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#like it's moody and angst but also it's about healing and growth
noxarcanaart · 1 year
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an illustration for chapter 3 of @sayesayes's steddie fic (there is) thunder in our hearts
(2am burgers after a show, eddie’s hair starting to grow back as they both grow together❤️)
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prince-boi · 6 years
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From Your Dearest
Reader x Mark
Word Count: 2,760~ish words idk I didn’t count properly, I know there’s 1,034 “i”s in this fic
Angst, Like really angsty, like get some tissues angsty. Major Angst ahead lol. Like I felt like a horrible person writing this. I want to punch myself in the face.
 (Btw I just copied and pasted half of a fic I wrote like idk last year or something and I changed the ending of the story too. So don’t get pissed and call me out if you think I’m lazy or something, mate.)
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We met each other at the grocery store:
“Mum! Who’s that girl!” a small boy asked in while pointing to y/n.
“Oi! Don’t point! That’s rude Mark!” the parent scolded. The boy pouted, he only wanted an answer.
Y/n’s parent bent down to his level, “I’m your mother’s friend, this is y/n, she will be staying at your place for a little bit because I need to do some grown-up things. Is that okay with you?” Mark looked up at his mother with a questioning face, she chuckled and nodded. Mark sneaked a glance at the shy girl that was hiding behind the unfamiliar adult and held out his hand, smiling as he did so,
“Let’s be friends!”
When we entered primary school:
Our parents sent us to the same school, we knew no one else besides each other and some other kids from our neighbourhood. We all ran into our lines, ready to be welcomed into a neat classroom as the bell rang.
“Good morning students! My name is Ms Gonsha, I will be your teacher.” Little Lunch Reference.
The teacher started calling the roll, and after we started our first lesson: Art.
Paint few here, pencils shreddings were being emptied in the bins, glue was being eaten, crayons were being snapped in half.
“Art is my favourite subject” You stated happily to Mark. You and Mark had grown close to each other since the first day they met, they were a troublemaking duo, partners in crime.
“Mark! Come sit with us!” Y/n called over.
It was lunch-time and Mark was sitting on the swing-sets alone, eating his chicken sandwich. You ran over, grabbing his wrist and lunch box, dragging him back to your lunch table with all your other friends.
After you all finished eating, you played tiggy with all the other kids until it was home time.
Highschool - Junior years, a place with a cess-pool full of moody and rowdy kids:
“Boys are better than girls!! We’re stronger!”
“Wrong! Strength doesn’t make someone better! It’s obvious that girls are way better!”
Here we go again, the groups are fighting over the lunch tables. Mark could see that you weren’t having much fun in this, and neither was he. Mark wanted to get out ASAP. Sneaking over, he tugged your uniform. Grabbing your arm, he pulled you away and sitting you under a tree.
“It sucks that you’re taller than me, you’re a girl!”
“Nah, you just haven’t had your growth spurt yet.” You loved teasing Mark with your height, it was typical for girls to be taller than most boys at this age, after all, you just hit puberty.
You and Mark had kept your distance during your time in 7 to 9th grade. Everyone always seems to think that someone was dating even if they were JUST friends.
Finally, Senior year of highschool. We’re almost mature and fully grown adults, graduation on our minds:
It wasn’t a surprise that you two got shipped a lot in school. Almost the entire year level knew you guys were the best of best friends. It was obvious too, you two were the clowns of the class.
However, that was when you found out you had a disease in your cardiovascular system. A sickness that affects the function of the human heart that could lead to the grave, if not treated. Nobody knew this, not even Mark, only the people in your family.
The first time you found out, you were crushed, devastated.
Mark was always there by your side though. He never knew the reason for why you were also so upset, tired or growing weak so suddenly. It took a while to pull you out of your hole of misery, but he did.
Through this journey, you learnt many things about appreciation, value and time. You experienced many emotions, most of which were new to you. However, one emotion struck you hard.
This emotion or ‘feeling’ is the driver of passion, anger, desire, lust, insanity or spirit within many people.
This feeling is known no other than ‘love’.
Which one day lead to you leaving a secret love letter in a special someone’s locker on Valentine’s Day.
University and College, we’ve been separated, but we were only a few blocks away from each other. Is this fate that we’ve been together for so long?:
Laughing filled the dorm room.
“HAHAHAHAHA, STOP IT NOW MY STOMACH HURTS.” one of your colleagues yelled. You just cracked one your all-time joke, the best joke you had used since you were young.
Life was good, well, except for the fact that you still had the heart disease and still never told Mark how you really felt about him. It was too late for that now.
Since you guys were separated into different study centres, he managed to find a girlfriend. Well, the girlfriend found him really. It hit you hard the moment he told you, but you were happy for him, even though you felt a BIT bitter. read: very
The future - the one thing no one can correctly predict, nor can they promise success or failure. This powerful thing contains the fate that could send you to the streets or lead you to your dreams:
You were happy, we had your dream job, moved overseas and you were still young. Mark had made it into SM Entertainment. He is in a group called NCT. Not only did he debut but he did it THREE times, too!(and possibly more in future). Another thing was that he wasn’t dating anymore, the girl he went out with turned out to be a mongrel.
Cliché or not, she was a backstabber and used him to get what she wanted: to make her ex jealous. Leaving Mark dangling with insincere memories.
You still loved him. You still looked at him with all the love in the world. All the love the universe could give you. The pure, innocent, puppy love waaaay back in highschool.
Halfway through the year, you got an emergency call to go to the hospital.
“Miss (your last name), I’m afraid your heart can’t take it anymore, you still have long left. We estimate you to only live 1 more year unless we find a matching heart donor.” the doctor said in a stern tone.
There. That was the moment. The sentences that made the cookie crumble.
You broke down, your life was perfect the way it was, a loving best friend, a wonderful job, a beautiful home. What did you do to deserve this?
Later that week, you manage to find courage. After getting a grip on yourself, you decided to go to Mark’s dorm to tell him the long-awaited news.
3 knocks on the door were all it took for you to suddenly hear someone storming to the door, flinging it open.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?!!” Mark screamed. You saw that he had tears on his flushed, rosy cheeks, glassy, swollen eyes and red tinted nose. You glanced behind him, seeing a wire bin, filled with squishy tissues, probably from runny snot and tears.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to–”
“I AM YOUR FRIEND. No. YOUR BEST FRIEND. FOR HOW MANY YEARS?! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS!” you’ve never seen Mark like this in a long time. He was broken, roaring out all his bottled anger and frustration. 
You were about to say something when he embraced you in a tight grasp.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there, I’m sorry for yelling….” you felt your shoulder getting wet, and lead him. Sitting him down on the sofa.
You calmed him down and consulted him. You lightened the mood a little by telling Mark his favourite joke. Light sounds of laughter were heard throughout the night.
Mark decided to let you stay at the dorms for the night.
You only had 3 months left, I promise to give you everything, even if it kills me:
You had never felt so alive for so long. Mark had shown you places you never thought you’d see, both physically and spiritually. Nothing was on your mind but what was happening at the moment. Mark had taught you how to live - to live in the present and not worry about the future or dwell in the past.
After the many adventures, the both of you had been on, Mark said that he had to start promoting with NCT again. You hadn’t seen him for almost 2 months. The first month he had some issues to sort out with his company, before meeting you again. However, it was only a short visit before he had to return to Canada to visit his family. Staying there for 1 month.
You received a letter from the hospital, saying that you were blessed. They had finally found a heart donor that matches you!! You were so happy and in complete bliss. You wanted to call Mark and tell him about the notice, but he didn’t pick up. You tried again for the next few days, he still never picked up.
The night sky shone through the window as you laid in the hospital bed. You checked your phone one last time before you decided to sleep. Then you realized Mark had finally contacted you by text.
Mark: I’m so sorry y/n, I won’t be able to make it to you on time. I hope surgery will go smoothly. Trust my heart.
I’m sorry, last goodbyes are always difficult. Please know that I’ll be watching over you:
The day finally came. You were getting your heart transplant. As you entered the operation room, you were scared, but you thought of the text Mark sent, it calmed you just a little.
When you healed, the first place you went to was Mark’s dorm. You continued knocking. Until a very sleepy Haechan swung open the door.
“Who are you, and why do you have to visit us at such an ungODLY HOUR on the weEKENDS!”
“MorNING HAECHAN!! Is Mark here?!”
No answer.
You cocked your head at Haechan’s reaction. Usually, he would’ve given you a snide remark or joke about what Mark was up to. However, this time he lowered his head. Shuffling back inside, leaving the door wide open for you to come in.
You run in the living room, not a sign of Mark. Just Jaehyun, Doyoung and Taeil watching a movie. They turned to you, Doyoung opened his mouth to say something but you heard someone call out in the kitchen. Waving politely to the three boys sitting on the couch, you headed towards the kitchen.
“Hi Taeyong, Yuta, Winwin! How are you all?”
“Hi y/n! Back so soon? Shouldn’t you be resting after your surgery?” Taeyong asked, surprised by your greeting.
“It’s all good! The doctors said that I’m fully recovered and that I should be good to go.” You happy replied.
Taeyong smiled, “That’s good! Oh, can you pass those bowl to Sicheng and Yuta? They’ve been starving all day.” yuwin
“Sure thing.” You went over to Taeyong and carefully carried the 2 bowls of steaming phở to Yuta and Winwin, who were sitting on the kitchen bench.
“Thanks, y/n!” They said in unison, before starting to scoff down the food.
“Oh! By the way, do you guys know where Mark is?” You curiously asked.
Just before you finished talking, Yuta started choking on the rice noodles, causing Sicheng to panic.yuwin Taeyong spun around, accidentally knocking over the bowl full of water and bean sprouts.
“Ah- y/n, did he not tell you?” Taeyong suddenly asked, not caring about the mess he made on the floor.
“Whats all the commotion about?” Before you could even form a response, Johnny rushed into the kitchen, “Is everything okay in here guys?... and Y/n?”
There was a long silence, the tension began building up slowly.
Taeyong bent down and started cleaning up, “Well, we were on the topic about... Mark.”
Johnny’s face dropped. His usual cheery attitude seemed to have faded away. “Oh.”
You couldn’t take it anymore, you were confused and frustrated. You now had a bad feeling growing in your gut, “Guys! I just want to know where Mark is! Did something bad happened to him while I was gone?? I’m lost...”
Straightening himself up, Taeyong signalled to Johnny to clean up whatever was left of the mess on the floor.
“Come with me, y/n.”
Slowly, you were guided into his room, then left alone. You slowly twisted the knob.
It was completely different to the last time you saw it. Lifeless, boxes stacked in neat towers, the bed covered with a large plastic sheet. His roommate, Haechan, no longer was in the room and had probably moved into a different room with another member.
You walked around the room, observing everything closely. Everything was packed up, either wrapped or boxed. You passed his desktop. His phone laid there alongside his laptop and headphones. What seemed like hundreds of pages, containing messy scribbles of passionate lyrics and doodles, stacked neatly in a pile.
You tip-toed over to his bed. No blanket or pillow, just the bare mattress covered by a plastic wrap. You checked under his bed, feeling more sentimental than ever.
There you saw his beloved guitar. His favourite pair of sneakers and a shoe box. However, that caught your eye was the shoe box. It had a ribbon hanging out from it. Letting your curiosity taking over the best of you, you carefully pulled out the box.
You picked it up carefully and placed it on his bed. Warily opening the lid, you were presented with a number of items the box contained. You looked through the many polaroids of Mark and the other NCT members. Some of them have cute little messages written behind them. Then you found a framed portrait of him in Canada, posing with his family during Christmas.
You smiled warmly, he was always close to his family and loved them dearly. You placed the frame down next to the box with the utmost care and continued exploring through the box.
You then found another framed portrait, this time it contained you and Mark. You stretched your head, thinking of they he would frame such a photo like this. It was taken on the day that he officially debuted, when ‘The 7th Sense’ was finally released to the world. In the picture, Mark was giving you a piggyback, your hair wild and tossed from the wind.
Putting that portrait down next to the one of his family. You gave one last look in the box again, seeing a familiar red card. Picking up the card, you opened it. Skimming through the message inside it, you realised that it was the same love letter you wrote to him in high school. But you noticed there was more writing on the back. This time, with Mark’s handwriting;
Hello, my wonderful Y/N!!
If you’re reading this, it must mean that the surgery went well! :D
Haha, jokes aside, I’m sorry I wasn't there to see you going in but I hope you weren’t too nervous. I’m so, so sorry, be happy and smile for me okay?
This love letter... I always knew this letter was from you y/n, I always had. I’m not as dumb as you think I am ;)
I loved you since 7th grade and wanted to confess to you so so so badly for all these years. But I was a coward I guess. A chicken, a fool, a dullard, call me whatever you want, but when I heard you had that heart disease, I wanted to make it up to you. So I made it my goal to get rid of it.
I searched for the perfect heart donor. I searched, I really did, far and wide to find one. But perhaps I’m just unlucky because I never found one. However, after I became an idol, I had to do health checks. When I got my results back, I was shocked to see that we had a match!
I informed my company and needed to visit my parents to confirm my decision, it took a while, but here we are.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, yes, I am your heart donor. Jeez Y/n, I thought you were smarter than that.
I may not have been the perfect best friend or your maybe future husband/boyfriend, but I least I can be with you to the end of time.
My heart will keep you going! So please, look after it and look after the boys of NCT! I’ll miss you... I hope you’ll miss me too...
From your dearest, Mark Lee♡
Fucking idk whether to cry or cringe.
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