him to do. Yeah, he'd been sort of hoping for this outcome.
He's not sure if he wants to stay for himself, for the stagnation that being here allows him, or if he wants to stay for deep dimples and a nice laugh. Probably a bit of column A and a bit of column B, if he's honest with himself.
"I uploaded the video on this case," Phil tells his parents. "And there were a lot of, um, unanswered questions. Because of that whole thing with the footage."
"Phil," his dad says, exasperation in his voice already.
"And that means more money from one case," Phil presses on, "because I don't have many expenses here and the ad revenue was really good in comparison to my last five videos. Martyn really thinks I should look into this some more. I promise I won't be here for months or anything, I just - just give me another week. Please, I just need a week."
Money talk usually gets his parents to back down a bit, but they exchange a long look between them that convinces Phil it isn't going to work this time. His mind is already whirring quickly, trying to settle on arguments that it thinks might win him this battle. He considers telling them that this is more than just a video to him, that his whole future feels like it's resting on this one mystery, but he has a suspicion that they wouldn't be very impressed with that lack of foresight. He's ready to bring out specific numbers when their silent communication breaks and his mum gives him a small smile.
"Phil," she says, echoing his dad with a bit more warmth and a lot more pity. "You know we need to talk about this, dear, why don't you sit down?"
He shakes his head and shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets so they don't see the trembling. He's not scared, he's just anxious, and his brain and body are conspiring to make him feel like he's going to die if something unexpected happens.
Phil doesn't like change. He doesn't like seeing his childhood house like this, he doesn't like having his career up in the air, and he doesn't like the way his parents no longer trust him to do what's best for himself. The worst part is that he's not even sure they're wrong - Phil knows he isn't thinking logically right now, that Martyn is the one who even mentioned ad revenue while Phil was busy wondering how best to prove himself.
"I'm good," says Phil. He hopes that the nerves aren't as palpable as they feel to him.
"Okay, well," his mum says, briskly rearranging things on the coffee table like she has to be doing something with her hands while they talk about this. He's reminded a bit of Dan in the coffee shop, of Chris in the attic, and he wonders what it is about him that makes people need to split their focus like that. "Your dad and I have been talking."
"About how I need to grow up?" Phil offers, heart in his throat. It feels like he might laugh or cry at any moment. "Yeah. I've noticed."
"We're retiring, Phil," his dad says. That's not exactly news to Phil - he knows why they're selling the house, after all - but he bites his tongue and lets his dad speak. "We've understood the... unstable nature of your work for several years now, but we can't keep bailing you out whenever you have a bad month. You're a smart man and you've got a good degree, you should have something steadier under your belt."
"We love how creative you are," Phil's mum chimes in. It almost sounds like they've practiced this. Phil bites down harder. "And if you can channel that creativity in a way that isn't so dangerous, you'll have our full support."
Phil kind of wishes that he already had their full support, but he's already had this conversation with himself. The work isn't fun for him anymore, and the risk of getting arrested for trespassing isn't a low one. It's almost not worth it when he doesn't have that full-blown excitement about a case.
He doesn't need every haunt to have a nice ending wrapped up with a bow, but he does need to like the content he's producing. Otherwise there isn't any point to it.
Still. It sucks to hear.
Phil deflates a little bit. His automatic defensiveness that springs up whenever his parents start questioning his many bad decisions in life is fading to something that feels like bone-deep exhaustion. The anxiety is still there, thrumming under his skin, but there's nothing he can really do about that. The truth is that he's been feeling listless and defeated and trapped for a lot longer than he's been back in his parents' house. There's no real point in pretending otherwise.
"Give me a week," he repeats, quiet. "I want to finish this project either way, y'know? Just let me stay for the rest of this week and - and if it doesn't pan out, if I don't find anything new, then... then I'm done. I'll stop. I'll find something else."
"Are you sure, sweetheart?" his mum asks. The relief that pulls at her shoulders and her pursed lips is enough for Phil to be sure.
"Yeah," says Phil. He gives them a little shrug. "I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. I like making videos and exploring places with cool stories, and even talking to people has been getting better. But you're... you've got a point. I can't keep doing this forever. Not at the pace and quality I like to maintain. If this video goes well, it might help me break into a more diverse and less dangerous niche, which would make everyone happy, I think."
His dad nods at him. "Okay. You can stay until Sunday, because that's when we're going to the Isle. You can do whatever editing and post-production stuff you need to when you get back to Brighton. We'll expect a call when you know for sure what you're going to do, Phil."
Phil swallows, clenches his fists tighter in his pockets. "You'll be the first to know."
--
Nobody asks Phil to leave, but he can't stay in the aggressively neutral version of his parents' house and field their 'casual' questions about what sort of things he might want to do if YouTube doesn't work. He escapes to the city again, sending a message to Dan on the bus. Instead of asking if they want to hang out with him, he simply asks where he can meet them today. As if it's a given that they're going to be spending time together.
Maybe that's presumptuous of him, but Dan uses an exclamation mark when they reply, im at home!, so Phil thinks it's probably fine.
Dan meets him at the door this time, mid-ramble about the broken dishwasher in their flat as if social niceties are no longer expected of them. That suits Phil. He grins back at Dan and joins them in the small but tidy galley kitchen, letting Dan talk his ear off while they scrub at some discoloured Tupperware.
"Sorry," Dan interrupts themself, turning big and apologetic eyes on Phil like they've just registered that he's standing there. "I'm having a weird brain day. Bit all over the place, you know."
"That's fine," Phil says honestly. He smiles, because Dan doesn't look all that convinced by it. "No, really, I don't mind. I like listening to you talk."
The blush spreads across Dan's face too quickly for them to hide by turning away. They try, anyway, and Phil is left looking at their face in profile, turned down and rosy as it is. "Normally I at least break for breath. What's new with you?"
"Since two days ago?" Phil teases. Dan's dimple makes an appearance right before the smile splits their face, and Phil has to twist his own fingers together so he doesn't reach out and poke at it. He's still working through some stuff, still doesn't want to make any decisions about this without thinking it over carefully, but he's never been good at resisting temptation either. "Uh, not much. My parents are still on my case. I'm getting good feedback on the video, but you probably know that already."
"It was a good video," says Dan. They pause as they dry their big hands on an old tea towel. "I... appreciate you saying that stuff about me."
"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."
Dan meets his eyes again, almost stubbornly ignoring the colour in their own cheeks. "I can appreciate things that you think are true, dingus. Take the gratitude already."
Phil grins. "Never."
--
There are snacks after that and some video games that Phil loses spectacularly and some good ferret snuggles. As the afternoon turns to evening, Phil watches Dan rearrange some titles on the bookshelf as they chatter about one of their science-y classes, no longer self conscious about how much they're talking. He's sitting on Dan's soft, unmade bed with Pixel, who keeps rolling around in the sheets like she's trying to get comfortable.
Phil is already comfortable. It's hard for him to ignore that Dan's bedroom feels so much like a safe haven in the way that his old house no longer does.
At some point Dan gives up on whatever system they were trying to implement. They pick Tofu up off the floor and flop onto the bed with Phil, wiggling around in almost the exact same way Pixel had. Phil presses his lips together tightly so he doesn't laugh.
"I think that things can be improved," Dan is saying, and Phil tries to figure out if they're still talking about the environment or if Dan has picked up the loose thread from their earlier rant about Bethesda. Pixel and Tofu are both running around like Dan and Phil are just bony jungle gyms, and Dan barely even stutters when one of them steps on their nose. "Of course they can be improved, it's not something you just give up on when things get tough, but the problem is that the people in charge have to implement the changes that are necessary for improvement, and - ow, that's my ear, don't bite that - and, uh... where was I?"
"You were telling me about climate change," says Phil. "Or potentially Todd Howard's ambivalence towards a quote-unquote 'perfect game'. I honestly lost track."
For a moment, Dan is quiet. Phil's anxiety rears its head for the first time since he got here, but luckily he hasn't stuck his foot in his mouth this time - Dan starts laughing, more or less cackling, and they roll closer to Phil to bury their face in a pillow.
Phil grins and reaches out to tug at one of Dan's curls, fascinated by the way it just springs back into place. He's done this to PJ once or twice or six times, but he's usually had a couple drinks before he resorts to it. Dan comes out of hiding with tears of laughter welling up in their pretty brown eyes and their dimples in full force, grinning up at Phil like he's the funniest person in the world.
"Those are both really important issues," Dan says, trying their best to sound deadpan when they're so obviously gleeful.
They wiggle around again and Phil says, "You look exactly like Pixel when you do that."
He's pretty sure that Dan honks at that, but he's immediately distracted by a ferret trying to bite his eyebrow.
This is good. Phil likes this. He's trying to dig himself out of the mindset that he'd backed himself into when he first started noticing Dan, because PJ might have had a point. Okay, so PJ definitely had a point, and Phil has been a bit of an idiot.
He won't know for sure how Dan feels about him being gay and uncompromising about that fact unless he asks, and he doesn't think he's ready to do that just yet. But there's a rainbow flag on Dan's wall and they don't consider themselves not not a guy, so... Phil thinks that maybe he's been assigning a strictness to Dan's own relationship to gender and sexuality that isn't actually there.
Dan is talking again, to their ferrets this time, and Phil is almost overwhelmed by the force of affection that washes over him now that he isn't trying so hard to hold it back. Dan's leg is pressed against his own and they're holding Pixel up like they're playing airplane with her and Phil likes them so goddamn much.
"Did you want to," Phil starts, interrupting Dan's musing about what goes on in a ferret's tiny brain. Dan looks up at him with such genuine happiness on their face that Phil's words stick in his throat. He should be asking if Dan wants to go out for dinner again or if they've seen whatever blockbuster action film is playing in cinemas this week, but that's not what comes out of his mouth. When Dan raises their eyebrows quizzically, what Phil ends up asking is, "Uh, come spend the night in the haunted house with me?"
Great. Real romantic.
--
Dan doesn't make a secret about how much they hate this plan. They say it over and over, but they don't take any of the outs that Phil offers them.
"I hate this plan," Dan says as they make a bunch of sandwiches. It seems like way too much for just the two of them, but Phil isn't about to say no to having a near endless supply of peanut butter and bread when they're stuck in a dusty attic again. "This is stupid. You should have just left it at the first video, Phil, that was fine."
"You don't have to come with me," Phil reminds them for the umpteenth time.
Dan glares. "No, I'm coming."
"You're a very complicated person," says Phil.
With a heavy sort of sigh, like they've been dealing with Phil for years instead of a week, Dan finally sets the peanut butter down. "Look," they say, pointing the dull knife at Phil for emphasis. "I can hate this plan and still want to make sure you don't get fucking arrested or possessed or trip down the stairs or something. PJ knows where I live."
"I think he'd be in the camp of me deserving it if I died in the Wilkins place," Phil says, his lips tugging into a grin. "But thank you."
"Yeah, yeah," Dan mutters. "Will you at least tell me why we're going back? I know you're fucking stubborn and all, but I didn't figure you for someone who beats dead horses."
"Oh, that's a terrible idiom," Phil says, mostly to himself. He reaches out to squeeze Dan's shoulder when he sees them get all huffy at the apparent avoidance. The tension leaving Dan's body under his palm is frustrating to feel, because there's nothing Phil wants more than to lean into it. The problem, of course, is that he really does need to talk to Dan before he starts trying to hug them in their own kitchen. Phil lets his hand drop awkwardly between them and shrugs. "Well, uh. This is the first time in a long time I've actually been excited about a project. And that makes me think that maybe I've worn out my welcome here. Not... not here like Manchester here, but here like... my job, here."
Dan leans their hip against the counter and looks at Phil with their brow all furrowed. "This is an ultimatum," they say. "Like, to yourself."
"Yeah," says Phil. "I need to solve this - or at least find something else that I can show to people. Because if I don't, then I need to actually look at myself and admit I'm not doing something I like anymore."
"It sounds like you're already looking at yourself," Dan says quietly.
"I guess."
"No, you are," Dan insists, their voice stronger now that they can assert an opinion. "Trust me, I'm a pro at unproductive self-reflection and existentialism. Who am I, what does it all matter, I know the song and dance. And I don't think that getting more footage is going to erase what you're already thinking, Phil. Tell me if I'm out of line, whatever, but if you want to do something else with your life then just do something else with your life."
The automatic defensiveness threatens to make Phil snap back at Dan that this isn't any of their business, but he's had a lot of practice in keeping his negative thoughts to himself. He gives Dan a little humourless smile and shrugs his shoulders.
"You're twenty-one," Phil says. "And a student. I don't really expect you to get it."
Dan puts their hands on their hips like they're settling in for a proper row, but instead they just say, "I know. I don't know what you're going through, sure, I doubt anyone knows what anyone else is going through at any time. And, yeah, I've got another year before I have to worry about my career. But I've made some fucking tough decisions in my life, mate. I dropped out of my law course after two lectures. I don't talk to my family anymore. I've tried on so many different names and labels that it would make your head spin. You don't like your job anymore, and one video isn't going to change that."
"Yeah, probably not." Phil looks down at their little collection of sandwiches, feeling lost and stubborn and a bit scared about how much Dan sees him. "But I have to try, y'know? I can't just give up. I have to try."
There's a long moment of silence. Then, Dan sighs.
"Okay. Put these in a container, we don't use unnecessary plastic in this flat. Just whatever they fit in. I'll make some coffee for the road and find our Scrabble board."
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Allegedly Anon 2
Allegedly Anon 2
Oct. 3
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Tell me , why was himself attracted to such a spindly legged bint like nutmeg. It’s like watching a Popeye cartoon with Olive Oil telling him what to do. ( comparison photos please anyone) and now has involved himself in litigation on her behalf, as if this wilting violet is such a crushed petal …… really ‘REALLY!! ‘ she’s got a skin thicker than a Rhinoceros. It’s bad timing because of the exposure of the forthcoming vid. “ OMG it’s her”. Allegedly. Speculation of course.
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Oct 4
ALLEGEDLY ANON, The question is’ how far will the MOS go up the litigation hill before they settle OOC, or will they enjoy the Kabuki pantomime it will descend into? I don’t think the BRF wants a public circus in the high court of litigation ,then again I can imagine LG rubbing his hands together at the image of nutmeg swanning into court wearing a denim onesie, and reading a word salad statement prepared by SS describing her alleged trauma 😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣🤣Allegedly,speculation of course.
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Oct. 5
ALLEGEDLY ANON … is it all about archificial?????? O my ‘ a paternity suit. This is going to get quite interesting ‘ so will DNA be produced? Is archificial “ of the body ? I think their both pissed off with the truth. The SA nutmeg show was a disaster …… and for gods sake, what is Harry doing …… it’s now super Kabuki!!!! Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct. 6
ALLEGEDLY ANON, The creature from the BLUE lagoon and a few hundred itinerant yachts has set up Her father in a fait accompli regarding the leaked letter ‘ its perfectly ok for a gaggle of chums to blab about said letter , but when her own father claims misrepresentation he’s castigated on the world stage ……… vile women!!! I think LG will string her up by her pneumatic mammaries. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct. 7
ALLEGEDLY ANON, once upon a time , on a yacht in an ocean far far away’ as MM ANON said its opinions ‘ if you install face recognition and then fast forward after reconstruction surgery then you can make an inspirational assumption its nutmeg, after all we have a lot of missing years and information. It’s funny how the media are V. quiet?? but then they have their own dossier on the dubious provenance of the DOS. ALLEGEDLY, SPECULATION OF COURSE.
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Oct. 8
ALLEGEDLY ANON, What’s with the coy 15 year old routine with nutmeg, this from a woman whose sucked more d*** than I’ve had popsicles , she’s got a past that would challenge Caligula, unless you’ve lived in a cave for the last 2 years everyone in the country knows what a POS this grifter is. Let’s hope the BRF gives her the big E. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct. 9
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Canada ‘ move to CANADA!!! What’s she going to do, go back to suits as a Parailegal? I don’t think she will go anywhere near the commonwealth. She hates the RF. She’s disliked and despised. She’s at home more in Calipornia , return to the industry she knows best. This trash has alienated herself from everything she married into. Go home stay home. She’s a classless tramp. Allegedly speculation of course.
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Oct. 10
ALLEGEDLY ANON … kartrashian said “ nutmeg is changing the world ‘ Ummmm ‘ ok , how is that then , O’ I know, by lying about your father bankrolling you upbringing, abortions , having a child, yachting, escorting, tossing salads, golf girl , hockey girl , every ones girl, black and white movies, blue movies,THAT WEDDING ‘ THAT FAKENCY, THAT BIRTH, ARCHIFICIAL, SA. BABY, ……sue the MOS. good luck!!! Allegedly, speculation of course. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Oct. 11
ALLEGEDLY ANON,SS PR writes her word salad, a vacuous, empty, meaningless diatribe that’s supposed to encourage the audience that are in the unfortunate position of having to listen. PR key words written to trigger an emotional response. ENVIRONMENTAL, FEMINIST, DRIVEN, INSPIRATIONAL, SOLUTIONS , POSITION ,SPIRITUALLY POSITIVE, CONCLUSIONS, I could go on all day with her babbling bull$h!t. We see through you nutmeg!!!! Allegedly,speculation of course.
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Oct. 12
ALLEGEDLY ANON, hey skippy ‘ is nutmeg on public appearance anytime soon ‘ I’m looking forward to her facing the British MOS readers …… and the fortuitous anticipation of being booed. Unless the pubic are unlikely gracious she’s going to get a hammering. One can only hope , she’s an obnoxious toss-pot who thinks her $h!t don’t stink. Treated the BRF with utter contempt. A return to porn awaits,allegedly, speculation of course. 💩💩💩💩💩
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Pakistan Tour 14-18
October. 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, HC’ 30.000 destroyed emails, never indicted …… Benghazi, and she’s got the gall to stick that yachting hooker on a pedestal!! Then slag off the BRF. YEAH RIGHT!!!! Thank goodness we have a REAL ROYAL COUPLE on an official visit with dignity and protocol at the fore- front. I’m a little pissed with colonial trash telling the British how to conduct their lives. F#@ck -em. Allegedly,speculation of course. 😤😤😤
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Oct. 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON , Hoping that nutmeg gets verbal distain from the British public today. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 can’t wait for anons to post.
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October. 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON, The escort in green , himself looks so pleased to be in the company of a (what) ‘I don’t know? What’s wrong with you Harry???????????? … this is becoming beyond Kabuki. Harry plays the game for the sake of HMTQ ……… ok ‘ all roads lead to the So- Hoe. Thank god for W&K ……… a borrowed archificial on SA …… see the photos, allegedly,speculation of course.
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Oct. 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON … 2/10 /19. BLIND ITEM #8
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Oct. 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON …… BLIND ITEM #8……OMG ‘ rhymes with Toss…… JOINTHEDOTS
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Oct. 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON …… BLIND ITEM #8 Oct 2nd. Read this and connect the dots. It’s not Ross ………rhymes with “late”(first name).
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Oct. 16
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Creech St Michael , has seen tinted Discovery’s heading towards the M5. In convoys. ( didn’t someone say she was hiding In Somerset. ) I’m sure there’s a nice soho sponsored hideaway deep in the rural sticks that she’s holed up in. Trouble is , there’s curiosity amongst the well heeled local pop. Allegedly, speculation of course. 👀👀 👀 👀 🕶 🕶 🕶
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Oct. 18
ALLEGEDLY ANON, “WHY DO THEY ALL HATE ME, IM AN HONEST DECEIVING BITCH, I HAVE AN ENGAGINGLY WARM SMILE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. “ IM HAVING A HARD TIME HERE PEOPLE, I DEMAND A LITTLE SYMPATHY!!!! “Well sympathy comes in the dictionary darling, it’s betwee $h!t and Syphilis. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 O’ please post this skippy, 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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October. 19
ALLEGEDLY ANON, a focus group of 52 million British subjects would find that 78% dislike or have negative opinions about the colonial carpetbagger, 20% undecided and 2% don’t give a $h!t. Survey undertaken by the Sisters of Perpetual Retribution found that middle England and the upper classes have obnoxious contempt for the grifting bint while the working class seek the return of a happy go lucky Harry without the whining wife. All concluded that the BRF should get rid!! Speculation Allegedly.
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October. 20
ALLEGEDLY ANON, “ She’s just existing “ !!!!!! WT(F) existence on a life funded by taxpayers supporting your multi million pound lifestyle ( one million on posh frocks) 4 million on frogcott, private helicopter , private jets , itinerant jollies to see Elton, breaks in £10.000 a night S of France villas weddings in Rome , a gruelling existence in a luxury lodge at soho estate in Somerset, RPO continually, nannies, cooks , shags on tap, ……… Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct 21
ALLEGEDLY ANON, HMTQ and TBRF have collectively now ostracised the house of Sussex from their social calendar regarding functions and family events , the only contact will probably be official gatherings like Christmas and public appearance such as the Remembrance Day service which I doubt nutmeg will attend due to her being snubbed to another balcony last year. Harry has now gone public on his feud with William. Their socially screwd. Allegedly,speculation of course.
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Oct 21
IN PRAISE OF SKIPPYS BLOG , this amazing forum is the most tolerant I’ve had the privilege to post on. Thank you dear skippy for posting comments that perhaps sometimes go against ones beliefs. My utmost respect and acceptance. ‘ Your servant and respectful comrade ,ALLEGEDLY ANON.
I can’t say thank you enough…..or tell you how appreciated you all are! Thank YOU!😊❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Oct 22
ALLEGEDLY ANON:- There comes the time when one runs out of superlatives, descriptives, whatever ‘ then you want to tell everyone what you think and a silent hand goes up and you say “ no!! I can’t call her that. Well ‘ fuck it!!!! I’m going to. She is , and has always been a “Manipulative Whore.” Whore ‘ in its most blatant sense. In future Just use the acronym MW. I’ll know what you mean. Allegedly, speculation of course. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Oct 23
ALLEGEDLY ANON, …… purple PURPLE!!! really REALLY!!! The colour of royalty, not a one bit tramp with allusions of grandeur and a sideline in self pity. One little tit-bit that crossed my mind, the use of pharmaceutical enhanced performance. This conduct induces paranoias, believe me I’v been in recovery for 35 years , it’s a hard habit to hide from , and I bet it’s prevalent, uppers, downers , twisters , benders. Mmmmmm’ interesting!! Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct 23
ALLEGEDLY ANON … So !! She single handedly saved the monarchy ……… a yachting comforter who is a quid pro Quo whore saved a 1200 year institution from stagnation and decay. Some colonial carpetbagger with loose elastic grifted her a$$ into the BRF and manipulated a Prince who’s a founder member of the easily led club. EPIC !!!! and insults HMTQ last night by disgracing the colour purple.
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Oct 24
ALLEGEDLY ANON, After a year of PR disasters and faux pas nutmeg still doesn’t understand the secret of royal protocol success , simply put ,you “ quietly attract” rather than obnoxiously promote yourselves. W&K quietly grew into the hearts of The British psyche over a period of hard working years,three gorgeous children and a working royal marriage. Unlike the train wreck of this colonial whore dragged into England’s green and pleasant land. Allegedly, speculation of course. ( O’ Harry). 😔😔😢😢
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Oct 26
ALLEGEDLY ANON, So the bitch in Burgundy deciding to vacate her street corner and attend a kitchen meeting with a few collapsible tables and a portable screen. EPIC !!! got out of the electric Audi after a screaming row with himself and went all”power girl” in leather skirt no draws and plunging tits. WOW……… single handedly changing the monarchy 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Oct 26
ALLEGEDLY ANON, So…… ‘ what next a black top with plunging tits ,a black leather jacket and leather slacks and Harry rides her in on the back of a Bonniville 120 to attend a “ save the children “ lunch at the Savoy Hotel , I can imagine her being intimately acquainted with the Oakley chapter……… word salad and tossed salad in equal quantities. ……… YEP!!! modernising the monarchy, that’s our nutmeg. 🏍🏍🏍🏍🤣🤣🤣
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Oct. 26
ALLEGEDLY ANON, …SS IS GOING TO TRY AND EMBARRASS HMTQ ON REMEMBRANCE DAY BY NEGOTIATING THE APPEARANCE OF THE HARKLES. EVEN IF NOT INVITED,THEY WILL JUST TURN UP. SHES DESPERATE TO SINGLE HANDEDLY MODERNISE THE MONARCHY 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Oct 27
ALLEGEDLY ANON, on reflection ‘ Skippy is right, I assume the old damaged wig will be in Calipornia during RD. Our Prince will be attending in his official capacity. Maybe K and C will be on the balcony with ST. GBHMTQAOGC
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Oct 27
ALLEGEDLY ANON ‘ it’s still an anathema to English subjects like myself who grew up remembering the The crowning of HMTQ IN 1952. at WA. That now you have an appendage yachting escort who a few years ago slept with anyone who would give her a leg over her social mobility. Hockey players , chicken chefs , golf pros any suckem and fuckums that crossed her akimbos. It’s a sad time for Britain. Ashley Cole ‘ you dodged a bullet. Allegedly,speculation of course.
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Oct 28
ALLEGEDLY ANON … Dear skippy, the audacity of this obnoxious creature,thinking she will be given the opportunity to speak,spout more of her vacuous word salad and send the audience into a premature coma. The royal family is in quite distain of her infantile manipulations effecting her blinkered husband. The colonial carpetbagger will soon return from whence she came to the rapturous delight of all Britain. Allegedly. Speculation of course.
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Oct 29
ALLEGEDLY ANON, the obnoxious colonial carpetbagger tells porkies!! Outrageous ,narcissistic ,self promotional, hang me out the window and beat me with the National Enquirer porkies !! Its endemic in her DNA , it’s like listening to cnn , she’s a psychopathic extolling conveyer of mendacious verbiage. I sincerely hope that this appendage that is constantly clawing at our once loved Prince retires to her origins … SOON. allegedly, speculation of course.
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Oct 30
ALLEGEDLY ANON ……… That letter had one , and only one project in mind ‘ via that carpetbaggers agenda!!! THE DESTRUCTION OF THE MONARCHY. That trashollop doesn’t want to modernise the monarchy ‘SHE WANTS TO DESTROY IT !!!!!!!!! Why do you think mostly LABOUR FEMALE MPs SIGNED IT. Duuuuuuuuur!!! Allegedly speculation of course
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Oct 31
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Since when did a colonial interloper and wife of a royal have the constitutional gall to write a letter of thanks to a sitting MP? Politics off limits!! The rumour mill is grinding away with innuendo and gossip stirring the “ royal sources” into a frenzy. I think there’s going to be quite a Sunday surprise imminent. The protocol illiteracy of nutmegs PR is embarrassing and sad ,where’s Henry 8th !! Allegedly speculation of course.
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Nov. 1
ALLEGEDLY ANON, are we supposed to be enthralled by this trash bag visiting a soho sponsored bakery with suspect hygiene. No hygiene gloves, no hand/ hair hygiene, the touching of the matted greasy wig the touching the cake, this video should be shown to the Westminster health inspectorate. No hair covering. There WORKING WITH FOOD PEOPLE ARE GOING TO EAT!!!! another PR pratfall.
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Nov. 1
ALLEGEDLY ANON,… some hacks have their tongue so far up nutmegs @rse that rational communication just becomes a sycophantic Dickensian “ ever so ‘umble, mam”. exercise in dickie licking. Such is the passion of their wanting to be associated with the great unwashed one. ( Fame by association )… example ‘ The Telegraph puff piece. I hope Harry is going to adhere to HM. script this weekend.
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Nov. 2
ALLEGEDLY ANON, ‘MORNING NUTMEG, “ I never wanted the media spotlight “🤣🤣🤣🤣, how’s all your contradictions going about media exposure? Media executives say you BEGGED them for exposure ( begging.?………thats another word for it.) how’s our oracle on instant gratification this morning, all those trips on yachts must have had lots of moments of “ instant gratification” and let’s not forget SH and MA. …a tad wounded nutmeg? Allegedly, speculation of course 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤥🤥🤥🤥
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Nov. 2
ALLEGEDLY ANON,……… THE MOST DISRESPECTFUL INSULTING APPEARANCE SO FAR , MILLIONS GAVE THEIR LIVES FROM AMERICA,GREAT BRITAIN AND CANADA IN BOTH WORLD WARS. …… ‘ this disrespectful tramp turned up to be recorded on film without the world wide symbol of respect for the fallen ‘ the Poppy. HMTQ must have duly noted. social ineptitude on purpose. The final insulting straw.
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Nov 3
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Ostracised, financially bereft, ignored and despised. An outed grifter gone rogue. This notary of Babylonian reputation and suspect sexual indulgences will allegedly grace one of the hallowed balconies of Whitehall on Remembrance Sunday. She will contaminate the great and the good patrons of the monarchy of the British public. Please feel free to booooooooo !!
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Nov 4
ALLEGEDLY ANON, WAS NUTMEG SCARED TO APPEAR?? This question is at the top of everyone’s agenda after reports that the colonial carpetbagger has fled her unoccupied cottage in Windsor and jumped on a private jet to LAX. The no.1 priority of slutchess disaster is to avoid being verbally castigated by the public at the RAH Saturday night tribute remembrance service. Also it saves her isolating appearance on The hallowed balcony the next day. A joyous departure for Brits. 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋
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Nov 5
ALLEGEDLY ANON, RE-REMEMBRANCE FIELDS. Expect nutmeg to push ahead of H. Expect it to wear a rainbow poppy, expect her to look for the cameras, expect her stupid rictus grin, as Skippy comments,expect the unexpected. The public once again are dismayed that Camilla will accompany the colonial carpetbagger on this memorable occasion honouring the fallen. I thought it was illegal to drop trash in the hallowed fields. Expect a complete lack of protocol. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 6
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Dear Skippy The British public are a reserved but unforgiving lot when one tries deception which nutmeg has indulged in. Sooo , if the slutchess and himself appeared together without a minder they would be open to verbal ridicule …… enter stage left Camilla ‘ decorum and protocol would stifle any and all booing from the public,even though they would probably love a good Booo. We wait. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 6
ALLEGEDLY ANON, NUTMEG to have 2nd child in USA’ FFS, well there’s already a child around according to the Golf organiser where you were a caddy escort, O’ when did you have a child in the U.K.?you mean archificial?? The surrogate dump? Surrogates in the US are ten a penny in Calipornia so a 43 year old grifting yachter won’t have a problem giving “birth” there. You can pay a Surrogate out of the 5mill. Docudrama you’re making in LA. ALLEGEDLY, SPECULATION OF COURSE.
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Nov 6
ALLEGEDLY ANON … THE ROYAL PREROGATIVE. HMTQ. is the head of our 1200 year Monarchy. There was a time in antiquity when only the head of the monarchy could wear the colour PURPLE!! This is so relevant to today’s protocol and practice. Sooooo !! let’s not dilute this ageless and respectful practice. “ are you listening slutchess!! “ ONLY HMTQ …… OK’ good!! now carry on doing what you do best at Soho ho ho ho. Allegedly ,speculation of course
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Nov 7
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Alleged conversation between nutmeg and MA “yeah’ $h!t, tell me about it, stroking his bald f**** head, pretending to be having the best orgasm, haven’t had a decent screw since Madrid. When I come over we’ll hook with George in Malibu, get rat-@ssed , make a weekend of it, NO!! don’t call me, there f*** monitoring my phone, OK sweetie , can’t wait, bye”……… “ yes LG the conversation was recorded by one of our team in the RPO.” … “OK Tony , file under “Your Fu****d.”🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 9
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Nov 11
ALLEGEDLY ANON …… remarks about nutmegs upper lip, all I can surmise is herpes , an old affliction resurfaced. God knows, knowing what we know about her colourful history it wouldn’t surprise me that any number of maladies would have infected her, escorting ,Yachting, So-hoing, auditioning, golf-caddying, friends of porn-stars, hockey players,……… social diseases are an occupational hazard. Allegedly, speculation of course 😷😷😷😷😷
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Nov 11
ALLEGEDLY ANON, “ you wanted to see me Gran, “ Yes Harry, about you both slipping into the royal box , protocol depicts placement Harry!! You both sit at the back for a reason, she’s not a royal, and Harry’ her dress was inappropriate for the occasion, one exposes ones cleavage on reality shows , not honouring the fallen. Now pop off to America and try to be a Little understated, remind your wife to return those earrings. They belonged to Queen Mary, remember Harry, discretion not obsession.
And here is why I don’t believe you. Harry is NOT leaving, I hardly doubt HM would be so calm…..and second…MM NEVER borrowed any jewelry from HM! That is fake! Those earrings were cheap…..only HM wears Queen Mary’s pearl earrings….MM has NEVER worn them…..this conversation NEVER happened! And another thing…….Harry would not have moved seats without permission…not that close to HM!
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Nov 11
ALLEGEDLY ANON, ALL HAIL THE DOC. O dear sweet Kate, elegance personified!! On the balcony with HMTQ and Camilla, dressing as You always do , class and dignity. That Cossack style coat with matching (fascinator) or hat. The most photographed woman on the planet. This is protocol and the Royal Family in all its mystique. Long may it live Thank you dear Skippy for posting so many tributes to the mother of our most loved George,Charlotte and Louie. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🦄🦎🧸
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Nov 11
ALLEGEDLY ANON … IMAGES OF A DESPERATE ESCORT … of all the slutty images we have seen over the last two years( too many to mention) there are thousands that her PR destroyed that would compromise her position as a wife of a member of the royal family. Is this the dossier that the DM paid a million pounds for, and the intel. that LG has onmegatramp, that face of a thousand smirks says it all “ I’m untouchable”. Where have those lips been Harry??Ughhhh !! Allegedly , speculation of course.
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Nov 13
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Expect nutmeg to hook up with HRC during the next few days , mutual hugging and @ss kissing. Dorito will appear in a out of focus photo with Harry and nutmeg, a PR statement will announce another pivotal ploy that she will go to the states but may return to be at Sandringham for Christmas, or may not. All smoking mirror Kabuki for the tabloids to drool over and lay false trails. Actually nutmegs in the Caribbean soaking up the men. Allegedly. Speculation of course.
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Nov 13
ALLEGEDLY ANON, “ were going to LA , NOooooo were staying here!! O’ going to Sandringham then , Noooo, were gonna feed the ‘omless at shelter nr Windsor, feed them what , you know Turkey and stuffing,an Brussel sprouts an stuff!!! I’ll take archificial for the sympathy vote , look all humanitarian like’ Haz can f***off to see his gran and I’ll dump archificial on Dorito,then I’ll shlep off to So-Ho house for a quick shag with MA.… 🎼jingle bell,jingle bell,jingle bell c**k. 🎼 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, dear skippy, I know this great blog is not political but KAC just Blitzed ,Wolf Blitzer on CNN , EPIC!! …… The Queen is reported by the DE That she “drops in” on our dynamic duo because nutmeg needs “ cheering up”, and so she has a cuppa with the depression prone actress drawing on her years of experience to inject some positivity, yeah right!! 🤣🤣🤣 we all swallow that bull$h!t. Sunshine Sucks in disaster mode again!! HMTQ DROPS IN ON NUTMEG!! … WTF!!
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Nov 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, She was pregnant? A shotgun marriage of unhappy people, a WTF wedding cake, a very hurried guest list, no pomp no carpet, only a narc would walk alone down the aisle alone with the knowledge you’ve got him by the b***. A very strange fakency, no record of actual birth date, FFS birth certificate, “ he’s changed over two weeks” , “ can we see his face.” WE ALL WITNESSED HER LIES, WE ALL SUSPECTED SOMETHING ODD. WE ALL KNEW. IF SHES HONEST , WHY THE AGGRESSIVE PR?? 🤔🤔🤔
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Nov 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, THIS VIDEO OF THE BUMP POPPING WHEN SHE STANDS UP. nutmeg looks very self conscious and embarrassed. ( build-up of air within the prosthetic and a rapid exhalation of compressed air. ) sounds like a “pop”. She compresses the prosthetic when she bends down and air is rapidly expelled as she stands up. POP!! Anyone still think she was REALLY pregnant??? Didn’t think so.
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Nov 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Rebecca English , HRC visits nutmeg and archificial Hold up , hold up, didn’t I mention this earlier this week ……… the old hack has stolen my scoop !!!!! Can’t give out good information without it getting nicked by the DM and there desperate scribes. Remember …… YOU SAW IT FIRST ON SKIPPY!!!!
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nov 13
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Expect nutmeg to hook up with HRC during the next few days , mutual hugging and @ss kissing. Dorito will appear in a out of focus photo with Harry and nutmeg, a PR statement will announce another pivotal ploy that she will go to the states but may return to be at Sandringham for Christmas, or may not. All smoking mirror Kabuki for the tabloids to drool over and lay false trails. Actually nutmegs in the Caribbean soaking up the men. Allegedly. Speculation of course.
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Nov 14
ALLEGEDLY ANON, So, Rebecca English writes today “EXCLUSIVE” HRC visits nutmeg, ON THE 13th , two days ago Allegedly anon writes , HRC WILL VISIT NUTMEG!! , all we can conclude is that RE gets her information on SKIPPY!!! like so many informants proclaiming scoops they see IT FIRST ON SKIPPY!!! And we all know nutmeg visits here. And HMTQ god bless her. Nutmeg reads the blog and then goes up to her bedroom and cries😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Nov 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON, HRC was reported to visit nutmeg and archificial ……… but NOT APPEARING ON COURT CIRCULAR “ Sooooo BS !! It’s all a PR push with the tabloids trying to put some lipstick on this propaganda pig. Rebecca English trying for a try, whooooops , tabloid tosh. Where are your receipts , “ well actually I haven’t any” “ I just printed the gossip” sources darling, sources !! It’s suggested that you’re a good journalist, but that’s gossip, allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 15
ALLEGEDLY ANON, THE DEADLY DIARIES, O, yes the Machiavellian manipulator has a diary, ( actually she’s on her third) an intimate record of conversations, events and observations that has “ affected” the “ I’m not OK” Woke scribe over the , leading up to, wedding and disasters afterwards. And don’t let us forget all the “ pillow-talk” she’s chronicled. She’s gathered more $h!t on the royal family over the past year that defies comprehension. speculation of course. Publication imminent allegedly.
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Nov 18
ALLEGEDLY ANON, WELL, here’s a thing, nutmegs coercion of Harry to skip Christmas with the family seems selfish and petty, both PP&HM in their nineties need the love and support of the royal extended family, nutmeg has a younger mother and plenty of years to indulge her self-centredness. She’s not helping the damage limitation by swanning off to Malibu in her poo hat. 💩💩💩… allegedly,speculation of course.
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Nov 19
ALLEGEDLY ANON, The “ court of public opinion” and “trail by media” is a popular hysterical pastime, the peeps need drama , what would we do without the constant daily shower of innuendo and hearsay, gossip and third hand “quotes” from the ever sensational “Tabloids”. Headlines are contagious, insidious deformation of character is the rule of day wether true or false. I’m guilty of jumping on the bandwagon of conjecture. BUT … I suggest we all wait and see. IUPG. allegedly speculation of course.
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Nov 20
ALLEGEDLY ANON, BC logged 26 recorded trips on Epstein’s private jet. “ my friend Bill Clinton sat on that seat”,Epstein said to a pubescent jet traveller as she flew to an assignation with the paedophile Billionaire. MSM seems to have air brushed this out of the public conscience, while castigating PA , BC seems to have very powerful press Associations. S’pose nobody wants to be suicided. Allegedly, speculation of course 💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 20
ALLEGEDLY ANON, PA has fallen on his sword, for whom?? Wellllllllllllll! …… BC and his Arkansas cabal has all the tapes, the FBI , has tapes. but, BC has “THE” tapes. Allegedly there were over 15 cctv cameras in his NY mansion. Hypothetically these tapes would hold very incriminating evidence on most guests visiting the Machiavellian mansion. Teflon bubba has complete immunity from association with young girls to murder. Unfuckingtouchable!! Allegedly speculation of course. 💰💰💰💰👯♀️👯♀️
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Nov 21
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Nutmeg courted by Marvel Pictures, Sony, and Disney on arrival in LA. This opens to conjecture her ambitions while in negotiations with said production giants. Courting future ambitions for a return to her former occupation she is using her celebrity to get a foothold into Hollywood ?………… will PH follow??🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 22
ALLEGEDLY ANON … SO… Nutmeg takes down her Wikipedia post on being a “deal or no deal” hostess!!!! Trying to airbrush her dubious past. There’s an interview with a golf tournament organiser about hiring “deal or no deal girls” as “caddy’s”. She said nutmeg as married, and had a “KID” and was very popular girl with the golf pros. Mmmmm ‘ someone let the “KID” out of the bag. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 22
ALLEGEDLY ANON, I wonder if the cancellation of “ Breakfast in America “ has anything to do with the Epstein forthcoming revelations. Nutmegs been banging on about America’ America, for ages,suddenly it’s all off. I believe she has “history” with PA ( yachting) And with JE&GM procuring?? ( hidden years). She’s gone all incommunicado since PAs disaster interview. PA should suggest,turn up at Hamley’s with archificial buying Christmas presents. Allegedly,speculation of course.
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Nov 23
ALLEGEDLY ANON, WHERE IS NUTMEG, not at frog cottage, she’s still smarting from being fobbed off with a “cottage” instead of a palace that she spends her time at itinerant different crash-pads in and around the Capital. Secrecy is paramount when protecting nutmeg and archificial, ………… but wait!!! Nobody has ever seen archificial, is he real???? Was he EVER REAL?? nobody knows,nobody cares anymore. Maybe Harry will shed light. Allegedly, speculation of course 🤫🤫🤫
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Nov 23
ALLEGEDLY ANON, with respect, the monarchy is a dignified elder statesman ruling with ageing concepts that haven’t changed for over 50 years. With it come the problems of cosseted contempt. There is redemption, W&K have the professional ability to change and add a new reality of “ we the people” to the monarchy as a young “Family”. Everywhere they go they trailblaze fresh and new examples of a monarchy for the 22nd century. LETS LET THEM!!
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Nov 24
ALLEGEDLY ANON , One thing my little birdies tell me that’s a consensus among the royal family and it’s this. Nutmegs atrocious taste in clothes. The colonial carpetbag has never sought advice from the younger well dressed royal women on he wardrobe, hence she remains the worst dressed offender in Windsor. And no amount of PR spin can correct that. So she’ll remain an assault on the visual senses for The distant future, poor us. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 25
ALLEGEDLY ANON, POTUS /Melania will stay with the ambassador to the court of St. James and the siblings will probably stay in the same hotel as last year while in London, expect Ivanka to contact nutmeg. The banquet will be a very formal and stiff, Trump will give an address but drift off script, HMTQ will remind all of the importance of NATO. Kate will steal the show and William will endorse his king in waiting credentials. A cool evening. Allegedly, speculation of course.
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Nov 25
ALLEGEDLY ANON, Nutmeg is going to choreograph her Christmas card photo because she’s jealous of Kate’s talent in photography. The Green eyed monster is alive and flourishing at frog cott. or wherever she’s sleeping these days,expect a horrifying snap of ginge&cringe with archificial at a suitably obscure location. We wait with baited indifference. 🧣🧣🧣🧣
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Nov 25
ALLEGEDLY ANON, MM said she’s being pitted against the DOC. ………… Ehhhhh , Nutmeg ‘ QUEENS don’t compete with hoes. The Monarchy is the privilege of few , a hoe is a hoe is a hoe. …………… yacht sluts are ten a penny, no matter hoe they married. Allegedly, speculation of course. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 27
ALLEGEDLY ANON, back in LA and attempted the most difficult of tasks, cooking a dinner? yep’ nutmeg has decided to roast the turkey. OMG, how will she cope ‘ frantic phone calls to Cory, are the roast potatoes crispy, do I put the pigs in a blanket on an hour before the turkey has finished? are The Brussels Firm or soft ? WHAT ABOUT THE GRAVY?? yes nutmeg it’s a nightmare, and your skills are only good in one domain. Not the kitchen!! Allegedly speculation of course. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🦃🦃🦃🦃
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Nov 27
ALLEGEDLY ANON, THE AGE ISSUE !!!! how old is nutmeg?? my sister is 53 and thanks to PGs wrinkle cream she looks 33. But nutmeg is “ supposedly is 38 but looks 48, her actual age is 43. Another fakency,yehhhh, good luck with that one ‘🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 wants to find another surrogate for a birth in LA. How does Harry live with this fantasising bint. , O yes ,that’s right ‘ he doesn’t !!! Hey nutmeg how’s the Turkey doing?i smell burning. 🦃🔥🔥…… Allegedly ,speculation of course.
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Nov 29
ALLEGEDLY ANON, we now have video footage of a brave member of the public tackling a terrorist with a s/vest strapped to him , the police pull him clear then shoot him. Sanity is restored, don’t fuck about, just shoot the POS. BRAVA MET POLICE. lot of isis returned from Syria recently and more released from jail. They have contaminated our once beautiful city , GSTQAOBC.
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Nov 30
ALLEGEDLY ANON, WHERE’S THE BABY ?? The most disturbing appearance was at the polo match when she wore the green tent. Nobody acknowledged her or the doll she carried around “RE-WATCH THE VIDEO” that was a seriously disturbed individual. ITS TIME THE PRESS RELEASES ALL THE EVIDENCE THEY HAVE IN CAMERA. How many of the public haven’t seen her barbecue ad? or the undressed maid. Better still , sex on the Jamaican balcony?? ALLEGEDLY SPECULATION OF COURSE. 🤣🤣🤣
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Nov 30
ALLEGEDLY ANON, DEAR SKIPPY, OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE IS THE CONVICTION OF THE COLONIAL CARPETBAGGER, I shan’t loose focus on this procedure, to expose her grifting, lies and entrapment of a Prince. The fakency, illusion of a birth, the doll months , the non appearance of Archificial, the “ soup kitchen “ thanksgiving lie, the ‘ I’m hiding in America,Canada, Calipornia lies. Actually she’s holding up with her minders in SOHOE. trying to arrange her next faux headline.
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