...

Tbh if you actually like answering early fandom questions I have like a million (btw it’s me again from the last 2)

You mentioned before that you were kind of out of the fandom by Danger Days but do you remember what the reaction was when Gerard talked about drinking again?

Did many og fans stick around or did they really turn on the band? Like I know you said bullets ppl hated revenge but did it grow on them eventually?

What did ppl think when Gerard and Lynz married???? That one I really want to know bc when I was newer in the fandom everyone kissed her ass like crazy and it seems like ppl have only recently realized she and msi aren’t the greatest.

Ok! Hey!!!! I kind of love you for all of these btw. this is gonna be LONG. SO yes, I was totally out of fandom at that point. However, I do follow a few blogs and I remember when the article was posted where he talked about his struggle with an ED and starting to drink again during DD. Personally, I was kind of. In shock? I didn't realize how much he was struggling at the end of it tbh. I think it also took a lot of older fans out a little bit too. It kind of made him a tangible human being rather than this formative icon we idolized. Saying that sounds awful. But at the beginning, because there was no social media, we had NO idea what the guys were actually like irl. They were human, obviously, but they were people we had put on a pedestal and we could project onto them, y'know? We had interviews and such, but the first glimpse we got into ~the real them~ was LOTMS, which was a highly edited version of the truth that fell into the stereotypes we kind of built. It glossed over Gerards addiction pretty rapidly. Reading his struggle at the end of MCR and DD broke my heart. This band did SO much for me, and a lot of us, but we never took into account how much it was taking from them or Gerard. That's all I can really say about it? Like I said, I wasn't in the fandom. So this was mostly my perspective. No one turned on the band. I think we just kind of grew up and started experiencing new things. Our interests change and merge as we get older. Some things I got from being an MCR fan stuck with me forever - i.e, my love of horror films and graphic novels, as well as my forever love of the guys. But the music wasn't what I needed anymore, yknow? I have diagnosed avoidant personality disorder, and severe depression as a result. My Chem helped me feel seen when I felt totally fucking invisible. It helped me form lasting friendships. I'm still friends with people I met in line to their shows in 2005, and on myspace. As I turned 19-20, my sadness started feeling more melancholy rather than anger. I listened to a lot of The National around then, and started getting seriously invested in film as a way of escapism. In regards to people hating revenge - I think a lot of people either left or stuck around for good. You can go back on old lj entries on the chemicalromance comm and read peoples reaction to Revenge songs. They hated how manufactured it sounded, hated how clean Gerards vocals were, HATED I'm Not Ok - thought it was too commercial for what they were prior. As someone who got into the via Revenge, it actually took some time to get used to the sound of Bullets! ALRIGHT. Ok. GERARD MARRYING LINDSEY. I wish I could figure out how to add a cut to tumblr now but IDK OK.  SOOO. Some background that y’all know but is needed for context. Gerard was in a LONG TERM relationship for YEARS with someone named Kat. No one has ever EVER seen her. Gerard only talked about having a girlfriend, thanked her in notes, and she is mentioned by some reporters sometimes (as goth looking). They break up. Gerard is ~technically~ single for like. a fuckin MONTH. then Eliza shit starts up (even tho she was alluding to being with him for fukin EVER). She fakes a pregnancy, they get engaged (around I Don’t Love You), shit was WILD. like BALLS TO THE WALL INSANE. I can go way way way more into this if y’all are interested just lemme know. THEY BREAK UP around the beginning of Pro Rev. Ok. OK. Within like. another fukin MONTH Gerard is seen MAKING OUT WITH LYNZ FROM FUCKIN MSI. They go to each others shows, seen holding hands ETC ETC. LIKE. THIS DUDE. This dude who had a LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND WE NEVER EVER SAW suddenly has had TWO PUBLIC RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SPAN OF NOT EVEN A YEAR.  also btw. We ALL thought he was gay, no fukin joke. Like I was saying earlier about not having any social media. We had an idea of what the guys were like from their stage personas and LOTMS. And like. Gerards Stage Persona is Loud. We thought Eliza mightve been a beard? Idk it was a weird time tbh.  BUT THEN THEN T H E N G AND L GET MARRIED????>>????? THEY HAD BEEN DATING A M ON TH. a MONTH. and they got fuckin MARRIED. The conspiracy theories, y’all, I can’t. IT WAS INSANE.  SO DUDE GETS ENGAGED TO SOMEONE, BREAKS UP, MAKES OUT WITH BASS PLAYER FROM MSI AND GETS MARRIED TO HER. ALL WITHIN T H R E E MONTHS.  goddamn.  So, ok. Last bit. Unfortunately the attitude towards language and WAS different back then. I know a lot of younger fans shit on older fans for saying so, but it WAS. It was totally different. MSI were seen as ~too cool, and their fans were pissed they went on tour with My Chem, etc. I wasn’t a fan, but I had seen them live a few times with a friend who was (not on Pro Rev). They just weren’t my thing and I hated Urines face. My friend who was actually a huge fan of BOTH msi and my chem separately was SHOCKED that G and Lindsey got together because their band and their vibes were so different. People mostly thought Lindsey was hot at the time but didn’t know anything about her, cuz again, no social media. Like, I cannot stress enough how much about these people we did not know. No one cared about their social lives or what they were like irl so we DIDN’T know how gross Urine and crew were. Like. A Huge factor as to why people were pissed and mad at Eliza was because she was making something Gerard obviously wanted to keep private into a public thing for attention and clout. Also, when he was being SO public with Lindsey it was shocking. Anyway I h8 msi. 

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do. 

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

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nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

Rites of Passage

It is time for the Rites of Passage. Take this time to reflect on your journey in this game as well as the people who left for you four to be where you are now. 

Blake: Sad that we didn't get the chance to play with each other! Really wanted a tarot card reading :( .STAY PSYCHIC

Isaac: Queen! I was so shocked when you went home. I wish you well in your life and I hope you're doing well! I know you're out of the community now.

John: I LOVE YOU AND AM SO SAD WE WERENT ABLE TO HAVE CONTACT IN THIS GAMEEEE. Rhohn would have ran this shit

Nicole: HI LEGEND I LOVE YOU and I know you probably won’t read all of these because you’re too cool.

Blake: SOOOO FAT that u were voted out sooooo early! SUper mad we didn’t get to play together at all :( LOVE YOU BUNCHES. STAY UGLY

Isaac: Another fallen royal. This season truly was like the red wedding in Game of Thrones. Not going to lie I was kind of relieved that you were gone so early because you're scary to play with.

John: Your vote off left everybody FUMING, that's super iconic. Wish we could have played together.

Nicole: HI I LOVE YOU thanks for casting my boyfriend with me that one time and changing my life, or whatever.

Blake: TBH idk why you hate me sooo much ? Stay HAting ??

Isaac: I knew you were having a hard time around the start of the game. I hope everything is better.

John: ily bish. I was hoping to go far in this game with you like in crossroads cause working with you is so much fun Nicholas - Your vote off left everybody FUMING, that's super iconic. Wish we could have played together.

Nicole: I hear we share the same hatreds for the same reasons, so god bless you

Blake: oof  STAY AWAY

Isaac: Legend.

John: -

Nicole: go get a life bye

Blake: THE KING OF MUSIC VIDEOS! You were such a pleasure to play with! And omg i still can’t get over the music video and how well you did. STAY FABULOUS

Isaac: Crackt. You were so wild and that made you dangerous. I know you wanted to try something new but, while that strategy was entertaining, I do think it's not for you.

John: Loved talking with you and you always provided entertainment. I hope you went on that date!

Nicole: I don’t know you but you seem very nice.

Blake: Im sad our time together in this game was cut short! But i’m glad we have the chance of playing together again <3 STAY CRACKED <3

Isaac: I know you're a top and that's so wild. I also know that you had something personal happen to you around the time you were voted out. You were considered well connected and that's why you were sent home, nothing personal.

John: Was so excited to see a bad girls fan when we first started talking! Wish you had some more time throughout your time in the season because you seemed like a really cool guy

Nicole: HELLO I don’t know why you were voted out, you are such a strong player.

Blake:  I fucking love YOUR SPLITS they are soooo ICONIC. STAY FLEXIBLE

Isaac: My Emathian brother. I salute you.

John: Coliiinnn, love ya on a personal level but you definitely scared me that one round you left. Much respect though

Nicole: HI KING I think you’re amazing I’m sorry we didn’t interact.

Blake:  ILY I REALLY REALLY REALLY ENJOY U AS A PERSON! That tribal was soo cracked i was going bakc and forth the entire day! I was honestly scared if you made it to merge you wud be invincible. I knew u had connections and good relations with alot of those ppl and that wud knock me down a peg in the hierarchy of like who people wanted to keep in the game. This vote was stressful and im sorry that it had to be you <3 STAY INVINCIBLE

Isaac: Okay skank. We've been friends since you entered this community after me in the winter of 2015. I wish we could've had this experience together and I love you but honestly, looking back, you going was the best thing that could've happened for my game. It made me start to fight and claw to stay and lit a fire under my ass that has stayed lit since. I have a lot to say about you but there's no room for it here. Love your hair, hope you win.

John: I love you Andrew as one of the first people I met in the community, you are one of my favorites and I hated the tribal that you left.

Nicole: hi Andrew we never speak in games but you seem very nice

Blake: JULIA MY FUCKING QUEEN! U WERE SLAUGHTERED OMG! They got you good XD  It was such an honor to finally play a game with you! <3 You are too well known to ever win anything your clout is too mofo powerful. You intimidated everyone and that is what i believe sent you packing. (stop being so fuckking amazing) STAY POWERFUL

Isaac: You were such a funny person lmao. I knew I couldn't trust you after Andrew's elimination and I hope you didn't take anything I said personally because I do like you.

John: I will never forget the wonderful times of exchanging cute monkey and alpaca photos. You are wonderful <3

Nicole: HEY MISS RAE I wish we got to play for longer together, every time we play together you’re either voted off or quit.

Blake: Bodhi first of all Lunch time is whenever i damn want it to be XD and i honestly wish we could of gotten close in this game! I really wanted to work with you. I remember that i made my scavenger hunt video about you, bc I thought you were most likely to win this game bc from all the amazing (amazing strategizer, has numerous connections, and social af) things i’ve heard about you (you really really intimidated me)! It was soo sad for you to go i really really really wanted to work with you. STAY INtIMIDATING  PS i hope you don’t have nightmares about ravioli <3

Isaac: One of my Two Showmances this season. It hurt to see you go, you freak but there seemed to be no other options at the time. Another royal slayed.

John: I enjoyed the short time we talked before you voted for me, wish we had been on a tribe together LOL

Nicole: hello hello ASMR king. Sorry that you left the way ya did, you are a king and I’ve always wanted to play with you and see what everyone talks about, you seem full of personality but sadly we just didn’t talk much.

Blake: FIRST OF ALL I NEED TO THANK YOU FOR SENDING THOSE CUTE ASS PICTURES OF YOUR DOGS! You sir are a king it’s extremely upsetting that me and you were not on the same page when merge first started. (killing Julia RIP) You were someone i wanted to work with coming into this game and seeing that you were casted! I heard you were amazingly strategic and you definitely proved that. Also i voted you out bc u were on cam one day and i was like no i wanna be the only pretty boy so you had to go ! STAY HOT 

Isaac: Girl that tribal was a fucking MESS! I'm sorry that it had to be you because as a person I think you're great but you were essentially the only way we could lock down Jake as a vote and ensure I didn't go home. Sorry about the blindside but next time don't bid against me in the auction sweaty :)

John: Oh Kevin, you are just wonderful and I enjoyed all of our talks

Nicole: Hello bald Taylor Swift, we didn’t speak much this game but I think you’re rad and you did a good job.

Blake: KORI omg it was such a pleasure to work with you during this game! Ever since the the Colin Tribal i felt really close to you and had so much fun ! You are such a genuine person and i really enjoyed the time we spent playing together! Also congrats on beating your last placement! WOOO right that unfinished business!  I have had an amazing time with you on the crazy ass roller coaster that is this game and i’m really sorry that i had to vote you out it was nothing personal at all! I also need you to teach me how to spell and use grammar XD  STAY GENUINE

Isaac: I feel bad because we always had to keep you in the dark, but no one never knew 100% where you stood and while this worked for you in the beginning of merge I feel like that's what finally did you in. I wish things could have worked out differently but ig that's judt the way the cookie crumbles.

John: I enjoyed talking to you very early on and at a point I think I'd say I liked you most in the game. I don't know where it really went wrong but I really don't think you deserved the bad things people said about you. Hope we remain friends. I also grew to love the paranoia of not being able to talk to you before a vote while you were working LOL

Nicole: You were really kind to me and I’m sorry I have a short attention span and forgot to answer so often. You were always trying to talk to me and I regret not getting to know you!

Blake: Anna you are a mofo QUEEN! You are sooo iconic omg. I was rooting for you soooooo hard in Hogsmead the real winner was robbed! I really really enjoyed playing this game with you you were soo amazing! You were such an incredible competitor and ally! You were also a social queen. You were misting everyone with your charm and beauty! I was sooo happy to be working with you in this game it was truly a privilege and a pleasure. I hope we get the chance to play another game with each other bc your an impeccable player. STAY BEAUTIFUL

Isaac: GIRL I HAD MY EYE ON YOU SINCE THE FIRST TRIBE SWAP! Andrew told me on old new Talio that you were super sweet but that he had heard that there was a reason you lost Hogsmeade and that scared me shitless. You played hard and I genuinely liked you but when it came down to it you were the queen of the game after you came back and you had to go in order for me to prosper. Queen. You were very strategic but I've played these for about 2 years now and if there's one things I've learned, it's the nice ones you have to watch out for

John: I bonded you from the second we started talking, was emotionally drunk and shocked when you were idoled out and just as confused & happy when you came back. Thank you for standing by me.

Nicole: ANNA YOU WERE ROBBED and I loved playing with you. You were someone I always felt like I could trust to tell things and would be honest with me, I’m glad we got to work together during this game!

Blake: OMG MY FATHER MY KING MY EVERYTHING! I was shook when you got voted out. So shook so sad! I loved our instant connection we had on the Vindicta tribe and i’m so happy once merge started we started to play together again! Also FUCK YOU FOR LIKE WINNING ALL OF THE TRIBE CHALLENGES WHEN WE WERE NOT ON THE SAME TRIBE YOU FUCKED ME OVER! Like why could you of done me a solid and thrown some to me?!??!?!? Also there is no question to anyone you played an outstanding game. You were a threat in this game you were scary and just amazing and icnoic and omg the music video holy shit was soo good you diiddd so fucking good like shit. You just were amazing and i love you sooo much and i cannot wait to talk to you! STAY ROYAL

Isaac: I know they probably don't let you around technology in your nursing home because it scares most of y'all, but I hope that you're able to find a phone or something and put on your extra thick reading glasses to read this: Thank you for everything. I wouldn't be in this point of the game if it wasn't for you.

John: You are a hilarious guy and killer at challenges, never will forget that word challenge haha. I had heard a lot about you and am honored to have played in this season with you.

Nicole: I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk more, after I came back from vacation it seemed like lines were already drawn in the sand. Thanks for helping Isaac’s phat ass get this far so I don’t have to ever write anything nice about him.

Blake: OMG my Ake B <3 we had this weird  relationship were we like liked each other but i don’t think we fully trusted each other XD. I knew comign into this game you were a really really really really good player adn that i had to watch ou for you. Also i wanna apologize for how stupid i acted when we first met at the one world tribal whatever when all the *man** **nn shit went down ahah At that point in the game i really really wnated to work wiht you and build a bond and a relationship. BUT THE DUMB TRIBE SWAP BULLSHIT NEVER PUT US TOGETHER LIKE WTF! We wud of been soooo iconic and wud of worked sooo well together omg. You played an brilliant GAME! YOUR MIND was just sooo sharp and i was soo scared of you to like go on like an immunity run and win like every single challenge lol! You are such an intimidating player such an amazingly smart player! I wud love to play antoher game wiht you tho! Also I bit your finger off like a carrot <3 STAY THREATENING

Isaac: HEY YOU CURVY SPINED BINCH! If Anna was the Queen of this game, you were the King. I was so happy when you idoled out Ryan because I wanted him to go the next round anyways dkjbfpsfp but in all seriousness, I had a blast playing with you and while we didn't talk a lot I did enjoy you because you're funny. Blake told me he thought you looked like the Ladybug from A Bug's Life.

John: Such a good guy, I loved playing with you, unfortunately a power had to be used to take you out :/ ILY KING

Nicole: Jake, you should honestly have won this whole entire game with the strategy behind you playing. I’m sorry I joked about voting you out when you actually did in fact get voted out, and I’m sorry about that one time I helped spread that rumor you were dating someone in the community hehe love u rat

Blake: omg timmy! I know like we didn’t talk much to each other but it really has been a pleasure to play with you! It was evident you were strong in comps. I REALLY LOVED TALKING TO YOU ABOUT 3% in my mind you would be Joanna bc ur sooo strong and independent. You did what was best for your game at the time and you weren't scared to do so and i fully respect that. I idoled you out bc you are such a strong comp threat and you have good relations with many of the jurors and you were such a wildcard for a few votes! You were really hard to read and it was amazing gameplay. Super unpredictable and i loved that about your game. STAY UNPREDICTABLE

Isaac: Okay so I don't really know what to say. We never really connected? and I think that fault lies in both of our games? idk I never really trusted you so when you turned on us for your boyfriend Jake I can't say I was all that shocked. I wish we had gotten to know you better because from what little I saw you were pretty funny lmao.

John: I was excited to see you after getting along in festive. We had a rocky relationship at times but at the end of the day I've got so much respect for you

Nicole: Timmy, king of getting idoled out. You played such a good game and we’re so much fun to talk to when we did get to talking.

Blake:  Dani this was the hardest vote i had to ever do in all of my org games. You played an impeccable game. YOu have the perfect underdog story. You successfully played two advs and saved yourself you single handedly voted  out anna in premerge! I love you soo much i love how wild and out spoken you are i have a feeling your gonna come for my ass at FTC and i cannot wait! I Love you SOOO much you are my cracked queen! I enjoyed playing this game wiht you a second time it was soo much fun and i loved every single second of it. I miss you and i cannot wait to talk to you after this game i really really hope you will still like to be my freind after this game is over you are an amazing player, competitor and was one the best allies i have had in any game i have ever played STAY ICONIC

Isaac: Ugh my Queen. I know you're absolutely pissed at Blake and I right now, and that's understandable because we did do you dirty. There is a time in the game where you have to make very tough calls and I accepted that there's a line between game and friendship a long time ago. I just tend to forget that some people don't see it that way and that's fine. I hope we're able to be friends no matter what after this game because you're a riot and a firecracker and I love that about you. Blessed be Kitty Girl

John: probably the most badass player I've played with, your idol plays were iconic and your journey is one to be proud of. We didn't work together but despite attacking my allies I thought you played a great game.

Nicole: Honestly you made this game really fun. You were targeted a hell of a lot and got to the very end, so props to you. I don’t have any hard feelings against you even though we fought a bit, hope it’s mutual but I understand if it’s not.