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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 2 years

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“You’ve been on edge all day. I was worried about you.” taakitz??

From this post! (Still accepting prompts!)

Kravitz sits on the porch, gazing at the stars, feeling the cool breeze graze over him. It’s late, he knows. He should just go back to bed but he’s felt like a caged tiger for most of the day. It’s not the most satisfying solution, but he’s decided that sitting in the moonlight and shedding his construct for a while might help him feel more normal, calmer.

“Hey, Skeletor,” a quiet voice says behind him.

Kravitz startles for a moment; all these years and he still hasn’t gotten used to Taako moving around the house like a ghost. He turns and gives a half-hearted, all-bone smile. He sees that Taako’s carrying a small pint of ice cream in one hand and two spoons in the other.

Taako wordlessly walks over to Kravitz and hands him a spoon before sitting down beside him on the bench and pressing into his side.

“You didn’t come back to bed,” Taako peels the lid off the pint and digs a big spoonful out before holding it out to Kravitz. It’s the fancy vanilla that Kravitz loves even though Taako calls it boring.

“I couldn’t relax. Besides, I don’t need to sleep.” Kravitz scoops out a bite, smiling at the flavor.

“I don’t either, Krav. But I like doing it. I especially like doing it next to my husband.” Taako taps the spoon against his teeth, cringing a little at the noise before he stops.

Kravitz lets out a small sigh that gets carried off on the breeze. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. But are we okay?” Taako’s voice is small and uncertain.

Kravitz snaps his head to look at him. “Of course we are, my love, what makes you think otherwise?”

Taako gives a weak smile and shrugs. “I dunno. You were acting really weird when you got back today. You’ve been on edge all day. I was worried about you. Worried that maybe I did something wrong.”

Kravitz reaches over and takes the ice cream from Taako, setting it on the ground and jamming the spoons in the barely touched surface. He wills his construct to contain the bones in his hands before taking Taako’s hands in his own. “Now I think I’m justified in being sorry,” he squeezes Taako’s hands gently before continuing. “This was just a particularly hard day at work. That’s all. I’m normally good about not bringing it home but…” he shakes his head, declining to finish his thought.

“Can I ask what happened? Because Lup didn’t mention anything beside some punk ass necromancer pissing his pants when he figured out that not only was he being visited by an emissary of the Raven Queen, but that it was one of the literal saviors of the planarverse.”

The ghost of a laugh leaks out of Kravitz’s mouth. “I just had a…disagreement with My Lady and she thoroughly tore into me. Verbally, that is.”

Taako furrows his brow and frowns. “You fought with RQ?”

Kravitz nods meekly. He’s not proud of it, not by any means. In all the centuries he’s been working for her, they’ve barely so much as squabbled over anything. But today was unprecedented.

“About what?”

“Um. The fate of someone who I can’t exactly be neutral about.” Kravitz hopes that Taako won’t press further on the subject.

“Who?”

Shit. Kravitz should know better. “I really shouldn’t say.”

A stern look of determination settles on Taako’s face. “Is it Angus? Because I’m gonna call bullshit, he’s still young as far as humans go. And I’ll off myself to go to the Astral Plane and have a talking to with her –“

“It’s not Angus, love.” Kravitz interrupts. “And it’s not Merle or Davenport or Ren or anyone like that.”

Taako visibly relaxes before looking even more confused. “Wait, then who the hell is worth fighting a literal goddess over?”

“Someone whose neck I’ve been looking forward to wringing since I heard about him.” Kravitz says bluntly.

Taako blanches and looks like he might be the next one on a one-way trip to the sea of souls. “You don’t mean –“

“I do. He’s due into the Astral Plane sometime this week and My Lady won’t let me take him myself. Said she’s going to outsource it since apparently she doesn’t trust me to, quote, ‘Uphold the decorum expected of emissaries working on behalf of the Raven Queen,’ end quote.” Kravitz scowls and looks back at the sky, remembering how much he felt like a child being reprimanded for misbehaving in church.

“Good.”

“I’m sorry?” Kravitz turns back to look at Taako, who’s leaning across Kravitz’s lap to retrieve the abandoned ice cream. It’s only gone a little soft, luckily.

“Good,” Taako repeats through a mouthful of vanilla bean ice cream. “Listen, I do appreciate this idea you have about defending my honor and everything, really. But… I dunno. I still get sick thinking about him and about what happened and what I thought happened but it all just feels so small now.” He shrugs and thinks for a minute. “’Cuz here’s the thing. Painfully ripping his soul out of his body would be pretty choice, but it doesn’t change anything. He did what he did. He tried to kill me, actually killed forty people, and let me take the fall for it. And before this week is up, he’s going to be dead. Circle of life and all that shit.”

Kravitz blinks in surprise. “Wow. Can’t say I was expecting you to be so cavalier about this.”

“Guess cha’boy’s matured in the last forty or so years.”

Silence settles over the pair as they dig into the ice cream between them. The wind nips a bit at Taako’s ears but he doesn’t say anything about it.

“My Lady did agree with one recommendation of mine, though.”

“Oh yeah?”

Kravitz nods and a wolfish grin climbs onto his still-calcified face. “He is going to be spending about forty years in the Stockade. Didn’t commit any death crimes, but a mass murder does warrant some retribution in the afterlife.”

“Well, let me just say, if you’re looking to really make him suffer, I do have neighbor recommendations. There’s this drow I think he’d just despise.” Taako leans his head on Kravitz’s shoulder.

Kravitz supposes that his plan worked; a short stay on the porch has calmed him down immensely.

#is this anything? I hope it's something #thank you !!!#taz #taz balance #tazb #the adventure zone #taakitz #taako #kravitz #reese writes #prompt fill

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skygemspeaks · 3 years

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Taako: fellas, is it gay if your sister tells you that she loves her husband with all her heart, and then says that you are her heart? I mean, she's literally saying you're in love with her husband

Merle: yeah, man, that does sound pretty gay thh

Magnus: Barry, you asshole! You're cheating on Lup?

Barry: Hey, no one said anything about me loving Taako

Lucretia: don't be ridiculous, everyone loves taako

Davenport: What does it matter, anyways? You're already gay, taako

Lup: i can't believe my own brother would betray me like this!

#the adventure zone #taz balance #seven birds #taako #taz lup #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #barry bluejeans #lucretia #davenport

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comradelup · 3 years

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64 Lucretia and taako?

Taako’s angry. And he’s angry at that. When he’s angry— when he’s stressed in general, he bakes. Everyone likes cupcakes, right?

He forces himself to unclench his jaw as he’s frosting, focusing on the repetitive motion of swirling it around each one over and over. He blinks and raises his eyebrows, moving his face in order to stretch and relax the muscles.

“What are yo—”

Taako jumps, letting out an involuntary yelp. One of the cupcakes is smudged and imperfect now, and he scowls at it before turning to scowl at the source of the distraction.

Lucretia looks like a deer in headlights. “I-I’m sorry I was just seeing what you were up to I didn’t mean to—”

Taako presses a finger to the tip of her nose, effectively silencing her. Her eyes go crossed as she stares at it.

“It’s all good,” he says simply. He drops his hand and goes back to work, ignoring the messed up one as if it wasn’t even there.

“…Oh,” Lucretia says, “Okay. Is… is everything okay?”

“Yes?” Taako says, hackles rising. He doesn’t need anyone prying, certainly not this nerdy human who barely saw the world before this mission.

Okay edgelord, calm down, Taako tells himself, Luce isn’t the guilty party here.

“I just… you only bake this much when there’s something going on,” Lucretia says, unaware of Taako’s internal monologue. “Usually it’s a party or something, but I remember that giant cake you made when Lup died one cycle.”

It’s been… about five decades now. Taako’s much older than that, but he’s never spent five decades with a person— besides Lup, that is. Still, it’s a long time. He should’ve guessed that in that time these people would get to know him.

“Yeah. Yeah okay,” Taako says, putting down his tube of frosting and bracing his hands on the countertop. “I’m… kinda goin’ through it right now.”

Lucretia finally moves to sit down in one of the island chairs. She eyes the cupcakes before her but doesn’t take one without permission from him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Taako says. No way. “I just need to get over it. …This stupid— this is stupid! I don’t need to be jealous, she’s my sister! She’s not gonna fuckin’ drop me because she’s got a boyfriend. I’m being stupid!”

Whoops. Making a promise in one breath and breaking it in the next, way to go Taako. He glares at the counter, at his frosting covered fingers, then up at Lucretia.

“I won’t tell anyone, promise,” she says, which Taako didn’t know he needed to hear. “But I think you should talk to her about it.” That, less so.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll just take advice from you, Only Child,” he says.

“I may have been born an only child but I’ve lived with Magnus for fifty years, I get what having siblings is like,” Lucretia says, with that gently joking tone of hers, “My Cain Instinct has never been better.”

When Taako doesn’t respond, she says, “Do you want coffee? I could go for some.”

He sees the olive branch, in all its caffeinated glory. Usually he’d push it away, snap it in half, even. But this time, he sighs. “Yeah, sure.”

Lucretia smiles as she stands, and Taako manages a small smile back.

<><><>

Raven’s Roost is in a constant state of sunrise. The early morning feel of being awake when no one else is yet defines Magnus’ house, and it’s a strangely good look on him. He’s grown up, with his memory of the century tied with his memory of Julia; Taako’s kind of pissed that she made him mature in a few short years when the six of them couldn’t do that in ten decades. “I guess that proves she’s one hell of a woman,” he said to Magnus, who agreed with a loving look in his eye.

Taako’s been couch surfing. A nomadic childhood plus a career in running away made him permanently restless. He’s long since worked through his jealousy of Barry and Lup’s relationship, but he’s now jealous of their work. Lup gets restless like him, but she can just go out, kick bad guy ass with her husband, and be back in time for dinner.

The reapers can teleport, so Taako’s traveling hasn’t impacted the four of them much. Whenever Taako misses one of them (or all of them…) he just picks up his stone and a portal (or three…) is carved into the air.

Right now, he’s staying at Raven’s Roost. After Wonderland, his legs have been slowly getting better, and he’s finding that he doesn’t need his wheelchair as often as usual. So Magnus is cooking him up a personalized pair of crutches that should get him back on his feet, literally.

There’s just one complication: Lucretia. (At some point she stopped being a sister and started being a complication and Taako’s getting used to it, even if it makes him want to break whatever he’s holding at the moment.) She’s staying in Raven’s Roost too, apparently this is her second home. Whenever she takes a break from her job of rebuilding the world they broke, she comes to be protected by her brother, and Magnus welcomes her with open arms. And of course he takes in Taako at the same time. Magnus is a man with a heart full of love, but a head empty of subtlety.

Taako watches the coffee pot do its thing, the smell of caffeine and drowsiness a perfect accompaniment to the dozens of windows letting in the morning light. Everything is still, and Taako’s too aware, so he notices when footsteps creep quietly into the room.

“Good morning,” she says, voice low. She’s careful not to be loud, but even her tendency to silence speaks volumes.

“Morning,” he says, much less careful. His tired voice cuts through air and stabs ears. His own twitch in annoyance at himself, but not everyone can carry themselves with as much gravitas as her.

He hears Lucretia take in a breath, about to speak, and she sighs. “Taako, I’m sorry.”

She’s said that a lot. They’ve fallen into a pattern of her trying to talk about it (it: an unspoken thing wafting between them like the smell of rotten garbage) and him ignoring her; she still hasn’t stopped trying every so often, but he still hasn’t stopped refusing her.

At his silence, she continues, rambling, “I don’t even know what to say, I know I shouldn’t have done it and I know I was cruel and I’m not asking you to forgive me or even like me but please I just want to talk.”

He doesn’t have to turn to see what she’s doing. Even when she looks and acts different, he can pick up her habits; he knows her too well. She’s probably holding up a hand, trying to hold onto a staff that isn’t there. He perfectly times his mental image of her dropping it in frustration with the sound of her hand colliding with the fabric of her clothes.

When he’s still silent, she says, “Please?”

“Do you want coffee? I could go for some,” he says. He’s already rising up in his floating chair to pull out two mugs, setting them on the counter.

“…I’d love some. Thank you.”

He looks over his shoulder at her as she sits at the island. The kitchen is similar to the one on the Starblaster; seeing as Magnus built the house himself, Taako guesses it isn’t coincidence. She offers him an uneasy smile and he manages a small smile back, unable to make eye contact.

“It’s two sugars, right?” he asks, as if he doesn’t have it memorized.

“Yes,” she says, as if she doesn’t know he has it memorized.

#🎶 this got out of haaaaand 🎶 and ended up 1300 words loooong 🎶#1300 exactly actually. fun!#taz #taz balance #taz fic #balance #taako #lucretia #loner squad #writing #ask #anon #this was cathartic! ty for requesting

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desiree-harding-fic · 4 years

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I made some ReJEANcy memes:

(i was inspired by @mspainttaz and their fae au memes so I think we should all make memes of our aus now (cough cough instead of writing them - what? who said that? (self call out))). So here’s some rejeancy memes. are they all vaguely the same? Maybe. But I love my kids and I made laura laugh so it’s worth it.

Image descriptions under the cut.

1. Gunshots meme from the Eric Andre show [ID: in the first panel, Eric Andre fires a gun at his co-host, Hannibal, who is sitting in a chair, shooting him in the chest. Eric is labeled “Lydia” and Hannibal is captioned “Barry’s heart.” In the second panel, Eric is looking at the camera, and asking “why would Lup do this?” END ID] 2. Uno Draw 25 meme [ID: the first panel is a close up of an uno card with the text “Admit to your feelings for Barry openly OR draw 25.” In the second panel, a man is reaching to draw cards from a deck, and in his hand is a truly obscene number of uno cards. END ID]

3. Sad Wolverine meme [ID: In the first panel, an animated man and woman are kissing passionately. They are labeled as: “Taakitz, returned from France.” In the second panel, and animated comic-style wolverine is standing in the foreground, and the couple is in the background. Wolverine, who is looking away impassively, is labeled “Lup.” END ID]

4. The Gru’s plan meme [ID: a meme with four panels featuring Gru from despicable me. In the first three panels, he is gesturing to an easel as he flips sheets of paper, revealing steps to a plan. In the fourth, he is looking at his own easel in surprise and disappointment. The first two panels read as follows: “Meet a kind, well-to-do man in the city” And “fall hopelessly in love with him and prepare for your imminent betrothal” the third and fourth panels read: “He ghosts you because you were a bitch behind his back 2 months ago.” END ID]

5. What Gives people power [ID: a bar graph with bars emanating from the y axis. The graph is entitled “What gives Lydia feelings of power.” The first and shortest bar is labeled “Money.” The second, slightly longer bar is labeled “power.” The thirs and longest bar by far is labeled “ruining prospective marriages for the meme.” END ID]

6. Dominoes meme [ID: a man is bent down in front of a series of white boxes lined up in the style of dominoes, each box in the line progressively larger than the last, and poised that if the smallest is toppled, they will fall in succession. He is in the process of tipping the first in line. The smallest “domino” in the line is labeled “one mean comment in private company.” The largest “domino” at the end of the line is labeled “RUINATION AND DESPAIR” in all caps. END ID]

7. Road Sign Meme [ID: Above a fork in a highway, there is a large road sign, indicating the destination each direction will lead to. A car on the road is turning sharply to the right. The left of the sign is labeled “literally just get married normally you’re like 2 hours away from your mom kravitz you have no excuse just get permission-”. The right of the sign is labeled, in significantly larger capitalized text, “ELOPE TO FRANCE.” END ID]

8. Woman Yelling at cat meme [ID: in the first panel of the meme, on the left, a woman is pointing in and accusatory fashion, and yelling. This panel is labeled “Lup, meeting Taako again for the first time after his marriage that he neglected to inform her of until after it’s been accomplished.” The right panel of the meme features a cat sitting at a table, with its mouth open as though in indignant argument. This panel is labeled “Taako.” END ID]

9. Flex Tape Meme [ID: in the first panel, a large tank of water has had a hole punched in it, and the water is pouring out in a torrent. A man stands to the left of the tank, holding a length of black tape, ready to apply it to the leak. The tank and water are labeled “Neglecting to inform your sister of your marriage until after the fact,” and the man is labeled “Taako.” The second panel is a close up of the tape being applied to the leak. The black tape is labeled “HE’S VERY RICH” in all caps. END ID]

10. Clown Makeup meme [ID: the meme consists of four vertical panels of a man putting on clown makeup, each panel featuring a later step of the application, as follows: panel one features white foundation, panel 2 features brightly colored eye and mouth makeup atop the foundation. Panel 3 shows the man putting on a rainbow wig. Panel four is the final product of makeup and wig. Each panel is labeled. Panel one reads: “Lup: “I’m not still in love with Barry.” Panel two: “I’ll apologize to him and we can be friends after everything.” Part three: “Clearly he doesn’t want to be with me anymore after I hurt him, so it’s better this way.” Panel four: “I’ll be fine, it’ll be like nothing ever happened.” END ID]

#meme?#reJEANcy #taakitz #blupjeans #taz balance #i'm so sorry #regency au

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ma-lark-ey · 4 years

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Hi!! I've seen other people make posts about why they love TAZ,,and I figured I should add my two cents. I also just wanted to share this experience somewhere. (Spoilers for Balance and Amnesty!!)

For a bit of background; in December/early January, I got dropped by some of my closest friends. I'd already been doing bad mentally for the last few months, and that sent me into a complete spiral.

I was quarantined, couldn't see my friends, couldn't leave the house, couldn't make any attempt at things that used to make me happy. I was (quite frankly) at my lowest point. I'd heard rumors of the Adventure Zone for years, and even seen content of it on my socials.

In mid May, I said fuck it and listened to episode one. MBMBAM (as good as it is) wasn't my cup of tea in podcasts, I needed something with plot. I knew the McElroys were a genre of entertainment I could get behind, but I needed plot to get invested.

TAZ Episode 3 was when I really became hooked. Magnus latched onto my heart, and Griffin's voice brought me a comfort I'd long forgotten.

Its important to note at this point in my life, I hadn't picked up a pencil to write or draw in almost six months.

I was honestly inspired to watch after a cosplayer I really admire began to cosplay Lup! I loved the personality I saw in her videos and photos of Lup, and I wanted to know more about her.

I listened to Here There Be Gerblins, and it made me smile. I listened to RockPort Limited, and I remember cleaning up my dresser and folding clothes when I found out Jenkins was the killer. I listened to Petals to the Metal, and I remember standing in my living room laughing during the whole Trent scene. I listened to Crystal Kingdom, I remembered standing in my yard in shock when Mangus sliced Merle's arm. I listened to Eleventh Hour, I remembered sitting in my chair and crying during the flashback and throwing my stuffed animal in rage at the Taako flashbacks. I remembered listening the Lunar Interlude where Lup carved her name in the wall and screaming joy at the introduction of the character who inspired to check this amazing show out. I remember playing Minecraft while listening to the Stolen Century (I was building a Ravenloft in my world!)

My favorite memory from listening to it though, was the scene Lup finally entered. I'd been listening to this podcast nonstop since I started. I remember listening to that scene and just *crying,* i remember clutching at my heart when her death was described because I'd fallen absolutely in love with her during Stolen Century.

I remember listening to Magnus' death scene while sitting at my kitchen table. My mom asked me why I was crying. "MAGNUS GOT HIS DOG!" Was all I could compute, she had no idea what I meant.

After i finished Balance, I started drawing again. It was simple, at first. Just a headshot of Lup with my favorite quote from her. But it was a start! I picked up my materials for the first time in months.

Then I started Amnesty. In minutes I was absolutely smitten. It was like Aubrey personally grabbed my hand and told me I was gonna be better soon. I latched onto Aubrey just like I did Magnus (Travis has always been my personal favorite brother.) I remember feeling guilty for skipping the last half of Commitment, but given my religion trauma that I was still processing at the time, I knew I needed to just role right along into Amnesty for my own sake.

My fondest memory of Amnesty was sitting in the car during a road trip and scribbling down things on my sketchbook.

Another prominent one was when Ned revealed to Aubrey he was the burglar. I fell to my knees when he said the sentence, and no I'm not being dramatic. I was cleaning up my room, and i collapsed onto the floor and laid in a fetal during the whole scene, ugly crying. I love all of the Amnesty characters, its my personal favorite campaign, and Ned and Aubrey meant everything to me. That scene *destroyed* me. I also remembered crying on my road trip when Ned was killed. I'd never felt so much emotion from a piece of media before.

After that I actually digested all of Balance. And the one character who's stuck out to me is Taako. And I know he's a cliche character to latch onto. But, its not his personality or his appearance or whatever that makes me love him. It was his back story. When I found Balance, I was working throufh the betrayal and loss of my fourth set of friends. I'm the kind of person who takes in people I know are toxic in hopes of helping them. And Taako was the perfect mix of myself, and the people I found myself befriending.

His history with Sazed hit close to home, in the betrayal aspect. And his betrayal by Lucretia. I understood his heart felt in those moments, and I latched onto him. I thought, "You understand how I feel right now." And I've *never* drawn so much in my life.

In just three days I made two whole pages of sketches, in just the last three weeks I've done ten pages of my brand new sketchvook (averaging it to 4-5 full drawings a page). I hadn't picked up a pen in months, and now I couldn't Put one down.

There was one night a couple days ago where I just sat in bed, grinning and crying while I looked at all the art I had accomplished, the countless pieces of writing I'd presented to my friends proudly. I rejoined roleplay groups, which I had also dropped after my mental health dropped. I came out to my IRLs as nonbinary!

The characters the McElroys created have given me this... This inspiration I've never felt before. I've hyperfixated on things before (like Undertale! That was my biggest.) But, no piece of media has ever made me feel like a character reached out of my screen and grabbed onto me.

I remember Istus telling the Gang the iconic line of "You're going to be amazing" and to me, it felt like Taako and Magnus just reached out of my phone and gave me a bear hug. Hell, just a few days I translated that feeling into a sketch.

I just bought the graphic novels, and have orders merchandize. I've *never* gotten into something, and had merchandize for it three weeks later. I've never loved something so much I sent my friends literally novellas of just me recounting my favorite scenes to them.

The Adventure Zone has literally brought the most joy into my life I could ever ask for out of media, its helped me in so many ways.

These stupid little DnD campaigns mean the absolute world to me, and I could never be happier that I found them when I did.

So, if you've read this far, there's one last thing I wanna say; even if you feel like you're at literal rock bottom, like you could end it all tomorrow and no one would care. That not even your greatest passionate with bring you joy, youll find something or someone that will pull you out of that point so fast it makes your head spin. In the emphamis words of "Zeke Owens" (Griffin) "One day, youre gonna laugh at a joke. You'll go swimming, and you'll smile in the sunlight. You're gonna pet yourself a good dog and its gonna feel amazing."

#the adventure zone balance #the adventure zone graduation #the adventure zone #the adventure zone amnesty #taz balance #taz grad #taz graduation #I doubt anyone's actually gonna read this long ass post #but I hope it helps someone

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anistarrose · 3 years

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Summary: Angus leads a virtual book club meeting. Kravitz connects the dots. Taako makes significant updates to the list of people he trusts and things he believes.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Bit by bit, we’re inching closer to the endgame! Lots of plot and angst in this update, but also I think I might’ve implied that Minecraft exists in Faerun, so it evens out, y’know?

By virtue of their trance state replacing sleep, elves were supposed to be good lucid dreamers. Taako had always experienced mixed results, but never moreso than tonight, with a dream that started out all saccharine romantic fantasy — fishing with Kravitz and sharing a kiss after falling into the lake together — before a clap of thunder and an unholy scream plunged the world into darkness and left one single source of light, one last surviving star, cradled in Taako’s unassuming hands.

Then a ripple in the darkness, the invisible maw of some ravenous entity, closed around that final star — and Taako screamed, as loud as he could muster yet still not loud enough to drown the ringing in his ears, as he flailed in the dark against the invisible monster that stole the world from him —

At once, two hands closed around his own, one cold and the other warm. On Taako’s left was Kravitz, aghast but holding himself together, a steely composure to his posture despite the fear in his eyes.

On Taako’s right was a Red Robe — but not Barry, and in fact not anything like what Taako had started to accept as normal for Red Robes. Where Barry had a clouded darkness in place of hands and a face, this lich had pure static escaping from within her sleeves and beneath her hood, crackling and constantly changing shape like lightning, or… like fire.

Taako sat up in his bed covered in cold sweat, heart pounding as he realized his legs were hopelessly tangled in his sheets, and only slightly slowing when he realized there was nothing in his bedroom to run from.

Elves were supposed to rarely awaken late, but Taako’s wizard hat-shaped alarm clock — a gift that Angus that he’d quietly appreciated, even though it should have been redundant — indicated that it was mid-morning, and when he trudged out into the common area, he found no sign of his doormates besides a note written in Magnus’s distinctive scrawl.

I know you were busy last night, so we’re letting you sleep in while we go play Fantasy Kickball on the quad! Killian and Avi are team captains and their rivalry is fierce, so we’ll probably be playing all day if you want to join us! Love, Magnus! (And Merle)

Taako didn’t realize how relieved he was until he felt himself let out a sigh.

He had a sinking feeling that the same dream — or at least, a similar dream — had played out more than once that night, looping over and over again as he repeatedly failed to remember, much less control, where it was going. He felt too exhausted to be operating on even a single minute of dreamless sleep, and didn’t even want to think about holding a conversation with anyone…

Well, with most people. There was someone he’d really been meaning to chat with, before he’d been distracted by haircuts and Kravitz and pottery and stargazing and Kravitz.

He transmuted a mug of lukewarm tap water to a piping hot, high-caffeine tea, then picked up his Umbra Staff, and conjured a familiar phantom steed with twin horns that nearly grazed the ceiling as he reared and whinnied.

“Yooo! Mornin’, Taako!”

“Morning, Garyl.” Taako yawned. “Could you do me a favor, and tell me literally anything you know about the liches you said I used to hang out with?”

***

CalebClevelandFan#2045: All early-installment weirdness aside, I really do think it’s a great introduction to the series! Because of the retcons you’ll encounter later, there are some conspiracy theories that the most recent arc of Caleb Cleveland was ghostwritten to maximize the publishing rate (which I think is hogwash, because continuity errors are going to be inevitable no matter who’s writing) but I guess I’ll let you decide for yourself when you get there! Do you need to stop by the moon again to borrow Book 2?

ReaperAwMan#1672: No thank you, Angus! I think I’m going to try and download the “digital” version, now that I know I can do that on my Stone! Taako told me about that feature and a lot of others last night, so if I can’t get it to work, I’ll just call him and ask him to walk me through it. :)

ReaperAwMan: Did I use the smiley face correctly?

CalebClevelandFan: Yes! :) You’ve picked up on technology a lot faster than my grandpa did.

CalebClevelandFan: Did Taako also choose your username on this app, though?

ReaperAwMan: How did you know? Is it a reference to something? :)

CalebClevelandFan: Um

CalebClevelandFan: Yes, but it’s a long story. It’s not mean-spirited or anything, though! I think it’s pretty funny!

ReaperAwMan: Okay! :)

CalebClevelandFan: Is that all for book club today? If it is, Mr. Kravitz, I just want to say that I’d be happy to talk to you again about Caleb Cleveland anytime!

CalebClevelandFan: It means a lot to me, but I understand if you’re too busy (message edited)

ReaperAwMan: Oh, there’s always time for book club, Angus!

ReaperAwMan: But I admit, I have had a lot on my mind…

CalebClevelandFan: Is it the liches? Since the Reclaimers aren’t in trouble anymore? (By the way, I went to tell Noelle she didn’t have to worry about getting reaped, but apparently she’s visiting family, so I left a message with her teammates Carey and Killain..)

ReaperAwMan: Excellent deduction. (And thank you for that. I hope she gets the message soon.)

ReaperAwMan: You’re right, I’m still hunting Lup and Barry Bluejeans, but… I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re connected to Taako and the others.

CalebClevelandFan: Really? What makes you say that?

ReaperAwMan: Well, I didn’t think much of this for a long time, and now I’m kicking myself for it, but their bounties registered in our system at the same time as Taako’s, Magnus’s, and Merle’s. We figured it was just a widespread detection glitch, which has happened before on a much smaller scale, but now it feels awfully suspicious. The Reclaimers have also encountered Barry at least four times now, without even seeking him out the first three times, whereas finding Barry is my job, and I get a lead on him about twice a year, if I’m lucky.

CalebClevelandFan: That is odd. Did any other bounties show up at that same time? Do you know if they have any kind of connections to Barry?

ReaperAwMan: Only two others, for a couple of people named Lucretia and Davenport. They must be living like hermits, because it’s been 12 years and I know as little about them as I do about Lup. Not a lot of leads there, I’m afraid.

(CalebClevelandFan is typing…)

CalebClevelandFan: Hmm. Huh! I wish I could say those names meant something to me, but I’ve never heard them before in my life! Truly unfortunate, that. But, I do suspect that Barry appearing to the Reclaimers is because the Red Robes made the Grand Relics, and it’s the Reclaimers’ job to track those seven relics down!

ReaperAwMan: You mean to tell me that Barold J. Bluejeans made a Grand Relic, and the Reclaimers all knew that information, but didn’t think it would be important to tell me?! This is simultaneously the most and least surprised I’ve been at any point in my afterlife.

CalebClevelandFan: Well, I guess there’s a reason I’m the moon’s resident boy detective and they aren’t, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Wait. Angus.

CalebClevelandFan: Yes?

ReaperAwMan: Seven relics. Seven bounties.

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, sir, I’m not following. What’s the connection?

ReaperAwMan: I know this is going to sound impossible, but…

ReaperAwMan: Taako is a transmutation wizard. The Philosopher’s Stone can transmute any material into anything else. Merle is a nature cleric, and the Gaia Sash offers control over natural disasters and the wilderness. Then of course, Barry is a lich like no other, and the Animus Bell is the most dangerous necromantic artifact I’ve ever been tasked with monitoring. I don’t know exactly how Magnus fitz into this, or how the other three bounties have managed to hide from me, but…

ReaperAwMan: I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

ReaperAwMan: Angus? Are you still there?

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, I just rebooted my Stone, but I still can’t read your second-to-last message! It just looks like static, but I was inoculated, so that shouldn’t be possible!

ReaperAwMan: I’m not sure what you mean by “inoculated,” but if the app is glitching, then do you want me to call you?

CalebClevelandFan: It may not be the app, sir. And if it isn’t, I fear a phone call won’t make any difference… but I just got an idea! I’m going to go check if Noelle is back yet — she should be able to help with this. Please bear with me for a few minutes, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Okay, then… good luck!

Head in his hand, Kravitz scrolled back up to the offending message, reading it over once more.

I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

It made sense, but it shouldn’t have. Despite all the questions it answered, it raised more in their place — and Kravitz had been ready to accept that he was wrong, ready for brilliant little Angus to chime in with a piece of evidence that refuted it all...

Except that message, and that message alone, hadn’t made it to Angus in the first place — and wasn’t that the most damning, of all the so-called coincidences aligning before Kravitz’s eyes?

The Reclaimers made Grand Relics and consorted with liches. The Reclaimers can’t remember making Grand Relics or consorting with liches.

Someone is hiding the truth from the Reclaimers, and from Angus. Someone is hiding the truth from the entire Bureau of Balance.

Is it Barry? Does he have that much power? Is he working with someone? With Lup?

Kravitz summoned his scythe with the full intention of warping straight to the moonbase, and bringing his four friends from the Bureau directly back to the Astral Plane — not to take them prisoner, but simply to get them somewhere safe, somewhere to talk without Queen-knows-what outside forces eavesdropping or interfering. Yet before he could open a rift, Kravitz’s vision flashed blue, and a faint yet familiar tug directed his focus towards a much different region of the Material Plane.

A voice echoed in his head, too distorted to identify the speaker, but the words themselves were clear enough:

Kravitz, help!

Kravitz’s Stone of Farspeech clattered onto his desk as he raised his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, honing in on the location of the summoning arrow. It was surrounded by undead presences of several shapes and forms, but one aura outshone all the others — one unmistakable red aura, crackling with power, and… desperation.

There was a very short list of people on the Material Plane with access to this kind of summoning beacon — and no matter what dark secrets their pasts held, Kravitz couldn’t bear the thought of any of them being left alone with an incredibly powerful, secret-keeping, Relic-crafting lich who had finally, finally snapped.

With a frantic swing of his scythe, he ripped open a jagged portal to the arrow’s location, and leapt through without even pausing to retrieve his Stone.

Hang on, boys! I’m coming!

***

“If you wanna hear anything about liches,” Garyl declared, “that information comes with a price. Which you know is gonna be oats, ‘cause what would I even do with gold? I’m just a funky little 80’s horse remix, so you gotta hand over those spectral oats, dude.”

Taako sighed. “Garyl. I know you’re not gonna like this question. But before you whine, please consider the fact that I’m not in the fucking mood. Now: does it have to be oats?”

“A pound of spectral oats is worth two spectral carrots or one spectral sugar cube! That’s the conversion rate. If you offer a spectral salt lick, I may be willing to negotiate.”

Taako conjured two floating, semi-tangible carrots with a wave of his umbrella, and levitated them over to Garyl, who took a bite out of both at once.

“That’s the stuff!” he whinnied. “Okay, so. Liches. Whatcha wanna know about ‘em?”

“You said, like — like two days ago now — that you used to get spectral oats from liches that I hung out with. Garyl, I need to know: was that true, or were you just guilting me for not spoiling you with enough treats?”

Garyl’s response was rendered completely indecipherable by the fresh bite of carrot in his mouth, part of which splattered across the floor and narrowly missed Taako.

“This is serious, Garyl! I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while, but it keeps getting more serious.” Taako groaned. “I… I didn’t even realize it, until I was talking to Kravitz last night, but… it’s just… okay, look. He remembers his whole life crystal clear, right down to how many stars you could see from this planet eight hundred and twenty years ago, but…”

He lowered his voice, glancing towards the door. “My past has always just been… fuzzy to me. I never really worried about it, but… I’m just now realizing that this might not be normal. And that if it isn’t, then I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Garyl swallowed the last of the carrots. “Yo, your past isn’t fuzzy to me. You really don’t remember your lich buddies — your lich family? Your literal sister and brother-in-law?”

“No, Garold, I don’t remember the sound of getting electrocuted in a fantasy garbage disposal!” Taako rubbed his forehead with increasing vigor, futilely attempting to massage away the sensation of an approaching migraine. “I don’t know how you made that noise with your nasty horse mouth, but it sounded just as bad as the static Lich Barry was speaking when —”

He gasped — and in the ensuing silence, the static kept ringing in his ears, but not as an audible echo. It was coming from within his own head, like a misdirected electric current leaping from neuron to neuron, generated as his mind repeatedly tried and failed to process what he’d just heard… and Taako knew exactly where he’d felt that sensation before.

“Oh, fuck.”

He bolted for the door, locked it, then frantically emptied his pockets until he found his Stone of Farspeech, which he powered down and then magically silenced for extra insurance. “Shit. Shit. Fuck.”

“Yo, what’s the rush?” Garyl asked. “Didja just remember you owe the unicorn mafia a whole bushel of oatsss?”

“What the hell? No!” Taako cradled Garyl’s snout in his hands, standing on his tiptoes to stare at Garyl in the eyes. “Promise me, promise me right now, Garyl, that you’re not gonna fucking snitch.”

Garyl’s expression turned as serious as a binicorn’s expression could turn, given two horns, technicolor eyes, and glittering lashes to work with. “Taako, you gave me life. I’ve always got your back, man.”

“There’s a second voidfish,” Taako blurted out. “And you’re more ghost than horse, I guess, so you’re immune to it, but I’m not. And I — I think I lost something big to it.”

“Huh.” Garyl snorted. “Damn. Geez, yeah. That would explain some things about, man, musta been…” He closed his eyes, nostrils twitching. “The last twelve years? That sound right?”

“Please, Garyl. You — you might know me better than I know me, at this point, so I need you to tell me — who can I trust?”

“I can’t decide that for you, Taako.” Garyl arched his majestic equine neck, as a single tear rolled down his face, and his mullet billowed in a wind that simply shouldn’t have been possible indoors. “Look at what you know to be true in your heart, and begin the journey towards your truth by trusting yourself.”

“I’m not here to listen to your poetry, Garyl — I need names!” Taako pleaded. “Like, I — I can at least trust Kravitz, right?”

“Look, man, I’m sorry! I could tell you who you used to trust, but if someone took a Voidfish-brand eraser to your chalkboard of a brain, that means someone had to betray you, and I dunno who it was! Kravitz is probably chill, because he seems on the level and you haven’t known him long enough for him to be the culprit — but I’m still juggling like six suspects, and I’ve only got four hooves, man! I’m trying my best to —”

Abruptly, Garyl’s voice died out, and he lowered his eyes. “Well, okay, it would be… five suspects. ‘Cause… Lup definitely went missing before any memories got…”

Taako clapped his hands over his ears. “Can you try not to do that? I’m already on the edge of a migraine without —”

A knock at the door interrupted him, and the next thing he knew, he was brandishing his Umbra Staff — never mind the fact that he’d locked that door just a minute ago, and it had since remained closed.

“Taako?” Lucretia called from the hallway. “Are you alright in there?”

After what must’ve been a suspiciously long pause, “Fine!” was the only word Taako could force out.

“Just dandy!” Garyl added in a terrible Taako impression, and Taako elbowed him in the equine shoulder.

“You’re sure?” The quizzical tilt to Lucretia’s head was downright audible. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

Taako bit back a reply of golly, I wonder if that’s because I don’t who I am or how much of myself I’m missing! but managed something more civil, clamping a hand over Garyl’s mouth as he spoke.

“Just had a late night last night! Took some… personal hours. May or may not be nursing a mild hangover now.”

“Oh, we’ve all been there. Merle did mention you were sleeping in.” Lucretia sounded like her suspicion had been sated — unless, of course, she just wanted Taako to think that — because in a much more casual voice that carried far less gravitas, the next thing she asked was: “Do you mind if I come in? I feel like we haven’t talked since Candlenights.”

“No problem!” Taako replied, probably much too quickly. He uttered the word ‘unlock’ under his breath in Elvish, to magically undo his little paranoia-induced security measure before swinging the door open, and hoping Lucretia wouldn’t notice the door had been locked or go on to question why. “Mi casa es tu casa — ‘cause, y’know, mi casa is technically part of your moonbase.”

If Lucretia did notice the unlocking door, she only questioned it silently, because her attention seemed understandably drawn to the binicorn trotting in place in the middle of the dorm.

“Oh, Garyl! Good to see you too.”

“Haha, yeah!” Garyl chuckled nervously. “Imagine meeting you, here, in a place like this! What are the odds?”

Lucretia lowered herself onto the sofa, glanced at Magnus’s rugged hand-crafted coffee table, and pointed to her feet. “Do you mind?”

Taako shrugged. “Uh… knock yourself out, Luce?”

She kicked off her heeled boots and slung her feet onto the table, laying her staff down in her lap. “Let’s get to the point. I did come here for a particular reason —”

“Oh?” Taako forced a smile. “Do tell.”

“Well, Merle and Leon got into a bit of an argument over — actually, let me start from the beginning. At some point in today’s second game, the kickball went over the edge of the moon, and has probably hit the planet Earth at terminal velocity by now.” Lucretia grimaced. “I hope no one was standing beneath it. Yikes.”

“Home run, baby!” Garyl cheered. Taako simply attempted to nod along.

“Actually, by our rules, it’s a foul with a sizeable penalty. Leon was pitching and Merle was kicking, so naturally they got into a fight over whose fault it was, and Merle threatened — let me see if I remember this all correctly — to ask you, Taako, to ask your ‘new friend the Grim Reaper’ to come up here and ‘reap Leon’s ass’ like said Grim Reaper purportedly once threatened to reap Merle’s own ass. So I was just hoping to get to you first, and stage an intervention to make sure the Bureau’s only artificer doesn’t take a one way trip to the heavens above — not to mention, maybe, ask if you had any idea what the hell Merle was talking about?”

“Well, bold statement saying Leon would go to heaven, first of all. Pretty sure he’d head the way of the plummeting kickball and smash through the planet’s crust. Second of all, um, I guess you could say I know the Grim Reaper? Look, we haven’t been seeing each other for very long, but I think we both feel a connection —”

“Oh! Well, good for you! Don’t get me wrong, that’s fucking wild if you mean it seriously rather than as a goof, but I’m still happy for you!”

“Not a goof. That is the whole story there, though. I’m dating the Grim Reaper, what more is there to say?” Taako grinned from ear to ear, and it felt slightly more sincere than every other smile he’d put on in this disaster of a conversation. “But as a… as an aside… uh, Garyl, do you remember those… six, no, five people you mentioned to me, just before Lucretia showed up?”

Garyl blinked at him with a downright hostility, as if to say You’re circling back to this topic NOW?

“Your, um, suspect list?” Taako clarified. “Of… people on the moon most likely to give you oats? I guess it was more like a power ranking, actually, let’s definitely call it a power ranking instead of a suspect list — but my point is, um, was the ‘Director’ here on it?”

“Yee-esssss,” Garyl replied slowly, still giving Taako the evil eye. “You know what I always say about Lucretia: she… she totes got the oats!”

“Okay!” Taako replied, knuckles turning white as he gripped the handle of the Umbra Staff. “Thanks! For letting me know! About those oat facts!”

“Um,” said Lucretia, which was probably the best reaction that Taako could’ve reasonably hoped for. “I… think I misplaced my oats today. Also, maybe my supply of oats for this entire year?” She reached for her boots. “Is this a hint that I should go back to refereeing kickball?”

“Yes!” Taako blurted out. “Oh, I mean, no, it’s not — I mean, you can leave! But you don’t have to. We don’t mind you being here!”

“We don’t not want you to leave but we also don’t not not not want you to leave,” Garyl added, as if it were a verbal Fantasy Rosetta Stone that would clarify and explain all of Taako’s anxious floundering. “Because we trust and cherish you. And oats! Mostly oats.”

Lucretia slipped her boots back on, then rose from her seat in a regal manner that probably wasn’t intended to intimidate the living daylights out of Taako. “No, you have a point. I should go make sure our secret society doesn’t fracture into warring kickball factions — but I’ll be back to chat more, don’t worry. Hopefully on a day you’re feeling better, Taako.”

She winked at Garyl as she turned to leave. “And I’ll try and remember to bring oats. Gotta move up in those power rankings.”

“It was actually more like a tier list!” Garyl called as she closed the door. When Taako magically locked it behind her, Garyl began pacing around the dorm, his tail swishing with enough force to knock several paintings and decorative vases onto the floor.

“Taako! She never has oats and she knows it! She’s onto us!”

“Yeah, you think?” Taako sunk into the couch Lucretia had vacated, burying his head in his hands. “I need backup who can hear through the static, before she puts it together and comes back to throw me in the brig. I’m calling Kravitz.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. I’ll keep working on the tier list.” As Taako began to reboot his Stone, Garyl accelerated his nervous pacing to a nervous trot.

“Garyl, if this turns into a canter, I swear to gods —” Taako muttered, tapping the Stone’s unresponsive screen with a shaky thumb.

“Sorry.” Garyl slowed to a halt. “Hmm. You trust Davenport more, less, or the same as Lucretia?”

“What, you think he just pretends he can only say his own name to disguise his role as the evil mastermind?” Taako’s stomach churned. “Shit. You might be onto something. Put him below Lucretia on the tier list. Or above? I dunno how —”

“Wait, I’m not following you, man. Since when can Dav can only say his own name?”

Taako groaned. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say since twelve fucking years ago — alright, finally! Here we go!” His Stone of Farspeech flickered to life, and he navigated to Kravitz’s contact page as quickly as his trembling fingers allowed.

When he hit Call, an eerie silence filled the dorm as he and Garyl listened to one, two, three, four short rings — then, a beep, and a horrendous pre-recorded Cockney accent.

Hullo, greetings, and top o’ the morning! You’ve successfully reached the desk of Kravitz, Emissary of Her Majesty the Raven Queen, but I’m away right now, so if you have a zombie outbreak to report, press 1. If you wish to subscribe to our mailing list of anti-necromancy resources, press 2. If you’re dead and in need of an escort to the Astral Plane, press 3. If you just wanted to have a friendly chat, please leave a message after the caw, and I’ll get back to you once I’m able.

A raven cawed, and Taako started talking:

“Hey, babe, it’s me! Your boy. Um, don’t let me take you away from saving the world from necromancers or anything important like that… but if you’re not busy, I could really use your help, so if you could swing by the moonbase, and — and maybe not tell anyone you’re coming here or that you’re coming to see me — then that would be just swell! Everything’s cool, nothing’s wrong — well, no, you’re a perceptive guy, you can definitely tell something’s wrong — but I’m sure you and me, and Garyl, and maybe Angus will be able to figure it out, no problem! Except, now that I think about it, maybe not Angus, because I’ve put him in enough danger to solve my own problems already — but uh, thanks in advance, love you, see you soon, bye!”

Then he dropped his Stone, grabbed the nearest couch pillow, and screamed into it.

“Hey, hey, relaaax,” Garyl told him. “You heard him — he’ll get back to you soon.”

“Yeah. I know.” Taako took a deep breath, letting the pillow fall to the ground. “He’s just a busy guy, with an important job. He’ll be here as soon as he can…”

Garyl nodded sagely. “And you’d do the same, for him, because that’s love. Unless…”

Taako’s heart skipped a beat. “Unless?”

“Unless someone on the lower end of the trust tier list knows about his connection to you, and to keep hiding the truth, they capture him before he can get here!” Garyl sniffed. “Just like the unicorn mafia captured my dear ol’ uncle…”

Taako pressed the Call button again, and when he was once again directed to voicemail, he picked the pillow back up and resumed screaming.

“Hey, take it easyyy, man. It’s not like they can kill him,” Garyl soothed. “And b’sides, haven’t you got that… that whatsit-called, that magic arrow? You can still check in on him that way, even if the bad guys stole his Stone!”

“Right!” Taako sprung up from the couch, and bolted towards the quiver of arrows that Magnus had casually slung onto the doorknob of his room. “I mean, I’m sure his phone didn’t even get taken from him — he’s eight and a half centuries old, for crying out loud! He probably just misplaced it, or accidentally put it on silent, or… gee, we really don’t have a lot of traditional surfaces to jab arrows into here, do we?”

He glanced around the dorm, gaze finally landing on Magnus’s homemade coffee table. “I’ll just… wedge it in one of the seams in the wood, so it definitely won’t be noticeable, right?”

“You asking me? I’m apparently an amnesia-immune ghost horse, man — what makes ya think I’d ever want or attempt to understand woodworking?”

“Guess you’ve never attempted to understand a rhetorical question, either,” Taako muttered as he crouched on the ground. Clasping the arrow between two hands, he took a deep breath, then plunged it into the coffee table. “Kravitz? I could really use your help, I won’t lie, but — but mostly, I’m worried and just checking in to make sure you’re okay —”

For a sliver of a second, everything seemed to proceed as it should, with an electric blue glow flickering to life inside the arrowhead — and then, it exploded, spitting out fragments of crystal and tongues of vicious astral fire. Taako reflexively turned his head and dropped to the floor, but still felt something sharp and burning prick into his biceps like a red-hot needle, and he held his breath until the sound of shattering crystal halted and the sound of burning wood faded to a faint sizzling.

“So, uh…” Garyl slowly backed away from Magnus’s poor table, which was already more ‘smoldering pile of ash and sapphire dust’ than it was furniture. “This ever happen before?”

“No,” Taako whispered. He raised a hand to touch the stinging point on his arm, and pulled away with a droplet of blood and a tiny pointed crystal both resting atop his index fingertip. “Never —”

“Okay, cool, that narrows down the possibilities,” Garyl concluded. “Either he’s really busy, or we’re really fucked.”

This time, Taako didn’t even bother to grab a pillow before he started screaming.

***

End Notes:

thanks for reading, comments welcomed as always!

next chapter: Ghost Fight (or in other words, we get to see what Kravitz has been up to in the meantime)

#taz #taz balance #taako taaco #kravitz taz #taakitz #angus mcdonald #lucretia taz #garyl taz #taz balance spoilers #fic: ftrala #rosalia writes fic

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charmandhex · 4 years

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Today on this most glorious of days, for no particular reason (okay, there is, and she knows why), it is time to celebrate @everqueen12. And since I know her because of fic, I’m gonna do that by celebrating her fic!

First up, your melody sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung. Kat’s first TAZ fic, first fic in general, and the first fic in her visible bonds AU. And y’all. Y’all. This was one of the first TAZ fics I read, and it has stuck with me since I read it on tumblr back in 2018. It’s so very good. There are lines that will occasionally rise and echo up in the back of my head, and a shiver will go up my spine because damn, Kat.

Onto i’m so much older than i can take. Is this going to take a while if I keep moving onward chronologically and deciding to talk about every one of Kat’s fics? Yes, but I can’t not talk about this. Round 2 of the visible bonds AU focuses on one of my favorite things: post-canon Taako and Lucretia interactions. Bittersweet and angst and humor and hurt and comfort all wrapped up in one, it’s delightful. Characterization is on fucking point and the descriptions are chef’s kiss. It’ll tug on your own bond strings in the best way.

Okay, let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes. AKA one of the reasons Kat is probably my favorite writer when it comes to Merle. Serious, sweet, joking, genuine, irreverent, and so fucking funny in equal measures, it encompasses Merle thoroughly. I don’t want to give away the jokes or any of the wild ride that is this fic, but it’s a truly wonderful look at parlay and the friendship between John and Merle (yeah, I said it John Hungryman, whatcha gonna do about it?).

Next is the whole damn world went and lost its mind. Meet Keeper, an innkeeper who has seen some shit and will continue to see some shit over the course of this fic. Kat rolled some of this fic, leading to considerable shenanigans. 8000 words of them, precisely. Please enjoy the best version of decade Lucretia.

So the love that brings me home. This is one of Kat’s Taakitz week fics, but also features some Lucretia, so it’s TWO of my favorite things, so of course I’m gonna talk about it! It also ripped my heart out like three separate times! Ow! The premise is what happens if Taako forgets and hoo boy does Kat take it and run with it. Also, without explaining, it reminds me of Tamora Pierce and Circle of Magic, and that fucking rocks. It’s painful, it’s powerful, it’s about love and family and bonds, and it’s so very, very good.

Some turn to dust or to gold. Another fic from Taakitz week, this one is a Kravitz character study and I love it very much! There’s something very rhythmic and bardic in how Kat structured it, and holy fucking shit the imagery is to kill, die, and necromance for. This is another time one of Kat’s works and specific lines and phrases from it have stuck with me for months afterward.

Then sing it out like it’s never been sung. I am, in this instance, even more entirely biased, as this one was a gift for me. It’s got Angus, it’s got Lup and Barry, it’s got suburban moms summoning a demon, it’s got humor, it’s got everything! What was that middle things you say? Guess you’re gonna have to read to find out!

Last but most certainly not least. The behemoth. The masterpiece. The legend. I am, of course, speaking of The Taxman Cometh, a 50k fic that lists every named character and then some in the TAZ Balance universe and details their many, many tax crimes. It is a non-stop ride of goofs and delight and 90s band names and unspeakable crimes against trash cans, featuring, again, literally every goddamn character in the entire universe and featuring almost literally every goddamn character in the entire universe going to tax jail for tax crime reasons.

#taz #taz balance #taz fic #taz fanfic #charm talks

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deactivated20230702 · 4 years

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So,

Just finished TAZ Balance. Bawled my fucking eyes out at the finale. Magnus and Julia omfg. I still hate Lucas. I don't think he redeemed himself. It was literally the fucking least he could do the world was ending. I am absolutely furious at Lucretia. She had absolutely no right. I do not forgive her, and the most positive I can feel about her is apathetic. Taako and Kravitz! Ah! Merle and Mavis and Mookie! Ah! My heart! Lup! Fucking Lup, the goddess herself (and Barry ofc). These aren't even full sentences anymore. Whatever. Angus! My baby Angus! Johann! No! Ah fuck. Well. I'm going to go wash my face now. I was being completely literal when I said I cried like a baby. This was just a little thing to keep me busy between Graduation updates, and boy it did. I'm going to take a break before I move on to the next arc, I don't think I can handle any more psychic damage. All right. Later y'all! Stay safe. I will say listening to the apocalypse while being in what feels like the apocalypse might not have been my brightest idea.

[Edit]

So I just came back from the Story and Song tag and I want to say two things:

1. Props to Griffin for bringing back fucking EVERYBODY right down to the Tom Bodets (Bodettes? fuck if I know)

2. FUCK LUCRETIA

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glow-worm · 4 years

Text

Repose

It wasn’t long after the Hunger was finally defeated and the celebration and clean-up began when Taako suddenly grabbed his head and collapsed.

“Taako?!” Lup gasped as Kravitz caught him.

“Hey,” Kravitz exclaimed in surprise. “Taako? Are you alright?”

Taako didn’t answer, so Kravitz carefully lowered him down and had his boyfriend lay with his head in his lap.

Taako, Lup, Barry, and Kravitz had been walking around surveying the damage, and talking to anyone who stopped them. A passerby had asked them about their home plane, and Lup mentioned how she and Taako spent time together on their grandfather’s farm for a few years—and Taako flinched, stopping dead in his tracks for a moment before playing it off like a joke. Lup knew that something was up, though. He was acting oddly, speaking slowly, as if he had to wrangle each word from his mind. Only a few minutes after this behavior started, he dropped.

Lup floated closer, her spectral form lowering down near her brother. “Is he hurt?”

“Well yes, but...” Kravitz trailed off. “I don’t think that’s what this is.”

Lup reached out to touch Taako’s forehead, but her incorporeal hand phased right through it.

She pulled back, her form flickering slightly.

Kravitz watched her with distrust as Barry got her attention.

“It’s alright, Lup,” Barry consoled. “I think it’s just from Fisher. He had to fight so he didn’t really have time to process everything. Wouldn’t be surprised if Mags, Merle, and Capn’port are out too.”

Lup pulled herself together before responding, “Nah, Dav’s right over there.”

Barry followed the direction of Lup’s skeletal finger and saw Davenport, watching distantly with his hands in his pockets.

She motioned for him to come closer and called out, “Hey, Captain! Holding up?”

He walked forward somewhat sheepishly, but knelt down by Taako and the others.

“Taako just passed the fuck out,” Lup said. “Out of nowhere. Barry thinks it’s from the voidfish. Are you doing okay?”

“Okay is...subjective,” Davenport shook his head with a half-hearted laugh. “I mean...physically, yeah, I’m totally fine. I’m just...glad to be back.”

“Me too,” Lup agreed quietly.

“Glad to have both of you back,” Barry smiled and put a hand on Davenport’s shoulder. “But really, Cap, it was hell the first few times I got my memories back—how ya feeling?”

“I’m...furious,” Davenport said under his breath. “I get she did what she had to do but...yeah, I feel betrayed. I guess that’s a later problem, though.”

Barry pulled him into a hug. Tears pricked Davenport’s eyes, but he kept it together.

“My memories are back and we’re safe. That’s all that matters,” he said. “But the voidfish affected me way differently than Taako. I’m not surprised he’s out.”

“I’m worried,” Lup said. “How come it knocked Taako out, but not you? You got the worst of it.”

“For me...it was kind of like being charmed. But...just, forever. My memories were just gone, there was nothing there. But Taako’s memories were re-written,” Davenport explained wearily. “His brain has a lot to resolve. Let him rest. He’ll be okay.”

He stood up and brushed the dirt off of his knees.

“I’m gonna find Merle and Magnus,” Davenport said. “They should be fine, but better check on ‘em.”

He left, and Lup noticed Kravitz gently stroking Taako’s hair. She watched him for a little while.

“So...Kravitz,” she addressed awkwardly. “You, uh...gonna reap us?”

He looked away from her, absent-mindedly petting his boyfriend.

“Not, uh...well, not today, at least,” he replied. “I’ll have to speak with the Raven Queen, but...I mean we all just heard the Story, so...no promises, but I think we can probably strike a deal.”

“Well, good,” Lup said, relieved. “Glad we get to enjoy our victory, even for a little bit.”

“Besides,” Kravitz added. “I don’t think Taako would appreciate losing you again.”

Lup nodded and reached out for Taako again, her hand going through him.

“Gah. I...really wish I could hug him right now,” she said.

“When he’s up, I’ll do it for you,” Barry promised.

Barry then thoughtfully reached out and held Taako’s hand.

“I missed him,” he said. “It was...really hard trying to guide them along and not being able to...talk, like we used to, or be myself at all. Shit. Sorry. I know you had it a lot worse.”

“No, babe, it’s not a competition,” Lup assured. “It was hard enough just being able to hear them. I can’t imagine what it was like to be there right in front of them, not being able to get through.”

“I’m so sorry, Lup,” Barry’s voice cracked. “I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. It only took Taako a few minutes to realize you were in there once he got his memories back. In retrospect...it was so obvious.”

“Taako had clues,” Lup explained. “I literally spelled my name out for him. He got a magic bracelet that let me talk to him. That’s why he figured it out so fast. Besides, he wouldn’t have listened to you anyway. You wanna talk about retrospect? I shouldn’t have made an umbrella that eats magic energy!”

Taako’s brow furrowed, his closed eyes twitched. He seemed distressed.

Kravitz uttered a few tender words and rubbed a thumb across Taako’s cheek.

“Think I should move him?” Kravitz asked. “No one’s coming by, but...we’re in the middle of the road.”

“Yeah, def. Just by that building, for now,” Lup responded.

There was a nearly completely wrecked brick building that had probably been a house before today just a few feet off the road, on top of a nice grassy patch. Only two of its walls still stood, the rest in ruin.

Kravitz scooped Taako up in his arms and carried him over to it, Barry and Lup trailing behind him.

Lup smiled, though no one could see it. She was so happy that her brother had finally found the real deal. She had tried not to listen too much when they went on dates—not wanting to eavesdrop—but they seemed pretty happy together. And now Lup could see with her own eyes how much Kravitz cared about Taako.

Barry sat in the grass near Kravitz and Taako, but Lup hovered as she heard the sound of approaching footsteps on the dirt path.

She turned to see Merle approaching with a healing potion.

“Merle!” She called happily.

He stopped and smiled at her with heartfelt sincerity. “It’s real good to have you back, Lup. You too, Barry.”

“Did Capn’port send you over here?” Lup asked.

“Sure did,” he replied. “He’s helpin’ Ango with something. I only have one spell left, though. I’ve been healing folks nonstop with this nonsense. Let’s see what I can do.”

He was visibly worn out. His wounds had been healed but he looked like he needed a hundred-year nap. He sat down by the others and took a breath before breaking out his Extreme Teen Bible.

“We’re physically healed already,” Merle said. “So let me try this. And if nothing happens I’ll give him a potion.”

With that, Merle cast Calm Emotions.

“Give it a minute,” Merle said as he moved so that he was sitting with his back against the brick wall. He closed his eyes, and no one objected.

“Luuuuuuup! Baaarry!”

Magnus’s voice called from afar.

“Stay here, babe?” Lup told Barry. “I’ll bring him over.”

“Y-yeah. Sure,” Barry said, reluctant. “Don’t, uh...don’t be gone too long.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Lup left, and it wasn’t long before Taako began to stir. His eyelids opened slowly, with difficulty.

“Hello, love,” Kravitz greeted softly.

Taako smiled sweetly in response, but made no effort to move.

“How are you feeling?” Kravitz asked.

“Kinda weird,” Taako said. “Did you put an enchantment on me?”

“I did,” Merle said.

“Merle...?” Taako mumbled.

“Taako, listen,” Barry said. “The spell only lasts a minute. Your memories are all jumbled up. Adrenaline got you to this point, but Lucretia wasn’t kidding when she said the strain could kill you. Try not to remember everything too fast. Why don’t you trance for a little bit so your mind can start to work it out?”

“Uh...okay, yeah. Sure.”

Taako closed his eyes again, the enchantment blocking out the desire to argue.

“How are you getting along, Merle?” Barry asked.

Merle shrugged. “With the memories? Not too bad. Pretty torn up I forgot you guys, and John...but...I dunno, just gotta keep on keepin’ on. Like we always have.”

The three talked for a little while, discussing more details of the battle they just went through and catching up.

Taako had only been trancing for about three minutes before he shot upright, panicked.

“Where’s Lup?!” He demanded with wide eyes.

“She just went to get Magnus,” Kravitz comforted. “Should be back any minute.”

He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and looked down briefly before noticing the pair of folded, denim-clad legs next to him.

Taako locked eyes with Barry and put a hand on his shoulder, so relieved to be with him.

Barry grinned, eyes teary, and pulled him into a tight embrace, which Taako returned. They had already hugged a few times since the battle, but they had twelve years to make up for.

They pulled apart only when they heard Magnus calling out to them once again, closer this time. Lup travelled alongside him.

Magnus, like everyone else, looked worse for wear. His clothes were torn and stained with blood, dark circles were carved under his eyes.

He nearly tackled Barry and Taako down into the grass in joy, then he himself flopped over with his back on the ground.

“I’m tempted to take a nap right here,” he said.

“I feel ya, but you need a real bed,” Merle advised. “Wait until we get ho—uh.” He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly looking askance.

Taako and Magnus realized now, too.

They didn’t have a home.

“I’m not...” Taako began. “I’m definitely not going back to the Bureau of Balance. I mean, maybe to like, pick up my shit or whatever, but...and I’m sure Barry’s not gonna want to chill there, either.”

“Yeah, no,” Barry said. “I...I forgive Lucretia, I guess, but...no.”

“We could go back to the Starblaster,” Merle offered.

“What, a hundred years wasn’t enough?” Magnus said.

“Yeah, I don’t...particularly want that, either.” Taako mumbled, grabbing his head again. “Ow, fuck.”

They didn’t have any other options. Taako never had a home on this planet. His stagecoach was gone. Raven’s Roost was destroyed. And Merle abandoned his home years ago. Barry lived in a cave. Kravitz didn’t exactly have a place the others could crash in, either.

They grew somber as the realization sunk in.

“Well...I vote we take a nap right here, and find an inn later.” Magnus suggested. “Everyone knows we just saved...everything, I’m sure we can find a place.”

“Sounds good to me,” Merle agreed as he reclined down onto the grass.

The others rearranged, so that Barry, Taako, and Kravitz were all leaning against the brick wall. Taako rested his head on Kravitz’s shoulder. Lup appeared to be sitting as well, next to Barry.

Taako closed his eyes and tried to rest, but after a few minutes of everyone just being together in silence, Kravitz noticed Taako’s hands were balled into trembling fists in his lap.

“Taako?” He prompted delicately.

Taako sat up straighter, and spoke through a clenched jaw.

“I know I should be happy,” He started. “It’s all over now. We won. But...god, that was fucked? I carried my fucking sister around in an umbrella for two years. I saw your fucking corpse and didn’t know. I killed Barry! I killed Barry and then we saw him again in Phandolin and then—ha, what the fuck?”

“I asked you to kill me, Taako,” Barry reminded. “And I’m sorry, it wasn’t fair of me to do that but I panicked. And if you didn’t, who knows where we’d all be right now. Lucretia would have cut off this plane with her shield.”

“The Temporal Chalice...it showed me my memories and I knew they were wrong,” he buried his face in his hands. “Agh, fuck, fuck. I knew something was missing.”

“Easy, Taako,” Lup soothed. “Not too fast. I’m here now. We’re all together again.”

They sat unobtrusively for a few moments. Kravitz pressed a kiss to the top of Taako’s head.

“Merle has kids,” Taako noted. “Mags...you got married.”

Magnus deflated slightly, still lying on the ground.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Yeah...I sure did.”

“We should have been there,” Taako said bitterly. “For all of it.”

Magnus was quiet for a moment, deep in thought.

“Shit,” he mumbled, sitting up. “I can’t remember who...fuck. I can’t remember who killed her. Who destroyed Raven’s Roost.”

“Governor Kalen.”

Magnus looked up at Taako in confusion.

“Your voice just...not like Fisher’s static but I didn’t hear whatever you just said. You just cut out.”

Taako frowned.

“Don’t worry about it, bud,” Merle said. “Well take care of it for you. Someday.”

“For sure,” Taako added, staring off into space.

After a few moments, Magnus leaned back again. “Okay, for real,” he said. “I’m taking a nap. Wake me up at the next apocalypse.”

“Night, buddy,” Barry said.

“I’ve gotta get back to my kids soon, but,” Merle started, curling up and closing his eyes. “Eh, they can wait twenty minutes.”

Even Kravitz’s eyelids were getting heavy. He had a lot of souls to collect today—and he should really get back to that, but right now Taako needed him. Plus, he too was so, so tired.

Taako leaned back into his chest, and Kravitz wrapped his arms around him before closing his eyes himself.

Taako’s fatigue was starting to overcome him again, but he fought against it to look up at his sister.

“Lulu?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“...Don’t leave. You too, Barold.”

“Never,” Lup reassured.

“Get some rest, Taako, it’s okay,” Barry said. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taako grumbled, his eyes dropping shut. “You rest up, too. Saving all realities really...takes it out of you.”

Barry gazed lovingly at Lup, a warm and weary smile on his face.

“Really might just blow myself up,” he whispered thoughtfully, attempting to caress her cheek, or at least where her cheek would be.

“Not today, babe,” Lup replied sympathetically. “We’ll figure it out. For now, you be my hands. And Taako’s right—I’m out of spell slots and you must be exhausted.”

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, Barry,” she answered. “So, so much.”

Taako, without opening his eyes, batted his hand around Barry before landing on his arm and gently pulling it back so that it was draped over Taako’s knees.

Decades ago, IPRE piles were not uncommon. Things were so different now, but it was so nice to have this normalcy back—even if it wasn’t quite the same group of people, and even with Lup being without a body.

Lup settled so that her form was in front of Barry and Taako, in between them and Magnus. She watched Barry for a while, his body relaxing into sleep, the sound of his slow and measured breaths soothing her. Once she was certain everyone else was out, she, too, allowed herself to ease into meditation.

They could finally, finally rest. It had been such a long time coming. There was no fear of a lurking hidden enemy, no pressure of a time limit. They could all just—be.

And it was nice.

Read this on AO3!

#taz balance #taz fic #balance fic #the adventure zone #hurt/comfort #taakitz #blupjeans #can you tell i'm touch starved during this social distancing lmfao #they can have a little cuddle puddle #as a treat

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barry-j-blupjeans · 2 years

Note

13 with blupjeans. shatter my heart. please

13. “I thought you were dead.”

((50 dialogue prompts - still accepting!!))

Barry's funeral took place on a cold, rainy Thursday in late spring. It's a closed casket and there were tulips everywhere, despite the fact that they were rarely associated with death. Kravitz had very carefully arranged the bouquets at his mother's shop and he gave her one personally, to take home afterward. Lup put it on the counter in their- in her apartment and watched as they slowly decayed over the course of a week.

Barry's death had Lup in an iron-tight grip for months and months, until Taako convinced her to move in with him and Kravitz, and forced her to, at the very least, sit outside sometimes. The horrible, terrible days lessen into just "terrible" and then into "uncomfortable" and then into "maybe slightly less than okay". She still reached for Barry's hand when driving, only to find Taako's, or Kravitz's, or Magnus's, or whoever's. A lot of his things sat in Lup's closet because she wasn't really ready to get rid of them yet, even as the "less than okay" days turn into "fine" days.

Barry had been dead for seven years when Lup got a call in the middle of the night from an unknown number at three AM. She had long since moved out of Taako's apartment, but he had roped her into planning his and Kravitz's wedding next fall. Instead, she had gotten distracted watching The Office on Netflix again with the wedding planner opened in the next tab over. She only really picked up the phone because she expected it to be Taako coming to snap at her for getting distracted again.

"Hello?" Lup said into the phone, pausing the video. She clicked back into the tab and propped her phone up on her shoulder, pressing it to her ear.

"Oh my god," a voice that is definitely not Taako said back. "Lup?"

"Who is this?" Lup asked, now a little weirded out. The voice tickled the back of her brain and Lup had to take a second to fully absorb the fact that the person who called her sounded like-

"It's Barry!" the voice said back. Lup stalled, her hands still on the trackpad of her laptop. "Lup, I- uhm, I, uh. How are you?"

Lup almost laughed. Almost. Not quite. Instead, she took the phone into her hand and turned it on speaker.

"Barry?" she repeated, not believing her ears.

"Y- yeah, Lup?"

She hung up. As soon as the call was over, she dropped the phone onto her bed and scooted away from it. In less than a minute, it was ringing again. Same caller ID. Lup let it ring. By the time he was making a third attempt, she had gotten her thoughts in order enough to talk.

"Lup," the voice said- not Barry, Barry was dead. "I'm-"

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Lup demanded into the phone. "Do you think this is funny?"

"It's really me!" the voice said desperately. "Lup, I- I swear to God, I know it's insane, but just listen to me, please- I can- What will make you believe me?" The phone line crackled a little bit. "Please. I've been trying to reach you for years, please just give me a chance."

Lup paused. The voice was taking heavy breaths over the line, as if trying to prevent himself from spiraling into a panic attack.

"What happened to the engagement ring you gave me?" Lup asked finally, squaring her shoulders as if that'd help her be more confident.

"You dropped it down the sink," the voice answered with no hesitation. "So we tried to get into the pipes but then I unscrewed the wrong thing and water started coming out. And then you cut your hand really bad on the exposed end of the pipe so we had to go to the ER to get you stitches."

Lup took a deep breath in. It shook slightly on the exhale. She looked at the scar on the palm of her hand.

"Six stiches," the voice contuined. "We told Taako that you cut yourself while cooking 'cus it'd be embarrassing if we said that we broke literally our entire sink and your hand while looking for a ring we never even found." The voice paused. As an afterthought, it added, "the second ring was from the thrift store and it had a tulip carved into it. I got one that had a way too big of a fake ruby on it because I wanted a new one, too, and it was the only one that'd fit my finger."

"Barry?" Lup asked.

"Yeah, babe," Barry said, tearfully. "I know."

"I thought you were dead," Lup said into the phone. "Who- how the hell-"

"It's a long story," Barry said, laughing slightly.

"Where are you?" Lup said. "I can- I'll meet you there, I need to get dressed-" She launched herself out of bed, going for her shoes.

"I'm in Nevada, babe," Barry said. "Though, uh, I probably need to get outta Nevada pretty- pretty fast, uhm- where- are you still in Illinois or?"

"Vermont," Lup said. "I'm in Vermont. I'm- I'll call off work and get Taako and Kravitz if I can, just-" She slipped her shoes on, grabbing a suitcase out of her closet. "I'll be there as soon as I can, I swear. I'm not gonna leave you there."

"I trust you," Barry said. Lup's heart clenched. "The town's called Alamo. It's kinda near Los Vegas, I guess? I can- if it'd be easier, I can meet you in Los Vegas-"

"Whatever works for you, babe," Lup said, shoving a pile of shirts into the suitcase. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

"I'll see you soon," Barry said. Lup could practically hear the smile in his voice.

#blupjeans #barry bluejeans #lup #taz #taz balance #modern au!#also im incapable of writing anything completely angsty sorry sldfsdf #asks #boatwizard2 #mine #ise cube writing #we're goin to vegas baeby!#long post #sorry sldfsd

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jelloopy · 4 years

Text

Murder on The Rockport Limited Notes

Previous: Character Creation, HtbG, Moonlighting

Ch 1

Robbie is a halfling who is pretty shitty but he’s good at making “potions” (Robbie is the roommate that everyone really hates but doesn’t want him to leave because he is their plug)

Taako is on the top bunk, Magnus is under Taako, Robbie is next to Taako and Merle is under Robbie

They are woken up at 3 am to report to Lucretia (3 am really?)

”Yeah it’s like Mario Mario or Luigi Mario” ~Griffin (This is so funny because this actually proves that Taako’s last name really is Taaco. Before Justin played it as a joke but this kinda derails that)

Robbie asks them for Pringles when they leave (Thus the beginning of me and the boys not remembering him by anything other than Pringles)

They arrive in their PJs (Taako is in footie pajamas and Merle’s has a flap in at the butt with a Kenny Chesney tattoo on his ass) (When the hell did Merle get that tattoo. Also, why is Lucretia in her full BoB garb right now? Was she asleep and get changed really quickly? Do her robes double as PJ’s? Did she just not go to sleep?)

Taako says he gets night terrors that’s why he’s in like a full-body Onesie/sleeping bag (That is so fricking sad if you think about his backstory later on…)

Magnus just starts changing clothing right then and there when Lucretia tells them that they don’t have time to get ready (This man really has no shame or boundaries. I imagine it was the same in the century tbh)

Leimann Kessler (half-elf man) was murdered before he was even on the train but was able to secure the Relic on the train (Personally, don’t know a lot about how trains work but this to me is kinda odd. Who knew he died? Do their bracers know when the wearer perishes? Is there like a body temp check and a pulse check in there too? We know that it can track them but… how much more can it do…)

All the relics come from a different school of magic. They were never in the hands of someone long enough to learn what they are capable of (Potentially this is a lie. We would have already known the names, schools of magic, and possibly what they could do based upon that alone. I bet Lucretia is hiding that info in her office)

The Gauntlet deals with Evocation magic (Hmmm, I can only imagine why. Maybe because Lup also worked in Evocation magic?)

Avi is manning the cannon! The whole scene with Magnus High as hell. Avi Never learned how to Wink (Avi you’re adorable I love you. Magnus. Get your shit together man.)

Taako pulls the lever too early and they change trajectory into a swamp

Leech fight! (I honest to god forgot this even happened before listening to it again. Not my fave fight)

Ch 2

Merle gets a lot of blood sucked from him by the leeches

Merle is completely submerged in the swamp and Magnus pulls his ass out (Why is it always Merle)

”Scientists have yet to agree” ~Griffin (I personally use this phrase all the time. It just makes me laugh so hard every time.)

Taako can levitate (I really wished he used this more ngl. I would also like to see some more fanart of this)

They are in Rockport! Covered in swamp shit!

Tom Beaudette! We see his house and they get hosed off then they see him at the ticket station again. (What a nice guy!)

Leimann, Diddly, and Justin Kessler (10/10 best alias’ ever)

Taako Charms Tom (It’s a nice go-to huh?)

Merle really wants to murder tom he wanted him to step in front on the train (Merle really is the one who goes straight for murder)

Ch 3

Hudson, Jess the Beheader, Graham Juicy Wizard, ANGUSSSSSSSS, and Jenkins McShittywizard (My favorite train gang!)

Travis making fun of Griffin for how he needs to sleep with 100000000 pillows (I cherish all of these out of character bits where they really just dog on one another)

Angus, my sweet summer child don’t talk to strangers. We know your grandfather’s name was long forgotten even though you’re going to visit him in Never Winter.

The boys legit think Angus is evil and Griffin yells at them bc they are being racist. (1- how are they being legit racist? You haven’t introduced anything about Angus’ race at all?) (2- Jesus he is only 10 years old my dudes)

Graham is 36 years young and is crazy obsessed with trains and his real name is Percy? He is shadowing Jenkins in hopes of learning more about working on a train

Taako from TV! (And so his legend begins!)

Ch 4

Jenkins is harnessing a limited version of teleportation magic

Angus calling the boys out on their bullshit

Taako calling Angus “pumpkin” (Literally melts my heart. I wish someone called me cute nicknames. Also, Taako hasn’t even talked to this kid that much and that name is reoccurring)

Angus has a nondescript blue book that is able to intercept messages sent through magical means (Where did this child get this book and who let him keep it? This is legit just like letting children under 13 have access to the unrestricted internet. It’s literal Hell)

The bit with Angus and “PRYING EYES AND EARS!” (uh foreshadowing my guy)

They find “Jenkins” Dead body after hearing Graham scream

Merle is able to identify a lot of things by looking at the body (It still scares me that he is technically a Physician.)

Angus pulls a small CROSSBOW OUT OF HIS SLEEVE? (Where did he get this, how did he keep it from Hudson, Why the fuck does he have it)

Angus really said “you guys run I’ll get rid of him!” and grabs Graham and runs (How strong is this child. He’s legit lifting and pulling a grown-ass man without help)

”I’m following Angus I’ll see yall in hell!” ~Taako (Yes follow the badass 10-year old please)

”I wanna tell you about the time about this time there were three ogres…”~Taako

The Foley work bit and then Griffin just snapping “The train derails and you all die” (Another out of character goof that I cherish)

”I shit and take 14 damage” ~Griffin (are you okay? How much health do you have? What’s your max HP dude?)

Taako makes the Crab monster Levitate

Magnus punched the crab monster out of the window and it got scrapped up on the side of the train

Ch 5

They follow the Crab into their sleeper car and Magnus attacks with a chair and Griffin says “I imagine because you are so skilled at carpentry that you’ve had to attack someone with a chair before so you are in fact proficient in this attack”

Jess comes in and finishes the crab off with her Soul bound ax that she can conjure at any time (This legit just means that Jenkins did not need to carry her ax to the crypt safe. She let him do it for shits n giggles. We stan)

Jess got her last name legally changed to “Beheader” and Magnus says that he got his legally changed to “The Hammer” (Really Magnus… this isnt 3rd grade stop trying to impress her. It’s that or it could be another sad reference to “Hammer and Tongs” which would mean Julia was “Tongs” D: that is so depressing and cute)

Magnus and Merle are making good progress in solving the murder

”Alright lads” “oh fuck” When Merle keeps up his disguise as Leimann Kessler (It’s so funny because his fake Leimann Kessler is just his current Argonaut Keen.)

”I cast ZONE OF TRUTH” “Jesus you’re like a zone of truth cleric” (Oh honey. This is just the beginning)

Magnus wakes Graham up with a 5% smack with his left hand and then a 6.5% smack also with his left hand (Wtf is this BNHA? Alright Deku)

Taako is an Alcoholic? (He keeps asking for a drink ...This is a bit concerning but it makes sense)

Magnus slaps Graham again with 7.2% and he popped something in Graham’s jaw and he begins screaming but Merle heals him (OKAY DEKU COOL IT MY GUY)

”I wanna be a guy... with a head!” ~” Hudson” (hehe foreshadowing)

SCUTTLE BUDDY!!!!! (A short but adorable life you have my Lil man)

Ch 6

The “fisticuffs” scene with Taako and Angus (Now this is really concerning considering his backstory. I know it’s a joke because of how many people they accidentally kill all the time but like dude… little do you know…)

Angus leading them through the mystery is so cute. But also you know its Griffin trying to get his family to really think it through and I love it. (It really makes my heart really full to hear Griffin get really excited when they figure it out slowly instead of mocking them when they guess wrong)

MERLE YES! MAGNUS YES! YOU’RE GETTING IT! YOU’RE SO CLOSE! (Teamwork makes the dream work baby!)

Magnus jumps out of the train and Griffin gets really serious and gives him the “if you fail this you will actually die” speech (This coupled with the fight scene that Magnus accidentally skipped and the fact that originally Travis did want Magnus to die so he could re-roll a rogue is so wild)

Magnus is gonna become a wrecking ball Jesus (very Magnus-core)

Hell yeah, Magnus! Knock the meat monster into Jenkins!!

Magnus gets hit for 10 points at 1hp and paries it for 10 points! (Top ten anime near-death experiences)

Jenkins threatens to kill the meat monster. Horribly misses then is thrown off the fucking train by the meat monster (Get fucked wrecked Jenkins that’s what you get for being cocky!)

Ch 7

They find the dousing rod compass that Jenkins was using and find the monocle (Pirates of the Caribbean much?)

Taako grabs The Oculus because he has escaped the thrall of a relic before

It tells him that it can make anything he can imagine (This is really interesting tbh)

The Umbrastaff eATS JENKINS WAND!!! and a Lil sigil appears on the handle of the staff that also looks like an umbrella (Lup gets fed lmao. Don’t really understand the Sigil appearing tho. It doesn’t come up any other time I don’t think so it’s cool)

Taako grabs the teleport wand thing and asks everyone to leave and he grabs a bunch of shit from the Cryptsafe pile (Very Taako-core)

They make it to the engineer’s room and Graham tries to slow the train down but he can’t

Taako wanted to open the gate to Never Winter to Phandalin but they change it to Jenkins’ garden because it needs to be a room with “one entrance” (Solid idea on Taako’s part. If it were to work no one would have been hurt)

Taako pushed Angus off the train and he looses two teeth (This man pushed a whole child off the train… ‘Ight)

Magnus dies by jumping off the train (Top ten anime death scenes)

Taako successfully opens the gate into Jenkin’s garden and the train crashes into the garden

Magnus is stabilized by Merle (Awe so the Cleric can do his job!)

Angus gives them pringles for Robbie and the compass. Taako gives Angus one of the forks from his grandfather’s set.

They go to a nearby Never Winter Clinic to get patched up

Out of character, they choose to work on voices and Griffin calls them out bc he’s been doing 8 “different” voices and Clint goes “Yeah try doing that for 40 years” get fuckin rOASTED Ditto! (Also Griffin I love you but like 3 of the voices were the exact same and 2 were so similar it wasn’t funny. Don’t get me wrong different voices aren’t my strong suit either but ya did give it your best shot so.)

We goin’ back to the moon baby!

AVI MY MAIN MAN! (I will forever and always want and need more Avi screen time)

The oculus works with illusory magic (Which is very interesting bc I know it was made by Davenport because he also worked in allusory magic but I don’t ever remember him using any magic… who knows maybe he has and I just never realized)

Lucretia thought they were gonna get it off the train before it left... woman… (You’ve known these men for how long and you thought they were gonna w h a t?)

Next: Lunar Interlude I,

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