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#leviathan is autistic
sister-lucifer · 1 year
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Leviathan’s sensory heaven?
Head and back scratches
If you run your fingers through his hair he will MELT. being autistic and having sensory issues means you kinda get used to being a little itchy everywhere all the time, so you forget how amazing it feels to be scratched. PLEEAAAASE sit on top of him and scratch his back!!! he will literally be yours forever. he just wants your hands on him all the time scratching and caressing and holding. even better if you let him lay on your lap while you scratch his head. mess up his hair all you want, that’s how you know it’s GOOD scritches
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countv0ncunt · 22 days
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MY DAUGHTER Ayda Aguefort.
Move along Arthur 😠
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warper-in-training · 1 month
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Leviathan and Mammon both say your name as a vocal stim. While Levi is too shy to do it loud and near people, Mammon doesn't hide it at all. unless you're near him. then he'll deny everything.
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atlantic-aph0tic · 7 days
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Subnautica post in 2024 no way
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abyssal-wonders · 8 months
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levi doodles <3
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When I am treated “like a child” because of my disabilities the thing fucking isn’t that they “should treat me as adult” the thing is they shouldn’t fucking treat actual children and youth like that
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onyourowndaisymae · 10 months
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this might be a bit divisive considering people get weird about autistic levi headcanons but i want to throw an even MORE controversial headcanon in the ring and say that i think satan might be a little 'tistic too. unlike levi, who got the anime autism, satan got the savant, tv representation autism
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sfw-obeyme-things · 4 months
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Leviathan seems to have a touch of the 'tism. I mean, just think about how he acts, he's definitely autistic.
This is coming from an autistic person. He literally always wears comfy clothes, always has headphones, always stays in his room, watches the same anime over and over, takes things literally, and has awful social skills. I dunno about you but that screams autistic to me.
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defectivevillain · 10 months
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no longer alone
pairing: Leviathan/Reader (can be romantic or platonic, whatever you prefer)
Levi and reader are both autistic <333 and reader’s pronouns are unspecified but masc-intended.
want to preface this by saying that the reader’s experience is essentially written to be mine. I’m not trying to make any generalizations about autism, here—and I state that in the text, too. so, keep that in mind! us autistic people are all different (and also fucking awesome) so the reader may not be exactly the same as you expect. thanks :)
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Levi has known his brothers for his entire life, yet he can’t help but feel as if they don’t really understand him. They treat him as an anomaly, an enigma. Levi knows that they just think him to be an antisocial shut-in, but he feels like they don’t make any further effort to understand him. He’s given up on arguing against their claims of him being a loner—it’s not worth the effort and he’s not sure he even has the words to describe himself accurately.
You, on the other hand, are an enigma too. You popped up out of nowhere as an exchange student to RAD. Levi had fully intended to ignore you, but you weren’t content to do the same to him. Admittedly, Levi has developed a sort of prickly exterior to ward people off. That way, they won’t be startled or frightened by his, well, weirdness, as his brothers call it. So, when you knock on his door the very next morning after your arrival to the Devildom, Levi is apprehensive. Against his further judgement, he lets you into his bedroom. You introduce yourself and ask him a bit about himself. Levi can’t stop himself from talking about TSL or Ruri-chan and, secretly, he’s nervously awaiting some sort of disgusted or weirded-out expression from you. Somehow, there’s no such thing. You actually seem to be listening to each word he says. Levi knows that no one cares about his TSL rants or what games he’s playing, but when he sees that intent and interested look on your face, he can’t help but question that notion.
After your first meeting, Levi starts to warm up to you. You’re a refreshing new presence in the House of Lamentation. The last thing Levi needed was another person to judge him for his homebody tendencies, and he's pleasantly surprised that you’ve never breathed a word about him being a loner, loser, otaku, creep... 
The more he gets to know you, the more he realizes that you just get him, in a way no one else ever has. Leviathan looks at you and he knows that you understand him, because, well, he sees some of himself in you. He begins to notice things about you—things that he certainly relates to. Levi notices how your gaze always flits about during a conversation, never quite settling and making eye contact with other people. He notices how you’re startled by loud noises, how sometimes you seem frustrated with everyone around you.
One day, he can’t keep his curiosity at bay. Leviathan idly mentions that you understand him rather well, and you hum in response. “Well, I’m autistic, so that’s probably it,” you murmur quietly. Levi has to strain to hear you and when he processes your statement, he finds himself confused. 
“What’s that?” Levi asks without hesitation. Typically, he’s a bit more hesitant to ask questions, but he trusts you not to give him a weird look for his curiosity. Indeed, you just look at him with a friendly expression. 
“Autism?” You ask. Your eyebrows furrow for a moment. “Oh, I forgot the Devildom isn’t very developed on that kind of stuff. Okay, do you really want me to explain it? It may take a little while.”
Levi nods. Of course he wants to hear your explanation—he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. Levi isn't one to sugarcoat things or lie to protect people’s feelings; he almost always says what’s on his mind.  
“Alright,” you nod. “Well, autism—or, Autism Spectrum Disorder—is a disability that encompasses a lot of different things. It’s kind of hard to pinpoint what exactly it is, because autistic people are vastly different from one another. But, there is some sort of framework that people use to identify it.”
“Okay, so,” you take a deep breath. “I guess I’ll start out by describing myself. So... As a child, I was sort of... withdrawn, I guess? I had a lot of trouble with attending school. I was perfectly behaved at school, but the moment I got home, I’d just have a meltdown; I’d be super exhausted and I could never figure out why. Eventually, I realized that I was putting a ton of effort into masking—pretending, basically. I was working really hard to adhere to all the social expectations that I was faced with. Those behaviors didn’t come naturally to me. I had to use up energy to make small talk with people, meet other people’s eyes, remain in my seat without moving, filter out all the background noise and focus on my assignments... You get the idea. You with me so far?”
“Yes,” Leviathan nods. Your story sounds painfully familiar. Levi thinks of his own struggles with school—how he takes nearly all of his classes online to avoid having to attend in-person. 
“I didn’t have many friends in high school,” you continue, biting your lip. “Or, I guess I should say... I had friends, but I never hung out with them outside school. I just never saw a need for it.”
“When I went to university, I got super overwhelmed. In case you’re unfamiliar with human university, um... It’s like a sleep-away camp, sort of. Most people live on campus in dorm buildings. University can be exhausting, and there are a lot of students that like to distract themselves with parties and other social events.
“I’m not that social; I don’t need any social interaction to be fulfilled, if that make sense? So, naturally, I felt really out of place at university, where everyone else was constantly partying and spending time in company with other people. 
“It took me a long time to realize just why school was so exhausting for me. Once I did, I began to put the pieces together. I really struggle with vagueness and ambiguity, which often results in me needing really explicit directions in order to accomplish something. I’m a very black-and-white thinker, so when things fall in that rather large grey area, I don’t know what to do with them. I have a lot of restrictive interests and it’s hard for me to hold conversations without mentioning them in at least some manner. I’m a pretty sarcastic person, but it’s hard for me to comprehend sarcasm coming from someone else—especially when their tone of voice stays the same. A lot of times, people misinterpret my mood or feelings because my facial expressions aren’t that strong and my voice always sounds the same...”
Levi’s eyes are gradually widening as he listens to you. Everything you’re saying resonates with him deeply—in a manner nothing else quite has before. He swallows hard and continues to listen to you. 
“As a kid, I was afraid of dogs because they barked so loudly... I couldn't even go into public bathrooms, because the toilets were so loud... Bright lighting sometimes gives me really bad headaches... A lot of things like that can be part of the autistic experience. Autistic people often have sensory issues, which can prove to be overwhelming.”
“That’s just a few things,” you say with a sigh, entirely unaware of the mental breakdown Leviathan is currently undergoing. “I would go on, but we’d be here for quite a while. Anyway, that’s kind of the overall theme of being autistic: exerting energy just to do simple social tasks that other people can do automatically; having a rigid manner of thinking; sometimes, struggling to communicate or even not wanting to communicate with people at all; constantly feeling like an outsider because you don’t have the same needs as everyone else. We can go into more detail another time, but... that’s the moral of the story.”
“Wow,” Levi chokes out, at an entire loss for words. You’re staring at him for a brief moment before your gaze flits off to somewhere else in the room. Levi realizes that you’re doing the same thing he does in conversations. 
“The thing with masking—pretending or putting effort forth to perform social behaviors like eye contact—is that it’s often deeply ingrained into an autistic person’s psyche,” you explain, fiddling with your hands. “I find that I’m often subconsciously forcing myself to perform and pretend for other people’s benefit, which takes a long time to unlearn. But, I’ve noticed that... with you, I don’t feel that same pressure. I feel like I can be myself with you. I think you understand where I’m coming from.” You break off, fidgeting slightly. You’re cracking your knuckles repetitively and tilting your head to the side. Levi feels honored that you feel comfortable enough in front of him to stop masking—as you called it. Now that he thinks about it, he feels as if he’s been doing the same thing whenever he’s in your presence. When Levi’s with you, he can talk about TSL all he wants. He doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence with small talk. The Avatar of Envy doesn’t need to ever verbalize what he’s feeling when he’s around you, because you seem to understand already. 
Your story deeply resonates with him, and it’s easy to realize why. “I think I’m autistic, too,” Leviathan blurts out. His eyes widen and he stares at you for assistance. You don’t look the least bit surprised by the revelation; instead, you’re smiling supportively at him. Levi immediately feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He never had the words to describe himself, to explain why he acts the way he does. His behavior had never seemed quite normal to his brothers, and, while Levi recognizes that “normal” is a fluke, he always wanted to fit in with his brothers in the way they all seemed to fit in at school. He always felt like an outsider in their family, as his brothers performed social feats with ease—feats that took nearly all of Levi’s energy to perform and execute. “I’m autistic!” He exclaims, before wincing at how loud his voice is. Thankfully, you don't wince or flinch in the way everyone else does. 
“I thought there was something wrong with me,” Leviathan chokes out, tears slipping down his cheeks. He finally gains the courage to look over at you again only to find that you have a heartbroken expression on your face. 
“Oh, Levi,” you say with a saddened look on your face. You move to sit a bit closer to him. Levi realizes that you’ve been consistently giving him plenty of personal space and he can’t help but feel extremely grateful for that. “There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing.”
“And, even if there were something wrong with you...” You break off, squinting for a moment as if puzzling out the words. Levi waits patiently. “...Then we could be wrong... together.” Levi’s heart squeezes in his chest. He feels winded all of a sudden. He doesn’t think you understand how much that means to him. For the longest time, he’s been alone in his struggle. 
“Thanks, Henry,” Levi murmurs. The name just slips out and he glances up at you with horror. He hadn’t meant to say that. No, no! He had been doing so well, but now he’s gone and ruined it-
“Now you’re going to make me cry,” you choke out with watery eyes, a bright smile on your face. You clearly understand the depth of his remark—what calling you Henry means to him. Amazingly, your eyes are gleaming and you look like an angel. Levi has never felt such a deep appreciation for another person before. You lean forward ever so slightly, your eyes falling to something behind him. “Can I hug you?”
Levi nods and extends his arms. You lean forward and put your head on his shoulder. Levi wraps his arms around your waist, a warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest. He’s never felt so seen before. For the first time, he feels that someone sees him and understands him for who he is. Levi has never felt like that before. He lets his hands clutch at the sweatshirt you’re wearing, clenching and unclenching his fists in the soft fabric. 
“Thanks for telling me,” Levi whispers into your shoulder. He recognizes that this must be a vulnerable topic for humans, if your initial moment of hesitation was anything to go by. 
“Thanks for listening,” you respond. As you embrace each other, Levi feels another tear slip down his cheek. This time, his tears aren’t born out of sadness, but instead from joy, happiness, and relief. He holds you close, a brilliant smile on his face. 
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thanks for reading! writing this was self-care, y’all. and i love levi so fucking much. okiii bye!
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the-insider · 5 months
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I speedran the Corpse Bride AU because who needs sleep anyways am I right.
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The Outsider (going by Leviathan) is ofc Emily, Corvo and Jessamine are Victor and Victoria. I'm unoriginal and lazy so Daud would be Barkis.
Would love to hear your thoughts on that!
May or may not be looking for someone to RolePlay the idea idk
[Referenced screenshots from the movie under the cut]
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foolych · 12 days
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I am cringe but I am free, I am cringe but I am free, I am cringe but I am free-
Before you shun me from society please allow me to explain!
I thought it would be absolutely hilarious if out of all of the brothers, Levi somehow ended up as a father and he’s just— so bad at it. He has no idea what he’s doing but hey, at least he’s trying. Then I somehow came up with this intense lore in my brain about how demon reproduction works (don’t ask) and then… I committed the greatest crime of all.
I made Levi a fanchild oc. I apologise for my actions.
Anyway, his name is Wormwood, aka Worm. I have… way too much lore about this whole idea, but I will keep it to myself unless someone out there is just dying to hear about the BABY LORE.
Here are some sketches I did. Yes, Worm is an absolute CREATURE right now, that ties in to the lore I made up.
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sister-lucifer · 1 year
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WHILE WERE TALKING ABOUT AUTISTIC HEADCANONS
Leviathan from Obey Me is also autistic and i do not and never will take criticism
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stein-stimboards · 24 days
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Leviathan from Obey Me! stimboard please? :D
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Leviathan - Obey Me! for anon 🖤|💜|🖤 💜|🖤|💜 🖤|💜|🖤
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spaceiix3 · 1 year
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Victory..!! (Leviathan x GN! Reader)
When I moved my fanfic reblogs over to this account from my main, I accidentally deleted this fic! I thought I didn’t have a backup, but I noticed today that a version of this was still saved in my Grammarly account!! I’m so happy T_T so if you’ve seen this before, that's because this is a repost :)
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who commented on this before, your tags made me overjoyed <333
Notes: Intentionally awkward dialogue. An existing romantic relationship between Levi and MC is implied. Originally written for me to cope with stress from school </3
Word count: 1.5K
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Shiiing! A loud sound effect suddenly played as my skill activated. Speedy clicks from our controllers consistently sounded out, almost in time to the lively instrumental music playing from the television. Soft noises from Leviathan’s anxious shifting in his beanbag chair and ambient bubbling from the pool in his room joined the noises of the game to create a calm but lively atmosphere.
Leviathan had called me over to his room out of the blue, texting me that he needed some help to beat the final boss of his new Ruri-chan RPG he had been ignoring school to play as of late. For the past few days, I had consistently been visiting his room after finishing my schoolwork to watch him play and had even earned his trust to help him with previous boss fights as well. I was honestly quite hooked on the story. Naturally, I rushed over to his room as soon as I made sure my homework for the next day was complete.
By this point, we had played through this level a few times, working hard to find a strategy that would defeat the hulking demon on the screen once and for all. I wasn’t ready to give up anytime soon, but I was getting quite tired of having to replay the same level over and over again. I couldn’t imagine how Levi felt, considering he had been attempting the same battle solo before I showed up to help.
Our strategy was to have one person attack while the other built up their specials so that we deal consistent damage to the boss. However, the boss’ AI was still quite advanced, and we were both once again close to death in-game.
My character was backed into a dead end. Levi’s character was nowhere to be found. I was maybe two hits away from permanent death, which would bring this round to a disappointing end. I barely managed to dodge a swipe from the boss, gripping my controller tightly as my eyes remained glued to the screen. We were so close..! I was prepared to admit defeat, until…
A close-up of Ruri-chan flashed onto the screen out of nowhere as she pointed her gleaming shovel at the hulking boss in front of me. I looked over at Levi, watching him press his skill button pointedly. Ruri-chan flew in and smacked the boss on the head, causing it to flash bright red before bursting into a collection of golden sparks.
 I stared for a moment, confused before my eyes widened in realization. We did it! After an hour of trying, we finally did it! Our strategy worked! I laughed gently in relief, relaxing my arms and allowing the controller to drop to my side.
Beside me, Levi cheered loudly, throwing his arms up into the air in delight.
“Whooo, finally!” he cheered as bright victory music played. Leviathan turned to face me, piercing reptilian eyes locking with mine, glowing softly in the dark room.
“And it’s all thanks to you, player two!” he exclaimed as he threw his arms around me impulsively, squeezing me tightly. I froze. My chest tightened as I was suddenly overwhelmed by a mixture of confusion and happiness. Someone was hugging me… not just someone, but Levi..! I closed my eyes, basking in the pleasant melody of Levi’s giggles in my ear, relishing in the euphoria of the moment.
Levi pulled away, smiling broadly and leaning over me gently, caging me in against the beanbag chair I rested on. He then came to his senses as his eyes widened and an intense blush painted his face. He jumped away suddenly, and the moment was over.
“A-anyway..!” He continued, trying to recover from his embarrassment as he picked up his controller once more and fumbled with it. He seemed to lose his words, and instead opted for silence as he rushed through the text boxes appearing on the screen, pointedly not looking at me. I was too flustered to reply, so we sat in silence as Leviathan clicked through the finale of the game, staring almost too intensely at the screen.
Ruri-chan returned to her hometown with Azuki-tan, and the game ended with the two of them sitting with Ruri-chan’s friends on a hill overlooking the city with not a cloud in the nighttime sky. I was sad the journey was over but glad that we had finally beaten the main storyline. The credits began to roll as a soft piano cover of one of the themes in the game began to play, and Levi looked hesitantly over at me.
“Hey, uh…” he started, taking a deep breath before trying to speak once more.
“S-sorry for hugging you back there out of the blue like... like some normie or something,” he said with a guilty look on his face, “we were just so cool together!” he became excited again for a second, eyes darting over to the credits before remembering to look back to me. I smiled hesitantly at him, closing my eyes for a moment before responding.
“It’s okay, I’m just, ah… unused to being touched by real people,” I said, my voice quivering a bit, “but it was kind of nice,” I mumbled the last part, my face burning up in embarrassment. At this confession, Levi sat up straight, piercing eyes fixed on me once more.
“Wait, you didn’t think it was d-disgusting for someone like me to hug someone like you?” He questioned, excitement creeping back into his voice. I paused for another moment, looking into his eyes before darting them back to the floor.
“No, of course, it wasn’t disgusting, I…”
“Really?? I thought the same! …uh, I mean, well…” he fumbled with his words once more.
“H-hey Levi, can we hug again?” I said suddenly, surprising myself. Levi was at a loss for a moment before replying.
“Y-y-yeah of course, uh…” he mumbled something into his hand, before jumping up suddenly.
“Y-you know, I’m not scared to hug you!” he exclaimed. “If I can complete that boss fight, I can h..hug you also! Yeah, I’ll hug you just like I hug my Ruri-chan pillow if that’s what you want!” His demeanor shifted suddenly as he straightened up in his seat, still staring intently into my eyes. I smiled.
“That would be nice,” I said simply.
“Th-that’s good!” He said a little too loudly, then looked around before shaking his head.
“Okay, here!” He scooted his beanbag chair over to me, then rushed to get a few extra pillows and plushies from nearby to create a small nest. He then kneeled back down beside me, pausing for a moment before snaking his arms around my waist, pulling me partially into his lap in his pile of pillows. Slowly, as if afraid he would leave if I were to move too quickly, I snaked my arm to rest over him as I laid my head against his chest. He was warmer than he looked, and it was soothing.
“I never expected to be able to do something like this with a real person before,” I said quietly. “I’m so happy…” I allowed my eyes to relax as I stared blankly at the television, focusing on the sound of Levi’s breathing and the gentleness of his embrace. He was messing around with the remote, turning the game system off as his breathing started to calm down.
“I feel the same way. I’m so glad I have you here with me, my own player two…” He said gently, coming down from the high-energy excitement of everything that had happened in the past few minutes. “I guess Asmo was kind of right about how nice physical touch can be…” he mumbled to himself as he fumbled with the remote more, eventually switching over to the anime he had been showing me recently. I listened to the sound of his breathing all the while, and the bubbling of Henry 2.0’s fish tank near us. He grabbed his Azuki-tan plush from beside him and pressed it against my arms expectantly, making me laugh softly as I cuddled it against my chest with one arm while still keeping the other draped over Levi.
“I feel a lot better now, being here with you. Thanks, Levi.” I spoke up again, gently, afraid to disturb the sudden peace that had fallen. The anime was loading up on the television screen. Leviathan pressed a hesitant kiss to the side of my forehead.
“I care for you so much, and I want you to be comfortable. Now let’s watch some anime ‘til we fall asleep, ok?” I could hear him smiling, and I returned the smile with a small one of my own. He tightened his arms around me, softly sighing and whispering something to himself.
Levi’s room was safe. Levi was safe. No matter what’s happening in my life, I know I can always come here and overcome battles by his side.
“Okay.” I smiled, allowing my eyes to fall closed as the intro of the anime played in my ears and dreams of Leviathan began to dance in front of my eyes. 
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smoft-demons · 2 months
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Envy
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Auva is curled up in a nest of soft things on the floor of Levi’s room. Pillows, blankets, plushies, possibly a beanbag chair or two—all piled high on the floor in front of a big screen.
Levi is there too, of course. Sitting just slightly out of arm’s reach, reclining in the blanket nest with his Ruri-chan body pillow. Relaxed as she’s ever seen him. He’s hugging the pillow like it’s his best friend as he and Auva marathon TSL for quite possibly the 15th time.
At this point, Auva knows these movies so well she could speak every line along with the characters. So, as much as she enjoys the story, it’s not exactly keeping her focused.
‘I’M his best friend!’ Auva can’t stop herself from thinking, as Levi watches peacefully. She mentally side-eyes that passing thought as soon as she notices it.
Envy is not a familiar feeling for Auva. Sure, she’s felt short flashes of mild jealousy before—small moments of it that are easily acknowledged, dealt with, and released. Quick and simple.
That’s… not what this is. She tries to push it down, for further examination later. She pointedly thinks of how peaceful this is, what a good time she’s having watching movies she likes, how nice it is to see Levi being so relaxed and open…
She holds out for about a movie and a half. But then, a scene where the Lord of Shadows gives Henry a hug has the twisting unpleasantness she feels in her gut suddenly roaring back to life. It burrows into the front of her mind. The unfamiliar feeling intensifies from the low, very ignorable twisting it was before, like pouring gasoline on a fire. It burns, insistent and cloying under her tongue.
Auva zones out in that moment, confused and distressed. Trying to identify whatever the fuck this is.
Simultaneously, Levi snaps out of relaxed TSL fixation mode. He feels the explosion of envy in his friend. It’s doubly palpable to him, not just because he’s attuned to feelings of envy as the avatar of it—especially in Auva through his pact with her—but more because he has NEVER before felt so much of it from her before!
“Uh—!? Whoaaaa… Auva??! Are you—do you wanna talk about it??” Levi sputters.
Auva freezes, looking away. She’s figured out what caused the bad feeling, but not what the bad feeling is quite yet. In order to find the cause, she has tracked the start of the feeling to when Levi joined her in their blanket nest, but chose to sit too far away from her to touch, to cuddle with a pillow instead of his best friend.
She’s embarrassed to realize this. Fruitlessly, she tries to hide it. She doesn’t want to lie to him, but… she can’t say it! “No, no! It’s nothing, don’t worry, I’m good! Everything’s fine!”
Levi shoots her a flat look. “Stupid normie, I can FEEL it! Did you forget what I am? There’s no point lying!”
Auva groans, burying her face in her hands. ‘??? He can feel it—OH. Oh. Envy. So that’s what that feels like then. Fuck, okay.’ She thinks, cringing at herself.
“Nooo… Levi, really, it’s nothing! It’s so dumb!”
“But I wanna help! WHY won’t you tell me? That’s SO not fair..!” Levi exclaims, looking stressed, worried, and a bit hurt. “Of course you wouldn’t trust a gross icky otaku like me…”
‘Fuuuuck, of course he’d take it personally!’ Auva mentally groans to herself.
“No! No, you know I don’t think that! You’re not gross, Levi! I… it’s just—umm, well…” she trails off. Can’t say it.
She huffs, frustrated, and flails for a moment before taking her DDD out of her pocket. She goes to text him instead.
> ruri pillow gets hugs and I don’t >:[ Henry gets hugs and I don’t >>:[[[ I want hugs too >:[ >:[ >:[
Levi’s text tone goes off. He reads her message.
He freezes awkwardly. Buffering…
Auva cringes, shoving her DDD away from her. She hides her face in her hands again. “I told you it’s dumb…” she mumbles.
“N-no! No, it’s fine! I just. I, was, uh—! Y-you… you really don’t think I’m too gross?” Levi stutters.
“Obviously not! We’re friends, we’ve BEEN friends, you know I love you—Why do YOU think you’re gross?! Is it because you’re a snake, do you think snakes are gross?! I like snakes!! Is that it? I don’t get it, Levi! You’re NOT gross, I’ll fight you about that if I have to! Is that really why you don’t touch me?” Auva rambles, her hands flapping frantically. “You keep telling me it’s okay if I touch you, you said you’re not uncomfortable with it in general, but then… you’ll sit next to me and hug a pillow but you won’t ever hug me, and I don’t get WHY! I keep telling you you’re not gross! Do you not believe me, or do you just…”
Auva cuts herself off. ‘do you just not love me’, she was going to say. She thought better of it. She knows he does. She knows. It would be unfair to him to scold him for not believing her and then to immediately turn around and not believe him. She knows he’s shy, too. It isn’t a problem if he’s uncomfortable with touch of course, but he keeps telling her that’s not the case, so..???
Levi seems to know where she was going with that. He flails, stuttering his rebuttal just as frantically. They never resemble each other more than when they’re panicking at each other like this. “I..! It’s NOT like that!! It’s not that—that I don’t l-love… you, o-or anything..! I just..! It’s just… I’m gross, I don’t think you’d want ME so close to you!”
“But I do though! I really do! You’re NOT gross! Levi… Levi, you’re not gross. You’re my friend. My friend is not gross. Please believe me?” Auva says, her agitation quickly dying down into just sadness.
Levi’s energy simmers down to match hers. With a sigh, he steels himself. Dismissing his ever-present shyness as best he can. He puts the Ruri pillow down in the pile next to him. He fixes his gaze into a far corner as he sticks out an arm in Auva’s direction, shyly gesturing for his friend to close the distance.
Auva rushes to comply before he can change his mind. It’s about half a second until she has ducked under his arm and moulded herself against him, shifting until she’s comfy and as close as she can get. She ends up draped over the left side of him. Her fingers tangle into the fabric of his shirt, clinging, as if to prevent anyone from removing her. Her cheek smushes against his shoulder. Her glasses get knocked off as she presses her face against him. She doesn’t care.
“Stupid noodle… y’r not fuckin gross…” she grumbles to him, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
“…if you say so, I guess…” he mumbles back. He puts his arm down across her shoulder blades. His hand wraps carefully around her right bicep. His other hand retrieves her glasses, then places them on the floor where they’ll be safer. He turns his attention back to the movie to distract himself from his self-consciousness.
As for Auva, she’s fully ignoring the movie in favour of committing this absolute gift of a moment to memory. Every detail. The rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat, the sounds of his joints shifting with each minute adjustment he makes, the cool temperature of his skin, the unscented soap and ocean scent that sticks to him, the gentle pressure of his arm draped over her, the feel of his thumb absently rubbing over that one small strip of skin on her arm and occasionally fidgeting with the hem of her short sleeve. She blissfully soaks in every detail.
Her heart is warm, and she LOVES her friend. She’s relaxed, boneless. Very comfortable and happy to be held.
As the next movie plays, Levi ends up absentmindedly pulling her into the same position he had the pillow in before. Reclining fully against his chest, more or less in his lap as both his arms wrap securely around her back. She couldn’t see the screen like this if she were trying to. She’s not though, so this is more than fine with her. She’s seen these movies so many times by now that the audio alone is enough to have the visuals projecting in detail from her memory on the back of her eyelids.
Auva stays still and quiet, carefully relaxed, trying not to draw attention to herself. Hoping he’ll stay distracted until the entire series is over, so it’ll take as long as possible for him to get awkward and push her away again. Fuck, she dreads the idea of being pushed away.
Hours later, the story ends. Levi’s distraction is over. Her fingers clench in his shirt again, clinging. She doesn’t want him to let go. Doesn’t want him to make her go…
“Auva..?” Levi softly calls, having noticed her tension returning. “I… it’s okay, you know. You don’t—I’m not kicking you out. If you’re sure you want to be here. I’m not uncomfortable, or anything, is what I’m saying. Is that, um… that’s what you’re scared of, right?” he sighs. Pulls her a bit closer, so he can lean down to comfortably bury his face against her shoulder without dislodging her. “We’re gonna have to talk about this, aren’t we…”
“Mm. Probably… ‘s important. But… tomorrow, though? I’m comfy...” Auva mumbles.
She yawns. He nods, agreeing to have a real conversation about this tomorrow. They cling to each other a bit tighter for comfort, as they both try not to think about how scary that is.
“Hey, Levi?” Auva whispers.
“Hm?” He hums inquisitively.
“I really love my player one. SO much. I hope you know that.”
He inhales sharply, quickly squeezing her as he takes in her familiar words. She has told him so many times before, but it hits him in the heart just the same every time.
“Yeah. I know.” He whispers back. “And I love my player two. So much. You know that,” Shy as always, even though he has said it before too.
Auva nods. She gives him an affectionate squeeze too, before relaxing again. Intending to go to sleep right there.
The upcoming conversation still scares them, but just a bit less now. They’ll have each other, after all. They’ll help each other.
They’ll be fine.
_______
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autism-corner · 7 months
Text
The Seven and a Half Morningstars
AO3 || 2.1K words || you/yours pronouns || Masterlist
Levi and Lilith have something in common. Something none of their brothers have. They both are the reason that 'the morningstar/demon brothers' doesn't really apply anymore.
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transfem sisters figuring themself out together. although, not at the same time or without severe loss (and gain). <3
ft. you loving levi (either romantically or platonically)
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Levi knew. She’d known for a long time, but she was content with the way things were. Until you came around. She could handle everyone seeing a gross guy otaku. She could not handle you, seeing her in a way that wasn’t her true self. It felt like lying to you, and that's the last thing she’s ever wanted. Part of her thought it was selfish, but she wanted you to love her. Not him.
It all began way back in the celestial realm. Back when they were known as the seven brothers. Ofcourse, everyone was siblings to each other in that place, but everybody could tell that these seven had something special between them. Lucifer, the morningstar, had basically adopted the younger boys, and it created a bond that few, if any, could break. While every one of them looked up to Lucifer, each angel was also steadily growing attached to the other 5. Mammon and Asmo were both extremely extroverted and found common ground there, and the twins were already close as could be. Lilith and Levi were both outsiders, and that’s where they connected.
Ofcourse, Lilith had the twins as well, but Lilith tended to wander around more, and he kept feeling like he didn’t really belong in heaven anyway. Ofcourse, Lilith loved his brothers, but sometimes he longed for a different life. A more free one. That’s why he drifted towards Levi. Leviathan always seemed to be in his own little world, and Lilith wanted to join him. So the two hung out a lot together, slowly creating a world away from everyone.
Lilith laid out on Levi’s bed. His arms reached out towards the roof, seemingly grasping the words to explain his thoughts. “You know,” He began. Levi sat in his chair in the corner of his room. Even though he seemed to be reading a book, Lilith knew Levi would listen to him. “I wish things were different. You understand, right?” A vague ‘hm’ came from the corner. Lilith sat up. He only ever did that when things got serious. “I don’t mean here.” A sigh. “I’m talking about like. Feelings and stuff.” This made Levi pause. Levi knew that he wasn’t the best with feelings or expressing things. But he also knew that Lilith understood that. He closed his book and waited. Clearly, Lilith had a lot to say about this, and the only thing Levi could do was wait and hear him out.
“I’m also not talking about struggling with feelings like you are. This is…” Hesitation. This was definitely a difficult subject for Lilith to talk about. He’d started biting his nails again. “More personal, in a way? I think.” He fell back down on the bed, still fidgeting. Levi slowly looked up.
This was so different from the usual Lilith. Lilith is often so full of energy that Levi could barely even keep up. This Lilith is trying to be calculated and calm, and it’s worrying Levi. “You should stop biting your nails.” A quiet response from Levi. A silent way that tells Lilith that he cares about him, and that he’s paying attention to him.
“Can you come here for a second? Just lay next to me. Please.” To many others this would’ve sounded like a simple request. But Levi picked up on the desperation that was hidden behind it. He slowly got up and walked up to Lilith, who was now curled up on his side. Levi joined him, laying, although stiffly, beside him. Levi wasn’t sure yet how to approach the situation, but he would stay and listen to anything Lilith had to say.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lilith's hand move. An invitation (request?) to hold his hand. He sat aside the discomfort he might feel with physical touch, and joined their fingers together. He’d do anything to comfort Lilith.
“I don’t want to say it this bluntly, but I can't figure out a better way.” Lilith had pulled up a pillow and was clutching it against his chest. “I don’t think I’m a guy.”
It wasn’t often that people would see Lilith cry. Lilith often had a way of life that would brighten up every room, conversation and face. The ways that Lilith broke that day, in front of Levi, showed the weight of this issue. Clearly this had been bothering Lilith for a long time now.
Lilith began explaining to Levi about all the things she’d wish to be different. And Levi listened. What else could he do? Lilith explained that she didn’t necessarily want her name to change. She’d grown up with this name and had so many memories with it, it was impossible to be complete without her name. But she did want people to refer to her differently. She wanted to be called pretty and cute and beautiful. She wanted to be a little sister.
Levi listened and understood. Levi helped her alter her clothes, helped her pick out new ones. Together with Levi, Lilith became who she wanted to be. And together with Levi, she explained it to everyone else. Thanks to Levi, she became her full self.
Things were glorious for a couple of centuries. Everyone lived and laughed, now being known as ‘The Seven Morningstars’, rather than 'The Seven Brothers'. Everything was perfect.
Until she fell.
Desperation broke out. How could Father do this? How could He break up their family, their comfort. How dare He take away their little sister. It was unfair.
They had to keep living.
Dark times turned darker upon their arrival in the Devildom, strangers in a new world. But with the darker times, aside from the anger still flaming within everyone, new forms of warmth began to rise as well.
Lilith’s replacement, set free by the anger she caused, came to them. Ofcourse, no one but himself saw Satan as Lilith’s counterpart, but that didn’t soothe his anger. He raged and rampaged wherever he could, but slowly gained comfort in the sister he never had. He finally settled with a piece of Lilith in his heart, allowing himself to release the anger she could never express.
Like before, they started being known as ‘The Seven Brothers’ again.
All the struggles they went through together made them that much closer, now only having each other to depend on. Bond’s grew again and strengthened, setting them up for their new life. A new life that is better than they could’ve ever imagined back in the Celestial Realm. A life with freedom. A life that Lilith gave hers for.
Levi had taken it hard. Her fall. Even though the relationships with his brothers improved, to levels never even achievable in the celestial realm, an important part of his life became irreplaceable. Someone to actually talk to, someone who got him, someone who was like him. He never got the guts to actually tell her. How he related to her. How he too, wished to change.
It caused a silent suffering.
Until you came. Even though things hadn’t been all that bad, he viewed you as his saviour. The one who brightened up his days again, gave him everything they could. But most importantly, someone who understood him. You made him better. Like his sister had before.
That’s when Levi started to question things again. You were able to give him his confidence back. When you were together, it felt like nothing could tear you apart. It was a mutual understanding between the both of you. It felt like Levi was back with Lilith again, but improved. Ofcourse, nothing could replace Lilith, not even you. But you gave him back his feelings, familiar yet somehow more intense. More worth the risk.
During the healing you were the cause of, Levi began to find their truth again. The truth that they had always already known, but often pushed back, was being indefinitely resurfaced by you. You reminded Levi of her. And now, finally comfortable, she could rise & remain.
Lilith was the one to tell Levi about this. Levi was never good with her own feelings, after all. If she hadn’t indirectly told Leviathan that being like this was okay, that things could change for the better, that life doesn’t have to be a struggle, Levi might’ve never even known. And now, it’s time for her to tell you.
She wasn’t as brave as her little sister. She couldn’t possibly tell you this straight to your face. Praise to the devildom and its better developed technology. A voice message it’ll be. A regular text message did feel a little too impersonal for something like this.
“Hey. uhm. Right.” A clear fumble with paper can be heard. The clearing of a throat. With a robotic voice, certainly reading a script that’s been spent hours on, Leviathan started. “I don’t know how to properly tell you this. It’s hard. But very. very. important. To me. I. I am not. who you think I am. But I want to be. And I know you want me to be myself as well. You have told me that plenty of times. And I am grateful for that. It is because of your continued persistence in being comfortable with myself that I bring you this. That I trust you with this. Because I don’t think I can continue being a guy.”
It was a sudden and unprompted message to you, with an even more abrupt ending. Upon finishing her script, Levi pressed the send button immediately and directly shut off her phone. She couldn’t bear the thoughts about your response, but knew she’d have to.
It hadn’t even been a minute when you knocked on her door. Within that time, you had listened to the message, sent her a streak of five different messages in response, and raced through the entire HOL to her room. It only took two unanswered knocks for you to barge into her space, where you hurried to her bed to find her already sobbing.
Her emotional state, and her body finally being engulfed in your arms, made her spill everything. About Lilith, and how she was the one that planted this idea in her head in the first place. How hard it had been without her. How regretful she is for never having been able to tell her little sister.
She told you about how much you mean to her, and how she kept thinking, no, knowing, you only loved the wrong version of her. You loved the version of her that kept wishing he was different, that forced himself to be someone he only partly was. You loved someone that was not her. And she told you about how hurt that made her feel.
But she also talked about how loved she felt by you. How despite the rude comments Levi made, both towards Levi’s self as to others, it never made you love Levi any less. She talked about how lovingly and calmly you always handled her meltdowns, how you asked permission for every touch, how you didn’t grow annoyed anytime her energy was too low. She talked about all the things she would miss if she lost you. Things only you could give her. Things that made her feel like she was worthy of love, things that made her believe being herself might be worth it. You make her believe suffering doesn’t have to be.
It was an emotional and extremely draining rant. Many tears were shed, from both sides. At the end, you had simply kissed her head. It was enough for Leviathan to feel at peace. The mentally taxing questions could come later. For now the two of you would cuddle and rewatch TSL. No need to talk. Now was the time to simply lay embraced and at rest, as the both of you slowly drifted off thanks to the comfortable atmosphere. It somehow felt an impossible amount more loving than usual.
It was amazing to see her flourish. Huge bits of her anxieties were visibly taken away as soon as she grew comfortable in her new out and proud identity. She smiled and laughed more, talked more enthusiastically in her higher trained voice, and was more excited for the mundane joys. Life was easier. Life was better. Alongside you, thanks to you, she grew into herself. Nothing else changed much. She kept being her otaku self, she kept sneering comments anytime her envy flared up, and she kept the same bond with each of her brothers like she always had. Loving in their own special way.
Although, admittedly, one sibling-relationship did change. Anytime she found joy in her womanhood, there was a little part in her that felt more love, more similarity for her sister. A connection that was evergrowing. Despite never being able to tell Lilith, Levi knew she had known. Lilith had always had her way with people like that. Levi knew that somewhere, Lilith was smiling down to her. The exact same way she had once she started living her full life as herself.
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