I think it's possible to both acknowledge that fandom, as with so many spaces, is experiencing some of the creeping purity-culture stuff related to sex and non-Christian-traditional sexual content and also that fandom has a massive bigotry problem (most notably racism, but also misogyny, ableism, aro/ace-phobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc) and also a white nationalist/supremacist and pro-fascism problem (living largely though not exclusively in the HP and SW fandoms).

And part of this requires recognizing that a critique that a sexual thing is bad because it's "icky" or "problematic" or whatever is fundamentally different from a critique that something (even a sexual or shipping thing) is bigoted. And people have got to stop shutting down every critique of a ship as though they are the same purity culture nonsense.

The other part is recognizing that not all critiques of fandom have anything to do with shipping. Not everything is about sex. There are other things that people have been critiquing in fandom for a long time, and when people dismiss it all as just being part of a ship war, they are not only not bothering to try to understand what is being critiqued, they are doing a huge disservice to the fandom community at large by keeping it from being able to improve.

I absolutely want to live in a space where people are able to write and read slash fiction and kink and weird stuff and dark stuff. But I also want to live in a space that doesn't continue to drive away Fans of Color rather than listening to and respecting them, and that acknowledges the existence of bi people, and that treats women with respect, and that lives up to the progressive ideals that people keep saying fanfiction and fandom express.