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wafflesetc · 4 years

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5x07 Missing Moment

A/N: I tried hard not to do this, but I was a little saddened we didn’t really get any Bree and Jamie stuff. Technically, Jamie’s birthday is May 1 and the Battle of Alamance happened on May 16, 1771. So there’s a two-week period where Jamie and Claire could have been at the camp. IDK if the show did or didn’t follow the timeline because we’re really not made aware of what the timeline is. So this is under the impression they were there for a while. It’s my own way of making the timeline clear. Also this is dedicated to @happytoobserve who helped spur this idea. This also goes out to @walkinginland who gave me a bit of feedback when I asked her. This is un-beta’d, so you’ve been warmed. XO.

He watched the two of them from the entrance of the tent. For years he had been in the cave, dreaming of the very scene in front of his eyes.

Their daughter must have said something funny, for Claire tossed her head back and laughed. It was carefree and spontaneous. Her hair fell back and traced down her shoulders, her cheeks flushing red. The sound of her laugh was like music to his ears. She was his daily reminder for why he had to do what he always had to- she was the reason he had the life that he did. The family he had- they had come from her.

For a minute he could almost forget where he was. He had once longed for the day when he’d be with his family, lunch being served, and land that needed to be tended to. He had pictured Claire cooking, the best that she could, and serving him his stew. He had dreamt of having his children surround him, his grandchildren on his knee. He had that life now, yet sometimes those desires came with duties, things he’d happily oblige to do, even lay down his own life for.

He’d never wished the life of a soldier upon Claire, yet she went where he did. And now, their daughter, their son-in-law, were following along with him.

Though he couldn’t hear them, Claire must have retorted something funny back to their daughter, for it was Bree’s turn to let out a belly laugh.

Claire said that Brianna was all the pieces that a Fraser consisted of-and she was. There was no denying who had fathered Bree. He let himself wonder for a moment how Frank could look and be reminded, daily, of the man Claire had left behind, and raise his child. He’d never know nor understand, but all he could do was be thankful. He had trusted Frank with his two most precious Earthly gifts, and the fact they were before him- alive and whole, well, he had prayed to Dougal earlier. He’d have to say a prayer of thankfulness to Frank Randall later.

Though as much as Fraser as she was, there were hints of Beauchamp in her too. The strong wit of her tongue, the soft way she spoke to Jem to soothe him, an obligation to stand up for what she thought were right, and a liveliness within her soul. There was no doubt in his mind who had mothered and raised her. She was a gift from Claire to him, and from him to Claire. Of all the things he had done wrong in his life- the one thing he had done right was choose Claire- and Brianna was both their Earthly redemption. Seeing them together, the warmth he felt within his soul, this must be heaven on Earth he supposed.

Like a magnet, (at least that is what he thought Claire had called it) she turned to him. It was like her soul knew he was there. Watching. Waiting.

They always pulled each other, attracted in ways he never understood, but he had learned long ago- it wasn’t always this way between two people, but it was with her, and he didna mind.

She reached her hand out, the silent question he knew the answer to. He reached for the outstretched hand and intertwined their fingers. He brought her hand up to his lips, brushing the cool metal of her ring against it, and kissing it softly.

“Mo chridhe” he said as he sat down, “mo chuisle” he greeted Bree.

“Morning, colonel.” His wife smiled towards him. He placed a quick kiss to her lips but could feel the tips of his ears burn at the mention of his rank. Ah dhia, she had a way of making him feel like a lad again.

“I was just reminding Mama about a place on Newbury Street in Boston,” Bree smiled and tilted her head, “They had the best french toast. Beats what we’re having here.”

He took his bowl and placed it on the table in front of him, “Weel, lass, at least we have food on the table.”

“Mmmm.” His wife moaned. She scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “We used to eat there every year for your birthday. Remember I’d take the morning off from work and take you to school late.”

“Oh I remember.” Brianna took the last bite of her lunch and pushed her bowl slightly forward. “And I remember for your birthday you’d make me go to that diner near the hospital with Uncle Joe… Daddy would always have a work function or something else.” He watched the raise of Brianna’s brow and a tilt of her head.

“Funny how that always worked out.” Claire took a breath and laughed at herself grabbing his knee. “Birthdays are a little different now, aren’t they darling?”

Jamie took a bite of his lunch and swallowed. “Was that of yer doing, Sassenach or just by chance?”

“The first few years…” She took a breath and pulled herself closer towards him. “It was intentional to spend birthdays and holidays together. I will never forget Bree’s first birthday. She couldn’t wait to get her hands on that cake. But as the years went on, the distance grew. Mostly unintentionally…”

“And then she was a hot shot medical student. First woman to go to Harvard Medical School. Uncle Joe was the first man of color… We started making our own traditions because Daddy was always busy with work. We were together for the holidays, though.”

“Mmm.”

“And speaking of birthdays..” Bree smiled. He felt a small kick under the table. “Da… It was your birthday earlier this month?”

“Hmmm.” He grumbled and took another bite of his lunch.

“I remember reading it when we were looking for you- May 1, 1721. It was the big 5-0 this year.”

He could feel his heart skip a beat. Like he had told Claire on the morning of his birthday this was a year his father had never seen. Even Claire had lived longer than both of her parents. He was experiencing things he’d never thought he’d live long enough to see, let alone doing it all with Claire by his side.

He took an arm and wrapped it around his wife. He could feel the buzz and energy within the camp. There was no doubt a battle was on the horizon, yet in this moment, nothing felt more right in his world.

“It was,” He squeezed Claire a little tighter as his wife drew circles on his knee, “A year yer grandsire never got to see. I am a lucky man.” He reached across the table, taking their daughter’s hand in his. “And I am blessed to have lived to see yer face.”

There were years and experiences he knew Frank Randall held with his two ladies, yet at the end of it all, it didna really matter. Somehow, by some miracle, Claire had chosen Jamie and so had Brianna. They had both found their way to him. In all his life, that was truly his biggest blessing- for some reason, they chose him.

There were “birthday traditions” they had with Frank from their own time, he didna mind. The thought that they had happy memories from where they came from warmed his heart. He knew all too well what it felt like living wi’out Claire, so to know that she hadna been like him the whole time soothed a piece of his soul.

“Well, I am a few days late, but happy birthday, Da.” Brianna gave him a wink, intertwining their fingers and giving it a light squeeze. “I love you.”

“As do I, soldier.” Claire tilted her head up, kissing the base of his jaw.

He felt the tears prick in his eyes, but blinked them away. Jamie Fraser had a feeling fifty held the best that was yet to come.

#Outlander #Outlander Fanfic #Jamie x Claire #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Brianna Mackenzie #OL: 5x07 #OL: Missing Moment #myfic!

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tothedarkdarkseas · 3 years

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Hi, I just want to say that I adore your characterizations and your interpretation on the 2Doc dynamic — it’s refreshing to say the least, lol. Idk, I’m a sucker for bleak, unhealthy relationships. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been asked this, but I was wondering how do you address the criticisms of 2Doc as a ship, or problematic ships/characters in general? As someone who is involved in a few ships that some would deem as ‘problematic’, I find it difficult to fully articulate my stance on shipping as a concept. Of course I don’t think shipping is synonymous with believing the characters could realistically be in a healthy, productive relationship, but I still find it hard to address the (often valid) criticisms of the ships I like without fear of it verging on romanticization of an abusive or toxic relationship. Anyway, love your stuff and hope you’re doing well! ❤️

Thank you so much for your incredibly kind message! That means so much to me, thank you. And you’re not alone, I too am a sucker for bleakness! This got a bit long so it’ll be behind a cut!

This is an interesting question, and one that I fear has an unsatisfying answer. When I think back on the ships I’ve had strong feelings for, there are a few I’d call uncontroversial, but most often I am interested in human drama; it isn’t so much an obsession over the story being “dark,” but the complexity and conflict that comes from two people having problems, which they may or may not overcome. And there arises the issue: there’s a marked difference between a relationship being problematic, and being problematic. 2Doc is, in fairness, both, and I just try to steer it toward the former.

To be frank with you, the fandom has been fractured for a very long time, and I’ve always felt a bit alienated from both the glorifying of abuse, and from the “wholesome” excuses that arose counter to it. (I don’t try to position myself as an authority or very universal on this, so I apologize in advance, and hope other fans understand that we’re coming from similar places and simply have different paths there.) I think if you look through 2Doc discussions of the past few years, you’ll see a lot of the same talking points about how it was problematic but they’ve since healed, or that it is a narrative of growth and forgiveness, or a similar approach of acknowledging toxic history but refuting that their content is at all toxic. I completely understand why this is the popular argument, but it isn’t the one that resonates with me. They’re not wrong for saying it-- this is fandom, therefore authors are crafting their own narrative, that’s sort of the point of doing this, but-- do I think my narrative is about forgiveness? Not really, no. Do I think it is fair, then, to categorize it with the abuse porn which delights in removing Stu’s autonomy? No, I don’t agree that’s fair either.

I respect those who like to create and consume happier stories, but speaking purely for myself, I think you run a risk when you choose to present an unhealthy relationship as “fixed,” or navigate around valid criticism by saying they’re all better now, or worse, arguing it down. Despite good intentions, it minimizes the longterm damage that a power imbalance like this does, it disregards the responsibility of one or both parties to actually live with consequences for their actions even if those consequences are only interpersonal, and most frustrating and damning to me, it denies Stuart the right to be angry, vindictive, or hurt in a way that does not flatter the romantic tragedy of trauma. I do know that this is harsh, though. I understand that isn’t the intention, and I know it comes from a place of loving the idea of this kind-hearted martyr figure-- but idealizing forgiveness no matter the toll is not a healthy mindset and I don’t see it as fair to Stuart. I do think that in the real world people understand the dangers of guilting victims with this mindset, but this is fiction, and it’s nice to dream up a story of tilling the dead flowers from the soil and tending to it, nourishing it, and growing something beautiful from it. I completely get that, and I don’t fault people for it. It just isn’t what I’m writing for, and so this conversation never really satisfies me.

For me, I find it best not to circle around or try to disprove these points, but rather to meet them. Yes, we agree it is not an aspirational relationship or one the characters should wisely pursue. I think a critical fan reading my stories and attacking the relationship’s portrayal as unhealthy would be kind of a moot point, because I’m not presenting it as anything else-- but it is my hope that the characters are compelling and not merely an edgy, ghoulish spectacle. There are moments in my Sad Nonsequential Extended Universe where they banter playfully and where they share an intimacy that is (to their chagrin) romantic in its singularity, but at no point is the relationship whole, at no point is Murdoc apologetic in a way that Stuart is obligated to forgive. Speaking only for myself, that is the joy of writing, and that is what I come back to these characters for. I feel fulfilled by the unfulfillment, and I feel it is entirely possible to tell a story about cruelty and remorse without chaining either character to a leaden ball of either redemption or sainthood. And-- and this is the big and-- I think it’s possible to do this without reveling in trauma either.

There is a difference between appreciating human folly, codependence, and resentment as ever-present cracks in a foundation, and glorifying, romanticizing, or fetishizing a character’s lack of agency or suffering. It has been hurtful, at times, to feel there is no distinction made between bleakness in service of a story and abuse simply for its own sake.

It doesn’t thrill me to read Stuart as powerless against Murdoc, a pretty and broken thing too weak to escape, and it doesn’t thrill me to read Stuart as utterly benevolent to Murdoc, existing only as a bridge Murdoc may walk across to get to the next stage of his own story. I don’t think Murdoc wants Stuart to be that, either. I don’t think they could ever be wrapped up in each other for so long if he thought so little of him. And truth be told, I can acknowledge that this is now my narrative running away with me, this is something I’m choosing for them based on a characterization and history that doesn’t really exist, and for that reason I can’t fault anyone for finding the argument less than compelling. I can also acknowledge that this sounds a bit grand for a bunch of oneshots about bad sex and substance abuse, so, er, I’m sorry for that too.

Here’s where the unsatisfying bit comes in, about writing and discussing flawed characters without excusing or admiring their faults: I just think it’s something you know. If you ask a baker to tell you when you’ll know the dough is the right consistency, they may suggest you compare it to the softest part of your thigh, but they’ll amend that they don’t really think in those terms: they just know it when they see it. The best I can offer is that I find candor to be essential in conversation, and I think it’s a good idea to worry less about disagreeing than effectively communicating your interest in weighty storytelling. I think being able to take a step back from the impulse of defensiveness, knowing that you are a respectful and empathetic person, knowing that you have these concerns about romanticization and about invalidating fair concerns, is the absolute best thing you can do. Talking is not about winning! I hope this response was helpful at all! Thank you for your question!

#<3 #Anonymous

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