#like im not gonna tell people what to enjoy or not to enjoy but also for 5 fucking second shut uo about fr33mans m1nd
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Hi Just making this post to talk about that issue because I feel like no one talked about it but Im more than disgusted by jennyvipham’s decisions with her latest game ( going live ) and the recent video i saw on my feed.
for people unaware i’m gonna make it short but go dig yourself : the dev is using suicide as shock value to get her followers to rise her ratings on itch.io.
Why do i talk about it ? First off because it’s terribly handled and for a dev who is very successful and already has a big audience she should have approached it with more precautions. She would have had good ratings anyways based on how big her fanbase is. Suicide is a complex topic and one that I heavily believe should be treated with research and precautions EVEN MORE if it’s used in settings that are meant to bring comfort / be cute .
What made me want to writte this post is that I came accros one video where she asks people to send her art of Micah yujin ( her main character of error 143) dead
Error 143 is a very popular game targeted as a feel good romance storie, bringing death content to the main characters as the dev is exposing people to something they didn’t signed up to see + is more than questionable considering the character is one of the rare representation of a black man Li in dating sims.
This add up to the racist controversies that i wasn’t aware about and are not in good position to talk about since it all happened on twitter ( social media that I don’t use )
I’ll also use this post to tell you that you should leave reviews and coms on games you enjoyed on itch.io as it helps the devs grow and simply makes them happy. Getting review shouldn’t be about emotionaly guilt trip your audience using suicide as marketing technique.
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Then & Now (M, cold)
Hiii, hope you like A LOT of hurt followed by 2-3 sentences of comfort lmao. This is Greyson fic - Grey is sick on a day he and Reed are supposed to have a date, and he's sure Reed is going to be angry with him because Trauma(TM). It's told in a flashback sort of format which I really enjoyed because I love writing blurbs of colds at different times in life lol. I hope you guys like it, please let me know what ya think, good, bad, or otherwise :)
CW: Male snz, cold, pneumonia mention, coughing, contagion mention, lots and lots of whump lmao. A little over 4K words under the cut.
Then & Now
Now
“Morning, Chef.”
“Huh-! HhITSZHH-ue!”
Elijah turned towards Greyson, who was doubled over into his hoodie sleeve, and gave him a sympathetic grimace. “Cooks finally pulled you under, hmm?”
“Ugh, like way fuckin’ under,” Greyson muttered, rubbing his eye and sucking in through his nose. “I feel like ass.”
“Sorry, dude,” Elijah said, tossing his counterpart a box of tissues. “Sucks.”
Greyson caught the box and pulled out a few just in time. “HITSZHZH-uhh!” This one, he managed to catch in the handful of tissues. He wiped his nose and shrugged. “Yeah,” he said, tossing the used tissues. “Mbostly because I was supposed to have a date tonight.”
Elijah smirked at his friend, who was pushing past the GM into their shared office. The two of them sat in unison. “Do you guys still call them dates? You’ve been official for, like, six months.”
“It’s our six-month anniversary,” Greyson said, his voice flattened by congestion. “We were going to do EMP.”
“Awww, now I’m depressed,” Elijah said. “Also, why didn’t you tell me earlier you were going to Eleven Madison? I still know people there.”
“So does Reed,” Greyson said, massaging his temple. “That’s why we were goigg. Fuck, mby fuckin’ head is pounding. Do we have any -?”
Elijah placed the ibuprofen in front of the chef before he could ask, along with a bottle of cough syrup and a decongestant. “You know we have it all,” he said, pushing an old cup of water across the desk for Greyson to swallow his arsenal of pills. “And fair enough. Well that fuckin’ sucks, dude, I’m sorry. Hey, at least you can leave early, right? Matt’s closing?”
“Yeah,” Greyson said, unwrapping a cough drop and popping it in his mouth. “I’ll head out once the rush is over. I still have to text Reee – hh...hhNTSHH-ue! HGTSHH-uhh!” Greyson doubled over, sneezed into his arm, and groaned. “I’mb gonna kill the guys when they get in,” he said, mostly to himself.
“Don’t do that,” Elijah said, placing a hand on Greyson’s shoulder on his way out of the office. “Then you’ll have to stay all night.”
Greyson huffed out a laugh and pulled out his phone. He clicked on his conversation with Reed, sighing. He did not want to have this conversation.
Greyson
9:31AM
hey babe. gonna have to cancel tonight, the cooks infected me w their plague :( im rly sorry.
The chef set his phone on the desk, prepared to either be ghosted or gaslit – two of Collin’s favorite pastimes whenever Greyson had had to cancel their plans during their relationship – and was shocked when the phone buzzed with a text almost immediately. He was almost afraid to look at his boyfriend’s response.
Reed
9:32AM
Oh, baby don’t be sorry!! what time are you off? I’ll pick you up and take you home :) we can do a sick day little date night instead!
Greyson stared at the phone, stunned. He couldn’t help it; he read the message again, then out loud said, “What the fuck?”
Then – Ten Years Ago
“Chef?”
The Executive Chef looked up from his paperwork at Greyson and sighed. “What is it, Abbott?”
“I, um – hh! HTSHH-uh! HGXTSH-ue! Snf. Umb, I just wanted to see if it was okay if I… left a little early today?” Greyson asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His chef raised his eyebrows and put his clipboard down. Oh, no, Greyson thought.
“Leave...early? And leave your clean up and prep to whom, exactly? Me?” The Executive Chef huffed out a laugh. “That’s rich, Abbott. Why the fuck would you need to leave early?”
“I…” Greyson started, but his voice gave out on the single syllable. He attempted to clear his throat. “I just… I really feel like shit? I was hoping I could, like… sleep it off, I guess. I mbean, I wouldn’t want to get anyone else sigck.” Greyson felt a cough bubbling to the surface; he tried to quell it, to no avail. The younger man collapsed into a coughing fit that felt like it lasted a lifetime.
The Chef remained unmoved. “My guys,” he said, placing a hand on his chest as Greyson attempted to compose himself, “don’t get sick, Abbott. And if they do, I don’t fucking hear about it. Understand? Because I really don’t give a shit. If you’re here, you’re here. If you decide to leave early,” he shrugged, uncaring, “then you leave for good. And Abbott, if you try to get a job after walking out of my kitchen, I promise you I will make it impossible. I know you’ve only been here a couple months, but here’s what you need to learn: put your head down and do your fucking job, and you can work anywhere in the world after this. Be a whiny piece of shit who tries to walk out on his shift, and you’ll be working at McDonald’s for the rest of you life. Got it?”
Greyson, too shocked to rebut, just bobbed his head up and down.
“Let me hear you say it,” the Chef said. Greyson cleared his throat.
“Yes, Chef,” he said. The Chef nodded.
“Now get the fuck out of my office.”
Now
“Elijah. Look at this text.”
The GM looked up slowly from the iPad where he was going over reservations for the evening. “...Why?” he asked, taking the phone from Greyson’s hand.
“Just look. Tell mbe that’s ndot weird,” Greyson said, crossing his arms over his chest. Elijah looked down, confused, and read the text. He pinched his eyebrows together just a little, and read it again. “See? Isn’t that weird?”
“Greyson…” Elijah said, handing the phone back. “That’s not weird.”
“Seriously?” Greyson asked, reading the text yet again. “It’s bizarre. He’s ndot even a little mad? C’mon. That’s weird.”
“He’s being sweet,” Elijah explained, slowly, as though he were talking to a toddler. “Did you want him to be mad? Because that’s bizarre.”
“Ndo I don’t want him to be mad. I jus – HTSZHH-ue! HRRSHH!” Greyson wrenched to the side to sneeze, which sent him into a fit of hacking coughs. “I just figured he’d want to, like, yell at mbe or something. For canceling,” Greyson finished, his voice strained against another cough. Elijah didn’t respond, not at first, and instead pressed a hand onto the chef’s forehead.
“I think you’re sicker than we thought, because you’re acting fucking delusional,” he said as Greyson slapped his hand away. “Greyson, normal people don’t yell at each other for getting sick, or having to cancel a plan. That’s, like, really twisted.”
Greyson rolled his eyes. “It’s ndot twisted, Lij you fuckin’ drama queen,” he said, then held up a finger. “Onesec – hh! Hh...hnn.” Greyson sniffled, a let out a little irritated cough. “Lost it.”
“Go back to the kitchen,” Elijah said, pointing towards the swinging doors. “Sit down. Rest. Let your medicine kick in. I don’t want people seeing this -” he gestured to Greyson, as if to allude to his entire being – “when they walk past the restaurant. Alright? Text your boyfriend something nice. Not something unhinged.”
“Oh, fuck you,” Greyson muttered, turning toward the kitchen, his phone still open to the conversation with Reed. He turned towards Elijah again before pushing through the kitchen doors. “I still say that this is the unhinged thing.”
“Go to therapy, Greyson,” Elijah said, not looking up from the iPad. Greyson rolled his eyes, pushed into the kitchen, and regarded his phone once again.
Greyson
10:07AM
thanks, babe. it’s ok, I can take care of myself. it wont be a long day, ill just grab some nyquil omw home and sleep it off. ill reschedule our rezo too, don’t worry about that. im really sorry again for canceling. if I could taste the food id still go lol.
Figuring that sounded at least relatively normal, Greyson hit send. He sat down at his desk once again and placed his head in his hands. No way he’s not pissed, Greyson thought, and he really believed it. In all his years of dating, he’d never met anyone who would respond that way; they’d at least have a snippy remark about the last-minute nature of the cancellation.
Greyson’s phone pinged once again, and he couldn’t help but grab it right away to assess the damage.
Reed
10:08AM
honey, please don’t apologize, seriously. youre sick, it happens, its no biggie :) I already moved the reservation to next week but if we need to ill move it again. james at emp said to tell you feel better btw.
Greyson blinked, dumbstruck. He started typing without thinking.
Greyson
10:10AM
you REALLY arent mad? seriously?
Reed
10:10AM
im really not mad. who gets mad at someone for being sick…? is someone at work mad at you? am I supposed to be mad..? lol
Greyson
10:11AM
I mean its a last minute cancellation. id understand if u were mad.
Reed
10:11AM
welllll….im not. is that ok? haha
Reed
10:15AM
grey…? you believe me, right?
Reed
10:21AM
greyson..?
Then – Seven Years Ago
He was moving through molasses.
Greyson placed a sluggish hand to his own forehead – you can’t check yourself for a fever, dumbass – and blinked painfully. He’d made it to work, he’d made it through the day, and he’d made it back home, against all odds. Now, he was stuck on his couch, unable to even crawl to the bathroom for a thermometer.
It had all compounded on him, was his guess. The endless fourteen hour days for the better part of two years at his thankless sous chef job. The shitty Chicago-suburbs apartment with no heat, where he froze for the few hours a week he slept. The near-constant drinking. Sure, he was only twenty-five, but what was it they said about this industry? It ages you in dog years. Yeah, that was it.
“Hh-! Hh...ITSZHH-ue! HTSHHH-ue!” Greyson sneezed helplessly into the blanket he’d wrapped around himself, and groaned. This was not what he’d imagined when he moved here from Minnesota. He’d thought it would be glamorous, working as a sous chef at a high-end hotel in a big city. He thought he’d have friends, or a girlfriend, or something. Instead, he was trapped on his couch, benched by a sinus infection and seasonal depression that seemed to last the whole year round. Fuck this, Greyson thought. He couldn’t get off the couch, but he could reach his phone; Greyson pulled up Indeed and changed his search parameters.
Actively searching for work. Location: Any.
Now
“Um… Chef? What’s, uh… what’s going on?”
Greyson paused for a moment, a crate of spoiled food held on his shoulder. He turned towards Matt, keen to answer, but instead held the crate tighter and wrenched to the side. “HRTTSHH-uh!”
“Bless you,” Matt said, an automatic reaction. Greyson nodded, turned towards the dumpster, and dumped the food in before beginning the cycle anew: pick up crate. Turn to sneeze. Dump old food. Matt wasn’t sure if he should help his boss, or go inside for backup.
He chose the former, picking a crate filled to the brim with rotten tomatoes off the ground and hoisting it into the trash. “You gonna tell me what’s up?” he asked as the two of them continued gathering and tossing.
Greyson sighed, pulled a hand down his face, and shook his head. “I thingk Reed and I are over,” he said, voice soft and throaty. Matt’s eyebrows shot up.
“What? Seriously? What did you do?” Matt asked, prompting a stuffy laugh from his boss.
“I just don’t thingk it’s going to work,” Greyson said, shrugging. “I… I don’t want to, like, play gambes. I can’t do that again, ndot after Collin.”
“Chef,” Matt said as he gathered and tossed the last milk crate, “what are you talking about? Reed is, like, the most straight-shooting guy I’ve ever met. How is he playing games?”
Greyson, left without anything to occupy his hands, just shrugged and pulled out his phone. He handed it to Matt without explanation, and the sous quickly read through the text conversation Greyson and Reed had going. Matt furrowed his brow.
“I don’t get it,” he said, handing the phone back. “He wants to take care of you, what’s the problem with that?”
“He doesn’t want to take care of me, he wants to have the upper hand,” Greyson explained, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and sitting on the step just outside the back door. “Want one?”
“Sure,” Matt said, sitting beside his boss. “I mean, you shouldn’t be smoking if you’re -”
“HTSHH! Hh-! ITZSHH-ue!” Greyson turned into his elbow, taking a long moment to gather himself before handing Matt his cigarette.
“-sick,” Matt finished. The older man shrugged, and Matt plucked the lighter out of Greyson’s hand to light both of them up, not daring to push his boss any closer to the edge. For a moment, they smoked in silence, only Greyson’s sniffles and coughs interrupting the quiet.
“Boss,” Matt said, finally, “I think you need to talk to Reed.”
“I did,” Greyson said, stubbing out his cigarette. “You saw.”
“No, I mean actually talk to him,” Matt said. The two of them stood, looking at each other – a face-off without the malice. Matt continued. “Not ignore his texts and clean out the walk-in.”
Greyson scoffed. “Matt, just because you have sombe fairy-tale love story doesn’t mbean everyone else does, too. Okay? If it’s over between me and Reed, it’s fine. I’mb better off alone, anywaa – hh! Hh… Hhhii-!” Greyson stood with his elbow poised at his face, stuck in pre-sneeze agony for what seemed like an eternity. While he was incapacitated, Matt took his phone and typed out a message that his boss couldn’t see. Finally, Greyson lowered his arm and sucked in, fruitlessly, through his nose. “The fugck are you doigg?” he asked, snatching his phone back from his sous.
“If you’re not going to talk to Reed,” Matt shrugged, unapologetic, “I will.”
Greyson looked down at his phone, which buzzed twice in his hand. Reed’s face popped up on the screen. Call from: reed <3
Then – Three Years Ago
“HTSHH! Huh! ETZSHH-ue! HRTTSHH-ue!”
“Bless, bless, bless you. Allergies?” Collin asked, not looking up from his phone. Greyson sniffled in vain, and coughed painfully.
“Ndot exactly,” he croaked from the doorway to Collin’s living room. “Baby, do you thingk you could drive mbe to urdent care, actually?”
Collin looked up and slowly raised an eyebrow. “For what?” he asked, obviously annoyed. Greyson swallowed as best he could and placed a hand on his throat.
“I thingk… I mbight have strep. Or bronchitis, or sombething. I, uh… I’ve had a fever for like. A week.” Greyson had to stop to close his eyes and grab onto the door frame, a sordid attempt to keep from hitting the floor like a rotten sack of potatoes. Collin rolled his eyes.
“You’re such a drama queen. You seemed fine when you came over last night.”
“You were asleep whend I came over,” Greyson said, his eyes still closed. “Did you ndot notice that I haven’t been over in like five days?”
Collin shrugged. “I mean, yeah, but I figured you were busy with work. You’re always busy with work,” he said, the venom in his voice making clear that he wanted to fight.
Greyson, physically incapable of fighting at that moment, just slid slowly to the ground and nodded. “Yeah. You’re right,” he said. “Ndow I’m paying the price. Please, baby. Can you please just take me? I… I really don’t feel well.”
It was pathetic. He knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself; he was fairly sure he was moments from passing out. Collin turned and made himself comfier on the couch.
“I’ll call you an uber,” he said, pressing some buttons on his phone. “You barely make time for me, and now you’re asking me to be your chauffeur? Please, Greyson.” He showed his ailing boyfriend the phone. “He’ll be out front in five minutes. Better make your way down.”
“Okay,” Greyson said, pulling himself slowly to his feet. “Thangk you.”
Collin didn’t say a word as Greyson let himself out of the apartment. He made it downstairs, and into the uber, and into the waiting room at urgent care. He made it out by himself, too, with a laundry list of prognoses – strep, sinus infection, walking pneumonia – and a handful of prescriptions. When he texted Collin later to fill him in, his boyfriend didn’t text back.
Greyson fell asleep on his shower floor and awoke to freezing water pounding on him, and a courier pounding on his door. When he toweled off and answered it, chicken soup from the local bodega and a note that read feel better -c sat at his feet. Greyson breathed a sigh of relief; at least he had been forgiven.
Now
Reed had dated plenty of men is his thirty-five years of life, and had found that there were two general categories when it came to sick men: there was the Baby, and there was the Don’t Look at Me.
Greyson though, an enigma since the moment they met, seemed to fall into a third category, a category that was, to Reed, yet undiscovered: the You Hate Me.
Reed was good with the first two categories; the Don’t Look at Me, you left medicine outside their room and texted them funny memes. The Baby, you laid in bed with them and spoon-fed them soup. Easy. Understandable. Truthfully, this was one of his favorite things about men: they were easy to crack. He figured Greyson would likely fall into the Baby category, which was fine by him – there was nothing he’d like more than to look after an ailing Greyson, to be honest. This third category he seemed to embody, though, was not something Reed knew what to do with.
“He didn’t answer when I called him,” Reed said into the phone receiver. “I just want to know what’s going on, I mean, did I say something wrong?”
On the other end of the line, Elijah sighed. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is just… it’s just Greyson being Greyson.”
Reed wasn’t about to take this lying down. “Hey, are you guys super busy tonight? I mean, I don’t want to be that boyfriend, but, like, can I come get him? We really need to talk, and if what Matt said is true he probably shouldn’t be, like, working anyway, right?”
While Elijah paused, Reed pulled the phone away from his ear and once again re-read the text Matt had sent from Greyson’s phone: hey reed, it’s matt. grey is sick as hell, so DO NOT take any of the crazy weird shit he says seriously, k? his temperature needs to lower by like 5 degrees before you do this, but u guys need to actually talk. he’s being stupid.
“Please,” Reed heard Elijah’s tinny voice on the other end and put the phone back to his ear. “Please, come and collect him. I’m begging.”
Reed stood from the couch and grabbed his keys. “Give me twenty minutes. I’m on my way.”
Then – Two Years Ago
“Heyyy, baby, cand I buy you a dringk?”
The girl leaned back, her face marked by disgust. “No, thanks. Save your money and get yourself some NyQuil,” she said, disappearing into the crowd. Greyson huffed out a sigh and coughed into his hand – a long, crackling sound that made the other bar patrons inch their chairs away.
“She’s right, you know,” the bartender – Skip, Greyson had learned his name was a few weeks back when he had started coming in every night – said, filling Greyson’s shot glass yet again. “You need to go home.”
“And yet you pour mbe another drink,” Greyson said, knocking back the shot. “The duality of mban. NGTXSH! HTSHH! Huh-! HRRSHH-ue!” Greyson covered his mouth lazily with one hand, wiped it on his pants, hand held the glass up to indicate ‘another’.
“Bless you,” Skip said, not pouring the shot. “Greyson, seriously: go home. You sound fucking awful.”
“Are you cutting mbe off?” Greyson asked, his rheumy eyes meeting Skip’s over the bartop. “Because unless you are, I’mb staying.” He coughed again, into his elbow; the cough was quickly becoming a problem. He’d had a cold two weeks ago; the symptoms had been mild, but the cough had hung around. When he caught whatever-the-fuck this was two days ago, the cough had turned from an annoyance to a pressing issue; he should go home. He should go to the doctor, he should take a day off, he should, he should, he should.
But he wouldn’t. He would stay, and he would drink until he was kicked out, then he’d pass out on the train and not make it home to sleep. He’d go to work at seven AM and stay until midnight and do it all again.
“I’m not kicking you out,” Skip sighed. “I’m just saying… you should take care of yourself.”
Greyson blinked slowly. He could feel his lungs, heavy with fluid, gearing up to cough again; his head, pounding in spite or because of the alcohol; his heart crushed into a million, Collin-sized pieces. Take care of yourself. It felt impossible, when you’d never been shown how.
“This is mbe taking care of myself,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’ll have another.”
Now
Greyson rested his head on a case of lettuce in the corner of the walk-in. He knew he should be continuing his madness of cleaning, but he’d accidentally sat down on his fifth trip into the refrigerator, and now he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get up again.
Fucking Reed, Greyson thought as he allowed the cold salad box to sate the fever he had burning in his brain. Why can’t he just be up front with me? If you’re mad just say it, don’t fucking torture me.
Perhaps deep down, he knew he was being ridiculous; Matt and Elijah were most likely correct. The simplest answer – that Reed truly was just a good guy – was probably the right one. But he just couldn’t get out of his mind all the times he’d reached out, needed help and asked for it, and been shot down. He certainly couldn’t allow himself to believe that the person he was dating was truly good; he knew he’d never deserve that.
“Greyson?”
Speaking of Reed, that sounded a lot like him – was Greyson hearing things? Had he, in his fever-addled state, conjured a hallucination of his boyfriend to have a fight with? Bizarre, Grey, he thought to himself. That’s really fucking bizarre.
“Grey? Elijah said you were in here but I don’t – oh!”
Either this was a really crazy hallucination, or that really was Reed standing over him, in the walk-in. Greyson blinked hard, then blinked again, and suddenly Reed was on the ground next to him.
“Babe...it’s really cold in here. Do you think we can, um, leave?”
Greyson furrowed his eyebrows together. “Leave… and go where?” he asked, his voice cracking. “I have to… work. What are you doigg heeee...HRTSHH-ue! Huh -! HTSHH! NTSHH! IGXTSH!” Greyson attempted to stifle over and over, until Reed gently took his hand and pulled it away from his face.
“That has to hurt,” Reed said, his voice quiet and calm. “You can just… sneeze, you know. Like, regular.”
“Tryigg ndot to get you,” Greyson croaked, his eyes glazing over once again. “Youbettermov – HRRETSZCHH-ue! ITSZZHH-ue! Fuck – NGTSHHZ-ue!” Greyson sneezed into his lap, then coughed until his lungs felt sore. Reed didn’t move; he came closer and rubbed Greyson’s back.
“Bless you, baby,” Reed said, eventually.
“Thangks. Sorry,” Greyson murmured, pushing his hair out of his face and turning to look at Reed. “Why are you here?” he asked, levity out the window.
Reed let out a little laugh. “Umm, why do you think?” he asked. “You’ve been ignoring me since this morning. I got worried, since Matt said you were super sick – no lie detected, by the way, you sound truly awful –”
“Sorry,” Greyson said again, wiping under his nose. “I kndow, it’s gross.”
“Please, Grey,” Reed said, taking both sides of his boyfriend’s face in his hands and looking him in the eye. “Please. Stop apologizing. It’s okay to be sick. I don’t understand why you think I’m angry at you. I’m not.”
Greyson swallowed, painfully, and gave a little nod. “Okay,” he said, finally.
“Okay,” Reed repeated. “Anyway. I called Elijah. He said to come and collect you.”
At this, Greyson couldn’t help but cough out a laugh. “Collect mbe?” he asked. Reed smiled a little.
“Yeah,” he said. “His words, not mine.”
They both laughed, softly at first, then ramping up to near-hysteria. They only stopped when Greyson started coughing again and couldn’t seem to stop.
“Let’s go get you some water,” Reed said, helping his boyfriend to his shaky feet. Greyson allowed himself to be pulled out of the walk-in, and given a bottle of water that was sitting on his prep station. Greyson drank until the fit subsided, then regarded Reed once again.
“So… you really aren’t mbad?” he asked, rubbing his goosebumped arms up and down. Reed shook his head and shrugged off his windbreaker. He draped it over Greyson’s shoulders.
“I’m really not mad,” he insisted. Greyson nodded, seemingly satiated. Reed sighed through his nose and slipped his arms around the chef.
“Life’s done a number on you, huh?” he asked, quietly enough that it could’ve just been to himself. Greyson huffed out a sad little laugh.
“Like you wouldn’t believe, baby,” he murmured, pressing his hot head into Reed’s hair. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
#whiskeyswriting#snz#sickfic#snzfic#coldfic#snzblr#snez#male cold#male snz#this was a fun one!#whump#h/c#but mostly hurt lol#i know it's a lot of dialogue. my apologies i just love to write dialogue and HATE to write exposition lol#which is Not Good Writing but whatever#this is my horn snz blog not my doctoral thesis lmao
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little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...
#this is rlly rough but rn im just blocking everything out#i have like 6.5 pages sketched so far this is already going faster than last time i think..^_^#im having a blast also#im tryna rewire my brain . every time i think Blehhh i hate drawing i just want to see it done i gotta stop n correct myself#like Hey wait you actually love drawing why are you telling yourself this The process is frustrating sometimes but that comes with art#i had to redraw this one page like 4 separate times and i still didn't feel like giving up#like yeah i was feeling pressed but at the same time i was being patient with myself#like this is part of improving Stop laying on the floor and wondering why you're even doin this you've always loved it#only drawing when u know it's gonna turn out good defeats the whole purpose of learning#also i added cal last minute to this comic and im gladi did he's so creeepy#im very excited to get this done Not impatient like i was before#im impatient for people to see it yeah lol but not w myself#and im not gonna be all like “yeah we'll see how long this lasts lol” bc i think that's already setting myself up for burning out#i have hope that i can keep enjoying art like this I just need to change the way i think#and accept the messy n ugly. the perfect is the enemy of the good#aaron blaise really inspires me. he sincerely loves what he does and i want to be like that#this is also gonna be more comic-like Panelwise i think#scott pilgrim n my bro inspired me#also the way cal's face cuts off on the right makes sense in context he's peekin from behind a chair
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ok guys serious question and i want answers
my standard dose is 40mg oxy
if i take 2 perc5s, is there a chance itll actually get me high? i have no tolerance (recent use) but 40 is the sweet spot. is 10 enough? will it give a better rush if i snort it even tho the high is shorter or should i just booty bump. or bite the bullet and try to iv
#i dont actually really plan to iv but maybe sometime w better stuff thats not laced with fucking acetaminophen#i care less ab the phobia the more i care less ab everything else#will it feel good? yeah. so why should i give a fuck if it gives me a panic attack before it hits#anyway#will 10mg actually get me high enough to waste#and should i snort or boof#drugblr#questions#advice wanted#tw drug use#im not a dope addict dw i just love to partake when i get hella lucky#i promised someone i wasnt using anything but smokes but honestly who give a shit#not like theyre gonna drug test me lmfao#also i wont od so dw about it just tell me if its high enough dose and what gives the best rush other than iv#i mean i do have a lot of sterile syringes but i think its like hella dangerous to iv acetaminophen at that dose#sigh#if i had the money for a dope addiction id only have one problem and solution to worry ab#how peaceful#i wouldnt even be arsed to care ab dysphoria or abusive people or anything. id be gone. like i was dead but enjoying it#anyway thats off topic point is i want to know from someone who knows the chemistry or partakes personally
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mild malding because i LIKE the idea of phee/tech but imo it's being poorly set up... like headscratch theres potential for a really great dynamic here that's just not being explored in their interactions because the interactions are kinda just flirting to the point that since we have so little of them interacting without that that it feels a little. forced? like i can seeeeeee the concept and i DO like it i just agh please take more time with it
#tbb#.txt#tbb spoilers#maybe im just a grouch because i dont flirt until im miles deep in a friendship like. argh#be better friends you could be better friends first#i know you have it in you to be better friends than what we see on screen aaaargh#also a note that i havent rewatched the other phee episodes so if im missing interactions that make you go Just Look At Them Sparks lmk#but off the top of my head i cant remember any that really solidified them as like. idkkk Actually Enjoying Each Others Company As People#and they COULD i KNOW THEY COULD THE POTENTIAL IS THERE JUST /SHOW IT TO US/ RATHER THAN#/TELLING/ US WITH THE FLIRTING DIALOGUE AND THE WRECKER BEING LIKE 'YOUVE GOT COMPETITION'#JUST SHOW USSSSS AGAGGAGAHAHAGHAGRGHGFGRGRHR#anyways. good morning.#no im gonna keep going actually because its like its Only phee whos invested in this relationship atm and its just like shallow flirting#like there was the lights thing and then...?#SORRY FOR BEING A KILLJOY i dont rank flirting very high on things that are important to a relationship its like#ok. she called him brown eyes. and?#SORRY#have i lost my joy and whimsy. flirting means nothing to me. sorrh#and at least from where im sitting its judt like. tech mildly reacting to her flirting. WHICH I GET BECAUSE HES NOT USED TO IT BUT LIKE#TJATS WHY WE NEED TO SEE THEM BE FRIENDS MORE TOO
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Worst fucking thing ever when you consume new media is when the vibes are PERFECT like designs, music, basically every visual element aligns perfectly with your taste and tickles your brain but then the writing is utter SHIT so it’s just style with no substance despite the POTENTIAL being there. Cause even if you do end up finding something similar or already did and go just go back to that it just sucks when it’s like “damn this one thing that looks cool isn’t that good” since your just left with a bitter after taste especially when your gonna go through with finishing it anyways because it’s either so short that it wouldn’t hurt even if you know nothing gonna change about it that it probably won’t have the turn around you hope for or your just so bored and have nothing else to consume.
And I don’t know how people consume trash for FUN because when it’s like THIS when you can tell there was EFFORT but not in the part that truly matters it fucking stings more.
#meg text#im not gonna elaborate what I’m vaguing because I’d get killed for it#but I can say I expected it so I’m less mad compared to my last big disappointment which even then I mellowed out on#and before anyone tells me some content can be mindlessly enjoyed I’d say fuck you to that lmao#it’s fine if your not analytical on everything and prefer watching stuff as a way to unwind but half of my fun is analyzing#writing is in EVERYTHING no matter how small it is#bad writing is allowed to be called out even when the media in question isn’t trying to be super deep#if the humor isn’t legitimately funny or if the plot that doesn’t exist isn’t strung together well your allowed to criticize it#never shield anything from criticism because yes even if people are too negative media SHOULD be approached this way#my media view has been improved on with taking classes but also just writing in general even if it’s been fics#just don’t be a “urm achtually” person lmao some things you gotta accept people like even if it confuses you#but you are entitled to hate something and don’t let people change that even if just don’t be too much of a dick
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doctor office workers love me for my polite tones and sense of whimsy
#had an eye exam and they did a bunch of new shit cuz i havent been in a few years#like they did the normal shit they did the slides and the lights and the letters#but they also numbed my corneas w this yellow eyedrop stuff and everything turned yellow for a minute#and then they took this bright as little pinpoint light and got it reaaaally close to my eye#and after i was like man that got so close i thought it was gonna touch my eye lol#and the lady said oh it did thats why i numbed you. i just dont tell people their first time so they dont get squeamish#and i went well! thats very cool now that ive done it and know it feels like nothing but yes i probably wouldve been squeamish thank you#and then the doctor came in and was like ok follow the pen and i was tryjng not to giggle because it felt so silly like. idk#and i told him i was like sorry if this is weird but im very tickled about this whole process like its fun to me its interesting i feel like#a little kid its neat#and he was like well im glad you’re enjoying yourself now read these tiny ass letters#he was cool he thought it was funny#and the lady that helped me pick out new glasses was really nice and helped me out and told me which ones she liked on me#(i ended up going w the ones she liked because i also liked them theyre cool it was fun)#interacting with random people makes me feel so well adjusted and normal like this is what its all about.#just having fun being a little kooky at the eye doctor. thats what im here for#my eyes are so sensitive now tho and its bright as fuck outside#theres no clouds and snow on the ground so im being bombarded by reflected light#i am under fucking attack
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thsc fans made me a kinder person wowie
#was talking with my gf some days ago and i have gotten less violent in my head HELPDGF#no bc personal rambles if ur not interested idm but#last year fucked me up so bad everyday i used to get strikes on insta for my private posts to vent it out#its the funniest shit to look back on tbh Help but i genuinely look back on some posts and go wow this motherfucker rly made me a violent-#person and he acted like all that happened to me was my fault#i seriously do not want another message from that fuck on ny birthday again i will make his life living fucking hell#this december will be full of copperright and thsc . i have not felt so emotionally vulnerable in so long LMAO#thanks to these little fucks i want to throw them around i love yhem#it took some silly gentle people of this fandom for me to realize perhaps i should tone down the violent humor#bc a friend in another friend group lately also opened up that hayy i think im. not ok with playful bullying anymore and i felt bad even#though i dont talk much there Fuck you timezones#i will admit the excessive usage of tone indicators in sticktwt seems too much to me but not a huge issue overall#i am but a reserved fucked up aunt of the thsc fandom that ppl seem to rly enjoy the reactions of when they post copperrifht HSGSSGD#i commissioned 5 people to draw copperright i think that's enough to tell the damage done to me by thsc#coping mechanism for when ur sick for a literal month without a day's break 👍#anyway erm maybe i love u guys what are u gonna do about it#i cannot for the life of me talk in dms without being anxious but tumblr and discord servers are what save my life#i am here but hiding behind a pole cartoon style#gootbye
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you know the media is gonna be good when it starts with a billion content warnings
#also the post is semi a joke semi real bc when content warnings are given it doesnt guarantee good media but on projects like these#it tells you the creator(s) cares enough about the subjects to actually identify they can be triggering for people#also at least in my case i can enjoy stuff a bit more when i know what im getting into#i like a lot of dark media and themes so its always nice to get a list of warnings so i dont cross my own limits yk#anyway this is about Deviser bc it was the week before finals when it dropped so i couldnt listen#just remembered about it so im gonna be gay about the podcast now byyyyeeee
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Every time I think I've finally settled on a Pimpernel design there's always this little voice in the back of my head going "wow it took you three years to come up with that? Lame lol"
#its the devil talking i know but like can we chill please#but like for real though ive been fairly settled on some of his designs and then boom self doubt#at some point im gonna have to just stick with one#the latest one is finally scratching that it looks like a persona itch though#we'll see what happens though#hes very much airing on the side of “you cant tell who tf its supposed to be”#but it's also not wildly off either#the struggles of a character designer to a series/au that is so personal to me and is enjoyed by maybe 6/7 other people#who cares though im loving it even if it is causing horrors#maybe me being on holiday rn will help my creativity#you know change of scenery and all that#and yeah 3 years is not an exaggeration i checked the file date of his very first design and its 3 years old 🚶#good lord this au has occupied my brain for so long i gotta get going with it 🚶
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video: *has or shows gordon with any sort of personality or voice*
comment secrion: ROSS SCOTT? FREEMANS MIND? ROSS SCOTT! ROSS SCOTTROSSSCOT? MINDS FREEMAN! ROSS SCOTT.
#shut up shut up shut up about r0sssc0tt#im tired of hearimg about him#like im not gonna tell people what to enjoy or not to enjoy but also for 5 fucking second shut uo about fr33mans m1nd#im tired#its not good#its got like 5 second of good jokes and thats it#its annoying and the jokes most of the time are him yelling or making r@cist jokes i think there was a h0m0ph0bic one in there too#trust me i know i watched every video thatvman put out and it never really gets better#i tried to get it i really tried#and after almost a year knowing who this guy is im so tired of people bringing him up#specially on these videos where someone is obvs doing their own thing#it must suck ass constantly having ur stuff co.pared to a series like a decade old with a protag who would call you 80 slurs in 10 seconds#and like u kno ive seen some people like it and make a pretty good interpretation of the character that i enjoyed#but like i get the feeling these comments dont mean that....#i dunno sorry ive had this reant building for months now my b lol#iwillspeakincessantly
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I really need to become a dictator because I hate when I'm involved in a community group and someone is saying what I should and shouldn't do and is making the decisions themselves
#or i need to be the president but that's no fun either and then you still get people saying you should and shouldnt do x and y#but if I'm a totalitarian dictator they have to agree with me and do what i say yknow#what these people are saying just frustrates me#like dont give this boring task to this guy bc i dont just wanna give opportunities to my friends. i asked my other friend instead. like#idc about either of your friends but it just doesnt make sense like you still want to give this quote unquote opportunity to a friend#like idc who does it but#like it's nice you think this is such a great opportunity but realistically it's a boring task that no one wants to do#like does your other friend even want to do it or are you the one saying it would be good for her cv#like I'm just involved in this bc i dont have a choice bc nobody else will like idc about the whole bla bla such a great opportunity#bla bla give people fair chances#when like nobody wants to do thi#i think im just an old bitter man and i dont get the youngings being all wow this is gonna change the world#it's not and just let me do my thing and maybe you can boss me around for a thing or two but unless im getting paid i dont want a boss#and why do you want to just meet and talk about things with the other guy that's 2/3 of the exec committee? like im also in that#i just dont like change and young ambitious people who want to change the world and tell me to do this and that and criticise me for#not doing more when i dont want to be doing anything at all#like to me this is not a great opportunities#to me this is a burden/responsibility#yeah i suppose thats it. people telling me i should act like it's an amazing opportunity when from my experience it's a burden no one wants#also don't enjoy someone with less experience being the one to expect to take all decisions singlehandedly
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the fact that fnaf after everything with its creator still has adult fans and is getting new merch, games, and other things made for it is wild to me. regardless of how you feel about death of the author or whatever, the new fnaf content that is being made is getting less and less coherent plot wise and the gameplay is getting repetitive. From an objective standpoint i think that the first fnaf game was never meant to be what the series became. As someone who has a general knowledge of how games are made, especially when it comes to narrative driven games, it was clearly meant to simply be a gameplay focused horror game with a little story thrown in to give some cool backstory and add some mystery, and then maybe there'd be a few more games in the series that expand on the mechanics and elaborate on the story a bit but its pretty reasonable to assume that the story of the game was meant to be mostly up for interpretation and that as a series, it wouldnt be too long. Unfortunately though, it ended up gaining fame and people reading more into it which definitely contributed to the series being what it is now (and also yknow.. money is another reason.) It sort of ended up having a certain Supernatural (tm) effect where it kept getting worse but people still watched it which i guess answers my question of why people still like it (because people arent willing to let things they like go even if theyre bad) but that is an unfulfilling answer to me and theres definitely a more fulfilling one
so im wondering now.. are people (not counting kids for a reason) who still like fnaf holding onto the series because they liked the concept (of animatronics, a sprawling mystery, and other things) and have never found or heard of other things that share those same concepts? Or is it really just simply holding onto things that are nostalgic to them? Im genuinely curious because i have been into things that just got bad because they went for too long or tried to do convoluted things with the story that i just moved on from. I still remember when i was younger i watched supernatural with my sibling, and did really enjoy it, we got pretty late in the show before my sibling told me they thought it was getting worse and didnt want to watch it anymore. Of course as a kid who didn't really even know how to tell if a form of entertainment was bad, i was a little upset and didnt understand why but agreed anyway. And so we stopped watching supernatural and watched other things together like steven universe that we ended up liking way more. Occasionally there would be tv show or anime that just ended up sucking and from then on we just stopped watching it and watched something else.
I think the reason i fully stopped liking fnaf was partly that i recognized the content i was watching for it (like lets plays or theory videos) were getting worse and i also just grew out of it? As the years went on i got into other games like half life or portal that had way more fulfilling stories to me that i enjoyed a lot more so fnaf just became something i didnt care about. fnaf is like the cracker barrel of video games to me, i went there as a kid because other people liked it so i was supposed to also like it and mostly really liked it because it was restaurant food and to a kid thats better than anything you get at home (and also they have little toys), and then one day when i was older and had gone to more different places i sat down, ate my food, and thought "wow this is bad actually," and never ate there again. And all of that is to say i really do wonder if the majority of adult fans of fnaf still like it because its one of the few games theyve engaged with in their life, and that if they were to expand their palette, try new things, and look back on their interests, then theyd be able to more easily accept its (and its creators) problems and move on from it as purely a thing of their past. because i promise you, there are better things out there, not everything is cracker barrel or supernatural, theres genres youve never even heard of, games that no one knows about waiting to be played, theres the sprawling mysteries of Outer Wilds, the gut wrenching horror of Devotion, the captivating characters of Psychonauts, the expansive world building of Half Life, there are so many better things out there made by better people. Letting go of something doesnt hurt as much when you have more things to enjoy. There are better things out there, you just have to stop looking in the same place.
#also if you have (or still do) like fnaf i wanna know either why you still like it or what specifically made you stop liking it :0#this has been on my mind for a few days i think its just an interesting thought because i think people like to care when people who make th#things they love really suck and i think it makes sense that someone would try so hard to justify just not letting go of it because they#dont have anything else. i think this is something you especially see with things that arent media too#if people are telling you not to go to a certain restaurant or store or something because it supports bad things and you havent tried#many other places and enjoy going to those places so you keep going to them anyway i dont think that alone makes someone a bad person#i think it just means youre scared of trying new things. like you can make coffee at home! you can try the special coffee beans you saw at#the store or a new creamer that looked interesting! instead of treating yourself to fast food you can buy other premade treats or just make#yourself some really good food you like to eat instead! i think the reason most people have trouble not going to chic fil a or starbucks#or whatever is because theyre too used to doing what they already do so they dont want to change#this is something i definitely need to work on but im just sort of in a situation where me doing anything outside of the norm is looked dow#on and made fun of by the people who i live with so i think im just gonna wait a while haha
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orion, casseieopa, sea that has become known <3
Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry about how late this is.
Orion - What is one skill that you would love to master?
There are so many... if I had to pick one skill, I guess I would say communicating with people and maintaining friendships, because those are important to me and I like to feel secure in my relationships. There are so many things that I want to learn, though, ugh. I wish I could translate Latin more easily and eventually reach a point where I can read and speak(ish) it fluently.
Cassiopeia - What is your dream future?
I really want to be a lawyer, specifically criminal defense (specifically for groups that are disproportionately/unfairly prosecuted). I wouldn't mind studying classics and being an anthropologist or historian though or something sociology-related or writing. Anyway, I want to live in a major city with my best friend and my cats, and I want to be really involved in my community both for community service and just for being a Regular in my area. I also kind of want to get a PhD. I'm not sure what in, but if I ever have the time, money, and motivation, like... elementary school me really wanted a PhD and I want to do that for her.
Sea That Has Become Known - What do you want to be famous for?
Oh, I don't know. I'm honestly not sure that I want to be famous, but if I had to be famous for something, I would want it to be something like... really big with civil rights or reforming the American prison system (or y'know completely scrapping it). I think I'd rather be remembered in my small community than famous, though.
#ask tag#dante dicit#sorry if my writing tone here was somewhat depressing i'm in a weird mood#i really do wanna do law though and help people and like... fix things#i specifically got into law through a forensic science class that i took#bc my teacher showed us a lot about how fucked the criminal justice system is and i wasn't really sure what i wanted to do#like i wanted to be a writer but i was kinda like 'yeah im probs not gonna be successful like that'#and tbh i don't want to have to do my hobby for money#however i *am* a good writer and i can be very persuasive and i think i'm pretty good at advocating for people#and i was like 'law seems cool bc it aligns with my skills and interests and i can do something good with it'#my only concern was the public speaking but then i took a public speaking class and i am actually#great at public speaking and i fucking enjoy it a lot#and uh don't tell anyone but i think the lsat is actually realllly fun i've done some practice lsat questions and they're! logic puzzles!#dante digreditur#also actually thank you so much for this ask bc thinking abt why i wanna do law is making me feel better abt#college apps and shit
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So It Goes…
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader
—-
sypnosis: the one day chiron decides to switch up the capture the flag teams, and everyone knows you’re clarisse’s weakness, In A Good Way sequel!!
i changed my theme it’s me tho promise
a/n: protective clarisse the love of my life i love you i do i think we should get married actually anyways this one is sooooooo i got to explore a more casual side of clar’s and reader’s relationship in this (for like a min) i hope you all enjoy!!
So It Goes… - Taylor Swift
warnings: soft clarisse my love, protective clarisse we KNOW how i feel abt her…., also slightly possessive clarisse i think i love you too, again clarisse gets a bit too into capture the flag, clarisse picks reader up which i KNOW is not inclusive (im literally plus-sized idk what the hell am i doing) but it was so good i couldn’t resist, she has like super strength probs so i’ll just believe (she literally could not pick me up i need to stop being delusional), swearing, violence, kissing, a bit suggestive but nothing crazy, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
Clarisse’s bed is one of your favorite places. You’ve spent so many nights here, wrapped up in her arms, feeling like no one could touch you. And you’ve spent secret days with her hands on your waist, yours in her hair, lips pressed together so tight it’s like you were each other’s oxygen.
You love Clarisse’s bed. And you know Clarisse loves her bed too, seeing as it’s a huge source of pride for her- it’s the best bunk in the cabin, and she gets a major kick over the fact that you sleep here just as much as you sleep in your own cabin.
You’re sitting down, watching Clarisse pace back and forth, her spear in her hand.
“Clarisse,” you say. She brought you here just fo freak out. Now she won’t sit down and let you help her, and she wont just freaking listen. “Clarisse, baby, what’s wrong? Can you at least put your spear down so you don’t accidentally kill somebody? If you kill me with that I’m gonna come back and kill you.”
She stops for a moment and leans her spear up against the wall. You let out a sigh.
“Now just sit down-”
She resumes her pacing.
As much as you love just being in Clarisse’s presence, as much as you know you’re her rock, the only thing that keeps her tethered in the storm she constantly fights through, you need her to let you help her.
“Clarisse!” you stand up, placing your hands on her shoulders. “You’re freaking me out, okay? What happened? I-I’m sure we can fix it, I mean…” you rub your hands up and down your arms, which you know she likes, her muscles are one of her biggest sources of pride.
She sits down, letting you stand in between her legs, her hands moving to hold your hips.
“Sorry,” she mumbles. She’s not very good at handling her emotions, but she’s getting better, and at least she’s able to recognize and apologize when her emotions are hurting other people. Well, you, at least. She breathes out. “Chiron decided to switch the teams.”
And now she had to work with the Athena cabin? The Gods know after the Ares and Athena cabins have captained opposing teams for years, Chiron pretends there’s not, but everyone knows there’s a deep rivalry. More than just friendly competition.
“The Demeter cabin will be on the red team.”
“Okay,” you say, squeezing her shoulders. You aren’t really close with anyone from the Demeter cabin, it doesn’t really bother you much.
“And… the Aphrodite cabin will be on the blue team.”
“Oh.”
You’ve never not been on Clarisse’s team for capture the flag. Not only does the entire red team’s tactic rest on you using your charmspeak to protect the flag, but what the hell are you supposed to do fighting against Clarisse?
She wraps her arms around your waist, flopping back onto her bed and bringing you down on top of her.
“I know it’s all Annabeth and Luke behind this. I’m sure that little smartass has made up some sick plan to make me go insane.”
You scoff, planting your hands behind her head on the bed. “You’re the one who can actually fight. I’m, like, so bad it’s not even funny, Clar.”
“You beat me all the time,” she frowns.
And it’s true, you spar with her at least 3 or 4 times a week, and you win most of the those times. But Clarisse moves slower, she doesn’t hit as hard, she anticipates your next move and doesn’t block it so you can land a hit.
“We both know you let me win.”
“I like seeing you smile,” she says, her own matching smile on her face.
“Okay, you big romantic.” You let your hands slip, laying your head against her chest and your arms flat around her head. “It’s not that big of a deal, Clar. I’m sure it’ll be fine, then Chiron’ll probably switch them back.”
“Annabeth convinced him to do it. She has some sort of plan, Y/N, she does.”
“You’ve mentioned,” you hum. “Stop stressing. Nothing we can do about it.”
“Fine,” she hisses.
She wraps her arms around your waist and throws you to the side so you yelp, now she’s climbing on top of you, laying her head on your chest.
“It’s going to be the worst game of capture the flag in history, you know. I hope you’re happy, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do without you. I mean, I guess I could move that group in the west side to just south of the flag, so that’ll be a bit more for them to get through. Oh, I’ll stick that one good archer on the ground- no, no that wouldn’t work, I need him in the trees. But I’ll move his position-”
—-
You walk to the woods together. When it’s time to split up, Clarisse grabs you by your armor and points her finger into your chest.
“Clar, what the hell are you doing-”
“Don’t do anything I would do.”
“Okay, Clarisse,” you smile, blinking once to avoid rolling your eyes at her ridiculousness.
She smirks, her arm squeezing your waist. She pecks you on the lips before pulling away completely.
“Done making out?” Jackie asks, her and Tyla suddenly appearing next to you.
“It was one kiss, Jacks. Are you sure we have the same Mom?”
“No, honestly.”
You fall into step with the two of them, laughing as you make your way through the woods and to the edge of the river.
Chiron makes his usual speech, the conch sounds, and everyone starts moving around.
Annabeth finds the three of you soon after. Tyla and Jackie fall away, following your other siblings. Annabeth always has this calculating look on her face, like she knows something you don’t, a true child of Athena. You have to admit, she really is one of the smartest people you know.
“Annabeth,” you smile. “I guess you want me by the flag?”
“No, I debated that, but I decided against it.”
She smirks and looks at you before spinning around, pointing to Luke and his team members who are always in charge of getting the flag.
“You’ll be with Luke.”
You frown. “You do realize I have absolutely no skill in battle, right, Annabeth?”
“Yeah, but skill doesn’t matter when you have power. Power over someone.”
“Oh, okay. Who do you want me to charmspeak-”
“Charmspeak whoever you come across, but that’s not what I’m talking about. You have power over Clarisse. I know she’s defending the flag today, right?”
She looks at you sharply.
You smile. “Oh, I really don’t know. But if you say so, sure.”
She starts walking, you follow her.
“Clarisse doesn’t talk strategy to you? I mean, I talk Luke’s ear off.”
“Oh, no, she does, I just don’t really retain any of it.”
She huffs a small sound of laughter.
“I know she’ll be there,” she affirms.
“If you say so!” you say, all sing song, Luke smiling as he meets your eyes.
“Y/N! How’s it feel to finally be on the winning team?”
“I love being on the red team, thanks for asking.”
“Ha. You’re so funny, are you sure you’re not a child of Apollo?”
“Too beautiful,” you glide your hands down your face. “I get it from my godly mother.”
“Luke, do you know what you’re doing?” Annabeth asks.
“Yes ma’am.”
She smiles and walks away, talking to more people while you can faintly hear Clarisse shouting at people. With the change in tactic, you know she’s been slightly stressed, but she won’t allow herself to feel anything other than confidence, outwardly.
She still walks tall. She still grips her spear in her hand a little to tight. She’s a bit too greedy with the things that are hers, she grabs on a bit too tight, but you know it’s just because she’s scared. You like it.
If this were a regular game, you would probably be walking next to Clarisse right now, or kissing her goodbye while you follow Matty and everyone else to go protect the flag.
When you and Clarisse first started dating, she was slow to be so affectionate, but the more of her walls you started breaking down the more you found a complicated teenage girl who felt unloved, and had a lot of love to give too.
The more confident she became in your private relationship, the more she wanted everyone to know. It was her fatal flaw, pride, hubris. She wanted everyone to know she was yours and your were hers. She wanted everyone to be jealous.
“I’m so glad we don’t have to wear those horrible earplugs today. They always make me worried. Someone could be shouting a few feet away and none of us would hear.”
“Stop gloating, Luke.”
“I’m just expressing my gratitude, Y/N, is that not allowed?”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Oh, oh, I know. You’re sad, aren’t you?”
“Sad?” you snort.
“Yeah, sad. Sad you aren’t with Clarisse. You’re devastated, destroyed, wrecked.”
You put your hand on your sword. “Who are you… and what have you done with Luke Castellan? Luke doesn’t know that many words…”
He hits your shoulder. “Shut up, Y/N.”
—-
You’re walking through the woods.
Not sneaking around in stealth, not running, but walking.
You’ve come across a few of your former team members, but one of the blue team just tackles them and you tell them to turn around and count to 5,000.
For some reason, it’s worse than sitting by the rock, waiting for someone to make a play for the flag. At least at the rock you’re surrounded by all these people you know. You and Matty are usually talking, Marjorie sometimes joins, and you all have fun bullying Corey for that one time he didn’t see the blue team coming.
Luke’s voice drops to a whisper.
“Here’s your job. You can either, one, go make out with Clarisse in a corner, which shouldn’t be too hard-”
“Luke,” you hit his shoulder. He hisses.
“I’m joking, joking. Just keep her distracted, fight her, maybe pull your shirt down a bit? Oh, or I can just cut it so it’s a bit more revealing-”
“Luke, shut up or else I will make you.”
“It’s not a bad idea-”
“Luke!”
“Sh, sh,” he whispers. “Don’t be so loud, we’re almost to the flag. We’re going for stealth, okay?”
“Oh, really, I didn’t notice,” you deadpan. He looks around.
“Blue team, stealth mode, alright?”
Everyone nods. You roll your eyes. You miss the red team.
—-
After Luke gives you the ok, meaning the blue team has successfully surrounded the red team and the clearing, you take a step forward.
Annabeth was right. Clarisse is there.
It’s fitting. If you can’t be there, she would.
You look up at Corey, but he hasn’t noticed any of you yet. You frown, thinking about how he’s probably going to get beat up.
“Clarisse!” you shout. You watch everyone jump into defensive positions. She can’t see you yet, but she stares in the direction of your voice, her eyes squinting, smiling softly.
“Luke?” she shouts. “That you?”
You frown.
“What the hell?” you say, stepping forward. “You don’t recognize my voice? I thought that was really smart. Like, a cool way to reveal myself, I don’t know.”
You come into the clearing, sword by your side.
Clarisse’s smile drops.
“I-I- no, baby, I just wasn’t expecting Annabeth to send you here-”
“Do I really sound like Luke?”
“No,” she says, immediately. “You sound like an angel.
Matty laughs. Clarisse stabs his foot with the end of her spear. She smiles at you.
“Is Luke here though?” Marjorie asks, subtly trying to look through the trees.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, you do,” Matty snorts.
“You’re going to tell me though right, baby?” Clar smiles, stepping closer until she’s right in front of you.
“Obviously not, you didn’t recognize me. I’m, like, really hurt by that Clarisse-”
“Gods, Clarisse,” Matty shouts at the sky, laughing. You didn’t recognize her, and now we’re all fucked!”
“Shut the fuck up, Matty,” she says over her shoulder. She looks at you, smiling again, her hand reaching out to touch your face. “I’ll let you do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.”
You smile, your voice dropping to a whisper. “You’ll let me give you a makeover? Really?”
“Yes.” Her teeth grit, but she keeps smiling, her thumb rubbing your cheek.
“Hm, I don’t know,” you mutter, your eyes fixing on her spear when you suddenly reach forward, grabbing it from her hands and turning to run away.
The blue team emerges from the woods with war cries, swords start clashing, and it all happens so fast.
The plan was for you to grab her spear, make her chase you around the woods, and hopefully the blue team would be able to overpower the red team without her.
Instead, Clarisse kicks out her foot, tripping you. Then, she catches you and the spear in what you swear has to be a milisecond.
“Clarisse!” you shout, genuinely offended. She beat you so easily. It wasn’t even a fight. You didn’t even get the chance to run.
“Sorry, baby, it’s capture the flag!”
You about to start kicking like a wild animal when she suddenly lets you go. Luke is there, fighting her while you pick your sword up from the ground that fell in the commotion.
One of your team members dropped their helmet and you pick that up too.
You’re not that bad of a fighter, Clarisse just knows everything about you, you tell yourself. But your pride is slightly wounded and you want to prove to her, yourself, and everyone that you’re not just a weak Aphrodite kid or some poor thing that hangs off Clar’s arm.
You can hold your own.
You stick the helmet on and step into the fight. Someone groans and a sword comes wishing through the air, but you block it.
They swing again.
You block it.
You picked up things from Clarisse, and, besides, you weren’t just sparring for fun. She actually teaches you, better than the actual sword practice teacher if your biased opinion is to be trusted.
But you probably just feel that way because she rewards you with kisses.
It seems like you’re actually winning for a second, about to disarm him, when he seems to get fed up with fighting you and suddenly arcs hard over your head, making you lose your footing and letting him kick you.
You land on your back, groaning and trying to catch your breath.
“That was such a bitchy move,” you mumble. He leans over you, about to kick the sword out of your hand-
“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Samuel.”
She holds her spear right under his throat, and he finally seems to look at your face instead of just your blue helmet.
“Shit. Sorry. Sorry, Clarisse, I’m sorry.”
She looks like she’s about to kill him but she just pushes him away.
“I was winning,” you groan. “But then he kicked me.”
She kicks him as he walks away.
You expect her to tug you up and start lecturing you but instead she leans down and throws you over her shoulder.
“Wha- Clarisse!”
“That’s enough for you today,” she says, patting the back of your thigh.
“Clarisse, I swear to Hades, let me down!”
“One second,” she mumbles.
When she places you down on the ground again, you’re leaning against a tree. She grabs your hand, frowning at something.
It’s the smallest cut, barely there, but Clarisse of course acts like it’s the end of the world.
“Does it hurt?”
Your eyes fix on Luke behind her, stalking slowly towards her turned back.
“No, Clar, it’s fine. Now I-”
“I think you should go the nurse.”
Your mouth drops open. “Clarisse, it’s a paper cut!”
“And if it gets infected? Go away, Luke, I can hear you.”
He locks eyes with you but ultimately turns around with a very scared and annoyed look on his face.
“Now do you see why I was all messed up? I knew this was going to happen. You were gonna get hurt, and it was going to be my fault.”
You roll your eyes. “It’s not your fault, Clarisse-”
“But isn’t it? You would have been at the flag if Annabeth hadn’t known how much you mean to me. Instead, you were here. Instead, you were rushing off to go fight someone-”
“I’m not a damsel in distress, Clar!”
She presses her lips together.
“I can fight too. Not as good as you, but I can. I-I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to rely on you for everything, it’s- it’s embarrassing.”
You didn’t even know you were feeling this way until you felt it. But it’s always been there, you guess. You always watch Clarisse spar and know she could never do anything like that with you. And you thought you were fine with it, and you are fine with having things that you like and things that she likes- but you don’t want to be so useless anymore.
She’s silent for a second.
“I- I get that. I do. But I just don’t know how to tell you I… I love you without showing it. I’m not good at saying it, you know that.”
“Clarisse,” you frown.
She puts her hands on your face.
“You are… the most precious thing in the world to me, Y/N. I really hope you know that.”
You wrap your arms around her neck, you can feel her heart thump from the fight.
“I know that, Clarisse. Of course I know that. You show me every day, I just- I just want to feel like my own person.”
She grips you tighter. “If it’ll make you happy, I’ll teach you to fight. But you have to do it how I say, and you can’t go off and do this-”
You pull back so you can make sure this is real.
“Really?” you smile.
“You have to listen to me, Y/N, and do it slowly, okay-”
“Yes, yes, yes, okay, yes,” you breathe, planting your hands on your face before kissing her. It’s slow, it’s sweet, it’s exactly what you think of when you think of her. You think of the side that’s yours, the side that only you can see.
You break it, leaning down to pick up her spear.
The red team is losing the fight behind you.
“Ok, go win capture the flag. And I’ll stay here. My hand does kinda hurt,” you mumble.
She smiles and kisses your cheek. “Not just a paper cut, huh?”
“Can I still give you a makeover?” you ask as she turns away.
“Maybe!”
—-
y/n: what why did you not recognize me ☹️☹️
clarisse, genuinely terrified: i have no idea what the hell you are talking about please please please don’t take away kissing privileges please please please
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008
(pls ignore it’s for the acc aesthetics thank you!!)
#clarisse la rue#clarisse la rue x reader#clarisse la rue x y/n#clarisse la rue x you#pjo tv show#pjo x reader
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