#like that tweet with some girl in a leather jacket and it's captioned smth about how this is the max butch level ppl can handle etc etc I s
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#having a. being queer brown Muslim thoughts. moment.#I stopped using the word butch for myself bc no one will accept it and just carefully use dyke instead bc dyke can be used more generally b#like I get the criticism of the evasion of depicting masculine women/lesbians in media and stuff#like that tweet with some girl in a leather jacket and it's captioned smth about how this is the max butch level ppl can handle etc etc I s#ik what masculine women look like ik what butches look like and ik how the world shies away from it#I'm not a woman i'm nonbinary and I'm not 100% masculine but i definitely identify with masculinity to a certain extent etc if that makes s#but like. idk. my relationship with masculinity is weird and part of it has to do with my difficulty seeing myself in white/American butche#they are so gorgeous and I'm so elated always to see very masculine women and queer ppl etc but just. look. I'm never going to dress or loo#like i don't think I even want to look exactly like all the masculine androgynous butch women lesbians queer ppl etc i've met some things I#but I was perfectly content with saying I was masculine or butch in my burqa except not anymore bc i'm considered particularly feminine for#idk there's lots of thoughts and feelings that I can't all get out it just sucks how I always have to be careful with what I call myself#bc I “can't” be certain things or I run the risk of facing antagonism by virtue of being hijabi and not the american kind of masculine#ppl are weird enough when they think i'm an ally and then I say I'm gay and that's like “oh....”#and any more than that is worse or just outright rejected bc it's not right or I'm using the wrong words bc i'm not looking or doing it rig#idk if any of this is coherent but yea. yea idk. it sucks.
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