I've been dying to know - do Aria + Rex have a ship name? What's their relationship dynamic? Do they get a happy ending...? What is it about each other that made them fall in love?

Ship name... unfortunately no. Just look at their tiny names. I think it might actually be impossible.

So... wow. That second question really just spun out of control. I have a thousand words written in a word document trying to explain this and I really don't want to force that upon anyone really so I am trying to find a simpler way to explain their dynamic. And I just cannot find a simple way to do so. But... its almost like (and I cannot think of another pair really) but Katniss and Peeta? Neither Aria or Rex are similar to the two characters but their dynamic is. Like Aria gels with him almost instantly and the two work perfectly in tune and both of then have no qualms about risking their life for the other, particularly the way it is in Catching Fire. Where Katniss sorta accepts she'd rather die than let him.

Only Rex is making it hard because he too would do the same for her so Aria doesn't know if she should be happy or frustrated with him. But then, almost guilty about it, she doesn't really mind it. She's so tired and when he lets her sit back she listens. And Rex needs the same affection too because his role as the Captain constantly requires him to be on his feet and always prepared and there for his team and the shinies so he almost has no break at any given time. So, when Aria forces him to stay put and not put himself in the crossfire he does get a moment to take a sigh of relief. The two idiots are comfortable in the other's presence because they can rely on each other if one of them is unable to manage. But they also have to be alert because the other may just do something ultra stupid.

Happy ending? I'm working on that. Its not the worst, but bitter sweet? Which sometimes it so much worse at times, I think. But its something I am still writing so I will add on to this then :)

Aria saw him without his helmet way too up close the first time and her eyes had brightened to see his blonde hair. She had almost giggled but contained it fortunately. So, his blondeness was the cutest thing in the world to her, particularly because she had just sensed him in the force and she had opened her eyes to him! She loved that she could spot him from miles away.

Rex though was slightly confused at first because Aria talks a lot and likes to form bonds no matter how temporary. And yes, she is sure half the people she met would rather never meet her again, but she cant help it. She is sad but gets tired being it so lets herself talk and interact with those around her. And her frankness and random jokes at weird times becomes almost endearing instead of annoying as Aria was concerned. But yeah... dude likes likes her the more he gets to know her.

i know it’s been said before but no book character will literally ever be as iconic as peeta “if it weren’t for the baby” mellark. like in book 1 when he confesses to having a crush on katniss on live television, that’s strategic. he knows he won’t win the games but he can help keep katniss safe and send her home and get district 12 a victor. but in book 2 he’s like “well we’re all gonna die and there’s no stopping the games so i’m just gonna fuck shit up and make every capitol official’s life a living hell for as long as i can” and then he does. nobody is doing it like him

The Hunger Games: Ch. 5

I am finally getting around to writing up thoughts. Life am I right? So I’m not only behind, but starting a bit later on my chapter thoughts. 

Here are my rambling thoughts and emotions on chapter 5: 

"Good news, though. This is the last one. Ready?" I get a grip on the edges of the table I'm seated on and nod. The final swathe of my leg hair is uprooted in a painful jerk.// Girl, I feel you. We’ve all been there. #Noshaveforever

This has included scrubbing down my body with a gritty loam that has removed not only dirt but at least three layers of skin// It’s called exfoliating, Katniss, and I promise, it is good for your skin. If they can do one thing for you, it is this. 

Okay. Like Katniss, I have a soft spot for her prep team. I can’t help it. They feel like they mean well and I’m a sucker for it. Even if they are prepping her for death.  💀

He gives his orange corkscrew locks a shake and applies a fresh coat of purple lipstick to his mouth.// I wonder if SC thought of the most gaudiest looks and just rolled with it. Probably. But some of these outfit choices just seem so out there that I have such a hard time picturing it. Am I alone on this? My fashion sense is that of a bygone era. So maybe that’s why. What is high fashion? Not me. That’s what.

Octavia, a plump woman whose entire body has been dyed a pale shade of pea green // Why would you want to look like a Sim? Why is that in style here? 

"Excellent! You almost look like a human being now!" says Flavius, and they all laugh.

I force my lips up into a smile to show how grateful I am. "Thank you," I say sweetly. "We don't have much cause to look nice in District Twelve."

This wins them over completely. // Katniss!! I love you. Never change. I do love how other worldly each party sees the other. Maybe it’s a comment on colonialism in that sense shut up Terri Your English degree is showing BUT how Katniss views them as strange birds rightly so because one legit probably looks like a Sim and them viewing her as NOT HUMAN even though she definitely looks the more normal in the room and I stand by that Where was I going with this? It just feels a bit Two Worlds colliding. Okay. Moving on. 

Just how filthy was Katniss? Like she definitely bathed before coming. Twice in one day. So what is their standard here? I don’t want it because it’s probably too much effort. #lazy

It's hard to hate my prep team. They're such total idiots.// My thoughts exactly. 

I cannot stress how much I love how blunt SC makes Katniss’ thoughts. It feels so human to me and I don’t always see that in writing. It’s nice. 

Am I alone on wondering if Cinna has that eyeliner tattooed on? I don’t know why that’s always my first thought with the second being “ouch.” 

I do love how Katniss is always thrown when her pre-perceptions of the Capitol are challenged by *the few* people like Cinna. 

I saw someone point out how Katniss remembers a lot of details like the stylists and past years winners and their strategies and I’m wondering if it’s more like how I know stuff on like the Kardashians that I don’t really want to know or care about knowing. Just facts living in her head rent free. But she remembers a lot of details on the Games.

He presses a button on the side of the table. The top splits and from below rises a second tabletop that holds our lunch.// The future 1950s ads promised and Disney Channel’s Smart House made those in my generation fear. That or a super fancy automat. 

Unpopular opinion, but I absolutely hate when Katniss goes on about the food and how to make dishes. I think it’s so boring to read. Even one sentence about what everyone is eating dulls me. 

What must it be like, I wonder, to live in a world where food appears at the press of a button?//Okay, I know we kind of already have this luxury to an extent, but I too want to press a button and my food is magically there, in my home, already made. #queenlazy

My heart saddens when Katniss wonders what people do in their free time. She is a CHILD. *cries*

Okay. So I know Katniss has boasted about concealing her thoughts, but is she REALLY good at it? She gets called out a lot by practical strangers. I will cling to my headcanon that she is truly an open book and just believes she’s sneaky like that and Peeta pretends she’s succeeding at later in life. Is this canon? Maybe? Don’t @ me

SC’s commentary of sexualizing young teens and kiddos is amazing and yes, please keep coming at us like this, Suzanne. 

Also those poor, naked children. Not only were they going to their deaths, but they literally were paraded around on national television buck naked. 

I'll be naked for sure, I think...Naked and covered in black dust, I think.//An example of why I just love her narration. I crack up every time at the clear doom in her “voice”

He sees my expression and grins.//A true madman because I can only assume her face is that of horror.

I am still mad at the scaly-looking outfits the movie gave us and how they made her hair look

It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.//He is a madman. We accept it and move on from here

*Peeta enters* *Cue my glee* 

*He is my favorite and that favoritism will show*

*Listen I am here for the messages on war and our consumer culture SC is providing*

*But I will not hide why I’m really here rereading these books*

*WEEPS* SHE IS RELIEVED TO SEE PEETA 

"What do you think?" I whisper to Peeta. "About the fire?"

"I'll rip off your cape if you'll rip off mine," he says through gritted teeth.//Don’t touch me. The teamwork they already share. 

Haha I just imagine Peeta has that big smile on his face all “Haha I want to die right now”

THEY’RE LAUGHING. Precious beans. 

I guess we're both so nervous about the Games and more pressingly, petrified of being turned into human torches, we're not acting sensibly.// That or you both are talking to your crushes and are feeling giddy about it. Don’t deny it Katniss. We see you

Lmao Katniss’ enthusiasm for D1 cracks me up

Cinna over here just lighting people on fire and relieved it worked properly. This man, I swear

She calls him dazzling. Be still my heart. 

Also I still don’t understand the true purpose of Cinna presenting them as united. Maybe I’ll get a refresher later on. Is it just to make them stand out more because they’re united? I don’t understand this angle at all. So #SameKatnissSame

Lmao or maybe Peeta’s the one who is all “Idk, but *sings* I wanna hold your hand...” 

Or not. But you bet Peeta is pumped. He’s not naked on national television and he’s holding his crush’s hand. Peak day for Peeta Bram Mellark, with all things given.

I do hope they are waving correctly. 

I'm glad now I have Peeta to clutch for balance, he is so steady, solid as a rock.//I’m FINE. Totally FINE that this will be how she views him for the rest of the series. FINE.

Narrator: She was not fine. 

How absolutely sad that she mentions how the Capitolites took the effort to look in the program for their names. How they waste CHILDREN’S LIVES. 

But I shall focus on her gaining confidence and Katniss Everdeen legit getting caught up in the moment where she is blowing kisses at them. The power of a great outfit, amirite? 

Someone throws me a red rose. I catch it, give it a delicate sniff, and blow a kiss back in the general direction of the giver. A hundred hands reach up to catch my kiss, as if it were a real and tangible thing.//Oh my god. So Extra

Everyone wants my kisses.//Peeta wants those kisses 

"No, don't let go of me," he says. The firelight flickers off his blue eyes. "Please.// I am crying as I think about their interaction in the same square in Mockingjay, when she tries to take the nightlock pill and he stops her. “I’ll never let go, Jack”  

SC can describe Snow however she wants, I will forever see Donald Sutherland and only that. Even when Snow is a teenager I picture Donald. The power of Donald Sutherland.

I love that she doesn’t realize she’s still holding his hand. If Portia had enough time to spray them down, she’s been holding on for awhile. Katniss, explanation?  👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

"I'm sure they didn't notice anything but you. You should wear flames more often," he says. "They suit you." And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me. // AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE FEELS WARMTH RUSH THROUGH HER

THE SHY FLIRTING

PEETA, YOU SHY SLY BEAN OF A FOX

The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.//Yeah, for catching a dangerous thing called FEELINGS. 

Katniss, how does *kissing* him help matters here? You clearly caught wind he was flirting and your first thought was *le kiss* ???????

These two, I swear

And Katniss is just so smol having to stand on her *tiptoes* to kiss his cheek. #teamsmol

Onward to the next chapter! 

Happy Birthday, omercilessmoon!

Happy Birthday, @omercilessmoon​! We hope you’ve got a wonderful day planned, and that you get exactly the presents you were hoping for! To start you special day off right, the lovely @mega-aulover​ has written a story just for you!

PROMPT: modern enemies/rivals to lovers with one-sided pining? maybe they share a dance?

Omercilessmoon

Title: Hate to Love You

A/N: This is part one of the story I’ve never really written: enemies to lovers with one sided pining - and I hope you enjoy and Happy BIrthday. Special Thanks to @norbertsmom for betaing and helping me through plot points, to @eiramrelyat for help with the drink and @mandelion82 for your generous help.  It takes a village to write a story.

Rated T - for mature themes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The annual office Labor Day outdoor party was filled with laughter, barely edible canapes that never filled anyone up, and drunken naughtiness in dark corners. It was Friday afternoon before the big weekend. The company made holiday decorations and it made most of its revenues between Labor Day and Christmas. 

Katniss Everdeen always skipped out on these social rituals. This year however she could not. Her boss, Haymitch Abernathy demanded she attend. Apparently the owner of the company, Coriolanus Snow, wanted everyone to show up for some grand announcement. The one thing Katniss hated about these parties, and hated about her job in particular was that upstart show off Peeta Mellark.

He was schmoozing with the assortment of models dressed as pumpkins, elves, and turkeys. He was just too perfect. Perfect height, natural ashen blond hair, straight white teeth and an ass that was slap worthy. Katniss closed her eyes. As much as she loathed Peeta, she was also wildly attracted to him. She wanted to strip that stupid smile off of his face all the while living la vida loca on a springy bed. Oh, she wanted him so much she’d taken to carrying an extra pair of underwear, his voice did things to her during meetings. She could just envision what he would sound like in the bedroom.

The canape she held in her hand crumbled and she came back to the present. This weakness is why she loathed Peeta Sexy-Ass Mellark so much. No man should be that freaking sexy. No man should make her crazy by just looking at her. Turning around, she stomped away to the drinks bar; the only way to survive this was to get buzzed.

The bartender was handing a drink to the person next to her. When they finished Katniss said, “Excuse me…”

The bartender ignored her and moved to the person next to her. 

Katniss shook her head. She often found herself in this position. She waited for the bartender to finish. She wasn’t that tall and naturally people looked right over her head at the taller person standing behind her or next to her.  She waited patiently and listened as the DJ’s switched two songs.

“Evergreen.”

Katniss grimaced when she heard Peeta’s voice. He always mispronounced her name. Peeta Mellark did this to annoy her. He knew everyone's name, he knew birthdays and anniversaries but her name he always butchered, and somehow always forgot her birthday. She turned to face him. His eyes were dripping with frost, and she reciprocated the look. “Mellark.”

His frosty exterior melted the moment the bartender appeared. He turned into the Prince of charm and finesse. “Hello, may I have a suffering bastard.”

The bartender smiled and winked, “Sure.”

Katniss fumed; she’d been waiting for ten minutes. “REALLY!”

“What's the matter Everdeen, making enemies with the bartender?”

“NO! I’ve been waiting for ten minutes for a drink and you come up and of course they serve you first.”

He raised an eyebrow as if amused by her story. 

These were the things that annoyed her about him.”UGH!”

“It’s just you don’t look like the type of person who drinks.” His lips formed that mocking smile, that made her want to smack him. “You also don’t look old enough to drink.”

“I am old enough to drink, and when I do I like strawberry daiquiris.”  

“Strawberry daiquiris?” He sounded amused.

“Well it’s better than your, what are you drinking, a suffering…?” Katniss stopped as she realized what she was going to say.

“You can’t even say it, can you?”

His amusement at her inability to say the ‘b’ word frustrated her even further. “I can too.”

“Go ahead,” Peeta mocked.

Spurred by his dare she opened her mouth, but small choking sounds. She couldn’t curse, everyone in the company knew she had a problem with vulgar words. It was the fault of her 9th Grade English teacher Miss Trinket who would fail students for using vulgarities and incorrect diction. 

He chuckled dryly. "You're so pure."

His words were a backhanded compliment and it set her on fire. Katniss was a Pollyanna from a backwater town and he hailed from Capitol City, and it meant that she was simple and unsophisticated. It also meant inexperienced. And while some of it was true, he didn't know what she thought, orr how tempted she was to push him into a dark corner and have her way with him.

Her problem was she did not have the words to communicate with him. Words weren't her thing, she was more of a doer. It's why she made a great account manager for the business development managers. They sold and she was able to get the order shipped out on time for them.

She currently worked with Caesar Flickerman. He was flamboyant, and sweet, but he was demanding when it came to excellence. Looking at Peeta she was trying to formulate the words to insult him when the microphone screeched letting them know their attention was needed at the stage. 

Katniss took that moment to slip away from Peeta. She stood toward the back of the crowd where she was sure no one could bother her.

Their boss, Corilianus Snow took the stage. He began speaking about the company’s long history and Katniss wished she had her daiquiri. She hated these long drawn out speeches. On the other hand, after the big announcement she could quietly slip out. Katniss focused on Snow’s words. 

“As an effort to bring our company forward into this new era, we will be instituting new initiatives,” Snow said.  “We will be offering a prize of a profitable cash bonus at Christmastime and two extra days of paid time off.” Everyone applauded.

The money would be amazing. The days off though were the biggest prize. Katniss didn’t have many days left, and two extra days meant she could possibly spend Christmas with her family. Katniss hadn’t spent a holiday with them in so long. She missed her sister and her mother. 

Snow put his hands out to quiet the crowd before continuing, “In the spirit of competition and to bring new dynamics to the sales force we will be shaking things up internally by switching Account Managers and Business Development Managers. So if you go to that table where our lovely assistants are located you will find an envelope with your name on it and inside it will contain the name of the person you will be working with until December 23rd.”

The announcement took everyone out of their comfort zone, but the necessity to know who they were being paired with drove the staff to the tables like brides descending on Kleinfeld’s semi-annual sale.  It was chaotic and it overwhelmed Katniss; she hung back. 

There were gladdend faces and faces that reflected horror by the new partnership. Katniss looked around frightened by the prospect of having to work with someone new. She walked to the table and picked up her envelope.

When she opened it her vision went dark.

“Looks like we’re stuck with each other.”

Peeta’s voice contained the grim foreboding sentiment she felt. 

She tried to smile but she was sure she looked deranged. 

“Stop smiling, you're scaring people.”

Katniss wasn’t sure how to best show that this didn’t bother her. Of all of the people in the company she had to be stuck together with none other than Peeta-I-want-to-scratch-your-eyes-out-yet-ride-you-into-oblivion-Mellark. Life was not fair.

"Everyone please enjoy the food, the open bar, and enjoy a dance floor..." Snow said over the microphone.

The music started and Finnick and Annie who were secretly dating made their way to the dance floor. Katniss and Annie sat together during lunch at times and she had covered for Annie when she met Finnick in secret.  Several others who saw the way Snow tipped his glass toward Finnick went to the dance floor too. It was all a game to show Snow they were not affected by the changes. The music was upbeat and definitely not Katniss’ style.

“Come on, dance with me.”

“What?” She hissed.

“We need to show them we’re a team.”

“NO,” Katniss didn’t want to dance with him. She didn’t like to be touched.

“Snow is watching us, and we need to make a good impression. I have a feeling this is going to be more than just about numbers,” he whispered.

Katniss took a look at Corilanius Snow, who stood off to the side in his white suit inspecting everyone. The one thing Katniss knew for sure about Snow was he had keen eyes and he was able to perceive things about people just by observation. 

“Fine,” she said.

The band struck up a slow song. Peeta led her not to the center but off to the side which gave her some relief.

“I’m not a good this,” she whispered as his one hand found purchase on the small of her back and the other cradled her hand as if it was the most delicate flower.

Her heart rate increased as blood flowed south, as all at once she was surrounded by his heat and scent. He smelled warm and spicy like one of her mother's medicinal teas. She had fantasized what it would be like to be held close in his arms, and it was better than her imagination. Peeta was fit, his shirt was cut close to his physique, her underwear was going to get ruined. His arms were solid and she involuntarily pushed herself closer.

“Just follow my lead,” he said quietly.

Katniss nodded. She noticed the slight flecks of gold in his blue eyes. Katniss committed them to memory as he moved. Their bodies fit together perfectly and she was thankful for his graceful movements because she wasn’t sure of her steps. Dancing wasn’t something she participated in regularly. The last time she committed herself to a slow dance was back in middle school, and it ended up with her partner having a broken toe. 

“You need to relax your shoulders, you're too stiff,” he said.

His words ruined the moment for her.  “I told you I don’t do this.”

“Just close your eyes,”he said.

Katniss stared at him. 

“If we're going to work together you have to learn to trust me."

His words were a gauntlet thrust in her face. How dare he talk about trust when he didn't even know her. She shot back, "Then you're going to have to earn it...trust and respect are earned. And you don't trust me either and you certainly don't respect me."

"Look Evergreen,” Peeta said.

“FIrst off, it’s not Evergreen. It’s Ever-deen,” Katniss hissed. She knew this was a mistake. 

He raised that infernal eyebrow of his.

“If we are going to be working together you need to at least learn my name.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?”

His voice was beginning to grate on her nerves. 

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Katniss needed to get away, to compose herself before she did something stupid. Thankfully the slow music stopped. 

Peeta let go of her.  She walked away and sat down on a bench near the bathrooms. 

She heard women laughing. One of the women’s voices she recognized was Clove, the other she didn’t know, but this woman’s voice sounded breathy like a phone sex operator. 

“Did you see who Peeta Mellark was paired with?” The woman with the breathy voice asked.

They were just around the corner from where Katniss was sitting. They didn’t know she was listening.

"She’s the one person in this entire company who's not a team player.” Clove snickered.  “No one wanted to work with her and poor Caesar was stuck with her when Claudius retired. He tried to make her likeable in front of everyone, by saying she was a hard worker. All she ever does is scowl at anyone and everyone who approaches her cubicle. There’s a reason Peeta calls her Evergreen."

“Doesn’t his nickname mean Evermean?”

Both laughed.

“He’s so gorgeous. I heard from Glimmer that he’s good in bed.”

“I hate that bitch,” Clove said. 

“I also heard he’s been spending time with Cressida.”

“Really,” Clove replied. “told me she shot down Cato.”

“She’s so exotic, I think she was once a model.”

“Well at least we know he’ll never touch Everdeen, he’s too busy going after Cressida.” 

Clove's words hurt because she wasn’t a likeable person, even Haymitch said so, but she was a hard worker and she put her heart and soul into everything she did. She also knew the chances of someone like Peeta Mellark liking someone like her were slim to none. Getting up, she quickly walked away, not wanting to let them see her dilemma.

She walked right into Peeta. His arms went around her shoulder to keep her from falling.

“I was looking for you, come on,” he tugged her hand, dragging her back to the dance floor. “We need to keep up appearances.”

Katniss relented and walked with him to the dance floor. She wanted to escape and seek shelter from the ugliness of the world.  He pulled her closely and slowly they danced.

“Just one more dance and then we can go home.” 

Katniss looked away.

“I see the scowl is back.”  

Her face hardened, she didn’t want him to see the hurt in her eyes. Clove’s words were in her head, she was unlikeable. And now she was stuck with Peeta, a man she loathed but at the same time lusted after. Nothing good would come for this.

“Come on Evergreen,” Peeta whispered. 

Katniss' eyes narrowed.

“Maybe if you smiled more…”

 Saddened and angered by his actions and Clove’s words she lashed out, “Smile more, you mean like one of the empty headed bimbos that you frequent Sae’s with?”

“Have you been following me?”

“What, no?”

“Do you have a crush on me? Is that why you’re stalking me?” he taunted.

Katniss spotted Glimmer making moon eyes at him. “No, but your little friend over there would love a round two of Peeta’s greatest hits,” she hissed. She then spotted Cressida standing by Finnick and Annie. “Oh look, another one of your little fanclub.” 

He looked amused when he spun them around so that he could see who she meant. He chuckled, “You’re jealous.”

“You’re an idiot to think every woman wants to drop their drawers because you cast a look at them.”

“You’re pretty when your eyes flash, they look like daggers.”    

Frustrated she looked at him and said, "You disgust me." And she stomped her foot down on his before marching  away.

Even as she left she felt bad for striking his foot. He could go to HR because of that and she could be fired. 

Another Way Out - Chapter 2 “Sneak Peek”

Hey guys, I thought I’d give a little sneak peek into Chapter 2.  I am also still looking for a beta/or anyone wanting/willing to pre-read for me.  Just a heads up, so far my chapters have been MASSIVE, coming in at around 13-15,000 words. So any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated!!!  Here  you go....

| Katniss |

“Katniss, Kat, wake up.”  I hear Peeta’s voice before I’m fully awake and slowly open my eyes.  Except when I open my eyes, everything is pitch black and there is something covering my face.  When I reach up to remove whatever is blocking my sight, Peeta gently places his hands reassuringly on top of mine.

 “What the— why can’t I see anything?”  I demand, tensing up at my sudden blindness.

 “Good morning beautiful.” He says, placing a kiss to my cheek and then pulling me into his arms for a moment.

 “It’s a surprise.”  He whispers into my ear with one hand on my back, the other pulling on my arm as he helps me to a sitting position.  I have never been the kind of person that enjoys surprises; I like to know everything.

 “I don’t like being left in the dark; pun intended.” I scowl, unsure if he can see it because of the blindfold that’s covering my face, as well as not knowing how much light is in the room.  I know today is tour day, and who knows what surprises it has in store for me, so I’m not sure I can handle anything extra. Not to mention that the inability to see takes me back to the arena, back to the tornado.  Back to when the gamemaker’s distorted our sight, blinding us all. Back to when they tried to get us to kill each other.

 “You’ll like this one, I promise.  Just . . . trust me.  You do trust me, right?”

 “You know I do.”  I tell him, fighting the smile that is forming on my lips. 

 “What time is it anyway?”  I ask as Peeta guides me through the house and down the stairs.  With the blindfold securely over my eyes, Peeta has helped me get dressed.  Once it became clear that the blindfold was more trouble than it was worth, Peeta finally allowed me to remove it, but only in the bathroom. 

 Thankful for the absence of the blindfold, I take my time in the bathroom.  I do my business, wash my hands and face and then brush my teeth.  All the while, wondering what Peeta has up his sleeve.  As soon as I open the door, Peeta is waiting for me with that damn blindfold in his hand.  He secures it around my eyes, folding it in a knot at the back of my head.

 “Is this really necessary?” I snap at him, scowling once more.

 “Katniss, I promise you’re going to love it.” He trills.  How someone can be so chipper this early in the morning is beyond me.

 “What time is it anyway?”  I ask, conceding to the fact that he intends to keep me blind until he shows me this “surprise.”

 “Really early.  Sun’s not even up yet.”  He informs me, helping me get my jacket and boots on and then leads us out the door. 

 Peeta interlocks our arms together once we pass through the front door, never releasing me from his grip.  Together, we stomp through the foot of snow that covers the ground, making our way to Peeta’s surprise. Using my remaining senses, I intuit that we are headed into the woods.  Or maybe it’s the meadow, I can’t be certain without my sight.

 Finally, after what feels like an hour of walking through the snow, Peeta pulls me backwards into his arms and gently removes the blindfold.  Even though I complained about not being able to see from the moment I woke up, I keep my eyes closed for another moment, inhaling the sounds of mother nature.  I pick up the sounds of tree branches scraping against each other from the force of the wind; the scampering of chipmunks racing up a tree as they hop from one spot to another.  I hear the symphony of birds chirping their morning melody, signaling the start of a new day.  The mockingjay’s are not far away, mimicking the bird’s song, and then there is something else that is slightly out of place.  Something that is not of mother nature’s doing.  It sounds like . . . like the crackling of a fire?

 The anticipation is driving me mad, so I slowly open one eye, and sure enough we are in a small clearing in the meadow, surrounded by trees.  Peeta has prepared a picnic, surrounding us in my favorite things.  Trees, nature and him.  

 The entire district is covered in a blanket of white, minus this one tiny spot in front of me where Peeta has shoveled the snow into a heaping pile.  He must have done this days ago, allowing the sun to soak up any remnants that he was unable to scrape away because the ground isn’t even wet.

 There is a blanket spread on the ground for us to sit on, as well as an additional blanket to cover up with.  Less than a foot away, he has built a small fire to keep us warm, which means he must have woken up hours ago, made the trek out here to start the fire and then walked all the way back home to wake me up and bring me out here.  Now, I feel guilty for giving him such a hard time this morning. 

 I turn around to face him, my eyes filled with tears at his thoughtfulness and wrap my arms around his neck.  “PEETA!  When did you— how did— oh my god Peeta, this is incredible, it’s just . . . it’s amazing!”  My mind is blown at his creativity, at his thoughtfulness.  He has transformed a day I have been dreading for months into something . . . better.  No matter what happens for the rest of the day, I will always remember the incredible way it began.

 “I just thought it would be nice for us to get away from everything.  You know, spend a quiet day in the meadow, with just the two of us before we are bombarded by our prep teams and . . . everything.” His cheeks pinken, and from the way he’s looking at the ground I know it has nothing to do with the frigid temperatures. A smile forms on my lips at the thought of a bashful Peeta. 

 He kneels onto the blanket, lifting the lid to the picnic basket and pulls out a plate and two cups.  Then he looks up at me, extending his arm, his eyes twinkling with the setting moon.  “Come have some breakfast with me.”  He urges, inviting me down to him.

 He doesn’t have to ask me twice as I drop down next to him, joining him on the blanket.  We feast on all my favorites; strawberries, oranges, and somehow, he even managed to acquire some grapes.  Where did he even get all of this from; and better yet, when?  I have to give him credit, I never knew he could be so duplicitous.

 I wonder if all the secret phone calls with Effie was actually him scheming to create this perfect date for us.  Normally, he orders what we need from our local grocer; I know it’s only to give him business, but all this food . . . it couldn’t have come from anywhere but the Capitol.

 “Oh my gosh Peeta, this is delicious!”  I moan with a mouthful of oranges, sighing with pleasure from the tart, juicy fruit in my mouth.  His eyes meet mine and they darken slightly, before a mischievous glint appears in his eye.  Maybe it’s not mischievous, but more like . . . seductive. Whatever it is, I like it.

 Before I know it, he pounces on top of me, pinning me to the ground.  He intertwines his fingers with mine; trapping my hands above my head.  He leans down to kiss me, dipping his tongue into my mouth.

 “Mmm . . . you’re right.  Mouthwatering—” He says, suckling on my lower lip, “Scrumptious, absolutely—” He leans down again, giving me another kiss, “—insatiable—” Forgetting altogether about the delectable food, I lock my arms around his neck and savor his lips.  Vulnerable to my kisses, I wait for the perfect moment to flip us over so that he is the one pinned to the ground.  Straddling his hips, I never break our connection and cherish this moment, wishing with all my might it never had to end.

 Finally, we come up for air, never breaking our gaze.  The love in Peeta’s eyes is so prevalent, I think I could stare into his striking blue eyes for the rest of time and be completely satiated.  His hand reaches up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.  “I love you Katniss.”  He tells me with so much sentiment that I can literally feel the love emanating from his pores.  It is in this moment that I know; without a doubt how absolutely, completely, irrevocably I am in love with this boy.

 His eyes sparkle under the moonlight when he looks at me.  Looking at me, no— into me, as if he has a direct link into my soul. He looks at me like I am the most beautiful thing in the world to him and I love it.

 Eventually, I slide off his hips and curl my body next to his.  I rest my head on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his thrumming heart.  It is the sound I fall asleep to each night and it quite possibly could be my most favorite sound in the world.

 We lie here for a while, watching the miracle of another sunrise bleed its beautiful array of colors into the sky, as it does every other day.  Except today is not like the others, today is tour day.

 A shudder runs through me when I suddenly get a flashback of the other night.  When Peeta and I were kissing, and it just wasn’t enough anymore.  My conversation with Madge comes to the forefront of my mind when I remember the want I felt.  

 Peeta and I wanted— no, we needed more as we explored each other’s body’s more intricately than we ever have before. There was a time when simply being in Peeta’s arms and kissing each other was enough, but now; I always feel like I need more.  It’s like no matter how close I curl into him, no matter how much of our skin is touching, it’s just never enough.  I think about needing him inside of me, wondering if that would be enough.  Would it satisfy that hunger?

 I begin lightly trailing my fingertips along Peeta’s abdomen and instantly feel the goosebumps appear on his skin.

 “Stop . . . you know what that does to me.”  He sighs, shivering before he begins to supply me with my own form of torture and begins trailing kisses down my neck until he reaches my collar bone, sending a shiver coursing through me.

 My body is filled with electricity for Peeta which sends my mind back to the last time it felt that way; when Haymitch barged into Peeta’s house and caught us in a compromising position.  I am so glad we are out here alone, with no Haymitch to interrupt us.  Oh god, Haymitch!

 “OH CRAP!  Haymitch!” I yell out, my eyes opening to see the sun perfectly straight up in the sky, meaning it is getting close to noon.

 “You’re kidding, right?  You’re thinking about Haymitch right now?”  Peeta groans, giving me those sad, pathetic eyes and pouting his lip. He reaches out to pull me closer to him.

 “No Peeta,” I begin, removing his hands from underneath my shirt.  “—he said not to let him oversleep.  Come on, we need to go wake him up.”  I sit up, scooting away from Peeta.  I know that if I do not remove myself from his touch, I will be incapable of saying no for long and proceed to button my shirt back up and tame the stray hairs on my head back in place.

 “I um, I’m going to need a minute.”  Peeta tells me, shifting uncomfortable on the ground.

 Embarrassed, I look anywhere else but at Peeta and simply nod.  “Okay, I’m sorry.  I’ll um . . . I’ll start packing up.” I say, thankful for something to do.

 Peeta takes a few deep breaths and then he is by my side, helping me consolidate our remaining food.  We throw some water on the fire and fold the blanket before heading towards Victor’s Village.  While Peeta has mastered walking with his new leg on solid ground, making this trek in the snow is a challenge in itself and it takes us much longer than it normally would to get to Haymitch’s house.

 Once we reach Haymitch’s front door, I brace myself for the putrid stench that normally fills his home.  However, when we enter his house, I am surprised that it smells . . . clean.  Or, well, cleaner than it usually is.  I wonder if he hired someone to help him tidy up since he knows Effie is coming today.  The clock above his stove reads 10:30, meaning we are not as late as I originally thought.  He still has at least an hour before Effie arrives.

 Haymitch is passed out at the kitchen table, as usual.  He is snoring loud enough to rumble the house, and his head is hidden in the crook of his arm.  Most likely, he passed out drunk earlier this morning.  Even twenty-five years after his games, Haymitch still refuses to sleep in the dark.  I probably would too, if I didn’t have Peeta.  He is my light in the darkness.

 “Haymitch, come on.  Wake up Haymitch, it’s time.”  Peeta says, gently nudging our near comatose mentor.  Having been on the other end of waking Haymitch up from an alcohol induced slumber, I don’t even attempt to wake him up.  Instead, I spot an empty cannister and grab it, making my way to the sink.  I turn the faucet on and fill it slightly over halfway, leaving just enough room so that it doesn’t slosh around during the walk back to Haymitch.

 ‘Watch out.’  I tell Peeta, motioning for him to move out of the way.   Slowly creeping next to Haymitch, I dump the entire contents of the cannister onto his head and quickly jump back, bracing myself for his swinging hands that are most likely clutching onto at least one knife.

 “What the hell!  Why am I all wet?”  Haymitch grumbles once he spots Peeta and I in front of him.

 “You said to wake you up; it’s tour day.  Effie will be here in about an hour.”

 “I said to wake me up, not give me pneumonia.” He scoffs, reaching for a towel to pat his face dry.

 “Well, you’re awake now, so mission accomplished.  I suggest you take a bath first—” I say, grabbing Peeta’s hand and making our way to the door.  “—and you might want to clean up a little, you know how she is.”  I finish, slamming the door behind us.

 “I just did!”  I hear him grumble from the other side of the door.

 Peeta and I both look, first to my house, and then to his, not sure which one to go to first.  Once our prep teams arrive, we will be separated until the cameras arrive, a moment I am dreading.  I do not like it when Peeta and I are not together, but I absolutely detest it when we are forced apart.

 However, when we turn our heads to Peeta’s house, there is a sleek, fancy black car that is most certainly from the Capitol camped out in his driveway; making our decision for us.

 Tightening my grip on Peeta’s hand, we sprint over to his house, wondering who our guests are, yet something in my gut says I know exactly who it is.

If it weren’t for the baby reactions.  By everyone 

Peeta’s smirk  ,Katniss is like what is he doing. Haymich Approves, The capitol cry’s out to stop the games 

Now the ones we don’t see  ( Fun Edition) ( These are all jokes  and Likely wouldn’t happen)   Because I personally think that Katniss’s mother and Prim and possible Gale and the Victors knew it was for the act. I will also add some for the hell of it not in here. 

 Gale. I’d personally LOVE to see reaction to this. I’d pay big money just to his reaction.  Now I am guessing it’s like.  “ Are you FREAKING serious” AND Swears does something stupid like Find another girl to kiss.  ( But then crys in a cornor IT SHOULD OF BEEN ME WHY KATNISS WHY.... ( Regina Geroge Scream)  My Name is Gale Hawthrone you Fu**** up my girl Prepare to die.

Their team ( Besides Haymitch). Honestly so happy and like YES!! And those knowing good maybe the Games will change this year.  ( I  beileve there team ships them loll) 

Effie. Oh my god I knew it. But wait your going  into the arena soon shit.. I’ll never get to meet that baby. Unless Katniss makes it out of alive the chances at 23 to 1. 

Cinna Wow. 

Mrs Everdeen When did this happen. Katniss never left the freaking house only to go hunting.  WTF. Mellark you have some explaining to do Mister.... You guys should of used protection I told you.

Prim.  Excuse my french but what the F*** PLEASE STAND BY  You never told me after all we been though. I thought we had more trust then that. 

Beetee.  DAMN guess they start young in District 12...

Mags. OH Shit.... Didn’t see that coming 

Johanna. Guess my telling everyone to F*** off wasn’t good enough. Good Job Mellark.  Holy shit Didn’t think Mellark had it in him. On Katniss’s part tho. I told you to make him pay for it. Girl I didn’t mean this way.. Im Impressed. 

Finnick.  I’m gonna be an uncle ... 

Snows granddaughter OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING.I can’t breathe I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I’M SO HAPPY OH MY GOD.

Plutarch... Well thats a First. Im Impressed.  But  immature  hahah they Fu****. To bad there isn’t this plot to break out the Mockingjay. If only someone had the brains to do that one.. 

Snow... Oh damn... Shit Mellark you will rue this day. 

Others ... 

Delly...  Oh my god. I mean I hope they have a nice life but I really wish it was me deep down. But Katniss is so wonderful and so is Peeta... this child will have wonderful parents. The best ones out there.  They were made for  eachother. I always knew that. I am just so happy for them. GO EVERLARK 

Madge... WOAH... didn’t see that coming. Katniss Everdeen expecting...  I speak for all of us to say. Hello Aunty Madge.. ( I always thought it would be with Gale damn) But LISTEN Mellark you better take good care of Katniss or else... 

 District people wow. OMG, didn’t see that coming. 

Some random guy. So everyone is okay with the Fact shes only 17. Going into the games to be killed anyways just me .. coool 

Ghost of Rue.  Wow that even took me by suprise... Our lord savor up above is shocked too. 

Other Dead tributes... I knew it was bound to happen.

Caesar flickerman. I quit . Oh my god enough of this shi* . I don’t get paid enough for this.. I don’t get the respect I deserve. Damn... If Katniss doesn’t make it out alive. I’ll be next..

Game makers are we even allowed to kill a Pregnant lady? I mean its kinda against the rules becuase that would be 25 people in there... and if she wins two people walk out alive again. Guess we didn’t learn are mistake from last year.

The Baker. oh shit...well thats one way to annouse the bun in the oven. 

District 13 Rebels. They Have no idea of the plot right. Because I’d say they are on the right track...

Coin  You sure we shouldn’t save the boy... See this is what I’m telling you. He’s golden/// but since no one likes my ideas lets go ahead and save Katniss. Its not like the Arena can do much Damage to her.. oh wait... but lets not tell her only her and not Peeta too. 

Okay this is all for Jokes. Nothing taken seriously in here. Its all for the fun of it.

Rereading THG 1

Part 1 the tributes; Part 2 the games; Part 3 the victor

My notes and thoughts as I reread the series in light of finished Ballad (it should have been sooner but I wanted to finish the book I was currently on... I was planning on ending the series and I’m on the fifth book of the six book series its going to drag me for a while I can tell so here I am) 

1 - 4

- the first time we see Kat and Gale together they’re in the woods and then they go to the lake when in Ballad the lake is the last place Snow visits in D12 

-- I’m listening to the audiobook narrated by Tatiana Maslany and I love that she actually did a quack sound and I quite like her as Katniss thus far

- the humiliation from being made to see the the Hunger Games as a barrel of fun and games

- So what did happen to Lucy Gray?

- I kind of snorted when I read this bit “As far as Reapings go at least this one has a slight entertainment factor” Snow was probably watching this and just going

- I always love the salute

- “Family devotion only goes so far for most people on reaping day” interesting line especially watching Haymitch’s games in CF

- Katniss references 7 year old Prim cleaning there fathers old shaving mirror every night-- not really a comparison but Snow looking at and smelling the powder in his mothers compact mirror--- Did Prim stop? if so when? and why?

- In Ballad Grandma’am made Tigris and Snow sit down and eat their meal together =Kat is telling the bread story she tells us she made Prim wait and fetched her mother and they sat down together eating one of the loaves and had some tea as well... However, I’m sure we can all see the differences in the two very different families

- Everlark shaking hands with the “reassuring squeeze” compared too Lucy and Jessup shaking hands with the blatant show man ship of it all- random note I liked Jessup and was sad with when he died and this was one of the scenes where I wished we were in another persons head as well

- Prim’s faith in Katniss vs Tigris and her faith in Snow

- from Ballad we know they did not have a chance to say bye so when did this come in?

- Katniss’s reaction to the gifts and the gratefulness for them until she rejects the cookies from daddy Mellark

- the conversation between Gale and Katniss is also reminiscent of something in Ballad

“you know how to kill.” “Not really.I say”... The awful thing is that if I can forget they’re people, it will be no different at all”

- I wonder about Johanna’s thought process in her Games

- the differences in trains between Ballad and this

-  about Mockingjays “something of a slap in the face to the Capitol“ We all know what Snow thought about them so that leads to even more wondering how long the mockingjay is a symbol of the rebellion

- Katniss appreciating the food and then annoying Effie with eating the rest of the food by using her fingers is still great

- Haymitch self medicating and the first reference to Haymitch’s job of mentoring I wonder if the 10th games is the first and last game when the Capitol kids did mentoring or when the victors became the mentors

5 - 8

- Katniss about Peeta’s kindness vs Snow about Sejanus

- The woods became our saviour and I was desperate to save us.... In Ballad the Snows also struggled with finding food for a few reasons they were in the city with a war going on

- Mrs Everdeen admonishing Katniss about her eating habits

- Everlark exchanging a exasperated look and Katniss admonishing her self about it

- “the best looking tributes always seem to pull more sponsors”

- 64 years of “progress” leading to the tributes having their own recognisable train

- Katniss winning over the prep team with a little manipulation via a smile and sweet words

- D12 were the stylists ordered to be bad or just incompetent?

- Relief about seeing Peeta and his knowledge of fires

- them laughing about their costumes and Haymitch 😂

+ Cinna was there a chance of the fire going horribly wrong?

When did the parades start being a thing and I hope to god it wasn’t inspired by what happened to Brandy?

- who throws the rose?

- The reaction of the Capitol people and how Katniss feels about them

- Katniss about the elevator is precious

- Effie wanting to threaten Haymitch with a gun to get him to the sponser table

- Kat wanting to press all the buttons in her suite

- Was Delly Cartwright just the first person Peeta thought of

- I wonder what Lavinia was running away from specifically

— “that I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger... Just like I was the games”

- “I can’t do anything, says Peeta” that’s me

- The effect Katniss has on people and think about Maude Ivory

- “its weird how much he’s noticed me... And apparently, I have not been as oblivious to him as I imagined, either”

- the knot station and the camouflage station is two stations that don’t get a lot of action why is that

- I love the bread lesson

- one of the gamemakers fixated on Katniss?

- Rue 😟😔 we first learn her name when Everlark at the spear throwing station

- i kind of hyper focused on the “we finally escape to bed”

- And of course the private audience with the gamemakers theres a little showmanship

— upstaged by the pig

— all the different places Kat shot at

— the reaction of the Avoxes and Gamemakers

- insert point here that I forgot

- “And I realise the impossible has happened. They have actualy cheered me up”

- “I grin at Peeta and realise I’m starving”

- the portrayal of Everlark being a team and the later romance

- the eleven probably made Snow grind his teeth

- the interview prep... “if you appeal to the crowd... you gain favor”

- the interview dress being eye catching

- “I am as radient as the sun”

- the difference between the interviews in Ballad and the ones in THG are also telling

— I think I’m goin to stop listening to the audiobook despite my liking of Tatiana Maslany because I’m also rereading the physical book kind of sad but not really

- Caesar and Lucky interview techniques born from their circumstances in the timeline

- Peeta’s confession gets me everytime... and I really really want to know what he was thinking in this reread

- “It’s all a big show. It’s all how you’re perceived” another Ballad similarity

- Another possible tie it in “more than a piece in their games”

- I really can’t imagine why cannibalism doesn’t play well with the Capitol audience.... 

- When did the trackers get developed? and when did they start being used for the Games?

-- In Ballad the mentors had a group planning session with Dr Gaul so did this become a regular thing that the head gamemakers had to add things to the games during their stint?

- Who came up with idea for the old arenas to be used as vacation spots?

name  /  alias : leigh  gender  /  pronouns : female + she/her where  ya  from  ? : europe 👀 the  current  time :  18:53 height :  164 cm, i think that’s 5′4 job  or  major :  double major in sociology and media communications, still grinding pet  (  s  ) :  two dogs! one is a 7 year old maltese and the other a 3 year old cane corso favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  im a great listener and i give great advice, i’m straighforward which some people don’t like but oh well, i’m pretty adaptable. i got some nice titties any  special  talents  ? :  i can roll my tounge in any direction + crack a lot of knuckles ajkdshaj

why  you  joined  hqclouds :  i’ve been itchng to write more lately, so when love told me about their group i thought i’d give it a shot !!

meaning  behind  url :  strawberry moon was just a recent occurance irl which was really cool + i associate marinette with strawberries for some reason, and i’m a big fan of the lady moon

last  thing  you  googled :  i’m having some issues with my michrophone and zoom so i googled how to fix it, but no dice

birthday  /  zodiac :  leo ! my birthday is august 11th in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : yes and no. leo’s are very misunderstood imo, but each sign has the “more popular” or well known traits and then there’s the flipside of the coin—which i think suits me more myers  -  briggs :  ISFP / INFP moral  alignment :  chaotic idiot hogwarts  house : gryffindor

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  i honestly see myself in katara from atla, the whole smothering mothering routine. it’s becoming a regular thing for my friends to say “thanks, mom” or “ok, mom” so i guess i’m the mom friend. also fred weasly... he’s a twin.. i’m a twin... that’s all i need. and lastly, and very leastly, neil josten from all for the game series. most of you probably don’t know it, but he’s a demisexual chaotic idiot who says “i’m fine” way too much for someone who is most definitely not fine.

i  started  roleplaying : probably when i was around 16-17 was my first official roleplay experience. it was on facebook and kind of a nightmare types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  i like college stuff and small town rps, but i also love plot heavy rps that push you into developing your muse. really anything that isn’t too restricting favorite  fcs  to  use :  i don’t have go-to faceclaims. i tend to make a character around a FC and then use them until i lose muse or just feel like they need to rest. switch it up a lot, but some faces that i’ve really enjoyed playing for a longer amount of time are steven kelly, cindy mello and ellen v. lora fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : i want to write in all of the fandoms i know nothing about and look like a dumbass. also harry potter, the hunger games, avatar the last airbender, gossip girl, etc etc fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  marvel somewhat, any video games are very fascinating to me even though i’m not a gamer + know nothing about them, any distopian kind of fandom re: hunger games

share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  recently an admin of a twitter rp tried to use my male muse for their weird ship narrative. they tried to make him look like an asshole (& i do play assholes but this one wasn’t one) + used another male muse to make it seem as if these two boys were fighting over the person’s girl, even though she actually had a ship all lined up. they were also running the gossip twitter, so they made up a bunch of stuff about our muses without our consent and consequently i told them to fuck off, and both of us left the group. then she had no more “groupies” so she cuffed and the group closed two days later. it was petty hilarious.

fondest  roleplay  memory :  once in an OC group, i wasn’t “technically” doing a ship with a friend, even though the characters had feelings for each other. but for some reason the status of their relationship was a hot topic group wide, meaning everybody had their nose in it and wanting to know what’s up, so they publically kept doing things to make people think they’re together while denying it in the same breath. it was really fun to let it play out like that.

favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : roy mustang from fullmetal alchemist, katara from atla, and my baby marinette favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : the last original character i played and fell in love with was named alex. im obsessed with him. still doing 1 x 1 with his girlfriend. they’re having a baby, it’s all very emo and domestic. maybe i make him relapse for funsies. canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  lupin x tonks from harry potter, korra x asami from legend of korra, danerys x daario naharis from game of thrones, katniss x peeta from the hunger games, etc... trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : i use the rich kid douchebag stereotype a lot. i also make a lot of my characters addicted to something to make them struggle with that.

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  bro... i am a sucker for ansgt and smut. i do fluff on special ocassions >:) long  or  short  replies :  i prefer when they start out shorter, but medium is my fave pre  plotting  or  chemistry : chemistry all the way. plotting can be really fun but it’s a miss more often than a hit for me. plotting can be good for pre-established relationships but that’s about it sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : sentence starters single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  i’ve never done a multimuse blog, and i’ve actually been super against them in the past, but i’m starting to change my mind hehe gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : static (or none honestly)

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it :  ❝ You were children. was there no one to protect you? ❞ — ❝ Was there no one to protect you? ❞

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? :  ❝ I loved her, and sometimes, she loved me too ❞ 

top  current  celebrity  crushes :  zendaya, margot robbie always last  movie  you  watched :  365 days (2020) did  you  like  it  ? :  i hated it, what a waste of a perfectly good 2 hours  favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : harry potter franchise makes me nostalgic, perks of being a wallflower, my sister’s keeper favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : for some reason i’m obsessed with grey’s anatomy but i hate it favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : well fricking grey’s anatomy favorite  series  of  books  /  novels  /  comics : the hunger games, harry potter sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : my friend is into sports i rep her ksdsdj favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : the sims. i like playing animal crossing vicariously through switch owners favorite  youtube  channels : don’t usually keep up with yt channels but i just binged some stuff from psychology in seattle hobbies :  procrastinating

what  are  the  three  non  essential  things  you’d  bring  to  a  deserted  island  ? : sunglasses, hairtie, hand cream

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : 

say goodbye by skillet, 

off the grid by alina baraz & khalid, 

bury a friend by billie eilish, 

break up with your girlfriend by ariana grande

get back by nine lashes

marry you by bruno mars (man)

personal  aesthetic : growing out my hair only to always wear it in a bun dream  vacation  ? : i just wanna go to the seaside with my friends dream  job  ? :  i literally can’t stand capitalism. wanna move to italy and collect berries and draw titties all day dream  car  ? :  something that drives itself if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : somewhere in canada near the woods favorite  musical : mama mia? counts favorite  food  (  s  ) :  bananaaaaas, ice cream, cereal. these are all foods ok coffee  order : i don’t drink coffee unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  13 reasons why (i’m too bored), the flash, outer banks, elite, the half of it, intersteller, locke & key aaand some stuff that’s not mine but someone else using my account

what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : idk anything about anything askldhl

Gonna steal your question and ask for your top 10 ships of all time for Valentine's Day :D

Ok this is super late (and also super fucking long) because it took forever to narrow down my top 100 ships to only 10, but here we go:

1. Ron & Hermione (Harry Potter)

My very first OTP and still my favorite.  Their slow burn development from enemies to friends to lovers makes this the best relationship of the entire HP franchise.  Haters can deny it all they want, but these 2 have always and will always belong together.  Harry & Hermione would be together if Ron wasn’t around?  Nope, Hermione and Harry was pining for Ron when he was away in Deathly Hollows.  Ron & Hermione will get divorced because of their arguments?  Lol you thought, they are planning to renew their vows after 20 years of marriage.  I’m sort of gloating now, but Idc because this is one of the very few endgame ships I have.

2. Zuko & Katara (A:TLA)

In the exact opposite of what happened with Romione, this was my first ship that wasn’t canon and the first one to make me cry angry tears over the fact.   Zutara introduced me to the dark side of my fangirl, engaging in shipping wars, hating on Bryke for not getting them together even tho I should’ve known it was never gonna happen.  I’m not proud of everything my preteen self did in the Avatar fandom, but *tune of God Bless the USA* I’m proud to be a Zutarian, where at least there’s fans like me  They are twin flames, 2 sides of the same coin, and forever friends.  Plus, Dante Basco and Mae Whitman shipped them, so neener neener neener.  (Sorry, my 12 yr old fangirl came out a bit)

3. Katniss & Peeta (The Hunger Games)

#RelationshipGoals  That is all.  Ok, not really.  I love seeing a hardened badass fighter like Katniss with such a gentle soul like Peeta.  He is her anchor, she is his passion, and I am their bitch.  No matter how many times I read the books or watch the movies, I fall to pieces over them in the best way.  And to think when I first started reading the books, I was convinced Peeta would end up dead because all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.  I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life.

4. Magnus & Alec (Shadowhunters)

Let me start this off with #SaveShadowhunters.  I will miss Malec, I will miss the Malec fandom and I will especially miss the showrunners being so lovely to the fans.  After being disappointed by JKR, Bryke, Plec, and Shonda, it is such a relief to feel validated by a creator.  Todd, Darren, and Matt Hastings are real supporters of the LGBT community who actually listen to fans’ concerns and fight to include as much diversity as they can get away with.  I’ve never watched a show that treated an interracial same sex couple the same (or imo better) as all the other couples.  Magnus & Alec had me at “Who are you?” with their amazing chemistry.  I love one badass shadowhunter/warlock team who are also adorable boyfriends.

5. Jackie & Hyde (That 70s Show)

Sigh…..what could have been.  I will never understand how the writers could throw out such an amazing relationship after so many years together.  Jackie & Hyde are the epitome of the Opposites Attract trope.  Hyde is a sarcastic little shit and Jackie is a materialistic snob and they love each other exactly as they are.  He keeps her grounded and she makes him open up.  Since I don’t consider season 8 canon, I like to imagine Hyde opening up his own record shop in Chicago so that Jackie could pursue her dream.  They’re still together.

6. Isak & Even (Skam)

Just look at these pure babies!  You should really watch this show if you haven’t already.  I think you would love them and I don’t mind spoiling that they’re endgame so you don’t have to worry about that.  Evak probably have the hottest chemistry of everyone on this list, but they’re also 100% soft boyfriends.

7. Bonnie & Jeremy (Vampire Diaries)

TVD is responsible for at least a quarter of my ships, but Beremy was my first OTP from the show.  After watching everyone treat Bonnie like little more than a magic wand for over a year, it was nice to see someone want her simply for her.  Jeremy didn’t care about what Bonnie could do for him, he genuinely admired her strength and morals.  Bonnie stopped seeing him as her best friend’s kid brother and saw him for the hot, strong protector he is.  I will never forgive the writers for ruining their relationship twice, but I still head canon that Bonnie & Jeremy reunited as adults.

8. Harry & Uma (Descendants)

My favorite thing about Huma is that Harry is a hook wielding maniac who is also completely head over heels in love with Uma, a beautiful black girl who is Captain of their pirate crew.  He is unapologetic in how utterly devoted he is to her and even tho she keeps her feelings close to the vest, it is obvious Uma has a soft spot for her First Mate.  My least favorite thing about Huma is that despite the overwhelming evidence, I still don’t know if they’re an actual couple.  I hope D3 clears that up.

9. Dante & Ari (Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe)

*There are plenty of amazing fan art of them, I just couldn’t decide which one to post*

You should read this book if you haven’t already, it classic coming-of-age queer literature.  Ari is an introverted smart ass kid with no friends until he meets cinnamon roll Dante.  These are my favorite type of relationships to see/read, especially when its a slow burn like this.  Idk what else to say other than how much I love these two makes my heart ache in a good way.  Right after finishing the book, I went back and reread my favorite parts.

10. Kelly/Yorkie (Black Mirror)

My favorite wlw ship only appears on 1 episode of a tv anthology, that’s how amazing they are.  I relate so much to Yorkie, uncomfortable in my own skin and socially awkward.  All I want is someone like Kelly who can bring me out of my shell, but still love me for who I am.  Their relationship honestly gives me hope that even someone like me (with little relationship experience) can maybe find love.  You know, if I ever leave my damn house for anything other than work.

It’s party time! Will Katniss survive her first solo mission? Will the others? Let me know your thoughts!

[ff] or [AO3]

4.

It didn’t occur to Katniss that wearing the same worn-off pants and threadbare long-sleeve shirt she had been wearing all day to a party was probably not the norm until Madge’s car stopped next to the curb and she spotted the raspberry pink frilly dress the other girl was wearing. She had told her friend to meet her near the school because she didn’t want Madge to come to the trailer park. First because Haymitch had been making her even more paranoid than she already was and then because Madge, for all her social awkwardness and lack of a clique, was the mayor’s daughter and Katniss was a little ashamed to let her see just how bad her home was.

“Am I overdressed?” Madge asked as soon as Katniss climbed in her car.

The girl looked nervous. Katniss supposed she hadn’t been to more parties than she had. Madge usually kept to herself at school.

“I think I’m the one who’s underdressed, don’t worry.” she told her. “You look pretty.”

“Thanks.” her friend beamed. “I love your hair.”

Katniss reached for the complicated braids pinned close to her skull with ambivalent feelings. It was one of those days when Aster remembered she was their mother and, upon learning she was going out, she had insisted on doing her hair. Prim had been so happy to see their mom up that Katniss hadn’t protested, knowing that her sister would inevitably be crushed later when she would give in to the depression again.

“Thanks.” she muttered.

It didn’t matter that she wasn’t dressed to impress. She was going only to make sure no vampires crashed the party and that was the only thing that counted. The pants were loose enough to conceal two stakes and, per Haymitch’s instructions, she had a knife strapped to her ankle. She would have felt better if she had been able to bring her bow but, as her Watcher had pointed out, it wouldn’t have been very inconspicuous.

“Here.” Madge said suddenly, taking off a golden pin from her dress. “Wear this.” Katniss tried to protest but her friend wouldn’t hear of it. “No, take it. Keep it, even. It’s my aunt’s.”

The round pin was shaped like a bird perched on an arrow. She wasn’t much for jewelry but it was pretty and it did make her outfit a little less shabby.

“Won’t she mind?” she asked.

Madge started the car, apparently not in any hurry to look at her anymore. “She died.”

“Oh… Sorry.” she winced. “I can’t keep it, then. You should…”

“I want you to have it.” Madge insisted. “For luck.” The girl glanced at her with a brave smile. “A token of friendship.”

Katniss smiled back.

The car drive was less awkward than she had feared it would be. She wasn’t a great talker and neither was Madge usually but her friend looked both really nervous and really excited by the prospect of a party. From what she said and didn’t say, Katniss concluded her parents were really strict about letting her out at night but, given what she now knew, she didn’t see how it was bad. She had been very strict with Prim about the hours she kept too lately.

“Is your friend Gale coming?” Madge asked as they drove down the long narrow road that led to the hotel. The woods stretched on either side of the car and, despite herself, Katniss peered at the darkness outside in case…

Haymitch had been trying to hone her detection skills. She was very good at hunting, which helped, but this wasn’t about tracks, this was about her reaching out with a sixth sense she wasn’t sure really existed and determining how many vampires were around her and where. She sucked at vampire detection. She was pretty sure she didn’t have that sixth sense he kept berating her about.

“No clue.” Gale hadn’t been in touch and she hadn’t gone out of her way to contact him either. She was still a bit miffed. And the fact that he seemed to use his little brother as a source of information wasn’t helping matter. She had told Prim not to talk to Rory about her but she could tell her sister had been a little confused by the unusual request.

“Can I ask…” Madge hesitated. “Are you and Gale… together?”

“No.” she protested at once. “Why does everyone think that?”

Madge glanced at her and back at the road. She was going ten miles under the speed limit. She was either a careful driver or she wasn’t sure she really wanted to arrive to that party. The closer they got to the Capitol, the strongest Katniss already regretted making the decision to go. The prospect of being stuck in a place packed with people she didn’t know and who would only be concerned with getting drunk or getting laid wasn’t a fun one.

Vampires, she reminded herself.

“He’s… He’s a little in love with you, Katniss.” the girl offered frankly. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“He’s not.” she scoffed. “We’ve been friends for years.”

Madge laughed but she didn’t think the girl was making fun of her. “And I thought I was bad with people… Peeta is in love with you too, for the record.”

“Peeta isn’t in love with me. He’s just… weird.” she corrected.

Madge’s smile was knowing but she shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

The huge imposing hotel appeared around a corner of the road. Every window was lit, they could hear the music over the sound of the engine, the air seemed to pulse with its beat… The building shone like a beacon in the darkness.

There would be vampires alright.  

“Listen.” she urged as Madge looked for a parking spot. “Be careful tonight, okay? Don’t follow anyone you don’t know and don’t let anyone take you to the woods.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Her friend flashed her a smile. “I’m always careful. You should be careful too.”

Katniss nodded her agreement and squeezed her hand with a feeling of foreboding far too strong to be dismissed. She had felt the same thing when she had left Haymitch’s house earlier. He had walked her all the way to the end of the driveway. He had reached for her, then, but had aborted the gesture at the last second. She had wondered if he had wanted to hug her and had given up on it just because it felt too much like a goodbye.

But she would be fine, she told herself firmly as she got off the car. She couldn’t die tonight because she had promised Prim she would take her out to the mall in the morning. Her clothes were becoming too small and she had a little extra-cash because slaying vampires, at least, paid well – or Haymitch paid her well but she had decided she didn’t want to look at that too closely or she would have been forced to refuse, somehow he always seemed to know when she needed money.  

It seemed like the whole school and then some was there.

A few people were scattered in the meadow that stretched around the hotel, laughing and joking together, clutching red cups.

The music, the sound of voices, the number of people… It aggressed her. It was like slamming against an invisible wall. Repeatedly.

It was worse inside. The hotel was huge but people remained packed together, crowding the large rooms and making it impossible to turn without bumping into someone. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to find vampires in the middle of this. She tried the sixth sense thing but her other five senses were already overloaded so…

There was a dancefloor in one of the rooms and it was even more crowded than the rest of the place.

Never before had she asked herself what she was doing there so many times in such a short amount of time.

“I don’t think I like parties after all.” Madge told her – shouted to be heard over the music, really.

She could relate.

They awkwardly hung out with their backs to one of the walls, watching the other teenagers with no idea of what they should have been doing. That was how Katniss noticed the girl flirting with one of the guys from the football team.

Something was off with her.

She looked too old to be there and there was something to the way she moved…

Katniss frowned and watched her. When the girl gestured she wanted to go outside, the guy immediately nodded with an eager smile. Katniss mumbled a hurried excuse to Madge about how she needed to go to the bathroom and followed at a distance. This, she knew how to do. It wasn’t too different from hunting.

The vampire didn’t bother dragging her prey too far into the surrounding woods, which made it easier for Katniss. The girl had pushed the boy against a trunk and they were kissing. Neither of them noticed her when she slipped behind them, regretting the absence of her bow. She could have taken her from afar and without breaking a sweat.

The vampire did notice when she tapped on her shoulder though. She looked behind her in reflex and Katniss punched her before the vampire realized what was going on.

“Hey!” the guy protested.

“Get out of here.” Katniss ordered.

He grabbed her arm. “Who do you think…”

The growl coming from the forest ground got his attention and, when he caught a glimpse of the demonic face in the darkness, he let her go and ran away without even looking back.

“You’re going to regret this…” the vampire warned.

“Yeah, that’s what they always say…” Katniss sighed.

It didn’t take her long to dispatch her but, on her way back, she found another vampire. A guy, this time, steering a clueless cheerleader toward the back of the hotel where there weren’t any people who would interrupt them. That one didn’t give her much trouble either but she was covered in dust when she found her way back to Madge, against the very same wall she had left her.

“What happened?” her friend asked.

“I fell.” she lied.

“On your way to the bathroom?” Madge’s eyebrows lifted up and Katniss reluctantly admitted Haymitch had a point when he claimed she was a bad liar. Fortunately, she didn’t seem too interested to know what Katniss had really been up to. “I saw Peeta, he was looking for you. He’s over there with Cato…”

A chill ran down her spine.

“Cato?” she repeated.

Madge nodded. “He’s back, apparently. Weird, right? After more than two weeks…”

Weird didn’t cover it.

She searched the crowd until she spotted them next to one of the bay windows, both of them clutching a red cup. Peeta was nodding at whatever Cato was telling him, a serious expression on his face.

She took a step toward them, not sure how she was going to attract Cato out of there but certain she needed to do something now, when someone grabbed her arm. She spun around and it was a good thing Gale had reflexes because he avoided her punch but stared at her like she had grown a second head.

“What is it with you and wanting to hit me lately?” he grumbled.

“Maybe if you were less of an ass…” she retorted. “What are you doing here?”

Gale’s face closed off. “It’s an open invite party. I thought I’d check it out.”

“You hate parties.” she pointed out.

“So do you. Or so I thought.” he snapped. “But what do I know, I’m not captain of the wrestling team…”

He was captain of the archery team – a spot that should have been hers because she was better than he was – and she didn’t see how it was relevant. The mention of Peeta reminded her that she had a mission that wasn’t arguing with Gale though. She turned back toward the windows but the spot where Peeta and Cato had been standing was empty. She looked around frantically but she couldn’t see them everywhere.

“Where’s Peeta?” she asked.

“Are you serious?”  Gale scoffed but she ignored him.

“He went outside with Cato.” Madge offered. Her blue eyes darted between Katniss and Gale and then she cleared her throat. “Do you want to dance?”

It seemed to have taken all her courage to ask.

Gale was still staring at Katniss with an intensity she couldn’t explain to herself. In the end, an hurt expression on his face, he grabbed Madge’s hand and tugged her toward the dancefloor. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”

“Stay inside!” she shouted to them.

She wasn’t sure if they heard but she didn’t have time to make sure. She dashed outside but there was no trace of Peeta or Cato anywhere. She asked the people who were smoking and drinking in the meadow but it took her at least five minutes to find someone coherent enough to point her in the right direction.

Cato already had ten minutes on her.

She tried not to dwell on the fact that ten minutes was all a vampire needed to bleed someone dry.

She tore through the woods at a jog without bothering with discretion. She liked Peeta, she was annoyed to realize. Sure, he was wealthier than her and there was the whole charity thing but… Peeta had always been nice to her, even when she hadn’t been, and she liked him. She wouldn’t have said they were friends but she wouldn’t have called Madge a friend either until she had said it first so what did she know?

Well, she did know she really didn’t like the idea of her friends becoming vampire snacks.  

Somewhere up ahead, a boy screamed.

It was good, she told herself, if Peeta could scream then he was still alive.

When she found them, Cato was wearing his game face, yellow eyes and fangs all accounted for, and Peeta was trying to keep him at a distance by waving a big branch. His neck was bleeding but so was Cato’s nose.

“Katniss, get away!” Peeta panicked when he saw her. “He’s… He’s some kind of monster!”

“You always were a little prick.” Cato spat. “I can’t believe I was going to turn you.”

That made Katniss’ blood run cold.

She liked the thought of Peeta turning into a vampire even less than she liked the idea of him becoming a snack.

“Run!” Peeta screamed again, waving his branch like a club. “I’ll buy you time!”

Cato grabbed the branch with a sigh, as if it was a huge inconvenience, and tore it out of Peeta’s hands, making him lose his balance. Katniss jumped in between them and hurled the vampire against a tree with a flying kick, pulling her stake from the small of her back at the same time.

“Now, you’re making me angry…” Cato growled.

He had rolled from his fall into a crouch and he pounced on her without giving her time to regroup or think. He was on the wrestling team with Peeta and it showed. Instinct and her relentless training with Haymitch gave her a small edge but he had years of practice she didn’t have. It only took her two minutes to figure out it would be a difficult fight and it wasn’t helped at all by the knowledge that Peeta was hovering nearby, waiting for an opening to enter the fray.

She didn’t need him to get hurt on top of everything.

“Get out of here!” she shouted at him and the second of distraction cost her dearly.

Cato’s backhand slap sent her flying in the air and she hit a tree with a huff. She was pretty sure it would have broken a normal person’s back. She was just a little stiff and sore when she got back to her feet.

“What are you?” Cato hissed, watching her a little more warily.

Preys who wouldn’t stay down weren’t common, she supposed.

“She’s the one who has been killing my minions after I went to a lot of troubles to find pretty ones.”

The woman came out of the trees on their right with two other vampires in tow. She was strikingly beautiful. Blond hair held away from her face with multiples tiny braids, blue eyes, fair skin and a pretty black dress that must have been very expensive.

Katniss suddenly understood what Haymitch meant by vampire senses because that one triggered them all. The thingling at the base of her nape was driving her crazy. And she was certain, without knowing how, that the woman was powerful and old and probably much more than she could take.

Cato had fallen back with an odd sort of deference at the vampire’s entrance and Peeta immediately rushed to Katniss’ side, the makeshift club back in his hands as if it really could be useful against any of the four vampires.

“What the hell?” he whispered.

“Vampires.” she supplied, fishing her spare stake out of her pocket and handing it out to him.

He stared at it, then back at her. “You’re joking.”

“I wish.” She tried to add some bravado to her voice but the truth was that she was terrified. When the woman moved, everything seemed to flow. A little like Haymitch when he really bothered to fight but also a lot more graceful than anything her mentor could ever hope to achieve. That vampire was a warrior. Katniss tilted her chin up stubbornly and adjusted her grip on her stake. “Who are you?”

She would have told Peeta to run if she had thought it would help but, while she was pretty sure the woman wouldn’t go after him, Cato and the two other vampires probably would.

“Your death. Slayer.” the woman mocked.

A tilt of her head and the two vampires at her side rushed to Katniss. Those didn’t have Cato’s skills and were probably still pretty new. She dispatched the first one with a few kicks and one good hit to the chest. The second one used that time to attack Peeta but his branch and his clumsy attempts at stabbing him in the heart had slowed the vampire down enough that Katniss could hit him from behind while he was distracted.

Then, of course, Cato jumped on her from the side and she was back to trying to contain him and keep an eye on the woman at the same time.

“You are a pretty one. And strong too.” the old vampire purred at Peeta. “I might keep you…”

Irritation gave Katniss the boost she needed and she used a turning kick to send Cato flying straight into the woman.

“Run!” she screamed to Peeta while the two vampires were still busy trying to untangle themselves and get up. She didn’t leave him a choice, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him along. There were crashing noises behind them and she just knew Cato and the strange vampire were hot on their heels. They emerged out of the woods panting but Katniss didn’t slow down, not until they had reached the lights flooding out of the hotel’s windows.

The music was still loud and deafening, people were still laughing and dancing inside… Here, in the meadow, nothing had changed.

She came to an abrupt stop and whirled around, forcing Peeta to turn with her because she still had a deadly grip on his wrist. She half expected to see the blonde vampire stroll out of the woods and straight to them but nobody walked out from between the trees. Everything was calm. As if nothing at all had happened.

They remained there, frozen, for several minutes, and then the stake Peeta was still clutching with his free hand fell to the ground in a dull sound. “I guess it’s really not like Twilight…”

“Katniss!” Gale called out.

She turned her head in time to see her best friend striding toward her, Madge right behind him. They were both looking at them with wide frightened eyes but Madge started running before Gale because the boy’s eyes had locked on the fingers coiled around Peeta’s wrist.  

“You’re hurt!” Madge gasped, reaching for her cheek. And now that she said it and that the adrenaline was coming down, Katniss’ cheekbone started throbbing. So did her shoulder for that matter. She had landed badly on it.

“What did you do to her?” Gale hissed with a fury Katniss had never heard coming from him.

Before she could react, Peeta’s arm had been torn from her grip. Gale had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and had slammed him against the outer wall of the hotel. The commotion attracted attention and a few boys started shouting “Fight! Fight! Fight!” like it was some sort of game.

“Let me go.” Peeta demanded.

“Let him go.” Katniss seconded in a tone that broke no argument.

Gale tossed her an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me? Did you see yourself? I swear if he touched you I…”

“Peeta didn’t hurt me.” she snapped. She wedged herself in between them and shoved Gale back. “Stop being an idiot.”

Gale stared at her, ran his hand in his hair and then scoffed. “Yeah. I guess I’m the idiot for coming to this stupid party in the first place.”

He stormed away before she could even try to answer that.

“That’s the second time you save me tonight. I feel like a damsel in distress.” Peeta commented behind her. And then he was laughing and there was a hysterical tinge to it that made Katniss wince.

“You need to go to the hospital.” Madge said quietly. “Both of you.”  

“No, I’m fine.” she denied. “I need to…” Find Haymitch and tell him about the blond vampire. But what was she going to do with Peeta? The boy was still laughing. She was pretty sure Cato hadn’t drunk enough from him to make the blood loss dangerous but there were scrapes on his face and she didn’t trust him not to spill everything to the first person he saw – namely Madge. She needed to make him swear that he would keep silent. “Peeta, do you have a car? I’ll drive you home.”

He nodded, still laughing, and Katniss rolled his eyes at him. She hadn’t been that hysterical when she had found herself face to face with vampires.

“You should go home too.” she told Madge.

She didn’t want to leave her friend alone when vampires were around. Hell, she didn’t want to leave anyone when vampires were around but she needed to regroup. Playing it clever had always been the plan. Survive was rule number one. She was certain she wouldn’t survive a fight against the blond vampire.

Madge, fortunately, didn’t even discuss it. They all headed to the parking lot. Peeta had stopped laughing but he still occasionally chuckled to himself like a mad person. He handed her the keys of his SUV and she faltered for a moment because the car looked brand new and far too big. But she wasn’t going to let that stop her. She sat behind the wheel, fumbled around with the seat because Peeta was too tall and she could barely reach the pedals as it was, and waited until he had strapped himself in before turning the ignition on.

The car moved two feet and then stalled.

She started the engine again without looking at Peeta.

After three attempts, the car kept on stalling and they weren’t even out of the parking lot but at least Peeta had stopped chuckling.

“Do you know how to drive?” he asked.

There was no judgment but there was some fondness as if she was currently doing something particularly cute. She had no clue what could be going through his head and she wasn’t going to admit she had never learned how to drive.

“How hard can it be?” she retorted.

He smiled a soft smile and shook his head. “Let’s switch seats. I’m good to drive now.”

She eyed the wound on his neck dubiously but he looked calmer and alert so she shrugged her acceptance.

“Can you drop me at Haymitch’s?” she asked once they were driving down the road that led back into town.

“Haymitch?” he frowned.

“Mr Abernathy.” she clarified.

That gave him more pause than the vampire thing had earlier and, for a second, she was scared he would start laughing again. “The History teacher? Why do you want to go to our History teacher’s house in the middle of the night?”

“Because he’s my Watcher.” she sighed.

He was silent for a few minutes and then winced and shrugged. “Yeah, no… I can turn that sentence around in my head, the only way it’s making sense is creepy.”

She rolled her eyes. “Look, it’s complicated. He’s helping me with the…”

She let her sentence trail off, not sure she wanted to set him off again. And maybe he wanted to pretend none of this had happened. She would understand. People developed incredible powers of persuasion in that sort of situations.

“Vampires.” he finished. “Who are real.” She remained silent and he must have taken that for a confirmation that he wasn’t crazy because he continued. “She called you slayer… And you took down those vampires… And when did you learn to fight like that? And how long has this been going on?”

Katniss sighed and slid down her seat a little.

So much for secrecy.

Powder Keg - Ch 7

Welcome back to the adventure we’re all everlarking together! Fallen behind in the story? Here are the previous chapters: 

Chapter 1 /// Chapter 2 /// Chapter 3 /// Chapter 4 /// Chapter 5 /// Chapter 6

Last week found our darlings rescued from old Hans cave and Katniss transported for medical care. More revelations ensued, and you, everlarkers, voted for her to accept Peeta’s offer to rebuild their friendship on a foundation of honesty and trust.

This week, the lovely and talented @notanislander continues our adventure.  As always, you have 48 hours to vote, until noon, Wednesday, December the 20th. Remember, vote in the comments or reblogs, not in the tags! And as always, share with your friends, more voices = more fun! Ready? Here we go… grab your favourite warm beverage and settle in for our weekly trip to Mt. Mockingjay…

Trust. It's something that doesn't come easily to me. When my father died, my mother went into a severe depression, something she struggles with to this day. In my head, I know she is doing the best she can, but in my heart, I am still that ten- or eleven-year-old girl wishing her mother would talk to her, even look at her.

It’s something I didn’t have with Peeta three years ago. If I had trusted him, I might have given him a chance to explain the situation. I might have stopped to listen when he told me about Bristel’s brother. But I didn’t. I did what I always do - I ran. I thought it was easier to keep my heart locked up tight and I almost convinced myself of that too. Right up until the cave. That’s when I realized something. My life has been a shadow since I walked away from Peeta three years ago. Sure I had Prim, and I had Gale, but what else did I have? A life? No. A future to look forward to? No. I just existed.

I’m sentenced to a week of “bed rest” by both my mother and the Emergency Room doctor. Peeta behaves so nicely. Every morning, he stops by our house on his way to the ski lodge with fresh baked cheese buns in hand. I’m surprised he remembers how much I love them, and they taste just as good as ever.

He carries me downstairs everyday, but never stays too long since he needs to get to work. He comes by in the evenings too, freshly showered and so happy to help my mother out with any small thing. He even helps Prim with her English term paper on To Kill a Mockingbird. And he always saves time to just talk with me. Sometimes he’ll bring his sketchbook over and we’ll sit quietly while he makes sketches of the resort, my house, trees, whatever he’s thinking about. “It helps calm me down after a full day at the lodge,” he tells me. “I like people, but sometimes it gets a bit much, you know? So this helps refocus me.” We might even watch a movie on Netflix, and then, just before he heads home, he carries me up to my room.

By the end of the week, I’m going stir-crazy. I need to get out, start making money again. No matter how my mother argues, I know we need the money and being off for a week just before the holidays certainly isn’t helping our situation, which was dire to begin with.

“Katniss, stop!” my mother chastises. “I have an interview at the drop-in clinic tomorrow. They need another nurse and I think this will be a good fit.” My mother’s eternal optimism is tempered only by my eternal pessimism, which were both brought about by her depression. I know full well what can happen if my mother gets too much bad news, so I am always prepared for the worst. Luckily, it seems Prim is oblivious to it all.

“Katniss,” she whispers later, when we are alone in our shared room, “This job is going to workout for mom. I really think it is.” It seems Prim has inherited the sunny side as well.

“I hope so little duck. Because missing this week without pay is not helping one bit.” I snap back; angry at myself, angry at the Lodge, angry at pretty much everyone.

Everyone, that is, except Peeta, which is both a change and a revelation to me all at once. I’ve been so angry with him for three years, that to not be angry now takes me aback. Why am I not angry at him? In some ways, my anger would be justified. I mean, he did distract me and cause me to fall. Didn’t he? Or did I imagine that? I’m not sure anymore. I’m not sure of a lot, to be honest.

Having barely survived the torturous week of bed rest, I am finally able to be back at the lodge. When Peeta heard I was going back to work, he insisted that he would pick me up every morning and drive me back home in the evenings. I told him he didn’t need to, that my mother could do it, but he just smiled and told me it was no problem. So I gave up and accepted his kindness. “Isn’t this nice? Just you and me in the truck? Kind of like old times!” he says with a smile.

“Yeah, old times,” I smile back, hoping he isn’t thinking of how those ‘old times’ ended up. I am hoping for a very different ending this time around.

I’ve almost come to accept the fact that I’ll be working in the snack bar all winter to make up for the lost wages I was getting as a ski instructor. I wasn’t a great instructor, but at least I was earning something more than minimum wage. I am trying really hard to not feel sorry for myself right now, but it isn’t easy.

I look out the window and watch Peeta and Gale work with the group of elementary students, the very ones who caused me to sprain my knee in the first place. Their teacher, Madge, is flirting with Gale, which is intriguing because I thought she had a thing for Peeta. “Hmmm, watching from the window might not be such a bad thing altogether,” I say quietly to myself.

I’m lost in speculation when Johanna says from behind me, “What’s so interesting out there, Brainless?”

“Geez Jo!” I jump at her voice, and take a big breath to calm down. “Not much. Unless you count that teacher, Madge, who was flirting with Peeta, but now seems to have turned her attention full on to Gale.” I tell her, a bit of conspiracy in my tone.

“Oh really? Do tell?” Jo does love to have her own bit of gossip, especially when it involves instructors and clients. “She’s just his type too,” she says knowingly. “Look at him smile at her. I smell a bit of a romance blooming!”

We share a laugh at Gale’s expense, knowing full well that the look on Gale’s face means exactly what Jo is insinuating. He loves the attention he’s getting from Ms. Undersee as much as Ms. Undersee loves giving it.

It comes as no surprise then, that as the kids are getting back on the bus after their final lesson, I spy Gale tapping what I assume is his number into Madge’s phone. It does come as a surprise when I see Peeta laughing at Gale as the bus pulls away and they begin to make their way to the lodge. Gale good naturedly punches Peeta in the arm. When did these two become such good friends? A lot seems to have happened since I was off. Should I be worried? Somehow I think I should.

“Katniss!” Gale bellows, coming into the snack bar. “It’s good to see you up and about! Care for a race later on today?”

I look at him, dumbfounded. “Huh?”

“Oh, now you’re backing off,” he taunts. “How many times have you told me you could beat me skiing down the mountain, even if you had a broken leg? Now’s your chance to test that theory!”

Gale seems too happy. He and that Madge lady are definitely getting together. “Oh, I’d do it, but you’d lose and then you’d go home crying to your mommy. She’d call up my mom for picking on you, and then I’d get in trouble for skiing on this knee,” I tell him with a grin. “Or would you call up Ms. Undersee to complain instead?”

That gets him. He narrows his eyes at me and scowls, “Who told you?”

“Uh, uh, uh! A girl never reveals her sources. But tell me Gale, was Peeta jealous? Because she was flirting awfully hard with him until YOU came along!” I laugh.

“Hey Everdeen! Leave me out of this!” Peeta calls, stomping into the lodge and making his way to the snack counter. “I don’t know what you said, but I heard my name, and I know from that tone of voice it wasn’t anything good!”

The lodge patrons are taking in all of this good natured ribbing and I can see their smiles. It’s then I realize that people enjoy seeing and being a part of a team that genuinely like each other. I guess it really is contagious.

“Ms. Everdeen!” I look down to see Maggie, one of the younger children I taught before my accident. “May I have another hot chocolate? Here’s the money for it!”

“Sure, Miss Maggie,” I smile.

As I prepare her drink, she says, “I can’t wait until you’re back teaching skiing again. You were my favorite instructor! You never made me do the hard stuff until I was ready!”

I’m not sure how to respond to this. I look to Peeta, who is watching the entire exchange. He just smiles at me. The young girl’s mother comes up behind her and says, “We do miss you Katniss. You are the only instructor Maggie talks about,” and she hands me a $20 bill. “Keep the change, Katniss. You deserve it.” And she and Maggie walk away, leaving me with my mouth open.

“Better close your mouth before the flies get in,” Jo says to me. Then she heads back into the office, laughing all the way.

The days go by, and it seems like no time has passed when I have my three week follow-up appointment. Peeta offers to take me in, since my mother now has full-time work at the clinic. “I would take the time off,” she says, but Peeta interrupts her.

“It’s no problem for me, Mrs. Everdeen. I already have the day off, and Katniss and I would be spending it together anyway.”

Which is true. We do seem to spend everyday together. And most evenings too.

My mother concedes, and after Peeta goes home that night she makes sure to stop in my room. “Katniss, I really like that boy. I hope you do too, because I would hate to see both of you so heartbroken again.”

“I do like him, Mom,” I say with a shy smile. I don’t know if I’ve ever talked boys with my mother. I think I should feel awkward, but I am glad to have a chance to talk this whole thing through with someone. “But we’re just friends right now. We’re working on making our friendship stronger.”

“That’s good dear, but I can tell by the way he looks at you that he thinks of you as much more than that.” I blush at this, but don’t interrupt her. “Don’t waste your life waiting for me and Prim, OK? Take a chance on love. I may not be the best example, but it really is worth it. I wouldn’t trade the years I had with your father for anything. Please think about this,” she advises me. And I do.

I fall asleep to thoughts of Peeta - not Peeta my friend, but Peeta my lover. I have pushed these types of ideas out of my mind for three years. Now, I am openly inviting them in again. And just like that, it hits me. I love Peeta Mellark. I love him. He’s coming to pick me up to take me to the doctor tomorrow, and I am pretty sure the doctor is going to give me a clean bill of health. Which means I can drive my own car again. I won’t be as shut in as I was. Peeta won’t need to stop by and see me anymore. He won’t have an excuse. I’ll be driving myself to and from Mt. Mockingjay every day.

So what do I do? Do I take that risk to tell Peeta my feelings? Or do I hold them in, hoping he speaks first? What if my mother is wrong? What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me? Or what if he does, but thinks I don’t, so he stops coming by or stopping to see me? Do I tell him or not? What do I do?

You Belong with Me - Prompt 10

Written by: @iliveilaughiloveiread on tumblr, colleenegan25 on AO3

Prompt by: Anonymous

Prompt 10: Based on “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift music video: Katniss is Lucas Till’s character, she has a relationship with Gale, but she doesn’t really like being with him. Peeta is pining for her, like Taylor Swift’s character, observing them and think he and K belong together. 

AN: This prompt was fun for me because this song was popular when I first began dating my husband. Also I used one of my ex-boyfriends for some of Gale’s annoying traits. Thanks to @butrfac14 for being my beta and turning my ramblings into a coherent story. Also thanks to @everlarkficexchange for running this awesome thing.

Rating: General with some cursing. Douchebag boyfriend warning

Disclaimer: This is a fandom work and I own nothing.  

You Belong With Me

Wednesday

“Hey Kat, how’s your week been?” Peeta smiled as he saw her approach their favorite booth at Sae’s.

“Exhausting. I can’t wait to eat some real food,” Katniss said, plopping her backpack down on the booth. It was a weekly tradition that he and Katniss eat lunch together now that they didn’t live in the dorms and share all their meals.

“Uh Kat I know you’re always hungry and all, but what exactly are you talking about?” Peeta questions his best friend of 3 years.

“Well you know how Gale gets with food. No caffeine, no nitrates, no refined sugars and definitely nothing fried.” she trailed off

“Oh yes I know ‘his body is a temple.’ I mean what kind of a freak doesn’t eat chocolate?! No offense.”

“None taken.”

“But what does that have to do with you?” Peeta was concerned.

“We’ve been cooking together more, and he came to the grocery store with me last week so I only bought stuff that he would eat too. But then I realized that I’m starving all the time because I am not a woman who can sustain herself on vegetables and quinoa.” Katniss let out an exasperated sigh.

“Duh! How, after 2 years, does he not realize that?” Peeta is indignant on her behalf. It’s one thing for someone to put limits on their own diet, but forcing them on someone else was uncalled for. And anyone who knew Katniss knew she needed to eat.

“I think Gale thinks he’s changing me. Maybe he is a little but I just don’t think I can be the matching kale smoothies for breakfast partner he’s envisioning me to be.”

“Well Kat, I can’t imagine why he’d even want you to be one of those girls. Lucky for you I already ordered us some Irish nachos–which should be arriving any minute.”

“You’re the best!” Katniss smiled up at Peeta.

~If you can see I’m the one who understands you~

Second Wednesday

Katniss is waiting for him in their booth. “Peeta I need you”

Peeta coughs at how that sounds, “What do you need?”

“Will you come to pre-bowl after this? I have to miss bowling league tomorrow night because I have an exam. You know Jo will kill me if I mess with our team’s chances of first place this year.“

“Of course, but aren’t you cutting it a little close? Don’t your pre-bowl numbers have to be in at least 24 hours ahead of time?”

“Look at you, Peeta! You already know the bowling league rules without even playing. Yes I am cutting it close but I hate going down there by myself, so I waited until I knew you were free.”

Peeta doesn’t even bother to question why she didn’t ask Gale to go with her. He’s too excited about having some one on one time with her that lasts longer than their weekly lunch dates.

After an hour of bowling, talking, and laughing Peeta was feeling great. Lighter than he has all week.

“Thanks for hanging out with me while I did that! You always make me feel better.” Katniss smiled and gave him a hug before walking back towards her apartment. It’s only once he got home that Peeta began to wonder what was going on that made Katniss need to feel better.

  ~Been here all along so why can’t you see~

Third Wednesday

Katniss happily munches on Sae’s famous buffalo chicken sandwich and fries. “Is there a wrong way to make a bed?” she asks her friend.

“Huh?” Peeta’s mouth is full of fries. He finishes chewing. “What do you mean? You know I always make my bed. My mom drilled that routine into us as children.”

“Right, that’s why I’m asking you. Is there a specific ‘correct,’ (using her fingers to make air quotes) way to make a bed?”

Peeta shakes his head,, “I don’t think so. I think the military has certain routines and so do hotels.  But for most people as long as the sheets and blankets are straightened out they consider that a made bed. Why are we talking about this? Did you start watching HGTV or something?”

“No it’s just… Gale really likes the bed made. And it’s all the same to me to just leave the sheets and blankets in a mess since that’s how they’ll be as soon I go back to bed. I know that’s not his preference, so this morning when he was in the shower I made the bed. Just to be nice, you know? I’m sure that it was a little sloppy but I thought it looked good. Then without saying a word to me Gale walked back into the bedroom and pulled the covers back off before proceeding to make the bed again.” he just undid everything and made it again.”

Peeta just stared at Katniss.

“Seriously? He remade the bed after you already made it? Kat that’s really fucked up. What kind of a person doesn’t acknowledge when something thoughtful has been done for them? Then just corrects it because they think they can do it better?”

“Right? I appreciate your indignation. Gale just shrugged it off and told me I was being too sensitive.” Katniss shakes her head at the memory.

“Well on behalf of all bed makers, let me make it clear that redoing it after someone else has already made the bed is rude and strange.” Peeta thinks to himself I would never take her for granted like that.

Katniss smiles, “Thanks Peet.”

~You belong with me ~

Fourth Wednesday

“How was your weekend Kat? You never made it over to Murphy’s on Saturday.”

“I know sorry. Ugh. Gale dragged me to another Frat party,” Katniss rolls her eyes. “I feel like now that we’re 21 we shouldn’t have to go to them anymore. But Gale insists it’s an important part of his ‘brotherhood.’ How was the band?”

“Really great actually! They did some acoustic songs that you would have loved. They were hauntingly beautiful.” Peeta smiles wistfully.

“So jealous! I was stuck listening to the latest Ariana Grande song on repeat all night. Drinking shitty beer.”

“That sounds awful. Why didn’t you just leave?” asks Peeta.

“I tried! I told Gale I couldn’t handle it anymore when the sister sorority’s new pledge class showed up. Then he told me that I wasn’t being a supportive girlfriend by bailing on him on a Saturday night.”

Bailing?! Peeta shook his head. How could Gale claim she was bailing when she showed up to a party she clearly didn’t want to go to even when she had other plans.

“If you ask me he wasn’t being very supportive of your interests.” Peeta mumbles half under his breath.

“Yeah, we got into a fight and I ended up just sucking it up and staying for a little longer until I could go home and just go to bed,” sighed Katniss. Doesn’t that sound like quality time with your partner.”

“Sorry to hear that. I didn’t mean to bring up any drama.”

“Not your fault, but I promise that I’ll be at the next show with you even if there is a frat party.” Katniss says.

~I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like

And she’ll never know your story like I do’ ~

Fifth Wednesday

Peeta walks in to Sae’s and finds Katniss already waiting at their booth surrounded by books, papers and her laptop.

“Hey, you look busy,” he says as he slides in across from her.

“This semester is really kicking my ass Peet. All my classes are moving at full force and the readings and homework have really been piling up.” Katniss is many things but she is not a procrastinator, so Peeta realizes that she must have a ton of work to do if she’s bringing it with her today.”

“If you’re too busy for lunch it’s okay Katniss, we can take a week off. I don’t want you to get behind on your studies,” Peeta looks genuinely concerned.

“No!” Katniss practically shouts. “This lunch is the only thing saving my sanity. Gale and I have been fighting a lot over anything and everything. This week he’s annoyed at how much homework I’m doing and thinks that I’m using it as a way to avoid him.”

“Seriously? That guy can be a real piece of work,” Peeta shakes his head in disgust. A tiny part of his heart skips a beat knowing that he’s the thing that is saving her sanity.

“Yeah I don’t know if maybe I am trying to avoid him subconsciously. He’s making me feel all nervous and stressed to be around, which I do not need on top of my heavy class load this semester,” Katniss puts her head down on the wood table. “Peet, I just don’t think I can do it anymore.”

Peeta tries not to panic seeing his my friend in such distress. He moves over to her side of the booth and starts rubbing circles on her back.

“Do what?” He asks quietly.

“The fighting with Gale is exhausting. We’re never on the same page about anything. He gets mad about the food I buy and eat, and how I clean the apartment. And now he thinks that I’m doing too much homework?  I can’t keep doing this, it’s too much.”

“Katniss, you should tell Gale all this. I’m sure he’s not intentionally trying to stress you out. Remember relationships are supposed to make you happy and feel supported, not angry and stressed. I know you’ve been dating a long time but you’re not married. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay with him just because you’ve been with him a long time.” Peeta shocks himself by saying that out loud. He quickly adds, “Sorry if that got a little preachy. I just hate seeing you upset”

Katniss shakes her head and gives a weak smile. “It’s okay. Can we just eat and talk about something else to get my mind off this?”

“I know just the thing! Put your books away, we can go to the library after lunch. Let’s get milkshakes and cheese fries while I tell you all about Rye’s antics last weekend. Spoiler alert - he had to go to the hospital again.”

Katniss laughs at Rye’s ridiculousness while drinking her chocolate milkshake. After they finish she smiles at Peeta and squeezes his hand, “Thank you. That was just what I needed.”

  ~I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be

Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself hey isn’t this easy~

Sixth Wednesday

Peeta is reading a book in their booth when he sees her walk through the door. Or at least it’s someone who vaguely looks like Katniss. She’s dragging her feet, her backpack looks like it’s weighing her down, her face looks bewildered

“Katniss, are you okay?”

“Well I finally did it.”

“Did what?”

“I broke up with Gale.” Peeta tries to keep his face neutral when his feelings are really swinging from elation to shock to mortification at his elation.

“Okay…how’d that go? How are you feeling?”

“I thought I’d feel relief and I thought he’d see it too. We’d been fighting a lot, and we’d barely spent any time together anymore. And the time that we did spent together we weren’t enjoying each other’s company you know? It just seemed like it was time. He’s a rational, logical person and I thought when I laid it out there like that he would agree that we’d be happier apart.”

“But he didn’t…?” Peeta prompted.

“No! He acted so offended! And shocked. Shocked - Peeta! How in the hell could be shocked that I want to break up when all he does is act frustrated and disappointed with me? He said he had started planning our future together, and that it was selfish of me to want to throw that all away. I told him that I was sorry but I just didn’t think I could be the partner he thought I should be. By the end of my rational explanation for why it seemed obvious we’d be happier apart he was almost in tears.”

“Gale was crying?” Peeta was very comfortable with his emotions but Gale was not. He was much more stoic and often seemed like emotions were a waste of time. Peeta had always thought that’s why the guy became a computer science major. Computers didn’t have feelings.

“I know right! He kept begging me to tell him what to change and was so insistent that we could fix it. But I was just too worn out so I told him the time for that had come and gone.” She sighed, “sorry for all the word vomit but it’s just I’m so tired.”

“It’s okay, Fall break will be here in 2 days. I’m proud of you. While it seems like your breakup conversation was difficult at least it’s over now.” Peeta says reassuringly.

“I wish it was over.”

“What do you mean? I thought you said you broke up.” Peeta looks at Katniss puzzled.

“We did. But Gale basically said he wasn’t accepting that outcome. So now to prove me wrong he’s trying to do all these things to show how much he cares about me and that we should be together. I know he’s trying to kind and romantic, but it’s feeling clingy and like he won’t let go.”

“What’s he doing exactly?”

“Well the day after our breakup he left me a mix cd under the door of my apartment. The next day he left some chocolates with Johanna to give to me.  Then yesterday I found a massage gift certificate in my mailbox with a note that said, ‘I know you’ve been stressed out, take some time to relax.’ I know it’s all coming from a good place, but why did it take a break up for him to realize that he should care about me? Am I a heartless bitch if all these nice gestures just make me more annoyed about the way he acted the past few months.

“No, of course not. Your feelings are valid, if Gale wanted to do some nice romantic things he had plenty of opportunities. If you’re still confused about your feelings that’s okay too. You’re only 21, Katniss. You don’t have to have everything figured out yet.”

“Thanks Peeta, for everything. I don’t know how I would’ve survived this semester so far without you.” Peeta ignores the beat his heart skipped and comforts his friend.

“Kat go home, see Prim, recharge. It’s Fall break next week, so just take some time to be away from all the college drama. I think it’ll really help you relax and prioritize.” Peeta advises.

  ~And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town   

I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down

You say you’re fine

I know you better then that~

A month later…Tenth Wednesday

Katniss sits in their booth anxiously rolling a flower between her hands.

Peeta is taken aback when he sees her wearing a dress with her hair down and flowing.

“What’s all this?” he asks as he sits down.

“I got my priorities straight.” She hands him the flower and he’s surprised to see that it’s a dandelion. Where did she find one this late in the fall? The better question is why is she giving him a flower?

“And…?” he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I think what I’ve been looking for has been here the whole time. Peeta would you like to go out with me on Saturday night?” Katniss looks hopeful.

“Yes, of course. Of course I would.” Peeta beams at her.

“Great!” She smiles back at him. “Also I already ordered the Irish nachos.”

“And that’s why you’re my favorite person!” Peeta 

  ~I think I know where you belong

I think I know it’s with me

Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can’t you see

You belong with me~

One Life to Live

Here’s the latest!   Thanks as always to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take.”  It can be read on AO3 or Fanfiction.  Chapter 34 The next morning I call in on Haymitch.  He’ll have to be told before the television crew arrives.  We might be able to get away with pretending to the rest of 12 that Peeta and I are back together, but not Haymitch.  I can imagine what he’s going to say.  Probably something about why no one lets me make the plans.  And he’ll be right.  How stupid of me to risk exposure like that.  What was I thinking?  Going into the woods with my famous lover and Plutarch’s own production team.  If I’d listened to my gut and stayed home, it never would have happened.   And now I’m back to owing Peeta.  I guess I should be grateful, and I am. He doesn’t have to do this and he is saving Marcus and me from becoming a national laughing stock. But still, I hate owing.  And how will I ever repay him?   I find Haymitch sprawled on his living room sofa, snoring heavily and with a bottle clutched in one hand and a knife in the other. He’s been on his usual weekend bender by the look of it.  That would explain his absence when Plutarch arrived.  It would take the noise of ten hovercrafts landing to rouse him from it and even that’s doubtful. Before I wake him, I go into the kitchen to make him some strong coffee.  He’s going to need it.  It’s a pigsty in there.  Dirty dishes piled in the sink; moths fluttering from the pantry; blackened saucepans on the stove; the floor so sticky it makes sucking noises when you walk across it.  But after a bit of rummaging, I find the coffee pot, fill it with water and ground coffee and set it on the stove to brew.   Then I return to Haymitch and find that Peeta is there too.  He sets a freshly baked loaf of bread on the table.  

“I saw you leave your house,” he explains at my questioning look.  “I think we should tell him together.” I nod in agreement.  He’s right.  For good or ill, we’re in this together now.  

Peeta gingerly attempts to prise the knife from Haymitch’s hand but without success.  His fingers seem t “I have a better idea.” I go back into the kitchen and return with a basin of cold water. “Stand back,” I warn.  I dump the water over Haymitch’s head and spring out of the way.  He comes to, gasping, swiping at the air with his knife.  He casts bleary eyes in our direction.

“Oh, it’s you two,” he says, as if we’re the biggest drag on his life.  He runs a hand over his head and peers down at his shirt.   “Why am I wet?” “Never mind that,” I say.  “I – that is, Peeta and I, have something to tell you. We need your help.”   Haymitch groans and reaches for his bottle. “I need a drink first.”  He goes to take a swig but the bottle is empty. Disgusted, he throws it to join the pile of discarded food containers and other assorted rubbish by the window. “So, what is it?”  His eyes dart between Peeta and me.  “More boy trouble?” “That’s enough, Haymitch,” says Peeta.  I shoot him a grateful look.  He saved me the bother.  If we have to work together, this show of mutual accord is a good start. “This is serious.  Katniss, I think you should be the one.” Right.  I guess the story does start with me.  I tell Haymitch everything.  My relationship with Marcus.  Being secretly filmed.  Plutarch’s visit and his conditions for not leaking the video.  And then Peeta’s willingness to help me out.  To save time, I hand him the paper Cressida gave me. “This is what they want us to do – to prepare.”

Haymitch takes it over to the window to read.  Not that he can get very close with the rubbish piled beneath it.  After a few moments, he lifts his head to stare out the window.  He appears to be considering something.   “Here,” he says, as he returns the paper to me. “You should get started on it.  You’ve a lot to do before the cameras arrive.” I swap puzzled glances with Peeta. That’s it?  No recriminations for getting myself into this mess?  No anger that the media will be swarming all over the Village and disturb his peace?   We start to leave but Haymitch’s voice calls us back.  “Have you decided on the house?” “Um, mine.”  I turn to Peeta.  “Buttercup,” I say as way of explanation.   He gives a nod.  I don’t think he cares either way.  It’s only temporary.   “You need to move all your things over to Katniss’s, then,” Haymitch tells Peeta.  “A couple living together don’t split their possessions between two residences with hers in one house, and his in the other.  And they should be where you’d expect to find them.  You don’t want any nosey crew member poking around and finding your clothes in the guest room instead of sharing closet space with Katniss’s.  Even the slightest suspicion that it’s an act has to be avoided.  The next person who gets hold of anything incriminating won’t go to Plutarch but to another media outlet.  And then you’ll both be exposed as frauds.” This just keeps getting worse.  We can’t trust anybody with the truth.  Not even the people who work for Plutarch who’ll be producing this travesty.  We have to fool not only the TV audience, but everyone around us.  Any slip-up and we could end up as social pariahs accused of a cynical attempt to cash in on our former fame.  The only consolation is that Plutarch has as much to lose as we have, so at least we don’t have to worry about any leak coming from him.  I take a look at Peeta.  He must be regretting the impulse that had him volunteer for this, but there’s no hint of doubt in his expression.  In fact, it’s the most energized I’ve seen him in a long time. “I’ll get on it right away,” says Peeta. “Apart from clothes, that really leaves only art materials and maybe some specialist baking equipment. They’ll expect to see both.” Yes, Peeta is known Panem-wide for this painting and baking.  And since most of our household goods are duplicated in both households, that cuts out the need for Peeta to take anything other than personal effects.   Haymitch continues.  “You also need to be seen in the town so that it’s established in people’s minds that you’re together before the television crew arrives. Everything a couple does, you must do. That includes eating together and sleeping together.  Starting from now.  It has to be second nature if you’re to pull this off.  You know how intrusive the camera can be.”

I remember.  But share a bed?  That’s going way too far.  Who’s going to know if we share a bed or not?  “Do we really need to sleep together?  It seems to me that – “ Haymitch doesn’t even let me finish.   “Which shouldn’t be a problem.  You’ve done it before, haven’t you?   And you were play acting at being a couple then too.” Yeah, but that was different. We’re adults now, not frightened teenagers seeking comfort.   Besides, I’m not sure how I feel about being so close to him all night.  Not with the way things stand and in a situation that many would consider decidedly sexual.   “It will be all right, Katniss.  I promise not to try anything,” says Peeta, with an infuriating smirk. I scowl at him, embarrassed at his insinuation that I have sex on my mind, which I do, but it’s not the point.  “You won’t unless you want to lose a hand.  Maybe I’ll borrow Haymitch’s knife – “ “Stop it.  Both of you,” admonishes Haymitch.  “You’re supposed to be in love, remember? Start acting like it.” I back down because he’s right, of course. But in this moment, I almost wish I had taken the alternative option.  Especially as Haymitch and Peeta continue to make plans without consultation from me. This is what started the whole star-crossed lovers thing in the first place.  The two of them making decisions that affect me.  They’d argue that it’s for my benefit, but still. “Since I’m apparently not needed, I’ll get started on making room for Peeta’s things at my house,” I say tersely before I stomp out the door.  I’m rewarded by a look of astonishment from both of them.  Maybe now they’ll get the hint.   Fortunately, there’s not a great deal to do from my end.  The master bedroom has a huge walk-in closet and I barely use a quarter of it.  Once I’ve cleared some space in the bathroom, I’m finished in that part of the house.  Peeta will need somewhere to put his art equipment, of course, and it will be expected that he’d have a proper studio.  I guess we could use my mother’s bedroom.  Her home is 4 now and in the unlikely event she comes to visit she can stay in the guest room.  I pack all her things into boxes.  Maybe I’ll ship them to her in 4.  It would serve as a sort of symbolic rejection of her in return for hers of me.   I know it’s not fair but I don’t feel like being fair.  I want to lash out at something or someone and my mother right now is a safe target.   After that, there’s nothing left for me to do but to help carry Peeta’s things from his house to mine.   I show him his new studio.  He’s happy with it.  He says the light is good.  The bedroom furniture we’ll store at his house.  It won’t look odd if it’s discovered since it’s likely that’s what we would have done with it if Peeta really had moved into my house. By early afternoon most of the moving-in is done.  Haymitch suggests our next priority is to be seen in the town together behaving like a couple in the early days of courtship – which we would be if there was anything real about this.   Peeta holds my hand as we walk.  There’s no one about.  The only people who use the road from the Village into the town are us victors but you can never be sure that somebody isn’t watching.  I’ve learned that the hard way.   There hasn’t been a lot of conversation between us that hasn’t centered around moving in.  Peeta seems to sense that I’m not happy with him and has mostly left me to sulk in peace.  But as we near the town he attempts to draw me out of my bad mood with some light-hearted talk to which I respond with yes or no answers or none at all.   “What are you so angry about?” Peeta asks. “Is it because I teased you about the bed sharing?  I’m sorry. I thought you’d laugh about it.” “No,” I say, even though it is part of it.  “It’s a lot of things.  But I’m mostly just sick of you and Haymitch making decisions that affect me without first asking if I’m okay with it.  Like with the star-crossed lovers thing and the fake pregnancy.  You don’t like it when Haymitch and I keep things from you.  I don’t see how this is any different.” “You’re right.  It’s not.  I’m sorry. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. If it involves you, you should be asked first.  I promise not to do it again.  Okay?” “Okay,” I say, mollified.   “Let me make it up to you.  How about I buy you an ice-cream?” Ice-cream?  I’m not sure about ice-cream.  The ice-cream parlor was Peeta and Lace’s favourite hang-out.  I also don’t have good memories of the last time he bought me one.  It was right before he told me I can’t use his guest room at night anymore.  But it is the best place in town to be seen, and it’s consistent in people’s minds with Peeta’s courtship habits.  I guess I can tolerate it just this once.   “Okay, but I’m not licking ice-cream off your face,” I say.   “I should hope not.  That’s disgusting.  Especially in public.” “You liked it well enough when Lace did it,” I point out.   “She didn’t lick it off.  Sometimes she’d kiss it off.  Not that it’s much better.” “Then why did you let her?” He shrugs.  “I guess I liked the attention.” It seems a dumb reason to me.   He must have been pretty desperate for it if that’s the case. The ice-cream parlor is as crowded as I’ve ever seen it.  The store is packed with customers and all the outside tables are taken. “Maybe we could go sit in the football field and eat our ice-cream there,” suggests Peeta. “No!” I burst out before I can stop myself. That’s where he took me to eat our ice-creams that other time.  “I mean, we’re here to be seen, aren’t we?  No one will see us in the middle of a football field.  We’ll find a table.  Look, there’s some people leaving now.” I almost drag Peeta along in my hurry to secure the table.  “I’ll mind the table while you get the ice-cream.” “What flavours do you want?” “Surprise me.  Nothing coffee flavoured though.”   Peeta leans down to give me a light kiss on the lips.  Oh right, the romance thing.  I smile up at him with what I hope is a suitably soppy expression.  “Miss you already,” I say.   “Miss you more,” he says in return and gives me another kiss. “Just go,” I say laughing and I give him a push.   He threads his way through the tables and enters the store.  I do a quick sweep of my surroundings to see if anyone’s watching. And that’s when I see him.   Max, a couple of tables away.  Staring straight at me, a mixture of incredulity and amusement on his face.   He’s with Saffy from the bakery and another couple I don’t recognize.  I give a small wave in acknowledgment.  That’s a mistake, because after a few words to his companions, he heads towards me and takes the seat opposite. “I didn’t give you permission to sit here,” I say. “Don’t need it.  It’s a public space.  So, you and psycho boy, huh?  When did that happen?  Wasn’t he supposed to be married by now?” “It’s new and the wedding was called off, as you well know.  And don’t call him psycho boy.”  Of all people it had to be Max.  Talk about being plunged into the deep end.  He’ll be the hardest to convince.  A natural skeptic and with an uncanny ability to know what I’m thinking before I do. If I can persuade him, then I can persuade anyone.   “Rather sudden, isn’t it?” “No, not really.  Peeta and I have known each other for a long time.   It was more like picking up from where we left off, now that other distractions are out of the way.” “Other distractions being Lace, I presume?” “Lace was a . . . an aberration.”  There, that’s a good way of putting it.  “A symptom of what the hijacking did to him.  But thankfully he’s now fully recovered.  As for me, well, I never really fell out of love with him.  So, when he asked me to give him another chance, I said yes.  And I don’t regret it.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say we’re as much in love as ever.  Maybe even more so.”   “Hmm.  Well, I’m happy for you.   But can I ask you one question?”  He doesn’t wait for an answer but leans over the table, arms crossed in front of him. “Why?” “What do you mean why?” I ask, irritated. “Is it so impossible that he could be in love with me?” “Not him with you.  You with him.  Have you forgotten what this man has put you through?  Not only has he tried to kill you but he’s been parading a girlfriend in front of you for months.  And now you’re letting him back in?  It’s crazy.”

“I’ve told you before.  There are some things that Peeta can’t be held responsible for and trying to kill me is one of them.   As to the rest, well, there’s things you don’t know.  He’s taking a chance with me too.  All I know is that I love him and I have to go where my heart takes me. Whatever happens, happens. You don’t have to worry about me.  I’m strong enough to take it.” Max gives me a searching look.  “Well, if you’re – “ “Everything okay?” asks Peeta.  He puts down a dish of three scoops of ice-cream in front of me.  He’s bought himself a cone but not the usual soft serve.  Strawberry, I think.   “Everything’s fine,” I say, with a reassuring smile.  “Max just dropped by to say hello.  He’s not staying.” Max thankfully takes the hint.   “Yeah, I should be getting back.  My date will be getting restless without me.” Max pushes his chair back from the table. “See you at work tomorrow, Katniss.” I watch him rejoin his group.   As dubious as he is about my reasons for being with Peeta, I don’t think he doubts that my love for him is real.  

Peeta is also watching.  “Saffy is Max’s date?” He seems surprised.   “Yeah, appears so.”  The other couple are cozied up together so it’s not one of them. “Why?  Is something wrong?” “Not really.  It’s just that Saffy told me she likes girls.”   Oh.  Poor Max.  Saffy flirts with everyone.  He probably got the wrong idea and she accepted his invitation as a friend.  Max doesn’t seem to have much luck when it comes to romance.  Which reminds me. “Want a taste?” I ask Peeta, offering him a spoonful of my ice-cream.  “Do you remember in the cave when I fed you broth and mashed berries?” “I do.  One spoon equals one kiss if I recall.” “I don’t remember that part.  But I always insist on paying my debts.”  I put my face forward to be kissed.  Peeta cheats and takes two.  Over his shoulder, I see the people at the next table watching with interest and then turn to each other to gossip among themselves.  At least people are talking about us.  As with Max, I don’t expect that everyone will approve. Some will say I’m a fool for taking him back.  Others, who don’t know that Lace is with Arthur now, might blame me for Peeta and Lace’s breakup.  And yet others, and I’m hoping they’re the majority, will sigh and romantically declare that order has at last been restored to the universe.  But whatever they think, as long as they believe that Peeta and I are genuinely together, that’s all that matters.

I go back to eating my ice-cream.  It really is delicious.  Chocolate, honeycomb, and butter pecan.   “Katniss, can I ask you something?  You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” “Sure.  Go ahead.”  The butter pecan is amazing. “How serious was it with Marcus?” My spoon freezes half-way to my lips, so surprised I am by the question.  Why is he asking me this now?  We’re supposed to be projecting romance, not talking about former lovers.  But then, why shouldn’t he be thinking about it?  It’s because of my indiscretion with Marcus that we’re here in the first place recreating the star-crossed lovers routine.  He deserves an honest answer.   I think about Marcus and the short time we had together.  It wasn’t a great love affair but for a little while it did reach the heights of one – for me, anyway.   There’s no heartbreak or any sense of loss now that it’s ended, but the memories are sweet.  A rebound, Johanna called it.  But I don’t think that really sums up what Marcus was to me.  He was . . . a haven.  That’s it. A haven.  A place in which to shelter and gather strength.  And I think Marcus would like that.  How apt for a man whose life mission is to create safe spaces for nature to thrive.   I so like the notion that I can’t help smiling. And then I become aware that Peeta is watching me, a look of consternation on his face and I realise that I haven’t yet answered him.   I take a breath.  “Well, we had a lot in common and I liked him a lot.  He helped me and he made me feel good about myself again after . . . you know, everything.” I see Peeta wince slightly at the “everything” although it wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad.  “It was intense for a while but we never could have lasted.” No, not with me stuck in 12 and Marcus’s job that takes him all over Panem.  “So, to answer your question as to whether it was serious or not, I guess the answer is, not very.   Does all that make sense to you?”  

“Yeah, it does,” he says, thoughtfully.  “It makes perfect sense.”   For some reason, this rubs me the wrong way. How would he know?  Oh, yes that’s right. It’s how he viewed his relationship with me.  Something that seemed all- consuming at the time but, as it turned out, not serious at all.   An illusion, in fact.   “I don’t have to ask how it was with you and Lace.  I mean, marriage.  You don’t get more serious than that.” I try to keep my tone light, but there’s a bitter edge to it.

His brow furrows in confusion.  “What?  No, Lace is who I meant.  That’s who I wasn’t serious about.” “Peeta, don’t do that.  I saw it all, remember?  You don’t have to try to make me feel better.  I was reconciled to it months ago.” I push the dish of ice-cream from me. It’s half-melted anyway in the hot sun. “Do you think we can go now?  I think we’ve been seen long enough.” I don’t wait for an answer but get up off my chair and start walking.  Peeta has no choice but to follow. “Katniss, wait up.  People are looking.”  He takes my hand and I don’t pull it away.  I might be upset with him but we still have to look as if we’re smitten with each other.  I even manage a fond smile that I hope doesn’t look too much like a grimace. As soon as we’re out of earshot, Peeta tries again.  “This is something we need to talk about.” “We don’t, actually,” I say, wearily.  “Look, isn’t there enough to deal with right now?  Just drop it.  Please.”    

He opens his mouth to argue, but then seems to think better of it.  I don’t want to talk about his relationship with Lace.  It’s still too raw.  And how can I trust Peeta to know his own mind, anyway?   He’d told Lace that I was the one he wasn’t really serious about.  So now Lace is the one?  Peeta can’t keep re-writing history like that.   We spend the remainder of the walk back to the Village mostly in silence.   Any attempt by Peeta to make conversation is wet-blanketed by me. I know I’m being moody and difficult when Peeta is going out of his way to help me but I just can’t seem to shake it off.   This is much harder than I expected.  I’m beginning to understand what it was like for Peeta during the Victory Tour, when he was the one in love and I wasn’t.  Hugs and kisses, so cherished when it comes from someone you love and who loves you back, is torture when you know that the person you love is putting on an act.  Something is not better than nothing.  An honest nothing is far preferable. Haymitch joins us for dinner.  I don’t know if Peeta invited him or Haymitch invited himself but it provides a welcome buffer between Peeta and me.  We tell him about our visit to the ice-cream parlor and make plans for tomorrow before we move on to general conversation.  After we’ve eaten and cleared up, Haymitch and Peeta set up the chess board.  They try to engage me and I watch them for a little while but eventually I move into the sitting room to watch television.  I feel left out of whatever understanding there seems to be between them.  Maybe it’s because I’m not an equal in this. They’re the heroes coming to the rescue and I’m just the idiot who needs rescuing. I flick mindlessly through the channels until I come to a news program.  It’s covering the mayoral elections in 7.  Johanna’s only real competition is this vile looking man with a ridiculous comb-over who is funded by the logging companies.  Referring to Johanna, he says he likes his heroes not to be captured. It doesn’t go down well.  He’s lucky Johanna isn’t there too.  He’d be dead for sure. When it’s time to retire for the night, we politely take turns using the bathroom and then get into bed.  It’s a large bed so there’s plenty of space between us if we keep to the edges which I’m determined to do.  

So ends the first day of the new adventures of the star-crossed lovers.  

At the Zoo - Chapter 6

There it is, the last chapter of this story – there’s a small epilogue coming on next Monday but it’s mostly done:)

thank you to you, reader, thank you for bearing with me through this difficult story. It hasn’t been a fun ride for Peeta, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Trust me when I say it had been a very difficult story to write too.

My deepest respect goes to the every single person who suffers from PTSD, or panic attacks. Know you’ll always find someone willing to listen to you if need be. Just reach out.

This story wouldn’t have been out without the help of the incredible @xerxia31 who took on the job of betaing this whole story.

This story wouldn’t have been the same at all without the help of the amazing dandelion-sunset who insisted that I keep the PTSD scene when I wanted to delete it. She also beta-ed.

And to @akai-echo – her art, her aesthetics echo (pun intended) the story – her images are a strong companion to my words. Her vision on my stories is a gift I cherish.

Well, let’s do this, shall we ? Let’s go see another animal … I hope you liked my little game with the names of the chapters:)

Here on AO3 // FFN

Comments, reviews, asks, reblogs are always welcomed :)

6. Panthera Leo.

It had been weeks since Peeta last went into the zoo. Three weeks and two days to be precise. Since the day he had spent walking around the park like any other visitor, taking the time to look at the animals, to watch their movements, his fingers itching to draw them on paper.

Which he did as soon as he got back to his flat, spending days trying to recreate the face of a monkey, the movement of a bear, or the cuteness of a baby giraffe galloping around the corral. Each stroke of the pen or the brush on the canvas unlocking ideas, colors, motions.

Suddenly, a whole new set of images were in front of him to paint. Or draw. Or film.

All that thanks to a show. In a zoo.

That night, though, he was coming back to the zoo after the park was closed. He was supposed to meet Cressida and Castor, as well as the other teams of journalists, to watch the first episode of the show airing on  Capitol TV.

“Peeta! Good to see you again!” Castor’s voice welcomed him as he got out of his car, being careful to place his leg on a stable spot, so he wouldn’t fall.

“Good to see you too, guys!” he answered, before Castor hugged him.

“Been a while, right? I missed working with you, we make a good team!”

Peeta nodded at his friend’s words. It had been a good shoot, indeed. Not only for work, but more importantly for himself. He had been able to do his job properly, without his fears getting in the way, without his PTSD interfering…

Only Katniss had seen him at his worst.

Twice.

Yet she hadn’t run away.

He was still amazed by her reaction to him.

He had - barely - been able to keep away from her for three weeks and two days, wanting some distance to be able to think about her, about them.

He hadn’t been able to keep her out of his mind for long. She was everywhere he looked. In the soft feathers on the pavement, in the grey of the sky, in the laughter of children. Almost everything he saw or heard, felt or tasted reminded him of Katniss.

He had no clue, though, if she felt the same way about him. Sure, he could have asked her out during those three weeks, but something had held him back.

They had exchanged texts, little everyday chats about their lives. Even if he had enjoyed seeing her name on his phone on a very regular basis, he never wanted to push his luck, just being glad to have any contact with her.

Maybe one day he would have enough courage and strength to tell her how he felt about her.

Because Peeta Mellark was pretty sure that along the line, he had fallen in love with Katniss Everdeen.

“Yeah, it was….” he finally answered Pollux, a smile on his face. “It truly was….”

“Man, I never imagined I could care about the life of a lion… and look at me now, I only want to go see all the animals and be sure they are well. Next job is going to be tough to top….” Pollux shook his head, as he started walking towards the gates of the park. “You know what you’ll do next?”

“Na, not yet. I keep hoping the station will ask for more and we get to go back, you know?”

“Gotcha. It feels good to film something heartwarming for a change. To be part of something… good? I don’t know, the rushes I saw were pretty good and so… different. I hope people will watch.”

“Me too, really. The guys here, they all deserve it.” Peeta pushed the door to the gift shop open, letting himself in.

The two men were immediately greeted by one of the vendors, a perky blonde who had caught the attention of almost all the men in the filming crews during the weeks they were there.

“Pollux! Peeta! So happy to see both of you! Effie’s waiting for all of you to arrive! She’s by the offices, if you remember the way?”

Peeta nodded before walking to the other door of the shop, shaking his head as he heard Castor’s attempts at flirting with the blonde girl.

He knew the way. Past the flamingos, follow the river to the chimps, turn left in the middle of the monkey zone, then follow the brick road to the main building, where the offices were.

Music lead him to a wooden terrace, where keepers were already standing, talking to one another. A large screen had been put up at the back, with technicians working around, pulling cables, testing the sound for the projection that would take place later.

Peeta looked around, nodding or waving at the keepers or technicians he had met - which turned out to be almost everyone present - but keeping himself apart from the growing crowd.

He knew he was hoping to spot a dark braid or silver eyes in the crowd, but was instead met by Finnick’s green eyes, a small smile on his lips.

“Find what you’re looking for, man?” the keeper winked, before turning around, searching the crowd until he spotted Finnick near the buffet. “Care to join us? Effie says the food is amazing.”

“I don’t know, Finn, I–”

“And I know for sure Katniss will be onto the buffet first thing,” Finnick interrupted him.

Peeta let out a sigh, before looking at the keeper. “Am I that obvious?”

“Na, don’t worry. But the red pandas are in my sector, remember?”

Peeta did remember the first time Katniss took him to see the small animals - the cutest in the zoo as per the visitors opinion - it had been an almost magical moment to see those balls of fur in the sunset. He might or might not have drawn the scene several times already.

“Come on, Peeta, she’ll be there. And they have cinnamon rolls… “

Peeta chuckled. “I hope they aren’t industrially made….”

“You’re not one of those food snobs, right?”

“No. I might come from a line of bakers though.”

“You do? Why haven’t you told us that before?” The rich, feminine voice took Peeta by surprise. He hadn’t heard anyone approaching Finnick and him, or felt a shift in the air at the presence of the woman he’d been looking for. Guess real life wasn’t like the movies, after all.

But Katniss was there,  standing right next to him, looking at him as if she expected something - right, she had asked a question, if he could just remember what it was. He looked at the table in front of him.

“You never asked,” he finally answered. “I thought nobody cared.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Peeta. We care. We always have,” Katniss answered.

“You do?” He couldn’t help the question coming out of his mouth. Did she care enough?

“More than you–”

“Attention, please!” Effie’s voice broke the moment. Somehow, Finnick had disappeared in the crowd, but Peeta was completely unable to tell how and when. “If you would please gather and take a seat, we’re going to show you the first episode of the show! It’s called “At the Zoo!” Come, come!”

Effie’s enthusiasm was a perfect match to her outfit - s, pink and glittery, reminding Peeta of a European song contest he had caught on the internet a few years ago. He had needed a few drinks to get over the craziness of it all.

“You must be eager to see the footage you shot, right?” Katniss asked him as she started walking towards the makeshift stage in front of them, before noticing Peeta wasn’t following. “You don’t want to come?”

He could almost hear the words he craved lingering in the quiet… with me.

“Sure,” he answered instead, taking her lead, until she reached the rows of seats in front of the screen.

“Anywhere you want to sit?” Katniss asked him, again.

Wait - she was asking him where he wanted to sit?

“I thought we could be in the back?” she added, in a whisper, for his ears only.

“You want to sit together?”

“You don’t?” Katniss turned to face him, a scowl now apparent, as if she had heard something she didn’t like.

“Of course, but…. You’re not…” Peeta was looking for the right word. Disgusted, afraid, anxious passed through his mind, a constant reminder of who he had become.

Warms skin on his hand tore him apart from his thoughts. He lowered his eyes, to see it was Katniss’s hand, small and callused. He looked back at her, surprised by the intensity of her silver eyes.

“I’m not afraid of you, Peeta. Or whatever word crossed your mind right now. I want to sit with you, but only if you want to.”

He watched as she tucked a lock of wild hair behind her ear, as she  lowered her eyes, shifting on her feet, as if she were unsure of him, of herself.

Peeta felt his brain working a mile a minute. She wanted to be next to him, even after everything. After seeing him break down not once, but twice… she touched him, in the dark, doing what he hadn’t dare initiate.

He felt something else surging through him. Something good, something he could name.

Hope.

–

They finally settled into two seats in the back, side by side. So close, but Peeta was itching to get even closer, to discover who Katniss was, to uncover every secret she had.  She smelled like the wind, a mix of trees and flowers and something he couldn’t place, something utterly… Katniss. He wanted to bottle her scent and keep it with him forever.

A man was standing on the platform, in front of the screen, explaining that the station was trying a new format, with no interruption for commercials, that the program was kid-oriented and that he hoped they would enjoy the show.

The lights went out, he only illumination came from the stars above them.

Silence fell.

On the screen, colorful images and happy music accompanied the main theme, introducing some of the keepers and their animals.

As the first few minutes passed, showing the different keepers, their everyday tasks as well as the main animals, Peeta found himself smiling slightly at the images he knew were his own, recognizing a cut here and there, happy to see his footage again on the screen.

He felt like he was able to express himself, after so long. As if he had found his voice again.

Even if it was only for a kids’ zoo show.

His breathing became a bit deeper, a bit easier. As if a weight had been lifted from his chest. A weight he didn’t even know he was bearing.

He almost jumped out of his chair when he felt something brushing the side of his pinky finger.

He was barely more prepared when it happened again.

He didn’t dare move, in hopes he would feel it a third time.

He couldn’t focus on the screen anymore. All his attention was in the skin of his little finger. He closed his eyes as he felt it again, skin on skin, heat on heat.

Three times the charm, they say.

Maybe it was time to take a chance on life.

The panthers were roaring on the screen when he let his finger brush along Katniss’s for the first time. They were playing with an ice cube when he twined his fingers with hers.

–

Peeta didn’t want to leave the zoo.

The screening has been a success, the crowd cheering at the end, purely out of pride and joy of seeing the animals, the park and the keepers on screen.

He had spent the remainder of the screening holding Katniss’s hand, letting his thumb caress her skin repeatedly, until they both had to stand and follow the others to celebrate at the buffet.

They had been separated by the crowd, by their own coworkers who wanted to talk to them about the show, to celebrate, to think of what they could feature for another season if the public wanted to see more.

Peeta only wanted a few more minutes with Katniss.

Alone.

He could see her, lingering on the edge of the makeshift stage, in a conversation with Gale and his girlfriend. He wanted to get closer to her, talk to her, hold her hand again.

He didn’t dare hope for more.

In the blink of an eye, she was gone. He couldn’t see her anywhere.

Regret fell on him, as he realized she had left the scene, maybe even the park. Him.

His phone buzzed.

Two words shone in the night.

Panthera Leo.

He smiled.

Peeta excused himself quickly, before heading into the night.

He wound his way through the labyrinth of the zoo, until he reached the familiar pen.

The lion was sleeping peacefully under the stars, his broad mane spread around him, the very picture of the king of animals.

“Took you long enough…” her voice whispered in the dark. She was somewhere around, in the shadows of the bamboos around him

“I thought you had left.” He hoped his voice wasn’t shaking.

“I thought you weren’t coming…”

“Katniss…. Where are you?”

She didn’t answer. He was looking around at the trees, squinting to try to find her.

He didn’t need to.

He felt her hand on his shoulder, slowly sliding down his arm, until her palm met his, until her fingers linked with his, again. He felt the joy spreading in his body, as he turned, taking her all in. Eyes shining in the grey of the moon, hair glistening with the rays of the stars, her skin glowing.

He only wanted to get even closer to her.

He leaned into her, until his forehead touched hers.

He knew he should pull away, he really did try to step away from her embrace. Something was holding him into the now and then, into the moment. Maybe it was her hands on him, maybe it was his treacherous heart, maybe it was his mind, so much clearer now after his weeks at the zoo, after his weeks next to her.

She didn’t let go of him, though, looking straight into his eyes.

“What are we doing?” Peeta whispered, to the night, to the stars, to her. “I’m… I’m damaged goods, Katniss… We shouldn’t…” he stuttered, not sure what to say anymore. “I shouldn’t be here, with you…”

She shut him up, putting her index fingers on his lips. She didn’t break the connection they had, their foreheads still touching, as if she didn’t want to break the bubble they were in.

“We’re all damaged, Peeta. I was broken once too. Am I damaged goods?”

“No!”

“Then why do you call yourself damaged goods?”

“You don’t know what I went through, Katniss…” he whispered. He could hear the pain in his voice.

“Then you’ll tell me. Not today, when you’re ready. You don’t know what I went through either…. But someday, I’ll tell you.”

“Are you sure you will want to know?” he whispered.

“Yes.” Katniss said, a definitive answer as he felt her hair, like a caress on his skin - her braid had shifted with the wind, whispers of hair touching his jaw.

“You really want to know?”

She didn’t answer. He felt her hands, small, warm on his cheeks, anchoring him more to the moment.

He could see through the will in her grey eyes, the spark, and something more - he wasn’t sure what it was… he did not dare… hope.

Hope.

To have a life back, starting there, in the zoo, with her.

He thought Afghanistan had burned all his hopes.

Turned out a dark-haired falconer could just restore them.

“I want to know, Peeta,” she whispered. “But only when you’re ready - and if–” she looked him straight in the eyes, “if you want to tell me. If… if you want me?”

Her voice was barely above a whisper - meant for his ears only. Not for the quiet of the night, or the animals nearby. Not for the birds in the trees, singing their laments to the sun, or for the moon, appearing in the shadows of the sun.

Just for him.

She asked if he wanted her.

Her.

There was nothing he wanted more.

He nodded - just a simple move of his chin.

She smiled.

She took the final breath of air between them, pressing her lips firmly to his.

Just a whisper of a kiss before she pulled away.

He knew he was selfish, wanting more. So much more. Peeta wanted her lips on him forever, wanted to live in her mouth - that’s where he knew he belonged.

He lifted his hands to cup her face, using his thumbs to caress her cheeks, giving her plenty of time to move away from him, if she chose to. He let his eyes meet hers, let himself got lost in the grey that was shining, expectant.

This time, he was the one who pressed his lips to hers, who tasted the beer on her, who started mapping her mouth, taking his time exploring, tasting, teasing. He was drunk on her, she was becoming an addiction he never would be able to give up.

He let his tongue taste her too, surprised when she immediately opened her mouth to him, swallowing her moan, losing himself in her a bit more.

He kissed her until his lungs screamed for oxygen.

Then they kissed again.

This is how I imagine Madge’s “Box” looks like in “Another Way Out”.  This particular box belongs to my son, a Hanukkah gift from his grandparents a few years ago.  In place of “Happy Chanukah - 2018 - Love, Papa & Grandma”, imagine Madge’s initials... M. A. U.

| Madge |

 “Madge, hey Madge, wait up!” I turn my head to see who is calling my name.  After Katniss and Peeta left, I stopped by the mayor’s house for Kizzie’s piano lesson.  Mayor Kadinski offered to give me the day off because of all the festivities today, but I insisted it was okay.  Really, I did it more for myself than for Kizzie, as selfish as that is.  But with the stress of what my friends will be faced with, I needed my music.  I needed for my fingers to press the familiar keys and for my mind to be inundated with the soothing melody of Nocturne #20 in C Sharp Minor.  It is my go-to piece when I am stressed out.

 “Hey Rye, what are you doing all the way out here?” I ask him, slightly confused.  We are on the edge of town, almost in the Seam and pretty far from the bakery.

 “Sorry— let me— catch my— breath!” He huffs.  I stop walking to give him a minute to regain control of his lungs.  His hair is a disheveled mess, and he has that same goofy grin that he always wears.  “Geez, you walk fast.” He finally says after a moment.

 I raise an eyebrow, not sure what he means.  “I do?” ‘Well, I was on the track team, back when Katniss and Peeta were in school.’ I smirk silently to myself.

 “Yeah, I’ve been trying to catch up with you since the fourth house past the mayor’s mansion— which is when I finally decided to yell your name.”

 “Oh, okay.  Well, what’s up?”

 “Oh, yeah.  Right.  Um, so Peet said I could come find you and you would give me a key to his house.  He said I could stay there some while he was gone.”

 “Oh yeah.  Peeta told me you would probably ask for it.  If you want to follow me to my house, I can give it to you.” 

 “Okay, cool.” Together we continue walking, making our way to my house.  I am thankful for Rye’s constant joking banter, keeping away from any serious talk until I can just barely make out the silhouette of my house.

 “Madge, something is going on with Katniss and Peeta, and I think Haymitch might be in on it, I’m not sure.  But I’m worried about my little brother.  I know you have been friends with them for a long time, so . . . I don’t know, maybe this is a long shot, but do you know anything?  I swear, I’m not trying to be nosy, I’m just worried.  I’m actually— Madge, should I be worried?”

 His question takes me by surprise, it was the last thing I ever expected to hear from the school's number one jokester, Rye Mellark.  The shock freezes me in place for a split-second, but I quickly resume walking, refusing to meet his eyes.

 “Rye, it’s not safe to speak right here.” I whisper, keeping my eyes trained forward.  “When we’re in class tomorrow, I will tell you where we can meet to talk.”  I never look over to see if he heard me and then my heart accelerates when I realize my house is within a few steps.  “I really love the cookies at the bakery!” I chirp, finally meeting his eyes.  He nods, understanding the message I was trying to convey.

 I reach into my pocket, retrieving my house key and unlock my door.  Rye follows me inside, closing the door behind him.

 “This is really nice Madge.” Rye says, trying to be polite when he looks around at the tiny home.  I roll my eyes and make my way into the kitchen where I stowed Peeta’s key.  He asked me to keep it in a secure location in case either Rye or his dad were to ask for it.

 “It’s okay Rye, I know it’s shit here.  But I’m making it work.  I don’t need much.” I tell him, discreetly pulling the key from its secret location.  Just in case Rye saw it, I’ll have to move my box somewhere else.  I can’t risk anyone finding out about its contents.

 I walk over to Rye and hand him the key to Peeta’s house.  “Here you go.  Don’t lose it, I don’t have another one.”

 “Thanks Madge.  See you at school tomorrow?”

 “See you at school tomorrow.” I confirm.

 Once Rye is gone, I plop down on my couch and look around the house.  Where can I move my box? I ask myself.  My tiny little box, handcrafted by my very own father from the wood of an oak tree is no more than seven and a half inches wide, four and a half inches long, and about two inches deep.  For the moment, it only houses Katniss’ house key, my special book, a letter my father wrote me and two letters I found that my mother wrote me.  Rose gave me the first letter from my mother after they died.  In each letter, mama has left a trail of breadcrumbs leading to another letter; scattered throughout the district.  Oh, and there is also this coin my father left me.  I haven’t figured out its purpose, but it must be important, otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered keeping it a secret.

 I am constantly moving my box, afraid of someone finding it.  I alternate between a few hiding spots in a few select trees but having it in my house makes me feel safer.  Somewhere within reach.

 I stand up and begin pacing the floor of the living room.  “Why is Rye worried?  Did he see something?  Hear something?  Did Peeta tell him anything?” I ask myself, still looking for a new hiding place for my box.  Just then, the floorboard creaks under my foot.  I take a step back and it creaks again.  Curiosity overtakes me and I get down on my knees to inspect the plank, only to find it loose.  It’s loose, but not that loose.  Eventually, I am able to pry it up.

 “Holy shit!” I exclaim when I see what is hidden underneath the floorboard.  It is a hidden compartment, a perfect place for my box.  But there is something else here too.  It looks like someone else had the same idea as me.  It is a box, almost the exact same dimensions as mine, except it has a mockingjay carved on the face of it, where my box displays a tree, with my initials engraved on the inside.

 I switch the boxes out and replace the plank, sliding my couch over it.  No one ever comes over here, and if Gale happens to pop in, he will just think I rearranged the room.  As if on cue, the moment I am done, there is a knock at the door.

 “Gale.” I say, surprised when I see him.

 “Everything okay?” He asks, raising a brow.

 “Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.” I tell him, trying to play it cool.

 “Can I come in?” He asks me.

 “Oh, yeah.  Yeah, of course.” I widen the door for him to come in and then wrap my arms around his neck, needing the security of his touch.

 Something is wrong though; I can sense the tension in the air.  I pull back to meet his eyes and ask, “Is something wrong?”

 “Vick said he thought he saw Rye Mellark over here.”

 “He saw right.” I confirm, nodding.

 “What was he doing over here?” Oh, I see, jealous Gale is coming out to play.

 “He came to get Peeta’s house key.”  His eyes narrow at my statement; I do not like where this is going.

 “Why did you even have it?” He demands, his eyes narrowing as he glares daggers at me accusingly.

 “What’s with the third-degree Gale?” I demand, narrowing my own eyes and furrowing my brows.  I can glare just as efficiently as he can; better even.

 “I don’t like Rye Mellark; I don’t want you talking to him.  He’s a townie, and bad news at that.”

 “I’m sorry, what did you say?  You don’t want me talking to him?  Who are you, my father?  And just in case you forgot, I’m a townie too Gale!” I scream at him, feeling the blood in my body begin to simmer.

 “He’s an asshole and I don’t want you talking to him Madge.  And you’re not a townie, you live here in the Seam, same as me.”

 “Okay, first of all Gale Hawthorne, I was born and lived in town up until six months ago.  I have “townie” friends that I’m not just going to abandon simply because of a change in venue.” I don’t realize it, but with each word that escapes my mouth, my voice seems to get higher; louder; angrier.  “Second of all, you do NOT tell me who I can or cannot talk to.  I am a big girl Gale; I can take care of myself and I think it’s time you left.” I walk over to the door and open it, motioning for him to leave.

 “Madge, I—”

 “GET OUT!” I scream even louder.

 His shoulders are hunched over as he walks out the door and then I slam it behind him just as he turns around and says my name.

 “Fucking shithead.  Asshole, mother-fucker!” I scream to no one.  “Who does he think he is, telling me who I can talk to?  I don’t think so, Rye is my friend and I’ll talk to him whenever I damn well please!” I rant; although no one is listening, it feels satisfying to yell the words out loud.  I wish Katniss was still here, I bet she’d march over there and slap him or something.

 “Pgh.  Tell me what to do, Gale Hawthorne?  I don’t think so.”

Read the whole story on my A03 page: (I hope I did this right!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679952/chapters/72665136#workskin

When I was in need of Help you were there 

When You left I cried Tears 

When You said you couldn’t hold on you did 

When  You speak in front of a crowd everyone listens 

When You almost died I knew I couldn’t let go 

When You  gave your blessing to move on I couldn’t without you. 

When I needed someone to hold on to you where there 

When I wake up in the night from horriable dreams your arms to comfort are close by. 

When You see me fall you pick me back up 

When you saw me for who I am you still loved me 

When you were taken away I was broken 

When we kiss it feels like nothing us is in this world but us. 

When you smile I  smile. 

When you cry I am the shoulder you can lean on 

When I fail your always supporting me 

When I lost everything you were still there 

When you said you loved me I loved you to. 

When you bake or paint its you create something speical 

When you talk about me you make me feel like your the one

When I told you I am expecting you were overjoyed I know I said I’d never Bring Kids into this broken world but you showed me those wounds can be fixed when we have each other. I feel like if I was to bring kids into the world it would be with you no one else. 

Below are moments where Katniss Notices Peeta 

. I watch him as he makes his way toward the stage. Medium height, stocky build, ashy blond hair that falls in waves over his forehead. The shock of the moment is registering on his face, you can see his struggle to remain emotionless, but his blue eyes show the alarm I've seen so often in prey. Yet he climbs steadily onto the stage and takes his place.

The mayor finishes the dreary Treaty of Treason and motions for Peeta and me to shake hands. His are as solid and warm as those loaves of bread. Peeta looks me right in the eye and gives my hand what I think is meant to be a reassuring squeeze. Maybe it's just a nervous spasm.

But this seems an odd strategy for Peeta Mellark because he's a baker's son. All those years of having enough to eat and hauling bread trays around have made him broad-shouldered and strong. It will take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him. 

I don't know why, but this rubs me the wrong way. "What about you? I've seen you in the market. You can lift hundred-pound bags of flour," I snap at him. "Tell him that. That's not nothing."

"He can wrestle," I tell Haymitch. "He came in second in our school competition last year, only after his brother."

What on earth does he mean? People help me? When we were dying of starvation, no one helped me! No one except Peeta. Once I had something to barter with, things changed. I'm a tough trader. Or am I? What effect do I have? That I'm weak and needy? Is he suggesting that I got good deals because people pitied me? I try to think if this is true. Perhaps some of the merchants were a little generous in their trades, but I always attributed that to their long-standing relationship with my father. Besides, my game is first-class. No one pitied me!

It's weird, how much he's noticed me. Like the attention he's paid to my hunting. And apparently, I have not been as oblivious to him as I imagined, either. The flour. The wrestling. I have kept track of the boy with the bread.

"Thanks for keeping hold of me. I was getting a little shaky there," says Peeta. "It didn't show," I tell him.

Finally, I fill a plate with rolls and sit at the table, breaking oil bits and dipping them into hot chocolate, the way Peeta did on the train.

  Peeta looks striking in a black suit with flame accents. While we look well together, it's a relief not to be dressed identically.

  Peeta takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders. I start to take a step back, but then I let him, deciding for a moment to accept both his jacket and his kindness. A friend would do that, right?

"I do the cakes," he admits to me. "The cakes?" I ask. I've been preoccupied with watching the boy from District 2 send a spear through a dummy's heart from fifteen yards. "What cakes?" "At home. The iced ones, for the bakery," he says. He means the ones they display in the windows. Fancy cakes with flowers and pretty things painted in frosting. They're for birthdays and New Year's Day. When we're in the square, Prim always drags me over to admire them, although we'd never be able to afford one. There's little enough beauty in District 12, though, so I can hardly deny her this.

"Peeta?" I whisper. "Where are you?" There's no answer. Could I just have imagined it? No, I'm certain it was real and very close at hand, too. "Peeta?" I creep along the bank. "Well, don't step on me." I jump back. His voice was right under my feet. Still there's nothing. Then his eyes open, unmistakably blue in the brown mud and green leaves. I gasp and am rewarded with a hint of white teeth as he laughs. It's the final word in camouflage. Forget chucking weights around. Peeta should have gone into his private session with the Gamemakers and painted himself into a tree. Or a boulder. Or a muddy bank full of weeds. 

Oh, right, the whole romance thing. I reach out to touch his cheek and he catches my hand and presses it against his lips. I remember my father doing this very thing to my mother and I wonder where Peeta picked it up. Surely not from his father and the witch. 

I fumble. I'm not as smooth with words as Peeta. And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.

I make Peeta put his jacket back on. The damp cold seems to cut right down to my bones, so he must be half frozen. I insist on taking the first watch, too, although neither of us think it's likely anyone will come in this weather. But he won't agree unless I'm in the bag, too, and I'm shivering so hard that it's pointless to object. In stark contrast to two nights ago, when I felt Peeta was a million miles away, I'm struck by his immediacy now. As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow, the other rests protectively over me even when he goes to sleep. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else's arms have made me feel this safe.

I make room for him in the sleeping bag. We lean back against the cave wall, my head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around me.

Peeta's a whiz with fires, coaxing a blaze out of the damp wood. In no time, I have the rabbits and squirrel roasting, the roots, wrapped in leaves, baking in the coals.

I also want to tell him how much I already miss him. But that wouldn't be fair on my part.

Catching Fire... 

Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. How people embrace everything he says. He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I'm sure the idea has never crossed his mind.

"So what's wrong?" he asks. I can't tell him. I pick at the clump of weeds. "Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine ... but I don't know what your favorite color is?" he says. A smile creeps onto my lips. "Green. What's yours?" "Orange," he says. "Orange? Like Effie's hair?" I say. "A bit more muted," he says. "More like ... sunset." Sunset. I can see it immediately, the rim of the descending sun, the sky streaked with soft shades of orange. Beautiful. I remember the tiger lily cookie and, now that Peeta is talking to me again, it's all I can do not to recount the whole story about President Snow. But I know Haymitch wouldn't want me to. I'd better stick to small talk. "You know, everyone's always raving about your paintings. I feel bad I haven't seen them," I say. "Well, I've got a whole train car full." He rises and offers me his hand. "Come on." It's good to feel his fingers entwined with mine again, not for show but in actual friendship. We walk back to the train hand in hand. At the door, I remember. "I've got to apologize to Effie first."

I go to my compartment and let the prep team do my hair and makeup. Cinna comes in with a pretty orange frock patterned with autumn leaves. I think how much Peeta will like the color.

Peeta, who spends much of the night roaming the train, hears me screaming as I struggle to break out of the haze of drugs that merely prolong the horrible dreams. He manages to wake me and calm me down. Then he climbs into bed to hold me until I fall back to sleep. After that, I refuse the pills. But every night I let him into my bed. We manage the darkness as we did in the arena, wrapped in each other's arms, guarding against dangers that can descend at any moment. Nothing else happens, but our arrangement quickly becomes a subject of gossip on the train.

I don't want to dance with Plutarch Heavensbee. I don't want to feel his hands, one resting against mine, one on my hip. I'm not used to being touched, except by Peeta or my family, and I rank Gamemakers somewhere below maggots in terms of creatures I want in contact with my skin. But he seems to sense this and holds me almost at arm's length as we turn on the floor.

When I open my eyes, it's early afternoon. My head rests on Peeta's arm. I don't remember him coming in last night. I turn, being careful not to disturb him, but he's already awake. "No nightmares," he says. "What?" I ask. "You didn't have any nightmares last night," he says. He's right. For the first time in ages I've slept through the night. "I had a dream, though," I say, thinking back. "I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice." "Where did she take you?" he says, brushing my hair off my forehead. "I don't know. We never arrived," I say. "But I felt happy." "Well, you slept like you were happy," he says. "Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?" I say. "I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror," he says. "You should wake me," I say, thinking about how I can interrupt his sleep two or three times on a bad night. About how long it can take to calm me down. "It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you," he says. "I'm okay once I realize you're here." Ugh. Peeta makes comments like this in such an offhand way, and it's like being hit in the gut. He's only answering my question honestly. He's not pressing me to reply in kind, to make any declaration of love. But I still feel awful, as if I've been using him in some terrible way. Have I? I don't know. I only know that for the first time, I feel immoral about him being here in my bed. Which is ironic since we're officially engaged now. "Be worse when we're home and I'm sleeping alone again," he says. That's right, we're almost home. "No, I'd have told you," I say. I pull his hand up and lean my cheek against the back of it, taking in the faint scent of cinnamon and dill from the breads he must have baked today. I want to tell him about Twill and Bonnie and the uprising and the fantasy of District 13, but it's not safe to and I can feel myself slipping away, so I just get out one more sentence. "Stay with me." As the tendrils of sleep syrup pull me down, I hear him whisper a word back, but I don't quite catch it.

Peeta comes by every day to bring me cheese buns and begins to help me work on the family book. It's an old thing, made of parchment and leather. Some herbalist on my mother's side of the family started it ages ago. The book's composed of page after page of ink drawings of plants with descriptions of their medical uses. My father added a section on edible plants that was my guidebook to keeping us alive after his death. For a long time, I've wanted to record my own knowledge in it. Things I learned from experience or from Gale, and then the information I picked up when I was training for the Games. I didn't because I'm no artist and it's so crucial that the pictures are drawn in exact detail. That's where Peeta comes in. Some of the plants he knows already, others we have dried samples of, and others I have to describe. He makes sketches on scrap paper until I'm satisfied they're right, then I let him draw them in the book. After that, I carefully print all I know about the plant.

It's quiet, absorbing work that helps take my mind off my troubles. I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of color to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him. I've seen flashes of this before: in the arena, or when he speaks to a crowd, or that time he shoved the Peacekeepers' guns away from me in District 11. I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks.

One afternoon Peeta stops shading a blossom and looks up so suddenly that I start, as though I were caught spying on him, which in a strange way maybe I was. But he only says, "You know, I think this is the first time we've ever done anything normal together." "Yeah," I agree. Our whole relationship has been tainted by the Games. Normal was never a part of it. "Nice for a change." Each afternoon he carries me downstairs for a change of scenery and I unnerve everyone by turning on the television

I order warm milk, the most calming thing I can think of, from an attendant. Hearing voices from the television room, I go in and find Peeta. Beside him on the couch is the box Effie sent of tapes of the old Hunger Games. I recognize the episode in which Brutus became victor. Peeta rises and flips off the tape when he sees me. "Couldn't sleep?" "Not for long," I say. I pull the robe more securely around me as I remember the old woman transforming into the rodent. "Want to talk about it?" he asks. Sometimes that can help, but I just shake my head, feeling weak that people I haven't even fought yet already haunt me. When Peeta holds out his arms, I walk straight into them. It's the first time since they announced the Quarter Quell that he's offered me any sort of affection. He's been more like a very demanding trainer, always pushing, always insisting Haymitch and I run faster, eat more, know our enemy better. Lover? Forget about that. He abandoned any pretense of even being my friend. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck before he can order me to do push-ups or something. Instead he pulls me in close and buries his face in my hair. Warmth radiates from the spot where his lips just touch my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. It feels so good, so impossibly good, that I know I will not be the first to let go. And why should I? I have said good-bye to Gale. I'll never see him again, that's for certain. Nothing I do now can hurt him. He won't see it or he'll think I am acting for the cameras. That, at least, is one weight off my shoulders. The arrival of the Capitol attendant with the warm milk is what breaks us apart. He sets a tray with a steaming ceramic jug and two mugs on a table. "I brought an extra cup," he says. "Thanks," I say. "And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice," he adds. He looks at us like he wants to say more, then gives his head a slight shake and backs out of the room. "What's with him?" I say. "I think he feels bad for us," says Peeta. "Right," I say, pouring the milk. "I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in," says Peeta. "Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions."

Peeta would lose it if he knew I was thinking any of this, so I only say, "So what should we do with our last few days?" "I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you," Peeta replies."Come on, then," I say, pulling him into my room.It feels like such a luxury, sleeping with Peeta again. I didn't realize until now how starved I've been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. I wish I hadn't wasted the last couple of nights shutting him out. I sink down into sleep, enveloped in his warmth, and when I open my eyes again, daylight's streaming through the windows."No nightmares," he says."No nightmares," I confirm. "You?""None. I'd forgotten what a real night's sleep feels like," he says.We lie there for a while, in no rush to begin the day. Tomorrow night will be the televised interview, so today Effie and Haymitch should be coaching us. More high heels and sarcastic comments, I think. But then the redheaded Avox girl comes in with a note from Effie saying that, given our recent tour, both she and Haymitch have agreed we can handle ourselves adequately in public. The coaching sessions have been canceled."Really?" says Peeta, taking the note from my hand and examining it. "Do you know what this means? We'll have the whole day to ourselves.""It's too bad we can't go somewhere," I say wistfully."Who says we can't?" he asks.The roof. We order a bunch of food, grab some blankets, and head up to the roof for a picnic. A daylong picnic in the flower garden that tinkles with wind chimes. We eat. We lie in the sun. I snap off hanging vines and use my newfound knowledge from training to practice knots and weave nets. Peeta sketches me. We make up a game with the force field that surrounds the roof - one of us throws an apple into it and the other person has to catch it.No one bothers us. By late afternoon, I lie with my head on Peeta's lap, making a crown of flowers while he fiddles with my hair, claiming he's practicing his knots. After a while, his hands go still. "What?" I ask."I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever," he says.Usually this sort of comment, the kind that hints of his undying love for me, makes me feel guilty and awful. But I feel so warm and relaxed and beyond worrying about a future I'll never have, I just let the word slip out. "Okay."I can hear the smile in his voice. "Then you'll allow it?""I'll allow it," I say.His fingers go back to my hair and I doze off, but he rouses me to see the sunset. It's a spectacular yellow and orange blaze behind the skyline of the Capitol. "I didn't think you'd want to miss it," he says."Thanks," I say. Because I can count on my fingers the number of sunsets I have left, and I don't want to miss any of them.We don't go and join the others for dinner, and no one summons us."I'm glad. I'm tired of making everyone around me so miserable," says Peeta. "Everybody crying. Or Haymitch ..." He doesn't need to go on.We stay on the roof until bedtime and then quietly slip down to my room without encountering anyone.The next morning, we're roused by my prep team. The sight of Peeta and me sleeping together is too much for Octavia, because she bursts into tears right away. "You remember what Cinna told us," Venia says fiercely. Octavia nods and goes out sobbing.

Peeta's in an elegant tuxedo and white gloves. The sort of thing grooms wear to get married in, here in the Capitol.

We walk down the hallway. Peeta wants to stop by his room to shower off the makeup and meet me in a few minutes, but I won't let him. I'm certain that if a door shuts between us, it will lock and I'll have to spend the night without him. Besides, I have a shower in my room. I refuse to let go of his hand. Do we sleep? I don't know. We spend the night holding each other, in some halfway land between dreams and waking. Not talking. Both afraid to disturb the other in the hope that we'll be able to store up a few precious minutes of rest.

I rush over to where he lies, motionless in a web of vines. "Peeta?" There's a faint smell of singed hair. I call his name again, giving him a little shake, but he's unresponsive. My fingers fumble across his lips, where there's no warm breath although moments ago he was panting. I press my ear against his chest, to the spot where I always rest my head, where I know I will hear the strong and steady beat of his heart. Instead, I find silence.

Peeta and I sit on the damp sand, facing away from each other, my right shoulder and hip pressed against his. I watch the water as he watches the jungle, which is better for me. I'm still haunted by the voices of the jabberjays, which unfortunately the insects can't drown out. After a while I rest my head against his shoulder. Feel his hand caress my hair. "Katniss," he says softly, "it's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." No, I guess there isn't, but it's no fun discussing it, either. Well, not for us, anyway. The Capitol viewers will be glued to their sets so they don't miss one wretched word. "I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." Of course, I know this, too. He told Peeta they could keep me alive so that he wouldn't be suspicious. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us." This gets my attention. A double deal. A double promise. With only Haymitch knowing which one is real. I raise my head, meet Peeta's eyes. "Why are you saying this now?" "Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," he says. "I would never be happy again." I start to object but he puts a finger to my lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living." Peeta pulls the chain with the gold disk from around his neck. He holds it in the moonlight so I can clearly see the mockingjay. Then his thumb slides along a catch I didn't notice before and the disk pops open. It's not solid, as I had thought, but a locket. And within the locket are photos. On the right side, my mother and Prim, laughing. And on the left, Gale. Actually smiling. There is nothing in the world that could break me faster at this moment than these three faces. After what I heard this afternoon ... it is the perfect weapon. "Your family needs you, Katniss," Peeta says. My family. My mother. My sister. And my pretend cousin Gale. But Peeta's intention is clear. That Gale really is my family, or will be one day, if I live. That I'll marry him. So Peeta's giving me his life and Gale at the same time. To let me know I shouldn't ever have doubts about it. Everything. That's what Peeta wants me to take from him. I wait for him to mention the baby, to play to the cameras, but he doesn't. And that's how I know that none of this is part of the Games. That he is telling me the truth about what he feels. "No one really needs me," he says, and there's no self-pity in his voice. It's true his family doesn't need him. They will mourn him, as will a handful of friends. But they will get on. Even Haymitch, with the help of a lot of white liquor, will get on. I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. "I do," I say. "I need you." He looks upset, takes a deep breath as if to begin a long argument, and that's no good, no good at all, because he'll start going on about Prim and my mother and everything and I'll just get confused. So before he can talk, I stop his lips with a kiss. I feel that thing again. The thing I only felt once before. In the cave last year, when I was trying to get Haymitch to send us food. I kissed Peeta about a thousand times during those Games and after. But there was only one kiss that made me feel something stir deep inside. Only one that made me want more. But my head wound started bleeding and he made me lie down. This time, there is nothing but us to interrupt us. And after a few attempts, Peeta gives up on talking. The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind. It's the first crack of the lightning storm - the bolt hitting the tree at midnight - that brings us to our senses. It rouses Finnick as well. He sits up with a sharp cry. I see his fingers digging into the sand as he reassures himself that whatever nightmare he inhabited wasn't real. "I can't sleep anymore," he says. "One of you should rest." Only then does he seem to notice our expressions, the way we're wrapped around each other. "Or both of you. I can watch alone." Peeta won't let him, though. "It's too dangerous," he says. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." I don't object because I do need to sleep if I'm to be of any use keeping him alive. I let him lead me over to where the others are. He puts the chain with the locket around my neck, then rests his hand over the spot where our baby would be. "You're going to make a great mother, you know," he says. He kisses me one last time and goes back to Finnick. His reference to the baby signals that our time-out from the Games is over. That he knows the audience will be wondering why he hasn't used the most persuasive argument in his arsenal. That sponsors must be manipulated. But as I stretch out on the sand I wonder, could it be more? Like a reminder to me that I could still one day have kids with Gale? Well, if that was it, it was a mistake. Because for one thing, that's never been part of my plan. And for another, if only one of us can be a parent, anyone can see it should be Peeta. As I drift off, I try to imagine that world, somewhere in the future, with no Games, no Capitol. A place like the meadow in the song I sang to Rue as she died. Where Peeta's child could be safe.

push people aside until I am right in front of him, my hand resting on the screen. I search his eyes for any sign of hurt, any reflection of the agony of torture. There is nothing. Peeta looks healthy to the point of robustness. His skin is glowing, flawless, in that full-body-polish way. His manner's composed, serious. I can't reconcile this image with the battered, bleeding boy who haunts my dreams.

I'm light-headed with giddiness. What will I say? Oh, who cares what I say? Peeta will be ecstatic no matter what I do. He'll probably be kissing me anyway. I wonder if it will feel like those last kisses on the beach in the arena, the ones I haven't dared let myself consider until this moment. Peeta's awake already, sitting on the side of the bed, looking bewildered as a trio of doctors reassure him, flash lights in his eyes, check his pulse. I'm disappointed that mine was not the first face he saw when he woke, but he sees it now. His features register disbelief and something more intense that I can't quite place. Desire? Desperation? Surely both, for he sweeps the doctors aside, leaps to his feet, and moves toward me. I run to meet him, my arms extended to embrace him. His hands are reaching for me, too, to caress my face, I think.

At a few minutes before four, Peeta turns to me again. "Your favorite color...it's green?" "That's right." Then I think of something to add. "And yours is orange." "Orange?" He seems unconvinced. "Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset," I say. "At least, that's what you told me once." "Oh." He closes his eyes briefly, maybe trying to conjure up that sunset, then nods his head. "Thank you." But more words tumble out. "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Then I dive into my tent before I do something stupid like cry.

He looks well. Thin and covered with burn scars like me, but his eyes have lost that clouded, tortured look. He's frowning slightly, though, as he takes me in. I make a halfhearted effort to push my hair out of my eyes and realize it's matted into clumps. I feel defensive. "What are you doing?"

"You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real," he whispers. "Real," I answer. It seems to require more explanation. "Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." After a minute or so, he drifts off to sleep.

"Leave me," he whispers. "I can't hang on." "Yes. You can!" I tell him. Peeta shakes his head. "I'm losing it. I'll go mad. Like them." Like the mutts. Like a rabid beast bent on ripping my throat out. And here, finally here in this place, in these circumstances, I will really have to kill him. And Snow will win. Hot, bitter hatred courses through me. Snow has won too much already today. It's a long shot, it's suicide maybe, but I do the only thing I can think of. I lean in and kiss Peeta full on the mouth. His whole body starts shuddering, but I keep my lips pressed to his until I have to come up for air. My hands slide up his wrists to clasp his. "Don't let him take you from me." Peeta's panting hard as he fights the nightmares raging in his head. "No. I don't want to..." I clench his hands to the point of pain. "Stay with me." His pupils contract to pinpoints, dilate again rapidly, and then return to something resembling normalcy. "Always," he murmurs.

"I think...you still have no idea. The effect you can have." He slides his cuffs up the support and pushes himself to a sitting position. "None of the people we lost were idiots. They knew what they were doing. They followed you because they believed you really could kill Snow." I don't know why his voice reaches me when no one else's can. But if he's right, and I think he is, I owe the others a debt that can only be repaid in one way.

Through the water in the glass, I see a distorted image of one of Peeta's hands. The burn marks. We are both fire mutts now. My eyes travel up to where the flames licked across his forehead, singeing away his brows but just missing his eyes. Those same blue eyes that used to meet mine and then flit away at school. Just as they do now.

I yank my head back in confusion to find myself looking into Peeta's eyes, only now they hold my gaze. Blood runs from the teeth marks on the hand he clamped over my nightlock. "Let me go!" I snarl at him, trying to wrest my arm from his grasp. "I can't," he says. As they pull me away from him, I feel the pocket ripped from my sleeve, see the deep violet pill fall to the ground, watch Cinna's last gift get crunched under a guard's boot.

Peeta and I grow back together. There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children. But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that. So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real."

They play in the Meadow. The dancing girl with the dark hair and blue eyes. The boy with blond curls and gray eyes, struggling to keep up with her on his chubby toddler legs. It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly. When I first felt her stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as old as life itself. Only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it. Carrying him was a little easier, but not much.