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clxja16 · 8 months

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Charles Leclerc X Wolff!Reader

Genre: betrayal (?)

Warnings: I think there's some swearing, angst

Word Count: 5K+

Author's Note: Okay you guys voted for this one, and honestly I thought that the fake dating trope was going to win but I guess not. also I kind of need help with the genre, because its not really forbidden lovers. Like is there a genre of your parents betraying your trust in the name of protecting you??? but anyway lmk what you guys think. Actually please tell me what you think, because I'm scared I made this too dramatic. enjoy though <3

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You lingered in one of the back halls before the start of qualifying. It was the Austrian Grand Prix. You looked around making sure that no one was in sight. Charles started to giggle at your antics of keeping this under wraps. You pulled at him, trying to push him right out the door.

“Go back to your garage,” you say gently pushing Charles further out the back entry of the Mercedes garage.

“After I get a good luck kiss?” Charles asks, as he holds his hands up in surrender.

You shake your head at him, before saying, “quickly, before someone sees us,” pulling Charles into a kiss, by his race suit. Charles grabs your face with both hands, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss further. You pull away first, worried about who might catch you sneaking about the garage halls, “okay now go, I’ll see you tonight.”

Charles doesn’t let go of your face, pulling you back in for a quick peck on the lips, “okay I’m going.” Charles finally lets you go, and shoots you a quick wink before walking off.

You turn back around to take your place in the garage next to your father, when you hear him calling out for you. You look back to see Charles has walked just far enough away to be out of sight, as your father turns the corner to come face to face with you. You let out a breath of relief that they missed each other. “y/n,” your father calls to your attention, “let’s get settled, qualifying is about to start.”

“Yes, daddy,” you answer, following after your father, to watch qualifying.

You have just finished your degree, a Masters in Business Administration from HBS and a Masters of Science from Harvard John A. Paulson SEAS. It took you nearly 5 and a half years to complete, but you did it regardless. Now, you attend the races to better learn how to apply the knowledge learnt in school to running a formula one team. This is all so that one day you will take over the formula one team from your father.

As you watched George and Lewis set out to do their first few qualifying laps of the session, you longed for it to be you in those cars. You really didn't dream of being behind the scenes, you dream of being up front and center, in the limelight, in the car. You wanted to set the fastest lap, you wanted to be getting grand prix victories, you wanted to win championships. However, you didn’t get a seat in formula 2, so your parents did the ‘reasonable’ thing and sent you off to school, instead of waiting around for the chance of a seat opening up.

“Look here,” your father spoke to you, as he pointed at some data on one of the many monitors in front of him.

“George is a tenth too early,” you say, trying your best to understand the data in front of you.

“Yes, exactly, good,” your father praises, before speaking with a couple of the race engineers. “Now we don’t want George to overly focus on what is going wrong, so we praise, advice and praise again.” You listen to the radio as the engineer, compliments George on his turn 3 and 4, critiques his turn 7, and compliments his turn 10 and 11. “When you take over, you have to remember that you are going to have to manage the drivers' psyche as well as their driving.”

“Father, I won’t be taking over for a long time, you’re gonna need to find someone in between you and me, to manage the team.”

“No,” your father declares, like his decision is final, “I will retire late, and you will start early.”

“Yes Father,” you say, no reason to start an argument now.

“Congratulations on another podium,” you spoke sweetly to Charles at the end of the Austrian grand prix weekend. You and him were hiding out in his hotel room, trying your best to stay away from the cameras, from fans and most importantly from your father.

“It’s only the second podium of the season,” Charles said as he dried his hair with the towel while walking out of the bathroom. “We’re so far behind this season, it’s laughable.”

“You could always make the move to Mercedes, Daddy would love to have you racing for him,” you say, as you wrap your arms around Charles, after he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

You can hear Charles chuckle a little, before turning around to face you. “Never,” he says with a smile, pushing you back down on the bed, kissing you deeply. You can’t contain the laughter that spills from your lips.

“We would make sure you win championships,” you argue, teasing Charles once again.

“And who’s giving up a seat for me?” Charles asks, as he moves from your lips down your neck, spreading his kisses all around.

“Lewis isn’t going to stay much longer,” you reveal.

“What?” Charles asked, as he pulled away to look at you. The seriousness setting in.

“Don’t say anything to anyone,” you start off, as you sit up in the bed, looking at Charles deeply, “Daddy offered Lewis another four years, Lewis said he only wanted to sign on for two more right now.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” you say honestly, “believe it or not, Lewis does not reveal his intentions to me like you do.”

Charles cracks a smile hearing you tease, “well, maybe I could do Mercedes silver,” he says as he goes back to kissing you.

You and Charles spend the night together, as the two of you have done many times before. The next morning, you try to sneak out early enough where no one notices your empty hotel room. Charles makes your heart feel full, being around him makes you feel at peace, he wears your worries like his own. He’s everything you ever wanted and needed, and more. You know that there was no plausible way you could keep this a secret any longer. You love him too much to pretend nothing is going on. Although, you also know that your father would not be the happiest, he always said drivers weren’t the type of people you bring home. However Charles is different, you know he’s what you need, you know that you can bring him home.

When you did make it back to your own hotel room, you don’t think anyone checked in on the empty room. You made quick work of packing up your belongings, your father was flying out of Vienna this afternoon, to get a jumpstart on Silverstone. It being a home grand prix for both of your drivers, the entire week was packed with events. All events in which you had to attend.

After arriving in Silverstone, did you finally take a breather. George and Lewis both went to visit their families for the first day. This allowed you and your father to spend some time away from the race track. Father instead just went to the factory, and spent some time in the office. You on the other hand went out with Mamma, before she had to head down to Monza for the F1 Academy race.

“Mamma,” you called out to Susie, “do you think Daddy is serious about me taking over the team one day?”

Your question was enough to stop Susie in her tracks, “yes, I do think he’s serious about it.” She gave you a perplexed look. Your father has been talking about you taking over the team since you went off to college. He is determined that with his recommendation the board will approve for the team principal position.

“I don’t know if that’s what I want to do though,” you say truthfully. “I don’t know if I can handle being so close, but not being able to race.” As much as your mind was focused on being a team principal, your heart wanted to drive.

Susie came up to you, pushing your hair behind your ear, holding your face. She had a gentle smile on her face, but there was a sadness behind her eyes that you couldn’t place. “You are racing, if you take over the team, you are still a part of the race, but if you walk away, you will only be a spectator.”

You sigh, you know she’s right, “you’re right, like you always are.”

Susie laughs at your joke, “tell your Father because he never seems convinced that I’m always right.”

You laugh, as you and Susie enter the restaurant for lunch. “Mamma, can I ask you another question?”

“Of course sweetheart,” Susie answers worryingly, you are not normally this ominous.

“Would you be upset if I started seeing a driver?”

Susie doesn’t hide the shock on her face, after your question, “who is it?” She smirks at you, you weren’t the best at hiding your feelings from Susie. She was the first to know about your first boyfriend in High school. She was the first to know about the guy who cheated on you. She was the first to know about the college boy you wanted to bring home. And she was the first to know that none of them were enough to match you.

“It’s no one, it's just a hypothetical, Mamma.”

“Who, sweetheart?”

You debate for a second about how to answer, but you know you can’t lie. You gave away too much, and Susie knows you only use ‘hypothetical’ when it's real. “Charles.”

“Leclerc?” Susie doesn’t mask her shock for a single second.

“Mamma,” you whine at her reaction.

“Sweetheart, your father is gonna have an aneurysm when he hears this.”

“Mamma,” you whine again, this time more seriously, as you feel the water works coming on.

“Sweetheart?” Susie questions, her face going from shock to stone cold serious as she sees how upset you are. “This is serious.”

You sigh, “I really like him, Mamma. He makes me very happy.” You look at Susie, and you don’t like the look she has even more.

She looks very seriously at you, while also having the ‘its not good’ look. “Your father is not going to like this,” she says honestly, “but,” you watch Susie as she begins to smile, “if you’re happy, that is what's important.”

You begin to smile as well, “Daddy will get over it right?”

“I hope so,” Susie says truthfully. You were Toto’s oldest, nothing would ever be good enough for you. You were his pride and joy, you were the first, and as the first, you are everything to your father. Susie knows this, and she knows that no matter how much Charles tries, Toto still won’t think he’s good enough for you.

Susie reminds you that the best way to handle this, is to inform your father sooner rather than later. You agree, but you want to make sure that you and Charles are on the same page as well. Thursday night, once again you are hiding out in Charles' hotel room, instead of staying in your own room. The two of you cuddle together on the bed as a movie plays on the TV.

“Charles,” you start off softly, afraid to disturb the delicate peace that’s settled across the room, “where do you see this going?”

“What do you mean by that?” Charles asked, as he glanced at you.

“Us, our relationship, where do you see it going?” You stared at Charles, while listening to his steady heartbeat.

“I don’t know,” Charles answers, his answer holds a brutal truth that you don’t like, you sit up to look at Charles, “but, I hope it goes far and long.” Charles continues to lay in bed while you stare at him, “ I hope that it gets out of hotel rooms, and garage halls, and private phone calls. I hope it gets you into some red Ferrari gear,” you smile at Charles’ preposterous hope, “I hope that it gets further than this. I love you y/n.”

“I love you too,” you reassure.

“Why do you ask me that ma chère?”

“I’m going to tell my father about us,” you say, “and your plans to move to Mercedes.” You just have to tease him a little bit.

Charles laughs at you, “you mean your plans to be a Ferrari fan from now on.” And he always knew how to handle your teasing.

You laugh going to kiss Charles, “that’s so much work,” you say with another kiss, “you should just switch teams.”

Charles laughs sarcastically, he loves the banter. “y/n,” he calls. It stops you, he never uses your name, “I really do love you.” He’s probably told you this same sentiment over a thousand times, but each time, it still feels like the first time.

Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling, “I love you too.” Somehow these ‘I love you's' are different, they’re more significant, more meaningful, more genuine, more heartfelt, more profound. They’re more serious, because they’re not just ‘I love you,’ they’re a promise, a commitment, a lifetime, together.

“Daddy, please can you be rational about this?” You ask as you follow your father about the Monaco home. Trying to get him to stop complaining about your choices in men.

“Why couldn’t you date George, at least you would still be supporting Mercedes,” your Father says as the two of you make your way into the kitchen to see Mamma and Jack.

“Mamma do you hear him?” You ask, indicating your father as ‘him.’ “George is very much in a relationship, Father”

“And what’s wrong with Lewis?” Your father clearly is not thinking about the age difference between you and Lewis.

You looked to Mamma to see if your father was serious, and even she was shocked with the suggestion, “you would be okay with me dating someone that is 14 years my senior?” you ask with a brow raised to your father, “you’ve convinced me Daddy, I will stop seeing Charles and start seeing Lewis.”

Your father sighs, “that is not what I…”

“Daddy, I invited Charles over for dinner, tomorrow night, that way you can properly meet him as my partner, instead of as a driver.” You tell your father, hoping that you're just imagining the steaming coming out of his ears, “one dinner, Daddy, that’s all. He makes me really happy.”

“Okay,” your Father says. You don’t miss the slight eye roll he gives though.

“Thank you Daddy,” you say, giving him a hug, before running off to your room like a teenage girl to call Charles and let him know about dinner tomorrow night.

After your father hears your bedroom door shut, does he turn to his wife. “Susie,” he calls out, still listening for you, to see if you were coming back out. “A word, privately.”

“Okay,” Susie answers a bit confused about the request, she turns to Jack, “why don’t you go play for right now.” Jack nods along excitedly, before running out the room. “Toto, what is it?”

“She can’t date Charles.” Toto says, turning his full attention to his wife.

“What?”

“Susie, I have seen the drivers in relationships. They have their girlfriend one weekend, then they have a club girl the next weekend, and then some lucky fan the following weekend. Charles is no different.” Toto doesn’t hold back in his recounting of the drivers stepping out on their partners, “y/n is gonna get hurt, and her entire image will be tainted by being cheated on by Charles.”

“Toto don’t you think you’re being a little unfair.” Susie tries her best to defend Charles, but she knows Toto is telling the truth. She’s seen it too, from a number of drivers amongst the ranks throughout the years.

“Charles is a hell of a driver, but I'm not gonna allow him to ruin my daughter.” Toto declares as final, “we need to find a way to stop them from seeing each other before the public catches wind of their relationship.”

“Toto,” Susie takes a breath, if they do this, they would have to tread very carefully, or they could end more than just your relationship with Charles. “If she ever finds out that we are interfering in her life like this, she won’t forgive us, she's not a kid anymore.”

“She wasn’t a kid when we pulled her from racing,” Toto drags up a long forgotten and regretted moment, “we do what we have to, to protect our children, regardless of how it may look.”

“We’ll need to play this close to the vest.”

To say the evening was filled with tension and awkwardness would be an understatement. Your father continuously gave Charles dirty looks throughout the night, and you wanted to slap him for being so childish. Susie was pleasant throughout the evening. Jack was just being Jack. He probably talked the most, asking Charles about what it was like to be a real race car driver.

“This is a very lovely meal,” Charles says to Susie. You appreciate him trying his best to not ruffle your father’s feathers.

“Thank you Charles,” Susie appreciates the compliments. She doesn’t know what is best, because Toto is determined to stop you and Charles from seeing each other.

“Charles, did you ever pee in the car?” Jack asks, as he shovels another pile of food in his mother.

“Jack,” you say in a scolding manner, while Charles just laughs at the question.

Charles has to take a sip of water before answering, “I try my best to make sure I use the bathroom before I get into the car.”

“Enough questions Jack,” you say to your little brother, getting irritated with how much he was talking.

“I just wanted to ask the racecar driver,” Jack pouts. He makes that face with an exaggerated frown, that almost makes you feel guilty.

“Jack, we’re all race car drivers. Me, Mamma and Daddy have all raced cars before and you never ask us.” you argue back, you almost feel stupid that you have to argue with a five year old.

“But you didn’t make it to formula 1,” Jack points out, and now you don’t feel guilty, you just feel sad that Jack had to point out one of your biggest regrets in life.

“Jack,” Susie says, scolding your brother.

“I didn’t know you raced,” Charles says, turning to look at you.

You smile, thinking back to the time, “Yeah, I did karting for years, then I did formula renault, F4 and F3.”

“Why did you stop?” Charles asks, wondering how you could give it up.

“I didn’t get a seat in Formula two, and the agreement was if I could get a seat I could race, but I wouldn’t pass up opportunities to race. I got into college, so I gave up racing and went back to school.” You reveal to Charles, he can hear the regret in your voice, but he chooses not to point it out. You don’t see that look Susie and Toto exchange when they hear your retelling of events.

“I see,” Charles says, “It’s a shame, I think you would’ve been a hell of a driver.”

You chuckle at Charles, “I would definitely have more wins than you by now,” you tease.

“Oh?” Charles smirks at you, “you would?”

“Of course I would, because I would be driving for Mercedes, for sure.” You chuckle at your own joke.

Charles shakes his head at you, his smile spreading far and wide. Susie watches you and Charles, she's been watching you throughout the night and she knows Charles is enough for you. She knows that this is your person, that they will never be another that will be able to compete with Charles. It's him or nothing.

You skip the Hungarian grand prix, especially as the media releases pictures of you and Charles, going back to the Monaco Grand Prix. Your father thought it best that you stay home, he wasn’t sure how people would react to the relationship news. You spent a few days before your father left for Hungary, arguing with him that it was unfair to bench you, because of the possibility that fans won’t like the news.

Clearly, your father won that argument as you sat at home in Monaco, watching the sessions through the TV, instead of being there in person. What Toto doesn’t tell you, is that he wants you home, so that he can meet with Fred without you getting suspicious.

After the qualifying session, Toto asked Fred, the team principal of Ferrari, to join him for dinner. As the two men met away from the paddock, away from the cameras, from the drivers, from the team. They sat in a private dining room, in an elite restaurant. Only here did Toto feel comfortable asking what he was about to ask.

“What are we doing here Toto?” Fred asks, as he sips the beer he ordered. Fred wouldn’t say it, betraying his French roots, but he always preferred a bottle of beer over a glass of wine.

“Fred, I have a favor to ask,” Toto requests, he ignores his gut feeling telling him that this is wrong, and continues on, “I want you to delay Charles' contract signing.”

“Why would I do that?” Fred asks, delaying a contract signing seems like it’s not a big deal, but there's many implications to what that could mean.

“You would do it, because then I will be in debt to you,” Toto says, he's thought about this, he knows his way through a negotiation.

“Okay,” Fred says, he has a reason to do so, but what is Toto’s reason for asking? “Now why do you need me to do this?”

Toto sighs, “y/n.”

“Your daughter, I saw the news about her Charles,” Fred pauses, taking another sip of the beer, “well actually Charles told me about the relationship back in Miami.”

“Miami?” Toto questions, “she didn’t tell me until after silverstone.”

“Charles said he wanted me to know before the public knew, would like to know what else he said?”

“What?” Toto sighs, once more.

“Charles said he wants to do this right, that he is serious about her,” Fred offers.

“We’ve both heard drivers say one thing and do another,” Toto fixes his posture, sitting up in the chair, “I won’t allow my daughter’s image to be run through by Charles.”

“So you want me to delay a contract signing, to do what? So you can scare Charles into picking a seat over your daughter? And what happens when he picks your daughter over his seat?” Fred sits up in his chair as well, looking Toto square in the eyes.

“If he picks my daughter over his seat, then I know he’s serious about her,” Toto stands upm buttoning his jacket, “but we both know he won’t do that.” Toto sticks out his hand for Fred to shake.

Fred stands to shake Toto’s hand, “this doesn’t mean I agreed to anything.”

“You will agree,” Toto smiles, a little amused at the situation, “we both know me in debt to you is too valuable to pass up.”

Since the news of your relationship has been made public, you and Charles are seen together around the paddock during the Belgian Grand Prix a lot more. Although you guys did try to keep it as professional as possible, there weren't any public displays of affection between the two of you. However, that went straight out the window after the race podium celebration.

Instead of watching the podium you stayed in the garage with your father, since there wasn’t a Mercedes on the podium. As soon as Charles was done with the podium celebration, he ran straight into the Mercedes garage to collect a celebratory kiss from you. His, sweaty, champagne-covered, sticky self, pulling you into a tight hug with a deep kiss. He had one arm wrapped around your waist, while his other hand held onto his trophy. You were taken aback by the initial kiss, but soon you cupped his cheek and held him close.

Charles would’ve kissed you longer, but he could feel the cameras on the two of you. When he finally did pull away, you were a giggling mess that you didn’t even notice the cameras at first. “Let’s go,” Charles whispers to you, “let’s get out of here.”

You wanted desperately to leave right then and there with Charles, “I can’t,” you say. You watch his smile drop just a little, “I have work to finish,” you say while giving the side eye to where your father sat in the Mercedes garage, watching you and Charles. “And you have a press conference.”

“Okay, after that then.” Charles says, kissing you on the cheek this time.

“After that.”

That night, while you and Charles celebrated his podium finish, the picture of you and him making out in the Mercedes garage after his podium celebrations, hit social media. That photo is more talked about than Max’s 8th grand prix win in a row. That photo is in all the group chats around the paddock. That photo makes it to the official formula 1 social media pages. And the biggest take away is your father’s face in the background of the photo. Everytime you look at it, you laugh knowing that your father most likely made that face subconsciously.

Since summer break has begun, you spend more time with Charles than at home with your family. Today, you just so happen to need a few things from your closet, that you stopped in the Monaco home. That is when you could overhear your parents talking in your father’s office.

“We need to be more discreet about this now,” your father says to Mamma.

“Toto, I don’t think this is right. It’s not fair to y/n or Charles,” Susie says. Normally you wouldn’t eavesdrop on your parents, but the mention of you and Charles caught your attention.

“I am trying to protect our daughter,” Toto says, and you can’t help but think. What is your father trying to protect you from?

“This isn’t protecting her, this is your fear about what could happen,” Susie says. You can hear in your mamma voice, she’s getting defensive.

“Like how your fear pulled her from racing,” Toto says in a raised voice. You’re completely confused as to what your father could mean with that statement.

There’s a pause. It goes silent for a second, and you listen closer. “I was saving her life, we weren’t sure what the FIA would do after Jules.” There’s a pain in Susie’s voice.

“Safety measures were put in place,” Toto argues.

“After you pushed back on them.”

“I have changed my position on the halo, you know that,” Toto says. Even though the wood doors separate you from seeing your parents, you can clearly imagine what this fight is looking like.

“After Lewis almost dies!” Mamma never shouts, is your singular thought after hearing that statement. “What if you had gotten your way and the halo was never placed? What if it was our daughter in that car? I pulled her from racing to save her life, because you sure as hell wasn’t going to do it.” Susie pulls open the office door to see you standing on the other side. You watch her face drop from anger to sadness quickly. “Sweetheart…”

“Mamma… you pulled me from racing?” You question as the tears begin to well in your eyes.

“Sweetheart…” Susie repeats, shes at a complete loss for words.

“You told me that I wasn’t picked up for a seat.” you take a breath before you start crying, “was that the truth?”

“Darling,” Toto calls out to you.

“Was it the truth?” You ask again, this time you make the hurt evident in your voice, “you told me a team didn’t want to pick me for F2, was that the truth?”

“You weren’t anybody’s first choice,” Susie pauses, “but you were on the list.” You feel your break, as you start to cry. “We worked a few negotiations to ensure that you didn’t get picked. We worked to pull you from racing.”

You were a hyperventilating mess, you couldn’t stop the tears, the sobs, the heartbreak from happening. “You told me…You told me, if I earned my seat without you or daddy interfering I could keep racing. You promised that you would let me race.”

“We wanted to protect you, we didn’t want what happened to Jules.”

“Don’t you dare,” you snap at Susie, “don’t use what happened to Jules as an excuse.” You walked away, racing up the stairs. Towards your bedroom, you could hear your parents rushed footsteps as they followed after you. You began to shove clothes into a bag, as you tried to violently wipe away the tears.

“Where are you going?” Your father asks in a calm voice.

“I’m gonna stay with Charles for a while.” When you mention Charles, you remembered the beginning of the conversation. You stopped packing your clothes. Slowly you turned to face your parents. “What did you do?”

“Excuse me?” your father questions.

“What did you do to Charles? Mamma said it wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, whatever you were doing. What did you do to Charles daddy?” You’re out of breath, you fear whatever your father has to say.

You watch as your father sighs, he hangs his head. “I asked Fred to delay his contract signing. Ferrari wants to keep Charles, they’re going to give him whatever he wants. I asked for Fred to just hold off on signing the contract.”

You scoff at the revelation. “Just long enough to scare Charles into picking a seat over me. This is rich from the both of you.”

“Sweetheart…” Susie calls out to you as she reaches to hold you.

“Don’t touch me,” you snap once again. You couldn’t tell if you were really angry or sad or shocked, but you did know you were just hurt. Your parents had taken away your dreams, and they were trying to take away your love. “You took away racing,” you take a breath, you strip away all the excess, you let them hear the hurt in your voice, “I won’t let you take Charles away too.”

When you do make it Charles’ place. When he opens the door for you, he sees you silently crying and shaking. Your voice is hoarse already, that it’s only a whisper when you ask, “can I stay with you for a few days?”

“Of course,” Charles says as he welcomes you inside. When he finally closes the door, you drop your bag to the floor, and just hold onto Charles tightly. He wraps his arms around you, providing you with the comfort you longed for.

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Part II

#formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #charles leclerc #formula 1 au #formula 1 angst #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc imagine #scuderia ferrari #f1 ferrari #f1 charles leclerc #charles leclerc au #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc angst #toto wolff #toto wolff daughter #toto wolff au

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hellobabydoll333 · 1 month

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How I manifest

Okay so I’ve consciously manifested a lot of things. Most of them I can’t even remember because I’ve known about the law for a long time, but I’ve only recently started to properly apply what I’ve learnt, so my past successes-before recently were scattered and I still didn’t realize what I was doing to achieve these successes but now I do.

I used to think people/blogs were always so vague and now I understand that it was the complete opposite. It was just THAT simple. Whatever resonates with you, there’s no need to over-analyze it over-consume. You know what to do. But Here’s what I did:

So I wanted a couple things. I made a whole note in my notes app… I made it a one week challenge.

I wrote ‘Stay loyal to the desired state until ___ (date). Come back and note progress.’

Desires:

Money

Beauty

Results:

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, I notice I’m getting prettier & prettier.

Had a conversation over text with this guy who is absolutely horrible at replying to texts. And we called a couple times as well. When I saw the first text (diff occasion than the conversation) I screamed literally and that’s honestly what started these successes and made me realize what I was doing.

My bank account definitely looks better at the end of the week than the start.

Trusting my imagination & loving in it has become so much easier

What I reminded myself of:

If I had ___ would I be worrying?

I love living in my imagination. It’s so fun up here.

I am my own guarantee.

The main things is that you need to take your focus off of the 3D & take back your power completely. I took control and I told myself I will persist no matter what. Of course, I slipped up sometimes but I returned to the state of ‘idc I’m the creator, whatever I say goes’. I wanted to call it the Barbie state because you know our girl Barbie is all about belief in herself but you know, it has a lot of names, wtv.

The point is that all you have to do is believe in yourself, you don’t even have to do that, just decide you have what you want/you’re getting what you want- whatever, decide something and stick with it. Stick with it. Stick with it. Discipline is so important. Think about how good things will be once you do. Think about how good things are because you are sticking with it. Be more present in having. Enjoy experiencing it. Whatever method/non method makes you feel fulfilled & like you have what you want (because you do) & you don’t even need to feel like you have it to have it so don’t even stress about that part, hunnies. But It’s so much fun, I promise.

Links to some posts that I honestly believe will help you with discipline & not motivation bc fuck motivation. It’s discipline you need:

Why you keep on failing by @heavenangelly

“Ignore the 3D” by @nondualiber

HOW TO ACTUALLY FEEL FULFILLED to by @luckykiwiii101

Motivation Is Not The Key 🔑 by @luckykiwiii101

And that’s it. This is so detailed. Hope this helped you!

Mwuah

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project-sekai-facts · 8 months

Note

project sekai twitter once again fighting over tsukasa having nuance. this week's episode: the bedroom vs the sekai

lmao i actually wrote an analysis of this on my personal blog a couple days ago but i'll do a quick one for here too because I don't wanna link it.

So something I learnt in college last year is that when writing a character, designing their room can really help to give them personality. Like it can tell you about who they are as a person, what their hobbies are, what they like, the situation they live in (<- that one doesn't really apply here all we can learn w Tsukasa is that his family is rich).

The thing is, his room doesn't really tell us a whole lot about him. Compared to every other character, there's way less to learn about him from his room. Imagine looking at this from the perspective of someone who knows absolutely nothing about the game. His room is mostly tidy which suggests he likes to keep things clean, maybe he's a bit of a perfectionist. There's a desk so he's probably a student. There's some books on the floor so maybe he likes to read. He's got that big mirror and he puts his lamp above it like a spotlight, so maybe he's a bit vain and showy. His display cabinet is filled with trophies (only at night but that's probably an art error), so there must be something he's really good at. But there's nothing that tells us what that is.

That's the thing. There’s a limit on how much we can learn from what we’re given. He’s a student, he’s a perfectionist, there’s something he’s really good at and won awards for, and he’s got a bit of an ego on him. But look at this from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about the character again. Would you be surprised to learn that his main interest is theatre? Because aside from the desk lamp spotlight there’s no way to tell (the desk lamp spotlight doesn’t really tell you either). You have to read Dazzling Light to learn that those trophies are for piano, because there’s no way to tell by just looking that he plays piano or has any interest in music.

There’s a lack of anything that interests him. That’s the thing. Even with Mafuyu and Toya, who also have pretty plain rooms, you can learn more about their interests than you can with Tsukasa. Mafuyu has a fish tank and there’s a synth on her bottom shelf. The synth being tucked away might mean she's trying to hide it. Toya has a collection of plushies and a sound system, as well as a piano covered with a sheet. We can infer that he likes to collect stuffed toys and he likes music, although he doesn't want to play piano. But with Tsukasa there's nothing. Well, there's some books, but reading isn't really a huge interest of his. It's the fact that the biggest part of his character is missing from his room that gets people.

However as soon as you go into the SEKAI there's a fucking theatre. The SEKAI mainly reflects his childhood interests but it still does more than his present-day bedroom.

So while yes, his room tells us about who Tsukasa is as a person, it doesn't tell us about anything he likes or is interested in. It's... boring.

The thing is since the game doesn't address it, there's multiple different ways to interpret why his room is like that, and neither of them are wrong or right until it actually is brought up in the game or confirmed by devs. On the one hand, maybe he just likes to keep his room as neat and tidy as possible. Maybe he doesn't want to put any playbooks or costumes or posters or anything because it would create clutter. But on the other hand, we already know that when he was younger he put on an act to be more brave and mature because of the situation with Saki, so maybe that carried over into his room. Neither of these are wrong until proven otherwise.

i lied this wasn't quick it's just a complete longer rewrite of what's on my personal blog

#asks #mod talks #tsukasa tenma

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prof-peach · 1 year

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What's the canonicity of Pokemon learning to speak human, like Meowth in the anime? It's implied he learnt to speak but sacrificed his ability to learn Payday and other moves, so is this possible?

I kind of dismiss the anime to a certain degree, so here its not really a thing. Some species are smart enough to learn ASL easily, some communicate in human language telepathitcally (Val is a good example of that), but actual speach I dont acknowledge much outside of say, Mewtwo, and he doesnt talk verbally, seems like a psychic projection, which is fine for some species.

It feels very gimmicky, not really the whole purpose here I guess, always found meowth quite jarring even as a kid so, just kind of dont look too hard in his direction when worldbuilding lol.

Its not to say people shoudln't, of course, go forth and do whatever you like I do not care, but I just dont apply it here.

#idk not my thing #but do whatever makes you happy my dudes #dont much matter what others think if you enjoy something #prof.peach #ooc

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lucy-and-rebecca · 10 months

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Let's talk about Fairy Tail women.

A while ago I came across an ... interesting post that can be summarised as 'fanservice is bad and hence all the female characters are written badly'. I've seen a lot of takes alonge these lines.

I've said it a million times, I don't like the fanservice in fairy tail but claiming that the fanservice automatically makes the writing of the female characters bad is a very shallow way of looking at the story. The over sexualization of the female characters is only one criteria we should consider while discussing how female characters are handled in the story. Unfortunately most of the time that ends up being the only criteria. I also think a lot of the times this is used as an excuse to hate on the female characters in fairy tail.

So here are some of my reasons as to why I absolutely love the way fairy tail women are written.

Flipping the damsel in distress trope.

During the phantom lord arc Lucy is kidnapped and Natsu went out to save her. A very classic setting for the damsel in distress trope. What makes this moment different is Lucy, the princess stuck in a tower, decided to jump. That moment is so important for her character. Lucy chose to jump because the alternative was having to return home to her abusive father and she jumped because she knew Natsu would catch her. That scene both simultaneously showed the audiance how much Lucy dreaded going back to her father's house and how much faith she had in her guildmate. That scene wasn't there to show Natsu saving her, that moment was there to flesh out Lucy's character.

They Unfridged Lisanna.

Fridged girlfriend/wife is a trope where the female lover of the male protagonist is killed, sometimes even before the story begins and the sole purpose that female character serves is to be a source of angst for the male protagonist. Lisanna was almost that. But she was brought back. Even before that she wasn't just limited to being Natsu's source of angst. She was Mira and Elfman's sister. I don't particularly like Lisanna but she's alive and she's living her life with the people she loves. That will always be a positive thing.

Self sacrifice is bad actually.

A lot of times, especially for female characters self sacrifice is presented as a virtue. It's presented as a selfless noble thing. During tower of heaven arc, Erza learnt that that's wrong. she realised she's loved and wanted. She learnt that her life matters and the people who love her would be miserable without her and nothing good will come from her death. She learnt that self sacrifice will only lead to pain for everyone she loves.

Passing bechdel test in the most unexpected situations.

In case you don't know the criteria for passing the bechdel test are, two named female characters talking to each other about someone other than a man. This test is mainly for movies but we can apply it to tv shows, anime and manga by seeing how often it passes the bachdel test rather than if it passes it. Like how someone did for Doctor Who. (I am genuinely tempted to do this for fairy tail anime.)

Anyway getting to the point, you would think that's very easy to achieve and yet so many stories fail at it so very often. While this test is by no means a sure shot way of measuring how feminist something is, I do think a show with a lot of important female characters who have good relationship with one another will pass the bechdel test a lot more frequently compared to a show that doesn't.

Fairy tail passes the backdel test somewhat frequently, sometimes in unexpected ways.

At first we are lead to believe that Erza and Kagura are connected because of Jellal and Simon. So it's only natural that they will talk about those two men during their fight. And yet their fight during grand magic games passes the bechdel test. Because their relationship goes beyond those two men. Erza knew Kagura from their childhood and she wanted their relationship to be defined by that rather than anything else. Erza didn't tell Kagura how she should feel. She understood and respected Kagura's feeling. All she wanted was for Kagura see her as her own person. The reason why this scene managed to pass the bechdel test was because despite everything Erza and Kagura's relationship is not defined by the men in their lives.

Women with power

Time and time again fairy tail has portrayed women wielding immense power. Fairy tail has also portrayed women in position of power. Hisui didn't just remain a princess, she became a queen. Fairy tail was founded by a woman. Dragon Slayer magic was invented by a woman. Characters like Urtear and Brandish are unmatched in power. Powerful women in fairy tail feel powerful, they don't feel power for a woman or power despite being a woman, they feel powerful.

Future Lucy died in her own arms.

Future Lucy is a characters who went through unimaginable pain and suffering and ended up dying. But she died to protect her past self. She died in her own arms and made the past version of herself promise her that she will fight for their future. Even though we know that our Lucy is perfectly fine that scene hits like a truck. Natsu in that moment remembers how happy Lucy was when she got her guild mark. That's a painful memory in that moment because future Lucy has lost everything. She has lost her guild along with her guild mark. Natsu and everyone else there is sad and angry because future Lucy deserved to happy and that happiness was stolen from her. Even when it comes to showing Natsu's pain it's entirely selfless. Even after all the pain she went through in the end she was at peace and the story made sure we knew that. Future Lucy is one of the few characters who dies in fairy tail and like all the other deaths in fairy tail this too is meaningful. Fairy tail would never kill of a character, let alone a female character for shock value.

Power of friendship but like siriously.

From Erza and Mira's childhood rivery to Lucy and Brandish's current rivery, to Wendy and Chelia's relationship that's two steps away from blossoming into romance fairy tail has so many complex relationships between it's female characters. It is so hard to put into words. I absolutely adore the relationships fairy tail women have with each other. They are sweet, bitter, silly, loving and everything else that you could possibly imagine. While not all, most of their relationship are also build on their own without a male character being involved. What I mean by that very often we will see two female characters being friends because their boyfriends are friends or because they had a crush on the same guy but they put aside their differences or the girlfriend and sister of a male character becoming friends. Those examples exists in fairy tail too but they are just so rare. And because we have so many dynamics between the female characters those type of relationship don't stand out.

#fairy tail #fairy tail 100 yq #fairy tail 100 year quest #lucy heartfilia #erza scarlet #wendy marvell #women of fairy tail

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feelingpoorly · 3 months

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Life lesson: avoid expired egg noodles

So I usually post whiny attention seeking shit like this on my insta bc even tho my kink does not apply to me at all, in some weird way complaining about how ill and knowing people would see it still kinda turns me on a little

But I figured what better place to whine about it here instead since, idk this is kinda what this blog is for

So we went to the shop last night and got a bunch of food from the reduced section. We do this fairly regularly cuz the expired food is so cheap and it’s usually fine if you eat it same day

Well I learnt my lesson lol. Amongst one of the things we got a couple packs of fresh egg noodles in some sauce. I didn’t really like them, but store bought is never gonna be as good as the real thing anyway right?

I was snacking on some cereal at like midnight, having eaten these noodles at like 7. I noticed that I was getting pretty severe stomach pain in the top of my stomach. It was weird and I didn’t really understand why. However I had taken some prescription painkillers earlier that day and although I take a different medication with them to try and stop this happening, they can have a habit of wrecking my stomach and giving me a tummy ache. I thought it was weird, since I definitely HAD remembered to take them with the other med this time, but whatever

Anyway I woke up this morning, we were going out to meet up with some of my partners friends for coffee. I immediately realised I felt bloated as hell, like painfully so. I figured it would pass once I was up and moving around.

It did not.

It pretty quickly progressed into pretty severe stomach cramps, to the point where every time I stood up, it would cramp so hard I couldn’t stop myself from kinda curling over and wincing. At that point I was starting to worry something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just a bit bloated.

I quite quickly started feeling pretty sick, and that’s panic territory for me, being emetophobic. I took a dissolvable anti sickness tablet, but the nausea combined with the horrible cramping made me feel very unwell. I really felt awful and sick and at that point I had to say to my partner, if I say I don’t feel well please can you just take me home. I didn’t know how I was gonna cope sitting in a coffee shop feeling like this. When the cramps hit I was in a lot of pain. Bearing in mind I live with chronic pain, I’m not a baby about pain, but this was the kind of pain that you just wince voluntarily and I couldn’t hide it.

Thankfully the anti sickness meds kicked in, and after sitting down for a while the nausea and the cramps settled down a bit to the point where I was no longer freaking out about being ill in public. I should probably add here that on the way there in the car, my stomach was making some really upset sounding deep rumbling gurgles. Like it didn’t sound good. The kinda gurgles that only come with being sick. I didn’t feel well enough to have a drink or anything to eat which probably looked a little suss. Later on a got just a bottle of lemonade hoping it would settle my stomach but when I sipped it, it just make it worse and my stomach started cramping again.

Skip to being home this evening, I’d thought the worse was over and I’d been feeling kinda ok. I had some light dinner, and what a fucking bad idea that was lol.

Im not having the intermittent intense cramps anymore but like, now my whole stomach feels bloated af again and I have like this sharp cramping pain kinda all over, both upper and lower stomach with just no relief. I’m so bloated my stomach is sticking out but there’s no relief from it at all. Holding my stomach helps but I feel so embarrassed so I’ve tried to hide it and only rub my tummy when my partner went to sleep.

What makes it worse, is that up until this point I had no idea what caused any of this. But when we got home, there was an absolutely rancid smell in the kitchen that smelt like off, rotting food. It was absolutely foul. It almost even smelt like vomit, and just smelling it made my nausea kick off all over again.

It was the leftover noodles. And let me tell you, they smelt pungent as FUCK. I literally ate those last night, and they smell that bad today? No wonder I’ve felt ill. I have that shit in my stomach. Even after my partner bagged up the leftovers, sealed it and put it in the bin, just the PLATE they were on is still emitting this foul smell, it’s just awful

Eating dinner was a bad choice, because now I just feel worse again. I don’t feel that sick anymore, probably because of the meds, but my stomach feels horrible again. I’m in so much pain, I can’t suck my tummy in at all with how sore and bloated and painful it is. I feel like an absolutely pathetic self indulgent lil bitch but I literally just went to make myself a hot water bottle to hold to my tummy as I try and sleep, because it hurts and this is not fun. I just want some relief, and currently nothing else is helping. As I’m lying here holding my tummy with one hand and holding the hot water bottle on it with the other, it’s gurgling and glugging really loudly sickly again and it just feels awful. I can literally feel it in my insides, and with the way it feels I just really hope it doesn’t all come back up again, probably still along with the undigested noodles from last night if the way I’m feeling is anything to go by 🥺

Anyway, I just came here to complain about it in way too much detail lmao. Hopefully someone enjoys my misery. As I said, although it’s embarrassing as hell, somehow the thought of other people knowing or being sympathetic etc is also kinda hot

If anyone wants to use my sorry ass as fic inspo then ofc you have my blessing lmao. In fact, if you do, PLEASE let me know as I’d love to read it haha

Anyway, off to moan quietly to myself and hold the hot water bottle on my aching tummy now x

#sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #emeto kink #sickfic ideas #sickfic prompt #emeto blog #sick #irl sickfic #food poisoning #irl tummy ache #tummy ache #irl emeto #emeto storytime

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borderlinebox · 1 year

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Sup! hope you’re having a great day 😮💗 having childhood best friend brainrot- “you have my back right?” x “lmao probably” cheesy but I eat that shit up every time

could you write a oneshot or headcannon

for chishiya? He’s gotten/done something that’s worth celebrating (maybe it’s his birthday, got first place or a hundred on his test, got into the college that he applied to) he’s never been told by someone that they’re proud of him not even from his old man so he went on with his day expecting nothing special

But but BUT chishiya hears the familiar patterned knocks on his window, how they managed to get up there without his father knowing is beyond him but he’s relieved considering his old man isn’t all that fond with them (In this scenario id imagine that chishiya’s father wouldn’t really like us bc of our shortcomings? something like that...and if he isn’t friends with our parents)

they sneak (more like drag) him out with a lot of convincing and celebrate by going into places he would tolerate or enjoy,,rip his friend’s allowance 💸 At the end of the night they both end up on a park bench with store bought cake with messy written icing “I’m so pr he I did it bitch!!” done by yours truly. they do say it to him and give him a short side hug before he gets back home tho

Feel free to decline this! take care ⭐️

Celebrate With Me!

Summary: Reader acknowledges Chishiya's accomplishments.

Pairing: Chishiya x Reader

Warning: That good cliche shit, FLUFF, cuteness overload, not proofread!!!, changed a few things up!

A/N: ISTG I'm boutta make a Chishiya X Bestfriend! Reader bundle because these requests are too cute!! Hope you have a great day as well and take care too ^^ <3 I am incredibly happy and proud on how this turned out!!! Spent a literal 2 hours straight on it because I lost some progress and I'm gonna have my ass whooped later but this should cover the blow LOVE YALL AND THIS REQQQ ♥

Feedback is highly appreciated!!!

Chishiya sat upon his desk chair, currently finishing up some notes. Just things he's learnt or felt like he found interesting. He could use it in the future. Distant music playing from his favorite band echoed softly in his room.

There wasn't much to do. He'd recently gotten a letter from a university he had applied to - which he was successfully accepted in. He could say he was happy for himself but it just wasn't that exciting or celebration-worthy to him.

He continuously tapped the tip of the pen against the table in a rhythm, re-reading the paragraphs of various words.

SMACK

The sudden noise caught Chishiya's attention as he quickly twisted his head towards the loud noise. There, on his window, a handprint was seen as it was slowly sliding down the window, failing to stick.

Its fingers soon danced on the window, creating multiple and small taps across the glass pane without a proper flow of beat.

Chishiya sighed and stood up and opened the window to reveal his friend struggling to hold onto his window's support,

"Y/N, What are you doing here?" He wasn't at all surprised. He was just more so concerned why you were currently hanging by a thread on his window.

"I'll tell you when I get inside. Right now let's focus on the part where you shoULD BRING ME INSIDE." You flailed your legs around as you struggled to even breathe properly.

He hissed at you to stay quiet and helped you up to sneak inside.

There was a voice, somewhere in his mind where he actually wanted to leave you hanging for a while to amuse himself but that would have been a bad idea.

Once you had both your feet on the floor of his bedroom, you dusted yourself off and took a much needed breather. You had been running to his house since 45 minutes ago. It was hard with the troublesome traffic and people yelling at you as you swerved your way through them, you're just glad you've finally reached his humble abode.

"Right, Explain." He said bluntly, doing his signature move; placing his hands into his pockets. "How did you even get up here?"

You shaked your hand profusely, deflecting the topic. "Never mind that-, guess who found out when your birthday iiiisss?" You looked up at him with a tired yet mischievous grin.

"I'm guessing you."

"Me," You announced proudly while facing your thumb towards yourself, chest up in victory. "And you wanna know what I'm gonna do about it?"

"Please don't." Chishiya sighed, point-blankly. Unfortunately, there was no hope of changing the situation's circumstances because he knew when you were hooked on something, it's sure that you'll be hell-bent on getting it, no matter how stupidly dangerous or ridiculous it may seem.

You laughed before dropping down to the carpeted floor of his room and picking up your sling bag. "Now, as I was saying," Your finger dramatically pointed towards the bag. "We gotta celebrate! So we're going out and hang!"

"I really rather not." He stood his ground, stubbornly declining your offer.

"Come on, you're gonna celebrate your birthday with me!" You teased with the same playful grin you gave him. He was always so stubborn when it came to things he accomplished or failed - whether you wanna celebrate it or cheer him up. Either way, you were going to be even more stubborn than him this time.

"No." He muttered out sternly.

"Yes," You pushed with determination. "We are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No"

"Yes"

"No-"

"Why not??" You broke the repetitive, single-worded debate and gave him a sad look. "You never celebrate anything. Don't you want me to show you how happy and proud I am for you, Chishiya?"

Chishiya seemed to be broken from his train of thought at his words. He was silent, but you could tell that he was processing your words and calculating a response as if he was some kind of robot. You'd have to be honest, he kind of is one sometimes-

"Fine, I'll go and celebrate my birthday." Was all he said, his condescending look seeming to have disappeared - replaced with an unreadable expression.

It didn't feel like an answer at all - you felt disappointed. But you decided to push away those feelings for later because you were still ecstatic about your achievement and that's what mattered.

"W-Wonderful! You go get prepared or something!" You told him in a panic frenzy and opened the window from where you cam from. "I'll wait for you to climb out the window!"

And before waiting for his response, the last thing Chishiya saw of you was you already dipping out of the window and landed on the lush grass, in pain - as he presumed. He quickly changed and made his way down the stairs, being granted the permission to leave.

Chishiya would probably be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit concerned for your well being when you jumped out of that window.

To his surprise, when he went outside, he saw you standing proudly with a little dirt in your hair and face.

"You goof??" He asked, eyeing you up and down.

"Perfect, Great! I didn't get hurt, totally didn't - I think I sprained my wrist but that's totally fixed now." You spoke quickly, not even giving him a chance to say another word since you had grabbed him by his wrist. "Now come on! We don't have all day."

"Was this necessary?" Chishiya mutters blankly as he takes in the view of the park. It was a rather quiet, and less populated park wherever you and Chishiya both lived. Not many people visited everyday but there were still some who came often. Parks that were more widely known had a bigger crowd and you know Chishiya enough to know that he doesn't like big crowds. Especially the noise that comes with it.

"It was either this or the carnival next place." You turned to him and raised your brow.

"I think I prefer the park." He shrugged. It wasn't a bad place at all - Fairly clean and a decent view. You would sometimes come here alone and think, maybe even attempt to bring Chishiya over. But he was either busy or too stubborn to go. Thankfully, you managed to corner him.

Even though Chishiya let you take him here this time.

Both of you took your time there, having deep talks which mostly started off with why he hadn't really celebrated many past birthdays, which made you frown a lot. Chishiya thought it was half a mistake to give you that information after you had told him that you were gonna celebrate his birthday for him every year instead.

He may be lying if he didn't appreciate it.

The rest of the time, both of you walked and talked on the more philosophical topics. Just the precious quality time between two great lov friends, walking underneath the cloudy weather with strands of sunlight pushing through and landing on the cobblestone pavements.

It didn't seem much as a birthday celebration to the regular human etiquette but you could care less because both of you were having. swell time. Even if neither of you said it. It was a bonding time that didn't need the use of an explanation and more of a feeling.

Your eye was caught by a flock of ducks roaming around a side of a pond next to a woman selling duck food or pieces of bread. Chishiya must've noticed this since you had fully stopped walking and stood in place, staring at them.

"You wanna feed the ducks?" His voice brought you out of your mini daydream, he had his natural high charm evident in his face and voice.

"I, well, if you want to. It's your birthday, not mine.." You mumbled out, it was a bit low for anyone to actually process your words, seeing that you would be a little upset that you didn't feed those ducks.

"Okay then," He lightly smiles and walks his way past you with a bored yet slightly amused expression. "Let's go feed those ducks."

Like a little kid who had been given permission to sleep over at his friend's house, you giddily smiled and practically swooshed right on past him and over to the woman selling the small bits of food.

You quickly bought two small bags and handed one over to Chishiya. He took the bag filled with small, multiple pieces of duckfeed into his hands and looked back up at you. "If I'm gonna feed the ducks, you've gotta feed them too." You told him with a bright smile before kneeling down to the ducks.

Chishiya opened the bag and shook around its contents before taking out a handful and throwing it onto the ground the ducks stood upon with a blank face.

However, you had a cute and dorky smile on your face while you handfed them all equally. Some of them bit you by accident but it was no more painful than a light pinch. Your smile was bright enough to light up a whole room, Chishiya thought as he held back the urge to smile at your antics.

A chuckle from the old vendor caught both of your attention. When she noticed she sighed softly, "Sorry,"

You smiled, "No worries! It's absolutely fine! Why were you chuckling anyway?" Hand finding its way to the bag full of duck feed to gather some more and hand over the pieces to the ducks.

She grinned at the both of you. "Both of you are so cute, are you a couple?"

The question caught both of you off guard. You could quite literally feel the tension rise in the atmosphere. You felt your breath hitch and your lungs close as it denied you to breath from the sudden question.

"No! No, heh, we're just friends." You shot up with an awkward smile at the lady who had understood the tension between her and you both. You look back up at Chishiya with a nervous look on your face. "Isn't that right, Chi?"

He appeared to have froze due to your question. Or was he just standing still and silent because he had zoned out? Was he deeply immersed in his thoughts?

"No, we're friends." Chishiya confirmed. You expected that answer but you couldn't help but feel the pang in your heart when he actually said it.

The vendor nodded and apologized once again for asking such a question. She went back to her small stand to mind her own business instead.

Now you and Chishiya kept on feeding the ducks until both your bags were completely empty, all in awkward silence. Not one of you tried to break the ice since it appeared that no one had anything to say after that question.

You turned to thank the lady before leaving with Chishiya without a word.

Upon arriving back at the park's entrance Chishiya decided to finally break the silence. "Well? Where are you dragging me off to next?" He asked, raising a brow at you. You had almost completely forgotten the reason why you had went out in the first place.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." Slipping your hand into your slingbag, you pulled out a small crumpled paper and unfolded it.Chishiya tried to lean in and read but you pulled the paper closer to you. "Hey! Don't peek on the surprise." You pouted, forgetting all about the question for a moment.

He put his hand up defensively but it was no more than a sarcastic tease. "No peeking." He repeats before shoving his hands into his pockets once again. Chishiya was almost never seen with his hands outside his pockets outside of his home. It was almoat natural and expected.

Once you were sure he wouldn't peek again, you opened up the piece of paper before folding it once more.

"I got an idea."

"You looked at the paper which most likely had the idea.

"I have an idea." You repeated, dismissing his smart assness. "Follow me!" And once again, you boldly took a hold of his wrist and started to dash to whatever place you were dragging him to next.

The warm light of the welcome sign greeted the both of you as you stood outside a relatively new, and decently small café. And sketchy enough, the stores it was between in was a shady dentist's office and a run-down, forever closed drug store.

"This is the new coffee shop that opened last week." Chishiya noticed, looking up at the hangout's name to remember it. "It certainly has a sketchy location."

"That's cause this was the only place the owner could afford. In fact, they're actually quite creeped out by the stores beside it. I feel bad." You explained briefly, glancing at the side shops. "But that's not what we're here for, dear friend."

You pushed him inside the cafe and it was definitely much better on the inside than the out. It had relatively creamy walls and warm lights. You were surprised that the place wasn't filled with people. Tempting enough to keep this place as a secret, all to yourself.

"Sit the hell down." You brought Chishiya to a corner seat - which is, in a natural rule, one of the best seats a restaurant or any place could ask for - and sitting in front of him.

"It isn't a bad place, I'll give it that." Your bleach haired friend admitted, his eyes still roaming around. "What gave you the idea?"

A giggle escaped your lips, "I wanted to try it out. I actually visited the place a few days ago. It was completely different than now. They changed it a lot." You shrugged, "And I thought of you when I stepped in here. I thought you'd like the place."

Chishiya smiled lightly, which was again; rare. "It's good."

"Better than-"

"I haven't decided yet." He cut you off before you could finish which resulted in you giving him a cheeky smirk.

He couldn't help but feel good about himself when you admitted that you thought of him when you found this place. It felt truly honorable than his straight A's and cards with that big ol' red 'Accepted' on it. It was something near to a foreign feeling.

"About what that vendor said-" You were immediately cut off by a waiter coming up, asking for your orders. You coughed into your arm at the sudden surprise and ordered your preferred drink.

Chishiya glanced at you and the waiter, what was with the question? He quickly ordered his own drink as you thanked the waiter before they left.

Another set of an awkward silence filled between the both of you. He was curious about your earlier question but didn't want to push you, you looked embarassed enough after choking on your own spit.

"Don't think about it. She just made a mistake, it's fine." Chishiya wanted to say something else but decided to take matters into his own hands instead. "It's not that uncommon. Sometimes expected."

You nodded at his words. "Right.. I forgot, they have board games here! You wanna play?" You beamed up, changing the subject. He glanced his eyes to the side, finding the board games that you were talking about.

All of them were stacked on a small bookshelf that had a good amount of books on it as well.

"Sure, we'll play." He shrugged without a care. "Why don't you choose the game, Y/N?"

You hummed out a yes and took your time; reading all the board game labels. There were many of them but you wanted to try out something bold, something Chishiya would actuallu want to play with you. "Ah! Chess."

Why Chess? You finally processed your declaration.

"Oh, Chess?" Chishiya looked back at you. What a bold declaration of war. "Sure, why not."

You felt yourself gulp and begin to pray for your mistakes and for your well being, choosing a game like this against a guy like Chishiya. You've already made a decision and stood up and made your walk of shame towards the small chess board.

Bringing the board to your table, you gathered yourself the confidence and smacked the board down.

"Bring it on, Shuntaro." A smirk appeared on your face, a bold glimmer in your eyes.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." You burp out, watching your side of the chess board with bored and tired eyes. You've already accepted your death wish an hour ago.

Now you were here with two empty cups, 3 hours that passed by and found yourself with only a King and a Pawn against Chishiya's fucking army. You've paid for your drinks an hour ago and you were still here, suffering.

"You chose the game." He defended. He looked unchanged - just the same guy three hours ago. Meanwhile you sat in front of him, a hand in your hair and tired eyes.

You weren't sleepy, you were just tired of watching your entire empire fall.

"You're enjoying this, I know it. Behind those blank eyes of yours? You're enjoying this." An almost pathetically dramatic voice of sulking came from you as you connected your forehead onto the table.

You could feel him shrug in front of you.

"But alas!" You rose dramatically, "That was my plan all along!" You moved your king to the line of sight of his queen, making yourself lose. "I forfeit. Besides, we're gonna miss the best part of today!"

Chishiya watched as you obliterated yourself and throwing the chess pieces off the board and clean up. "Fun game." He responded to your actions.

"It was not at all fair." You pushed and closed the board up when you finished counting off the chess pieces and went off to put it back in respect. "You're far smarter than me and you know it."

"You chose th-"

"Yeah, Yeah. 'I chose the game' and whatnot, I get it." You echoed him in an immature tone of voice, but you'd never deny his intelligence. He technically carried you through physics and math.

He stood up and walked out beside you, hearing the same waiter who served you both give their thanks.

"The last stop shouldn't be too far from here." You were looking at that old crumpled piece of paper you had a while ago.

After just a few minutes, maybe 10, of walking, you found both yourselves in front of a popular convenience store joint that you and Chishiya always went to for a quick lunch or snack break when you were both in highschool.

You lead him to a black bench right across the small store and placed your things down, taking your wallet out your bag.

"Stay here." You smiled before running into the building.

Chishiya stared at the all too familiar black bench. No, he didn't sit, the black bench gave him an overflow of memories when you both hung out here. You and Chishiya would buy anything you both wanted and were able to buy from the store and sit out here, exchanging notes and occasionally jokes. He smiled at the thought.

"I told you to sit!" You pointed at him accusingly as you held a brown paper bag in your other arm. The sounds of the bells on the doors clinged together when you exited the building.

"I was." Chishiya turned his way to you.

"After almost 10 minutes of me being in there? Come on." You chuckled and decided to sit down on the black bench yourself. He followed right after you. "Check out what I got!"

You ruffled your hand into the paper bag with joy, tongue sticking out and biting softly on the muscle. "Boom!" You cheered when you took it out.

It was a small almost medium, cute pink cake - which was his favorite whipped strawberry flavor - with Chishiya's favorite cookies decorated on the outer curve.

You handed it to chishiya with the same dorky smile you had when you were feeding the ducks at the park. He observed the writing on the cake with narrow eyes.

'Hapi'

'You de'

'Congratatulations!!!'

Despite the spelling error, and the very messy writing, you still smiled like an idiot and Chishiya couldn't help but appreciate the fucked up cake. He actually showed you his smile that time.

Can you believe it? Making Chishiya smile 3 maybe even 4 times today?

It made yourself smile even wider that you had to put your chin on your hands.

"You spelled 'Congra-"

"I'm aware of my mistake Chishiya but there's clearly no more room for anymore mistakes on that cake." You pointed at the cake which really did have no more room for anymore icing.

He exhaled with a smile, his way of laughing or chuckling at you genuinely at best, before opening the plastic lid.

"Oh and, if you want anymore of your bland ass cookies, there's more in the bag. Can't understand why you like that crap." You jokingly gave him a cringed look and stuck your tongue out in disgusted exaggeration. But, you got it for him.

"Fork?" Chishiya asked, looking back up at you.

"Oh shit, yeah I forgot." You opened up your sling and pulled out two plastic forks. "I figured that there wasn't going to be any free forks in the store so I decided to bring some."

Handing him one, you were more than ready to eat the cake with him.

As both of you dipped in for the first bite, you both heard the sounds of popping in the sky which caught Chishiya off his guard.

Fireworks were in the sky. All different colors, blending in so well in the night sky.

"Would you look at that." You said in awe through the cake in your mouth. "I wonder who put that there."

"You did something, didn't you?" Chishiya looked at you, unamused but still appreciative. You could tell it through the way how soft his eyes looked. It was much softer and quite happier than usual, and you were proud.

"I may have asked some friends." You shrugged, meeting his gaze.

Both of you had not only the warm light emitting from the convenience store, but the different colors of the fireworks that temporarily glowed on both of your faces.

You thought he looked so pretty in all of the colored sparks of light. You could get used to his eyes if it were like this.

"I'm really happy and proud of you, Chish." You said all full of truth, hitting his shoulder playfully. "You need to hear it sometimes, no?"

"I guess." Chishiya answered with a shrug again, lifting another fork full of cake near his mouth. "Thanks, I think."

You chuckled, finally hearing those words come out of his mouth felt so satisfying to you. You were even sure he never really said it all to anyone. The sparks in the sky continued to flash in the sky all so beautifully. "Don't mention it."

Maybe he could get used to this, having someone like you. It made him feel all warm and proud for once.

#aib #alice in borderland #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya x reader #x reader #chishiya shuntaro #aib x reader #chishiya shuntaro x reader #box writes #chishiya

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konniesreality · 9 months

Note

Ok so here's my success story

Joined loablr 1½ yrs ago life was normal for me and I was comfortable in my circumstances so I never really applied it, I was always scared if changes so i just read posts after posts from a+p to void to states i overconsumed so much that I forgot what it truly was. I never truly persisted and i didn't even believed it. But then last April my worst luck hit and life started going downhill in every area i could imagine. I failed all my exams, gained weight and started hating myself, my friends left me I was completely outcasted and the worst part i had to keep all my despair to myself because I wasn't allowed to vent. My father lost his job and became super short tempered he'll scold me for everything and for my mum everyday the disappointment I saw in her eyes broke me. I was still skeptical of the law but this time I had nothing to lose...

So first i wanted to manifest my life without void because i had saw the void obsession and i knew if I would start now i too would be omw obsessed with it. So i decided to start loa from the basis.I first read Pink's doubt post i read it till i convinced myself that loa and void all were real. After that I compiled your how i manifest, su's loa basics post,Rosie's void doc and Raven's revision post. I then logge off Tumblr. I made a routine for myself taking inspiration from your post and Rosie's doc. And Raven's revision post made me confident that nothing was impossible.

Every morning I would affirm for void concept and self concept i didn't wanted to get obsessed with anything and struggle more by putting them on pedestal. When I had nothing to do I would vaunt while listening to baejin and Roy's subs. I logged off from every social platform and just completely focused on myself.It's like superrrrr hot here in summers so I would usually take naps in afternoons and that time I used for SATS. And at night I would do breathing exercises and would affirm to wake up in void state.

After 12-13 days i felt such a huge shift in my life like my dad started being super nice to me and mum was actually motivating me and taking me out on walks to cheer me up just like i visualised in SATS!!! This boosted my confidence so muchhhhh!!!! I was sure about my abilities my self concept was also amazing and I was manifesting small things here and there but i hadn't entered void till now. So i read Pink's post again and then Rosie's void doc this relaxed me and motivated me to keep persisting in my new story and the next night i entered the void state!!!!! It was so relaxing and calming and I felt so safe. It was just like how i thought it would be baby blue with sparkling stars everywhere!!!!! I felt so light and happy.... After staying for some time i affirmed for my desires stayed there for some more time and then came out.

Now the fun stuff i manifested

First— i woke up in my room!!!!! But in my old story i shared my room with my parents but here i was in my room that looked exactly like my Pinterest boards!!! Honestly I just laid there for 15-20 min i don't know why but i was crying??😅😅 I still don't understand it maybe because i always wanted a space for my own where i could just release all my emotions and always being surrounded by people i just learnt to swallow my emotions and remain stoic but on this day i just released myself i was so proud of me for sticking through and becoming the success story i wanted to be.okay...... not going too indepth in other things now otherwise it'll become a novel now😆

2) I was my desired weight and had my complete desired appearance. I felt so confident on seeing myself in the mirror.

3) My dad getting his job back and now having a big big promotion for the relentless work he did for the past 20 yrs.He is the senior of the guy who fired him on false charges hihi guess who got fired next😜😜

4) Passing all my exams with A+ and getting into my desired school it's a private school only for rich kids i always wanted to attend one so now I am attending it😎

5) Having amazing IQ and photograpjic memory.

6) We have an amazing house of ours now it is so big and beautiful 😻😻😻 it also has a big lawn outside.

7) Being the popular girl of my school those friends who ditched me are now begging to be in my group but you see I'm the popular girl and not the mean girl so they are not welcomed here 😎🤓😎

I manifested many many more desires and now I'm so so happy everyday is a blessing for me. And I just want to thank you and all the bloggers here you all are a ray of hope in our lives. I love you so much and will always remain thankful to you,Rosie, Pink,Sue and every other blogger who helped me. You all are amazing people and you all deserve the world.

Now I'm gonna deactivate from Tumblr so thank you again. We may don't know each other but you all have become an integral part of my life. I hope Tumblr good days return again and it get flooded with success stories again.

Nd all the bloggers here remain safe and happy and manifest positivity and goodness in their lives.

Sorry it became very long😅 but i hope Konnie you stay happy and healthy always and your blog is just filled with positivity you don't deserve these stupid haters. Thank you again for helping me...

Bye Konnie!

Anon I am so happy for you! I’m so happy I helped you, I’m so happy that you got everything you wanted love! Enjoy your life honey! 💗💗💗

#ask

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seariii · 5 months

Text

To get back on track Im watching Kotoko's t1 interrogation, and I wanna post some of my thoughts through it (yonah spoiler free). I'll make another post that actually contains spoilers

kotoko saves Es from John, right? And later on her own interrogation, Es asks her if she thinks she's superior than them and she's like "no, I'm just the benefactor that saved you" and I JUST noticed that that's the moment where she starts looking at Es as a weakling

"warden. No... Es" how she tries to be more personal, try to come off as "I'm speaking to you personally, not to the warden of the prison" what a manipulation tactic

(Es starting to have a mental breakdown and she slaps her hand on the table to get back their attention is still funny to me) (they ain't a dog, Kotoko)

omg Ive been thinking that a lot of people who immediately jumped on hating on Kotoko after they saw deep cover weren't looking deeper into her character (not everyone, just some of them) and had thought that that was exactly what she had been doing since the start, but I didn't know how to put it into words, AND SHE LITERALLY SAYS TO ES "do we really need to dig through the real nature of someone to judge them?" And idk idk something about turning in what you swore to destroy (this is all in good faith, and i hope no one gets mad for saying this, I genuinely think it's so interesting how people give her the same treatment they hate her for, human nature is so interesting)

she also talks about lighting her weight regarding her "job" on punishing evil. Which could've been a hint towards her beating up the others. at the very beginning of her interrogation she asked them to confirm if everyone there was a murderer and Es said yes... So... Yeah i guess if you can kill someone you aren't a weakling anymore on her books (which also aligns with her considering Es a weakling since she had to save them)

"I don't know if we are actually similar, or if we even share our way of thinking. At the end, I could be fooling myself with illusions" I wonder what would've happened with a guilty Kotoko on t1

"to me, milgram's nature has its own charm" BECAUSE IT ALIGNS WITH HER OWN OF DOING IT OUTSIDE OF LAW! OF BEING ON THEIR OWN MORAL TERMS LIKE THIS WHOLE THING! we aren't voting on who is innocent and guilty, we are voting on who WE forgive or don't forgive, and that's based on our own moral codes, on our own agenda, on our own everything. JUST LIKE SHE IS! She uses her own moral compass to judge people, what she knows, what she believes and applies it, she did it outside milgram and when she beat up the others. Just like we are with all the prisoners <3 judging them without the full picture, making our own assumptions of them and loving or hating them <3 She too, is a parallel to us

killing someone isn't inherently good or evil. I love my morally gray wife

she calls her own murderer self defense, but she herself wasn't under attack, and beating someone to dead isn't self defense, because, at least in Mexico, self defense would be like accidentally killing someone while trying to defend yourself, let's say.... if you push the person and they, idk, break a leg, they are incapacitated and you can run away then and there, so that's the point where it would stop being self defense, but if you stay there and murder them, thats no longer classified as self defense, since they couldn't move anymore... What I'm getting to in here is, is she is truthful about this, or is she doing what she learnt from law school and using a loophole in the law... And if she's being truthful, she isn't showing us something on her crime...

#i know i could've putted the spoilers under the cut but i wanted this post to appear to the people who have the spoiler tag blacklisted #honestly i just love her a lot and think shes really interesting #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram

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songsofbloodandwater · 1 month

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🔥 witchcraft - in response to your unpopular opinion repost

Oh it's long, but here's what's recently been doing rounds in my head:

I'm with the gatekeepers. But sometimes people don't "gatekeep" correctly from my point of view, and then from their point of view, I am "too gatekeepy". When it's not about "more or less" gatekeeping, it's about how we go about it and who's doing it.

I often encounter situations where people don't respect nor properly protect things that need to be handled with respect and protection, and nuance, for the safety and general well being of everyone involved. In most cases, it's because they don't even know what they're trying to protect, or who, or why.

Gods Bless Nuance. It's completely gone from some very influential witchcraft people's vocabulary and behavior. And it irks me every time.

Like yes, sure, you can do magic without thinking too long and hard about the hows and whys that make magic work in general, and work specifically for you. But that's only going to take you so far as the "tried and true recipes" can take you, and in that case, you’re definitely not fit to teach or preach. You can't try to define, name, or explain to someone else something you don't thoroughly understand. And you certainly can't pretend to gatekeep the "Mysteries" if you've never fully submerged yourself in Them either. Not read about them! no matter how many books! Not taken a masterclass! submerged yourself fully, experienced them first hand, without the intervention or "guide" of others. Only when you've fully learnt to stand on your own. And that includes knowing when to say "this isn't my expertise, i'll refer you to someone else" or "I don't know". Standing on your own doesn't mean know everything and do everything, it means, what you do, you do properly. What you've learnt, you've fully internalized and know how it is applied. What you were given, you've made your own. You've earnt your stance.

The roles of teacher and gatekeeper in magic, in my opinion, always come together. When you're choosing what to preach and who to teach, you’re choosing what and who makes it through the Gates and more importantly how they do so.

Which means, if you're not fit to teach, you’re not fit to be at the Gates making Big Decisions about any tradition or the place of any person on either side of the gates. Specially not traditions that you don't belong in, but no, not even your own. You should still be in a teacher-student position and trust in the guidance and gatekeeping of your Elders or Teachers.

Not everyone is fit to teach, and most people online aren't. They're simply sharing their own experiences. But in the process, they often share more than they actually should, and more than they're fit to teach. Which ends up in all the misappropriation and bastardizing of practices, beliefs, entire cultures and religions on the greedy hands of people that should've never even been able to peer into them.

But students often underestimate the value and sacredness of what little has been shared with them in their journey. Specially in the beginning, when they don't know the whole truth to that specific concept, belief, practice nor the tradition as a whole and thus can't see the place of it in the bigger picture, or their own place as a practitioner, or simply don't have the maturity to take that weight in and act accordingly. They also vastly underestimate the sheer damage that incorrect handling and disrespect can do to a magical tradition and all the people in it, or to an initiatory, occult or "closed" religion, specially those magical practices belonging to disenfranchised and marginalized groups, and even to the people outside the culture, magical tradition, witchcraft tradition or occult religion, as they're reading or watching the student being inexperienced and incorrectly handling or inaccurately explaining something incomplete and out of context, to an even more lost audience, and thinking that's all there is to it. Missing the context of the message and who it was given to, and why. Missing the cultural context of the practice and all the ways that people coming from other cultures or traditions can fundamentally misunderstand it. Missing the theorical beliefs and cosmology behind why these truths are what they are, how and why these practices stem from them. Not just harm intellectually to that witchcraft tradition, the very real harm (physical, mental or spiritual, or all of the above) that anyone involved in that situation can incurr in if they don't learn to do certain things properly.

There's an alarming amount of so called "professionals" who are taken by others as authorities on certain magical traditions, and continously share bits of the "new findings" they're making, or the progress they've experienced personally... only to capitalize from it. Then completely detach themselves from the consequences of their actions. How can you share something you've learnt personally, and teach others how to do it themselves, if you haven't even fully internalized that lesson yet? if you haven't familiarized yourself enough with those spirits? what makes you think that what you're teaching, scratch that, selling, is actually something that is yours to teach or sell? what measures have you taken to ensure your own capability to teach this, who vouches for you and why? what measures have you taken to ensure you give due honor to the elders, the spirits, the Ancestors, and to the people who make up the body of this culture and tradition? and I don't expect just pretty words on a presentation if you're capitalizing off of a marginalized culture, I want really solid ways in which the profits of this work, class or else, will be going directly back to the original keepers' hands. I want them front and center at all times.

But even if it's not a marginalized culture or tradition. Even, no, specially when it's something that you created on your own, and had no one to lead you or teach you how it's suppossed to be done safely, the limitations of it, the reasons why it worked for you specifically and why it could or couldn't work for others. Hell, having no one there to challenge your biases. Witchcraft practitioners are often too quick to try to generalize an idea they had, a lesson they've learnt or a practice they've developed, in order to share it online with others, and sometimes, specifically in order to have something new to sell. Which opens a whole 'nother can of worms.

When you find all of that mess... with a cutesy instagram caption telling you to check out this New Offering! available only for U$D 200, for a limited time! That's just the cherry on top. Enjoy "learning" from someone who's practically a newborn to the relationship with those spirits, and has never had any of their biases or mislearnings checked. There's more chances that you'll be the one teaching them than anything else. And paying tens or hundreds of dollars ontop. The blind leading the blind.

TL;DR: If you're charging people hundreds of dollars for consultations and work, doing witchcraft profesionally, you can't claim to "never want to be seen as an authority". You can't literally place yourself in a position of authority, reap the benefits, pay your bills, but disregard and detach yourself from the responsibilities that come with your words and actions. Just because you know something doesn't mean you can share it, just because you learnt how to do something doesn't mean you can teach it, and you probably shouldn't either way. Witchcraft is often too personal and too culturally-historically tied to you specifically as a person, to your experiences in a tradition or lineage, and it's irresponsible, actively harmful, to generalize concepts, beliefs, practices or entire religions, for a wider audience in order to be able to capitalize off of them. "But I'm a witch and I got bills to pay" is never a valid answer to any of this. There's proper ways to learn and teach things in each tradition and culture, and they should be respected, in order to protect both the tradition and the people who wish to be, or are already, involved in it.

#Witchcraft #Witchblr #Witches of color #ask #asks #hey it was meant to be an unpopular opinion #so if this ruffles any feathers...#take it up to your elders and spirits #my notes #the way that my people teach #Is the complete opposite of how I see some people sharing or even #''teaching'' things online #which looks from over here like the witchcraft equivalent of gaming's ''i'm pushing all the buttons''#''I just did it''#''you should try it too''#''lmk if you figure out what button we're suppossed to be pushing''#...*very concerned stare*

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codesandstuffs · 5 months

Text

Mcyt Yuri Week - Day 2: Au

(link to ao3 version here, made for @mcyt-yuri-week 2023!!)

OFFICIAL COMPLAINT SUBMITTED AT: 07-08-2023 16:12 SUMBITTED BY: Z

I regret to inform you that the agent you have assigned as our department head is unsuitable for the job. She is tardy, impolite, disorganised and underqualified. It is my recommendation that she is returned to whichever previous role she had.

Since joining, she has requested a copy of each of our current mission directories as well as halting all operations until paperwork was signed and resigned multiple times. Apparently, this is something my colleagues have also experienced, indicated she has issues with organisation.

For several weeks, she has also become increasingly inconsistent either which meetings she will attend and how late she arrives to them. This makes it very difficult for the rest of the department. I find timekeeping to be an essential quality in this field - is this really something we can compromise on as someone in the position of a department lead?

Another issue I have observed is the lack of professionalism she shows in the workplace. Even from her first day here, she has addressed all of us with a casualness that is inappropriate in the field, and on some occasions made jokes in poor taste, on subjects such as firing us or reassigning missions on a whim. While I understand being friendly with your department - one of my colleagues has recently taken up regular pub visits with her, for example - there is a certain level of respect expected in the workplace.

If you are unsure yet of the validity of my concerns, I might suggest a review of her work and brief investigation into her performance so far.

I'm sure you understand that all of these complaints come from a place of concern rather than one of malice. I truly do only want the best for our agency. It simply seems that our new department lead does not.

(fic below cut!!)

"Are you fucking kidding me?" shouted a voice from the next room over, and Cleo groaned into their pasta. "What is she doing? She lost my file again?"

Yeah, her morning was going great. Thanks for asking.

Not that the groaning from next door was about her, obviously. They weren't the sort of person who would misplace important files, nor the sort of person who would allow people to yell things down the corridor about them in third person. No - this was about Pearl, their new department lead and new boss, and quite possibly the worst agent Cleo had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

And frankly, Cleo empathised with the person from the next room over. She, too, had been told many a time that Pearl had lost something or the other of hers.

But the topic of Pearl felt even more sore today, on account of Cleo losing her closest ally in her petition against their new boss.

Just last week, she and Gem had been discussing ways they could remove their boss from her position, and now Gem was hanging out with Pearl after work. When had those two even become friends? Cleo certainly hadn't seen it coming, and she literally lived with Gem.

Whatever. She had work to do. She had important operations to oversee. She had charges now, people to manage as they began their first few missions as agents and learnt how to apply all their training in the actual agency. That was important. Gem and Pearl being chummy was not.

Cleo huffed and ate another fork full of pasta, aggressively flicking the page over.

It was fine. Everything was fine.

A week later, Cleo finally received their very first punctual report from Pearl. This was something new - it was almost tradition already that Pearl would somehow manage to turn everything in at least a little late. Gem was sitting next to them when their fax began printing out the report and - as she was closer - picked it up to read the header.

"Oh, it's from Pearl!" she said, already smiling brightly. "She did say she was getting a new fax machine, look how crisp this font is!"

"That's my fax machine's good quality, not hers, thanks," Cleo muttered. She stopped typing and turned to Gem. "What's it about? Last week's approval? My mentee's been waiting for days for that one."

"It's the weekly report." Gem glanced through it, eyes widening. "The one due by the end of today."

"Wait- what?"

"It's on time," Gem said, almost in wonder.

Cleo stared at her, then snatched the paper so she could see for herself. Indeed, the report was actually perfectly on time. If anything, it was early.

"This has got to be a prank," they frowned, squinting up at their door to see if someone was about to jump through the door and shout 'surprise!' or something. "Do you think she got kidnapped? Are we dealing with an imposter?"

"I think she's just gotten better at it," said Gem, wearing that enthusiastic smile again. "I told her she should try to get things done on time, even if it's not entirely perfect."

"So now I have to worry about the reports being wrong as well?"

"Cleo!" Gem scolded. "Pearl is a lot better than you're giving her credit for. Just because she's not triple checking everything anymore doesn't mean it's not still going to be accurate!"

"And why was she triple checking everything, then, unless she was pretty sure she was doing something wrong?"

"She's just nervous. Give her time."

Cleo rolled her eyes. "Of course you’d say that, she’s your newest best friend.”

“My newest -?” Gem paused and cocked her head. “Are you jealous?”

“I am not jealous,” Cleo said firmly, but Gem was already grinning and shaking her head.

“I would never replace you, Cleo! We’re just hanging out - no best friends being replaced or anything of the sort, so don’t you worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Cleo deadpanned. “I just think she’s incompetent.”

Gem’s mouth fell open.

“Off the record, of course,” Cleo added as an afterthought, though they were pretty confident Gem wouldn’t be gossiping about this behind their back. For all her traitorous Pearl-befriending, she was a reliable friend. “I just don’t think she makes a good boss. If she needs time to improve, maybe she should do that before being given an important role.”

“Cleo,” Gem said gently, apparently having recovered from her shock for the most part. “It’s not - alright, I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but…” She glanced behind her to check there was nobody in the doorway, before lowering her voice and continuing, “Pearl wasn’t in this agency at all until recently. She was working in a small team halfway across the world, with some of the same goals as us but none of our resources and organisation.”

“Alright. Sounds like yet another reason that she shouldn’t be given this job straight away.”

“No, no, let me explain better: she managed the whole team on her own. She’s got the skills to lead this department, she just has to get used to the structure of our agency, and we just have to give her that time.”

Then Gem paused. She checked the doorway again, before leaning a little closer and dropping her voice into a whisper.

“Our agency and her team were working together for a mission a few months ago, but it went wrong. Really, really wrong,” she emphasised. “Pearl is the only one left of her team. It’s been rough on her these past few months, but our agency wanted to give her a place to carry on her work, and -” Gem shrugged. “They think she can do the job. Even B does, actually - sent her own personal approval.”

Well then. That was… news. And maybe it did explain a little of Pearl’s behaviour, though it didn’t change Cleo’s mind all that much.

“I’m sorry that happened to her old team, but I still don’t think she makes a good head for our department,” she said. “There are people better prepared for the role.”

“She can do this, we just have to be patient,” Gem insisted.

“There isn’t space for being sentimental here.” Cleo turned back to her keyboard and tried to find her place on the document on the screen before her. “Sorry, Gem. I’ll try and be nice, I guess, but I’m not going to just wait for her to be good enough.”

Next to her, Gem sighed, but didn’t press the issue. The room was blessed with peaceful quiet, and Cleo found that it was a lot easier to work without the distraction of having to talk about Pearl.

When Cleo finally bumped into Pearl for the first time after hearing her background - her tragic backstory - from Gem, she was tempted to speak up and apologise about her team. It was only polite. Cleo may not have liked Pearl, but she wasn’t that heartless.

But then she remembered that she had only been told that story in confidence, and ended up fumbling her greeting entirely.

“Pearl! I heard - I mean, I think that - well,” they said, and then stared at Pearl expectantly, as if they were waiting for an answer.

Pearl blinked back at her in bewilderment. “Sorry?”

“Thanks for the weekly report,” Cleo tried instead. “It was on time and everything. So - thanks. For that. Good job, I guess, that one time.”

“Oh!” Pearl’s face broke out into a huge smile. “Thank you! I mean, you’re welcome - no, I mean - what do I mean?”

“I don’t know.” Cleo was not giving her any help.

“One thing is for sure,” Pearl pushed on anyway. “I’m going to work on getting more things done on time. I think I’m getting the hang of it already, actually! I’m going to be on time for my next meeting, it’s at nine but I left a few minutes early so I can -”

She stopped in horror, before glancing at her watch and gasping.

“Oh no, I’m going to be late, shoot! Sorry, Cleo, I - we can catch up later! Bye!”

And with that, in a whirlwind of coat and paper, Pearl was off down the corridor again, frantic as ever but somehow seeming far less malicious than she’d seemed to Cleo before.

Now, where did that change of heart come from?

#mcytyuriweek2023 #pearleo #trafficshipping #hermitshipping #codes does writing

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mindibindi · 9 months

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hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

#txf #the x files #msr #mulder x scully #fox mulder #dana scully #gillian anderson #david duchovny #gillovny #90s tension #ask #ask a question of me and you will get an essay #any aunty fangirls with further info or thoughts are free to chime in #but hate will be blocked

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indigosabyss · 5 months

Text

616-Champions Meet X-Men Movieverse

A continuation to this post, which is itself a series of ramblings I've been building up.

Logan had been alone for as long as he could remember.

Granted, the furthest he could remember was sixteen years ago, but still. What he learnt about his past... He didn't want to know more. He was fine with it.

Or maybe he wasn't, he reconsidered that conviction for the first time, because in front of him, there was a slight girl with a wild grin and a foot-long bone claw coming out from each fist, pointed at Scott's neck.

"Hey, dad." She nodded at him, "Sorry we had to meet like this. But we really need that plane."

"'Dad'?" Scott repeated incredulously.

"I just told you that I'm an amalgamation of your past and future selves from another dimension but this is where you draw the line?" The boy in the pilot seat asked.

"I have never seen her before in my life." Logan added, "Just so we're clear, I am not a father."

The little girl actually laughed, "Tell your nineteen bio kids and innumerable fosters that."

Nineteen?

Christ, he really needed to know what his life had been like before that blasted experiment.

"I mean, most of them are dead now, so it's more like seven kids now!" She cheerfully informed him, as if that made things better.

Some time ago, Logan had had kids. And a full dozen had died without him even remembering that they existed. He was feeling a lot of things.

And then the girl smacked her forehead, "Y'know the thing about alternate universes? Things don't always have to turn out like they did elsewhere. Maybe you don't even have a single kid here. I wouldn't know."

What the fuck. Why would she say any of that if it didn't apply to him. (Or did it??? Was this like a time travel thing? Did he have a shitton of kids in the future??)

No time to process all those feelings though, because the jet was rumbling under his feet. With the distraction of the... Alternate timeline daughter, the young Scott had begun starting the jet.

"Okay, last warning, people!" He called out, "Either buckle up or get out. We promise we'll give the plane back once this is done."

Even younger and decidedly more baby faced, Scott was still a dick.

"Where we going?" Logan asked, settling in for a very confusing ride.

"Champions Mobile Bunker." Baby Scott replied. Yeah, there it was.

"Which might take awhile to locate. Because it's Mobile." The girl added.

"They're good people. You'll like them." Baby Scott smiled, somehow portraying more emotion than his own Scott had in the weeks they'd known each other.

#x men #x men 2000 #logan #wolverine #gabby kinney #honey badger #james howlett #marvel champions #champions marvel #scott summers #cyclops #x men movies #fanfiction #also ten of the bio kids are actually clones #but if gabby is thought of as his daughter then ALL OF THEM ARE

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deathianartworks · 7 months

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Do you have any coloring tips? I'm trying to get better at coloring but it's hard :/ everything looks so out of place and I lose motivation fast

Of course!

By no means am I an expert on this (I still forget to choose a light source 90% of the time) but here's a few things that I do when I'm colouring something digitally. Remember these are all individual to the way I make art so they may not all be applicable to yours and are simply me explaining how I do colours, not a tutorial for all colouring styles.

Buckle up folks, this one's a long one (sorry in advance!!)

Here goes nothing.

Losing motivation is totally normal and okay, take a break if you need it, maybe send it to some friends for some hyping up (art servers full of other artists are great for this!). Colours ain't gonna look perfect first time you try to do them, I never put down a colour that I like first time, it takes some messing around and asking friends for me to get them down.

So don't feel pressured to get them perfect in the beginning, that rarely happens!

Here's a mini explanation of how I do my colours, hope it will help a little :)

1) GET THOSE BASE COLOURS IN!!

It doesn't matter if they're not exactly what you're going for rn, go with roughly the colour you want and start there! Personally, I do big blotches of colour just to get something down on the page as this helps me want to actually finish it. Then you clean up those edges so they're all in their correct spaces.

I've found that working on a neutral mid-tine grey background helps you see the colours best at the start so all of my 'paper' starts off grey when working digitally.

Here's the example I'm going to be using (this is from the ghost files fanart I'm working on)

2) ADJUST THOSE COLOURS!!

So, now you've got those colours down, you can adjust them to be roughly how you want them to look. If you're unsure on what colours look best together, you can either take some time out, find some YouTube channels and learn a little about colour theory... OR you could grab some colour pallettes from online and have a play around with gradient maps or simply placing the colours in yourself. There's no shame in using resources like those, that's literally what they're there for.

I didn't need to do this on this drawing as I was happy with the colour selection. This is because I chose the background colour and simply adjusted the hue and saturation slightly until I got the colours I wanted. This is my general technique for choosing colours as my work tends to be fairly similarly coloured (browns, oranges, reds, yellows with hints of purple)

3) ✨SHADING✨

Right, well done! You've got your base colours in.

...but oh god, what now?? They look so flat and lifeless, what shall you do?!

This, my friend, is where shading comes in. It's both a way of telling the viewers where the light and shadows are, can change the mood of the drawing, can change what we feel about a character or it can just look real pretty but shading and lighting does all sorts of fun things to a drawing.

If your style is more simple and doesn't require shading/has minimal shading: apply this tip to any shading you do have and don't forget the importance of rim lighting in simpler styles.

For shading both skin and clothes, I use the original colour, shift it down into a darker shade and on the colour wheel I shift it down too (eg. shading green with blue, red with purple) sometimes you can shift that even further to create similar shading to the one above, where I shaded orange/brown with pinks/purple's.

The principle is the same with highlights but like,,, opposite. Shift everything up, shade browns with yellows, blues with greens, etc.

SIDENOTE ON HOW I COLOUR SKIN:

Okay so, these next two paragraphs are based entirely from what I've learnt during studies and aren't rules, just simply how I do it.

For lighter skin tones, I tend to start from one of the lightest colours and shade darker, like you would if you were working with something like watercolours. This allows you to build up shadows in areas of darkness. Once you've done the shadows, you can then go in and add highlights and lighter sections where necessary.

For darker skin tones, I tend to start at one of the darkest values, as dark skin tends to reflect light differently to light skin. Then I add lighter shades in sections that the light would reflect. You can add shadows too, I tend to add them if the drawing still feels flat after doing the highlights.

3) OVERLAY + MULTIPLY LAYERS ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND

These things are literally lifesavers for me, I love an overlay layer.

I can't really explain what they actually do so I'm not even gonna try, just play around with them. But using a purple/blue multiply layer and erasing where the light hits, that makes the illusion of full shading without the same effort of painting in the shades.

Overlay layers are 100% a 'fuck around and find out' resource, I tend to use red and pink overlay layers as my colours tend to be more desaturated and this helps with brightening them up. However they can also be used to change the genre/mood of the drawing, like this:

These two drawings are the exact same. There's no difference between them other than an overlay gradient map layer in green or sepia. (These gradient maps are built into clip studio paint, I'm not sure about other programs)

But the whole vibe is completely different. So yeah, fuck around with different colour schemes and overlay layers (the bi flag colours are a great choice for experimenting with overlays as the colours are naturally very harmonious so maybe start there.)

You can also try a noise later for a bit of texture, it's my go-to fix it for any drawing ngl

Uhhhhh, yeah. That was lengthier than I expected, hope it helps even in the slightest. As I said at the top, I am by no means an expert and am still figuring things out myself, so just fuck around and find out.

Bye now!

#artists on tumblr #art #artwork #digital artist #fanart #ghost files #art tutorial #colouring #art tips #deathian answers #digital painting #digital art #colour tutorial

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